HARD SELL - SimplyScripts



HARD SELL

A screenplay by

Dominic Morgan

(07952) 394229

EPISODE ONE

TEASER

INT. DANNY WELTONS HOME – NIGHT

FADE IN

CLOSE UP POV of DANNY WELTON’S wasted eyes. A DEEP BASSLINE plays. The camera zooms slowly out. He sits, comatosed, staring straight ahead. O.C sounds of a couple having sex energetically. As the camera zooms slowly out we see he is looking at a couple having rough sex. The camera zooms to just behind the couple, and then slowly back to his eyes as he passes out. The music and moaning distorts, and then disappears with a ‘Pooooofff’. FADE TO BLACK

TITLES (STORYBOARD 1)

HARD SELL - ACT ONE - “Born Again”

INT. DANNY WELTON’S HOUSE - 10:12 am - MONDAY MORNING

BLACK SCREEN. WHISTLING TINITIS. PHONE RINGING.

SOUND OF DOG LICKING.

DANNY WELTON lies on the floor. He is depicted as dead - sunken eyes, wild hair, stilton complexion - as a dog licks sick from his face. He comes round slowly and gets up, staggering into the kitchen. He runs a full sink and fills it with ice. He eats a mouthful of coffee beans- takes four paracetamol- plunges his face into the sink and pats it dry. Danny’s face is still caked with sick but he has his palour back. He staggers into the lounge and picks up a dictaphone. He struggles with his telephone, picks up the receiver and dials a number. He places the Dictaphone onto the phone speaker clumsily and waits for an answer, before playing a recorded message.

DANNY: (ON DICTAPHONE)

Hi Chantel, It’s Danny. Woe, woe, hold up.

I can’t explain now but I’m running a little late.

I’ll explain everything when I get there.

See you shortly.

Danny fingers with his hair whilst ‘on the phone’ and notices the sick. He finishes the call, leaves the dictaphone playing and goes to get dressed. The dictaphone continues.

DANNY: (ON DICTAPHONE)

Stacey – Memo for Charles Aitkin in response

to his request for sponsorship of the ‘Round Table’

football team. Charles, Many thanks for your

considering Regency Home Improvements as

worthy sponsors once again. I hold your work

with special needs teenagers in high esteem and

deeply relate to your cause. I will kindly decline

your tempting community offer however and

consider the matter closed as I hold little interest in

Twenty-two mongaloids shuffling around an

artificial pitch. Kind regards, Danny Welton.

On his desk by Wednesday please treacle.

Danny re-emerges in an immaculate suit and waistcoat. He still has sick caked to his face. He looks round to see where the noise is coming from and finds the Dictaphone.

DANNY: (ON DICTAPHONE)

Hmmmmm. Monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey,

monkey, monkey, monkey, monk…

DANNY clicks off the dictaphone and switches on the radio. He looks in the mirror and screams- with his fists up. He realises it’s his own reflection, fingers with the sick and goes to the bathroom O.C.

SONG ON RADIO ENDS- RADIO ADS.

RADIO: (SEXY PORN LINE VOICE)

Shhhh. Listen. Ballards of Elmstead Market

are the leading used car dealers in South East Essex.

Visit our showroom, off the Hythe roundabout,

and find a wide range of Saloons, 4+4’s,

hot hatches and MPV’s all at sensational prices.

Ballards… The best there is!

RADIO: (1930’S ACCENTUATED ENGLISH GENTLEMAN)

Hallelujahhhhhhhh. If I told you just how little

Regency Home Improvements charged

for the finest quality Conservatories in the land,

you would have me shot as a blaggard.

Since I have no intention of being eliminated in

RADIO AD (Cntd)

such a manner I can only assure you to trust my

judgement and call 08000 REGENCY for the

finest quality UPVC Windows, Doors, Conservatories

and Roofline products in the land.

Call today for a free, no obligation quotation

and let us create your dream; the Regency way.

Regency Home Improvements,

where quality and satisfaction reign.

Danny enters the room again with immaculate hair and face. He switches off the radio, grabs his keys and staggers to the hall. He puts on an immaculate coat and intelligent glasses. He leaves the house as a woman walks in.

WIFE: (SARCASTIC)

Morning Danny!

DANNY: (PETULANT)

Drop dead.

DANNY approaches his car in the driveway.

FADE OUT

Seven speeches

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