ميحرلا نمحرلا الله مسب Emotional Balance ( 24 March 2016

[Pages:11] Emotional Balance ( )

24 March 2016 ? 15 Jamad Al Akhar 1437

Nafs at rest ( ) ? Measure your emotional balance ? Day 2

Introduction

Surah Al Anfal 63: ( ) (And He has united their (i.e. believers') hearts. If you had spent all that is in the earth, you could not have united their hearts, but All?h has united them. Certainly He is All-Mighty, All-Wise)

Allah (swt) is the One Who puts the love in the hearts, and He puts the feelings in the heart. What does ( ) mean? It means if you're sad, I feel sad, and if you're happy, I'm happy. Allah (swt) is the One Who unites the hearts, so imagine not just one nafs at rest, but many nufoos at rest, subhan Allah.

Allah (swt) says if you were to spend all of the money, their hearts won't be united. People might be united in their bodies by being in different groups and hobbies, but their hearts are not together. It is the power and might of Allah (swt) to put the love in the hearts and unite them.

You have four basic emotions mentioned in the Quran: sadness, fear, anger, and joy. And only your Creator can tell you how to balance them. Surah Al Mulk 14: ( ) (Should not He Who has created know? And He is the Most Kind and Courteous (to His slaves) All-Aware (of everything).)

We have emotions because it's a test from Allah (swt) and to worship Him. To be balanced is your responsibility.

All of the names of Allah (swt) will make you balanced in your sadness. If you're sad about rizq, Allah is Ar Razaq. If you're sad about guidance, Allah is Al Hadi.

Fear ()

We feel fear from the time of being born ? coming out from the comfort of the womb to the outside world ? the baby doesn't come out happy, but crying. The shaitan is waiting to pinch any human being, as if saying. `I'm behind you till the end'; showing his enmity. Hadith: ( " } { ." .) (Narrated Sa`id bin AlMusaiyab: Abu Hurair (ra) said, "I heard Allah's Messenger () saying, 'There is none born among the off-spring of Adam, but Satan touches it. A child therefore, cries loudly at the time of birth because of the touch of Satan, except Mary and her child." Then Abu Huraira recited: "And I seek refuge with You for her and for her offspring from the outcast Satan" (3.36)) - Sahih al-Bukhari 3431

There are different intensities of fear throughout our life. Why are there feelings of fear? It's a protection from danger ? fear makes you avoid bad things and to place a barrier. Fear is an alarm to make you cautious because we also have to care of ourselves. Surah Al Baqarah 195: ( ) (and do not throw yourselves into destruction)

Similarly with sadness, we need to encircle our fear and not allow it to spread. We are afraid of death, separation from loved ones, sickness, darkness, poverty, old age, disability, bad end, losing our faith, husband marries another, loneliness, jinn, magic, putting on weight, etc. ? Now we will see what is a balanced fear, and if other fears are valid or not.

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Fear is mentioned most with Musa (as), and don't think men can't be afraid, they can still be afraid no matter how strong they may be. In the Quran, most fear is associated with men and most sadness is associated with women. Men are afraid about the future, about their work, children ? they are the `security' of the house. Sadness is needed for reliance in Allah (swt).

Fear of Musa (as) ? when escaping from Firaoun after having killed a person accidentally

Surah Al Qasas 25: ( ) (So when he came to him and narrated the story, he said: "Fear you not. You have escaped from the people who are Z?lim?n (polytheists, disbelievers, and wrong-doers).")

He didn't tell him to go back to Firaoun, but told him you're safe now.

Fear of Musa (as) ? when the stick became a snake, and he had to take it

Surah Ta Ha 21: ( ) (All?h said:"Grasp it, and fear not, We shall return it to its former state,)

Something you're familiar with and then it changes to something else. Musa (as) had the stick and saw it turning to a snake, and this is frightening, but he had to take hold of it.

Surah Al Qasas 31: ( ) ("And throw your stick!" But when he saw it moving as if it were a snake, he turned in flight, and looked not back. (It was said): "O M?sa (Moses)! Draw near, and fear not. Verily, you are of those who are secure.)

Allah (swt) told Musa (as) to come forward and face the snake, unlike with Firaoun at the time of escaping, he was not told to go face Firaoun. Musa (as) had to face the snake and not be afraid from it because later he will face something greater ? Firaoun.

Allah (swt) not only wants Musa (as) to come forward but to hold it as well. Allah (swt) is training Musa (as) to overcome this fear. How do you control sadness? Look at nature, eat and drink. How do you overcome fear you shouldn't be afraid of? Face it. For example, people are afraid of drowning, heights, etc ? though these are phobias, it's not something to be commonly afraid of, so they are told to face it.

Surah An Naml 10: ( ) ("And throw down your stick!" But when he saw it moving as if it were a snake, he turned in flight, and did not look back. (It was said): "O M?sa (Moses)! Fear not, verily! the Messengers fear not in front of Me)

Allah (swt) told Musa (as) that the messengers are not afraid. This gives encouragement to also be like them. For example, how does a person want to be a doctor if he's afraid of blood. For real fear and danger, you don't face it. The Prophet () said don't go and travel to a place where there is sickness and war.

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Real fears are the ones mentioned in dua'as that begin with () ? (I seek refuge with Allah). Real fears is to be afraid of the shaitan, shirk, riya'a, hypocrisy, evil of myself, punishment and anger of Allah (swt), the hellfire, bad neighbor, laziness, drowning, etc.

Dua'a: ( ) (I seek refuge in the Perfect Word of Allah from the evil of that He created) - Sahih Muslim 2708

Fear of meeting people, fear of your husband and children leaving, etc ? these are not fears that are worth it, this is wiswas. Why does a person fear something that hasn't even happened? Like losing a job, husband leaving, what is he doing, etc ? this is a sickness.

Musa (as) ? fear of facing Firaoun

Surah Ta Ha 45-46: ()( )( ) (They said: "Our Lord! Verily! We fear lest he should hasten to punish us or lest he should transgress (all bounds against us)." (45) He (All?h) said: "Fear not, verily! I am with you both, hearing and seeing. (46))

Musa (as) is afraid he and his brother might be killed before delivering the message to Firaoun or Firaoun will become worse than before. Allah (swt) told him to not be afraid because `I am with you'. And this is similar to when the Prophet () and Abu Bakr (ra) were in the cave and he told him, `Allah is with us'. So in the case of fear and sadness, `Allah is with you', subhan Allah.

If there is an unimportant fear, Allah (swt) will put you in a situation to face it. For example, if you're scared of a fly, that fly will come to you. If you're scared of someone, you'll end up meeting them.

Believers ? fear of the blame of the blamers

Surah Al Maeda 54: ( ) (O you who believe! Whoever from among you turns back from his religion (Isl?m), All?h will bring a people whom He will love and they will love Him; humble towards the believers, stern towards the disbelievers, fighting in the Way of All?h, and never fear of the blame of the blamers. That is the Grace of All?h which He bestows on whom He wills. And All?h is All-Sufficient for His creatures' needs, All-Knower)

Blame of the blamers means we're afraid our husband will say this, or our friend will say why did you do this, or our mother-in-law will say what are you doing. If you're afraid of people blaming you then you'll never be able to strive in life or be productive, you'll be stuck in this fear, as if you're chained to it. If you're afraid of something in the future, then seek refuge with Allah (swt).

If you don't control your fear, then the shaitan will come and play a movie in your head depending on what you fear. If you're waiting for your husband and he's running late, then the shaitan will come and make you think he has another wife, and children, and this wife is beautiful. Or if you're afraid of losing him, then the shaitan will make you think he got in an accident, etc. All of this is unnecessary fear.

Musa (as) ? leaving Egypt with Banu Israel while Firaoun is behind them

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Surah Ta Ha 77: ( ) (indeed We revealed to M?sa (Moses) (saying): "Travel by night with Ib?di (My slaves) and strike a dry path for them in the sea, fearing neither to be overtaken [by Fir'aun (Pharaoh)] nor being afraid (of drowning in the sea).)

Ibrahim (as) ? fear when angels didn't eat Surah Adh Dhariyat 28: ( ) (Then he conceived fear of them (when they ate not). They said: "Fear not." And they gave him glad tidings of son, having knowledge) Surah Hud 70: ( ) (But when he saw their hands went not towards it (the meal), he mistrusted them, and conceived a fear of them. They said: "Fear not, we have been sent against the people of L?t (Lot).")

In their time, anyone who doesn't eat food being offered meant he came for something evil. So the angels told him to not fear, and they gave him glad tidings of a son. The angels immediately identified themselves and clarified. If you find someone afraid then they should clarify.

Ibrahim (as) ? fear of being thrown in the fire

Surah Al Anbiya 68-69: ()( )( ) (They said: "Burn him and help your ?lihah (gods), if you will be doing." (68) We (All?h) said: "O fire! Be you coolness and safety for Ibr?him (Abraham)!" (69))

Allah (swt) made the fire cool and sound because of Ibrahim's tawakul. If you trust Allah (swt) will protect you, then He will. The solution for fear is tawakul.

Dawud (as) ? fear of people coming unexpectedly

Surah Saad 22: ( ) (When they entered in upon D?w?d (David), he was terrified of them, They said: "Fear not! (We are) two litigants, one of whom has wronged the other, therefore judge between us with truth, and treat us not with injustice, and guide us to the Right Way.)

Dawud (as) was praying in the mihrab and two men unexpectedly appeared. This teaches us to not make others scared.

Lut (as) ? fear of destruction Surah Al Ankaboot 33: ( ) (And when Our Messengers came to Lut (Lot), he was grieved because of them, and felt straitened on their account. They said: "Have no fear, and do not grieve! Truly, we shall save you and your family, except your wife, she will be of those who remain behind (i.e. she will be destroyed along with those who will be destroyed from her folk).)

Allah (swt) will save you so don't be afraid.

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Prophet () ? fear of betrayal

Surah Al Anfal 58: ( ) (If you (O Muhammad ) fear treachery from any people throw back (their covenant) to them (so as to be) on equal terms (that there will be no more covenant between you and them). Certainly All?h likes not the treacherous.)

If you're afraid of betrayal in a contract, then get rid of the contract. For example, sometimes you bring someone to work at home, but you suspect and see signs that she might harm you, so release this contract.

On a side note, people might be afraid of bad dreams ? and bad dreams are either from the shaitan, or yourself, or it's real, and real dreams are very rare. Your weaknesses appear in your dream. Seek refuge in Allah (swt) from the shaitan. Read ayat al kursi. What's important is to remember Allah (swt).

Anger ()

What makes a person angry is different from one person to another. Some people get angry if someone is parked in front of their house, some get angry if someone takes their seat, or some get angry if someone treats them unjustly.

Anger is a reaction that human beings have in order to defend themselves. It always goes back to the ego ? why did they do this to me? Why did they say this to me? You're not thinking their behavior is bad, but you're thinking about `me'.

In the Quran, you will find anger () appears mostly with Allah (swt) because it doesn't suit the human being to be angry, but it suits Allah (swt) because His anger is perfect ? He is the King and He has the power, subhan Allah. The anger of Allah (swt) is suitable for His majesty and it's good for us because when He's angry, it makes us fearful of Him. You will not find sadness associated with Allah (swt), istaghfar Allah.

Anger is a feeling to show who you are. For example, if there is an angry boss, the employees will be scared or flatter him or avoid him, etc. Someone who's angry will create imbalance in his surroundings as well.

The anger of Allah (swt) is a restricted attribute and He said His mercy preceded His anger. He will be most angry on the Day of Judgement, when He has never been angry like this before and will never be angry like that after. This is a good fear. The people will go to the messengers and they will remember their sins.

A mother getting angry is different from a father getting angry, different from a child getting angry. Someone might shout, some might throw and bang the door, another might shout and take out their anger on someone else. But when someone starts to control their anger, they might say one word louder. Notice become picky, `why did the wi-fi not connect, why is the ironing done badly, why is the flower arrangement like this? `The more we have access to things, the more we're getting angry unnecessarily.

Life has become so fast, if we go out, we need to quickly get ready and when we eat, we need to quickly eat, we take vacations quickly, we go to bed quickly and wake up quickly. And we want everyone to do everything quickly. We've become like machines because we're dealing with

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machines, subhan Allah. We want perfection in everything, but it's putting stress and it's making us react with anger. Ibad Ar Rahman walk gently on the earth. Surah Al Furqan 63: ( ) (And the (faithful) slaves of the Most Gracious (All?h) are those who walk on the earth in humility and sedateness, and when the foolish address them (with bad words) they reply back with mild words of gentleness). Even when going to the masjid, don't rush, and this is an appointment with Allah (swt), so what about other things? Islam is teaching us to not rush. When you imagine a nafs at rest, you imagine as if they're like a cloud ? easy and calm.

Anger of Musa (as) ? his people were committing shirk

Surah Al `Araf 150: ( ) (And when M?sa (Moses) returned to his people, angry and grieved, he said: "What an evil thing is that which you have done (i.e. worshipping the calf) during my absence. Did you hasten and go ahead as regards the matter of your Lord (you left His worship)?" And he threw down the Tablets and seized his brother by (the hair of) his head and dragged him towards him. H?r?n (Aaron) said: "O son of my mother! Indeed the people judged me weak and were about to kill me, so make not the enemies rejoice over me, nor put me amongst the people who are Z?lim?n (wrong-doers).")

Musa's was not angry for himself, but for Allah (swt) because the people are worshipping a calf. And he was also () ? he felt sorry for them, and this makes the anger milder ? this is anger with mercy, subhan Allah. For example, your children do a major sin (may Allah (swt) give everyone the wellbeing.), you will be angry for them.

The Prophet () was never angry for himself, but for Allah (swt). You could also see his face turning red when angry.

Believers ? anger followed by forgiveness

Surah Ash Shura 37: ( ) (And those who avoid the greater sins, and Al-Faw?hish (illegal sexual intercourse), and when they are angry, forgive)

Those who avoid major sins and when they get angry, they will forgive afterwards. In the hadith: a man asked the Prophet () to advise him and he said `don't be angry'. ( " " : " " : : ) (Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: A man asked the Prophet () to give him advice, and he () said, "Do not get angry." The man repeated that several times and he () replied (every time), "Do not get angry.") ? Riyadh As Saliheen, Al Bukhari, Book 1, Hadith 639

You need to do something after getting angry, either do wudhu, change your place, avoid the person who will make you angry, etc.

If you're an angry mother or wife, you can't do anything. No one will want to talk to you and this is not good. No one likes to be the one whom people avoid because they're an angry person. Surah Al

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Imran 134: ( ) (who repress anger, and who pardon men; verily, All?h loves Al-Muhsin?n) If you forgive then Allah (swt) will forgive you. If you suppress your anger, then Allah (swt) will not be angry with you. This is sunnat Allah (swt) ? the way of Allah (swt). While we're alive, things can't be perfect, someone will be mean to us, someone will do something wrong, but have to overcome it. People think they have to let out their anger by screaming out loud or throwing dishes, but Allah (swt) tells us the solution is to suppress your anger and forgive.

Joy ()

Joy is a feeling you have because you reached something positive. When people go to therapists, they go because of sadness, fear, and anger. But do they go because

of joy? No. The therapist is trying to take that sadness to joy, that fear to joy, and that anger to joy. Though this is not the way. People think joy is a solution to the negative emotions, but it's actually a poison if you don't understand what is joy, subhan Allah. Someone who's in depression goes to a therapist, and they end up thinking they're the best and this is a deception. It's like a balloon that goes up and then pops. Most of the joy in the Quran is dispraised, but there is also praised and balanced joy which we need to know about.

Hypocrites ? happy if something bad happens to others and not them

Surah At Tawbah 50: ( ) (If good befalls you (O Muhammad ), it grieves them, but if a calamity overtakes you, they say: "We took our precaution beforehand," and they turn away rejoicing)

The most imbalanced people are hypocrites and why are they joyful? If something good happens to the Prophet () and companions, then they're sad. But if something bad happens to them then they feel happy it's them and not us, istaghfar Allah. You find people who are happy is something bad happens to Muslims, subhan Allah.

Hypocrites ? happy for their disobedience

Surah

At Tawbah 81: (

)

(Those

who stayed away (from Tabuk

expedition) rejoiced in their

staying behind the Messenger of All?h; they hated to strive and fight with their properties and their lives

in the Cause of All?h, and they said: "March not forth in the heat." Say: "The Fire of Hell is more intense

in heat", if only they could understand!)

The hypocrites are happy for their disobedience and staying behind. They're happy they're not praying, happy they're not fasting. Imagine someone happy for his disobedience and sin, istaghfar Allah. For example, a person is happy they humiliated someone and put them down. A person is

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happy violating the rules, as if they're doing something not everyone else is doing, like running a red light and being happy about it, subhan Allah.

Divisions ? feeling you're right and everyone else is wrong

Surah Al Mu'minoon 53: ( ) (But they (men) have broken their religion among them into sects, each group rejoicing in what is with it (as its belief).)

Where is tawakul, seeking help in Allah (swt) and feeling poor to Allah (swt)? The believer is not confident about himself, he's afraid, he's still in this life, he's still asking Allah (swt) to be guided to the Straight Path. We ask Allah (swt) for guidance every time. It's not like a GPS where once you know the way, you switch it off. You continue seeking guidance from Allah (swt), you don't stop.

The believer is afraid with his family: Surah At Tur 26: ( ) (Saying: "Aforetime, we were afraid (of the punishment of All?h) in the midest of our families) In this life, no one knows who's right until the Day of Judgment and this will make us a slave to Allah (swt) always. As if someone is happy with his deeds and what he's doing, who said it's you? It's all ( ) ? there is no might and power except with Allah. When we do a good deed, it's not because of us, but because Allah (swt) chose us and allowed us to do it ? so we need to be happy with Allah (swt).

Surah Ar Room 32: ( ) (Of those who split up their religion (i.e. who left the true Isl?mic Monotheism), and became sects, each sect rejoicing in that which is with it)

Everyone is happy for themselves, but we need to ask Allah (swt) for guidance because the hearts can easily change. As long as we're alive, we're still in the fitna of the duniya and we don't know what can happen to us. A slave cannot be happy with his intelligence or his power, a slave needs to be happy with his Master ? he's happy because Allah (swt) guided him, Allah (swt) gave him.

Dispraised joy for getting something good

Surah Ar Room 36: ( ) (And when We cause mankind to taste of mercy, they rejoice therein, but when some evil afflicts them because of (evil deeds and sins) that their (own) hands have sent forth, behold, they are in despair!)

We are in this life to be tested ? every paper you get is an `exam' ? not a reward or punishment. Can you be happy with an `exam paper'? No. Our exam can be in the form of good and evil. People think if it's evil then it's an exam, but if there's something good then they think it's a result and they're happy about it, but it's a test. Are you happy because you got it and not someone else? My children got it and not theirs. You feel you're lucky, good, or have some kind of position.

When something bad happens, they despair. It's natural to feel happy if someone gives you gift, but it's dispraised when you feel I got it, it's me. With the dispraised joy there is no servitude to Allah (swt).

Dispraised joy of their knowledge

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