Boys, young adults and men, are drawn to risk, challenge ...
Boys, God and the Church
Boys, young adults and men, are drawn to risk, challenge and adventure. But these things are discouraged in the local church. Instead, most congregations offer a safe, nurturing community-an oasis of stability and predictability. How can we help boys feel that church is also for them?
The following notes were taken at seminar at Children’s Ministry Conference January 2009 and the book ’Boys, God and the Church’ by Nick Harding.
What makes a boy a boy and different to a girl?
They get bored quickly,
They don’t burst into tears
They live in their own little world
They’re practical
Unique odour
Honest, girls are devious!
Messier
Taking about feelings is difficult
Rough and tumble
Not as nicky-picky about each other
Childhood and Growth
Boys are initially very attached to their mothers but later need a father or significant stable male.
We need to get men out of church leadership and into children’s work. Due to single parent households plus 13% of primary teachers are male. 87% are women, there is even more need to have significant males role models in the church.
Boys brains develop more slowly - Fine motor skills in particular will develop later. There are less connections between left and right brain – i.e. emotional to practical.
In church we expect emotion especially in church. Even our relationship with Jesus – boys find this hard to be emotional about. Boys will need help expressing their emotions.
Growth - Growth spurts affects boys hearing.
Testosterone Hormones – turns them into men, Sex, Competitiveness, Daring, Instinctive responses, Uncontrollable, Aggression
o 3,4,5 year olds – realise independence, no ‘sharing’, jostling, fighting
o 11,12+ – can make them to feel really embarrassed, sex, look at girls, fighting, competitiveness,
o By tuts, stares, comments, the church is saying ‘we don’t want you to behave like boys whilst you are here’. We will emasculate them and we will not end up with strong men in church.
o You’ve got to have structure but let boys be boys.
o Acting tough can cover insecurities.
o Giving them responsibilities will help with competitiveness.
Teaching
Boys brigade - 120 years ago, Sunday school teacher was stuck by boys behaviour so started something specifically for them. Why do we put all children in together now?
Education - In the 1970s and 80s education policies stated everyone must be treated equally and everyone should do all the same things. Society, including church, took this on and started to teach everyone in the same way. Today things are changing. We are beginning to realise that boys need different teaching methods in order to help them achieve.
Boys need to exist in community – they Need peer group much more than girls who can be ok by themselves.
Materials/magazines – boys less likely to enjoy reading. ’Here’s a book we love ‘the bible’, read it’ – will often not excite boys. Think of other ways you can present it. Can we present it in pictures? Cartoons?
Select materials with Primary colours (girls magazines are pink, purply pastel colours, rounded shapes), less words, lots of pictures and angular.
Concentration- Boys have 1/3 less concentration span than girls. When doing a task you can not assume everyone will stay on task. Boys will be fiddling and fidgeting so try giving them a pipe cleaner or blue tack to fiddle with. whilst an adult is ‘talking’. Boys need Short tasks, short delivery, short responses. This is opposite to girls who will normally enjoy projects that go on for weeks.
Repetition - help the boys with basics again and again. Why do we believe this? Boys will struggle to explain why they believe something when they are back in school.
Personalities
Blame others and want to entertain - Entertain others will give them credibility so why not provide opportunities to ‘show off’ in drama or a skill they can do. They will then learn when it is time to ‘show off’ and when it is inappropriate. Often boys will enjoy watching and participating in drama and role play. Boys often find using puppets a much easier way to talk about what they really think and as a way to communicate how they are feeling.
Less confident than girls - Boys will often behave differently when they are with you alone than when they are in a group of children. Many will have a big fear of being called ‘gay’ which is basically means anything ‘wet’ or soft. So mates will say going to church is ‘gay’ because its all about singing and ‘loving’ Jesus and this can strongly put boys off. When then are strong males in the church this can counteract and help the boys to see its ‘cool’ to go to church even as a man. Role models, older male mentors (not parents) are very important in boys lives.
Friendship – Boys will be Quick to fall out but will quickly make up. Peer pressure is much stronger amongst boys. If you can keep them til 13,14, they will make incredible church leaders. If they stop, they’ll all stop and start hanging as a group somewhere else. If you can’t get enough boys to make a cohort, join up with the church down the road.
Boundaries - Boys need to know what the boundaries are, don’t ever work without them. Give them a chance to work as a group and decide on what is ‘acceptable’ and ‘unacceptable’ behaviour and agree some ground rules. Decide the sanctions as a leadership team and stick to them. Remind boys in particular about the consequences of poor behaviour.
In church - Beautiful carvings, stain glass windows, pretty banners – won’t do anything for boys. Image of Jesus we portray often show a nice, gentle, wet man. Services often expect too many emotional responses and boys won’t engage with this.
The Bible and boys
You need to present the bible in all its ‘gory’. Battles, fighting against the flow, standing up for God when no one else is – boys will enjoy this challenge and engage with the story.
Terrific Tales and Staggering Stories
The Bible is full of wonderful stories: from fighting giants to being swallowed up by big fish! The stories all have one person in common: the God who made us, loves us and cares for us.
This is an excellent introduction to the stories of the Bible, from creation to Jesus’ birth, death and resurrection. Particularly suitable for independent reading of boys in the 6 to 10 age range.
50 Weirdest Bible Stories
ISBN 9781853454899.
Floating hands writing on walls, strange dreams, a voice coming from a fire-resistant bush, people being brought back to life … loads of really weird things happened in Bible times! Andy Robb, author of the ‘Boring Bible’ series, has collected together the weirdest passages of Scripture in ‘50 Weirdest Bible Stories’. Andy’s witty and conversational style, plus colourful illustrations, brings God’s Word to life for children.
Among the collection are the stories of the crossing of the Red Sea, Jesus healing the paralysed man, manna in the desert, the dreams of Joseph and Peter walking on water. Each story has a cliff-hanger ending and a Bible passage to look up to find out what happened next.
The Bible tells us of some extraordinary events and this book will help to introduce readers to the extraordinary God who lies behind those events. Others in the series include Goriest Bible Stories, Craziest Bible Stories and Wildest Bible Stories.
It’s also really important how you tell it or how you approach the Bible story. Barnabas idea offers ten creative ways to open up any Bible story with your group. So, over to you and the Holy Spirit!
Prayer and boys
Boys are much less likely to pray openly in a group, especially with girls present. Make prayer more practical. More activity is needed. Sitting with your eyes closed and hands together will not engage boys. Instead use graffiti walls, throw up balloons, blow bubbles, use different actions to represent different prayers, move around to prayer stations., shout out worship/prayer all at the same time (so no one voice is heard). Use multi-sensory activities that are available for boys to use for as long as they want to. Ensure there are things to listen to, look at and touch.
Family prayers in church- Don’t wheel on boys as part of twee family prayers – they will find it deeply painful and will be another reason why they will stop coming to church as soon as possible.
There are many books to help make prayer more engaging for boys and children in general. You can borrow many of them from CCYP for free. Look under ‘borrowing books’ in the resources section of the website.
Games and boys
Most sessions with boys are best started with a simple game. Sometimes energy needs to be burned off, especially if they have had to sit still too long in a service beforehand, but it can also be a way that allows others to join in gradually as they arrive for your session together. There are loads of good books with games of course but here are just a few further suggestions that have links with particular Bible themes, which can be developed later in the session.
Barnabas in churches has some good ideas to get you going. Either Starter Games
or Games on a theme
Sports
Developing the sports theme can attract a lot of boys but be ware that not all males enjoy sport. Materials produced by Higher Sports are proving useful & popular with church fringe members.
Here are the ideas one church has been having ‘We are looking e.g. at our new, monthly Four o’ Clock Sunday service having sports themes from September 2011 to July 2012 – through the Rugby World Cup to the Olympics – under the title ‘Fit for Life’. We are also wondering what we can do on Father’s Day in June – when we have a Four o’Clock service scheduled already – but some are wondering about an extended event with games, competitions etc.’
‘Boy shaped’ activities - Try and get males to run these activities
- simple woodwork activities – sawing, hammering and painting to make models,
- taking things apart – old computers, TVs, radios etc
- making fires – or using disposable BBQs and then cooking bread (ready mix – just add water) over it
- investing in Berg Moov construction kit to make gokarts etc. that are big enough to ride on
- Lots of activities to make, create and cook specifically designed for dads and children to enjoy together. You pay about £1 to download or you can become members and get it for free.
activityvillage.co.uk – packed with colouring pages, crafts, games, origami, jigsaws, recipes and jokes.
Messy Church boys stuff
Click here to download
Crafts and boys
Do boys hate craft? Article from Big Ministries News Summer 2011
The curious case of the 13-eyed-alien from space. ECG (.uk) is a conference we’ve been involved in for a few years and where we’ve had great fun leading all-age and 7-11’s work there. In one of the kids sessions this Easter, I was fascinated by one particular craft activity... the making of finger puppets.
We split the 9-11 girls and boys into single sex groups for small group activities, and following the games it was time for craft—all neatly laid on a sheet on the floor. First up: the girls. The puppets were lovingly and carefully made as precise replicas of the example that Hannah (who had prepared all the craft) had made, even matching the hair, ‘skin’ and nose(!) colour! Next up: the boys. It couldn’t have been more different! I’ve never seen such variety! They excitedly created puppets with giant afros, 13-eyed-aliens from space, lions with crazy manes, men with weird and wonderful beards and even one poor puppet with a massive green nose!
A simple activity giving children the freedom to create what they wanted confirmed much of what we’ve been thinking recently with regards to girls and boys (particularly age 7+) and how incredibly different they are.
Boys don’t hate craft as the title of this page implies… I believe what boys actually struggle with is long, complicated, prescriptive crafts in which they are required to be still and ‘trapped’ around a table (which so many craft activities seem to be).
On our travels we often hear phrases like: ‘We have such trouble with the boys’; ‘The boys are so easily distracted’, ‘They just can’t sit and listen, or sit and do anything!’. This really saddens me. I feel like we’re letting our boys down and criticizing them for being just who God has created them to be.
There are always exceptions, but studies show that in the genetic make-up of boys is the desire for risk and activity. Confining boys to a small area and asking them to sit still for long periods, is highly likely to result in fidgeting and ‘disengagement’. This is not because they are ‘naughty’ but, rather, because they have an inbuilt desire to be active and take risks. How much space is there in our Sunday mornings to be really active and how comfortable would be allowing that to happen?
Thinking back to the craft activity, the girls results come from their desire to please the leader, and to do it ‘right’, so it’s best for them to do exactly as they have been shown. (Girls brains are significantly larger than boys in the emotional areas— stereotypes do come from somewhere! —relationships/ pleasing others is crucial.)
Boys however like the freedom to ‘take a risk’, to stick an extra bit of felt on the top and see if it looks like a giant afro! If it doesn’t work or looks stupid then it will just be rejected as a failed attempt without a second thought, or even made into something more ridiculous because it’s funny! They need the freedom to move around (perhaps on a mat on the floor) to get something or show someone their creation so far!
Let’s do our best to think outside the box a bit and think how we can do things that will help our boys to engage as well as our girls do… maybe single sex groups are the way forward?! Hmmm... the curious case of the 13-eyed-alien from space continues...
Science fun
- science experiments from simple house hold items. Clear instructions and clip art to follow.
- 100 experiments to try under various headings:
Chemistry: Mix it up
Engineering: Design it
Five senses: Sense it
Forces and Energy: Move it
Life sciences: Live it up
Patterns: Detect it
Structures: build it
Water: Go with the Flow
- Do it yourself science projects from easy to advanced. Some have videos to show you how and all have templates and PDF instructions.
Books boys will love reading
Ten Boys Who Changed the World
ISBN 9781857925791.
George Muller was a thief when he was younger and spent time in jail for his crimes.
Brother Andrew grew up in Holland during the second World War and played tricks on German soldiers.
Nicky Cruz grew up in a family where spirit worship was a regular occurrence. He became a very angry young man, out to cause trouble.
John Newton was captured at a young age and forced to join Her Majesty’s Navy, leaving his friends and family behind.
What happened to these young boys and how did God make them into men who changed their world?
Ten Boys Who Made History
ISBN 9781857928365.
Find out how Samuel Rutherford showed people that love works better than fear;
John Owen made friends with powerful rulers and humble craftsmen;
Jonathan Edwards helped the Iroquois Indians and then was asked to teach at Princeton;
George Whitfield preached Salvation to thousands and saved the lives of children;
Robert Murray McCheyne lost his brother but found Jesus;
Dwight Moody sold shoes in a shop and then taught children in a caravan;
Billy Sunday played professional baseball and then preached the gospel;
Charles Spurgeon became a Christian in a snowstorm and then told the world about Jesus;
AidenTozer rescued orphan lambs and then he was saved by Jesus;
Martyn Lloyd Jones became a doctor but found a better medicine for souls.
Ten Boys Who Used Their Talents
ISBN 9781845501464.
J S Bach; Paul Brand; John Bunyan; James Clerk Maxwell; Wilfred Grenfell; C.S. Lewis; Samuel Morse; Ghillean Prance; C.T. Studd; George Washington-Carver;
What can you do for God?
These ten boys grew up to become successful men. The two things they have in common is that they all put to good use the talents and gifts they had, and they all believed that God had given them to be used.
Toward The Goal
ISBN9780310720034.
“I learned that it is faith that decides whether something will happen or not.”
Toward The Goal by Jeremy V Jones is the story of the greatest football player in the world, Kaka. Kaka’s life is a story of character, commitment, perseverance and faith.
At eight years old, Kaka already knew what he wanted to do in life: to play soccer and only soccer and he started playing in front of family and friends. But tragedy struck and when he suffered a crippling injury in a swimming pool accident, doctors told him he would never play again.
Through perseverance and faith, Kaka recovered and today he plays in front of thousands of fans every year.
No Girls Allowed
ISBN 9781844272099.
This ‘must have’ book for boys aged 8-11 includes exciting challenges, facts, puzzles to do on their own and with their mates, real life stories, and personal checklists. Drawing reference from the Bible, this fun-filled resource, will help them discover what God thinks of them, and make them realise what a Great friend God can be!
Topz Secret Diaries Boys Only
ISBN 9781853455964.
Topz Secret Diaries Boys Only is packed with quizzes, puzzles, crazy facts, arty bit, lists to write and so more.
Boys will love this diary and there is room for them to do their own drawings, write their own thoughts and new discoveries about God and your life as a follower of Jesus
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