FADE IN: - SimplyScripts
FADE IN:
INT. APARTMENT BEDROOM- DAY
It is early in the morning. This room is very dirty and has not been cleaned in weeks. The curtains in the are broken and hanging off the windows and sits on the floor. There are cloths all over the floor and sit on top of the TV and computer in the corner.
The CAMERA PANS over to the side. As the CAMERA pans by a loud RUMBLING starts to shake the entire bedroom. A train is passing by.
The CAMERA stops on DENNIS (22) who sleeps in his bed. The rumbling and SHAKING of the room awakens him. He looks over at the alarm clock on the night stand.
The train pass. The second the rumbling stop the loud pitched RINGING of the alarm clock is heard. Dennis sighs and hit’s the snooze button. He climbs out of bed.
INT. APARTMENT BATHROOM- DAY
Dennis takes a shower. He rubs shampoo all over his head, he scrubs and just before he can rinse it off the water turns off. He waits for a beat to see if it comes back.
DENNIS
Great.
He reaches over to the side and grabs a bottle of water. He opens the water and pours it all over his head. The shampoo washes off slowly.
INT. APARTMENT BEDROOM- DAY
Dennis dresses himself. He wears most a restaurant uniform. As he pulls up his red tie he watches the news. And then SPARK! The power goes out. The TV turns off and the room goes dark as the lights are out.
INT. APARTMENT BEDROOM- LATER
The room is still dark. Now a candle lights the room. Dennis finishes his tie looking in a mirror lit by the candle.
INT. APARTMENT- DAY
Dennis is all dressed up for work. He now wears a brown denim jacket over his uniform. He walks across the living area and up to a door in the back which he opens.
The room is dark, we can barley see who is inside. Then Dennis grabs another candle and lights up the room with it.
Inside SAUL (24) and ZACK (22) both sleep in separate beds in the room. The dim light awakens them.
DENNIS
Yo, guys, wake up.
The two sit up in their beds.
SAUL
What, man?
ZACK
Yah, man, what? I’m tired here and want to go back to sleep.
DENNIS
Well I wont keep ya. Just wanted you guys to know that it never bothered me that all you guys ever do all day is play Xbox live and that you guys don’t have jobs, but um, do you guys think you can change that?
SAUL
Why?
DENNIS
Well they cut the power again. So while you guys don’t do anything today do you mind looking for a job? Cause, come on guys I can’t pay all these bills by themselves.
ZACK
Whatever.
SAUL
Yah, we’ll try, just close the damn door.
Dennis nods and then closes the door.
EXT. STREETS- DAY
Dennis walks down the streets. He walks up to an old diner on the side and enters.
INT. DINER- CONTINUOUS
Dennis enters and looks around. In the back of the diner sitting in a booth is ELLEN (20) Dennis’ girlfriend. He smiles at her and she smiles back when she spots him coming in.
He walks up to her and takes a seat.
ELLEN
Hey, how’s it going?
DENNIS
Not good. They cut off the power and the water, and Saul and Zack still don’t have jobs.
ELLEN
Wow, that’s terrible.
DENNIS
Yeah, and I haven’t been able to pay off all the bills, I’m afraid they might kick us out of the apartment. But I told Saul and Zack to go look for jobs and plus I’m gonna ask my boss to give me a raise.
ELLEN
But what if you don’t get the raise?
DENNIS
Well I’ve been working there for more than eighteen months they should give it to me.
ELLEN
You know if that doesn’t workout for you my house is always open to you, I mean, sure my dad would never agree but hey, you’re in need.
DENNIS
I would, believe me, I would love to move in with you but what about the guys, those dudes are like my brothers and I can’t just leave them hanging like that.
There is a small beat.
ELLEN
Well the why don’t you just let me ask my dad to give you some money?
DENNIS
No! definitely not that. I can’t look desperate in front of your dad by asking him for crap, if he sees that I can’t even support myself now he’d never think that I’d be able to support you one day.
Ellen sits back shaking her head, she scoffs.
ELLEN
You see that?
DENNIS
What?
ELLEN
That, what you’re doing.
DENNIS
What?!
ELLEN
You’re trying to “protect your manhood” and it’s exactly that type of thing that leads people to start kidnapping people and robbing banks for some extra cash.
Dennis then sits back. He starts to think about what she has just said. Then a WAITRESS walks up to them.
WAITRESS
Hey are you guys ready to order?
ELLEN
Yeah, I’ll just have an English Muffin.
Dennis pulls out his wallet and starts to look through it.
ELLEN (CONT’D)
Don’t worry about it, Dennis, I’ll get it for you.
DENNIS
Okay, well then I’ll just have a plate of eggs, scrabbled.
WAITRESS
Would you like--
DENNIS
Whatever’s with the eggs is fine.
WAITRESS
Okay-dooky.
After writing down the order she smiles and walks away.
ELLEN
Look Dennis, I care about you and I want to help you through this, just think about what I said, about my dad and the other things.
Dennis continues to think.
INT. APARTMENT- DAY
Saul walks out of his bedroom scratching his head. Zack sits on the couch playing PSP. Saul walks towards the bathroom but stops when Zack says:
ZACK
If I wear you I wouldn’t go in there, I took a turd the sizes of Texas and the toilet wouldn’t flush.
SAUL
Why not?
ZACK
Because they turned off the water.
SAUL
Oh, yeah, Dennis told us this this morning. So, the powers out too?
ZACK
Yep but this ain’t that bad I mean look, sure the Xbox doesn’t turn on and I can’t play Fable but I just gotta pull out the PSP and boom! I’m gaming.
Saul walks over and takes a seat next to Zack on the couch.
ZACK (CONT’D)
That’s the great thing about wifi technology.
SAUL
Yeah, hey where’s my MP3?
Zack does not answer, he’s starting to win and then the battery dies out. He sighs and tosses the PSP to the side.
ZACK
Great, now I can’t charge this.
SAUL
Dude, my Mp3?
ZACK
It’s out of charge too. Stupid wifi technology.
SAUL
You know we ain’t got anything to do, we could go actually look for a job.
Zack was not listening.
ZACK
You know what, I just realized that my laptop has charge, I’m gonna go look at porn.
He gets up and leaves. Saul is left alone on the couch. He checks his cell phone and then looks over in the direction that Zack had left.
SAUL
Got any nude celebrities on that thing?
ZACK (O.S.)
Yep, I got Natalie Portman and some chick that ones in that movie you liked.
SAUL
Olga Kurylenko?!
Saul jumps off the couch and runs into the other room with Zack.
EXT. PLUCK BUCKET- DAY
The Pluck Bucket is a very classic fired chicken restaurant. Out side only two cars a parked up front.
INT. PLUCK BUCKET- CONTINUOUS
Dennis stands before a line of EMPLOYEES. Each employee is younger than the other as the CAMERA pans along side them.
In the back only one overweight COSTUMER eats in the back. Dennis stares at him before turning back to his employees.
DENNIS
Okay, well, first off, good morning. Um, we have a new employee here today, John.
JOHN (14) waves at everyone. No one waves back, in fact no one seems to care at all about anything going on in the store.
DENNIS (CONT’D)
So, Dante, it looks like you’re not the youngest anymore.
DANTE (14) pumps his arm.
DENNIS (CONT’D)
But, hey, it’s only by a few months so, keep ‘em arm pumps to yourself.
(beat)
Well further on, um, Kristy you’re on kitchen management, Craig you’re on register, Allen you’re at the window.
Everyone sighs and seems not to be caring, still. John however smiles at Dennis and everyone else.
DENNIS (CONT’D)
And the rest of ya just do whatever needs to be done, and you John I’m gonna start you off on the register with Craig, so, everyone get to work.
They all walk off with the same bored looks on their faces like before, except for John who has a wide smile on his face.
Standing in the back, WALTER (42) stares at Dennis. He then walks up to him.
WALTER
They don’t respect you.
DENNIS
No! no, they don’t but I’m alright with it, I mean --
WALTER
You’ve got to make them respect you, Dennis, or else they will always just walk all over you.
DENNIS
Okay, sir.
WALTER
Please! Call me Walter, Dennis.
DENNIS
Okay, Walter.
Walter pulls out a cigarette and lights it.
WALTER
You wanted to talk to me about something?
DENNIS
yeah, but can we talk in your office?
INT. WALTER’S OFFICE- DAY
Walter lights up another cigarette, Dennis just stares,
DENNIS
Didn’t you just light one a minute ago?
WALTER
I smoke a lot.
(beat)
So what was it you wanted to talk about?
DENNIS
Well, sir--
WALTER
(offering cigarette)
Do you want one?
DENNIS
No, I- I don’t smoke. But as I was saying, I’m now the assistant regional manager and I only make two dollars more than my inferiors.
WALTER
So?
DENNIS
Well I’d like a raise, sir.
WALTER
You would, hey? Okay, how much do you want?
DENNIS
Wow, really?
WALTER
Yeah, sure.
DENNIS
Okay, well, I make eight dollars an hour and I’d like to make 10.
WALTER
I can’t do that, that’s how much I make.
DENNIS
What really?
WALTER
Yes, and now you see how much it sucks to work at a fast food joint.
DENNIS
Damn, I really needed this money, I mean, they just cut off my power and water and I haven’t paid my rent in months.
Dennis buries his face in his hands.
WALTER
You could always get another job.
DENNIS
I don’t need another job, but my roommates need jobs. Don’t you think you could give them one here?
WALTER
Nope! We’re swamped, we just hired that Joe kid--
DENNIS
John.
WALTER
-- and we just don’t have room for any other employees.
DENNIS
Well I’d better get back to work than.
Dennis stands up.
WALTER
Hey, Dennis, remember, make them respect you.
INT. APARTMENT- DAY
Zack and Saul continue to look at nudity on their laptop and SPARK! The battery dies out. Zack hit’s the top of the computer.
ZACK
Crap!
In the background Dennis enters the apartment. He throws his coat off to the side and takes a seat next to the other two.
SAUL
What’s up, Dennis?
DENNIS
Life sucks, man.
ZACK
Tell me about it. Nothing works around here, all the powers out and I can’t charge any of my crap.
DENNIS
You know, I asked for a raise today and they didn’t give it to me because I’d be making as much as the manager.
SAUL
Well that sucks.
DENNIS
What about you guys? How’d the job hunt go?
Zack and Saul exchange a look.
ZACK/SAUL
Good.
DENNIS
Did you get a job?
SAUL
No, they didn’t give us any.
DENNIS
Why not?
ZACK
Because they found Saul’s drug selling days as not enough experience.
DENNIS
You didn’t actually tell them about that did you?
ZACK
Okay! Fine! We didn’t really look for jobs, we spent all day staring at Olga Kurylenko naked.
Dennis nods, having already known. He pulls out his wallet and counts the money inside.
KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!
Dennis gets up and opens the door. Standing out in the hallway is MR. WONG (62). Mr. Wong looks a little angry but understanding. When he speaks he uses a very Asian accent.
DENNIS
Oh, hey there, Mr. Wong.
MR. WONG
We need to talk.
Mr. wong passes by Dennis and walks over in front of Zack and Saul, Dennis walks up next to them and crosses his arms.
MR. WONG (CONT’D)
Do you clowns got my rent?
DENNIS
I’m sorry, Mr. Wong, but I just haven’t been able to balance all my bills, so if I didn’t give you the rent money, then I’m sorry.
MR. WONG
No! sorry no acceptable! You no pay me in like three who-e month. I get sick of it, you stupid retard owe me 700 dollars, plus this month rent, you owe me 1,100 dollars.
ZACK
What are you serious?
SAUL
Yeah, that’s like bull man.
MR. WONG
No, you bull, you retarded too.
(to Dennis)
Look, you pay my bill or you out of apartment, okay? I give you one week to get my money, or your asses out of here! And why there no lights in here?
DENNIS
They cut off our power.
MR. WONG
Oh, that too bad, but not my problem, one week, my money or you out of here, okay?
DENNIS
No, wait, Mr. Wong, don’t you think you could give us a little more time? I mean, I don’t think one week is enough time for us to get 1,100 dollars.
SAUL
Well I could sell some weed for that much.
MR. WONG
No! no illegal money, I only take clean money, I don’t want no weed money, no stolen money, no hostage money, no choke money, no kidnapping money, I only want money you work for alright?!
DENNIS
Please, Mr. Wong, I’m the only one here with a job out of us three and it’ll take me at least five or six weeks to make as much money as you’re asking for.
MR. WONG
Please in that time you’d owe me 1,500 dollars. This no my problem, anyway! You only have one week.
Mr. Wong exit’s the room. Zack and Saul look shocked, they then look up at Dennis.
ZACK
What now?
DENNIS
(off wallet)
Well I’ve got a few bucks in here, we could blow it off at a pool hall.
INT. POOL HALL- NIGHT
Side by side there are hundreds of billiard tables lined up in the middle of the pool hall. At a table in the corner Zack, Dennis and Saul play a game themselves.
Zack and Dennis are playing the game while Saul drinks a beer. Dennis takes a shot a solid ball and makes it into a corner pocket. He then makes in another ball into a middle pocket.
ZACK
You’re creaming me, let me take a shot!
SAUL
You know I could still sell weed to pay for the apartment.
DENNIS
No, Saul, you could smell the weed off them bills and Mr. Wong would get pissed.
He takes a shot and misses.
ZACK
Finally.
Zack lines up for a shot and makes a striped ball into a corner pocket.
DENNIS
No, we need to think of another way to make 1,100 bucks, I could make the much in a month but then we wouldn’t be able to pay the other bills.
ZACK
Dude, dude, dude! Check out this shot I’m gonna do.
DENNIS
How the heck are we going to make 1,100 clean bucks?
SAUL
Dude, I don’t know, I just know that I can make that much selling weed.
Zack misses his next shot and taps Dennis on the shoulder to signal his turn. Dennis does not pay attention.
DENNIS
Well we could ask my girlfriends dad, she said that I should.
ZACK
Yo, Dennis! Just shut up! Here!
Zack gives Dennis his stick.
ZACK (CONT’D)
Look, we’re here to play pool so why are talking about this stupid money problem when I’m trying to concentrate on pool. So just take your shot Dennis.
Dennis sighs, he takes a few shots and empties out the table.
DENNIS
There, I won, are you happy?
ZACK
No! okay, you know what, you’re not interested, come on Saul, I’m gonna beat your ass.
Saul takes the pool stick. Zack sets up the pool table in a nine ball shape form. Zack breaks and makes in two balls.
DENNIS
Zack, I just don’t see how you could be so focused on pool right now when we have a money problem.
ZACK
I don’t see how you can’t think of pool while you’re playing pool, Dennis.
SAUL
So what are we going to do, guys?
Zack takes a shot at the one ball and misses.
ZACK
Jeez, I don’t know.
SAUL
Why don’t you just try to think of something, Dennis.
ZACK
Why don’t you just take the shot.
Saul takes the shot and misses.
ZACK (CONT’D)
You suck, Saul, you know that? You’re much better when you’re high.
SAUL
I know that. I haven’t had enough time to smoke a joint.
DENNIS
Will you guys stop talking about dope? I need to think of something.
Dennis takes a seat where Saul was sitting, grabs Saul’s beer and takes a sip.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. POOL HALL- LATER
Dennis now continues to sit at the table only now the table is full of empty beer bottles. He thinks to himself as Saul and Zack continue to play billiards.
ELLEN (V.O.)
--that type of thing that leads people to start kidnapping people and robbing banks for some extra cash.
Dennis’ eyes go wide. He’s got an idea.
DENNIS
I got it!
SAUL
Got what? Herpes? Oh, crap!
ZACK
No, you idiot, he’s got a plan.
DENNIS
Yeah, okay look, you guys might think that this is crazy but, why don’t we--
(long beat)
Rob a bank.
Saul and Zack stare at Dennis, in a bit of shock. Dennis sighs and sits back down.
DENNIS (CONT’D)
You’re right, it’s stupid, it’s unthinkable.
(thinks, then)
But wait! I got it! I got it! I know what we can do. You guys know how my girlfriend’s dad is like a millionaire or something.
SAUL/ZACK
No, uh hu, not really.
DENNIS
Well he is, he makes like 250,000 a year. Look, we could kidnap my girlfriend Ellen.
SAUL
You must have gotten into my stash at home didn’t ya?
DENNIS
No! this is serious, Saul, think about it, we could just take my girlfriend, keep her at our place and tell her dad she was kidnapped and the guys who did it want money. 250,000 dollars.
ZACK
Okay, okay wait, wait. If we did this, why 250,000?
DENNIS
Because that would be enough to pay off the whole apartment.
SAUL
Oh, yeah. That’s pretty smart.
ZACK
Well-- why-- this is-- brilliant!
DENNIS
Great, so you guys are in?!
ZACK
Whoa, wait! I mean, if we’re going to do something like this, we’d need a plan. I mean, how are we going to do this?
DENNIS
You’re right, Zack, your right. I need a plan, I need to think this through, I need another beer.
Dennis sits back to think. Saul hands him another beer.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. POOL HALL- LATER
Dennis jumps up out of his chair. Saul who is almost asleep next to him jumps as well. Zack who plays a game by himself quickly turns to the two.
DENNIS
I know it! Okay, alright this is what we’d do.
INT. MALL- FANTASY
Ellen stands in the middle of a mall.
DENNIS (V.O.)
Okay, I’ll tell Ellen to meet me at the mall.
Dennis walks up to her and gives her a kiss.
DENNIS (CONT’D)
So that I can buy her a gift-- no wait, she’ll never buy that.
She shakes her head and walks away.
DENNIS (CONT’D)
No, I’ll tell her it’s so that she can, um, help me pick out a cheaper Mobil plan, yeah.
The scene REWINDS and instead of Ellen walking away she nods in understandingly and the two walk off.
DENNIS (CONT’D)
But I wont show up.
Dennis disappears as Ellen continues to walk off.
DENNIS (CONT’D)
Then you two will scope her out and you’ll know it’s her by the dress she’s wearing--
INT. BEDROOM- FANTASY
Ellen holds up a dress and Dennis shakes his head.
DENNIS (V.O.)
Which I will tell her to wear the night before.
He grabs another dress and holds it up. Ellen shrugs and kisses him on the cheek.
INT. MALL- FANTASY
Ellen sits down on a bench in front of an indoor bush.
DENNIS
Then you two will find her and bag her.
Two masked goons (Saul and Zack) pop out of the bush and put a black bag over Ellen’s head.
INT. APARTMENT- FANTASY
Saul and Zack drag Ellen in from off screen.
DENNIS (V.O.)
Take her back to our place where she’ll be blind folded, of course.
INT. APARTMENT BEDROOM- FANTASY
In his room Dennis clips out a newspaper.
DENNIS (V.O.)
Meanwhile, I’ll write a ransom note
INT. ELLEN’S FATHER’S HOME- FANTASY
We finally see ROBERT (52) Ellen’s father.
DENNIS (V.O.)
Which I will give to her father,
Dennis hands him the letter, Robert starts to have a “heart attack”.
DENNIS (CONT‘D)
Who, crying, will write us a lovely check for 250,000 dollars.
The dad pulls out his check book and starts writing.
DENNIS (CONT’D)
Without ever knowing it was us of course.
INT. POOL HALL- CONTINUOUS
Dennis gets a look of realization over his face.
DENNIS
No, no, no, wait. We can’t do that. If he rites us a check then the cops would be able to find us just by tracking the count.
INT. BANK- FANTASY
Dennis walks with check in hand. POLICE pop out and take him down.
INT. POOL HALL- CONTINUOUS
DENNIS
So we’d have to--
INT. ROBERT’S HOME- FANTASY
Dennis give Robert the letter again.
DENNIS (V.O.)
We write that we only want cash. He puts it in a duffle bag.
Robert loads money into a duffle bag.
EXT. APARTMENT- FANTASY
Robert walks up to the apartment.
DENNIS (V.O.)
He’ll leave it outside of our apartment where he’ll think the kidnappers left he safe and sound and then we run off with the money and we’re hom free.
Robert throw the money behind a tree and Ellen runs out of the apartment complex and hugs him.
INT. POOL HALL- CONTINUOUS
Dennis nods his head so do the other two. But then he shakes his head.
DENNIS
Wait, no. he could just tell cops to follow him there and take us down.
EXT. APARTMENT- FANTASY
Dennis, Saul and Zack run out and grab the money. Then police pop out and take them down.
INT. ROBERT’S HOUSE- FANTASY
Robert again packs the money into a duffle bag.
DENNIS (V.O.)
Okay, I’ll tell him that I’ll take the money t the “kidnappers”, tell him not to call the cops and then I’ll bring the money home, we take Ellen to her father and we’re home free.
INT. POOL HALL- CONTINUOUS
DENNIS
Man we can do this thing. Let’s have a toast.
CLANK! They all hit their bottles together.
ZACK
Are you sure this plan’s going to work?
DENNIS
Sure, I mean, tomorrow I’ll go and bye some fake guns and some mask and then we’ll just play out the rest of the plan.
SAUL
Wait, but, how are we supposed to get her back to the apartment? I mean we don’t have a car and we can’t just get on a boss with fakes guns a mask and a kidnapped bitch.
DENNIS
Don’t call her a bitch. Look, I’ll think of something, okay. But we’d better leave cause I don’t have anymore money on me.
The three get up and leave.
DENNIS (CONT’D)
Look, you two go back to the apartment I’ve got to go to Ellen’s house as stage one of the plan.
Dennis walks off in a different direction then Saul and Zack.
SAUL
Who’s Ellen?
ZACK
I think it’s his girlfriend, man.
They walk off screen.
INT. APARTMENT BEDROOM- DAY
Bright lights shine out side of the window. It is Christmas Eve and the morning sky is a very bright white.
The phone on the nightstand rings. Saul groaning awakens, he answers the call.
SAUL
(into phone, tired)
Hello, the three machos house, this is macho number one speaking.
DENNIS (O.S.)
(over phone)
Hey, Saul it’s me!
INTERCUT WITH:
EXT. STREET- CONTNIUOUS
Dennis walks down the street, he wears the leather hoody from before.
DENNIS (CONT’D)
Look, man, I got Ellen to meet me at the mall, I know you’ve never seen her before but she’ll be wearing a baby blue dress.
SAUL
Right, baby blue, yeah, okay.
DENNIS
Okay, so you guys should be there in like three hours. Listen, she’ll be meeting me by the bathroom so it’ll be easier for you guys to hideout, okay? Well I have to call her.
(beat, then)
And I thought we all agreed I’m macho number one. Anyways, remember, baby blue, dress by the bathrooms, oh and I got a car. It’s parked outside of the pluck bucket so you’re going to have to pick it up, got it?
SAUL
Okay, okay, whatever I got it. Bye!
They both hang up. Saul throws himself back in bed. He falls asleep again.
EXT. STREET- CONTINUOUS
Dennis reopens his phone and dials another number.
INT. ELLEN’S BEDROOM- CONTINUOUS
Ellen has just gotten out of the shower. She sees her phone ringing and answers.
ELLEN
(into phone)
Hello, Dennis?
INTERCUT WITH:
EXT. STREET- CONTINUOUS
Dennis stops up against a wall.
DENNIS
Hey, baby, so are we still up for the mall?
ELLEN
Yeah, I just got out of the shower. But, um--
DENNIS
Oh no, what’s the “um” about?
ELLEN
There was a problem with the dress you wanted me to wear.
She holds up the dress so that ‘we’ can get a good look at it. It is all ripped apart and cut through. A CAT jumps on top of her bed, she shoos it away.
ELLEN (CONT’D)
Well, my cat got a hold of it and, well it’s been made into a piece of crap.
DENNIS
Oh, no, well, what are you going to do?
ELLEN
Put on another dress of course.
DENNIS
Well which one? You know, tell me so that I can find you faster.
ELLEN
The black one that you liked too.
DENNIS
Well okay, but hey listen, I’ve got to call some one else, so I’ll meet you at the mall.
ELLEN
Okay, bye, love ya!
DENNIS
Yeah, love ya! Bye!
He hangs up and dials Saul’s number again.
INT. APARTMENT BEDROOM- CONTINUOUS
The phone RINGS at the nightstand. Neither Saul nor Zack awaken to answer it. The phone continues to RING for a beat.
EXT. STREET- CONTINUOUS
Dennis gets inpatient and hangs up.
DENNIS
I’ll tell them later.
He walks off.
INT. APARTMENT- DAY
Saul pulls on a hooded sweater. Zack gets his boots on and then pulls on a sweater himself. He then picks up a backpack.
ZACK
Are you ready to do this, thing?
SAUL
Yep.
ZACK
And what about our ride?
SAUL
Oh it’s waiting for us at the Pluck Bucket.
ZACK
Alright well that’s everything. Oh, wait my hat.
He grabs a baseball cap and puts it on.
ZACK (CONT’D)
Let’s do this!
Saul pulls the hood over his head and they exit the apartment.
INT. MALL- DAY
Ellen, wearing the black dress, walks over to the bathrooms. She waits there for a beat before another WOMAN wearing a baby blue dress walks up beside her.
Ellen pulls out her cell phone and dials a number. At the same time the other woman pulls out her cell phone and dials a number.
ELLEN
(into phone)
Hey, Dennis, I’m already here so hurry it up. Okay, I love ya.
She hangs up.
The woman who’s name is HELEN talks into her phone.
HELEN
(into phone)
Look, it’s Helen, I’m here, okay. We continue as planned, meet me by the bathrooms and you two better not screw this up.
Helen hangs up and looks over at Ellen who smiles and waves. Helen, waves back but quickly looks away, an unpleasant look on her face.
EXT. MALL- DAY
Dennis waits outside of the mall. He get inpatient and dials Zack’s number.
INTERCUT WITH:
EXT. PLUCK BUCKET- CONTINUOUS
ANGEL ON ZACK & SAUL
They both have a face of disbelief. Zack’s phone RINGS and he answers it without breaking a stare.
ZACK
(into phone)
Hello?
DENNIS
Dude, where are you guys?
ZACK
Dude, what’s up with this car?
DENNIS
What? What’s wrong with the car?
ZACK
Are you kidding? We’re gonna be totally noticeable in this thing.
DENNIS
Look, I don’t care, this is all I could get and this is all that we’ve got so live with it. Look, just hurry up and get here.
Dennis hangs up.
Zack looks at Saul. BEEP!
SAUL
Dude your battery just died.
ZACK
I’m gonna die if I have to drive this thing.
The CAMERA ROTATES around the two to reveal a small red Honda with a giant bucket of chicken on the top made of chicken wire.
INT. MALL- CONTINUOUS
Dennis remembers the ‘dress switch’ and he redials. He holds the phone to his ear.
RING! RING!
Nothing happens, no one answers. Dennis sighs and hangs up the phone. He walks off screen.
Then two men, ARNOLD and LEO walk on screen. Leo checks his watch.
LEO
It’s getting late.
ARNOLD
It’s only eleven a.m.
LEO
Exactly. We should of done this much earlier.
ARNOLD
Well tell that to Helen. It was here idea to pull off this hostage take.
LEO
I don’t see the point in holding a whole mall hostage, in fact it all seems impossible.
ARNOLD
Hey it was her idea.
LEO
I know that, idiot, stop saying it.
ARNOLD
Whatever, let’s just meet her inside.
The two walk inside.
INT. MALL- DAY
Saul and Zack walk through the wall. Saul eats an ice cream cone. The two look around for Ellen as they walk down the wall.
ZACK
Where could she be?
SAUL
Well Dennis said near the bathrooms.
ZACK
Yeah, but there’s like five levels to this place and a bathroom on each one, she can be at anyone of them.
SAUL
Well why don’t we just check all of them?
ZACK
No crap, Saul.
The two walks off screen. Leo and Arnold walk on screen and the CAMERA follows them now.
LEO
Where is she?
ARNOLD
She said at the bathrooms.
LEO
Yeah but there’s like five levels in this place.
The walk off screen.
INT. APARTMENT- DAY
Dennis enters the apartment. He takes a seat on the couch and pulls out a bunch of newspapers from a backpack.
DENNIS
God, I hope they don’t mess this up, well how could they, I mean, how many women would be waiting outside of the bathrooms at a mall?
INT. MALL- DAY
More than twelve other WOMAN stand around Ellen and Helen around the bathroom area.
Ellen checks her watch. At the same time Helen checks her watch.
RING! Helen’s phone rings and she answers it.
HELEN
(into phone)
Where are you idiots? I told you by the damn bathrooms. Yes on the first floor.
The women behind Helen and Ellen start to walk away until soon it is just Helen and Ellen left.
In the background we see Saul and Zack. Zack stops he points at Helen who he notices is wearing a baby blue dress. Saul notices too. They quickly take cover behind a bush.
ANGEL ON SAUL & ZACK
Zack opens up the backpack and pulls out two black masks.
ZACK
Okay, that’s her, I know it!
SAUL
Okay, so what do we do?
ZACK
We bag her and run out!
SAUL
Good plan, alright let’s do this thing.
They both pull on the mask and run out.
WIDER SHOT
Helen stand uncaring waiting for Leo and Arnold to come up to her.
Then Saul and Zack pop out and pull a dark black bag over Helen’s head. Ellen screams but Saul quickly covers her mouth. He pulls up his shirt and shows her his fake gun, which she thinks is real.
Then the two run off with Helen, bagged. No one seems to notice them or really care.
ANGEL ON GUARD
A GUARD stands at his both, not really caring about anything. Then Saul and Zack run by with a bagged Helen. The Guard doesn’t really care and then a beat later another two KIDNAPPERS run by with another bagged WOMAN.
ANGEL ON ELLEN
Ellen is scared mindless. Then Leo and Arnold run up behind her, Leo grabs her by the mouth.
LEO
What the hell was that?!
He lets go of her.
ELLEN
I don’t know!
ARNOLD
What the hell? With out her we can’t pull off this hostage thing with Helen.
Leo gives Arnold a bad look. He then looks at Ellen and pulls out a 357. Magnum and points it at her chin.
LEO
Damn it, Arnold, now I guess we have to kidnap this bitch.
Leo grabs her by the arm and they drag her away.
ANGEL ON GUARD
The guard just stands there eating a donut. Then Leo, holding a gun to Ellen and Arnold run by. The guard shrugs and continues to eat the donut.
EXT. STREET- DAY
SCREECH!
The red Chicken bucket car takes a sharp turn and speeds down the road.
INT. CHICKEN CAR- CONTINUOUS
Helen sits in the back with the bag still over her head.
HELEN
What the HELL is going on!?!
ZACK
Shut up! You do not get to talk!
SAUL
Alright, let’s see if he’s still at the apartment.
Zack nods and pulls of his mask. His face is completely covered in sweat. Saul does the same.
INT. APARTMENT- DAY
Dennis had finished pasting the newspaper pieces to the paper. He then pulls on his coat and walks out of the apartment.
INT. THUG’S CAR- DAY
Leo and Arnold sit in the front seat. Ellen sits in the backseat with duck tape over her mouth.
ARNOLD
Man, why is this chick here?
LEO
Because, you idiot, you told her our plan and she could have ratted us out.
ARNOLD
Dude, she just saw Helen get kidnap, you actually think that she would care about two idiots who wanted to take a mall hostage.
LEO
You don’t think I already know that, crap! But we’ve already come this far.
Leo turns around to face Ellen.
LEO (CONT’D)
What’s your name.
ARNOLD
Dude, look at the road.
Leo turns back around. Arnold turns around to face Ellen and takes the tape off her mouth.
ELLEN
OW!!!
ARNOLD
What’s your name?
ELLEN
It Ellen.
LEO
What? You’re not Helen.
ELLEN
No, it’s Ellen, with no H and two Ls.
Arnold turns back around to face Leo again.
ARNOLD
What are we going to do with this chick?
LEO
Well it’s too late to take her back. I guess we’re going to have to take her back to the apartment.
They both nod and the Leo hit’s the gas.
INT. APARTMENT- DAY
Saul and Zack enter their apartment with Helen. They put on their mask and pull the bag off of Helen’s head. Then they quickly put a blindfold over her eyes.
ZACK
Alright, Ellen!
HELEN
What my name’s Helen.
SAUL
That’s what he said, Ellen.
HELEN
No you’re both saying ‘Ellen’. that’s not my name. my name is Helen.
ZACK
Whatever, you’ve been taken hostage.
HELEN
Why?
Zack looks over at Saul who shakes his head.
ZACK
Because-- because, your dad’s a freakin millionaire.
HELEN
(laughs)
My dad’s dead, and even if he was still alive he sure as hell wouldn’t be a millionaire.
ZACK
You’re just saying that so we can let you go!
SAUL
Yeah!
HELEN
You two are idiots.
SAUL
Like we don’t already know that.
Zack grabs Saul by the shoulder and walks him to the corner of the room, away from Helen (who is still blindfolded).
ZACK
Dude, stop talking.
SAUL
Sorry, I’ve just been going through a bunch of mood swings lately.
ZACK
Yeah I can tell, what are you having your period of something?
SAUL
(laughs)
Good joke.
ZACK
Yeah, now let’s get back to business. We have Dennis’ girlfriend blindfolded in our apartment, what are we going to do with a blindfolded chick?
Saul thinks for a beat, but nothing comes to mind.
SAUL
Saul, I don’t know, what?
ZACK
Well she is tied down to that chair, we could take off all of her cloths and make her sit there ass naked for us.
SAUL
What? She’s not tied down to the chair.
ZACK
Wait, what?!
They turn around and see that Helen is no longer in the chair.
INT. APARTMENT COMPLEX- CONTINUOUS
Helen has ripped the blindfold off and now runs down the complex hall. Saul and Zack then emerge behind her, they still wear the masks. They chase her down the hall.
ZACK
Get back here!
Helen stops, grabs a metal trey off of a maids cart and smacks Saul in the face.
SAUL
Ow! What the crap!
She swings the trey at Zack who dodges it and then pulls out his fake pistol. Helen knocks it out of his hand and then hits him in the face.
Saul quickly reaches out and grabs Helen by the leg. He knocks her over.
ZACK
Quickly keep her down.
Saul struggles and then finally grabs the trey and hits her over the head, she is knocked out.
SAUL
Oh, no, Dennis is gonna kill me.
ZACK
No he won’t, because he’s never gonna find out about this. Here help me pick her up.
The two grab Helen by the arms and pick her up.
EXT. ROBERT’S HOUSE- DAY
Dennis knocks on the door. He wait’s the for a beat before the door opens and Robert steps out.
ROBERT
Oh, Dennis, what are you doing here?
DENNIS
Well it is Christmas Eve. But that’s why I’m not here.
(beat, then he gulps)
Well I found this letter at Ellen’s house when I went over, look.
He hands the letter to Robert. Robert reads it and then quickly turns back to Dennis.
ROBERT
What the hell is this?
DENNIS
Ellen was kidnapped. Can we, um, talk this inside?
Robert and Dennis walk into the house.
INT. THUG’S APARTMENT- DAY
Ellen is handcuffed to a chair. She has each one of her arms and legs cuffed with separate handcuffs. Leo and Arnold paste back and forth.
ELLEN
Did you really have to handcuff me?
LEO
Yes, now if you don’t mind, shut up, please!
ARNOLD
So now what?
LEO
Well we have a hostage, I guess we can send a ransom letter out.
ELLEN
Please, who’re you going to send it to?
LEO
You’re parents.
ELLEN
Don’t have any.
LEO
Your boyfriend?
ELLEN
Don’t bother, you’re not going to be able to find somebody who you could send a letter to.
ARNOLD
You know, she acts a lot like Helen.
LEO
Shut up, Arnold.
Leo thinks for a beat.
LEO (CONT’D)
What are we going to do with this chick?
ARNOLD
We can take off all her cloths.
ELLEN
If you guys touch me again I’ll kick your asses.
LEO
She is like Helen.
INT. CHICKEN CAR- DAY
Saul and Zack sit in the parked car. Helen is still K.O. in the back seat.
SAUL
So what now?
ZACK
Well we can’t take her back to the apartment, hell she might already know who we are, she saw the place.
HELEN
Yeah, and it was a shithole.
The two, startled turn around to see Helen sitting up. Saul and Zack quickly pull on their mask so she can’t see who they are.
HELEN (CONT’D)
I saw your faces.
ZACK
Yeah but just incase.
HELEN
So what are you going to do with me?
SAUL
Well first off I’m sorry for hitting you over the head with that trey.
HELEN
Same here.
ZACK
Just so you know you can’t run, the back doors have child locks on. And we don’t know what we’re going to do, for the time being.
HELEN
Wow, this is your first time kidnapping someone isn’t it? What are your guys’ names?
SAUL
Well mines is--
ZACK
Don’t answer that, Saul. Oh, crap!
HELEN
Saul, huh? That’s a weird name.
ZACK
Hey! His name’s not Saul, I just accidentally said that, okay!
HELEN
Whatever.
She sits quietly in the back. Zack stares at her through the window.
ZACK
We can’t stay here, especially in this car. Where can we take her that no one would be able to see us?
INT. ROBERT’S HOUSE- DAY
Robert sits on his couch, he shakes his head as he reads the letter again. Dennis brings him a beer.
ROBERT
What is this some kind of joke? These guys want 25,000 dollars.
DENNIS
I know. So like, what’s your game plan? Are you going to call the cops or something?
ROBERT
No way, all cops are dirty in by book, in fact they could be behind this thing.
DENNIS
You’re probably right. But are you going to give them the money?
ROBERT
What are you joking? If there’s one thing you should know about kidnappers is never play by there rules.
DENNIS
But if they don’t get the money then they’ll let her go.
ROBERT
Oh, please. Look, if you keep them waiting long enough they’ll get bored and leave her out in the middle of nowhere and she’ll be smart enough to walk back home. I’m not going to obsess over this crap.
DENNIS
But what if they kill her?
ROBERT
They’re not going to kill her. If they were they would have written it into the letter.
Dennis takes another look at his letter.
DENNIS
But what if they do anyways?
ROBERT
It seems like you want me to give these pricks my money.
DENNIS
Well they have your daughter and my girlfriend and you’re acting like you don’t give a crap!
ROBERT
If these guys were serious they would have given me a phone call, a bomb treat or something more than a stupid piece of paper with newspaper clippings so that I don’t know who it is. In fact this whole newspaper crap makes me think that the kidnapper is someone I know.
Dennis looks away from Robert.
INT. THUG’S APARTMENT- DAY
Leo sits on a couch. He plays around with the gun. Arnold eats a sandwich. Ellen sits board on the chair.
Leo gets up.
LEO
Are you hungry, lady?
ELLEN
It’s Ellen, and no I ate before I went to the mall and I’m not hungry.
ARNOLD
No wonder you’re so skinny, you don’t eat.
ELLEN
What’s that suppose to mean?
ARNOLD
What I’m saying is that I’ve got a Philly Cheese stake in this bag right here and fifty bucks says you take two bite and can’t finish it.
ELLEN
That’s just stupid.
ARNOLD
Hey, you’re the one who wants to die already looking like a skeleton. But just so you know when I go out I want to go out all meat up.
Arnold pats his gut.
LEO
Hey, lady your not really going to take that crap form this fat ass are you?
ELLEN
I don’t let what other people say about me bother me.
LEO
The guy’s betting fifty bucks, I say a hundred that you finish the whole damn thing.
ARNOLD
She’ll never do it.
ELLEN
A hundred fifty, huh? Well okay, fine! Bring the sandwich here.
Arnold and Leo smile and pull the sandwich out of the bag and unwrap it.
LEO
Let’s just start off with half.
He breaks the sandwich in half and holds one piece up to her mouth. She gulps before opening her mouth wide and taking a large bite out of the sandwich. She takes a few more bites and finishes off that half.
ARNOLD
Think you can finish the other half?
ELLEN
(long gulp)
Bring it on, fatty!
Leo cheers he holds the other half of the sandwich up to Ellen’s mouth and she starts to eat that one. She finally finishes it. Ellen and Leo cheer while Arnold sighs.
LEO
Where’s our money?
Arnold again sighs and hands a few bills to Leo. Leo counts the money and divides it.
LEO (CONT’D)
A hundred for me and a hundred fifty for you.
He slips the money into Ellen’s pocket.
LEO (CONT’D)
You know, you’re pretty fun, Ellen.
ARNOLD
What else can we do?
INT. ROBERT’S HOUSE- DUSK
Robert sits back in his chair and watches some football on the TV. Dennis sits next to him slowly drinking some eggnog, he freaks out inside.
Dennis sets the eggnog down and turns to Robert.
DENNIS
Um, Robert, do you mind if I sleep here tonight? I mean this whole kidnapping thing has got me freaked out.
ROBERT
Of course you can stay here it’s the holidays. And plus I’ve got a special Christmas gift for you, but you can’t get it until the morning.
DENNIS
You don’t really seem much worried for Ellen.
ROBERT
Well she’s a big girl, she can fend for herself.
DENNIS
Yeah, but I like, can’t imagine what those goons are doing to her right now.
INT. THUG’S APARTMENT- SAME
Leo and Arnold hold a keg over Ellen, who is still cuffed to the chair. She chugs the keg. Arnold counts the time down on his watch. She then finally vomits.
LEO
How much was that?
ARNOLD
Three minutes and forty five seconds.
Leo cheers and gives Ellen a high five.
EXT. FOREST- DUSK
The chicken car pulls up into the nowhere of the forest. The headlights turn off followed by the engine.
INT. CHICKEN CAR- CONTINUOUS
Zack turns on a the light in the car and looks back at Helen.
ZACK
If you want you go to sleep.
HELEN
I’m not tired.
ZACK
Please, I know your tired.
HELEN
Well I’m not, okay.
She looks away, so does Zack. He turns to Saul.
ZACK
This girl is annoying me.
Saul reaches out and turns on the radio.
SAUL
What’s on?
He tunes it to a bunch of different radio stations. Helen notices an Ipod in the back.
HELEN
What about this?
Zack sees the Ipod.
ZACK
It’s not charged, and plus this idiot only put soundtracks for Robert Rodriguez movies in that thing, so, your not going to want to here it.
Helen tosses the Ipod to the side.
SAUL
What’s the point of having a radio in this piece of crap if it doesn’t work.
He switches it to a Country music station.
SAUL (CONT’D)
Well it’s something.
Zack pushes his seat back as Saul sits back.
Helen thinks in the backseat. She looks like she’s coming up with a plan.
HELEN
I’m bored.
ZACK
What? Well find something to do.
HELEN
Why do you think I’m telling you that I’m bored, there is nothing for me to do.
SAUL
Well you can give us both a naked lap dance.
Zack smacks Saul he then finds a Rubik's Cube. He passes it to Helen.
ZACK
There you go, enjoy. I could never salve these things and if you can I’ll be damned.
She takes the cube and starts to fiddle with it a bit.
Zack and Saul both lean back and close their eyes. The music continues to play as the scene:
DISSOLVES TO:
INT. CHICKEN CAR- THE NEXT DAY
It is early in the morning. Zack and Saul are asleep in the front seat. The country music continues to play. Then a loud RINGING starts to play through the stereos. Zack and Saul jump awake.
ZACK
Whoa, what the?!
SAUL
What’s that noise?
ZACK
it’s the radio, shut it off!
They start to try and turn off the radio but they can not find a way to do it. The a RADIO ANNOUNCER starts to talk over the radio.
RADIO ANNOUNCER (O.S.)
Wake up!!! It’s time to wake up from that nasty hangover and that dreaded one-night-stand because we all know that the cowboy man is one crazy man!
The finally shut it off.
ZACK
My god, I hate morning talk show host.
SAUL
Yeah, tell me about it.
ZACK
Is this chick still asleep?
They both turn around and to their surprise Helen is not there.
ZACK (CONT’D)
What the HELL?! CRAP! Get out look for her.
Saul quickly jumps out of the car. Zack is about to but quickly turns back around when he sees the salved Rubik's Cube.
ZACK (CONT’D)
Well I’ll be damned!
He then jumps out of the car.
EXT. FOREST- CONTINUOUS
The morning sky is a bright white. The forest floor is cover in dead leaves. It is Christmas day and the day’s look feels it.
Zack and Saul scramble about the leaves. Saul falls on his face as he slips on the leaves. Zack helps him up and then holds him up to his face.
ZACK
Where could she be?
SAUL
I don’t know, dude, it’s a forest she could be anywhere!
Zack pushes him off to the side. He looks around and then spots FOOTPRINTS in the leaves and mud.
ZACK
Look! Footprints! She went this way, come on!
He runs in the direction of the footprints. Saul quickly follows him.
INT. ROBERT’S HOUSE- DAY
Dennis sleeps on the couch. Robert walks on screen and stands over him. He holds to presents in his hands.
Softly he taps Dennis on the shoulder. Dennis awakens. Slowly he sits up.
ROBERT
Merry Christmas.
DENNIS
Merry Christmas.
Robert hands Dennis an eggnog. Dennis takes a few sips from it.
DENNIS (CONT’D)
Have you heard anything about Ellen?
ROBERT
Nope but don’t worry about it, I’m sure she’s fine.
He takes a seat next to Dennis.
DENNIS
This eggnog is excellent.
ROBERT
Isn’t it? Ellen made it. Before her mother died we would drink the eggnog that her mother would make every Christmas.
DENNIS
Did you learn how to make some?
ROBERT
No, I’ve never been able to learn how to do that kind of stuff. But Ellen learned and now that Rosie’s dead she is the one who makes all the eggnog on Christmas.
There is a short beat between the two.
ROBERT (CONT’D)
I got you a present, and there’s one form Ellen here for you.
He hands both the gifts to Dennis. Dennis takes them and sets them aside.
ROBERT (CONT’D)
Aren’t you going to open them?
DENNIS
I’ll open them later. Oh, and I’m sorry that I didn’t get you a present.
ROBERT
Don’t worry about it.
DENNIS
But hey do you have anymore recordings of those football games you loved so much?
ROBERT
You bet I do, and it looks like you’ve gotten over this situation quickly.
DENNIS
Well I’m pretty sure Ellen’s okay like you said.
INT. THUG’S APARTMENT- DAY
Arnold is passes out on the floor. Leo sits talking to Ellen.
LEO
And so long story short that’s why I was circumcised.
ELLEN
I dogg chewed up your dick?
LEO
Yeah, I still have some of the scares, do you want to see?
ELLEN
NO! no! I’ve only seen one dicks before in my life and that was my boyfriend’s and I’d like to keep it that way.
LEO
Oh, I respect that, you’re trying to stay true to your man. I had a woman like that once but then she killed that chick who gave me that hand job and now she’s at county.
ELLEN
(freaked out)
She must have really loved you.
LEO
You know it!
(beat, then)
Man I’m drunk. I need a shower.
He gets up and steps over Arnold.
LEO (CONT’D)
Oh and I’m sorry about having to keep you tied up but you know, it’s the rules to kidnapping, always keep your hostage tied up. But it’s Christmas and me and Arnold last night agreed to give you this.
He pulls out a small key and gives it Ellen.
ELLEN
What’s this?
LEO
It’s one of the keys to the cuffs. Here let me help you.
He grabs they key from her and frees one of her hands.
LEO (CONT’D)
Well, I’m gonna take a shower. Look after Arnold, will ya.
Again he steps over Arnold and walks out of the room.
Ellen waits for the sound of running water to start and then she starts to mess around with the cuffs. She reaches into her hair and pulls out a hairpin.
She sticks the hairpin into the part of the cuff where the two halves clip together. After a few second the cuff opens.
ELLEN
Thank God for that ‘Rescue Dawn’ movie.
She does the same things on the two cuffs and frees herself. She gets up.
Arnold snorts a bit. Ellen turns around to see if he’s awake, he’s not. She then runs to the window and looks out of it.
ELLEN (CONT’D)
Where am I?
ARNOLD (O.S.)
What the?
She turns to see Arnold half awake and half drunk on the floor. He stares up at her.
ARNOLD
Hey, what are you doing out of the chair?
(beat, then)
Oh, man. You laid Leo didn’t you?
ELLEN
Um, yes, yes I did.
ARNOLD
Come on, Leo always gets the girls even though he’s circumcised.
ELLEN
Listen Arnold where exactly are we?
ARNOLD
Thirty first street.
ELLEN
Thanks.
He falls back to the floor and Ellen runs out of the room.
The water in the shower shuts off. A few seconds later Leo walks out wearing only a towel. He sees that Ellen is gone.
LEO
Dude, where is she?!
Arnold awakens almost fully.
ARNOLD
You’re a doughbag! You got to lay that chick.
LEO
Man I didn’t get to do that piece, man, get up! We’ve got to get her!
Leo grabs some underwear off the couch and slips it on from under his towel. He then runs out of the apartment followed by a slow Arnold.
EXT. APARTMENT COMPLEX- DAY
Ellen runs out of the complex building and into the street. She continues to run into the distance.
Soon after Leo and Arnold run out. Leo has the 357. Magnum in his hand and he fires at her. BANG!
LEO
Damn you! I thought we were friends. Quick Arnold get the car!
Arnold runs off towards the parking lot.
EXT. FOREST- DAY
ANGEL ON: HELEN
She runs up towards the CAMERA getting her face up close in it. She then quickly runs off screen.
ANGEL ON: ZACK & SAUL
They run through the trees following Helen’s footsteps.
EXT. FARM- LATER
A small far sits at the edge of the forest. An OLD FARMER is chopping down a tree stump with a chainsaw.
Helen runs out from the forest.
OLD FARMER
Whoa, little lady! Where did you come from?
HELEN
Listen you have to help me, there’s these two crazy men chasing me.
OLD FARMER
Well sure what do you need?
HELEN
That chainsaw.
She grabs the chainsaw form the Old Farmer. As she takes the chainsaw Zack and Saul pop up in the background they run towards her.
HELEN (CONT’D)
Get back I’ll cut you!
OLD FARMER
You men leave this lady alone.
HELEN
Shut up old man, I can fend for myself.
ZACK
Hey, I’ll shoot you.
Zack pulls out his fake gun and points it at Helen. Helen lets out a roar and cut the gun in half. Saul sprints and runs off. Zack quickly follows after him and then Helen chases them.
EXT. STREET- DAY
Ellen runs down the street. She goes around a corner and hides behind a building wall. She look around the corner to see if Leo and Arnold are following her.
EXT. FOREST- DAY
Saul and Zack run through the forest screaming. Helen chases them with the roaring chainsaw in her hands.
EXT. STREETS- DAY
Leo and Arnold’s car speed through the streets looking for Ellen. Arnold looks out the window with binoculars. The car takes a hard turn and the binoculars follow out of Arnold’s hands and into the street.
Arnold the finally sees Ellen.
ARNOLD
Hey you!
Ellen sprints and runs off. Arnold tries to open the door while the car is still moving. The door opens and he falls out.
ARNOLD (CONT’D)
CRAP! Come back here, Ellen!
Leo stops the car.
LEO
Get back in the car, retard!
Arnold gets back in the car and they drive off.
EXT. FOREST- DAY
Saul and Zack quickly run towards the car. They open the back seat doors and get in. as Helen catches up to them the gas in the chainsaw runs out and it turns off.
In anger she starts to bang her fist up against the windows. She stops and sees that they are seated in the “back seat”. she smiles.
INT. CHICKEN CAR- CONTINUOUS
Zack and Saul stare at Helen in fear. Through the window they see her walk up to the driver seat door. She opens it and leans inside.
HELEN
Hey boys, you want to go for a ride?
Helen puts the car in neutral. It slowly starts to move forward. She then grabs the seatbelt and straps it around the steering wheel. She smiles and shuts the door.
HELEN
(filtered through window)
I hope you boys enjoy your ride.
She laughs and walks away.
Zack and Saul quickly turn to one another and scream. They quickly try to open the door but they are still on child lock.
ZACK
Stupid child lock!
SAUL
Why did you put these things on?!
ZACK
So she wouldn’t get out!
SAUL
Well now we can’t get out!
The two look out the window. They see that the car is headed for a river bed. They scream again.
ZACK
Jolt the steering wheel!
Saul tries but the seatbelt does not allow him to.
SAUL
I can’t! the seatbelt is keeping me from turning it!
ZACK
So unbuckle it!
Saul tries to unbuckle the seatbelt. He can not reach.
SAUL
I can’t reach!
As the car moves ever closer to the river Zack reaches from beside the seat and is able to reach the seat buckle. He unbuckles the seatbelt and it swings backwards. This cause for the buckle to hit Saul in the face.
SAUL
OW! Why?!
Zack reaches over and jerks the steering wheel to the side.
EXT. FOREST- CONTINUOUS
The chicken car takes a hard turn and then softly crashes into the bark of a tree. It sits there for a beat.
INT. CHICKEN CAR- CONITNUOUS
Zack and Saul breath heavily. Zack climbs over the seat and into the driver seat. He starts the car.
ZACK
That is one crazy bitch! Now let’s go find her!
He puts the car in drive and speeds off.
EXT. STREET- DAY
Ellen hides in outside of a café. Leo and Arnold speed by in there car. Ellen turns to a MAN drinking coffee.
ELLEN
Excuse me but do you know which way to get to Franklin Road?
MAN
That’s like fifteen block that way.
The man point in the direction in which Arnold and Leo had just gone.
ELLEN
Okay, thank you.
MAN
No problem.
She then runs off.
INT. ROBERT’S HOUSE- DAY
Dennis and Robert sit drinking October fest beer and watch replays of more old football games. Dennis is hooked on the TV as a play finally makes a score.
DENNIS
Whoa! That was freaking awesome!
ROBERT
Ain’t it?
DENNIS
Wow, you’re kind of lucky having recorded all this. The only thing my roommates record on our DVR are cheap cop shows.
Robert smiles at Dennis.
ROBERT
You know Dennis, I’m proud that you’re dating my daughter. I mean, I wouldn’t have it any other way.
DENNIS
Thanks, Robert.
ROBERT
You really care for my daughter.
DENNIS
Well she’s important to me.
ROBERT
That’s exactly why.
(beat)
Are you sure your not going to open those presents?
DENNIS
Maybe later.
ROBERT
Well I’m gonna take a shower.
Robert walks out of the living area and to the back of the house. Dennis waits until he is completely gone and he pulls out his phone and tries to call Saul this time.
INTERCUT WITH:
INT. CHICKEN CAR- DAY
Saul and Zack drive through the interstate looking out for Helen. Then Saul’s phone RINGS!
SAUL
(into phone)
Hello! Dennis?
DENNIS
Hey Saul listen, man, nothing is going as planned for me. Robert, my girlfriend’s father isn’t going to hand over any money. He thinks that we are just gonna let her go if we don’t get paid.
SAUL
That sucks, man.
DENNIS
You guys are still in the apartment?
SAUL
Yeah, we’re still in the apartment, we never left.
DENNIS
Great, so where is she?
SAUL
Where is she?
Zack quickly turns to Saul and shakes his head.
SAUL (CONT’D)
She’s in the shower.
DENNIS
You tied her up in the shower?
SAUL
Yeah totally man.
Suddenly Helen pops up in front of the car. Zack slams on the breaks!
DENNIS
What was that?!
SAUL
Um, we’re watching a movie, I’ll call you back, it’s just getting good.
Saul hangs up the phone and he and Zack roll down their windows and pop their heads out.
EXT. INTERSTATE- CONTINUOUS
Helen brings her fist down on the cars hood.
HELEN
What the hell is wrong with you guys!
ZACK
Get back in the car.
Helen is out of breath. She thinks for a second and then nods.
HELEN
Okay, fine. But if I get in we’re going back to the city.
SAUL
Okay, yeah, fine.
ZACK
Yeah, we’ll go back to the city, just please, get back in the car.
HELEN
Fine.
Helen opens the back door. As she steps in to the car:
ANGEL ON: HELEN’S HAND
She takes the child lock off the door as she sits down and shuts the door.
INT. CHICKEN CAR- CONTINUOUS
Zack looks back at Helen.
ZACK
Okay, let’s just put down one rule here, let’s just all act civilized, okay?
HELEN
(fake smile)
Of course.
Zack nods and then starts to drive again.
INT. ROBERT’S HOUSE- DAY
Dennis sits on the couch alone now. He watches some of the old tapes again.
He then grabs the gift from Ellen and puts it on his lap. He then opens it. Inside is just a card. He opens the card and inside is a check.
DENNIS
(reading card)
Dear, Dennis; I know you’ve been having some money problems and I wanted to help you out with that so here is a check in your name, I hope you can use it. Love, Ellen.
He sets the card aside and reads the check. It is a check for 1,500 dollars.
DENNIS (CONT’D)
Oh, my God, Ellen. I don’t need this, well I do but not from you.
Robert walks into the room wearing only a towel.
ROBERT
Who you talking to, Dennis?
DENNIS
No one, just reading the card that Ellen gave me.
ROBERT
Oh, well I hope you enjoy it.
Robert starts to dry his hair with another towel and he walks out of the room again.
INT. ROBERT’S BEDROOM- CONTINUOUS
Robert enters the room and starts to get dressed. He also continues to dry his hair with the towel. As he does these two things he sees a picture of his dead wife. Next to the picture is a small gift.
ROBERT
Rosie, this is the year I’ll give it to Ellen. She’s going to love it.
He picks up the gift and a silent beat passes. As this beat passes he gets a look of realization on his face. He quickly pulls on a shirt and some pants and exit’s the room.
INT. ROBERT’S HOUSE- CONTINUOUS
Dennis still sits on the couch. Robert enters the room at a fast paste. He walks over to Dennis and shuts off the TV.
ROBERT
Come on, let’s go.
DENNIS
Go where?
ROBERT
To find my baby girl.
Dennis gets up.
DENNIS
Really?
ROBERT
Yeah, I’m gonna give those guys a piece of my mind.
DENNIS
You’re just going to go like that? You’re not going to take any money with you?
ROBERT
Nope, now hurry up, let’s go.
DENNIS
Wait, how are you supposed to find these guys?
ROBERT
How do detectives do it? Now will you hurry?
Robert exit’s the room. Dennis grabs his coat and quickly falls after him.
EXT. ROBERT’S HOUSE- CONTINUOUS
Robert walks up to his car. He opens the door.
ROBERT
Get in! you’re going to show me where you found that note.
DENNIS
But--
ROBERT
Will you just get in!
Dennis quickly runs over to the other side and he gets into the car. Robert then gets into the car and pulls away.
EXT. STREETS- DAY
Ellen runs down a street. ZOOM! The chicken car goes zooming past her. She ignores it and continues to run.
Then ZOOM! The thugs car SCREECHS around the corner. Arnold pops his head out the window and points at her.
ARNOLD
There she is!
Ellen sprints off. The car chases her.
EXT. SUBURBAN BACKYARD- DAY
Ellen jumps over a fence to a suburban house and lands in the backyard. She runs and then
CRASH!
The thugs car breaks through the fence and tears up the backyard. Leo pops his head out the window.
LEO
I trusted you!
Ellen jumps another fence and they once again crash through it.
INT. CHICKEN CAR- DAY
Zack and Saul and Helen continue to drive in the car. As Saul and Zack concentrate on what they’re going to do next Helen in the back seat opens the back door. She then throws herself out.
EXT. STREET- CONTINUOUS
Helen gets up after falling into the street. The chicken car does not seem to stop.
INT. CHICKEN CAR- CONTINUOUS
Saul and Zack continue to talk and then Saul’s phone RINGS. He answers it.
SAUL
(into phone)
Hello? Oh Dennis!
INTERCUT WITH:
EXT. APARTMENT COMPLEX- DAY
Dennis stands outside of Ellen’s apartment complex. He talks not his phone.
DENNIS
Saul, I’ve solved our rent problem but it’s only fifty hundred dollars. But Ellen’s dad is looking for her.
SAUL
He’s looking for her?! Uh, what are we going to do?
DENNIS
Okay, listen up. All I want you guys to do is take her to her father’s house, it’s on Franklin Road, just leave her there okay?
SAUL
Yes, alright.
Robert walks out of the complex and up to Dennis who hangs up quickly.
The scene stops INTERCUTTING.
ROBERT
The place didn’t look wrecked at all.
DENNIS
Well they probably grabbed her while she was walking up to her door.
ROBERT
You’re right, come on let’s check some other place.
They walk off screen.
INT. CHICKEN CAR- CONTINUOUS
SAUL
(into phone)
Dennis? Yo, Dennis?
(to Zack)
He hung up.
Saul hangs up the phone and tosses it aside.
SAUL (CONT’D)
Well it looks like you’re going to daddy’s house, Ellen.
He turns around to see the she’s not there.
SAUL
What the monkey!
ZACK
What?
SAUL
She’s gone, man!
ZACK
What?!
Zack, still driving, turns around to see that Helen is not there.
ZACK
(not looking at road)
How’d she get out?
SAUL
How’d she get out when we were asleep?
As the two continue to talk while looking at the back seat, Ellen pops out of a bush, we see her run across the street through the windshield. Zack and Saul finally turn around and
BOOM!
A car crashes into their side.
EXT. STREET- CONTINUOUS
The thug’s car had crashed into the chicken car, but they did not stop. They continue to chase after Ellen.
As the chicken car sits the wrecked on the other side Helen pops out from another bush and she runs in the same direction as Ellen and the thug’s car had just gone.
Saul pops his head out the window.
SAUL
Dude, there she goes!
SCREECH! The chicken car takes off after Helen.
INT. THUG’S CAR- DAY
Leo gives the steering wheel a hard jerk. The car turns and almost flips over. a lot of the junk on the floor goes flying through the air in the car.
LEO
I can’t believe that chick, man!
ARNOLD
I can’t believe you did her.
LEO
Man, I didn’t do her, cause if I did I would’ve told you by now.
ARNOLD
Man, forget you, you always get the chicks you circumcised doughbag.
LEO
Man, shut up! Here take this gun and shoot--
BANG!
Arnold shoots a hole through the roof of the car.
LEO (CONT’D)
At the girl you idiot!
ARNOLD
I know, I’m sorry!
Arnold aims the gun out the window. Then at the same moment Leo jerks the wheel again as Ellen runs around a corner.
BANG!
Arnold shoots the gear shift by accident. Leo tries to change gears but nothing happens.
LEO
You freaking idiot! What the hell?!
Leo continues to mess with the gear trying to shift but nothing happens.
BOOM!
The car crashes into a street light.
BOOM!
The street light falls on top of the car. Arnold SCREAMS!
EXT. STREET- CONTINUOUS
The thug’s car sits destroyed under the knocked down street light. Helen runs up to the car and opens the door. She sees that Leo and Arnold are in there.
HELEN
Leo? Arnold? What are you two doing here?
The two start to mumble.
HELEN (CONT’D)
Never mind, come on, let me in there’s these two idiots chasing me.
LEO
There’s something wrong with the gear shift, it doesn’t move.
HELEN
Well then, just come on!
She runs off. Leo and Arnold get out and follow her.
SCREECH!
The chicken car speeds around the corner. They start chasing, Leo, Helen and Arnold.
INT. ROBERT’S CAR- DAY
Robert and Dennis sit at a red light.
ROBERT
Now, all we’ve got to do is look out for something strange, okay?
DENNIS
Like what?
Through the windshield we see Helen, Leo and Arnold run by followed by the red Honda with a giant chicken bucket on top. Stuck to the passing car are branches, twigs even a stop sign.
ROBERT
Like that! Let’s role!
DENNIS
Wait it’s still a red light.
ROBERT
Right.
EXT. STREET- DAY
Ellen jumps behind a bush. She waits there for a beat. She starts to back up and bumps into someone. She turns around to see that it is Helen, Leo and Arnold.
LEO
Hey, it’s that bitch!
Thinking quickly Ellen grabs a branch from the bush, pulls it back and let’s go. The branch hits all three of the others in the face.
ARNOLD/LEO
CRAP!
HELEN
What the hell, bitch!
Ellen runs. The other three chase Ellen. As they pop out of the bush the chicken car speeds towards the. They all run.
Close behind Robert’s car follows.
INT. ROBERT’S CAR- DAY
Robert and Dennis spot Ellen through the window, running away from them.
ROBERT
That’s my daughter! Hold on tight Dennis, this ride’s going to get bumpy!
Robert hit’s the gas.
EXT. STREET- DAY
The sight of this chase looks like chaos. As Helen, Leo and Arnold chase Ellen, Saul and Zack chase Helen and Robert and Dennis chase the rest of them.
INT. POLICE CAR- DAY
The Guard from the mall sits in the cop car. The car is parked at the corner of a street. The guard’s PARTNER steps out of the car, he pops his head back through.
PARTNER
What can I get ya?
GUARD
A doughnut.
PARTNER
Right. Oh, and again, welcome to the force, but just remember keep your eyes open for anything strange.
The partner goes into the convenience store across the street. The guard just sits in the car looking out the window.
Suddenly Ellen runs by the guard’s squad car, followed closely by Helen and the others. As they all fly by the guard just continues to sit there. He does not move a muscle.
The partner comes back with a coffee and the guards doughnut.
PARTNER (CONT’D)
Anything strange happen?
GUARD
Nope.
PARTNER
Nothing ever does.
The guard takes his doughnut.
EXT. STREET- CONTINOUOS
Ellen quickly runs and takes a quick turn around a corner. Helen, Leo and Arnold do the same.
SMASH!
The chicken car crashes through a stop sign. The stop sign flies through the air and lands on Robert’s car.
INT. ROBERT’S CAR- CONTINUOUS
DENNIS
Was that a stop sign?!
ROBERT
Yep! Now put on your seatbelt, I’m getting our Ellen back!
Dennis sits back and puts on his seatbelt.
EXT. STREET- CONTINUOUS
The nine of them are moving closer and closer towards the mall.
EXT. MALL- MOMENTS LATER
Ellen jumps into the mall’s parking lot. Helen and the others are close behind. Ellen runs up to the mall and enters it.
Helen, Leo and Arnold enter the mall.
The chicken car SCREECHS to a halt. Saul jumps out of the car.
ZACK
Chase her to the other entrance, I’ll drive the car around and we’ll bag her, alright?
SAUL
Yeah, man.
ZACK
Go! Go!
Saul runs into the mall. Zack drives off.
Roberts car pulls up and Dennis jumps out.
DENNIS
I’m gonna go get Ellen, you drive around to the other entrance just incase.
Robert nods and drives off. Dennis takes a deep breath and runs into the mall.
INT. MALL- DAY
Helen and Leo look around for Ellen. Arnold struggles to keep up and finally meets up with the other two.
ARNOLD
Where’d she go?
HELEN
I don’t know, but keep up fat ass.
She looks over a rail and down on the first floor. She see Ellen walking comely through a crowd of five or six people.
HELEN (CONT’D)
There! Come on quickly!
ANGEL ON: SAUL
He walks through the mall confused by the malls complexity. He walks through a small crowd of people and see Helen up on the second floor. He sees her run off and he starts to run through the people.
SAUL
Sorry, sorry.
He bumps into Ellen who falls over.
SAUL (CONT’D)
Sorry about that.
Saul runs off and Ellen gets up. She watches as Saul runs off and then runs off towards another entrance.
Helen runs up to where Ellen had just left.
HELEN
Where’d she go?
SAUL (O.S.)
Hey!
Helen turns around to see Saul running back to the spot.
HELEN
Oh, no.
Helen, Leo and Arnold run off into the same direction Ellen did. They are followed close behind by Saul.
ANGEL ON: DENNIS
Dennis is confused and does not know where to look. He reads a map of the mall. Then Ellen runs past him with out even looking at him.
DENNIS
Ellen!
She does not stop. Soon after Ellen runs by she is followed by Helen, Leo, Arnold and Saul.
DENNIS (CONT’D)
Saul!
Dennis sighs and runs after them.
ANGEL ON: ELLEN
She runs up to the other entrance and exits it. Helen and her two partners also exit it.
EXT. MALL- CONTINOUOS
As Helen runs onto the street she sees the chicken car speeding towards her. The breaks on the car are slammed and the car lifts onto its side a bit. Helen takes this as a chance to run.
Saul exit’s the shop and sees the car tipping over as it continues to pull up to the entrance. He quickly dives into the bushes.
INT. MALL- CONTINUOUS
As Dennis runs up to entrance the chicken car tips over in front of it. The giant chicken bucket o the top snaps of and SMASHES through the glass door.
DENNIS
Oh, crap!
As the chicken bucket starts to chase him he runs away from it.
In the background MUSIC the INDIANA JONES THEME plays.
He runs through a crowd of people who all jump into stores, out of the way the bucket.
DENNIS (CONT’D)
Everybody, get out of my way.
At a near by store an EMPLOYEE sets up a pen display. He walks away and sets a broom down next to the display. The broom slip a lid a knocks the display over.
As Dennis runs by the pens from the display fly through the air like darts from a booby-trap. Dennis dodges them and continues to run from the bolder like chicken bucket.
Dennis notices a shop closing as runs from the bucket. The metal walls comes down on the entrance to the shop and Dennis quickly dives into it. The metallic wall shuts and the bucket SLAMS up against it.
INT. ROBERT’S CAR- DAY
Robert sits at the entrance waiting for Dennis.
ROBERT
Where is this boy.
He checks his watch.
ROBERT (CONT’D)
Oh, forget him.
Robert puts the car into gear and drives off.
EXT. STREET- DAY
Ellen runs down the street. She trips and falls and Helen, Leo and Arnold are able to catch up with her.
Leo and Arnold grab Ellen by the arms and bring her onto her feet.
LEO
What the hell is wrong with you!
ELLEN
Let go of me!
HELEN
Who is this?
ARNOLD
It’s some chick we kidnapped from the mall. She calls herself Ellen.
HELEN
Wait, Ellen? Your name’s Ellen?
ELLEN
Yeah.
Saul and Zack pop up around the corner.
ZACK
Nobody move!
He grabs Saul’s fake gun and points it at them all. Leo shakes his head and pulls out his real gun. Zack quickly drops his.
LEO
Yeah, I thought so.
ZACK
Look, all we want is that girl.
He points at Helen.
HELEN
Listen, you stupid boob. I am not the one you’re looking for! She is!
Helen points at Ellen and Zack and Saul look at one another confused.
ZACK
No, we were supposed to grab a girl wearing a baby blue dress and who’s name is Ellen.
SAUL
(to Helen)
That’s you.
HELEN
No! my name is Helen, okay, get that through your skulls, it’s not Ellen it’s Helen, okay! All I was doing in the mall that day trying to plan a massive hostage taking situation and you boobs ruined that for me.
ELLEN
Wait, did you guys say you were looking for a girl with a baby blue dressed named Ellen?
SAUL/ZACK
Yeah.
ELLEN
Because the day I saw you guys kidnap her I was supposed to wear a baby blue dress, and my name is Ellen.
ZACK
Are you serious?
SAUL
Aw, we’re idiots.
LEO
Ph yeah, that’s good to know, now get down on the floor before I blow your brains out!
Ellen, Zack and Saul quickly drop to the floor. Leo points the gun at them.
LEO (CONT’D)
So Helen, which one should we waste first?
HELEN
What are you talking about?
LEO
Well we need to waste them. I mean, they know our plan for the whole hostage taking thing.
HELEN
So, we don’t have to kill them, it’s not like we’re still going to go through with it.
ARNOLD
But what about loitering?
HELEN
Okay, fine! You want to kill them, alright let’s kill them! But I get to do it first.
She grabs the gun from Leo and aims it over the three laying on the floor. She stop over Zack who quickly jumps up.
ZACK
Wait! Do you really wan to do this?
HELEN
Well let’s see, you pulled me out of a mall with a bag over my head, you took me to your crappy apartment, smashed me over the head with a metallic tray, took me to the forest and made me run all the here. I’ve been through hell and I want to do this.
ZACK
Okay, but I love you!
Helen kicks Zack in the groins. He quickly bends over in pain but comes in close and starts to kiss Helen.
Leo starts to shed a tear.
LEO
Ellen, I love you!
He picks her up and tries to kiss her. She punches him in the gut.
ELLEN
I have a boyfriend!
SCREECH!
Robert’s car comes to s sudden stop. He jumps out and runs up to Ellen. They hug.
LEO
That’s your boyfriend!? I lost out to an old dude.
ROBERT
I’m her dad jackass.
LEO
Wait, I thought you said you didn’t have a daddy.
ROBERT
Are you the son of a bitch that kidnapped my daughter?
ARNOLD
Yeah that’ll be us.
Robert punches Leo and Arnold. He looks over at Zack who still kisses Helen and Saul who wear their black mask, they have been wearing them the whole time.
ROBERT
Who are these guys?
ELLEN
I don’t know.
SAUL
Um, well to tell you the truth we’re Dennis’ roommates.
ROBERT
Dennis’ roommates, wait Dennis was behind this the entire time?
SAUL
Well, um--
Zack quickly pulls away from Helen.
ZACK
No, it was all our idea, we had money troubles, Dennis wanted us to make money, and this was the only way, but Dennis doesn’t know it was us, I swear.
ELLEN
Well wait, where is Dennis?
INT. MALL- DAY
Dennis bangs on the metallic wall like door. A passing JANITOR hears him and unlocks the door. As the door goes up Dennis falls out.
JANITOR
What were you doing in there?
DENNIS
Giant chicken bucket.
He points at the bucket and then runs off. The janitor stares at the giant bucket.
EXT. MALL- CONTINUOUS
Dennis runs out into the parking lot. He sees the tipped over chicken car, which is now bucket-less. He sees Robert’s skid marks and follows them.
EXT. STREET- DAY
Ellen, Helen, Zack, Saul, Robert, Leo and Arnold all just stand looking at one another. Helen is in Zack’s arms, Ellen is in her father’s arms and they stand there silently.
LEO
So like, now what?
ZACK
I don’t know.
ARNOLD
Well we can all just walk away from this and pretend that it never happened.
Everyone looks at Arnold.
LEO
You know that’s the smartest thing you’ve said in two days.
Leo turns to the others.
LEO (CONT’D)
So what do ya’ll say. I mean, we’ve all committed crimes here, several domestic crimes, a butt load of traffic crimes.
ROBERT
Sure, I’ll forgive you for kidnapping my daughter.
ELLEN
I’ll forgive you guys, too.
ARNOLD
And I can honestly say that I’m sorry.
HELEN
Well I’m willing to forget.
(to Zack)
That is if--
She whispers something into Zack’s ears and Zack’s eyes go wide.
ZACK
Alright, forgive and forget.
SAUL
Wow, this whole thing ended without any consequences.
Sirens BLAIR and POLICE OFFICERS pop out.
POLICE OFFICER
Nobody move, you’re all under arrest.
The police officers start to cuff everyone. They push them all into the back of a police van and they drive off.
Just as the vans and police drive off Dennis runs up.
DENNIS
No wait! No! come on!
He falls to his knees breathing heavily.
DENNIS (CONT’D)
I’m such an idiot.
He gets up and walks up to Robert’s car. A POLICE OFFICER walks up to him.
POLICE OFFICER 2
Do you know the man who owns this car?
DENNIS
Yeah, it’s my girlfriend’s dad’s car.
POLICE OFFICER 2
Well then you can either claim it now or we can take it to the compound.
DENNIS
If I claim it do I have to pay for it?
POLICE OFFICER 2
Just about twenty dollars.
Dennis sighs and pulls out his wallet. He hands the police officer twenty dollars and then hops into Robert’s car.
INT. ROBERT’S CAR- CONTINUOUS
Dennis enters the car. He shuts the door and sits there for a beat. He then starts to BANG the steering wheel several times.
MONTAGE:
- Dennis drives Robert’s car back to Robert’s house.
- Helen, Leo, Arnold, Saul, Zack, Ellen and Robert all get mug shots taken.
- Dennis enters Robert’s house. He sits down and drinks some eggnog. He sees Robert’s present and throws it into a corner.
- In a prison cell the bars close behind Robert, Zack, Saul, Leo and Arnold.
- In a different prison cell the bars close behind Ellen and Helen.
INT. MEN’S PRISON CELL- NIGHT
The five men sit silently. They do not look at one another. It is like this until a PRISON GUARD comes up to them.
PRISON GUARD
All of ya only got one call, use it wisely. You’re up first tubby.
ARNOLD
I don’t have anybody to call.
LEO
Me neither.
The guard looks at Zack.
ZACK
I’ll call Dennis.
Zack get’s up and the guard lets him out of the cell.
ZACK (CONT’D)
(joking)
I’m gonna escape!
The guard takes this as a treat and pulls out his nightstick and starts to beat Zack. More GUARDS join in on the beating.
ZACK (CONT’D)
(crying)
I was joking!
INT. WOMEN’S CELL- NIGHT
Helen and Ellen sit quietly in the cell. They only stare at one another but do not talk.
HELEN
Today was crazy, huh?
ELLEN
Yep. Listen I’m sorry about the whole branch to the face thing.
HELEN
No problem.
(beat, then)
So, you’re boyfriend’s roommates tried to kidnap you.
ELLEN
I guess so, they were really deep in dept.
HELEN
That, uh, Zack is it?
ELLEN
Don’t ask me, I’ve never met them before.
HELEN
Oh, well he’s cute.
There’s a beat.
ELLEN
Sow hat do you do for a living?
HELEN
Well me and my partners were small time crooks. You know we convenience store hold up and crap like that. We were actually going to try and take that entire mall hostage, but right now it all just seems like a stupid idea. What about you?
ELLEN
I work in banking.
HELEN
Oh, good for you.
(beat, then)
So you’ve never met your boyfriend’s roommates before?
ELLEN
Nope.
HELEN
Well if you did do you think you would of left him for that Zack guy?
Ellen just stares at Helen.
HELEN (CONT’D)
It’s just a question.
ELLEN
Well no.
HELEN
It’s just that he knows how to take charge, he gets what he wants you know?
Ellen looks away from Helen.
INT. PRISON- NIGHT
Zack is now all beat-up, he is missing a tooth, his eye is black and he has bruises on his cheeks. He dials Dennis’ number.
INTERCUT WITH:
INT. ROBERT’S HOUSE- CONTINUOUS
Dennis’ phone is hooked to a charger. It rings and Dennis answers it.
DENNIS
Hello?
ZACK
Dennis it’s me, Zack!
DENNIS
Zack? Are you in jail?
ZACK
Yeah, man, and I’m scared, they’ve already made us their bitches in here.
Dennis leaps forward.
DENNIS
They’re making you wear dresses and crap?
ZACK
(crying)
Yeah , man. You have to get us out of here before they make us butt pirates.
DENNIS
Well how much is the bale?
ZACK
A hundred fifty per each of us.
DENNIS
What is that six hundred buck?
ZACK
Well actually a thousand.
DENNIS
What?! How’s that? You just said one fifty a pop.
ZACK
Yeah but there’ three other people here with us and I ain’t leaving with out her and she ain’t leaving without them, so.
DENNIS
Well how long are you guys going to be in there?
ZACK
Three months. Look do you have the money or not?
Dennis stares at the check from Ellen.
INT. MEN’S PRISON CELL- DAY
Dennis stands outside of the cell as the other five awaken. Zack sees Dennis and quickly runs up to him?
ZACK
Are you going to bales us out?
Dennis pulls out a wad of cash.
ZACK (CONT’D)
Yes! I love you, man!
(to others)
Hey everyone, he’s baling us out.
DENNIS
Well actually, Zack--
Zack quickly turns back to Dennis, he knows something bad is coming his way. His eyes start to water.
DENNIS (CONT’D)
We need this money to pay the rent, I mean, if we don’t they’re going to kick us out of the apartment.
LEO
What?! That’s bull, man!
DENNIS
Who are you?
LEO
No the question is who are you to question our freedom just so you can pay off a stupid rent.
DENNIS
Hey, pal! You don’t under stand! If I don’t pay this rent then me and my roommates will be kicked out onto the street.
LEO
Boy, I’m gonna kill you!
ROBERT
Calm down, Leo.
Robert gets up and walks up to Dennis.
ROBERT (CONT’D)
You never did open my gift to you, did ya?
DENNIS
No, I haven’t had enough time.
ROBERT
Well then trust me, Dennis, you don’t need this money.
DENNIS
But--
ROBERT
Trust me.
Dennis looks over at Zack and Saul. He remembers something that his boss told him.
DENNIS
Alright, fine. But first, you two, Zack and Saul. If I let you two out there’s only one thing I want from you guys.
ZACK/SAUL
Anything.
DENNIS
I want respect.
SAUL
That’s it?
DENNIS
No, not ‘that’s it’. when I say respect I mean it, like when I tell you to go look for a job to help me pay the bills, I don’t mean sit on your asses all day and play Xbox live, I actually me go out and get a job.
WALTER (O.S.)
That a boy, Dennis.
Everyone looks over at Walter who sits in the corner of the giant cell. He stands up and walks up to Dennis.
DENNIS
Walter? What are you doing here?
WLATER
Drinking and driving. DWI, DUI it’s all the same. What matters is you knew what I meant, now tell me, will you get me out of here?
ZACK
Dude, can we please just get out of here?
ARNOLD
Yeah, man. I can’t take these tight spaces.
Dennis shakes his head and walks over to a guard.
INT. WOMEN’S PRISON CELL- DAY
A GUARD walks up to Helen and Ellen’s cell. He unlocks the cell.
PRISON GUARD 2
You two are free to go.
ELLEN
What?
PRISON GUARD 2
Someone paid the bale and now your free to go, the both of you, now please get out we got two more coming in.
The two girls get up and exit the cell.
EXT. PRISON- DAY
Dennis and the other guys wait at Robert’s car as the Helen and Ellen walk out of the prison. Ellen sees Dennis and quickly runs to him and kisses him.
DENNIS
Listen, Ellen, I’m sorry for everything I put you through in the past few days.
ELLEN
Don’t worry about it, it’s not like you knew that your roommates were trying to kidnap me, but then accidentally kidnapped the wrong girl and then all this happened.
Dennis seems confused, he looks over at Saul and Zack who give him a thumbs-up. Then Helen runs up to Zack and kisses him.
INT. ROBERT’S HOUSE- DAY
Robert, Ellen and Dennis sit on the couch. Robert hands Dennis his gift again. Dennis finally opens it and inside is a sheet of paper.
DENNIS
What is this?
ROBERT
It’s a deed, to your new house.
DENNIS
What?
ROBERT
Yeah, I got you your own house, for you and your roommates.
DENNIS
But why?
ROBERT
Well Ellen here told me that you were having some money troubles.
ELLEN
Guilty.
ROBERT
And well I thought to you could really use this, so Merry Christmas, Dennis.
Dennis’ eyes start to water. He hugs Robert. He then looks at Ellen and gives her a big kiss.
DENNIS
I love you guys.
ROBERT
And guess what?
DENNIS
What?
ROBERT
It has a pool and a Jacuzzi.
Dennis smiles and looks at the deed.
EXT. DENNIS’ NEW HOUSE- DAY
Dennis, Saul and Ellen all stand out side of the brand new two story house. They carry bags in their hands. They look at one another, smile and walk up to the house.
INT. HOUSE- CONTINUOUS
Ellen looks through the kitchen. Saul looks at the staircase and Dennis checks out the backyard.
DENNIS (V.O.)
Well, that’s the story. Ellen moved in with me and Saul.
EXT. HOUSE- BACKYARD- DAY
It is summer time, Saul jumps into the pool while Ellen tans on the pool side. Dennis jumps over her and into the pool.
DENNIS (V.O.)
Saul also took my place at the Pluck Bucket, of course they did take the chicken mobile out of his first pay check.
The CAMERA PANS OVER to reveal the wrecked chicken mobile sitting on the lawn.
INT. BANK- DAY
Ellen sits at a desk, she types into her computer.
DENNIS (V.O.)
I got a job working with Ellen, well sort of.
Dennis walks on screen mopping the floor and wearing a janitor’s outfit.
DENNIS (CONT’D)
Hey it’s not always a happy ending, but at least I get to see Ellen everyday, and plus she says that I’ll work my way up to manager in no time.
Ellen smiles at Dennis who smiles back.
CUT TO BLACK:
DENNIS (V.O.)
But what happened to Zack? I’m not sure, after all this happened he started living with that Helen chick and well I guess that’ll always be a mystery
CUT UP FROM BLACK:
EXT. CONVENIENCE STORE- NIGHT
Zack and Helen sit on a bench outside of the convenience store. Their faces are so close they are practically touching,.
HELEN
Listen, Zack you’ve made my life, before you I was just a bitter criminal but now you’ve changed me forever, and I just wanted to say that-- well I lover you.
The two get up off the bench and start to walk towards the convenience store.
ZACK
I know.
The two pull out black mask and put them on. They also pull out to gun and start to run into the store.
From out side we see Zack shoot off a round into the ceiling and Helen points her gun at the CLERK.
The clerk pulls out a giant revolver and BLAM! Helen and Zack quickly run back out of the convenience store and towards the CAMERA.
ZACK
Bad idea.
FADE OUT:
THE END
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