What does a caterpillar do on New Years Day



What does a caterpillar do on New Years Day?

Turns over a new leaf!

What is the definition of a caterpillar?

A worm in a fur coat!

What has stripes and pulls a tractor?

A caterpillar tractor!

What does a cat go to sleep on?

A caterpillow!

What's green and dangerous?

A caterpillar with a machine gun!

What pillar doesn't need holding up?

A caterpillar!

Q: What do you get if you cross a tiger with a snowman?

A: Frostbite!

Dog jokes 01

Q: Why do dogs bury bones in the ground?

A: Because you can't bury them in trees!

Q: Why did the poor dog chase his own tail?

A: He was trying to make both ends meet!

Q: What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a rose?

A: A collie-flower!

Q: Why do dogs wag their tails?

A: "Because no one else will do it for them!"

Q: Why didn't the dog speak to his foot?

A: Because it's not polite to talk back to your paw!

Q: What is the dogs favorite city?

A: New Yorkie!

Q: Who is the dogs favorite comedian?

A: Growlcho Marx!

Q: What did the cowboy say when the bear ate Lassie?

A: "Well, doggone!"

Q: What happened when the dog went to the flea circus?

A: He stole the show!

Q: How can if you have a stupid dog?

A: It chases parked cars!

Elephant jokes 01

What time is it when an elephant sits on the fence?

Time to fix the fence!

What's grey, stands in a river when it rains and doesn't get wet?

An elephant with an umbrella!

What' s grey with red spots?

An elephant with the measles!

Why does an elephant wear sneakers?

So that he can sneak up on mice!

What's big and grey and wears a mask?

The elephantom of the opera!

What's grey and moves at a hundred miles an hour?

A jet propelled elephant!

Why did the elephant cross the road?

Because the chicken was having a day off!

What do you call an elephant at the North Pole?

Lost!

Why were the elephants thrown out of the swimming pool?

Because they couldn't hold their trunks up!

Farm jokes 01

Why did the bull rush?

Because it saw the cow slip!

What kind of bird lays electric eggs?

A battery hen!

What do you call an arctic cow?

An eskimoo!

What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick-layer!

How do you fit more pigs on your farm?

Build a sty-scraper!

Why does a rooster watch TV?

For hentertainment!

What do you get from a drunk chicken?

Scotch eggs!

What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers!

What do you get if you cross a chicken with a bell?

A bird that has to wring its own neck!

Mouse jokes 01

What are crisp, like milk and go 'eek, eek, eek' when you eat them?

Mice Krispies!

What is small, furry and brilliant at sword fights?

A mouseketeer!

What do you get if you try to cross a mouse with a skunk?

Dirty looks from the mouse!

What is a mouse's favorite record?

'Please cheese me'!

What goes eek, eek, bang?

A mouse in a minefield!

What squeaks as it solves crimes?

Miami mice!

What did Tom get when he locked Jerry in the freezer?

Mice cubes!

What's gray, squeaky and hangs around in caves?

Stalagmice!

What mouse was a Roman emperor?

Julius Cheeser!

Reptile jokes 01

Whats a frogs favorite game?

It's croak-et!

What do headmasters and bullfrogs have in common?

Both have big heads that consist mostly of mouth!

What powerful reptile is found in the Sydney opera house?

The Lizard of Oz!

What's the definition of a nervous breakdown?

A chameleon on a tartan rug!

How do frogs manage to lay so many eggs?

They sit eggsaminations!

How do frogs die?

They kermit suidide!

What's a frogs favorite flower?

A croakus!

What do you get if you cross a frog and a dog?

A croaker spaniel!

What do you call a rich frog?

A golf blooded reptile!

Spider jokes 01

Why did the spider buy a car?

So he could take it out for a spin!

What does a spider do when he gets angry?

He goes up the wall!

What would happen if tarantulas were as big as horses?

If one bit you, you could ride it to hospital!

Why are spiders good swimmers?

They have webbed feet!

How do you spot a modern spider?

He doesn't have a web he had a website!

What are spiders webs good for?

Spiders!

What kind of doctors are like spiders?

Spin doctors!

What do you get if you cross a spider and an elephant?

I'm not sure, but if you see one walking across the ceiling then run before it collapses!

What did the spider say to the fly?

We're getting married do you want to come to the webbing?

What happened when the chef found a daddy long legs in the salad?

It became a daddy short legs!

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Abe!

Abe who?

Abe C D E F G H...!

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Alaska!

Alaska who?

Alaska my friend the question then!

What are prehistoric monsters called when they sleep?

A dinosnore!

What is the fruitiest lesson?

History, because it's full of dates!

Why did the silly racecar driver make ten pitstops during the race?

He was asking for directions!

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