“Tablecloths”



“Tablecloths”

by

Ricardo Martins

Copyright (c) 2012 This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author

INT. APARTMENT – LATE AFTERNOON

Sky arrives at his apartment - sweaty, nervous and tired. He is concerned. He walks to the bathroom door and, without us knowing what happened, kneels on the floor and hides his face with trembling hands. He then opens the door to the bathroom and we hear him crying, leaving us in oblivion.

INT. RESTAURANT – NIGHT

Music plays lightly in order to dissipate the ugliness of the first scene. The camera follows the back of a man wearing a suit inside a restaurant. We observe him mumbling something inaudible to the hostesses Raquel and Dana, and he moves his way to the bar to grab an extra bottle of Frangelico. With that in his hands, he smiles to a passing by customer and subtly walks towards the kitchen door. There stands an indifferent Sky, our main character. We hear his voice over.

SKY (V.O)

She was gone. And, of course, I have to stay…

As Sky’s voice over continues, we are presented with several images of the physical part of the restaurant business such as: the cleaning of tables; the carrying of chairs; the cleaning of cigar ash trays; the stocking of the cigar humidor walk in; the turning on of the air make up system downstairs, etc.

SKY (V.O continued)

…And what was there to look at while she was no longer around? Realizing that I was nearing thirty and hoping to make some tips to pay for cable. Scallops. Fine wine. Fried calamari. Upscale dining for upscale people who came to spend too much for a meal that they can get much cheaper elsewhere. Do they spend because the quality of the food is better? Do they spend because the quality of the service is better? No. I tell you why. They spend because they want to get laid…

An attractive young couple sits at a corner table. The man wears an expensive white suit with a purple handkerchief. She wears a red dress, tight, obliged to show off as much skin as possible.

SKY (V.O continued)

…Which means they can get the best foreplay life has to offer…

We see different images of people eating food, alternating with pictures of random body parts – cleavage, bare legs, and a woman’s hand closely getting comfortable next to a man’s crotch.

SKY (V.O continued)

… This is the reason why I am a waiter. Nowadays you need a master’s degree to go somewhere unless your uncle connects you to a promising career. Every year there are thousands of graduating imbeciles who proceed to screw me over with competition and fuck my plans by wanting to raise a family and making a lot of money. But now that the only woman I contemplated having babies with is six feet under a forty five dollar tombstone, I convinced myself to remain in a constant state of foreplay. Families? Spending the rest of your life with one woman for the sake of having kids who will then have to deal with this shit in the future? Overrated. I have rearranged my goals of life to something far simpler. For example, Raquel or Dana…

The camera switches to the two hostesses greeting customers. The camera follows Dana who sits a few guests.

SKY (V.O continued)

… The two, combined, barely make two hundred and fifty pounds of honey sugar baked to perfection. What is 100k a year if you can get two in one for free? Or one in two. However you want to interpret it…

The same camera that followed Dana lands on Judy, sipping a juice by the server’s station.

SKY (V.O continued)

… Then, there is Judy. She is now only a friend, but back then she was lusty, innocent and so unforgettably easy. A few jello shots, some strong Gran Marnier, a lot of cheap beer, a decent temperature day in the middle of New England’s horrific February, and we had a great time. She swallows…

Out of the kitchen door shows up Sonia, the bartender. The camera follows her as she heads to the bar to prepare some drinks.

SKY (V.O continued)

… Then there is the forbidden product. Almost six feet tall model material, straight from Gibraltar. And what makes her so forbidden? The fact that she is being banged by my boss…

The camera switches to Luca, the Italian manager, while he stares at himself in the mirror.

SKY (V.O continued)

Luca. A man who looks like he should be working at the North End, in a restaurant called “Mamma Mia” or something. A salaried dude who gels his hair in order to look like an ass hole, since it his strictly his job to be an ass hole to his employees.

EXT. AUTO AUCTION – MORNING

The camera switches between potential buyers and an auction dealer. The audience is presented with several muted faces of all kinds and races, alternating with the hyper fast spoken dealer, next to a yelling car owner desperate to sell his vehicles at the best prices possible.

EXT. SKY’S NEW CAR – AFTERNOON

Sky comically imitates the gibberish yelled by the dealer, always ending on a sonorous “Sold!” He is next to Marcus, his best friend from the restaurant, who sneaked him in the auction.

SKY

What time is it?

MARCUS

We ain’t gonna make it.

SKY

Filthy liar.

MARCUS

You think you can command on 93 North like Moses commanded on the Red Sea, what you expect?

SKY

Well, Pete’s directions suck.

MARCUS

He wasn’t supposed to give directions. He was supposed to sneak us in the auction. Period. Paragraph. Turn left, jackass.

SKY

Wanna be the driver?

MARCUS

I’m not worthy of driving 97 Nissan Maximas, brother. It doesn’t matter anyways because we ain’t gonna make it.

SKY

This thing is a toy.

EXT. CHARLESTOWN – AFTERNOON

Sky and Marcus run to the restaurant with their aprons in their hands.

INT. RED ROOM – AFTERNOON

Luca conducts a pre shift meeting with the restaurant staff. In the meeting are servers, buss boys, food runners, bartenders from both floors of the restaurant. Sky and Marcus awkwardly sneak in.

LUCA

Morning.

SKY

Sorry. Just bought my new car.

LUCA

You mean, your “used” car.

Some giggle.

LUCA

What did you get?

SKY

A gray Nissan.

LUCA

Like I give a shit, Sky. Sit down. Next time it’s a written warning. The both of you.

They sit. Sky expresses a defying look.

LUCA

One hundred and eighty six covers. We have two major parties of twelve and fifteen that will be handled by Drake and Marcus. You will see the sections at the host station once we are done. Again, pooling is strictly forbidden. Notes. (Luca pulls out a notepad) Sky, avoid standing at the busser’s station too much. Katy, good job handling the desert menus the way I asked. Sky, remember to polish those glasses like I have repeatedly asked everyone. Adam, I caught you carrying some plates a few times without napkins. Sky, same thing. Sky, treat the customers by “Ladies” or “Gentlemen” and not “Guys”. It is inappropriate in the setting upstairs. Judy, good job upselling table fifteen. It was impressive. You and Katy worked well together. Sky, remember that you can also upsell the cocktail list besides the wines, all right? That’s all I’ve got for notes.

The chef enters the room. He has a strong Texas accent as well as a strong personality.

CHEF

I sure do have a surprise for y’all junky people. You worthless pieces of fuck better be selling what I am cooking tonight, or else I’ll ask my man Luca here to personally fire your dumb east coast slash foreign asses. Our special of the day is gonna be the crab risotto. You will produce out of those sweet sexy lips of yours how it is delightful summer squash with green peas, baby arugula, parmesan, coconut milk, caramelized onions, dipped in sauce with a fluffy and sensual looking crab cake that personally reminds me of my great aunt’s left tit. Any questions for which I have unproductive answers? Excellent. Fuck off, then. Go back to work and don’t give me a hard time in the kitchen or I will have someone dismember you and serve your rubber tasting limbs on the floor.

INT. KITCHEN – LATE AFTERNOON

Marcus makes a cappuccino as Sky approaches him confiding.

SKY

You heard him, right?

MARCUS

What?

SKY

All that shit talkin’. Sky, this. Sky, that.

MARCUS

Luca?

SKY

Was all that criticism necessary?

MARCUS

Can you explain to me why the double cappuccino works and not the single cappuccino? You figured it made sense if the single one worked and the double didn’t. But vice versa makes no sense.

SKY

Dude, you listening?

MARCUS

Dude, I tend not to listen to whining. Be a macho penis and speak to the owner once he’s back from fucking vacation. Suck it up and just get paid, man.

INT. DINING ROOM – EVENING

Raquel sits a couple at a cornered table.

RAQUEL

And this is our regular menu, besides our restaurant week prefix menu. And this is our cocktail list. Enjoy your pleasant evening.

EXT. ENTRANCE OF THE RESTAURANT – EVENING

The bouncer, Germaine, hangs out with the two valets, Alexander and Drew.

GERMAINE

You scandinavian dudes eat fish?

ALEXANDER

(with an eastern european accent)

Since when is Bulgaria part of Scandinavia?

GERMAINE

You are telling me that bulgarian ain’t scandinavian?

DREW

See, now you give him enough reason to make fun of us dumb americans.

GERMAINE

Well, either way, dog, you didn’t answer my question.

ALEXANDER

About the fish?

DREW

Man, what kind of question is that?

GERMAINE

Ain’t nobody talking to you, babe. Alexander, do you folks down in Bulgaria eat filet o fishes at Mickey D’s?

ALEXANDER

Fuck fish.

GERMAINE

What you guys do in Bulgaria?

ALEXANDER

Sex, vodca and snowboarding.

DREW

Like that.

GERMAINE

Drew, you’re right, man. We americans are too dumb to even be here in the first place. We all better off there in Bulgaria living the life.

DREW

If Alexander was living the life, I don’t think he would be here, Germaine. He probably can’t afford the vodca nor the snowboards. The only thing he could probably afford was the free sex.

GERMAINE

Here’s a word I learnt in school, man. The word is “Naïve”. I see it all over your irish forehead, brotha. Sex is free? That’s funny. Real funny. Dude, the only difference between his girfriend and your girlfriend is that he pays her in euros and you pay her in dollars. Machine gun me some arguments and I will atomic bomb your ass with the fact, that sex ain’t motherfucking free.

DREW

Go back to bouncing while I go back to valeting and this way we keep ourselves out of trouble. (walks away)

GERMAINE

Someone’s depressed cuz it ain’t Saint Patrick’s Day.

DREW

Bitch.

INT. DINING ROOM – EVENING

Raquel sits a family of four with the same facial expression, gestures and voice.

RAQUEL

And this is our regular menu, besides our restaurant week prefix menu. And this is our cocktail list. Enjoy your pleasant evening.

INT. HOST STATION – EVENING

Germaine heads to the host station, at which stands Dana, the other hostess.

GERMAINE

Can you do me a favor and check on some ID’s for me?

DANA

I can’t really leave the host station by itself though.

GERMAINE

Well, I promise I’ll be quick.

DANA

Where you goin’?

GERMAINE

I gotta go wring my food.

DANA

The valets?

GERMAINE

They have cars.

DANA

Well, why do I have to cover for you and you can’t cover for me?

GERMAINE

Because I am ugly and mean looking. People think I’m gonna punch yo’ ass instead of sit it.

INT. DINING ROOM – EVENING

Raquel proceeds to the same ritual the exact same way to two couples.

RAQUEL

And this is our regular menu, besides our restaurant week prefix menu. And this is our cocktail list. Enjoy your pleasant evening.

INT – KITCHEN – EVENING

The chef stands behind the kitchen counter, which is loaded with plates that seem to be ignored by the food runners or the servers.

CHEF

Someone call that bald headed fuck to come and grab the crab before I engage in mutilation!

The bald food runner finally shows up.

CHEF

Why isn’t your server at least inquiring about where the food is? Make sure that he or she shows some sympathy for my work and actually come to grab the crab! Little man, yell! Quote me and yell at your server really loud “Grab the crab!” “Grab the crab!”

INT – SERVER’S STATION – EVENING

Judy stands next to sky, complaining.

JUDY

This busser makes me suffer.

SKY

This manager makes me suffer.

JUDY

This guy stacks the plates on the tables like he is building a skyscraper and he has always his fingers literally penetrating his nostrils. Can you talk to him? I mean, it’s too embarrassing that a girl asks a guy to be hygienic. Can you?

SKY

Why don’t you try to seduce Luca? Have him touch you so that we get him fired for sexual harassment?

JUDY

Just ask Sonia. She’s already ahead of the game.

SKY

That’s a little trickier.

JUDY

What you talking about? You want to get rid of your manager who is married and is having an affair with the bartender?

Luca pops up from behind, his serious face intimidating.

LUCA

There’s a shitload of food sitting in the kitchen. Do you guys want to quit your chit chatting or your shit chatting and do some laboring?

INT – KITCHEN – EVENING

A swarm of servers and food runners piled up to finally get the food.

CHEF

GRAB THE CRAB! GRAB THE CRAB! GRAB THE CRAB!

DINING ROOM – NIGHT

And, again, Raquel does her usual seating, this time with a couple screaming at each other in a foreign language, while she does her speech without one interruption.

RAQUEL

And this is our regular menu, besides our restaurant week prefix menu. And this is our cocktail list. Enjoy your pleasant evening.

EXT – RESTAURANT ENTRANCE – NIGHT

GERMAINE

The world should be run by women.

DREW

The world what?

GERMAINE

Women should be presidents.

DREW

And I’m guessing your theory is that if the world would be… chick ran… see ya later wars, massacres, and all that bloody bull shit? Am I right?

GERMAINE

Okay. Yeah. Where we getting?

DREW

Dumb. So dumb.

GERMAINE

Nigga, what u sayin’?

DREW

How many countries are there in the world?

ALEXANDER

Six hundred?

DREW

Six hundred, Alexander? I thought people in Bulgaria knew Geography better than us dumb Americans.

GERMAINE

It’s like a thousand, right?

DREW

Exactly, Mr. Da Vinci. The world has a thousand countries. If you keep on counting countries like that, the average population of each nation will be fifteen. No! The world has, like, one hundred and ninety five.

GERMAINE

And what’s your point?

DREW

If you total up one hundred and ninety five countries, that means one hundred and ninety five women. Then, you have to calculate that each woman has her period once a month, which will last at least four days. Multiply those four days by twelve and you get at least forty eight days a year for one woman. Multiply that by one hundred and ninety six and we get, at least, nine thousand four hundred and eight days of the same fucking bloody bullshit!

GERMAINE (to Alexander)

I want the world to know, all one hundred and ninety six countries, that this Irish dog Drew is for real a sick person.

DREW

Appreciate the applause.

INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT

The chef expedites the food to be sent out to four different food runners.

CHEF

You! Don’t forget the sauce for the couscous! You, it’s a miracle the manager didn’t catch you not using napkins! You, since when is it logical to bring the same entrée twice to the same table? You, your mother hates you!

INT – DR. RYAN’S WAITING ROOM – DAY

Sky waits patiently for his appointment, sipping from a foamed cup of coffee.

INT – DR RYAN’S OFFICE – DAY

Without the two exchanging a word, Sky finishes his coffee and dumps it in the trashcan while Ryan just stares at him, standing against a bookshelf.

RYAN

Hot chocolate?

SKY

Coffee, actually.

RYAN

Finally realized that caffeine is man’s best friend?

SKY

It highers my blood pressure. I love the adrenaline of slightly endangering my life.

RYAN

Sky, I can’t keep on having these free appointments, you know?

SKY

They don’t have to be free.

RYAN

I helped you get over Tina’s death and now it’s time for livin’.

SKY

My life proved to be harder than her death.

RYAN

Just sit down.

Sky complies, while Ryan grabs a random book and places it on the table, sitting behind it with a sigh.

SKY

I’m gonna meet a girl tonight.

RYAN

Congratulations. That’s more exciting than what I’m doing. I’m probably gonna eat Pringles and jerk off to American Idol. I’m the one who needs therapy here, buddy. This is a wrong picture.

SKY

Is falling in love an option?

RYAN

You’re asking me something that a Phd in Behavior Psychology is reluctant to answer. Who is this girl?

SKY

I met her through the Internet. Her name is Sophie.

RYAN

And what do you want to do with Sophie?

SKY

I want to have sex with her.

RYAN

You have my permission. Now can you leave so that I make a living?

SKY

Let me just ask you something. This girl seems to be perfect to me. She has the same mentality, the same inclinations. Her boyfriend died of a cocaine overdose, so we are both kind of like widows. And we both don’t want to fall in love. Is it right to think that way?

RYAN

Honestly, you are talking to the wrong person. My friend next door, Plato, might help you. Unless your Greek is a little shaky.

SKY

Take me seriously, Ryan.

RYAN

You’ve been emailing this girl?

SKY

Chatting.

RYAN

Huh, huh. Chatting. Well, I can tell you that it is a clinical fact that over two hours a day of internet surfing may lead to depressive symptoms. And that’s the problem. Your issue has nothing to do with whether you should get into relationships, whether you should have a girlfriend and four and a half sex buddies. The issue is simple. Are your endorphin levels enough? Are you happy? If you were, you wouldn’t be here. Unfortunately, unhappiness sometimes isn’t a psychological disorder, which is what I am witnessing. I rather fight it off by taking you out for a drink as a friend, as opposed to sitting here in front of you without medical answers.

SKY

Why am I pissing you off like this? How about this? How about you remove yourself from shrink mode? Disengage. Button off. Go back to being Ryan, Sky’s friend, and let the words flow.

(Pause)

RYAN

How’s the restaurant?

SKY

Good. I hate my manager.

RYAN

Sky, have a good time with this girl tonight. And careful with the coffee. It’s unnecessary adrenaline.

EXT. SKY’S APARTMENT STREET – LATE EVENING

Sky parks his car in front of his home apartment, while his neighbor Danny watches, smoking a cigarette. Sky steps out of his car.

DANNY

New car, Sky?

SKY

It’s used.

INT. BATHROOM – LATE EVENING

Sky shaves his beard looking in the mirror. He then snatches a nip out of his pocket, uses the alcohol to rub it against his face, and then drinks out of it.

INT. BEDROOM – LATE EVENING

Sky finishes dressing himself and looks at his cell phone. He then opens the door to storm out, but he is interrupted by a beautiful brunette staring at him. It’s Sophie.

SOPHIE

Hi, Sky.

SKY

Sophie?

SOPHIE

Can I invite myself over so that we can… rush things a bit?

SKY

We’re postponing going to the café?

SOPHIE

Unless you want to postpone the stage in which I enter your apartment.

SKY

Go ahead. Invite yourself over.

She steps in, checking out the place.

SOPHIE

I like it.

SKY

You like it? If this was England, they would call it a flat flat.

SOPHIE

Is that the computer you use?

SKY

Yeah.

SOPHIE

That’s the screen where our relationship takes place.

SKY

Which relationship?

SOPHIE

Our chat inbox lol smiley face relationship between two people who only want to fuck.

SKY

Oh, that relationship.

SOPHIE

Do you want one of my pills?

SKY

How about a bottle of Pinot Noir instead?

SOPHIE

You keep bottles of wine in your fridge instead of cans of beer? (she sits on the couch)

SKY

Beer is overrated, unless it’s German. (He hands Sophie an open bottle) Let me bring you a glass.

Sophie sips from the bottle.

SKY

I guess glasses are overrated for you.

SOPHIE

I actually enjoy my beer in a glass.

SKY

I’m starting to think that you are a bit underrated.

SOPHIE

Why?

SKY

Cuz you seem absolutely perfect to me. You are drop dead gorgeous, you come to the house of a restaurant waiter offering what every mid twenty year slash almost thirty old man wants.

Sophie undresses herself, walking around holding the bottle in her black underwear.

SOPHIE

No strings?

SKY

No strings.

The two embrace. Sky rests his hands in Sophie’s butt.

SOPHIE

Don’t you dare fucking falling in love with me.

SKY

Vice versa.

FADE OUT

SKY (V.O)

It was through Sophie that I found my turning point. And the turning point was simple. My goal now was to make sure I had enough reflexes to grab Cupid’s arrow, turn it around, and aim straight at that fat bellied and winged little twat’s forehead. But before, I had to defy those who believe in Cupids and Gods and Budhas, who brainwashed my scalp with all these stupid morals and carnal rules, and pay them a visit.

EXT – NEAT NEIGHBOURHOOD STREET – DAY

The camera points straight at a door, opening. A meaty bald man smiles a wide collection of teeth.

Mr. BENOIT

Hi, son!

INT – PARENTS’ HALLWAY – DAY

MR. BENOIT

You been eating?

SKY

Employees get thirty percent off. Which means I am in a seventy percent less food diet.

Mrs. Benoit hugs her son.

MRS. BENOIT

Glad you could make it, honey.

SKY

How are you, mom?

MRS. BENOIT

Different haircut…

SKY

Ruth is here already?

MR. BENOIT

Your sister’s upstairs on the phone.

SKY

Nothing changed in two years.

MRS. BENOIT

We definitely feel like you haven’t been around for two years. How’s that comedian career going on?

SKY

I’ll tell you all about it over dinner. If dinner is going to take less than two minutes.

MRS. BENOIT

You know what we eating?

SKY

Hopefully something different from the restaurant.

MRS. BENOIT

You will like it.

INT. DINING ROOM – EVENING

The family has dinner.

RUTH

How’s life?

SKY

Uneventful.

MR. BENOIT

How’s the restaurant?

SKY

Good. I hate my manager.

MRS. BENOIT

And how’s school?

SKY

Dropped out my tenth time.

RUTH

When are you thinking about stop dropping out?

MR. BENOIT

Is it the chemistry class killing you?

SKY

Dad, the last time I was learning chemistry I was learning the meaning of the word “puberty”

RUTH

Which means, you are still learning chemistry?

MRS. BENOIT

Hey, provoking is illegal at this table.

SKY

In that case Ruth should be on probation. How are you doing, sis? Speaking of education, why don’t you share with us your brilliant academic career?

RUTH

The difference between me as a drop out and you as a drop out is that I am a drop out with money.

MR. BENOIT

Now, now, kids. We’re not sixteen any more.

SKY

You’re right, dad. I’m actually twelve. That’s the time you usually learn the word “puberty”. And, sis, what are you talking about “with money?” Are we talking about money owned or money received from others?

RUTH

What?

SKY

I’m talking about money owned through the hardworking building of a resume, through achievements and awards and grades, leading to a work-your-way-up system that ends in a respectable career. I’m not talking about money owned through using your natural breasts in order to get that promotion out of your boss.

RUTH

What the hell are you insinuating, waiter?

MRS. BENOIT

This is reaching its limits, you two…

RUTH

No, mom. Sky has all the right to express himself. I’m sorry, waiter, can I get some salt and pepper? And why is my check taking so long to be processed? May I speak to the manager?

SKY

Fuck you.

MR. BENOIT

Sky, what is the matter with you? What is the matter with you?

SKY

I’m sorry. I’m not gonna use foul language anymore.

MRS. BENOIT

Does this really have to happen?

RUTH

Filter your feelings, Sky.

(Pause)

SKY

You know, Ruth, I promise I will filter my feelings. You’re right. They should be filtered. But I just have this one request before we go back to eating our cozy family spicy meal. I think the only way we can fully enjoy our time together is to hear a proclamation coming out of your mouth. Yes, a proclamation. You should emphatically proclaim… and I mean, emphatically, proclaim… that all your success, which means the ability of having that thousand dollar purse next to you that you won’t let go ever, not even under the ceiling of a house with same-blood members that would never steal from you, was solely based on your “prostitutional” acts of inciting men to ejaculating into your pretty face in exchange of clout and dinero.

Mrs. Benoit leaves the table.

RUTH

You are an ass hole.

Sky stands up, and finishes his drink.

SKY

Good seeing you, dad.

Sky leaves.

EXT. SAME NEIGHBORHOOD Sky enters his car, distressed. He switches around several songs on the radio, finishing in a an upbeat tune.

EXT. CHARLESTOWN – LATE EVENING

The camera captures several images of the restaurant in the outside, from its windows, to the entrance door, the back door, as well as the porch where the cooks smoke occasional butts and enjoy brief breaks. The music still plays.

SKY (V.O)

After my successful lunch with my family, it was time to go back to the turning point I was talking about. I remained faithful to my stubbornness and urged for a new boner.

INT. HOST STATION – EVENING

Sky approaches Dana and Raquel, while the two exchange make up.

SKY

I understand you are both bored. I would only like to ask if there is anything else you do besides fantasizing about me when you’re bored.

DANA

Sky, are you hitting at me?

SKY

Yeah. Well, you and Raquel. It’s hard to pick one, really.

Both girls control a giggle.

RAQUEL

Sky, I’m nineteen and Dana just turned eighteen.

SKY

See, that’s perfect. Because If I have the both of you, combined, you would be just below forty. In other words, you’d be perfect. Just the way I like it.

Girls laugh. Luca passes by and waves Sky to follow him.

LUCA

Sky, you got a second?

INT. LUCA’S OFFICE – EVENING

Luca removes a piece of paper from his desk and hands it to Sky.

LUCA

Can you sign this for me?

SKY

What am I signing?

LUCA

I’m writing you up.

SKY

You are handing me a written warning?

LUCA

Yes.

SKY

Based on what?

LUCA

Flirting with the employees.

SKY

You call that flirting with the employees?

LUCA

Are you going to sign the damn paper or you gonna make it hard for yourself?

SKY

Dude, I was with these girls for not even a minute.

LUCA

Don’t you fucking dude me, dude.

SKY

Or else, what? You gonna fire your best server? What is Sam gonna say when he comes back and finds out his best server got laid off?

LUCA

He’s not gonna give a shit.

SKY

Flirting with the employees? You should be written up for fucking with the employees. Do you have a piece of paper for that, too?

LUCA

Now you’re stepping on forbidden territory, buddy.

SKY

Don’t you fucking buddy me, buddy.

LUCA

Can’t take criticism very well, can you?

SKY

I don’t know, does Sonia take criticism from you? I think she should write you up for fucking with the employees, and she should send the piece of paper to your address, for Mrs. Luca or whatever the fuck your last name is, to read.

Luca gets dangerously close to Sky.

LUCA

I am not going to fire your looser ass. I don’t want to give you the courtesy of even collecting unemployment. You’re a fuckin’ looser fuck aspiring to be a comedian precisely because your life is a joke.

SKY

We done, princess?

LUCA

Go suck your mother’s dick.

Sky signs the paper and spits on it. He, then, leaves the office.

EXT – HIGHWAY – NIGHT

The camera slowly zooms in Sky’s face, between Dana and Raquel, who seem to be laughing while one of them drives the camera.

SKY (V.O)

There are stages in life that are marked by dullness, an empty void that overtakes your senses and leads you to either tedium or depression.

INT – SKY’S BEDROOM – MORNING

The camera now zooms out from Sky’s face, with Raquel on one side, Dana on the other, all of them laying down in bed. Sky’s eyes are OPEN, while the girls sleep.

SKY (V. O)

Then, there are stages when you contemplate drinking yourself to death after ingesting Xanax and sleeping pills, just because everything is happening at once and you barely have room to breathe. In the space of one year, I see the love of my life die and I have my very first serious homicidal thought, all this while my family ends up hating me and this intriguing girl knocks on my door.

A knock is heard from the front door. Sky answers it, semi dressed. As easily predicted, Sophie is on the other side, in tears, sobbing.

SOPHIE

I have no choice but to move in with you, please.

INT. RYAN’S OFFICE – DAY

SKY

She gets kicked out by her mother because of all the drugs. Now, she is at my house as we speak making me pancakes and squeezing orange juice and all that relationship related bullshit. I mean, we’re not even in a relationship… officially… but all the perfect circumstances leading to a relationship are happening. Love and this sense of urgency are commingled, that’s what my experience says, and I do not like sense of urgency. I do not like sense of urgency.

CUT TO:

Ryan has his eyes shut, biting on a pencil. He clearly doesn’t care about what Sky is complaining.

RYAN

I must warn you that based on the consumption you described from your newest addition in your “friendship”, there can clearly be a cocaine psychosis, a state of insomnia, paranoia, cravings, restlessness, mood swings, lack of libido and weight loss, involving violent swings, very much similar to paranoid schizophrenia.

SKY

What’s that supposed to mean?

RYAN

You’re fucked.

INT. SKY’S BEDROOM – DAY

Sky reads his e-mail while eating a bag of chocolate pretzels. In the screen it reads that the sender is “benoit3223@”. The message reads “I think you should call your sister and say sorry, Dad”. Right after, Sophie yells from outside.

SOPHIE

Hey, Sky!

Sky looks out the window.

RYAN

What you doin down there?

SOPHIE

What you doin up there? It’s a rare beautiful day in New England and you are killing yourself with electronics? Let’s go for a walk.

EXT. SKY’S NEIGHBORHOOD – AFTERNOON

Sky and Sophie walk side by side in a not so crowded street of Somerville. There are barely any people or vehicles.

SKY

I’m sorry about the two girls.

SOPHIE

Why would you say you’re sorry?

SKY

You know.

SOPHIE

You know perfectly well that I don’t know. We’re not lovers in the platonic sense of the word.

SKY

Still, it felt awkward.

SOPHIE

We have to work on that, then. Next time, it’s supposed to not feel awkward at all. You shouldn’t feel anything. I don’t want to bring boys to your house and have sex with them out of respect for your place. But you should feel comfortable with me having sex with boys, even it’s in front of you. The same the other way around. I was comfortable that you had sex with those two girls. It actually aroused me to have sex with you.

SKY

You do understand that most women don’t think that way. What you sayin’ is incredibly controversial.

SOPHIE

But that’s exactly what you want to hear, right? And I can tell you are not interested in most women.

(Pause)

SOPHIE

You never told me anything about your ex girlfriend.

SKY

Something bad happened to her.

SOPHIE

I’m sorry.

SKY

She died.

SOPHIE

I’m sorry.

SKY

Past is past. She died of a drug overdose.

SOPHIE

Is that why you want me to stop taking my happy pills?

SKY

Yes.

SOPHIE

Yes?

SKY

I can make you happy instead.

SOPHIE

But you’re not my boyfriend.

SKY

I can make you happy behind that tree.

SOPHIE

What do you mean?

SKY

I can make you happy behind that oak tree.

SOPHIE

Now?

SKY

Now is the best time for happiness. You have the skirt. I have the zipper. It’s meant to happen.

Sky and Sophie look around to see if there is anyone looking. Sophie takes down her panties through the skirt. The audience sees Sky playing around with his zipper. Sophie grabs whatever came out of the zipper that the audience can’t see, since he has his back turned. The scene cuts as Sophie pants of pleasure.

INT – MAIN DINING ROOM – NIGHT

We hear Sophie’s moans coincide with the loud laughter of an overweight gentleman, in the company of a few friends, listening to Sky’s comedic jokes as he serves them.

GENTLEMAN

Enough, enough! I’m glad you guys don’t serve pasta, or I’d be exploding meat sauce all over the place. Superb stuff, my man.

SKY

I’m pretty sure lamb would do the trick.

GENTLEMAN

Have you ever thought of becoming a comedian?

SKY

I aspire to be one.

GENTLEMAN

You want to be a comedian?

SKY

I do.

GENTLEMAN

Arent’t you the luckiest man on the globe? Look. Here is my business card. Next week, I am holding a few auditions for a comedy act that I want to have regularly every Thursday. You’re more than welcome to pass by. And I see potential, believe me!

INT – SERVER’S STATION – NIGHT

Marcus and Judy stand around, as Sky approaches them.

JUDY

Is that Sky with a smile?

MARCUS

Is it still possible to smile in this place?

JUDY

Hey, Sky with a smile.

SKY

We’re going out tonight.

INT – SULLIVAN’S BAR BATHROOM – NIGHT

The camera shifts from one side of a urinal line to the other. In the last spot, we see an intoxicated individual struggling to urinate, while his shorts are all the way down, revealing his naked butt.

MARCUS (V.O)

Who knows, maybe by the time he gets back, you will be on your way out. Out of that crazy jungle.

INT – SULLVIAN’S BAR MAIN FLOOR – NIGHT

The three played an improvised beer pong game using a few glasses at the table.

MARCUS

I think there’s future in comedy. Even in a thousand years, by the time Wallmart sells machines that will brush your teeth as you sleep, you will probably still have the need to laugh. It’s a necessity.

SKY

Sam will be back next week?

JUDY

I was told tomorrow.

SKY

Who told you this?

JUDY

Your best friend.

MARCUS

Luca?

JUDY

You guess everything right, don’t you?

SKY

I promise you that a great deal of shit is gonna go down once that man comes back.

MARCUS

What do you mean?

SKY

I have influence in Sam. I have influence in the owner of the restaurant, and I will make sure that piece of Italian bubble gum little bitch Luca wished he was careful with who he was fucking with.

MARCUS

Bravo on your guts, buddy. But, honestly, who cares? It’s not like you are the CEO of the company or you happen to be Zeus. You’re a waiter. A waiter. You wait on people for tips. It’s not exactly the most productive career in the country.

SKY

It’s about a certain level of pride, Marcus.

JUDY

Just focus on the audition tomorrow.

MARCUS

You’re not gonna care about Luca or your position as a waiter once you are out there making the big bucks by making people pee into their pants. You’re funny. You will be successful. And ultimately you will laugh at Luca and he won’t have anything to laugh at you any longer. Chill, man. See if you can actually beat me at beer pong and sip the rest of that Tequilla Girly Drink Cocktail you’re “pussying” on.

SKY

It makes me breath better.

JUDY

I think it makes you be stupid better.

Sky finds Sophie at the bar counter, flirting with another man as Marcus keeps on talking.

MARCUS

Are you going to take the lead or not? Come on, comic man, you gotta take the lead at some point.

CLOSE UP

The man feels Sophie’s butt, as Sky watches them.

INT. RYAN’S OFFICE – DAY

Ryan is clapping his hands to a depressed Sky.

RYAN

Congratulations, best friend! Congratulations! You have just realized that being with a woman, whether you love her or you refuse to love her, will always end up in the same factual problem. Jealousy.

SKY

It’s not factual. It’s theoretical.

RYAN

It’s factual, dumbo! You keep on coming to my office refusing to be a human being. How can I psychologically help you if you refuse to believe that the definition of psyche necessarily involves human beings? Human beings! Human beings! Go to that woman, ask her to be your girlfriend, go to your job, ask them to fire you, and the next time you will see me will be at Hooters doing shots and being gay. Now get out of my office. I have two bipolars scheduled this afternoon.

EXT – GENTLEMAN’S PUB – DAY

Sky walks into the gentleman’s pub.

INT. PUB – DAY

Sky explores the space, noticing the stage and the microphone. He taps on the mike, like he is testing it. The gentleman emerges from a bathroom, smiles at Sky and sits down.

GENTLEMAN

Let the show begin.

SKY

You know what I love about the Japanese national anthem? It’s so nice and short. Yeah. All they sing is “Kamikaze!” and then you hear silence… As a matter of fact, this is the national anthem of every married man. They are all citizens of the Socialist Republic of Prisonesia. Do you know the disadvantage of being married? It involves a wife. I, mean, marriage is nothing but the upgrade to adult masturbation. The vaginas of married women are like the Chernoby disaster. Something bombastic happened in 1986, but no one gets even near it ever since.

The gentleman’s laughter is broken by the intrusion of Luca. He sits next to him, whispers something in his ear and the gentleman waves goodbye to Sky, dismissing himself awkwardly. Luca, then, jumps on stage to a Sky in disbelief, and whispers in his ear.

LUCA

Charlie is a good guy. Very good. He’s a dear, good, friend of mine. That’s why I had to come here and alert him that giving you an opportunity like this was… precarious. I will see you soon at your actual real world job.

INT. RESTAURANT - EVENING

The camera follows the back of Sam, the owner of the restaurant, as he goes through the host station to his office, back in the kitchen.

DANA AND RAQUEL

Hello, Sam.

SONIA

Hi, Sam.

JUDY

Hey, Sam.

MARCUS

Welcome back, Sam.

CHEF

Hey, kitchen boys. Sam is back from California!

INT. OFFICE – EVENING

Sam enters the office to a serene Luca, who stands up from his desk with a three ring binder.

SAM

What do you have for me?

Sky storms into the office, enraged.

SKY

Sam, do your business a favor and fire this fuck head!

SAM

What?

SKY

I’m not gonna hold my horses on this one, gentlemen! I’m not!

LUCA

Some balls, buddy.

SKY

What did I tell you about not fucking buddying me? Wasn’t I clear enough when I specifically told you not to bud me any further?

SAM

Who the hell do you think you are to make me wanna go back to California this bad after a month of vacation?

SKY

I’m the reason why this business flourishes. He, in the other hand, just sucks. He sucks. He sucks. He sucks. He gets paid for sucking, apparently, because that’s all he does, is sucking! He broke the Universal Sucking Law for excessive sucking!

LUCA

Best approach ever to defend yourself, Sky.

SAM

Wait a minute.

SKY

I don’t care if I get fired. I have proof that he is the one who should go.

LUCA

Show me some arguments.

SAM

I don’t want to hear arguments.

SKY

You want arguments?

LUCA

I want you sentencing your own death.

SAM

Why am I even listening to this?

SKY

How about the fact that you only hire hot girls in order to bang them? Is that an effective argument?

LUCA

Creative? Yeah. Effective? Not so much. Why? Because you got no fucking proof. First, see if you can afford law school, and then come into the office and try playing lawyer.

SKY

I don’t need law school. I read enough John Grisham novels, I have eyes, I have hears, I know reason, I see reason, I see that you’re a professional dick to some people and that you charge extra money to some clients for them to get the best seats in the house, I see that you write people up as you are sadistically jerking yourself off, and I see that the existence in the world is clearly a coincidental mistake because the fact that such an abortion remnant as yourself is in charge of an upscale restaurant shows that there is no God, that there never was any God, and that we are really, really, really, really in some immensely deep shit.

SAM

Sky?

SKY

Yes?

SAM

Take a week off. And just stop pissing me off.

SKY

So you’re not firing him?

LUCA

No, he’s not.

SAM

No.

SKY

No?

SAM

No. Do you want me to say it in a different language? Just leave out that door. Sky, just… leave out that door.

SKY

I’m coming back, though.

LUCA

Make sure you send me some tulips while you’re away.

INT. SKY’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Sky enters his bedroom at night. Sophie sleeps in his bed and awakes startled. Sky weeps at her shoulders, hugging her, like someone begging for consolation.

SKY

Forgive me for not allowing myself to fall in love with you.

INT. LIBRARY – DAY

Sky walks in the library looking for someone. His voice over is heard.

SKY (V.O)

That’s when I realize that my next goal would be the most dangerous ever. I was about to conciliate pleasure with business. I could still reach my goal against Luca, and at the same time make myself sure that I would never fully commit to Sophie. It was time for me to speak to Tyler.

Sky finds Tyler behind the counter, working.

TYLER

May I help you, Sky?

SKY

Can we talk somewhere private?

INT. STUDY ROOM – DAY

Sky sits opposite Tyler at a study desk.

SKY

You only work Thursdays, right?

TYLER

It hasn’t changed. That’s my agreement with Luca.

SKY

And you usually work with Sonia behind the bar.

TYLER

Most of the times.

SKY

What if you call in sick and I firmly volunteer to work as a bartender?

TYLER

Do you really think Luca would approve that?

SKY

He doesn’t work Thursdays.

TYLER

He’s always worked Thursdays.

SKY

Not this upcoming Thursday. I am aware of the management schedule. I think he took the day off.

TYLER

So who’s managing?

SKY

Sam.

TYLER

Sam? Why doesn’t he just hire another manager?

SKY

Dude, are you in? Will you help me out with this?

TYLER

I, mean, sure. I don’t really care. But why?

SKY

I want to fuck Sonia.

TYLER

Wow.

SKY

Yeah.

TYLER

You want me to call in sick so that you bang a bartender?

SKY

Not just a bartender. The bartender who happens to be sleeping around with the manager.

TYLER

That’s not fucking logical.

SKY

It’s not logic. It’s personal. I have to do it.

TYLER

I’m actually considering charging you for it.

SKY

Please, do.

INT. MAIN DINING ROOM – NIGHT

A pretty girls walks around giving free samples.

INT. BAR – NIGHT

Sky, without his usual apron, cuts some fruit at the bar, as Sam approaches him.

SAM

What you doing behind the bar?

SKY

I’m covering for Tyler because no one else could.

SAM

And who’s covering for you?

SKY

Judy.

SAM

You know how to make drinks?

SKY

Me? I can make a cocktail out of my own urine and you will still tip me your girlfriend.

EXT. RESTAURANT ENTRANCE – NIGHT

Same scenario with Germaine, Drew and Alexander.

GERMAINE

I personally think that we are alone.

DREW

It is finally a nice day in Boston, the man inhales some air outside and now he’s talking about aliens.

GERMAINE

We ain’t alone, brother.

DREW

And what do you think they look like?

GERMAINE

Imagine if they were all black.

DREW

You want me to imagine if they were all black?

GERMAINE

Imagine that not only were we alone, but this one extra terrestrial race happened to be all composed by little brothers. Invading all of us, white people and all. What you say about that?

DREW

If a bunch of black aliens would colonize us, I would definitely not be worried. They would probably only get all the chicken, fry it, and get the fuck out.

ALEXANDER (laughing)

That was really funny.

INT. BAR – NIGHT

Sonia approaches the bar and is surprised to see Sky cleaning some glasses.

SONIA

What you doing behind the bar?

SKY

I’m covering for Tyler.

SONIA

Who’s covering for you?

SKY

Judy.

SONIA

You know how to make drinks?

SKY

Better than you.

SONIA

No, seriously. What you doing behind the bar?

SKY

I wanted to work here so that I could successfully hit on you.

SONIA

Nice. And what makes you think that you can do that successfully?

SKY

Chemistry.

SONIA

Our chemistry is a question mark.

SKY

A really steamy, hot and sexy question mark, then. Where can I get some cocktail onions?

INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT

The chef scolds the dishwasher while holding on to a massive pan.

CHEF

I want you to look into my eyes and be frank. I want you to frankly convince me that this was a good job. How do you expect me to cook something in a pan that smells like this. Man, look into my eyes and tell me you cleaned the pan. Did you clean the pan or did you fuck somebody in it? Because you are probably the smallest person alive and these stains are as suspicious your green card!

INT. BAR – NIGHT

Sky brings a stack of glasses, complaining.

SKY

Do we have a barback?

SONIA

On a Thursday night?

SKY

Where should I put these?

SONIA

Right there next to my purse.

SKY

That’s your purse?

SONIA

Yeah. It’s mine.

SKY

If I guess exactly what you have in that purse, will you give me your phone number?

SONIA

Why would I give you my phone number?

SKY

Only if I guess what you have in your purse.

SONIA

What do I have in my purse?

SKY

You have your wallet, a Marlboro pack, some perfume, nail polish, a notebook, a book from school, and tissues.

SONIA

Wrong. I do have my wallet, but I have a pack of Camel lights, lipstick, a couple of nips, an apple and my car keys.

SKY

If I guess what’s in your wallet, will you give me your e-mail address?

EXT. RESTAURANT ENTRANCE – NIGHT

The bouncer still talks to the valets.

DREW

I think you are being a bit too self centered by saying that aliens are black.

GERMAINE

What you sayin’? We all know mankind came from black people in Africa.

DREW

Wrong. Mankind came from fish. It’s a proven fact. We all evolved from fish. You can phone National Geographic right now and they will gladly inform you.

GERMAINE

If you are telling me that my great great great great granddaddy is a sardine instead of King Kong, I will whip your Irish freckled ass right here, right now.

INT. BAR – NIGHT

SONIA

You don’t even know how to make a Slutty Mojito.

SKY

If you teach me, I promise you I will be a fast learner.

SONIA

A fast learner, huh?

SKY

I memorize anything anytime.

SONIA

Can you memorize rum, club soda and tea?

SKY

Not as fast as I can memorize your cell phone number.

SONIA

Are you really trying to sound corny right now?

SKY

Of course not. I’m just trying to hit on you.

INT. MAIN DINING ROOM – NIGHT

Judy takes the order of an old high maintenance overweight lady.

JUDY

And what can I get you, madam?

LADY

I would like to try the short ribs. But is it possible that instead of the dry fruits, could you maybe add French fries? And is it possible that you can cut the honey-mango and the scallions? And could you make sure it comes in a plate, and not in those ceramic bowls, just because it will keep the food really hot. And rice with that would be like a cherry on top of the sundae, wouldn’t you think?

JUDY

Sure.

INT. BAR – NIGHT

Raquel comes to the bar with a message for Sky.

RAQUEL

Sky, there’s someone on the phone for you.

INT. HOST STATION – NIGHT

Sky grabs the phone from the station.

SKY

Hello?

TYLER (V.O)

Sky, you need to get out of there.

SKY

Tyler?

TYLER

Yeah.

SKY

What do you mean?

TYLER

Luca told me the other day he was going to pass by the place to get a gift certificate for his grandfather.

SKY

He’s coming here now?!

TYLER

He’s on his way to see his family. But he will pass by.

SKY

All right, I have to go.

EXT. RESTAURANT ENTRANCE – NIGHT

Luca gives his car keys to Alexander, as he steps out of his car.

INT. LADIES BATHROOM – NIGHT

Judy speaks to the mirror.

JUDY

Sure, I will serve you French fries. Of course. Why not? The customer is always right. Always. Who eats ribs with scallions? Oh, wait. Again, the customer is always right. Well, you know what? The employee is always right, and I think that you are so fat that people confuse your chin with China.

Sky boldly opens the door to the ladies room and speaks to Judy.

SKY

I need a huge favor from you!

JUDY

Did you just opened the ladies room, man? Are you fucked?

SKY

I’m in mad trouble. You need to pretend that you’re the bartender.

JUDY

What are you planning there?

SKY

We’re switching roles. I go back to serving. You go behind the bar.

JUDY

I can’t make drinks! I can’t even pour beer because Sonia and Tyler already do that for us!

SKY

Do it!

INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT

Sam greets Luca.

LUCA

I know. I can’t ever leave.

INT. DINING ROOM – NIGHT

Sky snatches a tray from the busser’s station and runs to the kitchen.

INT. BAR – NIGHT

Judy approaches Sonia, who is making a drink.

JUDY

How do you make a gin and tonic?

INT. DINING ROOM – NIGHT

Luca stops Sky, who was fast pacing on the floor.

LUCA

What happened to your apron?

SKY

Hum, well… it was a mess so I gave it to the dishwasher to wash it.

LUCA

I thought that the dishwasher washed dishes.

SKY

Well, only the dishwasher has bleach. I need bleach.

LUCA

What stain are we talking about here? Turtle cum?

SKY

I have to go. I have some food running to do.

LUCA

Well, you better have your apron by the time I leave or I will be forced to anticipate a problem.

INT. BAR – NIGHT

Sky notices Judy still wearing her apron, who is busy on the other side of the bar, beyond Sonia. The noise is baffling.

SKY

(whispering)

Judy, your apron…

JUDY

What?

SKY

Your apron… give it to me!

Judy tosses him the apron. Then she writes something in a piece of receipt paper. She tosses it to Sky. He reads “How do you make a Slutty Mojito?”

INT. DINING ROOM – NIGHT

Sky runs to a random server carrying a cocktail and grabs it from his tray.

INT. BAR – NIGHT

Sky brings the drink to the counter for Judy.

EXT. KITCHEN BACK DOOR – NIGHT

The chef preaches at a line cook, who smokes a cigarette. The chef lifts up a timer.

CHEF

It’s been exactly five minutes since you’ve been outside. We are having the busiest Thursday night since ever and you take five minutes to smoke your butt. I don’t think you know, but in America a minute lasts sixty seconds. And if I gave you two fucking minutes to smoke your Bolivian joint, that means one hundred and sixty American seconds you Christian fanatic fuck.

INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT

Judy reaches Sky, exhausted.

SKY

What you doing?

JUDY

I can’t do this.

SKY

What?

JUDY

Sky, I can’t keep up with all these desperately drunk people!

SKY

Do you rather handle those desperately drunks or me being desperate? I swear to God I will be desperate if you don’t go back to that bar!

JUDY

How much longer?

SKY

I need to get rid of Luca.

JUDY

When is he leaving?

SKY

Judy! Go back to the bar! Go back to the bar! If you don’t know a drink, make up one! Just tell them you will be serving the Judy drink instead or something!

EXT. RESTAURANT ENTRANCE – NIGHT

Sky comes running to Drew, to ask him for a favor.

SKY

Drew!

DREW

What’s up?

SKY

I need a favor.

DREW

What’s up?

SKY

Go to Luca and tell him someone scratched his car.

DREW

What you talking about? I parked the man’s car and nobody scratched it.

SKY

That’s why I want you to lie! I need to get rid of the fucker as soon as possible.

DREW

And you think he will just leave?

SKY

He will be in his car, ready to go. He will just go. Come on, man!

DREW

Okay, dude.

INT. YELLOW ROOM – NIGHT

Sky runs to the other window and spots Drew talking to Luca, who ends up leaving after some words.

INT. BAR – NIGHT

Sky arrives at the bar and hands his apron to Judy.

SKY

Here you go. You can go back to serving.

JUDY

You owe me twenty per cent of your bartending tips, buddy.

SONIA

He will owe me thirty per cent. I had to make all the drinks.

JUDY

Except for the Judy cocktail.

SKY

What the hell was the Judy cocktail?

JUDY

Cranberry juice and vodka.

SKY

You mean, a cape codder?

JUDY

Mine had sweet and low in it.

SKY

What?

SONIA

I’m a witness.

SKY

You put sweet and low in those drinks?

JUDY

It was really popular.

SKY

Popular? Were the people you were serving in their mid eighties? Shit!

Sky ducks down as Luca’s car gently stops at the restaurant. Then, it drives off.

JUDY

I’m out of here.

Judy leaves.

SKY

Is he still there?

SONIA

Gone.

Sky gets up.

SKY

Now can I get your phone number?

INT. RYAN’S OFFICE – DAY

Ryan is on his laptop while Sky sips from his coffee.

SKY

So what do you think?

RYAN

Polygamy.

SKY

All right.

RYAN

Polygamy. It’s obvious. You are a polygamist by nature, which I cannot fix even if I had the meds. You chose not to be focused on one woman, and I respect that. Commitment is hard.

SKY

What are you trying to say?

RYAN

Monogamy is a man who tells himself that he will only have chocolate ice cream for the rest of his life. Done. Period. Which makes it hard because people all around walk with vanilla, banana, strawberry, oreo cookie, mint… Some of them almost shove it in his face, it’s really hard to say no. But, you know what, chocolate is still your favorite and you know that if you had vanilla over and over, you would get sick of it too. The same thing applies to the attraction for women.

SKY

That comparison doesn’t work.

RYAN

It doesn’t work? What do you mean it doesn’t work? My comparison is brilliant.

SKY

What if the chocolat flavor changes. Let’s say… it grows too old. You get too sick of it. It’s just too old for you and you need something new?

RYAN

That’s because your taste sense is also aging with it.

SKY

Taste doesn’t age.

RYAN

Oh yes it does! It becomes more sensitive, grumpier… You used to love eating macaroni and cheese and now you are picky about the cheese and you can’t stand microwaved shit.

SKY

Can you help me with something else but this argument?

RYAN

Sky, what do you want from me? You come to my office saying that you are in love with a girl called Sophie, but you want to have sex with other women, like this girl Sonia, because you are afraid that it will be another Tina.

SKY

You’re only good reading my thoughts. But not giving me solutions, though.

RYAN

That’s because there aren’t any. You want too much. You’re asking an astronomer to tell you who created the Sun. Sky, I don’t have a fucking clue who created the Sun. But I can tell you the energy levels of the Sun, and describe it, so that it might give you some clues. But that’s it.

SKY

That’s it.

RYAN

This is my final sentence for you before you go out that door and promise never to come back. Ready?

SKY

Deliver my verdict.

RYAN

You’re avoiding the past with a fake future.

EXT. HIGHWAY – NIGHT

Sky drives his car and stops at a red light. He looks to his right and notices that a woman is performing oral sex to the driver when she lifts herself from his crotch. Then, the camera cuts to Sky, in his car, and we see both the heads of Sophie and Sonia lifting themselves from his own crotch.

RYAN (V.O)

You’re avoiding the past with a fake future.

INT. SKY’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Sky is awake in his bed, as Sophie sleeps with her arms around his bare chest. He receives a text message from Tyler, which reads “Meet me at the subway station in ten minutes?”

EXT. SUBWAY STATION – NIGHT

Sky approaches a bench, on which sits Tyler, smiling.

SKY

Good morning.

He sits next to him.

TYLER

You don’t have a second job. I know you don’t wake up early.

SKY

I go to bed hearing the birds chirp.

TYLER

I can’t hear’em.

SKY

Soon you will. What’s up?

TYLER

Give up Sonia.

SKY

Why?

TYLER

You do know that I’m Luca’s friend, right?

SKY

And mine too.

TYLER

I don’t like to be between my friends.

SKY

What does that have to do with Sonia?

TYLER

It can get you in a lot of trouble.

SKY

He’s the one who’s married. You are the one who should call him at two in the morning and have this conversation with. Not me. Me? Not guilty.

TYLER

Aren’t you seeing anybody?

SKY

I don’t see people. I hang out, I eat, I sleep, I communicate, I laugh, I have sex with people. That’s it. I don’t see them.

TYLER

Because of Tina.

SKY

Do you really want to be the second person to talk to be about Tina today?

TYLER

As long as it helps you give up this relationship.

SKY

Tyler, I don’t see people. Can you hear the birds chirp now?

TYLER

No.

SKY

That’s because you’re too busy listening to yourself be so right. Sleep well, bro. And go tell your buddy Luca to go fuck himself.

INT. SKY’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Sky opens the door, and sees the lights on and Sophie staring at him, embraced to a pillow.

SKY

I don’t like this picture, Sophie.

SOPHIE

I’m not trying to say anything with this picture.

SKY

Why are you awake holding on to your pillow?

SOPHIE

I was worried.

SKY

Why?

SOPHIE

Because you left our bed and it was random.

SKY

Why are you calling it “our bed”?

SOPHIE

Did you have sex with someone right now?

SKY

No. And if I did, is it something to share?

SOPHIE

There’s nothing wrong with sharing it.

SKY

What’s bothering you?

SOPHIE

Nothing.

SKY

Biggest cliché ever from a woman is saying “nothing” when there is definitely something wrong, Sophie. What’s bothering you?

SOPHIE

Nothing.

SKY

Then stop holding on to that pillow like you are doing an academy award winning performance and go to bed.

SOPHIE

What the fuck, Sky?! You promised me that we would only engage in a far from matrimonial connection in which all we had to is hang out and fuck, but you had to screw mw over with your addicting company! You weren’t supposed to make me addicted to you!

SKY

What’s wrong with only my company?

SOPHIE

(crying)

Nothing! Absolutely nothing! As long as you promise that you will never get rid of it! Just promise that I will always have your company! Please! If you don’t want to love me, at least make sure you don’t make some silly cow’s glazy green eyes take me away from your company… Please?

She embraces him. Sky reaches for a tie on the counter and gives it to Sophie.

SKY

My ex girlfriend… a few weeks before she died… tied this for me. Ever since, I kept wearing it over and over and over, never untying it. Every day, I put it on, with the terrifying feeling that I accidentally untie it. I wear it to work as a reminder that there is a lot out there besides overtime hours and paychecks. This tie beats any matrimonial connection. Do you believe in me?

SOPHIE

Will you ever let me tie my own tie for you?

They embrace again.

SKY

All right…

EXT. COMMUNITY COLLEGE ENTRANCE – DAY

Sky enters the community college with a backpack.

INT. COLLEGE HALLWAY – DAY

Sky asks a student where is a certain classroom, without us hearing what he says.

INT. CLASSROOM – DAY

A great number of students are sitting down. We hear the sound of pages shuffling, cell phones shutting off, until all the noise is broken down by the professor entering and Sonia’s face surprised with seeing Sky among the class.

PROFESSOR

Settle down, guys.

The room quiets down.

PROFESSOR

So, has anyone read the transcript by Joseph Smith?

There is no reaction.

PROFESSOR

Does anyone know who Joseph Smith Jr. is?

SKY

He was a happy Mormon.

PROFESSOR

I’d say that is pretty accurate. And why is it that the only person who knows the answer to my question happens not to be in my class?

SKY

Nice meeting you.

PROFESSOR

What’s your name?

SKY

Sky.

PROFESSOR

And how do you know about Joseph Smith Jr, who created Mormonism the way we see it today?

SKY

We both think alike.

PROFESSOR

You both believe in living with multiple wives?

SKY

Living? Not necessarily. Being married to multiple wives? No. Not that either. I just agree with Mr. Smith that a man should definitely not commit to one woman.

PROFESSOR

You seem like you are opposed to marriage.

SKY

Marriage is a governmental involvement with something that really isn’t none of their business. It is pretty much like me going to town hall and have my foot fetiche notarized. The whole principle idea of merging two human beings together and financially tie them up based on their mutual attraction is laughable.

PROFESSOR

What about the sense of family? A stable environment in which children can be educated and raised to become themselves stable individuals? The sense of having a loving father and a loving mother, working together for your own benefit? I personally find this mentality to be a bit selfish.

SKY

This way, we all end up with that one dilemma: should I engage in the involvement with multiple partners, or sacrifice myself in the commitment for one partner for the sake of raising a child?

INT. BENCH OUTSIDE CLASSROOM – DAY

Sky sits on a bench as everyone is leaving the classroom. Sonia approaches him.

SONIA

Apparently you’re smart.

SKY

Do you want to know what proves that God exists? Arcades,

EXT. PARK – NIGHT

Sky and Sonia walk out of the arcades to a park, both eating ice creams.

SONIA

I didn’t know this place existed.

SKY

Shooting games will take me to any place.

SONIA

Why are you so obsessed?

SKY

What do you mean?

SONIA

I feel like I am more of a mission than just a girl you are hitting on.

SKY

Maybe.

SONIA

Maybe I am a mission?

SKY

Maybe you’re just too fantastic to look at.

SONIA

Don’t you have a girlfriend who is fantastic to look at?

SKY

Girlfriends are not fantastic to look at. Women are.

SONIA

Even the not so pretty ones?

SKY

As long as they are not girlfriends.

SONIA

Aversion to girlfriends?

SKY

Aversion to limitations. Come with me.

EXT. PARK – NIGHT

Sky takes Sonia to a pier, away from crowds, in the dark.

SKY

Piers are excellent.

SONIA

What do you like about them?

SKY

They get you real close to the sea breeze, away from people. This way, girls nipples get hard.

Sky undresses Sonia’s blue shirt, revealing a bare chest.

SONIA

Apparently you’re naughty.

SKY

No. I just really have a thing for breasts.

The two make out.

INT. SKY’S BATHROOM – MORNING

Sky looks himself in the mirror. Behind him, Sophie embraces him, also staring at the glass.

SOPHIE

You look like you’re hungry, but too lazy to get food.

SKY

I don’t look like I’m suicidal, do I?

SOPHIE

What are you thinking about?

SKY

Have you ever had the feeling of hiding something, although you believe there is nothing to hide?

SOPHIE

There is no reason why we should hide our bodies. But we hide them everyday anyways.

SKY

I hide my receding hairline.

SOPHIE

You have a receding hairline?

SKY

Yeah. I have my mother’s hair and my father’s lack of it.

Sophie laughs at the same time as we hear Sam’s voice over begin.

SAM

Tonight is going to be a great night to remember.

INT. RED ROOM – EVENING

Sam commands a meeting with all the employees in the restaurant.

SAM

Except for one of you. I am extremely disappointed at this year’s Zagat reviews. We went down three points according to the most recent classification. So, you are all going to be tested in your ability to sell bottles of wine. Luca came up with the plan. So, the person who sells the least will be the person that will end up jobless in the end of the night.

There is a long pause.

SAM

Chef?

CHEF

All right you junky fuck faces…

INT. KITCHEN – EVENING

The kitchen rushes their prep work.

INT. BAR – EVENING

Sonia cuts some limes next to Tyler.

INT. VALET ROOM – EVENING

The bouncer eats a burger with the valets. He then sucks from a cup until it produces a funny breathing noise.

INT. MEN’S BATHROOM – EVENING

Sky confides with Marcus, who is putting on a new apron.

SKY

It’s a strategy.

MARCUS

You think?

SKY

He wants me out.

MARCUS

Why doesn’t he just fire you?

SKY

Sam needs a strong reason for him to get rid of me.

MARCUS

So he comes up with a contest? That you will probably win?

SKY

He can fraud the numbers.

MARCUS

I just think you’re a bit delusional.

SKY

Don’t you think that I need to be a little careful?

MARCUS

Dude, I sell more decaf Coke than wine. I am the one who should be careful.

INT. HOST STATION – NIGHT

Sky’s parents arrive at the host station, taken by Raquel and Dana.

MRS. BENOIT

Hi, table for two?

INT. BAR – NIGHT

Sky sneaks in the bar momentarily.

SONIA

Sky, you looking for trouble?

SKY

Just wanted to wish you good luck.

SONIA

Nervous about the contest?

SKY

I can’t be nervous about something that I will never win.

SONIA

You should get out of the bar.

SKY

Can I feel your ass before I go?

INT. RED ROOM – NIGHT

Marcus presents himself to some guests.

MARCUS

Hello, my name is Marcus. I will be your server this evening.

Judy does the same.

JUDY

Hello, my name is Judy. I will be your server this evening.

Sky controls himself before serving his parents.

SKY

Hello, my name is Sky. I will be your server this evening.

MR. BENOIT

Sky, this was the only way we could reach you.

SKY

Would you like still, sparkling or tap water?

MRS. BENOIT

We had no other choice.

SKY

Take your time perusing through your menu. I will be back for your questions.

MR. BENOIT

Cut the horse shit, son. It’s not funny anymore.

MRS. BENOIT

It was never funny.

SKY

I can’t believe you are doing this.

MR. BENOIT

We’re trying to make sure that once you have kids they will hang out with their cousins.

SKY

I’m not apologizing to Ruth. An apology coming from me is just unethical.

MRS. BENOIT

You’re being childish as always.

MR. BENOIT

We want to have another family reunion.

SKY

Our last family reunion was as successful as Nigeria in the Winter Olympics. You might want to reconsider that.

MRS. BENOIT

Please, Sky. Just listen to your father.

SKY

Can you please go to another table?

MR. BENOIT

We need a few moments to go over our menu, sir.

INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT

Judy stops Luca while playing with the expresso machine.

JUDY

The expresso machine doesn’t work.

LUCA

Did you turn it on?

ADAM

(passing by)

Two bottles!

JUDY

No, I left it off and expected it to work that way.

Luca tries fixing the machine.

INT. RED ROOM – NIGHT

Sky comes back to his parents’ table.

SKY

How about a deal?

MRS. BENOIT

We’re listening.

SKY

You buy one bottle of wine and I will say sorry to Ruth.

MR. BENOIT

How much is a bottle of wine?

SKY

That’s not the reaction I was looking for.

MR. BENOIT

It’s not a reaction. It’s a question. How much is one? The cheapest?

SKY

Fifty seven.

MR. BENOIT

You get me grape juice instead of wine for fifty seven and I will definitely complain to your manager.

MRS. BENOIT

Will you say sorry to her?

SKY

I will gladly commit incest by kissing her feet.

INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT

Sam helps Luca fix the machine.

SAM

The problem is the button. It is sticking out too much.

LUCA

The beans got something stuck.

SAM

It’s the fucking button!

LUCA

It’s not the fucking button!

SAM

You’re making it worse.

LUCA

I need a busser to come here and clean this shit.

SAM

I need a bouncer to come here and destroy you if you don’t do something about that fucking button!

INT. OUTSIDE MEN’S BATHROOM – NIGHT

An Arabic customer approaches Marcus with his bill.

CUSTOMER

Sorry to be disturbing…

MARCUS

No worries. How may I help you?

CUSTOMER

Could you explain to me what is this thing called “Gratuity”?

MARCUS

It’s the tip.

CUSTOMER

For you?

MARCUS

Right.

CUSTOMER

But this is already included in the bill.

MARCUS

That’s right.

CUSTOMER

But I thought customers would do it voluntarily. You know… there is a little space for us to fill out the tip and all that…

MARCUS

Well, we charge automatically as a way to facilitate your calculations.

CUSTOMER

Say that again?

MARCUS

To facilitate your calculation.

CUSTOMER

Let me get this right. Stephen Hawking shows up in your restaurant, and he is probably way more brilliant than you and your ancestors. Just imagine that. And you are going to tell me that you would charge him this “gratuity” mumbo jumbo bull shit as a way to “facilitate his calculations”, as in to calculate what is fifteen per cent of a total bill?

MARCUS

Let me explain this.

CUSTOMER

And the percentage here says eighteen per cent, which goes above the fifteen per cent that people usually give.

MARCUS

This is very common procedure in upscale dining, sir. There is no reason to feel insulted.

CUSTOMER

I don’t feel insulted. I just feel that you came into a glass and poured it in my eye. What makes you think that you deserved eighteen percent? Are you the Mohandas Gandhi of waiting tables?

INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT

Sam and Luca still struggle to fix the machine. Judy impatiently waits.

JUDY

Oh my God, you guys don’t understand. This lady is the reincarnation of like the worst prisoner of Alcatraz.

SAM

Who was the worse prisoner of Alcatraz?

JUDY

I don’t know… some really bad person.

LUCA

I told you it’s not the button.

The chef pushes two bussers out of the way.

CHEF

What is the fucking issue going on. Let me do this shit. Excuse me, women!

He starts beating the machine with ferocious intensity.

CHEF

Manure feeding cock sucking piece of monkey shit! Start making coffee you miserable cunt fuck!

The machine starts working perfectly.

CHEF

Here we go. It’s just a matter of sensitivity.

INT. OUTSIDE MAN’S RESTROOM – NIGHT

Sky joins in to help Marcus against the customer.

SKY

No, no, no, no. He only did that because we have a special button in the computer for gratuity that we use for more than six people in a party and he accidentally clicked it.

MARCUS

Yes, it was a mistake.

CUSTOMER

What kind of restaurant allows its servers to just freely charge customers on this gratuity nonsense?

MARCUS

It was just a mistake.

CUSTOMER

If I were blonde, blue eyed, and spoke English like a snob rich magnate, would you “accidentally” charge me gratuity?

SKY

Sir, that’s not the point.

CUSTOMER

Do you “accidentally” charge gratuity on all Arabs? Is that like a policy?

MARCUS

Absolutely not!

SKY

We don’t do that, sir.

CUSTOMER

Guys, it is now the time for me just o sum it all up in one sentence. “May I please speak to the manager?”

INT. DINING ROOM – NIGHT

Judy attends a customer, the lady to whom she served the cappuccino.

LADY

Is there a chance you could redo this cappuccino? I asked for a double and this is clearly not as strong.

Judy throws her a dismissive look and returns back to the kitchen

INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT

Judy finds Marcus nervously cleaning a tray, next to the cappuccino machine.

MARCUS

I’m so fucked.

JUDY

You too?

MARCUS

Luca is now talking to this dude who went bazooka over his gratuity charge.

JUDY

Can you try the cappuccino machine for me? I already know it’s not going to brew again.

Marcus turns the machine on successfully.

MARCUS

It’s brewing all right.

JUDY

There is hope.

MARCUS

But it stopped halfway because we ran out of beans.

JUDY

You kiddin’?

MARCUS

Just ask her if she wants tea instead.

Close to them, Sky enquires with a server, Katy. Adam passes by.

ADAM

Fourteen bottles, everybody!

SKY

(to Katy)

How many did you do?

KATY

Nine, I think.

SKY

Nine?!

INT. RED ROOM – NIGHT

Sky comes back to his parents’ table, afflicted.

SKY

Can you guys get another one?

MR. BENOIT

What do you mean, another one? Another bottle of wine?

SKY

Yes.

MRS. BENOIT

Sky, that would mean one bottle for him and one bottle for me.

SKY

I’ll pay for it.

MR. BENOIT

You’ll pay for it?

SKY

(handing him cash)

Just put that in the pocket and order another bottle. Please.

MR. BENOIT

I came here for lamb. Not for alcohol poisoning.

SKY

You can happily have them both.

Sky speeds off.

MRS. BENOIT

What do you think?

MR. BENOIT

I think we have failed in his education.

(sips from his glass of wine)

INT. DINING ROOM – NIGHT

Judy hears the same lady complain.

LADY

No, I would not like any tea. Green tea doesn’t work with people like me. I need much more caffeine than whatever you people pull of here at the restaurant. I’m sorry but I don’t have time to head to Starbucks after dinner, because it will be closed. How about you successfully bring me a glass of water instead?

Judy manifests the same look before storming off.

INT. YELLOW ROOM – NIGHT

An eccentric looking man with four people is served by Sky.

MAN

You know that I’m a regular, right?

SKY

You are here once a week.

MAN

And you know that I only drink a Margarita. I never even dare touching something made out of grapes.

SKY

Right.

MAN

But you are dying to sell me this wine.

SKY

You busted me.

MAN

What’s going on?

SKY

We are in a competition.

MAN

What does the winner get?

SKY

Nothing. But the looser gets in trouble.

MAN

Fired?

SKY

Yeah.

MAN

That explains things. So how about we do it this way. I know you are not allowed to serve the pizza in the dining room. Only at the bar.

SKY

House rules. Yeah. That’s right.

MAN

If you serve me pizza right here, I’ll buy you four bottles of wine.

GIRLFRIEND

Roger, that’s mean.

MAN

Deal?

SKY

Always love doing business with you.

INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT

Sky and the chef are yelling at each other.

SKY

I need you to make this one fucking exception, man!

CHEF

What the fuck is your issue, dude?! You already know the rules. Exceptions and rules don’t go together! Not in my dictionary!

SKY

This is not fucking Arizona or Tennessee or whatever! People actually do have a heart!

CHEF

I have a heart too, mother fucker! And if I cooked it, it would fucking taste delicious! Better than any pizza!

SKY

I pay you twenty bucks if you get me that pizza!

CHEF

I pay you fifty bucks if you put down your pants and jerk off reciting in iambic pentameter!

SKY

Fuck off!

CHEF

Die! Die! Die!

INT. HOOKAH LOUNGE ENTRANCE – NIGHT

Germaine blocks a hockey fan from coming in.

GERMAINE

I’m sorry, sir. I really cannot allow you to go in.

FAN

I’m twenty five!

GERMAINE

It’s not the age, sir. It’s just that you are clearly intoxicated.

FAN

Intoxicated? Man, this is barely a buzz.

GERMAINE

I still ain’t lettin’ you in.

FAN

Why not?

GERMAINE

Because you are drunk, sir. You can’t go past that door.

FAN

Why not?

GERMAINE

My manager won’t allow me.

FAN

Can I speak to the manager?

GERMAINE

No.

FAN

Why not?

INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT

Luca is now confronting Sky.

LUCA

Rules are rules.

SKY

He’s a regular. Can’t we open an exception for a regular?

LUCA

Out of the question. You know that making pizzas take a long time and mess up all the tickets in the kitchen. Sky, you know how it works. Chef, don’t even think about making that pizza.

CHEF

My thoughts involve other things, baby.

SKY

You say you can’t make the pizza because it takes too long. We took longer just fucking talking.

LUCA

Sky, cry me a lake.

INT. DINING ROOM – NIGHT

Judy comes back to the same table of the complaining lady.

JUDY

Everything is all right?

LADY

I thought it would be all right. But my glass of water has ice in it.

JUDY

Oh, I thought you wanted ice.

LADY

I asked for a glass of water. Not a glass of water with ice. If I would have asked for a glass of water with ice, I would say “glass of water with ice”. Do you understand my point, honey?

The lady emphasizes the “honey” part. Judy walks away, disgusted.

INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT

Judy is now in the kitchen preparing herself a glass of water. Adam and Marcus walk by.

ADAM

I’m pushing to twenty, people! Twenty!

KATY

Eleven!

LUCA

Come on, servers! Keep it up with those counts!

Judy stares at Sky, who is polishing a fork.

JUDY

Sky, I didn’t even make it to three tonight.

SKY

Not even three?

JUDY

Not even three.

Judy walks away with the glass of water.

SKY

Judy, don’t!

INT. DINING ROOM – NIGHT

Judy walks to the lady’s table and throws the glass of water into her face. She then reaches with her hands in the food of her plate and rubs it all over her face.

JUDY

Nobody calls me “Honey”, you immensely unhappy cunt.

Servers, including Sky, bussers and food runners immediately stop what they are doing and stare at Judy in disbelief. She proudly leaves the dining room.

INT. HOOKAH LOUNGE ENTRANCE – NIGHT

Germaine still handles the hockey fan.

FAN

I’ll give you five bucks.

GERMAINE

Five bucks?

FAN

I’ll give you those five if you let me go in.

GERMAINE

You want me to risk losing my job to let you in for five dollars?

FAN

I’ll give you eight.

GERMAINE

At least make me feel respected enough by offering one hundred.

FAN

Nine bucks. Is that a deal?

GERMAINE

You have exactly nine dollars worth of change?

FAN

It’s a deal?

GERMAINE

How about I give you five bucks to keep on making me laugh?

FAN

I give you twenty if you stop being a jerk.

GERMAINE

I can’t let you in.

FAN

Why not?

EXT. OUTSIDE RESTAURANT – NIGHT

Sky runs after Judy, who just threw her apron away. In the back, we can see Germaine in a physical fight with the fan. Sky hugs her.

SKY

I love you.

Judy walks away. Germaine beats the crap out of the fan. Moments later, a car arrived for a pizza delivery. Sky pays the man. Classic music starts playing.

INT. CONCERT HALL – NIGHT

Sophie sits by herself at a classical music hall where the musicians practice a bit before actually starting the show. The musicians look at each other and the maestro looks at them. Then, the maestro starts the orchestra, but the band is playing classical music instead.

INT. BAR – NIGHT

In slow motion, Sky reaches for Sonia’s butt and grabs it. The music is still playing.

EXT. SKY’S NEIGHBORHOOD – EVENING

Sky walks side by side with Sophie, in slow motion. Music still plays.

INT. YELLOW ROOM – NIGHT

Sky passes by a bunch of great looking women, all of them staring at him seductively. Music still plays.

EXT. BOSTON – NIGHT

Several pictures of couples kissing, young crowds, and random selected images of Boston finalize the end of the music.

FADE OUT.

INT. RESTAURANT – DAY

Several images of the restaurant are played. A still soundless image of the kitchen, then the dining room, the downstairs office, the Bedouin cave, the bar and the bathroom are shown.

INT. RESTAURANT – DAY

The camera follows Sky pass by the restaurant until he reaches the office and bursts in. Sam and Luca stare at him, drinking coffee. Sky absolutely explodes.

SKY

You fucking fire me for losing the competition? I finished fourth in this little fucking play time of yours!

LUCA

Well, we let go Judy.

SKY

And fucking Marcus!

LUCA

You know you’re not supposed to give out gratuity if it’s less than a party of six!

SKY

I fucking sold more bottles of wine than the both of them and that’s the end of the thing!

LUCA

I will have to call the police if you’re not voluntarily leaving.

SAM

Will that really be necessary, Sky?

SKY

You can’t fucking fire someone like that without getting a law suit!

LUCA

Law suit? We are terminating someone on perfectly legitimate reasons!

SKY

Like in not being awesome selling mother fucking wine?!

LUCA

How about spitting on a written warning? Or, worse, switching your shift with a bartender without authorization?

(Pause)

SKY

That back stabbing fuck!

INT. BAR – DAY

Luca and Sam unsuccessfully prevent Sky from jumping over the bar and punching Tyler in the face. Luca and Sam wrestle Sky out of the bar. Bottles are broken and fruit is spilled all over the floor. Adam and the chef come to grab Sky by the arms.

ADAM

Calm down, brother.

LUCA

Never be friends with your friend’s enemies. Someone should have taught you that a long time ago.

SAM

Enough, Luca. Just let him go.

SKY

Why the fuck did you do that, Tyler?

TYLER

I love her!

(Pause)

Sky starts laughing hysterically.

SKY

All this shit because of one woman. By the way, Luca, that woman your buddy says he loves was totally into me, hot stuff. Did she scream my name when you tried her pussy the other day?

LUCA

I don’t care if you were fucking Sonia, Sky. I’m getting a divorce and I could care less about the fucking bartender you were banging.

The camera shows Sophie in awe, standing at the host station while she witnessed the whole scene. Sky can’t say a thing.

SOPHIE

You forgot your tie. So I tied a new one for you.

She leaves.

INT. RYAN’S OFFICE – DAY

Sky enters the office and desperately tries to grab Ryan’s attention off the phone.

SKY

You have time to help me?

RYAN

What happened?

SKY

The end of the world.

RYAN

What’s going on?

SKY

Sophie found out I was cheating on her.

RYAN

But you weren’t. She’s not your girlfriend.

SKY

Try sayin’ that to fate.

RYAN

Sky, sky… Just go home. Trust me. You don’t need a shrink. You just have to go home and tell a girl you love her.

INT. APARTMENT – LATE AFTERNOON

Sky arrives at his apartment, sweaty, nervous and tired. He is concerned. He walks to the bathroom door and, without us knowing what happened, kneels on the floor and hides his face with trembling hands. He then moves his way to the bathroom and we hear him cry. The camera then shows a pale and lifeless Sophie, lying next to the toilet, with the “happy pills” around. Sky embraces Sophie, sobbing.

SKY

I love you…

EXT. APARTMENT – EVENING

Sky seems to ignore a police officer’s questions while is voice over is heard.

SKY

(V.O)

Human beings probably commit over a hundred mistakes a day, if you think about it. But they will hardly commit the same mistake twice in their life, especially if it is a serious one. That day, I commited the worst mistake of my life a second time.

EXT. HIGHWAY – NIGHT

Sky drives his car.

SKY

(V.O)

Refusing your own feelings…

EXT. RUTH’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

Ruth opens the door to a devastated Sky. He hugs her, and she hugs him back.

SKY

I was not going to commit the same mistake twice with my sister. And this thing of becoming a waiter in order to pay my bills and forget my life? Not going to commit it a second time either. But the restaurant would still be in my plans.

INT. SAM’S OFFICE – NIGHT

SKY knocks on the door and simply opens it. He enters. Sam tranquilly eats from a plate at his desk. He then stops eating, leans back and looks at him.

SAM

Sorry to hear about that girl.

SKY

You found out?

SAM

Bad things travel at a thousand miles an hour. Everyone ends up knowing.

SKY

I’m sorry about the scene.

SAM

It spiced up my workday.

SKY

I’m looking for a job.

SAM

Is this some sort of a test to my compassion?

SKY

Not as a server.

SAM

You want to be a hostess?

What kind of job?

INT. HOOKAH LOUNGE – NIGHT

Sky is standing on a little set up stage, with a microphone in his hands, to a smoky crowd.

SKY

You know what I like about the Japanese national anthem?

SKY

(V.O)

I became a sensation in the restaurant. Sam and I turned into business partners just because of the amount of customers that I was responsible for bringing in. Comedy was a funny way to look at sad things. And for me there were two major sad things.

INT. RYAN’S WAITING ROOM – DAY

Luca waits for his appointment

SKY.

(V.O)

First, the fact that Luca wasn’t necessarily the villain of this story. And nor was I the hero.

EXT. CEMETERY – DAY

Sky ties up a tie at Sophie’s tombstone and leaves it on the ground

SKY

And, second… the fact that I now realized what my relationship with Sophie was all about, between all that talk about monogamy versus polygamy, love versus sex, boring monasteries versus the Restaurant.

Sky receives a text message from Sonia, saying: “Do you feel like arcades?” He replies, writing “Not really… that would mean I’d be cheating on Sophie…”

THE END

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