MNG 112: BUSINESS COMMUNICATION
MNG 112: BUSINESS COMMUNICATION
STUDENT NOTES 7
INTERPERSONAL SKILLS
To succeed at work talent, good ideas, good education, skills, expertise, hard work, motivation, initiative and other such traits are important. However career success also depends on one’s ability to communicate effectively with others. That ability, often called people skills, is the ability to work with other people, solve problems, negotiate differences, and handle conflicts so as to be effective on the job.
This lecture will focus on how to develop and improve the interpersonal communication skills that are important for individuals and organizations. We will look at four areas:
a. Building positive relationships
b. Dealing with criticism
c. Managing conflict
d. Negotiating skills
BUILDING POSITIVE RELATIONSHIPS
The term emotional intelligence (EI) has been coined to describe the ability and skills of interacting well with others. This is different to cognitive IQ, which measures one’s intellectual aptitude. One consultant contrasted emotional intelligence with cognitive IQ and said:
“Your cognitive IQ could be 145 and you could have a doctorate in business, but you’ll never break away from the pack unless your interpersonal skills are top drawer.”
Across the job spectrum IQ accounts for no more than 25 percent of entrepreneurial failure and success. The more difficult the job and the higher it is in an organisation’s hierarchy, the more important emotional intelligence becomes.
According to some research, cognitive IQ takes a backseat to emotional intelligence in determining outstanding job performance.
Two areas that are important to building positive relationships between and among people are the communication climate and knowledge of how to give praise.
COMMUNICATION CLIMATE
Social scientists use the term communication climate to describe the quality of personal relationships in an organisation. Do people feel respected? Do they trust one another? Do they believe they are appreciated?
Organisations create an overall climate, which can range from being healthy to being polluted, but within that environment individual relationships have their own micro climates. Your relationship with one person might be icy while with another it may be warm.
The communication climate is a key factor in job satisfaction and commitment to an organisation; hence, communicators need to understand how to create positive climates. It is not so much the tasks that have to be done that create the climate, but rather the feeling members have for those tasks and each other. For example, a positive climate can exist under the worst conditions: in a cramped, poorly furnished and understaffed office; or City Council workers cleaning up trash. Conversely, the most comfortable and prestigious environment can be polluted by a hostile climate.
Positive climates occur when people feel they are valued and negative climates occur when people feel they are not appreciated. Messages that express feelings of value are labelled confirming messages while those that fail to express valuing, or show an explicit lack of valuing are called disconfirming messages. Psychologist Jack Gibbs gives six types of supportive statements that can promote positive, confirming relationships:
1. Use descriptive “I” language. Do not attack another by using “you” language when delivering messages as they point a verbal finger of accusation at the receiver.
“Your report is too sloppy. You’ll have to retype it.”
“That was a dumb promise you made. We can never have the job done by the end of the month.”
Descriptive language, often termed “I” language, focuses on the speaker instead of judging the other person. Such language show that one can be nonjudgmental and still say what you want without landing verbal punches.
“I am afraid the boss will get angry at both of us if we turn in a report with this many errors. We’ll get a better reaction if it’s retyped.”
“I am worried about the promise you made. I don’t see how we can get the job done by the end of the month.”
2. Focus on solving problems, not controlling others. Some messages try to force others to do something they don’t agree with, or understand.
“Look I don’t have time to explain, do it my way.”
Because control shows a lack of regard for the other person’s needs, interests, or opinions, it can cause problems in the relationships, even if it gets you what you want. Try using problem oriented messages that aim at solving both persons’ needs.
3. Be honest and don’t manipulate. Once people discover they have been manipulated, a defensive reaction steps in.
“If one statement of mine in a hundred is false, you may choose not to rely on me at all.”
Shakespeare said, “The good things that men do are easily forgotten; the bad things forever haunt their lives.”
Simple honesty is less likely to generate defensiveness, even if the news is unwelcome. Even though others might dislike what you may have to say, your reputation for candour or being a straight-talker will earn the respect of your superiors, your peers, and your subordinates.
4. Show concern for others. Indifference or a lack of concern for others is a strong disconfirming message. By contrast, a genuine message of interest can make a tremendous difference.
A simple apology for making one wait can do wonders.
A secretary who takes time to find the right person to deal with your question would make you feel grateful and want to do business with the company again.
The manager who seems genuinely concerned with your opinions, even if he does not agree with them is easier to work with than one who brushes aside your concerns.
5. Demonstrate an attitude of equality. People who act in a superior manner imply that others are inferior, which is another disconfirming message. Nobody likes to feel less valuable and an air of superiority communicates this sort of message. Talent, knowledge or skill does not justify arrogance.
6. Listen with an open mind. Other people sometimes have knowledge that we do not have and hearing them out might teach us something useful. Besides providing useful information, listening with an open minded can promote good relationships.
Imagine doing research to avoid raising the price of a product only to have your superior say to you when you present it that he does not see much evidence of research.
Contrast this with if the superior had said he would consider your ideas. The latter would certainly have made you feel better.
GIVING PRAISE
Sincere praise that is delivered skilfully can produce dramatic results and leave you and the other person feeling better. One way to create and maintain a positive communication climate is to offer praise. Some tips to take advantage of the power of praise are:
1. Make praise specific. Any sincere praise will be appreciated, but describing exactly what you appreciate makes it easier for the person to continue that behaviour.
Broad Specific
Good job on handling that complaint. You really kept your cool when that customer complained.
I appreciate the support you have given Thanks for being so flexible with my
me lately. schedule while I was sick.
Being specific doesn’t mean you have to avoid giving broad comments, but it helps to let the other person know just what you appreciate.
2. Praise progress, not just perfection. Apart from giving praise for outstanding performance, consider giving genuine compliments by looking for progress as this gives encouragement to others to continue to strive for perfection.
3. Praise intermittently. Constant praise is likely to sound insincere so give praise intermittently when it is likely to have the best effect.
4. Relay praise. You should also relay praises of someone to those who deserve to know since this can win the undying gratitude of the person you are complimenting; show your sense of security and team spirit; and inform others about information they could find valuable. Praising others takes little time and it benefits everyone. You can also become a “praise messenger” by letting others know when others have said complimentary things about them. Becoming a praise messenger encourages people to continue the behaviour.
5. Praise sincerely. Insincere praise is worse than no praise at all. In giving praise consider cultural rules. In some collectivist cultures it can be embarrassing to single out an individual for praise, especially in front of others.
DEALING WITH CRITICISM
The climate of a relationship can be enhanced by both offering and responding to criticism in the most constructive manner. We will look at how to offer constructive criticism and how to respond to criticism. In the real world of work, criticism is a fact of life. Sometimes you have to deliver and sometimes you have to receive criticism. Criticism can start a cycle of defensiveness that pollutes the communication climate. Below are some pointers on how to deliver and respond to it in a manner that can maintain and improve working relationships.
OFFERING CRITICISM
The way you present your comments can make the difference between them being accepted or rejected. You can maximise the chances of your comments being understood and accepted by carefully considering how they are expressed. To help you maximise your ability to offer constructive criticism:
1. Consider the Content. Edit your remarks so that they:
a. Limit the criticism to one topic. Even if you have several complaints focus
on one at a time. Your respondent may be able to handle a single problem but
with more than one he may become defensive.
b. Make sure the criticism is accurate. Get your facts straight since if one
detail is wrong the person can use that to sidetrack the discussion from the real
problem at hand.
c. Define the problem clearly. List the facts in enough detail so that the
recipient knows exactly what you are talking about. Be prepared to give
examples.
d. Show how your criticism can benefit the recipient. Try to show the
benefits or payoffs for responding to your remarks.
2. Consider the Sender. Who delivers the criticism can be important as the content. Two guidelines are:
a. Consider choosing the most credible critic. Sometimes the recipient is
likely to be more receptive to one person rather than another. If a choice is available then consider the sender being the person who will be the most
effective.
b. Make sure the criticism is appropriate to the critic’s role . Even accurate
criticism is likely to be rejected if the sender has no business delivering it.
(Comments about someone’s personal life are out of place unless they affect the
working relationship)
3. Consider the Relational Climate. The framework in which your remarks are delivered can have an important impact on how they are received. Pay attention to three context related factors:
a. Deliver remarks as part of a positive relationship. Let the other person
know that your specific criticism doesn’t diminish your respect or appreciation for
the person in other areas. Sincerely acknowledging the positives can make the
negatives easier to accept.
b. Accept partial responsibility for the problem. If possible show that you
may have contributed in some degree to the issue.
“I probably should have brought this up sooner.”
c. Accompany your criticism with an offer to help. You can earn the
good will of the person by offering to play a role in solving the problem at hand.
4. Consider the Delivery. How you express criticism can make a big difference in how it is received. Two guidelines are:
a. Deliver criticism in a face saving manner. Make sure your remarks are
delivered privately since public criticism can embarrass and cause resentment.
b. Avoid sounding judgmental. Avoid using emotionally biased language
and use the “I” statements.
RESPONDING TO CRITICISM
Receiving criticism can be tougher than giving it. When faced with criticism two most common responses are “fight” or “flight.” We fight by counterattacking: “It’s not my fault.” or by blaming others. “Flight” reactions include evading negative remarks; physically avoiding critics; and mentally disengaging from thoughtful listening. Alternatives to fighting or fleeing include:
1. Seeking More Information. This can be done by:
a. Asking for examples or clarification.
“You’ve said I am not presenting a good attitude to customers. Can you describe exactly what I am doing?”
b. Guessing about details of the criticism. If the critic is unwilling to give
specifics you can guess.
“Was it the way I handled Mr. Tyson when the bank sent back his check for insufficient funds?”
c. Paraphrasing the critic.
“When you say I have a bad attitude to customers, it sounds like you think I am not giving them the service they deserve.”
d. Asking what the critic wants.
“How could I behave in a better way around customers?”
2. Agreeing With the Critic. Even though this may be difficult and would seem like a form of self punishment, it can be very effective. There are two ways to agree with a critic:
a. Agree with the facts. Once confronted with facts that cannot be disputed
the best approach is probably to face up to the truth: “You’re right. I have been
late three times this week.” Agreeing with the facts does not mean you accept
responsibility for every fault. (In the case of being late to work, you might go on
to point out that your lateness is a fluke in an otherwise spotless work record.)
b. Agree with the critic’s perception. Even though there will be times you
cannot agree with criticism, agreeing with the critic’s perception acknowledges
the person’s right to view the issue in a different way to yours
Customer accuses you of not caring about service after shipment failed to arrive:
“I know I told you the shipment would arrive Friday. I would be mad too if I were you.”
c. Emphasizing areas of common ground. As much as possible, point out
areas where you and the other person share on the same point of view.
3. Working for a Cooperative Solution. Once your critic believes that you’ve understood his position he will be ready to hear your point of view. Two ways to maximize your chances for constructive solutions are:
a. Asking for a chance to state your point of view. Try not to push ahead and
state your position without first listening to your critic as he may not be ready to
listen to you.
“May I tell you my perspective?”
b. Focusing on a solution instead of finding fault. Playing the blame game
rarely works so it is best to find a solution that works for you and the critic.
“How can we handle this situation in a way that both of us can accept?”
MANAGING CONFLICT
Conflict is part of every job. It is like a common cold – unavoidable, unpleasant, and counterproductive.
The problem isn’t conflict itself, but rather the way it is handled. A poorly handled organisational conflict can be dangerous to relationships as productivity can suffer; while a skilfully handled conflict can lead to solving troublesome problems by improving the communication climate. With the right approach conflict can produce results. Some argue that constructive conflict is an essential ingredient in organizational success. This aspect of the lecture will offer advice on how to manage conflicts constructively.
APPROACHES TO CONFLICT
When faced with a conflict, you have several choices about how to respond. Each approach has different results: (See Handout 1 for ways to deal with difficult people).
1. Avoiding. One way to deal with conflict is to avoid it or withdraw when confronted. Avoidance can be physical – refusing to take phone calls, staying in your office and so on, or it can be psychological – denying a problem exists or is serious, repressing emotional reactions, and so on. While avoidance has a short term benefit of preventing a confrontation, its long term effects can be damaging as you can lose self-respect, you can become frustrated, or the problem may only get worse. There are times to avoid conflict. (See Handout 2)
2. Accommodating. Whereas “avoiders” stay away from conflict, ‘accommodaters’ give ground to maintain harmony. At times it is a sort of appeasement or sacrificing of one’s principles though. There are times to be accommodating. (See Handout 2)
3. Competing. A competitive approach to conflicts is based on the assumption that the only way for one party to reach its goals is to overcome the other. This is the zero sum approach and it is common in many negotiations. A competitive approach to handling conflicts can generate ill will that can be costly and unpleasant and so pollute the communication climate. While at times it may be unnecessary, there are times it is necessary. (See Handout 2)
4. Collaborating. Rather than a competitive approach, collaborative communicators are committed to working together to resolve conflicts. Collaboration is based on the assumption that it is possible to meet one’s needs and those of the other person too. Avoiding and accommodating are based on the assumption that conflict should be avoided; competing is based on the assumption that conflict is a struggle; and collaborating assumes that conflict is a natural part of life so it is best to work with others. The benefits of collaboration enable the issue to be resolved as well as improve the relationship between the two parties. However, remember that collaborative communication is not a panacea as a mutually satisfactory outcome is not always possible as it requires the cooperation of all. If the other party is reluctant to work with you, then you may be setting up yourself for exploitation by communication openly and offering to work cooperatively. There are times when collaboration is the preferred approach. (See Handout 2)
5. Compromising. In a compromise, each party sacrifices something to gain an agreement. This approach is cooperative as both parties recognize they must agree to resolve a conflict, and it self centred as both parties act in their self interest to get the best possible deal. Compromise is a middle of the road approach as it is more assertive than avoiding and accommodating yet less aggressive than competing. It is cooperative yet less so than collaborating. While it does not give each party everything the party seeks, it provides an outcome that everyone can live with. (See Handout 2)
HANDLING CONFLICTS ASSERTIVELY
The way you present yourself in a conflict can make a big difference to the outcome. While an aggressive approach can antagonize, an assertive approach helps to present your concerns in a way that shows respect for the other person. This improves the communication climate and can produce the outcome you are seeking. The following guidelines can help get your message across assertively:
1. Identify the goal you are seeking. What do you want to happen after you have spoken up? Do you want to change the person’s mind, explain your position or simply blow off steam? The approach you take will differ according to your goal.
2. Choose the best time to speak. This can play an important role in getting desired results. Raising a delicate issue at an inappropriate time may not give you the desired results. Remember that there are certain chronological communication context variables that determine how time influences interaction.
3. Rehearse the statement. Think of what you want to say and how best to say it. This will help you to make your point quickly and clearly and prevent you from making an unwanted comment you will regret. Rehearsing your statement does not mean memorizing your remarks but rather thinking about your general ideas and perhaps a few key phrases you might use. Try to use “I” language instead of the defence-arousing “You” language. In delivering the message follow the four guidelines:
a. Pinpoint the Specific Behaviour you Want to Discuss. Try to make your
descriptions specific and objective so as to avoid being accusatory.
Accusation: “You’re wasting time on the job.”
Specific Description: “The last three status reports have been a week or more late.”
b. Explain your Reaction to the Behaviour. This is done by giving both your interpretation of the behaviour and your feelings about the action.
Judgment: “You’re not trying as hard as you could.”
Description: “I am disappointed because it seems to me the reports ought to be ready on time.”
c. Make a Request. Any assertive message must ask for some action from your listener.
Demand: “Try to be more punctual from now on.”
Request: “I hope the reports will be ready on time from now on.”
d. Describe the Consequences. The consequences should discuss the payoffs for both parties on reaching an accord.
Threat: “You’d better speed up before it’s too late.”
Description of Consequences: “If the reports are on time, neither of us will have to hassle with this anymore.”
While an assertive approach to conflict management may seem ideal, the culture will determine its effectiveness. Remember the differences between high and low context cultures. A competent communicator is one who will be able to adjust his style to suit the culture. Assertiveness can be a powerfully tool but it must be used sensibly.
NEGOTIATING SKILLS
Whenever two parties do not initially agree about an issue they have three choices: accept the status quo, the more powerful side imposes a solution, or the parties reach an agreement by negotiating.
Negotiation occurs when two or more parties discuss specific proposals to find mutually acceptable agreement and it is a common way of settling conflicts in business. Individuals use negotiation to reach agreement on everything from the price of a used car to who will handle an unpleasant job. Managers and workers use it to reach agreements on such issues as how much responsibility a worker should take and what an employee needs to do to be promoted.
Negotiations are seldom formal, sit-around-the table affairs and almost any form of business problem or disagreement is resolved by some form of negotiation.
When negotiations are poorly handled it can leave a problem unsolved and perhaps worse than before, and when skilfully handled it can improve the position of one or both parties. These guidelines offer advice on how to negotiate in a manner that delivers the best possible outcome.
NEGOTIATION STYLES AND OUTCOMES
Negotiations can be approached in four ways and each of these approaches produces a different outcome:
1. Win – Lose Orientation. This is the approach taken by competitive communicators and it is based on the assumption that only one side can reach its goals and that victory by that party will be matched by the other’s loss. This can sometimes be the best approach if the other party is determined to take advantage of you and cannot be convinced that collaboration or compromise is the best option. As in any negotiation, when bargaining information about the other party is perhaps the most powerful asset one can possess. For example, your position would be stronger when negotiating for a salary with a potential employee if you had answers to key questions such as: the company’s financial condition, salary of people in similar positions, the salary the company is willing to pay, and how much do they want you.
2. Lose – Lose Orientation. In this the conflict plays out in a way that damages both parties to such a degree they both feel like a loser. Nobody starts out seeking a lose – lose outcome but this can materialize when negotiating partners ignore one another’s needs.
3. Compromise. This is sometimes better than to fight battles in a competitive manner and risk a lose – lose outcome. There are times when compromises are the best outcome: If two managers each need a full time secretary but budgetary restrictions do not permit this then a compromise would be for both if them to share one secretary. Then there are times when compromises are not always the best outcome.
4. Win – Win Orientation. This is the collaborative approach, which assumes solutions could be reached that satisfy the needs of all parties. This approach focuses on satisfying the ends each party is seeking. Taking the problem solving approach is key to finding a win – win solution. Win – Win outcomes are possible in situations when the parties’ needs are not incompatible, just different. (See Handout 3)
The win – win approach is most successful when it follows five steps:
a. Identify the needs of both parties. The key is to avoid taking polar positions and identify the ends or goals of the parties. In a nutshell this can be done by asking yourself two questions: (1) Why? Put yourself in the person’s shoes and ask why the issue is so important. Once you have identified his needs try to find answers to satisfy the other party. (2) Why not? Try to discover what makes the other party unwilling to meet your request and then try to find an answer that eliminates this objection.
b. Brainstorm a list of possible solutions. The goal is to work with the other party to develop a large number of solutions that might satisfy everyone’s needs. The attitude should be “How can we beat the problem?” instead of “How can I defeat you?” Instead of working against one another, work against the problem.
c. Evaluate the alternative solutions. This is to decide which solutions are most promising.
d. Implement the Solution.
e. Follow up the solution.
WHICH NEGOTIATING STYLE TO USE
The fundamental decision negotiators face is whether to use a win-win approach or a competitive one. No one really starts off with a lose- lose approach or a compromise first up. These are usually forced on them. We will therefore consider the win –lose or competitive approach, and the win-win approaches, and examine when to use each.
Use a win-lose or competitive approach when:
a. Your interests and the other party’s conflict.
b. The other party insists on taking a win- win approach.
c. You do not need a long term harmonious approach.
d. You are powerful enough to prevail.
Use a win –win approach when:
a. You and the other party have common interests.
b. The other party is willing to consider a win- win approach.
c. A continuing harmonious relationship is important.
d. You are weaker or power is approximately equal.
The differences between the win-lose and win-win approaches fall into four categories:
a. Cooperation versus Competition. Parties in competitive negotiations view one another as opponents and assume that one side’s gain is the other’s loss. On the other hand, win-win negotiators cooperate because they believe that it is possible for both sides to get what they want. Cooperation generally increases the chances of getting cooperation in return. There will be some times though when it is unrealistic to expect cooperation, such as when the other side’s loss is disproportionate to your gain.
b. Power versus Trust. In the competitive approach having power is the name of the game as both parties fear that the other side will take advantage of any weakness. In the win-win approach power is replaced by trust as parties do not take advantage of each other.
c. Distorted versus Open Communication. It is common in the win-lose approach for negotiators to exaggerate, withhold information, or bluff. The win-win approach adopts the “honesty is the best policy” and both parties put all cards on the table, trusting that their openness won’t be exploited.
d. Self Centred versus Mutual Concern. In competitive negotiations, each party focuses on its own goal and only gives ground when forced to. In the win- win approach the parties listen openly to each other and try to understand each other’s position so as to help each other achieve satisfaction.
END
HANDOUT # 1 FOR INTERPERSONAL SKILLS
DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE
At times you will be forced to work with people whose behaviour is difficult. While you can’t change the way they act, you can respond in ways that prevent you from becoming their victims. If one of the following styles is familiar, consider trying the recommended ways of responding.
Sherman Tanks. This type tries to get their way by attacking, intimidating, and trying to prove that they are right. They behave with aggression and impatience. To cope:
• Stand up to them, but consider giving them some time to run down.
• Get them to sit down or stand the same level as you and maintain eye contact.
• State your opinions and perceptions clearly and forcefully, but don’t argue or humiliate them.
• Be firm, but stay ready to be friendly.
Snipers. This type uses innuendos, digs, “playful” teasing and other indirect approaches to express aggression. To cope:
• Refuse to be attacked indirectly. Ask, “Are you trying to ridicule me?” or “That sounded like an attack. How did you mean it?”
• Get other points of view from group members. Do not allow the sniper’s remarks to pass as truth. (“Does anyone see it this way?”)
• If you are the third party to sniping, don’t take sides. Insist that it stops in your presence.
Complainers. This type is less interested in resolving problems than with blaming others and shirking responsibilities. To cope:
• Listen attentively to their complaints.
• Paraphrase what they say so they can verify or clarify their perception.
• Do not agree with or apologize for their allegations.
• Move to a problem solving mode by asking specific, informational questions and asking for the complaints in writing.
Negativists. This type tap the potential for despair in us because they are angry and resentful, convinced that they are powerless over much in their lives. To cope:
• Be alert to the potential for being dragged into their despair.
• Make optimistic but realistic statements.
• Don’t try to argue them out of their pessimism.
• Do not offer solutions or alternatives until there has been a thorough discussion of the problem.
HANDOUT # 2 FOR INTERPERSONAL SKILLS
FACTORS GOVERNING CHOICE OF A CONFLICT STYLE
Consider Avoiding
1. When an issue is genuinely trivial, or when more important issues are pressing.
2. When you have no chance of winning.
3. When the potential for disruption outweighs the benefits of resolution.
4. To let others cool down and regain perspective.
5. When the long-term costs of winning may outweigh short-term gains.
6. When others can resolve the conflict more effectively.
Consider Accommodating
1. When you find you are wrong.
2. When the issue is important to the other party and not important to you.
3. To build social credits for later issues.
4. To minimize loss when you are outmatched and losing.
5. When harmony and stability are more important than the subject at hand.
6. To allow others to learn by making their own mistakes.
Consider Competing
1. When quick, decisive action is vital (e.g., emergencies).
2. On important issues where unpopular actions need implementing (e.g., cost cutting, enforcing unpopular rules).
3. When others will take advantage of your non-competitive behaviour.
Consider Collaborating
1. To find solutions when both parties’ concerns are too important to be compromised.
2. When a long-term relationship between the parties is important.
3. To gain commitment of all parties by building consensus.
4. When the other party is willing to take a collaborative approach.
Consider Compromising
1. When goals are important but not worth the effort or potential disruption of more assertive modes.
2. When opponents with equal power are committed to mutually exclusive goals.
3. To achieve temporary settlements of complex issues.
4. To arrive at expedient solutions under time pressure.
5. As a backup, when collaboration is unsuccessful.
|Win – Lose |Compromise |Win-Win |
|Controlling orientation exists (us versus |Recognition that it is impossible to |Problem orientation exists. (us versus the |
|them) |control other party |problem). |
|One party’s gains are viewed as other |Recognition of linkage between one’s own |Mutual gain is viewed as attainable. |
|party’s losses. |goal and satisfaction of other party. | |
|Argument over positions leads to |Parties accept one another’s positions, |Seeking various approaches increases |
|polarisation. |however grudgingly. |chances for agreement. |
|Each side sees issue only from its own |Partial understanding of other party’s |Parties understand each other’s point of |
|point of view. |position. |view. |
|Only task issues are usually considered. |Focus on task issues. |Both task and relationship issues are |
| | |considered. |
HANDOUT # 3 FOR INTERPERSONAL SKILLLS
CHARACTERISTICS OF NEGOTIATING STYLES
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