Planning Your Wedding at First United Methodist Church



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Revised 2/17/11

A Christian Wedding

Not all weddings are alike and a Christian wedding is a special type of wedding set apart from both a civil ceremony and a non-Christian ceremony. Couples who clearly want their marriage to be set within the context of the Christian faith and its ministers should only plan a Christian wedding. Since the vows, hymns, prayers, readings, etc. in a Christian wedding are explicitly Christian, couples should give great care in making this decision. After considering all that it implies, many couples do decide that they want their marriage to begin with a Christian wedding. Having made this important decision, one should keep the Christian nature of the wedding in mind throughout all the planning since this understanding gives possibilities, guidelines, and boundaries within which the wedding should be planned.

A Christian wedding is first and foremost a service of worship, and one should think of the wedding as worship throughout. Consequently, all elements (music, readings, etc…) should be appropriate for a service of worship as well as consistent with Christian values.

The Christian marriage rite is a form of celebrating God’s good news. Established by God in scripture, Christian marriage is a lifelong covenant relationship between two persons. This union is based on the Christ—the greatest sign of love and unity. Christ becomes the bond of unity when the couple centers their lives on Christ. The couple encounters the Risen Savior daily in their lives as they express their love to each other.

The Christian wedding is an act of serving God and proclaiming the establishment of a new family within the household of faith in Jesus Christ.

First United Methodist Church of Ames was organized and exists to bear witness to Jesus Christ. In accomplishing this witness, the congregation provides a wide variety of ministries designed to be a significant service to all that desire to participate. We hope that you will consider joining in worship with us, especially if you are going to be making your home in this area. We certainly pray that as newlyweds you will find a church home to nurture and grow your faith and service as Christian disciples.

Planning Your Wedding at First United Methodist Church

This booklet is written in order that you may understand our wedding policies and procedures at the First United Methodist Church. It is to be seen as an aid to assist you in making your wedding a meaningful and joyous celebration.

Please read this material carefully and bring it with you to your meetings with the pastor, and, as needed, the wedding reception chairperson of the United Methodist Women.

The service of Christian Marriage is parallel in its structure to the Sunday service with the proclamation of the Word and prayers and praises. The Service of Christian Marriage is proclaimed as a sacred covenant reflecting the Baptismal Covenant. Everything about the service is designed to witness that this is a Christian marriage.

Both words and actions consistently reflect the belief that husband and wife are equal partners in Christian marriage and that they are entering into the marriage of their own volition.

Those present at this service are to be understood to be an active congregation rather than simply passive witnesses. They give their blessing to the couple and to the marriage, and they join in prayer and praise. It is highly appropriate that the congregation sings hymns and is involved in other acts of worship.

Holy Communion may be celebrated. If it is, it is important that its significance is made clear. Not only the husband and wife but also the whole congregation is invited to receive communion. There should be no pressure that would embarrass those who for whatever reason do not choose to receive this sacrament.

The decision to perform the ceremony is the right and responsibility of the pastor in accordance with the laws of the state and the United Methodist Church. The pastor should approve all plans. The pastors “due counsel with the parties involved” prior to marriage, mandated by THE BOOK OF DISCIPLINE, should include the following: in addition to premarital counseling, discussing and planning the service with them and informing them of policies and guidelines established by the congregation on such matters as decorations, photography, and audio or video recording. Any leadership roles taken by other clergy should be at the invitation of the pastor of the church where the service is held. When using the church organist, she/he needs to be consulted and working with the couple in decisions on music selections.

Any children of the man or the woman, other family members, and friends of the couple may take a variety of roles in the service, depending on their ages and abilities. They may, for example, be members of the wedding party, read scripture lessons, sing or play instrumental music, or make a witness in their own words.

In the case of couples who are not church members or who are not prepared to make the Christian commitment expressed in this service, adaptations may be made at the discretion of the pastor.

A Wedding Message

Paul Tournier writes in his book, To Understand Each Other, “a couple’s joy is complete IF they can see the REAL and SPIRITUAL MEANING of their experience.”

For instance, you well know that beautiful prayer of Francis of Assisi: “Lord, grant that I may seek more to understand than to be understood…”

It is this new desire of understanding which the Holy Spirit awakens in couples that transforms their marriage. Remember---your failure to understand and your lack of willingness to seek understanding will result in withdrawal into self-centeredness.

Happy are the couples who do recognize and understand that their happiness is a gift of God, who can kneel together to express their innermost convictions, their own experiences, their own doubts, their own feelings and their own relationship to God.

Your relationship to God is the highest tie uniting a couple. You will want to experience all things that will enable you to grow together in God. You will come to understand each other and grow in your relationship to God.

Your growth together in God is possible through your love for each other! If, then, God remains the center of your life and marriage, you will have harmonized your lives with God’s purpose for you. Then, and only then, you will have come through each other, to experience and know God.

When Love Is Found

(Wedding hymn by Brian Wren, 1978)

When love is found and hope comes home, sing and be glad that two are one. When love explodes and fills the sky, praise God and share our Maker’s joy.

When love has flowered in trust and care, build both each day, that love may dare to reach beyond home’s warmth and light, to service and strive for truth and right.

When love is tried as loved ones change, hold still to hope though all seems strange, till ease returns, and love grows wise through listening ears and opened eyes.

When love is torn and trust betrayed pray strength to love till torment fade, till lovers keep no score of wrong, but hear through pain love’s Easter song.

Praise God for love, praise God for life, in age or youth, in husband, wife. Lift up your hearts, let love be fed through death and life in broken bread.

First Appointments and Arrangements

When you have decided to be married, you should do the following as soon as possible:

1. Call the church at (515-232-2750) and clear with the Secretary/Receptionist, the date, time and place of your wedding and rehearsal. The secretary will reserve the date and inform the pastor. The pastor will call you to set up your first meeting with him/her.

2. Call the church organist immediately to reserve the date and to make an appointment for a conference to plan the music.

3. If your reception is to be held at the church, make all arrangements with the secretary. She will acquaint you with the facilities that are available and give you the name of a contact person for the UM Women.

The Minister

It is expected that the prospective bride and groom will counsel with the pastor concerning their readiness for marriage, the meaning of the wedding rite, and arrangements for that service of worship. Typically, two or three meetings will happen. The pastoral team at FUMC will work together and will be assigned weddings as their schedules allow.

You are welcome to visit with our pastor about having a guest pastor co - officiate at your service but it must be understood that one of our pastors here at FUMC will be the primary pastoral leader and that the United Methodist disciplines will be used. Guest pastors may read scripture lesson(s), offer a prayer(s), preach a message, etc., all to work with our church’s pastor. If you would like to have a guest pastor involved, the invitation needs to be extended to that person by both the bridal couple and by the pastor in charge of your wedding here at FUMC. Please bring the information needed to the church if you are going to have a co - officiant.

If you wish a minister (and spouse/guest) to attend the rehearsal dinner or the reception, it is appropriate to send them an invitation or invite them personally. Please know that oftentimes a pastor will have other duties and responsibilities and may not be able to attend some functions. It is best to always visit with them about their schedule.

General Rules

1. The preferred time for weddings is between 2:00 pm and 3:00 pm. We have a Saturday night contemporary worship service at 5:30 pm in the sanctuary, which involves having equipment set up by 4:30 pm.

2. The preferred time for the rehearsal is the night prior to the wedding at 5:00 pm or earlier.

3. Furniture, pianos, and other equipment will not be moved except as approved by the minister.

4. No rice, confetti or other such items shall be thrown in the building. Please tell your friends! We suggest birdseed or flower petals to be thrown outside. Bubbles are always fun!

5. Smoking (along with alcohol) is PROHIBITED on church grounds or in the building, including restrooms, in order to abide by our fire code!

6. The wedding is a happy occasion and is to be celebrated in a joyous and reverent manner. Alcoholic beverages have no place in connection with any part of the wedding service and are not allowed on church property. It is the responsibility of the bridal couple and/or their immediate family and ushers to remove any person(s) who appear at the wedding rehearsal and/or wedding in a state of inebriation.

Measurements

The center aisle is 55’ long by 5’ wide. Aisle cloths are NOT recommended.

There are 14 pews on each side of this aisle, each pew seats approximately 10 people.

There are 7 pews on the sides, each seating approximately 7 people.

The Selection of Music

All the forms of art are used in a wedding ceremony. Jesus taught us to praise and glorify our God, and to “love the Lord our God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength.”

Therefore, when choosing music for your wedding, a few thoughts should be kept in mind. First, since your wedding is being held in the church, the music you use ought to be justifiably suitable or appropriate for a worship service. It ought to reflect the same dignity and reverence as the spoken ceremony. The sacred and classical music of past centuries-- and of the present day--- embodies both dignity and adoration for God and allows the worshippers to join in the community of the church through the spirit of Jesus Christ.

However, many of us are not very familiar with music which falls into this category. Through radio, television, recordings and the movie industry, we are more likely to be familiar with music of the “popular” or secular variety. Naturally, we feel that our favorite love songs would be touching and meaningful in our wedding ceremony. Yet, most of them do not reflect or refer to God and God’s part in the beginning and ongoing of married life. These “popular” songs would be far more suitable in a reception-type setting.

You needn’t feel trapped by being “limited” to sacred and classical music. There are many beautiful, light, and happy compositions, some written especially for weddings, which are very satisfactory. The music staff/pastors of the church will be helpful in making suggestions to you regarding processional and recessional music, as well as all other service music for the wedding. Some of the new wedding hymns in our hymnal are wonderful for congregational singing and for solos.

Secondly, if choosing a soloist, please keep the following thoughts in mind. Whether your soloist is a close friend, or a relative, a professional or an amateur, will the songs you choose be suitable for the person’s voice range and type? Does the person in consideration have the necessary experience to assure a good performance? The church music/pastoral staff will be able to assist you in making choices regarding the soloist’s music. If you are considering using instruments such as trumpet, flute, etc. the staff will be able to make suggestions for appropriate music. Please let your soloist know that he/she is expected to be at the wedding rehearsal.

You should expect to pay the musicians performing at your wedding unless they are friends who are truly “gifting” you with the gift of song. You will see the fee for using our church organist. This fee includes the ceremony, wedding rehearsal, one consultation on wedding music, and one rehearsal with soloists. If you prefer to have an organist other than those on the church staff, please visit the pastor at your first appointment. We do want to be sure any outside organist is qualified to play the instrument (pipe organ) that we have in our church.

The use of recorded music is discouraged and not advised. You need the approval of the pastor to use recorded music. Typically, a recorded may be played in the service, for instance at the time of the lighting of a unity candle.

The music staff of First United Methodist Church is available to assist you in making your wedding unique, reverent, joyous and beautiful.

The Marriage License

The marriage license should be in the hands of the minister by the time of the rehearsal. (It can be brought along to rehearsal). The license may be procured in any Iowa county, in the county clerk’s office, and the application for it must be made at least 3 days before the license is issued. Be sure you are aware of the legal requirement of the State of Iowa in order to be married.

The Rehearsal

The rehearsal provides the opportunity for persons to become familiar with the worship order and the physical arrangements for the wedding. It is important that all persons who will have a part in the wedding ceremony attend the rehearsal. These include the bride and groom, attendants, parent(s) of the bride and groom, musical performers, and the ushers.

All plans should be complete prior to the time of the rehearsal. Rehearsals should begin PROMPTLY at the appointed time. We request that rehearsals be scheduled at 5:00 p.m. or earlier. It is wise to give clear directions for reaching the church, since some persons may not know our city. Remind persons that most parking is paid/metered. The rehearsal should not take more than 1 hour.

The Ushers

The comfort and ease of family and friends depends greatly upon the poise and organization of those who are selected to usher at the wedding. It is a good rule to have one usher for every fifty (50) guests. The usher should greet the guests warmly, may offer his/her arm to the woman and show the family or group to a seat with good order and dignity. They should attend the rehearsal in order to become familiar with the floor plan of the church and discuss with all concerned about the final plans for the wedding and reception. The ushers should know the location of the restrooms and what to do in case of an emergency. The minister will instruct them in these details. Some weddings will have groomsmen serve also as ushers. That can work in most cases.

After the ceremony has started, guests should not be escorted down the center aisle of the sanctuary, but may be seated (by the usher) in such a manner as to avoid interruptions and disturbance, along the side aisles.

General Information about the Church Facility

For the Wedding: The floor of the sanctuary of the United Methodist Church seats approximately 300 guests. The balcony will seat 150. Intimate weddings can be held in the Fireside Room, to accommodate a group of no more than 40. Very small weddings can happen in the Chapel. Any of these worship rooms provide the physical and spiritual setting for a dignified, reverent, and beautiful wedding. Parking in downtown Ames is at a premium. Metered spaces (monitored until 6 p.m.) are located directly south of the church and south of the building next door, as well as in the lot at 6th Street and Douglas Avenue and surrounding streets. Free parking is not available and you should advise your wedding party and guests to use the metered spaces (not those reserved by permit) to avoid ticketing and/or towing.

For the Reception: the Fellowship Hall can easily accommodate up to 100 guests seated at tables and 225 with chairs only for the wedding reception, and offers every needed item. It should be carefully noted that smoking is PROHIBITED (along with alcohol) in all areas of the church.

Nursery: First United Methodist Church of Ames assumes no responsibility and/or liability related to childcare services during weddings and rehearsals. Ask the pastor about use of the nursery if it is deemed necessary. Families and wedding parties must take responsibility for each child and all children attending the rehearsal and the wedding. This means children need to be under the supervision and care of an adult at all times. We strongly discourage allowing children in other areas of the church. Our church is a public building and, especially during weddings and rehearsals, all outside doors are open and the church is accessible to anyone.

Dressing Room: The dressing room for the bride and the attendants is located on the second floor of the education wing and is air-conditioned. A full-length mirror is located there for the convenience of the wedding party. Please make sure that you leave the room as you find it, being careful to pick up pins, wires and other item. It is recommended that this room remain locked during the service (the key will be given out at rehearsal). There is also a cupboard that locks for valuables in the Bride’s Room. The groom and his attendants may use a room, located downstairs in the education wing that will be designated for them.

Basics Regarding the Physical Arrangements

The setting-up and clean up of the church is under the direction of the church’s custodial staff. Upon making arrangements with the office for the use of the facilities, you will be asked to indicate what your needs will be, so that our custodial staff can be advised well in advance of the event what he/she will need to set up. If the reception is here in our Fellowship Hall, the custodian will take care of the chairs and tables following the function and will do the final clean up, except for the kitchen. Those serving either a full reception or just snacks for the bridal party before the wedding begins are responsible for leaving the kitchen (or kitchenette) in a tidy, clean and orderly way. It should be remembered that the rooms used by any of the bridal party are to be left as clean as possible. A portion of the wedding fee helps to pay our custodial staff for extra work. .

Instructions to Photographers

In order that the complete wedding ceremony in the church may attain its highest and most meaningful significance there are certain practices which are to be observed. It is our feeling that these will contribute not only to the sanctity of the service but also to the best photography. This sheet will be a welcome guide to anyone who takes pictures.

We consider the wedding to be a sacred ceremony, which should be regarded with quiet reverence. It is not a social function nor is it conducted for the purposes of entertainment. We do not want the solemnity of the occasion to be marred by flash bulbs or photographers distracting movements, and motions of photographers! Normal pictures may be taken in the sanctuary prior to the wedding. We suggest that most, if not all, pictures be taken ahead of the wedding. Exceptions to this must be approved by the pastor with a clear understanding that on Saturdays the sanctuary must be cleared by 4:15 p.m. so the worship band can set up.

For most wedding, we suggest the time of two hours before the ceremony is scheduled to begin. THERE ARE TO BE NO FLASH PICTURES TAKEN IN THE SANCTUARY once the worship service begins.

• Pictures can be taken as the procession begins (photographers need to check with the pastor about this).

• Pictures can be taken from one of the balconies as long as there is no flash/noise.

• Pictures can be taken at the close of the service as the bride and groom are at least three-fourths of the way down the aisle.

• Pictures of the bride and attendants and groom and attendants may be taken in the waiting rooms or designated areas prior to the ceremony.

Guests who arrive with cameras should be advised by the ushers that no pictures are to be taken until after the ceremony.

There are no restrictions as to pictures taken at the reception if held here at the church

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WEDDING DÉCOR ---- Instructions to Florists

1. Decoration on the altar of the sanctuary, are limited to cut flowers in vases, silk flowers or green plants.

2. The church has candelabra ( both a seven-branch standing floor candelabra to go on each side of the Table and two three-tiered candelabra that go on top of the Table) which typically are set out for your use.

3. We furnish the kneeling bench if requested.

4. There are small “fasteners/holders” at the end of the center aisle pews that can be used for inserting ribbons or small flowers.

5. Aisle candles can be used, rented from your florist, but with great caution.

1. Furniture may not be moved. This is an active church and there may be a variety of items in and near the sanctuary. If necessary you may visit with the pastor about moving such items.

2. No tacks, pins, nails, or glue may be used to fasten any decoration to the furniture or building. The furniture and floor must be fully protected at all times from moisture.

1. An aisle cloth may be used, provided it is fastened with straight pins. The length of our aisle is 55 feet. All decorations must be completed at least four (4) hours before the scheduled time of the wedding.

2. Candles are symbolic of the Light-of-the-World and enhance any worship setting. To prevent wax damage to the altar area, we provide the correct candles for our church candelabras. The ushers or candle lighters during the prenuptial music or at the appointed time will properly light them. We advise that candles not be lit during photographs.

3. Couples who wish to “Light a Unity Candle” will need to provide that larger wedding candle and the two smaller candles, along with appropriate candle holders.

4. Most local florists are familiar with First Church and will gladly assist you in planning your flowers, unity candle or white aisle runner if you choose to use these and employ them. The couple will be responsible for having the flowers they wish on the altar and/or free standing. If the arrangement is to be left (donated) for the Sunday morning service following the ceremony, please inform the church’s Secretary-Receptionist. or let the pastor know of this wish in advance.

Video Taping of the Ceremony

Video taping is acceptable under the direction of the Pastor. Couple will provide for someone to do the taping. Audiotapes will generally be made by our sound technician who will be present.

Guest Book

The guest-book may be placed in the narthex or directly outside the entrance to the sanctuary so that guests can sign it as they enter the church. The Pastor will suggest locations for placement of the guest-book. This helps to avoid long lines of waiting at the reception. The book will be closed about 5 minutes before the wedding begins and taken to the reception area for those who did not get to sign it, or it can be opened as guests are leaving and have been through the receiving line at the close of the service. Brides will need to furnish their own table covering.

Gifts

The bride and groom should arrange for gifts to be taken from the guests and carried to the designated area in the church. If they are to be opened at the reception, they can be taken to that location. If the gifts are to be opened at home at a later date, it is the couple’s responsibility to see that they are transported from the church immediately following the ceremony. It is important to have scotch tape available to tape the cards onto the packages. Also, after all guests are inside, we advise that the gift carrier or guest book person either conceal or take all the envelope gifts to the wedding service with him/her, for safety. You will want a basket or some container for receiving envelope gifts.

Wedding Bulletins

If you wish to have programs printed, you must arrange for this to be done by a printer. The church will not be available to handle this.

Here is a sample ORDER for your wedding bulletin:

GATHERING

PRELUDE

LIGHTING OF CANDLES

SEATING OF GRANDPARENTS AND PARENTS

(A Solo will sometimes be sung here)

PROCESSIONAL

GREETING

DECLARATION OF INTENT

PRAYER OF ILLUMINATION

SCRIPTURE LESSON

(A Solo sometimes will be sung here)

WITNESS TO THE WORD (This is the pastor’s message)

PRAYER OF INTERCESSION

EXCHANGE OF VOWS

BLESSING AND EXCHANGE OF THE RINGS

DECLARATION OF MARRIAGE

LIGHTING OF THE UNITY CANDLE (if desired)

(A Solo is often sung or played here if the couple are lighting a candle)

WEDDING PRAYER

THE LORD’S PRAYER

BENEDICTION

RECESSIONAL

POSTLUDE

A Service of Christian Marriage

Because you are being married in a United Methodist Church and/or by a United Methodist minister the wedding ritual of the denomination will be used. The pastor will ask that each couple chooses at least 1 scripture lesson to be read and then they will select one vow to give to one another. The pastor will talk through the ritual with the couple in one of their first meetings (the order---or flow--- of the ritual can be found above in the order presented for the bulletin).

A Scripture Lesson

The Pastor would suggest using the scriptures of No. 646 of “Canticle of Love” found in The United Methodist Hymnal. The following is a collection of verses from the Bible that put together in this form.

Let love be genuine and live in harmony;

hate what is evil, hold fast to what is good.

Outdo one another in showing honor

be humble and never conceited.

Love is stronger than death

and jealousy is cruel as the grave.

Floods cannot drown love

and wealth cannot buy it.

Put love above all else;

let Christ’s peace rule your hearts.

Always be forgiving,

as Christ has forgiven you.

Love is not jealous or boastful,

arrogant, rude, or stubborn,

irritable, resentful, or possessive.

Love is patient and kind.

Do not love in word or speech only;

love also in deed and truth.

Receive each other in sincerity,

find mercy and grow old together.

Love rejoices in the right;

it bears, believes, hopes,

and endures all things,

for love is faithful and endless.

When the Lord builds the house,

his labor is never in vain.

Happy are those who take refuge in God;

those who serve the Lord are redeemed.

OR: Other suggested lessons include: (choose at least 1 to be read if you do not choose the above selection)

Gen. 1:26-28, 31a The creation of man and woman

Song of Solomon 2:10-14, 16a; 8:6-7 Love is strong as death

Isa. 43:1-7 You are precious in God’s eyes

Isa. 55:10-13 You shall go out in joy

Isa. 61:10-62:3 Rejoice in the Lord

Isa. 63:7-9 The steadfast love of the Lord

1 Cor. 13 The greatest of these is love

Eph. 4:1-6 Called to the one hope

Eph. 4:25 – 5:2 Members one of another

Phil. 4:4-9 Rejoice in the Lord

Col. 3:12-17 Live in love and thanksgiving

1 John 3:18-24 Love on another

1 John 4:7-16 God is love

Mt. 22:35-40 Love, the greatest commandment

John 2:1-11 The marriage feast of Cana

THE WEDDING VOWS

Pastor has man say to woman first, and then the woman to the man.

*Choose one of the three vows offered here OR visit with pastor about any other choices you might wish to suggest.

1. In the name of God, I, ( ), take you, ( ), to be my wife (husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death. This is my solemn vow. Amen.

1. I, take you, ( ), to be my wife (husband), and I promise before God and all who are present here to be your loving and faithful husband (wife) as long as we both shall live. I will serve you with tenderness and respect, and encourage you to develop God’s gifts in you. Amen.

1. ( ), in the name of God, I take you to be my wife (husband) from this time onward, to join with you and to share all that is to come, to give and to receive, to speak and to listen, to inspire and to respond, and in our life together to be loyal to you with my whole being, as long as we both shall live. Amen.

THE WEDDING RECEPTION IN THE CHURCH

Because of the Saturday evening worship service and because of our Food at First Ministry most receptions are held off-site. A good deal of conversation needs to occur before scheduling a reception here. We do have a separate set of guidelines related to that and fee structure.

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