Credit Union National Association | CUNA



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Business Communication 101

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Table of Contents

Pitfalls of Business Writing……………………………………………………...3

Sentences………………………………………………………………………...7

Paragraphs……………………………………………………………………….10

Six Rules for the Comma………………………………………………………..11

Semicolon Pointers……………………………………………………………...12

Colon Pointers…………………………………………………………………..13

Apostrophe Pointers..…………………………………………………………...14

Parentheses……………………………………………………………………...15

Punctuation Exercise…………………………………………………………....16

Verbs…………………………………………………………………………….17

Adverbs………………………………………………………………………….18

Adjectives……………………………………………………………………….19

Prepositions……………………………………………………………………..20

Preposition Crossword…………………………………………………………..21

Nouns……………………………………………………………………………22

Pronouns………………………………………………………………………...23

Conjunctions………………………………………………………………….…25

Active Writing Exercise………………………………………………………...27

Parts of the Business Letter……………………………………………………..29

Example of a Business Letter…………………………………………………...32

The Seven “Cs” of Style………………………………………………………...33

Punctuation and Spelling Exercise……………………………………………...35

Revision in Business Writing…………………………………………………...36

Letter Editing Exercise……………………………………………………….…42

Ten Techniques for Effective Communication………………………………....43

Parts of a Business Letter Worksheet…………………………………………...44

E-mail……………………………………………………………………………45

Reflections………………………………………………………………………50

Resources………………………………………………………………………..51

Pitfalls of Business Writing

1. Too Many Words

2. Clichés

3. Too Many Big Words

4. Jargon

5. Vague Expressions

6. Condescending Statements

7. Sexist Language

8. Negative Expressions

9. Inattention to Detail

10. Inattention to the Reader

11. Lack of Commitment

12. Passive Construction

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1. Too Many Words

• One word is better than two

• A good rule is to limit your sentences to fewer than 17 words.

• Edit ruthlessly

Not: In this letter we have attempted to answer all of your

questions, and we hope that if you have any additional

questions whatsoever, you will not hesitate to contact

us.

But: If you have additional questions, please call us.

2. Cliches

• Avoid fad words and trite phrases like “input,” “parameters,” “utilize,” “hopefully,” and “enclosed please find”.

Not: Enclosed please find the information per your request.

Hopefully, you can utilize our product to benefit your

company within the parameters of your computer’s

invoice processing. We appreciate your input.

But: We have enclosed the information you requested. Our

product will speed your computer’s invoice

processing. Thank you for your suggestions.

3. Too Many Big Words

• Keep your writing simple: use “home” instead of “abode,” “face” instead of “visage,” “use” instead of “utilize”

• Short words are better than long words

• Try to be natural in your writing

• Read your letters aloud after you write them; they should sound human and conversational

Not: Pursuant to our discussion, herewith we acknowledge

receipt of your correspondence as of the above date.

But: We received your letter on December 16 as we

discussed.

4. Jargon

• Avoid unexplained terms like “facilitator” and “interface”

Not: Our facilitator will interface with the new

Communication systems network.

But: Our administrative assistant will operate the new

telephone system.

5. Vague Expressions

• Be concise and specific

Not: The company’s negative cash flow position forced it to

resize its operations to the level of profitable market

opportunities.

But: The company lost money and had to lay off workers.

6. Condescending Statements

• Write with warmth, as one human to another.

Not: We are certain you are concerned with saving money.

Of course, you will mail the enclosed card. We thank

you in advance.

But: If saving money is important to you, please mail the

enclosed card today. Thank you.

7. Sexist Language

• Consider your reader (the salutation “Gentlemen” is outdated).

• Traditionally, “he,” and “him” were neutral pronouns, yet there are alternatives you can use to avoid offending your reader

• Use “he or she” sparingly

Not: An accountant must pass a difficult exam before he

can become CPA.

But: Accountants must pass a difficult exam before they can

become CPA’s.

or To become a CPA, an accountant must pass a difficult

exam.

8. Negative Expressions

• Stress the positive

• Instead of telling what you can’t do or don’t have, provide good news

Not: We’re sorry to tell you that we don’t carry XYZ

Software.

But: Since we no longer carry XYZ software, we are send-

ing you a list of distributors who do carry the

software.

9. Inattention to Detail

• Triple check accuracy and quality

• Reread for typos and misspelled words

Not: We hope we can accomodate your office supply and

stationary needs.

But: We hope we can accommodate your office supply and

stationery needs.

10. Inattention to the Reader

• Write in the first person when appropriate

• Write in the second person when possible

• Remember to write from the reader’s perspective

Not: We would like to invite you to attend the conference.

But: You are invited to attend the conference.

11. Lack of Commitment

• Take a stand

• Omit qualifiers- “sort of,” “rather,” “quite,” “somewhat”

Not: We are quite pleased about our rather exciting word

processor.

But: We are pleased about our exciting line of word

processors.

12. Passive Construction

• Use active verbs

• The normal order of sentences is subject (performer of action), verb, and object (receiver of action). In passive construction, the order is reversed: the object is first, followed by a form of the verb “be” (am, is, are, was, were, been, being) before the main verb. The subject is last (usually preceded by the word “by”).

Passive: The check was signed by my boss.

The letter is being typed by the secretary.

He practices what has been learned. [“By him”

is implied.]

Active: My boss signed the check.

The secretary is typing the letter.

He practices what he has learned.

• Active construction is almost always more direct, more economical, and more forceful than passive construction.

Sentences

1. Use declarative sentences to make statements of fact and opinion. Usually

such sentences follow the subject-verb word order, and they end with a period.

2. Use interrogative sentences to ask questions. Interrogative sentences usually

begin with a question word (who, which, were, when, why, and how) or with

a verb.

3. Use exclamatory sentences to make strong assertions or surprising

observations. Exclamatory sentences usually end with an exclamation mark.

4. Use imperative sentences to give directions or commands. Imperative

sentences usually begin with a verb and end with a period (although an

exclamation point is also occasionally possible).

5. Limit average sentence length to about 20 words for typical business and

technical writing.

6. Use a variety of sentence types and sentence lengths.

7. Strive to make all sentences direct.

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Paragraphs

1. Limit paragraphs to a single topic or major idea.

2. Do not allow paragraphs to become too long.

3. Vary the length of your paragraphs.

4. Ensure that the opening sentence of every primary paragraph accurately reflects

the content of that paragraph and any following secondary paragraphs.

5. Organize paragraphs logically.

6. Use key words and other devices to ensure that paragraphs are coherent.

7. Emphasize the important ideas within a paragraph.

In traditional paragraphs, important ideas are emphasized by being placed in the

initial or topic sentence. The initial sentence is visually and logically the most

important sentence in a paragraph, so use it to capture the most important ideas.

8. Provide transitions between paragraphs.

Writers can set up transitions by previewing content. If you announce, for instance, that you will be discussing five topics and then list those topics, you have set up a progression that the reader will expect. As you move from topic to topic, the transitions will be automatic.

9. If appropriate, break up or replace paragraphs with lists.

1. Use a comma after a long introductory phrase.

After working all day at the office, I went home for dinner.

2. If the introductory phrase is short, forget the comma.

After work I went home for dinner.

3. Use the comma if the sentence would be confusing without it.

The day before, I borrowed her calculator.

When you’ve finished, your dinner is ready.

4. Use a comma to separate items in a series.

I need to pack my computer, calculator, business cards, and toothbrush.

5. Use a comma to separate two sentences that are joined by FANBOYS; for, and, nor, but ,or, yet ,so, (easy way to remember.)

He wanted the promotion, but he was afraid to ask his boss.

She liked her new job, and she respected her colleagues.

They may go to the park, or they may stay here.

The partners aren’t going to the retreat, nor are they happy about it.

Her assistant took a cab, for it was a long way to walk.

They waited until Friday, so it was too late to go.

I’d like to travel, yet I’m reluctant to change jobs.

6. Use a comma to set off nonessential elements in a sentence.

At the podium stood Frank, wearing a green tie.

The computer, which is in the hallway, is brand new.

Semicolon Pointers

The semicolon separates two independent clauses, but it keeps those two thoughts more tightly linked than a period can: “I type letters; he types bills.” Use a semicolon before and a comma after the following words if the words come between two independent clauses.

accordingly hence moreover similarly

also however namely still

besides likewise nevertheless then

consequently indeed nonetheless therefore

furthermore instead otherwise thus

I thought I had completed the project; consequently, I was surprised to hear about the additional work.

We have prepared your estimate; however, you should sign it by Friday.

The Managers’ retreat will be held in March; therefore, all business matters will be discussed then.

The new auto promotion will not start until Monday; nevertheless, all of the advertising posters should be put up today.

All of our branches are without power; nonetheless, they will need to continue to post by hand.

Colon Pointers

A colon is a tip-off to get ready for what’s next: a list, a long quotation, or an explanation. A colon separates independent clauses when the second clause explains or amplifies the first.

Fred was proud of his sister: she had been promoted to managing partner.

My new office contains the following items: a partner’s desk, a leather chair, and oak paneling.

There are two things to remember in a job interview: always arrive promptly and always dress appropriately.

Apostrophe Pointers

An apostrophe is used to form the possessive of nouns and some pronouns, and to mark the omission of letter(s) in a contraction.

If the noun is singular, add ‘s

I enjoyed Betty’s presentation.

Someone’s coat is in the lobby.

The same applies for singular nouns ending in “s” like James.

This is James’s new office.

If the noun is plural, add an apostrophe after the s:

Those are the clients’ files.

If the singular noun ends in “s” (like “Jones”), add “es” and an apostrophe to make it both plural and possessive.

Here is the Joneses’ tax information.

Parentheses

1. Parentheses enclose explanatory sentences within a paragraph.

Members may retain Credit Union membership until their account is closed. If a member no longer belongs to their original member group they may remain eligible for membership. (The above information can be found in the Branch Accounting Manual).

2. Parentheses enclose references, examples, ideas, and citations that are not part of the main thought of a sentence.

Our design accounts for all environmental factors that may affect sensitivity (smoke, terrain, weather, and physical damage).

3. Parentheses enclose numbers in a paragraph list.

The operational characteristics we will discuss below are (1) manning, (2) training, and (3) providing required support.

4. Parentheses enclose acronyms, abbreviations, definitions, and figures that have been written out.

As of September 1, 1999, Chex Systems began screening all inquiries through the Office of Foreign Assets Control (OFAC) in order to detect members that may have possible associations with countries, groups, organizations and individuals that the United States has sanctions against.

Punctuation Exercise

1. The executive watched the competition but the competition went ahead with the

takeover.

2. During our meeting she was genial but shrewd.

3. Today more women are becoming executives in corporations.

4. The job was difficult therefore he quit.

5. My suitcase contained files pencils books and paper.

6. We thought we would have to work late consequently we were happy to be home before dark.

7. My boss car was in the shop however she borrowed her husbands.

8. In preparation for the meeting Mr. Jones asked us to do three things set up the equipment dust the tables and empty the ashtrays.

9. We wanted to go to the partners meeting but we were unable to leave before the weekend.

10. Lois resumé arrived yesterday moreover she phoned for an interview next week.

Verbs

Verbs are the key action words in most sentences. They tell what the subject has done, is doing, or will be doing, and they indicate the subject’s relationship to the object or complement. Because verbs also signal time through their different tenses (forms), they are potentially the most important words in a sentence. For instance, varying only the verb in a sentence produces major shifts in the meaning:

She shows us her report.

She showed us her report.

She will show us her report.

She has shown us her report.

She had shown us her report.

She will have shown us her report.

She is showing us her report.

She was showing us her report.

She will be showing us her report.

These nine sentences only begin to illustrate all the possible verb forms.

o Check a recent dictionary to determine the correct forms for any verb you are unsure of.

o Vary your verb tenses to reflect the varying timing of events in your writing.

o Ensure that your verbs agree with your subjects.

o Use a subjunctive verb in if clauses to state a situation that is untrue, impossible, or highly unlikely. (Subjunctive verbs are special verb forms that signal recommendations or conditions contrary to fact.)

o Use subjunctive verbs in sentences making strong recommendations or demands, or indicating necessity.

If I were the candidate, I would not agree to a debate.

If I were you, I would change banks.

Adverbs

Adverbs are modifiers that give the how, where, when, and extent of the action within a sentence. Most adverbs end in –ly, but some common adverbs do not: so, now, later, then, well, etc. Adverbs often modify the main verbs in sentences:

The engineer slowly prepared the design plan. (How?)

The supply ship moved close to the drilling platform. (Where?)

They later surveyed all participants in the research project. (When?)

The abdominal pain was clearly evident in all treatment groups. (Extent?)

Adverbs can also modify adjectives or other adverbs:

Their proposal was highly entertaining.

Costs were much lower than expected.

The well was so deep that its costs became prohibitive.

The board of directors cut costs more severely and more rapidly than we anticipated.

o Place the adverbs only, almost, nearly, merely, and also as close as possible to the word they modify.

The bank examiners looked at only five accounts.

Not – The bank examiners only looked at five accounts.

o Choose adverbs, not adjectives, to modify main verbs.

Adjectives

Adjectives describe or modify nouns or pronouns. They typically precede nouns or follow either verbs of sense (feel, look, sound, taste, smell) or linking verbs (be, seem, appear, become):

The slow process…(or The process is slow.)

Warm weather…(or The weather seems warm.)

The cautious superintendent…(or The superintendent became cautious.)

The news seemed bad. (not badly, which is an adverb)

Adjectives also tell which one, what kind, or how many people or things are being discussed.

o Use adjectives, not adverbs, following verbs of sense (feel, look, sound, taste, smell) and linking verbs (be, seem, appear, become).

o Use the comparative (-er/more) forms when comparing two people or things and the superlative (-est/most) forms when comparing more than two.

o Avoid noun strings unless you are sure your readers know what each string means.

o Arrange nouns used as adjectives in technical expressions so that the more general nouns are closest to the word they are modifying.

o For the names of an organization or company modifying a noun, choose to use either a possessive form (with an apostrophe) or an unchanged descriptive form. Once you choose, stay with your choice throughout a document.

Prepositions

Prepositions are words that connect or relate nouns and pronouns to preceding words and phrases:

The engineer moved from his desk.

The plans for the new substation have yet to be completed.

The case against her became even more convincing.

There is truth in what you say.

The firm submitted a summary of the specifications.

The simple prepositions are at, by, in, on, down, from, off, out, through, to, up, for, of, and with. More complex, even phrasal, prepositions also exist: against, beneath, in front of, on top of, on board, according to, on account of, by means of, etc.

Although they number less than a hundred, prepositions are essential words in English. Most normal sentences contain one or more prepositions.

o Try to avoid it, but do not be overly concerned if you end a sentence with a preposition.

o Omit certain prepositions if you can do so without changing the meaning.

o Distinguish between the prepositions between and among. Between usually refers to two things, while among refers to more than two things.

The judge divided the land between the two parties.

The judge divided the land among a dozen parties.

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Preposition Crossword

Nouns

Nouns signify persons, places, things, and ideas. Even more important, nouns are the main words in a variety of noun phrases:

A bottle

The comprehensive report

A slowly changing pattern

Some tomatoes for lunch

The young engineer who works next door

o Distinguish between count and non-count nouns.

o Use collective nouns and the names of companies as either singular or plural.

o Distinguish between common and proper nouns.

Distinguish between common and proper nouns:

Common nouns

A company the professor

Three lines the avenue

Some paper a river

An idea our dentist

Proper nouns

Acme Glass Company

Professor Thomas Miles

Second Avenue

The Mississippi River

Dr. John Wray

Pronouns

Pronouns are words that take the place of more specific nouns or noun phrases:

George completed the drawings. John, Sue, Esther, and George left the

He completed the drawings. party early.

They left the party early.

The young engineer spoke up.

She spoke up. The bid and the interest were issues.

Those were issues.

John’s survey was efficient.

His survey was efficient. John, Sue, Esther, George, etc., left the

party early.

First State Bank went bankrupt. Everyone left the party early.

It went bankrupt.

o Use personal pronouns in business and technical documents to establish a personal, human tone.

o Use subjective case pronouns for the subject of a verb or when the pronoun follows a form of be (am, is, are, was, were, be, been).

The engineer chosen was she.

The contractor who won is he.

Was it they who called?

o Use Possessive cases correctly.

That was her report.

The report was hers.

The problems were ours, not yours.

They were our problems, not your problems.

o Choose pronouns that agree with their antecedents in number, in gender, and in case. (Antecedent refers to a noun, pronoun, phrase, or clause referred to by a

personal or relative pronoun.)

Cheryl Higgins prepared a revised safety procedure, but she failed to get

managerial approval.

Sidney Brown was eager to take his first entrance exam.

Everyone should arrange their desk before leaving.

Everybody is responsible for their own time cards.

o For interrogative and relative who, use the subjective case (who) for subjects and following a form of be; use the objective case (whom) for objects of verbs and prepositions.

Subjective case: Who is the branch manager?

Whoever writes the report gets all the credit.

Objective case: Whom did you nominate?

Whom did you wish to speak to?

o Avoid the unnecessary use of intensive/reflexive forms when an ordinary personal pronoun would suffice.

George injured himself.

The team quarreled among themselves.

o Avoid vague uses of demonstrative pronouns (usually when the pronoun is used without the noun it is describing).

This is something to consider. (better: This shortfall in payments is something

to consider.)

These are difficult. (better: These exercises are difficult.)

o Indefinite pronouns used as subjects should agree in number with their verbs.

Anyone likes to receive a positive performance review. (Anyone=singular;

likes=singular.

All of the employees were notified of the new vacation policy. (All of the

employees=plural; were=plural)

Conjunctions

Conjunctions connect words, phrases, or clauses and at the same time indicate the relationship between them.

Conjunctions include the simple coordinating conjunctions (and, but, or, for, nor, so, yet), the subordinate conjunctions (because, since, although, when, if, so that, etc.), the correlative conjunctions (either…or neither…nor, both…and), and the conjunctive adverbs (however, thus, furthermore, etc.).

The simple coordinating conjunctions are (FANBOYS) for, and, nor, but, or, yet, and so. They often connect two independent clauses (complete thoughts):

The program designer established the default settings, and the programmer built them

into the system.

Our proposal was a day late, but we were not eliminated from competition.

The pump will have to be replaced, or we will continue to suffer daily breakdowns.

We rejected his budget, yet he continued to argue that all contested items were

justified.

o Ensure that in choosing and and or you select the conjunction that conveys exactly what you mean.

My boss is competent, and David is not.

Explain the cost savings, and I’ll approve your proposal.

o Occasionally, sentences can begin with a coordinating conjunction. Using a conjunction to begin a sentence is not grammatically incorrect. Sometimes, it is good stylistic variation. But it tends to look and sound informal, so avoid this practice in formal documents.

We objected to the proposal because of its length. And others felt that it

it had errors in its facts.

o Do not use and or but before which (or that, who, whose, whom, where) unless you use a preceding parallel which (or that, who, whose, whom, where).

The plans called for a number of innovative features, especially

regarding extra insulation, and which should save us much in fuel costs.

(Deleting the and would solve the lack of parallelism in this sentence.)

o Subordinate conjunctions can begin sentences.

Because the project manager was unfamiliar with the budget codes,

we failed to expense the costs of fabrication.

o Distinguish between some subordinate conjunctions that have overlapping or multiple meanings (especially because/since/as and while/although/as).

Because the Leiper Project failed, several engineers were reassigned to

electro-optics. (not Since the project failed….)

o Make the constructions following each coordinating conjunction parallel.

The committee was interested in both real estate holdings and stock

investments. (not both in real estate holdings and the stock investments.)

o Use a semicolon before and a comma after conjunctive adverbs used to join two complete thoughts.

Motherboard assembly is a lengthy production process; however, the

individual assembly steps must still be tightly controlled.

o Use a comma following conjunctive adverbs at the beginning of a sentence.

Therefore, I am recommending that Pharmico reconsider the baseline

scores for the principal efficacy parameters.

Note: You may omit this comma if the sentence is short:

Thus the plan failed.

Active Writing Exercise

Revise the following sentences so that all main verbs are in the active voice. If the sentence is already in the active voice, just put (no revision needed).

EXAMPLE:

The consultant was hired by the manager.

The manager hired the consultant.

1. Our request for an increase in salary will be considered by the board at its next meeting.

2. Our inability to agree is seen by management as a weakness.

3. The decision on the annual budget is always made by our board of directors.

4. Incorrect data on the computer should be deleted.

5. Our office manager will speak to us on Monday.

6. It will be necessary to downsize the company’s marketing department.

7. Problems should be reported to the office manager.

8. The check was signed by my boss.

9. Please be advised that these adjustments should be completed immediately.

10. The jobs were completed by the management team.

Parts of the Business Letter

Date: This should be the date the letter is written. Be sure to write out the

month and to include both the date and year for adequate reference.

Account On occasion, you may wish to include such information as the account

Number: number of the project, case or order that the letter refers to. The account

number should be physically separated from the date by two spaces

and from the part that follows (Confidential or Inside Address) by

two spaces.

Confidential: Use this word when the person to whom the letter is addressed is the

only one to read the letter. Physically separate the word from the rest

of the letter by two lines. To assure confidentiality, include the word

“Confidential” on the envelope or use “Confidential” stickers.

Inside Address: This should include the name of the person you are writing, the

person’s title if available and the address.

Attention Line: This is used when you do not know the name of the person you are

writing and the letter is addressed to the firm. For example, the

attention line may say, “Attention: Head of Accounting.” It may

also be used when you know the name of the person you are writing

to, but are unsure of the title. The attention line may say, “Attention:

Customer Service,” thus indicating to the person receiving the letter

also needs to be routed to the Customer Service department.

Salutation: The following are salutations used in American business letters:

• Dear Sir:

• Dear Madam: (may be follow by title, such as Dear Madam Chairperson:)

• Gentlemen:

• Ladies:

• Dear Mr. Bryan:

• Dear Ms. Gray:

• Ladies and Gentlemen

• Dear Personnel Director: (a gender-free title)

• To Whom It May Concern: or

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN:

(use this form as a last resort)

Caution: You must determine the appropriate choice, given your

reader and the situation. If you are uncertain about your reader’s

gender, avoid assuming gender in the salutation. Use your reader’s

name whenever you know it. Researchers have discovered that

people are more likely to read a letter with their names in the

salutation.

One of the problems you may run into is writing to a person with

a name that is not gender specific; for example, the name Terry.

The simplest solution in the salutation is to say, “Dear Terry Lucas.”

If you are addressing a group of people in general, such as the

shipping department, do not assume that they are all male. The

old “Gentlemen”: is not acceptable.

Subject Line: The subject line is most commonly used in the Simplified Letter.

It announces the subject of the letter and provides a summary of your

intent.

Body: This is where you make requests, provide information or reasons

or reply to someone. It is the main part of the business letter.

Close: This varies in formality and is found in all business letters. The

following complimentary closes are in order of decreasing

formality:

• Very truly yours,

• Respectfully,

• Sincerely yours,

• Cordially,

• Sincerely,

The most appropriate in general situations is the last.

Signature: There should be four lines between the complimentary close and

your typed name so there is room for your signature.

Additional info: If needed, this consists of the sender’s initials in capital letters

followed by a colon, followed by the typist’s initials in small letters (KDS:jaw).

You may also find the abbreviations “Enc.” for enclosure and “cc:”

or “xc:” for copies sent, followed by names of persons receiving

the copies.

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EXAMPLE OF A BUSINESS LETTER

August 30, 2005 (Date: month, day, year)

Mr. Sam Jones (Inside Address – recipient’s “formal name, title, company

President name, address, city, state, zip)

KR Toys

344 Elm Drive

Wichita, KS 66500

RE: Account #123456 (Account number, file number, etc)

Dear Mr. Jones: (Salutation – formal)

This letter is to inform you of a problem I have had with a toy that I purchased at your store. (Body of Letter – purpose and details)

I purchased a karaoke machine at your store on December 20, 2004. It was to be used for a New Years Eve party that my family had for some of my friends. That evening, before the party, we plugged in the machine and set it up. When I first tried to test the machine, the CD started to play sound, but there were no words on the screen. We read the directions and tried other CD’s, but the machine never worked.

As you may guess, the party wasn’t the same without a karaoke machine. Therefore, I wanted to write this letter to let you know what happened, and to ask that you use brands that are more reliable than the one that I purchased.

Thank you very much for your time.

Sincerely, (Complimentary closing)

(Signature – 4 full spaces)

Emily Smith (Typed name of letter writer)

The Seven “Cs” of Style

1. Conversational. Write the way you speak. Get rid of stilted phrases. Why say “due to the fact that” when you can say “because”? Would you normally say “the aforementioned information”? Why not “the information” or, if you need to refer to a point, “the previous information”?

2. Clear. The goal of clarity is that the reader understands precisely what you are

saying. The language of your letter should be adapted to the recipient. This means that you write in a matter-of-fact, conversational tone. Use specific examples the reader can relate to. Don’t assume that your reader understands the jargon of your trade. Clarity also means organizing your letter so each paragraph deals with only one main idea and presenting your ideas in a logical order. Your letter should not be a collection of random ideas. It should be single-minded in its purpose.

3. Concise. A concise letter eliminates all unnecessary words. Why use four words,

“present point in time,” when you can use one word, “today”? This is not to say It is better to write a short letter with attachments than a long, detailed one. Short letters are read and remembered; long letters are skimmed and filed.

4. Complete. Make sure you have included all the information the reader needs to know. Don’t include details that are interesting but not relevant. The biggest problem with leaving out information is that the reader has to make assumptions. For example, don’t say, “When we last spoke about the situation,” when you can say, “When we spoke on June 8 about hiring a new administrative assistant.” Remember that the reader can’t read your mind. The reader can only guess at what you left out.

5. Concrete. Use specific terms that cannot be misunderstood. Identify names and

numbers. Write about what people can count or do. Include what people can see,

touch, smell, taste or hear. In other words, make your language tangible. Make it

concrete.

6. Constructive. Use words and phrases that set a positive tone. Constructive

words are like smiling when you greet someone. They leave a good impression.

Words such as “failure,” “you neglected” and “error” tend to distance the recipient form the writer. Words such as “agreeable,” “proud” and “success” help create a positive tone.

7. Correct. The last step in writing any business letter is to proofread it. You automatically check your image in a mirror before going out or meeting someone. The letter you send is your image on paper. If it is riddled with spelling, grammatical and typographical error, it will detract from what you are trying to get across. The reaction will be, “He can’t spell,” or “She doesn’t know how to type.”

In a Nutshell

Writing a business letter need not be difficult as long as you remember that you are communicating with another person just like yourself. If you incorporate Subject, Audience, Purpose and Style/Organization into your correspondence, you will be on the road to better business letter writing.

Correct any incorrect punctuation and spelling in the following letter:

March 29, 2005

Mr. John C. Fremont

2929 East Sycamore Street

Chicago IL 60601

Dear Mr. Freemont:

Thank you for meeting with us, and for your time and effort in preparing for the intervue. We appreciate your accommodating us with a flexable schedule.

We are in the final stages of procesing your application and we need three more items for our files. Your social security number permanent home address and your date of birth; as soon as we get this information we can procede to complete your permanent records.

Everyone here at Sierra Central Credit Union is looking forward to working with you. And we are eager to have you begin as soon as possible. Please, call me as soon as you can with this information.

Sincerely,

Janet L. Estes

Senor Vice President

/jle

Revision in Business Writing

Few writers are so talented that they can express themselves clearly and effectively in a rough draft. For short, routine business communications, you may be able to write quite easily with little or no revision. However, for most business writing--especially longer, more complex letters and reports--you should expect to revise, sometimes substantially, to insure that you've said exactly what you meant to say in a manner that the reader will understand.

Remember: An ineffective message is a waste of everyone's time.

Revision Provides a Service for Your Reader

If you are always satisfied to send out the first draft of your letter or report, you are not serving your reader well. Not only are you asking a high payment in terms of your reader's time and attention and running the risk that the reader may misinterpret or be confused by what you have to say, but you are also risking your reader's low opinion: careless, hasty, unrevised writing is always apparent.

Revision Requires a Shift in Your Perspective

To revise effectively, you must first distance yourself from your writing so that you can respond objectively. In other words, you need to shift your perspective by assuming the role of the reader. To accomplish this, you should get away from the paper for a while, usually leaving it until the following morning. You may not be able to budget your time this ideally; but you can put the paper aside while you visit a friend, grab a bite to eat, or work on something else. Unless you divorce yourself from the paper, you will probably remain under its spell: that is, you will see only what you think is on the page instead of what is actually there. And you will be unable to transport yourself from your role of writer to that of reader.

Such objective distance may at first seem difficult to achieve; however, the following questions should help you to systematize the revision stage of your letter and report writing and enable you to keep your reader in mind as you determine appropriate detail, language, tone, organization, and mechanical correctness.

Detail: Deciding What to Include

1. What does my reader want or need to know to enable him or her to understand my message?

2. Does my letter/report answer all the questions my reader has asked or questions he or she may have in mind?

3. What is my purpose in writing this letter/report?

4. Does my letter/report give all the information needed to accomplish this purpose?

5. What purpose does this communication serve for my reader?

6. Have I included ONLY the material essential to my reader's purpose and understanding? Or am I boring or distracting my reader with unessential and/or obvious information?

7. What do I want my reader to do when he or she finishes reading my letter or report?

8. Have I included all the information he or she will need to enable my reader to easily take this action or make this decision?

Language: Aiming for Conciseness and Clarity

1. Have I used ONLY the essential words to get my message across to my reader?

|WORDY |CONCISE |

|Sale of surplus widgets is one of our primary needs. |We must sell our surplus widgets. (6) |

|(10) | |

|This manual of instructions was prepared to aid our |We prepared this instruction manual to help our branches|

|branches in being helpful to their members. (16) |serve their members. (12) |

|It is the responsibility of our Production Department to|Our Production Department must meet our Sales Division's|

|see that it meets the requirements of our Sales |requirements. (9) |

|Division. (19) | |

2. Have I used too many words to express simple, unimportant, or obvious ideas?

|WORDY |CONCISE |

|The collision had the effect of a destructive force on |The collision destroyed the duplicator. (5) |

|the duplicator. (12) | |

|Three days ago you asked us to investigate the problem |Too low humidity is apparently the cause of your |

|of discomfort among your office workers. . . We have |workers' discomfort. Since your building is |

|made our study. Too low humidity is apparently the main|steam-heated, your solution is to . . . (21) |

|cause of your problem. Your building is steam-heated; | |

|therefore, your solution is to. . . (41) | |

3. Have I poured out ideas and facts too rapidly for the reader's comprehension?

Negative Example

Our deluxe models have chromium, rubber-insulated fixtures for durability, economy, and easy maintenance, and convenient controls to cut down on installation costs and necessary adjustments. They operate on AC or DC current and incorporate the latest principles of electronic controls which means flexibility in their use, better adjustment of the thermal units, less chance of error, and reduced labor costs per unit of production.

4. Have I used vague words instead of more vivid and convincing specific words?

|VAGUE |SPECIFIC |

|contact |call, write, visit |

|slowly |about as fast as you normally walk |

|soon |by March 15 |

|This television set is high quality. |All components in this television set meet or exceed |

| |government specifications for use in manned satellites |

5. Have I keyed the language to my reader's understanding?

|EXCESSIVE, OVERWRITTEN |ACCESSIBLE, DIRECT |

|The defendant is renowned as a person of intemperate |The defendant drinks, chases other women, and refuses to|

|habits. He is known to partake heavily of intoxicating |work. |

|beverages. Further, he cultivates the company of others | |

|of the distaff side, and wholly, regularly, and | |

|consistently refuses and abstains from earnest endeavors| |

|to gain remuneration. | |

|The choice of exogenous variables in relation to |Supply determines demand. |

|multi-colinearity is contingent upon the derivations of |  |

|certain multiple correlation coefficients. | |

Tone: Tailoring Language to Your Audience

1. Have I expressed my ideas so that the reader will feel that I am helpful, courteous, and human?

|TACTLESS |TACTFUL |

|You neglected to take care of the requirements of form |To enjoy the full benefits of your new ABC, simply |

|123. |follow the procedures outlined on form 123. |

|We want our check. |To keep your account in the preferred customer class, |

| |send our check for $142.33 today. |

2. Have I tailored my message to my reader's desires, problems, circumstances, and probable reactions to the purpose of my message?

|FLAT DETAIL |DETAIL ADAPTED TO READER NEED |

|This cookware is guaranteed to with stand temperature |Because Creston cookware can withstand extreme changes |

|changes. |in heat and cold, you can safely move any piece from |

| |your freezer to your microwave. |

3. Have I emphasized "you", the reader, instead of "I" or "we"?

|WE" ATTITUDE |"YOU" ATTITUDE |

|We are happy to have your order. We shipped it this |You will receive your solid walnut desk by Tuesday, |

|morning. |October 23. |

|We regret that you've had so much trouble with our |You were right to ask me about the troubles you've been |

|product, and we apologize for not solving your problem |having with your new car. Thank you for this opportunity|

|sooner. |to answer your questions. |

4. Have I expressed my ideas so they reflect good public relations for the company (letters) or good human relations with my colleagues (reports)?

|POOR ATTITUDE |GOOD ATTITUDE |

|You must remember that we've more responsibility here at|I've asked Mr. Sanders, a safety consultant from Health |

|CEC than worrying about some one's fingers getting |Enterprises, to investigate and suggest possible |

|caught in some machine. |procedure and machine modifications. |

|It's hardly possible that our trigger could have |To prevent your gun from misfiring again, we will gladly|

|misfired without some contributing cause; nevertheless, |replace the trigger you have. |

|to help out those who lack technical know-how, a company| |

|as responsible as Creative Guns can gladly replace the | |

|trigger you have. | |

5. Have I tactfully avoided words and phrases which imply that my reader is dishonest, careless, or mentally deficient?

|TACTLESS |TACTFUL |

|Obviously, if you'd read your policy carefully, you'd be|I'm glad to clear up these questions for you. |

|able to answer these questions yourself. | |

|In order to complete the claim you made, simply. . . |To complete your transaction, . . . |

6. Have I stressed the positive and avoided emphasizing ideas my reader may view unfavorably?

|NEGATIVE |POSITIVE |

|I regret to inform you that your admission to candidate |Before you are admitted to candidate status, you will |

|status has been delayed until you complete the following|need to complete the following requirements. |

|requirements. | |

|On March 3, we sent you the accidental injury forms and |To receive your check from Student Insurance, please |

|requested that you return them to the Health Center. It |file the accidental injury form we sent you on March 3. |

|is now March 27, and we have not yet received your | |

|reply. | |

Organization: Fitting the Form to Message and Audience

1. Have I structured my letter or report according to what my reader's reaction to my message is likely to be?

• Have I used the direct approach (which begins with good news or the main idea and fills in necessary explanation later) when my reader is likely to consider my message favorable or neutral?

• Have I used the indirect approach (which begins with a buffer and requires necessary explanation and detail before the decision is stated) when my reader is likely to consider my message unfavorably or when he or she will need to be persuaded?

2. Have I included transitions which will show my reader the relationships between my sentences and paragraphs?

3. Does one paragraph logically follow the preceding paragraph and lead into the one which follows?

[pic]

Correctness: Using Conventional Grammar, Spelling, and Punctuation

Since most writers have problems with only particular types of spelling, grammar, and/or punctuation errors, you should read through your final drafts carefully--looking for those errors which you frequently commit. Slowly reading through your letter or report once for EACH of these errors will, in most cases, insure that your reader's attention will be focused on your message, not on your mechanical errors.

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EXERCISE: Letter Editing

Read through the three paragraphs below; then rewrite the letter to make it clearer, more concise, and grammatical. You may rewrite sentences, but make sure that the original meaning is not lost.

AJAX BOATS

March 16, 2005

Annette Clark

Marketing Director

Central Coast Boat Fabrics

1493 Main Street

Morro Bay, Ca 93442

Dear Annette:

Thank you for bringing to are attention your product. Kevlar is a good material to make boat hulls out of because it is not heavy like other hull fabrics and since it is used to make bulletproof vests and tank armor it is strong. It is difficult to punctuate a boat made of kevlar.

Unfortunately, kevlar is expensive and kevlar is very difficult to work with due to it’s strength. We at the present time do not have the necessary tools to work with this fabric.

For now, we will continue to construct the boats that we make out of fiberglass. As soon as we are ready for kevlar, however, you can be sure that your company will be carefully considered as a kevlar supplier.

Sincerely,

A.J. Smith

Ten Techniques for Effective Communication

[pic]

1. Keep your writing clear, concise, and simple.

2. Choose your words carefully.

3. Be natural.

4. Avoid fad words, jargon, and clichés.

5. Use active verbs, avoid passive construction.

6. Take a stand, make a commitment.

7. Use familiar words---plain English.

8. Be specific: avoid vagueness.

9. Eliminate redundant expressions.

10. Keep your audience in mind.

Parts of a Business Letter Worksheet

Directions: Use the list of word choices to answer the following questions.

Salutation date complimentary closing

Signature inside address return address

Writers typed name body

E-mail

Despite some problems with its use, electronic mail is part of today’s high-tech business world. It is now a valuable tool, and it will become even more valuable as employees learn how best use its strengths and avoid its weaknesses.

Email invites spontaneity – what some have called “written speech” – unhampered by old notions of etiquette, unguarded, casual, and personal in tone. At the same time, businesses own their Email networks and have a serious interest in ensuring that they are used in productive ways. For Email, you should adopt a conversational, businesslike tone.

Electronic mail will not prevent misunderstandings and erroneous messages. A written message is neither better nor less ambiguous just because it is in electronic form. Use the phone when you want to get immediate feedback or response to your message. For instance, if you have a request or if your message requires extra tact and the personal touch, use the phone. The computer screen can seem cold and unfeeling, for example, when the writer has to send unpleasant or negative messages.

When using electronic mail:

1. Choose electronic mail when you want to communicate information rapidly and when the information is better conveyed by computer than by phone or hard copy.

2. Write an eye-catching entry (subject) line.

3. Preview key content up front and limit your document to one page if possible.

4. Review and revise (as necessary) your file before sending it to readers.

5. Signal clearly the end of your message.

6. One should always make the effort to be courteous – regardless if they are

frustrated, challenged, annoyed or confused.

Tone

Tone refers to the feeling or impression a document conveys to its readers. It is one of the products of the writer’s style. Tone is the impression readers receive from your writing and the attitude conveyed in your treatment of the subject. We usually describe the tone of a piece of writing with these words:

abrasive formal

aggressive forthright

assertive friendly

authoritative impersonal

blunt informal

bureaucratic informative

casual objective

cold officious

condescending personal

courteous polite

demanding sincere

discourteous stiff

distant subjective

earnest threatening

engaging warm

Most of the time, your business documents should be:

courteous informative

forthright personal

friendly polite

helpful sincere

informal warm

The extent to which your documents are personal will depend on your relationship with the reader. But never fail to be courteous, polite, informative, sincere, and helpful. You should never write documents that are:

abrasive blunt

discourteous cold

bureaucratic condescending

Good business documents – no matter how tough or adversarial they are – should never be discourteous.

Tone reflects your attitude toward your subject and your readers. Your writing may strike your readers as personal or impersonal, friendly or distant. You may sound warm and engaging or cold and abrupt.

1. Use pronouns to establish a personal, human tone in letters and memos.

2. Make your letters and memos sound very much like the language you would choose if you actually talked with the readers.

3. Choose sentence structures that reflect a friendly, conversational tone.

4. Include personal information and personal references.

5. Choose your paper, typeface, and format to reflect a personal, friendly tone.

E-mail When Your Message Is:

Brief

Informal

Sent to a number of people

Timely

Urgent

• Double check every e-mail address before sending your message. The system is absolutely unforgiving. “Almost correct” doesn’t cut it.

• Use a subject line, a word or brief phrase to tell your reader right away what the e-mail is about.

• Start with “Hi” or Hello,” or the person’s name followed by a comma or dash. The “Dear” convention of letters is generally too formal for email.

• State your message clearly.

• If appropriate, tell what action you expect: a telephone call, an e-mail response, attendance at a meeting. When the e-mail is simply for their information, indicate this.

• Close with a courtesy, if you wish, or with just your name.

• Don’t write anything you don’t want the whole world to know.

• Don’t send an urgent message by e-mail unless you know the person is expecting it or you call to say it’s coming.

• Don’t write angry e-mails; it’s too easy to fire off our first thoughts and regret them afterwards.

• Don’t use all capital letters unless you want the recipient to understand that you are YELLING.

Example words:

Announce explain inform remind

Answer following inquire reply

Attachment forwarding notify respond

Phrases:

Alert you to the possibility just a note to let you know

Ask your help please let me know ASAP

Do you know send me a copy of

For your information speedy response

Here are wanted to follow up

In answer to your question will you please send

Information you wanted/requested

❖ Remember the three Cs of good writing. Is your writing Clear, Crisp and Concise? Do you use active verbs? Instead of “The instructions are enclosed,” try “I have enclosed the instructions.” As you read newspapers and magazine, look for dull, lifeless writing. How would you wake it up?

❖ Study your favorite authors. What makes their writing work? Read your favorite passages to see what gives their writing impact.

❖ Write and rewrite. As with any skill, the more you practice, the more proficient you become.

Resources

• Better Business Writing by Susan L. Brock

• Style Guide by Franklin Covey

•

• Business Letters for Busy People by Jim Dugger

• The Money Instructor

•

• Powerful Communication Skills by Colleen McKenna

-----------------------

1. ________________ is the place for the writer to handwrite their name.

2. The recipients name, company name, and address are called the _______________________.

3. The purpose of the letter is included in the ________________________.

4. Yours truly, is an example of a ________________________________.

5. The last line in a business letter is the _____________________________.

6. The ________________ is when the letter is written.

7. The ______________________is the address of the letter writer.

8. Dear Mr. Johnson is a __________________________.

Write your own formal business letter using WORD. Include ALL parts of a formal business letter and be sure it is in the correct format. There should not be any spelling or grammatical errors and it must be written in clear, concise language.

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