So what are the Seven Habits



So what are the Seven Habits?

There are seven habits that Stephen Covey presents in The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. Stephen’s son, Sean, took those habits and wrote about them in a way that students would understand in The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Teens. Covey suggests that learning a new habit is not easy. It takes time and practice.

The seven habits are not intended to be individual formulas that we can just apply and be "better". Stephen Covey says that the seven habits build on each other to create personal and interpersonal effectiveness.

The first seven habits can be divided into two groups of three - the first group focuses on "private victory" and the second on "public victory". Stephen Covey says "Private Victory precedes Public Victory" which really means that we have to help ourselves before we can enjoy success outside of ourselves and with others. Habit number 7 is about doing the right things to maintain these habits and continue developing.

Habit 1: Be Proactive

Being proactive is the key to unlocking the other habits. You need to take control and be responsible for your life. Proactive people understand that they are responsible for their own happiness or unhappiness. They don't blame others for their own actions or feelings.

Being proactive is more than just taking action. We are also responsible for our reactions to people or events. We are Response-able and have Response-ability because we have the ability to consciously choose how we respond to any situation. Stephen Covey makes the point that humans can think things through and don't need to be caught up in simple stimulus-->response patterns like Pavlov's dogs. To be proactive is to choose your response rather than relying on instinctive reactions.

People who do not consider their reactions are reactive and often blame others or things outside of themselves for what happens. They don't take any responsibility. They'd say I failed the paper because the teacher doesn't like me. Proactive people take responsibility for their response, often looking for what they can learn from what happened. They might say I failed the paper...maybe I didn't spend enough time learning, or didn't plan my time. What can I do differently next time?

He says proactive people focus their time and energy in the Circle of Influence where they work on things they can do something about as opposed to worrying about things that they can do little or nothing to change.

Habit 2: Begin With The End In Mind

If teens aren't clear about where they want to end up in life, about their values, goals, and what they stand for, they will wander, waste time, and be tossed to and fro by the opinions of others. A personal mission statement will act as a road map and direct and guide your decision-making process.

This is essentially about planning so that we know where we are going all the time instead of being busy with day to day activities that actually take us nowhere. Taking the time to see the bigger picture, to plan where we are heading, leads to personal effectiveness.

"“Begin with the end in mind” is based on the principle that all things are created twice. There’s a mental or first creation, and a physical or second creation to all things.” Stephen Covey makes the point that everything is created twice, first in the mind and then in reality.

If you're building a house you plan every detail with architects, drawings, builders and landscapers according to what you want to create. Only then does the physical work begin. "You work with ideas. You work with your mind until you get a clear image of what you want to build". Before you go on a vacation, you've usually planned the trip very carefully before you set foot out of your front door.

The question of course is why don't we do this when it comes to our own lives? Life throws so many things at us that keep us so busy that often we have never thought about where we are heading and if what we are doing is taking us closer to, or further from our destination. By deciding what’s important to you and creating a mission statement, you will know which direction to go.

Habit 3: Put First Things First

This habit helps teens prioritize and manage their time so that they focus on and complete the most important things in their lives. Putting first things first also means learning to overcome fears and being strong during difficult times. It's living life according to what matters most (your mission statement).

This is the last of the habits that deals with self awareness and "Private Victory". If Habit 2 is the first, or mental creation, then Habit 3 is the second creation, the physical creation. As we've just seen it's easy to spend a lot of our time doing stuff that just is not that important to meeting your intentions set up in Habit 2. Stephen Covey recommends that you do first things first. Identify the things that are important to do in order to keep you heading towards your destination, and then do them.

Ok, so how do you know what's important and what is not? It's about managing our time and he uses a quadrant idea to describe how we spend our time. Quadrant I= Important and Urgent (emergencies), Quadrant II= Important but not Urgent (Planning and Prevention), Quadrant III= Not important but Urgent (Interruptions) and Quadrant IV= Not Important and not Urgent (Time Wasters).

Covey spends a lot of time working with this model and emphasizing that we need to aim to spend our time in Quadrant II. This is where you deal with things that are important to your values and goals, but that are not urgent. "If we don't practice Habit 2, if we don't have a clear idea of what is important, of the results we desire in our lives, we are easily diverted into responding to the urgent". The urgent things are often those things that keep us away from focusing on what is important.

Once you have determined what is important, you need to make room for it in your life. That’s where a planner and scheduling come in. Take at least 15 minutes each week to plan your week including making some progress on larger things like papers or projects. If you schedule the important things first, the other stuff will usually fall into place and get done. Don’t forget to be flexible though, because sometimes things outside of your control will happen and you need to be able to adapt.

Habit 4: Think Win/Win

Teens can learn to foster the belief that it is possible to create an atmosphere of win-win in every relationship. This habit encourages the idea that in any given discussion or situation both parties can arrive at a mutually beneficial solution. You should learn to celebrate the accomplishments of others instead of being threatened by them.

Habit 4 is the first of the Habits dealing with what Covey calls interdependence - working effectively with other people. Stephen Covey makes the point that the habit of effective interpersonal leadership is Think Win/Win. This is the habit of always looking for a solution that benefits you AND the other person or group. What's fascinating is that the solution is usually unexpected. "Win/Win is a belief in the Third Alternative. It's not your way or my way; it's a better way, a higher way".

Most of us will say "yeah, yeah, we know this already. Win/Win's the way to go..." It's almost as if it's the socially acceptable attitude. But in reality people are likely to act in their own best interest and when we look, we find a 'Win/Lose', 'Lose/Win', or just a plain 'Win' scenario playing out. After all, many of us are brought up to believe that winning is everything.

Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood

Because most people don't listen very well, one of the great frustrations in life is that many don't feel understood. This habit will ensure that you learn the most important communication skill there is: active listening.

Stephen Covey believes this principle is the key to effective interpersonal communication. Seek first to understand, then to be understood. This habit is about communicating with others. It's about developing the habit of listening carefully and really understanding the other person BEFORE giving your thoughts.

This is not easy to learn to do. Teenagers often say that no-one understands what they're really feeling. This is because it's usually so much easier, and often really inviting, for adults to give their opinion or to give advice to someone in need. Sometimes your friends even do it too. Even though we mean well, sometimes we are not always listening and it shows in our response.

So start practicing this right now. Have fun with it! In your next conversation with someone put your natural and automatic responses aside and focus on genuinely understanding them. Ask questions that invite more such as "Tell me more..." or "What happened next...?". Spend time with your friends, your parents, or even your teachers, working to genuinely understand them before you respond. You'll find that when you 'seek first to understand' your response might be different to what you expect, and that you start finding the creative solutions and third alternatives described in habit 4.

Habit 6: Synergize

Dictionary definition: syn·er·gy [sin-er-jee]

1. The interaction of two or more agents or forces so that their combined effect is greater than the sum of their individual effects.

2. Cooperative interaction among groups, especially among the acquired subsidiaries or merged parts of a corporation, that creates an enhanced combined effect.

The word synergy comes from the Greek synergos meaning working together.

Synergy is achieved when two or more people work together to create something better than either could alone. Through this habit, teens learn it doesn't have to be "your way" or "my way" but rather a better way, a higher way. Synergy allows teens to value differences and better appreciate others.

Stephen Covey says,“Synergy is everywhere in nature. If you plant two plants close together, the roots commingle and improve the quality of the soil so that both plants will grow better than if they were separated. If you put two pieces of wood together, they will hold much more than the total weight held by each separately. The whole is greater than the sum of its parts. One plus one equals three or more.”

In Habit 6 Stephen Covey directs our attention to the power of effective relationships. As a result of the relationship that exists between people or groups the whole becomes greater than the sum of its parts. We can achieve so much more when we engage in effective relationships with others than if we acted alone.

Stephen Covey notes that synergy is difficult for many of us as independence is promoted as a strong value in the world today. Many people have been trained or have learned that other people can't be trusted. Achieving synergy requires high trust and high cooperation and can lead to better solutions than anyone thought of alone.

If you are concerned about synergy because you know you don't trust people easily it's ok - go back to habit 1 and Be Proactive about your response to situations or other people. You don't have to get it all right first time. This is part of a life journey of learning and developing. You will get there if you are willing to spend the time and effort developing new habits.

Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw

Teens should never get too busy living to take time to renew themselves. When teens "sharpen the saw" they are keeping their personal self sharp so that they can better deal with life. It means regularly renewing and strengthening the four key dimensions of life – body, brain, heart, and soul.

Habit 7 is about looking after yourself. You are the greatest asset you have and we have to learn to take time to look after ourselves. Stephen Covey suggests we pay attention to four areas in our lives:

Physical: Exercise, Nutrition, Stress Management

Spiritual: Value Clarification and Commitment, Study and Meditation

Mental: Reading, Visualizing, Planning, Writing

Social/Emotional: Service, Empathy, Synergy, Intrinsic Security.

When people reach the point of 'breakdown' from serious stress, we often find that their lives have been narrowly focused on work and home. They go to work (or school), put in extra hours (doing homework) and go home simply to eat and sleep so they can go to work again! Is this you? The most important thing you can start doing now is looking after yourself by focusing on the four areas above.

Stephen Covey tells the story of meeting someone who has been sawing down a tree for more than 5 hours. When you suggest that they take a break and sharpen their saw so the job might go faster, they tell you they don't have time to sharpen the saw because they're too busy sawing!

It's so easy to get caught up in the demands of life, or even developing the Habits, that we forget ourselves. We can't do that. We have to be proactive and do this for ourselves. No-one else is going to do it for you. "We are the instruments of our own performance, and to be effective, we need to recognize the importance of taking time regularly to sharpen the saw in all four ways".

The 7 Habits of Highly DEfective Teens

Habit 1- React: Blame all of your problems on everyone else. Take no responsibility for your life and act like an animal.

Habit 2- Begin with NO End in Mind: Don’t have a plan. Avoid goals. Don’t worry about tomorrow or consequences.

Habit 3- Put First Things LAST: Don’t do anything important until you have spent time watching TV, talking on the phone surfing on the Net, and lounging around. Always put things off.

Habit 4- Think WIN-LOSE: See life as a vicious competition. Everyone is out to get you, so you’d better get them first. Don’t let anyone else succeed because if they win, you lose. If you’re going to lose, drag others down with you.

Habit 5- Seek First to TALK, then PRETEND to Listen: Make sure you talk a lot and always give your side of the story first. Only pretend to listen but if you really want their opinion, you give it to them.

Habit 6- DON’T COOPERATE: Teamwork is useless. You have the best ideas and you’re better off doing it yourself.

Habit 7- WEAR Yourself OUT: Be so busy with life that you never take time to renew or improve yourself. Avoid exercise, good books, nature, or anything else that may inspire you.

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