Solutions



CCN WEEKLY SOLUTIONS SERIES

THE WEEK OF FEBRUARY 23, 2009

Give and Take

Featuring

Dr. Henry Cloud

Psychologist

Best-selling co-author of Boundaries series,

Author, The Secret Things of God

and The One-Life Solution

I. Introduction: How is your relationship structured?

Relationship should be structured in giving—and taking

It’s impossible to be healthy if you can’t do both

II. The nature of relationship itself

There is giving and taking

Your history can explain problems in your relationships

Givers tend to fall in love with takers

½ person x ½ person = ...

III. On the relational level: the nature of imbalance

Three parties in every relationship:

|We |I |You (or another “I”) |

In some marriages, all the energy goes to “We”

If the two don’t re-emerge as individuals , it makes a weaker We

An I who’s afraid of separateness

Sometimes everything is about one person

IV. What ought to happen: Adequate fulfillment for all three parties

Time and energy

- Investing in the We

- Investing in the I: I gave to you

Celebrating another person in their personhood

The other needs to be able to receive

In any relationship, everybody ought to be taking the temperature

Identify a problem before you have a problem

V. What the Bible says

“For”: When you’re for someone, then you never do anything that is not good for them

“We will never do anything that both of us are not enthusiastically for”

Three ways to give:

- Purposefully

- Under compulsion

- Begrudgingly

Purposeful giving: painful but not negative

We are to serve and to sacrifice: Ephesians 5

Be in relationship with the mindset of a servant

The attitude that what the other needs is more important

“Not looking out merely for our own interest” means looking out also for our own

The other may not even know what you need

Submission, not slavery

Express the interest in the other, listening and validating

Releasing creativity and finding solutions

When someone is heard, they give up things more easily

Small Group Discussion Questions

Give and Take

1. How do you find you have difficulty giving? How do you find you have difficulty taking?

2. One husband, according to Dr. Cloud, did something he said he hated because he loved how his wife loved it. Is there something like that you can do in your relationship?

3. What can you do to take the temperature in your relationship?

4. How can you look out for your own interest while serving the other?

Next week on Solutions:

“Desperately Seeking—Someone”

Resources

The One-Life Solution

by Dr. Henry Cloud



Nine Things You Simply Must Do: To Succeed in Love and Life

by Dr. Henry Cloud



Sponsored In Part By:

New Life Ministries is a fully-equipped resource for the treatment of mental and spiritual health issues.



Contact Information

Dr. Henry Cloud

Cloud-Townsend Resources

18092 Sky Park South, Suite A

Irvine, CA 92614

Phone: 800-676-4673

Web:

Church Communication Network

PO Box 1718

Mountain View, CA 94042

Phone: 800-321-6781

Fax: 650-745-0660

Email: ccninfo@

Web:

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Each one must do just as he has purposed in his heart, not grudgingly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.

—2 Corinthians 9:7

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