Top Ten Ways to Torture Santa
Top Ten Ways to Sabotage Christmas
We’ve been naughty. We’ve offended an entire herd of elves. Rudolph has declared upon us a vendetta. And no matter how good we all are, we always do one little naughty thing that lands us on Santa’s “Bad” list. So, as revenge, we’ve composed a list of the top 10 ways to sabotage Old Man Claus, and Christmas.
1) Set the clocks forward an hour when he gets your neighborhood, so he’ll get confused and rush around trying to get done early. Maybe you’ll get lucky. Maybe he’ll pull a groin muscle.
2) Make a point. Leave him with a nice weight-watchers shake as thanks.
3) Set Santa’s reindeer loose while he’s struggling down a chimney. Proceed to taunt him with the smell of milk and cookies.
4) Pimp Santa’s wife while he’s out for the night. Proceed to have the Grinch hire the estimable Mrs. Clause.
5) Publish this photo. Send it to George Bush, resplendent with a note saying that Osanta bin Laden has been spotted in the vicinity of the North Pole. Proceed to laugh manically.
6) Decorate your home with elf skulls, stuffed reindeer heads, and puddles near top hats and corncob pipes.
7) Erect a missile-defense shield over your house and proclaim Santa to be a terrorist. Proceed to deny him entry into your airspace.
8) Ban him for sociopolitical/religious reasons; deny uptight-soccer-momhood.
9) Declare him a weapons inspector; deny entry. Proceed to declare yourself a sovereign nation and stockpile WMDs.
10) Go to a mall. Sit on his lap. Proceed to yell in your loudest voice “Santa touched me!”
................
................
In order to avoid copyright disputes, this page is only a partial summary.
To fulfill the demand for quickly locating and searching documents.
It is intelligent file search solution for home and business.