Geelong Psychology Group



You Can Change the Way You FeelMany people believe that their bad moods result from factors beyond their control. They ask, "How can I possibly feel happy? My girlfriend rejected me. Women always put me down." Or they say, "How can I feel good about myself? I’m not particularly successful. I don’t have a glamorous career. I’m just an inferior person, and that’s reality." Some people attribute their blue moods to their hormones or body chemistry. Others believe that their sour outlook results from some childhood event that has long been forgotten and buried deep in their unconscious. Some people argue that it’s realistic to feel bad because they’re ill or have recently experienced a personal disappointment. Others attribute their bad moods to the state of the world – the shaky economy, the bad weather, taxes, traffic jams, the threat of nuclear war. Misery, they argue, is inevitable.Of course there’s some truth in all of these ideas. Our feelings undoubtedly are influenced by external events, by our body chemistry, and by conflicts and traumas from the past. However, these theories are based on the notion that our feelings are beyond our control. If you say, "I just can’t help the way I feel," you will only make yourself a victim of your misery – and you’ll be fooling yourself, because you can change the way you feel.If you want to feel better, you must realize that your thoughts and attitudes – not external events – create your feelings. You can learn to change the way you think, feel, and behave in the here-and-now. That simple but revolutionary principle can help you change your life.To illustrate the important relationship between your thoughts and your moods, consider the many ways you might react to a compliment. Suppose I told you, "I really like you. I think you’re a neat person." How would you feel? Some people would feel pleased and happy. Others might feel sad and guilty. Some people would feel embarrassed, and some would react with anger and annoyance. What explains such different reactions? It’s because of the different ways they might think about the compliment. If you feel sad, you’re probably thinking, "Ah, Dr. Burns is just saying that to make me feel good. He’s just trying to be nice to me, but he doesn’t really mean it." If you feel annoyed, you might be thinking, "He’s flattering me. He must be trying to get something from me. Why isn’t he more honest?" If you feel good about the compliment, you’re likely to be thinking, "Gee, Dr. Burns likes me. That’s great!" In each case the external event – the compliment – is the same. The way you feel results entirely from the way you think about it. That’s what I mean when I say that your thoughts create your moods.This is also true when something bad happens. Suppose someone you respect criticizes you. How would you feel? You may feel guilty and inadequate if you tell yourself you’re no good and the problem is all your fault. You will feel anxious and worried if you tell yourself that the other person is looking down on you and is going to reject you. You’ll feel angry if you tell yourself that it’s all their fault and they have no right to say such unfair things. If you have a good sense of self-esteem, you might feel curious and try to understand what the other person is thinking and feeling. In each case, your reaction will depend on the way you think about the criticism. The messages you give yourself have an enormous impact on your emotions. And what’s even more important, by learning to change your thoughts, you can change the way you feel.The powerful methods described in this book have helped thousands of people take greater charge of their emotions, their careers, and their personal relationships – and they can help you. It’s not always easy. Considerable effort and persistence are sometimes required to snap out of a bad mood. But it can be done! The techniques are practical and straightforward, and you can make them work for you.This new approach is called "cognitive behavior therapy" because you can learn to change the way you think, the way you behave, and the way you feel. A "cognition" is simply a thought. You may have noticed that when you feel depressed or anxious you are thinking about yourself and your life in a pessimistic, self-critical way. You may wake up feeling discouraged and tell yourself, "Ugh! What’s the point in getting out of bed?" You may feel anxious and inferior at a social gathering because you tell yourself, "I don’t have anything witty or interesting to say." Cognitive therapists believe that these negative thinking patterns actually cause you to feel depressed and anxious. When you think about your problems in a more positive and realistic way, you will experience greater self-esteem, intimacy, and productivity.If you want to break out of a bad mood, you must first understand that every type of negative feeling results from a specific kind of negative thought. Sadness and depression result from thoughts of loss. You think you have lost something important to your self-esteem. Perhaps you were rejected by someone you cared a great deal about. You might have retired or lost your job or missed out on an important career opportunity. Frustration results from unfulfilled expectations. You tell yourself that things should be different from the way they really are. For example, "That train shouldn’t be so late when I’m in a hurry! Darn it!" Anxiety and panic result from thoughts of danger. Before you give a speech in front of a group of people, you feel nervous because you anticipate that your voice will tremble and your mind will go blank. You imagine that you’ll make a fool of yourself. Guilt results from the thought that you are bad. When a friend makes an unreasonable request, you may feel a twinge of guilt and think, "A really nice person would say yes." Then you may agree to something that isn’t really in your best interest. Feelings of inferiority result from the thought that you’re inadequate in comparison with others. You think, "She’s so much better looking than I am" or "He’s so much smarter and more successful. What’s wrong with me?" Anger results from feelings of unfairness. You tell yourself that someone is treating you unjustly or trying to take advantage of you.The following list on illustrates the connection between your thoughts and your feelings. Study this table carefully. It will help you understand why you’re in the mood you’re in, and this can make it easier to change the way you feel.Your Thoughts and Your FeelingsEmotionThoughts that lead to this emotionSadness or depressionThoughts of loss: a romantic rejection, the death of a loved one, the loss of a job, or the failure to achieve some important goal.Guilt or shameYou believe that you’ve hurt someone or that you’ve failed to live up to your own moral standards. Guilt results from self-condemnation, whereas shame involves the fear that you’ll lose face when others find out about what you did.Anger, irritation, annoyance, or resentmentYou feel that someone is treating you unfairly or trying to take advantage of you.FrustrationLife falls short of your expectations. You insist that things should be different. It might be your own performance ("I shouldn’t have made that mistake"), what someone else does ("He should’ve been on time!"), or an event ("Why does the traffic always slow down when I’m in a hurry?").Anxiety, worry, fear, nervousness, or panicYou believe you’re in danger because you think something bad is about to happen – "What if the plane crashes?" "What if my mind goes blank when I give my talk in front of all those people?" "What if this chest pain is the start of a heart attack?"Inferiority or inadequacyYou compare yourself to others and conclude that you’re not as good as they are because you’re not as talented, attractive, charming, successful, intelligent. "She’s really got what it takes. She’s so cute. All the men are chasing her. I’m just average. There’s nothing very special about me."LonelinessYou tell yourself that you’re bound to feel unhappy because you’re alone and you aren’t getting enough love and attention from others.Hopelessness or discouragementYou feel convinced that your problems will go on forever and that things will never improve. "I’ll never get over this depression," or "I just can’t lose weight and keep it off," or "I’ll never find a good job," or "I’ll be alone forever."What you will learn here is that even though you are convinced they are valid, most of the negative thoughts that make you feel bad are distorted and unrealistic. Example: Following a romantic breakup or divorce you tell yourself, "It’s all my fault. I must be unlovable. I’ll never be close to anyone." You feel so rotten that it seems absolutely true, and you think your life is over. Months later you begin to date and you start to feel close to people again. It suddenly dawns on you that you are lovable after all, that you weren’t entirely responsible for the breakup of your relationship. You wonder how in the world you could have believed all the put-downs you were heaping on yourself. But at the time, your negative thoughts seemed completely valid.That’s one of the peculiar things about bad moods – we often fool ourselves and create misery by telling ourselves things that simply are not true. And the strange thing is that we usually don’t have the vaguest suspicion that we’re being conned by our misery and self-doubt.The ten forms of distorted thinking that lead to negative moods are listed on page 4. Study this list carefully, because you will refer to it frequently as you do the exercises in this book. Many people have told me that this list changed their lives.One disclaimer is necessary. There are many times when negative feelings are healthy and appropriate. Learning when to accept these feelings and how to cope with a realistically negative situation is just as important as learning how to rid yourself of distorted thoughts and feelings. If a loved one is seriously ill, you will feel concerned. These sad feelings are a sign of caring. If the house you had your heart set on is sold to someone who made a slightly higher offer, it is natural to feel disappointed. If you’re having an argument with your spouse, you will probably feel angry and hurt. If you have to give a speech or start a new job or ask your boss for a raise, you will probably feel a little nervous. It’s often best to accept these negative feelings.I don’t believe that you should try to be happy all the time, or in total control of your feelings. That would just be a perfectionistic trap. You cannot always be completely rational and objective. Certainly I’m not! I have my share of shortcomings, my dark moments of self-doubt, my periods of irritability. I believe these experiences give us the opportunity for growth, for intimacy, and for a deeper comprehension of what it means to be human.The Ten Forms of Twisted ThinkingAll-or-nothing thinkingYou see things in black-or-white categories. If a situation falls short of perfect, you see it as a total failure. When a young woman on a diet ate a spoonful of ice cream, she told herself, "I’ve blown my diet completely." This thought upset her so much that she gobbled down an entire quart of ice cream!OvergeneralizationYou see a single negative event, such as a romantic rejection or career reversal, as a never-ending pattern of defeat by using words such as "always" or "never" when you think about it. A depressed salesman became terribly upset when he noticed bird dung on the windshield of his car. He told himself, "Just my luck! Birds are always crapping on my car!"Mental filterYou pick out a single negative detail and dwell on it exclusively, so that your vision of all reality becomes darkened, like the drop of ink that discolours a beaker of water. Example: You receive many positive comments about your presentation to a group of associates at work, but one of them says something mildly critical. You obsess about his reaction for days and ignore all the positive feedback.Discounting the positiveYou reject positive experiences by insisting they "don’t count." If you do a good job, you may tell yourself that it wasn’t good enough or that anyone could have done as well. Discounting the positive takes the joy out of life and makes you feel inadequate and unrewarded.Jumping to conclusionsYou interpret things negatively when there are no facts to support your conclusion. Mind reading: Without checking it out, you arbitrarily conclude that someone is reacting negatively to you. Fortune-telling: You predict that things will turn out badly. Before a test you may tell yourself, "I’m really going to blow it. What if I flunk?" If you’re depressed you may tell yourself, "I’ll never get better."MagnificationYou exaggerate the importance of your problems and shortcomings, or you minimize the importance of your desirable qualities. This is also called the "binocular trick."Emotional reasoningYou assume that your negative emotions necessarily reflect the way things really are: "I feel terrified about going on airplanes. It must be dangerous to fly." Or "I feel guilty. I must be a rotten person." Or "I feel angry. This proves I’m being treated unfairly." Or "I feel so inferior. This means I’m a second-rate person." Or "I feel hopeless. I must really be hopeless.""Should statements" You tell yourself that things should be the way you hoped or expected them to be. After playing a difficult piece on the piano, a gifted pianist told herself, "I shouldn’t have made so many mistakes." This made her feel so disgusted that she quit practicing for several days. "Musts," "oughts" and "have tos" are similar offenders. "Should statements" that are directed against yourself lead to guilt and frustration. Should statements that are directed against other people or the world in general lead to anger and frustration: "He shouldn’t be so stubborn and argumentative." Many people try to motivate themselves with shoulds and shouldn’ts, as if they were delinquents who had to be punished before they could be expected to do anything. "I shouldn’t eat that doughnut." This usually doesn’t work because all these shoulds and musts make you feel rebellious and you get the urge to do just the opposite. Dr. Alber Ellis has called this "musterbation." I call it the "shouldy" approach to life.LabellingLabelling is an extreme form of all-or-nothing thinking. Instead of saying "I made a mistake," you attach a negative label to yourself: "I’m a loser." You might also label yourself "a fool" or "a failure" or "a jerk." Labelling is quite irrational because you are not the same as what you do. Human beings exist, but "fools," "losers," and "jerks" do not. These labels are just useless abstractions that lead to anger, anxiety, frustration, and low self-esteem. You also label others. When someone does something that rubs you the wrong way, you may tell yourself: "He’s an S.O.B." Then you feel that the problem is with that person’s "character" or "essence" instead of with their thinking or behaviour. You see them as totally bad. This makes you feel hostile and hopeless about improving things and leaves little room for constructive communication.Personalization and blamePersonalization occurs when you hold yourself personally responsible for an event that isn’t entirely under your control. When a woman received a note that her child was having difficulties at school, she told herself, "This shows what a bad mother I am," instead of trying to pinpoint the cause of the problem so that she could be helpful to her child. When another woman’s husband beat her, she told herself, "If only I were better in bed, he wouldn’t beat me." Personalization leads to guilt, shame, and feelings of inadequacy. Some people do the opposite. They blame other people or their circumstances for their problems, and they overlook ways that they might be contributing to the problem: "The reason my marriage is so lousy is because my spouse is totally unreasonable." Blame usually doesn’t work very well because other people will resent being scapegoated and they will just toss the blame right back into your lap. It’s like the game of hot potato – no one wants to get stuck with it.Self-Awareness ExerciseLet's summarize the most important ideas in this chapter. First, you learned that your thoughts, and not external events, create your moods. Second, you learned that specific kinds of negative thoughts cause specific kinds of negative emotions. For example, the belief that you are in danger will make you anxious or frightened. Third, you learned that the negative thoughts that make you depressed, anxious, guilty, angry ~ or frustrated arc frequently distorted and unrealistic, even though they seem absolutely valid. Recognizing the vital connections between your thoughts and your emotions is the first step in breaking out of a bad mood. This exercise will make you more aware of the kinds of distorted thoughts that are most frequently associated with different kinds of negative feelings, including anger (page 5), anxiety (page 8), stress (page 10), and depression (page 12), as well as for bad habits such as alcoholism (page 13).ANGERThink of a time when you were angry or irritated Write down a brief description of the situation that made you angry. What actually happened? Were you upset with yourself or someone else?Did you fill that out? I have found that some patients - and some readers- do the written self-help exercises that are so crucial to the success of cognitive therapy. Others do not they seem to be along for the ride. Research has indicated that people who actually do the written exercises improve far more than those who do not. Do you want to feel better and change your life as a result of reading this book? If your answer is yes, then I want you to fill in the description before you continue readingNow I want you to tell me about the negative thoughts and feelings you were having in the situation you described. Did you feel hurt? Annoyed? Frustrated? What messages were you giving yourself? Did you tell yourself that the other person was a self-centred bum or that they were being unfair to you? Describe your negative thoughts and feelings here:A common irritating situation is when someone is late. The later they become, the angrier you get. By the time they finally show up you feel as if you could strangle them. When George was late coming home from work, Marge felt angry and had these thoughts: "He's never on time. What a jerk! If he cared about me, he wouldn't be so late. He should be home by now."Let's examine these thoughts and see if they contain any distortions. Her first thought is "He's never on time.” Review the list on page 4 and see if you can find the distortion 10 this thought. This one is fairly easy. Put your ideas here before you read on;It's an example of an "overgeneralization," because Marge sees this negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat. George may sometimes be late, or he may be frequently late, but he's not always late. If you called it the "mental filter," you would also be right. Marge is concentrating on all the times George is late and ignoring or filtering the times he's on time.The problem with overgeneralizing is that it will make the situation seem worse than it really is. This may trigger a pointless argument when George comes home. Marge might accuse George of "always being late." He will feel indignant and insist, quite rightly, that he isn't "always late." They'll get into a frustrating argument that misses the point entirely. They'll both feel misunderstood and absolutely convinced that the other one is to blame. Do you recognize this pattern? If you've ever been involved in a marital squabble, I'm) sure you know how exasperating this type of interaction can be.Marge's second thought is "What a jerk!" What distortions are there in this one? Put your ideas here after you review the Ten Forms of Twisted Thinking:This is an example of "labelling," because Marge is attacking George rather than what George did. You might also view it as an 'example of "all-or-nothing thinking" since Marge is writing him off entirely. Being late may have been thoughtless or it may have been due to factors beyond George's control, such as a traffic jam on the expressway. Either way, it doesn't make George "a jerk.' Contrary to popular opinion, there are actually no "jerks" in the United States at this time. There’s certainly plenty of jerky behaviour, however!What is the main distortion in Marge's third thought, "If he cared about me, he wouldn't be so late"?Put your ideas here:The major distortion in this thought is "mind reading" or "jumping to conclusions.” Marge is automatically assuming that a lack of caring explains, why George is late. Although he may not care, there could be other explanations for why he's late, Can you think of any possibilities?List them here;1.2.3.Here are several possibilities: George might be working late because his boss is pressuring him about a deadline. He may be working overtime so he and Marge can save up enough money for a down payment on a new house. Or he may be annoyed with Marge about something. If so, it may mean that George and Marge don't deal with conflicts openly and directly. This wouldn't mean that George "doesn't care” - his anger would probably mean that he does care and he feels hurt. If this were the case, George and Marge could benefit from some communication training so they can learn to share their feelings more openly instead of acting them out through nagging and arguing.Marge's last thought was "He should be home now." What is the distortion in this thought? Check the list on page 4 and put your ideas here:This is a classic "should statement." It might be better for Marge to tell herself that she'd like George to be on time. This would sound less judgmental and it would create a less antagonistic atmosphere for discussing the problem.Some readers may feel that I am attacking Marge. You may want to defend her and think, "What if George is a jerk? Maybe he's having an affair with someone. Maybe she has the right to be angry!" Certainly there are times when anger is healthy and appropriate. There will be other times when your thinking is way off base and your anger is not particularly valid. And even when someone is treating you unfairly, your feelings will still result from the way you think about what's happening. When you think about a genuinely upsetting situation in a distorted way, your feelings will get blown up out of proportion so much that the real problem becomes harder to resolve. If you're willing to think about the problem more realistically, you'll find it far easier to express your feelings in a constructive way so that the other person will listen and not get so defensive.Marge just doesn't have enough information yet. She hasn't found out the facts, but she has already convicted and sentenced George. This attitude of blame will guarantee that there will be a fight when George gets home. Her thoughts are so inflammatory that she'll overreact. This will simply make the problem worse. She may pout and cry or accuse him of being a thoughtless jerk. I can't imagine that this will lead to a productive exchange of feelings. Can you? What could Marge say when George comes home? Put your ideas here:She might say; "George, I was really worried about you, and I'm angry because you're so late and you didn't call. I cooked this great meal for you because I love you, and when you didn't show up on time I felt really hurt. Can you tell me what's going on? Did we have a misunderstanding about when you were going to be home, or what?" This statement is far more powerful than telling him off because she is sharing how she feels without hurling accusations or putting George down. She invites him to explain what the problem is instead of acting as if she already knew.Now review the angry thoughts you wrote down at the beginning of this section. See if you can identify any of the distortions that are most frequently associated with anger. Look for:? Should statements: "He shouldn't have said that" or "She's got right to feel that way."? Labelling: "He's an S.O. B."? Mind reading: "She obviously doesn't have any respect for me."? Blaming: "This is entirely his fault."? All-or-nothing thinking: "I'm right and she's wrong about this."? Overgeneralization: "All she ever thinks about is herself."ANXIETY AND FEARThink of a time when you felt anxious or worried. What was happening at the time? Were you nervous about an important test? An airplane flight? A talk you had to give? Perhaps you were worrying about your health or a bill you forgot to pay. Describe the situation that made you feel nervous:Next, try to identify your negative thoughts. What were you telling yourself? What were you thinking? Perhaps you were thinking that something bad was going to happen or were worrying about what other people would think of you. Record your negative thoughts here:Henry felt anxious before an important job interview. I have listed his negative thoughts in the left-hand column. Cover up the right-hand column and see if you can identify the distortions in each of his thoughts. You can refer to the list on page 4.Negative thoughtsDistortions1. I’ll probably blow it. My mind will go blank and I won't be able to think of anything to say.1. This thought is an example of “fortune telling,” because Henry is predicting that something bad will happen. Fortune telling is the commonest distortion that leads to anxiety.2. He's probably just giving me the interview out of courtesy because he knows my father.2. This is an example of "mind reading." Henry is assuming he knows how his prospective boss is thinking.3. I don't really have anything to offer He probably has a lot of applicants who are much better than I am.3 This is an example of "disqualifying the positive," because Henry is overlooking his positive qualities. He's also 'lumping to conclusions" Since he's assuming that all the other applicants are more qualified than he is. Henry has no information about this.4. I'll probably make a fool of myself.4. This is an example of "labelling," since Henry IS calling himself "a fool." We all occasionally say or do foolish things, but this makes us human beings, not "fools." This is also an example of "fortune-telling" since he's predicting a bad outcome.5. That would be terrible.5. Henry's last negative thought is an example of "magnification." Henry is blowing the importance of this particular Interview way out of proportion; The Holocaust of World War 11 was "terrible." If you have a bad interview and you don't get a particular job, it isn't "terrible," It's simply "unfortunate." Not getting the job could still be a good learning experience. Henry may need to go out on as many as ten interviews before he finds the job that's right for him. His entire future does not hang on anyone interview.Now review the anxious thoughts you wrote down at the beginning of this section. See if you can identify any of the distortions that are most frequently associated with anxiety, panic, or nervousness:Fortune-telling: "What if I get so nervous that I pass out or crack up?"Mind reading: "People would look down on me if they knew how nervous and insecure I feel." Should statements: "I shouldn’t feel so panicky. This is abnormal. What's wrong with me?"Emotional reasoning: "I feel frightened. Therefore it must be very dangerous to be on this airplane."Magnification: "This is awful! What if I lose control?"Write down the distortions in your negative thoughts here:1.2.3.4.STRESSHarry is a successful attorney who feels tense the moment he walks into his office each morning. He can't seem to relax or enjoy his work. The following negative thoughts flood his mind when he sits down at his desk. Cover up the right-hand column and see if you can identify the distortions H1 them, using the list on page 4 as your guide.Negative thoughtsDistortions1. This is awful! just think of everything I have to do l just have too much work.1. This is an example of "all-or-nothing thinking," because Harry's dwelling on everything he has to do rather than the specific things he has to do this morning. You could also call this "magnification "2. There's always so much work left at the end of the day!2. The second negative thought is the "mental filter," since Harry thinks about all the things he hasn't done and overlooks the many things he has done.3. I'll never catch up.3 This is an example of "all-or- nothing thinking." Harry is actually on schedule in his preparation for the majority of his cases. A busy and successful attorney is not supposed to be completely caught up. The reason he has so much work is that he has a prosperous practice with a constant flow of new clients; It's actually good that he's never completely caught up!4. I'll make a mistake or forget to do something important4 This is an example of "fortune- telling," because he's telling himself that he's going to foul up. He'd feel belter if he told himself that he was doing well and was going to have a productive day.5. What if I lose this case?5. This is another example of "fortune- telling." Every lawyer wins some trials and loses others, but Harry's track record has been excellent. Since he has prepared a strong case for this particular client, it would be more realistic for Harry to tell himself that the odds are in his favour and that things will probably turn out well.6. My client will be teed off at me if I lose.6. This involves "mind reading" and "fortune-telling. “Harry’s assuming that he will lose and that if he does his client will be dissatisfied. The majority of Harry's clients have told him they were pleased with his work. Harry told me that when he has lost, his clients have usually been even more appreciative because they recognized that Harry did the best possible job in a difficult situation7. Then I won't get any new cases.7. This thought is an extreme example of "fortune-telling." In fact, Harry's had so many referrals recently that he can hardly keep up.8. Then I'll lose money and end up destitute.8. I'm sure it's obvious to you that this is one more example of "fortune- telling" Harry's income has been growing substantially. He will continue to enjoy a comfortable standard of living, and he will not end up in the poorhouse! See if you can think of a time when you felt stressed. You may have been pressured by your boss about a deadline at work or overwhelmed by all your commitments to your family, your church, your friends. Describe that stressful situation here:Now I'd like you to tell me what kinds of negative feelings you had when you felt stressed. Simply check "yes" or "no" for each of the following:YESNO1Sad or depressed2Nervous, panicky, worried, anxious, or fearful3Annoyed, irritable, resentful, or angry4Frustrated5Pressured, tense, or stressed6Guilty or ashamed7Hopeless or discouraged8Inadequate or inferior9Exhausted, tired, drained, or overwhelmed10Bored, unmotivated or uninterested11Lonely, unloved, or alone12Other (describe any additional emotions):Now write down several of your negative thoughts in the left-hand column like the example on page 4 Negative thoughtsDistortions1.2.3.Review Table 2 and see if you can identify the distortions in each negative thought. Record the distortions in the right-hand column. Look for:? Fortune-telling: I’ll never get everything done."? All-or nothing thinking: "I've got to do a perfect job."? Should statements: "I shouldn't: make any mistakes."? Disqualifying the positive: "I didn't get anything done today."? Mind reading: "My boss will think this is crummy."? Magnification: "I've got so much work to do,"DEPRESSIONJoanne is a 28-year-old woman who lives in New York and works as an options trader. As you probably know, options traders buy and sell futures on stocks, and they can make or lose vast amounts of money in incredibly short periods of time. The profession can make you or break you and either way, it's enormously stressful.Joanne recently formed a partnership with a man who put up '100,000 as capital for her to invest. They agreed to share the profits. Joanne decided to pursue a conservative, low-risk investment strategy. For the past three months, Joanne made $4.000 a month in profits. For several months before that, she had averaged $12,000. She was distraught because of the decrease in profits and felt suicidal.I was curious why Joanne was so despondent and asked her to write down the negative thoughts that made her feel so bad. They included, among others, the thought that she was a failure and the belief that when her partner found out about her shoddy performance he would be terribly disappointed and fire her. Can you identify the distortions in her thoughts? Check the Ten Forms of Twisted Thinking and put your ideas here:1.2.3.4.5.One of the distortions is "all-or-nothing thinking"; Joanne thinks that if she isn't doing stupendously and making a fortune every single month, then she's a total failure. This may seem ridiculous to you, since $4,000 profit per month is hardly a "failure." However, it feels like a failure to Joanne because of her perfectionist attitude. She reasons, "I feel like a total failure, therefore I must really be one." This illustrates a second distortion, "emotional reasoning,” since Joanne assumes that her negative feelings necessarily reflect the way things really are.A third distortion is "fortune-telling," since Joanne is predicting that the return of the investment will 'continue to be mediocre. There's no real evidence for this. You could also call this an "overgeneralization," since she imagines that the low-profit months will continue endlessly.A fourth distortion would be "should statements." Joanne is telling herself she should always make big profits. But if you look at her overall performance, this is clearly an unrealistic expectation. She's had some $12,000 months and she's had some $4,000 months, so her average monthly profit 1S actually $8000. That's not bad - it actually amounts to an annual rate of appreciation of nearly 100 percent. She simply hasn't accepted the fact that market conditions are inherently unpredictable, and that her income will fluctuate greatly from month to month. There's no such thing as an investor who always scores big. Joanne would do well to stop demanding so much of herself and to make her expectations more realistic.She's also involved in "mind reading." She assumes with absolutely no evidence that her partner will be as angry and disappointed as she is, and that he will fire her. As part of her psychotherapy homework, I insisted that she talk things over with her partner. Joanne was quite reluctant to do this and procrastinated for weeks.I twisted her arm and she finally agreed. Joanne was amazed to learn that her partner was quite satisfied with her performance. He told Joanne she could feel free to take even greater risks, and that even if she lost the entire $100,000 she'd still have a job.You can see that the solution to Joanne's depression involved combination of self-acceptance and change. Joanne had to change her distorted thinking patterns so she could assess her situation more realistically. She wasn't making an absolute killing, but she wasn't complete failure either. At the same time, she had to accept the fact that she wouldn't always be a big winner, and that good months would be followed by bad ones-and vice versa. Sometimes more humble and modest expectations can be tremendously liberating. Although it may stimulate our egos to think we're so brilliant and hardworking that we will always succeed, carrying the burden of having to be so great and so perfect can be overwhelmingly frustrating and lonely.TEMPTATIONSMany people have problems controlling their impulses. They can't resist temptations like overeating, smoking, gambling, drinking too much, using drugs, or having sex with the wrong person. Can you think of a time when you succumbed to a temptation? The thoughts that tempted you to give in to these bad habits probably contained positive distortions that are mirror images of negative ones listed on page 4.Frank had the habit of eating and drinking too much. His family physician advised him that his drinking was a serious problem and that he was in the early stages of cirrhosis of the liver. Frank was overweight and had elevated triglycerides and blood cholesterol levels along with increased blood pressure. This meant that he was in a high-risk group for a heart attack. He was chronically stressed and irritable, and overeating and drinking were his way of coping with the tension in his life.Although every morning his "rational self" felt it was a good idea to diet and to quit drinking, Frank's "emotional self" would decide to have a drink-and then another, and another-every night when he home from work. This urge to drink was caused by positive tempting thoughts. I've indicated the positive distortions in each thought in the right-hand column.Positive thoughts Distortions1. Gee, I’ll really feel good if I have a beer now. And it will taste so good.1. This is an example of positive "fortune-telling, since Frank is predicting something that isn't entirely true. Although Frank usually experiences a brief mood elevation when he starts co drink, he nearly always ends up feeling worse because his drinking gets out of hand. After three or four beers he gets angry and depressed and starts to argue with his wife. He ends up flying off the handle and feels guilty. He wakes up with a hangover and a lack of self-respect the next morning.2. I really shouldn't have that beer2. 'This is a "should statement." The problem with saying "I shouldn't" is that it sounds moralistic and controlling. This makes Frank feel rebellious and it increases his urge to have a beer.3. I'll only have one beer. That won't hurt me3. This is another example of positive "fortune-telling," because Frank is predicting something very unrealistic. While it's true that an occasional beer is harmless, Frank won't stop after just one. Once he starts drinking, his inhibitions will disappear and he will quietly devour one or two six-packs.4. Life is so boring. I deserve a little fun.4. This is "emotional reasoning." Frank may deserve a little fun, but his life won't be much fun if he keeps drinking. His alcoholism makes him chronically depressed and bored with his life and keeps him from getting close to his wife.5. Gee, that beer tasted good! I think I'll have another one. I’ll feel even better!5 This is more "emotional reasoning" and "fortune-telling." One drink may be relaxing, but five or ten drinks will make Frank irritable and unhappy.Can you think of any temptations that you succumb to, such as smoking, overeating, drinking excessively, using drugs, or shoplifting? Describe the problem here:Can you think of the positive thoughts that cross your mind when 1408430-39878000you feel tempted to do this? Write them down in the left-hand column and number them. Then see if you can identify the positive distortions in these thoughts and record them in the right-hand column.Positive ThoughtsDistortionsOTHER EMOTIONSDistorted negative thoughts can be associated with any emotion such as loneliness, guilt, jealousy, depression, or frustration. Maybe you're mad at yourself because you snapped at a friend during a moment of irritability and fatigue. Maybe you feel depressed because you didn't do as well on a test as you had hoped. Write down a brief description of any situation that upset you. It could be a recent problem or something that happened many years ago:How did you feel? Record your negative feelings here:YESNO1Sad or depressed2Nervous, panicky, worried, anxious, or fearful3Annoyed, irritable, resentful, or angry4Frustrated5Pressured, tense, or stressed6Guilty or ashamed 7Hopeless or discouraged 8Inadequate or inferior9Exhausted, tired, drained, or overwhelmed10Bored, unmotivated, or uninterested11Lonely, unloved, or alone12Other (describe any additional emotions)Now, write down your negative thoughts and number them. Then look for the distortions in these thoughts, using the list on page 4 as a guide.Negative thoughts Distortions1.2.3.4.I don't expect you to be able to change your thoughts and feelings yet. I just want you to practice tuning in with your "third ear" so you can begin to learn more about the vital connection between the way you think and the way you feel. This is the crucial first step.Answers to Questions Most Commonly Asked About Cognitive Therapy:Doesn't cognitive therapy just lead to intellectual change without changing how a person really feels on a gut level?No. The purpose of cognitive therapy is to transform your emotions and your perceptions of yourself and your life. Providing rationalizations or intellectual excuses for things is not a part of cognitive therapy. The purpose of the treatment is to develop profound feelings of joy and happiness.What kinds of problems does cognitive therapy work best for? When does it not work well?Cognitive therapy is an excellent treatment for mood problems such as depression, anxiety, panic attacks, phobias, anger, guilt and feelings of inferiority. The therapy can be exceptionally helpful for the kinds of problems that we all confront in the course of daily living. These include personal relationship problems, rejection, criticism, procrastination, and the fear of failure. The techniques can be extremely effective and often work rapidly, even without the use of medications.Cognitive therapy alone is not especially effective for severe psychotic disorders such as schizophrenia or the manic phase of manic-depressive illness. As described In Chapter 31 manic-depressive illness is a cyclic mood disorder characterized by abnormal highs and episodes of deep depression. Manic-depressives frequently need treatment with medication. Effective psychotherapy is also a crucial aspect of the treatment. Cognitive therapy can help manic-depressives develop greater self-esteem so they can cope with personal problems more effectively.Isn't it normal to feel depressed and angry? Isn't it ridiculous to think that people should be happy all the time? One of the greatest misconceptions about cognitive therapy is that you should try to feel happy all the time. Negative feelings are frequently healthy and appropriate. Sometimes it's best just to accept bad feelings and pamper yourself and ride things out until the clouds pass and you feel better again.Isn’t cognitive therapy just a little bit too simplistic? Just too good to be true? This sounds like the "Power of Positive Thinking! The principles of cognitive therapy are extremely simple. The treatment is based on the idea that your thoughts and attitudes have a huge impact on the way you act and feel. The actual procedures to change your negative thinking patterns, however, are quite sophisticated and require hard work.Do cognitive therapists promote the idea that you should make yourself happy and ignore other people's feedings? Some pop psychologists have created the impression that you should "do your own thing" and ignore how other people react to you. My own position is quite different. I believe that if you ignore other people's feelings, you will set yourself up for enormous problems in your relationships.Many people are self-centred. They don't seem to care about people and they use others to achieve their own goals they often appear to be extremely happy, and they sometimes achieve a considerable level of fame or success. In spite of the external trappings, however, they may feel lonely and insecure because they never learned how to accept themselves or to get close to others. I do not envy them. By the same token I there is a profound difference between wanting other people's love and approval and needing their love and approval. If you need love and approval, you may be too dependent on other people and feel terribly afraid of conflict or criticism. When someone is angry with you, you may be too threatened to express your own feelings, because you are afraid the other person won't like you if you do, and you cannot truly hear what they say because their anger is so upsetting to you. Like the narcissist who cares only about himself, people who need too much love and approval may be unable to develop mature, open, caring relationships with others. They end up feeling desperate and alone because they have not learned to love themselves.How does a cognitive therapist deal with subconscious attitudes and feelings? About two thirds of the patients I see in my practice have straightforward problems that can be dealt with in a fairly short time-say, fifteen to twenty-five sessions. These patients find the cognitive methods helpful, and they usually get excellent results. About one third appear to have subconscious fears that cause them to resist therapy. On one level they want to feel better, but on a deeper level they are afraid to change. They ask for help, but soon they resist the therapy. They complain that they aren't getting better, and yet they appear to sabotage the therapeutic process so that progress is extremely slow. For example, some patients refuse to do any of the self-help assignments between sessions, even though these assignments have been helpful to them.These patients can be a real challenge. When they become more aware of the subconscious fears that are holding them back, they often develop the courage move forward with their lives. When they finally recover, it’s a real cause for celebration. One of my goals has been to learn more about this puzzling phenomenon of resistance and to develop more effective treatment. Part VI illustrates techniques that can help therapists motivate these patients and facilitate greater feelings of trust and rapport.382651013081000 ................
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