LAST & BEST GIFT
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MY LAST & BEST GIFT TO THOSE I LOVE
A PERSONAL AFFAIRS REFERENCE GUIDE
Leading to peace of mind for you and your loved ones, now and in the future
Framework of the guide by Robert Warner
Content of the guide to be crafted by you
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WHAT MY FAMILY MEMBERS NEED
TO KNOW & DO FOLLOWING MY DEATH
To know: Well organized personal & financial records
with essential information extracted for easy access
To do: Comprehensive priority listing of steps to be taken
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FREE EDITABLE ONLINE DOWNLOAD:
FEEDBACK TO THE AUTHOR:
Facebook, search for “Bud Warner” page
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Robert Warner & wife Emily
Pikes Peak (“America’s Mountain”) in the background
About the Author
Robert (“Bud”) Warner was born in Columbus, Ohio and raised in Lakewood, a suburb of Cleveland. He earned a BA from Otterbein University, Westerville, Ohio and a MA from The Ohio State University.
Upon graduation from Otterbein he was commissioned as a Second Lieutenant in the United States Air Force through the Air Force Reserve Officer Training Corps (AFROTC) program. He served on active duty for 26 years and retired as a Colonel. A Vietnam veteran, he was awarded the Distinguished Flying Cross in 1968 while flying as a crew member in the RF-4C photo reconnaissance aircraft. Operational planning was an important part of his career and brought home to him the importance of detail.
Following active duty he was the business manager of a small engineering firm in Fairfax, Virginia and later became a financial investment broker there. He and Emily were subsequently owners of a travel agency in Colorado Springs, Colorado where they currently reside. Both are active in their local church where Bud has served as treasurer, Deacon and Elder. He was an enthusiastic hospice care volunteer for a few years in a veteran-to-veteran outreach program.
Bud has a continuing interest in planning and helping others - both of which led him to develop this end-of-life guide. Originally he never intended to make the guide available to others but Emily felt any family would benefit from it and insisted it be shared – so here it is! Bud’s sincere hope is that his efforts will be instrumental in others finding peace of mind for themselves and their loved ones now and in the future through this last and best gift.
Endorsements
“My 90 year-old parents were thrilled when I presented the My Last & Best Gift To Those I Love document, explaining the purpose. We completed it over a weekend spent hunting, gathering and recording. We were at peace knowing everything was in order and in one location. Both my parents died shortly thereafter. During that emotional period when my heart was hurting and I was exhausted it was a tremendous help to me to be able to reference this extremely valuable guide. With an outline of where to begin, all the data at hand and my parents’ wishes documented it made the process as smooth as it could be.”
Jes R.
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“My wife, Nancy, and I attended a seminar on end-of-life planning presented by Bud Warner based on his My Last & Best Gift To Those l Love guide. We diligently completed the document and safely stored it as a gift to our children. My wife was our bookkeeper and the one who knew all the financial details of our marriage, I didn’t know much. When Nancy died suddenly I was very grateful to have our personal and financial information completely documented and the steps to be taken carefully outlined. This guide was thus very helpful in helping me get through the difficult process of losing a loved one.”
Ted L.
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“One of the best gifts my dad gave me was his “special drawer” where he kept his important papers. His will, financial holdings, pre-written obituary, funeral preferences and other documents were all in the drawer. When he passed away suddenly a few years ago I knew where to go to get started. Now my wife and I are putting together our “special book” using Bud’s Last & Best Gift framework to record those things that will make our children’s lives so much easier when the time comes.”
Scott R.
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“This guide is indeed a gift. It creates a template for thinking about all the things one ought to think about during a time when thinking clearly may not be possible because of grief and emotional stress. My elderly parents died during the past decade. They truly believed they were very organized but there were things they forgot to tell me. Who were their friends and how should they be contacted? Was there a safe deposit box? Etc. Trying to get answers took a considerable amount of time. For every reason you may have to not take advantage of this guide there are a dozen reasons why you should. Do it for yourself. Do it for those you love.”
Ross M.
MY LAST & BEST GIFT TO THOSE I LOVE
Introductory Comments
I recently read about an elderly couple who died in a horrific car accident. The article described the extremely difficult task the surviving three adult children faced as they tried to figure out the “what and where” concerning their parents’ personal and financial records. They also were very unsure about what needed to be done and where to start. Their parents had left them with very little information. To make matters worse, the children lived in other states and had demanding family and job responsibilities.
That family’s tragic situation started me thinking once again about how important it is for all of us, regardless of our age, health or marital status, to have our house in order concerning our personal affairs. Doing so provides benefits for us in the here and now and, more importantly, for our loved ones following our death or incapacitation.
Life is fragile and being prepared for any eventuality is very important. I decided to overcome my “benign neglect” and take action by developing an end-of-life planning guide for my loved ones to use when the time came. I decided to share my efforts, hopefully motivating others to confront an important event in life – death.
As I worked on my guide it came to me that I needed to provide my loved ones answers to the three major questions they would have:
What do we need to know? What do we need to do? Where do we start?
Some guides available today are really nothing more than checklists that approach the subject from only a legal or financial point of view, covering “bits and pieces” of the issues at hand with a rather superficial approach. Conversely, there are some end-of-life planning websites that take a comprehensive approach but they ask you to store sensitive personal and financial information in their online vaults. You may or may not be comfortable with that approach – witness the ongoing list of major companies and governmental agencies that have been hacked and the potential for “insider” fraud.
I made my guide as comprehensive as I possibly could. It is available in digital format (Microsoft Word) for free downloading from my website () and in printed format primarily as a handout during my seminars. With either format you can customize the guide by entering personal and financial information that only applies to you. Any items/sections in the guide that don’t apply can be ignored or deleted. You thus have complete flexibility in initial content entry, customizing, editing and updating.
I have simply provided the concept and outline of the guide – you will transform it into a personal reference document which will provide peace of mind to you and your loved ones. The information should be updated faithfully, either annually or as significant changes occur.
Along with being a valuable future reference, this guide offers some important ongoing benefits:
~ If a natural disaster (fire, flood) strikes, your records will be organized for rapid evacuation.
~ You will be able to review and update the status, accuracy and adequacy of your personal and financial records.
~ It can be used as a springboard to future personal & financial planning.
~ It can be used by you as a vehicle to start a conversation with elderly parents or other relatives
who are at the stage of life where having this information available is critical.
This guide is not a definitive publication of all matters of importance to loved ones following the death or incapacitation of a family member. Also, the law and other considerations vary from state to state and each individual’s situation is unique. Additionally, nothing in this guide should be construed to be legal, financial, or medical advice. Seek professional counsel in each of these areas.
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There is a story of two laborers - masons - who were building a wall in ancient Israel. They were asked what they were doing. The first one replied, “I am building a wall by cementing these stones on top of one another.” The second one replied, “I am building a temple unto the Lord.”
You can view getting your personal and financial records in order and listing steps to be taken following your death or incapacitation as a routine, administrative task that is simply a good idea. Or, you can view this getting it together as a gift, and even, in one sense, your last and best gift to those you love. When you have completed your guide I know that it will give you peace of mind for you have spared your loved ones the very difficult and time consuming task of trying to track down essential information they will need during a time when they will be stressed and emotionally spent. They will be extremely grateful.
The information in this guide will be needed at some point – will you take on the job or pass it on to those you love? You can wait to do this but life changing or ending events do not wait.
Because I feel this guide should be distributed as widely as possible, I have made it available for downloading (Microsoft Word) free of charge on my website, . If you care to recognize its value to you and your family and to help me with website and other distribution costs you have the option to send me a “thank you” donation (non-tax deductible) during the downloading process or at a later time. Thank you! You undoubtedly have family and friends who would benefit from crafting their own guide. Please let them know about it by passing on my website address. Thank you for that also!
Robert (“Bud”) Warner
Colorado Springs, Colorado Independent Publisher ISBN: 978-5323-3240-1
Facebook: Search for “Bud Warner” page © Copyright 2016 Robert Warner All Rights Reserved
(Feedback to the author)
PERSONAL AFFAIRS REFERENCE GUIDE
This guide is comprised of three parts.
PART ONE - WHAT LOVED ONES NEED TO KNOW – Extracts and consolidates important personal and financial contact information from the actual records into one easy to use point of reference.
PART TWO - WHAT LOVED ONES NEED TO DO - A priority listing, by degree of immediacy, of steps to be taken following the death of a loved one.
PART THREE - PERSONAL & FINANCIAL RECORDS - the records & designations of where they are stored.
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WRITER(S) of this guide: _______________________ __________________________
Date of initial writing: ______________
Dates of revisions/reviews: __________ __________ __________ __________
__________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________
Important decisions need to be made about in what format and location you will securely store the various parts of this guide once personal and sensitive information is entered in PART ONE and the associated records outlined in PART THREE are assembled. Some options follow.
Format: Will you maintain a printed copy with the “master” file on your computer/laptop for future editing? Will you maintain a printed copy with a digital “master” on a flash drive instead of on your computer/laptop? Will you not have a printed guide but only maintain the information digitally? Do you want to store some or all of the information in some type of online vault? Which records need to be maintained and what kind of “system” will you use to file them?
Location: Ideally, you will have a safe and secure place in your home for this guide and associated records augmented by a home security system.
Some folks store particularly sensitive records in a bank safe deposit box. ACCESS TO THAT BOX BY SURVIVING FAMILY MEMBERS WILL NEED TO BE SETUP AHEAD OF TIME WITH THE BANK. In this digital age, some of your records will probably be in the form of online accounts to be printed out only when needed – examples are bank and credit card statements.
Regardless of your decisions concerning any of the above, your loved ones need to know where all the information is located and in what format.
How to Use This Guide
This guide is a workbook, it is not designed to be simply read and put on a bookshelf. It has no value until you become the author by entering your personal and financial information and any “legacy” type comments you may care to make which will portray your values and how you would like to be remembered.
There are two options of how to use this guide:
1) Sit down at your computer or laptop and use a printed copy of the guide as the reference to enter your personal information.
2) (Recommended) Go to my website () and download a free digital copy
- retain the downloaded copy unchanged as a Master copy to be used in two ways:
-- to act as an ongoing reference document and referred to as needed
-- to be forwarded as an e-mail attachment to those you know who you feel would
benefit from the guide; you may also simply refer them to my website
- make a second copy of the guide from the Master which will become your Last and Best Gift
to Those You Love after you have entered your data.
Note: The download of the guide is free. However, if you would care to acknowledge in a financial way the value of the guide to you and your family and to help pay for website and distribution costs of “getting the word out” you may do so on the download page of my website. (.)
Note: At the end of the guide you will find a glossary of “death care industry” terms and a representative sampling of related go-to Sources of Information – advocacy groups, governmental organizations, industry/trade associations and non-profit/for profit organizations designed to help you make well-informed end-of-life decisions.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
PART ONE: WHAT MY LOVED ONES NEED TO KNOW
I. PERSONAL INFORMATION
SECTION ONE FAMILY BACKGROUND
SECTION TWO ASSOCIATIONS & MEMBERSHIPS
SECTION THREE ADVISORS &TRUSTED FRIENDS
SECTION FOUR EMPLOYMENT INFORMATION & BENEFITS
SECTION FIVE LEGAL DOCUMENTS EXECUTED
II. FINANCIAL INFORMATION
SECTION SIX SOURCES OF INCOME
SECTION SEVEN ASSETS/DEBTS/NET WORTH
SECTION EIGHT REAL ESTATE
SECTION NINE CREDIT ̴ DEBIT ̴ ATM CARDS ̴ CREDIT REPORTING AGENCIES
SECTION TEN AUTOS
SECTION ELEVEN FURNITURE/VALUABLES/PERSONAL EFFECTS
SECTION TWELVE RECURRING BILLS & HOW PAID
III. DIGITAL WORLD
SECTION THIRTEEN DIGITAL DEVICES & ONLINE ACCOUNTS (“Digital Assets”)
IV. FINAL PLANS/PERSONAL EXPRESSIONS
SECTION FOURTEEN END-OF-LIFE DECISIONS & EXPRESSION OF VALUES
PART TWO: WHAT MY LOVED ONES NEED TO DO
First, Second and Third Priority Actions, based on the degree of immediacy
PART THREE: PERSONAL & FINANCIAL RECORDS
Most of your records (personal, legal, financial) will probably be in hard copy form and filed in a secure area in your home. Exceptions are any “digital world” account set up online to be printed only when needed such as bank and credit card statements or records. For items kept in a bank’s safe deposit box, be sure you understand the bank’s rules for your loved ones to gain access –they must have been previously authorized - THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT. Experts advise not to keep a last will and testament in a safe deposit box, if the death occurs over a weekend or holiday a stressful delay in gaining access would develop.
PART ONE: WHAT MY LOVED ONES NEED TO KNOW
When completed, PART ONE will give your loved ones a comprehensive overview of your personal, financial, legal and digital “worlds.” They will know what you have decided about any final plans such as disposition of your remains and your funeral/memorial service wishes. You will have shared with them your values by expressing what is important to you in a legacy letter, memoir or video interview.
PART ONE will serve as a very valuable quick reference guide for your loved ones. By extracting essential contact information from your records, you will spare them the tedious and time consuming task of having to dig into the records themselves to find such information as contact names/phone numbers, financial account numbers, employment information, advisors, sources of income, etc. PART ONE is thus a very handy, easy access tool your loved ones will continually refer to as they take the necessary steps outlined in PART TWO.
PART ONE serves the function of what is known as a Letter of Instruction, a non-legally-binding document that provides your loved ones, upon your death, detailed, critical information. It is the missing link in many estate plans. Also, your last will and testament’s executor will be very grateful for much of the information in PART ONE is needed to settle your estate.
In cases where most of the assets (what is owned) and liabilities (what is owed) are jointly held by a husband and wife it would be appropriate for them to provide the requested information in PART ONE jointly while clearly indicating individual ownership (credit card, IRAs etc.,) and debts (loans, etc.) and wishes concerning such things as final plans. If all of that becomes too complicated, another option would be for each individual involved to create his/her separate Last & Best Gift Guide.
I have designed this guide to be as comprehensive as possible. As you make your initial entries you will find a lot of items that do not apply to you. Simply ignore/delete these items or sections. You may also want to not retain some of the notes and general background information. You will be customizing the guide by entering/retaining only what you deem is important.
I. PERSONAL INFORMATION
SECTION ONE - FAMILY BACKROUND
Husband: Legal Name (first, middle, last)
Social Security Number
Place/date of birth
Education: degree(s) and school(s) attended
Father’s Name (first, middle, last) (parent information required for death certificate)
Mother’s Name (prior to first marriage; first, middle, last)
Wife: Legal Name
Social Security Number
Place/date of birth
Education: degree(s) and school(s) attended
Father’s Name (first, middle, last) (parent information required for death certificate)
Mother’s Name (prior to first marriage; first, middle, last)
Where married and what date
Previous marriages, if applicable, for husband and wife
Children: Legal name(s), date and location of birth/death, current address, home and cell phone numbers, e-mail address, special needs, for minor children include any guardianship arrangements.
Child #1
Child #2
Child #3, etc.
SECTION TWO - ASSOCIATIONS & MEMBERSHIPS
Professional, fraternal, social, civic, religious, awards programs (airlines, hotels, etc.) Include any offices held/honors/recognitions.
SECTION THREE - ADVISORS & TRUSTED FRIENDS
Names and contact information:
___ Emergency contacts
___ Estate/Family Attorney
___ Clergy Person
___ Trusted friends
___ Funeral Director
___ CPA/Accountant/Tax Preparer and/or tax software/online service
___ Primary Care Provider
___ Pharmacy, prescription drugs, where & how filled
___ Dentist
___ Vision Care
___ Financial Advisors (Certified Financial Planner, stock broker, etc.)
___ Cemetery with plot or mausoleum agreement
___ Insurance Agents (life, health, property, auto, disability, long term care, etc.)
List each agent & the related policy information
Insurance policies should be located in PART THREE, PERSONAL & FINANCIAL RECORDS
Note: It is important to update insurance policy beneficiaries
___ Therapist (physical, mental)
___ Personal Trainer
___ Pets (Vet, guardian, diet, insurance)
SECTION FOUR - EMPLOYMENT INFORMATION & BENEFITS
Include pertinent information about your current or previous employment (including military service) to include any salary, pension or profit sharing plans that currently have an impact on your financial situation. Details of the manner in which income is received is covered in SECTION SIX.
SECTION FIVE - LEGAL DOCUMENTS (Medical & End-of-Life related)
Everyone has an estate, not just wealthy folks. Effective estate planning is an ongoing process involving such things as planning for incapacity, retirement, business succession, long-term care plus asset protection and tax and probate avoidance. Such comprehensive planning is beyond the parameters of this guide. Below is a list of commonly recognized estate planning documents related to medical and end-of-life issues. It is provided as general background information only. Some documents applicable to you may be missing.
Documents executed should be listed here and filed in PART THREE, PERSONAL & FINANCIAL RECORDS,
FINAL PLANS or in some other designated location. Family members should be made aware of legal documents you have executed and their location. Dictionary definitions follow, consult with qualified legal/medical counsel for exact meanings of each document and suitability for you.
___ Last Will and Testament. You state how your estate will be divided at the time of your death,
who gets what, when.
___ Revocable Living Trust. A trust you establish which can be revoked at any time before death, it is
a common way to avoid the cost and hassle of probate since the property passes directly to the
beneficiaries named in the trust.
___ Organ Donation – If you wish to become a registered organ donor check with your state on the
procedure, every state has its own donor registry requirements. You can also register to be a donor
the next time you renew your driver’s license.
___ Advance Medical Directives in case of incapacitation:
___ Durable Health Care Power of Attorney. You state who you want to make medical decisions
on your behalf when you no longer are able to do so, particularly useful for issues not covered by your Living Will. Also called Health Care Proxy, Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care, Health Care Power of Attorney.
___ Living Will. You state what types of life-support treatment you want and don’t want if the
time comes when you are no longer able to communicate or provide consent.
___ Do-Not-Resuscitate Order. You state whether you want every effort or no effort taken should your heart or breathing stop. Completed in concert with a physician.
___ Practitioner Orders for Life-Sustaining Treatment (POLST) – complements, does not replace, an
Advance Medical Directive which appoints a legal health care representative and provides instructions for future life-sustaining treatments. POLST provides medical orders for current treatment for persons with serious illness at any age. A doctor-patient consultation is held concerning the patient’s end-of-life preferences and the doctor signs the form along with the patient. The POLST goes further than a Living Will in its specificity and authoritativeness.
___ The “Five Wishes” option. Aging with Dignity, a national non-profit organization, worked with the American Bar Association to develop this end-of-life communication tool. The document currently meets legal requirements in 42 states and several million Americans have completed the form. The form can be filled in hard copy or online. The online version allows users to save the form, print a copy for their records and even transmit it electronically. Aging with Dignity views death as much more than simply a “medical moment.” Emotional, spiritual and personal issues are addressed.
The Five Wishes are: 1) who would you like to make your health care decisions for you when you can no longer make them for yourself, 2) the kind of medical treatment you want to receive, 3) how comfortable you want to be, 4) how you want people to treat you, and, 5) what you want your loved ones to know.
Note: There are several online sites and software companies/sites that offer a variety of boiler plate, “fill in the blanks” do it yourself type legal documents. Legal professionals would undoubtedly advise against such self-help. It saves money but is it wise for your situation? Don’t confuse cost with value.
Note: It is IMPORTANT to review (and make changes as family circumstances dictate) the beneficiaries you have named on insurance policies, retirement plans, mutual funds, etc. Beneficiaries so designated on such accounts take precedence over wishes expressed in a last will and testament if there is a conflict.
Note: A brief explanation of hospice care is included in PART ONE, SECTION FOURTEEN of this guide. Hospice offers valuable support during end-of-life situations. When entering hospice you will be required to provide a variety of legal documents and sign new ones related to pending care. Record any feelings you would like to express about receiving hospice care in PART THREE, PERSONAL & FINANCIAL RECORDS, FINAL PLANS.
II. FINANCIAL INFORMATION
SECTION SIX - SOURCES OF INCOME
All pertinent information for recurring, stable sources of income, such as employment, Social Security, retirement (pension plan), rental, etc. Include how the money is received/deposited, for example:
Direct Deposit to Financial Institution ______________ account number _______________
SECTION SEVEN - ASSETS/DEBTS/NET WORTH
List and determine the current value of all of your assets (what you own: liquid, fixed and deferred) (Include any debt owed to you)
List and determine the current value of all of your debts (what you owe, long & short term)
Assets (what you own) less Liabilities (what you owe) equals net worth
Figuring your net worth is very worthwhile for three reasons:
1) It will give you a snap shot of your financial situation as of the date recorded.
2) When the time comes it will be of interest and usefulness to your loved ones.
3) It is necessary information for the executor of your will to settle the estate.
A detailed description of what is involved and a form to use in order to come up with an accurate net worth number can be found on several online sites: search for “Personal Net Worth Worksheet.” The filled-in net worth form should be stored in PART THREE, PERSONAL & FINANCIAL RECORDS, ASSETS/DEBTS/ NET WORTH. Note: Only life insurance policies with cash value are included in assets.
SECTION EIGHT - REAL ESTATE
Address and legal description of property owned & location of real estate tax assessment records.
Any pertinent information concerning time share involvements.
List where extra house keys may be found (hidden somewhere outside the house, hanging on hooks
in a closet, locked up somewhere else, in someone else’s possession, etc.)
SECTION NINE – CREDIT ̴ DEBIT ̴ ATM CARDS ̴ CREDIT REPORTING AGENCIES
Card issuer, card number, contact phone number; if card is associated with an awards program include details. For example, an airline program, include the frequent flyer number.
Whether you pay off the balances each month or carry a balance from month to month. Note: It is a good idea to make copies of the front and back of credit/debit cards, passports, driver’s license, Social Security card, Medicare card, etc. and have on file for future reference. For example, doing this is helpful when traveling in case one of the above is lost or stolen.
Credit Reporting Agencies (CRA’s) websites and toll free phone numbers (info may have changed)
(888) 397-3742 (888) 548-7878 (800) 916-8800
SECTION TEN - AUTOS
List cars owned/leased – Note: auto loan or lease information is covered in SECTION SEVEN, ASSETS/
DEBT/NET WORTH.
VIN (Vehicle Identification Number) for each vehicle, state driver’s license number, location of extra car keys. Note: Auto insurance policies are located in PART THREE, PERSONAL & FINANCIAL RECORDS.
SECTION ELEVEN - FURNITURE/VALUABLES/PERSONAL EFFECTS
A note should be made here of what actions you have taken and the actual picture/videos, receipts and lists should be filed in PART THREE, PERSONAL & FINANCIAL RECORDS, HOUSEHOLD.
Take pictures/video of furniture by room (list date purchased and amount paid for major furniture items, if available.) Record the date of the pictures/video.
List jewelry and other valuables (with date purchased and amount paid, if available.) This information would be very useful in case of theft or a house fire or flooding.
If you have rented a storage unit for personal belonging provide all pertinent information. List any
personal effects and mementos to be given to selected persons. Choose from the following list of suggestions, add items missing you would like to include. File list in PART THREE, PERSONAL & FINANCIAL RECORDS, FINAL PLANS and make a note here you have done so.
Clothing Firearms Medals Books Special Equipment Jewelry Sword Works of Art
Heirlooms Plaques & Awards Stamps/Coin Collections Other Collections
SECTION TWELVE - RECURRING BILLS & HOW PAID
Provide the company name and contact information for each of the following providers. Detail how the payment is made to each company, such as automatic deduction from your checking account, automatic charge to your credit card, writing and mailing a check or calling in the payment; include how often payments are made and monthly/quarterly/annual due dates.
___ Auto Insurance
___ Cell Phone
___ Credit Cards
___ Internet
___ Mortgage Servicing
___ Home
___ Automation ___ Security
___ Cleaning ___ Septic System
___ Garbage Pick-up ___ Telephone landline (or internet connection)
___ Insurance ___ TV provider (cable, satellite)
___ Landscaping ___ Utilities: ___ Gas ___ Electric ___ Water
___Newspaper home delivery
III. DIGITAL WORLD
SECTION THIRTEEN - DIGITAL DEVICES & ONLINE ACCOUNTS (“Digital Assets”)
This section is concerned with your digital assets and your electronic “footprint.” Here you will be listing your digital devices and online personal and financial accounts. Related password security issues will also be covered. Perhaps you haven’t thought about the fact that your online accounts will live on (“digital afterlife”) after you have died. These accounts may or may not be of a great financial value, but they do need protection against exploitation and abandonment. Your loved ones will need to gain access to these accounts to address the legalities/desirability of continuing or canceling them. If your situation is involved and complicated you may want to appoint a digital executor (also called a “legacy contact” or “account trustee.”) State laws have not caught up with the digital age and related requirements by online companies to change or cancel accounts vary considerably.
___ List your digital devices
Sample listing: Personal Computer Apple Smart Phone E-Book Reader
Tablet Laptop iPad iPod mp3 player
___ List your personal & financial online accounts (“electronic footprint”) in the following categories
(examples only):
Personal: E-mail (Gmail, Yahoo, Hotmail, work-based,) awards programs (hotels, resorts, airlines, etc.,) social media (Facebook, twitter, Linkedin, Instagram, Flickr, Google+, Pinterest, Classmates,) genealogy (), internet service provider, your online business or blog/web hosting (Blogger, GoDaddy), Ticketmaster, Messaging/VOIP (Skype, WhatsApp),
video streaming (Netflix, Hulu), cloud storage (iCloud, Microsoft OneDrive), gaming (Xbox Live,
PlayStation)
Financial: banking, mutual funds, brokerage, IRAs, utilities, mortgage, PayPal, credit/debit cards, time share/resort
Shopping: Amazon, E-bay, Craig’s List, Target, Best Buy, food delivery services
Travel: airlines, Orbitz, Expedia, Hotwire, , TravelAdvisor, frequent flyer miles,
Uber, Vacation Rental By Owner (VRBO), Airbnb
Music: Pandora, SiriusXM, itunes, Spotify
___ Security (account and digital device passwords, security questions, logon)
User names, passwords, personal identification numbers (PINs) and security questions associated with these devices and accounts need to be organized, recorded and safeguarded. Security starts with you devising long and difficult to hack passwords (a current suggestion is to use longer still passphrases, usually 16 to 64 characters to log-in), not using the same password for several accounts and changing the passwords often. As a note of interest, numerous devices now offer the security of biometrics (voice recognition, finger prints, eyes and touch security.) Options are appearing to eliminate passwords.
You need to decide how best to secure your list of passwords, you undoubtedly will have too many to remember. You may want to have the master password list on a flash drive stored in a secure location and have a printed list at your computer/laptop when you are at home working which can be secured when you leave the house. Another option for password security would be to take advantage of password manager software which is a program that keeps your passwords and other logon information in an encrypted database. You only have to remember one password – the one that opens the password manager. Rather than a “cloud based” password management service some experts recommend using a local program on your computer. With this approach, the encryption stays close to home. It’s not on the internet, and even if someone did get ahold of your data file, it would be useless without the password. A few popular companies that offer this service are: LastPass, Dashlane, KeePass, 1Password and Password Safe. often ranks these companies and others.
Extreme caution must be exercised in deciding how/where to store password related information. There is no one best answer to this issue. The level of security in a home and each individual’s comfort level vary greatly. Whatever your decision, your loved ones need to know how to access this sensitive information.
___ “Digital Afterlife”
Be aware that that each online account has its own requirements concerning how to cancel the account following the death of the owner. These requirements can be quite involved and lengthy. is a website that has a considerable amount of pertinent information. The site also contains several helpful articles and checklists concerning end-of-life planning in general. The website also addresses some of these issues. The website provides digital executor information and provides services for a fee.
The laws, systems and protocols for survivors (loved ones) to gain access to a deceased owner’s accounts are evolving.
IV. FINAL PLANS/PERSONAL EXPRESSIONS
SECTION FOURTEEN - END-OF-LIFE DECISIONS & EXPRESSION OF VALUES
As a society we are very uncomfortable confronting end-of-life. We don’t like to think about such things let alone discuss them with loved ones. In this section you have the opportunity to overcome this hesitancy by opening up a channel of communication with your family. The goal is to handle end-of-life issues with thoughtful consideration and make your final wishes known in writing. By doing so you would take a step toward reducing uncertainty and overall stress among your loved ones and precluding any potential disagreements concerning your intentions.
Give this some serious thought. None of us would wait until a few weeks, let alone a few days, before the event to plan a wedding celebration. Is it wise to have your loved ones do that very thing in preparing for another celebration, the celebration of your life?
In addition to what you write here, experts in the field of making final plans recommend that you have a conversation with your loved ones concerning what matters to you as you address end-of-life issues. This type of conversation would help preclude any future misunderstandings or conflicts. The website “” presents a framework for having such a conversation.
In this section you will also be expressing to your loved ones what you think is important and how you want to be remembered - your intangible, “values” estate as opposed to your financial/legal estate.
HELPFUL BACKGROUND INFORMATION LEADING TO
WELL-INFORMED END-OF-LIFE DECISIONS
Hospice Care Funeral Homes 10 Steps To Take
Hospice Care:
As recently reported, there are over 4,000 hospice care agencies, both for profit and non-profit, currently operating in the United States. Hospice addresses the physical, emotional and spiritual needs of the terminally ill. It emphasizes palliative medicine rather than cure oriented therapies and interventions. The focus is on symptom management, comfort and compassion to ensure the best possible quality of life for the patient and their families. Hospice care values life and is not directed at either hastening nor prolonging the dying process. How the various states and individual hospice organizations address the current wave of Death with Dignity or Right-to-Die ballot initiatives will evolve over time.
There are several misconceptions about hospice care:
“Hospice is a place to die” “It is only for cancer patients” “They take everything away”
“I’ll not be able to see my doctor” “I can’t afford it” “All you’ll do is give him morphine ”
Hospice care is not a place and is not about dying, it’s about living. Studies have shown that hospice can extend life by addressing the physical, emotional and spiritual needs of the terminally ill. It views dying as much more than a medical event.
The time to consider hospice care is when a patient meets “The 4D’s” criteria:
- Diagnosis: terminal illness with a prognosis of 6 months or less
- Decision: for comfort, not curative care
- Decline: continued decline in health
- Doctor: collaboration with the primary care or attending physician
The major payment sources for hospice care are Medicare Hospice Benefit (Part A,) Medicaid Hospice Benefit, Managed Care or Private Insurance, Veterans Administration and Self Pay.
Check with your health care advisors to obtain more detailed hospice care information. If you so desire, you can write out your feelings about hospice care in PART THREE, PERSONAL & FINANCIAL RECORDS, FINAL PLANS, PERSONAL EXPRESSIONS.
Evolution and trends in funeral homes in the United States:
The funeral industry in the U. S. did not emerge until after the Civil War. Until that time, funerals were organized by family and neighbors and held at home. The dead were often displayed in the family home in the parlor, which is the reason for the term” funeral parlor” that is still in use today. Loved ones were buried on family property or in a local church cemetery.
As our population settled in large cities, common cemeteries became popular and funeral homes began
to appear to help families with the stressful tasks associated with the death of a loved one. Hence the term “undertaker” which refers to the person (funeral director) who ”undertook” the responsibilities of funeral arrangements. Grieving families began to see the benefit of the “package” of services offered by funeral homes.
Thus, death care gradually became institutionalized. Funeral homes vary considerably in size and function. Some are very elegant. Some are store front operations that offer limited services. Some have their own crematories and mausoleums. As in other sectors of our economy, it is a very competitive business.
Something very important happened in 1984. The Federal Trade Commission, the agency which regulates the funeral home industry, passed the Funeral Rule (updated in 1994). This ruling required all funeral provides to disclose adequate information concerning the goods and services they offer for purchase by the public. The General Price List (GPL) is the keystone of the ruling. Specific disclosures must be provided in writing to the consumer regarding embalming, alternative contains for direct cremation, the amount of the funeral home’s basic service fee, and several additional disclosures which, in total, enable the consumer to make “apples to apples” comparisons. Funeral homes face stiff financial penalties for failure to comply with this ruling.
The cost of dealing with a funeral home, crematory or, cemetery has also evolved – upward! The price of a traditional adult funeral and associated expenses has gotten quite expensive. The average cost of a burial funeral (“traditional funeral”) is several thousand dollars depending upon the options selected. On the other extreme, if the choice is for direct cremation (no embalming, viewing, visitation, funeral or memorial service with only a simple container used for the cremation) the cost typically runs in the $1,000 to $2,000 range with variations above and below those numbers common since price “specials” are commonly offered. Costs also vary significantly in different geographical areas of the United States. The major considerations in funeral home associated costs are the disposition of the body (burial, cremation, donation), the degree of involvement of the funeral home in the funeral or memorial service and ensuing reception and the quality of the merchandise purchased. Cemetery/mausoleum costs are additional.
Funeral home industry trends:
- Most funeral homes are still small, independent and family-owned but for several years large corporations (“consolidators”) have been buying up these family run operations to the point where they now account for approximately 11% of the industry. They are often referred to as “McMortuaries.”
- New faces in the profession. Funeral service has traditionally been a male-dominated profession with the businesses being passed down from one generation to the next. A growing number of mortuary school graduates have had no previous experience in the field. Women are also being attracted to the business in increasing numbers. Currently, more than 60% of mortuary science students are women.
- Funeral homes are meeting consumer needs through technology:
- - Most have websites that list their services and prices and some have planning tools the public can use to initially consider end-of-life choices online. These websites also make doing research and comparison shopping among funeral homes very convenient.
- - Most setup memorial websites where family and friends can logon and leave messages of encouragement and condolences and obtain information concerning the memorial service/funeral.
- - Some will help families create memorial videos to be shown at visitations and/or funerals or memorial services. These videos are a special keepsake to be treasured forever.
- - A growing number are starting to offer to video stream the funeral/memorial service to those who are scattered across the country and unable to be there in person. A camera is plugged into a computer with internet access. One provider is a company () which offers their “Life Tributes” funeral webcasting service to the public through funeral homes.
- In recent years there has been an emergence of alternative funeral service providers and retail stores who market themselves as lower cost alternatives to traditional funeral homes. They offer a no frills approach and may specialize in only one area of the business such as cremation. Many do not own funeral homes, instead they will rent facilities such as store fronts.
- According to an estimation by the National Funeral Directors Association, cremations will represent 80% of all body dispositions nationwide by the year 2035. The biggest reason for this shift is cost. Cremations are simple and cheap. They are also seen as a more flexible option for Americans who are increasingly mobile and may live and die far from home and their family plots. Also, the Catholic Church which had previously frowned upon cremation has decreed that church members can be cremated under certain conditions with the stipulation that the ashes be buried in a cemetery or other sacred place. The growth of cremation is shaking up the $20 billion death care industry. The number of funeral homes has been declining as previously noted.
- Green Funerals. These funerals are centered around a natural (“green”) burial. The burial site remains as natural as possible in all respects. Interment of the bodies is done in a bio-degradable casket, shroud or a favorite blanket. No embalming fluid, no concrete vaults. It is considered by many to be the way nature intended our bodies to be reunited with the earth.
- Human composting. A brand new option to burial or cremation. The procedure will require individual state approval, a process which is just beginning.
Ten steps to take on a path to well-informed end-of-life decisions:
There are a lot of things, big and small, we all need to consider as we contemplate end-of-life decisions. The three main ones are: the disposition of our bodies, what type of commemoration we desire (if any) and whether we want to express our values by writing a legacy letter or memoir or sitting for a video interview. So, the question is: how does one approach these important issues in a thoughtful and comprehensive manner? What follows is a list of suggested and sequenced action items you can take to do such that. Peace of mind for yourself and your loved ones is the ultimate goal. Along the way you will become an educated death care industry “consumer.”
1) Confront death, face it head-on and resolve to make preparations for it.
2) Become familiar with death care industry terms (see list, end of this guide.)
3) Refer to helpful Sources of Information – advocacy groups, governmental organizations,
industry/trade associations and non-profit/for profit organizations (see list, end of this guide.)
4) Educate yourself about funeral home and hospice services.
5) Decide on your final wishes concerning disposition of your body, and what, if any, type of commemoration, post commemoration reception and cemetery/mausoleum services are needed.
6) Go to the websites of several local funeral homes and compare the services and prices. A funeral
home’s General Price List may be reflected on their website; you might also notice prices for various
packages, products (caskets, etc.) and itemized services. Some funeral home sites include pre- planning tools which, when filled in, can give you an idea of costs. You will find there is a fairly wide range in
prices but don’t equate price with value. Print out pertinent information. Note: It is not uncommon for funeral homes to offer limited time specials on the services they offer.
7) Make your choice of a funeral home. Decide if you want to plan ahead but not pay ahead or whether you want to enter into a pre-need contract (pre-arrangement where payment is made in advance of the need.)
Note: “Look before you leap.” The Federal Trade Commission’s Funeral Rule does not cover pre-need
(pre-arrangement) contracts. Be aware that regulations governing funeral and burial agreements
vary by state and there are significant differences in these state laws. If you are considering entering into such an agreement educate yourself first and be prepared to ask lots of questions.
8) Make arrangements for the disposition of your body (interment) or ashes (inurnment) or donation.
9) Record your values in a legacy letter or memoir or sit for a video interview.
10) Have “The Conversation” – tell your loved ones what you have done and where your end-of-life documents are stored.
END-OF-LIFE DECISIONS
The prior section gave you the context (hospice, funeral home background information and ten steps to take) to help you make well-informed end-of-life decisions. It is now time to make those decisions from the options presented below. These decisions can be used as a basis to write a narrative letter of your final wishes. A sample letter is included at the end of this section.
Any funeral home or cemetery plot contracts and personal expressions of your values are filed in PART THREE, PERSONAL & FINANCIAL RECORDS, FINAL PLANS. Contact information for a funeral home or cemetery you have pre-selected should be listed in PART ONE, SECTION THREE, ADVISORS & TRUSTED FRIENDS. It is important to select a funeral home and to make your final wishes known by pre-planning (need not be pre-paid) to help alleviate uncertainty and stress among your loved ones.
DISPOSITION OF THE BODY
The word disposition (dispose of) refers to the manner in which human remains are finally handled and
the final resting place. Making a decision concerning this topic is morbid to some but necessary to all. Disposition alternatives:
Burial
Do you want:
___ An earth burial (grave) or an above ground burial (mausoleum entombment?)
___ An “immediate” burial? No embalming, viewing, visitation or body present (open or closed casket) at the commemoration (memorial service)
___Your body to be embalmed to make it available for a viewing, a visitation and/or present (open or closed casket) at your funeral?
___ To be buried in a certain cemetery? If so, identify. Have you purchased a plot/mausoleum niche at this cemetery? Are you a veteran who is eligible to be buried at a national cemetery, is that your wish?
___ A graveside (committal) service? If so, who do you want to be in attendance?
Note: You may be interested in learning that high tech has invaded the world of cemetery headstones.
Using a QR (Quick Response) code imbedded in a granite headstone, smart phone users can connect to
a personalized website which can contain such information as the obituary, family heritage and history,
photos and comments and even links to share content on popular social sites such as Facebook or Twitter. Go to if you want to learn more about “living headstones.”
Cremation
Do you want:
___To be cremated?
___ A “simple” or “direct” cremation where your body is transported directly to the funeral home/crematory and is cremated shortly after the authorization form and permits are in order?
If so, do you want to allow a short period of time for your loved ones to view your body?
(There would be no visitation nor would your body be present at a funeral)
___ Your ashes buried in a cemetery, memorial garden or elsewhere (specify where)
___ Your ashes interred in a mausoleum, columbarium or elsewhere (specify where)
___ Your ashes given to your loved ones for final disposition?
___ Your ashes to be mingled with those of another? If so, who?
___ Your ashes scattered, if so, where? In a specific place that has meaning to you? The
scattering must be in an approved area. Perhaps in a cemetery scattering garden or at sea?
Donation – Anatomical gifts
Arrangements must be made ahead of time for bodily donations. (See two website references in Sources of Information at the end of this guide.) Any such arrangements should be filed in PART THREE, PERSONAL & FINANCIAL RECORDS, FINAL PLANS.
Do you want to:
___ Donate your bodily tissue?
___ Donate your organs for transplant?
___Donate your entire body to a medical school for use in teaching or research?
COMMEMORATIVE CELEBRATIONS
Funeral/Mass of Christian Burial/Graveside Service – body or ashes present
___ Do you want a funeral?
If so, where do you want it held? Funeral Home? House of worship? Home? Other?
___ Do you want to plan the details of the funeral in concert with a clergy person (program, prayers, readings, flowers, speakers, scripture, music, audio/visual DVD presentation, special invitation to members of civic/fraternal organizations of which you are a member, reception, etc.)?
___ Would you rather have your loved ones plan the funeral to tailor it to their wishes?
___ Would you rather pay the funeral home to plan and coordinate the funeral?
___ Do you want a reception and do you want to plan the retails?
___ Do you want a Graveside service?
Memorial/Celebration of Life Service/Memorial Mass - body or ashes not present
___ Do you want a memorial service?
If so, answer the questions posed for a funeral, above
Note: If you are a member of a house of worship you may feel you have a support system in place to help you (or your loved ones, if that is your choice) plan and execute a funeral or memorial service. If that is the case, one option would be to contract with the funeral home for the disposition of your body and have you or the family assume the responsibility of planning the commemoration.
___If the funeral home offers the option, do you want a webcasting (live streaming) of the commemoration for the benefit of family and friends who are unable to attend?
OBITUARY
___ Do you want to completely write your own obituary, leave behind a rough draft or leave the writing up to your loved ones with, perhaps, help from the funeral home.
Note: There are several helpful online sites which have tips, pitfalls and templates concerning obituary writing. Good examples are: ., and .
Note: Be aware that identity thieves scan obituaries for detailed, specific information they can use to their advantage. Also, if the date and time of the memorial service is announced in the paper make arrangements for someone to be in the home during that time for security purposes.
Note: It would be helpful to your loved ones if you would consolidate your above choices into a letter – a Narrative of Final Wishes. This letter would be in addition to any “values” oriented legacy or memoir you may choose to write. An example of how this letter might look follows.
SAMPLE NARRATIVE OF FINAL WISHES
Dear Family,
I know this a very difficult time for you. I wanted to make things as least stressful as possible so I have
carefully decided upon my final wishes. They are outlined in this letter. I have discussed my wishes with the XYZ funeral home and I would like to use their services. They have a copy of my plan in their files for quick reference when the time comes. I have decided not to enter into a “pre-need contract” so nothing
has been paid for in advance.
My wish is to have a “direct cremation” which means the cremation will take place shortly after the authorization form is signed and necessary permits are on hand. If you would like and it is logistically practical, I have no objections to a private family viewing. I am a veteran and wish my ashes would be buried at Arlington National Cemetery, the funeral home can help make those arrangements. There will be no charges for the services provided by Arlington.
I would like to use the funeral home’s online memorial site to notify close friends of my death. I have set
up a group named “Who to Notify” in my e-mail address book for that purpose and notices can be sent
out once the site is up and running so family and friends can leave condolences and be kept up-to-date
on scheduled events.
As you know, I have been a long time member of the ABC church here in _____. I would like to have the
memorial service there. I have already talked to the pastor, Dr. ______, and he is aware of my wishes. I
view the service as a final reflection of who I was and what was important to me so I have written out the
details of the service including who I would like to have participate if they are available. I have also chosen
some photos I would like used as part of a memorial video which could be used during the service or at the following reception. My wishes for the service are on file in the records section of this document. I have not written my obituary and I will leave that task to you. Rather than flowers, I request that donations be given in my name to my alma mater, _____________.
Also on file is a legacy letter in which I express what I feel are my major life lessons learned and my values.
The letter will, hopefully, in some way keep me connected with the present and future generations of
our family.
My love to you all, Dad
EXPRESSION OF VALUES
You have a legacy. It is part of your intangible “values” estate, so celebrate and share it! This is your opportunity to leave some memory footprints in the sands of time. There will never be another you, recording that uniqueness has value. You will be separated in time from future generations of your family but here is the opportunity to bridge that separation and become connected by sharing future family generations a glimpse of what was important to you and what you held dear to your heart.
A legacy letter or memoir or video recording are ideal ways to pass on your intangible estate to those you love – it is a gift they will cherish forever.
Legacy Letter
An updated 3,500 year-old tradition, a legacy letter is a loving document that translates your personal and family stories and values into life lessons that can inform and transform current and future family members. It is a lasting testament of who you really were and you deemed as important. It could be fairly short but that depends upon where the spirit leads you, do keep in mind the purpose is not for you to give lengthy details of your life.
___ Do you want to write a legacy letter?
Memoir
A memoir is your own account of your life with more details than a legacy letter. It would be part autobiographical but would also involve introspection and a creative view of your life to include values and life lessons.
___ Do you want to write a memoir?
Video Recording
Future generations would be able to see and hear you reflect on your values and what you feel in your heart – very powerful!
___ Do you want to make a video recording?
PART TWO: WHAT MY LOVED ONES NEED TO DO
PART ONE of the guide answered the “What do we need to know?” question.
PART TWO provides the answers to the two follow on “action” questions your loved ones will have following your death:
“What do we need to do?” “Where do we start?”
As you review these action items you may add/delete as you see fit. You may also want to rearrange the timing on others. The result will be an extremely useful guide of considerable value to your loved ones.
Notes to loved ones using this guide:
The exact sequence in which action items are accomplished (no matter what the priority) is a decision for you to make (with help from qualified advisors) and you will undoubtedly be working on several actions simultaneously from a mixture of priorities.
Following the death of a loved one there will be some immediate expenses (funeral homes services, etc.) to pay within a short period of time. Be prepared to identify and access available funds.
Other than with the first priority action items in which “time is of the essence,” you do not need to put pressure on yourself by feeling lower priority items need to be done all at once.
Along with a certified copy of the death certificate, governmental agencies and commercial companies require a variety of additional information (it is called burden of proof) to validate the death and authorize the payments of benefits. This completed guide will serve as a quick reference to any information of that nature.
ASK FOR HELP! It is a very emotional time and you are going to need assistance from family and friends.
FIRST PRIORITY ACTIONS
___Immediately following an expected (old age, terminal illness) death: The death must be pronounced by someone in authority. If the deceased was in a hospital, nursing home or assisted living facility a legal pronouncement of death and completion of the death certificate will be executed by a qualified staff member. If the deceased died at home under hospice care (attended), call the hospice nurse who can declare the death and help facilitate the transport of the body.
If the deceased was at home not under hospice care (non-attended): Coordinate ahead of time with your primary care provider, funeral home and 911 Emergency Services to determine the appropriate action. It may not be necessary to call 911, particularly if a Do-Not-Resuscitate document has been executed. Procedures and legal authority of emergency responders vary by location.
___ Arrange for transportation of the remains. If no autopsy is needed, the body is normally transported by a funeral home or crematorium (pre-selected, hopefully.) Note: Even if the deceased was an organ donor that may not be possible depending upon the location of death and the timing of events – to use a legal term, “time is of the essence.”
___ Contact immediate family
___ Contact extended family or request immediate family members do so
___ Contact Primary Care Physician
___ Gain entry into safe deposit box if applicable (prior authorization with bank required)
___ If deceased was living alone, secure the property
___ Arrange for help with pets, shopping, cooking and children as needed
___ Notify current employer – at some point discuss benefits
___ Locate original copy of the last will and testament for use by the executor/executrix
___ The executor/executrix or personal representative (so called in some states) of the last will and testament should consult with the family attorney for guidance on what legal steps need to be taken. Establish a time frame to discuss probate, estate and inheritance issues and tax considerations. The details of settling an estate are extensive and beyond the scope of this reference guide.
___ If a Revocable Living Trust is in place, the successor trustee should meet with the estate attorney for guidance on what legal steps need to be taken.
___ Visit the selected funeral home. Review the wishes of the deceased before you visit. If a funeral home has been pre-selected, the contact information can be found in PART ONE, SECTION THREE, ADVISORS & FRIENDS and if there is an associated pre-plan or contract (pre-arranged and pre-paid agreement with the funeral home) it will be in PART THREE, PERSONAL & FINANCIAL RECORDS, FINAL PLANS. Any such pre-plan or contract will serve as the basis for the discussions.
Major topics you will be discussing are the wishes of the deceased such as disposition of the remains (burial, cremation, donation,) cemetery arrangements, obituary and funeral/memorial service details (whether handled by the family or delegated to the funeral home.) The funeral home will have a complete listing of what needs to be discussed, a sample listing follows:
___ In accordance with the Funeral Rule you should be shown the General Price List and an itemized
list for all funeral home products and services even if part of a package.
___ Death notice in local paper
___ Obituary: Funeral home will help with the obituary if desired and place it in the local
newspaper. (If an obituary was previously written by the deceased or other family member it should be filed in PART THREE, PERSONAL & FINANCIAL RECORDS, FINAL PLANS. Discuss getting the obituary placed in papers where the deceased previously lived.
___Certified copies of the Death Certificate: Fifteen to 20 are commonly needed. The funeral home
will obtain them from the appropriate governmental agency.
___Confirm that the funeral home will make the initial notification of the death to Social Security. Social Security will place the decedent’s name on the Social Security Master Death Index which is designed to prevent fraud from someone collecting benefits; credit reports are also flagged. You will need to contact Social Security directly at some point to discuss potential benefits. It is
a good idea to also directly contact the credit reporting agencies (listed in PART ONE, SECTION NINE) since there may be a lengthy delay in Social Security doing so.
___If deceased was a military veteran, discuss eligibility for military honors at the funeral service.
Confirm that the funeral home will make the initial notification of the death to the Veterans
Administration (VA.) You will need to contact the VA directly to discuss potential benefits.
___Flowers or charity; if flowers, disposition thereof following the memorial service, if funeral home
will be involved in handling the service.
___ Funeral home provided templates to be used to notify companies, etc. to close/change
accounts, claim benefits and terminate services. (if available)
Note: There are several online sites designed to help with funeral planning. One good example is .
___ If it is your choice, meet with the selected clergy (funeral home director if that is the plan) to work out details of the commemoration, the reception following the service, etc.
___ Memorial Website Option: If you desire an online presence funeral homes offer a memorial site as part of their services. Other options: and . Another option is to set up a Facebook Memorial Page. Family and friends can use any of these sites for updates and to offer condolences. A word of caution: lack of privacy is an issue - identity thieves are very active on social media.
___ Notify out-of-town friends, prior employers and business colleagues via e-mail, phone call, snail mail letter, Facebook, etc. of the death, the commemoration details and, if applicable, the memorial website (see above.) The list(s) of people to notify (and how) may be found (if compiled by the deceased) in PART THREE, PERSONAL & FINANCIAL RECORDS, FINAL PLANS.
___ Arrange for family members or close friends to answer the door and phone and to help with hospitality for out of town visitors and any child care requirements.
___Start keeping a list of well-wishers to thank later
___ If the deceased was a veteran of active military service and you are a survivor needing to verify eligibility to receive benefits based on that service, call the Casualty Assistance Office (CAO) at the nearest military installation. (If you need help finding an office call the Veterans Administration’s toll free number: 1-800-827-1000.) Make arrangements to visit the office. If distance is a problem business can be conducted via telephone calls. The office will need a copy of the death certificate and DD Form214, Certificate of Release or Discharge from Active Duty. Helpful background information can be found online at , the Veterans Administration website. Once on the site do a search for “Family Member Benefits” and “Burials and memorials.”
If the deceased was receiving a military pension, CAO will contact the Defense Finance and Accounting Service (DFAS), U.S. Military Retirement Pay, Cleveland, Ohio, 1-800 321-1080 on your behalf. DFAS is responsible for all the details concerning closing out the retiree’s pension account and for making arrangements for a surviving spouse to start receiving benefits such as Survivor Benefit Plan monthly annuity payments (if the deceased had enrolled.)
Note to writer: The following Second and Third Priority Actions are not listed in any particular order in each category and your loved ones will probably end up working on several at the same time. The account numbers and contact phone numbers which will be needed are listed in previous sections of PART ONE, WHAT LOVED ONES NEED TO KNOW.
Second Priority Actions
Note: There will be important changes regarding joint accounts, titles and deeds to vehicles/real estate and retirement and investment accounts. If issues arise, it may be wise to consult professional tax, financial or legal advisors before taking action.
Note: Be aware of which online accounts are set up to make periodic automatic debits before action is taken to close the account. See PART ONE: WHAT LOVED ONES NEED TO KNOW, SECTION TWELVE, RECURRING BILLS & HOW PAID.
Notify the following:
___Local Social Security office to determine benefits. National phone number is: 1-800-772-1213.
Note: funeral home will probably make the initial notification of death.
___Insurance companies – contact information for each company is listed IN PART ONE, SECTION THREE, ADVISORS & TRUSTED FRIENDS. The actual policies are located in PART THREE, PERSONAL & FINANCIAL RECORDS, INSURANCE. Particularly important is life insurance, large sums of money are usually involved.
___ Banks where checking/savings accounts are held. Rules for access to the account(s) depend upon whether the deceased was the sole owner or the surviving loved one was a joint owner with rights of susvivorship.
___Credit card companies – change, close accounts as required
___ Credit reporting agencies (CRAs): Equifax, Experian, TransUnion (see PART ONE, SECTION NINE
for website address and toll free phone number information.)
Note: the deceased’s lenders and Social Security will notify the Credit Reporting Agencies ( CRAs) of the death once they have been notified. The process may take some time so it is advisable to notify them directly to preclude identity theft.
___ Mortgage company
___ Home Equity Line of Credit company
___ Mutual Fund companies and other financial institutions where investments are held
___ CPA - ask for guidance concerning any upcoming tax reporting requirements
___ Auto loan company
___ ATM/Debit card companies
___ Pension/retirement plans
___ Post Office – reroute mail if deceased lived alone
___ Department of Motor Vehicles to cancel deceased’s driver’s license
___ If the deceased was covered by Medicare, cancel the following (if applicable):
Medicare Prescription Drug Coverage (Part D), Medicare Advantage Plan or a Medigap policy
___ Send out thank you notes to acknowledge acts of kindness, donations, etc.
___ Manage payment of bills (see PART I, SECTION TWELVE, RECURRING BILLS & HOW PAID.
Third Priority Actions
___ Call the local county’s office of Motor Vehicles to determine if you need to turn in the driver’s license of the deceased and to arrange to have your automobile titles changed if required.
Notify the following:
___ Utility companies
___ Home security company
___ Home maintenance/services providers: maid, landscaping, window washing, snow blowing, homecare, meals-on-wheels, etc. as required.
___ Prescription drugs provider
___ Election Board - (Voters’ Registration Office concerning the deceased’s voter card)
___ Prior employers – include a copy of the obituary, check on potential benefits
___ U.S. Post Office – Forward mail, cancel post office box, etc. as appropriate
___ Alumni Office of the deceased’s alma mater – include a copy of the obituary
___ Rewards programs (airline, hotel, etc.)
___ Direct Marketing Association to opt the deceased person out of receiving credit solicitations
website: cgi/ddnc
___National Do Not Call Registry (Federal Trade Commission) to opt the deceased person
out of receiving unsolicited marketing calls
website:
___Health clubs and athletic clubs
___Public library if card holder
___Cancel the deceased’s membership in civic, social, fraternal, religious and military organizations (before canceling, check on possible assistance/benefits)
___Cancel magazine subscriptions as required
___Shred sensitive documents no longer needed
___Make decisions about the deceased’s “digital footprint”
___ Online accounts: determine procedures concerning how to cancel (extend) online accounts; be aware each account will have their own procedures which tend to be involved and lengthy -proof of death and power of attorney/will executor documentation are common requirements.
Note: A good reference here is ; the site’s Planning Category of
“Digital Estate” has a considerable amount of pertinent information.
___Digital Devices: determine which devices are needed/not needed
___Re-evaluate cell phone plans, make changes if advisable
___Transfer ownership (home, autos, financial assets) to the legal beneficiaries whether through
legally binding joint tenant contracts or the probate procedures.
___With recognition of the legal authority of the executor of the will, make decisions concerning the disposition of such things as furniture, personal belongings, clothes etc. Options include splitting items
among family members, giving to charity, selling through an online platform or holding an estate sale.
___An estate sale may be appropriate if a large amount of furniture, etc. needs disposal.
___This is a good time for survivor of the deceased to start thinking about life changes that
that lie ahead. Experts agree that it is advisable for loved ones to take their time here and not make
any rushed decisions concerning major personal or financial matters such as purchases, giving money
away or changes in an investment portfolio.
___Consider getting financial and legal advice from professionals such as an estate attorney, CPA and fee-only certified financial planner. This is a good time for survivor of the deceased to review her/his own life insurance and financial needs – including updating the last will and testament.
PART THREE: PERSONAL & FINANCIAL RECORDS
With help from qualified advisors as required, you will need to decide which records to maintain, for how long and where you want them located. Following is a sample listing of records organized into nine major categories. There could be some records that apply to you that are missing from the list.
Some records are obviously more sensitive than others and you may not want them located in an unlocked filing cabinet with the main body of records. Perhaps better options would be a safe deposit box at your bank or in a locked closet, locked filing cabinet, fire resistant security box, safe or locked storage room in your home. WARNING: YOUR SELECTED LOVED ONES MUST BE PRE-AUTHORIZED TO GAIN ACCESS TO YOUR BANK SAFE DEPOSIT BOX. YOU DO NOT WANT TO FAIL TO DO THIS. It is a current trend to go “paperless” – records such as bank and credit card statements are commonly kept online rather in hard copy form in a file - when this is the case it should be so noted.
There are many options concerning how you might set up filing cabinet records. For example, you could color code tabs for the major categories. If you put each item in its own file folder you’re going to end up with a huge number of folders – you may want to group several related items in one folder. Suggestion: place an index (listing) of the records in front of the filing cabinet for reference.
AUTOS & HOUSEHOLD
Autos:
Auto, motorcycle and boat records - purchase, loan or lease documents, title, registration, repair records, extended warranty papers
Household:
Contracts (as available) for TV provider, landline/cell phone services, home cleaning, etc.
Appliance & home equipment records
Deeds, Titles & mortgage information – primary & second home
Personal Property – furniture, paintings, jewelry (include appraisals if warranted,) family treasures (include location & pictures/videos for a more complete record)
List of Personal Effects to be given to others
Real Estate Information – deeds, home improvement & repair records, construction contracts,
appraisal information, property tax records, home equity loan, leases
Warranties (home, appliances, computer, electronics, etc.) Also guarantees and manuals
BUSINESS
All pertinent business ownership and tax records
Employment contracts, buy-sell agreements, partnership agreements, insurance, etc.
FINAL PLANS
Legal Documents: Last Will & Testament Trust Agreements Living Will Five Wishes
Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care Durable Power of Attorney for Property
Practitioner Orders for Life-Sustaining Treatment (POLST) Do-Not-Resuscitate (DNR)
Consent for Emergency Medical Treatment (Child) Personal Effects List & Recipients
Miscellaneous Documents, Final Plans:
Contract/information concerning any pre-planning arrangement with a funeral home
Cemetery Plot Deed & related papers, tombstone marker instructions
Memorial Service/Funeral & Burial Instructions
Notification Instructions – how to notify (e-mail, US mail, phone, Facebook, online
interactive memorial website, etc.) selected people and organizations of your death
Obituary – if it has been written ahead of time by you or others
Organ or Body Donor’s Certification – the donor’s symbol (red heart) will be on the
deceased’s driver’s license if this option has been chosen
Personal Expressions: Hospice Care Legacy Letter Memoir Video Interview
FINANCES/INVESTMENTS/NET WORTH – several of these statements may be online, if that is the case, so note; also, you may want to note the location of any checking or money market check registers.
Note: It is important to account for all your financial assets. The National Association of Unclaimed
Property Administrators (NAUPA) has reported that it is not unusual to have over $40 billion
of unclaimed property in the U.S. at any given time. Your loved ones need to have a complete
picture of your assets.
Bank statements Loans & other liabilities
Bond Certificates Mutual Fund records
Brokerage statements Net Worth Form
CD Certificates Real Estate Investment Property Records
Credit Card statements Rent Receipts
Financial Planning records Stock Certificates
Title Documents
INSURANCE
Accidental Death Liability
Annuities Life – particularly important, large amounts usually involved
Auto Credit Card
Long Term Care Disability
Medicare Supplement Employer Provided
Mortgage Health & Medical & Dental Plan
Homeowners/Renters Travel
PERSONAL & FAMILY
Adoption Papers Marriage License
Birth Certificate Medical Insurance Card
Citizenship Papers Medical Records
Credit Cards Military Records Death Certificate Passports
Divorce Decree Resume
Driver’s License Safe Deposit Box, rental agreement and location of keys
Education Records Social Security Card
Legal Name Change Shot Records
RETIREMENT
Deferred Compensation Profit-sharing Plans
Individual Plans: IRAs, Retirement Plan Certificates
Keoghs, 401(k), 403(b) Royalties, ongoing
Pension Survivor Benefits
Prior Employer Benefits Roth IRA
SECURITY – DIGITAL DEVICES & ACCOUNTS
In PART ONE, SECTION THIRTEEN you listed your digital devices & accounts, and, if you care to, you can make a copy of that list to be filed here. If you have not taken advantage of a password manager software program, you will need to decide how best to secure your user name, password and security question list. There is no one “right” answer and risk tolerance levels vary from person to person as decisions are made about what is best. Whether your home has a security (alarm) system and/or a room or storage area with a medal door and bolt lock) would be important considerations.
TAXES – Consult with your tax advisor on how long to keep local, state and federal tax returns
and related records and any other tax records (Gift Tax, real estate tax, etc.)
Glossary of Terms
Alternative Container – An unfinished wood box or other non-metal receptacle without ornamentation,
often made of fiberboard, pressed wood or composition materials, generally lower in cost than caskets
At-Need Contract – the deceased had no Pre-Need (pre-arranged, pre-funded) contract in place with a funeral home so following the death and at the time of need (At-Need) a signed agreement (contract) must be reached with the funeral home covering services and products
Basic Service Fee – part of the Federal Trade Commission’s Funeral Rule which permits funeral homes to charge a consumer a general fee to cover basic services and “unallocated” overhead expenses
Casket/Coffin – a box or chest for burying human remains
Cemetery Property – a grave, crypt or niche
Cemetery Services – opening and closing graves, crypts or niches; setting grave liners and vaults; setting markets; long-term maintenance of cemetery grounds and facilities
Composting – alternative to burying or cremating human remains; “human recomposition”
Columbarium – a structure with niches (small spaces) for placement of cremated remains in urns or other approved small containers; it may be outdoors or part of a mausoleum
Committal Service – a brief service of prayers or readings at the graveside prior to burial (committing a body to the ground); also called a graveside service
Cremation – exposing human remains and the container holding them to extreme heat and flame and processing in order to reduce the body to ashes and small bone fragments to a uniform size and consistency
Crypt – a space in a mausoleum or other building to hold whole or cremated remains
Death Care Industry – companies/organizations providing services related to death: funeral homes, crematories, cemeteries, manufacturers of related products, etc.
Direct cremation – the body is cremated in a timely manner as soon as the processing and filing of all legally required documents are completed; there is no wake or visitation or funeral service with the body present; it is an economical option since only minimal services are provided
Disposition – the placement of cremated or whole human remains in their final resting place
Endowment Care Fund – Money collected by a cemetery from the purchasers which is placed in trust for the maintenance and upkeep of the cemetery
Entombment – burial in a mausoleum crypt
Funeral Ceremony – a service commemorating the deceased with the body present
Funeral Rule – A ruling established by the Federal Trade Commission in 1984 which requires all funeral providers to disclose adequate information concerning the goods and services they offer for purchase by the public
Funeral Services – services provided by a funeral director and staff which may include consulting with the family on funeral planning, transportation, shelter, refrigeration and embalming of remains; preparing and filing notices; obtaining authorizations and permits; coordinating with the cemetery, crematory or other third parties
General Price List (GPL) – the keystone of the Funeral Rule; specific disclosures must be provided in writing to the consumer regarding embalming, alternative containers for direct cremation, the basic service fee, the Casket Price List and the Outer Burial Container Price List thus enabling consumers to make “apples- to-apples” comparisons
Grave Liner (outer container) – a concrete cover that fits over a casket in a grave, some liners cover the tops and sides of the casket, other liners (vaults) completely enclose the casket; grave liners minimize ground settling, cemeteries have established requirements for their use
Graveside Service (committal) – a service to commemorate the deceased held at the cemetery before burial
“Green” Alternatives to burial/cremation - (not widely available or used at this point) Resomation: uses water & potassium hydroxide heated at high temperature/pressure to dissolve the body into its chemical components & ash; Promession: reduces the body to a fine power by submerging it in liquid nitrogen and pulverizing the remains
Immediate Burial – a burial that occurs shortly after death with no viewing or visitation and is usually in
a simple container or casket. Embalming is not necessary or required
Interment – burial of the body/ashes in the ground (grave) or above ground (mausoleum entombment)
Inurnment – the placing of cremated remains in an urn followed by placement in a niche or some other resting location
Legacy Letter – you give a gift of yourself in the form of a letter; you pass on personal and family stories; you share your heart and mind; you paint a portrait of who you really are; you leave footprints in the sand so you will be remembered when you are gone
Mausoleum – a building in which human remains are interred (entombed); can be indoor, garden/outdoor or private
Memorial Service – a ceremony commemorating the deceased without the body present
Memoir – a written narrative of your life’s experiences; it tells the story of your life (autobiography) and the values and lessons you have taken from your life; similar in purpose to a legacy letter, a memoir is
more detailed and lengthy
Memorial Society – a nonprofit organization that provides information about funerals and disposition but is not part of the funeral industry
“McMortuaries” – chain owned funeral homes; the largest funeral home and cemetery provider is Service Corporation International (SCI) which, at last count, had approximately 1,500 locations in the U. S., Canada and Puerto Rico; the company is publicly traded on the New York Stock Exchange
Niche – a space in a columbarium, mausoleum or niche wall to hold an urn
Pre-Need Plan – in advance of the need, a person devises a plan concerning end-of-life issues such as disposition of the body, the commemoration (funeral/memorial service) and, perhaps, how the required
services and products will be funded when the time comes; no contract is signed with a funeral home and no money is paid; plan is shared with loved ones and perhaps is registered at a funeral home for future reference – it is a plan ahead but don’t pay ahead approach
Pre-Need (Pre-Arrangement) Contract – in advance of the need a person pre-pays for eventual funeral services, locking in the current price
Urn –a container to hold cremated human remains, it can be placed in a columbarium or mausoleum or it can be buried in the ground
* * * * * * * * * * *
Sources of Information: (Only a few, do an online search for more references)
Consumer Advocacy Group:
Funeral Consumers Alliance (Protecting a consumer’s rights to choose a meaningful, dignified and
33 Patchen Road affordable funerals since 1963)
South Burlington, VT 05403
(802) 865-8300 (Note: States also have advocacy groups)
Government Organizations:
Federal Trade Commission Division of Consumer & Business Education
Washington, DC 20580
(877) 382-4357 (FTC wrote the Funeral Rule of 1984)
U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs
(800) 827-1000
U.S. Department of Health and Human Services – to learn about donating tissue, organs or a whole body
Industry/Trade Associations
Cremation Association of North America
499 Northgate Parkway
Wheeling, IL 60090-2646
(312) 245-1077
Funeral and Memorial Information Council – (death care industry membership organization)
13625 Bishops Drive
Brookfield, WI 53005 – 6607
(262) 814-1545
International Order of the Golden Rule (about 1,300 independent funeral homes)
9101 Burnet Road, Suite 120
Austin, TX 78758 (800) 637-8030
National Funeral Directors Association (educational & professional association of funeral directors)
13625 Bishop’s Drive
Brookfield, WI 53005
(800) 228-6332
Non-Profit Organizations:
National Body Donor Program, Inc. DeathWise
P.O. Box 775039 2269 Chestnut Street, #272
St. Louis, MO 63177 San Francisco, CA 94123
(866) 382-6237 (415) 322-8703
For Profit companies:
Revenue from these sites may come from selling ads and commissions from industry providers; they charge a monthly or annual fee for their end-of-life planning software programs. It is recommended you do a “due diligence” on any of these companies before you open an account.
everplans. com
Note: everplans offers a lot of free background information worth reviewing
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