Love Languages



Love Speaks: Making Board Connections

Discovering and Using the Five Languages of Love

Based on the series of books by Gary Chapman, beginning with The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to A Mate, Northfield Publishing, 1992

What are Love Languages?

• According to author Gary Chapman, each person has one main way that they “hear” love from others. The Five Love Languages are (in no particular order):

o Gifts

o Quality Time

o Words of Affirmation

o Acts of Service

o Physical Touch

We all hear, experience and speak love in different ways

• People often (but not always) express love to others through this same love language (meaning they use this language most toward others if it is their primary love language).

• When we define “feeling loved or valued” in a particular way, and that isn’t met, abundance in every other category can still leave us feeling unloved.

Why you would want to know

How it can make a difference?

• If you know another board member’s love languages you can better understand and bless her

• You might optimize your relationship with that board member by speaking her language

• Reduces wasted effort and frustration in your communications

• Makes connections with others more meaningful by sharing love that they recognize

Some ways you can tell (and questions for discussion and thought, if you want)

• You just know what “speaks to you”

• Ask yourself, “Which love language can’t I live without”?

• What do I complain about most often?

• Imagine what you might most like to get for a birthday celebration

• Conversely, what might you be most delighted to give another for their birthday?

Find out your preferred Love Language – TAKE a Quick Quiz (last page)

Online resources

•

• Article about the book, with short descriptions of the 5 styles:

• One of many quizzes (self-scoring on-line):



Love is the fuel for our lives—Keeping A “Love Tank(s)” full

• Secondary Love Languages can help keep the overall love tank full, but if the primary love tank is at a deficit, one still may not feel valued

• A low need for a particular language does not mean that there is NO need for it

• Think about expressing their love language as a function of yours, e.g., giving Touch as an Act of Service, or giving the Gift of Quality Time

• Look around work areas, notice what they treasure in their car, on their personal things or shop for to get clues to their style,

• Listen for what brings your board sister joy!

• Where possible, offer recognition, encouragement and gratitude in their Language

Words of Affirmation

o Thank you notes

o Public recognition (awards dinners, All-hands e-mails)

o Plaques

o Holiday cards

Touch

o Shake hands

o Pat on the back

o Ropes courses

o Gift Certificate for a massage

Quality Time

o Lunch

o Focused time listening to needs

o Time off

Acts of Service

o Offer to assist with projects

o Offer to get coffee or lunch for them

Gifts

o Plaques, pins, watches etc.

o Holiday and thank-you Gifts

o Raises, bonuses

A Quick Love Languages Quiz

(modified from )

Rate how you feel about each sentence within each group by assigning a number from 1 to 5, with 5 representing what you MOST appreciate and makes you feel the MOST loved, and 1 representing what you LEAST appreciate. Sentences in each group should be ranked from 1 to 5 and each number must be used once. No repeating numbers with a group. When you are done, you can transfer A scores to the score sheet below. The column with the highest score is A primary Love Language. NOTE: It is possible to be “Multilingual,” i.e., to have two that are the same, or very close together.

Group One

A A sister says, "You really did a great job on that. I appreciate it!"

B A sister unexpectedly does something for you that you appreciate.

C A sister brings you a surprise treat.

D A sister invites you to go on a leisurely walk just to chat.

E A sister makes a point to give you a hug upon greeting and/or before leaving you.

Group Two

A A sister tells you how much he or she appreciates you.

B A sister volunteers to take on one of your tasks.

C A sister brings you flowers or brings a special food treat from the local bakery, just because she cares.

D A sister invites you to sit down and talk about your day.

E A sister gives you a gentle squeeze even though you are just passing by room to room.

Group Three

A A sister, during a fellowship time shares about a recent success you had.

B A sister offers to help you clean out and organize an area that’s not a tidy as you’d like it to be.

C A sister surprises you with an unexpected gift.

D A sister surprises you with a special afternoon trip.

E A sister gives you pat on the back or links elbows with you to move forward in line.

Group Four

A A sister praises you about one of your special qualities.

B A sister brings you a coffee when she knows you’ve been up late meeting a deadline.

C A sister surprises you with a membership to something you always wanted.

D A sister plans a special excursion for the two of you for fun.

E A sister sits closer to you when she you’re having a crazy day.

Group Five

A A sister tells you how much she & others are grateful for you.

B A sister takes the time to sit down to help you fill out the long complicated application that you haven’t had the time or energy to do

C A sister sends you something special through the mail.

D A sister kidnaps you for lunch and takes you to a favorite restaurant.

E A sister gives you a neck & shoulder massage.

| |(W) |(A) |(G) |(Q) |(T) |

|Group 1 |_____A |_____B |_____C |_____D |_____E |

|Group 2 |_____A |_____B |_____C |_____D |_____E |

|Group 3 |_____A |_____B |_____C |_____D |_____E |

|Group 4 |_____A |_____B |_____C |_____D |_____E |

|Group 5 |_____A |_____B |_____C |_____D |_____E |

| | | | | | |

|Totals |_____A |_____B |_____C |_____D |_____E |

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