Save The Date / Week 3

[Pages:9]Save The Date / Week 3

You owe it to yourself to be honest with yourself.

To help students understand that being honest with themselves and the people

they're dating can save themselves from regret now and later.

In the spring of the year, when kings normally go out to war, David sent Joab and the Israelite

army to fight the Ammonites (2 Samuel 11:1 NLT).

"She is Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam and the wife of Uriah the Hittite." (2 Samuel 11: 3 NLT).

INTRODUCTION ? Here's one interesting way that dating is different: when we're in a relationship, we tend to throw common sense out the window.

TENSION ? The problem is when we're in a relationship it's harder to see things clearly. And when someone can't see a situation clearly, they make choices they wouldn't have made otherwise. ? And, what's interesting is that although we see it when it's happening to other people, we don't always see it in ourselves. ? See, we all tend to have some general rules when it comes to dating . . . o Don't date a cheater. o Don't date someone who brings you down. o Don't date someone who treats you poorly. o Don't date someone who pulls you away from friends or goals or values you have for yourself. ? But when we actually start falling for someone and getting feelings and emotions involved, those rules tend to become a little more flexible. ? The question is, what do you do about it? How do you save your dating life from decisions you'll regret?

?2020 The reThink Group. All rights reserved.

TRUTH ? I want to look at a story from the Bible that speaks to this issue. It involves arguably the most famous king of Israel, David. ? David was known as a victorious general, a great leader, and a man after God's own heart. But even with those credentials, he still made some mistakes. ? During that time, when a nation went to war, the kings themselves fought alongside their troops. But look what David does: o In the spring of the year, when kings normally go out to war, David sent Joab and the Israelite army to fight the Ammonites (2 Samuel 11:1 NLT). ? While his army was at war, David was home and bored. One afternoon, David notices a beautiful woman bathing. He sends someone to find out about her, and this was their report . . . o "She is Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam and the wife of Uriah the Hittite" (2 Samuel 11: 3 NLT). ? David wasn't interested in logic. His judgment was clouded by his emotions. So David sends someone to bring Bathsheba to him. ? We can imagine that David made a few assumptions . . . o I'm an exception to the rule. o What I want isn't that bad. o I can manage the consequences. ? He sleeps with Bathsheba. And soon after that, Bathsheba discovers she's pregnant. ? David panicked. He decides to call Uriah, Bathsheba's husband, home from war. If Uriah came home and slept with his wife, then everyone could say that the baby was Uriah's and not his. ? David is desperate to hide what he's done. And he goes for the ultimate solution. He gives an order for Uriah to go back to war. Uriah was killed. And afterwards, David made Bathsheba one of his wives. ? Sometimes, when we're in the middle of a situation, we can lose perspective. We can convince ourselves that we're the exception. ? The reality is, when we believe that we're the exception to the usual consequences, we're in denial.

APPLICATION ? Throughout David's ordeal, he was asking the wrong questions. ? Over and over again, he was asking what he could get away with. How could he avoid the consequences? ? When we believe we're the exception to the rule, we can justify just about anything. We can tell ourselves things are okay when they really aren't. ? You owe it to yourself to be honest with yourself. ? When it comes to dating, it helps to ask yourself the right questions. ? Is there an area where you're just not being honest with yourself? ? So, when did David realize how far he had gotten off track? When a guy named Nathan spoke up. ? We all need a person who will be honest with us when we're not being honest with ourselves. ? So, this week, I encourage you to do three things . . . o Find your Nathan. o Ask them to help you see areas where you're not honest with yourself or facing the truth in your life. o Listen to them.

LANDING ? The reality is that all of us can end up a million places that we didn't want to be by accident, all because we never asked tough questions and made tough decisions.

?2020 The reThink Group. All rights reserved.

? To end up where you want to be in dating and relationships and in life, to save the date, you need to be honest with yourself and let someone else be honest with you.

? There is no interactive for this week.

?2020 The reThink Group. All rights reserved.

Save The Date / Week 3

You owe it to yourself to be honest to yourself

2 MINUTES For the past couple weeks, we've been talking about dating. And we've said that having a dating relationship is different than anything else in our lives. And here's one interesting way that dating is different: when we're in a relationship, we tend to throw common sense out the window. We all tend to have a general understanding of how things work when it comes to friendships. But when we're in a dating relationship, it's easy to lose our common sense. You've probably seen this happen with a friend or someone you know. Maybe that person is really smart when it comes to nearly every other area of life. But when they start dating someone, it's like they become dumb overnight! For example, maybe you have a friend who says things like, "I've NEVER dated someone like this before. We have something special!" And you're thinking, "Let's be real, here. The last four girls were EXACTLY like this girl, and none of those situations ended well. Which means that this one won't end well, either." Or maybe you've heard a girl say, "There's nothing going on between us. We're just hanging out!" But then you see them spending every waking moment together, abandoning all of their friends, and texting each other nonstop. Or maybe you've heard someone say, "I know that most high school relationships don't end up in marriage, but this is different. I KNOW we're going to end up together."

4 MINUTES Sometimes we're amused when our friends abandon common sense in their dating relationships. Sometimes it's just sad. And other times, we watch people make bad dating choices and think,

?2020 The reThink Group. All rights reserved.

Why would you do that? Don't you know how this is going to end? Don't you know how it ALWAYS ends?

In some ways, that's why people talk about regret so much when they talk about dating. It isn't that dating itself is bad. Dating can be a great part of your high school years. The problem is when we're in a relationship it's harder to see things clearly. And when someone can't see a situation clearly, they make choices they wouldn't have made otherwise. They make choices they regret.

And, what's interesting is that although we see it when it's happening to other people, we don't always see it in ourselves. It's so easy to see something or someone being a bad choice for a friend, but when it's you and me, it's not as easy. Things aren't as clear. For example, . . .

? Maybe one of your friends dated someone who doesn't have the best reputation. And you thought that he or she was making a bad decision. But then you met someone who also didn't have a great reputation (different reasons but still bad). And because you felt like your situation was different, you were confident that you could handle whatever happened.

? Maybe one of your friends had clear boundaries about what they would and wouldn't do physically in a relationship. And then they dated someone and crossed those lines. Not the best idea, right? But then you started dating someone and thought, "This time is different." Feelings were hovering around 10. And suddenly crossing lines seems like way more of a possibility to you than it used to.

? Maybe you had solid evidence that your friend's boyfriend was cheating on her, so you told her. But your friend was in denial about it and stayed with him, which was clearly a bad choice that wouldn't end well. And then you dated a guy and got word that he cheated on you. Obviously, this guy is cancelled, right? That's the smart thing to do. BUT, you said, "He's different. Sure, he messed up. But it was an isolated event. In every other way he's great and perfect for me, so we'll move on from this."

See, we all tend to have some general rules when it comes to dating . . .

? Don't date a cheater. ? Don't date someone who brings you down. ? Don't date someone who treats you poorly. ? Don't date someone who pulls you away from friends or goals or values you have for

yourself.

But when we actually start falling for someone and getting feelings and emotions involved, those rules tend to become a little more flexible. We say things like . . .

? "It's fine. It's just the way it is." ? "I can control this. It won't get out of hand." ? "I can handle the consequences."

And these views can bring us to a place where we make less-than-great decisions. The question is, what do you do about it? How do you save your dating life from decisions you'll regret? Is that even possible?

7.5 MINUTES

To talk about that, I want to look at a story from the Bible that speaks to this issue. It involves arguably the most famous king of Israel, David. David was known as a victorious general, a great

?2020 The reThink Group. All rights reserved.

leader, and a man after God's own heart. But even with those credentials, he still made some mistakes.

This particular mistake took place during a war with the Ammonites, one of Israel's biggest enemies. During that time, when a nation went to war, the kings themselves fought alongside their troops. But look what David does:

In the spring of the year, when kings normally go out to war, David sent Joab and the Israelite army to fight the Ammonites (2 Samuel 11:1 NLT).

David decided not to go. And this decision had consequences that would unfold later. By choosing to stay home, David was essentially sending this message to his troops: "I want you to fight for my honor and our people, but I'm not willing to do the same." And that was just the beginning.

While his army was at war, David was home and bored. Imagine week seven of summer vacation. You're over it. The pool is no longer fun, you've slept more than you ever have in your life, it's too hot to be outside, and you have no money to go anywhere. My mom used to tell me, "Nothing good happens when you're bored." And as you're about to see, David could have been a living example of that advice.

One afternoon, David is walking around on the rooftop of his palace. He notices a beautiful woman bathing (That was thing that happened back then. Rainwater was collected on rooftops). And David wants to know more about her. Super creepy, but he's the king. So he sends someone to find out about her, and this was their report . . .

"She is Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam and the wife of Uriah the Hittite" (2 Samuel 11: 3 NLT).

The messenger didn't just tell David her name. He made sure that David knew Bathsheba was someone's daughter and someone's wife. In other words, "I have an idea of what you want, but this isn't a good idea. She isn't an object. She is a daughter and a wife, and she's not yours to have."

But David wasn't interested in logic. His judgment was clouded by his emotions. He may have even realized that it wasn't a good idea, but he was the king. He was an exception to all of the rules, right? S,o David sends someone to bring Bathsheba to him.

See, we can imagine that David made a few assumptions . . .

1. I'm an exception to the rules. 2. What I want isn't that bad. 3. I can manage the consequences.

So, he sleeps with Bathsheba. And soon after that, Bathsheba discovers she's pregnant.

This was lesson number one for David: he was not an exception. He made an irresponsible choice, took advantage of a woman he had no right to sleep with, and got her pregnant. It was a mess! But that would've been the only mess if he immediately owned up to his mistake right then and there. But he didn't.

Instead, he panicked. He decides to call Uriah, Bathsheba's husband, home from war. His thinking was that if Uriah came home and slept with his wife, then everyone could say that the baby was Uriah's and not his.

Now we're getting into reality show territory, right?

But when Uriah gets home, he doesn't feel like it's right to sleep in his own bed while his friends and fellow soldiers are out fighting a war. So, he slept outside the palace instead. This was

?2020 The reThink Group. All rights reserved.

admirable, but it messed with David's plan. So, David escalate his tactics. He invites Uriah over for dinner, hoping to get him drunk so that he'd go home and sleep with his wife. Nope. Uriah still won't go back to his house. Once again, he sleeps outside the palace.

So now David is desperate to hide what he's done. And he goes for the ultimate solution. He gives an order for Uriah to go back to war. But this time, David wants Uriah stationed at the front lines, where the fighting was the most dangerous, because if David couldn't cover up Bathsheba's pregnancy, then Uriah had be taken out of the picture completely.

And that's what happened. Uriah was killed. And afterwards, David made Bathsheba one of his wives.

Now, we listen to this story today and wonder, "What was David thinking? These are TERRIBLE decisions!" But the truth is, there are times in all of our relationships when people might look at us and wonder the same thing. And even though we're not going to resort to murder, the truth is all of us are capable of making really dumb choices and getting stuck in a situation we never could've imagined. With a bit of perspective, we could've seen how our poor choices would lead to poor outcomes. But sometimes, when we're in the middle of a situation, we can lose perspective. We can convince ourselves that we're the exception.

We believe that . . .

? We won't have regrets. ? We won't get caught. ? We can turn things around. ? We can make this right. ? We won't turn out like everyone else. ? We have a relationship that others can't possibly understand. So when they tell us

something is off, it's just that they don't get us.

But the reality is, when we believe that we're the exception to the usual consequences, we're in denial. We're fooling ourselves. And if we aren't careful, we can find ourselves in a situation like David--not exactly like David, of course. But stuck like David, surrounded by the results of bad decisions we thought that we would avoid.

5.5 MINUTES

It's easy to see what David did wrong. But the question is, why? Why did he continue to make bad decision after bad decision?

I would say the reason is this: throughout David's ordeal, he was asking the wrong questions.

Over and over again, he was asking what he could get away with. How could he avoid the consequences? Every decision he made was through that perspective. And because he was the only person speaking into his decisions, he was able to excuse all kinds of bad ones. After all, when we believe we're the exception to the rule, we can justify just about anything. We can tell ourselves things are okay when they really aren't.

And that's especially true in our dating lives. The tendency to justify bad situations or allow unwise choices doesn't make you a bad person. It makes you a normal person. We are all tempted to lean away from the truth when it threatens someone or something we like.

?2020 The reThink Group. All rights reserved.

But here's the thing . . .

You owe it to yourself to be honest to yourself.

As an adult, you owe it to you to make sure your life--including your dating life--is the absolute best it can be.

So, when it comes to dating, it helps to ask yourself the right questions . . .

? Is there any area where you find yourself thinking that you can get away with something, or trying to find ways around the rules>?

? Is there any area where you find yourself thinking, "That may be true for everyone else, but it isn't true for me or us?"

? Is there anything that makes you think you have things under control, even when everyone else is telling you differently?

In other words, is there an area where you're just not being honest with yourself?

David was the king of Israel. He was a smart person. But even with all of his power and intellect, he got himself into a mess that led to consequences that he dealt with for the rest of his life.

So, when did David realize how far he had gotten off track? When a guy named Nathan spoke up. Nathan was a prophet, and prophets were used by God to communicate His insights to people. Then when this situation had officially spiraled out of control, Nathan confronted David. (Communicator note: In the interest of time, we are simply summarizing Nathan's conversation with David in chapter 2. If you find you have the time, it may be helpful to look at their interaction specifically). And David listened. He got clarity that he had been unable to see otherwise.

See, we all need a person who will be honest with us when we're not being honest with ourselves. So, this week, I encourage you to do three things . . .

1. Find your Nathan. This could be a wise friend. It could be your small group leader. It could be a trusted adult. Think about the people in your life, and then identify someone who will shoot straight with you.

2. Ask them to help you see areas where you're not honest with yourself or facing the truth in your life. I know this sounds difficult, and maybe even scary. And listen, you don't have to tell them every single detail about your relationship. Chances are, they'll be able to see things just by knowing you.

3. Listen to them. Even if you find a trusted advisor and they have wise things to say, that wisdom is wasted if you won't listen. So, make a decision to always give this person a chance to say what they see--to always be honest with you, even when (and especially when) it's something you may not want to hear. Because if you don't want to hear their thoughts on the situation, there's a good chance you need to hear it.

You owe it to yourself to have a clear view of you and your life and your choices. And one of the best ways to get a real, clear view of your situation is to invite a person who will help you see your situation honestly.

1 MINUTE

Here's a big truth. Being honest with yourself now will save you a lot of pain later. And I'm not talking like ten years from now (although that's possible). I'm saying it can save you It can save

?2020 The reThink Group. All rights reserved.

 ................
................

In order to avoid copyright disputes, this page is only a partial summary.

Google Online Preview   Download