Dear friend,



Rachel’s Vineyard

Address of Retreat Site

Dear friend,

This letter is for men and women who will be attending a Rachel's Vineyard weekend retreat and who have not themselves experienced the loss of a family member to abortion. Some folks attend a retreat for the primary purpose of supporting a loved one who has had an abortion. Others want to help lead a retreat and need to experience it personally first. There are many good and valid reasons that have led people to Rachel's Vineyard, in addition to the desire for post-abortion healing.

Your retreat facilitator has probably asked you to use your time on the weekend to focus on a loss you have experienced. An assumption of Rachel's Vineyard is that we have all "aborted God's will for our lives" in various ways, and that we all need God's healing in this regard. You may feel uncertain about what this means, and you may also have some discomfort about participating on a weekend where the primary focus is on a different kind of loss or regret.

Perhaps you feel that none of the pain or loss from your life "measures up" to the anguish of those who have lost children to abortion. Also, people in your position sometimes worry that those who have experienced abortion might assume that you harbor judgmental attitudes toward them. Or, you may anticipate that retreat participants might resent you for taking up "air-space" on a post-abortion retreat weekend.

These are common concerns. It might help to know that the other retreat participants who have experienced abortion have similar worries: "I have other children and a loving husband, so who am I to grieve in front of someone who hasn't been able to have other children or who is in a much more difficult life situation?" "The others will judge me harshly when they learn I've had multiple abortions." "My parents forced me to have an abortion, and I'm worried that retreat participants who weren't in the same situation will think I feel judgmental toward them."

Any concern about being different, being judged, or being perceived as judgmental, is actually a similarity that you share with the others who will be participating in your weekend. A page of homework exercises is enclosed which may be helpful to you as you reflect about this.

We’d also like to provide you with some ideas to help you hone in on what unresolved grief you would like to focus during your weekend. Here is a list of some possibilities.

• Reproductive loss (infertility, adoption, miscarriage, use of abortifacient birth control, no children for some other reason)

• The death of a loved one.

• A divorce.

• A damaged relationship with a loved one.

• Childhood abuse (emotional, physical, sexual)

• Sexual losses (through rape, abuse, choices)

• A past experience or current pattern of activity that causes you shame (loss of sense of yourself as a good person).

• A traumatic event you experienced.

• Mental illness in yourself or loved one.

• Events related to war/combat.

• Loss of unified family.

• Guilt over a poor choice you made that has hurt others.

• A time in your life when you were abandoned or betrayed, or where you abandoned and betrayed someone.

If you feel unsure of your primary focus for the retreat weekend, pray that the Lord who has guided you to Rachel's Vineyard will also reveal the area of healing He has reserved for you. Your retreat team will be praying along with you. We know that God desires you to experience the fullness of reconciliation, restoration and comfort. We are excited about this opportunity to serve you as we prepare along with you for the retreat.

A separate sheet is enclosed that contains some open-ended questions to help you with your preparation. These questions and your answers are strictly for your own benefit; you are not expected to "hand them in." However, you may find yourself moved to share some of your reflections with other participants on the weekend, as an atmosphere of trust and support develops among you.

You are also encouraged to talk over any concerns with your retreat facilitator.

May God bless you on your retreat,

Facilitator

Homework exercises for journaling and reflection

1. When I imagine myself participating in this retreat, I worry that

2. A time in my life when I had a similar worry was

3. I feel safe to share who I really am when

4. The biggest event in my life that I wish I could go back and change is

5. There’s a part of my life that I fear to expose to God and it is

6. Sometimes I don’t like myself because

7. If I go through this weekend feeling like an outsider, that will remind me of the time in my life when

8. Something happened to me once and ever since then I haven’t felt like my same self. Something’s missing in me and I’ve never been able to get it back. What happened is

What is missing in me is

9. I am afraid to tell others about who I really am because

10. If I trust others on the weekend and share myself with them,

a good thing that might happen is

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