Hack Rat's Gauntlet



Hack Rat's Gauntlet!

Part 6

Having been flying through wormholes of pure data for more times then they could count now, Penny and Tommy had started to get less scared of what game world they were heading to next. They just hoped that it would at some place more peaceful, away from the chaos they've experienced in each world.

"Wouldn't it be something if we could end up at maybe a beach in 'Super Mario Sunshine', or an island in 'Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker'?" Penny asked.

Tommy then suggested, "Or how about maybe ending up in one of those 'Dead or Alive Extreme Beach Volleyball' games?"

Penny gave a very awkward look of confusion at Tommy.

"If we're there, then I would love to see YOU in a skimpy bikini, like the other girls do." Tommy said with a wink.

Penny then rebutted, "I could also wear a bikini in Super Mario Sunshine, you know."

"Yeah, but no accurate jiggle physics!" shouted Tommy.

"Your brain's got accurate jiggle physics." sassed Penny.

Tommy got at her, thinking more clearly. "That's because all this matrix falling is making my mind go to mush!"

"Okay, fair enough, Keanu Reeves!" Penny resigned. "(sigh) I just wish, for once, we would end up in a game that doesn't force us to immediately fight for our survival, but just give us a breather for just a second!"

Just then, the glowing end of the endless falling tunnel was coming up, and they both knew how this was the moment to see where they would end up in next!

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Once the blinding light was gone Penny and Tommy found themselves being at what looked like a nice looking forest with a nearby lake, except everything seemed to be a bit...blocky?

"Tommy? I think we might be in the world of Minecra--!" Penny was asking her boyfriend before gasping by seeing him now being this literal block-headed figure with rectangular long arms attached to his rectangular body! Penny couldn't help but snicker madly at how ridiculous, but somehow cute Tommy looked in blocky form.

"What's so funny, Penny? Why does everything look so... YEOWZA!" Tommy said as he took one look at Penny and got equally shocked to see that not surprisingly her blocky body was a lot wider then his was.

"Uhm, Tommy. My eyes are on the cube right above these." Penny said as Tommy gandered at her sporting a couple of extra large cubes on her chest area.

"Uh, right. Sorry." said Tommy, averting his gaze. "Any idea what we are suppose to do in order to win this one?" Tommy asked Penny, as he apparently never played Minecraft before in this gaming experience.

"You mean you've never played Minecraft before? Like, EVER?" asked Penny.

"Are you kidding me?" griped Tommy. "I gotta be doing, like, NOTHING with my real life to be engrossed a game like this!"

"Well, your life is Minecraft now, action boy." mused Penny. "Minecraft is what you make of it. No goal, no objective, no secret endings, just a huge open world for us to make our own. At least for a while before we can figure a way back to our real world because I don't think I can stand being a walking box for the rest of my life!"

"Yeah, I hear ya." sighed Tommy. "So what's the first step, oh Mistress of Minecraft?"

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"First things first. Let's try putting up a house!" Penny said as she and Tommy teamed up to try and collect the necessary materials they needed. Penny and Tommy punched out oak trees to make a crafting table, assemble a couple wooden pickaxes, and then picked at a stone wall to gather cobblestone for making better tools; including axes.

Once they gathered all the wood and stone they could get, it was all just a matter of patience and careful planning, as each single block helped in forming out what would be their temporary living space together.

When the front doors and windows were finally in place, Penny and Tommy felt very pleased with themselves, as it looked just like their place at home. (Except more, you know, blocky.)

"Any chance we could craft a TV and game console in this?" asked Tommy.

"Well..." shrugged Penny. "Maybe in a custom mod!"

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They placed their home at the top of a hill so that they got a great view to survey the surrounding greenery. This helped them spot various landmarks all around them, one of which was a nearby village they could go to.

They ventured down the hill to the village and saw similar looking bald, uni-browed men with large bulbous noses and brown robes. They all seemed not to take notice of the two at first and seemed to speak in hums and sighs and grunts. Tommy wanted to prove that he could "speak their language", as he decided to walk up to a villager coming towards them.

Raising his hand to ask the villager to stop, Tommy looked at the blank-faced entity into the eyes and did a light cough before saying "Huuuuh! Hmph! Hah?", all while doing very weird and strange faces and body movement to combine with each sound.

Behind him, Penny was just facepalming herself with her big blocky arms, as the villager character just tilted his head confused when looking down at the short Tommy, and then just walking past him silently.

"What was that? I thought for sure I spoke clearly to him." Tommy said confused as Penny took his hand and dragged him away saying, "You can't just speak 'Tim Allen' with these guys, Tommy! They can only trade stuff with you. That villager was a farmer and he can pay us emeralds if we give him wheat, potatoes, carrots, pumpkins, and watermelon. See? He and and a few other people got a little market going on over there."

Getting into the center of the village, they saw that it was indeed a food market held by several villagers. While merely boxed polygons, the sight of the food alone was enough to make Penny and Tommy's stomachs growl! They had forgotten just how hungry they were after entering this new Minecraft world and working so hard to get a house built.

Being so desperate for food, Tommy saw one villager tending to live pigs and cows. Tommy licked his lips and drew his ax out, but just as he was about to go towards one of the tempting livestock, Penny stopped him.

"Tommy!" Penny cried. "You can't just walk up and try to slaughter someone else's animals!"

"But I'm starving!" Tommy whined. "When did this become a vegan challenge all of a sudden?!"

"It didn't." Penny answered. "Why not go back to our house, till some dirt, plant some crops, build a fence or two to herd some animals into, and then just start a farm? Then we can eat all the food we want, then sell the rest here and earn us some emeralds. Alright?"

"Awww! More work?" Tommy pouted.

Tommy soon got to work by gathering wheat seeds from open fields, planting them in rows of tilled soil at home, then using the wheat to lure cows and sheep into the fences. The work wasn't too physically demanding, it just wasn't "fun" by his standards. Penny even had to remind Tommy to feed the cows and sheep so that they can go into "love mode" and breed little calves and lambs. At least that brightened up the mood, seeing such life being repopulated, (though the idea of "love mode" did fire Tommy's imagination in spite of having a big curvy mouse girl living with him).

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While Tommy was out gathering more seeds, Penny was just coming back from mining coal and iron ore from a nearby cave. He could see Penny come out of the cave, but to his shock, something was following her: the iconic green Creeper!

Tommy dreadfully remembered what Penny told him about creepers if they got too close to you! In a desperate attempt to save her, he drew his ax and went out to confront the creature and save Penny! He leapt in between Penny and the creeper and while on all fours, curled his back, and hissed viciously at the creature!

The Creeper looked pretty terrified by Tommy's hiss that it quickly turned around and "creeped" back to the cave!

"Well, THAT was easy!" smirked Tommy, with a little disappointment in his voice. "I wanted the pleasure of chopping that little freak up for you."

"You didn't have to." said Penny, now taking notice of the Creeper disappearing into the cave. "Don't you know that creepers are afraid of cats?"

(In reality, the Creeper actually was scared to see how big and intimidating Penny was compared to Tommy.)

"Oh?" Tommy blushed and rolled his eyes. "Well, that's in our favor! I suppose you should thank me?"

"If we can catch some fish from the nearby lake here..." proposed Penny as she produced a fishing rod, "...then I'm sure I'll have a way to thank you."

"Did you say 'fish'?!" meowed Tommy all wide-eyed, ">Meow!< I don't know about you, but I'm REALLY in the mood for some fish tonight!"

"Alright, you little ocelot." mused Penny as she pet Tommy's head. "Come with me if you want to eat."

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Now having shelter, a steady food source, and an "ocelot" to ward off creepers, Penny and Tommy took the chance to enjoy a beautiful sunset together. After all the madness of past video game worlds and the hard work they did that day, no sunset would compare to this one they witnessed that evening.

While not really in their own home in the real world, the cat boy and mouse girl couldn't help but to just love being with one another, even if both of their bodies were just blocks.

Penny asked Tommy, "You know... that insane creep calling himself 'Hack Rat', did you really use to know him back when you where kids, as he said?"

This made Tommy feel flustered, but he still mustered the courage to say, "He and I...we used to be friends. Back then we used to be the best gaming buddies, and when playing co-op on some arcade games there was nothing that could stop us. I mean, we'd play shoot-em-ups, beat-em-ups, and tag team wrestling without ever wasting a quarter trying. We'd even go at each other on fighters and puzzle games by the end of the evening. Good times."

"So what happened?" Penny then asked as Tommy took and explained that tragic day.

"I used to know him back then as Meek Limburg, and I even used to look up to him since he was better at me on most games, and always willing to give tips to really get good. Then when we decided to put our skills to the test by entering a Street Fighter 2 arcade tournament where there was a big cash prize offered for the winner in the end. Maybe it was greed that caused him to act like that, and maybe now... but Meek seemed to act like a different person when we entered the tourney. When we both had to switch sides one round each during the tourney, I lost a couple matches, but he came in and owned the other two guys and gave us the total win. Once we got our moment of mirth and our cash prize, we went outside and I asked him how we won so easily. That's when he let me in on his... secret."

"What secret?" Penny asked.

Then Tommy explained, "Turns out the reason he was so good at all of the games he and I played was because he would sneak into the arcade in the middle of the night and tweak the coding on them and make them super easy for him to win. Pretty much like how a rat sneaks into a dark empty pizza parlor every night, you know? And somehow before that tournament he done the same kind of alterations to the tourney game to win."

By this point Penny was both pretty shocked and still not that surprised that someone as wicked as Hack Rat would have been such a dirty player even back then.

"He was probably feeling so untouchable that he had no problems sharing his secret with me for fun. I wasn't a cheater like him so I ended up doing something I still regret doing." Tommy said as he took another pause...

"I walked over to the tourney managers and told them the whole thing. They went over to the arcade and did find it having been altered. Funny enough, Meek had probably imagined himself either growing up as a gaming god or as a Bond villain, since he had altered the game by placing in a self-made chip with both a logo and his first name on it." Tommy said as both he and Penny couldn't help but chuckle a bit over how stupid of an action that had been for him.

"So with this very strong evidence, security walked over and dragged Meek away through the crowd, as I decided to take the much more cowardly approach by walking out from the emergency exit backstage." Tommy said as he concluded saying, "Ever since then, Meek Limburg got a lifetime ban at the local arcade, as I never saw him again until I happen to run into him trying to hit on you and hurt you."

Tommy asked himself, "You know, telling you all of this makes me wonder if I in someway ended up creating Hack Rat? What if my honest actions to exploit his cheating back then... and maybe you sassing him for being an ugly fap-off, caused us to be trapped in this seemingly endless mess that we are in now?"

Penny stood up with zeal and pointed at the beleaguered Tommy.

"Don't even try to put the blame on yourself Tommy! You did not end up creating Hack Rat, since his actions clearly showed that he had already been that kind of super evil and super crazy rat for all of his life!"

Penny placed herself between Tommy and the sunset, making herself look a bit like a superhero in Tommy's eyes as she was partly blocking the sun, and continued on with her speech:

"You decided to be a hero back then by not letting him win by cheating, and you have been trying to be just as much of a hero now by never giving up and still wanting to get back home! Hack Rat seems to think that if he just keeps sending us to game after game we will eventually crack up and give in to him, but we wont! We will keep on gaming, and keep on winning until he's the one who gives up! Are you with me, hero?"

Tommy was so aroused by Penny's magnificent stature, but also got a more clear perspective on his plight with Hack Rat that he reached for Penny's hand, gripped it firmly, and nodded in agreement with her.

The sun fully set and the two retired to their house to feast on some bread, carrots, and cooked fish.

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Meanwhile, back in the real world, Meek Limburg (Or rather Hack Rat) had been eavesdropping on Tommy and Penny's conversation about him. Needless to say, he did not like it one bit!

"GRRRUUUGH!! NOt Only dew I hAff tO wAstE hOUrs wAtchIng yOO tOO dOO bOrIing stUff, but nOw yOO dEcIdEdDd tO fIll my drEAm gIrl's hEAd wIth lIEs AbOOt mEE!!" Hack Rat said as he was this close to just try and punch one of his many screens in over having the memory of his big fall being reminded in great detail.

"I wUs tEh grEEtEhst gAmEr, yOO wErE mY cOnfIdAnt, And yOO bEtrAyed mE! And EvEn If yOO dO rEgrEt It, SHE Is thErE tO mAkE yOO thInk OTEHER-WISE! YOO tOO shOUld BOTH dIE fOr mE!!"

Hack Rat slowly reached over, hovering his long, grimey finger over a big red "DELETE" button. He wanted to erase Tommy and Penny for good, but then he paused, withdrawing his hand.

"NU! TOO EAsy. TOO qUIck. NOt... FUN! YEsh! LEt's hAvE sOOm FUUUUU-UHN!!"

Hack Rat dug into his pile of junk to find a few USB drives and his trusty circuit corrupter. He jammed them all into the motherboard with surprisingly quick and meticulous effort, then sat back into his commander's chair with a wicked smile and a villainous cackle to boot!

"HOO hOO hAh hAh hAh hEh-hUUUUrrrr! I AlwAys wAntEd tO dO a... MIN-NEK-RAFT cOrrUptIOn! TEh kInd Of cOrrUptIOn tAht wIll rEAlly pUt sOmE chAllEngE In tIhs PITIFULL LITTLE SAND BOX GAME! TIhs wIll bE FUUU-UHN! TIhs wIll bE AwEsOmE! TIhs... wIll bE TEH END!"

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Back in the Minecraft overworld, a large whirling purple cloud appeared in the night sky, blotting out the stars and moon. Parts of the blocky pixelated landscape flickered and glitched, spawning various monsters all around: zombies, skeletons, spiders, endermen, witches, and creepers.

Of course, this was the usual hostile mob set for the overworld which can be dispatched easily, even in mass quantities. Hack Rat, being the game master with a lack of efficiency and subtlety, wanted to push the limit in mob spawn variety that could break the ROM limit!

Nether portals burst out of the ground, each glowing an eerie purple within their obsidian frames! Scores of zombie pigmen, withered skeletons, and blazes poured from the portals, indiscriminately destroying (or griefing, as Minecraft terminology would put it) everything in sight! It was a virtual hell on earth!

Penny and Tommy suddenly awoke to a loud opening and closing of their front door and were startled to see all the villagers from down the hill huddled together in their house! What was even more disturbing was when they turned to see Penny and Tommy together in bed (as villagers in Minecraft tend to do when the player goes to bed).

"Hey!" shouted Penny. "Aren't you mooks programmed to respect a minecrafter's need for PRIVACY?!"

The bald, block-headed villagers just stared blankly.

"Uh, Penny?" Tommy indicated. "I think all they came in here for, like, a REALLY GOOD reason!"

Outside the window, the gathering hordes of monsters were treading up the hill and toward the house, sealing off all possible ways of escaping!

"Oh, crap! We're surrounded by hostile mobs!" cried Tommy. "What do we do?!"

Penny quickly got out her ax to chop away the wooden floor and then a shovel to dig away the dirt.

"This is no time to dig a bomb shelter, Penny!" shouted Tommy.

Penny replied, "I'm trying to dig our way out of here! Come on!"

"What about the villagers?" asked Tommy.

"Just leave 'em! They'll be safe in the house, even if they're too scared to follow us!" assumed Penny as she and Tommy began their descent in digging a tunnel thru the hill and then out into the open field below for safety.

Unfortunately for Tommy and Penny, the villagers did follow them through the makeshift tunnel and were no longer folding their arms. They were all armed with shovels, picks, axes, and menacing looks in their eyes! Apparently, they weren't too happy with them being left for dead in the surrounded house (but in reality they were counter-programmed by Hack-Rat's corrupter to turn on the player).

Penny and Tommy ran and ran as far as their hunger meters could support them! Leaping and dodging every hostile mob that tried to touch, shoot, or grief on them! Just as their stamina was nearly depleted, they got trapped in a corner of the world's limited map area!

"Aw, great!" griped Tommy. "Talk about a Christopher Columbus conundrum!"

"Or Notch forsaking us!" panicked Penny, seeing the hordes of undead, netherworldly, and irate villagers close in on them!

"...Tommy?" whimpered Penny. "It was fun knowing you."

"I know." mumbled Tommy. "Thanks for playing... with me. I guess?"

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Watching from the real world, Hack Rat cackled manically seeing Tommy and Penny about to finally meet their demise! But suddenly to his surprise, he noticed a new nob spawning in from above them: the Ender Dragon! Hack Rat swooned with uncanny malice as the dragon flew down faster than the whole hostile horde... and swooping up Penny and Tommy in it's hind claws!

"Ahhh! We're done for!" Penny screamed.

"We're dragon food for sure!" Tommy cried.

"Calm down, you two!" shouted a third, unknown voice. "I'm trying to fly you guys outta here! That's quite a late game disaster you got yourselves into."

"Huh? Who's that?!" asked a bewildered Tommy.

Penny looked up and riding atop the Ender Dragon was yet another block-shaped character with blue jeans, a teal shirt, and the features of a human with a goatee.

"Who the heck are you?!" Tommy asked.

"Don't you know, Tommy?! That's--" Penny replied, but was quickly interupted.

"There are some who call me... Steve." said the dragon rider.

"...Steve?" Tommy repeated, puzzled by the underwhelming, generic name.

"OH MY GOSH! You're STEVE?! You're so AWESOME!" squealed Penny, being the obvious fangirl of Minecraft. "You even tamed an Ender Dragon to save us! How did you do that?! That's so cool!"

"Heh heh, there will be time to explain once we get back to my humble abode in The End." replied Steve, heedless of Penny's fanaticism. "Still, I wonder why all of the overworld is all corrupted so suddenly...?"

"That's just more to explain when we get to your crib,... Steve!" answered Tommy, still bewildered over the guy's name.

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Hack Rat was FURIOUS over seeing the iconic Minecraft hero save Tommy and Penny! He stamped the floor, pounded on the walls, and threw loose piles of printer paper, CD's, USB drives, and snack food garbage all over the floor! But then he stopped...

"Ah-hA!" he smiled, remembering something sinister. "I knOw jUst hOw tO gEht At thAt blOck-hEAD lOsEr STEVE fOr sAvIng thEm!"

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Tommy, Penny and Steve rode atop the Ender Dragon out past the boundaries of the overworld sky and into The End: a dimension in Minecraft whose environment could be best compared to the Earth's Moon: a pale yellow landscape under a serene, star-studded night sky. In the center of it all were eight dark pillars surrounding an elaborate purple and yellow tower: Steve's home.

The dragon landed outside the perimeter of the pillars and the three riders hopped off. Steve pet the dragon's head and fed it a piece of Chorus Fruit. "Good girl!" he said.

"Nice pad you got!" commented Tommy, seeing the tower.

"Thanks! It comes with every living commodity, including a piston elevator." winked Steve.

"This is one of the most creative end-game ideas ever!" praised Penny. "Still, how were you able to tame the Ender Dragon?"

Steve explained, "After countless times I've slain and resurrected her, I discovered that she had a particular taste for chorus fruit. This was strange to me, as she wasn't known for eating that before. Nevertheless, I took advantage of this attribute and made her my loyal pet."

As soon as he finished, random textures flashed and flickered across the Ender Dragon's body for a brief second. Tommy and Penny stared at the dragon, but with a common realization rather than confusion.

"Uh, Steve?" said Tommy. "I don't think your pet's liking to fruit was no natural discovery."

"What do you mean?" asked Steve.

"There's a menace known as Hack Rat corrupting this world." Penny told. "He's the reason why the overworld is ridden with monsters and angry villagers. It's also possible why the Ender Dragon is tamable now. But nonetheless, Hack Rat will not stop corrupting your world until... well, until we submit to him or die."

"That will never happen!" Steve proclaimed. "Whoever this Hack Rat person is, he deserves to have his nefarious pursuits put to rest! The question is: how? Let's go inside and plan that out, shall we?"

Penny and Tommy followed Steve into the front double doors of his humble abode. As soon as they entered, Steve gasped horridly as he looked inside! In the middle of the first floor was another Minecraft character, also flickering random textures from the impending corruption. It was wearing the same clothes and bore a matching likeness to Steve, but something was definitely off-putting here. He was standing perfectly still with his head tilted downward at first, then lifted his head revealing empty white glowing eyes!

Before Steve, Penny, or Tommy could react to seeing this doppelganger, the entire place flashed and crumbled in a sudden explosion ten times larger than the average creeper! Nothing but smoke, debris, and an endless void of stars all around afterwards, as Penny and Tommy were sent once again through the same inter-dimensional game world wormhole!

What made this trip different was that the sudden explosion had knocked the cat and mouse unconscious. They would end up in a new game world without no recollection as to what happened or how they got there. This was a handicap even Hack Rat himself would capitalize on, as he knew just what game to put them in next: Shadow of the Colossus!

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