God Remains Faithful, because He cannot deny Himself
God Remains Faithful, because He cannot deny Himself
Scott & Melissa Buchanan
11/09
Part I
Scott and Melissa Buchanan both experienced parental divorce and alcoholism in their backgrounds. Scott grew up in a middle-class family in Kansas and remembers his parents seldom arguing. So fourteen-year-old Scott was shocked when his parents divorced. “What I didn’t know was that my dad was an alcoholic. I grew up thinking it was perfectly normal for an adult to always have a cocktail next to him, or for me to go the fridge to get him a beer.”
“I excelled in school and sports and made friends easily. I started stealing as a young boy and lying to my parents. My parents loved and supported my brother and I in our activities, but the only time I remember attending church was for Easter service.”
At age three, Melissa’s parents divorced, and she and her brother lived with their mom and visited their dad. She says, “Mother believed in God, but we didn’t attend church. Besides, Mom’s side didn’t match up with what we experienced in our father’s care. My brother and I were exposed to all kinds of immorality, with drinking, drugs, and pornography.”
Scott’s Background:
As a child, Scott discovered pornography, stole liquor, and drank beer with friends. He lied and manipulated his parents, stole from them as well as others, and got arrested for possession of alcohol. In high school, Scott says, “I got in fights and could talk my way out of trouble. I had become an underachiever addicted to alcohol. I was lazy, a liar, and not trusted by my own family.”
Then, in 1989, the judge dropped Scott’s DUI charge if he joined the army. Although the army exposed him to German beer, to prostitutes, and finally to fear of dying in Operation Desert Storm.
Scott developed a runaway pattern. In 1995, with court cases pending in several cities, he ran away to Chicago to escape. He ended up cold and homeless for a week. Then, he got arrested and did time in Chicago’s Cook County Jail. From there Kansas extradited him for previous offenses. He tried recovery many times but always ended up drinking more. Again in 1999, facing up to seven years in jail, he escaped to Little Rock, Arkansas.
As a 32-year-old felony fugitive, he says, “My heart had become hardened and calloused, and I only cared about myself. I experimented with many drugs and continued spiraling downward toward death. I was convinced that I would die and nobody would know or care that I was gone.”
Scott’s Grace Encounter:
Repeating his pattern, Scott was arrested in Arkansas in 2003, where he again waited to be extradited. He proclaims, “Then came God! As I waited for Missouri to get me, my cellmate kept reading the Bible and saying, ‘Scott, God is so good!’ He had a glow in his eyes that I have never seen before. In that cell, I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior, and God’s grace was evident immediately.”
Following his prison time and salvation, Missouri dropped his felony DUI while Kansas picked him up to serve six months in prison. Since he prayed daily for his family and studied God’s Word in prison, he thought he was ready to face the world. However, after his release, Scott never got involved in recovery nor with a local church so had no accountability. His sobriety ended within months. He despised himself for getting drunk, crying for God’s forgiveness, and always knowing he would drink again. He had no peace.
Melissa’s Background:
After Melissa’s parents divorced, each remarried and had more children. With new distractions for her parents, Melissa actively sought attention through academics and athletics. Melissa remembers attending church camp with a cousin where she asked Jesus into her heart and was baptized. She says, “My mother and us kids began attending church regularly. Though I heard the Bible stories, sang the hymns, and was told of the rules of our religion; I never caught hold of the relationship-aspect of my faith.”
Striving and achieving were soon expected of teenage Melissa. When her mother went back to school, she had to give up sports and activities to watch her younger sisters. She felt devalued by her mom and her estranged dad. Then she turned to drinking and became sexually active. She says, “I smoked, introduced my sisters to alcohol and cigarettes, got kicked out of school, and moved in and out of my parent’s house, all in an effort to be in control. I was even raped in one of my drunken stupors. But still in performance-mode, I was able to keep it somewhat together and graduated in the top of my class.”
A month after graduation, she got her first DUI. Being from a small town, Melissa felt unnoticed in college where she first tried drugs. She says, “There would be nights of drunkenness, debauchery, and even stripping. I was looking for acceptance and approval, while at the same time, trying to escape the feelings of failure and worthlessness that were embedded in me.”
Melissa soon left college to return to familiar territory. At age 21, she got a second DUI. Through following years, Melissa used many different drugs and, eventually, lost count of men she had been intimate with. She says, “Some may have thought I drank too much or that I was easy, but I didn’t care what other people thought. I was never without a good job and a decent lifestyle. I would attend church with my parents but didn’t much care for the shame and guilt I felt there. My mom questioned me on my faith, and I, of course, let her know that I was saved and that she didn’t need to worry about me. Thankfully, her prayers for me only increased.”
Invited by friends, Melissa began attending Life Church in January 2004. Soon thereafter, she received her third DUI. At that point, she began seriously questioning her life. She says, “Inside I felt sleazy, empty, and unhappy. I reflected on the multitudes of drunken nights and men I had given myself to and the nights that I couldn’t even recall—time that I had lost.”
Melissa’s Grace Encounter:
She went back to Life Church and heard about a Savior who is forgiving and loving. In February 2004, Melissa rededicated her life to Christ. She explains, “I decided that I not only wanted Jesus to come into my life, but I also wanted Him to be Lord of my life.”
For several months, she remained sober and began serving at the church, attending Bible study, and spending time with God. However, unresolved hurts and habits did not magically go away. She returned to her former life-style, now with extra doses of condemnation, shame, and guilt. About a year later, she cried out to God for help. She says, “I admitted that I was powerless to control my wrong tendencies, that my life was unmanageable. I asked God to help me become accountable for my actions, including my drinking. I told Him that I wanted a closer relationship with Him.”
That is when she began attending Celebrate Recovery (CR). Melissa says, “Through the Step-Study program, I experienced support, accountability, and most importantly a better understanding of how much Jesus loves me and God forgave me. I have been free from alcohol ever since, and I understood that His desire for me is to walk in victory here on earth. I started praying for the husband that I knew God was preparing for me.”
Melissa and Scott meet:
In October 2005, while on probation in Missouri for possession of cocaine, Scott met Melissa on a blind date. She was thrilled to meet someone that could understand her struggle and not judge her past. She believed he had been freed, as she had, from a chaotic lifestyle and was now living for God. He accompanied her to Life Church. Indeed, Scott seemed the answer to her prayers! Questions did come up, but she was desperate for genuine love.
Scott says, “When we met, Melissa was in recovery and I lied to her about being sober and in recovery. The next five months I fell in love with Melissa, but I struggled secretly with my alcoholism and cheated on her many times. I wanted to marry Melissa, and I picked up the ring I would propose with. That same night I was driving my car, drinking, and calling my family to brag about asking her to marry me.”
That same night, Scott left a strip bar and was arrested for a DUI. He began weeping in the back of the police car. “I realized I had ruined the best thing that ever happened to me because of my decision to follow my addictions and not follow Jesus. In a jail cell that night, I finally admitted my weaknesses to God and humbly asked Him to help me. I called Melissa and asked her to come bail me out.
Part II
Faithful Love:
The devil used this time to place tormenting doubts in Melissa. Nevertheless, Melissa told him she felt God was telling her to stay with him to show him God’s faithful love. Scott says, “This blew me away. How could she say this? I wept, and this act of grace was a turning point. Melissa insisted I come clean with our families, and together we told them the truth.”
Because Scott’s whole life was built on lies, he did not reveal his cheating. Wedding preparations began, and Scottbegan attending Celebrate Recovery seriously. The Holy Spirit convicted him about his infidelity that whenever Scott tried to pray, he always saw Melissa’s face. He knew he must confess, so he went to her house and told her he cheated on her.
Scott’s full Confession:
During the next months, Scott revealed the extent of his addictions to Melissa. She heard Scott repent but believed Satan’s lying words degrading her as a Christian and as a woman. She says, “We had struggled with being sexually pure in our relationship. I thought the only way to prove to Scott that I was just as good as any of those girls he had sex with was to have sex with him myself. That decision only deepened our wounds.”
They postponed the wedding. Scott continued pleading ‘Not Guilty’ in court, and also lying to Melissa. Then he faced Step #3 of the CR Step-Study, ‘Consciously choose to commit all my life and will to Christ’s care and control.’ So, summer 2006, Scott recommitted his life to Jesus Christ during an altar call at Life Church.
Scott’s life changed. God urged him to get his painting business legal by paying taxes. God also taught him about His Son, to believe His Word, and to obey Hs leading. Scott says, “At a Christian men’s retreat, He told me that I was forgiven. He gave me tools to begin to combat addiction to pornography. Through Celebrate Recovery, He gave me fellowship with other men who helped strengthen me as we shared our hurts, hang-ups, and habits together. Jesus Christ brought peace to me.”
They marry, but God separates them to strengthen their unity:
Despite Melissa and Scott being baptized in September 2006, Melissa had difficulty believing God could help her recover from Scott’s betrayal. Still, they married two months later. Nevertheless, a wounded and angry Melissa lashed out at Scott through cursing, yelling, and even physical abuse, using his infidelity and dishonesty as an excuse. Finally, Melissa recognized her sin and agonized over what she was doing to Scott. So, she confessed her sins to herself, to God, and to people she trusted.
Besides that issue, a court hearing with the probability of a twelve-month jail sentence loomed ahead for Scott. God told Scott to plead guilty to his DUI. He says, “I told the devil to get away from me, but it wasn’t the devil. It was God. I called my lawyer and said I was changing the plea to guilty. Then, I called Melissa.”
Melissa had begun to trust that Scott was listening to God and obeying Him, so she agreed with his decision. Scott told his lawyer to ask for the minimum 90 days. His lawyer had never seen a fourth DUI get less than twelve months. Scott then told the judge that because Jesus Christ was his Lord and Savior and called him to a live in integrity, he had to pleadguilty to these charges. Melissa and others testified on Scott’s behalf. The judge angrily scolded Scott, but his demeanor changed as he gave the verdict. He sentenced Scott to the minimum 90 days in jail. As the guards took him into custody, courtroom supporters erupted with praise to a merciful God!
Although, separated during his jail sentence, Melissa and Scott united by fasting to honor God, to remember what He had done in their lives, and to walk in His strength. In fact, incarcerated in Atchison County, Scott held Bible studies, led some CR meetings, and led three men to Christ. He rejoices, “God confirmed our calling to serve Him, because Melissa was allowed to enter the jail and minister to the women and led three women to Christ. Only God could take our separation and turn it into an opportunity to display His glory and strengthen us in our time apart.”
They both hold onto II Corinthians 4, “For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory.”
Still Facing Struggles:
Melissa still faces issues in life and seeks to replace Satan’s lies with the truth of God’s Word. She says, “I am weak, but God is healing us and our relationship. We’re on a journey, and I’m learning how to let Scott be who God created him to be.”
Scott says, “My greatest struggle now is letting God have complete control of all my life. The intimacy I truly crave can only come in a real and authentic relationship with Jesus Christ. He is my Savior, my Lord, my Friend, and the Restorer of my soul. His Spirit helps me every day to become the man God designed me to be as I die to sin and live to righteousness. With the help of CR, I now have tools to approach the issues of life in a Christ-like manner.”
Current Life Church involvement:
Scott and Melissa apply the eighth step of Celebrate Recovery by yielding themselves to God to bring this Good News to others. The first CR celebration in 2008, called ‘Victory Night’ included 27 men and women who graduated the Step-Study each giving testimony to God’s power in their lives to a gathered crowd. Since then, more have graduated. The Buchanan’s desire to glorify God by leading people to the love of Christ through Celebrate Recovery.
Melsissa: Life Church Employee
Scott: Real Men Participator
Both: Co-leaders of Celebrate Recovery since 2007
Scott and Melissa now testify:
“We no longer live in fear of the unknown. God has blessed us with the grace to trust in Him in all we do and live our lives looking forward instead of looking backward. We are eternally grateful that Jesus died on the cross for us and that He is passionately concerned about healing all the wounds of our hearts. As we allow God into every part of our lives, we experience His presence daily and rejoice that He has redeemed us. We praise the Lord for His salvation and thank Him for His deliverance. Our lives now have meaning and purpose, and we can smile because we know personally the one true God.”
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