While our concept is light in nature (like, say, an ...



While our concept is light in nature (like, say, an African Swallow) our ultimate purpose is very heavy indeed. You see, our LONG RANGE PLAN is due to those Bahston Library Commissionahs. We also wish to assess our needs and assets to better serve you.

Your opinion (regardless of whether what you have to say is positive or negative) is terribly important to us. We do very much assure you that your results will be taken very seriously indeed. However, we did want to minimise your suffering very much and thusly, we disguised this survey as something funny. (Or not if you don't appreciate British Humour.[But honestly, if you didn't like British Humour, you all would not very well ask me to collect it on your behalf. {Really now, we do have Red Dwarf, Jeeves and Wooster, Mr. Bean, the Quest for the Holy Grail et cetera and 'tis our belief that you'd not check those items out

through the checkout desk at the main entrance egress if you did not in fact like those items. Said items are quite weighty on the humour scale.]})

We will be using your feedback to construct our long range plan and help with grants, lest the Librarian have to construct it all by herself.

Alone.

Sadly alone.

Depressingly alone.

Terribly, horribly, friendlessly alone.

And it's a big job. Which is why you ought to

lend a hand.

Right! Let's get on with it!

1. Question the First: WHAT! is the thing you most love about our Library: (Attach sheets as necessary)

A. Our Staff

B. Our book collection

C. Our video collection

D. Our programming

E. Our audiobooks

F. Other, Do Specify!

2. Question the Second!:

WHAT! would you so desperately like to improve upon due to wonkiness?

(wonky: adjective 1 rickety, shaky, wobbly, wonky inclined to shake as from weakness or defect; "a rickety table"; "a wobbly chair with shaky legs"; "the ladder felt a little wobbly"; "the bridge still stands though one of the arches is wonky" from )

Mind you! Check all that apply!

Our Hours of operation (We're not open enough)

The size of the building (of course we'd want it to stay historically brilliant)

The number of computers available

The events we hold like book discussion and story time

Other, Please Specify

3. Question the Third: Are cocoanuts migratory?

A. Yes

B. No

4. Do you have a computer at home?

C. Yes

D. No

5. What sort of connection does your computer have at home if you have one?

A. Dial Up

B. DSL (High Speed through the phone company)

C. Satellite

D. I do not have Internet access

6. How often do you frequent the Library?

A. Everyone knows my name (at least once per week)

B. Every now and again (at least once per month)

C. By and by (at least once every few months)

D. I DON'T LIKE SPAM! (very seldomly indeed)

There is no Question 7.

7. If you don't come to visit us very often, why is that the case?

8. What is wrong with this statement “Romani ire domi”?

9. Are staff at the Library welcoming?

A. I'd rather be at the RMV (No, really, they aren't at all)

B. They're fairly welcoming

C. They're quite good actually

D. They're brilliant!

10. If you're a teenager, would you be interested in attending programs just for you?

A. Yes

B. No

11. If the Lotto commission were to drop off a big bag of money at the Library's doorstep, what do you think we ought to do with it?

A. Improve the building

B. Stay open longer

C. Purchase electronic databases

D. Buy more books

E. Get more public access computers

F. Luxuriate in new furniture

G. Other, Do Specify!

12. Emmm, that's not actually happened, so I'm afraid we must play a bit of which would you rather!

Which would you rather --

A. Improve the building

B. Stay open longer hours

13. Which would you rather --

Have more materials? (Books, CDs, DVDs, audiobooks) OR Purchase subscriptions to electronic databases?

A. Get more stuff

B. Get more databases

14. Which would you rather --

A. Kick in the shins

B. Poke in the eye

15. Would you be so kind as to financially and politically support a library bond for a building renovation? (Of course we would want to preserve the historic feel of our current building.)

A. Yes

B. No

16. Do you feel that the Library has made progress in the last few years?

17. Would you like the library to develop more resources that are health related or attend programming on health topics?

A. Yes

B. No

18. Now we needs be a little nosy. It's not necessary to give us this information, but it will help us to know the answers. How old are you?

A. Under 18

B. 18-30

C. 30-50

D. 50 and wiser

19. Are you a summer resident?

A. Yes

B. No

20. Do you have school aged children?

A. Yes

B. No

Thank you ever so much for the truly incredible amount of time it took for you to respond to this incredibly onerous survey. We do so appreciate it, and we only needs complete a long range plan once in a great while. Your input is highly important to us.

So thank you, and good bye.

Really now. There's no more survey. Are you another librarian taking this? Thank you, we'll have tea some time.

Go on now, there's nothing more to see.

This survey is no more! It has ceased to be!

Very well. If you're going to be a dosser and just stare blankly at a computer screen all day, fair play to you. *I* have work to do. Good day to you!

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