The Double Life of Ariel Crawford



The Double Life of Ariel Crawford

Chapter One

On a Monday two weeks before Christmas, Mrs. Ellis gave her first grade class a homework assignment. They were to write about what they wanted for Christmas.

Most of the papers were similar. Most of the children seemed to want toys, and lots of them. As Mrs. Ellis graded the papers, she felt vaguely disappointed. She didn't know what she'd been hoping for, but she found it when she read Ariel Crawford's paper.

"For Christmas, I want a tree. I saw one on TV, and it was so pretty. I asked Mommy if we could get one, and she said they were too expensive. Monica said I should ask Santa for one, but I know there's no Santa. Mommy told me about that when I was four when I asked her why he brought other kids more than he brought me."

Mrs. Ellis' heart melted for little Ariel, who wanted nothing more than a tree, because to her it symbolized the perfect Christmas. Ariel didn't even think about the gifts that normally went under the tree, she just wanted a tree- something every other student in Mrs. Ellis' class received automatically. Mrs. Ellis gave Ariel an "A", feeling that it was the least she could do for the child whose mother couldn't even afford a Christmas tree, much less gifts to go under it. When Ariel received her paper the next day in class, her eyes widened, for it was the first "A" she'd ever received.

Mrs. Ellis didn't think the little girl was particularly bright, though she tried. She just couldn't seem to understand how all the numbers in math fitted together. But reading was hardest for her. Every night, her mother would make her read out loud from books. She would stumble over every word, while her mother patiently corrected her. Jessica Crawford wasn't trying to humiliate her daughter. She could tell how much her daughter hated the reading, but it did seem to help, and Jessica wanted her daughter to do well in school. Jessica understood more than anyone how important it was to do well in school.

For once, Jessica was there to pick up her daughter at the end of the day. Usually Ariel went home with Monica Johnson, who lived in the apartment next door to theirs. The girls were best friends and Jessica felt better knowing her daughter had someone to play with after school. But today Jessica had felt a need to spend time with her daughter and she had taken the afternoon off from her job as a waitress, even though she knew how badly they needed that money. The last thing Jessica wanted to do was sign up for welfare, but if things didn't get any better, she knew she'd have to. Jessica's own parents had been killed in a car accident when she was two and she'd spent the next fourteen years moving from one foster family to another. As far as she was concerned, the public had already spent enough money on her. After she'd become pregnant with Ariel at age sixteen, she'd been determined to do whatever she had to do to keep the baby, despite the fact that Ariel's father wasn't capable of being a good dad, though he'd seemed like one at the time.

She'd gotten the waitressing job and the apartment shortly after becoming pregnant with Ariel. She had never gotten overly huge, and she'd waited on tables until seven months into her pregnancy when the doctor told her she had to stop or she'd lose the baby. For five months she'd been on welfare but as soon as she was able to find care for her baby during the day, she'd returned to work and gotten off welfare. Six years later, she was hoping to return to school so she could get a better job, but she didn't have the money to go back. It was a viscous cycle. She needed money to return to school so she could get a good job, and she needed a good job to get money to return to school.

Ariel's eyes lit up as she saw her mother's eleven-year-old Ford Escort pulled up at the curb. She got in the car and proudly handed her mother her "A" paper before even saying hello.

"Hey, what's this? An "A"? All right! See, I always knew you were smart!"

"Read it, Mommy," Ariel said happily. She loved knowing that she had made her mother proud. But Jessica had already pulled the car away from the curb.

"I'll read it as soon as we get home," she promised her daughter.

When they arrived at the apartment, Jessica sank down into their secondhand couch with a tired sigh. Even though she'd taken off early, it had still been a long day. She read her daughter's paper in silence.

"Ariel? Is this what you really want for Christmas?" she asked her daughter.

"Yes. More than anything else in the whole world."

"Well, I'll see what I can do."

It pained Jessica that she could not even afford to buy her daughter a Christmas tree. They had a fake tree, but it was a dinky little thing that fell over whenever it was touched. Jessica dreaded the thought of setting it up again this year, but live trees were so expensive. Still, she ought to try to get one. After all, Ariel would receive no more than a few simple gifts that year.

Early the next morning, Jessica was awakened by crying. She knew without even checking on her daughter that it had happened again. For the past three mornings, Ariel had been waking up soaking wet and crying. Each time, Jessica had consoled her daughter and changed the sheets, yet neither she nor Ariel could come up with a reason for Ariel's sudden bedwetting. Jessica walked into her daughter's room.

"It happened again, Mommy. I just couldn't help it."

"Don't worry about it, Ariel. It could happen to anyone."

"But I'm six years old and it always happens to me! What's wrong with me?"

Jessica held her daughter close until her sobs quieted. "It's OK, Ariel, it's nothing to be ashamed of. You probably got it from me. I went through the same thing when I was your age."

"You did?"

"Yes, except it was worse for me because I didn't have parents. I had to wake up every morning and ask a stranger to change my sheets. It was so embarrassing. I did it every night for a month, and then I stopped and I never did it again. I never could figure out why."

Once again, she helped Ariel get changed and then stripped the bed, leaving the mattress bare to dry while they were gone all day. She was more concerned about it then she let on. It was true that she'd done it herself when she was Ariel's age, but she hadn't been a happy six-year-old. She remembered her parents better than everyone thought and missed them deeply. She also hadn't liked the people she'd been staying with; they didn't seem to like her, or any kids for that matter. She wondered why they'd become foster parents if they didn't even like kids. Every morning when she woke up wet, they acted like it was her fault. Finally, they'd demanded that she be removed from their home. She'd been placed with another couple, one who didn't seem to think her bedwetting was her fault, and it'd soon stopped.

So why was Ariel wetting the bed? She seemed happy enough. Jessica had never hesitated to let her daughter know how much she loved her. However, there was the absence of Ariel's father. Ariel had asked about him once when she was three, and Jessica had explained to her that he just hadn't been mature enough to take on a child. The next morning, Ariel had been wet. Jessica hadn't been worried then; after all, Ariel certainly had reason to wet her bed that morning, and she'd only been potty trained for a couple of months then, anyway. But now...Jessica just didn't know.

That evening, Ariel brought home a Reading test for Jessica to sign. She'd gotten a C-. This was a fairly good grade for Ariel in Reading; her grades usually averaged to be a D. But Jessica was still concerned, and Ariel seemed very upset. It wasn't the grade so much as it was the note written across the top of the paper, "Please call me for a conference at your earliest convenience."

Tears slid down Ariel's face as she handed her mother that paper. She hated knowing that she tried her best and still did badly and she knew that her mother would spend more time than ever having her read every night. Reading was a terrible monster from which she had no escape. She had to learn to read, no one could get along without reading, and yet little Ariel tried so hard but could not read.

Jessica looked at the paper and knew in her heart that Ariel did try her best but she also knew what Ariel was not stupid, no matter what anyone said. She would call Ariel's teacher tomorrow and see what she had to say and she also knew, deep in her heart, that there was no more that could be done for Ariel in the first grade.

Still, there was no point in worrying Ariel about that now. She took her shopping for a tree instead. They got a small one, but there wasn't much room in the apartment for trees anyway, so it didn't matter. Jessica realized that they had hardly any ornaments for a tree and no stand so they went and got those, too, and altogether it came over sixty dollars, which was more than Jessica made in a day. She knew what they couldn't really afford it, but when she looked into Ariel's eyes, she saw happiness in them again, and it was all worth it.

They stayed up late decorating. Ariel was wearing a red nightgown and her blond curls hung down and shone in the light. Jessica loved Ariel's curls and took pride in washing them and combing them out. She never could figure where Ariel had gotten them from. Jessica herself had long, slightly wavy chestnut-colored hair. Ariel's father, Josh, had curly hair but it was dark.

Jessica bitterly remembered that it had been more than five years now since she'd seen him. Five years since they'd had that terrible fight and in the end he'd denied everything, even denied that Ariel was his child. He'd left that very night and she'd never heard from him again. He'd left her by herself when she was only eighteen, despite all his false promises that he loved her and Ariel and that they were going to get married and live happily ever after.

Jessica sat up straight and shook her head. It would do her no good to focus on the past; she had to stay in present and right now it was past Ariel's bedtime. The next morning Ariel was dry and Jessica praised her heavily on being such a "big girl" and yet she wondered if Ariel would remain dry when she told her about her talk with Mrs. Ellis.

Jessica waited until after Ariel had climbed onto the school bus to call Mrs. Ellis. Mrs. Ellis said exactly what Jessica'd known she was going to say all along.

Chapter Two

Ariel's birthday fell at the beginning of November. When Jessica had taken her in to register her for kindergarten the principal had advised her to wait until next year. Children with late birthdays, he said, usually had a hard time if they entered kindergarten when they were only four. Since they were the youngest in the class, they didn't understand things that others did. Jessica had ignored the principal's advice and gone ahead and put Ariel in kindergarten. She couldn't afford another year of daycare.

At first Ariel had done well in kindergarten but as they got more and more into reading and math, Ariel had fallen behind. Jessica had worked with her more and more, but she still got behind. When first grade had started, she'd been even more lost. Now, there was only one solution. Ariel would have to go back to kindergarten. She would start after she came back from Christmas Break.

Jessica decided to tell her daughter the news as soon as she saw her that night. "Hi Ariel," she said. "Guess what? I have some big news for you."

"What?" Ariel asked warily.

"I talked to your teacher and she and I agreed that you had not learned what you were supposed to have learned in kindergarten. So, starting in January, you will go back to kindergarten. Won't that be fun? You'll have Mr. Keever. I went to the school today and met him. He's very nice and he's going to work with you to make sure you understand everything."

Ariel was horrified: "No! I'm not going back to kindergarten! I'm not a baby! Don't make me go back, Mommy! I'll be good, I promise! I'll learn to read!"

Jessica sighed. She'd been expecting this. "Ariel, no one said you were a baby. You have a hard time learning to read because you're younger than most of the kids in your class. But in kindergarten, the kids will be closer to your age and now that you're older, kindergarten will be easier than it was last year. You will understand reading and math better."

Ariel refused to be comforted. She'd worked so hard to get to first grade. Kindergarten had been a struggle and she did not want to go through it again. She cried herself to sleep that night.

Ariel suddenly woke up very early the next morning. She didn't know what had awakened her, except that she'd been having a bad dream. She'd been in kindergarten and it had been recess and all of her old friends from first grade were standing around her singing "Kindergarten baby, stick your head in gravy!" She'd began to cry and they'd just yelled more and suddenly she'd wet her pants, making a large dark spot on her jeans, and everyone had laughed harder than ever.

Now she was awake and it had all been just a dream. But she really was wet. Once again, her bed and pajamas were soaking wet. Suddenly an idea occurred to her. Maybe her mother was sending her back to kindergarten because she'd been wetting her bed! Her mom thought she was a baby because she wet her bed!

Jessica woke up and went to check on her daughter. Ariel was sitting up in bed, wide awake, the damp spot on her bed and pajamas clearly visible. "You know, Ariel," she said as she helped Ariel get changed. "I'm not trying to punish you for this but I don't have time to change and wash your sheets every day. I'm afraid we're going to have to put you in pull-ups at night."

That night, Ariel lay awake in bed. She pulled off her pajama bottoms and glared at the pull-up. Her mother had told her several times that it wasn't a diaper, it was just underwear that happened to have padding on it in case she had an accident. But it sure looked like a diaper to Ariel. The only difference was that it didn't have the little tabs to hold it on that diapers had. It wasn't even the good kind that had cartoons on it. Those were too expensive, her mother had explained. She'd seen ones in the store that had Rugrats on them. Rugrats was her favorite TV show. She could only watch it at Monica's house because they didn't have cable, but Monica taped the show so they could watch it all the time. Monica's mother had taken them to see the movie, and she liked that even better then the show.

Ariel was determined not to fall asleep that night. If she didn't fall asleep, she couldn't wet her pull-up, and if it was dry the next morning, maybe she wouldn't have to wear it anymore. She decided to go watch TV. As she got up to go into the living room, she felt an urge to pee, but she decided to check out what was on TV first.

She settled on some cartoons and immediately became absorbed in them. Suddenly she had a wet feeling and realized she was peeing in her pull-up. Horrified, she ran to the bathroom and took off the soggy pull-up. Wow, I really peed a lot, she thought, staring at the large yellow stain. But the pull-up had held it all.

She'd have to change herself. She couldn't tell her mother, it was too embarrassing. Ariel couldn't believe she'd wet her pants. She hadn't done that for two years. She still remembered the last time she'd wet her pants.

She'd been in the car with her mother, and she had just drank a soda. They had been at the park and Ariel had gotten thirsty so Jessica bought her a can of juice from a vending machine. They'd left the park shortly after and Ariel had to pee when they left but she hated the smelly bathrooms at the park so she decided to wait. Halfway home, they'd gotten caught in a traffic jam. Ariel told her mother she had to pee, and Jessica had told her to try to hold it, and she had but after a few minutes she couldn't anymore and she'd soaked her pants. Jessica had cleaned her up when they got home, and that had been the end of it. She hadn't been scolded.

Now Ariel took the smelly pull-up off and got a fresh one from the bag. She didn't know what to do with the old one. She couldn't put it in the trash can, it would smell up the apartment and eventually her mother would discover it. She put on the new pull-up. It really didn't feel too bad, it was very thick and fluffy, although it looked thin on the outside.

Ariel took the old pull-up and wrapped it in a plastic bag. She snuck out of the apartment and to the dumpster outside. She couldn't reach the opening, though, so she dragged over an old wooden crate lying in the street and stood on that. Back inside, her promise to stay up all night forgotten, she lay down on her bed and fell asleep. Her pull-up was wet the next morning.

Chapter Three

A few days passed. School ended. Ariel usually went to Monica's house during vacations but Monica's family went out of town, so Jessica took her last vacation days to be with her daughter. Christmas passed uneventfully. Ariel was happy with her few gifts- a Barbie, a sweater and best of all, a stuffed Chuckie from Rugrats. Chuckie was her favorite character.

Ariel continued to wet her bed every night. She no longer minded wearing a pull-up, in fact she was beginning to like it, although she'd never admit it. She didn't have any more daytime accidents, much to her relief.

A week after Christmas, Jessica took her daughter to the doctor for a physical. She still hadn't gotten over her worry of Ariel's bedwetting and she mentioned it to Dr. Carter.

He said, "It's probably due to stress over her reading problem and being sent back to kindergarten. Has she been wetting during the day?"

Ariel turned pale wondering if he had maybe read her mind. But Jessica knew nothing of Ariel's previous accident and she said no. A few tests were done and Ariel proved to have no urinary disorders. Her bedwetting was clearly due to stress, the doctor said, and as Ariel's reading improved and she became more confident in kindergarten the bedwetting would decrease.

When they got home, Ariel was thirsty so she drank a tall glass of grape juice. Afterwards she thought that if she worked on her reading and got better over vacation, maybe her mother would let her return to first grade after all. She found a beginning-reader book in her room and began working her way through it. Halfway through she suddenly felt a warm wetness and she realized what had happened- again.

She started to cry. She was too old to be doing this! What if it happened while she was at school or something? And what would her mother say? So far, she'd been pretty cool about the bedwetting, but this was different.

Maybe she could hide it from her mother. She dug through her drawer and found a pair of clean underwear and a pair of jeans. She'd been wearing red sweatpants but she didn't have another pair, and she could only pray that her mother wouldn't notice. She thought that she would rinse her sweatpants and underwear off in the bathroom, then hide them under her bed until they dried and put them in the hamper afterwards and her mother would never find out. Unfortunately, it didn't quite work out like that.

Just as she was changing into her jeans, the phone rang. It was Monica. She was back from vacation and wanted to know if Ariel could come and play. Ariel quickly accepted the invitation. She hadn't rinsed off her sweatpants and underwear yet, but she figured she could leave them under her bed for a few hours and rinse them off when she got home. She shoved the pants and underwear under her bed and ran next door to Monica's apartment.

After Ariel had left, Jessica looked down and realized that the carpet needed vacuuming. She decided to start with Ariel's room. She got down on her hands and knees and began pulling things from under Ariel's bed

Meanwhile, Ariel was having fun at Monica's. She got up the courage to tell her friend that she was being sent back to kindergarten, but Monica was cool about it. "At least this way you'll be able to read. It's not like you're a baby or anything."

"Yes, I am."

"What do you mean?"

Ariel hadn't intended to tell anyone about the bedwetting but somehow it all came out. How she'd been so upset about not being a good reader and letting her mother down that she'd began wetting her bed. How her mom had started putting her in pull-ups so she wouldn't mess up the sheets and how she kind of liked the pull-ups but wasn't sure why. She didn't tell her friend about her accidents, though. That was still too embarrassing.

Monica's reaction was totally different from what Ariel had expected. "Lucky!" she said. "You get to wear pull-ups to bed. I wish I could wear pull-ups to bed but my mom got me an alarm clock instead."

Ariel was confused and Monica explained. "I've been wetting my bed since I was five. But my mother didn't put me in pull-ups. She got me an alarm clock instead and said to set it for one a.m and when it went off to get up and go to the bathroom."

"What happens if you forget to set it?"

"Then I wet my bed and Mommy gets mad and yells a lot. I wish I could wear pull-ups. When I was at my little cousin's house once I tried on one of hers and it was so comfortable! And if I wore a pull-up to bed I wouldn't have to get up to pee."

"So, tell your mom you want to wear pull-ups," Ariel suggested.

"I can't. My mom's not nice like yours. She'd yell at me."

Ariel had a solution. "I can get my mom to call yours and talk to her. Maybe if my mom told her it was OK she wouldn't mind so much. I'll talk to her when I get home."

"You would? That would be great. Thank you, Ariel."

The two played dolls until Jessica called to tell Ariel it was time for dinner. Ariel ran to her apartment, anxious to talk to her about Monica wearing pull-ups.

But Jessica wanted to talk to Ariel first. "Sweetie, I was cleaning your room today and I found something under your bed that I wanted to talk to you about."

Ariel suddenly remembered what had happened earlier that day. Her accident! Her mother must've found her pee-stained sweatpants and underwear!

Terrified, she followed her mother into her bedroom, where Jessica pulled her daughter's soaked, smelly clothes out from under the bed.

"Can you tell me what happened?" she asked her daughter gently.

"I- I wet my pants."

"I can see that. Why didn't you tell me earlier?"

"I was too embarrassed. And I thought you might get mad."

Jessica sighed and sat down on the bed, motioning for Ariel to join her. "Ariel, honey, when have I ever gotten mad at you for having an accident?"

"Well, never. But the last time I wet my pants I was only four. I'm too big for that stuff now."

Jessica replied, "Look, it was an accident. These things happen. I don't get mad about things that you can't help. But I wish you hadn't lied to me about it."

"I'm sorry, Mommy."

"I know you are." Jessica reached out and hugged her daughter tightly.

Suddenly Ariel remembered Monica. "Mommy, Monica wets her bed too but her mommy makes her get up in the middle of the night every night to go to the bathroom and Monica hates it. Could you call her mommy and tell her to put Monica in pull-ups?"

Jessica frowned. "I don't know. I agree that Monica shouldn't have to wake up to go to the bathroom but it's not up to me to tell Mrs. Johnson how to raise her daughter. If Monica wants to wear pull-ups she needs to talk to her mother herself."

Ariel looked disapointed, and Jessica tried to cheer her up. She suggested that Ariel invite Monica over to spent the night tomorrow night, since the day after that was their last day of vacation. Ariel practically ran to the phone to call Monica and tell her. She also sadly told Monica that she hadn't been able convince her mother to call Monica's mother and get her to put Monica in pull-ups.

But Monica had another idea. "Since I'm staying the night tomorrow night, I could wear a pull-up and see how it feels. Mommy would never know."

Ariel excitedly agreed to the plan. She couldn't wait for tomorrow night.

Chapter Four

Monica came over at eight p.m. the next night. She and Ariel were both so excited that Jessica began to get suspicious. "All right, Ariel, where'd you hide the candy?" she asked, which made Ariel and Monica giggle even harder. Jessica shook her head. "For two kids who have to go back to school the day after tomorrow, you guys sure are happy. Are you planning to sneak out and meet some guys after I go to bed?"

But Jessica was really relieved to see her daughter so happy. Ariel didn't seem to be worried about going to kindergarten anymore. And while her pull-up continued to be soaked every morning, she wasn't upset about it anymore. Jessica just wished she could get rid of her anxiety from Ariel's accident the previous day. It wasn't really the accident she was worried about; Ariel had probably just been so wrapped up in what she was doing that she hadn't noticed she had to pee until it was too late. But why had she hid from her mother? Jessica probably would've done the same when she was Ariel's age but she couldn't remember her relationship with her own mother well enough to compare it with her and her daughter's. She'd hadn't had a mother when she was six.

No, never a mother, just foster parents and Jessica couldn't tell them anything. Every time she began to feel comfortable with foster parents, something would go wrong. They'd move, or they'd have a child of their own or whatever but it was always something that would make them call up Jessica's social worker, Mr. Blane, and say "We can't keep her anymore, it's just not working out." Jessica would come home from school and find her belongings all packed up in her single suitcase and she would be gone that same day. No time to say good-bye to friends or boyfriends or teachers. She'd never had any close friends because it took awhile to make good friends and as soon as she made friends, she'd move again and it just didn't seem worth the effort.

Josh had been her first boyfriend. They'd began dating when she was fourteen. It was her first day of high school and she'd moved over the summer so she knew nobody. He was in her study hall and he'd sat beside her that day and he'd barely learned her name before he asked her on a date. She'd been so flattered, after all, she didn't know him and not only that but he was a senior while she was only a freshman.

He'd taken her to the movies that night. At the end of night he'd driven her back to her foster parent's house and he'd kissed her. Not just a little peck but a long, passionate kiss, which had been followed by an invitation for a second date. That second date they'd intended to go to a school dance but had ended up skipping the dance and hanging out at his house- where no one else was home- all night and then they'd done more than just kiss but didn't go all the way.

Jessica knew Josh had wanted to have sex with her since that second date but she felt uncomfortable about it so he waited. She was so young but she hated holding him back. She was afraid that if she didn't have sex with him he would dump her and find a girl who would. Josh didn't help. While he never threatened to dump her, he pointed out that everybody else had sex, and that it was perfectly safe if you used a condom. So finally she'd given in to him.

Jessica's first time was horrible. She couldn't let herself relax enough to enjoy it and she was worried because Josh had "forgotten" to put on a condom and she was too scared to remind him. On top of that, it hurt terribly. She bled afterwards and she didn't know that it was normal to bleed after your first time so she was terrified that something was wrong. She finally expressed her fears to Josh, who laughed at her for being so naive. She was fourteen and a half that first time.

They continued having sex for the next year and a half and eventually it became pleasurable for Jessica. She still worried about pregnancy, but after that first time, she and Josh were religious with the condoms. Then one night three weeks before she turned sixteen, the condom broke.

Josh told her to put it out of her head, that there was no way she could get pregnant. Only sluts got pregnant, he said. He told her this time and time again and each time she would snap back at him "Then why am I getting sick in the mornings? Why am I eating weird foods? And why the hell hasn't my period come?"

He would shake his head and say "No, you're not pregnant, it's all just a big coincidence." They were on the verge of breaking up when she went to the doctor and proved to him that she was pregnant. Then he was sorry. He held her tight and let her cry on him and he assured her that it would be all right, they'd get married and she'd move in with him.

They never actually got married, but she moved in with him and got her waitressing job to help support them. Money wasn't as tight as it was now- they weren't rich but Josh had a good job as head manager of a clothing store, so they got by. Jessica continued to go to school but being a mother, waitress and student was almost too much for her. Often she was up until two or three a.m. during her senior year, doing homework and rocking Ariel to get her to fall asleep.

Josh wasn't exactly doing his share. He stayed out until all hours of the night partying with his friends, leaving her at home with all the housework, her homework and a crying baby. She was beginning to doubt that he was as great as she'd once thought he was. Occasionally she wondered if she should just take Ariel and leave.

Then one night during the summer after she'd finished high school, he didn't come home until six the next morning. When she got up that morning, he was furious because she hadn't left dinner out for him.

The fight that followed was terrible and Jessica wasn't ready to look back on it yet. By noon that day, he was gone, taking all of their money with them. She'd never seen him again. That terrible day left her devastated but she had gotten one thing out of it- her daughter, Ariel.

Until then, Ariel had been mostly a pain. She didn't do anything but sit in her crib and cry. She always needed something- a fresh diaper, food, comfort or something. Jessica had never had time to play with her daughter or do anything other than provide her with food, shelter and clothing. But after Josh left, Jessica began looking at her daughter with new eyes. Ariel was all she had left. Now that she was out of school and no longer had a boyfriend to cook for and clean up after, she had time to play with her daughter. She'd spent the last five years trying to make up for the neglect Ariel had suffered in her first year, and she'd always thought she was doing a good job.

Until Ariel had wet her pants the day before. Probably it was just because she was upset about her problems in school. But why had she felt she had to hide it from her mother? Jessica had always told Ariel that if she had a problem, she should come to her mother and they would work it out. Obviously Ariel was worried that Jessica would be mad when she found out about her accident.

Maybe Jessica was reading too much into it. Ariel had probably just been embarrassed. There were some things you couldn't tell anyone.

Jessica let Ariel and Monica bake cookies, something which took a lot of courage. Somehow the cookie dough seemed to wind up everywhere but the cookie sheet. "All right," Jessica announced. "Part of making cookies is cleaning up. While these are baking I want you guys to- Ariel? Monica?" They were nowhere to be seen.

Ariel and Monica escaped from the cleaning demon to Ariel's room to get changed into their pajamas- and pull-ups. They were just pulling on the pull-ups when suddenly they heard knocking on the door. "Ariel! Monica! You guys need to come help clean up." Ariel and Monica exchanged terrified looks and hurriedly pulled on their pajama bottoms just as Jessica walked in. "Aw, you guys look so cute in your jammies! Now you need to come clean up from the cookies." Relieved, Ariel and Monica went into the kitchen.

The next morning they were both wet. Jessica took Ariel into the bathroom and helped her get cleaned up. Monica was jealous. Her mother wouldn't even let her wear pull-ups and if she did, her mother would probably yell at her when they got wet. But Ariel's mother was so much nicer than her own. Monica wondered what she would say if she asked Jessica to change her, too. When Ariel and Jessica came out of the bathroom she looked shyly at Jessica and said "Will you change me, too?"

Jessica looked at her, confused. "Sure, Monica, I'd be happy to, but I thought you didn't wear pull-ups."

"Well, usually I don't but Ariel let me use one of hers last night. Please don't tell my mommy."

Jessica felt sorry for the little girl who was scared of her own mother. She didn't like Monica's mother much herself- she was always yelling at Monica for something, and it infuriated Jessica. She wanted to yell at Monica's mother to stop treating her daughter like she was a convict or something, but she bit her tongue for fear that Monica's mother wouldn't let Ariel stay at their house after school anymore. Still, the least she could do for Monica was to let her wear pull-ups at their house. "Of course I won't tell your mother. Come into the bathroom and I'll clean you up. You can wear pull-ups at our house anytime."

Chapter Five

Ariel sat at her desk, staring out the window. She'd been in kindergarten for a week now and it was much easier for her than first grade had been. Too easy, sometimes. She was done with her math assignment, though no one seemed to be even close to finishing.

She had to pee desperately and that damn substitute wouldn't let her go to the bathroom. "You should've gone at recess," she'd snapped when Ariel had asked. "I'm not letting you leave the room. You can wait until lunch." Except now Ariel wasn't really sure if she could.

She was going to pee in her pants if she didn't go soon. She raised her hand again and that bitchy substitute came over. "Please may I go to the bathroom? It's an emergency!"

The substitute shook her head with a thin smile on her lips. It was obvious that she was enjoying Ariel's torture. Ariel glanced at the clock. Ten minutes to go until lunch. She couldn't wait that long. It was clear what she'd have to do. She stood up and ran for the door. "Hey!" yelled the substitute "Get back here right now!" Ariel ignored her as she ran for the bathroom. She was too late anyway, she should've gone sooner. Urine started to stream down her legs. She pressed her hand against her crouch, trying to stop it but it just came harder. She reached the bathroom just as the flow of pee slowed and sat in a stall. She began to cry as she removed her soaked clothes. Her mother wasn't there to help her now. What was she going to do?

There was a knock on the door and before she could say anything, that bitchy substitute walked in. "Well, I guess you wish you'd gone at recess," she said smugly. "Go see the nurse, and she'll call your mother to come bring you some clothes."

"Jessie, baby! Want to go out with me Saturday night?" The question was accompanied by a smile which always looked fake to Jessica. But everything about Steve Thomas seemed fake to her. He constantly asked her out and made not-so-subtle jokes which constantly got on her nerves. She smiled back at him, trying to make her smile look as fake as his always did.

"I can't, Steve. I have to stay home with my daughter."

"My daughter can baby-sit. She's fourteen and very responsible. Almost as responsible as me."

"Oh, I feel better now," Jessica muttered under her breath.

"What was that?"

"Nothing." Jessica glared at the busboy as she balanced a tray containing a plate of nachos and guacamole on her right arm. The guy was nearly twice her age, yet he nagged her to go on a date with him all the time. Steve was the last guy Jessica wanted to date. She'd been out with a few guys since Josh had left her, but they never worked out.

"Jessica?" Another waitress and one of Jessica's closest friends, Christine, was holding out the phone. "It's for you. It's the nurse at Ocean Lakes Elementary School."

"Oh, great. That's all I need is for Ariel to get sick," groaned Jessica as she accepted the phone.

She hung up and turned to Steve. "I have to go. My daughter's sick."

"Oh, what's wrong with her?"

Like I'm going to tell you. "I don't know. I have to go."

"Hey, aren't you going to split your tips with me? You know, like most waitresses do

with their busboys?"

Jessica sighed and hurriedly counted out the money but he shook his head. "Hey, just go out with me and you'll never have to split your tips with me again."

"Steve. Listen to me. I don't like you. You're not my type." Jessica smirked at Steve as she shoved the money into his hand and wrapped his fingers around it. "Now, have I made myself clear?"

Twenty minutes later, Jessica pulled her beat-up Ford into the school parking lot. As she turned off the ignition, she uttered a silent thanks that her car had managed to survive the trip. One day, she knew, it would die and she didn't know what she would do without a car.

She'd arranged to have the rest of the day off, if necessary. It would probably be like pulling teeth to get Ariel to go back to class once she was changed. Even on the phone she'd been able to hear Ariel's voice in the background, insisting "It's all her fault! She wouldn't let me go to the bathroom! It's not fair!" Jessica smiled wryly and shook her head. If Ariel was going to get through her next eleven years of school, it was best that she learn that substitute teachers generally acted like they had a case of permanent PMS.

Ariel was slouched in a chair when Jessica walked into the office. "Well, look at

you. Sit like that much longer and you'll be a hunchback for the rest of your life." When

she saw Ariel's downcast face her smile faded. "Hey, why the long face? It's no big deal.

I brought you some clean pants and I'll help you get changed before we go home."

She led Ariel into a nearby bathroom. Ariel began crying as soon as they got into

the bathroom. Jessica looked her over, concerned. She'd never seen her daughter like this before. "Ariel, honey, why are you so upset? I know that was very embarrassing for you, but it's over now and you're going home."

"Tomorrow I have to go back to school. Everyone saw me pee my pants and they'll laugh! I'm the oldest kid in my class and I'm the only one who still wets her pants like a baby!"

"Ariel, sweetie, these things happen. It's probably happened before in your class and you just weren't there to see it. Everybody has accidents at some point or another."

Ariel began to feel better. It had happened before. There'd been a boy in her first- grade class who'd wet his pants, and in kindergarten last year there'd been a girl who'd pooped in hers. Ariel hadn't done that since she was about three, and she couldn't imagine doing it now. It was too gross to even think about.

Ariel picked at her oatmeal the next morning, too nervous to really eat. Jessica was beginning to get impatient. "Hurry up and finish, Ariel. You've got to catch the school bus. I can't be late for work."

Ariel shoved the cold, gooey stuff which tasted and looked like old sweaty gym socks away. "I'm done, I guess," she said. She glanced at her mother, expecting to hear the usual comment about starving children in China, (Ariel never understood why her mother said this, was she expected to mail her uneaten food to China?) but instead Jessica was looking at her with a sympathetic smile.

"Mommy, can I please stay home from school today? I'll be good, I promise. I'll

go to work with you. Just please don't make me go to school," Ariel pleaded.

"Ariel, you can't take the rest of the year off. You will eventually have to go back to school and you may as well go today and face the music. If they laugh at you, just ignore them. That's what they want is for you to get upset. When they see that their teasing doesn't affect you, they'll stop doing it."

"But this isn't the first time I've wet my pants! What if it happens again?"

Jessica studied her daughter carefully. "Well, there is one way to prevent that."

"What's that?"

"You could wear a pull-up to school."

Ariel thought long and hard. "All right," she said. "I'll wear one."

Jessica was a bit surprised but all she said was "Okay. Go to the bathroom and put

one on."

Ariel shyly asked her mother if she would help her with the pull-up. She didn't know why but it always made her feel better when her mother changed her. Her mommy was so nice. She never yelled at her, even the time when Ariel had spilled cranberry juice all over the white living-room carpet. She'd just closed her eyes, silently counted to ten and then told Ariel to go get some paper towels and carpet cleaner.

After Ariel was changed into the pull-up she was sent off to school. Twenty minutes later, she reluctantly walked into the classroom. Mr. Keever was back, thank God. He was so much nicer than that substitute had been.

A boy who she'd never talked to saw her and began laughing. "Hey, look, it's that girl who peed her pants yesterday! What a geek! She was so embarrassed that she went crying home to Mommy!" All the kids around him began to laugh.

Ariel felt tears welling up in her eyes, but a girl stepped in front of her so that this girl was face-to-face with the teaser. "Cut it out, Carson! She just had an accident. If you don't shut up, I'll tell everybody about the time in preschool when you pooped in your pants!" All the kids began to laugh again but this time it was at Carson.

Ariel pulled the girl aside. "Hey, thanks for sticking up for me," she said.

"No problem. I've known Carson since preschool and he's always been like that!

My name's Diana. Want to be friends?"

"Sure!" Ariel was immeasurably pleased. She had a new friend, nobody was going to laugh at her about her accidents anymore and best of all, she could wet her pull-up and nobody would know.

Chapter Six

Jessica sat slumped on the couch, a book in her lap, which she wasn't reading. It was almost midnight but she wasn't tired. Nighttime was depressing to her. Only a few years ago, nighttime had meant parties and dates with Josh. He'd taken her out almost every Friday night for over a year, and on Saturdays he had usually managed to get them invited to some party. She'd stayed up till all hours, drinking and dancing and returning to Josh's empty house (his parents were rarely home) and having more fun just between the two of them. On the nights when they hadn't gone out, she'd lay awake in her bed, impatient for the next day to come so she could see him.

Now nighttime just meant loneliness. Ariel was in bed and she had only one person to call her best (and only) friend Christine but Christine had two kids of her own and it was difficult for her and Jessica to get together outside of work without the kids. There were no guys. She was all by herself in this apartment which suddenly seemed so huge, with only a six-year old for company. She hadn't felt this lonely since before she met Josh.

She stood up and stretched. Might as well go to bed and try to sleep, considering she had to get up at the ungodly hour of six a.m. She didn't have to be in at work until eight a.m. but she had to get Ariel ready for the school bus, which came promptly at seven-twenty-five. She could kill the Virginia Beach school board for switching the middle school and elementary school hours for the 98-99 school year. Let the middle school kids go to school at seven in the morning; they could get themselves ready. Ariel was so poky in the mornings, it was all Jessica could do to keep from screaming.

Ariel sat up in bed. She didn't know what had awakened her but she suddenly felt very lonely. Her pull-up was soaking wet and it was freezing. The blanket had fallen off her bed, but somehow leaning over and retrieving it seemed too exhausting. Her room was dark and she was scared of the dark. She'd never been before but the past few nights it'd been terrifying to her. Shadows danced outside the closed blinds. Ariel knew they were just trees but they looked like ax murderers trying to get into her room. Where was her mother? Her mother should be there to comfort her!

"Mommy!" Ariel began crying. She knew it was babyish but she couldn't help it. She called louder, "Mommy!" Suddenly the door opened and a crack of light fell over her bed. A half-second later her mother was standing over her. "Ariel sweetie, what is it? It's after midnight. I thought you were asleep."

Ariel found it impossible to keep herself from sounding pitiful. "I'm cold and I'm wet and I'm scared!"

Her mother sat down on the edge of the bed. She took Ariel in her lap and began rocking her back and forth. "Shh, it'll be all right. Just calm down. I'll get you changed. What are you scared of?"

"Everything! Shadows and stuff on my bed. I don't want to be in here by myself! I want to sleep with you!"

Jessica laid Ariel on the bed and pulled her pajama bottoms off and began removing the soaked pull-up. It was almost like changing a baby's diaper and it was very comforting to Ariel. After she was changed. Jessica picked her daughter up and carried her into her own bedroom. "Here," she said soothingly. "You can sleep with me tonight. Tomorrow we will get you a night-light and you can try sleeping in your own bedroom. Deal?" Ariel, already drowsy from the soothing sound of her mother's voice, nodded. Jessica climbed in bed beside Ariel and mother and daughter were soon sound asleep.

A few days later, Jessica sat on the couch, once again trying to read a book with little success. It was a warm day for the beginning of February. The high for the day was supposed to be in the seventies. Ariel, despite her complaints about how there was never any snow, seemed to be enjoying the weather. She was outside playing with Monica and some other neighborhood kids. It looked to Jessica like they were trying to get a game of kickball going. She felt a sudden yearning to be six, outside playing with all her friends and nothing to worry about except would her team be able to win against the boys.

The phone rang and she jumped at the sudden noise. She grabbed the cordless. "Hello?"

"Jessica?"

Jessica gasped with surprise at the voice at the other end. In an instant dozens of memories, some painful and some happy, came flooding back to her. The voice on the phone was one she hadn't heard in four and a half years, except in her dreams, or more likely, nightmares. For the voice on the other end of the phone belonged to Joshua Powell.

She took a few deep breaths. "Josh? Is- is that you?"

"Yes, this is Josh."

Jessica got up from the table and began her nervous habit of pacing through the house. "Well, it's nice to hear from you. What've you been up to lately?" As if he was no more than an old friend who she hadn't heard from in awhile. In a way, it was just that.

"Listen, Jessica, I don't have much time to talk. Is there any way I could come see you and Ariel, say, tomorrow at noon?"

If Jessica had been shocked before, it was nothing compared to what she felt now. She'd never dreamed that Josh would want to see her again. "Well, I- I don't know. It's awfully short notice. Tomorrow's Sunday, right?" Couldn't she say anything intelligent? He must think her brain had shrunk since he'd last seen her.

Josh replied, "Yes, tomorrow's Sunday. I know it's short notice but you don't have to go to any trouble. I just want to see you and especially Ariel. I'm only going to be in town through Monday night and I know Ariel has to go to school Monday and you probably have to go to work. Please, let me come by tomorrow."

He was almost pleading, and it made Jessica smile. "You know, when you beg like that, you sound just like our six-year-old daughter. I guess you can come by. I'll see you tomorrow."

She hung up the phone and only then realized what had just happened. Josh was coming back in less than twenty-four hours! Maybe he wanted to apologize for walking out on her! Maybe he even wanted for them to get back together!

There was only one problem: Ariel. How was she going to feel about her father's reappearance, considering all the horror stories she'd been told about him? Would she be excited to see the man who had been such a major part of her first year but she had no memories of? Or would she be terrified of him because of how he'd treated her mother? Well, there was only one way to find out. Jessica went to the front door and called Ariel.

It was almost Ariel's turn to kick when she heard her mother calling. "Darn," she groaned. "She probably wants me to come home for lunch. She never lets me have any fun."

"Pretend you can't hear her and she'll give up." Monica urged.

Two minutes later Jessica was getting exasperated with calling to Ariel. "Ariel," she yelled finally. "I know you can hear me because you're not deaf and I used to do the same thing when I didn't want to come in! I only want to talk to you for five minutes and then you can go back outside."

Ariel sighed and turned to Monica. "I'd better go before she gets mad. I'll be back out in a few."

She ran home. "Mom, how could you embarrass me like that? Everyone must think I'm a baby who can't be away from her mommy more than a few minute!"

Jessica was hardly listening. "Ariel, sweetie, I have some very exciting news for you."

"What? Are we getting a puppy?" Ariel asked eagerly.

Jessica laughed. "No, we're not getting a puppy. I just got off the phone talking to your daddy. He's coming tomorrow to see you! Isn't this exciting?"

"Oh." For a second Ariel was expressionless, then she frowned and looked up at her mother. "But I thought he was mean to you and he left you for a sleazy cheap whore he met in some pub."

"Ariel Michelle Crawford! Watch your language, young lady. Where did you learn to talk like that?"

Ariel gulped nervously. When her mother said "young lady" and called her by her full name, it was bad news. "That's what I heard you tell your friend Christine. What does that mean?"

Jessica sighed. "Never mind. I'll tell you later. Your father left me, true, but people can change. That was almost five years ago. People can change. He's older now and maybe he's more responsible and mature. Besides, he didn't say we were getting married. I think he wants to see you more than me."

Ariel was still troubled. She'd seen something on TV where daddies tried to take their kids from the mommies and the kids had to go live with their daddy, who was mean to them.

She had a terrible nightmare that night. It was like she was looking into a scene from the past, where her mom was sitting at the table crying and there was a toddler standing nearby saying "Mommy crying? Mommy sad?" Ariel supposed the toddler was her. Her mom looked younger, not really much older than the big kids she and Monica sometimes saw around the neighborhood who went to high school.

In the dream, they were in their apartment. Suddenly the door opened and a man walked in. He had brown curly hair and he looked like he was probably in his early twenties. Ariel's mom jumped up from the table. "Where have you been?" she demanded and her tone was hard. She wasn't crying anymore, in fact she looked furious, angrier than Ariel'd ever seen her.

The man looked at Jessica and if she looked angry, it was nothing compared to the look on his face. "Why does it matter to you where I've been? Shouldn't I be asking you the same thing? Come on, Jessica, I'm not an idiot. I know damn well what goes on around here when I'm working."

"What goes on around here is that I slave my butt off trying to work and take care of the baby and clean up after you! How would I even have time to invite anyone over? Josh, I know you're going out with someone else and I also know you haven't been going to work! I tried to call you last night at work and they told me you'd taken two weeks off! What you do in your personal life is your business but I'm not going to sit around cooking you hot meals while you sneak around behind my back! I want out. My backs are packed and I'm taking Ariel and leaving!"

"You're not going anywhere!" Josh snapped. "You can't just take off with Ariel. She's my child, too! If you want to leave, fine, but I want to see Ariel."

"Your child? Like you've ever lifted a finger to do a thing for her!"

Josh was furious. He reached out and slapped Jessica across the face. The impact sent her staggering backwards. "Don't you say that I don't take care of Ariel! I support her! You couldn't pay for a thing with that waitressing job you have! Maybe if you hadn't had to go get yourself pregnant when you weren't even sixteen years old, you'd have a better job! How can you expect me to want to stay with a whore who got knocked up at fifteen?"

Jessica was sobbing again. "Josh, how can you say that? You got me pregnant! And don't say I couldn't support myself and Ariel with my waitressing job. I know how to budget money. You were a spoiled brat who had everything but I had nothing except a suitcase full of clothes. You're still a spoiled brat! You've never grown up! How can you possibly be a good father?"

Josh stalked out of the room and Jessica collapsed onto the floor, sobbing. Ariel came over to her. "Daddy mad at Mommy? Daddy not love Mommy?" She began crying herself.

Jessica hugged her daughter tightly. "No, Ariel," she cried. "Daddy doesn't love me or you either. He's not capable of loving anybody but himself but he's leaving and I will take good care of you."

Ariel woke up with a start and discovered she was crying. Was that really how it'd been? Was her daddy really that mean or was that just something her imagination had come up with? Her mother walked into the room then. "Ariel, what's going on? I could hear you crying and calling out in your sleep from my bedroom. Did you have a bad dream?"

"The worst!" Ariel proceeded to tell her mom every detail of the dream. "Was that really how it was, Mommy? Was that how he left?"

Jessica was staring at her daughter. "Ariel," she said quietly. "You have a great memory. That's exactly how it went. After your father packed, he walked out the door and I never saw him again. A few days later I found out he'd withdrawn every penny of our joint checking account and canceled it. I had to go on welfare for six months because I had no money."

"But didn't you try to look for him?"

Jessica sighed. "You know, Ariel, I didn't. I didn't care if I ever saw him again. I figured if he ever had any interest in seeing either of us, he could call. I suppose I could've dragged him into court and demanded child support, but I was too proud. I wanted to prove to him that I could raise you on my own, and you'd turn out OK. That's why it's important that you make a good impression on him tomorrow." She was quiet for a few minutes, then she thought of something. "Ariel, would it be OK if you wore a pull-up tomorrow when your dad comes? I know you don't want to but he'd never know and that way you wouldn't have to worry about having an accident in front of your dad."

Ariel continued to have occasional daytime accidents. She'd wet her pants a few more times during the day. One time she'd wet her pull-up in school, or so Jessica thought. What Ariel hadn't told her mother was that she'd actually done it at Monica's after school and it hadn't been an accident. She and Monica had been outside playing and she'd had to pee. She hadn't felt like going inside so she just let it out in the pull-up. It'd felt great but afterwards she'd been worried that her mom would be mad if she knew the truth so she'd lied about it.

"I guess so," Ariel responded. Her mother left the room a few minutes later, after hugging Ariel, changing her pull-up, and telling her not to worry about her dad's visit. Ariel lay awake in bed for the rest of the night, too anxious and excited to sleep.

Chapter Seven

Father of mine tell me where have you been I just closed my eyes my whole world disappeared father of mine tell me how do you sleep with the children you abandoned and the wife I saw you beat I will never be safe I will never be sane I will always be weird inside I will always be lame

"Ariel, turn that off," said Jessica.

Ariel scowled. "Why? It's the truth. So what if he hears it? Shouldn't he know how I feel? Besides, it's your Everclear CD, and you're the one who taught me the lyrics."

Jessica reached over and turned off the CD player. "Wait and see how the visit goes before you go singing anything to him." Both Ariel and Jessica were irritable from lack of sleep and excitement. Jessica'd been up half the night cleaning. It was now ten minutes before Josh was to arrive.

There was a chocolate cake sitting on the counter. Jessica remembered that Josh had loved chocolate cake more than anything else. Ariel looked like an angel with her blond curls freshly washed and brushed. She was wearing pink corduroy overalls with a long-sleeved white and pink-striped t-shirt underneath. You couldn't tell that she was wearing a pull-up underneath.

Jessica had had a hard time deciding what to wear. She finally decided to go casual in jeans and a navy blue sweater. She pulled her light golden brown hair back into a ponytail.

Now she and Ariel sat anxiously on the couch. Ariel was bored and began bouncing up and down. Jessica looked at her irritably. "Don't do that, Ariel, you'll ruin the couch."

Ariel hadn't even realized what she was doing. She stopped and sat impatiently for a few seconds when Jessica reached over and turned on the TV. "So it won't look like we're just sitting around waiting for him," she explained.

The doorbell rang.

Ariel and Jessica turned to stare at each other. "That's him," Jessica whispered. "Ariel, you get the door."

Ariel practically ran up to the door. She opened it and in stepped a man. Her father. Ariel stared up at him. He looked right past her and towards her mother. For a long moment, nobody said a word but Jessica broke the silence. "Hi, Josh."

"Hey, Jessica," Josh replied, like he was just getting in from a day of work and it'd only been eight hours since they'd last seen each other. Josh hadn't changed much, Jessica thought. He still wore his hair the same way he had five years ago. However, his smile seemed different. Jessica couldn't figure out what it was, but it just looked different.

She gestured for him to take a seat on the couch. "I hope you'll excuse the mess," she said, although the apartment was neat as a pin. "I haven't had much time to do any cleaning."

Ariel was confused. "Yes, you have. You stayed up like all night cleaning. You said it had to look neat for Daddy."

Josh laughed and Jessica smiled weakly. "Ariel is such a truthful little girl. Last week I asked her how old she thought I looked and she said seventy-four."

Josh smiled at his daughter. "Ariel, your mommy doesn't look a day older than she did when we began dating." Jessica wondered briefly if that was a compliment or not but then he smiled at her and she decided it was. "Why thank you," she replied.

There was an awkward silence, then Josh sighed. "Well, I suppose you're wondering why I'm here."

"Yes, actually I was wondering about that."

"I'm here," Josh paused uncomfortably, "to say good-bye to my daughter."

It took a moment for Jessica to grasp what he was saying. "Good-bye? Why? Where- where are you going."

Josh couldn't bring himself to look in her eyes. "Jessica, I'm getting married next weekend."

"WHAT?"

"You heard me. I'm marrying a very nice lady named Britney. We're having a California wedding. We've already made plans to buy a house down there."

Jessica's eyes glittered dangerously. "Is she the one, Josh? The one who you were sneaking around with all the time we were living together? Tell me, Josh, I need to know."

Josh cleared his throat uncomfortably. "I knew Brittany when we lived together, yes, but we did not begin to date until after I'd moved out."

"Oh, and Bill Clinton never looked twice at his sexy young intern, right?"

Josh began to lose his temper. "Look, Jessica, you've known it was over between us for years! If you were expecting me to come here today and sweep you off your feet, then you live in a fantasy world! I'm not the same person I was five years ago! You and Ariel are part of a totally different life. One that I'd prefer to forget."

"You think that trying to forget us will make us not exist? You can go away, Josh, and never talk to or see either me or Ariel again. But you will never forget us. For the rest of your life, you will carry pieces of us with you wherever you go. Your daughter will grow up never knowing you, but you'll know her. Every night when you go to bed you will hear the sound of her crying as you walked out the door. But Ariel and I are strong. We can manage without you. So go on, get out of my apartment and end this part of your life. I hope you enjoy California and Brittany. I should warn her what she's getting into."

Josh stared at her for a long minute. Then he said simply "Good-bye, Ariel. I love you." It was a lie and they all knew it. Joshua Powell didn't love his daughter. Any father who makes the decision to flee to the other side of the country with his new wife and never see his daughter again does not love her.

After Josh was gone, Jessica sat down at the table and buried her face in her hands. After a few minutes of mother and daughter silence, Jessica raised her head. "Well," she said, forcing cheerfulness. "Would you like a piece of cake, Ariel?"

Ariel shook her head. "Mommy? Why doesn't Daddy love me."

It took Jessica a while before she answered. "Because he doesn't love anyone. He's incapable of it. He doesn't love this new wife of his, either. He probably never loved me."

"Oh." Ariel was content with this answer but a few minutes later she looked up again. "Mommy? I think I wet my pull-up."

"It's OK." Jessica got up from the table and led her daughter into the bathroom. "At least we have each other," she commented as she helped Ariel get out of the soaked pull-up.

"I love you, Mommy."

"I love you too, Ariel." Jessica reached out and gave her daughter a big hug. "Now, how about that chocolate cake?"

Chapter Eight

As always, Jessica broke into a sweat as she entered the kitchen at the restaurant where she worked. "Matt!" she yelled across the room at the cook who handled all the appetizers. "That lady at Table five is ready to walk out of here if you don't produce her chili! It's been over a half hour since she ordered it."

Matt looked at her in horror. "What chili? Table Five never ordered chili!"

"What?" Jessica stared at him in horror. "Matt, I specifically told you about that chili! Remember, she was the one who requested less beans, more broth..."

"And hold the onions," Matt finished. "You're right. I totally forgot. Run out to the lady, tell her we're so sorry and that her meal is free."

But when Jessica walked back through the double doors and rushed towards the old lady's table, her heart sank. The old lady was gone. Jessica began to clear off the table. No tip, of course. The kitchen staff was always screwing up orders. It was never her fault but she was the one who suffered for the slow service. Jessica felt a headache coming on. God, she needed another job.

She glanced up and immediately wished she hadn't. Coming in through the door of the restaurant were three girls she knew from high school: Christi Jacobson, Jenny Sanders and April Donovan. They'd been on the cheerleading team two years, the field hockey team the other two and they'd all made straight A's. They were famous at making other people feel bad. Jessica could tell just by looking at their brand-name jeans that they were as successful in the real world as they'd been in high school.

Since the old lady was gone, she now had one less table and that meant she'd have to serve Christi, Jenny and April. She walked over to them. "Hi, will this be for smoking or nonsmoking?" she asked, trying to sound pleasant and also not to show any signs that she recognized them. Maybe they wouldn't remember her.

"Nonsmoking, of course," Jenny replied. Jessica led them over to the old lady's table and handed them the menus. April stared up at her. "Jessica?" she said. "Jessica Crawford? From Kellam High School Class of '94?"

"Yeah," said Jessica, pretending to be confused. "Do I know you? I'm sorry...your face looks familiar but I can't seem to remember your name." She wouldn't give them the satisfaction of knowing that they made enough of an impact on her high school days that she remembered their first and last name.

"You don't remember us?" squealed Christi, looking hurt. She proceeded to introduce all of them.

Jenny was looking at her funny. "Weren't you Joshua Powell's girlfriend?"

"Yes, Josh and I went out in high school."

April gasped, "Ooh, you were that girl who got pregnant with his baby sophomore year, weren't you! What's that little girl's name? It was something weird, I remember. Aries? Arika? Something like that?"

Jessica felt like pouring the pitcher of water over April's head, anything to wipe that stupid smirk off her face. "Her name is Ariel," she said coolly. "I named her after my mother."

"So where is Josh now?" Christi demanded.

Jessica forced herself to smile. "It didn't work out."

Christi feigned sympathy. "Oh, Jessica, I'm so sorry! I do hope he at least sends you money for child support. It must be awfully hard supporting Ariel on your job. You make minimum wage, don't you?"

Jessica sucked in her breath. Christi had gone way too far. "I don't see what business it is of yours whether or not I receive child support from Josh or how much money I make."

"But Jessica," Jenny protested. "Christi's right. It is our business. Because if you don't receive child support from Josh, then I would certainly hope your pride wouldn't stop you from applying for welfare. After all, none of us like to think of little Ariel going to bed hungry every night."

"I HATE THEM!" Jessica screamed fifteen minutes later when she was on break. She felt a strong urge to throw something against the wall but there was nothing in the small employee's bathroom to throw. "I hate them. They said I made no money, that I had too much pride and they accused me of letting Ariel go hungry!"

"Hey, calm down," Christine soothed. "They're a bunch of rich snobs. Don't even bother listening to them. Everything they said to me in high school went in one ear and out the other."

Jessica was crying. "But Christine, they're right! My life is a mess. I don't make any money. I'm twenty-two years old, for god's sake! Most people my age are graduating from college! They have a future. What future do I have? I'm going to be waiting on tables until the day I die! And how can Ariel have a future? How can I send her to college when I barely make enough money to feed and clothe her? God, I'm a terrible mother! My child is being forced into the same trap that I'm in."

Christine was shocked. "Jessica, how can you say that you're a terrible mother? You're a great mom. Just because you don't have a lot of money doesn't mean you can't be a good mom. You're there for Ariel, and that's what really matters. And you don't have to wait on tables for the rest of your life. You have a high school diploma. You can do plenty on a high school diploma that pays more than waiting on tables. You could get a job as a secretary."

Jessica rolled her eyes. "Answering the phone and taking messages...gee, that sounds almost as fun as waiting on tables."

"Or you could become a topless dancer," Christine suggested jokingly. Seeing Jessica's half smile, she continued. "Or you could try the South Park method. Toss Ariel a quarter and say 'This is my last quarter. I want you to take it to Las Vegas and I want to you win a thousand dollars. And don't come back without those winnings!"

Jessica shook her head. "I can't go on like this, Christine. I need to do something to change my life. If I have to answer phones all day, I'll do it." She slid down to the floor and buried her head in her arms. "I can't. I can't go on like this."

"One twenty-one, one twenty-two, one twenty three, one twenty-four...oops" Ariel stopped counting as she tripped over the rope. She crossed her arms and smiled at Diana. "Haha, I beat you! I jumped 124 times without stopping!"

"No way!" Diana protested. "I saw you! You cheated! You tripped when you were only at fifty-six!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!" Ariel was interrupted by the sound of a whistle blowing, indicating that it was time to come in from recess. "Man, we gotta go in and do printing and spelling! I hate that! Mr. Keever makes us copy those stupid those stupid words over and over until my hand's about to fall off! And we have math, too. I hate math worse than spelling! When am I ever gonna do subtraction when I get out of school?"

"I know!" Diana made a face as they started walking towards the building. "Hey, did I tell you about my birthday party?"

Ariel shook her head. "When's your birthday party?"

"It's next Saturday. It's a sleepover. I've got the invitations in my backpack. I invited every girl in our class! Do you think your mommy will let you go?"

"She should," Ariel replied. "That sounds so cool! I've never been to a sleepover before!"

"Neither have I. It'll be so much fun. My mom's going to let us order pizza and my older sister said she'd tell us a ghost story before we go to bed!"

Ariel went back to class and was excited about the party until she remembered something. She wet her bed! She'd have to wear a pull-up to Diana's party. If the other kids saw it, they'd tease her endlessly. Everyone seemed to have forgotten about the day she wet her pants in school but if she wet herself at someone else's house, her best bet would probably be to drop out of school.

Ariel showed the invitation to her mother that night. "Well, Ariel, it sounds like a lot of fun. I'm glad you're making friends in kindergarten."

"Yeah," Ariel said enthusiastically. "Diana's older sister is going to tell us a ghost story! She's twelve and in the seventh grade. I bet anyone in the seventh grade would know lots of good ghost stories."

Jessica raised her eyebrows. "A ghost story? Are you sure you won't get scared?"

Ariel shook her head. "Not me! I never get scared. Only babies are scared of that stuff."

"Well, the party sounds fun. I'm sure you'll have a good time."

"It does. Except..." Ariel stared down at the floor.

"Except what?" Jessica asked gently.

"If I wear a pull-up to bed, the other kids will tease me! But if I don't wear one and I wet the bed, then they'll tease me even harder!"

"Oh, sweetie, wearing a pull-up is no big deal. But if you feel that self-conscious about it, then nobody has to know. You can put it on before you go to Diana's next Saturday. I will pack a plastic bag in your backpack and you can put the wet pull-up in there the next day and throw it away when you go home."

The day of the party came. Ariel helped her mother pack her bag. There were a few items, which provoked arguments, like when Jessica put a toothbrush in her bag. "Mom," Ariel groaned. "Nobody brushes their teeth at a sleepover! I bet I'm the only one who brings a toothbrush."

"I bet you're not," Jessica replied. "Trust me, after you eat pizza and cake and god knows what else, you'll be dying to brush your teeth."

They also got into an argument over the pajamas Jessica packed for Ariel. She put in a pair that had little teddy bears all over them. Ariel complained that she was going to be the only one wearing teddy bear jammies and that she wanted to bring the plain blue ones. Jessica insisted that it was going to get very cold that night and the teddy bear pajamas were much thicker than the blue ones. Ariel grumbled about it for a while but eventually gave in.

At last Ariel was ready to leave. She grabbed her backpack, Diana's gift and her sleeping bag and practically ran out to the car. Jessica followed her out, feeling a bit sad. Ariel was growing up. It seemed like just yesterday they'd been celebrating her first birthday, and now she was going to spend the night at someone else's house. Ariel was just a little girl but she was all Jessica had and it was unbearably sad to think that in twelve years, she'd be moving out.

Ten minutes later, Ariel hugged her mother good-bye and watched her drive off. She felt tears coming to her eyes which she tried to hide and she felt an urge to run after her mother and beg her not to leave her there. Then the pizza arrived and the urge passed.

Ariel was too busy in the next four hours to think much about her homesickness. They ate pizza and cake and watched Diana open her gifts. Then they watched a movie, Homeward Bound. It was Ariel's first time seeing it, but a lot of the other girls had seen it before. They all agreed it was good. Then it was time for them to get changed. They would listen to Diana's sister, Brienna, tell the ghost story and then it'd be time for bed.

Ariel didn't realize until she was alone in the bathroom that she'd forgotten to put on her pull-up before leaving home. No problem. Her mom had probably packed one anyway. She dug through her backpack and couldn't find it. Her panic grew as she emptied the contents of her bag out onto the floor. Nope. No pull-up. She changed into her pajamas quickly and stuffed everything back into her bag.

What was she going to do? Without a pull-up, she'd soak herself and her sleeping bag for sure. Unless, of course, she never went to sleep. Now maybe that would work. How hard could it be to stay up all night? She'd asked her mother to let her try it before but her mother always said no.

Everyone gathered in a circle to hear the ghost story, and the lights were turned out. Brienna began, "This story has been slightly modified due to the age of the listeners." Ariel felt a slight wave of disappointment. Why did everyone feel like six was too young to hear or see the real thing? It was like going to a G or PG rated movie. All her life she'd been dying to see an R rated movie but her mother said she was too young. Sometimes it seemed like she was too young to do anything.

Brienna continued: "A very long time ago, in this very house, there lived a couple by the names of Pierre and Gabrielle Dupont. They were French, obviously. They loved each other very much. They had a baby named Chantal, and they loved her too."

"But Chantal was a strange child right from the start. She had a strange habit of staring at her parents. She had black eyes that seemed to look right through them. The only time she ever smile was if she saw someone get hurt. Her first word was not 'Mama' or 'Dada' like most babies'. It was 'blood'."

"By the time she was six, Chantal had completely isolated herself from the world around her. She spent most of her time up in her room, reading horror novels. Her parents had no control over her. She could go anywhere or do anything she wanted to. Her doctor told them that she was crazy and should be locked up, but the Duponts refused to listen to him. They insisted that their daughter wasn't crazy. She was just different. But they did resolve to execute more authority over their daughter's life."

"One afternoon, Mrs. Dupont walked into her daughter's room and found her watching an extremely gory X rated horror movie on pay-per-view. What was worse, Chantal laughed hysterically every time someone was killed. Horrified, Mrs. Dupont demanded that Chantal turn it off. When Chantal refused, Mrs. Dupont threatened to take away Chantal's TV if she didn't turn off the movie. Chantal was beyond furious. She pulled out a knife right then and there and slashed her mother's throat. Then she calmly stepped over her mother's body and walked out of the house. No one ever saw her again."

"When Mr. Dupont returned home from work, he found his wife dead in Chantal's room. Chantal was gone. Mr. Dupont was terribly grief-stricken. He assumed that whoever killed his wife must have kidnapped Chantal, too. He hired a private detector to find Chantal."

"Then the police identified Chantal's fingerprints on the knife which had killed her mother. They concluded that Chantal must've killed her mother and run off. Mr. Dupont continued to search for his daughter but it wasn't because he wanted to make sure she was ok. He was hoping to find his daughter's body slashed the way his wife's had been, so that Chantal would know what her mother had gone through. If Chantal was found alive, he intended to kill her himself."

'The detective searched for over a year, but found no trace of Chantal. It was like she'd disappeared into thin air. He finally admitted defeat. This had been Mr. Dupont's one ambition to go on living: he had to live so that he could kill his daughter. Now that he knew he'd never get to see Chantal's body slashed, he no longer had any reason to continue living. So he slit his wrists."

"But Mr. Dupont can't rest in peace until he knows Chantal is dead. He is now convinced that Chantal is hiding somewhere in the house. So the ghost of Mr. Dupont walks around the house all night long, searching for his daughter. He is looking for any six-year-old girl who fits the physical description of his daughter so her can slit her throat."

"It could be YOU!"

Ariel felt icy cold hands wrap around her throat and she began screaming bloody murder. If she hadn't gone to the bathroom before hearing the story, she would've wet her pants right then and there. As it was, she screamed loud enough to cause everyone else to start screaming too.

Suddenly someone turned on the lights and Ariel saw whose hands were wrapped around her neck- Brienna's. She held an ice cube in both hands. Gradually everyone's screams turned to relieved laughter. Ariel sat there, too shocked to move.

Brienna couldn't stop laughing. "You sure were screaming, kid. Hasn't anyone ever done that to you before?"

Ariel felt Diana's hand on her harm. "Come on, Ariel," she said. "It's time to go upstairs and get into our sleeping bags."

Ariel's heart was still beating wildly as she climbed into her sleeping bag. But then she remembered that she had more to worry about. She had to stay up all night so she wouldn't wet herself.

She heard a creaking noise above her. What was that? Was it Mr. Dupont seeking revenge on his crazy daughter Chantal? Don't be silly, Ariel, she told herself. That was just a story. But she was still terrified. She'd never spent a night away from her mother before. Nothing was this scary at home. For one thing, she had a night-light in her room so it wasn't pitch black like it was now. If she did get scared in the middle of the night, her mother was there to comfort her. Of course, if she wasn't at home, she wouldn't have to worry about staying up all night.

The night seemed endless to Ariel. Adrenaline kept her awake but the next day she would be exhausted. Every time she felt the slightest urge to pee, she got up and did it. She was taking no chances.

Finally the first crack of dawn came and Ariel breathed easier knowing that she had made it through the night. It was her first sleepover but it wouldn't be her last and next time she would remember her pull-up so she could enjoy herself more. It was a mistake she wasn't likely to repeat.

Chapter Nine

Ariel sat at the kitchen table, doing her homework. Her mother sat across from her, paying some bills. Ariel could usually do her homework by herself. Occasionally, she needed help on a particularly hard subtraction problem, or reading a long word. So Jessica sat by Ariel as she worked, ready to help her.

The phone rang. Jessica took the call into her bedroom so she wouldn't disturb Ariel. Fifteen minutes later, Ariel finished her homework and looked towards her mother's closed bedroom door. The call certainly was taking her mother a while. She could hear her mother laughing inside the room. Obviously, it wasn't bad news.

Jessica finally hung up the phone and came back into the room. "Guess what, Ariel. I have some big news. That was my cousin Jenny. Actually, I guess she's your cousin, too. You've never met her and I haven't seen her since I was eight years old. She was fourteen then. She was calling to invite me and you up to visit her and the relatives on my mom's side of the family in Pineview, Georgia for my birthday on February 19th. We decided for you and me to come down on the twelfth through the sixteenth- that's a Friday through a Tuesday. You have that Monday off school for President's Day, so you should only miss two days of school and you can get your work and do it in the car. Won't it be fun?"

Ariel was not quite as enthusiastic. "What relatives do we have in Georgia?" she asked.

"Well, there's my Aunt Elizabeth, my mom's older sister and your great-aunt. She has two children, my cousins Stephanie and Jennifer. Stephanie is ten years older than me and Jenny's six years older than me. Stephanie is married to a man named Greg and Jenny's divorced. Stephanie has an eleven-year old daughter named Danielle. Jenny has

two kids, Caitlin and Dakota."

"Dakota? Is that a boy or a girl?" Ariel asked.

"You know, I asked the same thing. He's a boy. They call him Cody for short, I think. He's three. Your cousin Caitlin is almost eight. We'll be staying at Jenny's house, so you and Caitlin can play together."

Ariel was confused. "Mommy, if you have an aunt, how come you didn't go live with her when your parents died instead of living with foster parents?"

Jessica had asked the same thing when she'd visited them when she was a little girl and for an answer, her Aunt Elizabeth had snapped "Children don't question their elder's decisions. I did what I thought was best for you." Jessica knew that her own mother had caused turmoil in the family when she'd left Georgia to go to college in Virginia years ago and had met a man and chosen to stay in Virginia. Jessica could only guess that this was why her Aunt Elizabeth didn't like her and hadn't wanted to raise her. She was nervous about seeing Aunt Elizabeth and her cousin Stephanie, whom Jenny had informed her was just like Aunt Elizabeth. All Jessica knew was that every year for her birthday and Christmas, Aunt Elizabeth had sent her a check. She'd also visited one summer when she was in the process of changing foster homes. Then when she'd gotten pregnant just before her sixteenth birthday- almost exactly seven years ago- her social worker had called her aunt and told her about it, and Jessica'd never heard from her again. Jessica could imagine what was being said about her down in Georgia "Well, her mother disgraced the family thirty years ago, so is it any surprise that Jessica would do the same? It's probably in her genes."

"Mommy?" Jessica jumped in surprise at the voice interrupting her train of thought.

"Uh, yes, what is it, Ariel?"

"How old are you going to be?"

"Twenty-three."

"How many years older than me is that?" Ariel seemed to ask more questions every day. It sometimes seemed to Jessica like the more she told Ariel, the more Ariel wanted to know.

"About sixteen and three-fourths."

"That's a lot."

"Not really. Ariel, don't get pregnant when you're sixteen." Ariel had heard this lecture many, many times and she didn't really understand why she wasn't supposed to get pregnant at sixteen but she always said okay anyway. Sixteen seemed old to her. You could drive when you were sixteen and as far as Ariel was concerned, if you could drive you were an adult.

Jessica glanced at the clock. "Shoot, it's almost ten o'clock. It's way past your bedtime, Ariel. Come on and I'll help you get into your pajamas."

They headed for the bathroom. Ariel usually took baths in the morning now so that she didn't smell like pee all day at school. Her pull-up was almost always wet in the mornings. Jessica got Ariel into the pull-up. Ariel hadn't forgotten the way her mother had put the pull-up on her the night she'd waken up crying. Her mom had had her lie down on the bed while she slid the pull-up on up her legs. Ariel had loved that feeling, but why she didn't know and she was too embarrassed about it to ask her mom to do it every night.

Ariel was still wearing the pull-up from kindergarten that day and her Jessica pulled it off. "Oh dear, it looks like you wet your pull-up," she remarked. "When did that happen?"

"Just a few minutes ago, while you were talking on the phone."

Jessica was confused. "But Ariel, you were right by the bathroom. Why didn't you go potty instead of wetting your pull-up?"

"I didn't know I had to go until it was too late." That wasn't true, actually Ariel had known she'd had to go but she hadn't because she kind of liked the feeling of wetting the pull-up. It didn't feel wet after a few minutes, but it stayed warm until she took it off. She didn't want to tell her mom that because whoever heard of a six-year-old who enjoyed wetting pull-ups?

"Well, Ariel, you need to pay attention. This has been happening a lot lately. Buying pull-ups is getting expensive. I think you should try going without them for school and just wear them at night."

"But Mommy!" Ariel gasped. "If I'm not wearing a pull-up at school, I'll wet my pants!"

"I don't think you will, so long as you pay attention. Just raise your hand and tell your teacher when you have to go and he'll let you go. You never had a problem with having accidents in school except for that one time. If you keep on wetting pull-ups in the day, eventually you might lose your bladder control and then you'd have to wear them the rest of your life. You don't want that, do you?"

"No, I guess not." Ariel thought it might be fun to be able to just be able to let it out whenever without having to worry about anyone noticing, but of course she was too old for that. She was six, and six-year-olds used the potty.

"I guess you can wear them on the car ride to Georgia, though. We might not always be able to find a bathroom right away, and it wouldn't be good if you wet your pants in the car. Sweetie, maybe you'd better not tell anyone in the family except maybe Jenny that you wet the bed and wear pull-ups for it. Some of them might think that it means I'm a bad parent."

"Why would they think that? It's not your fault," Ariel said quietly.

"I know, and it's not your fault either. It's just one of those things. But some of the relatives assume that I'm a bad parent because I was so young when I had you, and they'll look for any excuse to say I'm a bad parent."

The next eight days were not good ones for Ariel and Jessica. Ariel didn't wet her pants a single time at school, but she wet at home at least once a day. Jessica was getting frustrated. It was obvious that from Ariel's reaction to her accidents that she wasn't intentionally doing it. Every time she wet herself, she got very upset and started crying and Jessica had to comfort her. But it seemed so strange that she didn't have them in school, especially considering that it was easier for her to reach the potty at home than it was at school. Jessica was beginning to consider putting Ariel in pull-ups for the entire trip to Georgia.

The alarm went off, and Jessica rolled over in bed and stared at the clock. "Three a.m.," she groaned to herself. "God, I didn't even know that three o'clock came twice in the same day!" She went to go turn off the alarm and gazed wistfully at the snooze button for a few seconds but she knew they needed to get going. It was the day of the trip to Georgia, and she hoped to get there by that night.

Jessica walked into Ariel's room and turned on the light. Ariel groaned and instinctively buried her face in the pillow. "Come on, Ariel, rise and shine!"

"Nooooooo," Ariel groaned. "Please, Mommy, it's too early. I want to sleep."

"You can go back to sleep in the car. You won't have much else to do. We've got a long day ahead of us. Come on, sleepyhead." Jessica started tickling Ariel and Ariel began squirming and giggling despite herself.

"Does your pull-up need to be changed?"

Ariel, suddenly feeling shy, nodded. Jessica ruffled her hair and said, "It's okay, sweetie. I'll get you changed into another one and help you get dressed."

Jessica dressed Ariel in her pink overalls and Ariel complained. "Why do you always make me wear stuff like that around relatives? Those overalls are so babyish."

"You want to make a good impression on your Aunt Elizabeth, don't you?" Jessica asked, while braiding Ariel's hair into two pigtails and tying pink ribbons around the ends. "Well, she's into little girls wearing lots of pink and things like that. You're lucky I'm not making you wear a dress. I remember when I visited down there when I was eight, she yelled at me because my shorts were unladylike."

"Oh, but now you get to wear jeans and a shirt that says, 'So they had an affair, get over it.'"

Jessica hadn't even paid attention to the clothes she was putting on. At three in the morning, she could barely get her eyes open, let alone pick out clothes to wear. "Well, I'm the one who is driving, and I want to wear something comfortable. When we get close to our destination, I'll change into something more appropriate."

They left shortly after, Jessica armed with a cup of coffee with about twenty tablespoons of sugar and milk stirred into it. She hated coffee. It seemed like no matter how much sugar or milk she stirred in, it always tasted bitter. When she was little, she'd always thought that being an adult meant you drank black coffee. But drinking black coffee reminded Jessica of drinking polluted river water, and if she had to drink black coffee to be an adult, then she would go to her grave a child.

It was raining, the really cold kind of rain that felt like thousands of needles digging into your skin. If it had been a couple of degrees colder, it would've been sleet. Jessica prayed that they would drive out of it soon. Ariel fell asleep five minutes into the trip, and Jessica fooled around with the radio, trying to find a good station. There was nothing, of course. What could she expect at three in the morning? She finally put it on 96X, which played alternative, pop, and R&B. Virginia Beach didn't exactly have great radio stations.

Ariel woke up three hours later. "Are we there yet?" was the first thing she said upon awakening.

"No, Ariel," Jessica replied. "We're in North Carolina. We won't be there for probably another ten hours. Is your pull-up wet?"

It was, so Jessica left the interstate at the next exit and stopped at a McDonald's to change Ariel. Jessica took her into the bathroom. Ariel was shocked as her mother lifted her up and placed her on the fold-out baby changing table in the bathroom, just like she was a baby!

"Mommy!" Ariel protested, "This is the changing table for babies! Everyone will see me getting changed like a baby!"

"Oh Ariel, don't be silly. There's no one in here, and even if someone does come in, we're one hundred and fifty miles away from home, so somehow I doubt we'll see anyone you know. Besides, it's easier for me to clean you up when you're lying down."

Ariel was still worried but as her mother began wiping her off with some baby wipes she'd bought for the trip to keep Ariel clean while they were on the road, she started to relax. The feeling of the cool, soothing wipe against her bottom felt so good, and it was all like changing a baby's diaper, except it was a pull-up. For a moment, Ariel wished she could wear thick, fluffy diapers instead of the relatively thin pull-ups, but she dismissed the thought almost as quickly as it came. That was too weird, she thought. What six-year-old wanted to wear diapers? Diapers were for babies, and she was not a baby. She was a big girl and big girls didn't do things like that, just as she'd been told by various adults in her life whenever she'd acted up. Just as she'd been told when she was being potty trained, diapers are for babies and big girls wear underwear.

As Jessica was finishing up, the door opened again and in walked a couple of girls who looked like they were about fifteen. They glanced over at Ariel and while they didn't say anything to her face, Ariel heard one of them whisper to the other "Did you see that little girl on the changing table? She looks like she's at least five, but her mom's putting a pull-up on her! I guess she's not potty trained yet!" Jessica waited until they were back in the car to say anything about it.

"I'm sorry, honey. If you don't want to be changed on a changing table in public, then I won't make you."

Ariel considered this. It wasn't much fun to have people talking about her, but at least those girls hadn't laughed at her, and she didn't know anyone around here. It was fun to be changed like that. It made her feel like a baby. Ariel felt naughty realizing that, but it was such fun and nobody else had to know about it. Besides, everyone said that she should act like a big girl, but what was so bad about acting like a baby? Babies were cute, everybody said so, and they never had to pick up their toys, or do homework, or anything else that "big girls" had to do. If they had to pee they didn't have to stop to go potty, they could just go where they were without stopping to run and go in the toilet.

"I guess I don't mind too much if you change me on the changing table," Ariel said. Her mother was surprised but simply said okay.

A few hours later, somewhere in South Carolina, they stopped again to get gas and to use the bathroom. So far Ariel hadn't wet her pull-up, and Jessica decided that unless Ariel wet it during the remainder of the trip, she was going to let her wear underwear in Georgia except to bed. Maybe the wetting thing had really only been a phase.

They stood in a long line to pay for the gas. In front of them was a rather heavyset lady with dyed blond hair that needed a touch-up. She was with a little boy who looked like he was maybe a little bit older than Ariel. He was wearing a pair of shorts and Jessica noticed a quite obvious bulge underneath the shorts like he was wearing a diaper. Ariel wasn't paying any attention. Jessica was curious about the diaper and wished she could ask the mother why a boy that age was wearing a diaper but she didn't want to intrude.

Suddenly the boy tugged on the blond lady's shirt and said "Uh, Mom?" His mother paid no attention and he tugged harder and said "Mom!" with great urgency. She glared down at him. "My diaper's wet," he said really quietly, although Jessica overheard him.

"Dammit, Tyler!" the lady shrieked, making no effort to keep her voice down. Everyone in the store turned and stared, but she didn't seem to notice. "You just won't go in the toilet, will you? You must be the only seven-year-old left in the world who still wears diapers 24/7! I know you can hold it, you just don't want to! You do this just to embarrass me! I'm not going to put up with it any longer! I'm going to tell your daddy when he gets home and he'll give you the spanking you deserve!" Tyler began to cry and this seemed to make his mother even angrier. "SHUT UP! Look at how everyone in here is staring at us! They've probably never seen a boy your age who acted like such a baby before! Shut up, or I'll turn you over on my knee and spank you right now!" Tyler made an effort to quiet his sobs as his mother paid for her gas and left, dragging him behind her.

Jessica shook her head but kept her opinion to herself until they got out to the car. "God, what a scene! Someday, that lady is going to be sorry she treated her little boy like that." Ariel nodded but waited a few minutes before saying anything.

"Mommy, why was that boy wearing diapers?"

Jessica sighed. "Oh, he could have some kind of physical problem where he can't hold it until he's able to reach a bathroom. But probably it's his mother's fault. Maybe if she didn't get so mad when he wet his diaper and concentrated more on praising him when he does use the toilet he would've been out of diapers before the age of seven."

Ariel nodded, wishing that Tyler was in her class at school. She'd like to talk to him and find out why he was wearing diapers and how it felt when he wet one.

It was another six hours before they got to middle Georgia, where Pineview was located. Ariel had fallen asleep and Jessica woke her up as they drove through the tiny town so that Ariel could compare the Pineview with Virginia Beach. The first thing Ariel said when she saw it was "Don't they have trees down here?"

Jessica laughed. "Nope. You won't see another tree for three days, Ariel. Get used to it. Look, there's the school," she said as they drove past a brick building.

"Elementary school?" Ariel asked.

"No, I think they have the elementary, middle and high school kids all in one building. Gosh, that school is smaller than your elementary school. and every kid in this town goes there!"

They commented on several other things as they drove through town, such as the lack of a mall, the dirt roads (Jessica noted that the people here had paved driveways but not paved roads) a speed limit sign of twenty miles an hour, the movie theater that only played six movies at a time and they were all ones that were out on video, and the gas station which had gas for seventy-five cents a gallon. Then they turned down the road where Jenny's house was located and Jessica felt a pit of nervousness in her stomach that only grew as she saw the tall, formidable figure of Aunt Elizabeth standing out front.

Chapter Ten

Jessica climbed out of the car, feeling Aunt Elizabeth's eyes on her the whole time. She smiled at her aunt and said "Hi, Aunt Elizabeth!" as cheerfully as possible. Aunt Elizabeth hadn't changed much, she noticed. She still wore glasses with thick black frames, and she was still as tall and heavyset as ever. Her once-brown hair was now streaked with gray, but she still wore it short and curly.

"Hello, Jessica," Aunt Elizabeth replied curtly. She glanced over Jessica's t-shirt. "'So they had an affair, get over it,'" she read. She shook her head, her lips pursing into a look of disapproval. "I might have known."

Jessica felt her cheeks redden as she realized she'd forgotten to change her shirt. "Just my travel clothes," she said, the cheerfulness a bit more forced. "I forgot to change. Soon as we get inside, I'll change into something more appropriate. Ariel, can't you say hello to your aunt?" she asked, looking down at Ariel's head peeking out from behind her mother. Ariel looked terrified and shook her head. "Ariel, that's not very nice. Come here and say hello to your aunt."

"Hi, Aunt Elizabeth," Ariel said very quietly. Aunt Elizabeth's whole expression changed as she looked Ariel over, and she actually smiled. Jessica wondered if her face was going to crack from the effort.

"Well, aren't you a cutie-pie," Aunt Elizabeth said. Jessica could see two fingers reaching for Ariel's cheek and quickly tried to distract her. "So where's everyone else?"

"Hey, I thought I heard y'all pull up," Jenny announced coming through the front for. "Hi, Jess! Oh, this must be Ariel. Hi Ariel! Jess, she has your eyes."

"You think so? Mine are a deeper shade of brown, I think. They're more like her dad's..."

"Well, are we going inside or are Jessica and her daughter going to spend their time here outside?" Aunt Elizabeth interrupted. Jessica and Ariel followed Jenny into the large, brightly lit living room. "Where's everyone else?" Jessica asked.

"Stephanie's at work. Danielle and Caitlin are at school. They'll be home in about a half hour. Cody's asleep upstairs. Danielle usually goes home after school but today she's coming over here with Caitlin. Stephanie will join us when she gets home from work. We're having a big dinner in your honor."

"Oh, you don't have to do that for us," Jessica protested. Actually, she was not ready to spend a meal with both Aunt Elizabeth and Stephanie, who Jenny had reported still acted like a younger version of Aunt Elizabeth.

"No, I don't have to, but girl, I want to. Look at you. You're like 5'4 and I bet you don't weigh more than one hundred five. You could shop in the same section of the store as Ariel, if you wanted to. I bet you haven't had a decent meal in weeks."

Jessica felt her face flush and Jenny looked at her meaningfully. "Don't worry, Aunt Elizabeth isn't making any homemade cheese grits," she teased. Jessica vividly remembered how she'd tasted Aunt Elizabeth's grits when she was eight and thrown up nearly everything she'd ever eaten in her life.

The peaceful silence was interrupted by the sound of loud crying. Jenny sighed, "Cody's naps get shorter every day. I better go take care of him."

"Oh no, don't worry about it. I'll go take care of Cody," Jessica said.

Jenny looked surprised. "Are you sure?" she asked. "Cody's not potty trained yet. He probably needs changing."

"Oh, that's OK," Jessica replied. "I know how to change a diaper. God knows I got plenty of experience when Ariel was a baby."

She ran upstairs and peaked into several rooms before finding Cody's. Cody was standing up in a crib, wearing a diaper and a t-shirt, with big tears streaming out of his face. Jessica was a bit surprised to see a three-year-old in a crib, but she figured it must be because he wasn't potty trained. "Hi, Cody," she said quietly. "I'm your cousin Jessica. I'm going to take care of you."

"I want Mommy," Cody sobbed.

"Your mommy is right downstairs. I'm going to change your diaper and then we can go see her, OK?" Cody nodded in response, his sobs subsiding. Jessica picked him up and put him down gently on the changing table. She unfastened the tapes on the diaper. It was soaking wet and messy. Cody grinned when he saw it.

"Me went poo-poo," he said.

"Yes, you certainly did," Jessica replied as she wiped off his stinky little bottom with baby wipes. Funny, when Ariel'd been a baby, she'd hated changing messy diapers, but now it didn't seem so bad. In fact, the whole thing was actually kind of fun. Jessica began to wish that she still had a baby of her own, but she shook the idea out of her head. She didn't have anyone to have a baby with, and besides that, she couldn't afford a baby. She could barely manage to pay the bills and put food in her and Ariel's stomachs now, so she'd better not even be thinking about having another baby.

Jessica finished changing Cody, and lifted him off the changing table. "Now, let's pick you out some pants to wear," she said cheerfully. She looked in a dresser drawer full of pants and chose a pair of red sweatpants that went with the Mickey Mouse t-shirt he was wearing. After dressing Cody, Jessica started to carry Cody down the stairs, but he insisted he could walk, so she put him down.

In the kitchen, Jenny smiled at her. "Thanks for changing him," she said. "Hopefully, he'll be out of diapers soon. It gets so expensive, but I hate trying to make him go potty when he's not ready for it. He seems to like wearing diapers, so I'm going to keep him in them until he says he wants to go potty. Awhile back, I bought some pull-ups and started putting him in them during the day and telling him not to wet or poop in them. But he refused to use the potty. I know he can hold it, but he likes not having to stop when he's playing to go to the bathroom. I figure I might as well baby him now while I can. Kids grow up so fast these days. Caitlin's already into boys, and she isn't even eight years old yet."

"I wish I could've let Ariel stay in diapers," Jessica sighed. "The daycare she went to required all children three and older to be potty trained at least during the day, so I took Ariel out of diapers when she was two and ten months. She had a ton of accidents at first, but she was trained by the time she turned three."

Jenny raised her eyebrows. "Does she wet the bed?"

Jessica nodded. She figured she could trust Jenny, even if she couldn't trust Jenny's mother. "Every night. But she wears pull-ups."

"I'm not surprised. Most children who are forced into using the potty before they're emotionally ready wet the bed later on. Caitlin was potty trained at two and a half and now she wets the bed but I have her wear diapers, not pull-ups. She seemed to like it, though she'd never admit it."

Jessica nodded. "Ariel wets during the day a lot and she wets her bed but I don't think she wants to wear diapers." She described Ariel's strange daytime accidents to Jenny, who looked amused.

"Sounds to me like Ariel subconsciously wants to wear diapers," she commented, but Jessica shook her head.

"No way! Ariel's really into acting grown-up. She calls me 'mother' when we go out in public, and she tries on my makeup all the time. Last week I caught her going off to school wearing eyeshadow. She hated it when she first started wetting at night; that's why I put her in pull-ups and not diapers. She doesn't really get upset about her bedwetting anymore, but she gets upset when she has accidents. She'd hate wearing diapers."

"Right." Jenny patted Jessica on the shoulder. "You keep telling yourself that, Jess, and maybe you'll believe it. But I won't." She changed the subject. "Well, I guess I should show you and Ariel where you'll be sleeping."

Jessica and Ariel followed Jenny upstairs, carrying their suitcases. "Jessica, you'll be staying in the guest room," Jenny said as she showed them a small room with big windows and flowery wallpaper. "And you, Ariel, will be sharing Caitlin's room. She has bunk beds, as you see. You'll have to fight her for the top one, though."

"Oh, that's okay," Ariel said quietly. "I can sleep on the bottom one." In truth, she was a little scared of sleeping on the top bunk five feet off the ground. What if she rolled off the bed in her sleep and fell to the floor? Of course, there were protective rails on the top bunk that stopped one from rolling off, but the idea still frightened her.

Caitlin was only a little over a year older than Ariel, but Ariel thought that Caitlin's room was much more grown-up than her own. Caitlin's room had no toys except for a few stuffed animals and dolls on the bed, and a Barbie dollhouse. While Ariel's walls were bare, Caitlin's were covered with posters of various teenybop groups. Caitlin had a desk, too. Ariel hadn't even met her cousin yet, but she was already beginning to feel a bit intimidated by the older girl.

They all heard the door opening downstairs. "Caitlin and Danielle are home." Jenny remarked. "Caitlin! Danielle! Come up here and meet your cousins." Footsteps pounded on the stairs, and then Caitlin and Danielle stood in the doorway.

Looking at Danielle, it was apparent that Ariel's blond curls came from Jessica's side of the family, after all. Danielle looked like an older, taller version of Ariel. Caitlin, on the other hand, had hair the color of Jessica's, except Caitlin's fell to her waist and was tied back in a long ponytail. She was slightly taller than Ariel.

After Jenny did the introductions, they all stood in awkward silence until Jenny tried to break it. "Well, Jessica, why don't you unpack and get settled in. Danielle can show you around the house. Caitlin, show Ariel where to put her stuff and then you two can play a game or watch TV or something."

After everyone had left the room, Caitlin turned to grin at her cousin. "Just shove your stuff underneath the bed. Mom said you're only going to be here for three days, so what's the point in unpacking if you're only going to be here three days? My mom is so good at coming up with chores and stuff to do. What do you want to do now? We could watch TV, or listen to CDs or something" Ariel, feeling tongue-tied, only shrugged in reply and Caitlin wasn't impressed.

"Don't you know how to talk or anything?"

"Yeah, I can talk just fine," Ariel replied, annoyed with herself for not coming up with anything "cool" to say. She finally said "I like your posters."

Caitlin grinned and said, "They cost a fortune but those guys are sooo cute. Who do you think is cutest, Backstreet Boys, N Sync, or Hanson?"

"Which one's which?" Ariel asked.

Caitlin looked at her like she was from another planet. "You don't know who they are? Gosh, I've never talked to anyone who doesn't know about them. I have all their CDs." She started singing "All I Have To Give."

"Oh, yeah, now I recognize them," Ariel said. "They play that song on the radio sometimes. Except my mom always changes the station when it comes on."

""Your mom's crazy," Caitlin remarked, pointing to another poster. "I'm going to marry Taylor Hanson when I grow up."

"Oh" Ariel replied, staring at the young singer's long blond hair. "I thought he was a girl."

Caitlin sighed, "Do they not have music or something where you come from? I thought Va. Beach was supposed to have all these concerts and stuff but you've never heard of any good bands. And what's up with those overalls? I had a pair like those once but I stopped wearing them after I turned four. Maybe that stuff is cool in Virginia Beach but if you went to my school you would not last five minutes. We have kids like you at school but they're really unpopular."

Ariel was annoyed with her cousin's bragging. Caitlin was stuck-up and arrogant and Ariel felt like nothing she said could impress her older cousin. She left the room and went downstairs to find her mom and cousin Jenny.

"Hi, Ariel," Jessica greeted her daughter. "Where's your cousin?"

Ariel shrugged. "I don't know and I don't care," she replied. She was melancholy thinking about the days with Caitlin that lay ahead and she didn't care if she was insolent to her mother. She wanted to go home.

"Ariel!" Jessica exclaimed. "Don't be rude to me. Whatever you and Caitlin are arguing about, you'd better patch it up. You may be seeing more of her than you think."

"What do you mean?" Ariel asked, getting a funny feeling in her stomach.

Jenny smiled. "I was just telling your mom the good news, Ariel. Caitlin, Cody and I may be moving to Virginia Beach! I got a job there. I can work at home so I can be home when Caitlin gets home from school. I'm going to look for a place near where you and your mother live and if I find one, you'll be coming to our house every day after school and playing with Caitlin until your mom gets home!"

"Isn't that the best news, Ariel?" Jessica asked enthusiastically. She felt better than she had in years. Jenny had always been almost like a big sister to her and Jessica had always wished she lived closer so she could get to know her better. It would also be nice for Ariel to have Caitlin around to play with. Ariel didn't have very many friends.

Ariel did not share her mother's enthusiasm. "But I always go to Monica's after school!" she protested. "Monica is my best friend! She likes me! Caitlin hates me!" She told her mother and cousin about what Monica had said to her and to her surprise and dismay, they looked at each other and started laughing.

"It isn't funny!" she protested. "Caitlin's mean and stuck up and I don't want her to live near me! I want to go home!" She ran into the living room and buried her face into a sofa pillow and started crying. Finally she was too tired to cry anymore and she fell asleep.

She was awakened by her mother shaking her shoulder. "Come on, honey," Jessica said quietly. "It's time for dinner."

"Nooo."

"Sweetie, please don't argue. You need to get up or you won't be tired at bedtime later on tonight. Besides, you'll feel better after you eat something."

Ariel reluctantly stood up and immediately began to cry again.

"What's the matter?" Jessica asked, concerned.

"I wet my pull-up," Ariel sobbed.

"Shhh!" Jessica gasped, for Aunt Elizabeth and Stephanie were right in the next room.

It was too late. Jessica and Ariel both heard Stephanie say loudly, "If Danielle had still been wetting pull-ups when she was six, I would've sent her to a shrink!"

Chapter Eleven

Dinner was quiet and tense. Ariel was much shamed and humiliated by what Stephanie had said and kept thinking about how Caitlin would laugh at her when they got into her bedroom. Her big brown eyes kept filling with tears but she would not let herself cry, not yet. Her pull-up was soaked and starting to leak. Jessica sat by her daughter, occasionally casting her glances of sympathy.

Both were anxious to get away from the table. Dinner lasted over an hour, with everyone lingering over dessert. Jessica noticed Ariel's pull-up starting to leak and decided it was a good opportunity to leave the table. "Well, I think Ariel is getting tired. She's had a long day," she announced, standing up. "I think I will take her upstairs and help her with her bath and get her into bed."

"You still help Ariel with her bath?" Stephanie asked. "Danielle has been taking her bath by herself since she was three."

"Really?" Jessica asked. "That's strange, Stephanie. You seem to consider yourself such a good parent, I would've thought you'd know that drowning is the number one cause of death in small children. And since children can drown in an inch of water, I figure you can't be too careful." She picked Ariel up, being careful to conceal the small, spreading wet spot on Ariel's overalls, and smiled at her cousin. "I'll see you tomorrow, Stephanie. Have a nice evening."

Ariel actually did not need any help with her bath but Jessica was eager for a chance to leave the table. She could barely stand to be in the same room as Stephanie. Stephanie was going out of her way to humiliate her and Ariel. Jessica hoped that she wouldn't have to be around her cousin much that weekend.

She hurried out of the dining room and put Ariel down as soon as they were out of everyone's sight. "Ew! How much did you drink today? You are soaked!"

Ariel shrugged sheepishly. "Sorry, Mommy. I couldn't help it. I wet myself when I was sleeping."

After Ariel got her bath and was dressed in her pajamas and a fresh pull-up, she was sent to Caitlin's room to play with Caitlin until it was time for them to go to bed. Caitlin watched Jessica walk away after she said good night to the two of them and then she got up and closed the door.

"So you wear pull-ups?" Caitlin asked.

Ariel flushed; she knew her cousin was going to comment on that. "Yeah," she mumbled.

"Want me to show you a secret?" Caitlin giggled as she walked over to the closet and pulled something off the shelf. She turned around and Ariel saw what she held in her hands: a box of Pampers size six. "These are mine. I wear them to bed every night. You should ask your mom to get you some cuz they're way more comfy than pull-ups." Ariel sat speechless on the bed.

"You wear diapers?" she finally managed to say incredulously.

"Yeah! Every night and sometimes during the day! I started wetting my bed again after Cody was born. My mom took me to the doctor and she said it was because I was jealous of my brother. Mom said 'you want to be a baby like Cody, then you wear diapers to bed like Cody,' and so she got me diapers and I've worn them to bed ever since. It is so much better than having to get up in the middle of the night to pee! Don't you think so?"

"I guess so," Ariel responded. She had something else she wanted to ask Caitlin but she wondered how Caitlin would react. "Have you ever, um, tried wearing them during the day?"

"Yeah, lots of times. But don't tell anyone, cuz my mom doesn't know and I don't know what she'd say if she did know. I wet in them and once I pooped."

"You POOPED?" Ariel cried. "That's gross! Didn't it stink? And didn't it feel really nasty?"

"It wasn't too bad, but it was hard to clean up. It felt sort of like I had pooped in my pants."

"Ew!" Ariel said. She'd pooped her pants exactly once, when she was three and hadn't felt like getting up to go to the bathroom until it was too late. The gross, squishy feeling was not something she was eager to repeat. She'd never done it again. "I don't think I'd like pooping in a diaper."

"You want to try to pee in one?"

"You mean now?"

"No, next year. Of course I mean now. If you like it, you can wear one tomorrow and Sunday night, too. If you want to ever wear one, you better try it this weekend because we probably won't see each other for a long time after this weekend."

"Yes, we will! We'll see each other when you move to Virginia Beach!" Ariel said eagerly. Now that she knew that Caitlin had the same feelings for diapers that she did, Ariel was beginning to look forward to her cousin's move to her city.

"What?" Caitlin exclaimed. "What are you talking about? I'm not moving to Virginia Beach! I'm staying right here!"

"Yeah you are! Your mom told my mom this afternoon. She got a job there and you and Cody and her are all moving up there. You're gonna go to my school and we'll see each other every day!"

"You're LYING!" Caitlin yelled, "I'm not going anywhere! I don't want to go to Virginia Beach and go to your stupid school! My mom wouldn't make me and I'll prove it. MOM!"

Jenny came into the room and Caitlin started hollering at her mother. "She says we're moving to Virginia Beach! Tell her it's not true!"

Jenny frowned. "Well, honey, actually we are. I wasn't going to tell you until I found a house since I'm not sure when we're going and I didn't want you to worry. But we are definitely moving up there. I was hoping to wait until June when you are out of school but I don't know. If I can get a deal on the house I've been considering, then we will probably be moving over spring break in April."

"I don't want to move! You're making me leave all my friends. This isn't fair! I won't leave!" Caitlin screamed. She shoved Ariel out of the way and ran out of the room. Jenny rushed after her. In a few minutes, they came back into the room. Caitlin was tear-streaked but calm. Jenny kissed her daughter and Ariel goodnight and left the room.

"What was that all about?" Jessica asked as Jenny passed her room.

Jenny sighed and leaned against the doorway. "Oh, Ariel told Caitlin about the move and Caitlin doesn't want to move. I talked to her but she is still pretty upset about it. She keeps insisting that she wouldn't have any friends. I told her Ariel would be her friend but she barely knows Ariel so that wasn't much reassurance. At least she and Ariel seem to be getting along better. Maybe by the end of the weekend Caitlin and Ariel will be friends and Caitlin will feel better about moving. I hope so."

"Oh, Jen, I'm sorry. I should've told Ariel not to mention anything about it to Caitlin."

"Oh, don't worry about it. She had to find out sometime. It'll give her some time to get used to the idea. I told her that if she really wanted to stay here, she could live with her Aunt Stephanie and share a room with Danielle. That shut her up!"

Little did either of the two moms know that at that moment, Ariel was pulling a pamper out of Caitlin's bag. Ariel stared at it. It didn't look or feel like a pull-up. It was thicker and looked like it would hold a lot more.

Ariel realized she didn't know how to diaper herself. Caitlin was busy sulking on her bed. "Um, Caitlin?" Ariel asked.

"What."

"How do I put this thing on?"

Caitlin sighed and got up. "OK, first lie down." Ariel obeyed. She didn't realize that Caitlin was planning to put the diaper on for her until Caitlin pulled Ariel's pajama bottoms and pull-up off. She then slid the diaper under Ariel's rear and pulled the front part up and clumsily fastened the tabs. It wasn't a very good job, the diaper wasn't on tight enough and sagged a little, but it was better than Ariel could have done herself. Ariel quickly pulled her pajamas over the diaper so it wouldn't be so noticeable if someone walked in.

Ariel stared at herself in the mirror. Caitlin started laughing. "You look really cute, like a toddler. Want to play house? I'll be the mommy and you can be the baby."

"OK, cool."

"Come here, baby Ariel. Do you want a bottle?"

"Wahhhhhhhh! Mommy me want bottle, me hungry!" Ariel cried between giggles.

"OK, hold on baby!" Caitlin ran out of the room and was back in a moment with a bottle filled with milk. "Here you go, little baby."

Ariel hadn't expected Caitlin to get her a real bottle but she had it now so she figured she might as well drink it. She put the nipple in her mouth and started sucking. The feeling of having a bottle in her mouth and a diaper on her butt made her feel so nostalgic. She lay back on the bed and for a moment she was two years old again, lying in her mom's arms or in her crib, sucking on a bottle while wearing a thick diaper and nothing else. Suddenly she was brought back to reality by the familiar feeling of wetting her diaper and the not-so-familiar feeling of the urine streaming right out of the too loose sides and soaking her pajamas. Ariel sat up straight. "Oh, no!"

"What?" Caitlin saw Ariel's soaked pajamas clinging to her. "Oh, man, what are we going to do? You got the bed wet, too!"

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean too, but you didn't fasten the diaper tight enough, and when I peed, it ran out the sides!"

"OK, well, it's not that big of a deal. My mom has me do laundry sometimes when she's really busy. We'll just stick your pajamas and my blanket into the dryer. We just have to be really quiet when we go out of the room so no one hears us."

They gathered up the blanket and Ariel's pajamas. "Are you done with the bottle?" Caitlin asked. Ariel nodded. She liked playing a baby, but she didn't like the guilty feeling she got with it. She didn't think she was supposed to be wearing a diaper and drinking from a bottle. If her mom found out, she would be in big trouble.

They snuck the stuff downstairs to the laundry room, and Caitlin rinsed out the

bottle and put it away. After the stuff was dry, they took it back upstairs. Caitlin sniffed

the blanket. "It still smells like pee, but I'm not washing it tonight. Anyway, it's not my blanket- it was on the bed you're going to sleep on!"

The next two days went smoothly. Ariel wore pull-ups to bed like she was supposed to and wore underwear during the day. She didn't have any accidents, much to Jessica's relief. Ariel tried not to think about the bag of Pampers in Caitlin's closet, and she and Caitlin didn't talk about anything diaper related again. Caitlin figured Ariel really wanted to wear diapers and be treated like a baby but would not admit it, even to herself. She decided that she would try playing house again with Ariel when she saw her again later that spring and see if Ariel would give into her temptation to wear diapers...

Chapter Twelve

"I can't imagine where your mother is, Ariel. She usually calls if she's going to be this late."

Ariel nodded, not taking her eyes away from the window. She didn't know where her mother was either. It was after six and her mother was usually home by five or five-thirty. Sometimes she got held up at work but she called Monica's mom if that happened. Ariel was anxious to get home. She had something she wanted to show her mother, something very important.

It was the beginning of April. Today had been Ariel's last day of school before spring break. It was going to be a busy week for Ariel. Last week, Jenny had called to say she bought a house down the street from Ariel and Jessica's house. She, Caitlin, and Cody were moving the second Saturday in April, which was the next day. After school started again, Ariel'd be going to Caitlin's house after school. Ariel had mixed emotions about it. She liked her cousin but she didn't know if she wanted to be around her every afternoon. Caitlin seemed to have an attitude problem sometimes and often acted like she thought she was better than Ariel.

Just then there was a knock at the door. "That must be your mother," Mrs. Johnson said as she leaped up to get the door. Although Mrs. Johnson liked Ariel, she was annoyed by Jessica's tardiness. She didn't think much of Jessica. She thought she was too young to be a good mother, and she allowed Ariel to have too much free rein. That little girl had even gone through a phase where she wore pull-ups during the day because of her frequent accidents! Mrs. Johnson was relieved that Ariel no longer wore pull-ups during the day and rarely had daytime accidents anymore. She didn't want Ariel to be a bad influence on Monica.

Jessica suspected that Mrs. Johnson thought she was a just a careless kid. She was relieved that Ariel wasn't going to be spending every afternoon under her care anymore. She didn't think much of Mrs. Johnson's parenting skills either. She was always yelling at Monica for the slightest infractions, and Jessica knew Monica got spanked fairly frequently. Jessica never spanked her child and very rarely raised her voice with her. She knew from her own childhood that those kinds of punishments did more harm than good.

Jessica rushed in through the door, breathless. "I'm so sorry I'm late," she apologized. "I was at a job interview and it went on much longer than I expected. Thank you so much for watching Ariel, and I'll see you later. Come on, Ariel, let's get home." Ariel quickly waved good-bye to her friend and followed her mother out the door.

"Oh Ariel-I've got such good news for you," Jessica said as she unlocked their door.

"Me too! You wouldn't believe what happened at school today!" Ariel said.

"You go first, I want to hear all about it."

"Look what we got in school today," Ariel said, digging down in her backpack. She pulled out a sheet of paper and handed it to her mother. It was her report card.

Jessica looked it over. Ariel's grades had greatly improved since she had entered kindergarten. She had pulled her D in Language Arts up to an A and her C in Math was now an A also. Ariel's teacher had written in the comments section "Ariel has been doing so well in kindergarten. Her reading has improved tremendously and she seems to understand math much easier. Congratulations and keep up the great work, Ariel."

"Ariel! This is so great! I'm so proud of you, sweetie! We're going to have to go out and celebrate."

Ariel blushed and looked down so her mother wouldn't notice how hard she was grinning. She was proud of herself. She hadn't even had to work as hard as she'd done in first grade. Although transferring back to kindergarten had seemed like a bad idea three months earlier, Ariel now had to admit that it'd been worth it.

"What's your good news, Mommy?"

"Well, lately I've been going to job interviews to find a new job. I went to an interview today for a job as a secretary in a firm. Well, the interview went well, but I wasn't sure if I'd get the job or not. They called me right before I left work today to ask if I could come back for another brief interview. I went, and they barely asked me three questions before telling me I had the job! This is going to make it so much easier for both of us, Ariel. I'm going to be making more money, and we won't have to worry so much about expenses anymore."

"Are we going to be rich?" Ariel asked excitedly.

Jessica laughed. "No, we're not going to be rich, or even close to it. It just means we'll have a bit more spending money, and I won't have to worry about the bills anymore. But we're still going to have to watch what we spend. Oh, and I also have next week off. My new job doesn't start until the week after next and I already quit at the restaurant, thank god. So I will be home next week when you are. We can spend some time together."

Ariel was very excited to hear that. She loved spending time with her mother, who wasn't like most mothers Ariel had seen. Her mother usually treated her like a friend instead of like a child. Ariel thought her mother was the coolest person she knew.

They ate dinner and watched TV for a while. "Maybe we can get cable now," Jessica remarked. Ariel was very happy to hear that; now she could watch Rugrats whenever she wanted.

Jessica looked at her watch. "It's nine o'clock, Ariel," she said. "Would you like to stay up another hour and help me make brownies for your cousins when they get here tomorrow?"

"Ooh, yes!" Ariel replied, as she loved to bake with her mother and she also enjoyed getting to stay up later than usual.

Ariel mostly watched as her mother measured out the flour, sugar, cocoa, baking powder, margarine and eggs. "OK, Ariel, would you like to mix these together with the mixer while I add the powdered sugar?" Jessica asked.

Ariel was very excited; she had never used the mixer before. Jessica made her stand on a chair so she could reach the bowl more easily. "Now Ariel, turn it on after you-"

"I know, Mom, I know," Ariel interrupted impatiently as she impatiently turned the mixer on and plunged it into the bowl. Cocoa and sugar sprayed all over Ariel, getting on her shirt and her face and even her hair, and also onto the counter when the whirling beaters hit the brownie mixture. Ariel hastily turned off the mixer. "Oops," she said sheepishly, not daring to look at her mother.

"Ariel!" Jessica exclaimed. "I told you not to turn that on until after you put the beaters in the bowl but you never listen, do you? You've made a huge mess. I'll finish mixing up the brownies and get them into the oven while you go into the bathroom and start running water for your bath. I'll be in a minute to help you wash your hair. After your bath is over, you're going to come help me clean up this mess, young lady!"

Ariel's eyes filled with tears, and she rushed off to the bathroom before her mother could see. I didn't mean to get brownie mix all over the kitchen, she thought as she ran the bath water. She hoped her mother didn't stay mad for very long.

Jessica came into the bathroom a minute later. Ariel was already in the tub. She gave Ariel a slight smile, a sign that she wasn't annoyed with her anymore. "OK, Ariel," she instructed. "Bend your head over and close your eyes." Ariel obeyed. She loved it when her mother washed her hair.

Your hair is getting really long, Ariel," Jessica remarked as she rubbed shampoo through it. "Do you want to get it cut shorter for summer, like maybe up to your shoulders, or do you want to keep it long?"

"Ummm...get it cut," Ariel said, trying not to get soap in her mouth.

"OK. I need to get mine cut, too. We'll do that next week while you're off school."

After Ariel's hair was clean, Jessica helped her out of the tub and got her her pajamas and a pull-up. As Jessica handed Ariel the pull-up, she thought she saw the slightest flicker of excitement on Ariel's face. Jenny's voice echoed through her head, "Sounds to me like Ariel subconsciously wants to wear diapers." Jessica looked at Ariel strangely. Ariel had been very good about wearing her pull-ups lately. She hadn't complained in months and she had even volunteered to wear one when they went out in public. When Jessica had suggested she try to go without one, Ariel had looked disappointed. Jessica decided that Ariel was just glad not to be having accidents anymore, and forgot about it.

Jenny called the next day around noon. She and her kids had just arrived. Jessica and Ariel were welcome to come over at any time. They headed on over.

The place was only about a half mile from Jessica and Ariel's house and it was in the same community, however it was much larger. Jessica and Ariel lived in a two-bedroom apartment. Jenny, who obviously had more money than her younger cousin, had bought a two-story, four-bedroom house with a swingset in the backyard. Behind the backyard was about three acres of woods that were part of Jenny's property. Ariel and Caitlin were anxious to go back in the woods and check it out, but their parents were reluctant to let them.

"I don't know if that's a good idea," Jessica said. "It's not too early for the snakes to be out, and there are water moccasins around here. Plus, it looks like it might rain."

"But rain won't hurt us," Caitlin pleaded. "We'll won't go too far, we'll come back if we feel it starting to rain, and we'll stay away from any snakes we see. We're not dumb, we know not to pick snakes up."

Jenny shrugged. "I don't see why they can't, as long as they don't go too far. The property is fenced in, so they can only go so far."

It was decided that Ariel and Caitlin could go, and they ran up to Caitlin's room so Caitlin could get her shoes. Her stuff hadn't been unpacked yet, but the boxes were all over the floor. Caitlin dug around in one box. "Hey, Ariel, remember these?" she asked.

Ariel recognized the green-and-white bag instantly. "You still play with Pampers?" she asked.

"Yep. My mom hasn't caught me, either. I'm going to put one on before we go outside. If we get out there and have to pee, we'll have to walk home, and it'll be a pain. You want one?"

"Um...." Ariel was really tempted. She remembered the soft feeling of the diaper she'd worn in February and the way the dampness had disappeared from her skin instantly. She knew that out in the woods with no bathroom nearby,(the idea of peeing in the woods had never occurred to her) she'd be likely to have an accident. Wearing a diaper would certainly be better than wetting her pants. Of course that wasn't the real reason why she wanted the diaper. Deep down, Ariel knew that she loved the feeling of wearing a diaper and acting like a baby.

"OK, I'll wear the diaper."

Caitlin handed her the diaper. She didn't offer to put it on her this time, and Ariel found pulling the diaper tight to be harder than it seemed. She finally got it tight enough, and they headed downstairs.

"Just don't act guilty," Caitlin whispered to Ariel as they walked past Jenny and Jessica. "They're too busy to really look at us and notice the diapers. As long as we don't act like we're hiding something, they won't notice a thing."

The girls headed back into the woods. Even though Caitlin had promised they'd stay close to home, they walked further and further back, taking many turns along the way. "Let's stop now, I'm getting tired," Ariel said. They sat down on a log. Ariel began to feel the pressure of a full bladder. She wet the diaper quite easily. She was surprised to find that it was much easier to wet the diaper this time then it had been last time she'd worn a diaper. Then Ariel felt something else. She tried to forget about it, but it soon became too intense to ignore.

"Caitlin, maybe we should go home now. I've got to, um, poop."

"We're not going home now, we've only been out for a half hour," Caitlin said impatiently. "You're wearing a diaper. They're made for both peeing and pooping, you know."

"But I don't want to poop in the diaper! It's going to smell and get all squished against my butt and feel icky!"

"Well, I'm not going home now. You can walk home by yourself, use the toilet, and come back if you want."

Ariel decided that even if she started walking home, she probably wouldn't make it. She had no choice but to use the diaper she was wearing. She pushed a little bit and to her surprise, the poop came out faster than she expected. The diaper filled with soft mush which smeared against her butt. The feeling wasn't as bad as Ariel had expected, still she thought peeing was more fun.

Caitlin made a face and slid down to the other end of the log. "Eww, you stink! I hope my mom or your mom doesn't notice that when we get home."

Ariel hadn't even thought about that. She was going to have to find a way to hide it from her mother. Just then she felt a drop of rain. "It's raining," she said, disappointed. "We have to go home now."

"Oh, it's only raining a little bit," Caitlin replied. "Let's wait a few minutes and see if it stops."

They waited ten minutes, but it was raining harder instead of letting up. "I guess we'd better go on home, or we'll get into trouble," Caitlin said as she stood up. "Um...Ariel, do you remember which way we came?"

Ariel turned to her cousin in a panic. "I thought you would remember!" she exclaimed. She began to get a funny feeling in her stomach as she realized that they were lost in the woods and the rain was coming down much harder now...

Chapter Thirteen

It was another hour before Ariel and Caitlin found their way back to Caitlin's house. By this time, the rain was letting up, but they were both soaked and freezing.

They were greeted at the door by Jessica and Jenny, who were both considerably worried. Caitlin and Ariel had thought their moms would be angry, but instead they just seemed relieved that the girls were okay.

Ariel and Caitlin were led into the living room, where there was a fire going. The heat made their cold skin prickle. "Let's get you two out of those wet clothes." Jenny said. "Stay here. I'll run up and get some clothes for Ariel and Caitlin."

Ariel and Caitlin remained in front of the fire with Jessica, sipping the hot chocolate Jenny had made for all of them. Ariel was tired and had almost fallen asleep in her mother's lap when Jenny came down with clothes for them.

Caitlin stood up suddenly. "Oh, Ariel and I don't have to get dressed here. We can go into a bathroom or my room. Come on, Ariel." She grabbed Ariel and almost pulled her out of the room.

"No, you guys can stay here and get dressed in front of the fire," Jenny said. "The heat isn't working very well. All the other rooms are freezing. Cody is in his room playing, so you don't have to worry about him seeing you."

"We don't mind the cold," Caitlin said. She was speaking fast and seemed very nervous.

"Caitlin, don't be ridiculous. You girls are both freezing, I can tell. Change your clothes in front of the fire."

Ariel had been trying to figure out what Caitlin was trying to hide. Now she remembered. She and Caitlin were both still in their soaked diapers. Ariel had pooped in hers. Their mothers were sure to see them.

Ariel and Caitlin exchanged nervous looks before lowering their pants. They were left standing their in a t-shirt and glowing white diaper. Jenny and Jessica were deep in conversation and not really paying attention, but Jenny happened to glance their way.

"WHAT are you girls wearing?!" she exclaimed. Jessica turned to stare.

"Um...." Caitlin stammered.

"Why are you girls wearing diapers?" Jessica demanded. "Start explaining, Ariel."

"Well...we were going out in the woods, and we figured it would be a pain to come all the way back just to go to the bathroom, and if we wore diapers, we wouldn't have to go back," Ariel said, her eyes rapidly filling with tears. She couldn't look at her mother.

"I see," Jenny replied. "We are going to have to talk about this privately. Stay here, both of you. And don't even think about taking those diapers off!"

Jessica and Jenny went into the kitchen. "I don't know what to think," Jessica sighed. "I should've seen it coming, really, but it's kind of unbelievable. A six-year-old wanting to wear diapers? I thought toilet training was supposed to be some kind of proud accomplishment."

"So did I," Jenny replied. "But Caitlin always was a little odd about toilet training. She showed no interest in it at all. I finally trained her when she was three, by refusing to buy any more diapers and putting her in underwear. She didn't like the feeling of wet and messy underwear at all, and started using the potty. I felt like she was finally trained, but a year later Cody was born, and she started wetting her bed. I put her back in diapers for that so I wouldn't have to deal with wet sheets. But I never intended or expected for her to use the diapers for anything other than the bedwetting."

"Ariel was trained just before her third birthday. She didn't show much interest in being trained, but she was pretty proud when she started wearing underwear. She wet her bed a few times, but was never a regular bedwetter until last December when she just started wetting again all of a sudden, around the same time that she was held back in school. I blamed it on stress and put her in pull-ups to keep the bed clean. I would've gotten her diapers, but she seemed to associate the bedwetting with being a baby, so I thought she'd like pull-ups better than diapers. Then she started wetting her pants and having to wear pull-ups during the day. She finally outgrew that. She's doing better in school now, she's making some new friends, so I don't see what she has to be stressed about. I don't understand why she wants to wear diapers."

"A lot of kids regress when they go through stress, and continue to regress even after the stress is out of their life," Jenny explained. "I guess Caitlin and Ariel will get over this eventually. I think for right now, the best thing to do is to get them their diapers and let them act like babies all the time. Make them wear diapers all the time, including school. They'll probably get sick of it after a while and want their underwear back."

Caitlin and Ariel were waiting nervously in the living room when their mothers came back. "Ariel, we're going home right now," Jessica said. "You can talk to Caitlin later. Maybe we'll all do something tomorrow."

Ariel was lead out to the car. She sat in the backseat during the short drive home and watched her mother. Jessica didn't seem to be mad. Ariel was wondering what she was going to say about the diaper. She was still wearing the poopy diaper from earlier and wondered when she was going to get to change.

"Ariel, what is it about diapers that you like?" Jessica asked after they were in their apartment again, sitting on the couch.

Ariel hadn't been expecting that question. She hesitated a minute and Jessica said "Answer honestly. I'm not going to get mad at you. I'm just trying to decide what to do."

"Well, I guess I like being able to go whenever and not having to worry about having an accident or running to use the bathroom," Ariel began. She thought for a minute and then blurted out the rest. "I like feeling like a baby again because it's fun and it makes me feel loved and I don't want to grow up and have to go to school, Mommy, I just want to be able to feel like a baby and not have to worry about anything. The diapers feel really good, they're a lot thicker than underwear and really soft. And everyone likes babies and says how cute they look in diapers. I like the way I look in a diaper, I look like I did in those pictures of me when I was a toddler. And I like the way it feels when you change me after I wet my pull-up, and you hold me really close. But I'm too old to wear diapers and I promise I'll never wear them again. I'm sorry, Mommy."

Jessica just looked at her for a second and then said "Oh Ariel, poor baby, come here." The choice of words was not coincidental. Ariel crawled into her mother's lap and cried into her shoulder. Jessica stroked her hair as she said "It's okay, Ariel. If you want to wear diapers that badly, you can have them."

"Yes! I want them really badly. Thank you so much, Mommy!" Ariel said, her tears dissolving as she hugged her mother tightly.

"You're welcome. But there are a few drawbacks, Ariel. You have to wear diapers all the time. That includes school."

"I'll wear them to school," Ariel agreed quickly.

"I'm not trying to punish you, Ariel. But I want you to know what you're getting into. Some of the other kids might not understand why you're wearing diapers. They might say some mean things. Also, you're going to have to be changed at school. I'll have to wait until the school is open again to call your teacher about that."

Ariel was a bit apprehensive about wearing diapers to school and being changed there, but she decided it was worth it to be able to wear diapers. Jessica went ahead and changed her before taking her shopping for diaper supplies. Since Ariel had nothing but pull-ups, she went ahead and wore one to the store until her mother could change her into a diaper for the first time in more than three years.

At the store, Jessica picked out the Pampers Size Six for Ariel. She realized she also had to buy wipes, powder, and diaper rash ointment. Jessica quickly grabbed what they needed and hurried towards the cash register, anxious to pay for the stuff and get out before she saw anyone she knew. Much as Jessica supported Ariel's decision to wear diapers, she knew there were people who would give her hell about having a six-year-old in diapers.

They didn't see anyone they knew, which was a relief to Ariel as well as Jessica. Ariel didn't want to see anyone from school, particularly one of the boys in her class. She wasn't wild over the idea of wearing diapers to school and planned to be extra careful so no one would find out.

As Ariel and Jessica walked towards the checkout line, they passed some other baby products--bottles, pacifiers, and baby food. Ariel stared at the stuff as they passed by, hoping her mom would offer to buy her some other baby things. Jessica didn't notice Ariel's fascination of the baby products, and Ariel decided to wait until later to ask for them. She didn't want to push her luck.

Ariel allowed herself to pee in the pull-up as they were driving home so her mom would change her into a diaper. "Mommy, I need to be changed," she said timidly as they were walking in the door.

"OK Ariel, I need to go look for something real quick and then I will change you." Jessica disappeared into her bedroom for a few minutes, and came out carrying a changing pad. It was light blue and had a teddy bear print. Ariel stared at it. "Hey, where'd that come from?"

"It was yours when you were a baby. It was to take on trips and stuff. I sold your changing table after you were potty-trained, but I folded this up and stuck it in a box with some of your baby clothes and put the box in the back of my closet. I'd almost forgotten about it."

Ariel lay down on the changing pad. It was more comfortable than just getting changed on the floor. Her mom pulled off her pants and the soggy pull-up. Jessica then began wiping Ariel off with a baby wipe, which to Ariel was the best feeling in the world. Jessica applied powder to Ariel's rear to prevent her from getting a rash. Then she slid the clean diaper under Ariel's butt and pulled it up between her legs and fastened the tabs snugly.

"There, all clean," Jessica said, lifting Ariel up and patting her diapered rear as she did so.

"Thank you, Mommy," Ariel said shyly.

The next morning, Ariel invited Caitlin over to play. When Caitlin arrived, Ariel looked at her pants, expecting to see the bulge of a diaper, but there was none. "Didn't your mom put you in diapers?" Ariel asked.

Caitlin shook her head. "Not during the day. Mom said I'd have to wear them to school, and if I wore them to school, everyone would probably laugh at me. Besides, I still get to wear them at night for my bedwetting, and that's almost as good. It would be a pain always having to get them changed."

"But you're the one who got me into diapers! It would be fun if we both wore diapers to school. Some of the kids might laugh, but I bet a lot wouldn't care. I wet my pants at school once, one kid laughed and another girl stood up for me and we became friends. None of the other kids in my class cared about it either," Ariel argued.

Caitlin gave Ariel a funny look. "Ariel, you're in kindergarten. I'm in second grade. I'm almost eight. It's different in second grade. Most kindergartners still have accidents sometimes, a lot wear diapers to bed, and a few still wear them during the day. But by second grade most kids have outgrown all that. At my old school in Georgia, there was one girl in my class who still wore diapers. She was in a car accident, I think. Sometimes she'd poop in her diaper during class, and everyone would know what she'd done. A lot of the kids laughed at her, and nobody wanted to be her friend. I don't want to be like that. I want to have friends and be normal."

Ariel invited Monica over to meet her cousin. She told Monica on the phone that she had a surprise for her. When Ariel heard the doorbell ring, she took a deep breath. Monica had been her best friend for years. Today Ariel would find out if Monica was really a true friend.

Monica smiled at Ariel as she stepped in. "Hi Ariel!" she said cheerfully. She barely looked at Ariel and did not notice the diaper right away. She looked past Ariel at Caitlin, who was standing behind Ariel. "Hi...you must be Ariel's cousin. I'm Monica. Ariel is my best friend."

Caitlin smiled. "Yeah, hi, I'm Caitlin." She gestured to Ariel. "Notice anything different about Ariel?"

Ariel could've died. She hadn't meant for Caitlin to tell Monica about the diapers right away, she had wanted to wait and see how long it was before Monica noticed, to give her an idea of how long it would be before the kids at school noticed.

Monica studied Ariel carefully. "Um....you're wearing really thick underwear?"

Caitlin rolled her eyes. "You're quick," she said sarcastically. "Although I guess you're right in a way. Ariel's wearing a diaper."

"A DIAPER?" Monica repeated, shocked. "Why are you wearing a diaper, Ariel?"

Ariel flushed. "Because I like them," she replied boldly. "You said yourself you liked wearing a pull-up, diapers are even better."

"I think diapers and pull-ups feel really nice. I guess it's cool if you want to wear one during the day. I wish my mom would let me wear diapers." Monica said enviously.

"Yeah, they're a lot of fun," Ariel said, relieved. "My mom changes me. She caught me wearing a diaper yesterday and told me I could wear them if I wanted. The only problem is, I have to wear them to school."

"You're wearing them to school?" Monica asked incredulously. "I would never be able to wear them to school. Aren't you scared everyone will laugh?"

Nothing anyone said about wearing diapers to school reassured Ariel any. Both Caitlin and Monica seemed sure that Ariel was in for a lot of teasing if she wore diapers to school. Ariel tried all week to talk her mother out of making her wear them to school, with no luck. Jessica insisted that Ariel was going to have an accident if she didn't wear diapers to school. It was all or nothing, and Ariel chose all.

The night before Ariel had to return to school after spring break, she was so anxious she couldn't sleep. Finally, she snuck out of bed and grabbed a pair of underwear from her dresser. She tucked them into her backpack, in between the three diapers her mother had put in so she could be changed by the school nurse. No way was she wearing diapers at school.

Chapter Fourteen

Ariel woke up very early the next morning. She had butterflies in her stomach and reminded herself of the underwear in her backpack. There was no reason to be nervous, no reason why her plan shouldn't work.

Jessica came into Ariel's room to wake her and was surprised to find her already up. "Nervous about going to school in diapers?" she asked.

"Not really," Ariel replied. It wasn't a lie. She was nervous about getting out of her diaper and into the clean underwear in her backpack without getting caught.

"You'll be fine," Jessica assured her after Ariel was dressed. "You can't even see the diaper. Nobody's going to notice."

Ariel hugged her mom good-bye, and walked to the bus stop. Other kids were already there, laughing and talking about their spring breaks. It had rained all the way through spring break, but now that everyone had to go back to school, the sun was out.

Monica arrived at the stop just as the bus was pulling up. She and Ariel sat together. "So are you wearing one?" she asked really quietly.

"Yes," Ariel whispered back. "But not for long. I've got underwear in my backpack, and I'm going to change into it as soon as I get to school."

"Ohhhhhh," Monica said. "That's what I'd do, too."

Caitlin got on then. She sat in front of Ariel and Monica and turned around to face them.

"Are you nervous about your first day here?" Monica asked her.

"Me? Nervous?" Caitlin laughed. "I'm never nervous. It's just school." Ariel and Monica exchanged glances; Caitlin thought she was pretty tough, but they could both tell she was a nervous wreck.

"Ariel's got underwear in her backpack, and she's going to change into it when we get to school," Monica announced to Caitlin.

Ariel turned to her best friend. "Will you stop talking about that?" she hissed. "Caitlin's got a big mouth. She'll probably tell her mom."

"I heard that, Ariel! I do not have a big mouth! I'm not telling my mom anything, but he's going to figure it out when she goes to change you this afternoon and you're not wearing a diaper."

"Mr. Keever always lets us go outside ten minutes before school ends so we can play. I can sneak off to the bathroom and change back into a diaper then." Ariel said.

The bus pulled up in front of the school then. Ariel, Monica and Caitlin got out. Monica and Caitlin went to the bathroom with Ariel first so they could stand guard while Ariel got changed and make sure there were no other kids in the bathroom when Ariel came out to throw her diaper in the trash can.

Inside the stall, Ariel quickly ripped the tabs of her diaper and pulled it off. It was already wet, as Ariel had drank a glass of grape juice for breakfast, and it had worked its way through her system on the bus. Ariel slid on the underwear, noticing how strange it felt to be wearing underwear after a week in diapers. It was like when she went roller skating and took her skates off and put her shoes back on, and walking always felt a little strange afterwards.

Ariel and Caitlin waved good-bye to Monica at the door of Mrs. Ellis' first grade classroom. Mrs. Ellis stopped Ariel and made a big fuss over her.

"Hello there, Ariel. I hear you're doing very well in your new class. I've missed you in my class. You've gotten taller since I last saw you. You're becoming quite a grown-up young lady!"

It was just an casual comment, one that all adults say to little girls when they haven't seen them in a while, but Caitlin started laughing at the irony of the "grown up" part. Mrs. Ellis gave her a strange look, and Caitlin stopped laughing. "Yeah, Ariel really acts like an adult," she mumbled.

Ariel walked Caitlin to her class, to show her where it was. Caitlin looked really nervous, but still denied that she wasn't. Ariel said good-bye and hurried to her own class.

She sat down next to her friend Diana, and the two began discussing their spring breaks. Ariel pulled her workbooks out of her backpack, careful not to open it enough so Diana could see the diapers inside. Caught in one of her workbooks was the note her mom had given her to give to Mr. Keever, explaining about her diapers. Diana pulled it out. "Hey, what's this?" she asked.

Ariel grabbed it. "Um, nothing, nothing at all," she said quickly. "Just a piece of trash." She tore the note into small pieces and threw it away. Diana gave her a strange look.

"You're acting weird," she told Ariel. "What was on that paper you didn't want me to see?"

"Um, well, I didn't care if you saw it, but it was an old math quiz that I didn't do well on, and I wanted to throw it away before my mom could see it." Ariel was surprised at how easily the lie slipped out. It was already obvious that she was going to have to tell a lot of lies to keep her school friends from finding out she wore diapers at home, and to keep her mom from finding out she wasn't wearing them at school. The only time Ariel'd ever lied to her mom before was the day months ago, when she'd wet her pants and hidden the evidence under her bed. She felt guilty about sneaking underwear to school.

Then again, Ariel didn't think her mom was being very fair about making her wear diapers all the time, either. Even though Jessica had assured her that she wasn't being punished, it felt like a punishment to Ariel.

The morning went well. Ariel used the bathroom during morning recess, which was at ten o'clock, but she still had to ask permission to use it around eleven, because she didn't think she could hold it until lunch, which was at eleven-thirty. Although she'd only been wearing diapers a week, Ariel felt like her bladder was starting to weaken, and now understood why her mother wanted her to wear them full-time if she was going to wear them at all. Still, Ariel felt that she didn't really need the diapers, and would have no problems using the bathroom at school.

Ariel used the bathroom again during lunch. After lunch everyone headed back to the classroom. Although the class was usually rowdy after lunch, they were especially hyper today, since it was the first day back from spring break. Mr. Keever had told them several times that morning to settle down, and as the afternoon wore on, he became more and more impatient.

"Class!" he yelled over the noise. "This is your last warning! If you cannot settle down NOW, I'm going to keep you in here working until the bell rings, instead of letting you go outside for a few minutes!"

Ariel panicked, as she knew that no afternoon recess would mean that she couldn't change out of her diaper before going to Caitlin's house after school. She quit talking to Diana and worked on her work.

Although no one wanted to lose recess, gradually the temptation to talk overcame the desire to go outside before school ended. The room gradually got loud again. Thirty minutes before school ended, Mr. Keever yelled at them again.

"That's it! You guys are staying in here through recess. I can't teach you anything when you're rowdy like this. Since you are going to talk during regular class time, you can get started on your homework during the last ten minutes of the day."

Muffled groans rose up from the class. Ariel's heart sank. She would have to tell Jenny that she didn't need to be changed when she got to her house, then sneak off and change into her diaper. At least Jenny worked at home, so she'd probably be too busy to pay much attention to Ariel and Caitlin.

Of course, she already had to use the bathroom. Mr. Keever probably wasn't going to let her go, since she had left class to go before. Oh well, she could hold it.

The bell rang at the end of the day, and Ariel ran to her bus. She almost had to run to her bus, because they left five minutes after the bell rang. She sat down beside Monica, and Caitlin sat in front of them, just like that morning.

"So are you wearing a diaper again?" Caitlin asked.

"No! Dumb Mr. Keever took away afternoon recess just because we were talking, and I didn't get to change! Now I'll have to change at your house."

"Don't worry," Caitlin assured Ariel. "My mom's gonna want to hear all about my day. I can distract her while you sneak off to the bathroom and change."

The bus pulled away from the school and started down the road. Suddenly the bus driver slammed on the brakes, and everyone went forward in their seats. Bookbags fell to the floor and slid underneath the seats. A few kids stood up to see what was going, including Caitlin. Since the bus was higher then all the cars in front of them, she could see what was causing the traffic jam. "Oh cool, a car accident! A really bad one!" she exclaimed.

Ariel and Monica stood up to see it, too. Two cars were spread out across the road. They looked totaled. People were getting out of their cars to help the injured victims inside the wrecked cars. Sirens could be heard in the distance, and a police car was already there.

"Well, we're going to be here a while," Caitlin said, smiling. "This is so cool! I've never seen a car accident this close before."

Ariel didn't think it was cool at all. Her grandparents had been killed in a car accident, and Jessica hated seeing car accidents. Ariel knew that the "cooler" the accident looked, the more likely it was that someone had died or was seriously injured. She liked her cousin Caitlin, but sometimes didn't understand her at all.

There was another thing about this car accident that made Ariel unhappy. Her urge to pee was getting worse and worse. If the traffic didn't clear up soon, there was going to be another kind of accident. She squirmed in her seat, and Monica looked at her.

"Do you have to go to the bathroom?" Monica asked.

Ariel nodded tearfully. She had to get to a bathroom soon, or she would be in trouble. She wasn't sure what her mom would do if she found out that Ariel had changed into underwear at school. Ariel thought she might not let her wear diapers anymore. She had to make it to a bathroom.

The bus began creeping forward a little bit, and then suddenly slammed on the brakes again. Ariel couldn't hold it anymore. Her bladder seemed to collapse as pee streamed into her underwear and pants and formed a puddle on the seat. Monica looked horrified as she inched herself to the edge of the seat.

"Ariel! Couldn't you hold it?" she asked.

Ariel was sobbing. She couldn't seem to stop sobbing like a baby, and it drew Caitlin's attention. "Ariel, what is your problem?" She saw the stain on Ariel's jeans. "Oh."

"Here," Monica said, handing Ariel her jacket. "Put this on till we get to my house, and it will cover the stain on your pants. Just try not to get pee on it!"

"Thanks, Monica," Ariel said, sniffling as she put on the jacket. "What am I going to do? My mom's going to be so mad! I was supposed to wear my diapers to school."

"Maybe when we get to my house, my mom will let you wash your pants and not tell your mom what happened. All you have to do is look real sad about what happened, and she'll feel sorry for you and not tell your mom," Caitlin offered.

Ariel was lucky. None of the other kids on the bus seemed to notice what had happened. It wasn't very crowded that afternoon, and no one was sitting near Ariel, Monica and Caitlin. Caitlin and Ariel were getting off at the second-to-the-last stop, so there would only be three or four kids on the bus when they got off, and Ariel might be able to hide most of the stain with her backpack. But she'd never be able to hide it from Jenny. And, despite what Caitlin had said, Ariel didn't think she could talk Jenny into not telling her mom.

It was another hour before the traffic let up, and the bus could continue on its normal route. Ariel and Caitlin finally climbed off the bus at four-thirty, an hour and a half later than expected. As they turned down Caitlin's street, Caitlin said "Hey look, Ariel, isn't that your mom's car?"

Ariel stared in dismay. For the first time, she wasn't happy at all to see her mom. She continued walking up the street, a feeling of dread in her stomach. There was no way she'd be able to hide her accident from her mom now. Jessica would know what had happened as soon as she saw her.

Ariel followed Caitlin inside. Jessica and Jenny came running up to greet them, full of questions about Caitlin's first day of school and exclaiming over how late the bus had been. Jessica saw the wet spot on Ariel right away.

"Oh honey, let's go get you changed before we go home. It must have been a while since you were changed. How was your day? Did you have any problems getting changed?"

Ariel began to cry; her mom was so nice about the diapers, and she had messed up her chance of getting to wear them as long as she wanted. She'd had a long day, and her soaked, cold clothes were beginning to cause a rash on her bottom. She wanted to go home and get changed into a diaper and curl up on her mom's lap and go to sleep.

Concerned, Jessica came over and took Ariel in her arms. "What's the matter, sweetie? Did the other kids give you a hard time about your diapers?"

Ariel shook her head, sniffling. "No...they didn't...because I didn't wear diapers at

school. I changed into underwear when I got to school, and I thought I could just change again before school was over. But Mr. Keever took away our afternoon recess, and I couldn't change back into my diapers. Then the bus got delayed, and I wet my pants." She looked down, tears swimming in her eyes.

Jessica sighed. "All right, Ariel, we'll talk about it at home. Go into the bathroom and let me change you before you get a rash."

Ariel was changed quickly. Jessica didn't say anything while she was changing her, except to comment on the slight rash she had. "You must've been in those wet clothes for awhile. I've got some cream at home I'll put on it."

Ariel was quite relieved to have her diapers back on. She didn't want to face school anymore without with comfort and security of a thick diaper that she could pee in anytime she wanted to.

"So did you take off your diapers because you were afraid the other kids would tease you?" Jessica asked as she was driving them home.

"Yeah," Ariel muttered.

"Well, I knew if you didn't wear diapers to school, something like this would happen. Ariel, if you wear diapers even at home, your bladder control is going to become very weak. You are approaching a point where you will need to wear diapers all the time. I'm going to give you one more chance. Either you wear diapers all the time, including school, or you don't wear them at all. Next time I find out you didn't wear them somewhere, you're out of diapers. Permanently. I'll get you Goodnites or something to wear for your bedwetting. Do you understand?"

Ariel nodded, relieved. She was going to be wearing diapers for as long as she wanted.

The next day, she headed to her class nervously, once again carrying a note explaining her need to be changed. Jessica was also going to call the teacher and talk to him, to make sure Ariel could get changed OK and that he would reprimand any kids teasing Ariel about her diapers.

Ariel walked up to Mr. Keever's desk before class started and handed him the note. She didn't look at him as he read it, keeping her eyes down on the pictures of his kids.

"OK Ariel, this is fine. Try to see the nurse during lunch and recess, but if you really need to be changed during class, raise your hand and ask to go to the bathroom and I'll let you go. I won't mention your diapers to any of the other students, and you don't have to tell them about it either. But if they find out and start giving you a hard time, come tell me, and I'll deal with them."

"Thanks, Mr. Keever." Ariel replied and walked to her desk. Mr. Keever acted like he had students wearing diapers all the time. Ariel just hoped the nurse would be as nice.

Ariel was due for her first diaper change by lunchtime. She'd peed in the diaper three times, and it was soaked. One of the times had been when she was working with Diana and a couple of other kids on a group project. She'd peed in her diaper right while she was talking to them, and they'd all been looking at her, listening to what she was talking about, and hadn't had a clue that she had peed in a diaper, or that she was even wearing one. If she could do that, then there was no reason why anyone would ever find out about the diapers.

As the rest of the class headed down to lunch, Ariel got out of line and headed for the nurse's office. "Hey Ariel, where are you going?" Diana asked.

"Um...I have to go to the bathroom," Ariel stuttered nervously.

Ariel walked into the nurse's office. Only two kids were in there, and they both looked like they were in fourth or fifth grade. One was resting on a cot, and the other was holding a paper towel over a bleeding nose. Ariel handed the nurse the pass Mr. Keever had given her to use whenever she had to go to the nurse.

"Hello, young lady, how may I help you?" the nurse, Mrs. Jennings, asked pleasantly. Mrs. Jennings was a large, motherly woman. She loved kids, and she loved her job.

"I, um, have to get my diaper changed," Ariel whispered, her face turning pink.

"You must be the little girl from Mr. Keever's class. He told me you were going to be wearing diapers to school from now on. Come on back here," she said, leading Ariel back into a little room with a changing table.

"Are there a lot of kids like me?" Ariel asked shyly as she was being changed.

"You mean wearing diapers? Let's see, there's four others in kindergarten besides you wearing them, three in the first grade, three in second grade, two in third grade, two in fourth grade, and one in fifth grade. That's sixteen kids altogether, and you figure there's probably a few who wear them to school but don't get changed by me, so since there's a thousand kids in the school, probably about one in fifty kids here wear diapers to school."

"Four kids in kindergarten? Who?"

"Well, I'm not allowed to give you their names, but one's a girl, like you, and the other three are boys."

Four others in kindergarten! There were seven kindergarten classes, so it was possible one of those kids was in Ariel's class! Even if they weren't in her class, they had recess with her...and Ariel had every intention of finding out who they were.

Chapter Fifteen

The rest of the school year went quickly for Ariel. She didn't have much of a chance to find out who else in her school wore diapers. Nor did anyone find out she was wearing diapers, except for Diana. Ariel told her about the diapers one afternoon in May when Diana commented on how Ariel always had to go to the bathroom before lunch.

Diana didn't seem to care that Ariel was in diapers, but never mentioned it again. She thought it was strange, and she didn't see why anyone would ever want to wear diapers. However, she and Ariel remained friends, and Diana kept Ariel's diapers a secret.

As soon as school was out, Ariel began staying at Caitlin's house all day long. Cody had finally been potty trained, just before summer began. He did not need diapers anymore, not even at night, and was quite proud of how he stayed dry at night but his older sister didn't.

Jenny asked Jessica to get Ariel some diapers to wear in the water, since they had a neighborhood pool and a beach right down the street. Jessica took Ariel to Babies R Us to find some water diapers. The store had a huge display of Huggies Little Swimmers, but they were too small for Ariel, as the largest size was thirty-four pounds and up. Jessica finally found some plastic pants in an extra large size, meant for children forty-five pounds and heavier and designed to protect diapers from the water.

Once at home, Jessica insisted that Ariel try her bathing suit on with the plastic pants over her diapers. "Oh Ariel, that's adorable!" she exclaimed. "Hold on while I put film in the camera!"

"Mommy!" Ariel protested, but she was really thrilled with the bulging of her diapers under her bathing suit. It made her look like the two-year-olds she'd seen at the neighborhood pool last summer. In her diapers, Ariel really did look like a tall two-year-old.

"Say cheese, honey!" Jessica cried, holding the camera about ten feet away from Ariel. Ariel smiled sweetly as the flash went off. For the next pose, she pulled her diaper down a bit so the edges hung over her bathing suit.

Jessica put the camera down after that picture. "Would you like to see some pictures from when you were really a baby?" she asked Ariel

"Sure!" Ariel had seen more recent pictures of herself, but never any baby pictures. Jessica dug through drawers and found Ariel's baby book. The first page was simply filled with statistics. Baby's name, Ariel Michelle Crawford. Born November 3, 1992 at 7:47 a.m. to Jessica Courtney Crawford and Joshua Robert Powell. Weight: six pounds, nine ounces. Length: twenty inches.

Ariel turned the page, and there were pictures of her as a newborn, with her mom going home from the hospital, in her basinette and crib, in an infant bathtub, being held by her father, lying on the floor smiling toothlessly. Another page had a big picture of her, obviously a bit older, walking around the house with her mother and wearing nothing but a sagging diaper. Ariel had been an adorable toddler, with rosy cheeks and short blond curls. There were several pictures of her on her first birthday, tearing the wrapping paper off of a gift, doing her best to blow out the candle on her cake, eating cake with vanilla frosting smeared all over her face, and sitting on the floor with a few other unidentified rugrats. The book also contained various scribbled drawings from preschool, including one with two stick figures, one with curly blond hair, another with straight golden-brown hair. "Me and Mommy" was written above the drawing, obviously by a teacher.

There were similar photos from her second birthday, her first, second, and third Christmas, and Ariel just walking around, sometimes with a diaper sticking out. Ariel loved these pictures the most. Then she found one picture which intrigued her. It was her sitting on the toilet, with her pants and pull-up down around her ankles. Her hair was in pigtails, and she was grinning proudly. Ariel searched the toddler's face, trying to see if there was any hint showing that maybe she wasn't so proud of her accomplishment and missed her diapers, but there was nothing. At one time, Ariel had been thrilled to be out of diapers.

Jenny and Jessica decided to spend the Fourth of July at the beach, complete with a picnic lunch, volleyball and fireworks. Jessica agreed to bring sandwiches, chips and drinks if Jenny brought fruit, desert and the volleyball net. It would be Ariel's first time using her new plastic pants with her diapers, as Jenny had been so busy working at home that she hadn't had a chance to take Ariel and Caitlin swimming. Ariel asked if she could invite Monica along, since she had hardly seen her since school ended. Monica accepted the invitation, and Ariel waited with impatience for the holiday.

Ariel awoke around nine on Sunday, July 4th. She was sticky and sweaty. It had been incredibly hot and humid lately, and the humidity just seemed to seep in through the walls of the apartment, no matter how hard the air conditioning worked. Ariel's diaper was soaked, and the still-warm urine wasn't a good feeling to her, for once. Usually she loved to lie awake in bed and enjoy the feeling of a soaked diaper before getting changed.

Ariel got out of bed and headed into the kitchen, where her mom was packing sandwiches into the cooler. "Mommy, it's hot in here!"

"I know it is, sweetie. It's already ninety-three degrees outside. The beach is the best place to be on a day like this. I guarantee that water will not be too warm." Jessica washed her hands and got Ariel's changing pad out. Nothing felt better to Ariel on a hot day than a cool, soothing baby wipe and a fresh diaper.

Monica arrived a few minutes later. She helped Ariel and Jessica finish packing up the cooler, and then they all left for the beach. The drive was a long, hot one made worse by the lack of air conditioning and the Virginia Beach Fourth of July tourist traffic. The beach they were going to was a fairly secluded one that most tourists didn't know about, so it wouldn't be too crowded.

Ariel and Monica sat in the backseat. Monica noticed Ariel's new plastic pants and asked to see a pair. Ariel pulled an extra pair out of her diaper bag and showed it to Monica. "Oh, these are nice," Monica said enviously as she held one. "They don't make as much noise as I would've thought they would, either."

"Do you want to wear them over a diaper? My mom will put you in a diaper if you want," Ariel whispered.

"I don't know. Maybe I'd better not." Monica said doubtfully. "What if someone from school sees you?"

Ariel shrugged. It was something she tried not to think about. She told herself that if someone from school saw her, by September they would've forgotten about it.

They finally arrived at the beach. Ariel's cousins weren't there yet, so she and Monica helped Jessica drag the heavy cooler out of the car and set up the beach towels. Jenny, Caitlin and Cody showed up a few minutes later. Jenny had brought an umbrella so they could sit in the shade while they ate lunch.

Jessica and Jenny watched as Ariel, Caitlin, Monica and Cody ran to the shoreline after having sunblock rubbed all over them. "Ariel certainly doesn't seem to mind having her diapers sticking out of her bathing suit like a two-year-old," Jenny commented.

Jessica shook her head. "Nope. She enjoys her diapers. I worry about that sometimes. She can't keep it a secret at school forever. I don't know how the other kids are going to react when they find out she wears diapers."

"She'll be fine," Jenny assured Jessica. "Maybe a few really mean kids might tease her a bit, but it's not going to affect her friendships. Ariel's tougher than you think she is. She can deal with a little bit of teasing."

Ariel came running up to them. "Aren't you guys coming? The water's freezing!" she shrieked.

Jessica stood up a bit reluctantly. "How are your plastic pants doing? Are they keeping your diaper dry?" she asked Ariel quietly.

"Yep! Monica was jealous, too! She kept looking at them like she wanted to wear them, but when I asked her if she wanted to wear a diaper and plastic pants, she said she couldn't."

"You don't want Monica to wear your diapers, Ariel. If her mom finds out we let her wear diapers, she'll probably never let Monica even talk to you or I again." Jessica replied. Ariel shrugged and ran ahead of them to the water.

"What's Monica's mom like?" Jenny asked as they walked to the water.

"She's a bitch, that's what she's like," Jessica muttered. "She makes Monica wake up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. If Monica wets her bed anyway, she has to wash her sheets, and she's not allowed to leave her house that day. Mrs. Johnson wouldn't put Monica in diapers because, according to her, Monica wets the bed on purpose. When she found out Ariel was in diapers full-time, I had to tell her Ariel had a medical problem, otherwise she wouldn't want Monica hanging out with Ariel anymore. If she found out Monica wore diapers at our house, she'd ban the poor child from our house forever and send her to a shrink. I don't know what Monica's dad would do. I only met him once, in the two years Monica and Ariel have known each other. He works a lot."

"Poor Monica," Jenny said. "But I don't see why she couldn't wear diapers at least when she sleeps over at your house. If her mom did somehow find out, you could just tell her you didn't want Monica wetting the bed."

"That might work. Next time Monica sleeps over, I'll offer her a diaper."

Everyone splashed around in the water until lunchtime. Ariel had to be changed once during the morning, which was no problem because the restrooms were empty while she was changed. At lunchtime, she needed to be changed again because she'd pooped her diaper. Ariel could pee in her diaper without even thinking about it, but she still hadn't gotten used to pooping. She had to stop what she was doing and concentrate on emptying her bowels before she could poop in her diaper.

Jessica took Ariel into the bathroom. She pulled out the changing table and lifted Ariel onto it. "Ariel, you're getting heavy! Pretty soon, you're going to have to climb up here yourself!" she said.

While Ariel was getting changed, another mother walked in with her son, who looked like he was about four. They stood waiting to use the changing table after Jessica and Ariel were done. "Wow! I thought David was the only kid his age who wasn't potty trained, but your daughter looks older than he is!" the mother commented.

"Actually, Ariel was potty trained. But she chose to wear diapers again." Jessica replied, curious as to what the lady's reaction would be.

"Really? David seems to enjoy his diapers, too. I don't really mind. I figure he'll potty train when he's ready."

"I think Ariel's just going through a phase." Jessica said as she pulled Ariel's plastic pants over her fresh diaper, put her bathing suit bottoms on her, and lifted her down from the changing table. They went to go eat their lunch.

While they were eating, it started to rain. Jenny and Jessica decided just to wait out the rain and then go back in the water, as it was still very hot, but when it started to thunder, the lifeguards ordered everyone off the beach. The two moms decided to meet at Jenny's house later to drive to the strip and watch the fireworks, if they didn't get rained out.

Ariel and Jessica walked into the house just as the phone was ringing. Jessica ran to pick it up. It was Ariel's father, Josh. He wanted to know if Ariel wanted to come visit him and her new stepmom in San Francisco for two weeks.

Chapter Sixteen

"She wears what?" Britney was not amused as she set her purse down and sat down across from her husband. She'd been out all day, first shopping, and then a workout with her personal trainer, and she was not in the mood for jokes from her husband, or more comments about what a cute baby Ariel had been, or anything else having to do with his six-year-old child.

"Diapers. Jessica called me today and explained that Ariel is going through a little regression phase, nothing serious, and she's in diapers for the time being. She felt that I should know before Ariel gets here."

"How noble of her," Britney said icily. "I don't see how you can say that a 'little' regression phase isn't serious. Perhaps you should cancel the trip, and send that child's mother money for a shrink. I don't understand why you are so eager to see Ariel."

Josh sighed. They'd been over all this before, and he wasn't in the mood to argue with Britney. She could be very pushy and demanding. But she was gorgeous, and her family was extremely wealthy. Wealthy enough that neither of them really had to work, although he'd gone back to school and gotten a degree in computer programming, mostly so that no one could accuse him of marrying Britney for her money.

"Jessica's taken care of Ariel for her whole life. It won't kill me - us - to have her for a couple of weeks. I wouldn't have invited her if I knew she was still in diapers," Josh said miserably. Children were the one thing he and Britney disagreed on. Josh sometimes missed Ariel and wouldn't have minded having one or two more kids, with Britney of course. Britney hated kids, knew nothing about them, and couldn't understand why Josh had any desire to be a father.

"There's one more thing," Josh added, although he was already in hot water with his wife.

"Oh God, what now?"

"You're going to have to change Ariel whenever we're out. She's too old for me to take in the men's room."

Britney stared at him in disbelief. "This is like some kind of nightmare." She and Josh stared at each other unhappily for a few minutes. "Fine. I'll change her when she needs it. But this is as far as it goes. I'm not going to do any stepmother-daughter bonding with her. She comes here for two weeks, she goes home, and after that you can send her mom money every month, but she's not coming out here on a regular basis."

Ariel stared at her mom miserably as they exited the interstate and approached the airport. Going to California had seemed like a good idea when her dad had suggested it two and a half weeks ago, but she was now reluctant to spend two weeks with a man who was little more than a stranger. "Mommy, I don't want to go! Can't I go to New York with you? I want to go to New York too!"

"You'll have fun with your dad, sweetie," Jessica replied, searching for a parking space. "You don't want to come to New York with me and my friends this weekend. We'll be at a concert. You wouldn't have any fun at all." Jessica was going to Woodstock 99 that weekend with her friend Christine, Christine's boyfriend, and another friend of hers that she'd assured Jessica was "single, with a great sense of humor, really sweet and sensitive, and finer than hell. He's perfect for you." Jessica doubted that, but was looking forward to the weekend. She hadn't gone off and had fun with her friends in ages, and although she felt guilty running off to party the second Ariel was gone, no one could deny that it was well-deserved.

"But what if Daddy doesn't like me? Or Britney?" Ariel asked tearfully.

"I'm sure they'll love you. I bet Britney's really nice," Jessica doubted it, but felt she had to say it for Ariel's benefit.

"Will you call me every day?"

"Well, I don't know about every day, but maybe every other day. And I'll send you a postcard from Woodstock," Jessica promised. Once they were inside, she sat down on a bench and scribbled something onto a sheet of paper, and tucked it into Ariel's backpack. "There's the number where I'll be from tomorrow night until Tuesday. You know the home number. You can call anytime you want to. If your dad complains about the bill, then you can call collect. Okay?" Ariel nodded.

Once they'd found the gate and had checked Ariel's suitcase, Jessica explained to Ariel what the flight would be like, since it was Ariel's first time flying. "You're leaving here at two-twenty, and your flight is scheduled to arrive in San Francisco at five-forty, California time. It's going to be eight-forty here, so you'll probably be tired. If you need your diaper changed while you're on the plane, you can ask one of the flight attendants, and she'll do it. They know, or should know, that you will be in diapers and will probably need changing at least once. Once you get to the airport, your dad will find you."

"Now, we've got about twenty minutes before they start boarding. Do you need to be changed?" Ariel nodded yes, well aware that it was her last opportunity to be changed by her mom for two weeks. Her mom did the job better than anyone else, even the school nurse.

Jessica took Ariel to the nearest bathroom and changed her. After that was done, they sat and talked while they waited for the boarding announcement. When it was time for Ariel to board, she burst into tears.

"I don't want to go," she sobbed, holding onto her mother's legs. "Please don't make me go, Mommy!"

Jessica knelt down and hugged Ariel tightly. "It's okay, Ariel...you're going to be fine. You'll have such fun at your dad's, eating in restaurants and going to the beach and maybe going shopping or to an amusement park. You wouldn't have any fun with me. You'd have to come along to a three-day concert, and you'd be so bored. Caitlin's visiting her dad, so you'd have to stay with Monica and her mom while I work, and you know what a prick Mrs. Johnson can be." Ariel smiled through her tears. "See, there's that smile I love to see," Jessica said, tickling Ariel to make her laugh. "Now that's more like it! Go off and have a good time with your dad and no more tears, okay?"

Ariel nodded, but as she boarded the plane and took one last look at her mom, she felt her eyes filling up again. She found a window seat and sat down. Digging through her backpack, she found the CDs and personal CD player her mom had loaned her for the trip, while issuing dire threats of Ariel being "grounded for life" if she lost or broke it. She listened to it until a stewardess began going over safety procedures.

"I don't see why we have to leave now. The plane won't be here for another hour, and they're usually late anyway," Britney grumbled.

"I already called. The plane's right on time. It'll take awhile to get to the airport, and we have to park the car and find the gate. We don't want Ariel to think we've forgotten her," Josh said irritably. All Britney had done since she found out Ariel was visiting was complain. She had no interest in being any kind of a mother, even a stepmother. "What do you want me to do with her, rent Stepmom and microwave popcorn while she sits on my lap and I braid her hair?" she'd griped more than once.

They finally arrived at the airport ten minutes before Ariel's flight was scheduled to arrive. Josh was like a little kid, bouncing with impatience as the plane finally arrived and passengers began pouring in. Ariel finally walked in. He hadn't seen her in six months, and then that had only been for a few minutes, but Josh felt that he could've seen her anywhere, at any time, even thirty years in the future, and recognized her as his daughter. She was a beautiful child.

"Hi Ariel," he said nervously.

"Hi...Daddy," Ariel replied, just as nervously.

"Ariel, I'd like you to meet your stepmother, Britney. Britney, this is my daughter, Ariel."

"Hello, Ariel," Britney said coolly. Her piercing blue eyes seemed to stare right through Ariel. They took in Ariel's inexpensive backpack and diaper bag with teddy bears printed on it in one glance. She smiled thinly, revealing her perfectly straight, white teeth.

"Hey, Britney," Ariel said awkwardly. She was uncomfortable with the word "stepmother" and was already getting the feeling Britney didn't like her.

"Let's get your bags and get out of this airport so we can get home and eat dinner. But first, do you need to be changed?" Josh asked quietly. He felt ridiculous asking a six-year-old if she needed her diaper changed, but it was going to be a big part of his life for the next two weeks.

Ariel needed to be changed so badly that she more waddled than walked as she followed Britney to the ladies' restroom. She had felt uncomfortable asking a flight attendant to change her, so she hadn't. Her diaper was very close to leaking, and she had also pooped in it. It was a rather gross combination for Britney's first time changing a diaper.

Britney lifted Ariel up onto the changing table, looking around to make sure no one was paying much attention to them. She looked horrified as she unfastened the tabs on the diaper, revealing Ariel's mess. "This is so gross," she said, glaring at Ariel. "Why can't you just use the toilet like all the other kids your age?"

Ariel felt very uncomfortable with someone she had just met and didn't even like changing her. She wished with all her heart that she was at home right then, where no one criticized her for liking diapers. "Not every kid my age uses the toilet," she replied. "The nurse at school told me there were at least four others in my grade who didn't."

"OK, so why can't you use the toilet like the majority of the kids your age?" Britney asked, glaring.

"Because I don't want to," Ariel replied.

Britney finished wiping Ariel off and began putting a clean diaper on her. Ariel held her head up, trying to watch. "You aren't fastening it tight enough," she informed her stepmother. "If you don't fasten it tighter, it will run out the sides when I pee."

"Well, I suppose you're the expert," Britney replied coldly as she tightened Ariel's diaper, then pulled Ariel's pants up and lifted her down. She hurried back to Josh, leaving Ariel trailing behind, trying to keep up with Britney's fast pace.

The drive to Josh's house took forty-five minutes. Ariel sat in the backseat, listening to her father and Britney talking softly. They made no effort to make conversation with her, except when they went over the Golden Gate Bridge, and Josh pointed it out to her.

"Nice," Ariel said, trying to sound unimpressed, although in truth it was the most amazing thing she'd ever seen in her life. She'd never seen a bridge so big, or with such a view. It was absolutely beautiful, and she felt very exuberant as they went over it.

When Josh pulled up into the driveway of his house, Ariel could only stare. It towered four stories tall, with a huge backyard featuring an Olympic-size swimming pool. Inside, the hardwood floors gleamed. Josh led Ariel to the guest room. It was twice the size of her bedroom at home, with a king-size bed and a bathroom with a built-in Jacuzzi.

It was all very beautiful, but it made Ariel feel very far from home. It looked like a palace from a storybook, not a real house that she would be staying in for two weeks. The whole house had a "look, but do not touch" feel to it. Ariel felt as if she should be walking around on tiptoe.

Dinner was prepared by a cook who called Ariel "ma'am," and was served on a blue china plate, with a grape juice in a crystal goblet. Salad was served first. The main course turned out to be a chicken breast covered in some kind of smelly sauce, with a baked potato on the side. Ariel was used to the simpler foods her mom prepared at home, and ate her salad and baked potato, but didn't touch her chicken.

During the meal, Josh attempted to get to know Ariel a little better. "How do you like school, Ariel?" he asked, trying to sound interested.

"Fine," Ariel replied, pushing the chicken around her plate with her fork.

Josh tried again. "Do you have a lot of friends?"

"I guess."

"What do you like to do when you're with your friends?"

"Nothing." Ariel was still feeling very shy, and she concentrated on pushing the sauce off her chicken with a knife.

Josh started to ask another question, but Britney interrupted "Ariel, stop playing with your food right now. That's impolite," she said sharply.

Ariel looked up, startled. Her look of surprise slowly turned to anger. "You can't tell me what to do! You're not my mother!" she cried.

"No, thank God I'm not, but I am your stepmother, and as long as you are under my roof, you will do as I say!"

"No I won't! You're mean, and you hate me! I want to go home!" Ariel replied. She began to cry, and ran up to her room.

Ariel cried into her pillow for awhile, and when she ran out of tears, she stared up at the ceiling, counting the days, hours, and minutes until she could go home. After about twenty minutes, there was a light knock on her door, and Josh walked in.

Ariel didn't look at him as he sat on the edge of her bed. "You know, Ariel, Britney's not used to having kids around," he said.

"She doesn't like me," Ariel replied flatly.

"It's not that she doesn't like you. She just has never been around kids a lot. Her parents were very strict with her when she was a child. They probably wouldn't have reacted well if she'd been in diapers at six. She doesn't understand why I'm allowing you to wear them," Josh explained.

"So, she still doesn't have to be so mean."

"Well, you could be a little nicer to her. You were very rude to her at dinner. She's willing to try to be nice, but you provoked her tonight." Josh would have laughed off Ariel's comments to Britney, except she didn't find them amusing. She thought Ariel was a brat, and that Josh should turn her over his knee and give her a good spanking. She had a very limited sense of humor, and knew nothing about kids.

"Will you give Britney another chance?" Josh asked Ariel, giving her a look to let her know she really had no choice if she wanted to stay on his good side.

"I guess," Ariel sighed.

"Thank you." Josh could think of nothing more to say to his daughter, so after an uncomfortable silence, he kissed her on the forehead and left.

Ariel took a bath that night in the huge Jacuzzi bathtub. It was so large she could lie down and spread her arms out, and they wouldn't touch the sides, and when she stood up the water came up to her chest. She soaked for a half hour.

After climbing out of the water, Ariel called her father to diaper her. He did it without saying a word to her, and Ariel noticed how much better than Britney he was, and he didn't nag her the whole time either.

Ariel climbed into bed, exhausted. It was only eight in San Francisco, but it was eleven in Virginia Beach, way past her bedtime. She fell asleep immediately, but woke several hours later.

She'd had a bad dream. Ariel couldn't remember what it was about, but it was unpleasant. That was what had woken her, but now she couldn't get back to sleep. It was deathly silent in the guest room. She was used to hearing lots of little noises as she fell asleep: her mom's radio, her mom walking around, crickets chirping outside, rain falling, thunder. At her father's house, it was so silent, Ariel could hear herself breathing.

It was her first night falling asleep so far from her mother. Even when she slept over at a friend's house, her mom was always right down the street, just a five-minute drive or a local phone call away. There were three thousand miles separating Ariel from her mom and her home, with everything she knew and had grown up around. Ariel felt tears spring to her eyes, and told herself she wasn't going to cry again. She missed her mother terribly, surely Jessica wouldn't mind if she called...

The phone was right by her bed, and somehow the act of punching in the numbers gave Ariel some comfort. She heard the phone ringing once, twice, three times, and then the answering machine picked up. "Hello, you've reached-" Ariel's heart sank. Her mom wasn't home. Then the answering machine suddenly clicked off and Jessica answered, "Hello?" sounding groggy and annoyed. Ariel had forgotten about the time difference.

"Mom?"

"Ariel!" Jessica perked up a bit. "I know I said you could call anytime, kiddo, but I wasn't really expecting you to call at three a.m. That's all right, though. What's up? How's your visit going?"

"It's okay," Ariel replied, sounding unconvincing. "Daddy's cool, but Britney's weird. She never smiles, and when she walks out of the room you can still smell her perfume. And she wears so much make-up that she looks like a clown. When she opens her mouth, you can see lipstick on her teeth. She's mean, too."

Jessica muffled a laugh. "That's not very nice. I'm sure she is very nice once you get to know her," she lied. "How do you like California so far?"

"It's pretty. We drove over this really huge bridge. Dad said a lot of people commit suicide by jumping off of it. He has a huge house, with a really big swimming pool in the back," Ariel reported.

"Wow," Jessica commented. Britney must have a lot of money, for them to live so grandly, Jessica thought. I knew there was a tangible reason Josh married her.

They chatted a few more minutes, until Ariel began to get sleepy again. "Well, I'll let you get to sleep," Jessica said. "I'll call you tomorrow before I leave for New York. I love you."

"Bye Mommy. I love you too. Have fun at Woodstock." Ariel hung up and climbed into bed. This time, she had no trouble sleeping until morning.

Chapter 17

A week and a half after Ariel's arrival in San Francisco, she was in the pool with her father. He was teaching her how to dive. Josh had fond memories of his days on the high school swim team, and he and Ariel had spent much of the past week and a half working on Ariel's swimming. Ariel was a good swimmer for a six-year-old, but was having trouble with diving.

"OK Ariel. Excellent form. Just remember, when you go into the water your head should enter first." Ariel tried again, but landed belly first. Josh cringed watching her, and was about to call out more instructions, but was interrupted by the butler.

"Phone for you, sir," he said, holding out the cordless.

"Thank you." Josh accepted the phone as Ariel watched from the side of the pool, curious. After a few minutes, Josh put the phone down and called Ariel and Britney, who was swimming laps.

"I'm afraid I have bad news. My mother called to tell me my father had a heart attack," Josh said. Britney gasped. "He's going to be OK. But my mother asked me if I could come out there for a week or two to help out. She wants me to come as soon as possible, which means I'm going to have to leave before Ariel does. I'm sorry, Ariel."

Ariel began to cry. "But what will happen to me? Am I going home early, too?" Ariel didn't want to be left alone with Britney.

"You could, honey, but it would be an awful lot of trouble to get you switched to another flight. You're going home in four days, anyway. It will give you two a chance to hang out," Josh said.

"Superb," Britney replied, forcing a smile. "Ariel and I will get along fine." She gave Ariel a cool look, and Ariel nodded mutely.

"You guys are the best." Josh gave Ariel a bear hug, kissed Britney, and went inside to call the airport, leaving Ariel and Britney outside together.

"Well, I've been meaning to spend some time with you before you left. I'm sure we'll have fun, won't we Ariel?" Britney said crisply. Ariel nodded again, and Britney shook her shoulder sharply. "Answer me, Ariel. You should answer when an adult speaks to you."

"We'll have fun," Ariel repeated quietly. Her eyes were filled with tears. Refusing to cry in front of Britney, she ran inside and upstairs to her room.

Britney watched her go, thinking to herself "Something needs to be done with that girl. She has an uncontrollable behavior problem. She's not going to treat me like that when her father's gone, I don't care what it takes..."

Ariel slept restlessly, and kept awaking in the middle of the night. She finally woke up and climbed out of bed around seven a.m., and went downstairs to watch TV in the living room.

She poured herself a glass of juice and settled down to re-runs of "Muppet Babies." Britney and Josh came down about an hour later. Josh immediately kissed Ariel and said "Good morning" but Britney was upset.

"What are you doing out of bed? If you wake up before we do, you should stay in your room, not roam around the house!"

"I'm sorry," Ariel replied remorsefully. "My mom doesn't care if I watch TV before she gets up."

Britney whispered to Josh, "See, if you'd just let me use my idea, we wouldn't have this problem! And look, she leaked all over the couch!" Ariel had just stood up, and sure enough there was a wet spot where she'd been sitting.

"I still don't think that's a good idea, Britney, and I'm not going to try it! It would only make the problem worse, anyway," Josh replied stubbornly, as he called the maid to come clean up the couch.

Britney watched Josh walk off with Ariel to get her changed. That little brat was getting all of Josh's attention. He didn't even care about her, his own wife, anymore. Ariel was the most spoiled child Britney had ever seen, but she was determined to put a stop to it as soon as Josh left.

They left soon after to take Josh to the airport. They got there forty-five minutes before his plane was to arrive. Britney and Josh ran through the airport trying to get to the gate before the plane left or his ticket was sold to someone on standby. Ariel tried her best to keep up with her dad and Britney, but she could not run nearly as fast as they could. Josh finally had to carry her, which slowed him down. Britney seethed over this. Ariel was constantly getting in the way, but once Josh was gone, she was in for a surprise.

Ariel stood at the window watching her dad's plane take off while tears streamed from her eyes. She was all alone now, for the next three days. Being with Britney was worse than being alone. There was no one to support and defend her, but Britney would be picking on her for three days.

"Come on, Ariel, it's time to go," Britney said, pulling on Ariel's wrist to hurry her along. Ariel sniffed, and Britney glared at her. "Stop that crying. You are too old to cry, but I guess age doesn't matter to you, does it? You're too old to wear diapers, but that doesn't stop you either." She hurried the child along to the car.

Ariel was surprised when Britney pulled up in front of a strange house. "What are we doing here?" she asked.

"You'll see. A friend of mine is loaning me something. After we get done here, we need to go by the store and get you more diapers," Britney said.

Ariel looked around curiously as Britney's friend Gabriella answered the door and let them in. Gabriella's house was about the same size as Josh and Britney's, and just as lavishly furnished. Gabriella smiled at her friend and greeted her, and then smiled down at Ariel. "Oh Britty, she's adorable. She looks just like her dad." Ariel blushed and looked at the floor. "Say thank you, Ariel," Britney said sharply. "I'm sorry, Gabriella. As you can see, Ariel's manners could use improving. If she lived with us, I'd teach her how to behave."

"Well, that's what you're here for, right?" Gabriella replied. "The stuff is upstairs. I'll help you load it into your car."

Ariel was very curious as she followed Britney and Gabriella up the stairs and into a room which was empty except for some large boxes labeled "Crib" "high chair" "stroller" "car seat" "changing table" and "baby clothes." The room had obviously once been a girl's nursery. The carpeting was plain pink, the wallpaper was white with colorful building blocks printed on it, and the curtains matched the carpet. Ariel's heart sank as she looked all of it over. Something was not right here, and she was beginning to figure out what was going on...

"What is all this stuff for?" Ariel asked nervously.

Britney smiled at her. "When Gabriella's daughter, Alyssa, was about your age, she wet her bed a lot. She was also misbehaving a lot, and just acting like a baby in general. Gabriella had all of this specially made for her. She was babied for years, until her behavior improved. It did her good, and it will do you good too. Gabriella is being nice enough to loan us all of Alyssa's baby things for you to use until you go home. What she doesn't have anymore, we're going to buy."

Ariel was horrified. "No way! I'm not sleeping in a crib, or eating in a high chair, or anything else! You can't make me!" She burst into tears.

"Poor little thing, she's probably tired and ready for a nap," Gabriella said soothingly.

"I am NOT tired!" Ariel screamed back. "I just don't want to be treated like a baby! This isn't fair!"

Britney smacked her on the bottom, and Ariel sobbed louder. "Ariel! This is exactly why you are being treated like a baby! What can you expect, when you act like one? You will use this stuff while you're here. I will not put up with any nonsense from you like your mother and father do! Go sit in the car until I'm through here, and then we're going to go get you some baby food at the store! You won't eat what you're served like a big girl, so maybe baby food is just your thing!"

Ariel rushed out of the room, eager to leave the room that Britney was in. She was so mean! How could her father have left her with someone so hateful?

"She's obviously spoiled and used to getting her own way," Gabriella said disapprovingly. "The baby treatment will really do her good. Anytime she starts to get in the way, you can shove her into her crib."

"I can't wait," Britney replied, giving her friend a smug smile.

Britney loaded the boxes into the car a few minutes later and climbed into the driver's seat. Ariel was seated in the backseat. "Get out of there, Ariel. You're not riding in the backseat anymore," Britney said as she started to open the box labeled "car seat."

"I'm not riding in a car seat," Ariel replied stubbornly. "You're mean! When we get home, I'm going to call my mom, and she will yell at you and make you stop it!"

"Your mom can't help you here, little girl. She's three thousand miles away. She can't do anything but yell at me. Do you think your mom is going to be right by your side every time something goes wrong? It's high time you started thinking for yourself," Britney replied, lifting Ariel out of the backseat.

"PUT ME DOWN!" Ariel screamed, kicking angrily. The toe of her sneaker struck sharply against Britney's knee.

"Shit!" Britney shoved Ariel into the car seat and began jumping up and down, holding her knee in agony. Already a large, bluish bruise was beginning to form on her kneecap. "You little bitch! Look what you did to me! Don't you know better than to kick people?" Ariel began laughing at Britney's pain. "Stop it! Do you think it's funny watching people get hurt?"

"I don't think it's funny watching people get hurt. I just think it's funny watching you get hurt," Ariel replied seriously.

They stopped at a grocery store to pick up baby food, bottles, juice, more diapers, and some pacifiers. "I'm not sucking on a pacifier!" Ariel whined, which didn't do any good anyway. The pacifier went in the cart. It seemed like the millionth time that day she'd said she wasn't going to do something, and so far she'd ended up doing everything she said she wouldn't do.

In the checkout line, they bumped into another friend of Britney's, Pierre. "Hello there, Britney darling. I didn't know you had children. You have a baby and a little girl?"

"Oh no, I don't have any. This little girl here is my stepdaughter, Ariel. I'm buying all of this baby stuff for her. She is six, but she wears diapers like a baby and now she will be eating baby food and sleeping in a crib like a baby."

"Oh well she is adorable. What is she, retarded and still functioning on a one or two year old level?"

"I'm not retarded!" Ariel yelled.

"Ariel, don't talk back to your elders," Britney admonished, smiling at the idea of Josh and Jessica's perfect, precious little golden-haired child being viewed as retarded. "No, she's not retarded. She is perfectly capable of using the toilet and acting like a normal six-year-old, but she chooses not to. I'm trying to break her of her behavior problem."

"Oh, I see. Well, good luck!" Pierre said as Britney paid for the baby things and turned to go. Ariel was sitting in the section of the cart intended for a toddler to ride in. Britney had insisted that she sit there so she wouldn't get in the way at the store.

A few minutes later, they pulled into the driveway of Britney's house. Ariel struggled with her carseat, but was unable to let herself out and stayed seated until Britney helped her. "I like this!" Britney exclaimed, grinning. "I could just keep you in here all day, you wouldn't get in my way and I wouldn't have to listen you whining!"

"You wouldn't really do that, would you?" Ariel asked miserably as she followed Britney into the house.

"Of course not. Your dad would never forgive me," Britney replied. "Now why don't you go play outside until your baby stuff is all set up?"

For once, Ariel obliged without complaint, and Britney sighed with relief. Finally, the little brat was beginning to realize who was boss. She couldn't get away with talking back anymore.

Two hours later, Ariel was called back inside and shown her new room. She had been given a different room, this one on the third floor with a nice view of the pool. The crib was set up by the window, and across from the crib was the changing table. A teddy bear mobile hung over the crib. In the dining room, by the table, was Ariel's changing table.

Ariel noticed that the changing table and crib seemed larger than those used for real babies. The crib was almost as big as a regular twin bed. Britney explained that Gabriella had had to have the things specially made to fit her daughter.

Britney decided to change Ariel into one of the baby outfits before they went down to for Ariel's dinner, even though it was only four-thirty. Babies had to eat early, Britney explained, because they had to go to bed at seven. "But my mom lets me stay up until nine!" Ariel protested.

"Your mom is under the impression she has a normal six-year-old daughter," Britney replied. "No six-year-old who still wears diapers gets to stay up until nine in this house. You're also going to be taking a nap every afternoon after lunch."

Britney picked out a pair of pink coveralls with snaps up the legs for easier diaper access, and baby-blue and yellow balloons printed all over them. Underneath the coveralls, Ariel wore a white t-shirt. Her hair was pulled up into pigtails with pink ribbons tied around them. The image was that of a very tall one or two-year-old. "There, isn't that adorable?" Britney cooed, stepping away from Ariel to get a better look at her.

Ariel stared at herself in the mirror. She'd thought she'd hate herself wearing baby clothes and pigtails but looking at herself, she had to admit it was really cute. Too bad she couldn't tell Britney that, if Britney knew she liked her new image she'd probably be sent to a psychiatrist.

Ariel was grossed out by the food put in front of her once she was seated in her high chair. Green goo with a squishy texture, a thick yellow-white solid with lumps in it, and applesauce. At least one thing was edible. She gobbled down the applesauce but refused to touch the other things.

"Does the baby need me to spoon feed her now?" Britney asked sarcastically.

"This stuff looks gross. I'm not eating it," Ariel whined.

"Oh for heaven's sake," Britney replied, disgusted. "It's peas and macaroni and cheese. All babies love macaroni and cheese. It's just been pureed so that you can swallow it more easily."

"But it looks nasty. Why can't I just have regular food?"

"Because you weren't eating the regular food either. Now eat up, or I will spoon feed you."

Ariel defiantly pushed her plate away, thinking over an idea. She was wearing diapers like a baby, dressed like a baby, sitting in a high chair like a baby, and eating baby food. Why not do something else like a baby?

She picked the plate of food up and deliberately tossed it to the floor. It hit the table first, then the white carpet. Fortunately, since it was a plastic plate designed to be unbreakable for babies, the plate didn't break, but baby food splattered all over the edge of the table and the carpeting. Ariel was shocked at first, and then she saw the look of outrage on Britney's face and started to giggle.

"STOP LAUGHING!" Britney screamed. Ariel quieted down and began crying, realizing the trouble she was in. "YOU'RE IN BIG TROUBLE! LOOK AT THIS MESS ON THE CARPET! I HAVE NEVER SEEN A SIX-YEAR-OLD TRY SO HARD TO ACT LIKE A BABY BEFORE!" Britney lifted Ariel from the high chair so fast and hard it made Ariel's armpits hurt and then briskly carried her to her room, where she laid her down on the changing table and smacked her hard on the bottom. It stung briefly, but would've hurt a lot worse had Ariel not been protected by the diaper.

Britney stripped Ariel's clothes and diaper off, and gave her several bare-bottom spankings. Those really hurt, and Ariel was screaming by the time they were finished. Britney re-diapered and re-dressed her. "All right, Baby Ariel," she said sweetly. "Now that you're through with your little tantrum, we're going for a walk."

Ariel was fixed a bottle of milk to drink in the stroller, and they set off. Britney set out through the neighborhood. It was a gorgeous day, sunny but with an obvious chill in the air showing that fall was coming. Ariel sucked on her bottle, feeling rather content. This really wasn't so bad, and if the person babying her had been someone different, someone who really loved her and wasn't just trying to humiliate her, like her mother or father, Ariel might have really enjoyed being babied.

It wasn't long before Ariel discovered that most people didn't find a six-year-old riding in a stroller dressed as a baby and sucking on a bottle to be as cute or amusing as Britney did. Most people stared in horror, some people laughed and pointed. Ariel felt like an animal in a cage as a group of kids actually stopped and stared, then began giggling.

"Britney," she said anxiously. "I don't like this. I want to go home!"

"Be quiet, Ariel!" Britney replied. "We're going for a walk twice a day until you go home, so you'd better just get used to it!" They stayed out for another hour, which seemed like an eternity to Ariel. Britney finally decided it was time for Ariel to get her bath and get to bed.

Ariel was bathed by Britney, despite her protests that she was perfectly capable of bathing herself and had been for several years. Britney dressed her in a pair of pajamas with feet on the bottoms, and it was ten after seven when Ariel was put to bed, and the light in her bedroom was turned out.

Ariel lay awake for awhile. The mobile above her crib played soft music in a vain attempt to put her to sleep. It sounded nice. Ariel sucked at the bottle of water Britney had given her, but got tired of it after awhile. She tossed and turned, trying to get to sleep.

Without thinking, she stuck her thumb in her mouth. She felt very much like she had when she was a year or two old, laying awake in her crib before it was dark outside, and on those nights as a toddler, she had relied on sucking her thumb to lull her to sleep. It was an instinct that had been forgotten years ago, and was now being awakened in her. Ariel sucked her thumb, feeling very content and comforted, and within minutes was asleep.

The next two days went much like the first had. Ariel spent her days being walked in her stroller, watching cartoons, playing with some baby toys Britney had gotten for her, and sleeping. It was a boring routine for Ariel. She enjoyed being babied, and found some of the toys fun, but wished she could be babied at home, where she was sure her mom would let her play with her "big girl" toys as well and watch something on TV besides Nick Jr., which didn't even play "Rugrats."

She was spoon-fed baby food at every meal, and had to admit that she liked baby food, despite its disgusting appearance. Still, she was greatly relieved when it was time for her to go home. On the way to the airport, Britney stopped by Gabriella's house and returned the baby things. Ariel was dressed in her normal clothes, with a diaper underneath, of course.

"Well, Ariel, I hope you had a good time," Britney said, as they stood at the gate holding Ariel's backpack and diaper bag."

"Yes, I did," Ariel replied politely. She had, despite the personality clashes with Britney. "Thank you for inviting me."

"You're welcome." The two didn't have anymore to say until the the boarding announcement was made, and then Britney knelt down and air-kissed Ariel on the cheek. "Have a good flight home, Ariel." Then she turned and walked away, not even waiting until Ariel was on the plane, and never looking back. Ariel was out of her mind already.

"Attention all passengers. In just a few minutes, we will be descending into the Norfolk Airport, where it is currently ninety-three degrees and cloudy. We ask that you please fasten your seatbelts." Ariel was awakened from her afternoon nap by this announcement. She stretched and grinned. She was so happy to be home.

She was one of the first ones off the plane, and almost ran into the waiting room. Her mom was standing by the window, looking impatient. "Mom!" Ariel screamed.

"Ariel!" Jessica swept Ariel up into an enormous hug. "I'm so happy you're home! How was California, honey?"

"It was fun." Ariel began telling her mom what she'd done in California, totally skipping the part about Josh's leaving her with Britney and what Britney had done to her. "How was Woodstock?"

"It was...interesting. Awfully hot with the fires and all, but I had a good time."

Jessica took Ariel into a bathroom and changed her, and then they got her stuff and found the car. Ariel was tired from having her afternoon nap interrupted. She'd only had two days of afternoon naps, and she was starting to find that she needed them. She rested her head against the window and out of habit, stuck her thumb in her mouth as she started to drift off.

"Ariel, take your thumb out of your mouth, honey. It'll mess up your teeth." Ariel yanked her thumb out of her mouth and looked at her mom guiltily. She'd almost forgotten her mother was in the car. Jessica was looking at her strangely. Ariel hadn't sucked her thumb since she was three.

"Are you okay, sweetie? Did something happen at your dad's house that you want to tell me about?"

The trauma of the past three days caught up with Ariel suddenly, and she burst into tears. Jessica was so startled, she almost drove off the road. "What's wrong, honey? Tell me what happened."

Ariel wiped off her face and began telling her mom what had happened the past three days, leaving out the part about how she somewhat enjoyed being babied, and also choosing to delete the part about her throwing her food on the floor. She just said that Britney spanked her for not eating her food. Other than that, she didn't leaving a detail out. Jessica was horrified.

"My poor baby. It'll be okay. You never have to see Britney again if you don't want to. I hope you don't believe any of what she says about you needing a shrink."

"No, not really," Ariel replied, sniffling.

"What you are going through is totally normal. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. I don't see how Britney can think that forcing you to act like a baby will accomplish anything. I think I'm going to call her and have a talk with her when we get home."

Ariel smiled at the thought of what her mom might say to Britney. The only thing that bothered her was that her mom seemed under the impression that she had hated the baby treatment, which wasn't really true. Ariel was totally confused. She wasn't sure what she wanted, and she wished she really was still just a baby, so she could enjoy being treated like one, and not worry whether she was normal.

Chapter 18

As soon as they got home from the airport, Jessica marched inside with a determined look on her face and headed straight for the phone. Ariel lingered nearby, pretending to be interested in what was on TV

Jessica covered the phone with her hand and hissed at Ariel "Ariel, go into your room and close the door."

"But I wanna lis - I mean, I wanna watch TV!"

"No! Go into your room, now!"

Ariel headed for her room and made a big show of slamming the door shut. She opened it a crack and peeked out. Her mother was curled up on the couch with the phone, facing away from Ariel. Ariel quickly ran the short distance between her room and her mother's and picked up the phone in her mom's room.

"Hello?" Ariel recognized Britney's voice on the other end and shuddered at the memory.

"Hello, may I please speak with Britney?"

"This is Britney. May I ask who's calling?"

"This is Jessica, Ariel's mom."

"Oh hello Jessica." Britney's voice had suddenly become syrupy sweet and very fake. Ariel recognized it as the same voice Britney had always used when talking to her, except for when she was scolding her. "Would it be possible for us to talk later? I was just on my way out to meet a friend for lunch."

"Well, if you're busy, I guess I could just wait until Josh gets home and speak to him," Jessica replied slyly.

"Oh." Britney sounded a bit panicked. "Well, actually, I just checked my calendar, and I don't have to meet my friend for another hour. So I suppose we could chat now."

"Britney, why did you make Ariel act like a baby while she was visiting?"

"Well..." Britney stalled. "She wore diapers, so I figured she wanted to be treated like that. Besides, she was behaving like a baby. She was very rude to me and to all my friends."

"That's your excuse for making her wear baby clothes and drink bottles in public?" Jessica realized she was yelling, and lowered her voice for fear Ariel would overhear. "If you had a problem with her behavior, you should have talked to her or called me, but don't humiliate her! There is something seriously wrong with someone who gets their pleasure from making small children cry! What you did to my child is sick, and I consider it to be child abuse."

"What I did is sick and abusive?" Britney laughed. "Who's the person who put Ariel back into diapers? At least I was disciplining Ariel, and trying to break her away from acting like a baby. Are you planning to keep her in diapers her whole life and just let her stay home forever so she can be changed, and anytime she gets scared by something, she can crawl into your lap, and Mommy will make it better? If you keep her in diapers forever, she'll be taunted wherever she goes. The whole world isn't as understanding of the problem child as you and I are. I was just helping her."

"Oh, you're just a regular Mother Theresa, aren't you? Trying to break the 'problem child' of her bad habits. Well, Ariel just started sucking her thumb for the first time in three years, so I'd say whatever screwed-up reverse psychology you tried on her didn't work! Stay on birth control, Britney, because any child who was raised on your idea of discipline would be suicidal by the time they were five years old." Jessica slammed down the phone and found some paper and a pen, intending to write to Josh and inform him of how his wife treated his daughter behind his back, then put them back into the drawer. It was obvious Britney had Josh totally under her spell, convinced she was not only a goddess, but a loving stepmother. He'd never try to stand up to her anyway, because he lived on her parent's money, and telling Britney off might mean Josh would have to get off of his lazy butt and get a job. As long as his wife had money, it didn't matter to Josh what kind of a person she was.

Ariel was awakened the next morning by a crack of light falling across her bed, then, in a half-asleep state, she heard her mother's footsteps on the carpet. "Ariel, it's time to get up."

Ariel rolled over; it was too early to get up. "Go away," she mumbled.

"Ariel, come on. I have to go to work. If you get up right this minute, I'll make you pancakes for breakfast," Jessica reasoned.

Ariel hesitated, then rolled out of bed. Jessica quickly changed her and went to go make breakfast. Ariel sulked as she got dressed. Her mom was leaving her and going to work. As usual.

Ariel took her pancakes without a word and proceeded to pour syrup on them without looking at her mom. "Well, you're certainly pleasant this morning," Jessica said, sitting across from her at the table. "What's your problem? Don't you want to see your cousin?"

"I just got back last night, and you're going to work and leaving me!" Ariel replied crossly.

"Believe me, if I had a choice, I'd spend the day with you. You know I have to work to pay the bills and buy food. Do you think I enjoy working?"

"Caitlin's mom works at home," Ariel complained.

"Yeah, well, Caitlin's mom has a college degree." Jessica started rinsing off Ariel's empty plate, keeping her head down so Ariel couldn't see the hurt in her eyes.

"Are you ever going to get a college degree?" Ariel knew something about the conversation was making her mom mad, but she kept asking questions anyway.

"I don't know. Maybe someday." Jessica shoved the last of the dishes in the dishwasher and slammed it shut, anxious to change the subject. "Go get the hairbrush so I can brush your hair."

It was a bleak, rainy morning. Low thunder could be heard in the distance, lightening lit up the sky, and rain poured. Ariel thought it was a perfect morning to curl up in her bed with a bottle of milk, wearing nothing but a diaper and watch TV. Of course, there were no bottles in their house and hadn't been for years.

Jessica dropped Ariel off at Caitlin's, and went onto work. Caitlin had been visiting her dad in Georgia for the past two weeks and had obviously been spoiled rotten by him. She showed Ariel her new clothes and CDs that he'd bought her.

"Guess what else?" she said eagerly.

"What?" Ariel replied, already bored by listening to Caitlin's bragging. She had learned almost the day she met Caitlin to tune her out while she was in brag mode.

"I don't have to wear diapers to bed anymore," Caitlin stated proudly.

Ariel perked up at the word "diaper." "What? Why not? You don't wet your bed anymore?"

"Nope. Mom says it's a good thing, too, because I'm almost too big to wear baby diapers anyway." Caitlin smiled smugly. "So I see you still wear diapers all the time. What'd your dad say when he found out?"

"He didn't care." Ariel replied. "But my stepmother hated it. She made me sleep in a crib and drink out of a bottle to punish me."

"Wow. I bet that was awful." Ariel shrugged and looked down, and Caitlin leaned over and looked at her closely. "You're smiling!" she announced. "You liked it, didn't you? You like acting like a baby!"

Ariel turned bright red. "I do not! I hated it!"

Caitlin laughed. "No you didn't. You like it, I know you do. You liked drinking from a bottle that time you visited me in Georgia, so I bet you like sleeping in a crib and eating in a high chair and wearing baby clothes too."

"You won't tell anyone, will you?" Ariel asked unhappily.

"No, not if you don't want me to. But I know my mom wouldn't care, and I bet yours wouldn't either. Hey, you want to see if we can find anything about this on the internet? You know, see if there's anyone else who likes acting like a baby too."

"I guess so. That sounds cool," Ariel replied. Caitlin signed onto America Online, went into a search engine and typed in "people who like diapers/acting like a baby."

A page loaded with the heading "Sorry, no matches were found." "See? I'm the only one who likes this stuff. I'm a weirdo," Ariel said quietly.

"No, you just have to word these searches right. There must be a name or something for this. You're not a weirdo, Ariel," Caitlin replied gently.

"I think my mom called me wearing diapers 'regression.' She told my dad on the phone that I was regressing."

"OK, so there's a word for it, so you can't be the only one that likes it," Caitlin said as she typed "regression" into the search engine. Immediately a list of matches came up, with the heading "1-10 of 122506 matches."

"Wow!" Caitlin exclaimed. "Look at all this stuff. It must be fairly common if there's a hundred thousand matches on the internet." She scrolled down. The first few matches were junk, and then they saw one with the description "Interested in regression? You've come to the right place. We're the ultimate source for information on regression."

"This looks good," Caitlin said, clicking on the site. A message came up "You do not have access to this site due to parental controls set by the master screen name."

"Darn!" Caitlin complained. "Hey Mom, how come we can't get into this site?" she asked Jenny, who was in the next room working.

"Because I put a parental control block on your screen name," Jenny replied, coming into the room. "What were you trying to look up, anyway?"

"We were doing a search for Ricky Martin sites," Caitlin lied.

Jenny shrugged. "I don't know why they'd be blocked. Oh well. Maybe I'll take it off later. You need to get off the computer now, anyway. I can't do any more work until I talk to my boss, so I'm taking you guys to the mall and you can get your school stuff."

They all crammed into the backseat of Jenny's car, with Cody in the middle. The ride to the mall started out to be an adventure and a half. It was raining even harder, and Cody was scared of the thunder and lightening. Caitlin and Ariel enjoyed terrifying him by telling scary stories. It was dark in the car, and a general feeling of excitement was in the air.

"Guys, please keep quiet," Jenny begged. "The weather's worse than I thought it would be. I can hardly see. I need to concentrate."

Ariel and Caitlin quieted down for a few seconds, then Britney Spear's "Crazy" came on the radio. "Ooh, I love this song!" Caitlin squealed. She unbuckled her seatbelt to lean forward and turn the radio up, then began singing along loudly "Baby I'm so into you, you got that-"

"Caitlin, turn that down and put your seatbelt on!" Jenny screamed, glancing at Caitlin. She turned her attention back to the road, two seconds too late. "OHMIGOD!"

The first thing Ariel heard, and the only thing she would remember afterwards, was the noise. It was deafening, the sound of two cars colliding, glass shattering, aluminum crunching. After that, everything seemed to happen in slow motion, although it was probably over in half a second. Ariel's hands flew up to shield her face, she snapped forward but was stopped by the belt and sent backwards, and something heavy hit the side of her head, most likely Cody.

Ariel sat up and glanced around. The whole side of the car was smashed in. Cody was sitting beside her still, sobbing. His lip was bleeding but he seemed otherwise unharmed. Caitlin wasn't sitting beside him anymore. Ariel craned her neck, looking for her cousin.

"Caitlin!" Jenny quickly hopped out of the car and went around, trying to open the door on Caitlin's side, which was the same side that had been hit, but it refused to budge. Ariel finally spotted Caitlin. She was crunched on the floor between the back and front seat, an impossibly small space. All Ariel could see was her dark hair.

The radio was still blaring out "Crazy."

"Are you folks all right?" It was the driver of the other car, which was a huge pickup truck. He seemed to be fine, and his car had suffered amazingly little damage.

"Caitlin, please answer me," Jenny pleaded, still trying to get to her daughter.

"We're OK," Ariel replied to the truck driver. She pointed to Caitlin. "She's hurt."

"There's an ambulance on the way," someone else said. Cars were stopped all around them, and people were climbing out to see if they needed any help.

Jenny anxiously glanced over Ariel and Cody. "Are you two okay?" She scooped Cody up in her arms, who was still sobbing and complaining that his lip hurt. "We'll get you to the hospital in a bit and get that cut stitched up, little guy."

Ariel began to cry too. "I want my mommy," she sobbed.

"I'll call her as soon as we get to the hospital," Jenny promised.

A police car and ambulance arrived a few minutes later. It took about a half hour to extract Caitlin from the car, using a huge machine which made a lot of noise. Caitlin remained unconscious the whole time. One of the doctors came over and told Jenny that Caitlin had a cut over her eye which would require several stitches, her right arm was possibly fractured, and she probably had a concussion but they wouldn't know the severity of it until they x-rayed her. The doctor also mentioned the possibility of internal injuries, but again, they couldn't be sure about those until they got her to the hospital. Ariel couldn't understand most of it, and it all sounded horrible to her.

They got to ride to the hospital in a police car. Jenny quietly asked Ariel if she needed to be changed, and Ariel shrugged. She'd gotten sopping wet standing in the rain for forty-five minutes, and every part of her, inside and out, felt like a puddle of water. "I'll change you when we get to the emergency room," Jenny said.

A very nice doctor wearing a white lab coat looked Ariel over at the emergency room. Ariel was nervous that she'd have to strip down to her diaper, as she'd been required to strip down to underwear at her last physical last January, but it wasn't necessary for the quick look-over this doctor gave her. She told Ariel that she seemed fine and to take Tylenol if the bump on her head hurt later. She also looked Cody over and put a stitch in the cut on his lip.

Jenny quickly changed Ariel's diaper (it was wet after all) and then she had to fill out some forms, so Ariel and Cody sat by themselves in the emergency room. Cody ran around showing everyone the cut on his lip, but Ariel sat quietly, worrying about Caitlin. It was all her fault; Jenny'd told them to quiet down but they hadn't and look what had happened. Ariel was terrified her cousin would die.

Jessica arrived a few minutes later. "Oh my poor baby, thank God you're OK," she said, taking Ariel in her arms and looking her over. She spoke quietly to Jenny. "How's Caitlin doing?"

"I don't know. They won't tell me anything. They're still looking at her. The doctor said he'd come tell me as soon as he knew of her condition, but I have a feeling it's going to be a long day," Jenny replied, looking tired and sad.

"Caitlin's a strong girl. She'll pull through this," Jessica assured her.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, and Jenny stood up when a doctor came out. "Hi, I'm Dr. Halloway. I've been looking over Caitlin's x-rays."

"Is she going to be okay?" Jenny asked anxiously.

"Your daughter's going to be fine." Dr. Halloway replied. Jenny's sigh of relief was audible. "She's got a mild concussion, but it should heal quickly with no complications. I put five stitches in above her left eye. Her right arm is sprained, and of course she suffered various minor cuts and bruises. However, there is one rather serious internal injury which may be permanent." Jenny looked horrified. "The nerves in her bladder were severely damaged in the impact, leaving Caitlin with no bladder control. Over time, she may regain partial bladder control as they heal, but I find it unlikely that she will ever regain full bladder control. She will have to wear absorbent underpants."

"You mean diapers," Jenny said flatly.

"Well, yes, although most children seem to associate the word 'diaper' with being a baby, so we don't call them that around here. You can purchase them from us - we've already put a youth diaper on Caitlin - or you can buy them wherever you choose." Jenny just stared at him in disbelief, not ready to accept that her child was permanently handicapped.

"Is Caitlin awake?" Jenny asked anxiously.

"Yes, she's awake. You may visit her, but children under age twelve are not allowed."

Jessica and Jenny went upstairs to visit Caitlin, leaving Ariel and Cody alone in the waiting room. Ariel sat in her hard plastic chair pondering. Caitlin had been so happy only a few hours ago because she had stopped bedwetting. And now she was back in diapers. She said she was too old for diapers, but she seemed eager to help Ariel look up anything diaper-related. Ariel suspected Caitlin was torn like her, wanting to be a baby sometimes, but wanting to have older interests as well. If anyone at school found out about the diapers, they would make fun, and call Ariel and Caitlin names a lot worse than baby. Some people like Jessica and Jenny seemed to think it was OK for older children to enjoy diapers, and others, like Britney, seemed to think they needed to see a psychiatrist. Ariel wondered if it was really possible to be a baby and a big girl at the same time, or if they were two totally different worlds which could never intersect.

Chapter 19

The first sign that fall was coming was in the mailbox. A letter, addressed "to the parents of Crawford, Ariel Michelle" from Ocean Lakes Elementary, stating that on September 7th, 1999, Ariel would be entering Ms Felton's first grade class. Ariel awaited September and fall with nervous anticipation. Fall was her favorite season, it was cooler weather, Halloween, Thanksgiving, preparing for Christmas, and most exciting, Ariel's seventh birthday. But it also meant returning to the boring routine of seven hours in school and an hour of homework every day, and it meant the ongoing stress of keeping her diapers a secret.

Ariel had never heard of the teacher she had gotten, Ms. Felton, so she had no way of knowing if she was a good teacher, if she would help Ariel with her reading, and how she would react to having a student in her class wearing diapers. Jessica assured Ariel that she had called the school and once again, Ariel would have permission to get her diaper changed in the nurse's office whenever necessary. Last year, Mr. Keever had allowed Ariel to raise her hand and ask permission to use the restroom, and that was their own signal that she needed a diaper changing. This had worked out well, but suppose this teacher was different?

Labor Day came way too quickly. Ariel spent the whole day swimming at the neighborhood pool with her mother and Monica. They finally left when the pool closed at six, and three hours later, Ariel went to bed. It was the first time she'd gone to bed at nine since June, and she couldn't sleep from the anticipation.

Ariel picked at her food the next morning until eight-fifteen, when Jessica hurried her out of the apartment to catch the bus.

"Bye honey. Have a good day," Jessica said, kissing Ariel on the cheek.

"Bye, Mom," Ariel replied quietly. At the bus stop, Monica could hardly stand still, she was so excited.

"Why are you so nervous? It's only school. I couldn't wait for today. Second grade is going to be so cool," Monica said excitedly.

"I'm only in first grade. And I don't want anyone to find out about my diapers," Ariel whispered.

"Ohhh." Monica said. The bus pulled up, and they chose a seat near the back. "Just wear cargo pants or overalls every day and no one will be able to tell. Like if I didn't know you were wearing one right now, I'd never be able to tell. Of course, there is that crinkling noise."

"What crinkling noise? You mean you can hear it?" Ariel asked nervously.

"Well, it's not really obvious. If everyone else is talking and moving around, it's not noticeable, but if everyone was quiet and it was just you moving, it sounds a little bit like a plastic bag. Just try not to move around a lot."

"Hey, where's Caitlin?" Ariel had just noticed that they were at Caitlin's stop, and a bunch of kids were getting on, but Caitlin wasn't there. Suddenly she spotted her running slowly towards the stop. Caitlin climbed onto the bus all out of breath, as the driver yelled at her for making him wait. "Sorry," she said breathlessly, plopping into the seat beside Ariel and Monica.

"Real graceful, Caitlin. You looked so funny, running down the street after the bus," Ariel said, laughing.

"You try running in a diaper and see how fast you go!" Caitlin replied loudly. A couple of girls sitting in front of her turned around and gave her a strange look.

"That was dumb. You couldn't even keep it a secret for three minutes," Monica said.

Caitlin shrugged. "It doesn't matter. They're fifth graders. They think they're too powerful to even think about us simpletons in the lower grades. Besides, I don't care who finds out about my diapers."

"You don't?" Ariel asked doubtfully.

"Nope. First kid who says anything gets a punch in the mouth," Caitlin announced smugly, taking a practice hit inches from Ariel's mouth.

"See? Caitlin's not nervous about her diapers," Monica pointed out after they'd gotten to school and said good-bye to Caitlin.

"Yeah, she is. I know her better than you do. You should've heard her crying when her mom told her she had to wear diapers after the car accident. She just covers it up by acting tough. If someone teased her about her diapers, she might beat them up, but then she'd go home and cry," Ariel explained.

"Well, we better get to our rooms. See you later," Monica said, waving.

Ariel found her classroom. She looked around nervously for any of her old friends from kindergarten. She didn't see any of them, but she recognized Nicole and Eric, two neighborhood kids who went to her bus stop. She and Monica played with them sometimes. Eric was really nice, but

Nicole could be a bit snobby sometimes. Ariel sat beside Eric.

"Hey Eric," Ariel said. She pointed to the lady standing in the front of the room. "Is she Ms Felton?"

Eric shrugged. "I guess so. She hasn't said anything since I got here, except that we could sit wherever we wanted. She looks nice though, don't you think?"

Before Ariel could reply, the morning announcements came on and the summer was officially over. Ms Felton introduced herself, and called roll. It seemed to Ariel that Ms Felton looked at her a little strangely when Ariel answered "here" but maybe it was just her imagination.

Ms Felton passed out textbooks and began going over what they were going to cover over the year. Ariel was beginning to regret drinking so much at breakfast. She flooded her diaper early on in the day, which wouldn't have been so bad, except then she had to poop. She held it for

as long as possible, but finally it came out, and Ariel couldn't help but squirm a little at the gross feeling. A

horrible smell began emitting from her direction. Ariel heard Nicole whisper loudly "Gross, who farted?" A few kids giggled.

Ariel knew she had to get changed before anyone figured out where the smell was coming from. She raised her hand. "Can I go to the bathroom?"

Ms Felton looked confused for a second and then smiled weakly at Ariel, her eyes lighting up with understanding. "Go ahead, Ariel."

Ariel ran down the hall, breathing a sigh of relief. So far she liked first grade, but it was obviously going to be a stressful year. Ms Felton seemed to be a bit weirded out by Ariel's diapers but at least she wasn't blowing the whole secret to the class.

Ariel entered the nurse's office just as Mrs. Jennings was coming out of the room with the changing table and supplies. Following her was a little boy who Ariel knew was in her grade. Ariel wondered if Mrs. Jennings had been changing his diapers.

"OK, Daniel, you're all set. You can go back to class now," Mrs. Jennings said pleasantly. He nodded and walked out without a word. Mrs. Jennings turned her warm smile onto Ariel. "Hello, Ariel. I assume you're here to be changed. Did you have a nice summer?"

"Yes, it was great," Ariel replied, taking off her pants and lying down on the changing table. "Was Daniel here to get his diaper changed?"

"Well, I'm not supposed to really tell you anything about other students, but yes he was. He wears diapers full time, just like you. Do you know him?"

"Not really, but I know he's in the first grade like me because I've seen him at lunch and recess. He's usually by himself," Ariel said eagerly.

"He's not a very happy kid, Ariel. He could use a friend, and I think you might be the perfect friend for him. Are you going to try to talk to him?" Mrs. Jennings asked.

"Sure!" Ariel replied happily. "I don't have any friends who wear diapers, except for Caitlin. I wanna be Daniel's friend."

Mrs. Jennings smiled at her. "You know, you're probably the only kid at this school who's said that. You're a great kid, Ariel. But don't be surprised if it takes awhile before Daniel wants to be your friend. He's not easy to talk to." She finished wiping off Ariel's messy butt, applied powder to her skin, and put a fresh Pamper on her. "There you go, dear. Back to class."

Ariel sat impatiently through the rest of the morning, until Ms Felton walked them down to the cafeteria for lunch. Ariel quickly bought her lunch and looked around for Daniel.

"Hey Ariel! Come sit over here," Eric called. He was seated at a table with Nicole and four other kids in their class. Ariel couldn't find Daniel, anyway. Disappointed, she sat down beside Eric.

They all agreed that so far, first grade seemed okay, and Ms. Felton seemed nice. "She's kinda strange, though," Nicole said. "Did anyone notice how she kept giving Ariel really weird looks? It was like there wassomething wrong with her."

"I didn't notice that. She didn't look at me any different than anyone else," Ariel said nervously.

"Yes, she did. When she was calling roll she stopped after your name and stared at you for a second. Then when you asked to go to the bathroom, she looked really confused

for a second. I can't believe you didn't notice," Eric replied.

Ariel shrugged uneasily. She didn't like the way the conversation was going. Already her classmates were suspicious.

Just then, she spotted Daniel entering the cafeteria by himself, carrying a lunch bag. That's right, she thought, he was probably in the nurse's getting his diaper changed. He must not be wearing very good diapers if he had to get it changed again already.

Daniel walked over to a table full of kids and started to sit down. One of the kids said something which made everyone but Daniel burst out laughing, and Daniel slowly walked away and sat down at a table by himself. Ariel watched, feeling sad and angry that everyone seemed to hate Daniel so much. "Hey, do you guys want to go sit over there?" she asked eagerly, pointing to Daniel's table.

"You mean eat lunch with Daniel?" Nicole replied, rolling her eyes. "You don't want to eat with him. He was in my class last year. He was always peeing in his pants last year, like almost every day, and one day he came into class wearing this huge diaper. He wore them for the rest of the year."

"Looks like he's still wearing them," another girl, Lisa, giggled. The bulge around Daniel's waste and crotch was obvious even when he was sitting down.

"He smells really bad, too. You can smell him before you can see him," Nicole added.

"Oh," Ariel replied. "Well...I guess I won't go sit with him."

She managed to get through lunch without thinking about Daniel again, refusing to look in his direction. Later on, sitting in class again, she felt bad for letting a couple of snobs like Nicole and Lisa stop her from making a new friend, her first diaper friend. She resolved that at recess she'd actually go up to him and talk to him, no matter what anyone said.

She got her chance as soon as she walked outside for recess. Daniel was sitting cross-legged on the ground by himself, making a dandelion chain, seemingly oblivious to all the kids around him, running around and screaming.

"Hi," she said quietly.

He looked up, startled, and then glanced around, thinking she must be talking to someone else. No one ever talked to him. But this girl was looking right at him, she must be talking to him. She was probably new and didn't have anyone else to play with, he thought. As soon as she found out he wore diapers, or made new friends, she'd either ignore him or make fun of him, just like everyone. He returned his attention to the dandelion chain.

"I said hi," Ariel said pointedly. She wondered if all kids besides her who wore diapers were as weird as Daniel, or if he was just the exception.

"Hi," Daniel replied finally, gazing up at her suspiciously.

"Whatcha making?" Ariel asked, sitting down beside him.

"A dandelion chain," he replied, holding it up briefly so she could see it.

"Oh...cool. I think I'll make one too. By the way, my name's Ariel," Ariel said, picking up a few dandelions and pretending to be fascinated with linking them together. She realized her diaper was about to leak and stood up. "I gotta go do something," she said. She was hoping Daniel would ask her where she was going but he just nodded and didn't even look up.

"How's it going with Daniel?" Mrs. Jennings asked.

"Not so good," Ariel replied sadly. "He won't even talk to me. No wonder he doesn't have any friends."

"Did you tell him about your diapers?"

"Not yet. If he's not going to talk to me, I'm not going to tell him about my diapers."

"He'll open up if you tell him about your diapers. He doesn't talk to anyone much because he thinks they're all going to make fun of him. You should give him another chance." Mrs. Jennings patted Ariel's freshly diapered butt. "There you go, kiddo. Have fun."

Ariel headed back outside and found Daniel still sitting down, working on that dumb dandelion chain. "Guess what I was doing?" she said boldly.

"What?" Daniel asked, with just a hint of curiosity in his voice.

Ariel hesitated a second, and then just blurted it out. "Getting my diaper changed."

Daniel looked shocked. "You - you wear diapers too?" he asked shyly.

"Yeah. I saw you in Mrs. Jenning's office this morning and thought you might wear diapers too, and she said you did, and that I should talk to you. I don't know anyone else who wears diapers, except my cousin Caitlin. She was in a car accident and hurt her bladder. How come you gotta wear diapers?"

Daniel shrugged. "I don't know. I started having accidents last year. My sister made me wear them..." He looked awkward.

"Your sister? What about your mommy and daddy? How come they let her put you into diapers? Did you want to wear them?" Ariel asked, confused.

"I don't have a mommy or daddy. My mommy died when I was three. She had cancer. She was really nice. I miss her so much." Daniel looked like he was going to cry. "After she died, I started wetting my bed. My daddy used to beat me for it every morning. I wet my pants a lot too. He beat me with a belt and made me wash my own clothes and sheets. I told my sister Erin about it and she called the police and they sent me to live with her. She's really nice, but she makes me wear diapers so I don't have accidents, and everyone teases me for it."

"I'm sorry you lost your mommy," Ariel said sympathetically. She didn't know anyone else who'd lost their mother, except her own mother, but Jessica never talked about it. "I don't have a daddy. Well, I do, but he lives really far away and I've only seen him twice since I was one. My mom's nice, too. I wanted to wear diapers, and she said I could."

"You wanted to wear diapers? Why would you want to wear diapers?" Daniel asked. Just then the bell rang. "Darn."

"Yeah. I guess I'll see you tomorrow," Ariel said, disappointed.

"Hey, maybe you could come over to my house on Saturday. I mean, if you want to," Daniel said nervously.

Ariel was thrilled. "I'd love to. I gotta ask my mommy first, but I'm sure she'll say yes." She scribbled her phone number out and handed it to Daniel. "Call me tonight, OK? But don't call before five-thirty, because I go over to my cousin's house after school."

"OK." Daniel stuffed the paper in his pocket and waved good-bye. Ariel watched him go, feeling very satisfied. He really was nice. She couldn't wait to go over to his house.

Chapter Twenty

Ariel stared curiously into the fridge. She couldn't find the grape juice, and moved around the half the contents before remembering that she had drank the last of the juice the night before at dinner. Actually, she had spilled the last of the juice all over the table at dinner. Her mom had sighed and said "If you don't stop knocking over your glass, I'm going to start making you drink out of a bottle." Ariel had been so happily shocked she choked on her salad, but then her mom had said she was joking. Ariel had tried to smile but had been very disappointed.

Ariel slammed the fridge shut. She'd better not drink anything until her mom woke up and changed her. It was saturated and already leaking a bit. Just then her mom walked in.

"Morning, Ariel," Jessica said, yawning. "How are you today? I suppose you need to be changed, hmm?"

"Yep," Ariel replied. "I'm soaked, Mommy. After I get changed, can I go to Daniel's?"

"Ariel!" Jessica laughed. "It's only nine. Daniel and his sister aren't expecting you until one. They'd kill us if we showed up now. You sure do like Daniel."

"He's nice," Ariel replied vaguely. Jessica looked at her meaningfully.

"You have a crush on him, don't you?" she teased. "This is so sweet. My little baby's all grown up and dating already. Where does the time go?"

"Mom!" Ariel said, embarrassed. "I don't like Daniel like that! That's gross. Caitlin's into dating, not me." Jessica laughed as she pulled out Ariel's changing pad.

Ariel loved being changed in the mornings. After spending the whole night in a soaked diaper, getting wiped off with a baby wipe (which smelled so good) and having the baby powder applied to her irritated bottom was heaven. She also loved it when her mom rubbed diaper rash cream on her. The cold cream felt soothing against an itchy rash.

Ariel played outside with Monica and Eric the rest of the morning, until her mom called her in for lunch. "I gotta go. See you guys later."

"Can't you come back out after lunch?" Monica asked.

Ariel hadn't told them she was going over to Daniel's, but they both already knew that she was friends with "Diaper Butt" and didn't care. Pretty much everyone in her class had seen her and Daniel eating together at lunch and nobody seemed to much care. Nicole and her friends had made a few comments about Ariel being Daniel's girlfriend, which both of them had vehemently denied, and Ariel had overheard Nicole saying to some other kids "I bet she wears diapers too." But no one had actually asked her about it yet, and Ariel was hoping it would stay that way.

"Nope. I'm going over to Daniel's house," Ariel told Monica and Eric.

"Oh, you and Daniel," Monica said, rolling her eyes. "You never would have even talked to him except he wears diapers like you."

"MONICA!" Ariel said furiously. Monica had just blurted out her biggest secret in front of Eric, who Ariel was really starting to become good friends with. They'd never really known each other that much, but now that they were in the same class, Ariel was beginning to find out how nice he was. Eric also sometimes hung out with her and Daniel. Eric was very accepting of Daniel's diapers, considering he didn't wear them himself, and Ariel had been planning to tell him about her diapers eventually. But she'd wanted to tell him herself, and Monica had just spilled the beans.

Eric shrugged. "So? I already knew that."

"You did?" Ariel asked incredulously. "No way! I never told you. How'd you find out?"

"Last summer. Remember all those times we saw each other at the pool? You were always wearing a big t-shirt over your bathing suit, but sometimes it slipped up when you were in the water, and I could see your diaper poking out from your swimsuit. My brother noticed it too. But you never said anything about wearing diapers, so I figured you didn't want me to know."

"Your brother knows too?" Ariel was not happy. Eric's ten-year-old brother Mike was somewhat of a bully. "Great. He'll probably tell the whole school."

"No, he wouldn't," Eric replied. "He can't make fun of you. He was diapered for bedwetting every night until he was eight. He had to wear a diaper on long car rides, too. We've got tons of pictures of him wearing nothing but a diaper and a t-shirt. He knows that if he says anything about your diapers, we can just show those pictures to all his friends."

Ariel giggled. "Well, I really have to go now. See you guys later." She skipped home happily. They finally left for Daniel's at ten to one. His house was located in a run-down neighborhood not far from theirs which was known all throughout the community as "the one ghetto neighborhood in Ocean Lakes." Jessica locked the car doors and looked around nervously as they stood on David's porch, trying to shield themselves from the rain that had just started falling.

Ariel glanced around at the small, unkempt yard. She knew this neighborhood fairly well, it was one which her mother flatly refused to drive through after dark. "David's poorer than we are, isn't he Mommy?"

"SHHHHHHH!" Jessica hissed, just as the door opened, and David welcomed them in. Ariel couldn't stop staring at him. He was wearing nothing but a dingy t-shirt and a pair of thick cloth diapers, with baby-blue plastic pants. His sister Amber was close behind, and as soon as they were inside, she introduced herself.

"I hope you don't mind the way David's dressed. He wears cloth diapers and plastic pants around the house; they're not as expensive, even though it does create extra laundry," Erin said apologetically.

"Oh, it's fine. I'm used to seeing Ariel running around in nothing but a diaper," Jessica replied, smiling.

"These cloth diapers are so thick, I can't get my pants over them!" David said happily.

Jessica laughed. "Well, I need to get going. I'll pick you up around four-thirty, Ariel. Have fun and behave yourself."

"Come on Ariel, I want to show you my room," Daniel announced. He led Ariel upstairs to his room.

"Whoa!" Ariel exclaimed as soon as he opened the door. "You have a crib! And a changing table! It looks like a baby's room! How come you sleep in a crib?"

Daniel shrugged, embarrassed. "When I went to live with my sister, I had to get a new bed because mine was falling apart. She said she'd get me one as soon as she got enough money, but until she could get me one, I either had to sleep on the floor or in my old crib. I picked the crib. The changing table was from when I was a baby, too. It was so comfortable that I told Erin I'd sleep in it until I outgrew it."

"But wouldn't a bed be just as comfortable?" Ariel pressed.

"I guess...but that's not the only reason I sleep in it." Daniel lowered his voice to a whisper. "Sometimes I really enjoy the babyish feeling I get when I'm sleeping in my crib in the cloth diapers. Isn't that weird?"

"Yeah, but I know what you mean. When I went to visit my dad, my stepmother made me sleep in a crib, and wear baby clothes, and drink from a bottle. I thought I was going to hate it, but it was really fun. I wish I could do it all the time. I might get a changing table, though. I heard my mom telling someone on the phone the other day that she was getting sick of changing me on the floor and wanted to get a changing table, but she said she'd have to get it specially made since I was too big for a baby one and it might be expensive."

"So you like my room?" Daniel asked hopefully.

"Yeah, it's really cool. I wish mine had all this baby stuff," Ariel replied.

"Thanks. I like it too but I didn't think anyone else would like it. One time last year, this kid who lives down the street, Mike, came over. I think he only came because his mom made him. He told everyone at school that I was a total baby and that my room smelled like a dirty diaper. I yelled at him to stop, and he beat me up and laughed at me. He was a second grader, and a lot bigger than me, and all the kids at school started teasing me because they didn't want him to laugh at them."

"Really?" Ariel was shocked; she'd never realized her classmates could be so mean. It was obvious just from the way Daniel never talked to anyone that just about everyone who'd ever met him had given him a hard time about his diapers. Even when Eric hung out with them at recess and lunch, Daniel was much quieter than he was with just Ariel. Every time Eric looked him in the face, Daniel got a look on his face like he expected to be either hit or viciously teased.

There was a knock on the bedroom door and Erin stood there, holding a tray with a bottle filled with juice, an ordinary glass of juice, and two napkins with three cookies each on them. "Hey, I thought you guys might like a snack."

"Erin! Did you have to bring me my juice in a baby bottle?" Daniel groaned.

"Sorry, kiddo, but you know the rules. You can't drink anything in your room unless it's in a bottle," Erin replied. "He was always spilling stuff in his bedroom and ruining the carpet, so now he can't drink from an ordinary glass unless he's in the kitchen or dining room. Everywhere else, he has to have a bottle."

"That sounds like my mom," Ariel said. "Last night when I spilt my juice she said she was going to make me drink from a bottle but she was joking."

"Oh...hmm...would you mind if I put your juice in a bottle then?" Erin asked.

Ariel felt butterflies of excitement in her stomach but tried to look neutral. "If that's what you want to do, I don't mind," she replied politely.

Ariel was handed a bottle of juice identical to Daniel's. They decided to Candyland while they drank their juice. Ariel hadn't played Candyland since she was about four; she had decided it was too babyish and boring for her. She was surprised to discover how fun it really was. She felt like a two-year-old, sitting around in a diaper, drinking a bottle and playing Candyland.

After Ariel and Daniel were done with their bottles, they both had soaked diapers. Daniel called his sister to change him. After Daniel was changed, Erin asked Ariel if she needed to be changed.

"Yes," Ariel replied self-consciously. She always felt a little uncomfortable when someone who she didn't know very well changed her for the first time. The only people who changed her on a regular basis were her mom, Jenny and the school nurse.

"Don't worry Ariel, she's pretty good at it. She's been changing mine forever. Even when I was a baby she was the one who changed my diaper," Daniel said. He was right. Erin was as good as Ariel's own mom.

The afternoon seemed to fly by. When Ariel heard her mom at the door, she thought she'd come early, but it was four-thirty. "Hi honey. Did you have a good afternoon?"

"Yeah Mommy, it was fun!" Ariel said happily.

"Great! Daniel will have to come visit our house sometime soon. Maybe next weekend." Just then Erin came in and after saying hello to Jessica, she asked Daniel what he'd done with the bottles.

"They're still in my room. I'll go get them," Daniel replied.

"Bottles?" Jessica asked, curious. "Did I miss something here?"

"Oh, I hope you don't mind," Erin said anxiously. "Ariel and Daniel were drinking juice in his room and I gave them both their juice in a bottle."

"No, that's fine," Jessica replied. "If Ariel doesn't watch it, she'll be drinking out of a bottle pretty soon. She's always spilling things."

"Did you really mean that?" Ariel asked her mom once they were in the car. "Would you really give me a bottle?"

"Of course not, honey, I was just teasing you. Unless you want one...did you enjoy drinking from a bottle at Daniel's? Because I'll get you some bottles if that's what you want."

"I'd like that, Mommy," Ariel replied quietly.

"OK, we'll buy some the next time we go to the store. Don't be afraid to tell me these things, Ariel. I'm your mother, I don't judge you."

Wednesday afternoon, Caitlin greeted Ariel on the bus with "We're all gonna blow away and die."

"What!?" Ariel asked, startled.

"Haven't you heard? Hurricane Floyd is supposed to hit here tomorrow. We're probably going to have to evacuate, and the school might flood too. This is so cool!"

"Oh, the hurricane," Ariel replied, rolling her eyes. "We're not going to get anything. Last year everyone said the same stuff when Hurricane Bonnie came and nothing happened, except lots of wind and a bad storm. Nothing really exciting ever happens around here."

"No, but we might at least get out of school. My teacher said she wouldn't be surprised if they canceled school for tomorrow," Caitlin explained.

"Ooh, I hope so. I want a day off. My class is so boring. All Ms. Felton ever does is write stuff on the board for us to copy down, or give us worksheets. And she doesn't like me. She thinks I'm a freak because of my diapers," Ariel complained.

"Well, my teacher acts like I'm made of glass," Caitlin replied. "She asked me if I was sure I could do P.E because of my 'handicap.' Like having a messed up bladder means I can't run around and play soccer. By the way, I went to the doctor yesterday for a check-up."

"Oh yeah? What did he say?" Ariel asked.

"That my bladder wasn't getting any better and that it was unrealistic I'd ever get any control back," Caitlin said unhappily.

"Oh, that's too bad," Ariel replied, feigning sympathy.

Caitlin shrugged. "I don't mind too much. But I wish I could just wear diapers when I felt like it, instead of all the time. No one in my class knows yet, but anytime anyone looks at me, I'm always sure they've noticed my diaper."

"Why don't you just tell your friends? Most of my friends know and they don't care."

"The more people who know, the more likely someone will blab the secret to everyone," Caitlin replied stubbornly.

Ariel sighed. Caitlin was hopeless.

At Jenny's house, they settled down in front of the TV to watch Total Request Live, which Caitlin practically lived for. Jenny came down to say hello to them. "C'mon, you guys, you know the rules. No TV until your homework is done. Turn off the TV, get a snack or something, and do your homework."

"But Mom, why should we do our homework if there's no school tomorrow?" Caitlin protested.

"You don't know that for sure. If you do your homework now, you'll have a free day tomorrow. Oh, and Ariel, your mom called. She's getting off work early because of the hurricane and she'll be here in about a few minutes." Jenny wrestled the remote from Caitlin and changed the channel to the news. School cancellations were flashing across the bottom of the screen.

"Yeaaaahhh!" Ariel cheered. She smiled smugly at Caitlin. "Haha, my mom doesn't make me do my homework fresh off the school bus!"

Caitlin didn't reply. She and her mom were busy staring at the TV which showed a flooded street in South Carolina. Cars were drowning in water past their tires, and the sky dumped buckets of more rain onto the streets, muddy yards, and even through people's roofs.

"That'll be us this time tomorrow," Jenny remarked.

Ariel turned to stare at her in horror. Just then "Virginia Beach Public Schools, closed Thursday" flashed at the bottom of the screen.

"YEEEEESSSSSS!" Caitlin shrieked, jumping up. Her math book went flying across the room. Caitlin was too busy jumping around screaming to notice. Ariel was the only one who heard the knock on the door.

"I'll get it!" she said eagerly. She ran to let her mom in. "Hi Mommy! Guess what! No school tomorrow! Caitlin says the school will probably flood too, and we'll have to hold school at the mall."

"I doubt that. Besides, if your school floods, our house will flood and all of our stuff will be ruined," Jessica replied absentmindently. She stared at the scene in the TV room. Caitlin was still jumping around shrieking like a banshee. Cody had joined her and was jumping up and down on the couch. Jenny was screaming at them to calm down, trying to make herself heard over the noise. Jessica yelled good-bye as she and Ariel hurried to escape the asylum.

They stopped by K-Mart to pick up some batteries, bottled water and canned goods. It was obvious that they weren't the first ones to get there. The shelves were almost bare.

"We can always get lots of these," Ariel said, eagerly handing her mom a large bag of potato chips.

"Put them back, Ariel, we have plenty at home. We need some fruit and canned vegetables, but those are mostly gone." Jessica selected a few cans of vegetables and put them in the cart.

"Ewww! We're going to eat cold green peas? I'm not eating cold vegetables," Ariel said stubbornly.

"Well, if we're without power for more than a few hours, you will. You're not going to live on potato chips and candy," Jessica replied.

They headed over to the diaper aisle to pick up some more pampers. Ariel eyed the baby food. "There's still lots of baby food left," she informed Jessica.

Jessica raised her eyebrows. "Would you like to get some?" she asked Ariel.

"Really? I can get some?" Ariel asked eagerly.

"Yes. Just this one time, since we have a hurricane coming. Get some of the fruity ones. Nothing that needs to be heated up."

Ariel eagerly picked out five jars of baby food and they headed for the very long checkout line. Of all the people they could have gotten stuck behind, Ariel's neighbor and classmate Nicole just happened to be there, looking snooty as ever.

"Hi, Ariel. What are you guys buying?" she asked as she peered in their cart. "Diapers and baby food?"

Ariel's heart stopped. "They're for my little sister." she lied.

"Your little sister? Funny how I never see her around. I always thought you were an only child." Nicole's eyes drilled into Ariel's. "So who are they really for?"

"I told you, they're for my sister. She's at daycare right now. I'm not an only child," Ariel said desperately.

"Ariel's an only child, isn't she?" Nicole asked Jessica, who was lost in an issue of People and not paying attention to the conversation.

"Hmm?" Jessica glanced up and quickly sized up the situation. "No, of course not," she told Nicole. "Didn't Ariel ever tell you about her baby sister? Allison lives in California with her dad, but she's visiting us for a couple of weeks. It's such a shame she lives so far away. It's almost like we don't know her at all."

"Who was that? The captain of the first grade cheerleading team? Only six years old, and she's already a gossipy snob." Jessica said, once Nicole had left.

"Yeah, she thinks she's so cool but almost everyone hates her," Ariel replied. "If she found out I wore diapers, she'd tell everyone at school. Can't I wear underwear to school?"

"Ariel, we've had this conversation before. You know the rules. It's all or nothing. Do you want to be potty trained?"

"No. But why can't I just wear underwear to school? I promise I'll be extra careful not to wet my pants," Ariel pleaded.

"You know how Caitlin has to wear diapers because her bladder doesn't let her know when she needs to go to the bathroom?" Jessica asked.

"Yeah..."

"Well, you're rapidly approaching that point. I bet you couldn't hold it for ten minutes. If you wanted to wear underwear to school, I think you'd have to be able to hold it for at least twenty minutes. You couldn't do it."

"I bet I could," Ariel replied.

"Fine. Sometime you can put on underwear, drink a lot of juice, and I'll time you to see how long you last. If you can hold it for twenty minutes, then I'll let you wear underwear to school," Jessica replied.

Ariel smiled happily. She was sure she would have no problems. Soon she'd be wearing underwear to school.

They spent the night taping up the windows, filling up the bathtubs and putting batteries in the flashlights and radios. Jessica also found the kerosene lamp and warning Ariel to never touch it, set it up in the living room.

Ariel stayed up late and fell asleep listening to the wind howling outside her window. So far, the only effects from the hurricane were some high winds and some light rain. But the real storm wasn't supposed to hit until the next afternoon.

Ariel woke up the next morning and headed for the window. The wind seemed to have picked up a little. It was pouring rain, however there was no river in the street like she'd seen on TV. She ate some Cinnamon Life and settled in front of the TV to watch cartoons.

A huge crack of thunder scared Ariel half to death. "Looks like we're about to get something," Jessica said nervously. She glanced at Ariel, who was sitting in front of the TV, trembling. "What's the matter, sweetie? Are you all right?" She went over and took Ariel in her arms.

"I don't like thunder," Ariel said quietly. She started to cry.

Jessica remembered that Ariel had been scared of thunder when she was a toddler, but she hadn't reacted to it since she was about three or four. "It's OK, honey. Thunder is only sound. It can't hurt you." Ariel crawled into her mother's lap and wrapped her arms around Jessica's neck, still trembling. "Why don't you go pick out a book and I'll read to you," she suggested, hoping to distract Ariel from the thunder.

Ariel found her dog-eared copy of the book that had always been her favorite, Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. Jessica laughed when she saw it. "I'd almost forgotten about this. You used to not be able to get to sleep unless I read it two or three times."

They were just getting to the part where Alexander visited his dad at the office, which was Ariel's favorite, when suddenly the lights flicked. A few seconds later, they went out completely. Jessica put the book aside and lifted Ariel off her lap. "I'll go hunt down a flashlight," she said. Another huge crack of thunder sounded, and Ariel clung to her mom's leg. "I'll come with you!"

The sky was a yellowish color. Ariel felt very small and scared as Jessica groped around for a flashlight. "And God said 'Let there be light' and there was light," Jessica said, clicking the flashlight on. Ariel giggled.

The yellow light shining in from the window was eerie, even with the blinds closed. The sky was not only yellowish, but lit up with lightening. The thunder was even scarier when the apartment was all dark. Ariel started to cry.

Jessica took Ariel in her arms. "Honey, really, it's OK. It won't hurt you, I promise." She dug around in a cabinet and found one of Ariel's new bottles and filled it with milk.

Jessica began rocking Ariel in her arms and singing to her softly while Ariel sucked on the bottle. Ariel was unaware of her surroundings as she took in the comforting milk, safe and warm in her mom's arms. Soon she fell asleep.

When she woke up an hour later, the worst of the hurricane had passed. Jessica had the radio on and told Ariel that technicians were working on the power lines. The lights were expected to be on by that evening, and there would most likely be school in Virginia Beach the next day. The rain had died down, and there was very little flooding.

Ariel nodded and asked if she could have lunch. She picked Gerber's Hawaiian Delight and decided to save the rest of the baby food for later. "Look, Mom. I should eat this before it melts anymore," she said, holding up a carton of mint chocolate chip ice cream.

Jessica sighed. "OK, just this once." She poured some juice into a bottle for Ariel. Ariel was pleased with the baby treatment, and she hadn't even had to ask. Jessica got herself some Doritos and a glass of Coke.

"I thought you were going to eat canned vegetables," Ariel reminded her.

Jessica laughed. "I never said that's what I was eating. That's just what you would've been eating, if you hadn't gone for Gerber second stage food instead."

"This stuff really is pretty good," Ariel replied. It was very tasty, and not having to chew was nice too.

The phone rang. "I bet that's Jenny," Jessica said, grabbing it. "Hello?"

"Hi, Jessica. I was just wondering how you and Ariel were surviving the hurricane." Jessica frowned. It sounded a bit like Jenny, but Jessica knew it wasn't her. Suddenly she remembered who had that voice. She sighed. "Hi, Stephanie. We're doing fine. The power's out but with a few flashlights and some candles, you'd never know it."

"Glad to hear it," Stephanie replied. "I was hoping Ariel was doing OK. Sometimes small children can be scared of these things. Not that Danielle ever was," she added quickly.

Jessica rolled her eyes. "No, I'm sure she wasn't. Ariel's just fine. She's eating lunch right now."

"Can I speak to her? I'd love to talk to her," Stephanie gushed.

Jessica reluctantly handed the phone over to Ariel. "Ariel, it's your cousin Stephanie. Be nice," she hissed. She just knew Ariel was going to say something that would get Stephanie on her back.

"Hi, Stephanie...yeah, I'm doing fine. The thunder was scary but I slept through most of it." Ariel paused. "Eating lunch," she said. Another pause. "Baby food and ice cream. Mom's having doritos." Jessica groaned. "Okay...bye." Ariel handed the phone back to her mother. "She wants to talk to you."

"Ice cream? BABY FOOD? Does Ariel always eat like that?"

"Of course not, Stephanie. We don't have any power, I figured she might as well finish the ice cream before it melted all over the freezer. And as for the baby food, at least Ariel's eating some kind of fruit," Jessica reasoned.

"She's not still wearing pull-ups, is she?" Stephanie accused.

"Of course not," Jessica replied truthfully. "Look, Stephanie, I really need to get going."

"All right. See you at Thanksgiving, Jessica. Good-bye."

"Bye," Jessica said, quickly hanging up the phone. Then Stephanie's last words sank in. "Thanksgiving?!"

Chapter Twenty One

"All right, guys." Ms. Felton brushed the chalk dust off her blouse and tried to smile at her first-grade class while glancing at the clock. Only ten minutes to go until recess. One hour left in the day, one day left in the week, thirty-five weeks left in the year, and about thirty years until her retirement. It depressed her. "Who can tell me what holiday we have coming up in about two weeks?"

"Halloween!" the class chorused.

"Good. Now who can tell me how to spell Halloween? It's on your spelling list this week."

More blank faces. The students glanced at each other nervously. Finally, someone shyly raised their hand. "Ariel? Can you spell Halloween for us?"

"H-A-L-L-O-W-E-E-N," Ariel spelled proudly.

"Excellent, Ariel. Would you like to come up here and write it on the board?"

Ariel welcomed the opportunity to get out of her seat and eagerly obliged. "Teacher's pet," Nicole whispered. Ariel ignored her and carefully printed the word on the board. There were a few muffled giggles from the class, particularly Nicole and Lisa. Ariel wondered who they were laughing at now.

"Class, as you might remember, every year the PTA sponsors a costume contest. You wear your costume to school the Friday before Halloween and in every grade level, the person with the best costume wins a prize. There's also runner-up prizes. However, your costume must be original, not store bought, it must not break the dress code, and no masks." Ms. Felton passed out orange papers with details about the contest.

The bell rang for recess. Ariel walked out with Eric. "I'm gonna try to win the contest. Last year I was a witch and I might have won, except I sprayed black hairspray in my hair and it rained and it all rinsed out and dripped down my face. But this year-"

"Ariel," Eric said urgently. "There's something you should know. When you were writing that word on the board, your shirt slipped up a little and we could all see your diaper. I think that's what Nicole and Lisa were laughing about."

Ariel look horrified. "Oh, no! Could you tell it was a diaper?"

"Well, it definitely didn't look like underwear to me, but maybe no one else noticed," Eric replied. Ariel sat and sulked for the rest of recess while Eric tried to reassure her.

After recess came the last class of the day, science. It was Ariel's favorite subject and she was able to forget about Nicole and her diaper as she worked diligently on a worksheet.

"Hey Ariel, pass this to Vicki," Nicole whispered, turning around and placing a folded sheet of paper on Ariel's desk. Ariel sighed as she handed the note to Vicki, who sat behind her. Nicole was always passing notes to her various friends, and it was Ariel who got to intercept them, and Ariel who usually got into trouble for passing notes. A minute later, Vicki tapped Ariel on the shoulder and Ariel passed the note back up to Nicole. Nicole read it and began scribbling out a response while Ariel returned to her work.

Nicole turned around again with the note and started to give it to Ariel. Ariel shook her head and continued to work on her science. "Ariel, take the note," Nicole hissed.

"No," Ariel whispered. "I'm sick of passing your stupid notes and getting in trouble for it. Leave me alone."

Nicole gave Ariel an intimidating stare, but Ariel refused to take the note. "Fine. You'll be sorry for this, DIAPER BUTT," Nicole said, a little bit more loudly. A few kids stared at them.

Ms. Felton noticed the commotion. "Nicole, what have I told you about passing notes? This is the third time in a week! You know the rule - if you're caught passing a note, you have to read it."

Nicole had the good grace to blush. "Do I have to? I promise I won't pass notes anymore," she said, putting an innocent look on her face.

"I've heard that before. Read it, now, unless you'd like to go to the office and talk it over with Mr. Douglas?" Mr. Douglas was the school principal and notorious for being not just strict, but downright mean.

Nicole looked resigned to her fate. "Fine. I'll read it." She gave Ariel a triumphant glance and started to read. "Yeah, you can totally tell. Today when she went up to the board, you could see her diaper sticking up over her shirt. And a couple of weeks ago, I saw her with her mom buying diapers and baby food. My sister is in her cousin Caitlin's class and is sure that Caitlin wears them too. Ariel is such a baby."

The whole class stared at Ariel. Some started to laugh, but most just looked indifferent. Ariel hardly noticed through the blur of tears. It was the worst moment of her life and the root of every nightmare she'd had for the past six months.

"Nicole," Mrs. Felton said, so sharply that everyone shut up and sat still. "Go down to the office and sit in there until I come to talk to you. If Mr. Douglas sees you, you can tell him why you're there."

Nicole slowly stood up. She shot Ariel a mean look, but it was wasted because Ariel had her head down on her desk, trying not to let on that she was crying, and didn't notice. Ms. Felton left the room and the class started talking again. Ariel couldn't understand exactly what they were saying, but she heard her name and diapers mentioned more than once.

Ms. Felton came back in and clapped her hands for order. "I'm going down to the office to talk to Nicole, but I'll be back in a few minutes. The teacher next door is going to keep an eye on you, and report back to me if anyone misbehaves, so everyone back to work."

Ms. Felton shook Ariel gently on the shoulder as she left. Ariel lifted her head and looked at her teacher through swollen, red eyes. "Back to work, Ariel," Ms. Felton said gently. "When I get back, I'm going to talk to you and Nicole."

Ariel nodded and pulled out her worksheet again. It was hard, and Ariel was glad. When she worked on it, she didn't think of anything else, and didn't have to worry about her new problem. She didn't even notice when Ms. Felton and Nicole returned to the room until Ms. Felton said "Ariel, please come up here."

"Nicole has something to say to you," Ms. Felton told Ariel.

Nicole smiled sweetly. "Ariel, I'm sorry I was mean to you," she began, speaking in a voice sweeter than maple syrup. "I shouldn't have written that note. It was very wrong."

Ariel wasn't forgiving. She knew Nicole was only apologizing because Ms. Felton made her, and even worse, Ms. Felton actually seemed to fall for that sarcastically sweet apology. Even if Nicole's apology had been sincere, Ariel still wasn't ready to accept it. "I'm sorry" didn't do Ariel a bit of good. Her classmates still knew her biggest secret, and nothing could change their reactions.

"Ariel?" Ms. Felton prompted.

"That's OK, Nicole," Ariel said, forcing a smile.

"That was very good, girls." Mrs. Ellis smiled approvingly. "Nicole, you may go back to your seat." Nicole smiled politely and flounced back to her seat.

"Ariel," Ms. Felton began. She stopped, and nervously fumbled with a paperweight on her desk. "I wanted to talk to you about your - your diapers."

Ariel looked up and, out of habit, glanced around to make sure no one was listening. But it was two minutes before the end of the day, and everyone was packing up their stuff and chatting. The noise level in the room was much too loud to hear Ariel and Ms. Felton's conversation from more than a couple of feet away. "What about them?"

"I was wondering, why do you wear them? I assumed it was for medical reasons, but it doesn't say anything in your records about any kind of problem."

Ariel fidgeted and anxiously twirled a strand of blond hair around her finger. "Um, well, I don't know, I just started wearing them again, that's all."

"So you were potty trained at some point? That doesn't make any sense. You don't just start wearing diapers again. There must be some reason," Ms. Felton pressed.

"I like them," Ariel blurted out.

The bell rang, and Ariel stood up. "I gotta go or I'm going to miss my bus."

"Just a second, Ariel. You won't miss your bus if you hurry." Mrs. Felton scribbled something out on a sheet of paper, folded it, and stapled it shut. "Please give this to your mother, Ariel. It's important."

"OK," Ariel agreed without thinking to ask what it was for. She grabbed her stuff and had to run all the way to the bus but still just barely made it. The driver had already closed his door, and glared at Ariel as he swung it open again.

He pulled out of his space while Ariel was still standing, causing her to stumble and grab the back of a seat. Which just happened to be Nicole and her sister's. "Watch it, diaper girl," Nicole hissed.

"Yeah. Don't want to fall and expose those Pampers...for the second time today," Nicole's sister added. Ariel flushed and found her seat beside Caitlin.

Caitlin looked grim. "I heard what happened to you. Nicole was telling everyone on the bus, with the help of her sister Miranda. We are both dead. How could you be so stupid?"

"I couldn't help it. I didn't know my shirt was so small. Besides, I have worse problems now. Ms. Felton gave me a note and told me to give it my mom."

"Well, you can't be in that much trouble. When you do something really awful, they don't bother with notes. They call your mom at work, and she comes home from work early just to yell at you, and that's how you know you're in for it. Wait till that happens." Caitlin leaned back and sighed. "But I guess whatever you've done, it must seem pretty awful to you because you hardly ever get in trouble. So what did you do?"

"Nothing! I've done everything the way Ms. Felton asked me to! She just doesn't like me."

"Then she probably just wants to know if your mom will bring in cookies for a Halloween party or something. Teachers do stuff like that all the time," Caitlin reasoned. "By the way, did you get that notice about the Halloween costume contest?"

Ariel had forgotten about it. "Oh, yeah. They do that every year. I've never won before, but I really want to this year. Are you going to enter?"

Caitlin rolled her eyes. "No way. I already told you what I'm going to be. They have McDonald's costumes at the Halloween store at the mall. I'm going to be a bag of french fries. Besides, the prize is probably something dumb like a certificate. What are you going to be?"

"I don't know. I'll have to think about it."

Caitlin was quiet for a few seconds, and then suddenly perked up. "Ooh! I just thought of a perfect costume for you. But wait until we get off the bus."

The second Ariel hopped off the bus, she turned to Caitlin. "OK, we're home now. What's your great idea?"

"You could be a baby for Halloween!" Caitlin said proudly. "You already have the diapers, and a bottle. I have a really cute babyish outfit that would probably fit you, so all you'd need to buy is a pacifier."

"Where did you get a baby outfit?" Ariel asked, interested.

Caitlin blushed. "You know how relatives are. They forget how old you're getting. My great-aunt Mary sent me an outfit for last Christmas. Pale green overalls with three little bunnies on the chest. White, baby blue and pink bunnies. All the colors I hate. I would have put it in the bag for Salvation Army, but Mom said I had to save them in case Aunt Mary ever came to visit."

"But it sounds so cute! Why don't you wear it on weekends or something?"

"C'mon Ariel, look at me! Do I look like the kind of person who wears bunny overalls?" Caitlin glanced down at her Limited Too t-shirt and flaired khackis. "I didn't even wear things like that when I was two. But with your blond hair, things like that look really cute on you."

"You think so?" Ariel asked hopefully.

"Sure. You can try it on as soon as we get inside."

Ariel stood in front of Caitlin's full length mirror, admiring the effect of the overalls. Caitlin stood behind her and held her hair up so that it appeared to be in pigtails. "See, Ariel, you look adorable! Will you wear it on Halloween?"

Ariel hesitated. "Well...it does make me look like a baby, doesn't it?"

"Yeah!"

"But what if everyone laughs at me? They already make fun of me for my diapers."

"So? They can't prove anything just because you're a baby for Halloween. You're supposed to be in a costume. That means fake. I'm thinking about being a bag of McDonald's fries this year, and I'm going to try to talk my brother into being a small drink but that doesn't mean we're really food does it?"

"Well, no."

"See? Anyway, go ahead and take that off so we can do something else. Oh, I have something for you." Caitlin pulled out a pile of paper and handed it to Ariel. "Here. It's a diaper story. I was online last night and got into one of those websites. I read a little of it; it's about this boy who has to wear diapers because he's incontinent, like me, and he starts to enjoy them and begins sleeping in a crib and acting like a baby."

"Thanks, Caitlin! It sounds good. I'll start reading it tonight," Ariel promised.

"No problem. Oh, there were a bunch more at the site, if you like that one I can get you some more. Well, we'd better do our homework."

Later that evening, after Ariel and Jessica had gotten home and were eating dinner, Ariel reluctantly showed her mom Ms. Felton's note.

"Ariel, she just said for me to call her tomorrow to schedule a conference about your performance in class. She didn't say exactly what was wrong. Are you having trouble in school?"

"No, Mommy. I'm doing good. I got an A on my reading test last week."

"That's excellent, sweetie. I'm very proud of you." Jessica gave Ariel a hug. "Well, I don't know what this is about, but I'll call her tomorrow. I can't do a conference until Tuesday, at the earliest, but I'm sure everything's fine. What do you think of Ms. Felton, anyway? You haven't talked much about school this year."

"There's nothing to talk about, Mom. It's boring. Ms. Felton never does anything but pass out worksheets. We read stuff out of the book, and then we do a worksheet to go with it. I liked Mr. Keever's class a lot better."

"But is Ms. Felton nice?" Jessica persisted.

Ariel shrugged. "I guess so. She smiles a lot, but she looks mad whenever someone asks for help. She doesn't do a very good job of explaining things."

"I guess that's why she has you guys use the book so much. She doesn't sound like much of a teacher, but I suppose it could be worse. Anything else new at school?"

Ariel was about to tell her mom that Nicole had told everyone about her diapers, but something stopped her. Ariel wasn't sure why she didn't want her mom to know, except she was a bit embarrassed about the whole incident, and she didn't want her mom to worry. She decided to see how things went at school before telling her mom anything.

"Oh, yeah." Ariel showed her mom the orange slip explaining about the costume contest. "Can I enter? We haven't gotten my costume yet and Caitlin came up with the best idea."

"Honey, I wouldn't take costume ideas very seriously from someone who is going to be a bag of french fries for Halloween," Jessica replied. She had gotten a good laugh when Jenny had told her what Caitlin and Cody were going to be.

Ariel smiled. "But she has a good idea for me. She thinks I should be a baby for Halloween, since I already have the diapers and the bottle. She has an outfit she can loan me, and all you'd have to buy me is a pacifier."

"A baby? Well, that's certainly different. I think you'd make a cute baby, Ariel. We'll make sure to buy a pacifier sometime before Halloween. But don't get your hopes up about the contest. These things aren't always very fair."

"Speaking of holidays, you know your birthday is only three days after Halloween, and so far you haven't uttered a word about what you want."

Ariel knew what she wanted, and she also knew she'd never work up the nerve to ask for a crib or baby toys. "Could I have a sleepover?" she asked hopefully.

"Of course. We'll talk about it more later; it's time for you to get your bath."

Jessica put Ariel in bed at eight o'clock, despite all of Ariel's complaints. "You were practically falling asleep in the bath, Ariel! You need to start going to bed earlier. I don't think you're getting enough sleep."

But once she was in bed, Ariel couldn't sleep. It had only gotten dark an hour earlier, for heaven's sake. There was no way she could sleep. She sat up and switched on the light beside her bed, figuring she could start reading her new story until she was tired enough to sleep.

Ariel enjoyed the feeling of lying in bed in a fresh diaper and reading. The story was good, and made Ariel really want to regress. She stuck her thumb in her mouth. She did that on occasion, usually when she was trying to fall asleep.

Ariel decided to get up and ask her mom to fix her a bottle. Still holding the story in one hand, Ariel climbed out of bed and headed for her mom's room. She was about to go in when she realized her mom was talking on the phone.

"Great. I'm sure everything will be fine. Ariel's usually no trouble. See you next Saturday, Abby."

Ariel frowned. Abby? Who was Abby, and why was she coming over on Saturday? She opened the door.

"Mommy? Who's Abby?"

Jessica jumped at the sudden noise, and looked up guiltily. "What are you doing out of bed?" she asked, trying to ignore Ariel's question.

"Who's Abby?" Ariel suddenly looked very small, standing in her pink pajamas, her eyes wide as she stared curiously at her mother. She sat down on the bed, and Jessica took her in her lap.

"She's a babysitter, honey. She's going to come over next Saturday. You've seen her before; she lives right down the street. Monica's mom, Mrs. Johnson, recommended her to me."

"But why is she coming over here? Where are you going?"

"I'm going out with Ryan, a friend of mine," Jessica said cautiously. Ryan had been the guy Christine had tried to set her up with at Woodstock. They had become good friends, and talked often, but Jessica suspected that Ryan wanted to take the friendship to another level now.

"A boyfriend?" Sometimes it seemed like Ariel was way too perceptive for six years old.

"Of course not," Jessica replied, telling herself it wasn't a complete lie...yet. "We're just friends, Ariel. Daniel and Eric are your friends, and they're boys, but that doesn't mean they're your boyfriends."

"If he's not your boyfriend, then how come I can't come along?"

Because you're under twenty-one, Jessica thought. "Because sometimes we like to be alone, just like you wouldn't want me hanging around all the time when you're with your friends."

"I still think this sounds like a date," Ariel said suspiciously. "But I don't care. How old is Abby?"

"Sixteen, I think. You two should have fun together."

"Did you tell her I wear diapers?"

"Yep. She didn't mind. She said she'd be happy to change you."

"Does Ryan know I wear diapers?" Ariel asked curiously.

"He's Mr. Moleno to you, and no he doesn't. I thought I'd wait until he meets you to tell him. You'll probably get to meet him Saturday night." Jessica glanced at the clock. "You know, I could've sworn you went to bed a half hour ago."

"Yes, but I got up for a bottle," Ariel replied.

"Oh, well, come on." Jessica carried Ariel into the kitchen and filled a bottle full of water for her. "One thing I didn't tell Abby is that you usually drink from a bottle. I suppose you can tell her that yourself."

"OK. I bet she's never sat for any kids my age before who were wearing diapers and drinking out of bottles, right Mommy?"

"Probably not. I don't think she'll mind, though. She seemed pretty open-minded." Jessica tucked Ariel back into bed, and Ariel found that she really was tired this time. She fell asleep promptly.

Back in her bedroom, Jessica found the story that Ariel had accidentally left on her bed. Curious, she picked it up and thumbed through it. A couple of paragraphs caught her eye. The story seemed mostly to be about a boy wearing diapers, and how he regressed back to a baby in them, with the help of some bottles, pacifiers, a loving mother and a crib, but it seemed pretty clean. Certainly there were worse things Ariel could be reading on the internet. Jessica returned the story to Ariel's room. At least now she was sure what Ariel wanted for her birthday.

Chapter Twenty Two

Ariel sat in a chair outside of Ms. Felton's room. She could hear the faint murmur of conversation, but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't understand what her mom and Ms. Felton were saying about her. She squirmed in her chair, wishing they would hurry up and finish so she could get changed, because her diaper was soaked. The nurse, Mrs. Jennings, had been out that day, so Ariel had gotten changed by her assistant, who didn't really know how to do it. She hadn't fastened the diaper tight enough, and now it was in danger of leaking.

The door to the classroom opened suddenly. Ariel looked up, relieved to see her mom and Ms. Felton had wrapped things up. "Come on honey, ready to go home?" Jessica asked, taking Ariel's hand. Ariel called good-bye to Ms. Felton as Jessica hurried her out to the car.

"What did Ms. Felton say?" Ariel asked eagerly.

Jessica looked grim. "Well, you got your wish," she said.

"What wish?"

"You're not going to be wearing diapers to school anymore."

Ariel was shocked. The words she'd been hoping to hear for six months, but now she wasn't all that happy. Nobody even seemed to care if she wore diapers. Everyone pretty much ignored her in school, except for her friends. Even Nicole and her friends seemed to have forgotten Ariel existed. "Why? Do I still get to wear them at home?"

"Yes, at home, Jenny's house, your friend's houses, everywhere except school. Ms. Felton informed me that there's some school policy saying that the school nurse can't change children's diapers unless a doctor has said that they are incontinent, and they have a note to prove it. I thought she was just making it up at first, but she whipped out a copy of the school's legal policies and there it was. Something to do with lawsuits. It's ridiculous, but there's not much I can do about it."

"So I have to wear underwear to school? But what if I have an accident?" Ariel protested.

"That's what I said. She said it would be okay if you wore pull-ups and brought a couple of clean ones to change into if you had an accident. I tried to get her to reconsider, but she'd really prefer you to be in underwear and we were probably lucky to get her to let you wear pull-ups."

Ariel felt like crying. "But those things don't hold that much! What if it leaks?"

"You'll just have to try not to have any accidents at all, honey. She said she'd let you go to the bathroom whenever you need to. I don't know why the school system has to be so obnoxious about this, but they don't like the idea of kids wanting to wear diapers. Teachers get paid to encourage children not to act childish in any way, which includes wearing diapers. If they knew you drank from a bottle at home, they'd probably report me for child abuse."

"This isn't fair."

"No, you're right, but the only thing we can do is to go along with them for awhile. Maybe Ms. Felton will get so annoyed with you always leaving class to use the bathroom that she'll let you wear diapers again. But for right now, you're going to have to settle for the pull-ups."

Ariel's dislike of school grew over the next couple of days. There was nothing there she enjoyed anymore. She'd never realized how much she enjoyed the small breaks from class to get her diaper changed by Mrs. Jennings. Even playing with Daniel at recess wasn't fun anymore; they were always nervous that someone would tease them. Ariel could hardly wait to get home and get changed into a diaper. Once she wet the pull-up, and fortunately it didn't leak and she got changed before anyone found out, but she knew it was a lucky break. But despite her resentment of school and Ms. Felton, Ariel found it difficult to be unhappy about anything for long. She couldn't wait for Halloween and the costume contest, she couldn't wait for her birthday, and she was also looking forward to having a babysitter on Saturday night simply because it was a change of pace.

Ariel invited Monica over on Saturday, and they spent the day playing with their dolls and trying on their Halloween costumes. Halloween was only a little over a week away and the school costume contest was the following Friday. Monica was going to be a witch for Halloween, and Ariel liked her costume almost as much as her baby costume. Monica loved Ariel's baby costume, and insisted on trying it on.

Monica stayed for dinner, and they ate while Jessica got ready for her evening out. Ariel was surprised when her mother was ready. Her hair was curled around her face, and she was wearing a silky black and white tank top with black pants. "Mommy, you look really pretty," Ariel breathed.

"Thank you, honey," Jessica said, smiling. "Are you girls finished eating?"

They said yes, and went into Ariel's room, where Monica began getting ready to go home. "I thought you said your mom and this guy were just friends," Monica said.

"That's what she told me," Ariel replied.

"She likes him," Monica announced. "When was the last time your mom spent an hour getting ready to go anyplace with you? And did you see that look on her face? All dreamy and stuff. That's the same look my parents get on their faces whenever they're going out. Like they're in love or something."

Ariel and Monica looked at each other. "Ewwwwww!" they said in unison, then collapsed on Ariel's bed, giggling.

"Did your mom get Abby to babysit?" Monica asked.

Ariel nodded. "I hope she likes me, and doesn't make fun of me because I wear diapers."

"She won't," Monica assured. "She's nice. My mom always calls her to babysit me." She yawned. "I'm so tired. I hadn't wet my bed all week but I did last night and Mom made me wake up early this morning and wash the sheets. She says if I don't stop wetting my bed soon, I have to go to a psychologist."

"A what?"

"Some doctor who deals with crazy people. Mom thinks I have some kind of problem because I wet my bed, even though the doctor says it's normal. I don't want to go to any dumb doctor. I think she's just trying to punish me."

"What does your dad say?" Ariel asked.

"That Mom knows best and I have to listen to what she says," Monica said glumly.

Ariel pulled a couple of Pampers out of the bag and handed them to Monica. "Here. Just wear these. They'll keep your bed dry, and your mom will never have to know."

Monica accepted them, a bit reluctantly. "Thanks, Ariel. I'll have to hide them in my drawer or something so Mom and Dad don't see them." There was a knock at the door. "That's my mom, Ariel. See you later." Monica shoved the Pampers down her jacket, where her mom hopefully wouldn't notice them.

Shortly after Monica had left, Ryan arrived. Ariel let him in, and although she'd had her doubts about him, she had to admit that he seemed really nice. He insisted that she call him Ryan, not Mr. Moleno, and didn't ask her the usual stupid adult questions about school and friends that, Ariel recalled, her father had asked her. They sat in the living room and chatted while they waited for Abby to arrive. Ariel realized she needed to be changed, but didn't know if her mom had already told Ryan about her diapers, and tried to get her attention. Jessica figured out what the problem was pretty quickly.

"Excuse us for a moment, Ryan. If the sitter gets here, you can let her in," Jessica said, taking Ariel into her bedroom.

"Mom! Why haven't you told him?" Ariel demanded.

Jessica sighed. "I don't know. I wasn't sure how he'd react. But he seems pretty good with you. I guess I'll tell him as soon as we're done here." She quickly changed Ariel. "Don't forget to tell Abby when you need to be changed. I know you're shy about people you don't know very well changing you, but you need to either get used to it or get potty trained, and I don't think you want to be potty trained." Ariel shook her head vehemently. "Alrighty then. And if you want a bottle, don't hesitate to ask her. She's getting paid, so she'd be wise not to judge you."

They re-joined Ryan in the living room. "Ryan, there's something I've been meaning to tell you. It's about Ariel," Jessica began.

"Let me guess. She wears diapers," Ryan said.

Jessica stared at him, shocked. "How'd you know?"

"I could tell when Ariel sat down and leaned forward a few minutes ago. Her diaper showed over the edge of her pants. I don't mind. I think it's cute." Ryan smiled. "You should have her model in diaper ads or something."

Jessica and Ariel both blushed. "Well, thanks, but I'd probably get arrested for child abuse. Her teacher certainly thinks we're both strange." Jessica explained how Ariel could no longer wear diapers to school. Then Ariel told Ryan about her Halloween costume and the contest at school, and he agreed her costume sounded great and she had a chance at winning.

The doorbell rang again, and Ariel got it. This time it was Abby, the babysitter. "Hi! I guess you're Ariel? I'm Abby. We'll be playing together tonight." Abby looked closely at Ariel's face. "Looks like you're missing a tooth."

Ariel grinned. "Yeah! It was loose and it fell out while I was eating lunch at school this week. The tooth fairy came and brought me a whole dollar, and everyone was jealous! And look, I've got another loose one. I can wiggle it around with my tongue." Ariel opened her mouth wide and proudly demonstrated her oral talent. Abby laughed.

Jessica got up and grabbed her jacket. "Hi, Abby. As you can tell, Ariel's a little wound up tonight. But she should calm down before she has to go to bed. Bedtime's at ten, and Ariel can have a small snack before she goes to bed. Don't let her have any candy or soda. Help yourself to anything in the fridge. And Ariel, behave yourself."

"Who, me? I'm always a good girl," Ariel said innocently, smiling up at her mom and Abby.

"Right," Jessica gave hug and a kiss on the forehead. "I'll be home late, sweetie. See you tomorrow morning. I love you."

"It was nice meeting you, Ariel," Ryan said. "See you later. Good luck in the costume contest."

"Nice meeting you too," Ariel replied politely, glad that he had remembered the contest. After her mom and Ryan had left, Ariel asked Abby if they could go to the playground.

"Oh Ariel, I'm sorry but we can't. It's dark outside."

"So?"

"So, your mom would be upset if I took you out after dark." Seeing the disappointed look on Ariel's face, Abby tried to compensate. "Let's play a game. What's your favorite game?"

"Candyland," Ariel replied, remembering how much fun she and Daniel had had playing it.

"Candyland?! Aren't you a little old for that?"

"I thought I was but then I started playing it again, and I like it now. Can we please play it? Mom hates it. She never wants to play it with me," Ariel pleaded.

Abby sighed. "Tell you what. For every game of Candyland we play, you have to play one game of Clue with me."

"What's Clue?" Ariel asked suspiciously.

"You'll see. I'll teach you," Abby said. Ariel looked doubtful, so Abby threw in the bonus. "Whoever wins the most games gets a treat."

"What's the treat?"

"You get to choose. Anything you want, as long as it's not breaking any rules," Abby said.

Ariel smiled. "You're on."

Ariel won the first game of Candyland, and then won a game of Clue, which she discovered she didn't like nearly as much as Candyland. She suspected Abby had let her win, but didn't complain. Abby smiled slightly at the sight of the little girl leaning over the board, biting her lip in concentration, her diaper sticking out above her jeans.

An hour later, Ariel had won three games and Abby had only won one. Ariel was getting bored. "Can I get my treat now? I want some candy."

"Your mom said no candy," Abby reminded her.

"Oh...yeah. Well, couldn't I have some anyway?" Ariel pleaded. "You don't have to tell my mom."

"Ariel," Abby said patiently. "You know the rules. I don't have to let you have a treat at all."

"Could I have some chocolate milk?"

"Sure." Abby got a glass out of the cabinet and started to pour the milk.

"Wait!" Ariel said. "I don't want it in a glass. Can't I have it in a bottle?"

"A bottle?" Abby asked skeptically. "You mean like a baby's bottle?"

"Yes, they're over here." Abby raised her eyebrows as she opened the cabinet and found several plastic bottles, standing neatly side by side with the nipples upside down. "I guess I shouldn't be surprised, since you wear diapers. Why do you like to act like a baby?"

"I like the way the diapers feel. And I like being changed and when my mom holds me close and rocks me."

"Oh. So it makes you feel secure."

"What's that mean?"

"Safe. Protected. Warm. Loved," Abby explained.

"Yeah. That's what I like. I wish I was a real baby. They're lucky. They get to stay home all day and they don't have to do anything except eat and sleep and play. And everyone loves them," Ariel said. And they don't have daddies that leave them. Or mean stepmothers who humiliate them. Or even meaner kids in their class who tell the whole school they wear diapers, she thought.

"Oh, okay. I think I understand. But you realize you can't ever be a real baby again, don't you? You can act like one, but you're going to have to keep growing up."

Ariel nodded gloomily. She knew, all right. So far, growing up hadn't seemed like much fun.

She finished her chocolate milk and then pleaded with Abby to play indoor hide-and-go seek with her. Abby was reluctant. "I don't know, Ariel. Hide-and-go-seek with only two people doesn't seem like much fun. Besides, are you sure your mom lets you play it indoors?"

"Yes! Me and Monica play it all the time. Please can we play it? There's nothing better to do."

Abby sighed. "All right. You can hide first, and I'll count. But your mom's room is off limits, understand?"

"Okay," Ariel agreed. "You can count in the kitchen. But you have to close your eyes and cover them with your hands and face the wall. I always make Monica do that, because she cheats and peeks. And you have to count all the way to fifty, out loud."

Ariel waited until Abby was on number three, and then she scampered off, looking for a good place to hide. Lying down in the bathtub always fooled Monica, but Ariel was sick of getting her clothes damp in the process. She decided to duck inside the coat closet.

There was hardly room for her among the six million jackets she and her mother owned, and their heavy coats. Ariel got behind them, and then had an idea. There was a long dress coat way over to the side; it was obvious it hadn't been worn in ages. On the floor underneath it was a pair of huge rubber boots, the kind that rubbed a stinging red smiley face onto the backs of your calves. Ariel slid inside the coat and slipped her feet into the boots. They were both huge. Ariel decided they must've belonged to her dad, which made her wonder just how many years it had been since her mom had cleaned out the closet.

Abby finished counting and called "Ready or not, here I come!" The first place she checked was the coat closet. Ariel was totally hidden inside the coat and boots, but she could see the crack of light falling over her as Abby opened the closet door and searched briefly through the coats and jackets. Ariel almost laughed as Abby's fingers came extremely close to the coat she was hidden inside, but Abby gave up quickly and went on to search other parts of the apartment.

Ariel's legs grew stiff as she stood in the closet listening to Abby searching. She was beginning to wish she hadn't drank that chocolate milk. She should have gotten Abby to change her, but she wasn't used to having to ask to be changed at home. Her mother usually asked her if she needed to be changed.

Her bladder didn't hold out more than five minutes, and she felt the wetness spreading around her as she wet her diaper. Ariel couldn't tell if she'd leaked or not. She tried to feel her pants to see if they were wet, and her elbow hit a roll of wrapping paper shoved into the back of the closet. It tipped over and hit a rusty old fan with a rattling noise that seemed loud enough to wake the dead, and certainly get Abby's attention. Ariel heard Abby's footsteps, and suddenly the closet door flew open again.

"Ariel," Abby called in a singsong voice. "I know you're in there, so you might as well just come out now." Ariel remained silent, and Abby began sifting through the coats again. Her hand hit the coat Ariel was inside, and feeling something solid, Abby unbuttoned the coat. Ariel stood exposed, blinking at the light and smiling.

"Hi Ariel. You can come out now."

Ariel struggled to step out of the huge boots. Abby lifted her out. "There you go. That was a good hiding place," she said as she set Ariel down in the hall. She paused and frowned at Ariel. "What happened to your pants? Did your diaper leak?"

Ariel glanced down. "Uh-oh," she said, seeing the small damp spot on her jeans. "I'm sorry," she said sadly, remembering her mom's warning to tell Abby whenever she needed changing.

Abby consoled her. "That's okay, no harm done. It's time for your bath, anyway. Does your diaper leak like that very often?"

"Not really. Only when I get busy doing something and don't get it changed for awhile."

"Have you ever tried any other kind of diaper to see if maybe they'll hold up better? They make youth diapers specially designed for girls your age, you know."

"I know. My cousin Caitlin had some right after she got her bladder hurt in a car accident. The hospital gave them to her. I tried one of hers on once, but I didn't like it. It didn't even hold as much as Pampers, and it doesn't look like a baby diaper. No designs on it, and it has four tapes instead of two. And sometimes Mom gets me Huggies, if there's a sale or something. They're pretty much the same as Pampers."

Abby helped Ariel out of her damp clothes and took her diaper off her. Ariel sat in the bath water and played with her tub toys while Abby got ready to shampoo her hair. "Hmmm...which kind of shampoo do you want? Herbal Essences or Johnson's Baby Shampoo?" she asked, teasing.

"Baby shampoo!" Ariel replied, grinning toothlessly. "Mom used the other stuff when we were out, and it stinks! And some of it ran into my eyes and it hurt so bad! I was splashing water on my face for an hour! I'm never going to use anything but baby shampoo."

"You'll change your mind someday," Abby assured. "Does your mom always wash your hair for you?"

"Yes," Ariel sputtered, trying not to let the shampoo dripping down her face get into her mouth, because she had learned a long time ago that baby shampoo didn't taste nearly as good as it smelled. "I can't do it myself because my hair's too long. I can never get all the shampoo rinsed out."

Once Ariel was done with her bath, it was time for her to get re-diapered and go to bed. She swore she wasn't tired but Abby made her go anyway. Feeling a bit insecure about going to sleep without her mom in the house, Ariel tried to keep Abby in her room as long as possible.

"...And this is my favorite stuffed animal," she continued, holding up the beat-up bunny for Abby to see. "His name's Paco."

"He's cute," Abby commented. "You must love him a lot."

Ariel nodded. "My daddy gave him to me. Before he left. I wasn't even two years old." She started to show Abby her other favorite stuffed animals, but Abby stopped her.

"Ariel, you have to go to sleep, you know."

"But I'm not tired," Ariel protested.

"You heard what your mom said. Bedtime at ten, and it's five after already. Good night." Abby turned off the lights and left the room, closing the door behind her.

Ariel lay awake, alone in the dark Didn't Abby know she was supposed to leave the door open a crack? Ariel remembered her old childhood beliefs that there were monsters under her bed, and if she got out of bed, they would grab her feet and pull her under and eat her. She didn't dare get up to close the door.

She missed her mother. Why'd she have to go out and leave Ariel all alone? Ariel stuck her thumb in her mouth for comfort, and fell asleep.

Friday morning, Ariel could hardly eat her breakfast in her excitement. It was two days before Halloween and the day of the costume contest. She was sitting at the table wearing Caitlin's overalls, with a plain white turtleneck underneath and the pacifier attached to a ribbon around her neck. Her hair was pulled up into pigtails. She lamented to her mom that she hardly felt like a baby with a pull-up under her dress instead of a diaper.

"Oh well," Jessica replied. "The judges will never know the difference, and when you go out Sunday night, you'll be wearing a diaper. Come on, eat your breakfast, you don't want to be late."

No, she didn't. Of all mornings to walk in late, this would be the worst, with everyone staring at her in her baby costume. Ariel wondered how everyone in her class was going to react. It was Halloween, they couldn't prove anything by her being dressed up as a baby.

Her excitement wasn't the only thing keeping Ariel from eating quickly. She'd lost her other front tooth two days before, and was having difficulty biting into things. Jessica said the missing teeth made her look adorable and even more babyish.

Ariel finally finished her breakfast and headed for the bus stop. Monica was there, in her witch costume. Ariel was impressed. "That looks so cool. I'm glad we're not in the same grade, so we don't have to compete with each other."

"Thanks, Ariel! I like your costume, too. I might've been a baby with you, but my mom wouldn't have let me." They got on the bus. "Oh my gosh. Ariel, look at your cousin."

"Yeah, I know. She's a bag of french fries. She's been talking about it all week."

"No, she's not."

Ariel glanced at Caitlin. "Her hair is PINK!"

They sat in their usual spot in front of Caitlin. "Your mom let you do that to your hair? What happened to your french fry costume?"

"Too bulky to wear to school," Caitlin replied. "I did it at the bus stop, so Mom doesn't know yet. She won't care, though. It washes out. Want me to do your hair?"

Ariel shuddered. "No thanks. It wouldn't look right with my costume."

"But it'd be more original," Caitlin protested. "A baby with hot pink hair. It'd look so cool. C'mon, it'll be fun."

"All right," Ariel agreed reluctantly. "But if it doesn't come out, I'm telling my mom it was all your idea. I'll say you held me down while you sprayed it."

Caitlin pulled the can out and evenly sprayed Ariel's hair. "Ariel, don't move! I just got some on your cheek. Hold on, I'm almost done." She sprayed for a few more seconds. "There. It looks so cool."

"It does," Monica agreed. "Caitlin did a better job on yours then she did on her own. But if it rains, you're going to be in trouble."

"Want me to do yours too?" Caitlin offered.

"Whoever heard of a witch with pink hair?" Monica asked scornfully.

When Ariel got to her classroom, the first person who saw her was a loudmouthed girl named Tara, who squealed "Ariel's hair is PINK!" loud enough for it to be heard across the school.

All eyes, including Ms. Felton's, turned toward Ariel. "A baby with pink hair. That's a lovely costume, Ariel," Ms. Felton said weakly. Ariel smiled and took her seat.

"I guess we know how Ariel dresses at home," Nicole said loudly. A few people laughed.

"Shut up!" Ariel hissed.

"I don't have to if I don't want to," Nicole taunted. "My costume's better than yours, anyway." Nicole was a cheerleader. She had the short pleated skirt, a matching t-shirt, and her hair was pulled back into a ponytail. Her costume was good, and Ariel felt scrubby in comparison with her pink hair, pacifier and babyish dress.

"You're such a baby," Nicole added.

"Anyone making fun of anyone else's costume will be automatically disqualified from the contest, and they will not be participating in our Halloween party this afternoon. Is that clear?" Ms. Felton looked straight at Nicole and her friends.

"Yes," Nicole replied meekly.

"Good. Now, everyone please take out your reading workbooks, and get in your groups while I check homework."

The morning passed quickly. Even Nicole, despite her comments about Ariel's costume, seemed to be in a good mood. Ms. Felton let them eat candy in class, and gave everyone the chance to tell what they were doing for Halloween. Ariel was going trick-or-treating with Monica, Eric and Eric's mom.

At lunch they were judged for the contest. Ariel did her best to look innocent and babyish for the judges, and stuck the pacifier in her mouth. The judges, who were teachers, seemed to like her, for they all smiled and Ariel heard one whisper to another "Isn't she cute?" They promised the results would be on the afternoon announcements.

At recess, Ariel played with Eric and a few other kids from her class. Daniel wasn't in school that day. Ariel had noticed he was often absent and wondered why. Nicole stood on the other end of the playground with her friends, and occasionally glanced at Ariel. Ariel was sure they were talking about her, and hoped that Nicole would trip in the mud and ruin her costume, but of course that didn't happen.

The class had their Halloween party the last hour of the day. It was a typical school party, they had cupcakes with candy pumpkins on them that someone's mother had brought it, and orange Kool-Aid. Ariel didn't drink most of her Kool-Aid for fear of having an accident. They also played a few games with homework passes as prizes. Ariel won two and happily tucked them into her notebook while smirking at Nicole. She hoped her lucky streak would continue.

For once, the whole class was silent when the afternoon announcements came on. They announced the winners in the upper grades first, and to Ariel it took forever. The first prize turned out to be two free movie tickets, and Ariel decided if she won, she'd invite Daniel. He didn't seem to have much happiness in his life.

They finally got to the lower grades. Ariel was pleased to hear Monica won second prize, even though she knew Monica would be disappointed it wasn't first. Then they got to the first graders.

"Third prize: Nicole Lynch, cheerleader."

The whole class, except for Ariel, clapped for Nicole. "Congratulations, Nicole," Ms. Felton said, smiling. Nicole didn't seem to hear. "Why wasn't it FIRST prize?" she moaned.

Second prize went to someone not in their class. "First prize: Ariel Crawford, the baby with pink hair."

It seemed to Ariel that the class clapped harder for her than Nicole. In her happiness, she didn't notice the furious look on Nicole's face.

"Ariel's nothing but a baby. I hate her," she mumbled to herself. "Just you wait, little baby. I'll get you back."

Chapter Twenty Three

"Christmas already? Look Ariel, for only $49.99, we can buy our very own light-up plastic Santa for the roof." Jessica rolled her eyes as she sifted through the mail and tossed a couple of ads in the trash can. "That holiday is way too commercialized."

"Any mail for me?" Ariel asked eagerly. "Like, a birthday card?"

"Yeah, here's something. Looks like it's from your Aunt Elizabeth and Stephanie." Ariel eagerly began to tear the envelope open. "Don't you want to save that for tomorrow, on your actual birthday?"

"Nope," Ariel replied. She glanced at the greeting on the front before opening the card and pouncing eagerly on the check inside. "Wow, thirty dollars!"

Jessica looked impressed. "That's more than they ever gave me when I was a kid. You'll have to write and thank them."

"Mo-om," Ariel groaned.

"Don't 'mo-om' me. After they were nice enough to send you money, the least you can do is write a paragraph thanking them and describing your birthday. They're coming up here for Thanksgiving, you know."

"Do they know I'm wearing diapers now?"

"Not unless Jenny's told them. I guess they'll find out over Thanksgiving. I don't even care what they think anymore."

"Was there any other mail for me?" Ariel asked.

Jessica glanced at the pile. "Nope. What were you expecting?" She knew exactly what Ariel was expecting. Every year, it was the same thing. A few days before her birthday, Ariel would start anxiously going through the mail, looking for anything with her name on it, and every year, she was disapointed in the end. Jessica would've thought Ariel had learned after five years of no word from her father on her birthday, but after the events of the previous year, it didn't surprise her that Ariel's hopes were up, only to most likely be crushed again, a little more each day after her birthday as the chances of a late card arriving decreased.

"Oh...nothing," Ariel sighed. Jessica tried to think of a way to comfort her.

"Your dad's never been on time for anything in his life. I'm sure he'll send you something," she said, taking Ariel onto her lap. She felt a pang of sudden anger for her ex-boyfriend for being so cruel, and decided to give him a call later on.

"He's never sent me anything before, or called me or anything. He probably just forgets."

"He doesn't forget, honey. How could he forget the day you were born? I don't know how long I was in labor with you, but it seemed like forever, and I was in so much pain, I couldn't see straight. He held my hand during the contractions, and I squeezed it so hard I think I fractured it. I screamed my head off at him and called him all kinds of awful names while he was running around screaming for a nurse to give me a painkiller. They wouldn't let me have anything because they were concerned your heart rate would drop. I got so tired. And when you were finally born, around seven a.m, they told me it was a girl and handed you to me. You were so beautiful. I started to cry so hard that I was shaking, and your dad was scared I'd drop you, so he took you. It was the best day of our lives. He'll never forget it, no matter what." Jessica wished she knew for sure that she was telling the truth. With Josh, she could never be sure of anything.

"If he hasn't forgotten it," Ariel said flatly, "then he must just not care. He could at least call me or something."

"Your birthday's not until tomorrow, honey. I'm sure you'll hear from him." Jessica quickly changed the subject. "Guess what? I took a half-day off tomorrow, so I'll be here when you get home from school."

"Yaaaaayyyy!" Ariel cheered. "Since you're staying home, do I have to go to school?"

"Oh Ariel, you already had today off." The schools had been closed that day because it was election day, and a teacher-in-service day.

"But Mom! Why do I have to go to school on my birthday?" Ariel protested.

Jessica sighed. "I'll make a deal with you. I'll pick you up on my way home from work, around twelve-thirty. You get to miss about two hours."

"Thanks, Mommy!" Ariel said happily. "Do I get to open my presents before I leave for school?"

"We'll see. Maybe if there's time. Anyway, you'll get to see one of them before you leave for school regardless. It's too big to wrap...and by the way, my bedroom is off limits until tomorrow," Jessica said mysteriously.

"Really?" Ariel jumped up and ran for her mom's bedroom. Jessica ran behind her and grabbed her just before she pushed the door open. "Oh, come on, Ariel. You don't want to spoil the surprise. You'll get to find out tomorrow."

"This is going to be the best birthday," Ariel said happily, her sadness about her father forgotten for the moment. "I get to come home from school early, and I'm getting a huge present and my party's Saturday." Ariel was having her party the following Saturday afternoon. She had decided not to have a sleepover, because she wanted Eric and Daniel there, too. They were two of her closest friends. She was also inviting Monica, Caitlin, Cody (Ariel hadn't really wanted to invite Cody, but her mom had made her) and four other kids from her class who she often played with.

Jessica thought she'd have a horrible time getting Ariel to sleep that night, but surprisingly, she didn't protest when her bedtime came. She fell asleep while Jessica was reading her a story.

Jessica spent a few minutes getting things ready for Ariel's birthday, and then she dug through her address book, looking for a phone number. She hesitated a bit, deciding whether she should even bother, and then punched in the digits. It rang three times before anyone picked up.

"Hello, Josh. Did you forget what tomorrow is?"

"Jessica? What the hell..." Josh paused. "Oh, shit. Ariel's birthday."

"Very good. OUR daughter is turning seven years old tomorrow, and is very upset because she hasn't heard from you. I can't believe you had the nerve to forget her birthday."

"I didn't forget. I've just been very busy lately..."

"And it slipped your mind," Jessica finished coldly. "Busy doing what, Josh? Fucking Britney? You're such a hypocrit. You showed up on our doorstep last February, saying you were going away forever and had no intentions of ever seeing Ariel again. Then you call and pretend to be father of the year, wanting Ariel to come see you. Now she thinks you love her, and it breaks her heart when you pull shit like forgetting her birthday. How could you do that to her? And it's not just this year, it's been the past five years."

Josh sighed. "I'll give her a call tomorrow. But we had an agreement. You two live your lives, and I'll live mine. I love Ariel, I really do, but I don't have room for her in my life."

"Then why did you invite her to your house last summer? You cannot keep playing these games with her, Josh. Either you make an effort to keep in touch with her and maintain a relationship, or you never speak to her again. Maybe you never made the connection, but she didn't regressing until last spring, after you came to see her. And Britney certainly didn't help things any. You're hurting her, Josh. Please call her tomorrow. Don't ruin her birthday. But leave her alone after that, because I think we're both better off without you."

"Fine," Josh snapped. "That's just fine. You stay out of my life, and I'll stay out of yours. I never wanted the kid in the first place, and I don't want to have my life burdened by your problems. I don't have time for this." He slammed the phone down.

He'd spent years listening to Jessica whine about her problems, and he wasn't going to put up with it anymore. After she'd gotten pregnant, he'd suggested she get an abortion so that they wouldn't have to have their lives ruined by a crying baby. But Jessica'd chickened out, saying she was having nightmares about dead babies. He'd stuck around as long as he could after Ariel was born, but he'd never wanted to have kids at all, didn't particulary like them, and didn't want to spend the rest of his life in a tiny apartment with a whining toddler and a woman he no longer loved. He'd already met Britney, and she'd showed him what he was missing.

Jessica stared in shock at the dead phone. "Asshole," she muttered. In some way, it was probably a blessing in disguise. If Josh stayed true to his word and didn't contact Ariel after tomorrow, she'd probably be better off in the long run. Of course, explaining that to her wasn't going to be easy. Sooner or later, she was going to have to sit Ariel down and have a heart-to-heart with her.

It was getting quite chilly in the apartment, and Ariel only had one thin blanket on her bed. Jessica got another blanket and went into Ariel's room. Ariel was sleeping on her side, her face turned away from her mother. As Jessica began to spread the blanket over Ariel's bed, something caught her eye and she looked closer at Ariel's face. Ariel was sucking the pacifier she'd gotten for her halloween costume.

Jessica carefully pulled it out of her mouth and set it on the dresser beside her bed. "Ariel, what's wrong with you? Why are you doing this?" she whispered. Ariel continued to sleep peacefully. Jessica felt her eyes filling with tears of desperation. "Why won't you tell me what's bothering you? Is it your daddy, or is it something else? Tell me, Ariel. Please!"

Ariel woke up early the next morning. She jumped out of bed and stared at herself in the mirror. Seven didn't look any different than six. But just the knowledge that today, she was seven (and even the very word seven sounded more sophisticated than six) made her jump up and down. "I'm seven years old," she whispered to herself.

She glanced around. Something else felt different. Her room. And then she saw it. "Wow..." she said softly. Standing in one corner of her room was a changing table. Her changing table. It was larger than the kind made for little babies, and the shelf was already loaded with all her diaper stuff - Pampers, pull-ups, baby powder, lotion, rash cream and baby wipes.

Ariel ran into her mom's room and began jumping on the bed. "Mommy, wake up," she said loudly. "WAKE UP!"

Jessica opened her eyes and glanced up at Ariel. "What time is it," she mumbled sleepily.

Ariel looked over at the alarm clock. "Five thirteen," she said proudly. "And the little orange dot is next to the AM."

"It's still the middle of the night. Go back to sleep."

"Mommy, it's my birthday."

"Happy birthday. Now go back to sleep." Jessica closed her eyes again.

"I saw my new changing table," Ariel said happily. "I love it."

"I'm glad. Why don't you go back to bed, and then you'll be that much closer to your new changing table."

"But I want to get changed NOW."

Jessica sighed and rolled out of bed. "If I change your diaper now, will you let me sleep another hour?"

"Okay," Ariel agreed.

Jessica lifted her up onto the new changing table. It felt weird to be getting changed three feet off the floor. Ariel felt so relaxed that she almost fell asleep again. Jessica saw Ariel's eyes beginning to close. "Good baby," she whispered, tucking Ariel back into her bed.

"Here you go," Jessica announced an hour later, cheerful after some more rest and a glass of Surge. She set a plate of pancakes in front of Ariel, along with a bottle filled with the usual grape juice. "Blueberry pancakes, just for the birthday girl. Eat up and enjoy; tomorrow morning it's back to cereal."

Ariel ate quickly, keeping her eyes on the stack of gifts in the center of the table. "Can I open those now?"

"Wouldn't you rather save them for after school? We'll have more time then, plus it'll give you something to look forward to in school."

"Okay," Ariel agreed reluctantly. She finished eating and went to school. It was a typical day of school. They had a spelling test which Ariel'd forgotten to study for. The whole class sung "Happy Birthday" to her, but later Nicole made a mean comment about her turning two, not seven. Ariel was glad when she got called down to the office to go home.

"Hey, big girl. Ready to go home?"

"Yeah!" Ariel replied eagerly.

"Really? Are you sure you don't want to stay till the end of the day? It's only two more hours, and I know how much you love it," Jessica teased.

Ariel shook her head. "No way! I want to get out of here." She lowered her voice. "And I want to get into a diaper! I HATE these pull-ups!"

"Come on honey, they can't be that bad. They don't seem any different than diapers, except a bit thinner."

"They're too thin. It's like I'm not wearing anything at all. And I'm always worried they're going to leak."

Ariel was changed into a diaper as soon as they got home. She also decided to change into Caitlin's bunny overalls, which Caitlin kept "forgetting" to take home.

"Why are you wearing Caitlin's overalls?" Jessica asked when she saw Ariel.

"I like them. They're comfortable." They were, but that certainly wasn't the main reason why Ariel liked them. Jessica looked at her meaningfully but said nothing.

They decided to go to the park. Ariel had always wanted to go to the park in the middle of a weekday, because it was always so crowded on weekends, but during the week hardly anyone was there, and she could have the whole playground to herself. Except, she complained, she didn't have anyone to play with.

"Well, we could always bring Cody along. I'm sure Jenny'd be more than happy if we watched him for a couple of hours," Jessica suggested.

"But he's only four."

"So? Isn't playing with him better than playing alone?"

"I guess." Jenny was thrilled at the idea of getting Cody out of her hair. They played at the park for almost two hours before Ariel and Cody got bored. Ariel had to admit she had a good time with Cody, even if he was a lot younger than her.

Before they left, they went to the bathroom. While Ariel was being changed, a woman came in with her baby boy. She stood near them, waiting for Jessica to finish.

"Excuse me, how old is your little girl?" she asked.

"She just turned seven. Today's her birthday," Jessica replied, knowing what was coming.

"Seven! What's wrong with her?"

"There's nothing wrong with her!" Jessica snapped. "She just enjoys wearing diapers."

"And you allow this kind of behavior?"

"It's not hurting her. She enjoys it, and I don't mind changing her. So I really don't see anything wrong with it," Jessica said. She finished Ariel's changing and lifted her down.

"Suit yourself," the lady replied, setting her baby up on the changing table. "Both of my daughters were trained at nineteen months. Neither of them has ever shown the slightest sign of wanting to wear diapers again, and I think if one did, I'd get her some professional help."

"My daughter doesn't need professional help. If there's anything bothering her, she knows she can talk to me," Jessica retorted. "Come on kids, it's time to go." She almost dragged Ariel and Cody out of the bathroom.

"Mom! Do you know who that was?" Ariel asked as soon as they were out of earshot.

"Hmm...I thought she looked familiar...but I can't place her. Who was that?"

"Nicole's mom! This really snobby girl in my class who teases me sometimes about my diapers. Remember, we saw her that time in the grocery store, and you said she was snobby."

"That was her mom? Well, now you know where Nicole gets it from. Don't worry, I doubt her mom will tell her about seeing you. She'd be worried Nicole would get foolish ideas about diapers in her head."

"I'm not worried," Ariel replied truthfully. Nicole had been very strange lately. At times she was very mean to Ariel, saying mean comments about her diapers to everyone and calling her a baby. Other times, she was very quiet and subdued and was actually nice to Ariel. Ariel didn't know what to think, except that she neither trusted nor liked Nicole.

After they got home, Ariel opened her gifts. She was pleased with the various toys and games she got, but she still thought the new changing table was her favorite. They ate dinner and were just about to put in a movie when the phone rang.

"Ariel, will you get that?" Jessica asked, hoping it was Josh. She left the room so Ariel could have some privacy with her dad.

"Hello?" Ariel said politely into the phone, feeling very grown-up. Her mother usually answered the phone before she could get to it.

"Hi Ariel, it's Dad."

"Daddy!" Ariel's face lit up for a second, and then she looked like she was going to cry. "I thought you'd forgotten my birthday."

"No, of course not. I've just been very busy lately. But I'm going to mail your gift as soon as possible."

"How come you never call me or anything?"

Josh sighed. He was beginning to wish he hadn't bothered to call. "I told you, I've been very busy." Jessica's words echoed in his head. Busy doing what, Josh? Fucking Britney? She was right. He didn't have time for anything except Britney anymore. "I'm sorry, Ariel. But you could have called me, you know. Well anyway, happy birthday. Are you having a party?"

"Yes. This Saturday. I'm inviting all my friends. Monica, Daniel, Eric, Caitlin, Cody, Teri, Shannon, Jason and Cassie."

"That sounds great," Josh said, realizing that none of those names meant anything to him. He knew nothing about his daughter or her life. "Anything else new?"

"Not really. Mommy got a new boyfriend, and he's really nice. Well, she SAYS he's just a friend, but I think he's her boyfriend because one time last weekend he was over, and they thought I was asleep but I wasn't and I saw them sitting in the living room but they didn't see me because they were k-"

"That's nice, Ariel," Josh interupted. Just then, Britney walked in. She had been out shopping all day. He panicked. She was home early, and didn't know he was going to call Ariel, didn't even know today was her birthday. She didn't want him talking to Ariel.

"Who are you talking to?" she demanded.

"Um, let me let you go. Britney's home," Josh said, and quickly hung up the phone. He didn't have any intentions of calling Ariel again for a long time.

Chapter Twenty Four

"What time is it now, Mom?"

Jessica didn't even bother to look at her watch. "About two minutes and thirty seconds after the last time you asked. Which was three minutes and eleven seconds after the time before. Ariel, your birthday party is not going to come any sooner because you keep checking the time. Find something to do."

Ariel wandered back and forth throughout the house a couple of times, and picked up a book. She read about three pages before she put it down again and checked the clock. Still a half hour to go before her birthday party was to start. Maybe someone would get there early.

"Ariel, Crocodile Hunter's on. Looks like he's doing something with poisonous snakes," Jessica called. Ariel ran to the living room. Crocodile Hunter was one of her favorite shows. She watched in silence for a few minutes, mesmerized, until a commercial break.

"Look Mommy, Pampers," Ariel said as a new Pampers commercial came on. "How come they always have babies in those commercials? Even in the commercial for Pampers size six, that kid is only about two or three. They should use older kids, too!"

"Because most kids who wear Pampers are toddlers. There aren't too many seven-year-olds in diapers," Jessica explained. "They save the older kids for the Goodnites commercials."

"That's stupid."

"Maybe, but they're trying to associate diapers with the age group that generally wears them. Most parents who buy diapers buy them for a two-year-old, not an older kid."

The doorbell rang. "YES!" Ariel said, rushing to open it. "Oh. It's only you."

"Thanks a lot," Monica replied, stepping in. She held up her gift. "Where do you want me to put this?"

"Ooh, I'll take that," Ariel replied eagerly. She shook it a couple of times and when she couldn't tell what it was, she put it on the table, and then she and Monica went in her bedroom. "Mom says I have to wait until after we've eaten to open the gifts. She baked a cake. It's chocolate. I helped ice it. We also got chocolate-chip cookie dough ice cream."

"Yummy. Who else is coming?"

"My cousins, Eric, Daniel, and four other people from my class at school. They're really nice. And Caitlin's mom is coming, too, and so is Daniel's sister Erin. Mom said we'd all give her a headache if she had to watch nine kids without any help."

Monica giggled. "My mom could've helped too but I'm glad your mom didn't ask her. She'd probably yell at us for making too much noise. Plus..." she hesitated. "Do you think I could wear a diaper?"

"Sure! I'll just get my mom to diaper you," Ariel said eagerly.

"No! Don't let your mom diaper me!" Monica protested. "Can't I put the diaper on myself?"

"My mom won't care. She changes my diaper all the time, you know. And she'll do a much better job than you can do yourself."

"Okay...but will you ask her for me?"

"Sure," Ariel went into the living room. "Mommy, will you diaper...oh, hi Caitlin." Jenny, Caitlin and Cody were coming in the door. As an afterthought, Ariel added, "Hi, Jenny. Hi, Cody."

"Let me guess. Monica wants a diaper?" Jessica asked. She went into Ariel's room to tend to Monica.

"Wow, there will be four kids in diapers at your party!" Caitlin said. "Daniel still wears them, doesn't he?"

"Of course. He needs them worse than I do."

"You guys should go out!"

"No way! Why does everyone think that just because me and Daniel both wear diapers, I like him?" Ariel protested. "My mom is always teasing me about him being my boyfriend, too."

"Thanks, Miss Crawford," Monica said as she was lifted down from the changing table.

"Anytime, Monica. And please, just call me Jessica. I hate being called that...it makes me feel old," Jessica smiled.

"Oh. Sure...Jessica," Monica said shyly. "I wish my mommy let me wear diapers. I still wet my bed sometimes, and washing the sheets is a pain."

"Well, you know you're always welcome to spend the night here, and you can wear them whenever you want. Believe me, I know how you feel."

"You mean you wet your bed when you were my age?"

"Just occasionally. But I was living with some mean people at the time. I mean, there was something very wrong with them. Very, very sick. I still have scars - both emotional and physical - from when I lived with them." Jessica shuddered.

"My mommy never hurts me," Monica replied. "She spanks me sometimes, but she'd never hurt me!"

"I know. Your mom is only doing what she thinks is best for you. She just has a different approach to it than I do. Come on, I think some more people are here."

Everyone had arrived by five after two. None of Ariel's school friends except for Daniel and Eric had seen her room before, and they all wanted to see it, but Ariel was reluctant to show them her new changing table. Caitlin took care of that problem.

"You guys have got to see what Ariel's mom got her for her birthday!" she exclaimed, leading everyone into Ariel's room.

"Caitlin! What are you doing?" Ariel hissed.

"They're your friends, Ariel. They don't care." Ariel glanced around as everyone saw her new changing table. The only people who'd seen it so far were Caitlin and Monica, and although Ariel'd been dying to tell Daniel about it, she'd resisted the temptation. The look on his face now was pure envy.

"You think my sister could change me on this before I go home?" he asked.

"Sure!" Ariel replied.

"So, do you act like a baby all the time at home? I knew you wore diapers, but I didn't know you had a changing table," one of Ariel's school friends, Shannon, said.

"Well, the changing table makes it easier for my mom to change me," Ariel explained.

"Why do you wear diapers?" Teri asked.

Ariel started to explain how she had started wearing diapers, and why she liked them. She didn't tell them how she also sometimes drank from a bottle and sucked on a pacifier. Her pacifier was hidden safely in a drawer for a party, and she and her mom had both agreed she'd be drinking from a glass at her party. Only Monica, Caitlin and Daniel knew those secrets.

As Ariel explained why she liked diapers, she saw some people exchanging confused glances. She knew they couldn't understand why should would want to wear diapers.

"Well," Shannon said when she was done. "That's kinda different. I don't see why you want to wear diapers. I always want to be a big girl. But I guess if you don't, that's cool. You seem normal to me."

"Yeah," Teri agreed. "Nicole made you sound like some kind of freak or something."

"I hate Nicole!" Caitlin said. "She and her sister are both really mean. Miranda's in my class and always saying how she's going to get us back. We haven't even done anything to them. She's bluffing."

"You'd better watch out," Daniel said. "They can both be really mean. I should know."

"Well, if she messes with me, me and Ariel can beat Miranda and Nicole up in three seconds. Right, Ariel?"

"Um, right," Ariel said weakly.

Jessica poked her head it. "Hey guys, ready for cake and ice cream?"

"YEAHHH," everyone yelled, running into the living room.

Jessica lit seven candles on the cake. "We better hurry up and sing before the cake catches on fire," she said. "Who wants to start 'Happy Birthday'?"

"I will!" Caitlin said eagerly. She started singing - more screaming than singing, Jessica thought - and everyone else joined in. At the end, Ariel took a deep breath. "I wish that I could act like a baby forever," she wished silently. She blew as hard as she could, and all the candles went out at once.

"What'd you wish for?" Eric asked.

"Don't tell, Ariel, or it won't come true," Monica warned. "When I turned seven, I wished for a million dollars, and I told someone, I think it was you, and it didn't come true."

Caitlin snickered. "You really thought you were going to get a million dollars? That was stupid."

"Caitlin!" Jenny interrupted. "Be nice."

"Don't worry. I wouldn't tell anyone what I wished for anyway," Ariel said. That was a dumb wish, now that she thought about it. Did she really think she could be a baby forever? She should've gone for the million dollars.

After cake and gifts, Ariel and her friends were left to amuse themselves in the living room (Ariel had earlier begged her mother not to try to get them to play corny games, or make a big fuss over the birthday girl). The three adults hung out in Jessica's room.

"I know what we can do," Caitlin announced. "Let's play truth or dare." Everyone gave her a blank look. "Don't you guys know what that is? My older cousin plays this all the time with her friends and she's twelve. You ask someone if they want to tell the truth or do a dare. If they say truth, they have to answer whatever question you ask them, and they can't lie. If they say dare, you have to dare them to do something. You can get other people to help you think up the dare, and they have to do it, no matter what. Otherwise they're a wimp. So who wants to play?"

"It sounds stupid," Eric said. Daniel and Jason agreed.

"Guys aren't supposed to like it," Caitlin replied. "Since it's Ariel's birthday, she gets to decide what we do. Ariel, do you want to play?"

"I think it sounds like fun." Ariel was already thinking of what she could get Caitlin to do. Caitlin would do anything she was dared to, and Ariel was sure she and Monica could come up with some great ideas.

Caitlin glared at the boys. "Well then, I guess that settles it. I'll go first."

"No fair! I should get to go first, since it's my birthday," Ariel protested.

"Oh yeah? And whose idea was it to play Truth or Dare? Besides, your birthday was really three days ago, and I'm older, so I think I should get to go first!"

"Oh, just stop arguing and go!" Shannon said.

"Ariel, truth or dare?"

Ariel scowled at being picked first, but she realized that if she did whatever Caitlin told her to, it would be her turn next. "Dare!" she replied boldly.

"You have to let Daniel kiss you." Caitlin paused to smile smugly. "On the lips. For ten seconds."

"NO WAY! Uh-uh! This isn't fair at all!"

"Yeah. Why should I be involved in her dare?" Daniel asked.

"Oh, come on! You both know you want to! You guys have like each other since the day you met!"

"I do not!" Ariel said. But despite her protests, her face was turning pink with embarrassment. "I don't want Daniel to kiss me! It's so gross...no offense," she added, glancing at Daniel. He was bright red and kept glancing at the door like he was thinking about running away.

"Don't tell me you actually think you're going to get cooties." Then Caitlin said the one thing she knew would get to them most, right where it hurts. "You two are acting like a couple of kindergarten babies!"

"HEY!" Ariel protested. "I'm not in kindergarten anymore! I am in first grade, thankyouverymuch! And I have all A's and B's. So there!"

"And we're NOT babies!" Daniel added.

"So prove it. Kiss Ariel. Who here would like to see Daniel kiss Ariel?"

"MEEEEE!!!" Immediately, everyone's hands were up in the air, including Monica's. Ariel glared at her best friend. Monica shrugged sheepishly. "Sorry, but I think it would be so funny! And it would be so cool if you guys were boyfriend and girlfriend."

"We're not boyfriend and girlfriend! Even if he does kiss me! Why does everyone think we want to go out?" Ariel exclaimed.

Caitlin was jumping up and down with excitement. "Okay, you guys got outvoted, eight against two. We have to do this right. You can't just kiss someone. The mood has to be right."

"How do you know so much about kissing?" Ariel asked.

"Don't you ever watch TV?" Caitlin turned the lights out, and they were all sitting in semi-darkness. "This is good." She turned the radio on, and "She's got issues" by Offspring came blasting out at full volume. Caitlin made a face. "Not romantic at all." She tuned the radio to a local pop station.

"Coming up next, we've got Britney Spears with 'Sometimes', TLC and the new one from Christina Aguilera. But first, a few words from our sponsors," the DJ was saying.

"'Sometimes!' That's perfect. It's slow. Just right for a romantic kiss."

"It's not perfect. It's stupid. On TV, when they're going to kiss, they just do it. Whoever heard of sitting and waiting through commercials to kiss?" Ariel said.

Caitlin pulled Ariel aside and started whispering. "Look, do you want to get this right, or don't you? This is your first kiss. You only get one chance to do it right. Do you want to remember hearing commercials for Exxon during your first kiss?"

"I don't know why I have to do this at all. It's stupid."

"Because you got dared. Now stop acting like a baby."

"Well, we tried," Ariel said to Daniel.

He shrugged. "It won't be that bad. Haven't you ever wondered what it was like? We don't have to do it like they do it on TV, like when they stick their tongues in each other's mouth."

"Ewwww! If you stick your tongue in my mouth, I'll bite it!" Ariel said. "Grown-ups are stupid. Who would do that for fun?"

"Hey, the song's starting!" Caitlin yelled. She turned the volume up a notch. "When I say go, Daniel, you're going to kiss Ariel on the lips. And I'll call stop when the time's up. Ready...set...close your eyes! That's so unromantic to be staring at the other person while they're kissing you." Ariel closed her eyes. "Ready...set...go."

Ariel felt Daniel's lips press lightly against hers. They were dryer than she'd expected. It wasn't as gross as she thought, but she didn't see what the big deal was. She opened one eye. It was strange to see someone's face so close to hers. Daniel's eyes were closed and his nose was wrinkled.

"Time," Caitlin called. Ariel pulled her face away, and wiped her mouth off on her sleeve. "Well, how was it? Did you guys see fireworks?"

"All I saw was Daniel's nose," Ariel replied. "That was stupid."

Caitlin looked disappointed. "Well, I guess it's your turn, Ariel."

"Caitlin! Truth or dare?"

"Dare!" Caitlin said without hesitation.

Ariel knew she was going to say that. She had planned her dare very carefully. "You have to go outside and run around the neighborhood."

"What's so bad about that?"

"Wearing nothing but a diaper and a t-shirt."

Caitlin's eyes went wide as saucers. A few people giggled. "You want me to go out there in the freezing cold and walk around in a diaper for everyone to see me?"

"Yep."

"It's too cold. Didn't you see that frost everywhere this morning?"

"Caitlin, you can't back out on a dare. Remember?"

"I don't think our moms would let us go outside."

"I'll ask," Ariel said helpfully. She knocked on her mom's door.

"What is it, Ariel? How's the party going?" Jessica asked.

"Fine. Can we go outside?"

"I guess so. But don't leave the yard, and don't forget your jacket."

Ariel ran back to the living room. "She said yes," she informed Caitlin, leaving out that they couldn't leave the yard.

"This isn't fair. All you had to do was sit there for ten seconds while Daniel kissed you. I have to go run around the neighborhood wearing a diaper. In front of all your neighbors."

"It's Saturday. Nobody's home, and nobody knows you anyway."

"C'mon Caitlin, stop being such a wimp. You act like you're so tough," Monica said.

Caitlin sighed. Reluctantly, she reached down and unbuttoned her pants, revealing her thick white Pamper. "Hey, my little brother wears those!" Teri said. "I didn't know they were big enough to fit us."

"These are almost too small for me," Caitlin replied. "My mom says soon she's going to have to start buying youth diapers. I've had them before, and I don't like them. They hardly hold anything."

"So you and Ariel both like diapers? It must run in your family."

"I don't like diapers! I only wear them because I was in a car accident." Ariel knew that wasn't true, Caitlin had always loved diapers even before she lost bladder control, but she didn't say anything. Caitlin was going to be humiliated enough.

They went outside. Caitlin's lips were already starting to turn blue, and her legs were pasty white. She hugged herself in an attempt to keep warm. "Okay," Ariel said. "Go. You have to run all the way around the neighborhood. No cheating, and we can see you from here."

Caitlin took off. "I wish I had a camera," Ariel remarked. Caitlin looked like a very tall two year old who had escaped from her parents while they were dressing her. In some ways she looked ridiculous and in other ways she looked very cute.

Caitlin felt like she was going to collapse on the ground. She slowed down to a fast walk, glancing around. Fortunately, no one was around. The cold was keeping everyone inside. She glanced around as she passed Nicole's house. The driveway was empty. No one was home, thank god.

Ariel was such a brat. How could she be so mean, when Caitlin was only trying to get her and Daniel together? She could tell they liked each other. Or at least Daniel liked Ariel. Puppy love was so sweet. But they didn't appreciate what she was trying to do. And now she was stuck out here in the cold, wearing nothing but a diaper and a thin t-shirt.

Her legs were already starting to numb, and she began running again. Her breath came in gasps. All she had to do was cross this street and she'd be back at Ariel's. Darn, a car was coming. Of all times to be hit by a car, this would be the worst.

It slowed down, allowing her to cross the street. Caitlin could feel the driver's eyes staring her down. It was a once-in-a-lifetime event, seeing a eight-year-old girl wearing nothing but a diaper and t-shirt running around outside on a cold day. She crossed quickly and slowed down. She was back in Ariel's yard.

"I can't believe you did that," Ariel said.

"Well, it was a dare, and I don't back out on dares," Caitlin said proudly. "I hope your mom doesn't know those people in the car."

"Yeah. So do I. We'd better go outside before your mom catches you. You look so cold!"

They made it inside just in time. Caitlin was zipping her jeans up when there was a knock on the door. It was Teri's mom. The party was over. Ariel couldn't believe it was over already, because she'd been wanting to play some more truth or dare. There was something she'd been wanting to ask Monica when it was her turn, but she'd have to save it for later.

Chapter Twenty Five

"Do I have to go to school?"

Jessica sighed as she tried to sidestep around the question that Ariel asked almost daily. "It's only a half day. Unless you'd liked to stay home and help me clean?"

"Um, no. Nevermind."

"You're probably not going to do any work anyway. Except make handprint turkeys. But when you get home, I want you to clean your room. Aunt Elizabeth and our cousins are coming this afternoon, and everything has to be neat as a pin. I am not giving Stephanie something else to talk about behind our backs."

"They're probably never even going to come over here, anyway. Aren't they staying at Caitlin's?"

"Aunt Elizabeth, Stephanie and her husband Greg are, but Danielle's not. Remember? Jenny said she didn't have room, so I said Danielle could sleep in your room. You can sleep in my room or on the couch. Danielle's so quiet, we'll hardly even know she's here. She barely said two words when we visited them in February. I think her mother intimidates her." Jessica quickly brushed Ariel's hair and put it up in a ponytail.

"You need to get going. We're running late this morning." She gave Ariel a hug. "Have a good day, and remember to come straight home after school. Or else you'll be stuck helping Jenny clean her house, and it's a lot bigger than ours!"

After Ariel was gone, Jessica cleared off their refrigerator, which was covered mostly in jokes she'd gotten at work. Those were hidden in a drawer until Sunday afternoon, when Aunt Elizabeth's Oldesmobile was headed south and Jessica could breathe a sigh of relief. In place of the jokes went Ariel's honor roll report card and a few drawings she'd done which had previously been hanging on her bedroom wall. Jessica smiled as she added the final touch, some depressing poetry which would give Aunt Elizabeth something to think about.

Then she took a look at Ariel's room. Ariel was going to be very busy that afternoon. Jessica put fresh sheets on the bed for Danielle. She looked the changing table over and considered hiding it in the closet. Danielle might feel uncomfortable sleeping in a room with a changing table intended for six-year-old, but Jessica doubted it. Although Danielle had been raised by Stephanie, she seemed acquired little in common with her surroundings. Jessica left the changing table where it was.

There was, of course, the likelihood that Stephanie and Aunt Elizabeth would see Ariel's room when they came by, and wonder about the changing table, and Jessica had planned for that. She piled most of Ariel's dolls on it. If they asked, she could say that Ariel used the changing table when she was playing with her dolls.

Monica grabbed her backpack and jumped off the bottom step on the bus. She smiled at her best friend. "We're free! We have four and a half days of no school! No more homework and no more teachers. And my grandma and grandpa are visiting, and Mom's going to make four different kinds of pie!"

"Sounds good," Ariel said enviously. "Can I spend Thanksgiving vacation at your house?"

"Why? Don't you want to see your aunt and your cousins?"

"No. Mom doesn't like them for some reason. I mean, she says she likes them, but she doesn't. I can tell. So she's been in kind of a bad mood lately, trying to get ready for them. And my cousin Danielle is staying at our house. She's twelve, and she's going to be sleeping in my room. I don't want her to laugh at me about my diapers."

"Oh. Well, maybe she'll be nice. Hey, maybe she'll even want to wear them!"

"Yeah, right."

"Want to come over for awhile? My grandparents are coming this afternoon and you can meet them. They're really nice." Monica leaned closer to Ariel and giggled as she whispered. "Sometimes it's hard to believe they're my mom's parents."

Ariel smiled. "I want to, but I can't. I have to get changed, and Mom said to come straight home so I can clean my room. Maybe Friday. See you!"

"Hi, Mom," Ariel said as she walked in.

"Hey, sweetie, how was your day? I guess you want to be changed into a diaper, hmm?"

"Yes. I wet, again. I can always tell when these stupid pull-ups are wet. They keep the pee against my skin all day long. The diapers soak it up, and I can't feel it. Hey, why are all these dolls on my changing table?"

Jessica blushed. "Well, I thought if I put them on there, and one of the relatives saw it, maybe they'd think you just used it to for your dolls."

"I thought you said you didn't care what they thought."

"I lied. I don't want to give Stephanie any excuse to talk about us behind our backs." Jessica tore the sides of Ariel's pull-up. "Ariel! You pooped in your pull-up! Was it an accident?"

Ariel flushed and nodded.

Jessica began wiping her off. It took several baby wipes to get all the mess off Ariel. "Well, don't worry about it, sweetie. I was just a bit surprised, since you've never pooped at school before."

"I didn't want to. I didn't even know. I was sitting there, and it just happened."

"Good thing you had the pull-up on." Jessica finished changing Ariel and piled the stuffed animals back onto the changing table. She fixed her a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch.

"We have a lot of work to do this afternoon. You are to clean your room, and I need to clean the bathroom and vacuum your bedroom when you're finished. And after that, I thought we could go ahead and get started on the food." Seeing the eager look on Ariel's face, she added "Not EATING it, Ariel! Not till tomorrow. I promised Jenny I'd make the pumpkin pies and one side dish. I was thinking about a broccoli-rice casserole."

"Gross."

"You don't have to eat it. Go get started on your room. The relatives are expected to arrive in Virginia Beach around three, and Jenny said they'd be coming over here shortly after." Ariel headed to her room and began arranging the stuff on the floor into neat piles. She hated cleaning her room.

The apartment was clean within an hour, and Jessica went into Ariel's room to see how it looked. It was clean, and Ariel was jumping up and down on her bed. "Ariel! I just put clean bedding on there for Danielle."

"So? I'm clean, too. Look what I can do!" Ariel jumped and went straight into a forward roll.

"That's wonderful, honey. But if you're going to do gymnastics, do it on the floor. You'll break your neck on the bed. It doesn't give you any support."

Ariel did a series of cartwheels into the living room. "Look what else I can do!" she said excitedly. She did a back handspring and landed neatly on her feet.

Jessica clapped. "That's wonderful! Where did you learn to do that?"

"From Cassie. She's taking gymnastics lessons and she showed me how to do some stuff at recess. It's easy." Ariel got a mischievous look on her face. "Can you do back handsprings?"

"I haven't done one in about ten years, but I'm sure I could if I tried..."

"Show me."

"Are you trying to get me to kill myself?"

"See, I bet you can't do it," Ariel teased. "You're too OLD to do back handsprings."

"Oh, now you've gone too far, young lady," Jessica said playfully. She tucked her shirt in, took a deep breath and went into a backbend. As she kicked her legs up, it crossed her mind how ridiculous she looked, doing handsprings in her living room to prove a seven-year-old wrong.

Somehow, Jessica was able pull herself up using the stomach muscles she'd thought were weak but she'd misjudged the distance from the coffee table in relation to her right leg. Her foot came crashing down against the top of the coffee table.

"Shit!" Jessica winced and began rubbing her swollen foot. Just then the doorbell rang.

"Ooh, you said a bad word!"

"Ariel, get the door!"

Ariel opened the door and found herself staring up at her Aunt Elizabeth's face. "Hello there, young lady." She shoved her way past Ariel into the apartment, and Stephanie, Greg, Danielle, Jenny, Caitlin and Cody followed.

Elizabeth frowned down at her eldest niece, still sitting on the floor rubbing her bruised foot. "Well, don't just sit there and gawk, make yourself useful. Danielle's things are in the car."

"Hello to you, too," Jessica muttered, getting up and limping towards the door.

"It's okay. I can get my own stuff," Danielle said.

"Thanks, Danielle," Jessica said gratefully.

"Are you all right, Jess? Should we have called?" Jenny asked anxiously.

"I'm fine. Don't worry about it. Ariel and I were just...fooling around, and it got a little out of hand. Would you like anything to drink?"

"I don't suppose you have bottled water, do you?" Stephanie asked.

"No, sorry."

"Do you have any diet Coke, caffeine free?"

"Sorry, Stephanie. Everything we have has calories. Except tap water."

"I suppose I'll just have a glass of ice water, then," Stephanie replied, looking like she was being lead to her death. Jessica got up and fixed her the ice water.

"So, Jess, Jenny tells me you've been dating lately," Stephanie said brightly.

Jessica sensed trouble. "Ariel, honey, why don't you and Caitlin go play outside? It's such a nice day."

"We want to stay in here," Caitlin replied.

"Caitlin, you heard Jessica. Go outside. Or go play in Ariel's room," Jenny said sternly. Caitlin and Ariel stood up reluctantly and went into Ariel's room.

"Our moms were trying to get rid of us," Caitlin said. "They don't want us to hear what they're gonna say, because Grandma and Aunt Stephanie don't like your mom much."

"How could anyone not like my mom?" Ariel wondered.

Caitlin shrugged. "You better pray they don't find out about your diapers. Grandma told Mom she thought it was inappropriate that she changed my diapers."

"What's inappropriate mean?"

"I think it just means wrong. She said I was old enough to change myself. Mom got mad and told Grandma it wasn't any of her business, and that she didn't think it was wrong to change an eight-year-old's diapers, but that when I started 'developing', whatever that means, I would have to change myself. Then Grandma said that it never would have happened if Mom hadn't moved us up here, and that she should've stayed in Georgia. Mom started to cry."

"Aunt Elizabeth made your mom cry?" Ariel asked incredulously.

"I couldn't believe it either. I've never seen her cry before. Then Mom suggested we go on over to your house. She asked Grandma and Aunt Stephanie to be nice to your mom, but I don't think they're going to listen..."

"So, what do you do with Ariel when you go out with Ryan?" Stephanie leaned back in her chair and sipped her water. "Jessica, the water in my pool doesn't have as much chlorine as this stuff does. You really should get a filter or something."

Jessica sighed. "I leave her here alone. Sometimes all night," she said facetiously. "Then when I get home, Ryan and I make out on the couch, and in the morning, Ariel, such a good child, brings me Advil for my hangover."

Stephanie choked on her water. "You WHAT?" she sputtered.

"I've never heard of such irresponsible behavior in my life..." Elizabeth began.

Danielle groaned. "Mom, Grandma, she was just joking. Even I knew that."

"Of course she was," Elizabeth said sharply. "Jessica, why do you feel the need to mock everything Stephanie and I say? We aren't trying to judge you. We're your family, we're just looking out for you. It's just...well, we all know that in the past you've made...mistakes. And we're only trying to prevent that from happening again." There was an awkward pause.

"Uh, maybe we should be going..." Jenny said awkwardly.

Jessica tried to smile. "Maybe that would be a good idea. Ariel and I have a lot of preparation to do for tomorrow."

Jenny knocked on the door of Ariel's room. "Caitlin, we're going home now."

"Can I see Ariel's room?" Stephanie asked eagerly. Without waiting for Jessica to reply, she jumped up and went into Ariel's room.

"Um, Jess? Why does Ariel have a changing table?"

"It's for her dolls."

"Right. Sure it is," Stephanie replied.

After they left, Ariel said "See Mom, I told you nobody would believe that the changing table is for my dolls."

"What do you mean? If it's not for your dolls, then what's it for?" Danielle asked.

Jessica sighed. "Danielle, Ariel wears diapers. She started wetting her bed last year, and I put her in pull-ups at night. She started to enjoy the feeling of them and then she asked to be put back in diapers full time. It's no big deal, but I'd prefer if your parents and your grandmother didn't know."

Danielle smiled. "She wears diapers? Just like Caitlin? That is so cute! Caitlin seems to really like her diapers too, even though Mom and Grandma acted like they felt so sorry for her. And don't worry, I'm not going to tell them."

The rest of the day went much better. After the food was prepared, Jessica, Danielle and Ariel threw themselves in front of the TV and watched Big Daddy, almost making themselves sick from laughing so hard. Jessica made popcorn, and when she wasn't in the room, Ariel and Danielle practiced tossing it in the air and catching it in their mouth, rather unsuccessfully.

After Big Daddy was over, Danielle wanted to watch Dawson's Creek, and Ariel was sent to go get her bath at this time. "I want to watch, too!"

"You're too young. You wouldn't be able to follow the conversation. You wouldn't understand what it's about," Danielle said.

"I would, too! I'm seven now! I'm not a baby!"

"Then how come you're wearing diapers?"

Ariel couldn't think of anything to say to that and sat there pouting. "Girls, stop it!" Jessica said. "Ariel, come on and let's get your bath while Danielle watches her show and after it's over, we can watch another movie before you have to go to bed. Okay?"

"Okay...but it's still not fair."

Ariel splashed around in the tub for a few minutes, but getting clean was clearly not her top priority that night. She was in and out within ten minutes, and Jessica started to diaper her.

"Do you need any help?"

Jessica turned to see Danielle standing in the doorway. "Would you like to diaper Ariel?"

Danielle nodded shyly and looked at Ariel, lying on the changing table. "I've never changed anyone's diaper before. I don't know how."

"It's not hard. Here, put some powder into the diaper and on her skin. That'll help prevent diaper rash." Danielle did as she was told, looking awkward. "Now, just pull the diaper up and pull the tabs over. You just have to make sure to get them tight enough so that it won't leak. See, you've got it." Ariel was diapered snugly; it was as good of a job as Jessica could've done herself.

"She looks so cute. And so comfortable," Danielle said as Ariel was dressed in her pajamas. "I love how the diaper pokes out from her pajamas."

"You'll make a good mother someday, Danielle," Jessica said. Danielle turned red and smiled.

Jessica played Candyland with Ariel until Dawson's Creek was over. "You know," Jessica said as she moved her blue person along the little colored squares for what seemed like the millionth time that night. "I sure will be glad when you get tired of this game."

"How come I'm the only one who really appreciates this game? It's fun because every game is different. Never the same game twice."

"Could've fooled me. I've gotten stuck in this stupid swamp every game we've played tonight."

"You're just mad because you're losing," Ariel retorted.

Danielle came in. "Okay, Dawson's Creek's over...ooh, you're playing Candyland! I love that game!"

Jessica stood up. "Well, then, you can play with her. Ariel never gets tired of it."

"See, Mom? I'm not the only one who likes it," Ariel said.

Danielle eagerly sat down. "I haven't play this game in years. Mom sold mine in a yard sale when I was nine. She said I was way too old for it. But I've always loved it."

They played several more games, until even Ariel had to admit she was sick of it. They picked out another movie to watch, Mr. Holland's Opus. Ariel lay in front of the TV, sucking on the bottle of water her mother had fixed her. Danielle raised her eyebrows and made no comment, but it was obvious she thought it was pretty cute.

Ariel fell asleep on the floor a half hour into the movie. She lay there with with the bottle still in her mouth, which Jessica and Danielle thought was so cute that they took a picture. After the movie was over, Jessica put Ariel in her bed and went to bed herself.

"Good night, Danielle. Don't stay up too late."

"I'm not. I'm just going to read for a little while," Danielle replied. She paused. "Um, thanks for letting me stay here."

"Oh, it's no trouble," Jessica assured her. "We enjoy having you. Especially Ariel."

Danielle waited a few minutes until she saw the light go out in Jessica's room, and then crept back into Ariel's room. She'd been thinking over an idea all night, ever since she saw Ariel being diapered. Her heart pounding, she went over to Ariel's changing table and took one of the Pampers out of the bag.

Chapter Twenty Six

"I can't believe you're wearing a diaper! What's wrong with you? How dare you embarrass me like this?" Danielle's mother glared down at her.

"I - I'm sorry, Mama. I didn't use it or anything, honest. I just wanted to see what it was like...why Ariel enjoyed it so much."

Stephanie's face twisted in disgust. "Ariel? I should have never let you spend the night over there. She and her mother are a bad influence on you. I don't want you to ever talk to them again!"

Suddenly, Danielle felt anger growing inside her until she was ready to explode. "NO! I don't have to listen to you! I can do whatever I want! There's nothing wrong with wearing diapers. NOTHING!" She ran into her bedroom and slammed the door. Her mother began knocking on the door, screaming "Let me in! Danielle!"

"Danielle...Danielle, are you awake?" Danielle opened her eyes to see Jessica standing in the doorway. "It's almost nine and we have to be at Jenny's house at ten. I just thought you might want a wake-up call."

Danielle smiled and tried to clear her head of her dream. "Okay, thanks."

"Is she up?" Ariel came running in. "Finally, I can get my diaper changed!"

Jessica lifted her up onto the changing table. Danielle watched, trying not to let her jealousy show on her face. "Can I take a shower?" she asked.

"Of course. The linen closet is right across from the bathroom, help yourself to some towels." Danielle grabbed her clothes and shuffled out of the bedroom.

Jessica wiped Ariel off and reached into the Pampers bag. Ariel was almost out of diapers, but hopefully they had enough to last for the day. Jessica glanced into the bag and frowned.

There were three Pampers in the bag. Last night, after she'd diapered Ariel, there had been four. She was sure of it, because she could remember counting them and calculating how long they'd last.

"Ariel? Did you change your own diaper?"

"No...why?"

"Because after you were changed last night there were four diapers in this bag and now there are only three."

"Danielle slept in here. Maybe she used one."

Jessica glanced over her shoulder, making sure Danielle was nowhere near. "Maybe. I don't know if they'd fit her, but if she'd really wanted to try one...she did seem awfully interested in your diapers last night."

"Are you going to ask her?"

"I don't know. Maybe if it happens again. I don't want to embarrass her."

Danielle quickly undressed in the small bathroom and looked at her reflection in the mirror. The diaper was a bit small, but with some stretching she'd managed to get it to fit. She smiled, remembering that just last week, she'd been jealous of her friend Stacy because Stacy already had hips and a chest, and now she was glad she still had the body of a child.

Danielle hadn't dared wet or mess the diaper, for fear it would leak all over Ariel's bed, and then how would she explain that? Not that she really thought Jessica would mind, since she was certainly not as uptight as Danielle's own mother, and Jessica seemed to think it was acceptable, even cute, that Ariel loved diapers so much. But it would still be humiliating getting caught it diapers, and Ariel might blab to Stephanie. Danielle knew her mother'd flip. She would probably lock her up in a mental hospital. She often bragged that Danielle had potty-trained, on her own free will, before she was two years old.

If she was going to wet the diaper before taking it off, it had to be now. She wouldn't get a chance to diaper herself again until at least that night, and she might not even have a chance then. And now was the perfect opportunity. She was relaxed, and she had to pee anyway.

She strained hard and tried to pee and was surprised to find that it didn't come out. How could it be so hard to pee? She turned on the sink and allowed warm water to flow over her hand. Slowly, she could feel herself relaxing, and suddenly there was warm liquid spilling into her diaper.

She smiled to herself, almost laughing with her secret. This was great! The warm wetness spread and dissolved into the diaper, leaving a warm but fairly dry feeling. Danielle wished she could stay in it all day, but she had to shower soon, or Jessica was going to be wondering what was taking so long. She briefly considered wearing a diaper to Thanksgiving dinner, but suppose her mother found out? She'd be in so much trouble. It was too late now anyway-when she took the diaper off to shower, it would tear at the tabs.

After she was showered and dressed came the hard part. She had to get the diaper from the bathroom to Ariel's bedroom without Ariel or Jessica seeing her. She opened the bathroom door slightly and peeked out. Ariel was in the living room watching TV and Jessica was preparing breakfast. Neither of them were looking in Danielle's direction. Danielle grabbed the diaper and hurried towards Ariel's bedroom, where she tossed it in the diaper pail and heaved a sigh of relief.

Jessica heard her running around and yelled "Danielle? What do you want for breakfast? We have Cinnamon Life, instant oatmeal, toast and eggs. Take your pick."

Danielle tried to calm her pounding heard and keep her voice steady as she answered "Cereal's fine, thanks." She walked into the kitchen and got her cereal.

"Are you feeling okay? You look flushed," Jessica said, concerned. She placed a hand on Danielle's forehead.

"I'm fine," Danielle replied. "I just, um, took a really hot shower, that's all."

"Okay. Well, eat quickly, we have to leave soon. We're going by the store on the way to Jenny's, to get Ariel more diapers. Ariel? Come get your breakfast."

Ariel came to the table. She was wearing baggy jeans, and Danielle realized that it was almost impossible to tell she was wearing a diaper. Danielle glanced down at her cargo pants and again considered wearing a diaper for the day.

They went to the grocery store, and Jessica picked out Pampers size six for Ariel. They headed towards the cash register when suddenly Danielle spotted a familiar jacket. "Jessica! It's my mom and dad!"

"What? Where?" Jessica and Ariel looked in the direction Danielle was pointing and saw Stephanie and Greg not more than ten feet away, picking out canned cranberry sauce. "Oh, shoot."

Of all times, Ariel picked that day to be friendly. "Hi, Stephanie!" she called cheerfully. Stephanie and Greg turned around and smiled. "Hello, dear. Hi, Danielle. Hi, Jessica...oh my, what's that in your hand? Diapers? For Ariel?"

Ariel's heart sank when she realized what she'd done. She was only trying to be friendly but somehow these things always turned around on her.

Jessica faked a smile. "Oh, no, of course not." She quickly tried to think of a lie. "One of my friends from work is pregnant and we're all throwing a shower for her next week. Knowing how quickly newborns go through diapers, I figured that's what she'd need most."

"I see," Stephanie said. "So that's why you're buying Pampers size six, which the baby won't be able to wear until she's three years old. At which point, she will probably be potty trained already, most girls are by three. Of course there are some exceptions." Stephanie peered down at Ariel. "Why didn't you just come out and tell us Ariel was still in diapers?"

Jessica tugged on Ariel's hand. "Come on honey, let's go," she said, glaring at Stephanie. "Stephanie, I don't want to discuss this with you right now, because I'm just going to end up getting hurt and angry and losing my temper and I don't want to do that on Thanksgiving, especially not in a grocery store. So just keep your opinions to yourself for right now."

Stephanie raised an eyebrow. "Fine. But there is an issue here, and it doesn't just involve you, it involves your child, and where children are involved, I get involved. We will discuss this later."

Danielle flushed with embarrassment. "Mom..." she groaned trying to get her mom to shut up. Why did her mother always have to embarrass her? Why couldn't she just stay out of everyone's business. Her mother brushed her off.

"Danielle, children should be seen and not heard. Now, would you like to ride to Jenny's house with Jessica or me and Daddy?"

"Jessica," Danielle replied firmly.

For a second, Danielle thought she saw a look of hurt cross her mother's face, but it was gone too soon to be sure. "All right, dear. I'll see you there." Stephanie and Greg walked off without another word to Jessica.

"I'm sorry," Danielle said humbly. "Mom wasn't trying to be mean, really. It's the way she always is."

"Don't apologize, Danielle, it's not your fault," Jessica replied. "Maybe your mother isn't actually trying to be mean, but she wasn't trying to be nice, either. She and your grandmother are going to bug me about Ariel's diapers for the rest of the time she's here."

"Why don't they like you?" Danielle asked cautiously. Her mother and grandmother had never come right out and said it, but she'd heard them talking about Jessica and they never seemed to say anything nice.

"I'm not even sure. It has nothing to do with me. Stuff that happened years before I was even born, but I'm getting scapegoated for it. And having a baby at sixteen didn't help, either." Jessica paid for the diapers, and they left for Jenny's house.

Jenny greeted them at the door with a smile and warm hugs. "Happy thanksgiving, you guys."

"Happy thanksgiving," Jessica replied in a monotone, carrying the food they'd brought into the kitchen. "Do you need any help?"

Jenny gave her a list of tasks to do. "I really appreciate it," she added gratefully. "Greg's sitting on his ass watching football, and Stephanie and Mom took the kids down to the playground to get them out of my hair. Caitlin tried to help earlier this morning, but she ended up dropping a dozen eggs all over the floor."

"Oh, wow. Sounds like you had a pretty tough morning."

"Well, from what I heard, not as bad as yours," Jenny replied. "When Stephanie got back from the store, she went straight up to me and said 'What is Ariel doing in diapers?' It caught me by surprise but I finally told her that she was going through a regression phase. I also confessed that it was Caitlin who introduced her to diapers. Which got her furious. She told Mom, and now they're mad at both of us, but remaining civil for the holiday."

Jessica sighed. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to get out of hand like this. If only they could be more accepting of Ariel's diapers...where did she and Danielle go?"

"They went upstairs. I think they're watching TV in Caitlin's bedroom."

"So you've been wearing diapers for about seven months now?" Danielle asked. She was sprawled out on Caitlin's bed, channel-surfing.

"Yeah. Caitlin and I got caught wearing them last April. At first I thought Mommy was going to be mad, but she was really nice about it."

Danielle sat up. "Wait a second. You mean Caitlin was wearing them too then? I thought she just started wearing them when she got hurt last summer."

"She wore them for bedwetting before then, and she was the one who got me wearing them. The first time I wore one was when we visited you guys last winter."

"What do you like so much about them?"

Ariel shrugged. "I just like acting like a baby, that's all." She looked Danielle in the eye. "You should know. You wore one last night, didn't you?"

"What? No...what makes you think that?" Danielle asked nervously.

"Because Mommy noticed that one of my diapers was missing, and I didn't take it. So it must have been you."

"Your mom noticed? Oh, no! What if she tells my mom?"

"She won't. Don't worry. She wouldn't get you in trouble like that."

"Look, Ariel, you've got to swear you won't tell anyone this. Nobody. Do you understand?"

Ariel nodded. "I want to hear you say it. Say you swear you won't tell anyone you know I wore a diaper," Danielle insisted.

"I swear I won't tell anyone I know you wore a diaper," Ariel repeated.

"Not even Caitlin. I know you guys are like best friends and all, but I don't want anyone to know this. Caitlin's a blabbermouth and she'll tell my mom."

"I won't tell Caitlin."

"Tell me what?" Caitlin stood in the doorway.

"What I got you for Christmas," Danielle lied.

"You got my Christmas present already? Ooh, Ariel, tell me tell me tell me."

Ariel shook her head. "I can't. I promised I wouldn't tell, and I keep my promises." She and Danielle exchanged smiles.

Danielle went downstairs to help with dinner, and Ariel and Caitlin occupied themselves by coloring. After awhile, Caitlin began shifting around uncomfortably, and Ariel noticed a familiar smell.

"You pooped your diaper, didn't you?"

"Yes. I was already wet, and now it's all mushy." Caitlin made a face. "And I don't want to go ask Mom to change me, because she doesn't like to be bothered when she's cooking, and I think she's mad at me, just because I dropped a couple of eggs earlier. Could you change me?"

"I don't know. I don't think I'm supposed to change anyone else."

"C'mon, Ariel! It's really uncomfortable, and your mom would never know," Caitlin whined.

Ariel sighed. "All right. But if I do a bad job, don't blame me! I've never done this before. You're going to have to lie on the floor. I can't lift you onto the changing table."

Caitlin took off her jeans and lay on her back on the floor. Ariel tore the tabs off the diaper and immediately held her nose. "Eww, you stink! How does your mom put up with this?"

"Can you just shut up and change the diaper? I bet your dirty diapers don't smell great, either."

Ariel used several baby wipes getting Caitlin clean, and rolled them up inside the diaper like she'd seen her mom do. Grasping the corner of the diaper between her thumb and forefinger like it was a dead spider, Ariel carried the diaper over to Caitlin's diaper pail.

"Don't drop it!" Caitlin exclaimed. "And hurry up. I'm cold!"

"Don't be so picky. I've never done this before. And I don't want to get poop all over my hands," Ariel said, dropping the diaper into the diaper pail.

"Better your hands than my carpet!"

Ariel got a clean Pamper and started to put it on Caitlin. "Wow, these really are getting tight on you. And they're low on your stomach," she said.

"I know. Mom says when I can't wear them anymore, I have to wear youth diapers, and I hate those. When you outgrow Pampers, are you gonna start wearing them, or get potty trained again?"

"I don't know," Ariel shrugged, pulling the tabs tight. "There you go. I'm going to go wash my hands!" She went into the bathroom and squeezed about half the bottle of soap onto her hands and scrubbed them under the faucet so long, Caitlin came to see what was keeping her.

"I don't want to eat with all your germs on my hands!" Ariel replied.

Caitlin responded by splashing Ariel in the face. Ariel laughed and splashed her back. Cold water went all over the front of Caitlin's shirt and soaked it. Caitlin gasped.

"Oh, you will be sorry you did that!" she said, filling up the plastic cup beside the sink with water. With one swoop of her arm, it was all over the front of Ariel's pants.

Ariel stood speechless. Suddenly, there was knocking on the bathroom door. "What are you girls doing in there?"

"Nothing, Mom," Caitlin replied innocently.

"Well, it's time for dinner now. Wash your hands and come on down."

"I think our hands are clean," Caitlin said. Jenny was in a rush and didn't even notice that Caitlin's shirt was soaked, or Ariel's pants. Of course, Elizabeth did.

"What in the world - child, did your diaper leak?" she asked Ariel.

"That's not from her diaper, Aunt Elizabeth. I think she and Caitlin got into a water fight. Why did you...?" Jessica shook her head and sighed. "Never mind. I'd rather not know."

Elizabeth frowned at her. "Well, it's your job to find out. You're Ariel's mother, and it's your job to discipline her. If she were my child, I'd turn her over on my knee and spank her. No wonder she still wears diapers, you just let her think she can get away with anything."

"Is that so?" Jessica's voice was like steel. "I'd like to know when you're around enough to know how I discipline Ariel, since you waited until she was six years old to even bother meeting her."

Jenny stood in the doorway, a troubled look on her face. She cleared her throat. "If you guys are done, we'd all like to eat now."

"We're ready," Elizabeth said. She pushed past Jenny and went into the dining room. Jessica stood rooted to the spot, watching her, still feeling irritated.

"What has gotten into you?" Jenny asked. "You guys are acting like five-year-olds. I expect that from my mother and Stephanie, but I never expected it from you."

"I know. I'm sorry. But something about them just makes me mad. They think they know everything about raising kids. They're determined to find something wrong with the way I'm bringing up Ariel. And what is it about diapers that they find so disturbing, anyway?"

"So? Other people have questioned Ariel's diapers before, and you just brushed it off. Why are you so upset now? Just ignore them. You know you're doing what's best for Ariel, who cares what they think?"

"But I DON'T know," Jessica said. She began pacing back and forth. "I hope I'm doing the right thing, but sometimes I wonder. I mean, think of the trouble Ariel's going to have if she wears diapers forever. She already gets teased at school. What about when she hits sixth grade? She'll have to undress for gym in the locker room. And I've read that it's psychologically damaging to allow a child to regress."

"And you believe that?" Jenny asked. "I haven't known Ariel that long, but based on what you've told me, a year ago, she was a quiet little girl who didn't have many friends, cried at the drop of a hat, and had trouble in school. Now she's this spunky kid who gets into water fights, has lots of friends, and makes excellent grades. And because she knows what it's like to be teased for being different, she has a huge heart and is nice to everyone. I'd say, psychologically, she's doing pretty good."

Jessica smiled. "You're right. I guess Ariel's happier now then she was before diapers. I just always figured that her desire for diapers was some kind of malfunction on my part, like I hadn't raised her like I should have or something. But when I look at it from her point of view, her childhood certainly doesn't seem as bad as mine."

"See? And if it makes you feel any better, I was really strict with Caitlin when she was little - the way Mom and Stephanie taught me to be - and she still wanted to wear diapers. Now, let's go eat. Everyone's waiting for us."

Everyone gathered around the table. Altogether, there were nine people, so more chairs had to be moved up to the table. They were crowded, but together. There was a ton of food. In addition to the turkey with stuffing, there were mashed potatoes, Jessica's broccoli-and-rice casserole, sweet potatoes, an apple-and-chestnut casserole, string beans, and cornbread. There were also pumpkin pies, apple pies, and ice cream for dessert.

"Okay, everyone," Jenny began. "Before we say grace and dig into this huge medley of food, I think we should take a few minutes and think about what Thanksgiving's really about. So, let's go clockwise around the table and everyone will say what they're thankful for this year. Caitlin, would you like to begin?"

"I'm thankful Backstreet Boys have a new CD out," Caitlin said. "And I'm thankful for Pokeman, and that we have four days off from school. And, oh yeah," she added as an afterthought "I'm thankful for my friends and family."

"Uh, thank you, Caitlin," Jenny said. "Greg, you're next."

"I'm thankful for my beautiful wife and child, and for everyone else at this table," Greg said.

"I'm thankful for my child, Danielle, my husband Greg, my sister Jennifer, my niece Caitlin, my nephew Cody, my mother, my cousin Ariel, and..." Stephanie paused "my cousin Jessica, who I'm sorry I've been so critical of. Jessica, Ariel's a great kid, and if she wants to wear diapers, I guess that's her choice." Jessica smiled awkwardly.

"I'm thankful for my mom and dad and the rest of my family," Danielle said. Her heart was pounding. Did her mother mean that if Danielle chose to wear diapers, she would accept it?

"I'm thankful for my daughters and my niece and their families," Elizabeth said.

"I'm thankful for my mommy," Ariel said. "And my cousins and my Aunt Elizabeth and my best friends Monica and Daniel."

"Especially Daniel," Caitlin smirked. Ariel glared at her.

"I'm thankful for my beautiful daughter, Ariel, and the rest of my wonderful family," Jessica said.

"Cody?"

"I'm thankful for my family," Cody said.

"And I am thankful for all of my family, especially my great kids and my mother and sister, and the shelter over my head, and the food on this table," Jenny said. "Now, let's eat!"

Chapter Twenty Seven

Ariel could feel herself starting to sway back and forth. She looked down and was immediately sorry. The ground was six feet straight down. She grabbed ahold of the nearest object to steady herself, but that was a mistake. It started to tip...

"Ariel, for heaven's sake, put the angel on top before you knock the whole tree over! You're getting heavy!" Jessica cried. No doubt about it, this was the last year she was going to be able to lift Ariel up to put the angel on top of the tree.

"Is it straight?" Ariel asked.

"It looks great, honey," Jessica said quickly, lowering Ariel to the ground. They stepped back to admire the tree, which stood almost seven feet tall. It sat in the front window, and the hundreds of tiny colored lights reflected off the glass. They caught on the glitter of the Christmas tree ornaments Ariel had made in school, and the yards of paper chains she and Caitlin had spent hours making one afternoon.

"It's so pretty," Ariel said, awestruck.

"You did a great job," Jessica assured her. "I don't think we've ever had a better tree."

"You know what would look even better? If there were some gifts under it."

Jessica chuckled. "Well, maybe tomorrow. Tonight, you'd better be getting to bed. It's pretty late, and tomorrow's a school day."

It was two weeks before Christmas, and Ariel still had almost two weeks left of school, she didn't get out until the Wednesday before Christmas. Already the first-graders had stopped classwork the week before, when a few flakes of snow had been visible against the gray sky. Mrs. Felton, completely absorbed in the season of giving, had let them put away their math and go outside until it had stopped. Even though it had just been a light dusting that was completely gone the next day, it gave everyone reason to hope that, for the first time since Ariel was born, Virginia Beach would have a white Christmas. They had been busy constructing ornaments out of construction paper, felt, and glitter, and the ornaments now hung on the tree.

Everyone was discussing where they were going for Christmas. Eric was going to visit his grandparents in Colorado. He and his older brother were going to fly on a plane by themselves, and it was the talk of the first grade. Monica was going to Disney World. She promised to send Ariel lots of postcards and bring her back a pair of Mickey Mouse ears. Jenny, Caitlin and Cody were going to Georgia to visit Jenny's family, and Caitlin and Cody were also going to visit their dad.

"What are we gonna do over vacation?" Ariel asked.

"I'm glad you brought that up, honey, because I wanted to talk to you. For Christmas Eve, Ryan invited us out to dinner. Wasn't that nice of him? And then we're all going to church afterwards."

"Goody," Ariel said. "I like Ryan."

"The week after Christmas, I have Monday and Tuesday off, and we can do whatever you'd like."

"Monday and Tuesday?" Ariel asked anxiously. "What about the rest of the week?"

"Honey, I'm sorry, but my boss wouldn't let me have it off. I had to really fight to get those two days, and the 23rd and 24th off. But guess what? I called your old daycare, and you're going to go there those three days!"

"Daycare?" Ariel asked, dismayed. "But Mom, I don't know anyone there! And what about my diapers? Can't I go to work with you?"

"Right. My boss would love that. I'm sorry, honey, but I can't find anywhere else for you to stay. You're too young to stay home all day by yourself. As for your diapers, well, I'm sorry, but it looks like you're going to have to wear pull-ups."

Ariel began to cry. "I hate pull-ups! This isn't fair! I don't want to go to daycare!"

Jessica smiled. "What if I told you Daniel was going to be there too?"

"Daniel's going?" Ariel asked hopefully.

"Yes. His sister has to work, too. You and him can play together all day long. Now do you feel better?"

"I guess. But I still wish I didn't have to wear pull-ups. Is Daniel going to wear them too?"

"He'll have to. The daycare's policy is that every child three and over must be potty trained. Erin and I had a hard enough time convincing them to let you two wear pull-ups. We had to promise that you'd change them yourself if you had an accident. Really, you'd think they'd understand that not every child can be potty trained by three. Or seven."

Ariel woke up on Christmas Eve and ran to the window. No snow yet, but at least it wasn't raining. She could feel the cold coming right through the glass, hitting her saturated diaper. She shivered and decided to go wake up her mother so she could get changed.

But Jessica was already up, in the living room, wrapping gifts. Ariel immediately ran to the tree to count the ones with her name on them. "Eight," she said, satisfied. "That's two more than yesterday."

"Good morning to you, too," Jessica said, smiling. "Let's get your diaper changed, and then you can help me wrap some gifts."

"Can I have some juice first? I'm thirsty."

Jessica fixed Ariel a bottle of juice, and she sucked on it while her diaper was changed. The cold air hitting her bare, damp bottom gave her goosebumps, and it didn't help when her mom wiped her off with a cool baby wipe. Ariel was glad to have a clean diaper on.

Jessica made some instant oatmeal for Ariel's breakfast. "I hate oatmeal," Ariel complained, shoving the bowl away.

"It's all we have. We'll go to the store later. Stir some sugar in it, and it'll be fine."

Even with sugar, the oatmeal still tasted like cardboard. Ariel drank her juice and started to leave the table. "I'm not fixing you anything else, so if you don't eat that, you won't get anything to eat until lunch."

Ariel's face deepened into a pout. She sat back down and began stirring the spoon around in the oatmeal, getting up her courage. "It'd be better if you'd feed it to me," she muttered.

"What was that?" Jessica asked, smiling.

"Nothing."

"Did I just hear my seven-year-old say she wants me to feed her? You're so sweet!" Jessica pinched Ariel's mouth open with her fingers and guided the spoon in. Ariel made a terrible face, but swallowed. Jessica laughed and went into the kitchen to clean up from breakfast. "Bring the bowl in when you're done, okay honey?"

"Hey! Aren't you going to feed me the rest of the bowl?" Ariel asked shyly. Now that she was in the mood to be babied, she didn't want to stop.

"Ariel, you're a big girl. You know how to feed yourself. I have things to do."

Ariel began to whine. "But it tastes better when you feed me...and I'm not a big girl. I'm wittle!" She meant to say little, but somehow it came out sounding like wittle.

"Oh, okay, baby. I'll feed you." Jessica spoon-fed the rest of the bowl to Ariel and then took her into her bedroom and dressed her, totally dressed her, the way she had when Ariel was a year old. Ariel sucked her thumb the whole time.

"Now, would Baby like to help Mommy wrap gifts?"

"Yeah! Me like wrapping paper," Ariel said happily, not even noticing how she was talking. They spent the rest of the morning wrapping gifts. Jessica turned some Christmas carols on, and they sipped eggnog and munched on Christmas cookies and fudge. The pile of lumpy gifts under the tree slowly grew. Jessica did not believe in gift bags. Everything had to be wrapped in metallic gold, red and green paper, with yards of curled ribbon surrounding it. The effect was a mysterious, lumpy appearance of a package that no one could figure out what was inside it. Somehow, it looked right under their tree.

Ariel tried to curl the ribbon herself. She placed the scissors under it and jerked up, hard, just like she'd seen her mother do. But instead of giving the ribbon a nice curl, it shredded and remained limp straight. Plus, the sharp blade of the scissors sliced into Ariel's thumb.

"Ow!" Ariel looked down, saw blood leaking from a shallow cut on her thumb, and started to cry.

"What happened? Oh honey, I told you to let me curl the ribbon. Let me see." Jessica examined Ariel's thumb and kissed the cut. "I think you'll live. Let's put a band-aid on it so it doesn't get infected." They went into the bathroom and Jessica put some smelly goo on the wound and wrapped it in a band-aid.

"I guess I'm too little to use the scissors," Ariel said.

"Yes, scissors aren't for babies," Jessica chided. "Maybe I should baby-proof the house again."

"Look!" Ariel exclaimed, pointing out the window. Small flakes of snow could just be seen. Although it wasn't sticking, it made it look beautiful and Christmasy. "Cool!" She opened the door and ran out; Jessica followed.

Tiny flakes of snow sparkled on Ariel's hair and bare arms. "Ariel, go get your jacket! You're going to freeze! You're not even wearing shoes."

"I'm not cold at all," Ariel replied. A very thin layer of snow had accumulated on Jessica's car. Ariel scooped it up, made it into a small snowball and threw it at her mother when her back was turned. It smashed against her back and soaked through her shirt.

"Auuughhhh! You little witch! That's so cold!" Jessica cried, grinning mischievously. She scraped some snow off a bush, made it into an even smaller snowball, and threw it at Ariel. She was only aiming for the chest, but it hit Ariel in the mouth, and she started sputtering.

"That's cold, Mommy!"

"How do you think I feel? Come on, let's go inside and have some hot chocolate."

They listened to the weather forecast on the radio while Jessica prepared the hot chocolate. "Hope you folks have your Christmas shopping done, because it looks like snow flurries all the rest of Christmas Eve," the DJ said. "Tomorrow, it'll be clearer, with highs in the low thirties, and you can probably expect a quarter of an inch of snow tomorrow morning when you wake up."

"Oh, wow! A whole quarter of an inch! We're not going to be able to get out the door," Jessica said, rolling her eyes. "It's probably going to be just like last year. Flurries on Christmas Eve, and then an ice storm."

"I hope so. Maybe if it gets really cold, and the snow doesn't melt, we won't have to go back to school," Ariel said eagerly.

"Right. Keep dreaming, Ariel. They're not going to cancel school for a quarter inch of snow. You'll have better luck with Y2K."

Still, the snow was pretty, and it kept up throughout the afternoon, until it was time for Ariel to get dressed for dinner. She had a new dress for Christmas, it was green velvet with a lacy collar, and Jessica told her that wearing it, she looked eight or nine. The dark green of the dress went nicely with her blond hair. Ariel was very pleased, and spent several minutes twirling in front of the mirror.

Ryan came over around six. Ariel answered the door. "Hello there, beautiful," Ryan greeted her. Ariel giggled. Ryan was carrying two packages.

"Is one of those for me?" Ariel asked hopefully.

"Ariel!" Jessica chided, walking into the room. "That's not polite. Hey, Ryan," she said, hugging him.

Ryan chuckled. "It's alright, Jessica. Yes, Ariel, this one is for you, and you may open it now." He handed her the larger of the two packages, and Ariel tore into it. It was Pokeman stuff.

"Thank you, Ryan!" Ariel said happily. She shyly gave him a hug.

"You're welcome, Ariel. I'm glad you like it. I wasn't sure what to get, but I figured I couldn't go wrong with Pokeman; every kid between the ages of three and eleven seems to be into it. Here Jessica, open yours."

Jessica opened the small box and found a pair of earrings. "Oh Ryan, they're beautiful! Thank you!" She gave him a hug and a quick kiss on the lips.

"Oooooh!" Ariel said. They all laughed, and Jessica tickled Ariel, which made her laugh harder.

While Ariel was laughing, Ryan whispered into Jessica's ear "I love you."

"I love you too," she whispered back, surprised. It was the first time Ryan had ever said that to her.

"What are you guys doing?" Ariel asked, killing the moment.

"Nothing, honey," Jessica replied.

Ryan stood up. "Well, are you guys ready to go?"

"I'm ready," Jessica replied. "Just let me grab Ariel's diaper bag. Ariel? Do you need to be changed before we go?"

"I'm fine," Ariel replied; distracted by her new Pokeman stuff.

"Are you sure? You haven't been changed all day. Maybe I'd better check your diaper."

"Mom!" Ariel said, embarrassed. "Fine! Change me! But I'm not that wet!"

Jessica took Ariel into her bedroom and put her on the changing table. "Ariel!" she said when saw the diaper. "If you'd peed one more drop into this thing, it would've leaked! It's saturated!"

"It is not! It felt fine."

"It is too! I've changed your diapers thousands of time, and I know what a wet diaper looks like! Look, you're even starting to get a rash. Why don't you come tell me when you need to be changed?"

"I can't feel any rash," Ariel said stubbornly. "And if I want to sit around in a wet diaper, it's my business! Why do you care?" In truth, she loved the warm feeling of a wet diaper. Maybe not saturated, but being in a wet diaper certainly didn't bother her.

"If your diaper gets too wet, it'll leak and I don't want you leaking all over the furniture, and your clothes, and Ryan's car! If you can't tell me honestly when your diaper is wet, then you're not going to wear them anymore! Do you want to wear underwear!"

"No! Please don't make me wear underwear again, Mommy! I promise I'll tell you when my diaper's wet from now on!"

"So Ariel doesn't always tell you when she's wet?" Ryan asked Jessica later, when they were at the restaurant. Ariel was on the other side of the room, looking at the fish in the aquarium.

"No. She hates being in a poopy diaper, and she wants to get changed out of those right away, but if she's just wet, she could stay in it all day. She doesn't want to stop what she's doing to get changed. I have to ask her every hour if she needs to be changed," Jessica complained.

"Do you think she's going to get tired of them anytime soon?"

"I don't think so. My cousin makes jokes about her going off to college in diapers, but I hope she gets over it before then. I think it's awfully cute, but I'm worried it'll interfere with her ability to make friends when she gets older. And I don't know what we're going to do when she outgrows Pampers."

"I wonder if it's genetics," Ryan remarked. "You said her cousin Caitlin was the one who got her into them, and her cousin Danielle tried them when she was at your house over thanksgiving. Did you ever try them?"

"Well..." Jessica hesitated. "I never actually tried them, but I used to wet my bed sometimes, and I wished I could wear them, because it seemed so much better than wetting my bed. But I never had the chance to wear them. And if I'd had access to some, I don't know if I'd have had the nerve to put one on. But I can't say they had the appeal to me that they do to Ariel."

"She's adorable," Ryan said, watching Ariel.

"Thank you," Jessica smiled. Ryan looked like he was about to say something else, but the food came then. The dinner was delicious, and afterwards they left to go to church. Jessica and Ryan would've loved to have gone to the midnight service, but it was too late for Ariel to be out, so they were going to an earlier service.

"I don't want to go to church. It's boring," Ariel complained.

"It's not boring, honey, it's beautiful. Just try to think about baby Jesus and what it must've been like on that cold night when he was born. Isn't that magical?"

"No," Ariel replied rudely.

"I take it you guys don't go to church much?" Ryan asked.

Jessica laughed. "Hardly ever. We're part of the C&E crowd - the bunch that only shows up on Christmas and Easter. The rest of my family's real religious, and I guess I'd be too, if I'd grown up with them, but I didn't go to church at all when I was a kid."

"I don't go to church much either," Ryan admitted. "I prefer to sleep in on Sundays." He pulled the car into the parking lot and parked.

Ariel climbed out of the car reluctantly. She didn't want to go to church at all. Last time she'd come was last Easter, and Jenny, Caitlin and Cody had been with them. Jenny had yelled at her and Caitlin for talking during the service. The preacher had gone on and on about things she hadn't understood. And the songs had seemed to last forever.

This service was different. The lights were dimmed, and everyone was carrying lit candles. The church looked beautiful. She still didn't understand what the preacher was saying, but the whole effect was magical. Ariel sat beside her mom, and thought about how good the day had been, and thought that this must be what it was like to have a family, a real one, with a mother and a father.

She fell asleep halfway through the service and woke up at the end, when everyone was standing up to sing "Silent Night" which was the one Christmas song Ariel knew the words. It certainly seemed to describe this Christmas Eve. The snow was still falling gently, and it was clear and still.

Ryan took them home after the service, and Ariel was put to bed. She fell asleep almost immediately. When she woke up the next morning, it was still snowing, although not sticking. She ran to get her mother up.

"Mommy! Mommy, it's Christmas! Wake up!"

"Morning," Jessica mumbled, reaching groggily for her watch. "Wow. Seven a.m. You let me sleep in this year."

"That's your Christmas present," Ariel replied.

"Oh, well, thank you. Let's get you changed and then you can open your presents, I guess."

"Can't I wait to open the presents after I get changed?" Ariel asked anxiously.

"Come on. It'll only take a few minutes." After Ariel was changed, she ran to her stocking. She loved all her gifts. She got some books, some candy, a new Barbie doll, a stuffed bear, new clothes, and a video. Ariel thought that this was the best Christmas ever, her first Christmas in diapers.

Chapter Twenty Eight

"This sucks," Ariel muttered, staring out the car window. The sky was bright blue without a single cloud, and the sun was directly behind them, spreading its warmth over the car. But with Ariel's bad mood, it might as well have been sleeting. She glared at the back of her mother's head from the backseat, thinking it was all her fault for the situation she was in.

"Excuse me?"

"I said this sucks," Ariel repeated, a bit louder, feeling daring.

"Ariel Michelle Crawford! Where did you hear that expression?" Jessica fumbled with the radio dial while they were stopped at a red light, trying to find a station that wasn't playing "1999". "Darn millennium. I'll be so glad when New Year's is over with."

"From Caitlin. She says it all the time."

"Where did Caitlin hear it? She's only eight."

Ariel shrugged. "From a fifth grader, I think."

"Anyway, why do you say this 'sucks'?"

"I don't want to go to daycare. Daycare is for babies."

Jessica raised her eyebrows and glanced in the rearview mirror towards Ariel's backpack, which held several clean pull-ups. "Really," she said dryly. "Seems to me like you'll fit in pretty well."

"Mommy, you know what I mean," Ariel whined. "They'll probably all want to watch Sesame Street or Teletubbies or something."

"Oh, I see. Rugrats are so much more sophisticated." Actually, Jessica thought that the show Rugrats reminded her a lot of Ariel and her friends. A bunch of two-year-olds who wore diapers, drank bottles and slept in cribs, but had the language and imagination of a seven-year-old. "You know, Ariel, you'll be in a group with kids your age. It'll probably be a lot like school, except you get to play instead of doing schoolwork. Sounds like fun to me."

"But I don't know any of them, except Daniel. What if they're mean?"

"Why would they be mean? Just remember the golden rule - treat others as you'd like to be treated - and I'm sure they'll do the same. I don't know what there is about you to dislike."

"Sometimes the kids at school tease me and Daniel about our diapers."

"Well, you're wearing a pull-up underneath overalls now. They never have to know. You'll be fine." Jessica pulled into the daycare parking lot. "Here we are."

Ariel slid out of the car and looked at the brick building with distaste. It looked somewhat like her school, except much smaller. The playground was larger, though, and looked better. She clutched her mom's hand tightly as they walked in through the revolving door.

Her mom took her to the room for lower elementary school ages. There were a few kids running around. Daniel wasn't there yet. A teacher came over to greet them.

"Hi, I see we have a guest today. What's your name?"

Ariel clung to her mother and didn't answer. Jessica smiled and said "This is Ariel Crawford. She'll be here today and tomorrow. She's a little shy."

"That's okay. You're going to have a good time here, sweetheart. You can make some new friends and play outside. We just got a new swing set. Do you like swings?"

Ariel nodded shyly. But she refused to let go of her mother's hand and stuck her other thumb into her mouth.

"Honey, I have to get going," Jessica said. "Be a good girl, and I'll pick you up around five-thirty."

Ariel's eyes filled with tears. "No. I don't know anyone here, and I don't like this. Please don't go."

"Ariel." Jessica tilted Ariel's chin up so that she was looking into her eyes. "Remember when I said it was okay if you liked to wear diapers and act like a baby sometimes?"

Ariel nodded.

"Well, that's fine most of the time, but sometimes you need to be able to act like a big girl too. And that means not making a fuss over what you have to do anyway. You know I have to go to work to make money. And you know I wouldn't leave you anywhere if I thought you were going to be tortured. Can you act like a big girl and not give me - or anyone else - a hard time today?"

"I guess," Ariel mumbled.

"You guess?" Jessica repeated sternly.

"I will," Ariel replied, forcing a smile.

Jessica gave her a hug and a kiss. "Good girl. Have fun today and don't get yourself and Daniel into any trouble."

Ariel went over to a group of four girls who were talking quietly. They looked a little bit older than her, but not much. "Hi," she said shyly.

"Hi," one of the girls replied, and they went right back to their conversation. They obviously went to the same school, and were talking about their teachers. Ariel stood feeling like an outsider, until she saw a chance to jump into the conversation. One of the girls mentioned how her teacher never did anything except give them book work and worksheets.

"So does mine. She always-"

"Um, I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to my friends here," the girl said. Everyone else laughed, except Ariel, who turned red.

"There are some kindergartners over there, if you're looking for someone to play with," another girl said, emphasizing the word play.

Ariel wanted to cry, but she tried to remember what her mom said about being a big girl. Five-year-olds playing house looked a lot more appealing than a group of Nicole impersonators. She walked towards the two kids, ignoring the older girls' laughter echoing in her ears.

A little girl stood at the play kitchen, pouring a cup of pretend coffee. "Hi," she said cheerfully. "Want to play house with us?"

"Sure," Ariel replied. "I'm Ariel. What's your name?"

"Chloe," she replied. "And he's Chris. He's my brother. We're twins, that means we were in our mommy's tummy at the same time, but I'm older."

"Only by two minutes!" Chris griped.

"So, I'm still older!" Chloe taunted. She looked at Ariel again. "He's a boy, and kind of gross, but I get into trouble if I'm not nice to him. You'll have to be the baby cause I'm the mommy and Chris is the daddy."

A teacher was setting up the art supplies nearby and overheard. "Chloe," she said sternly. "What did I tell you about being bossy?"

"Oh, sorry," Chloe laughed. "You can be the mommy if you want."

"That's okay," Ariel replied. "I really want to be the baby. When my friend Daniel gets here, he can be a baby too."

"Okay," Chloe said. "I'm still fixing Chris' breakfast so you're still sleeping in your crib. You can't wake up until after I'm done with his breakfast. Oh, and there's no real crib, so you'll just have to sleep on the floor and pretend it's a crib."

Ariel smiled and lay down on the floor and shut her eyes. Suddenly, without warning, she saturated her pull-up. She'd have to remember to change it as soon as they were done playing House.

"Are you ready to get up? Come on, baby, it's time to get up!" Chloe bent down and began shaking Ariel. Ariel opened her eyes, smiled and said "Mama!"

"Does Baby need to have her diaper changed?" Chloe pretended to change Ariel's diaper. Ariel wished she really was wearing a diaper. She also wondered what Chloe would say if she knew Ariel wished that.

"Now let's go into the kitchen, and Baby can have her bottle." Ariel got excited, as she always did when she heard the word "bottle" but quickly remembered that she wasn't really getting a bottle.

Ariel glanced toward the window and saw Daniel in the parking lot with his sister. "Daniel's here!" she cried happily.

"Who?"

"My friend. Hold on, I'm gonna go say hi to him and ask if he wants to play, okay?" Ariel happily ran over to greet Daniel as he was coming in the door.

"Hey," he said nervously. "Is this place okay? I'm scared."

"It's okay. Except some of the kids are kind of mean. But I was playing with these two kids who were pretty nice, except they're kindergartners. Hey," Ariel lowered her voice, "are you wearing a diaper?"

Daniel shook his head no. He looked miserable. "Pull-ups. It feels weird. They're so much thinner than diapers. How many times can I wet it before it leaks?"

"Only once. Or maybe twice if they're not big wettings." Ariel replied. "I have to get changed soon, but right now I'm playing house. Want to play? You can be the baby like me."

Daniel's face lit up. "Okay!" They went back to Chloe and Chris; Chloe was just finishing "cooking" their breakfast. "Here you go, babies," she said, placing plastic plates in front of them with plastic food. Ariel and Daniel just sat there.

"Well? Aren't you babies going to eat?"

Ariel leaned forward and whispered "You're supposed to feed it to us."

"Oh. Sorry." Chloe took a plastic fork and pretended to cut a piece of bacon and aim it near Ariel's mouth. Ariel knew a real baby wouldn't eat bacon. It was obvious Chloe didn't know much about being a baby.

Ariel and Daniel quickly grew tired of playing house. It wasn't any fun when they knew what it was like to be a real baby. Besides, a teacher was yelling for everyone to line up by the door; it was time to go outside.

Ariel pushed Daniel on the swings for awhile. He still didn't know how to pump his legs to make the swing move, something Ariel had been doing since she was four. He had to be pushed. He was also scared of going too high, and being pushed too hard (he was worried he'd be pushed off the swing), and if Ariel did either of those, he'd start screaming and crying.

In some ways, Daniel really was a baby, both at school and at home. He also still had trouble tying his shoes, and he sometimes still used baby words. Instead of saying "thanks," he always said "fanks." He also had been caught sucking his thumb more than once at school, which even Ariel knew better than to do. In some ways, she could understand why other kids teased him, even though she still thought it was mean.

Ariel grabbed the chain and stopped the swing. "I'll be back in a minute. I better go change my pull-up. Haven't you wet yet?"

"Yeah, but I can wait," Daniel replied. "I don't think the pull-up's that wet."

"You'd better get changed anyway," Ariel warned. "I told you. It might only hold up for one wetting."

"It'll be fine." Ariel shrugged and walked towards the building. A teacher stopped her.

"Hey, why are you going back inside? You're to remain outside until everyone goes in."

"I have to go to the bathroom," Ariel explained, adding the three words that always got kids the privilege of using the bathroom right away in school. "It's an emergency."

The teacher nodded curtly. "All right, go ahead. Make it quick. And next time, go before we come out."

Ariel raced inside and found her backpack. She grabbed a pull-up and headed into the bathroom. It was a kiddie sized one with toilets less than a foot off the ground and a sink that only came up a little past Ariel's waist, bringing back memories of preschool and the days when she had to stand on tiptoe to reach the faucet of that sink.

Ariel knew the routine of changing a pull-up by now, as she did it two or three times a day in school. Take off her shoes, take off her pants, tear off the soggy pull-up, put the new one on the same way she used to put on underwear, put her pants back on, put her shoes back on, and throw the pull-up away. She could do it in less than two minutes.

She headed back outside and found Daniel sitting forlornly on the swing. "Will you push me some more?" he asked.

"I want to swing too, Daniel. Why don't you practice pumping?"

"I can't do it! I try and I try, but I just can't!" he protested.

Ariel knew he didn't try. He just liked having someone else push him too much to bother to learn how to push himself. "Can't you do anything for yourself? You're nothing but a whiny, helpless little baby! No wonder no one likes you!" Ariel grabbed the swing and pushed Daniel as hard as she could, half-hoping he would fall off.

He didn't fall, but the swing sailed high into the air, and Daniel started screaming for Ariel to stop it; he was going to fall. She started to ignore him, but only got five steps before she felt guilty and came back and stopped the swing.

Daniel turned away from her, his body racking with sobs. "I thought you were my friend," he whimpered. "How come you're so mean?"

Ariel sat down on the ground beside him. "I am your friend," she said quietly. "I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. But you really do act too much like a baby sometimes. You always want to act helpless."

"But I thought you liked acting like a baby, too, and that was why you were my friend."

"I do, but not like that. At least I can do big kid stuff when I have to. It's no fun playing with you if all I do is push you on the swing."

"I'm sorry," Daniel said. "Would you help me learn to pump?"

Ariel nodded happily. Just then the teacher yelled for them to come inside, and Ariel realized it was about to rain. "Darn! I guess we'll have to wait till tomorrow to work on pumping."

It was time for lunch, anyway. "I'll be right there. I'm going to go get changed," Daniel said. Ariel smiled at him.

It was weird. She wanted to do the same things he did - talk baby talk, suck her thumb all the time, and let others push her on the swings. But except for when she was playing with her mother, she hadn't spoken any baby talk since she was three or four. Like most children, she had always been encouraged to be as independent as possible. And although Jessica supported Ariel's wish to wear diapers, and she thought it was cute when Ariel spoke in baby talk sometimes, if Ariel stopped acting like a baby and actually became a baby - the stage Daniel seemed to be close to - Jessica would be very concerned.

Ariel quickly discovered that the hot lunch at daycare wasn't any better than the hot lunch at school. She was given a plate with french fries, peas and a piece of tannish-grayish meat. The french fries looked decent - somewhat limp and saltless, but edible. The peas were mushy, with thick, cloudy juice, like baby food except Ariel was pretty sure these weren't intended to look like baby food. The meat was another story. Ariel recalled that last year on the parent/child lunch day at her school, her mother had referred to a piece of meat as "mystery meat." This meat looked pretty much like that piece had, and would probably have the same fate, ending up at the bottom of a garbage can.

Chloe and Chris, seated across from her, seemed to have the same feelings. Their plates contained no meat, and Chris explained to Ariel and Daniel that was because their mother had told the teachers at daycare that they couldn't eat meat.

"If you guys are coming back tomorrow," Chris explained around a mouthful of peas, "you should try to get your parents to do the same thing."

"Are the peas okay?" Ariel asked.

Chris nodded. "They remind me of baby food."

Ariel and Daniel exchanged glances. "Why would you know what baby food tastes like?" Daniel asked.

Chloe started giggling. "Because Chris likes baby food so much that mommy still buys him a jar sometimes. He's five years old and he still eats baby food!"

Ariel was getting excited. "Really? Do you do anything else babyish?"

Chris shook his head. Ariel was disappointed, but saw a potential diaper lover, and once again used her "my little sister" excuse. "My little sister...she's actually six...she always ate baby food even after she got too big for it. And then she started wearing diapers again."

Chris and Chloe gave her strange looks. "Your little sister sounds weird. Where is she?"

"Oh, she lives in California with my dad," Ariel replied. "Actually...I wear diapers, too. But I'm wearing a pull-up right now." Whoa, where had THAT come from? She hadn't meant to tell her biggest secret. Daniel was giving her a look that clearly said "Are you crazy?"

"You're wearing a pull-up? But that's for babies!" Chloe cried.

"I thought you said you were seven," Chris said. "Seven-year-olds are supposed to be potty trained.

"I am seven. But that doesn't mean I can't wear diapers. I like them." Ariel tried her peas. They really did taste like baby food.

"That's cool, Ariel," Chloe replied weakly. She ate a couple of french fries in silence, then pounced on Daniel. "Do you like diapers too?"

Daniel's face, usually pale, turned pure white. He suddenly became fascinated with his peas, stirring them around vigorously on his plate. "Uhhhhh....well...yeah...sometimes."

"I've never known anyone who was seven who still wore diapers before."

"I'm only six," Daniel replied.

"I'm only five and so is my brother and I haven't worn diapers since I was two. Why would you want to wear diapers? You're a big boy, Daniel. And you're a big girl," she added, looking at Ariel. "I've never known anyone that old who wore diapers."

Ariel couldn't think of a way to explain it to Chloe, who clearly had no desire to be a baby again, so she just finished her lunch in silence. They went back to playing with blocks afterwards. They were building a whole town out of wooden rectangles; schools, grocery stores, a mall, offices, and houses.

Chloe quickly forgot their lunchtime conversation and was soon herself again, at least until Ariel stood up and said "I'm going to the bathroom."

"I thought you were wearing pull-ups," Chloe said immediately.

"I am. And I have to change." Ariel did not have to explain what this meant, because Chloe knew. Sometime while they had been building towns and discussing whether the mall should be closer to the school or the offices, Ariel had wet herself and nobody had known.

"Can I see one of your pull-ups?" Chris asked.

"Chris!" Chloe scolded. "Why do you want to see a pull-up for?"

"I'm just curious," Chris replied. Ariel showed him a clean pull-up. He was fascinated with it, staring at it, turning it inside out, smelling it.

"You want to wear one?" Ariel asked. Chris looked up with a glint of hope in his face, but Chloe quickly grabbed the pull-up out of his hands and gave it back to Ariel.

"Chris, if you wear that thing, I'm going to tell Mom and Dad!" Chloe stuck her arms on her hips, the amusing image of the intimidating older sister, born two minutes earlier and never intending to forget it.

"I wasn't going to wear it anyway! I was just looking at it!" Chris whined. Ariel went to change, disappointed. If she had caught Chris alone, if he went to her school, she might be able to convince him to wear diapers. But since she would probably never see him again after tomorrow, there wasn't much hope for Chris.

Chapter Twenty Nine

Ariel dragged a stick along the fence, comforted by the rhythmic clicking it made. "Who cares. I didn't want to go to her stupid party anyway. So what if they are all going to Discovery Zone and the movies and eating pizza and spending the night at her house. It sounds stupid to me."

"It doesn't sound stupid to me!" Eric replied eagerly. "It sounds like fun! I wish I was a girl so I could go." Ariel and Daniel glared at him. "Oh. Yeah, you're right, Ariel. It sounds stupid."

"Maybe Nicole was only allowed to invite eleven people, so that's why she invited every girl in your class except you," Daniel suggested.

Ariel dug the stick into the dirty snow, drawing a stick figure of Nicole and then drawing a line through the neck. "Yeah, right. She said her parents let her invite whoever she wanted. And she stood up in front of the class and passed out the invitations and told everyone I was the only girl she hadn't invited, because I was too much of a baby to come to any party of hers, and I'd probably pee in my sleeping bag!"

"Didn't you stay up all night at a sleepover last year so you wouldn't wet your bed?" Eric asked.

Ariel held the stick up. "Shut up, Eric!"

"Ariel Crawford! What are you doing?" Ms. Felton yelled from about fifty feet away, where she was standing with a couple of other teachers. "You'd better not be hitting anyone with that stick!"

"I'm not!" Ariel protested.

"Come stand over here by me until recess is over."

"But I wasn't doing anything!"

"Ariel, don't argue with me, unless you'd like a trip to visit Mr. Douglas!" Ariel dropped the stick and walked over to Ms. Felton, admitting defeat. She hadn't even done anything! Why was it that Ms. Felton saw her hitting people with sticks when she really wasn't, when she never seemed to notice Nicole talking nonstop and making fun of anyone not in her group of friends?

"Stand right there and don't say a word," Ms. Felton ordered, pointing to the brick wall beside her. Ariel slumped against it. Even though it was Friday, it felt like a Monday.

Recess was finally over, and Ariel trudged back inside to face the remaining two hours of the day. As if it weren't already bad enough, she'd run out of baby powder the night before and her mom hadn't gone out to buy any more. "I'll buy you some on the way home from work tomorrow. You can live without it." Except it had been twenty-two years since Jessica had worn diapers, and she had forgotten just how uncomfortable they could get without baby powder. Especially when you had a rash. Ariel could feel the rash getting larger as she sat at her desk, on top of the saturated pull-up. She really should get that changed, but she couldn't. It was math class now. Last week she had gone to get changed in the middle of math and when she'd come back, she hadn't had any clue what they were doing. Ms. Felton had yelled at her for not paying attention.

Ariel squirmed, trying to take the weight off the pull-up to keep it from leaking and making her rash worse. Why couldn't she just wear diapers to school? They held three times as much and kept the wetness away from her skin better.

"That diaper rash must get real itchy, Ariel!" someone muttered behind her. Ariel didn't have to turn around to know who it was. A few others heard Nicole's comment and giggled. There wasn't a single person in the class who didn't know that Nicole and Ariel were enemies, and most were on Ariel's side, but only when Nicole wasn't around. It was an unwritten set of rules in the room. You laughed when Nicole made fun of someone, even if you didn't think it was funny. You sat at her table at lunch if she invited you to. Doing anything otherwise might make you different and an outcast, something not desirable in the first grade. And Nicole was awfully close to her sister, Miranda, who was as big as a fifth grader...

Once the math lesson was over and they were doing individual work, Ariel raised her hand and Ms. Felton came over. "Did you have a question, Ariel?"

"Um, can I go-"

Ms. Felton sighed impatiently at the request that came three or four times a day from this one child alone. Why couldn't Ariel just use the bathroom at lunch and recess like everyone else? "Yes, go ahead. Hurry along."

Ariel felt free again as she "hurried along" the halls. She always went to the bathroom furthest from her classroom if Ms. Felton didn't happen to be watching, just to spend more time outside the room. She started to skip a little, but slowed as she approached the bathroom, because Mr. Douglas, the assistant principal in charge of discipline, was standing right there.

"What are you doing out of your classroom, young lady?" he asked sternly. Ariel shyly showed him her bathroom pass.

"I see. If you were using the bathroom and coming from Ms. Felton's class, why are you using this bathroom? There's one right outside her room."

"I...I..." Ariel couldn't think of anything to say, and stuttered nervously.

"Is it possible you went to this bathroom because it was the one furthest from your classroom, and therefore you would get to spend more time outside the classroom?"

Ariel nodded meekly. Mr. Douglas' mouth moved into what might have been a smile, but it was gone too fast for Ariel to see for sure. He coughed. "When students leave the classroom to use the bathroom, they are to use the one closest to their classroom and come straight back. No detours through the halls. Furthermore, teachers are only supposed to release students to use the bathroom if it's an emergency. I see you out of your classroom two or three times a day, plus sometimes during lunch or recess. I think you need to come to the office with me."

Ariel's eyes filled with tears as she was lead in through the double doors and into the intimidating office, filled with filing cabinets and computers and school administrators typing at the computers or talking into the phone. None of them looked pleasant. Ariel had been into the office only once before, when her mom had taken her to register for kindergarten. Even with her mom holding her hand, Ariel had been scared. Now she was on her own and she tried to send out a silent message: Mommy, help!

Subj: attorney fees

Date: 1/14/00 1:02:41 PM EST

From: ryan3488@

To: jccrawford@

Hi, Jess. I know you're not supposed to get personal e-mail at work (although you gave all your friends your work address) so I'm making this seem like something important. I'm on lunch break here. I checked the calendar and see that your birthday is on a Saturday this year. How lucky for us... I was thinking we could go out that night. I'll surprise you. Wait and see. You might want to make arrangements for Ariel to spend the night somewhere...

Love,

Ryan

Subj: Re: Attorney fees

Date: 1/14/00 1:54:14 PM EST

From: jccrawford@

To: Ryan3488@

Attorney fees? Fortunately for you, my supervisor doesn't ever look at my e-mail, because if he did, he'd probably think I killed someone, which would be definite grounds for dismissal, and then I'd have to kill you for making me lose my job, and of course I'd really need to worry about attorney fees.

Saturday, February 19 sounds great. I can't believe you're already planning my birthday. I usually don't think about it until the week before. Although I can't imagine why you wouldn't want Ariel to come :). I'm sure she can spend the night at Caitlin's...Jenny's always encouraging me to go out more. Maybe we can

get together this weekend. Tonight, I'm going over to Christine's just to hang out and catch up. We haven't seen each other in ages. Maybe tomorrow night you could come over?

Love,

Jess

The sound of the phone ringing took Jessica out of her love trance. She grabbed and started to say just hello, then mentally kicked herself. "You're at work, dummy!" before uttering the appropriate greeting.

"Is Ms. Crawford available?"

"This is she. May I help you?"

"This is Mr. Douglas, assistant principal of Ocean Lakes Elementary School. We have a problem here concerning your daughter Ariel."

"What happened?" Jessica was shocked. Ariel was only in the first grade, and she had never been in any trouble at school, and only minor trouble at home.

"She was found walking around in the hall during class time."

"You mean she was skipping class? Are you sure?"

"Well, not exactly skipping class. She had been excused to go to the bathroom, and she was using the bathroom as far from her classroom as possible. But she is excused from class to use the bathroom sometimes as much as four times in a day, her teacher says, and I'm afraid this causes a disturbance. At Ocean Lakes, we need to have the students under teacher supervision at all times."

"Of course. My seven-year-old might plant a bomb in the trash can of the girl's bathroom otherwise."

"Ms. Crawford, safety is our number one concern. And maintaining order goes along with safety. We can't have students wandering the halls during class time."

"Look, it's not her fault that she has to leave class to use the bathroom. She wears diapers at home, but her teacher said she couldn't wear them to school unless she was medically incontinent, which she isn't."

"Well, I think we need to arrange a conference to discuss this problem."

Jessica sighed and started to pull out her appointment book. "Fine. But I work from nine to five every weekday. Is it possible we could do it before nine or after five?" She supposed she could come on her lunch break if there was no other way, but didn't want to offer that option just yet.

"Ms. Crawford...this is a matter we need to deal with today, if at all possible. Ariel is rather upset and I feel that the sooner the subject is discussed, the better."

Jessica sighed again and glanced at the paperwork on her desk. There was really nothing left to do at work. It was Friday, the week had been hacked up because of inclement weather, practically nobody was there that day, including her boss, and she had already been thinking about taking off early. And she'd do almost anything to get Mr. Douglas off her back.

"I suppose I can be there by three p.m," she agreed reluctantly.

Ariel watched nervously as Mr. Douglas wrapped up the phone conversation with her mother. He replaced the phone on his desk and smiled thinly at Ariel. "Your mother will be here at three. We're all going to have a little conference about this problem. And don't worry, you're not in any trouble."

But Ariel recognized that tone of voice. It was the same Jenny had used once when Ariel and Caitlin had tried to build a swimming pool in the bathtub (after Jenny'd told them not to) and ended up flooding the bathroom. After Jenny had put her foot down in six inches of cold water and said a bad word, Ariel had worriedly asked her if she was mad. "Mad?" Jenny'd replied, pasting a false smile on her face. "Why would I be mad? You guys only deliberately disobeyed me and flooded my bathroom."

"You mean you're not mad?" Ariel had asked, relieved.

"OF COURSE I'M MAD!" So mad, in fact, that she'd called Jessica at work, who had made Ariel stay at Caitlin's house that night until every drop of water was gone from the floor, then write an apology letter to Jenny, and she hadn't gotten dessert that night either and had to go to bed early. For weeks afterward, every time Ariel had mentioned the words "swimming", "pool" or "bathtub", Jessica'd launched into another lecture about how dangerous and stupid it was to build swimming pools with bathtubs, shower curtains, and masking tape.

So Ariel didn't believe Mr. Douglas for one minute when he said she wasn't in trouble. She sat at her chair, kicking her legs impatiently. Time crawled by even slower here than it did in Ms. Felton's class. She heard the bell ring and watched the students come rushing out of the classrooms, chatting noisily about the upcoming weekend. A fifth grader was pulled out of the crowds and dragged into the office by Mr. Douglas for shoving a kindergartner. He sat down beside Ariel, glaring at the secretary who was already on the phone ready to call his mother.

Ariel had never seen the school so empty after the students had left, and the quiet depressed her. School was not supposed to feel this empty. A few teachers drifted in and out of the office, checking their mailboxes. They looked at her curiously, probably thinking that she looked too young to be in trouble. Ariel glanced up at the fifth grader sitting beside her.

"What are you looking at?" he snarled.

"Sorry." Ariel quickly looked away. That was probably what Nicole was going to act like when they got to fifth grade.

At least she was in a dry pull-up. Mr. Douglas, after all his fuss, had let her go to the bathroom. She wondered if they were going to let her have her diapers back.

Her mother finally walked in, at three on the dot. "Hi, honey," she said to Ariel. "Rough day, huh?"

Ariel felt tears starting to well in her eyes. "Oh honey...it's okay," Jessica said, pulling her close. "We'll get it straightened out. They're just being jerks." Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Mr. Douglas getting up from his desk. He'd probably heard her call him a jerk. Oops.

"I thought you'd be mad at me," Ariel sniffed.

"Mad at you? No, of course not. It's not your fault."

"Ms. Crawford, I presume?" Mr. Douglas said, coming over to them.

"Yes, I'm Ariel's mom. It's nice to meet you."

"Likewise," Mr. Douglas said dryly. "If you'll come into my office, I'll call Ms. Felton down and we can get started. This should only take a few minutes."

They all gathered in his small office. Mr. Douglas sat at his desk and folded his hands across it. "Ms. Felton, I understand from you that Ariel leaves the classroom sometimes three times during one day to use the bathroom?"

"That's correct. She also goes during lunch and recess, sometimes. She wears pull-ups..."

"But the pull-ups can only hold so much. She doesn't want to have an accident because she's afraid they'll leak," Jessica interjected.

"I understand that. But we can't allow students unsupervised in the halls frequently, even if it's only to walk to the bathroom. This isn't something I came up with. It's in the Virginia Beach Public Schools administrative policies," Mr. Douglas replied.

"Ariel was wearing diapers at the beginning of the year, and getting changed during lunch and recess by the nurse. But Ms. Felton told me that the school nurse can only change diapers for students with medical problems," Jessica said, frowning. "It seems to me like that's the only solution. If Ariel doesn't either get frequent bathroom breaks, or wear diapers, she'll wet her pants." Ariel blushed, embarrassed to hear her mother say such things openly.

Mr. Douglas frowned. "It seems to me that she does have a medical problem then, just not in her records. I was not aware she was wearing diapers earlier in the year. Ms. Felton, why didn't you approach me with this? You should have discussed it with me before telling Ms. Crawford Ariel couldn't wear diapers anymore."

Ms. Felton looked uncomfortable. "Well, that wasn't the only reason I told her that. The other students in my classroom knew about her diapers, and it was a distraction to them."

"Then that's your problem," Jessica said. "You should be able to maintain order in your own classroom. You know, every morning, Ariel doesn't want to go to school. She says the other kids tease her about her diapers and her wetting problems, particularly one little girl, and you don't do anything about it. Why is that?"

Ms. Felton paled. "These children are six and seven years old. Conformity is very important to them. Anyone who stands out in the group, anyone who is different, whether it's in a good or a bad way, is going to be teased. Ariel's diapers and wetting problems make her different."

"That doesn't mean it's okay for the other kids to tease her," Jessica replied.

"I'll see to it that they leave her alone from now on."

Mr. Douglas cleared his throat. "I think that if Ariel was in diapers, it would be less distraction to the rest of the class then her leaving class to use the bathroom every hour. Ariel, would you like to wear diapers to school again?"

Ariel sat up and nodded eagerly. "Yes!"

"Then Ariel may wear diapers to school and get changed by Mrs. Jennings, the nurse. But she will have to be changed at the beginning of lunch and recess, while the rest of the class has a bathroom break. No other times. Is this clear?" Ariel nodded.

Jessica stood up. "Thank you for your time, and I'm glad we worked this out," she said formally. "Come on, Ariel. You want to go visit Christine?"

"Yeah!" Ariel said eagerly. "We haven't seen her in forever. Me likes Christine."

"I like Christine," Jessica corrected.

"You like her too?"

Jessica sighed. "No, I mean, yes, I like her, but your grammar is incorrect. You should say 'I like Christine' not 'Me likes Christine.'"

"Oh." Ariel hadn't even noticed she'd said me instead of I. "Well, that's what I meant to say."

"Do you want to go by our house first so that you can get changed into a diaper? By the way, I went by the store and got you some baby powder."

"Yaaayyyy! I want to be changed now."

Jessica laughed. "I figured you wouldn't have any objections to that."

They pulled into the parking lot in front of their apartment and went inside. Jessica called Christine to tell her they were on their way, then quickly changed Ariel. "Oh dear, sweetie, looks like you've got a rash. Those pull-ups don't hold the wetness away nearly as well as a diaper." She rubbed some Desitin onto it. "Does that feel better?"

"Yeah. Mommy, me can't believe-"

"I can't believe. What is happening to your grammar, young lady?"

"Me, I mean I, don't know. I can't believe you told Ms. Felton about Nicole. Now she is going to talk to Nicole and Nicole will hate me even more."

"Well, it's not fair that she can get away with being mean to you. And I think Ms. Felton knows what's going on between you two anyway, and just didn't want to do anything about it. Your diapers make her uncomfortable." Jessica taped Ariel's diaper in place, wrestled her back into her pants, and lifted her down. "I'll be glad when you're out of her class. But as long as you keep doing well, I guess I can't complain too much."

They went back out to the car and were on the way to Christine's. "How long has it been since you saw Christine and her kids, anyway?" Jessica asked.

"She has kids?" Ariel asked blankly.

"I guess it's been awhile, then. Two boys. Trent's three and Michael is eighteen months."

"Boys," Ariel said dismally. "Little boys. Do I have to play with them?"

"Oh, be nice. It's only for a couple of hours. And they're adorable. Especially Trent, he's a sweetheart. One time I kept Trent for the night at our house when he was a baby, and you were about four. You loved taking care of him."

"I don't remember that."

"Maybe when you see him, it'll come back to you."

So when the door was opened at Christine's, Ariel wasn't prepared for the chubby face that stared up at them. "Yuck. I hate girls."

Ariel glanced up at Jessica. "He doesn't seem like a sweetheart to me."

"Trent!" Christine picked him up and moved out of the way, ushering Ariel and Jessica inside. "Oh my gosh, Ariel, I didn't know it'd been so long since we've seen each other. Last time I saw you, you were just a little tiny girl and now you're practically grown-up!" Ariel blushed and smiled.

"Trent, why don't you show Ariel your bedroom?" Christine suggested. "You can show her your new Pokeman stuff."

Trent considered. "Well...okay. But she better not touch it! I don't want any girl germs on it."

"I don't want to touch your stupid Pokeman stuff anyway!" Ariel retorted, although she loved Pokeman. "I'll probably get cooties!"

"Try to be quiet!" Christine called after them. "I just put Michael down for a nap."

"He's asleep?" Jessica said, disappointed. "Darn. I wanted to see him. He's such a cute toddler."

"Well, don't worry. I'm sure he'll wake up before you leave. He never sleeps long."

Inside Trent's room, Ariel watched dismally as Trent waved a plastic gun around. He had grown tired of Pokeman and moved onto other things that Ariel wasn't interested in. She squirmed uncomfortably on the floor. She had to poop really bad, but didn't want to do it in front of Trent.

"Pow! You're dead!" Trent yelled, aiming the gun at Ariel. She stared back up at him.

"I said you were dead, dummy. I shot you."

"I'm not playing. This is boring."

Trent scowled at her and turned his attention back to his game. Suddenly, he stopped playing and got a strained, concentrated look on his face. A second later, the smell of poop filled the room. Ariel couldn't believe it. There was no way Trent had just pooped his pants, right in front of her. But apparently he had. Ariel glanced at his waistline, she didn't see the bulge of a diaper.

Well, since the room already stank and Trent wasn't paying attention to her, Ariel could go ahead and mess her diaper. She let it out, right where she was sitting. The mess quickly turned cold, even in her diaper, and was uncomfortable, but she was embarrassed to go ask her mom to change her in front of Christine. Jessica had told her that Christine knew about the diapers, and was cool with it, but Ariel felt uncomfortable about her diapers around people she didn't know well.

Christine and Jessica came by a few minutes later to check on them. "How are you guys getting along?" Christine asked. Her smile faded as she sniffed the air. "Trent! Did you have an accident again?"

"Yeah, me went poo-poo," Trent said, smiling. He obviously wasn't embarrassed about his "accident" at all.

"You're a big boy. You know how to use the potty. Do I need to put you back in diapers like a little baby?" Christine asked sharply. Her face turned red with embarrassment as she realized what she'd said, and she glanced at Ariel, who wasn't offended.

"NO!" Trent yelled. "No baby diapers!"

"Then you'd better start acting like a big boy!"

"Hey, calm down," Jessica said softly. "He's only three. Accidents happen."

"Right. Accidents happen. But Trent's just never in a hurry to go to the potty. Two days ago, he was sitting in front of the TV and started dancing around and holding himself. I asked him three times if he needed to use the bathroom, and he said no every time. Two minutes later, he'd soaked himself. If he was really trying to use the potty, it wouldn't be a big deal. I'm really thinking about putting him back in diapers, but the thought of having two kids in diapers again makes me want to scream." Christine took Trent into the bathroom.

Jessica smiled at Ariel. "Having fun?"

Ariel squirmed. "Mommy, I need to be changed."

Jessica sniffed. "I can tell. There's another bathroom downstairs I can change you in. Come on."

Ariel looked shyly up at her mom. "Up?" she asked sweetly.

Jessica smiled and picked her up. "Christine was right! You're getting so tall. And so heavy, you'll be carrying me soon." Ariel smiled and snuggled against her mom's shoulder.

Jessica cleaned Ariel up as best she could with baby wipes. "You really need a bath. I'll give you one when we get home. But this'll do for now." She struggled to get Ariel's jeans back on her and finally handed them to her. "Here. You're seven years old, you can dress yourself. But I think I'm going to buy you some outfits with snaps in the crotch so you don't have to pull off your pants every time you get changed." Ariel laughed, knowing her mom was just kidding.

Chapter Thirty

"Oh, hi, Ryan. I thought you said you wouldn't be here until seven," Jessica said as she opened the door and gave him a welcoming kiss.

"I did, but I decided to come over early because I wanted to talk to you," Ryan replied, stepping inside. He was dressed up, but his brown hair was still damp from the shower, and Jessica thought he looked strangely nervous. "I hope you don't mind."

"Oh no, I'm happy to see you, but I'm not ready to go yet. I still have to shower and dress." Jessica glanced down at her jeans and t-shirt.

"That's okay. I'll watch," Ryan smiled, loosening up a bit. Jessica rolled her eyes. "So how's it feel to be celebrating your hundredth birthday?"

"Don't even start," Jessica laughed, smacking him playfully on the arm. "I already heard that from Ariel...and then Christine...and then Caitlin...and Jenny."

Ryan chuckled. "Oh, you know I'm just joking. Seriously, happy twenty-four. Is Ariel here?"

"No, she, Caitlin and Monica spent the afternoon here, and Jenny picked her and Caitlin up about fifteen minutes ago. She's spending the night with Caitlin. I can't say I was really sad to see her go. They were all hyper today, but Ariel was the worst. She wouldn't stop running around, and wouldn't listen when I told her to stop. She finally bumped into a table, knocked over a lamp, and broke it. She got yelled at for that. Then I lit one of those scented candles, put it on the counter, and warned her not to go near it. She climbed up on the counter to get the cookies I told her she couldn't have and brushed her t-shirt over the open flame. It was a miracle it didn't catch fire. That was it. I spanked her."

"You spanked her? I thought you didn't believe in it. Not that I blame you, in that situation. She could've really been hurt."

"Right. And that was the only reason why I did it. And she took it pretty well - pouted for a few minutes, but I told her why I did it, and she behaved herself for the rest of the afternoon. Maybe I reacted too quickly, but she really scared me. Anyway, I think it stung my hand more than it hurt her. She probably didn't feel a thing, not with her diaper."

"Next time, use a wooden spoon. It doesn't sting your hand, and she'll definitely feel it. That's what my mom used to use on me."

"A wooden spoon?" Jessica laughed, although it really wasn't funny. "What did YOU ever do to get hit?"

"What did you?" he countered.

"Well, maybe nothing. Except I had an attitude problem when I got older."

"See? You didn't deserve to get hit. But anyway...that was what I wanted to talk to you about." Ryan reached into his jacket pocket, pulled out a picture, and handed it to Jessica. It showed a little boy, maybe five or six, perched in front of a Christmas tree, smiling pensively. More important was what he was wearing - a pair of pajamas with bottoms tight enough that a thick diaper was clearly outlined. The similarities between Ryan and the little boy in the picture were unmistakable.

"Ryan?" Jessica asked in disbelief. "Is this you?"

Ryan met her eyes, then looked down again, embarrassed. "Yes," he confessed. "It's me. And that's a diaper I'm wearing. A cloth diaper. I wet my bed until I was nine. I just didn't outgrow it until then. My mother diapered me to protect the sheets and save laundry. She spanked me for it, too. Nothing that hurt very much, nothing like you got, but just light smacks. She didn't do it to be mean, but she was ignorant and assumed I was too lazy to get out of bed to use the bathroom. She also used to hang my diapers on the backyard clothesline." He glanced up at Jessica, who was staring at him, openmouthed. "One afternoon when I was about seven, I invited two friends over after school. We went outside to play just as my mother was hanging up the laundry. They saw the diapers and wanted to know what they were for, and before I could stop her, my mother said they were for my bedwetting."

"Oh, Ryan."

"They were good friends, and never mentioned it again. But I was really embarrassed, and I didn't invite anyone else over until after I'd outgrown the bedwetting." He shook his head and smiled a bit. "I guess that's one of the things I like about you. You're so accepting of Ariel, and..." He looked at Jessica, saw the look she was giving him, and suddenly talk was forgotten.

** *

The window was beginning to get foggy from Caitlin's breath. She wiped it off and continued staring outside. "Yep, the clouds are definitely clearing up," she announced after a few seconds, disappointed. "Mom says it's the cold front coming through. Darn. I was hoping we were going to get a good storm."

"I wasn't," Ariel replied, relieved. "I hate thunderstorms! Didn't we get enough of them last fall?"

"You can never get enough of the kind that get you out of school," Caitlin said, grinning. "But you're scared of thunder, aren't you?"

"No!" Ariel asserted.

"Yeah, right."

"I'm not!" Ariel protested again, embarrassed by the childish whine that came into her voice.

Caitlin turned her attention back to the blaring TV. "Play N Sync!" she yelled as Blink 182 came on with "All the Small Things". "Nooo! I don't like this video! They make fun of Backstreet Boys, Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera and Ricky Martin!"

"Yeah!" Ariel agreed, glad for the change in subject. She watched for a minute. "And look at that guy rolling around in the sand with that girl! That's so nasty."

"You know, that guy looks a lot like Ryan, except Ryan doesn't have a tattoo" Caitlin remarked. "And the girl...doesn't she remind you of your mom?"

"No!" Ariel said, horrified.

"She does! Her hair looks exactly like your mom's...and her smile's kind of the same. And that guy really looks just like Ryan. Are you sure he's not in a band?"

"He looks a lot like Ryan," Ariel admitted. "But that girl doesn't look anything like my mom."

"You know who else looks sort of like your mom?" Caitlin said. "That girl in N Sync's newest video, 'Bye Bye Bye.'"

"I haven't seen that," Ariel replied.

Jenny came into the room. "Do you girls need to be changed?"

"I don't," Ariel replied.

Caitlin ignored the question. "Hey, Mom, doesn't that girl on the screen, the one holding the sign that says 'Travis, I'm pregnant, look a lot like Ariel's mom?"

"She does," Jenny admitted. "Except Jessica would never wear a bathing suit that tacky. Answer my question. Do you need to be changed?"

"Well, sort of."

"Come on, then. You know if you don't get changed, you'll leak."

"Say it ain't so, I will not go!" Caitlin chanted. Ariel laughed.

"Oh yes you will, young lady," Jenny snapped, scooping Caitlin up and carrying her upstairs to her bedroom.

Caitlin started screaming. She hated being carried. Ariel couldn't imagine why. She couldn't explain it, but she somehow just felt happiest and safest when she was in her mom's arms.

"You're acting like a two-year-old," Jenny quipped as she set Caitlin down on her changing table. "Now hold still and let me change you." She pulled a diaper out from the bag on the shelf.

Ariel stared at the bag. "Attends Youth Diapers," she read slowly. "Youth Diapers? How come you don't wear Pampers anymore, Caitlin?"

"Because I'm too big for baby diapers," Caitlin replied, a bit sadly. "I have to wear these now. They're not too bad. They feel just like Pampers."

"But they don't look like them! No pictures on the front and they have four sticky thingies instead of just two!"

"I don't care about the tabs, but I miss the pictures. Those were cool."

"Maybe you could decorate them yourself. Put some stickers on them or something," Ariel suggested.

Jenny finished diapering Caitlin. "That's a good idea, Ariel. Why don't you try that, Caitlin? I bet you'll be the only kid with Pokeman stickers on your diaper."

"Okay," Caitlin agreed. "It's worth a try, anyway." She dug through her desk and pulled out a sheet of Pokeman stickers. "Darn! I'm almost out. And I don't want to use the rest on my diapers."

"Do you have any other stickers?"

"Barbie stickers, but I'm too old for those. I don't play with Barbie anymore. But Cody has tons of Pokeman stickers that he got in his Christmas stocking, and he's probably forgotten he has them. He's downstairs watching TV. Let's go 'borrow' some from his room."

Ariel giggled. She followed Caitlin to Cody's room. She was still always amazed when she saw his room. Jessica had taken all three of them to see "Toy Story 2" back in December, and Cody had fallen in love with it. He had a Buzz Lightyear bedspread and sheets to match, Toy Story posters, a plastic Buzz, and a stuffed Woody that really talked.

Caitlin found Cody's Pokeman stickers untouched in his toy chest. "See, I told you he'd forgotten about them. He'll never even notice if we take a couple of sheets."

"HEY!" Cody stood in the doorway, a look of indignation on his face. "What are you doing in my room? With my stickers?"

"Oh Cody, don't freak out. I was just borrowing a few. You've got tons. You have to learn to share," Caitlin said, sounding like a teacher.

"Uh-uh! They're MY stickers. You have your own stickers. I don't want to share them! Give them back!"

"Make me!" Caitlin said, holding them above her head, far out of Cody's reach. "I'm your big sister, and you have to do what I say!"

"You're not my big sister!"

"Oh yes I am! I was four years old when you were born."

"Then how come you still have to wear diapers like a baby and I use the potty like a big boy?" Cody asked smugly.

"Because I got hurt and Mom feels sorry for me and loves me more than she loves you!" Caitlin retorted.

"You're nothing but a big baby! Mom loves me more cause I'm big! You're just a baby! Baby, baby, baby!" Cody mocked.

Caitlin punched him on the arm. "Don't you ever call me a baby again!" she yelled. Cody began to cry.

"Caitlin! What is going on in here? Why is Cody crying?" Jenny demanded, walking in.

"She tried to take my Pokeman stickers and then she hit me!" Cody sobbed. Jenny glared at Caitlin, who was still holding the stickers.

"Caitlin Amber Sullivan! Is this true?"

"Well, sort of, but..."

"Sort of? Either it's true or it's not."

"Well, it's true, but he was mean too! He called me a baby!"

"That's no excuse, young lady. From now on, I expect you to stay out of Cody's bedroom, and if you ever hit him again, I'm going to take away all of your Pokeman stuff! And Ariel, you stay out of Cody's room, too. Understand?"

"Yes, ma'am," Caitlin and Ariel muttered. Jenny left and as soon as she was gone, Cody turned and stuck his tongue out at them.

"Hehe, I told you she loves me more than you!"

Caitlin glared venomously at her brother and said "Come on, Ariel. We've got better things to do than hang out with little four-year-olds."

"Yeah!" Ariel agreed as they walked back to Caitlin's room. "Like...what?"

"We have to plot revenge. Nobody calls me a baby and gets away with it. Especially not four-year-olds. Do you have any ideas?"

"Well, Mom told me that one time she and her friends stuck her foster brother's hand in warm water while he was sleeping to try to make him wet the bed, because he had been annoying them all day. It didn't work, but he was ten, and Cody's only four."

Caitlin smiled. "Ariel, you're a genius! I bet anything that would make Cody wet his bed. He thinks he's so grown-up but he didn't even get potty trained until last year. That would put him in his place. Let's wait until after Mom goes to bed and then we can go in there and watch him pee all over his bed."

"Yeah! See how much he likes it!" Ariel added.

"And you know what else? Wouldn't it be even funnier if Mom started making him wear diapers too?" They started laughing. If only I could do the same thing to Nicole, Ariel thought grimly.

"But don't you think this is sort of...mean?" Ariel asked.

"Didn't you think what he said to me was mean?" Caitlin replied. "He was insulting you, too. How mean, calling us babies because we wear diapers!"

"But you have to wear diapers because you got hurt. I just wear them cause I like to. Do you think I'm a baby?" Ariel asked quietly.

"No," Caitlin replied promptly. "At least you don't act like a baby." Ariel wondered what Caitlin would say if she saw her at home, sucking her pacifier or drinking her bottle at the dinner table.

* * *

"Ariel. Ariel!" Ariel rolled over and stared groggily at Caitlin. "I thought you were going to stay up with me! I just saw the light go out in Mom's room. It's time."

Ariel held her breath as Caitlin rattled the dishes in the kitchen, searching for a large bowl. She was sure that any minute now, Jenny would be in the doorway, wanting to know what they were up to.

Caitlin carefully filled the bowl with warm water, and slowly they crept upstairs and towards Cody's room. Cody was sleeping on his side, wearing his Superman pajamas and sucking his thumb.

"Aw, look at the cute little baby," Caitlin said sarcastically. "Can you believe he still sucks his thumb? I never did that." Ariel thought about her own thumb-sucking habits and didn't say anything.

Caitlin pulled Cody's other hand out from under him and placed it in the warm water. "I hope he doesn't wake up," Ariel whispered.

"Are you kidding?" Caitlin replied. "He sleeps through everything." She peeled Cody's sheets back so they could see if he started to wet.

"Nothing's happening," Ariel commented.

"Give it a few minutes." They sat there patiently until Caitlin tested the water with her finger. "It's starting to get cold," she reported, disappointed.

Ariel stood up, a bit relieved. "Well, we tried. Let's go back to bed now!"

"Wait!" Caitlin had a mischievous look on her face. "Cody doesn't have to wet his bed. We can wet it for him."

"What?"

Caitlin smiled and started to pour a little bit of the water onto the sheet surrounding Cody's body. "See, if we just pour the water on the sheet, he'll still wake up in a wet bed, with wet, clingy pajamas and think he wet his bed. He'll never know the difference."

"Caitlin, please, let's just forget this and go back to bed before we get into trouble," Ariel pleaded.

"You can go back to bed. I'm going to give Cody what he deserves." Ariel stood there silently as Caitlin emptied the rest of the bowl onto Cody's bed and body. "Boy, he really sleeps like a rock. I wonder if he's dreaming that he's peeing?" They giggled. "Did you ever have dreams like that, Ariel?"

"A couple of times," Ariel replied as they walked back to Caitlin's room. "One time I dreamed that I was at the beach, swimming in the ocean, and I had to pee so I just did it right there. Then when I woke up, the bed was all wet!"

Caitlin laughed. "Once I dreamed I was walking home from the playground and it started pouring, and I had to pee, and I figured since I was already wet, I might as well just do it there. Only I didn't understand why only my legs felt wet!"

They talked until they fell asleep, and Ariel had almost forgotten about what they'd done to Cody, until the next morning when she and Caitlin were awakened by Cody yelling "Mommy! Mommy, come quick!"

"This is it," Caitlin whispered. "Come on, let's go watch."

They snuck over to Cody's room and peeked in through the door. They saw Jenny peeling back the covers to reveal the spot on the bed. "Oh, Cody," she sighed.

"I didn't mean to," Cody whined.

"I didn't mean to," Caitlin mocked, mimicking Cody's tone. She was speaking quietly, for Caitlin, but she had a tendency to be naturally loud, and Jenny glanced up at the door. Caitlin quickly stepped away from the door, but not quickly enough.

"Just a second, Cody," Jenny said. "Caitlin! Ariel! Please come here, now."

They walked in. "Oh, wow, Cody wet his bed," Caitlin said sweetly. "I guess he's not the big boy he thought he was."

Jenny frowned. "There's just one problem with that, Caitlin. Cody's sheet doesn't smell like urine. Ariel, would you like to tell me what you know about this?" she asked, purposely picking on the child she knew was a bad liar.

"I guess Cody wet his bed?" Ariel said weakly.

"You guess. What did you and Caitlin have to do with this?"

"Umm..."

"Ariel, tell me the truth."

"He was teasing us last night. He called us babies. We just wanted to teach him a lesson," Ariel almost whispered. Caitlin groaned.

"Mom, we didn't have anything to do with this," she insisted.

"Excuse me, Caitlin. I believe I was talking to Ariel. If I want your input, I'll ask for it. Now, Ariel. How exactly did you guys intend to teach Cody this lesson?"

"We were going to stick his hand in warm water to make him wet the bed, only it didn't work, so Caitlin poured the water onto his bed to just make it look like he'd wet the bed."

"I see," Jenny sighed. "I think both of you owe Cody an apology. Especially you, Caitlin! We're going to talk more about this later."

"I'm sorry, Cody," Ariel said sincerely.

"Sorry," Caitlin muttered.

"And Cody, you owe them an apology, too. You know better than to tease anyone, especially when it could hurt someone else's feelings."

"I sorry, Caitlin and Ariel."

"Can we have breakfast now?" Caitlin asked.

"No, not yet, Caitlin. You and Ariel still have something to do, and I bet you can guess what it is."

Caitlin sighed. "Mom! You're not going to make us change the sheets, are you?"

"Of course," Jenny replied. "I want you two to strip Cody's bed, put his sheets and pajamas in the dryer, and while they're drying, you can eat breakfast and get dressed. Open a window and turn on the fan, and hopefully his bed will be dry before he goes to bed tonight, and you can put the sheets back on by yourself, Caitlin. If his mattress is still wet by bedtime, he can sleep in your room."

"Boy," Caitlin snorted after Jenny'd left the room. "If you'd only kept your big mouth shut, we wouldn't have to change his bed."

"I couldn't lie to your mother!"

"Why not?"

"Because it's wrong to lie to people you love," Ariel said, reciting what she'd always been told.

"Hmmph." Caitlin continued to pout as she ripped the sheets off the bed.

They put the stuff in the dryer, and sat down to breakfast. "When's Mommy going to come over?" Ariel asked Jenny.

"I don't know, sweetheart, I haven't talked to her today. She's probably sleeping in," Jenny said.

"I betcha I know what she's really doing," Caitlin announced when Jenny left the room.

"What?" Ariel inquired.

"Having sex with Ryan."

Ariel choked on her cereal. "That's gross, Caitlin! What makes you think that?"

"Oh, Ariel. Don't you watch TV?"

"Yeah, but I've never seen anything about sex."

"That's right, you don't have a TV in your bedroom. Sometimes I turn it on really late when Mom thinks I'm asleep, and you can learn a lot from what's on TV late at night," Caitlin said, pleased with herself. "That's what grown-ups do when they get together, Ariel. Especially when they send their kids away for the whole night. They have sex."

"No way," Ariel said, shaking her head. "My mom would never do that!"

"Oh yeah? How do you think you got here?"

Ariel had been told several times how babies were made, but she had never put two and two together. "Ugh!"

"Maybe your mommy will get pregnant again, and you'll have a little brother or sister, just like me!" Caitlin seemed happy with this idea.

Jenny came back into the kitchen, and Caitlin stopped talking. "Ariel, I just got off the phone with your mom. She said she'll be here soon to come pick you up."

"Okay."

Ariel and Caitlin went out to the backyard to play on the swing-set, and Jenny started cleaning up breakfast. A few minutes later, her younger cousin dashed in, breathless, looking happier than Jenny'd ever seen her.

"I guess you had a good night," she commented. Jessica flushed and held out her left hand. A ring twinkled on her ring finger.

"Oh my god. Jess, he didn't."

Jessica laughed. She was so excited, she was jumping up and down like a little kid. "He did. I was so happy. I can't believe it."

"Did he get down on one knee?"

"Of course not. You know Ryan. He took me out to dinner, slid the box across the table while we were waiting for our food, slid the ring onto my finger, looked down, turned beet red and mumbled "Jessica, will you marry me?"

"What did you do?"

"What do you think? I started crying, of course. And then I said yes. We're not rushing into it, though. The wedding's going to be in September or October."

"I'm so happy for you!" Jenny gave Jessica a hug. "Ryan's a great guy. You two were made for each other. What are you going to tell Ariel?"

"I don't know. I'm nervous about how she's going to react. I mean, she seems to like Ryan, but it's a lot for her to adjust to."

Just then, the back door opened and Ariel and Caitlin came in. "Hi, Mommy!" Ariel said cheerfully, running into her mother's arms.

"Hi, sweetie! Did you have a good time?"

"Yep! Did you?"

"Oh, yes." Jessica sat down and put Ariel on her lap. "Sweetie, I have something to tell you."

"What?" Ariel asked eagerly. Something was different. Her mother's hands. Jessica was twisting a ring around her finger. A new ring, one Ariel'd never seen before.

"Ooh, I like your new ring, Mommy. It's pretty. Did Ryan give it to you for your birthday?"

"Well, yes, honey." Jessica took a deep breath. "You like Ryan, don't you Ariel?"

"Yes, he's nice," Ariel replied promptly.

"I'm glad you think that. I think so too. In fact, I love him." Ariel looked up in surprise. "Ryan proposed to me, sweetie, last night. And I think he's a wonderful man and will make a wonderful husband...and a wonderful father for you. We're getting married in the fall."

Ariel got off her mother's lap slowly. She stared at her mother in disbelief. "No," she whispered.

"Yes, we are."

Suddenly something inside Ariel exploded. "You told me you loved me more than anything in the world and that you would never let anyone hurt me again like Daddy did, but you really didn't care about me at all! You don't care how I feel! You said I'd always be your baby but I'm not your baby anymore and you don't love me! Well, I don't love you either! I hate you!" She flung herself at her mother, punching and kicking as hard as she could, determined to make her mother hurt as much as she was.

"Ariel!" Jenny screamed, pulling her off and gripping her arm.

Ariel wrestled out of her grip. "I HATE YOU!" she screamed again at Jessica, then ran off to Caitlin's room in a fury, tears pouring from her eyes.

Jessica began to cry again, but this time her tears were not from happiness.

Chapter Thirty One

"Are you done with your dinner, Ariel?"

Ariel looked up from the food she'd barely touched and nodded briefly before looking down again. She refused to meet her mother's eyes.

"Fine," Jessica said, clearly annoyed. "Dammit, Ariel, will you please just talk to me? It's been four days since I told about Ryan and me. You're acting like a..." She started to say "spoiled brat" but stopped. If Ariel was a spoiled brat, it was Jessica's fault. "How am I supposed to know how you feel if you won't talk to me?"

Ariel stood up and walked into her room, closing the door behind her.

"Hey!" Jessica yelled. She opened the door and walked into Ariel's room. "Don't just walk away when I'm talking to you, young lady! There is no excuse for this behavior! You're being very selfish."

Ariel looked up but still wouldn't say anything. Her eyes filled with tears.

Jessica realized she was yelling and felt bad. She hated yelling at Ariel. "Your teacher called me today. She said you hadn't turned in any homework this week, you failed a math test on material you knew perfectly well, and you weren't doing much work in class either. Why?" She waited a moment and when Ariel failed to respond, Jessica pulled her close into a hug. "Honey..."

Ariel pulled away from the hug and lied down on her bed. She buried her face into her pillow.

Jessica sighed. "Okay. That went well. I'll be in the living room if and when you decide you want to talk. And I want to see your homework before you go to bed."

Ariel heard the door click shut and turned her head to the side. She stuck her thumb in her mouth. She wanted to tell her mom that she still loved her, that she hadn't really meant it when she said she hated her, and she wished she could just take back all the mean things she'd said on Sunday, and everything would be just like it was before. Except it would never be just like it was before, because her mom was marrying Ryan. And now that she'd thought about it, that really wouldn't be so bad either. Ryan had always been nice to her, and had even changed her diaper once, when Jessica had been on the phone with Aunt Elizabeth. He was pretty good for someone who'd never had kids, almost as good as her mom.

But she'd probably ruined everything. She was sure her mom had told Ryan what she'd said, and now he hated her too. They would probably still get married, and send her off to a boarding school, or maybe even off to live with her dad and Britney. Ariel shuddered. After she'd had her outburst on Sunday, she'd run off to Caitlin's room and Caitlin had tried to reassure her, told her that not all daddies were bad, hers wasn't, he bought her everything she wanted, and that her mom would still love her the same. Then her mom had come upstairs and coolly told her it was time to go. It looked like her mom had been crying too, there were tearstains on her face, but she wasn't crying anymore. Neither of them had said a word on the drive home, and when they'd gotten home, Ariel had sat at the kitchen table coloring like any other Sunday, and her mom had gone into her room and gotten on the phone. Ariel tried to listen and only heard snatches of phrases "just a phase...didn't mean what she said...likes you...give her time...she'll get over it." Ariel at this time had yelled "I will NOT get over it!" and her mom had gotten up and closed the door so Ariel couldn't hear anything more at all.

Jessica turned on her favorite CD and picked up the horror novel she was reading. It was good but she wasn't in the mood for a horror novel tonight. She wandered over to the bookshelf and scanned the titles before choosing Dibs in Search of Self. She'd read that in tenth grade, for psychology, and had been so impressed she'd bought her own copy. She'd always wanted to be a child psychologist, she still did, but didn't have the time or money to go back to school.

Now she flipped through the book, thinking that Ariel now reminded her a lot of Dibs at the beginning of the book - silent and withdrawn. And Dibs, she recalled, in therapy, had often sucked on a baby's bottle, just like Ariel enjoyed doing. Except since Sunday, Ariel had drunk from a regular glass at meals, and hadn't spilt anything. She was still in diapers, but didn't seem to enjoy them much anymore, of course, Ariel wasn't enjoying much of anything these days. Jessica'd actually called Ariel's doctor that morning and gotten the number of a good therapist, but hadn't called him yet. She wanted to give Ariel just a couple of more days, to see if she could get through to her.

Ariel came into the room then and switched on the TV. "Ariel, no TV until you've finished your homework."

"It's finished."

"Let me see it."

Ariel brought the work to her mother, and Jessica looked it over. "They must have changed the curriculum since I went to school. I never knew Bill Clinton was the first president of the United States. He must be pretty old by now." She frowned and picked up Ariel's math assignment. "If George has five oranges, and Anna has three, and they both eat two, how many oranges are left altogether? You wrote seventeen. Ariel, how long did you spend on your homework? Five minutes?"

Ariel scowled, refusing take her eyes away from the TV. Jessica handed her back the work. "I think you need to go back and look at this stuff again."

"No." Ariel stubbornly folded her arms across her chest. "I hate that stupid school stuff. I'm not doing any more."

"Fine. Then why don't you go get your bath and go ahead and get in bed. If you won't do your homework, then you can't watch TV," Jessica replied, just as stubbornly.

Ariel started to pout, then stood up. "Fine. But I'm doing it because I want to, not because you tell me to. I didn't want to watch TV anyway." She headed for her bedroom, and Jessica caught the door just before it was slammed in her face. She took Ariel's wet, messy diaper off her without a word.

"Let me know when you're done with your bath so I can put another diaper on you," she said, starting to lift Ariel down. Ariel wriggled free.

"I can get down myself. You don't have to carry me. I'm not a baby!" Ariel shrieked angrily. She ran for the bathroom.

Jessica took a deep breath and remembered all those parent-child interactions she'd seen in the grocery store over the years, where the kid was throwing a huge tantrum over something trivial, and the parent was screaming back at them. She'd always sworn she would never be like those parents, that her kid would be sweet and obedient, and if they weren't, she'd talk to them in a nice tone of voice instead of yelling, and suddenly she understood where the grocery-store parents were coming from.

Ariel spent all of five minutes in the bathtub and didn't say a word as she was being diapered. Then Jessica handed her her pajamas, saying "Here, big girl. Good night."

Ariel climbed into bed. She was exhausted, though she hadn't really done anything that day. She sucked her thumb for a few minutes, then reached under her bed and found her secret object, the pacifier she still had from Halloween. A couple of months earlier, her mom had caught her using it and told her it was okay if she wanted to play with it sometimes, and then she'd been more open about playing with it in front of her mom. But not anymore, she sulked. Her mom had to spoil everything by getting married. She cried herself to sleep.

Jessica thought she hadn't heard any sounds from Ariel's room in awhile. She opened the door a crack. Ariel was sleeping facing the door, with her pacifier in her mouth. Jessica smiled, she knew Ariel hadn't really wanted to give up her babyish ways. She walked to Ariel's bed and stood over it, watching her child sleep. Then she bent down and kissed Ariel's cheek gently and whispered "Night, honey. I love you" before leaving.

The phone rang. Jessica dove for it, hoping for Ryan. Instead, she heard Stephanie's strong southern accent saying "Jessica?"

Jessica rolled her eyes. "Hi, Stephanie."

"Well, you don't sound too thrilled to hear from me. Who were you expecting? Ryan? I heard the good news from Jennifer. Congratulations," Stephanie added, not sounding like she meant it.

"Thanks. We're really happy."

"I'm sure. You know, it would be nice to hear things like this directly from you, instead of Jenny."

"I'm sorry I haven't called earlier. I've been pretty busy."

"Yes, I expect so. How's Ariel taking this?"

"She's had some adjustment problems, but I'm sure she'll be fine."

"I hope so. She still in diapers?"

"Well, yes," Jessica admitted.

"Hmmph." There was a pause, then Stephanie said "Well, I guess it's hard for her, getting a new daddy. I hope you and Ryan aren't rushing into this. I hadn't heard anything about him until Thanksgiving. You're not pregnant, are you?"

"Of course not! Do you think that's the reason we're getting married? Do you think I'd only marry a guy because I was pregnant with his baby?"

"I didn't say that. Don't take it so personally," Stephanie sniffed.

"Sorry," Jessica muttered. "How are Greg and Danielle?"

Stephanie bitched for the next ten minutes about Greg, how all he did anymore was sit in front of the TV and drink, he was spending so much money on alcohol that Stephanie was probably going to have to get a job, which didn't surprise Jessica at all. Then she added something about how difficult it was going to be to work, raise a child, and keep the house looking decent, as if Jessica didn't already know.

Danielle, Stephanie complained, was getting on her nerves, she spent most of her time away from the house with her friends, and when she was home she stayed in her room with the door closed and locked. Stephanie suspected she was doing drugs, and she was considering searching her room. Jessica recalled what Danielle had done over Thanksgiving and thought that it probably wasn't drugs Danielle was doing, just diapers.

"Don't search her room," she protested. "At least not without talking to her first."

Jessica could almost see Stephanie raising her eyebrows. "Are you suggesting you know more about how to raise a twelve-year old than I do?"

"No. It's just I can tell you from my own experience that she'll trust you a lot more if you talk to her and try to find out what's going on, instead of searching her room."

"Hmmph."

Then Stephanie started talking about income taxes, which bored Jessica almost to tears. Suddenly she saw Ariel run out of her room and into the bathroom, and then Jessica heard her throwing up. "Oh, shit."

"What's the matter?"

"I'd better let you go. I think Ariel's sick."

"Hope it's not the flu."

"Me too," Jessica said grimly. "Bye."

She went into the bathroom, where she found Ariel crying, crumpled on the floor beside the toilet. Well, at least she'd thrown up in the toilet. "Oh, honey."

"I don't feel good," Ariel whimpered.

"I guess not. Here, drink this." Jessica handed Ariel a glass of water, which she pushed away.

"I don't want it. My tummy feels funny."

Jessica put her hand on Ariel's forehead; it felt like it was on fire. She fumbled around in the medicine cabinet for the thermometer. "Has anyone you know been sick?"

"Yeah. Monica had the flu last week."

"Wonderful. Here, stick this under your tongue." They waited until the thermometer beeped.

"101.3," Ariel read.

"Oh God. You're definitely sick, honey. Do you still feel like you're going to throw up?" Ariel shook her head. "Feel like going back to bed?"

"Can I get in your bed?"

Jessica sighed, then smiled. Ariel, in her illness, seemed to have forgotten how upset she was with her mom. It was almost worth her getting sick for that. "I suppose so. But if you feel like you're going to be sick again, please, please tell me, okay sweetie?" Ariel nodded. Jessica got Ariel's pillow and put it in her own bed, then carried Ariel into her room. She knew she needed to try to get Ariel's fever down, but how? Aside from a few minor colds and chicken pox, Ariel hadn't been sick since she was three.

Jessica gave Ariel a children's Motrin and read out loud to her for a half hour. Then she took her temperature again. It was down to 99. "Well, it's after ten o'clock. I'm going to bed now, sweetie. Do you need anything else? Do you need to be changed?"

"Yeah," Ariel replied quietly. When Jessica took off her diaper, she saw that Ariel's stomach was indeed upset and the diaper was close to leaking. "Oh shoot...honey, remember those plastic pants I got you last summer to wear over your diaper?"

"Yeah?"

"Would you mind wearing them tonight? I don't want your diaper to leak all over my bed."

Ariel smiled. "Yeah! I want to wear them, Mommy. I liked them. Jenny said when I wore them, I looked like a real little toddler."

"Yes, you do. You look very cute. You make an adorable baby, Ariel. Maybe I shouldn't say this, but I'm glad you enjoy acting like a baby sometimes. I didn't get to spend a whole lot of time with you when you were really a baby, and I feel like I'm making up for it now. Just don't forget that sometimes it's better to act like a big girl, okay? Like when you're in school."

"I know," Ariel said, and looked serious. "Mommy, when you and Ryan get married, is he going to make stop wearing my diapers?"

So that's what Ariel was upset over. "Of course not, honey. What made you think that?"

"I don't know. Daddy didn't like them very much."

"Look. After all the hell I went through with your father, do you think I'd be marrying a guy anything like him?"

"I guess not. But do you really think Ryan likes me?"

"He told me he thought of you as his own daughter," Jessica replied. She found Ariel's plastic pants in her dresser, and helped her into them. They were pink with kittens and puppies printed on them.

"Really?" Ariel said, reassured. Then she thought of something else. "Are you guys going to have another baby? Caitlin said you might."

"How would Caitlin know? She needs to learn to mind her own business. I don't know. We might. I'd like to have another child. But it won't be for awhile if we do. And it's not going to change how I feel about you. You'll always be my baby girl."

Ariel smiled. She was starting to get drowsy. "Mommy, I'm tired."

"Let's go to bed now, honey." Jessica led Ariel back to her bedroom and tucked her in. "Night, Ariel. Wake me up if you need anything."

"Night, Mama," Ariel murmured, already half asleep. Jessica soon fell asleep too.

The alarm clock buzzed bright and early at six the next morning. Jessica started to stumble out of bed for the shower, like she did every morning, but heard whimpering beside her and remembered Ariel was in her bed.

"How are you feeling this morning?"

"I hurt," Ariel complained.

"Where do you hurt, baby?"

"Everywhere. And I feel like I'm going to throw up." Ariel crawled out of bed and into the bathroom, where she was promptly sick in the toilet. She started to cry. Jessica gave her a hug and took her temperature again. It was 100.7.

"I'll call the doctor's office as soon as it opens, although if it's flu, he can't do much" she told Ariel. "For right now, let's get your diaper changed and maybe you can try some breakfast."

"I'm not hungry," Ariel protested.

"Some juice, then. You have to have something. You didn't eat much last night either."

Ariel's face twisted into a pout. "I'm cold, Mama."

Jessica found Ariel's old blanket in the linen closet and wrapped her in it. The blanket was printed with teddy bears and hearts, and Ariel immediately recognized it. There was a picture of her in the living room at age two, gripping the blanket in one hand and sucking the thumb of the other.

Jessica changed Ariel and got her a clean pair of plastic pants. Then she made her a breakfast of some dry toast and a glass of grape juice. "Can I have a bottle?" Ariel asked shyly.

"Oh, of course. I forgot." Jessica poured the juice into a bottle and handed it back to Ariel. Ariel picked at her toast and ate out the inside part, leaving the crust on the plate. Then she went and lay down on the couch, turning on the TV to Nick. Except for the throwing up part, this really isn't so bad, she thought as she stretched her legs out. She got to stay home from school, watch whatever she wanted on TV, spend the whole day with her mom and no one else (a rare occurrence) and of course she had an excuse to wear her plastic pants. She often wanted to wear them but didn't dare do more than try them on in front of her mirror. After all, she'd been caught wearing diapers and ended up wearing them to school, so if she was caught wearing plastic pants, would she have to wear them to school too?

Ariel drifted off back to sleep in front of the TV and was dimly aware, on some subconscious level, of her mom moving her into her bed. As soon as the clock hit eight, Jessica called Ariel's doctor.

"She's got a fever, she says she hurts everywhere, she's throwing up and has diarrhea. Plus, her best friend had flu last week," Jessica reported.

"Sounds like she definitely has it," Dr. Carter replied. "Make sure she drinks plenty of fluids, and if she hasn't been able to even keep down juice by tomorrow, call me back. There's no point in bringing her in now, since flu's a viral infection and there's nothing I can prescribe to cure it. But her records show that she's due for a physical in about two months. Would you like to schedule that now?"

"Oh. Okay, go ahead. Something in the early morning or late afternoon would be best," Jessica said, her heart pounding. What would happen when the doctor discovered Ariel was still in diapers?

An appointment was scheduled for early May, and Jessica hung up and called her office to say she wouldn't be coming in that day. Now what? For once, she actually had time to herself, at least until Ariel woke up.

She turned on MTV, hoping to catch the music videos she missed while she was usually at work. Of course, MTV wasn't playing anything in the form of music videos. Loveline was on, the MTV equivalent to Jerry Springer, where people called in with sex-related questions and some guy who actually claimed to be a doctor answered them on the spot. It could be pretty entertaining, so Jessica decided to watch while she flipped through the TV guide, looking for something better.

The next caller was a 26 year old from Oregon named Jeff. "Jeff, what is your question?" the doctor asked.

"Um, hi. For some reason, I get turned on by wearing disposable diapers during foreplay. Sometimes I actually pee in them and other times I just wear them. I also enjoy sucking my girlfriend's breasts, not in a sexual way, but like a baby breast-feeding."

Jessica covered her mouth with her hand in an attempt to keep from laughing out loud. The people on this show were just too weird. Who could actually go on national TV and admit to this stuff?

The doctor didn't bat an eye. "Uh-huh. And how does your girlfriend feel about this?"

"Well, she thinks it's really sexy and enjoys treating me like a baby. She gets into playing Mommy almost as much as I get into playing Baby. But I'm worried, man. Does this mean there's something wrong with me?"

"Jeff, this probably means that as a baby, you missed out on bonding with your parents, and now you're trying to make up for it with your girlfriend. It also might be your way of relieving stress. There's really nothing wrong with it, as long as it doesn't become an obsession."

Jessica frowned. She wondered if the same thing was true with Ariel. But how could it be? She and Ariel had bonded when Ariel was a baby. Maybe not as much as they should have. Ariel probably hadn't had enough parental attention in her childhood, she'd spent more of her waking hours during the week with a babysitter or in daycare than with Jessica. And her dad had split before she was two. But what was so unusual about that? Plenty of kids grew up with only one parent, and it certainly wasn't unusual for kids to be in daycare these days.

There was a thump in Ariel's room, and then Ariel started to sob. Jessica rushed in to check on her. Ariel was lying on the floor beside her bed, tangled in her blanket. "What happened, sweetie? Did you fall out of bed?"

Ariel nodded, looking dazed. "I had this dream that there was something coming after me. I don't know what it was, but it was huge, I could hear it thumping around. I was outside in this field and I was running from it and suddenly I ran over the side of this mountain and fell down to the bottom and that was when I woke up. And now my head hurts. And so does my throat."

"Poor baby," Jessica said sympathetically, taking Ariel in her arms. "That sounds more like a nightmare. You've never fallen out of bed before. And you don't usually have nightmares."

"It was chasing me, Mommy! It was big and awful and it wanted to kill me!" Ariel's eyes filled with tears again.

"You know dreams aren't real. There's nothing out there trying to hurt you. It's just something your mind made up." Jessica tried to reassure Ariel, who was holding on to her tightly and trembling. "Come on and watch some TV with me, okay? It's okay. It was just a nightmare." Ariel stuck her thumb into her mouth and followed her mother into the living room, still clutching the blanket tightly.

"Let's pick out a movie to watch, shall we?" Jessica said in a singsong voice, not aware that she was talking like she would to a toddler. "You haven't watched Rugrats in awhile. Want to watch Chuckie and Tommy?" Ariel nodded.

There was a time when Ariel watched the Rugrats movie every other day, and Jessica had the corny songs memorized. She tried to cheer Ariel up by singing along until Ariel smiled and even sung a little herself.

"I'm hungwy." Ariel didn't even notice how she was talking, and Jessica thought it was so cute, she didn't correct her. "Can I have something besides toast?"

"I don't know. You don't want anything that's going to make your stomach upset again, and you said your throat hurt. Maybe we can find something that won't make your throat hurt worse." Jessica dug through the cabinets. "Hey! Look what I found." She held up a jar of Gerber baby food, applesauce.

"Ooooh! I want that," Ariel said eagerly. She was starting to feel better.

Jessica did airplane with the spoon and landed it in Ariel's mouth, which made Ariel laugh and some of the food dripped out of her mouth, down her chin and onto her clothes. "Oops."

"Silly girl!" Jessica smiled as she wiped the food off Ariel's chin with a napkin. "Aren't you a little old to be spilling food on your clothes like a baby?"

"No! Me only two," Ariel replied, giggling like a toddler.

"Only two, huh? Well, I think this two-year-old needs a bib."

"I want my Elmo one!"

"Your Elmo bib? You actually remember that?"

"Yeah. What happened to it? You hid it someplace and now I can't find it! I miss it."

"I'm sorry. I didn't know you even remembered it. I think I know where it is." Jessica retreated to her bedroom and returned a few minutes later carrying Ariel's Elmo bib. She tied it around Ariel's neck, saying "Now my messy little baby won't get any food on herself."

"Me likes my Elmo bib," Ariel babbled. "Me wants something to drink."

Jessica got Ariel a bottle of juice. Ariel looked at it, wrinkled her nose and threw it down. "Ariel!" Jessica scolded, picking it up. "Bad baby."

"Me want soda!"

"Little babies don't drink soda."

Suddenly Ariel was seven years old again. "Please, Mom? I never get soda!"

"Well, I guess it might help settle your stomach..." Jessica reluctantly got Ariel a bottle of Coke.

"Thanks, Mom!" Ariel beamed. "Will you airplane feed me the rest of the baby food? Please?"

"Oh, I suppose so." Jessica fed Ariel the rest of the baby food and then wiped off her face, again, and took her bib off her. Ariel finished watching Rugrats, then watched cartoons for a while.

"Mommy? Will you read me a story?"

"Of course." Jessica picked out a story and began to read but Ariel fell asleep halfway into it. Jessica put the book down. Apparently all Ariel really needed was some rest.

She did some housework while Ariel slept and then read some. She was startled suddenly by the doorbell ringing. Ariel stirred but didn't wake up.

Jessica opened the door and recognized Nicole and Miranda. "Hi," she said pleasantly. "Do you need something?"

"I'm in Ariel's class at school," Nicole said, "and Ms. Felton asked me to give her this stuff, since she was absent today." She handed Jessica a few worksheets. "It's the stuff we did in class today, and tonight's homework."

"Oh, okay. That's very nice of you to drop this stuff off. Thank you. Ariel's got the flu and she'll probably be home tomorrow, too, but she'll definitely be back on Monday."

Nicole nodded. "Tell her I hope she feels better soon," she said, almost shyly. She looked up at her sister hesitantly.

"Ask her!" Miranda hissed.

"You ask her!" Nicole replied.

"Did you want something?" Jessica asked. She remembered Ariel complaining about how mean Nicole was and thought that Nicole certainly didn't seem mean now. She seemed like an awkward, nervous little girl.

"Could we use your phone?" Miranda asked.

"Sure. Come on in." Jessica handed Miranda the phone. The disturbance woke Ariel up.

"What's going on?" she mumbled.

"Ariel, Nicole brought your schoolwork over for you. Wasn't that nice of her?" Jessica prompted.

"Thanks, Nicole," Ariel said, puzzled. She wasn't used to waking up and finding her worst enemy and her worst enemy's sister in the same room with her.

"But Mom!" Miranda whined into the phone. "We don't have anywhere to go. It's raining!"

"Are you guys okay?" Jessica asked Nicole.

"Miranda lost her keys," Nicole replied unhappily. "So we can't get into our house."

Miranda turned off the phone and handed it back to Nicole. "Mom won't come. And she said not to bother Dad at work. You know he wouldn't come anyway."

"You know, you guys can stay here for the afternoon until your parents get home," Jessica offered.

"Oh, that's okay. We'll be fine," Miranda said quickly.

"Are you sure? It's no trouble."

"Really, it's okay. We'll get into trouble. We're not even supposed to be over here now."

"Okay," Jessica said doubtfully. "You're going to get soaked waiting outside."

"That's all right." Miranda suddenly seemed anxious to leave. She grabbed her sister's wrist and almost pulled her out the door.

Ariel suddenly thought of something. "Hey. Nicole, was Daniel in school today?"

Nicole shrugged, unconcerned about Daniel's whereabouts. "I dunno. I didn't see him, but I wasn't looking for him." She and her sister left.

"He hasn't been in school all this week or last week either," Ariel told her mother. "Nobody knows where he is."

"I'm sure he's just sick, honey. He probably has the flu, just like you."

"Maybe," Ariel said. Daniel had been frequently absent since the beginning of the year, but he'd never missed two weeks at a time before. She couldn't shake the feeling that something was horribly wrong with Daniel, and that he might not be coming back to school at all.

Chapter Thirty Two

It was a bright, sunny spring day, the last Saturday in March. Some years, Virginia Beach seemed to go straight from fall to spring, skipping winter altogether, but this year had brought one snowfall after another, which were all heavy enough to be categorized as "blizzards." In Virginia Beach, a blizzard generally meant anytime that they got two inches of snow or more, and it stuck to the roads, causing school to be canceled.

But now the weather was in the eighties, and everyone was out enjoying it, including the two little girls sitting on the curb of the parking lot of a group of apartments.

"It was nice of your mom to buy us ice cream," Monica said, catching the last drop of melted chocolate with her tongue and burying the stick in the dirt. She wiped her hands off on her shorts.

"Yeah," Ariel agreed. "Hey, want to go get our bikes and ride around some?"

Before Monica could answer, Jessica came rushing out of the house. "You have a phone call, Ariel. Oh, and Monica, your mom called about five minutes ago and said you need to be home for lunch in about twenty minutes. Don't tell her I bought you ice cream, okay?"

"Okay," Monica agreed.

"Oh, Ariel," Jessica lamented. "You got ice cream all over yourself. Wash your face and hands before you pick up the phone."

Ariel rinsed her hands and face off at the kitchen sink. She hadn't even noticed when she was eating that she was getting ice cream everywhere.

"Hello?" she said, picking up the phone.

"Hi, Ariel. This is Daniel."

"Daniel!?" Ariel hadn't seen Daniel in over a month. Mrs. Jennings, the nurse at school, had told her that Daniel had been transferred to another school, but she didn't know which one or why, and when Ariel had called his house, she had received a message that the phone had been disconnected. But she'd refused to accept that she'd lost a friend forever. "Where are you?"

Daniel sounded like he might be crying. "My sister got sick, and she couldn't take care of me anymore. She just had a cold, but then one morning she felt so awful she couldn't take care of me. I tried to take care of her for a couple of days, really I did, but the school kept calling there to see why I wasn't in school, and when I didn't answer the phone, they sent a social worker over to check on me. She said my sister was too sick to take care of me, so I had to go live with someone else. She's in the hospital. They won't let me see her. They put me in a foster home, and I don't know the people I'm living with. They don't talk to me. And I don't go to Ocean Lakes Elementary anymore. I go to Lynnhaven Elementary and the kids there are all really mean. Last week, they held me down on the playground and one kid took my poopy diaper off in front of everyone. They beat me up every day. I told my teacher about it, but they all denied it and she believed them. They're a lot meaner than the kids at Ocean Lakes. I hate it here. I want to go home, but nobody will let me until my sister's out of the hospital. They won't let me talk to her. I think...I think she's dead and they didn't tell me."

Ariel felt like she'd been punched in the stomach. All she could think of to say was "I think if she's dead, they would've told you."

"I don't know. Nobody tells me anything."

"I miss you," Ariel said. "Recess isn't any fun without you around. Do you think maybe I could come visit you some weekend? Or you could come over here?"

"I don't think so, unless your mommy could come pick me up. I'm not supposed to make any trouble for the people I'm living with."

"It sounds awful. Those foster parents sound mean. So do the kids at your school." Jessica was in the same room, doing taxes, and looked up curiously when Ariel mentioned foster parents.

In the background, Ariel heard someone yell "Daniel! Get the hell off that phone and get in here!"

"I have to go," Daniel whispered. "I'm not even supposed to be on the phone. But they're usually not home right after school. If I give you the number, will you call Monday?"

Ariel agreed to and he whispered out the number for her. She copied it down onto a sheet of paper. "Bye."

"Bye, Ariel. Talk to you on Monday." Daniel sounded just a little bit happier, but Ariel wasn't. She hung up the phone and stared off into space.

"What's going on?" Jessica asked.

"It's Daniel." Ariel proceeded to tell her mom everything Daniel had told her. Jessica listened, her eyes wide in horror and her hand over her mouth.

"That's awful! Poor Daniel. I hope his sister gets better soon."

"Mommy, can't we help him?" Ariel pleaded.

"How?"

"Can't he stay here with us?"

Jessica shook her head. "No, that just wouldn't work. It's not that simple. We don't have room for another person here, I can't afford to take care of Daniel for an extended period of time. And I'd have to talk to Jenny before I did anything, because he'd be at her house after school."

"But what if it was just for a couple of weeks? What if his sister gets better soon? We don't even know what's wrong with her. Maybe she'll be able to take him back soon."

"And I can't just take a child. I have to be licensed to be a foster parent, and the process could take months..." Jessica continued. Seeing the look on Ariel's face, she sighed and said "Although if his sister gave written permission, he could probably stay here until she's out of the hospital. I suppose I could just call Daniel's foster parents and talk to them and see if I could get the number of his social worker."

"YEAHHHH!" Ariel cheered.

"Hold on! I didn't promise anything yet. All I'm saying is that I'll call his foster parents and talk about it. I doubt if anything will come of it."

Ariel was barely listening. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" she cried, throwing her arms around her mother's neck. Jessica sighed and accepted the hug.

"Why don't you go back outside and play with Monica while I make some phone calls?" she suggested.

"Okay! Take all the time you need! I'll be home later." Ariel bounced back outside. "Guess what, Monica!"

"Umm...let me think. You're going to Disney World?" Monica replied.

"No."

"Your mom won the lottery?"

"No! Monica, it isn't anything like that. You know how Daniel hasn't been in school lately? Well, he just called and he's been living with a foster family because his sister's sick and he might get to come stay with me for a little while!" Ariel was so excited that she talked very fast.

"Oh." Monica said flatly. "Well, that's cool, I guess. For you."

"What do you mean? Don't you like Daniel?"

"He's okay, I guess. It's just, well he's such a baby! It's not just the diapers. He whines about everything! Like remember that time when we were playing four-square at recess and the ball bounced twice in his square, so he was out, and he started crying and told us we were lying about the rules?"

Ariel did remember, a little too well. "Yeah. But so he's a bad loser. Nobody's perfect."

"He sucks his thumb at school, too. Come on, Ariel, he's too old to be sucking his thumb. Only babies do that."

Ariel was starting to get defensive. "Oh yeah? Well, usually only babies pee while they're sleeping, but you do that, too, so what does that make you?"

Monica put her hands on her hips and glared at Ariel. "I don't anymore, Ariel, so you don't know it all, so there. I haven't done that in a month. And I couldn't help it when I did that. Daniel can't help it that he had accidents and had to wear diapers, and neither could you, but he can help sucking his thumb! And what about his room? He has a crib! I've never seen a six-year-old with a crib before. He says he enjoys it. You have to admit, Ariel, there is something wrong with him."

"There is not! It's not like he's hurting anything."

"Well, maybe if he knew that not everyone wants to play with a baby who still throws tantrums and sucks his thumb, he'd have more friends. Who wants to play with a baby who smells like poopy diapers all the time? He really gets on my nerves!"

Ariel was suddenly reminded of Nicole's taunts towards Daniel and thought that right now, Monica was acting a lot like Nicole. Without knowing it, Monica had insulted her as much as Daniel, since Ariel sucked her thumb, longed to sleep in a crib and loved being babied. Without thinking, Ariel reached out and shoved Monica as hard as she could.

Monica flew backwards and landed hard on the pavement. She stared up at Ariel in shock, and Ariel stared back, unable to believe what she'd done, but not really sorry. Then Monica started to cry. Big, wailing sobs that Ariel thought sounded worse than Daniel during one of his tantrums.

Jessica had the window open and heard Monica's sobs. She quickly told the person she was talking to she'd call back, then hung up and rushed outside. "Are you okay, Monica? What happened?" she asked, helping the little girl up.

"She pushed me!" Monica sobbed, pointing at Ariel.

Jessica glared at Ariel, who was close to tears herself. "Mom, you didn't hear what she said! She said..."

"Ariel Michelle Crawford, I don't care what she said! You know better than to push anyone! You're acting like a two-year-old! I want you to apologize to Monica, and then come on inside. I think you've played outside enough for today."

"Sorry, Monica," Ariel mumbled, not sorry at all. Monica gave her a nasty look.

"She really IS sorry," Jessica said grimly. "Or she's going to be. Come on, Ariel."

"You didn't even let me tell my side of it!" Ariel protested as they walked through the front door.

"I really don't think that's going to change my mind, but okay. What did Monica say that got you so upset?"

"She said that Daniel was too old to suck his thumb and cry all the time, and that he was nothing more than a big baby. She said he got on her nerves! So I had to push her, because I had to stand up for Daniel."

"Hmm." Jessica frowned. "Do you think maybe Monica hit a little too close to home?"

"Huh?"

"Maybe when she was insulting Daniel, she was also insulting you without realizing it, because you also like to do some of the baby things Daniel does. But Monica didn't know that. She wasn't trying to hurt your feelings."

"But she shouldn't have said any of that stuff at all! Why does everybody have to be mean to Daniel?"

"Ariel, she wasn't being mean, she was just stating her opinion. She has a right to do that, you know. Isn't it better that she say that stuff to you instead of telling Daniel to his face? Besides, it doesn't matter. You had no excuse to shove her."

"I wouldn't have done it if I'd known you had the window open," Ariel muttered.

"Well, if I ever find out you've shoved, hit, kicked or otherwise physically hurt someone, you're not going to be leaving your bedroom for a long time. I'm not going to tolerate you acting like a bully. Do you understand?"

"Yes, ma'am," Ariel muttered.

"You're just going to have to learn to get along with people. And while we're on the subject...so far, I have to make a few more phone calls, but it looks like Daniel's going to be staying here for a little while. Hold on," Jessica cautioned, seeing Ariel's growing excitement. "While we're on the subject of getting along...there's a few things you should know about Daniel. He's had kind of a rough life, to say the least."

"Why? What happened to him?"

Daniel's parents had divorced when he was just a baby, barely six months old, because his father was an alcoholic and could get very abusive towards his mother. His mother raised him through the age of three and then she got breast cancer very suddenly. She died only six months after she was diagnosed. His sister Erin, who was sixteen then and still living at home, watched him while their mother was in the hospital. Before his mother got sick, Daniel was an average three-year-old, meaning he was potty-trained and went to preschool and had lots of friends, just like Ariel at three. While she was sick, he slowly started regressing. He started having accidents again, and sucked his thumb almost all the time and cried whenever he was separated from her. Only Erin could console him.

While their mother was sick, their father had gone to AA and swore he was clean and ready to become a different man, and be a good father to his children. However, Erin still refused to live with him. So their mother had arranged things so that Daniel would live with his father after her death, and Erin would move in with friends.

Daniel's father had lied. After Daniel came to live with him, he started drinking again pretty soon after, and was very violent towards Daniel. His alcoholism made it impossible for him to hold down a job, so they both lived in poverty. Daniel became malnourished and underweight. Because of the abuse and neglect Daniel went through, he was very independent in some ways, and very dependent in others. He often was responsible for getting his own meals, and when he had an accident, which was very frequent, he washed his own clothes. But Erin used to take him to her house on weekends, despite their dad's protests, and Daniel would often spend virtually the whole weekend clinging to her leg, sucking his thumb. She also put him in diapers for these weekends, and he never complained.

Erin tried to get custody of Daniel, but the judge was blind to their father's abuse and was convinced that Daniel was better off with his father than someone under eighteen. When Erin turned eighteen, she went to court again and finally managed to get custody of Daniel. He was five then, and started kindergarten shortly afterwards, and Erin hoped that being around other kids all day would slowly make him "normal" again. But the other kids teased Daniel because he now had to wear diapers all the time, and he became even more withdrawn, causing him to regress more and more until at times he wasn't anything more than an infant.

"Daniel has some pretty serious emotional problems, Ariel," Jessica finished. Ariel was staring at the floor, tracing the carpet with her finger. She seemed unable to think of anything to say. "Erin's in the hospital because she has diabetes...do you know what that is?" Ariel shook her head. "It's a condition where her body doesn't digest sugar properly. She was taking medicine for it, but sometimes things can still go wrong, and she got sick last month and had to go into the hospital. They've been trying to figure out what went wrong and how they can prevent it from happening again, but it is taking awhile. She's supposed to be released next Tuesday. And she said she would be thrilled, and she's sure Daniel would too, if we could keep him until then."

Ariel smiled. "I knew she'd want him to live with us instead of those mean foster parents! Now Daniel can keep going to our school and we're going to have so much fun after school with Caitlin!"

Jessica shook her head. "I'm sure you guys will have some fun. But remember, Daniel's a very unhappy kid. Monica was right. There are some things wrong with him, and we can't do much about in the week he'll be staying with us. We're just going to have to be very nice to him. Ryan's going to spend some guys-only quality time with Daniel. And honey, I think it would be best, to set a good example for Daniel, if you acted like a big girl while he's here."

"You mean I can't wear diapers?"

"You can wear diapers. You've been in them for a year, and I really don't like to think about what would happen if you couldn't wear them. But drink out of a glass and no baby food, or baby talk."

Ariel thought about it, and decided those would be small sacrifices to have Daniel with them for a whole week. Besides, the diapers were the best part. "Okay," she agreed.

Jessica hesitated. "I have more bad news. Well, bad news for you. Good news for Daniel."

"What?"

"He and his sister have some relatives who live in New York and they are going to help them out financially, and also help Erin find a therapist for Daniel to talk to, so maybe he can work out his issues. They're going to move up there after she gets out of the hospital."

Ariel's eyes filled with tears. "Move? But I don't want Daniel to move! He's my best friend!"

Jessica pulled her into a hug. "Don't cry, honey. I know you and him are close. But he and his sister need some help and they can get it in New York, not here. And you two can keep in touch. You're getting pretty good at writing. Write him letters and e-mail. And you can call him occasionally, and maybe even visit someday."

"But it won't be the same!" Ariel sobbed.

Jessica tried to make her smile. "You want to hear a story? When I was about nine, I had to move to another foster home and leave behind my best friend. He lived next door, and we were a lot like you and Daniel. Well, except we didn't wear diapers. Anyway, the day I was leaving, he hung around watching my stuff get loaded into the car. We were both pretty depressed. When it was time for me to go, he said bye and kissed me on the lips. It was so sweet. And that was the last I remembered of him. Every time for the next few days when I got lonely, I thought about him kissing me good-bye and I wasn't lonely anymore. Memories last forever."

Ariel smiled a little. "Daniel kissed me at my birthday party. But it was a dare."

"See? You'll always remember that, and look back on how much fun you had with Daniel. And who knows? Maybe you guys will end up at the same college or something. You could end up marrying him."

"EWWWW!" Ariel screamed. "I don't want to marry him! I'm never getting married at all!"

Jessica laughed. "You'll feel differently someday. Come on. We have a lot to do to get ready for Daniel. He's coming tomorrow."

They borrowed a cot from Jenny and set it up in Ariel's bedroom, across the room from her bed. Jessica stocked up on Huggies, baby wipes and baby powder. Ariel cleaned up her room, a rare occasion that proved how much she wanted Daniel's visit with them to go smoothly.

Daniel arrived the next day, somewhat skinnier and paler than Ariel had remembered him. He was also even more withdrawn than before. At first he spoke only when spoken to and usually gave one-word answers, but as the week progressed, he became more open and even laughed out loud a few times, something Ariel had never seen him do before.

Nighttime was a different story. Daniel became quite lonely for his sister, and cried at night. Jessica spent an hour to two hours every night getting him to fall asleep. She rocked him, read to him, sung to him, and made him hot chocolate, but he still sobbed and clung to her. She had to stay in the room until he fell asleep from exhaustion, while Ariel watched from her bed, feeling a bit jealous. She hadn't realized quite how much attention Daniel was going to require.

On Saturday, Ryan took Daniel to a baseball game, the first of the season, and Jessica took Ariel to the movies. Daniel told Ariel later that she was getting a great daddy and he wished he was going to be around to spend more time with her, but that he was glad he still had two days left before he moved away.

Then Aunt Elizabeth broke her hip and everything fell apart.

Chapter Thirty Three

Aunt Elizabeth was old, sixty-one, and since the death of her husband ten years earlier, had taken to lying around the house and spending her husband's hefty life insurance that had been left to her on hand-held electronic card games, video rentals at Blockbuster, and potato chips. Occasionally, when she was feeling active, she would knit sweaters for her grandchildren or drive down to the church for their weekly Bingo sessions. She had never been a slim woman, but had put on weight in recent years and now weighed over two hundred pounds, despite constant nagging from her two daughters to join a fitness club and lose weight.

Although she spent little time in it, Elizabeth loved her yard. She hired a professional gardener to come every two weeks and cut the grass, rake leaves and trim her rosebushes and crepe myrtle trees. The first Saturday in April, which was ironically April Fool's Day, her gardener called to tell her he couldn't come that day. Disgusted with the ragged condition of the trees, Aunt Elizabeth dragged an old ladder and a pair of hedgeclippers from her garage. It was such effort for her that after she'd gotten the ladder out on Saturday, she was exhausted and had to leave it out there overnight so she could rest. Then, early Sunday morning, she headed out into her yard and climbed up onto the ladder to trim a crepe myrtle tree. She was sweating by the time she got to the top of the ladder, and when she reached her arms out holding the hedgeclippers, she lost her balance and fell eight feet to the ground, twisting her right leg in the rungs as she did so.

She couldn't walk, and was in too much pain to try to crawl, so she might have laid there on the ground forever if Danielle hadn't been grounded for the weekend, and was forced by Stephanie to come over and help with the gardening. She found Aunt Elizabeth and called 911. An hour later, her X-rays proved that her right leg was indeed fractured and would probably take at least five months to completely heal, not good news for someone who was in poor physical condition anyway and lived on her own. Stephanie realized her mother would be relying on her heavily, and decided to see what she could do about making it so that Aunt Elizabeth could do as much for herself as possible. One of the first things she did was call Jenny.

Jenny felt somewhat guilty for being so far away, even though there was nothing she could've done to prevent the accident. She agreed to come down for awhile to visit her ailing mother and help Stephanie look into at-home care. Because she owned her own business and worked at home, she could be gone for as long as two months if needed, although it would most likely be only one month, but there was the question of what to do with the kids. Cody, who had just turned five the last week in March, would just get in the way in Georgia. Caitlin was old enough to help out, but couldn't miss school. Jessica bravely agreed to watch them for however long Jenny might be gone. This meant that until Tuesday night, when Erin would pick Daniel up, she would be preparing dinner and putting four kids to bed instead of the usual one.

"But I don't know what I'm going to do with them after school," she said on Sunday afternoon, as she helped Jenny pack. The kids were downstairs, watching Tarzan. "It's going to be hard to find a sitter for every afternoon on such short notice."

"There's no reason why they can't be left by themselves until you get home. They get home around three and you get home around five-thirty. It'll just be Caitlin and Ariel, since Cody's at preschool until you pick him up. Caitlin's almost nine, Ariel's seven, and they're both responsible, obedient kids when they have to be. They'll be fine."

"But what about Daniel?" Jessica asked quietly. "Do you think he can handle being without an adult even for a couple of hours? You know how he gets when he's upset."

Jenny was about to answer when Caitlin appeared in the doorway. "Mom? I need to be changed."

"Okay, sweetheart," Jenny replied. She led Caitlin to her bedroom and Caitlin got up onto her changing table. Jenny pulled her pants off and untaped her diaper. She began wiping her off.

Caitlin giggled. "That tickles, Mom."

Jenny began tickling her on the stomach. Caitlin laughed and squirmed. "Stop! Stop it, Mom."

"Sorry, hon." Jenny rubbed powder onto Caitlin's rear so she wouldn't get a rash. "I hope you'll be good while I'm gone and not give Jessica any trouble. You know she's taking on a lot, she's used to one kid, and Ariel's a lot quieter than you and Cody are. And Daniel too, he needs a lot of attention. But he's leaving Tuesday. You be nice to him, understand? I don't want to come home to find out you gave him a hard time."

"I know, Mom. I'm always nice to Daniel. I like him."

"Good. And don't boss Ariel and Daniel around after school just because you're older. You're not their babysitter."

"I KNOW, Mom," Caitlin said, rolling her eyes. "So when are you leaving, already?"

"Are you that anxious to get rid of me?"

"It's not that...we'll miss you, I guess. But Jessica lets us do whatever we want. Not Ariel, she's strict with Ariel, but me and Cody can get away with murder." Caitlin grinned.

"She doesn't let you get away with everything. She just likes to spoil you two, especially Cody because she doesn't have a son. And she figures when you two start to get on her nerves, she can send you home. I'm the same way with Ariel. But she's not going to be so lenient while I'm gone, and she's going to depend on you to help out...there you go." Jenny pulled the tabs on Caitlin's fresh diaper tight and helped her down. "I need to go finish packing."

Ten minutes later, Jenny was ready to leave and everyone helped her load her suitcases into her car. Cody was openly crying and Caitlin looked close to tears, although she tried to hide it. Jessica thought of a month with three kids, and felt like crying herself. Ariel was excited about living with her cousins for a month, and Daniel was a bit worried about not having any adults around after school.

"Will you call us every day, Mom?" Caitlin asked, wiping her eyes.

"I'll try," Jenny promised. "And I'll send you e-mail, too."

"I don't want you to leave," Cody sobbed, clinging to his mother's leg. "Can't I come with you?" Jenny patted Cody's head and looked at Jessica hopelessly.

Jessica tried to peel Cody off his mother's leg. "You don't want to go to Georgia, Cody. It's just going to be a bunch of adults running around and talking about grown-up stuff, you know how boring that can get. You'll have a lot more fun staying here with your sister and Ariel and me. You can keep going to preschool and now that it's getting dark later, we can go to the park after I pick you up from preschool."

"Really?" Cody sniffed.

"Really. And you'll have Ariel to play with all the time, as well as Caitlin." Ariel and Caitlin made faces at each other at the idea of playing with Cody all the time, and Jessica glared at them.

Jenny kissed her kids good-bye and drove off. Caitlin and Cody seemed to forget about missing her, and everything went smoothly until bedtime came. Everyone got a bath without too much fuss, although it seemed like more water got on the floor than in the bathtub. Ariel and Daniel went to bed easily enough. They were sharing the bed in the guest room, and Jessica plugged Caitlin's old night-light in so they wouldn't get scared. They seemed to see the whole situation as being an exciting adventure and had a hard time getting calmed down, but much to Jessica's surprise, there were no tears from Daniel. Caitlin and Cody were more difficult.

"Good night, honey," Jessica said, kissing Cody on the forehead. She started to leave.

"When's Mommy coming back?"

Jessica sat down on the edge of Cody's bed and smoothed his hair back. "Probably in a month or so. She told you that." Seeing Cody's confused look, she tried to explain. "That means you'll go to school twenty times, and have four weekends, before Mommy comes back."

"That's a long time," Cody said sadly. "Do you think maybe she won't come back?"

"Of course she'll come back, honey. She's your mommy, and she loves you very much. She wouldn't leave you." Cody thought this over for a minute.

"Are you ready to go to sleep now?" Cody nodded, still looking a little bit sad.

"Okay. Night-night. I'll see you in the morning." Jessica flicked the light off and headed out, leaving Cody's door open. Then she went to Caitlin's room. Caitlin was already in bed, wearing her pajamas and a clean diaper, and reading a book.

"Ready for bed, kiddo? Whatcha reading?"

Caitlin sat up and held out her book so Jessica could see the title. It was Where the Red Fern Grows. "Oh, I love that book. It's one of my favorites. Very sad, though."

Caitlin smiled. "I wish I had two coon hounds like Billy. I always wanted a dog." She paused for a moment, and added wistfully "If I had a dog to sleep with, I'd never get lonely."

"Do you miss your mom?" Jessica asked softly.

"I didn't say that!" Caitlin exclaimed, her voice cracking. There were tears in her eyes. "I'm not a baby like Cody!"

"Caitlin, you know, it's only normal if you do. It doesn't make you a wimp or a baby."

"Well, I don't miss her! She's always working when she's here anyway, so what difference does it make?" Caitlin lay back down and buried her face in her pillow.

"Then why are you crying?"

"I'm not crying. It's allergies. I want to go to sleep now."

"Okay," Jessica sighed. She turned out the light. "'Night. But if you do decide you want to talk, I'm here."

"Whatever. Goodnight."

Jessica stayed up awhile longer, cleaning up the kitchen and watching the eleven o'clock news. Then she went to bed. She was having some trouble getting to sleep herself. It was strange to be sleeping in someone else's bed. Not that the arrangement wasn't for the best; she and Jenny had agreed that there was not enough sleeping space for herself and four kids in her apartment. The kids would go to the apartment after school, though. But Jenny's bed was bigger than hers, the mattress was firmer, Jenny's bedroom was larger than hers, and the bed was in a different place. But strangest of all was the noises. How could a house be creaking so much when everyone in it was asleep? And how could wind make so much noise? Every little creak seemed magnified a hundred times. Jessica was starting to get nervous and felt stupid, being scared of wind.

She picked up a book sitting on Jenny's nightstand and tried to relax herself with that. It was horribly boring, and she had almost fallen asleep when suddenly the door creaked open and someone said "Jessica?" rather loudly, startling her. She gasped and jumped.

"Oh, sorry. Did we scare you?" Caitlin asked. She was standing in the doorway with Cody, holding his hand.

"Oh no, not at all," Jessica replied, taking a deep breath and trying to calm her pounding heart. "What are you two doing up? It's almost midnight. You're going to be tired tomorrow."

"Well, Cody got scared, so he came into my room and got in bed with me. He doesn't like to sleep by himself when Mom's not around. And there's no room for him in my bed, and there's tons of room in this bed. So I thought we'd just come in here and maybe he could sleep with you instead of me."

"Thanks, Caitlin. What's the matter, big guy?" Jessica held her arms out to Cody. He climbed up on the bed and got in her arms.

"I miss my mommy," he mumbled, sticking his thumb in his mouth.

"Do you want to sleep in here tonight?" Cody nodded and crawled over beside her. "Okay. Just for tonight." Caitlin continued to stand in the doorway. "You can go back to bed now, Caitlin."

"Do you think I could sleep with you, too?" Caitlin asked shyly.

Jessica smiled. "Climb on in. There's plenty of room. Your mother has a huge bed." Caitlin climbed in beside Cody, and they were both soon asleep. Jessica was almost asleep when she heard muffled sobbing.

"Oh, no," she mumbled, going over to Ariel and Daniel's room. Daniel was crying quietly while Ariel had a hand on his shoulder, trying to comfort him. "What's the matter, Daniel? Did you have a bad dream?"

He looked up and continued to cry. "He...he kept hitting Erin with a pan and he hit her in the head and she started bleeding and I tried to get him to stop and he hit me too."

"Who's 'he'?"

"My daddy," Daniel whispered.

How bitterly ironic, Jessica thought, that a man could do such awful things and still have a child refer to him as "Daddy." "You know that's all in the past. Your father's in prison. He's not going to do that anymore."

Daniel started crying harder. "I don't want to go back to sleep," he sobbed. "He only hurts us while I'm asleep. Don't let him hurt me." Then he said "Where's my sister? What did he do with her?"

It suddenly occurred to Jessica that Daniel seemed to really have no concept of the difference between reality and his dreams. He didn't seem to realize that what happened while he was asleep wasn't really happening at all. It scared her. "Daniel, you were dreaming, honey. Your father did not really hit you just now, or your sister. You're never going to see him again, I promise."

"He did hit us!" Daniel sobbed. "He hit me just now, right before I woke up and you came in."

"Daniel, your imagination made that up, maybe based on a memory you have from when you were younger, but not something that happened just now. Nightmares can seem very real, but they're not." Daniel still looked unconvinced. "Show me where he hit you."

Daniel held out his arm. Ariel watched, feeling a bit angry and jealous. Her mom hadn't even noticed how she had been trying to comfort Daniel. In fact, her mom had barely even looked at her.

"Does your arm hurt now?"

"No," Daniel whispered.

"And see, there's no cut or bruise on it. Nobody hit you," Jessica said. She did notice an old, faded, scar on his forearm. It was circular. Like the edge of a frying pan had struck it very hard. She shuddered.

"Do you want to sleep in my bed tonight? Cody and Caitlin are already in there, but there's plenty of room." Daniel nodded. He'd stopped crying.

"So I'm the only one who's not sleeping with you? But I'm your baby!" Ariel spoke up.

"You are, Ariel. You can sleep with me too, if you want. Before you guys go to bed, though, do either of you need to be changed?" Daniel was notorious for leaks, which was only partly his fault. His sister bought him generic diapers.

"No!" they both said.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes!" Ariel and Daniel ran into Jenny's bedroom and climbed in bed beside Cody and Caitlin, and quickly fell asleep. Jessica fell asleep shortly after.

* * *

"Are you sure you have the key?" Daniel asked worriedly as they climbed off the school bus the next afternoon.

"Yes, Daniel, for the millionth time, I have it!" Ariel replied, holding up the key her mom had given her.

"I don't get why your mom gave it to you to hold. I'm older. She should trust me more," Caitlin complained as Ariel unlocked the door.

"She said she thought you'd trade it for the new N Sync CD, the way you tried to sell Cody to get money for the new Backstreet Boys CD," Ariel retorted.

"That was last year," Caitlin said, turning red. "And I wouldn't have really let anyone buy him, anyway. I was just joking around."

"Didn't your mom say to call her first thing when we got home today?" Daniel asked as they set their stuff down in Ariel's room.

"Oh, yeah. Thanks for reminding me," Ariel said, picking up the phone and carefully dialing the number her mother had given her. She politely asked for Jessica Crawford when someone picked up the phone and a second later, her mom answered.

"Hi, honey. How was your day?"

"It was okay. Ms. Felton yelled at us and said we were behaving like preschoolers instead of rising second graders. She said once we got to second grade, the teachers weren't going to tolerate it, so we'd better shape up."

"What were you doing?"

"Nothing! She was teaching math, and it was really boring, so we started talking about other stuff. Eric drew a picture of this witch with wrinkles and warts, holding a math book, and wrote 'Ms. Felton' on top and passed it around, and she found it and didn't know who drew it, so she yelled at everyone. But I didn't do anything," Ariel said innocently.

"I'm sure. Well, I need to get back to work. Did you guys get changed before you left school?"

"Yes. But what if we get really wet? Or poop?"

"Then you can change yourself, I guess. But don't do it unless you have to, and make sure you pull the tabs tightly! Be good, and do your homework before you watch TV. You can play outside, but don't let any other kids in the house. I'll see you around six. Oh, and I'm going to be in meetings all afternoon, so don't call unless there's an emergency, k?"

"Okay. Bye, Mommy." Ariel hung up the phone and said to Caitlin and Daniel "Want to play outside?"

"Yeah!" Caitlin said eagerly. "Let's ride bikes. I've been wanting to do that all day. I can ride your new bike, Ariel, the blue one you got for Christmas, you can ride your old one, and maybe Eric will loan his to Daniel."

"Okay!" Ariel replied. The weather had been rather rainy lately and it was the first sunny afternoon in a week. She was looking forward to playing outside.

"Not okay," Daniel said. "I don't know how to ride a bike. I've never ridden one before."

"You can't ride a bike?" Caitlin repeated, horrified. "I thought everyone knew how to ride bikes. Don't worry. I'll teach you. Come on."

They went outside and got both of Ariel's bikes from the shed. She generously gave her bigger new one to Caitlin, and resigned herself to riding her old one for the afternoon. They had no trouble getting Eric to loan them his bike for Daniel to ride on, although he couldn't come outside to play because he had a sore throat. Then Caitlin helped Daniel onto the seat of the bike. He planted his feet firmly on the ground.

"I don't know about this," Daniel said nervously. "What if I fall?"

"Of course you're going to fall. Everyone falls. But it doesn't hurt that much," Caitlin said impatiently. "Come on, put your feet on the petals. I'll push you at first and then I'll let go and see if you can go on your own."

"What?! I don't like this. I don't like getting hurt. Can we do this on the grass?"

Caitlin groaned in disgust. "Look, do you want to learn or not? You can't ride a bike on grass. You're acting like a baby."

"I'm not a baby!" Daniel whined. He started to cry.

"Daniel, don't cry!" Ariel said, running over and hugging him. "I'll teach you how to ride. I won't make you do anything you don't want to do, okay? I'll hold onto the bike as long as you want me to."

"Okay," Daniel sniffed. "Go ahead and push me. Promise you won't let go?"

"I promise." Ariel leaned over Daniel and held onto the handlebars and pushed the bike while walking around. He began pedaling. Pushing him turned out to be harder work than she expected, and she was having a hard time keeping up.

"Are you ready for me to let go?"

"No! Not yet!"

Ariel sighed and pushed him around a few more minutes while Caitlin rode further up ahead.. "Daniel, I'm getting really tired. I think you should try this on your own. I think you're ready."

"Really? You don't think I'll fall?"

"Nope," Ariel replied. She knew secretly that it would probably take Daniel weeks to master bike-riding, that he would be better off starting with training wheels, and that if she let go now he would almost surely lose his balance. But he probably won't even get hurt, she thought. I fall off my bike all the time, and I never get hurt badly. He's just being a wimp.

"Okay," Daniel said bravely. "You can let go."

Ariel let go and watched Daniel pedal in a wobbly line down the street. He actually seemed to be doing quite well. As he gained confidence, he sped up.

"Good job, Daniel!" Ariel yelled. He turned to grin at her. Then she noticed he was heading straight for a parked car.

"Daniel!" she yelled. "You need to go to the left! Quick!"

Daniel turned back around and saw the car parked twenty feet directly in front of him. In his terror, he couldn't do anything except keep heading straight towards it. He hit it going full speed. He screamed, there was a crashing noise, then Ariel screamed, and then Daniel's sobs pierced the air.

Chapter Thirty Four

"Daniel!" Ariel yelled, running towards him. Caitlin had seen what happened and reached him before Ariel. Daniel was sitting up stiffly. He had scraped up the whole side of his right leg up to his knee, and his elbow was dripping blood onto the pavement, but there were no broken bones. Ariel helped Daniel up.

"Are you okay?" she asked. Daniel didn't answer, he was crying too hard.

"Oh, no," Ariel said, looking closely at the car. "Do you know whose car this is?"

"Who?" Caitlin asked.

"Mrs. Johnson. Monica's mom. If she saw Daniel crash into her car, we're all in really big trouble."

Caitlin looked at the car. "I don't think the car's damaged. Well...wait. Uh-oh." She and Ariel exchanged horrified looks. There was a small, dull grayish spot against the dark blue paint.

"Daniel, you chipped the paint!" Ariel screamed. In her terror, she was hardly aware of the hot, salty tears beginning to run down her face. "You chipped the paint on Mrs. Johnson's car! Do you know what she's gonna do to us if she finds out? Do you know what my mom's gonna do to me? We are in so much trouble! Why didn't you turn?"

"I'm sorry," Daniel whispered, looking down in shame.

"Let's forget about that for right now," Caitlin said. "If we get out of here fast, Mrs. Johnson might not ever know and then we won't have to tell your mom, either. Come on, let's hurry."

"I can't walk. My leg hurts."

"Daniel, it's not like you broke it. It's just a scrape," Caitlin said soothingly. "Ariel and I will clean it up when we get home."

"Besides," Ariel added. "It's your fault we're in this mess. Now you have to help us get out of it." She picked up Eric's bike, relieved to see there was no damage to it. "Come on."

They walked home slowly, Daniel whimpering "It hurts" with every step. Ariel and Caitlin led him to the bathroom and made him sit down on the toilet.

"You mad at me, Ariel?" Daniel asked, looking up at Ariel. His face was pale and blotchy. He'd stopped crying for the most part, but his eyes were still shiny with tears.

"I guess not," Ariel said grudgingly. She tried to remember what her mom usually did when she got hurt. First she usually washed the wound out, then she put some smelly stuff on it, and then a band-aid. Except in Daniel's case, they'd probably need more than one band-aid. "Here's a washcloth for you, Caitlin. You do the elbows, I'll get the leg."

"Ow!" Daniel screamed as Ariel washed off the scrape on his leg. "That really stings!"

"Well, what do you want me to do? There's dirt and all kinds of gross stuff in this thing," Ariel replied. She put down the washcloth and rubbed some Neosporin on the scrape. "There. It should be clean now. What kind of band-aids do you want? We have neon colors and Pokeman."

"Neon colors. I don't like Pokeman that much."

"Actually, don't you think gauze would be better for his leg?" Caitlin suggested. "Whenever I get a scrape that big, my mom usually wraps it in gauze."

"We don't have any," Ariel replied.

"We could call your mom and ask her to buy some on the way home."

Ariel shook her head. "She said not to call unless there was an emergency. Plus, we'll have to tell her why we need it, and how Daniel got hurt, and I'm not ready to tell her that yet. She'll be mad we let Daniel ride in the street, she'll be mad we didn't wear our helmets, she'll be mad I let go of Daniel, and she'll be totally furious that we messed up Monica's mom's car. I'm not telling her until I have to." She placed five neon band-aids on Daniel's leg.

"Can I go lie down?" he asked.

"Yeah, go ahead. You can even lie on my bed if you want to," Ariel volunteered. She was starting to feel guilty for letting Daniel fall in the first place.

Daniel fell asleep on Ariel's bed, and Caitlin and Ariel started their homework at the kitchen table. They worked quietly for about forty-five minutes until they heard Daniel start to cry.

Caitlin sighed. "I hate to say it, but you know what? I'll be glad when that kid goes home. I used to help my mom with my brother when he was an baby, and he never cried like that!"

"Do you think we should go see what's wrong?" Ariel asked. "Sometimes he falls out of bed. Maybe he's hurt."

Caitlin sighed and stood up. "I'll go, I'm sick of this stupid math anyway."

She entered Ariel's bedroom. Daniel was sitting up in bed, sobbing his eyes out for no apparent reason. "What's wrong?" Caitlin asked.

Daniel peered up at her. "Mama?" he whimpered, holding up his arms like he wanted to be picked up.

"Ha ha, very funny. I'm not your mom. You can walk."

"Mama?" Daniel repeated.

"Quit fooling around. Are you ready to get up? You'd better do your homework before Jessica gets home."

Daniel got out of bed and collapsed on the ground. Caitlin sniffed.

"Eww, you pooped your diaper! While you were sleeping! I've never done that before. That's gross!"

Daniel gave her a blank look, like he had no idea what she said. He began crawling, actually crawling on all fours, like a toddler. Something about the way he was acting frightened Caitlin. She backed away.

"Daniel...stop that. Stop acting like a baby. It's creeping me out."

Daniel acted like he hadn't even heard her. He crawled out the door, through the living room, and into the kitchen. Caitlin followed.

"Ariel, look at Daniel. He's acting weird."

Ariel smiled. "He's just crawling. He likes acting like a baby."

"I know, but...I don't think he's acting."

"What do you mean?"

"Just watch him for a minute."

Daniel had gone back into the living room and crawled over to the coffee table. He stared intently at a framed picture of Ariel and her mom, smiling at the faces. Then he picked up a cinnamon-scented candle and sniffed it. Grinning happily, he bit off the end.

”Hey!" Ariel yelled. "What are you doing?"

Daniel turned toward the harsh voice. The candle didn't taste as good as it smelled, and he spit it out and began to cry, partly because of the bitter taste in his mouth and partly because someone was frowning and yelling, and the loud noise scared him.

"What are you doing?" Ariel repeated.

"See what I mean?" Caitlin said. She had to almost yell to be heard over Daniel's sobs. "He doesn't seem to have any idea what he's doing. Why would Daniel eat a candle, even if he was pretending to be a baby? When Cody was a baby, we had to baby-proof the whole house and - augghh! Daniel!" Daniel had grabbed the cord of a lamp and was about to pull it off the table. Caitlin ran forward and pried his fingers lose from the cord.

"No, Daniel! We don't touch electrical cords! That's bad! Bad!" She shook her finger in front of his face. Daniel's face crumpled. He turned and crawled away.

"I'm sorry, Daniel," Caitlin said, wrapping her arms around him. "I didn't mean to yell. But if you grab the cord, you might get hurt, or you might break the lamp." She turned to Ariel. "He wouldn't have grabbed that cord if he was just acting like a baby. He's thinking like a one-year-old."

Ariel was terrified. She'd never heard of anyone doing this before. "What's wrong with him?"

Caitlin shook her head. "I dunno. I've never seen anyone like that before. But he sure is acting like he doesn't know what he's doing. He's acting just like Cody did when he was a baby."

"So what do we do with him?" Ariel asked helplessly. "I think we should call my mom at work and get her to come home. I don't care if we get into trouble anymore."

"No!" Caitlin said. "She said not to call unless there was an emergency. My mom says an emergency is if someone's hurt so badly they might die, or if there's a fire. We don't have either of those problems. We can handle Daniel for a couple of hours. And it'll impress your mom when she gets home. Make us seem more responsible. Maybe we can even get him back to normal."

"Well, how do we get him to stop crying?"

Caitlin wrinkled her nose. "Change his diaper. He stinks. I'd cry too if I smelled like that."

They tried to guide Daniel towards Ariel's bedroom and Caitlin lifted him onto the changing table. "Don't drop him!" Ariel cried.

"He's heavy!" Caitlin groaned. "He's a lot heavier than Cody was!"

"Of course he is! He's six years old!" Ariel unzipped Daniel's jeans and pulled them off, no easy task because he was kicking his legs. She was glad he'd taken his shoes off earlier. "Miss Know-It-All, since you helped with Cody so much, you want to clean him off?"

Caitlin glared at her. "Okay. But you're doing the next one!" She peeled the tabs back and the messy diaper lay in front of them.

"YUCK!" Ariel and Caitlin both started gagging and grabbed their noses. "How does my mom stand this?" Ariel groaned.

"Our diapers don't stink nearly as much!" Caitlin replied. She picked the messy diaper up by the tips of her forefingers and quickly dropped it into the diaper pale. Still holding her nose, she began to wipe Daniel off.

"Ariel, I don't know about this. I feel weird wiping him off. He's a boy. He's got different stuff than us, you know?"

"So? I thought you used to help change Cody. He's a boy too."

"Yes, but Cody's a lot younger than me." Caitlin continued to wipe Daniel off, not doing a very good job.

"Oh, let me do that!" Ariel shoved Caitlin out of the way and grabbed a clean baby wipe. She wiped Daniel off thoroughly, using several wipes. "See? It's no big deal. It's not even like he really knows what you're doing." That was true. Daniel was cooing and staring off at something else - Ariel's pacifier, over by her bed.

"Ariel, is that your pacifier that Daniel's looking at? I think he wants to borrow it." Caitlin began giggling. "Don't tell me you actually still suck a pacifier!"

Ariel blushed. "He's got one too. It's by his cot." Caitlin popped it in Daniel's mouth and he sucked it contently. Ariel got another Huggies on him, pulling it tight as best she could.

Caitlin lifted him off the changing table, and he crawled away. "Now what do we do with him? We have to keep him out of trouble. If only you guys had a playpen."

"Set him down in front of the TV and give him a book to look at," Ariel suggested. "Do you know what time Teletubbies comes on?"

"How would I know? I don't watch it," Caitlin retorted. "Pop in the Rugrats movie. He'll like that."

"Okay." Ariel put the movie in and led Daniel to the living room. "Watch the movie for awhile and be good, okay? Here." She handed him a paperback picture book. Daniel took it, examined it, grinned, and tore out several pages.

"No, Daniel!" Ariel yelled, grabbing the book. Daniel started to cry again. His wails filled the walls of the small apartment. Ariel felt like crying herself. She glanced over at Caitlin. Just then, the phone rang.

"I'll get it!" Ariel yelled. She grabbed the phone. "Hello?" she said, putting her finger in her other ear to try to block out Daniel's sobs.

"Hi, Ariel. This is Mrs. Johnson, from next door. Is everything all right there? Goodness, Monica and I have heard crying off and on for the last hour. It sounds like a baby. Your mother didn't go off and leave you guys alone with a baby, did she?" That was typical Mrs. Johnson, looking for any way to report Jessica to Social Services.

"No," Ariel lied. "We're watching TV."

"Well, for heaven's sake, turn the volume down!" Mrs. Johnson slammed down the phone.

"That was Mrs. Johnson. You know, the lady whose car we messed up. She told us to turn down our TV," Ariel said miserably.

"If only we could," Caitlin replied. "We have to shut him up, or else she might come over here to see what's really happening. Maybe we should try feeding him. Babies are always hungry."

"I think we have some baby food in the cabinet."

Caitlin gave Ariel a strange look. "Why do you guys have baby food?"

"Never mind." Ariel got the last jar down from the cabinet and found one of her bottles. Caitlin already knew about the bottles, and didn't comment. Ariel tried to fill the bottle with milk, and ended up spilling it all over the counter. "Oops."

"Don't worry about it." Caitlin grabbed the milk and filled the bottle up perfectly. "You can clean it up later. For now, we just have to keep Daniel happy. Now let's give him some food."

They found the baby spoon that Ariel also still used, and Caitlin somehow managed to get the first spoonful of peas and rice baby food into his mouth. Daniel rewarded her with a big smile, and most of it dripped out of his mouth, down his chin and onto his shirt.

"Don't give him that food on the carpet!" Ariel cried. "Take him into the kitchen and let him eat there."

Caitlin sighed but led Daniel into the kitchen and sat him down on the floor. "Don't ask me to get him to sit at the table." She tried to give Daniel another spoonful of food. This time he reached out and grabbed the spoon as she was guiding it to his mouth, and peas flew everywhere.

"Yuck! Daniel!" Caitlin tried one more spoonful. Daniel let her put it in his mouth, but as soon as the spoon was out, Daniel spat the green goo out too. It went into Caitlin's face and hair.

"Eww! Ariel, I don't think he likes this stuff. What else do you guys have?"

"I think there's ice cream in the freezer."

"Get that! Who doesn't like ice cream? Maybe we can have some too. All this nanny stuff is making me hungry. But don't you think we're doing a good job? He's not dead yet, at least."

"Yet?" Ariel repeated. She jerked open the freezer. The cold air was refreshing. She found a pint of Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia under some frozen vegetables, where her mother had unsuccessfully tried to hide it. "Here we go. You want some, Daniel?" Daniel might have lost most of his language, but he hadn't forgotten what an ice-cream carton looked like. He was bouncing up and down and cooing.

Caitlin set the carton down on the floor and fed Daniel a spoonful. He smiled and swallowed it. "He likes it, Ariel! As long as we keep giving him ice cream, maybe he'll be quiet." She fed Daniel five or six spoonfuls, and turned to smile at Ariel, who was watching quietly. While she had her back turned, Daniel, deciding that anything that tasted that good must feel good too, reached his hands into the container and grabbed a handful of ice cream. Caitlin turned back around in time to see him rubbing it between his hands.

"Oh, no! Daniel, look what you've done! It's all over your hands and legs. You're a mess! Ariel, think we ought to give him a bath?"

"You can give him a bath!" Ariel replied.

"No, I need your help. We make a good team, don't you think?" Caitlin smiled at her younger cousin, and Ariel felt an unexpected closeness to her she had never felt before.

"Okay, I'll help. I don't want him to get that all over the carpet." They filled the tub with lukewarm water and lifted Daniel in. It turned out that he loved baths, and was content to splash happily forever. Ariel and Caitlin were relaxing for a minute when Caitlin looked at her watch.

"Oh my gosh, Ariel, it's ten to six. Didn't your mom say she'd be home around six? And the kitchen is a mess!"

"Oh no, you're right!"

"Help me get Daniel out of the tub, and I'll get him dressed while you start cleaning up." Daniel was hard to get out of the tub, because he was slippery and waterlogged. Caitlin lifted him as high as she could over the edge, and handed him to Ariel, who set him down on the floor. She grabbed a towel, and turned towards him in time to see him crawl happily out the door, moving as fast as a person running.

His naked butt, dripping water on the carpet, was the site that greeted Jessica and Cody as they walked in the door, along with the broken candle, the torn book, the milk all over the counter, the forgotten bottle, the melting quart of Ben and Jerry's, the opened jar of Gerber's peas and rice, the kitchen floor with the melted ice cream and peas smeared all over, and Ariel and Caitlin, also dripping wet from Daniel's splashing (and Caitlin still had bits of peas in her hair), following sheepishly after Daniel. Jessica and Cody halted in their steps. For a moment, nobody said a word.

Jessica brushed her hair out of her face, as if hoping that might be messing up her vision, and rubbed her forehead. It had been a long day, and she was tired. "Cody, honey, why don't you go into my room and watch TV? This isn't going to be pretty."

"Okay," Cody grinned. "I'm glad I wasn't around to get blamed for this!" He ran into Jessica's room.

Jessica glanced down at Daniel. "Sweetie, if I want to look at a guy naked, I've got a fiancé who works out three times a week, and he's my age, too, so let's get a diaper on you, k?"

Daniel just grinned up at her and said "Hi" in a babyish voice.

Jessica grabbed a diaper from Ariel's room and put it on Daniel, too distracted to notice that he was earnestly communicating on a one-year-old level. "Now, girls," she began. "I'm just going to finish this quart of Cherry Garcia and prop my feet up on the couch while I watch you two clean up my kitchen and see what kind of excuses you can give me for why my house looks like a train ran through it. That puddle of water on the carpet tells me the bathroom can't look much better." Ariel and Caitlin exchanged looks. Daniel started to crawl off. "Daniel, why are you crawling? Stick around. I'm sure you're responsible for at least part of this."

"Oh, you have no idea," Caitlin muttered.

"What was that, Caitlin?"

"You have no idea what Daniel did."

"I'm sure I could take a few guesses. Hey!" Daniel had rediscovered the lamp cord. He turned and grinned at Jessica. She ran forward and grabbed him. "What's gotten into you? I'm not in the mood for this. And what happened to your leg and elbow? You guys have a lot of explaining to do. I leave you alone for three hours..."

"He's not going to answer you," Caitlin interrupted. "He has no idea what you're saying. He's a baby."

"Caitlin! That's not nice."

"No, Mom, she's serious," Ariel said. "Daniel isn't thinking like a six-year-old now. He's been like this for two hours. It was like taking care of a real toddler. Look at him." Daniel, tired from his bath, was lying on the floor, sucking his thumb and staring off into space, oblivious to the conversation around him.

"Daniel?" Jessica asked, her heart pounding. She walked over to the little boy and picked him up. He fussed a bit, but found comfort in the familiar shoulder and stuck his fingers in his mouth. "Daniel? Talk to me, honey." Daniel played with her hair a bit, but didn't answer. "Oh, no. Oh my god...oh, no. Oh, fuck."

Ariel and Caitlin looked at each other, shocked. "Wow, Mom!"

"You said the f word!" Caitlin cried, her worries forgotten for the moment. "I said that once and my mom washed my mouth out with soap!"

"Sorry," Jessica murmured. She took a deep breath and began to rock Daniel, hoping to get him to fall asleep. "I have no idea what happened this afternoon, but my guess is that it's been pretty rough. The house is still standing and Daniel seems happy, so I guess you guys did pretty well. Please tell me what happened."

"Well, we got home and we wanted to ride our bikes, and Daniel said he didn't know how to ride a bike, and Caitlin said she'd teach him. So we went outside and got my bike, and I let Caitlin ride my new one, and we borrowed Eric's for Daniel to ride."

"Did you remember your helmets, by any chance?"

"Uh, no."

Jessica sighed. "Something tells me I should take notes so I can remember later what to lecture you about. Go ahead."

"So I tried to teach Daniel how to ride, and I walked around pushing him, like you did when I first learned how to ride. And he was getting pretty good at it, so I let go. And he started riding on his own, and..."

"And?"

"Well, you know how Mrs. Johnson usually parks her car in the street?'

"Oh, no. Please don't tell me Daniel hit her car."

"Well, he did, but it wasn't that big of a deal, because only a little bit of the paint chipped."

"Only a little bit of the paint?!" Jessica stared at Ariel incredulously. "If you had to wreck someone else's car, why did it have to be the neighbor who already hates me? I thought I didn't have to worry about you wrecking any cars until you got your learner's permit."

"I didn't wreck it, Mom! Daniel did."

"Well, I'm responsible for him until his sister picks him up tomorrow morning, god only knows what I'm going to tell her, and you were involved in this incident. What did Mrs. Johnson say?"

"She didn't see it. We got out of there before she could see us around her car."

"Well, I hate to say it, but that was probably for the best. I'll have to call her later, though. It would be dishonest not to. I hope her insurance covers stuff like this, because I wasn't planning to add you onto mine for another eight or nine years, and I sure as hell don't have any money for a paint job." Caitlin and Ariel looked shocked again. "Sorry. So what you are saying is that you rode your bikes in the street, without helmets?"

Ariel looked down at the floor. "Yes," she whispered.

"How many times have I told you to wear your helmet even if you're just riding down the sidewalk? And how many times have I told you to keep out of the street? Do you know how dangerous that was? Suppose instead of Daniel hitting the parked car, a moving car had hit him? Or, god forbid, a van, or a garbage truck, or a tractor trailer? He'd have had a lot worse than a few scrapes. All of you could've been killed. How can I go off and trust you guys to stay here alone for a few hours when I have to worry you're going to get killed? I thought you were more responsible than that." Ariel's eyes filled with tears. "Well, let's go on. What happened next?"

"We got home, and Daniel was crying pretty hard, and, well, I guess we got a little impatient with him."

"You got impatient with him," Caitlin corrected. "I didn't say anything mean at all."

"Whatever. I mean, he was crying like he'd gotten hit by one of those tractor trailers you were talking about, instead of just scraped up. So I called him a baby." Ariel paused to wipe off the tears streaming down her face. "I guess that's why he's acting like this now. It was all my fault."

Jessica put an arm around Ariel. "No, not at all, honey. You shouldn't have called him a baby, but that didn't make him do this. I told you before, he's got a lot of problems, but none of them are your fault. After we get done talking, I'm going to have a long talk with his sister."

Ariel and Caitlin alternated telling about the rest of the afternoon, which didn't seem as serious, and even seemed kind of funny looking back on it. Then they cleaned up the kitchen while Jessica called Erin. Daniel had long since fallen asleep, and they put him to sleep in his cot.

"Well, I'm beat," Jessica announced. "What a day. Want to order pizza for dinner?"

"Yeah!" Ariel and Caitlin said. They were almost asleep by the time the pizza came, but woke up to eat.

"What'd Erin say?" Caitlin asked.

Jessica sighed. "She wasn't too surprised. She'd been expecting it. She thinks it'll get better when he sees her, but the poor kid really just needs a stable home environment. I'm glad he's moving to New York. I'll miss him and I know you will too, Ariel, but it's for the best."

"I hope so," Ariel said sadly. She had a hard time believing that. Jessica took the next day off to send Daniel home, and he was gone by the time Ariel and Caitlin got home from school. Ariel looked sadly at the empty space in her room where his stuff used to be, held onto her mom, and cried.

Chapter Thirty Five

Ariel heard the front door opening and handed Caitlin her Gameboy Color. "Here you go. Thanks for letting me borrow it." She shoved her math and spelling workbooks into her bookbag.

"No prob, Ariel. See you tomorrow."

"Bye." Ariel ran down the stairs and into the front room, where her mom was talking seriously with Jenny. "Hi, Mom!"

"Hey, kiddo! How was your day?"

"It was pretty good. I got an A on my math test."

"That's great! I'm very proud of you! That's my girl, a chip off the old block."

"Old block?" Ariel asked, thoroughly confused. "What does that mean?"

"It just means you take after me. Are you ready to go?"

"Yeah, I'm hungry. Can we have spaghetti for dinner?"

"Anything for my smart daughter. See you later, Jenny."

"Bye. Good luck at the doctor's tomorrow, Ariel."

"Doctor?" Ariel asked as they got in the car. "Why do I have to go see a doctor?"

"I told you last week, remember? You're having a physical. Actually, I've got some bad news. I wasn't able to get tomorrow morning off, so Ryan's going to take you. He has the day off."

"But I want you to take me!" Ariel whined.

"I'm sorry, honey, but I have to work. Besides, I thought you liked Ryan."

"I do, Mom. But I want you to be there. Especially if...last time I went the doctor made me take off all my clothes except for my underwear. Is he gonna say anything about my diapers?

"I don't know, honey. I hope not, but I told Ryan if he wanted to talk about it, to have him call me. Don't worry. I'm sure everything's going to be fine." Jessica tried to keep her tone reassuring, but she was nervous about the doctor's visit. She knew allowing Ariel to wear diapers could be seen as child abuse to some people. "Good news...your appointment is for nine fifteen so you'll get to miss a couple of hours of school."

Ariel grinned. "Goody! I'll get to miss math and social studies!" She relaxed. Maybe going to the doctor's wouldn't be that bad.

Ariel woke up the next morning to voices. She opened her bedroom door and started to go out into the living room, but stopped short. "Gross! Why do you guys always have to kiss?"

Jessica and Ryan pulled apart, embarrassed. "Because," Ryan replied. "Your mother is a beautiful woman and it's hard to resist her." Ariel rolled her eyes. Jessica blushed.

"Monica said one time when her daddy was on a business trip, she saw her mommy kissing a guy who wasn't her daddy. On the lips with their mouths open."

Jessica and Ryan exchanged looks. "Do you want cereal or eggs for breakfast, Ariel?" Jessica asked.

"Captain Crunch and toast, please. And Eric told me once that he woke up in the middle of the night and heard a lot of noise from his parents' room and he walked in and..."

"I think we're out of Captain Crunch. You'll have to eat Corn Flakes instead. Do you want butter on your toast?" Jessica interrupted.

"Mo-om, you know I hate butter. So anyway, Eric walked in and his mom and his dad were naked and his mom was kissing his dad but not on the lips or on the face or anywhere even near the face. Isn't that nasty? Why would anyone want to do that?"

"Grown-ups do strange things, honey. You'll find out when you get older. Why don't you go get dressed? I'll change you after breakfast."

"All right," Ariel replied, skipping back into her room. Jessica and Ryan looked at each other and burst out laughing.

"You know, when I was seven years old I don't even think I knew what sex was!" Ryan said.

"Me neither! That's pretty funny about Mrs. Johnson, though. I always thought there was something dysfunctional about her relationship with her husband. They barely ever speak to each other."

Ryan laughed. "You could always use that as blackmail. Did you ever speak to her about what Daniel did to her car?"

"Yes. She bitched in my ear for an hour, basically saying that Ariel, Caitlin and Daniel were all spoiled brats who would be holding up convenience stores and shooting their classmates in another ten years and that what Ariel really needed was a good, sound spanking. Then she finally called her insurance company, and they said they'd pay for the touch-up, so she called back, said Ariel was a sweet girl, and asked if she'd like to come to Monica's birthday sleepover. Which happens to be tonight, I almost forgot. Want to come over?"

"Sure, I'd love to. I have to be at work at seven tomorrow, though, so I can't stay too late. Dave Matthews tickets go on sale."

"That's right, I forgot. I guess that's the bad part about working at the Amphitheater. At least you can take a morning off when you need to. Thanks again for taking Ariel to the doctor. I owe you."

"You can pay me back tonight," Ryan replied, smiling. "By the way, did you call the church and reception hall?"

"Yep, yesterday. We're set for October 7th." Jessica grinned. "I'm already starting to get nervous. Not that I have any doubts, it's just...you know. My stomach already feels funny just thinking about it."

"Yeah, I know, I feel the same way. That's okay, though, less food we have to order. I think I've pretty much got my guest list together. How about you?"

"I think so. I'll have to send invitations out to my relatives in Georgia, I suppose. The only one who I really want at the wedding is Danielle, but it's not like I can just invite her. I mean, I love my relatives, really, it's just they're so much easier to love when they're five hundred miles away."

"I know what you mean. I know my four-year-old nephews are going to run up and down the aisles during the ceremony, and yell things about cooties when we kiss because they're identical twins and my brother can't even control one of them, and he's way too cheap to hire a babysitter."

"Who's way too cheap?" Ariel asked, wandering back into the living room. Her jeans were on but unzipped and she was naked from waist up and clutching her t-shirt in one hand.

"Just some grown-ups, honey. You're certainly nosy this morning. Did you forget how to dress yourself or were you just planning to go to school naked? Because I don't really have a problem with that but your teacher might and you know how those first-grade boys can be." Jessica reached over and started to zip up Ariel's jeans but she pulled away.

"I don't feel like wearing clothes today. It's too hot."

"My daughter, the nudist. You know you have to get dressed before your doctor's appointment. But you can hold off until then, I suppose. Wear shorts instead of jeans, it's supposed to get up to ninety-five today. Eat your breakfast. I have to finish getting ready for work."

Jessica went into her bedroom, and Ariel was left alone in the room with Ryan. She bit holes out of the center of her toast and held it up to her face like a mask, with her eyes in the holes. He laughed. "Are you finished with your toast?"

"Yes," Ariel replied, setting it back down on her plate. "I do that every morning. Sometimes Mom says money doesn't grow on trees but I know some food does so I don't understand that. Mom also likes to say I should think about the starving children in India, and I think that's stupid, because I can't mail my toast there, but I'd be happy to send them some of the other food we have around here. Like vegetables. We have too much green stuff in this house. Mom thinks if I don't eat at least one green vegetable every day, I'll die or something."

Ryan nodded. "Mothers are funny like that. You know what's weird? I hated green vegetables when I was a kid. Actually, I hated all vegetables. My mother made me eat them too. I couldn't have my dessert until I'd eaten them. But now I kind of like them."

"Really?" Ariel ran her spoon through the Corn Flakes. They were starting to get soggy. Yuck. "Maybe when you live with us you could eat mine for me? I could pass them to you under the table. Mom would never know."

Ryan laughed. "I think that's a good way to get your mom mad at both of us. But I tell you what, when she's not around we can eat all the ice cream and cookies and Captain Crunch you want, and she'll never know." Ariel giggled.

Jessica came back into the room and glanced at Ariel's full bowl of soggy cereal and mutilated toast. "Are you done with your breakfast?"

"Yes."

Jessica gave her a stern look. "Ariel, you know money doesn't grow on trees. Think about the starving children in India." Ariel and Ryan smiled at each other. "I need to get going so let's get you changed."

Ariel ran into her room and let her mom lift her onto the changing table. "Be a good girl for me at the doctor's, and don't give Ryan a hard time about anything, okay? It was very nice of him to offer to take you to the doctor's on his day off," Jessica said. "Don't try to talk him into letting you stay home from school for the rest of the day."

"Who, me?" Ariel asked innocently.

"Yeah, you. I know you better than you think I do. I know you don't want to admit it but in some ways, you're a lot like I was when I was your age and that's the same kind of thing I would've done. I know how much you love school. And while you're at the doctor's, just try to be as calm and truthful about your diapers as you can be. If he asks you any questions that you don't feel comfortable answering, then you don't have to. Ryan will be in there with you, and he knows almost as much about your diapers as I do."

"He does? What did you tell him? Did you tell him I like to act like a baby?"

"Not exactly, sweetie, but I told him about how you got into diapers, and I think he can tell just by looking around here that you like being a baby. I mean, you drank your juice out of a bottle this morning right in front of him." Ariel looked peeved. "Ryan doesn't mind, sweetie. He loves you."

"But what about Daddy? Does he love me?" Ariel asked.

Jessica was done changing Ariel's diaper by then and needed to leave for work but she lifted her down and sat down on the bed with her in her lap. "We've talked about this before, sweetie. Your daddy loves you very much." She realized she was trying to convince herself as much as Ariel. "But neither of us think it's a good idea if he sees you for awhile. We can't get along when we're together, and I don't want you around Brittany. I told him if he wants to see you he'll have to come here and leave Brittany in California. So it's up to him whether he sees you."

"Then why doesn't he?" Ariel asked. "Mommy..." She wrapped her arms around her mother and clung to her tightly. "Sometimes I think Ryan's more my daddy than Daddy is. I mean, he actually does stuff with me and Daddy never does and Daddy hasn't called me since my birthday."

"Well, I agree with you. But there's a lot of stuff you don't understand. You'll understand more when you get older."

"I want to know now!" Ariel replied. "How come you won't tell me?"

Jessica sighed. "Your dad just does not have it in him to think about anyone besides himself and what he wants, when it's convenient for him. That's why he doesn't have it in him to be a good father, because he can't think about your needs and never could. He's never bothered to get to know you well enough to realize how special you are. And I don't want him to see you until he can put you first, above himself."

"Oh," Ariel responded, looking sad. "I wish Ryan was my real daddy instead of him."

Jessica gave her a hug. "So do I, Ariel, more than anything in the world."

Ryan knocked on the door. "Hey, Jess? It's twenty to nine."

"Oh, shoot," Jessica said, standing up. "I gotta get going. Ariel, I'll see you after school, okay? I love you."

"Bye, Mommy. I love you too."

"And I will see you tonight." Jessica smiled at Ryan and kissed him quickly, despite Ariel's groans.

After she left, Ryan said "I guess we should get going in about ten minutes, so go ahead and get dressed."

Ariel pulled on her shorts and t-shirt and plopped in front of the TV. She and her mom had watched Grease the night before, and Ariel's favorite song was "Summer Nights." She rewound it so she could watch it again. Even though she didn't really understand what some of the lyrics meant, she knew every word and liked to sing and dance along. She got so into it she didn't even notice Ryan was watching her for a minute, and then spotted him out of the corner of her eye. Embarrassed, she stopped.

"You're a good dancer, Ariel," Ryan said, smiling. "Have you ever taken dance lessons?"

"No," Ariel replied. "Some of my friends do, and they showed me how to do some stuff."

Ryan nodded. "Well, you're very talented. But after the song is over, it'll be time to go."

Ariel finished the song, rewound the video, and they left. It was a fifteen-minute ride to the doctor's office, but to Ariel it felt like forever. She'd never been by herself with Ryan before. He seemed to feel almost as awkward as she did.

"Where do you work?" she asked, more to break the silence than because she was really curious.

"I work at the Virginia Beach Amphitheater," Ryan replied. "I sell the tickets, help set up before the shows, and work on advertising. It's a pretty cool job because I get to meet a lot of bands. Like her," he said, turning up the radio. The new Britney Spears song was on. "Well, sometimes you have to meet some pretty annoying people too."

Ariel giggled. "My cousin likes her, but I think she sings like she has a stuffy nose. But want to know a secret?"

"Okay..."

"Promise you won't tell Mom?"

"I cross my heart and hope to die."

"At my birthday party, my friend Daniel and I got dared to kiss each other during a Britney Spears song. It was Caitlin's idea."

"Wow. I never got to kiss any girls when I was seven. Do you like Daniel?"

"Yeah, he was one of my best friends, before he moved away," Ariel said quietly.

"No, I mean, did you have a crush on him?"

"Ew!" Ariel shook her head vigorously. "No!" But she was blushing bright red.

"Are you sure?" Ryan teased.

Ariel crossed her arms. "Daniel was too much of a baby for me."

Ryan nodded thoughtfully. "Oh, okay. I understand. You want a real man."

Ariel frowned. "I thought Eric liked me, but he asked Monica to be his girlfriend, and then he kissed her last Saturday right in front of me! I was so mad at both of them cause two weeks ago he told me he wanted to go out with me, and then he asked her out the next day! So me and Caitlin beat him up, and I didn't speak to Monica for two days. Then she broke up with him because he was flirting with Nicole, this really snobby girl in our neighborhood and she's in my class too. So now he and Nicole are going out, and he always said he hated her!"

"Maybe he's just trying to make you jealous."

"You think so?" Ariel asked eagerly. "Not that I care or anything."

Ryan smiled. "Us guys are too immature to come right out and tell a girl we like her. All we do is drop little hints and hope the girl gets the message. At least that's what your mom tells me." He pulled into the parking lot of the doctor's office.

"I don't like this," Ariel said nervously. "Can't we just drive home and tell Mom my physical went fine?"

Ryan parked and gave her a hug. "Come on now, physicals aren't that bad. All he's going to do is weigh you, record your height, and make sure your heart and blood pressure are fine."

"Am I going to have to get a shot?"

"Your mom said you didn't. You're up-to-date on all those for at least another year or two."

Ariel breathed a sigh of relief. She hated shots. The last time she'd had to get one, her mom and her doctor both said it wouldn't hurt that badly. The needle itself hadn't been too painful, but the next day she had hardly been able to move her arm.

They entered the office, and Ryan signed her in. Ariel sat down in a plastic, cracked vinyl chair and looked over the available newspapers, magazines and children's books. She barely even looked at The Wall Street Journal and Washington Post, decided the Ladies' Home Journal, Parenting Weekly and Newsweek looked boring, and turned up her nose at Clifford Goes to the Doctor. Didn't doctors realize that they needed to entertain people besides the parents and the really little kids?

Finally she was called back into an examination room. Ryan came with her. The nurse weighed her and measured her. "Wow, you've grown two and a half inches since we saw you seventeen months ago!" she said, smiling.

"I know," Ariel replied solemnly. "I got to get a bunch of new clothes for summer."

The nurse chuckled and said "Dr. Carter will be back in a minute. Go ahead and take off your shirt and shorts, please. For the examination, you'll need to be in just your underwear."

"Okay," Ariel said nervously. She didn't tell the nurse she didn't have underwear. She pulled off her clothes and sat nervously on the table. The doctor took forever. She and Ryan were chatting some more when suddenly the door swung open and Dr. Carter walked in. Ryan had to give him credit, if he was surprised to see Ariel in diapers, he didn't show it. He smiled and said "Hi, Ariel! How are you doing today?"

"Pretty good," Ariel replied shyly.

"Great! Goodness, you're certainly growing up fast. Seven and a half years old! Wow! What grade are you in?"

"First." Ariel relaxed a bit.

"I bet you're happy to get to miss school to come here, aren't you?" Ariel nodded. "Nobody minds missing school. Now I need you to take a deep breath..."

The rest of the exam went fine. Afterwards, Dr. Carter said "Well, Ariel, you're a very healthy young lady. I'd just like to talk to you very quickly. Would you mind stepping out into the waiting room?" he asked Ryan.

"No problem," Ryan replied. He left, and Dr. Carter sat down on a stool across from Ariel.

"I'm just a little concerned about a couple of things. Why are you wearing diapers? I have on my record that the last time you came here, you were having problems with bedwetting but were otherwise toilet-trained. And I believe I told your mom that if your bedwetting didn't improve by the time you were seven, or if she wanted to try some things to help improve it, to call, and she never called. What's up?" Ariel shrugged awkwardly. "Do you wet your pants if you don't wear diapers?"

"No," Ariel whispered. "Not usually."

"Not usually? Then why are you wearing diapers?"

"Mommy put me in pull-ups so I wouldn't wet my bed anymore. Then I started having accidents during the day, and she let me wear pull-ups to school. Then I didn't wet my pants anymore, but my cousin wore diapers cause she wet her bed like me, and she said diapers were a lot more comfortable than pull-ups. I thought they felt good too. Then my mommy caught me wearing diapers with her one day and asked if I wanted to wear them too, and I said yes."

"How long ago was this?"

"Last year. Over spring break last year, when I was in kindergarten."

"I see. That's fine, thank you, Ariel. Would you go get your daddy please? I'd like to talk to him now."

Ariel got up from the table, feeling like she'd done something wrong. At the door, she turned to Dr. Carter and said "He's not my REAL daddy" before leaving the room.

Ryan was in Dr. Carter's office for a few minutes. When he came out he was carrying a slip of paper folded in half. Ariel could tell there was writing on it, but she couldn't tell what it said. "What's that?"

"Nothing," Ryan said, quickly stuffing it into his pocket. "Just something for your mommy."

"Is it about me? Do I have to take medicine?"

"No, nothing like that. Just a number she has to call. Come on, you need to get to school."

They drove to school in silence. When they got there, Ariel suddenly gave Ryan a hug and said "Thanks for taking me to the doctor's, Ryan."

He grinned. "No problem, kiddo. I love spending time with you. But next

time let's do something more fun than going to the doctor's, okay? Maybe Sunday we can go to the movies or the playground."

Ariel's eyes lit up. "Okay!" she said happily. "Bye, Ryan."

Ryan drove home, whistling happily to himself. Ariel really was a cool little kid. He hoped he'd make a good dad. Ariel seemed to like him, though. She didn't act as awkward around him as she used to. He loved spending time with her and her mom. But he had to call Jessica as soon as he got home, and for once he wasn't looking forward to it.

He didn't have to call her. His phone was ringing as soon as he got home, and glancing at his answering machine, he could tell it wasn't the first time she'd tried to call. "How'd it go?" were the first words out of Jessica's mouth.

"Well, I have good news and bad news. Which do you want first?"

"Damn, I knew today was going to be a bad day. The bad, I guess."

"Dr. Carter wants Ariel to be evaluated by a psychologist. He gave me the number of some lady who's supposed to be excellent with kids. He says the diaper thing might be a sign of an emotional disorder."

"Oh, jeez."

"It gets worse. He says if you don't take her to a psychologist, he can report you to Social Services for child abuse."

"Child abuse! Doesn't Social Services have enough kids whose mommies and daddies starve them and rape them and lock them in closets without worrying about things like this? Shouldn't they be worrying more about the kids who bring guns to school and shoot their classmates? How the hell is putting my daughter back in diapers when she asked for it, and she enjoyed it, and is otherwise a perfectly healthy, normal first-grader child abuse? How totally screwed up is this world, anyway?"

"I don't know. I'm sorry. But just take Ariel to this psychologist and let her talk to her for an hour...by the way, since Dr. Carter recommended it, your insurance will probably pay for it...and everything will be fine."

"I hope so. I'm so tired of this. I'm so tired of the whole world looking down on a seven-year-old wearing diapers. What is so awful about it? I mean, if she keeps this up, she'll never have to bother with Tampax." Ryan laughed. "Did you tell Ariel about this?"

"No, sorry, I thought maybe you should be the one to tell her what's going on. You know her better than I do."

"I guess I'll just tell her she's going to miss another couple of hours of school to talk to a nice lady and play. She'll love that. Anyway, what's the good news?"

"Other than the nonexistent psychological problems, she's healthy."

"Great. I'm sorry, but I need to get back to work. I'll see you tonight."

"I'll be over around six, is that fine?"

"Six is great. I can't wait. I love you."

"I love you, too. Bye."

Later than evening, Jessica and Ryan helped Ariel pack her bag for Monica's. "Don't forget these," Jessica said, holding up four pull-ups. "I'll put them in one of the side pockets so nobody will see them."

"Thanks, Mom."

"Why is Ariel wearing pull-ups to Monica's party?" Ryan asked.

"You don't know Mrs. Johnson," Jessica replied. "She doesn't know about Ariel's diapers, and I don't like to think about what she'd do if she did. Ariel can't change herself, and she can't wear underwear. So whenever she goes to sleepovers, she has to wear pull-ups, and bring a plastic bag to put them in so she can wait until she gets home to throw them away."

"It works really well," Ariel added. "Except one time Mom forgot to pack me a pull-up, so I had to stay up all night so I wouldn't have an accident."

"That was your fault, Ariel. You're old enough to keep track of your own pull-ups." Jessica stuck some baby wipes in Ariel's bag beside the pull-ups and went over to her dresser.

Ariel waited until her mother's back was turned to stick her tongue out at her. "Ariel," Ryan chided. Ariel frowned at him, and Jessica turned back around.

"What did she do?"

"Nothing," Ariel replied quickly.

Jessica sat down beside Ariel and tilted her chin up so Ariel looked into her eyes. "You gonna be good for me at Monica's party?"

Ariel shrugged. "I guess so."

"You guess so? I was hoping for a better answer than that."

"Okay, I'll be good."

"That's my girl. Try not to get into any more fights over boys, either." Jessica kissed Ariel on the forehead. "Your stuff's all packed. I'll walk you over to Monica's now."

"Mom," Ariel groaned. "It's right next door, and it's still light outside."

"But you have to carry your sleeping bag, and your pillow, and your bag, and Monica's gift."

"I can carry it. I'm not a baby anymore."

"All right," Jessica agreed reluctantly. "Have a good time." She gave Ariel a big hug.

Ariel kissed her mom and then gave Ryan a hug. "Bye, Mom! Bye, Ryan." She grabbed all her stuff and waddled out the door without a look back. Jessica watched her out the window until she reached Monica's apartment.

"You shouldn't worry about her so much," Ryan said. He came up behind Jessica and put his arm around her.

"I can't help it," Jessica replied. "She's my baby. What am I supposed to do? If anything happened to her, I don't know what I'd do. You know, for the past few years, until I met you, she was the only person I had to live for. If anything happens to her, I think I'll kill myself."

Ryan pulled her closer to him. "No, you wouldn't, and don't you dare say that. You're stronger than that. You can let Ariel be more independent but still protect her. She's got to grow up sometime, even if you don't want her to. Even if she doesn't want to."

"I know," Jessica replied, her voice breaking.

"Hey." Ryan pulled her around so he could look into her eyes. They were shimmering with tears. "What's the matter, baby? Why are you crying? Ariel's gonna be okay."

"I don't know, Ryan. I screwed up. Much as I hate to admit it, that doctor had a point. Normal seven-year-olds should not still be in diapers unless they have some kind of bladder problem. Which she doesn't, other than the fact that she has very little control after over a year in diapers. That's going to cause her problems when she gets older. God, the girls in the locker room tease you badly enough if you're not a 34 B by seventh grade. Can you imagine how they'll laugh at someone wearing diapers?"

"She can be re-trained with a little patience. That's years away. And you said yourself that other than the diapers, Ariel is a perfectly normal seven-year-old."

"I lied. She has her good days and her bad days. You know she likes to be babied in other ways besides the diapers. Some days she doesn't want to do anything except curl up in my arms with a bottle, and don't tell me that's normal. She's very clingy sometimes. She left the house last week in tears because she didn't want to leave my side."

"That's not your fault," Ryan said darkly. "You're a great mother. I can tell you whose fault it is, and I swear to God if I ever get my hands on that bastard, I'll hit him twice, once for hurting you, once for hurting Ariel, and then I'll kick him in the balls so hard that he'll never be able to hurt another kid the way he's hurt Ariel."

Jessica smiled wryly. "You can't blame it totally on him because we were both stupid kids who didn't bother to think ahead and realize that one plus one equals three, and neither of us knew anything about being a good parent, especially me. Babies need stability, and that's one thing Ariel didn't have when she was a baby." She sniffed and wiped her eyes. "I'm scared, Ryan. What if the psychologist says there's something really wrong with Ariel?"

Ryan kissed the top of her head and played with her hair a bit. "If there was something really wrong with Ariel, she'd be acting like Daniel, so engrossed into acting like a baby she couldn't function as a normal kid even when she had to. I really think all she needs is a lot of love and a stable home, and you're doing a great job of giving her both."

"You're not a psychologist."

"No, but I know you and Ariel pretty well. Whatever it is, we'll all pull through it together as a family. Ariel's going to be fine."

Chapter Thirty Six

Ariel followed her mother and Ryan down the boardwalk, taking in the sights and sounds of the beach. She spotted the Sno-Cone stand nearby. "Mommy, can I get an Sno-Cone?" she pleaded. Her mother didn't seem to hear her. In fact, she and Ryan started walking faster, and Ariel struggled to keep up with them. "Mommy? Ryan? Slow down! I can't keep up!" Her mother laughed at something Ryan said, and offered him a sip of the Coke she was drinking. Neither seemed to hear her. Soon they were walking so fast that Ariel had to run to keep up with them.

She bumped into a lady on the sidewalk. "Excuse me," Ariel said breathlessly. She looked up at the lady's face. It was Britney, her stepmother! And her dad was standing right beside her. "What are you doing here?" Ariel cried.

Britney's mouth spread into a cruel smile. She reached out and grabbed the collar of Ariel's shirt. "Hey!" Ariel yelled. "Let go of me!" She glanced around for her mother and Ryan, but they had disappeared into the crowd without even noticing her.

Britney snickered. "They're not going to help you, Ariel. Your mommy and new stepdaddy are too busy now to bother with babies who still wear diapers. Nobody likes a seven-year-old who acts like a baby. That's why your daddy doesn't love you anymore." She yanked Ariel's shorts down, exposing her diaper. Around them, everyone started to laugh. Ariel glanced at her dad for help but he looked away, pretending not to know her.

"Nooooo!" Ariel sobbed.

She woke up with a start, sweat-soaked with tears streaming down her cheeks. She glanced around at her surroundings. There was a comforting familiarity to her changing table and dresser with the clothes still piled on it that her mother had asked her to put away before bed. Outside, there was a crack of thunder. She began counting one, two, three...lightening illuminated her room. The storm was three miles away. Ariel wondered if it was going ten miles over the speed limit like her mom usually did, and caught herself giggling. Where was her mother, anyway? She'd woken up screaming and usually when she made the slightest bit of noise, her mom was in there like a rocket, asking what was wrong, was she okay, did she need to be changed, did she want some water before going back to sleep.

Ariel pulled herself out of bed and headed down the short hall to her mom's room. She pushed the door open. Her mom's bed was empty! Ariel glanced over towards the bathroom but the door was open and the light was out. The living room was also empty. Her mom was gone! Maybe she really had abandoned her like in the dream. Another crack of thunder, louder this time, made Ariel jump and begin screaming. It suddenly began to pour outside. She was all alone, and in the middle of a thunderstorm. She screamed louder and louder, and suddenly the door was opening and her mother, soaking wet, was running inside and towards her.

"Ariel! What's wrong?" Jessica knelt down and took Ariel in her arms, which got Ariel soaked also but neither seemed to notice.

"I had a bad dream and woke up and you were gone!" Ariel sobbed.

"I'm sorry, honey. The thunder woke me up, and I thought I'd better go outside to make sure my car windows were rolled up before it started raining. Everything's okay now."

Ariel suddenly felt angry. "No, it's not! Don't ever leave me again! Especially not during a storm! I thought you'd left me forever!" She buried her face in her mother's chest.

Jessica rubbed her back. "I could never do that, and you know it. What made you think that?" Ariel shrugged. "Do you want to tell me about your dream?"

Ariel's anger melted away and she just felt stupid. "No, it was silly. I'm cold, Mommy. You got me all wet."

"C'mon, let's get changed, and I'll make us some hot chocolate while we watch the storm. The first thunderstorm of the summer is worth staying up late watching."

Ariel wasn't sure about that, but she was always eager to stay up late so she sipped her hot chocolate as she listened to the thunder. "I hate thunder," she complained. "It's too loud. It scares me."

"It's just sound, honey."

"But why's it gotta make that noise? Caitlin said that when it was thundering, it meant God was angry, and I don't want God to be mad because he can make people die."

Jessica smiled. "That's not true. Technically, thunder's made by air waves, I think. I used to think it was God bowling. But rain comes with a thunderstorm, and rain helps everything grow, right? Without rain, nothing could live, including us. So I think rain is God's way of protecting us, not hurting us."

"But why does it have to thunder when it rains?" Ariel persisted.

"So many questions, Ariel. It's late, you're making my brain work too hard. Maybe God's just reminding us he's up there. Anyway, summer thunderstorms can be very romantic."

Ariel made a face. "They're the one thing I don't like about summer." She didn't feel like talking about thunderstorms anymore. Something else was on her mind. "Don't I have that doctor's appointment today?"

Jessica's smile faded. "Yes, I'll pick you up after school. Don't worry about it. Everything's going to be fine. You'll be in a big room with all kinds of toys, probably a lot more than you have at home, and you can do whatever you feel like. You don't even have to talk to this person if you don't want to."

"Monica said when she used to wet her bed her parents made her go to a - what's this person called again?"

"A psychologist."

"Yeah, she had to go to one of those, and he kept asking her all these questions about her life that she didn't want to answer, like did she like school, was she happy, and did she love her parents. She said she sat there and didn't answer him, because she thought the questions were stupid, and afterwards her mom yelled at her for not talking. And she said that sometimes you could be put in a hospital if you gave the wrong answers."

Jessica spoke firmly. "Ariel, nobody is going to take you away from me and put you in any hospital. I'd fight them with every inch of my life if they tried to do that. The kind of psychologist you're going to see isn't going to ask you any questions at all. They won't talk to you unless you talk to them first. You'll see. They'll ask me questions before they evaluate you, but you won't have to do anything you won't want to. I wish you wouldn't worry, because everything's going to be fine. But there is a slight, very slight possibility that they might try to say I'm not raising you right and put you in another family." Ariel looked terrified, and Jessica gave her a reassuring hug. "I'm only telling you this because I don't want to lie to you about what could happen, not because I think it will happen. But if something did happen, you'd stay with your cousin Jenny for a little while. It'd only be for a few months at the most."

"Months?" Ariel repeated, horrified. To her, even a few weeks away from her mom seemed like an eternity. She went back to bed a few minutes later, but couldn't sleep. She tossed and turned all night, thinking that it might be her last night in this house. Towards morning, she realized that if she did get sent to live with Jenny's family, it wouldn't be that bad. Jenny had never been anything but nice to her. And her mom had sworn it probably wouldn't happen, and her mom was smart and seemed to know practically everything, even where thunder came from. Ariel finally fell asleep, but only an hour passed before she was awakened by the sun peeking through her blinds.

Ariel was groggy over breakfast, and she could tell from the dark circles under her mom's eyes that she hadn't gotten much sleep either. Jessica was usually cranky in the mornings but not today; she made Ariel pancakes for breakfast and held her for a little while in her arms while Ariel sucked on a bottle.

School seemed to drag on even longer than usual. There wasn't much longer to go until summer vacation, just two weeks, and most of the other teachers were starting to wind down on the work. Not Ms. Felton. She was still going strong, and kept her class busy that day with worksheets. She hadn't given Ariel any problems since the day months earlier when Ariel had been given permission to wear her diapers to school. However, Ariel was more than ready for summer and second grade.

About five minutes before the final bell rang, Ariel happened to glance up from her reading comprehension worksheet and out the window. Her eyes widened. She poked Eric. "Look at that rain!"

Eric stared at it. The rain almost seemed to be coming down sideways, although that may have just been the effect created by the wind that almost snapped the small trees planted outside the window in half. The gusts of wind were actually visible. He jumped out of his seat and ran to the window; Ariel followed.

"This day is not over! You guys need to sit down!" Ms. Felton snapped.

Eric ignored her. "Do you think the buses are going to be able to get us home?" he asked worriedly.

Ms. Felton walked over and stared out the window, worry lines forming on her forehead. She frowned. "Of course, Eric. There's no flooding."

Eric pointed across the schoolyard to the parking lot. The gutters were filled up and overflowing. The buses were out there, but were standing in three inches of water. Normally the main road was visible from the windows of the classroom, but today torrents of rain and wind blurred their vision so that the only signs of the road were small blurs of color that were passing cars. "Maybe there isn't any flooding now but don't you think there will be by tomorrow? And then we won't have to come to school."

"The rain's supposed to stop tonight," Ms. Felton replied. "But you guys are going to get soaked running for the buses. I hope you don't blow away!"

Ariel and Eric exchanged terrified glances. "I'm not riding the bus home," Ariel said. "My mom's picking me up. She better not make me wait in the rain."

"All right, children," Ms. Felton interrupted. "Go ahead and pack up. If you haven't finished your worksheet, it's homework."

Ariel shoved her things into her backpack, not even bothering to check to see if she was taking home the right books. She was happy school was over, as always, but at the same time she was wishing school would go on forever because then she wouldn't have to go to the psychologist. She threw on her jacket and ran out the door as soon as the bell rang. The wind almost blew her back in the school. There was her mother, parked at the curb, right on time, thank god.

"Get in quickly. This wind blew my car all over the street while I was driving here. I hate driving in this kind of weather. How was your day?" Jessica pulled away from the curb and turned onto the main road.

"It was okay, kinda boring." Ariel made a face at the song on the radio and changed the station to an R&B/pop station that she loved and her mom hated.

"Ariel, whose radio is that?"

"Yours?"

"Exactly. I've had a hard day at work and much as I love Slim Shady when he isn't insulting his mom, I'd like to listen to music where every other word isn't edited out and the artist doesn't feel the need to repeat his name excessively." Jessica stopped for a red light and fooled around with the radio. A classic rock station was just starting "Bohemian Rhapsody" "Ooh, good song," Jessica said, turning the volume up and started singing along. "Your dad used to sing this to me all the time. Brings back memories."

Ariel sighed. She hated it when her mom sang. It wasn't that Jessica didn't have a good voice, but Ariel always had the vague, subconscious sense that her mom was talking to her indirectly, and she didn't understand the message she was trying to send. Ariel sometimes had the strange sense that she was living with a stranger.

The doctor's office was a short drive from Ariel's school and they arrived shortly. They didn't have to wait for very long before Ariel was called back into a large room that reminded her of the room at daycare, except it wasn't messy at all. All the toys were put away neatly on shelves, and there were more toys Ariel had ever seen in her life. Every possible toy she could ever think of was in that room - a huge set of blocks, dolls, a dollhouse, drawing paper, crayons, paints, books, legos, clay - lots of clay, and tons more. It was impossible to take it all in in one glance. Ariel didn't know it, but there were also video cameras and tape recorders monitoring her every action and word.

The doctor was a fairly young woman sitting in a beanbag chair on the floor. There was another one near her. Ariel had been told by her mother that her name was Dr. Pearce. She smiled up at Ariel and said "Hey" casually.

"Hi, Dr. Pearce," Ariel said nervously.

"You may call me by my first name, Michelle. What do you prefer to be called?"

"Ariel. I like your name. It's my middle name."

"Your middle name is Michelle?"

Ariel nodded. "When my mom gets mad at me she calls me by my full name, Ariel Michelle Crawford."

Dr. Pearce nodded. "Well, here I will not call you by your full name unless you want me to. You may decide what you want to do. You may do whatever you want in this room, play with whatever you wish. You don't have to do anything you don't want to."

Ariel went over to the easel first. She loved to paint, loved the smooth feeling of the brush against the paper. She dipped her brush into each color and created a dripping rainbow on the page. Red was her favorite color; the part of the paper that wasn't covered by her rainbow, she painted red. That was boring, she decided. They were working on drawing people in art class. She tore off that page and started on the next one. She drew herself first, the curly blond hair, hazel eyes, and she even considered drawing a bulge around her pants to represent her diaper but decided that'd look stupid. Then she drew her mother. "This is me and my mom," she told Dr. Pearce.

"You've drawn a picture of your family," Dr. Pearce replied.

"Yeah. Well...I don't know. Mom says Ryan, he's her boyfriend, is part of the family now too so I guess I should've drawn him. She says he's my new daddy. She said my real daddy isn't a good father, and she doesn't want me to see him anymore."

"Do you want to see him?"

"I don't know. Not right now. He's married to a really mean lady. She's my stepmother, but she's mean." Ariel went to the next page, drew a stick figure of a lady with blond hair and painted it red. "I'd like to step all over her! Daddy was nice before he met her. Well, I don't really remember him but I've seen pictures of me with him and he looked so nice. Mom said not to believe everything I see. He was always mean to her. He hit her once, and it's wrong to hit people." Ariel left the easel and took out some clay. She began pounding it with her fingers. "I think if someone hits you, you should hit them back."

"Your father was mean to your mother, but nice to you."

"Yes. Ryan's nice to both my mom and me. We went rollerblading last weekend and I fell and scraped my knee, but I didn't cry. He said I was very brave not to cry." Ariel frowned down at her lump of clay and suddenly turned around and looked at Dr. Pearce. "Do you have any kids?"

"Yes, one boy, Thomas. He's two."

"Does he wear diapers?"

"Pull-ups right now. He's being potty-trained."

"I was potty-trained once," Ariel said, sighing. "Sometimes I wish I still was. Like two weeks ago I went to my friend's house for her birthday party, and I had to wear pull-ups. It was embarrassing. And Mom bought me a two-piece bathing suit this year but I either have to wear a t-shirt over it or else have everyone tease me about my diaper, cause we have some really mean kids at our pool."

Dr. Pearce shrugged. "You could always ask your mom to potty-train you again."

Ariel shook her head. "No! Stuff like that's worth it to wear diapers. I just wish I could wear underwear sometimes. I don't like getting changed at school, either. The nurse is real nice but I hate having to leave class. Everyone else knows why I'm leaving and they all stare." Ariel noticed that Dr. Pearce was writing stuff down in a notebook. "What are you writing?"

"Notes."

"About me? Can I read them?"

"I'll read them out loud to you. All I have is 'Ariel painted a picture of her family and played with the clay."

"Oh." Ariel built a block tower in silence for a few minutes, until Dr. Pearce told her it was time to leave.

"Really? I've been in here an hour? Wow, that went fast."

"You can take your paintings and drawing with you, if you'd like." Ariel grabbed them and Dr. Pearce walked with her back to the waiting room. "Goodbye, Ariel."

"Bye, Dr...Michelle." Ariel plopped into the chair beside her mother, who was reading a magazine and pretending not to be nervous.

"Miss Crawford?" Dr. Pearce smiled down at Jessica. "Could you come back here for a few minutes? I'd like to speak to you."

"Sure." Jessica put her magazine aside and stood up. "I'll be back soon, Ariel." She followed Dr. Pearce back into a small room, different from the one Ariel had been in. This one only had a couch and a couple of chairs. They both sat down. Jessica cracked her knuckles nervously. Dr. Pearce smiled at her.

"Relax! This isn't a quiz. I just want to ask you some questions. May I call you Jessica?"

"What?" Jessica was a bit surprised, but pleased, by the doctor's warm attitude and lack of formality. "Sure, go ahead."

"Okay. Call me Michelle."

"That's my daughter's middle name. Her daddy gave it to her." Jessica sighed a bit. "He wanted it to be her first name, but Ariel was my mom's name. She died when I was two and a half. I kind of wanted a bit of her to carry on."

Dr. Pearce nodded sympathetically. "Where's Ariel's dad now?"

"California, supposedly. I don't really care; he's out of my life. I used to hope he'd come back, but now I'm glad he didn't. He didn't really care about me or Ariel. He never did anything for her when she was a baby, but somehow she doesn't remember the guy who left her in her playpen in front of the TV while he had all his buddies over for beer. She just remembers the fun-loving daddy who tossed her up in the air and caught her safe in his arms every time. I was always scared he'd drop her." Jessica laughed, a bit bitterly. "I guess she trusted him more than I did."

"So Ariel misses her dad?"

"Not as much now as she did when she was little. I've told her some stuff about him recently, about how he used to treat both of us, and I don't think she holds him up on a pedestal so much anymore. I'm getting married in October, and she's very fond of her soon-to-be stepfather, though I think she's worried I don't care about her as much anymore. I've tried to show her that's not true. I think that might be one of the reasons she's regressing."

Dr. Pearce nodded. "I agree with you. It's not uncommon for children to try to compete for their parent's time and affection in situations like yours. She knows her life's going to change drastically once you're married. Regression's really not as uncommon as you might think, especially among kids whose toddler years were somewhat unstable. How old was Ariel when she was potty-trained?"

"Almost three. I think I introduced the concept to her when she was about thirty months. I bought her one of those little potties and told her all that potty-training propaganda stuff about how big girls wear pull-ups or underwear and use the potty, and babies wear diapers, and then I suggested that she try using the potty sometime. I knew she could tell when she was about to wet or mess her diaper, but she'd never said anything to me. I'll never forget her response that day. She shook her head, and she said "NO! No potty! No big girl!" and ran off. I figured, okay, give her time to get used to the idea. About three months later, her teacher at daycare reminded me of their policy that all children had to be potty-trained by the age of thirty-six months, unless they were 'developmentally retarded.' I hated that phrase. It sounded like she was calling Ariel stupid. So I bought her some pull-ups and told her I wanted her to let me know when she needed to use the potty. She seemed okay with that, but for the first few days she didn't use the potty a single time. I reminded her she was a big girl and told her about all the stuff big girls got to do versus babies, like big girls got to be in the three-year-old class at school, and they got to sleep in beds. She was still in a crib then. I was planning to get her a bed when she potty-trained. That still didn't seem to make any difference, and I was starting to get desperate. Her pediatrician told me to give her time, wait until she was ready, and I wanted to but the daycare was against me, and to be honest, that was the only place I could afford. So I bribed her." Jessica laughed and shook her head. "I told her she could have a cookie every time she used the potty, and I bought her some underwear with Nala from The Lion King - she used to love that movie - on it. I said if she went three days without having any accidents in her pull-ups, she could wear the underwear. So then she started using it, and after a week or two, she got the underwear. After all that fuss, she was very proud of her 'big kid' title. She went around showing everyone her underwear for the first few days. It was really cute."

"Did she have any accidents after that?"

"Oh, occasionally. Mostly just situations where she couldn't get to a bathroom quick enough and she'd wet herself. She never made a big fuss over it, and neither did I. She also wet her bed a couple of times a month until she was about four, and then it just kind of dwindled away. It didn't seem to really faze her, although she asked me once after an accident if she was still a big girl, and I said yes, even big girls had accidents sometimes."

Dr. Pearce nodded. "You handled it well, I'd say. So when she started wetting again at six, it was the first time in two years she'd wet her bed?" Jessica nodded. "What happened then?"

"Oh, gosh. I remember it so clearly, because I don't think I'd ever seen her that upset before. It was a weekday morning, and I woke up and went to go check on her, like always. She was still sleeping, and the blankets were pulled up over her body so I couldn't tell the bed was wet. I took a shower, and I was just getting out when I heard her screaming like she was in pain or something. It scared me so bad. I came running into her room, wearing underwear and not much else, and everything looked okay; she was sitting up in bed and crying, but otherwise nothing was wrong. I figured she'd had a nightmare, and asked her what was wrong. She said 'I think I wet my bed,' in the most ashamed voice, like she'd committed some awful crime or something. I don't understand where she got the idea that wetting the bed was such a sin. I gave her a hug, told her not to worry about it, and changed the sheets. That night, I reminded her, not in a mean way, to use the bathroom before she went to bed, but I let her have whatever she wanted to drink, except soda. It always seemed kind of mean to me not to let a thirsty kid have anything to drink. She kept wetting her bed over the next week. I figured it was just a phase, brought on by stress. She was having a lot of trouble in school then. I felt guilty, like it was my fault."

"Why?"

"Because I didn't spend as much time with her as I should've. I tried, I really did, but I had to wait on tables until five or five-thirty every day just to pay the bills, and it was usually almost six by the time we got home, and she went to bed at nine. I hardly spent any time with her when she was a baby. I wish I had, but..."

"Then there's your answer. She missed bonding with you as an infant, but apparently she bonded with you as a toddler. Some part of her wants to make up for her first year, and also relive her toddler years. It seemed simpler then to her. She didn't have to go to school and worry about grades, she lived under the belief that her father still loved her, and she didn't have to share her mother with anyone. It seems to me like she's establishing a good relationship with your fiancé, but it takes time. It's only natural that she's a little wary of him."

"So what should I do?"

"Humor her baby moods. Make sure she knows you're always there for her, but encourage her to be independent, too. Try to give her as much of a stable environment as possible. Which means absolutely no contact with her father. He's a source of bitterness and confusion for her right now." Jessica nodded. "Most likely, she'll outgrow this, but there are some people who enjoy wearing diapers and being babied as fun and therapy, and there's nothing wrong with that. The only time when I'd be concerned is if her desire to be babied becomes obsessive-compulsive, in other words she can't function as a normal seven-year-old."

Jessica breathed a small sigh of relief. "Okay. Thank you very much. You've really helped me feel better about this."

Dr. Pearce smiled. "You'd be surprised how many kids there are like Ariel. I see more kids who wear diapers out of enjoyment, like her, then I see kids who wear because of a medical problem. And most kids who are incontinent admit that they sometimes enjoy diapers, too."

Jessica stood up. "How do I get out of here?"

"Go down the hall and make a left, and the waiting room's right there. The receptionist already has your insurance info, so you can go. Have a nice day."

"You too." Jessica found the waiting room. Ariel had her face buried in a book. Jessica touched her shoulder. "Hey, you. It's time to go home."

"Really?" Ariel jumped up and put on her jacket. "You sure took a long time in there, Mom. What'd she say?"

They walked out to the car. "The same thing Ryan and Jenny have been telling me the past six months. I just had to hear it from a professional. You're normal," Jessica said as she unlocked the doors. They got in and buckled their seatbelts.

"Really?" Ariel asked happily. "So they're not going to take you away from me?"

Jessica grinned and shook her head. "Nope. You're stuck with me forever."

"I'm not stuck!" Ariel protested. "I wouldn't want to live with anyone else in the whole world."

"Aw." Jessica gave her a hug. "You don't know how happy I am to hear that." She stuck the key in the ignition, and the car was filled with music. "You can change the radio station if you want."

"Really?" Ariel dove for the radio. "Thanks, Mom!"

"Enjoy it while it lasts. I don't get in these generous moods very often."

Ariel leaned back and sighed. She was so tired all of a sudden. It'd been a long day, but a happy one. She leaned against the car window and dozed with her thumb in her mouth, feeling for the moment like she was the luckiest kid in the world.

Chapter Thirty Seven

After the appointment with Dr. Pearce, Jessica felt like a hundred pounds had been lifted from her shoulders. She no longer felt a slight twinge of guilt when she changed Ariel's diaper, reminding her that maybe there was something wrong with Ariel, and she was a bad parent for not getting it checked out. Plus, summer was coming and the warm weather had everyone in good spirits. Jessica felt like nothing could get to her, not even talking to Aunt Elizabeth.

"Yes, I understand. We'll miss you, though...don't worry about it. I hope you feel better soon...bye." Jessica hung up the phone and flopped down on her bed beside Ryan.

"They can't come," she announced, grinning. "Something about it being bad timing. They'd have to leave on Friday morning, and Danielle would have to miss school. Plus, Aunt Elizabeth's leg is still bothering her. The wedding's four months away; I'm sure it'll be better by then, but I'm not complaining."

"You're supposed to be disappointed," Ryan replied.

Jessica shrugged. "Maybe it's better that just our closest family and friends. It's going to be kind of embarrassing, anyway."

"Why do you say that? As long as you don't trip on your way up to the altar, you'll be fine. I thought you liked being the center of attention."

"I do, but when you're, oh, say, five months pregnant, you feel self-conscious enough without everyone staring at you in a bridal gown." Jessica lazily rolled over onto her back and smiled up at Ryan, who was staring at her openmouthed.

"You're pregnant?!"

"I didn't say that."

"Then why did you..."

Jessica yawned and stretched, enjoying her mouse. "Oh, I don't know. I skipped a period, I've been eating like a horse, and remember that nausea I had off and on last week? It was gone by eleven every morning."

Ryan threw his arms around her. "You're pregnant!" he yelled. He gave her a long kiss, then let her go and stared at her. "I'm going to be a daddy!"

Jessica laughed and pressed a finger against his lips. "Shh! You're going to wake up Ariel. Besides, I'm not sure yet. I have a doctor's appointment for tomorrow morning. I'm taking the day off. It's Ariel's last day of school, and I promised her we'd do something."

"Shit! I have to work all day tomorrow, until midnight. There's a big concert. Call me the second you get back from the doctor. Saturday I'll take you out and celebrate."

"Well...that's really sweet of you, but Saturday's Caitlin's birthday party at the skating rink, and I promised Jenny I'd help out. You're invited too, but I don't know if you want to go to a nine-year-old's birthday party."

"I'll go. You'll be there, so it'll be worth it. Afterwards, I'll take you out to dinner, since you're so hungry all the time, and I suppose your rugrat can come too."

Jessica gave him a hug. "I can't believe I was worried you'd be upset."

"Why would I be upset? We've talked about having kids before, and we agreed we wanted at least one more. If you were having quadruplets, it'd be different."

"I don't know. It's sooner than we planned, and not exactly in the order they told us about in sex education. I mean, I'm thrilled too, but it's so soon."

Ryan stroked her hair. "That's okay. We'll just look for one more room when we're house-shopping. Things are gonna be tight, but we'll manage. It's worth it."

"Well, we don't know for sure yet, so don't get your hopes up."

"Come on, you're showing all the symptoms. It's not uncommon for you to eat a like a horse, especially around that time of the month..." Jessica whacked him with a pillow and he ducked away, laughing "but why else would you skip a period? And the nausea? Come on, you're pregnant. At least I hope you are. You'd better call me the second you get back from the doctor's."

"I will, Ryan! I swear," Jessica laughed, thinking this sure was a change from the last time she thought she was pregnant. What a relief it was, to be able to hope that the test was positive, instead of praying that it was negative.

Jessica stayed true to her word. She didn't even wait until she got home the next morning, instead she called Ryan from a pay phone outside the doctor's office. "January 28, 2001!" she yelled as soon as he picked up the phone.

He let out an ear-splitting shriek that made her drop the phone. She picked it up. "What was that all about? My ear is ringing!"

"We're gonna have a kid! Is that the day it's due?"

"Yep. Well, approximately. I made another appointment for the end of this month. They'll do an ultrasound then."

"When are you going to tell Ariel?"

Jessica sighed. "I guess this afternoon. The sooner she knows, the better. I don't know how she'll react. She's never said anything about wanting a brother or sister. She never even had any imaginary ones." They chatted for a few more minutes before Ryan had to get back to work.

Jessica went home. She'd almost forgotten Ariel's last day of school was only a half day. Ariel was quite surprised when she got home to find her mother sprawled out in front of the TV, watching a movie and eating Jelly Bellies. "I want some!"

Jessica quickly turned the movie off. "Here you go," she offered, holding the bag out to Ariel. "Just a few, it's lunchtime. How was your last day? Let me see your report card."

"I don't need lunch. We had a pizza party at school," Ariel replied, peering into her bookbag. "Um...it's in here somewhere." She emptied it onto the carpet, creating a huge pile of broken crayons, old workbooks, stubby pencils, the leaky gel pen Teri had brought to school one day, and dozens of worksheets and quizzes. "I know I had it earlier."

"Good grief, where'd all this come from?"

"We cleaned out our desks," Ariel explained. "Here it is!" She held up a crumpled envelope. "I haven't looked at it yet. Ms. Felton told us not to look at them until we were with our parents. But remember that time you said it didn't matter what grades I got, it was whether or not I tried my hardest, and you'd love me no matter what?"

"That doesn't sound too promising," Jessica replied, opening the report card. "Ariel! You went down in language arts and math! You had A's in both, and they went down to B's."

"But Mom, B's are good."

"Yes, they are, and I'm very proud of how you did this year. But I think you could've had A's this grading period too, and you know that. Mrs. Felton wrote in the comments section that your grades went down because you hadn't been putting any effort into your classwork, and missed several homework assignments. Is that true?"

Ariel shrugged. "I guess so. But I had better things to do."

Jessica frowned. "That's no excuse. Next year I'm going to limit your TV time on school nights. I guess it'll be easier for me to make you do schoolwork, anyway, since I'll be home more often."

"You will? Why?"

Jessica kicked herself mentally. She hadn't meant to tell Ariel about the baby so soon. "I'm going to be taking some time off from work next year." Suddenly she noticed Ariel squirming, and the odor in the room. "Let me get you changed, and we'll talk about it."

A few minutes later, Ariel was in a fresh diaper and sucking a bottle as she watched her mother stir her Kool-Aid around nervously. "How come you're drinking Kool-Aid? I thought you said it had so much sugar it made you shake."

"I've been feeling a little strange lately, sweetie. Actually, that was what I wanted to talk to you about." She decided to stop procrastinating and just blurt it out. "I'm pregnant."

Ariel gasped. She looked down at the table, around the room, and back at her mom. "You ARE?"

"Yes, about seven weeks pregnant."

Ariel seemed to be at a loss for words. Finally she said "Is it a boy or a girl?"

"We don't know yet. We might not know until it's born."

Ariel stared off into space for a few minutes before looking up at Jessica again. "Can we go to the beach?"

Jessica was stunned. "Well, sure, but...is there anything you want to talk to me about, honey? About the baby?"

"No." Ariel's voice was hollow. "I'm happy I'm going to be a big sister."

"Are you sure everything's okay?"

"Everything's fine!" But Ariel remained listless as they drove to the beach, and once they got there, she didn't seem to want to do much except sit on the towel and stare off into space. Finally Jessica convinced her to go for a walk along the shoreline.

"Isn't the water pretty today? Look how clear it is, Ariel."

Ariel glanced at the water briefly and then looked back down at the sand. "I guess so," she said with a sigh.

"It's not too chilly, either. And look at those waves! Want to go body-surfing?" Ariel shook her head. "Are you sure there's nothing bothering you?"

"Nothing's bothering me!"Ariel snapped.

"Okay, I'm sorry, you don't need to bite my head off," Jessica replied. "I'm here if you need to talk."

Ariel was quiet for a few minutes and then said "Are you still gonna let me wear diapers after the baby's born?"

"If you want to."

"Really?" Ariel looked relieved.

"Of course. What made you think I wouldn't?"

"I heard you talking to Christine on the phone once, and she was saying that Trent was having so many accidents she was thinking about putting him back in diapers but didn't want to have two kids in diapers, and you said that you hoped if you ever had another kid, I would be out of diapers by then because you wouldn't want to have to have two kids in diapers."

Jessica frowned, trying to recall the conversation. "I don't remember that. Why were you listening in on my phone call, anyway?"

"I didn't know you were on the phone," Ariel said defensively. Actually, she'd just been wondering what her mom and Christine talked about all the time. "I picked it up to call Monica."

"Oh. Well, don't tell Ryan I said this, but he can have the baby's diapers, and I'll just change you. Newborns' diapers are scary."

"Are you going to make me change it?"

"I don't know. Maybe sometimes, if we're both busy. It won't kill you."

"I had to change Daniel's diaper that time he was acting like a baby, and it was nasty. I'll change wet diapers but no messy ones."

Jessica was amused. "We'll see. C'mon, let's go swimming. I'm hot."

Ariel lagged behind as her mom dived into a wave. She hadn't gotten a chance to ask the question she'd really wanted to ask her mom, which was if she was still going to love her when there was another baby, a real baby, for her to love.

They swam for about a half hour or so before Ariel began to get tired, so they decided to go in. Jessica body-surfed to the shore on a rather rough wave and crashed into the sand. She looked rolled over to look for Ariel. She was nowhere to be found.

"Ariel?" Jessica stood up, her heart pounding, and looked around, expecting for Ariel to already be at the towel, laughing at her mother's clumsiness. She wasn't, nor was she further out in the deep water, or anywhere on the shoreline that Jessica could see.

Of course, there were so many people standing in her way that it was impossible to see very far. Damn tourists, a bunch of crazy people gawking over a strip of sand and a pier, probably a few sickos who would take some random little girl playing in the water. "Ariel!" Oh God, the ocean was so huge, and so deep, it could sweep a child up easily, without a trace, never to be seen again. How could she have turned her back? If only she could go back two minutes and take her hand...wait, there was a motionless figure lying on the sand twenty feet ahead. The green-and-blue two-piece bathing suit was all too familiar, as were the blond curls. Jessica ran.

Ariel's whole body was stinging from sand burn. Her whole body shook as she coughed to get the water out of her chest. She didn't know what'd happened. She'd been walking to the shore when suddenly a wave had knocked her down and she hadn't been able to get her head above water as she was flipped around and dragged against the sand. She sat up stiffly and rubbed the sand out of her eyes. Her mom was at her side.

"Are you okay?" Jessica hit Ariel on the back to help get the water out of her. Ariel nodded, and her mom whacked her just a bit harder. "Ariel Michelle Crawford! Don't you ever do that to me again!"

"Do what?"

"Scare me like that! I couldn't find you after I'd gotten out of the water, and I thought you'd drowned."

"I'm sorry," Ariel sniffed. "I couldn't get my head above the water, Mommy. I was scared."

"Are you sure you're okay?" Jessica took Ariel in her arms and looked her over. "Poor baby, you're covered in sand."

"It got in my diaper, too. It itches," Ariel complained, embarrassed.

"Oh, I understand. Let's go home, and I'll give you a bath. We can have some ice cream afterwards."

"Okay!" Ariel cheered up at that thought. They packed up and went home. Jessica ran a bath and helped Ariel out of her bathing suit, plastic pants and diaper. She lifted her into the bathtub and bathed her just like she would a baby. Ariel almost fell asleep from the warm water and her mother's soothing voice, telling her she would always be her baby girl.

Afterwards, Jessica wrapped Ariel in a towel and rocked her for a few minutes. Ariel's eyes closed and she stuck her thumb in her mouth. Jessica thought she'd fallen asleep until she said "Mommy?"

"Yes, honey?"

"Are you gonna love the new baby more than me?"

Jessica pulled her closer. "What did I just tell you when you were taking your bath? You're always going to be my baby girl. I'm going to love you and the new baby equally."

"Caitlin told me when Cody was born, her parents were so busy with him that they hardly looked at her."

"Sometimes when babies are born, things are kind of busy at first, and we might need your help things move smoothly. But it doesn't mean we don't love you. Ryan and I are going to try to spend some time with just you, without the baby. Speaking of which, we gotta come up with some names for this kid, so I don't keep calling it 'the baby' and 'it.'" What do you think?"

Ariel nodded. "Definitely. What'd you call me before I was born?"

"We knew you were a girl, so we had six million different names we considered. It was practically a new one every day. I think the ones we seriously thought about were Aleia, Valerie, and Amber."

"Those are pretty."

Jessica nodded. "I wanted Ariel all the way through because that was my mother's name, and your dad really liked Michelle. There's a Beatles song called Michelle and he really likes the Beatles. Ariel Michelle sounded better than Michelle Ariel."

"What was your dad's name?"

"Nothing I'd ever name my son, at least not for a first name. Marshall. You know, like Marshall Mathers."

"Ewww!" Ariel giggled. "It sounds like a vegetable or something. I think you should name it Daniel if it's a boy."

Jessica raised her eyebrows. "Daniel, huh? After your boyfriend?"

Ariel turned red. "He is not my boyfriend!" she protested. "I just like that name."

"Hmm. I like Adam and Andrew, but we've already got one A kid, and that would be too damn cute. Ariel and Andrew visit their cousins Caitlin and Cody. And I'm never going to hear Adam again without thinking of that Blink 182 song. Speaking of Blink 182, what do you think about Travis? I always liked that name."

"Travis is okay." Ariel frowned. "How about Mary for a girl? That name's pretty, and nobody's named Mary anymore."

"Mary's too biblical. All the kids at school would call her Virgin Mary. Maybe we shouldn't continue this discussion until Ryan's here. He'll want some say in the name."

"Yeah, I guess so. When are we gonna see him?"

"Not till Caitlin's birthday party. He's working today and tomorrow. You'll be at Jenny's house tomorrow, but please don't say anything about the baby, either to her or Caitlin. I'd rather tell her myself."

Ariel somehow managed to keep the secret, although Jessica thought later it would've been better if she hadn't. Jenny wasn't exactly a nun, but she was religious, and didn't believe in sex before marriage. Jessica didn't expect her to really be upset about her early pregnancy, but she knew Jenny'd disapprove. Ryan blew it on Saturday, with the worst possible timing.

"Are you sure you can go skating?" he asked her in a concerned tone as she was lacing up her rollerblades at the skating rink. "I don't want you to hurt the baby."

"Baby?!" Jenny was stuffing her things into one of the small lockers near them, and she whirled around. "Jessica! Are you pregnant?"

Caitlin was helping Cody with his skates a few feet over, and turned to peer at them. "Wow, you're having another baby? Poor Ariel!"

"Huh?" Ariel glanced up from her rollerblades. She hadn't been paying attention. "What? Why?"

"Really, Jess, do you know what my mother's going to say?" Jenny groaned. "I thought you were on birth control."

"Do we have to discuss this now?" Jessica asked, embarrassed. "We're surrounded by fourth-graders. Let's just skate."

"Are you sure you can?" Ryan asked again. "Did your doctor say it was okay?"

"Ryan, you're supposed to avoid things like bungee-jumping during pregnancy, not ordinary physical activity."

"But what if you fall?"

"Then I'll land on my wrists or my ass, not my uterus. Pregnant women are supposed to exercise. It'd be a different story if I was eight months."

"I guess so." Ryan let her skate for about twenty minutes before he made her sit down and drink some Gatorade. Jessica was annoyed, but reassured, at his care.

"I'm not Ariel. Stop babying me."

"I'm just trying to take care of you," Ryan said, taking her hand. "You're my baby. I don't want anything to happen to you, or our child."

"I know, but I've been pregnant before. I don't think any baby's ever had worse prenatal care than Ariel, and she came out okay."

"What do you mean by that? What happened?"

Jessica shook her head. "Let's just leave it at that I did some stupid shit I regret now. I'll take better care of myself this time around."

"I know you will. I trust you." Ryan wasn't trying to smother Jessica, but he had a bad feeling that something was going to go wrong. He shook it out of his head and tried not to be so paranoid. Everything was going to be fine. Why shouldn't it?

Chapter Thirty Eight

"Yesterday I changed your diaper, wiped you, and powdered you. How did you get so big, I can't believe it, now you're two. Baby, you're so precious, Daddy's so proud of you. SIT DOWN BITCH, YOU MOVE AGAIN AND I'LL BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU! DON'T MAKE ME WAKE THIS BABY, SHE DON'T NEED TO SEE WHAT I'M ABOUT TO DO! QUIT CRYING BITCH, WHY YOU ALWAYS MAKE ME SHOUT AT YOU?" -

Eminem, The Marshall Mathers LP, "Kim"

Jessica woke up screaming.

How strange. She hadn't had a nightmare in years and this was the second one that week. Josh had been in both of them, and Ariel in this one. Not a good way to start off the day, but mornings hadn't been very pleasant anyway for the past couple of weeks.

Ryan stirred beside her. She normally didn't let him sleep over when Ariel was home, after all, as Jenny had pointed out, they had to set an example. But she hadn't been feeling well the night before, and he'd stayed to take care of her. She settled back into bed and put an arm around him. No point in getting up, after all, it was Saturday, they might as well sleep late and enjoy the weekend. But a few minutes later, Ariel burst into the room.

"Mom, I'm hungry. Can I have pancakes for breakfast?" Ariel bounced up and down on the bed beside her mom.

"Oh, God." Jessica put her hand over her mouth. "Ariel, PLEASE don't mention food. And stop that bouncing."

Ryan opened his eyes. "I'll make you breakfast, Ariel. Your mom isn't feeling well. Come on, I'll get you changed, too."

"Thank you, Ryan," Jessica said, smiling weakly.

"No prob. You go back to sleep, okay? You need your rest." Ryan kissed her gently and left the room, closing the door quietly behind him.

"I think Mom's mad at me," Ariel worried as Ryan changed her.

"No, she's not mad at you at all. She just hasn't been feeling well, and she's been moody...don't tell her I said that. Pregnancy does that to some people. Hopefully she'll feel better soon."

The ultrasound had revealed that Jessica was carrying not one, but two babies. She was having fraternal twins. They were all thrilled at the news, but it didn't make the symptoms any better. The morning sickness was terrible. Jessica was supposed to be gaining weight, not losing it. The doctor assured them that everything was fine, the babies were healthy, and the second trimester was supposed to go much easier.

"She has to pee all the time, too," Ariel commented. "I think she needs diapers."

Ryan laughed. "You tell her that, and see what she says. I don't think she'll go for it. Here, you're all finished. I'll go start on your breakfast."

"Are we still going to Jenny's house for the barbecue?" Ariel asked hopefully. They'd been invited to a barbecue at Jenny's house, and afterwards they were all going to the neighborhood pool.

"I don't think so, kiddo. Look outside."

Ariel stared out at the pouring rain. "Oh," she said miserably.

Ryan ruffled her hair. "Don't look so down. We'll have fun here."

Ariel sighed. She wasn't having a very good summer. Caitlin and Cody were visiting their dad through July, so she didn't spend the days at Jenny's house. Her mom had borrowed a laptop and was working at home a lot, since she wasn't feeling well, so Ariel spent the days with her. But when her mom wasn't working, she was throwing up. Monica was on vacation with her parents, so Ariel didn't have anyone to play with except Eric. But half the time they ended up playing with Nicole, too, because Eric's mother was friends with Nicole's, and she made them. Nicole didn't like to ride bikes, because she usually wore sundresses instead of shorts and it was "unladylike" to ride a bike in a dress. She didn't like to rollerblade, because if she fell, she might scrape her knees, and it would leave ugly scabs and scars. She didn't like to go to the neighborhood pool, because the chlorine was bad for her hair, and she also said "You never know how many babies might have peed in that water," with a vehement glance at Ariel. So usually they ended up in Eric's room playing video games and Pokeman, which Nicole tolerated, although she complained both Ariel and Eric cheated. Ariel could hardly believe it, but she was looking forward to school starting again.

"Here you go," Ryan said, placing a plateful of pancakes in front of Ariel. "I tried to make them into animal shapes but it didn't turn out too well." The pancakes looked like blobs of dough to Ariel, but on a closer look, she thought she could distinguish between the head and four stumps that must be legs.

"Thanks, Ryan," she said, smiling. At least he was trying to cheer her up. She ate her breakfast and went into her room to play with her Barbies. What a way to spend a Saturday.

Ryan peeked into on Jessica. She was sleeping on her stomach with her head turned towards Ryan, looking innocent and peaceful. The word "beautiful" stuck in his mind. He stroked her hair gently. "I'm sorry you feel so bad," he whispered. "It's my fault. I'm happy you're having twins, but I wish you didn't have to feel miserable all summer for it. I'd give anything to make you feel better."

Jessica opened her eyes and looked at Ryan drowsily. "Hey," she mumbled.

"I'm sorry I woke you," he replied. "I'll get out of here and let you get back to sleep. You need your rest."

"No, it's okay. I'll feel better once I get up and get a shower." Jessica pulled herself out of bed, groaning.

"I'll make you some breakfast."

"Please don't. I don't think I could even look at food right now."

"You have to eat something. You're supposed to be gaining weight, not losing it. Just try some dry toast and fruit." She frowned at him. "Honey, please, try to eat."

"Okay, okay. I'll try, but no promises. Just let me get a shower." Jessica stumbled into the bathroom and tried not to think about how awful her stomach felt as she got undressed and turned on the water. She'd only been sixteen when she was pregnant with Ariel, and it hadn't been nearly this bad. The other symptoms were tolerable, but this nausea and vomiting was something else. She tried to tell herself that it would all be worth it once she held those twins in her arms, but she was having a hard time focusing on anything except how long she was in labor with Ariel.

By the time she was done with her shower, she felt somewhat better, and ate all of the breakfast Ryan had made for her. Good. She owed it to herself, and to Ariel, to have a good day. She felt bad for not spending more time with Ariel lately, but what could she do? Morning sickness didn't exactly put her in a mood to take her child to the park.

Ariel glanced outside and realized that the rain had stopped. Well, not stopped, paused would be a better word. The clouds outside still looked threatening, but at least for the moment the air was dry. She threw her dolls down.

"Ryan! Mom! Can I go outside? It stopped raining!" Ariel ran into the living room. Her mom and Ryan were sitting on the floor, playing Monopoly. Ariel recoiled at the sight. How could anyone spend hours playing that stupid game?

"Sure, go ahead. Stay in the neighborhood, and let us know if you go over to anyone's house. Come home if it starts raining again," Jessica replied. "Are you sure you don't want to play Monopoly with us?"

Ariel rolled her eyes. "I hate that game. It's boring."

Jessica smiled. "Okay, honey. Have fun."

Ariel skipped outside. Everything had a humid, damp smell, like rotting leaves. She peered down the sidewalk. They'd been looking at a house down the street, and her parents had made an offer on it. Ariel felt a pang of sadness about leaving the only home she'd ever known, but her mom pointed out she'd be closer to Caitlin, and the old neighborhood was only a short bike ride away. No more running back and forth from her house to Monica's.

A car turned into the neighborhood, followed by a couple of moving vans. That's the kind of van we'll need to get, Ariel thought. New neighbors were always interesting. Maybe they had a kid her age. She followed the van down the street until it pulled in front of one of the apartments, and then she found a place behind a bush where she could watch the new people moving in, but they wouldn't notice her.

Ariel watched as the family got out of the car. Darn, it was just a lady and a girl who looked at least several years older than Ariel. They sat down on the curb and watched the movers. "Mom," the girl said, "when will Dad and Felicity get here?"

"I don't know," the woman replied. "Probably in a few minutes, if they can remember how to get here. I can't believe we lost your father at that traffic light."

"It was because of that jerk who cut us off," the girl replied. Ariel perked up. Felicity? It sounded like the girl's sister. Maybe she was closer to Ariel's age.

Ariel watched the movers unloading. The first thing to come out was a crib and a changing table. Her heart sank. Obviously Felicity was just a baby. She stood up to go. These people weren't worth watching anymore. She was about to walk away when the woman noticed her.

"Hi, there!" she said cheerfully.

"Hi," Ariel replied awkwardly. She was shy around strangers.

"Do you live around here?"

Ariel was tempted to say no, she lived across town. "Yes, I do."

"How old are you? You look about my daughter's age."

"I don't think so," Ariel replied politely. "I'm seven and a half."

"So is Felicity," the woman replied. "She'll be eight in October." Only a month older than Ariel. "Would you like to stick around and meet her? She'll be here shortly."

"Okay," Ariel said. "Thanks." Maybe she'd get a new friend from this after all. But it still didn't explain the crib and changing table.

"No problem. I'm Dawn Perry, and this is my older daughter, Chasity. She's twelve." Ariel privately thought that these people had some of the strangest names she'd ever heard.

"I'm Ariel Crawford."

"Where do you live?"

Ariel pointed down the sidewalk. "Over there."

"Do you have any brothers or sisters?"

"Not yet. My mom's pregnant with twins."

"Wow, aren't you lucky! I always hoped I would have twins, but I just have my two girls here. Of course, I love them to death," Mrs. Perry added, putting her arm around Chasity's shoulders for a quick hug.

"Mom," she complained. "We're in public, you know."

"Sorry, honey," Mrs. Perry replied. "You'll have to forgive her," she said to Ariel. "You know how moody these adolescent girls are." Ariel had no idea how moody adolescent girls were. She didn't even know what an adolescent was. "Chasity just started -

"Mom!" Chasity interrupted. "You don't have to tell the whole world, you know!"

"Sorry, honey. Oh, look, here's your father and sister." Another car pulled up and a man and a little girl got out.

"Sorry we're late," the man said.

"Daddy got lost!" the girl said, giggling.

"Of course he did," Mrs. Perry said, picking her up. "I bet Daddy didn't want to stop for directions either, did he? Ariel, this is my husband, Richard, and my other daughter Felicity. Guys, this is Ariel. She lives down the street. Ariel's your age, Felicity."

"Hi," Felicity said, smiling at Ariel. She was missing her two front teeth. Ariel ran her tongue over her newly grown adult teeth and thought Felicity didn't look almost eight. She was smaller than Ariel, who was already on the small side, and had long blond hair, lighter and straighter than Ariel's, pulled up in pigtails. Ariel almost never wore pigtails.

"Well, let's go inside before it starts raining again and make sure the movers aren't putting the beds in the family room and the couch in one of the bedrooms," Mrs. Perry declared. "Ariel, would you like to come inside? I'm afraid it's a mess but if we find the boxes with Felicity's toys, you two can unpack some and play in her room."

"Yes, thank you," Ariel replied, her shyness returning. "I'm supposed to call my mom if I go to anyone's house, though."

"Oh, no problem. You can use my cell phone."

"Thanks." They went inside, climbing over a bunch of boxes in the living room. Ariel called her mom and asked if she could stay at Felicity's.

"Well, I suppose so, if they invited you. Just don't get in her parents' way. I'll come and get you when lunch is ready."

"Okay. Bye, Mom." Ariel hung up and gave Mrs. Perry back her cell phone. "What grade are you in, Felicity?"

"Second," Felicity replied. "But I don't go to public school. My mommy teaches me at home."

Ariel'd never heard of anyone who didn't go to school. "Why?" she asked.

Mrs. Perry heard her. "Because Felicity's too young to be away from home all day long. There's no need for it. Besides, nothing's more important than the basic math and English you learn in elementary school, and she'll get a better education at home, where she's away from distractions and can get more individual attention."

"Actually, honey," Mr. Perry replied. "The schools here are supposed to be much better than the ones in Maryland. Don't you think Felicity is old enough to go to school now?"

"Yeah, Mommy, please, why can't I go to school this year? Everyone else gets to go."

"You're too young, honey," Mrs. Perry replied. Felicity sighed. "Richard, please," she said softly, out of the kids' earshot. "Just let her stay home one more year. I can't stand to lose her yet."

He sighed. "Fine. We'll discuss this later. But you've got to stop babying her so much."

"Felicity, why don't you and Ariel go play in your room?" Mrs. Perry suggested. "But first, do you need..."

"No!" Felicity replied quickly. "Can we please play in here? Please?"

"There's nothing to do in here," Ariel complained. "Besides, I want to see your toys."

"Ariel's right, dear. Your father and I are going to be unpacking anyway, and you'll just be in the way."

"We can help you unpack," Felicity volunteered. Ariel gave her a strange look and wondered why Felicity didn't want her to see her room.

"No, you don't need to help. Just run along and have fun."

"Come on, Felicity," Ariel said, grabbing her new friend's arm. "You don't want to help your parents unpack. That's boring, and they get crabby if you get in their way."

"All right," Felicity agreed reluctantly. She led Ariel up the stairs and down the hall. "Before you see it, will you just...promise me you won't laugh? Or tell anyone what's in there?"

"I promise," Ariel replied, anxious to find out exactly what was in Felicity's room.

"Pinkie swear?"

"Sure. I won't tell anyone." The two girls linked pinkies, and then Felicity pushed open her door. Ariel peered in. At first glance, Felicity's room just looked like an ordinary bedroom that hadn't been unpacked yet; there were boxes everywhere labeled "Felicity's toys", "Felicity's clothes", "Felicity's stuffed animals." But Ariel also saw something else, against the walls were the crib and the changing table she'd seen outside.

She was starting to figure things out, but didn't want to admit it.

"Why is there a crib in your room?" she asked.

Felicity turned red and looked away. "Remember, you swore you wouldn't tell anyone."

"I won't, I already promised you that."

"It's my stuff. I sleep in the crib."

"What's the table for? It looks like a changing table," Ariel said, still playing dumb.

"It is. I..." Felicity's eyes filled with tears. "My mommy makes me wear diapers and sleep in the crib."

"Really?" Ariel replied casually. "Want to know something?"

Felicity sniffed and looked up hopefully, glad her new friend wasn't laughing at her. "What?"

"I wear them too."

"You DO?" Felicity's eyes widened. "How come? Does your mommy make you, too?"

"No, I wanted to wear them."

Felicity gave her a strange look. "Why would you want to wear diapers?"

"Why wouldn't you?" Ariel countered. "Why are you wearing them if you didn't want to wear them? Did you wet your bed? My mom made me wear pull-ups after I started wetting my bed."

"No, my parents never potty-trained me."

"They didn't?" Ariel had never heard of such a thing. "Why not?"

"I don't know. They just didn't. My mom likes me to wear diapers and sleep in a crib like a baby. She and my dad found out right after they had me that she couldn't have any more kids, so she says I'll always be her baby."

Ariel was starting to feel a little jealous. "My mom's having twins. Sometimes she says I'm still her baby and other times, usually when she's kind of annoyed at me, she says I'm seven, not two, and too old to be doing whatever I'm doing."

Felicity smiled. "I thought when you found out I wore diapers you'd laugh at me. I used to play with some of the kids who lived in my old neighborhood but when they found out I wore diapers they called me a baby and threw things at me until I went home. I never had any friends after that." She shrugged. "My mom said I didn't need any friends because I had my family, but sometimes I wanted to play with someone my age. That's why I want to go to school."

Ariel rolled her eyes. "You won't meet anyone to play with there. Most of my friends live in this neighborhood. They know about my diapers, and they don't care either. All the kids in this neighborhood are nice, except for three people you want to stay away from."

"Who?"

"Well, two are these girls named Nicole and Miranda. They're sisters. Nicole's my age, and Miranda's a couple of years older. They've both always been mean to me about my diapers, and they're not any fun to play with either. They don't want to do anything because they're afraid they'll get dirty." Ariel made a face, and Felicity laughed.

"Who's the other person?"

"Monica Johnson. She's real nice until you mention diapers. She used to wear them at my house when she wet her bed but now that she's stopped, she thinks she's too good for them, and she doesn't like it if you talk about them or anything related to diapers. Her mom is really mean, too. Just don't tell her anything about your diapers, and she's real nice about everything else. She used to be real nice about them, too, but..." Ariel shrugged. "I don't play with her much anymore."

"So who can I tell about my diapers?"

"Well, Eric's my best friend, and he's pretty cute too..." Ariel told Felicity about all the kids in the neighborhood, and then they heard the doorbell ring and a few seconds later Mrs. Perry yelled "Ariel! Your dad's here."

Ariel came running down the stairs, with Felicity at her heels. "Hi, Ryan."

"Hey, kiddo. Your mom sent me over to collect you for lunch. Felicity can come too, if it's okay with her parents."

Ariel looked hopefully at Felicity, who looked at her parents. "Please, can I go?"

"Well, I don't know..." Mrs. Perry began.

"Of course she can," her husband interrupted. "Thank you for inviting her. We're just moving in, as you can tell, and I was just going to run the girls up to McDonald's for lunch, but I'm sure Felicity would rather go to your house."

"Yes, thank you, Daddy!" Felicity replied, so excited she was jumping up and down.

Ryan laughed. "I don't think you'll be so excited when you see what we're having."

"It doesn't matter," Felicity said. Actually, it was the first time she'd ever been invited to anyone else's house, but she was embarrassed to say that.

"It matters to me. What are we having?" Ariel asked.

"Sandwiches. I got all the cheese and cold cuts out of the refrigerator, so you can make your own, and I don't have to hear any more complaints."

"Ryan ruined tuna fish sandwiches last week," Ariel explained to Felicity. "He mixed like a whole jar of mayonnaise in with one can of tuna. It was disgusting. Mom says she's going to start claiming morning sickness even when she doesn't have it just so she won't have to eat that."

Mrs. Perry smiled weakly. "That sounds like my husband. Felicity, dear, have fun at Ariel's house. Don't stay too long, and come home if you get tired or you don't feel well, okay?"

"Yes Mommy," Felicity said obediently, opening the door. Her mother pulled her back and gave her a hug and a kiss. "Mommy! I'm only going down the street."

"I know, dear. Just have fun. Bye." Mrs. Perry stood and watched them as they walked down the street.

When they entered Ariel's house, Ryan yelled "Hey Jess, I found another rugrat on the street, and Ariel convinced me to bring it home." Ariel and Felicity giggled.

"Ryan!" Jessica scolded, emerging from her bedroom. "Don't pay any attention to him, he thinks he's funny. Hi, I'm Jessica, Ariel's mom," she added.

"Hi," Felicity said shyly. "I'm Felicity. I just moved down the street."

"So I hear. It's nice to meet you. Girls, all the sandwich stuff is on the counter, so help yourselves. Let me know if you need anything."

"Aren't you going to eat anything, Mom?" Ariel asked worriedly.

"Not right now, honey. Maybe in a little bit. I'm going to my room to lie down for a few minutes."

Ryan followed Jessica to her bedroom. "Are you feeling okay?"

She smiled weakly. "I'm just a little tired."

"No, you look like you're in pain."

"My head hurts a little."

"I'm sorry." Ryan leaned down and kissed her forehead. "Anything I can do?"

"A shot of vodka might help."

"Not funny, Jessica."

"I'm sorry. I'm just trying to make you stop worrying. No, I don't need anything."

"Okay. Let me know if you do." Ryan paused. "What do you think of Ariel's new friend?"

"I only saw her for about thirty seconds but she seems like a nice kid. Why?"

"Her family seems kind of strange. Her mom was really reluctant to let her come over here."

"Well, that's only natural. She just met you, and she doesn't know me at all."

"It wasn't that. I got the impression Felicity doesn't go to other kids houses much, and her mom likes it that way. I guess she's one of those 'my baby is growing up' kind of people."

"Oh, all moms are like that. I am, you've said so yourself."

"Yeah, but this seemed different. Oh well. Her dad was nice. She also has an older sister named Chasity."

"Chasity?" Jessica smirked. "I knew a girl named Chasity in high school and everyone called her Chastity Belt. She told us her mom had a really difficult pregnancy and didn't want to go through it again. She was an only child." Ryan laughed and forgot about Felicity's family for the moment.

Meanwhile, Ariel and Felicity were finishing up their sandwiches when Felicity started squirming around. "You need to be changed, don't you?" Ariel asked. Felicity blushed and nodded. "I'll get my mom."

"No!" Felicity cried. "Your parents don't know, and I don't want them to find out. Besides, my mom told me I should never let anyone change my diaper except her or my daddy. I'd better get home." She stood up. "I'll try to come back but I don't know if my mommy will let me."

"All right," Ariel agreed. "I hope you can come back."

"Me too," Felicity replied. "Anyway, if I can't maybe you can come over tomorrow. See you later."

"Bye." Ariel watched Felicity walk away and shrugged. She thought she was strange, but nice. She was kind of jealous of her crib, and then realized that her parents would be buying cribs soon for the twins. "Maybe I could sneak in them sometimes," Ariel thought. She shrugged, and began clearing the table.

Chapter Thirty Nine

"Well, what do you think, Ariel? Think you could call this place home?"

Ariel nodded and looked around. "I want this room to be mine."

"I don't know, sweetie," Jessica replied, brushing her hair away from her sweaty face. She was only a little over three months pregnant, but already showing a bit, and walking around their new home for what seemed like the millionth time that day, not to mention all the times they'd seen it in the past month, was exhausting her. "Ryan and I want to be close to the twins when they start crying in the middle of the night. We'll be able to hear them better in this bedroom; it's closer to ours. You can have the room down the hall and then you won't be awakened by crying babies every night."

"But this one's bigger!" Ariel complained. She was in a cranky mood. Her mom and Ryan had just spent an hour discussing contracts with the real estate agent, and she'd been bored to tears.

"Well, there's two of them, and one of you, doesn't it make sense they get the bigger room?" Jessica reasoned. "That other one is still a little bit bigger than your bedroom in the apartment."

"Besides," Ryan added, "If the twins end up being a boy and a girl, we'll have to give them separate rooms in a few years, and then that alcove above the garage becomes yours."

Ariel perked up. "Oh, okay. Then I hope it's a boy and a girl. Tell your doctor you want a boy and a girl, Mommy."

Jessica smiled. "He can't make the babies be a boy and a girl, sweetie. Besides, the babies' gender has already been determined."

"Who decided what they were gonna be?"

"Well, technically Ryan did, but he didn't really have much choice over what he decided," Jessica replied. She and Ryan exchanged amused smiles.

"If you decided, Ryan, can't you tell us?" Ariel asked.

"Sorry kiddo, I forgot. I was really busy when I decided, and had my mind on other things."

"Didn't you tell Mommy?"

"Even if I had, she wouldn't remember either. I'm pretty sure she was drunk."

"Ryan! That isn't true." Jessica shook her head and sighed. She saw Ariel's confused look. "Never mind, honey. Ryan doesn't know what the babies are going to be. I'll explain when we get home."

"Hey, look at this backyard!" Ryan said, peering out the window. "It's huge, and fenced-in. We could get a dog."

"Yeah!" Ariel agreed. "Can we get a golden retriever? Please, Mom? I've always wanted a dog!"

"That's the last thing we need," Jessica replied. "Twin babies spitting up and a dog chewing up everything in sight."

"I wouldn't let it do that. I'd take perfect care of it," Ariel promised.

"Sure you would, for three days, maybe, and after that it would be like pulling teeth to get you to do anything besides play with it."

"My brother and I had a dog when we were kids," Ryan recalled. "A lab. His name was Scruffy. I don't think any dog was ever loved more than him."

"Who took care of him?" Jessica asked.

"My mother," Ryan admitted.

"See?"

"But I'd take care of it! I swear I would!" Ariel argued.

"Not now, honey. There's too much else going on. Maybe next year we can get a dog."

"That's not fair!" Ariel cried. "If I can't have a dog, you shouldn't be able to have your babies!"

Jessica looked upset. "Ariel!" Ryan said firmly. "No means no. You're not going to get anywhere by arguing. Now apologize to your mother, and let's get going."

"I'm sorry," Ariel muttered, although she really wasn't. She sulked during the short car ride home, and when they got there her mom told her go inside so she could talk to Ryan in private. Ariel scowled but did as she was told.

"Boy, she was difficult today," Ryan remarked.

"I know," Jessica said softly. "She's been like this off and on all summer. She's had a lot to adjust to lately...first we became engaged, then I got pregnant, with twins nonetheless, and now a new house. It's a lot to deal with in six months."

"I know," Ryan sighed. "It's been a crazy year...good, but crazy...and it's only August. Well, things should calm down after we get moved in. I guess we should get started on packing as soon as possible, before you get any further along. I'm glad you're not so sick anymore."

"Oh, not half as glad as I am. We can start packing tomorrow, if you want. Caitlin's home from her dad's, and Ariel hasn't had a chance to see her yet, so Jenny said she could come over tomorrow. We'll have her out of the way. We can get some chips and soda, pop in a CD and turn the volume up, and it'll be fun."

Ryan laughed. "You sound like you're trying to convince yourself."

Jessica smiled wryly. "I think I am. At least Ariel's old enough to help pack up her room. I was looking in there last night, and I couldn't believe all the crap in there. She's such a pack rat."

"Are you sure she's not just spoiled?" Ryan teased.

"That too. But she could clear out a lot of stuff in there. I tried to give some of her old toys to Salvation Army, and she wouldn't let me. She said she wants to keep them. I can't imagine why she wants the Fisher Price toys she played with when she was two. I mean, some of that stuff has teeth marks from when she used to chew on it. She can't possibly still play with it."

"Maybe she does. I mean, she still wears diapers, wouldn't it make sense that she plays with toddler toys too?" Ryan laughed when he said it, but he was serious.

"I don't think so. The diaper thing I can understand, but she's not retarded. What fun would she have stacking plastic rings on a post?"

"Yeah, I know. I was just kidding anyway. I guess I should get going. I have to work tonight. What time do you want to come over tomorrow?"

"I'll be over around one, if that's okay. I'll see you then. I love you."

"I love you too. Go to bed early tonight, okay? You look tired."

Jessica shrugged. "Not really, but if you insist. See you tomorrow." She gave Ryan a kiss and then waved as he drove off. She hated watching him leave. She was anxious to get moved into the new house, so they could sleep side by side every night.

Ariel seemed to be in a better mood the next morning. She chattered happily at breakfast about what she and Caitlin were going to do that day. "Jenny said we could go to the beach and maybe get ice cream at Ben and Jerry's afterwards! And we're gonna have pizza for lunch! Too bad you can't come, Mom. Are you sure you gotta pack?"

"Sorry, sweetie. I promised Ryan, besides I don't think I'm really up for a beach trip today."

Ariel put her empty milk bottle down on the table and started to clear off the table, anxious to get going. "Are you feeling okay?"

"I'm fine, honey." Jessica's back hurt, but she didn't want Ariel to worry, besides it would probably go away soon anyway. "Just a little tired. Thank you for clearing the table; I'll take care of the rest. Go get your bathing suit on, and don't forget to put those plastic pants on over your diaper."

Ariel ran to do as she was told, still talking. "Sometimes these plastic pants don't work that well at the beach, Mom. A little bit of water still gets into my diaper."

"Well, they're better than nothing. I guess just get Jenny to change you if your diaper gets too wet." Ariel emerged from her bedroom, wearing her bathing suit. Her plastic pants were sticking out of the bottom of her suit. Jessica tried to hide her smile. "Uh, sweetie, maybe you should put on a t-shirt over that."

"Why?" Ariel asked obliviously.

"Look down. Your plastic pants are sticking out of your bathing suit."

Ariel glanced down and shrugged. "So? I don't know anybody there."

"Put on a t-shirt, Ariel. You don't need to run around flashing your diaper to the whole world. Grab another shirt and a pair of shorts while you're in there, so you can change when you guys get back to Jenny's." Ariel found her clothes but dawdled over putting her shirt on, smoothing it out, reading the tag, staring at the design on the front, until finally Jessica sighed "Oh, for heaven's sake" and grabbed the shirt from Ariel, pulled it over her head and stuffed her arms into it. Not exactly the loving care a baby would get, but Ariel still loved having her mom dress her.

"Okay, honey. Do you have all your stuff?" Ariel nodded. "Let's go, then. We're running late." They drove to Jenny's, and Jessica came in for a minute to say hi to Jenny and give her Ryan's phone number.

"Here, let me give you my cell number in case you need to call," Jenny replied, jotting the number down on a piece of paper and handing it to Jessica. "If I don't answer, just keep trying. You guys are gonna be at Ryan's all day?"

"Yep. We're going to get started on packing."

"All day long? When there's no one else around? You're growing up."

Jessica smiled. "We might go to the movies this evening. We both want to see Bless the Child. Do you mind?"

"No problem. Ariel can hang out here. She can even spend the night if necessary."

"Okay. We'll see. Ariel, come give me a hug." Ariel obediently got up from her spot on the couch in front of the TV and gave her mom a hug.

After Jessica left, they loaded up the car with towels, a beach chair, a beach umbrella, and toys, and left for the beach. Caitlin said happily. "I can't wait to get there. I want to try out my new boogie board. Maybe you can try it too, Ariel."

"What about me?" Cody asked eagerly. "Can I try?"

"You're too little. You don't know how to swim yet." Cody's face crumpled up like he was going to cry. Caitlin and Ariel glanced at each other and sighed. Cody was such a baby.

"Mommy! Caitlin's not sharing!"

"Kids, please don't start," Jenny said wearily. "Caitlin, whatever it is, let Cody have some."

"He wants to use my boogie board. Tell him he's too little! He can't even swim."

"He doesn't need to swim to use the boogie board."

"But Mom! He's gonna mess it up and probably won't want to give it back! How come I always have to share my stuff with Cody?"

"Caitlin, if you don't stop this, I'm going to turn this car around and go straight home."

"No you won't," Caitlin replied smugly. She whispered to Ariel "Don't worry. She always says that."

A few minutes passed in silence. Suddenly Cody yelled "Mommy!"

Jenny jumped and the car swerved a little. "What?" she asked sharply.

"McDonald's! We just passed it! They're giving away Pokemon toys! Can we go? I want a happy meal!"

"No way!" Caitlin replied. "Mom said we could have pizza, didn't you Mom?"

"You kids just had breakfast!"

"I'm hungry again!" Cody complained.

"Then you can have some of the fruit I packed until lunch. It's in the blue cooler under Ariel's feet. Can you get it out, please, Ariel?"

Ariel pulled out an apple and handed it to Cody, who shoved it back at her. "I don't want an apple! I want McDonald's!"

"No! I already promised your sister we'd have pizza for lunch, and that's not going to be for another couple of hours." Cody started to sob.

"Girls...find something to keep him occupied, please," Jenny begged.

"Let's play Kill the Tourist," Caitlin suggested.

"How do you play that?" Ariel asked.

"Whenever Mom stops at an intersection, we throw stuff at the tourists walking by. You can tell if they're tourists because they'll be sunburned and wearing a Virginia Beach t-shirt. Whoever hits the most wins."

"Never mind, Caitlin," Jenny said. "You're sadistic. Let's just play the quiet game until we get to the beach. Winner gets out of helping to carry stuff."

"I hate that game!" Caitlin protested. "I always lose."

"You're right, you just did," Ariel smirked.

"That doesn't count!"

"Starting now," Jenny said.

Ariel stared out the window. Caitlin reached over and began tickling her. Ariel covered her mouth to keep from laughing. She started shaking with pent-in laughter and felt herself wetting her diaper. She shoved Caitlin's hands off, reached over, and began tickling Caitlin behind the knees. Caitlin covered her mouth, but she couldn't muffle her giggles.

"Caitlin lost!" Cody exclaimed.

"No fair, Ariel made me laugh!"

"You tried to make me laugh too!"

"Well, Cody said something too, so we both lose."

"I win," Ariel said smugly. "Ha ha, I don't have to carry anything!"

"Hey, did you wet your diaper while you were being tickled?" Ariel nodded and giggled. "Me too! That was why I started laughing!"

"Do you guys need to be changed already?" Jenny asked as she struggled to parallel park next to a meter.

"No, I only wet a little bit," Ariel replied.

"Me too," Caitlin agreed. Jenny turned off the engine, and they all got out of the car and started unloading stuff. "Mom, you must've parked about two miles from the beach. Can't we get any closer?"

"This was the closest meter I could find. If you would like to pay the seven bucks for us to park in a parking lot, be my guest. Look, some nice tourist left forty-five minutes on this meter for us."

"I don't mind walking," Ariel said loyally.

"Suckup. That's because you don't have to carry anything."

"And we are not two miles from the beach, either," Jenny added. "It's a quarter mile, at the most. It'll be good for you."

It was a warm day, but cloudy, so the beach wasn't too crowded. After Jenny generously lathered sunscreen on everyone, they ran out to the water. "It's cold!" Ariel shrieked. "I came here last week with my mom and it was a lot warmer!"

"Wimp!" Caitlin yelled. She had ran fearlessly into a huge wave and was already wet all over, while Ariel stood in water up to her knees, backing away nervously every time a wave came. She splashed some water on Ariel.

"Stop! I like to get used to the water on my own."

Caitlin actually stopped. "Sorry," she said. "I'm sorry. Here, walk in slowly, and you'll get used to it. Or at least you'll go numb and you won't feel it anymore. Here, I'll go in with you. I'll even hold your hand." She reached her hand out to Ariel.

Ariel looked at her reluctantly. "Promise?"

"I promise," Caitlin replied. Ariel took her hand and they began walking in together. Suddenly Ariel felt something solid around her feet, tripping her. She went down into the freezing water, her arms flailing out for balance. She swam out a little bit and stood up, cheeks glowing with embarrassment. Caitlin was laughing.

"That was MEAN!" Ariel yelled, running towards Caitlin and pushing her so she fell over. Ariel began laughing too. Caitlin stood up, still smiling.

"Okay, we're even."

"Hey, isn't your mom coming out?"

Caitlin rolled her eyes. "No. She's scared of the water. She said your mom loaned her the new V.C Andrews novel, and she'd rather read that than do anything else anyway. Grown-ups are so boring."

"Yeah, I know. Where's Cody?"

Caitlin pointed to the shore. Cody was perched there with a plastic bucket and shovel, digging in the sand. "I'll bet you five bucks he doesn't go out past his knees. He's a wimp, too."

"Hey." Ariel had just noticed something. "This water isn't so bad anymore."

"Yeah, I think I'm getting used to it. Want to borrow a bucket from Cody and pour water on my mom?"

"That would be so mean. She'd kill us."

"I know," Caitlin replied gleefully. "Let's do it." Ariel looked skeptical. "Come on, Ariel. Don't you think she looks just a little too dry? We wear diapers. Our motto is supposed to be 'wetter is better', right?"

"I don't think your mom would think that."

"We won't actually pour it on her. Just scare her a little. Come on." Caitlin ran to the shore and grabbed one of Cody's buckets. She filled it with water, and they trekked up the beach to where Jenny was lying facedown on a beach towel, under the umbrella, a small battery-operated fan set up so that the breeze went directly to her face. She was engrossed in a fat novel. Caitlin snuck behind her mother and lifted the bucket up.

"Don't even think about it, young lady," Jenny said without looking up.

"It was Ariel's idea," Caitlin replied, shoving the bucket into Ariel's hands. She muttered under her breath to Ariel "How does she do that?"

"I have eyes in the back of my head."

Ariel laughed. Caitlin stomped her foot. "You weren't supposed to hear that!"

"Mmm." Jenny finished the page she was reading, then put the book down and rolled over to face Caitlin. "Didn't they teach you in family living class? When a girl reaches adolescent age and her body begins preparing to have a child, another sign of oncoming puberty is an additional set of eyes that grow in the back of the head, under the hair. However, the hearing abilities don't actually begin to magnify until the woman becomes impregnated. That's why I'm always yelling at you to turn down your music. It sounds twenty times louder to me than it does to you."

"That's not true," Caitlin replied.

"Of course it is. I'm your mother. Do you think I'd lie to you?" Jenny replied, keeping a straight face.

Caitlin thought for a moment. "Even if you do have eyes in the back of your head, you wouldn't be able to see out of them because your hair would cover them."

Jenny sighed. "Well...I'm not supposed to be telling you two this, because it's top-secret mom stuff, but the eyes don't actually work until you get pregnant. Then your body releases extra amounts of hormones that go to the second set of eyes and make them work and see through the hair."

"I still don't believe you."

"Oh yeah? You think that your mother would steer you wrong? Well, young lady, for that you deserve to be...tickled." Jenny began tickling Caitlin all over.

Caitlin squirmed and giggled hysterically. "No fair! I already got tickled once today! I just wet my diaper again!"

"Really? Well then I guess I'll just have to tickle Ariel too, so I can change both of you at the same time." Jenny let Caitlin go and grabbed Ariel.

"Nooo! Stop!" Ariel was even more ticklish than Caitlin, and she was soaked within seconds. "Okay, I'm wet too! Let me go!"

"I'd better get you girls changed," Jenny said. "Let me find that brother of yours and we can track down a bathroom."

They left the stuff on the beach and went to a bathroom a couple of blocks down. Cody put up a big fuss when Jenny started to take him into the girl's room. "I don't want to go in the girl's bathroom! I'm a boy! Besides, I don't hafta go potty!"

Jenny sighed. "Will you go into the boy's room and at least try for me? And not talk to any strangers and when you get done, wait outside for us and yell into the girl's room and let me know you're all right?" Cody nodded obediently. "Okay, go ahead."

"Isn't it strange how he's the youngest of us three but also the only one potty trained?" Caitlin remarked.

"That reminds me," Jenny said. "You've got a check-up on Monday. Dr. Brown wants to see how your bladder's doing."

Caitlin groaned. "Why do I have to go to a stupid check-up? He's just gonna say the same thing he has before. It's not getting any better."

"Because you never know. Maybe it is." Jenny pulled the changing table down from the wall. "Yuck!"

"Ewwww," Caitlin groaned, staring at it. "That's dirt, right?"

"I hope so!" Jenny pushed the changing table back up. "We're not using that. I know what we'll do. Are you girls hungry yet?"

"Yes," Ariel replied. "Being in the water always makes me hungry."

"Me too," Caitlin agreed.

"Then let's just go ahead and get lunch, and we'll come back to the beach later. I can change your diapers in the restroom at the pizza place. Come on."

They loaded the stuff back into the car. Ariel was forced to help this time. Caitlin complained that she didn't see why they had to lug it all back to the car when they were coming back to the beach. Couldn't they just leave it there? Jenny told her that when everything got stolen, she could replace it with her $3 a week allowance, and Caitlin quieted down.

The restaurant was somewhat crowded, as they were arriving in the peak of lunch hour, but Jenny was able to change Ariel and Caitlin's diapers fairly quickly and find a place to sit down while they waited for their pizza.

"How long do you guys think you want to stay at the beach this afternoon?" Jenny asked.

"I don't know," Ariel replied, sinking back into her chair with a contented sigh. "I could stay there forever."

"Not forever, you'd drown," Caitlin said. "Let's leave when it gets dark and just leave Cody there."

"Hey!"

"Caitlin..." Jenny warned. "We'll stay another couple of hours. I don't want you guys to get exhausted. We're putting on more sunblock before we leave here, though. You guys are already starting to get burned." She glanced up at the counter. "It looks like our pizza's ready. Ariel, Caitlin, you guys get the trays, and Cody, why don't you pick up napkins?"

"Okay!" Ariel and Caitlin leaped up, eager to get their pizza. They heard Jenny's cell phone ringing as they walked away, but didn't pay it any attention. The pizza smelled and looked delicious. Ariel breathed it in. The beach and pizza. What a perfect day.

They headed back to the table, but stopped when they saw the look on Jenny's face. "Is she okay?" she asked into the phone. "Omigod...of course. We'll get there as soon as possible."

Jenny hung up the phone and looked at the girls, but couldn't meet Ariel's eye. She couldn't speak for a moment, but when she did, her tone was very carefully controlled. "Ariel, Ryan called an ambulance to take your mom to the hospital. He's on his way now. There's something wrong with the babies. She's losing a lot of blood."

Chapter Forty

"Goddamn tourists!" Jenny swerved past a red minivan, honking her horn as she did so. "Why do they all have to go ten miles under the speed limit?"

"Mom," Caitlin said calmly. "It's not gonna make any difference how soon we get there. You're not a doctor."

"Have you ever heard of moral support, young lady? Has it ever occurred to you that Jessica needs her family right now almost as much as she needs a doctor? She'll want to see Ariel, at least, and I'd like to think she would be happy to know I care." Jenny blared the horn again, this time at a pickup truck. "Remind me never to go to..." she squinted, trying to read the license plate "...Pennsylvania, because they don't know how to drive."

"Do you think she'll die?" Caitlin was half-awed and half-saddened by this idea. Nobody she'd ever really known had died before. She remembered going to a wake for some distant cousin who was about a hundred years old a couple years earlier, and listening to all the relatives talk was boring, but the food was really good. She might be a celebrity at school, after all, everyone knew that she and Ariel were cousins. But on the other hand, Jessica was pretty nice, and it would suck for Ariel if she died.

"Caitlin Amber Sullivan!" Jenny glanced in the backseat to make sure Ariel had not heard. Ariel was staring out the window, deep in thought, oblivious to the world. Jenny lowered her voice. "Don't talk like that in front of Ariel! I really doubt it. I think it's the babies we have to worry about more. Why don't you say some prayers for them?"

"Well, if they're already dead, what good is praying going to do?"

Jenny glared at her daughter, wondering how this person could possibly be her kid. They must've switched the babies in the hospital or something. "I have taken you to church every Sunday morning for the last nine years. Haven't you picked up anything from it?"

Caitlin shrugged. "I guess. But I don't think praying makes any difference. If God wants the babies to die, then he's not gonna listen to anyone praying, especially not a nine-year-old, Mom. He doesn't care what we think. If I was God I wouldn't listen to anyone."

"I guess that's why you're not God. Don't even talk like that. Here we are." Jenny turned into the hospital parking lot so fast her tires screeched, and found the nearest parking space. "Everyone out," she said, reaching into the backseat and yanking Cody's seatbelt off him. "Come on, Ariel."

Ariel climbed out slowly and looked up at Jenny, her lower lip trembling. "Is Mommy going to be okay?"

Jenny pulled her close. "Of course she will, honey," she said, although she wasn't sure. "I'm sure it looks worse than it is. Remember that day Cody fell on the porch steps and cut his chin and it bled everywhere? Remember how scary it looked, and he didn't even need stitches."

Ariel was comforted somewhat until they got to the emergency room waiting room and saw Ryan, pale and tired. He suddenly looked about ten years older, and Ariel wasn't sure, but it looked like there were tearstains on his face. She'd never seen a grown man cry before. Something was terribly wrong.

"Ryan..." she said, running up to him. He took her in his arms. "Where's Mommy? Is she okay?"

"They just finished examining her. She'll be fine. But honey...I'm sorry I have to tell you like this, but she lost one of the babies."

Behind her, Ariel heard Jenny gasp. She frowned, confused. "How could she lose it? I thought they were inside her tummy."

Ryan smiled sadly, and Ariel remembered something her mom had said once: A smile through tears is a rainbow. "They were, and one of them still is, but something went wrong and made the other one come out too soon."

"You mean she had one of the babies NOW? Can I see it?"

"Ariel, don't you get it?" Caitlin replied, close to tears. "He means one of the babies is dead." She expected her mom to yell at her, but Jenny just placed a hand on her shoulder.

Ariel stared at Caitlin, eyes wide, and shook her head. "You're lying. You don't know what you're talking about." She looked back at Ryan. "She's lying, right Daddy?"

Ryan shook his head. "I wish she was, sweetie, but a baby that's born six months premature can't survive. She was just too little, and her lungs weren't developed enough."

"She?"

"You had a little sister."

Ariel's eyes filled with tears. "That's it? She's gone now? I'm never going to see her again?" Ryan nodded. Ariel squirmed away from his secure arms and kicked at the wall. "It's not fair!"

"Oh, baby..." Jenny went over to give Ariel a hug.

Ariel didn't pull away, but she didn't return it either. "I want to see Mommy."

Jenny looked helplessly at Ryan. "Can she?"

"I guess so. I haven't seen her since the ambulance took her away, and she was unconscious by then. She's stable now, and in a room."

"Okay. Why don't you and Ariel go visit her. I'll stay in here with Caitlin and Cody for right now."

"Actually, unless you really want to stick around, you're free to go. The doctor said it would be best if she had as few visitors as possible until at least tomorrow." Jenny looked a little hurt. "You could call her tonight. I'm sure she'd love that."

"Oh. Okay." Jenny lowered her voice. "Is the other baby okay?"

Ryan sighed. "They're going to run some tests on it when she starts feeling better. It was just luck and timing that they were able to save this one. The fetus still suffered a lot of trauma, and there's a possibility of brain damage."

"God, I hope not. This is the last thing Jess needs...and you, too." Jenny paused. "Ariel can stay at my house tonight, if you want her to."

"No, thanks. She's spending the night at my house. I think that's what her mom will want."

"Oh. I was just thinking you might want to stay here late with Jessica or something."

"I would, but they don't let the patients have visitors after nine o'clock unless they're in intensive care and too sick to notice. Thanks for the offer, though."

"Alrighty then. I'll give Jess a call tonight. See you later. Bye, Ariel."

Ariel didn't reply, and buried her head into Ryan's chest. He pulled it away gently and said "Say good-bye to your cousins."

"Bye," Ariel mumbled, not looking at them. She just wanted to see her mother. Jenny gave her a pat on the shoulder and then they left.

Ryan wiped Ariel's eyes off with his shirttail. "Don't let your mom see that long face. You know how sad she must be already."

"But I'm sad too," Ariel protested. "And Mommy said when you're sad, it's okay to cry."

"You're right," Ryan replied. "Go ahead and cry, honey. It'll make you feel better."

Ariel buried her face in his shoulder and sobbed quietly for about five minutes before looking up. Her eyes were bloodshot but dry. "I'm ready to see Mommy now."

"Okay. She's in room 307. Let's go."

They took an elevator up to the third floor, and were stopped by a nurse at the desk. "Excuse me, sir? Who are you going to see?"

"Jessica Crawford," Ryan replied. "She's in room 307."

The nurse studied a file. "I'm sorry, sir, but I'm afraid your daughter can't go with you. Children under twelve aren't allowed to visit in this section. They can carry potentially dangerous bacteria and viruses."

"I don't have germs!" Ariel protested loudly.

"She's had her vaccinations," Ryan said dryly. "Look, she's Jessica's daughter. You have no idea how much they mean to each other. They need each other right now."

"I'm sorry." the nurse repeated mechanically. "It's hospital policy, sir."

Ariel had never noticed before how the muscle in Ryan's lower jaw twitched when he was angry. He looked down at her. "Come on, honey. You're going to see your mom. I don't care what the stupid policy says." He led her down the hall.

"Hey!" the nurse protested. "Sir, she can't go past this point...excuse me...sir?" Finally, she gave up and sighed loudly.

"But I don't want to make Mommy sick," Ariel told Ryan.

"Don't worry about it, honey. This place doesn't smell like Clorox for nothing, but if it'll make you feel better, stand on the other side of the room."

Jessica was sleeping when they entered. Ariel froze in the doorway. Her mom looked very pale, and there were tubes going into her right arm. She was wearing an unflattering hospital gown, although most of her body was covered by a starch-white sheet. Ariel thought that the medicine smell in the room was worse than the Clorox smell in the halls.

Ryan seemed unfazed, however. He marched boldly up to Jessica and kissed her lips gently. She opened her eyes. "Hi," he said softly. "How are you feeling?"

"Okay," Jessica replied groggily.

"Do you hurt anywhere?"

"Not really. I'm sure it'll come later." Jessica noticed Ariel standing in the doorway. "Hey, you, get in here."

Ariel took one small step closer to her mom's bed. "She's afraid of germs," Ryan explained.

"Why?"

"Never mind. Let's just say that you'd better hurry up and get well, because you're probably not going to see her again as long as you're in here. They'll probably arrest me if I bring her back."

Jessica sighed. "I'm sorry I asked. Ariel, forget about germs and get over here. Don't worry. I'm not going to break. Just try not to knock over any of these machines, especially that one with the green line. If you mess it up and that line goes flat, I'm dead, or the doctor will at least think I am."

"Really?" Ariel asked, interested. She walked over to examine the heart monitor. "Cool! What will it do if I pull the cord out of the wall?"

"Don't try it," Ryan said. "Do you know what happened?" he asked Jessica softly. She seemed in awfully good spirits for someone who'd just lost a child, but she was also a great actress.

Her eyes filled with tears. "The doctor told me. I'm sorry, Ryan."

He hugged her as best he could. "It wasn't your fault. I know how careful you were."

"Someone or something has to be at fault, Ryan. Babies don't just come out six months too early for no reason. I don't understand it. We wanted these babies so bad."

"At least one survived." Ryan had to fight his own tears. "I'm not overly religious, but I think things happen for a reason. Maybe we were never supposed to have twins in the first place."

"Then why'd I get pregnant?"

"I don't know. But what doesn't kill you eventually makes you stronger, and you don't realize how close you came to death today. I have a theory. I think for whatever reason, God needed our baby girl worse than we did, and she's under his care now."

Jessica sniffed. "It sounds good in theory, I guess, but where does that leave the rest of us? I don't really care what God wants at this point. I want my baby girl!"

"I thought I was your baby girl," Ariel whined.

"You are. I meant my other baby girl." Jessica smiled a little.

Danielle carefully measured out exactly one tablespoon of mayonnaise, glancing at her mother out of the corner of her eye. Stephanie was staring at her, her mouth quivering irritably. She spread the white stuff over her bread slowly, making sure every inch of bread contained the exact same amount, and then layered on her sliced tomato, lettuce and turkey before smiling and passing the mayonnaise across the table to her mother. Stephanie let out a long breath.

"Why do you have to be so precise about your sandwich? Do you do that just to annoy me?"

"Do what?" Danielle asked innocently.

"You know what I'm talking about. I think you enjoy being such a..."

"Such a what, Mom?"

"Nothing."

"Such a bitch?"

Stephanie glanced up sharply and opened her mouth to reprimand her daughter, but was interrupted by the ringing of the phone. "I'll get it," she said.

"No, I'll get it," Danielle shot back. She was expecting a call from Brandon Henderson, the cutest guy in eighth grade, but didn't want her mother to know. They raced each other to the phone, and Danielle slapped her hand on the receiver first. Stephanie glared at her and sat back down.

"Hello?" Danielle said pleasantly.

"Hey, Danielle. How's it going?"

It was just Jenny. "Fine," Danielle replied, dejected. "How are you?"

"Not too good. May I speak with your mom, please?"

"Sure." Danielle handed the phone to Stephanie. "It's Aunt Jenny."

Stephanie took the phone and pasted a smile on her face. "Hi, Jenny. It's so good to hear from you." Her face paled. "You're kidding."

Danielle looked up. "What?" she asked.

Stephanie shook her head and motioned for Danielle to go upstairs. Danielle sighed as she stomped up the stairs. Her mother must think she was still five years old! She considered picking up the phone upstairs and listening in on the conversation, but her mom would hear her.

Stephanie came up about ten minutes later and found Danielle lying on her bed. "This place is a pigsty. How can you live like this?"

"What did Jenny want?"

"Oh, Jessica had a miscarriage. Or a partial one, I suppose. She lost one of the twins."

"She did?!" Danielle sat straight up. "Is she okay?"

"Yes, she'll be out of the hospital in a few days. But she'll probably have to stay off her feet for the rest of her pregnancy and take a leave of absence from her job."

"When are we going to visit them?"

"We're not. We'd just be in the way."

"But you said we could go to Virginia Beach this summer! You promised! And I wouldn't be in the way. Jessica likes me."

"I never promised anything, I said maybe, and that was months ago. You know how tight things have been since your father and I separated. I can't afford to take off work."

"Then just send me. Jenny said I was welcome to come up anytime. She even said she'd buy me a plane ticket if you wouldn't."

"That's ridiculous. If you really want to go to the beach, we can drive up to Savannah this weekend. It's much closer."

"I don't care about the beach, Mom. Haven't you ever heard of moral support?" Danielle was also anxious to talk to Ariel, and find out if she was still in diapers, and maybe also figure out how she convinced her mom to let her wear diapers in the first place. If she could just get Jessica and Jenny on her side, maybe she could end up like Ariel.

"If you think for one second that your cousin Jessica needs us, you're wrong. Certainly her mother didn't need us when she went to that college five hundred miles away. Said William and Mary was the best law school on the East Coast. What's wrong with the schools in Georgia?"

"What does that have to do with Jessica?" Danielle didn't dare say that she couldn't blame Jessica's mother for getting as far away from that stupid tiny town as she could. "She's not responsible for what her mother did."

"That isn't all. After all that big fuss about how she was just going to Virginia for college, her mother met some guy and what did she do? She moved to Virginia Beach to marry him and never went home again. She was already two months pregnant when she got married, although she tried to say Jessica was premature. Yeah, right. Babies born two months premature don't weigh eight pounds."

"So? I still don't understand why you don't like Jessica for that."

"I don't hate Jessica. She's a very intelligent girl who could've had a great future if she hadn't gotten herself pregnant when she was sixteen. And then just as she was starting to straighten herself out, she meets another guy and gets engaged to him when they've only been dating six months, probably as an excuse to sleep with him, and gets knocked up again six months before the wedding. She's a whore. Plus, she's a horrible mother."

"She is not a horrible mother! How can you say that?

"Ariel is going to be eight in November and is in diapers by choice, and Jessica sees nothing wrong with it! How can she just ignore that little girl's problem?"

"There isn't anything wrong with it! Infantilism is normal and totally harmless."

"Infantilism?"

"That's what regressing to a baby stage is called," Danielle explained. "I looked it up on the internet."

Stephanie raised her eyebrows. "Why were you looking up that on the internet?"

Danielle turned red. She had to be more careful when they were talking about this stuff. "I was just curious. I'm thinking about being a psychologist."

Stephanie rolled her eyes. "A girl with your looks doesn't need to worry about going to college."

"Can I go over to Megan's?" Danielle asked, irritated. She had to get out of the house, before she screamed at her mother

"You haven't finished your dinner," Stephanie replied, as if they'd been discussing the weather.

"I'm not hungry anymore."

"I'll save your sandwich for you in case you want it when you get home. Be home by nine."

"Okay." Danielle didn't feel like arguing that every other thirteen-year-old was allowed to stay out until at least ten. "Bye." She stormed over to Megan's.

"Hey!" Megan smiled at her best friend as she answered the door. "What's up?"

Danielle stormed inside. "I cannot continue to live with her!" she seethed. "I know this is a redneck town, but not everyone is that ignorant! How can this woman actually be my mother?" She glanced up and realized Megan was giving her a strange look. "Hello to you, too."

"What'd you guys get into a fight over this time?"

"My cousin had a miscarriage."

"Oh, I'm sorry. How'd you get into a fight over that?"

Danielle plopped into a chair and stared up at the ceiling. "My mom basically said my cousin was a whore, and deserved whatever she got."

"That's really cold. Is that the same cousin who got you an Eminem CD for your birthday?"

"Yeah, that didn't exactly put her on the top of Mom's favorite people list, even though I asked for it. And here's what really ticked me off. I told her I was thinking about being a psychologist, and she said that a girl with my looks didn't need to get a Ph.D. I can just rely forever on a drunk, right? Of course, fifteen years down the line when I'm thirty pounds overweight and have to rely on a bottle to maintain my favorite shade of platinum blond, and he finally gets so sick of my bitching that he leaves me, I'll be in trouble. I might even have to move myself away from TV and get a job." Danielle laughed bitterly. "You know, I used to think my mom bitched because my dad drank so much, and now I realize that he drank so much because she bitched."

Megan laughed. "Your mom is so backwards. So is your grandma. Nobody thinks the way they do anymore."

"I'm so sick of her. I don't think I could take another five years of this." Danielle glanced around and noticed for the first time that the living room had a bunch of empty boxes. "What are all these for?"

"Eddie. He's starting his sophomore year in college next week, and he's getting an apartment, so he's taking some stuff with him. Mom gave him a bunch of towels and some pots, and I think he's bringing the TV in his room, too." Megan explained.

"That's right, I forgot. Where does he go again?"

"William and Mary."

The name sounded familiar. Wasn't that the school Jessica's mom had gone to? Danielle perked up. "That's in Virginia, right?"

"Yeah, Williamsburg."

Danielle was beginning to get an idea. "How far is Williamsburg from Virginia Beach?"

Megan shrugged. "Hey Eddie!" she yelled.

Eddie poked his head in the living room. "Yeah? Oh hey, Danny girl."

Danielle blushed at the pet name Eddie had for her. They'd always been friends; actually Eddie was almost like her brother as well as Megan's. He was pretty cute, too. "Hi, Eddie."

"How far is Williamsburg from Virginia Beach?" Megan asked.

"About fifty miles north. We drive down there to go to the beach sometimes on weekends. Why?"

"Just wondering," Danielle replied casually. "I have some relatives that live there. When are you leaving?"

"Next Sunday."

"Oh," Danielle said, dejected. School started next Monday. So much for that idea. But there was another option... "Um, you're driving to Williamsburg, right?"

"Yeah, I have to take my car. Why? You want a ride?" Eddie laughed.

"Actually, yeah. I'll give you money for gas if you need it."

"Are you crazy?" Megan gasped. "What are you doing? Running away?"

"I don't know. I can't keep living with that woman. I might slit her throat while she's sleeping."

"Why are you running away?" Eddie asked.

Danielle repeated the whole story to him, leaving out the part about the diapers. He looked surprised. "Wow. Well, if you want a ride, I can drive you. But we're leaving early. Seven a.m. next Sunday. I'll pick you up at your house."

"That's perfect. Mom will still be sleeping. Thank you so much." Danielle looked at Megan. "You have to swear you won't breathe a word of this to anyone. When Mom finds out I'm gone, the first person she's going to call is you. You need to cover for me." Megan loved secrets, but she wasn't very good at keeping them.

"I promise," Megan swore. Now the hardest part would be actually going through with the plan.

It was late by the time Ariel and Ryan got back to Ryan's apartment. They were both exhausted. Ariel took a bath, and Ryan helped her wash her hair. She had worn her wet bathing suit all day without even noticing. It felt good to take a hot bath and get into clean pajamas and a fresh diaper.

"Where am I going to sleep?" she asked.

"I'll fold out the sofa bed for you," he replied. "It's pretty comfortable." Ariel's heart sank. She hated sleeping in unfamiliar places by herself. She would never admit it, but she was a little bit afraid of the dark. Ryan saw the look on her face.

"What's wrong?"

"I don't want to sleep in there by myself," Ariel admitted.

"Do you want to sleep in my bed?" he offered reluctantly. Ariel nodded shyly. "Okay. I have to take a shower, and then I'll be in there."

Ariel dug into her overnight bag and pulled out her stuffed bunny and a beat-up stuffed bear. "Two stuffed animals?" Ryan asked. "All right, as long as they don't gang up and push me out of bed."

Ariel giggled. "The bear is my mom's." Her smile faded. "I brought him here because I thought he might get lonely."

"I didn't know your mom slept with a bear."

"That's because she puts him in my bed whenever you spend the night. I think she's kind of embarrassed about him. Her daddy gave it to her before he died."

Ryan smiled. "She doesn't need to be embarrassed. It's nice of you to bring him tonight. Go ahead and get in bed."

Ariel fell asleep before he was out of the shower. She woke up in the middle of the night, unsure of where she was. She glanced around and saw Ryan sleeping next to her. Everything was okay, she was just at Ryan's house. And her mom was in the hospital. Ariel clutched the bear as tears welled in her eyes. She wished the baby hadn't died. She wished she was at home in her own bedroom, with her mom sleeping a few rooms over.

Her diaper felt soggy and cold, unusually cold. Except the cold feeling seemed to be coming more from her pajamas. Ariel felt them. They were wet. Not soaked, but definitely wet. And there was also a small wet patch on the sheet underneath. Her diaper had leaked!

Ariel began crying softly. Her diaper leaked occasionally at night, but it rarely got on the sheet, and when it did, she was at least in her own bed, not someone else's. She'd have to wake Ryan up. He'd probably be angry at her, it was bad enough that he had to share his bed without her peeing all over it, but there was nothing she could do. If he didn't change her now, she'd just leak worse. Stupid Pampers with their stupid "cloth like" cover. She shook his shoulder. "Ryan?"

"Mmm?" he groaned, without opening his eyes.

"My diaper leaked."

Ryan blinked and opened his eyes. "It did?"

"Yes, I'm sorry." Ariel tried to stop crying.

Ryan pulled himself out of bed, rubbing his eyes. "Don't worry about it, it's not your fault. Did it get on the bed?"

Ariel nodded and showed him the spot on the sheet. "Oh, that's nothing. I'll just put a clean sheet on real quick. It won't take five seconds. Don't cry, honey." He pulled the blankets and the sheet off the bed. "See, it didn't even leak onto the mattress. It's okay. Let me get you changed first. That diaper has to be uncomfortable."

Ariel did feel better as she was being changed. Ryan remade the bed, and she got back in and crawled into his strong arms. She drifted off to sleep, feeling safe and secure.

Chapter Forty-One

Ariel and Ryan wanted to surprise Jessica when she got home from the hospital. They worked all week long in the August heat, packing up all the stuff in their homes in boxes, and on Friday, the same day Jessica was coming home from the hospital, a moving van came and moved all the furniture to the new house. Later that same day, someone came and turned the electricity and phone line on. Ariel was granted permission to try out the phone while Ryan unpacked.

"Hi, may I please speak to Felicity?" she asked in her most grown-up voice when someone answered.

"Hold on a second, hon," Mrs. Perry replied. "Felicity! You have a phone call!"

"I got it, Mom. Hello?"

"Hey Felicity. I'm trying the phone out at our new house."

"Ariel! You moved already?"

"Yes, Ryan wanted to surprise Mommy. He didn't want her to have to worry about packing."

"I was sorry to hear about your mommy and your sister," Felicity said sadly. "Eric told me. He told everyone."

"Yeah," Ariel replied. "Thanks." There was an awkward silence.

"Nicole wants you to call her," Felicity continued. "She's mad at you for not telling her sooner. She wants to know if you saw the dead baby and if there was a lot of blood."

The words "dead baby" struck a nerve. "It's none of her business, and I think she's being mean by asking all those questions. Besides, I wasn't there when it happened, and I haven't told anyone. I've been busy. Eric only knows because his mom saw Ryan at the mailboxes and he told her."

"Sorry. I thought Nicole was being mean, too." Another awkward silence. "Guess what? I got some good news."

Ariel was no longer in the mood for good news. "What?"

"My mommy's getting a part-time job."

"How is that good?"

"She can't teach me at anymore, so I'll have to go to school. She took me there today to register me. I got Mrs. Cameron."

"That's who I got!" Ariel exclaimed happily. "We'll be in the same class."

"I knew that. You didn't give me a chance to tell the other good news. When Mommy told them about my diapers, they said that there are two other kids in our grade who wear diapers and last year they'd both had a problem with teasing, so this year they're putting all the kids who need diapers in the same class. Do you know who the other person is?"

"No, I don't," Ariel replied, puzzled. "I always thought me and Daniel were the only ones in first grade with them, but he's gone now. Maybe the other kid is new, too. I hope it's a girl."

"Me too. Eric didn't get our teacher, he got a man. But neither did Nicole."

"Good! I won't have to look at her ugly face all year." Felicity giggled. Just then Ryan walked in, looked at Ariel and pointed to the clock.

"Hey, Felicity? I have to go. We're going to go pick up Mom now." Ariel said, nearly beside herself with excitement. She hadn't seen her mother all week.

"Bye. Tell your mom I hope she feels better soon."

The trip to the hospital was a joyous one. Jenny suggested singing a song to keep Cody occupied. "Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall, ninety-nine bottles of beer!" Caitlin chanted. Ariel joined in "Take one down, pass it around, ninety-eight bottles of beer on the wall! Ninety-eight bottles of beer on the wall..."

"I shouldn't have said anything," Jenny groaned. Ryan laughed. "Can't you guys sing something else?"

"One million bottles of beer on the wall, one million bottles of beer..." Caitlin began. "Take one down, pass it around, umm...nine hundred thousand ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall. Nine hundred thousand ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall, nine hundred thousand-

"Shut up!" Cody yelled. Ariel and Caitlin stared at him, then glanced at Jenny, waiting for her to scold Cody, but she just smiled. "Cody, why don't you pick the next song?"

"Hakuna Matata," Cody said. It was his favorite song. They all started singing "Hakuna Matata...what a wonderful phrase...hakuna matata, ain't no passin craze...It means no worries for the rest of your days..."

"We're almost there!" Caitlin announced as they turned down the road the hospital was on. "Let's roll down the windows and sing as loudly as we can." Jenny tried to look as detached as possible while the rest of the group screamed "It's our problem freeeeeee philosophyyyyyyyyyy...Hakuna Matata" with all the windows except hers as far down as they'd go. She wondered if Jessica had ever seen this side of Ryan, although she had a sinking feeling that if Jess were in the car, she'd be screaming along too. Her family was nuts.

Jessica was sitting in a wheelchair in the waiting room with a nurse standing behind her when they got there. (Ryan was relieved to see that it was not the same nurse he'd snuck Ariel past the previous week.) "Mommy!" Ariel screamed when she saw her. She wanted to run up and grab her mom but the wheelchair scared her. "I thought you were all better."

"My baby girl!" Jessica said, grabbing Ariel and hugging her tightly. "I missed you so much!"

"Me too," Ariel said, more interested in questions than preliminary greetings. "How come you're in a wheelchair?"

"Oh, I can walk just fine, but all the patients have to be wheeled out to the parking lot. It's a liability thing. Were you a good girl? Did you help Ryan?" Jessica gave Caitlin and Cody big hugs also. "I missed you guys too."

"How come you had to go to the hospital?" Cody asked.

Jessica's smile faded and she glanced up at Jenny. "Cody, honey," Jenny said. "We talked about what happened to one of the twins."

"Oh yeah, I remember," Cody said unemotionally, too young to really understand death.

"I'm glad you're feeling better," Caitlin said shyly.

"Thank you, sweetie." Jessica smiled again, and everyone relaxed. "Now get me out of here. I'm starving."

"I'll take you out to dinner," Ryan offered.

"Oh, hon...that's sweet of you but I just want to get home. We can order pizza."

"How about if everyone comes to Jess's place for pizza?" Ryan suggested. Everyone but Jessica knew that the house was pretty much moved in, and Ryan was proud that he had managed to get the place almost totally unpacked by himself...well, with minimal help from Ariel. They chit-chatted on the way home about almost everything: the upcoming school year, how awful the hospital food was, what everyone had done all week (somehow Ariel and Ryan managed to avoid mentioning the new house), and Caitlin's new bras and whether her chest really was starting to grow or if it was just her imagination (the girls actively debated this; Ryan turned red and looked out the window, which Jessica and Jenny teased him mercilessly for.) They did not mention the miscarriage; this was something Jessica and Ryan preferred to discuss privately. Although the doctor didn't know what caused it, both felt it was their fault, Ryan saw it as some genetic failure on his part, and Jessica wondered if all the pot and beer she'd consumed when she was sixteen was coming back to haunt her. At least the other baby was okay as far as they could tell; all the tests for fetal brain damage and deformities had come back negative.

"Jenny, where are you going?" Jessica asked as they drove past her old apartment. "I thought we were going to my house. I know I'm a little out of it right now, but I do know where I live."

"That's what you think," Jenny replied, turning down the road that the new place was on.

Jessica shrugged. "Okay, we can eat here, as long as you guys don't mind sitting on the floor."

"Well, we did a little bit of moving in while you were gone," Ryan confessed.

"How much?"

"Oh, you'll see."

"I hope you didn't make too much effort to go through anything at my house. I've got a ton of junk piled up in my closet."

"Oh, we found some great stuff," Ryan grinned. "Lots of blackmail. There was a picture of you asleep, sucking your thumb when you were about nine."

Jessica blushed as everyone else snickered. "You can't prove it's me."

"It's labeled 'Jessica' on the back," Ariel chimed in. "We found some old school pictures, too. How come you wore that ugly plaid dress in fifth grade?"

"Those were the eighties, honey. Did you work on your room?"

"Yeah, some." Ariel exchanged looks with Ryan. There was nothing left in her old room except for one or two boxes that hadn't fit into the U-Haul, and he'd promised her they could get those the next day.

So Jessica wasn't prepared to see all the furniture set up in the house when they got there. There was still a lot of work to be done - none of the kitchen stuff was unpacked so they'd been eating off of paper plates, Ryan hadn't touched the living room so it looked like all the furniture had been hurled in by a tornado, and the cable still needed to be hooked up. But it was livable.

"Ryan!" Jessica squealed. "You already moved everything! You didn't have to do that!"

Ryan shrugged modestly. "Well, I didn't want you to have to deal with all the stress from moving, and it really wasn't any trouble." A white lie, but she'd never know.

"Oh honey...I love you." Jessica snuggled against Ryan and gave him a little hug and a kiss. "I know everything's going to be okay now. You'll see."

"Mommy, I need to be changed," Ariel blurted out, killing the moment not for the first time.

"I'll change you," Jenny told her.

"No! You and Ryan have been changing me all week. I want Mommy to do it." Ariel folded her arms stubbornly across her chest.

"It's okay, Jenny, I don't mind. I missed her." They headed up to Ariel's room, and as they trudged up the stairs, Jessica realized she might never really carry Ariel again. She couldn't while she was pregnant, and Ariel was going through a growth spurt and already a bit big for carrying, by the time she'd had the baby Ariel would probably be too heavy to carry for very long at a time.

"Mommy," Ariel said as she was being wiped off. "I really missed you. Ryan's not as good at reading stories as you are. He doesn't do the voices."

"Mom, I'm being serious."

"I know, honey. I'm sorry. I missed you too, especially at night. I woke up almost every night intending to check on you before realizing you weren't there."

"Promise you'll never leave me at night again?"

"Well...you know I can't promise that, because I will probably have to leave you at night sometime...when I have the baby, probably, when Ryan and I go on our honeymoon, if I ever have to travel for work. But I will promise I'll never leave you unless I have someone competent to take care of you...Ryan or Jenny or Christine or someone else who you know very well. I wouldn't leave you overnight with a stranger." Jessica put a clean diaper on her daughter, sat her up, gave her a kiss, and began running a brush through her tangled curls, making them smooth and shiny. "Fair enough?"

"I guess so." Ariel didn't know if it was fine or not. She needed her mom and her mom needed her, she could take care of her mom a lot better than a bunch of nurses and doctors in some hospital, her mom had even said that the best she'd felt all week was when Ariel'd visited only hours after the miscarriage occurred. So how come she seemed to forget all that when Ryan was around?

The next day, everyone was spread out in Jenny's living room, mostly reading except for Caitlin, who was flipping through the channels on TV. Nobody was talking, mainly because the warm afternoon sun streaming through the windows made them all sleepy (Cody had actually fallen asleep on the couch a few minutes ago), but Caitlin thought the quiet was eerie. Quiet always signaled something was about to happen, something bad, and the way everyone was staring intently at their literature, almost like zombies, unnerved her. "Cool, Rugrats is on!" she announced, mainly to break the silence.

No answer. "Ariel, Rugrats is on!" Caitlin repeated. "I'm trying to read," Ariel replied, her nose buried in one of the diaper stories from the internet. Caitlin rolled her eyes; she wished she'd never gotten them for Ariel because it was like dangling candy in front of a diabetic, once Ariel read those stupid stories, she wanted the life in them.

Caitlin changed the channel - she really didn't even like Rugrats that much - and flipped through commercials. Commercials were often more interesting than the show itself, especially when the show was one of those stupid soaps her Aunt Stephanie liked. "That girl on the Pepsi commercial is stupid," she announced to no one in particular. "She gets paid all this money and everyone loves her even though all she does is lip sync."

Ryan glanced up. "Oh, god. If I had her money, I'd hire someone to do slow, painful, torturous things to that little girl and videotape it so I could watch it again and again and hear her scream. She is so annoying."

"Really?" Ariel looked up from her story, fascinated. "What kinds of things?"

"Ariel! Never mind!" Jessica interrupted sharply. She glared at Ryan. "See what you started? Ariel remembers every word you say in front of her. She's going to go to school and repeat that and wind up in the school psychologist's office, you just watch. Last year she repeated something I said about her father to the whole class, and Mrs. Felton was on the phone with me not more than ten minutes later. Let me tell you, we had conferences over that one. You can tell that kid to do something ten times, and she'll swear she never heard you, but say something to someone else on a private phone conversation in another room, and she'll hear it every time."

Caitlin flipped to another channel in time to hear "They feel like diapers!" Ariel's head snapped in the direction of the TV. She caught Caitlin's eye, and they burst into giggles. It was their favorite commercial. "Mom? Do those things really feel like diapers?"

"What things?" Jessica asked, distracted from squabbling with Ryan over exactly how screwed up Ariel was from parental influence. Ariel and Caitlin were both staring at her. It was a question they'd been pondering over a long time.

"Those things you wear when you have your period," Ariel explained, gesturing to the Always with Wings commercial. "The commercial says they do."

"Well, I don't know honey, I don't really remember wearing diapers. But I don't think so, they're made of different stuff, and they don't go around your hips the way diapers do."

"How come you don't just wear diapers when you have your period then?" The phone rang, and Jenny leaped up to get it. "Sorry Jess, you're on your own," she whispered. Jessica gave her a mock glare and glanced at her soon-to-be-husband, staring innocently into a magazine. He was absorbing every word and would probably tease her about it when they got home, she knew.

"Because not everyone wants to wear diapers. They're a lot more obvious."

"Well, I'm not going to bother with stupid pads when I get my period," Caitlin declared. "I'll just use my diaper."

"That makes sense, but for your mom's sake, I hope you're changing your own diaper when that time comes around."

"I don't want to ever change my own diaper," Ariel complained.

"Then I guess you can get potty trained. You've got a few years."

Jenny came back into the room, a disturbed expression on her face. "That was Stephanie. Danielle's missing." She took a deep breath. "You know, that's the first time I've ever known my sister to cry."

Chapter Forty-Two

As Eddie got off I-64 and sped towards Jenny's house, Danielle pulled off her headphones and tucked her 2gether CD back in its case. Eddie grinned at her. "Nervous?" he asked.

"A bit."

"Are you sure you know how to get to her house? Didn't you say you've only been there once?"

"I found directions in Mom's address book."

"What if she's not home?"

"I also found Jessica's new address in Mom's address book, and Mom mentioned it was pretty close to Jenny's house, so I bet it would be pretty simple to find. Somebody's probably home, and if they're not, I'll just wait awhile. Wasn't it nice of Mom to make it so easy for me to run away?"

"I'm not leaving you alone on someone's porch steps in a strange city. These residential neighborhoods are like mazes." Eddie drove for a few minutes in silence before pondering "I wonder if assisting a minor in running away is a felony?"

"Oh, I don't think so." Danielle shrugged. "If it makes you feel better, I won't even tell Mom you drove me. Let her think I took the bus. She knows I had almost two hundred dollars saved up from helping Mrs. Rueben with her peaches this summer." Danielle glanced down at her directions. "Okay, turn right onto Holland, that should be coming right up, and then we go down a few miles and it's a left onto Dam Neck."

"Yes ma'am." Eddie found Holland and Danielle recognized the McDonald's - they had stopped for lunch there when they visited last year - and breathed a sigh of relief. She'd worried about the accuracy of her mom's directions.

"There it is!" Danielle cried, pointing to the small Methodist church. She knew it was somewhere on this street.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Eddie actually looked nervous. "We can just go straight to your aunt's house."

"I have to pay my respects," Danielle replied, grabbing the twin bouquets of carnations and baby's breath that she had bought at a small grocery store somewhere in North Carolina. She'd seen them and knew immediately what she wanted to do. Finding the church was the easy part.

Eddie pulled into the parking lot and shut the car off. "Holy shit, Danny..." he breathed. "There must be thousands of stones here. How are you ever gonna find theirs?"

"I think I have an idea where they are. Come on!" Danielle grabbed Eddie's wrist and led him down a row, turned left, went straight for a hundred yards, turned right, went another fifty yards and stood in front of two graves. One read simply "Ariel Lockett Crawford, April 2, 1952-August 12, 1978"; the other "Marshall Anthony Crawford, July 27, 1950-August 12, 1978." No comments about being a good mother or a good father or a good wife or a good husband or much missed or anything. Just two small graves with those simple words etched into them, and a small teddy bear perched in front of each, atop laminated cards. Danielle didn't touch those.

"You didn't tell me you've been here before," Eddie remarked, keeping a respectful distance.

"I haven't."

"Then how did you know exactly where to find them? You must have been here before."

Danielle shrugged. She'd read a book on ESP earlier in the summer, and it suggested that most had some form of the phenomena. Maybe she'd been here when she was little; but no, her grandmother had said last thanksgiving that the city had changed so much in twenty years, giving the impression neither she nor Stephanie had been there in twenty years. In fact, Danielle remembered being appalled that her grandmother had never visited her own sister's grave. They had been planning to visit it on the way home but had decided not to in the interest of time. Jessica wasn't the only one who'd been pissed off at their apathy.

"Hi, Aunt Ariel, Uncle Marshall," Danielle said quietly. "You never knew me, but I'm your great-niece, Stephanie's daughter. I'm on my way to go see Jenny, and I just wanted to stop by. I never knew you but I wish I had, because you seemed like pretty cool people, cooler than my mom and grandma anyway. You probably think they're pretty cold but they miss you in their own way...Aunt Ariel, Grandma's got pictures of you all over her living room and a lot of times I see her looking at them and kind of sighing and looking sad.

"Jessica misses both of you a lot too, I think...I think sometimes she's even a little bit jealous of Ariel because she has a mom and a dad. She's getting married soon, to a really nice guy. Well, I've never met him but I've talked to him on the phone and he seems really nice. He got her pregnant with twins but she miscarried one last week, so she's pretty sick, but the other baby's gonna be okay, she just has to stay in bed a lot. I was wondering...since you guys are that baby's grandparents and all babies go to heaven and I know you're in heaven, despite what my mom says, maybe you could take care of her baby girl and help her not to be so scared, until her own mommy gets there and can take care of her."

Danielle waited a couple of minutes. She'd always heard stories about people going to graveyards and getting signs that the dead could hear them, like the wind blowing at just the right moment, but nothing happened. She arranged the bouquets in front of the teddy bears. "Well, I guess I'll go now." How could you say good-bye to a dead person? "I'll come visit you again soon."

"You ready already?" Eddie asked. She nodded mutely. "Some of these graves are cool! There are people over here who died in the 1700s! Want to see?"

Danielle shuddered at the idea of walking over a two-hundred year old body. "No, thanks. Let's get going. I'm hungry, and Jenny makes really good cookies."

"Well, kiddo, here we are," Eddie said about twenty minutes later, turning down the last road. "Just look for the house number and we'll be all set."

"There it is!" Danielle exclaimed, pointing. "Her car's there, too." Suddenly her stomach, which had been churning earlier, began doing flip-flops. This was stupid idea, she knew it. By now, they probably knew she was missing from home and would immediately call her mother. There would be lectures and possibly some yelling and sooner or later her mom would show up to take her home and God only knew what she would say. What was she doing here, anyway? She wasn't going to be any help, all she'd do was inconvenience everyone.

"No turning back now, huh?"

"Nope." The car slowed to a stop in front of Jenny's, and Danielle glanced at the front windows. They all looked dark and some of the blinds were closed. Nobody was watching her as she climbed out and grabbed her backpack and suitcase, running her finger along the soft outline of the package of Pampers. "Well...thanks a lot for driving me. I really appreciate it. Are you sure you don't need gas money?"

"Nah, I've got plenty, besides, I was happy to do it. Now I can tell everyone that I've aided and abetted a crime." Eddie handed her a slip of paper. "Here's my phone number and e-mail. If something goes wrong, call me right away, and I'll try to help you. Good luck!"

Danielle stood at the door, her finger paused an inch away from the doorbell. She peeked in through the little peephole, nobody visible, but she could see a glow coming from the TV room. Funeral marches played through her head as she pressed her finger against the doorbell. Oh God, please let nobody be home, please let them have gone for a walk and left the light on so I can have time to think, everything's happening too fast.

There was Jenny walking to the door, looking remarkably unchanged since the last time Danielle'd seen her, still slightly pudgy, mouse-brown hair just touching her shoulders, wearing a Virginia Tech sweatshirt and jeans. Mom would flip if she knew Jenny was supporting the Hokies. The door creaked open and suddenly Danielle was being pulled inside, into an aggressive hug. "Child, what are you doing here? Your mom's worried sick! We've been worried sick!"

"Mom, who -" Caitlin cut off as she saw Danielle, and for a moment the cousins locked eyes, Caitlin's widening and her face taking on a boy-I'm-glad-I'm-not-you-girl-you-are-in-trouble look. "You'd better call your mom. She's been calling like every ten minutes wanting to know if we've heard from you, and last time she was sobbing so loud I could hear through the phone all the way into the next room."

"Caitlin, get out of here," Jenny ordered. "Go over to Ariel's and play. Tell Jessica Danielle's here and okay; she's been worried." Caitlin wasn't fazed, she merely grinned and slid out the door, figuring she'd get the juicy details later from Danielle.

"My mother cried?" Danielle asked incredulously. She'd figured her mother would be furious with her, or worse, indifferent, but she'd never imagined her mother crying. Even the day she'd told Danielle and her father that she couldn't stay in the marriage anymore, Stephanie had maintained her composure. "Could you please call her for me?"

Jenny loosened her grip and handed Danielle the phone. "Honey, you need to understand, you're all your mother really has. You know your grandma's health is declining, and now that your dad's gone, she has to be strong for you, but that doesn't mean she doesn't care about you. It's just her nature to act sort of - emotionless."

"But you didn't hear the things she said about Jessica and her mom!"

"If she wasn't talking about you, then don't worry about it." Jenny's eyes burned into hers. "You don't know the whole story there and you will never know the whole story, because the only ones who know are your grandma, your mom, myself, and Jessica, and I doubt you'll crack any of us. Nobody's mentioned it for years."

Danielle was intrigued, but knew better than to push it further. Family scandal was certainly interesting, but wouldn't get her anywhere tonight. "Jenny, I don't think I can live there any longer. It's not just that, it's a lot of stuff. She doesn't trust or understand me, and she never will, I know it. I was sort of thinking...hoping...I could live with you." Seeing Jenny's skeptical look, she rushed on, humbled by the feeling that she was uninvited. "I could get a job raking leaves or something and pay you rent. I'd help out with all the chores, I'd baby-sit Caitlin and Cody. I promise I wouldn't be any trouble."

"Oh, no, no, honey," Jenny interrupted. "I didn't mean I wouldn't love to have you here, and I wouldn't expect you to pay me back in any way. You know I think of you as my own child; goodness knows you practically lived at my house in Georgia. But that decision is up to your mother, and isn't something we need to talk about tonight. It's not something to be taken lightly. For now, let me just call your mother and tell her you're safe and suggest that you stay for a few days, since you're here already. We can discuss you staying here long-term in a few days, after everyone's had a chance to calm down."

Danielle nodded gratefully. Jenny talked to Stephanie for a few minutes, and then handed the phone to Danielle. "She insists on talking to you, she just wants to hear your voice, no questions asked."

Danielle accepted the phone reluctantly. "Hello, Mom."

"Oh, thank God." Stephanie drew in a ragged breath. "Why did you do this, sweetheart? Did you think I didn't care?"

"Mom...no. You said you weren't going to question me."

"I know. I'm sorry. I just don't understand why you did this...but I want to. I want to listen to you." Danielle recalled telling similar lies to her teachers over the years, promising that she was interested in the class, she would study harder next grading period, she would stop talking so much, anything to convince them to bump her borderline grade up a point or not give her a detention. It was just a lot of BS, telling them what they wanted to hear.

"Well...we'll talk more tomorrow."

"Okay, baby." Danielle couldn't remember her mother ever calling her "baby" before. "You sleep good. I love you."

"I love you too, Mom." As soon as Danielle hung up, the phone rang again and Jenny answered it.

"Danielle, it's Jessica. She wants to know if you'd like to spend the night at her house. She wants to have a talk with you."

Danielle shrugged. "Sure, I guess so."

Jenny drove her over a little while later. "She must have some compelling reason to talk to you, because Ariel's been clinging to her like glue since she got home, and she's still not feeling great. I don't think a couple more days in the hospital would've hurt, but the insurance disagreed. Anyway, I don't have to tell you not to give her a hard time, because you already know that and wouldn't anyway." In other words, Danielle thought, I don't want you to think I don't trust you, but don't give Jessica a hard time.

Ariel answered the door. "Hi!" she said enthusiastically. "Guess what? We just moved in here yesterday! I slept here last night! My new room has a closet with a door that opens like an elevator door, and it's big! Ryan gave me his old desk! The people next door had a loud party last night, and Mom says if they keep us awake again she's going to call the police! Isn't this cool?"

"Ariel, honey, stop talking for a minute and let Danielle in the door so she can put her stuff down! She's had a long trip," Jessica said, laughing. She gave Danielle a hug. Danielle realized she'd probably gotten more hugs in the past hour than her mother had given her in the past six months.

"Where's Ryan?"

"He's in the shower. He'll be down in a few. You must be hungry. We saved you some dinner." Jessica pulled a nearly-full casserole dish out of the oven and pulled off the top to reveal a rubbery substance with lumps. "Ryan made it, he created the recipe as he went along. Don't worry, it doesn't taste as bad as it looks, in fact, it might be some distant cousin of chicken. But if you don't like it, there's plenty of other stuff you can have. Ariel had a peanut butter sandwich."

"Thanks." Danielle dug some of the stuff out of the dish and gulped it down without even tasting it. Jessica gave her a strange look. "Sorry."

"Haven't you eaten all day?"

"Yeah, I had a bowl of cereal before I left home this morning, but I didn't have lunch. Sometimes I get carsick," Danielle explained, "and I was trying to prevent that."

"Oh. Well, eat as much as you want, the more you eat, the less I have to. That baby's been complaining since I ate dinner."

Danielle smiled. "I'm sorry about..."

"It's okay." Jessica looked away and Danielle felt awkward for a few minutes until Ryan walked in, his hair damp, wearing boxers and a thin t-shirt. "Hey, you must be Danielle. Jessica's told me all about you," he said, extending his hand. Danielle was too busy staring at him to notice right away and finally accepted it, feeling stupid. Damn, why did everyone else always end up with the hot guys? And why did he have to be twice her age, and so obviously taken?

"Uh...hi. It's nice to meet you," she stuttered, blushing. Was he laughing at her?

Jessica was amused by this exchange. "Ryan, why don't you take Danielle upstairs and show her where she's sleeping? I'm going to clean up the kitchen."

Danielle followed Ryan up the stairs, trying not to stare at his butt as she did so. "We put you in the baby's room, because the air conditioning doesn't work in the alcove yet. I hope that's okay. All we have so far are a crib and changing table, and that's just because Jenny gave us Cody's. We're going to set up a cot for you."

"That's fine." Danielle threw her backpack down on the floor and flopped down on the cot, staring at her surroundings. Christ, they were putting her in a baby's bedroom.

Almost as if he could read her mind, Ryan commented "Ariel wanted to sleep in the crib last night, but we haven't gotten a mattress for it yet. We told her she could try it out later."

"Don't you think that's a little weird, her wanting to sleep in a crib?"

Ryan shook his head. "No, she's just curious about what it's like. It's normal. Jenny said Caitlin used to do the same thing when Cody was first born." He stood up. "Well, I'm going to go see if Jess needs any help. You might want to shower before she and Ariel have a chance to use up all the hot water," (was he trying to tell her she smelled bad?) "The bathroom's right next door, and the linen closet's across from it."

"Okay, thanks." Ryan left, and she was alone for the first time that day. What the hell, a hot shower did sound good right about now after being cramped in Eddie's Geo for twelve hours. It had been three before they'd even seen the first sign of mankind; she really did live out in the middle of nowhere. Danielle peered out the window, marveling at the sight of houses and a playground and a community swimming pool instead of miles and miles of corn. Oh well, there would be plenty of time to look at civilized America, for now she'd better get a shower.

After the shower, she headed back to her room, shivering in the air-conditioning, anxious to wrap up in a blanket and read. As soon as everyone went to bed, she'd put a diaper on, although she was a bit nervous about that. It had been hard enough last time, especially with Ariel around, but at least now she had her own. She would've preferred to not wear them tonight, not with the risk of getting caught, but she'd worn them almost every night for months. What if she was so used to them she couldn't spend a night without them? Nothing would be more embarrassing than wetting her bed, absolutely nothing, not even getting caught wearing diapers, especially with Ryan there - he looked like the kind of guy who'd laugh his ass off at her. She didn't know he'd done it himself until he was almost her age.

Danielle froze in the doorway. Ariel was perched on her bed, sorting through her backpack, surrounded by clothes, CDs and of course about fifty thousand pads and tampons. Oh God, she must've seen the diapers. She'd only been here an hour, and already the secret was out. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

Ariel looked up guiltily and immediately threw the backpack down, folding her hands in her lap innocently. "You said a bad word!"

"You little bitch! How could you look through my backpack? That's my personal property! I didn't tell you to look in there!"

Ariel ignored her, hoping to avoid trouble with blackmail. "I'm going to tell Mom you said two bad words!"

"Fine, tell her! I'll tell her you went through my stuff and I bet you'll be in a lot worse trouble than me!" Danielle grabbed her backpack and began stuffing everything back in there. At least Ariel hadn't actually pulled out her diapers, although she knew that was exactly what the little brat had been looking for. "Look, you made a mess of everything! Get off my bed!"

She grabbed Ariel's arm and pulled her off the bed, and Ariel screamed. "OWWWWWWW! MOMMY! Danielle's hurting me!"

"What are you guys doing?" Jessica appeared, looking irritated and surprised at the sight of all the clothes and personal hygiene. Well, at least it was her and not Ryan. "Good lord Danielle, you really took the meaning of 'make yourself at home' literally, didn't you?"

"I didn't do that! She was snooping through my stuff!" Danielle complained, pointing an accusing finger at Ariel.

"I just wanted to see what she brought," Ariel said petulantly, glaring back at Danielle. "She was the one who came in here and grabbed my arm."

"Ariel, did Danielle tell you it was okay to look through her stuff?"

"Well, not technically, but I was just curious."

"You know better than that! We've talked about privacy before, haven't we? This isn't the first time you've been caught snooping."

"But I wanted to see if she brought..." Danielle cast her a silencing glance. Don't say it, don't say it, please don't say it... Oh thank god, she didn't say it.

"Then you should've asked her instead of going through her stuff! Besides, it's none of your business what's in there. How would you like it if she snooped in your room? I want you to apologize to Danielle and help her put her stuff back together, and then go to bed."

"But Mommy, it's only eight o'clock! I'll never get to sleep!"

"Then you can lie awake in bed and think about why what you did was wrong. Besides, you need to start getting used to going to bed early again." Ariel pouted. "Now tell Danielle you're sorry."

"I'm sorry, Danielle," Ariel muttered.

"For...?" Jessica prompted.

"For going through your stuff." Ariel bent down to help put some clothes back into the bag, but Danielle pulled it away.

"Don't worry about it," she said, forcing a smile. "I'll do it myself. Good night."

Ariel looked disappointed, she'd lost her chance to see that Pampers bag again. "Are you sure?" Jessica asked.

"Yeah, I don't mind."

"I'm going to get her in bed and then I want to talk to you. We'll make some hot chocolate or something, k?"

Danielle nodded and proceeded to organize her things and fold them into neat piles, t-shirts in one spot, shorts in another, a neat stack of CDs beside the shorts. Bras, panties and the other unmentionables went back in the bag. She hadn't really brought that much because of space constraints, if she were to stay here long-term - and she didn't want to get her hopes up, but Jenny had certainly hinted that was a possibility - her mom would have to send her things. She wondered what her mother was doing now. Crying, maybe? No, definitely not, her mother never cried, if she had earlier she would've stopped by now. Relaxing in the Jacuzzi, more likely, trying to forget that she had a thirteen-year-old daughter who got a D in math last year because she never did her homework and piled up huge long-distance bills every month talking to her father and mouthed off her grandmother and raised her blood pressure.

Or maybe she was out with him. The guy who was not her father.

Danielle shifted her focus away from her mother, because it was making her angry and sad at the same time, and thought about Megan. What was she doing right now? Most likely sprawled out on her bed in her khaki shorts and tank top, the one that showed off what little cleavage she had, eating cheddar and sour cream Ruffles or mint chocolate-chip ice cream, listening to Papa Roach. Something was wrong with this picture. The Papa Roach CD. It wasn't Megan's, it was Danielle's, and Megan had borrowed it exactly two weeks and three days ago, and had not returned it, had changed the subject every time Danielle asked for it back, and now she might not get it back for weeks or months, although it was okay because she was pretty sure she had Megan's Creed CD. But it reminded her of how far away she was from her friends, and she would probably miss the first day of school on Monday, and suddenly tears welled in her eyes and overflowed.

"Hey." Danielle looked up at Jessica holding two cups of hot chocolate and wiped her eyes, feeling foolish. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." Her voice had a sob to it.

"You miss your mom?"

"No." Danielle wiped her eyes again and stood up. "Megan - my best friend - has my Papa Roach CD." That sounded stupid, she didn't miss her mother but she was crying over a CD? But Jessica seemed to understand.

"If I was a thousand miles away from my friends, I'd be crying too." Jessica sat down next to Danielle and handed her a steaming cup. "Actually, I had four really good friends in high school who I couldn't have lived without, and guess where they are now?"

"Where?"

"Well, one of them still lives here in Virginia Beach, has two kids, and works the same shitty job I used to, except her parents support her, she just works because she'd go crazy staying home with her kids all day. She's my breathing coach for when I go into labor, and one of my bridesmaids. Another one went off to a first-rate college after high school, we kept in touch a couple of years but I haven't heard from her since. The third one joined the military, settled down in Colorado, and got married. We send each other Christmas cards every year. And the fourth died of a heroin overdose when she was seventeen."

"Damn." Danielle couldn't think of anything else to say and wondered why Jessica told her that.

She sighed and nodded. "Yeah, and the sad thing is nobody was really very surprised." She paused. "So how come you ran away?"

"I hate that town and I hate my mother and I couldn't stand to live with her anymore."

"That's a strong word. What did your mother ever do to make you hate her?"

Danielle sighed. "Okay, I don't hate her, I just don't like her. She doesn't keep promises. She's selfish, she doesn't love me, only herself. She kicked Daddy out, and she won't let me live with him or even see him. She's trying to get full custody and get the visitation rights so that I can only see him three times a year, during school vacations."

"I don't let Ariel see her father at all," Jessica countered. "Maybe when she's thirteen but it depends on a lot of things, including whether he's still with her stepmother, because I don't want that woman around my child. Ever."

"What's wrong with her?"

"We're talking about you here, not Ariel. I'll tell you another time. Isn't your father an alcoholic?"

"Whose side are you on, anyway? How come you're defending her?"

"I'm not defending her, Danielle, just trying to make you see things from her point of view, because I don't think you've done that yet."

Danielle sighed and focused on running her finger along the pattern in the blanket. "He drinks sometimes, but he's not violent or anything. Mom just doesn't want me to talk to him because she thinks if I do, he'll start talking trash about her and he's not like that."

"Did she actually tell you this, or are you guessing?"

"She didn't tell me that, but why else wouldn't she want me to see him?"

"So basically you ran away without even talking to your mom about what was bugging you. You know, running away is not something to be taken lightly. You're lucky the police wait 24 hours before getting involved, because if they knew about this, you'd be in a lot of legal trouble that would go on your record. As it is, you had all of us pretty worried, especially your mom. How'd you get here, anyway? I know you didn't hitchhike, cause I know you know better than that."

"Megan's brother gave me a ride."

"Well, we're all very glad to have you here, but next time you want to come visit, call first and tell your mom, okay?"

"Okay." Danielle grabbed the miniature marshmallows slowly dissolving into her hot chocolate with her spoon and slurped them up. "She told me a girl with my looks didn't need to worry about going to college."

Jessica rolled her eyes. "I will say one thing about your mom, she's stuck in the fifties-housewife thing."

"That's what Megan said."

"Your mom is a beautiful woman, especially when she was younger, and she didn't go to college, and you look at where she is now. Frustrated, I imagine. It's hard working a job you don't really like to support a kid."

"Don't you like your job?"

Jessica shrugged. "It pays better than being a waitress, the hours are better too, but basically all it is is bowing to the wishes of a bunch of snooty, overpaid conservatives with Ph.Ds. It doesn't require a whole lot of thinking."

"My mom called you a whore, too."

"Oh, she's just jealous. She probably hasn't gotten any since you were conceived." Danielle burst out laughing. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that, but it's bad enough she says such things to my face, and in front of my child. It really pisses me off when she talks about me behind my back." Jessica stood up and collected the empty cups. "Well, I'm going to go see what Ryan's up to, and make sure Ariel's asleep. I'll see you tomorrow morning. And by the way, I'm sorry about Ariel."

"That's okay. I'm sorry I got so mad."

"Oh, I didn't blame you. She's always snooping. She thinks we all have some drastically exciting private life that we don't tell her about. She also picks up the phone a lot if I'm talking to one of my friends and listens in, then inadvertently manages to slip out a reference to something I know I wouldn't say in front of her." Actually, Jessica had a pretty good idea of what Ariel had been looking for in Danielle's bag, and only wished she could ask Ariel if she found it. "Well, good night. Call us if you need anything."

"Okay, thanks." Danielle smiled impatiently, closed the door after Jessica had finally left, and scrambled to get into a diaper.

Chapter Forty-Three

Ariel walked home from the bus stop, her tongue out so she could catch the tiny snowflakes flying through the air. Flurries three days before Christmas were definitely a good sign. Snow was okay this year as long as it didn't stick to the roads. Last week Ryan had heard the forecast for flurries and screamed at the TV "We live on a back road, we have a person here who is eight months pregnant and could easily go into labor prematurely, and you're predicting SNOW? No! It's not allowed to snow until February!" Ariel had laughed so hard she wet her diaper, not so much because of what he said but because he looked so comical with his face turning red, waving his arms around for emphasis, glaring at the TV like he was expecting it to answer.

Ariel halted at her driveway, where a familiar car was parked behind her mom's. What was Christine doing there? That meant one of two things, either her mom was feeling worse and didn't want to be alone, or her mom was feeling better and wanted to socialize. She unlocked the door and stepped inside uncertainly, breathing in the scent of pine needles, and stopped to gaze lovingly at the large package under the tree that she was almost certain contained a scooter for her.

"Ariel? You home?"

What a stupid question, Ariel pondered. If she wasn't home, how could she answer? "No," she yelled back upstairs.

"Cute. Come on up and say hello to Christine."

Ariel sighed and trudged upstairs. Christine was one of those adults who always said things like "Look how much you've grown! You're going to be taller than me soon" and she just had to stand there and smile politely, knowing darn well that it'd only been two weeks since they'd last seen each other and she hadn't grown visibly at all. She opened the door to her mom's room. "Stop! Don't come in yet." Jessica made an attempt to hide what she was wrapping under the bed sheet.

Ooh, they were wrapping Christmas presents. Ariel closed the door again and there was some muffled activity before Jessica called "Okay, it's safe."

"Hi," Ariel said, opening the door again. They were sitting on Jessica's bed, listening to holiday music, surrounded by wrapping paper, egg nog and chocolate. She crawled up onto the bed beside her mom and helped herself to a dark chocolate miniature Dove bar.

"Hey baby. How was school?"

"Pretty good. We didn't do anything except watch a Christmas movie and have a party. Where are Trent and Michael?" Ariel asked Christine.

"They're at my parent's house. My sister's watching them."

"Is Trent still in diapers?" Ariel didn't like Trent much, but she was interested in anyone who wore diapers.

"No, he's potty-trained now. This summer I just let him run around in nothing but underwear, and he improved greatly. I'm working on Michael now, and he's catching on a lot faster than Trent did." Christine regarded Ariel critically. "I can't believe how much you've grown."

"Did you say the same thing to Mom?" Ariel asked slyly.

Christine burst out laughing, but Jessica didn't think it was funny at all. "Ariel! Even Ryan isn't that mean. Am I really getting that big?"

"No, I was just kidding. Mrs. Cameron isn't pregnant at all, and her stomach's bigger than yours." In the past few months, Ariel had learned the difference between fat and pregnant. Her mother had a huge belly, but she certainly wasn't fat, even though she was almost always eating, the baby was taking almost all of it. She was not gaining as much weight as she should, which was one of the reasons why the doctor wanted her to remain inactive as much as possible.

"Honey, that's not nice. It doesn't matter what Mrs. Cameron looks like, she's a good teacher. Speaking of school, do you need to be changed?"

"No, I got changed right before school ended. Mom got some really cool diapers for the baby," Ariel informed Christine. "They have velcro instead of the sticky things to hold them closed so you can check the baby's diaper without ruining it. I wish they made them in my size. Mom said she'd try to find some."

"That's nothing," Christine replied. "If your mom really loved you, she'd buy you a baby-wipe warmer."

"I know! They bought one, but the baby gets that too, and Mom won't buy me one! She said if I really want warm baby wipes then I can run and get one from the baby's room while she's changing me. But that's a lot of trouble."

"Oh, you poor thing, you have it so rough." Jessica rolled her eyes. "We didn't buy that contraption; Ryan's mom gave it to us at the shower. What do you need with warm baby wipes? You think we had that kind of stuff when I was growing up? My parents were hippies. Aunt Elizabeth swears that they were so environmentally-conscious that they used old dishcloths to wipe my butt off and just threw them in the wash along with my cloth diapers."

"So, at least they were warmer than cold baby wipes. Especially when they'd just come from the dryer."

"Well, you could always wear underwear instead," Jessica said hopefully.

"No! I just meant if I were in charge of diapers, I'd make more things for bigger kids, like bigger diapers, and bigger cribs. I want to work in a Pampers factory when I grow up."

"Well, I guess that's better than wanting to be a school bus driver," Christine said. "That's what I wanted to do."

"I wanted to drive a snow plow. I figured I'd save all the snow for myself and put half of it in my backyard to play with and save the other half in my freezer for summer." Jessica sighed nostalgically. "I wanted to live in Montana, because they got so much snow."

"It's snowing a little bit now. Did you see?" Ariel said.

"No! Chris, why didn't you tell me it was snowing?" Jessica scrambled out of bed surprisingly fast and stared out the window. "Ooh! I hope we have a white Christmas. There hasn't been a white Christmas here since I was thirteen." I've got the family, she thought, gazing back out the window. I've got a wonderful husband, and I have a baby on the way. I don't even care if I have to stay in this house all winter, as long as the baby's healthy. Snow's about the only thing this Christmas needs to be perfect. Please let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.

It didn't look like Jessica was going to get her wish. The flurries stopped soon with no accumulation, and the skies remained clear through Christmas Eve, when Jenny brought her family over to open gifts. A fire crackled in the fireplace. They sat around the living room, consuming massive amounts of fudge and egg nog. Ariel fell in love with Jenny's homemade fudge, and ended up lying down on the couch nursing a stomachache with her head in her mom's lap.

"Well, you might've gotten your sweet tooth from your mom, but she doesn't have your delicate stomach," Jenny remarked, glancing at Jessica, who was rubbing Ariel's stomach with one hand and eating holiday M&Ms with the other. "That kid's going to get cavities in the womb."

"No, it won't." Jessica held up the large nearly-empty bag. "They're MILK chocolate, so they have lots of calcium. Strong bones."

"And I bet there's even more calcium in that half-gallon of egg nog that's disappeared over the weekend," Ryan remarked.

"I hardly touched that! You and Ariel drank most of it."

"I did not. I don't even like egg nog," Ariel said. She was starting to feel better, although pressing her face to her mom's stomach felt weird. "I think the baby's kicking."

"Oh, it's been making a fuss all night. I hope it settles down before I go to bed." Just then, the phone rang. It was Stephanie, who wished everyone the customary Merry Christmas but was primarily interested in speaking with her daughter.

Danielle sighed as she accepted the phone. "Mom, I'll see you less than two days, you know." She was flying to Georgia the day after Christmas to spend the rest of vacation with her Mom. When the arrangements had been made, she'd called up Megan and begged for refuge as much as possible, but now she was surprised that she was actually looking forward to seeing her mother and grandmother.

"I know, honey." Stephanie had never called her daughter "honey" before she moved to Virginia Beach. Jenny said she didn't know what she'd had until she lost it. "I just wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas, because I won't be able to call you tomorrow. Your grandmother and I are driving to Atlanta to visit your great-aunt Gertrude. We wish you were coming too, but..."

"Yeah, that's too bad," Danielle said, relieved that she wasn't. Aunt Gertrude seemed to think she was perpetually four years old. Although lately she'd been feeling even younger, since she'd been wearing diapers more and more often. Not only did she always wear them at night (she was still afraid to find out what would happen if she didn't wear one) but sometimes she put one on after school, and in the evenings. Miraculously, she hadn't been caught yet, and the increasing confidence had made her a bit careless. About every other week she had to ride her bike up to Farm Fresh and nervously grab the package and cash out before she ran into anyone she knew. She was spending most of her allowance on diapers, but she was happy. In fact, she'd even slipped one on for tonight, and put an extra in her backpack that she carried everywhere. It held her hairbrush, a scrunchie, diapers, zip-lock bags to put the used diapers in until she could empty them in Jenny's trash, flushable baby wipes, baby powder, her CD player and some CDs, her wallet, and whatever else she felt like carrying around. Nobody was allowed to touch it but her.

After she got off the phone with her mom, Danielle went to go change herself. First she grabbed a diaper and supplies from her backpack, which she'd dropped beside the door earlier. She ran to the downstairs bathroom, where she shut the door and locked it. In her haste, she didn't notice that the door hadn't quite latched all the way.

She quickly pulled the wet diaper off her and stuck in in the baggie, then wiped herself off. Getting wiped off would be so much better if she had someone else to do it for her. Regardless, it felt good...in more ways than one, she had discovered in the past few months. No time for that now, though. Just then, the door creaked open. Danielle whirled around, naked from waste down, baby wipe in one hand and clean diaper in the other, to face Jessica.

For once, Jessica was totally speechless. She'd never been so shocked in her life. Finally she managed to stammer out "Uh...um...sorry...the door wasn't shut all the way. I didn't know anyone was in here. I'll use the bathroom upstairs." She closed the door hastily.

Danielle realized she was shaking. She sat down on the toilet, weak with the embarrassment and shock of getting caught. Well, of all the people to catch her, Jessica was probably the best. Any of her younger cousins would have to be bribed into keeping the secret, Jenny might tell her mom, and Ryan was a guy. And Jessica already knew she'd tried diapers before, at Thanksgiving last year, but she'd still looked surprised - of course, it was one thing to have an vague idea that your cousin, an otherwise normal thirteen-year-old, wore diapers, but it was totally another catching her in the bathroom butt-naked with a diaper in her hands. She was definitely not in the mood to wear diapers anymore tonight, but she hadn't brought any underwear over so she had to. Sighing, she finished changing and went back into the living room, avoiding Jessica's eyes.

They left shortly after. Ryan, Jessica and Ariel snuggled together on the couch underneath a thick blanket. Christmas carols played softly in the background. Jessica read The Night Before Christmas aloud.

"And I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight...remember what Santa said, Ariel?" she asked.

Ariel was drowsy. "Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night," she mumbled. The phone rang again.

"Who now?" Ryan grumbled. He jumped up to answer it. "Hello? Oh, hi Mom. Merry Christmas to you, too." He sighed. Only his mother would call at ten o'clock on Christmas Eve.

He hung up a few minutes later. "That was Mom. She wanted to know if I was going to go to midnight mass, but I told her no, that we were all settled in here for the night." He looked disappointed. He'd forgotten about church until then, and it was a tradition for his family to go together on Christmas Eve.

"Oh baby, you should go. I know you want to."

"It's not that big of a deal, and you couldn't go. I don't want you out in that cold, and Ariel's almost asleep. I want to be with you."

"Honey, I'm going to bed soon anyway. We'll be together all day tomorrow. You need to see your family." Ryan was still reluctant, but Jessica practically pushed him out the door. She felt bad that he had stayed home most of December instead of going to all the parties and gatherings they had been invited to but she couldn't attend because of her pregnancy. And she knew how close he was to his family, and how much it meant for him to spend time with them.

Ryan felt half-guilty and half-excited as he drove down the road. He felt bad for leaving his wife and child alone, even if they were going to bed soon, but he loved going to midnight mass, seeing the advent wreath lit for the last time symbolizing the end of the waiting, and hearing the congregation sing in joy of Baby Jesus' birth. It made him think of his own soon-to-be-born child.

He tuned the radio to the station that played Christmas music all Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. They were forecasting snow to start later that night, ending sometime Christmas morning, no significant accumulation but it could make the roads nasty. Oh boy, he thought. That would be pretty, and Jess would be thrilled, but I hope I don't get stuck driving in it.

Jessica gave Ariel a sponge bath, as the child was half-asleep, put a clean diaper on her, and tucked her into bed. She took a shower and read a little before turning out the light. Ariel wasn't the only one whose stomach was cramping up from eating too much of the wrong thing. At least her baby had calmed down a little bit. She lay down and tried to sleep.

Ariel woke up when she heard her name screamed. Instantly she sat up, tensed and ready. A few seconds passed and she heard nothing but the heat flowing out through the vents. I must've dreamed it, she thought, lying back down and relaxing. Just as she was about to fall asleep, she heard another cry, this one louder.

No way I dreamed that, she thought as she jumped out of bed. She ran to her mom's room. Her mom was standing in the bathroom doorway, grimacing in pain. She didn't notice Ariel at first. "Mommy? Are you okay?"

"Oh, Ariel!" Jessica felt relieved, as if Ariel could really make it all better. "Call 911! I think the baby's coming!"

Ariel froze. Something big was happening, and she couldn't do anything to stop or control it, yet if she didn't do the right thing there'd be trouble. Why hadn't they begged Ryan to stay home instead of letting him go?

"Call!" Her mother's sharp voice cut into her thoughts. Numbly she dialed the three numbers. If it hadn't been such a big deal, or if it hadn't been her mother, she would've been excited to be in the middle of such an adventure.

"My mom's having a baby!" Ariel wailed into the phone when an operator answered. She gave her address.

"Alright, we'll send an ambulance right away. Calm down," the operator said in a bored voice. People always freaked out when someone went into labor, even though babies took forever to come. Usually there was a safety margin of at least eight hours before the mother delivered in her bedroom, but of course they wanted to get her to the hospital long before then. Still, it was nothing to freak out over.

"What do I do until it gets here?"

"Just try to keep her calm." Same bored voice. Ariel hung up the phone, feeling not at all reassured. She looked at her mom helplessly. "Call Jenny, then call Ryan." Jessica instructed, giving Ariel Ryan's cell phone number. The first set of contractions was over, she wasn't in much pain, and felt much calmer, although something inside told her she still needed to get to the hospital right away.

Ariel did as she was told. Nobody was at home at Jenny's. Where could they have gone at midnight on Christmas Eve? Jenny didn't answer her cell phone either, so Ariel left a message begging her to call them the second she got home.

The congregation was standing up, working their way through the fifth verse of "Hark the Harold Angels Sing" when Ryan thought he heard his cell phone ringing. Why would anyone be calling me in the middle of church, he thought. It was probably just the organ. The song ended and everyone was sitting back down when the phone rang again, more obviously this time. He grabbed the phone and ducked out of the room, ignoring the nasty looks from everyone sitting near him. The only person who would be calling him was probably Jessica, and she'd only call if there was an emergency.

"Ryan!" Ariel wailed as soon as he picked up the phone. "Mommy's having the baby!"

"You're kidding." Oh please be joking, Ariel. I won't even be mad at you for calling in the middle of church, just tell me that you're playing an early April Fool's Joke and your mother's fine, and I won't tell her you're up making phone calls when you're supposed to be asleep.

"No! I called an ambulance. But Mommy said to tell you the first contractions are over and now it doesn't hurt that bad and not to worry, just go straight to the hospital."

"Not to worry! But it's a month premature!" Ryan exclaimed, terrified. "Tell your mom I'm leaving right now. I'll see her in a few minutes. In fact, put her on the phone."

"Hello?" Jessica said weakly. She was starting to have contractions again, and her back hurt.

"I'll be with you as soon as I can. I love you."

"I love you too."

Ryan hung up and ran back to grab his coat. "I have to leave," he whispered to his mother. "Jessica's gone into labor."

"Is she okay? Do you need any help?" Ryan's mother was excited. She was a gossip queen, and loved to be in the middle of things.

"No, I'll call you as soon as I can. Bye." Ryan ran outside and stared, suddenly much more worried than he'd been before. "Oh, shit! It's snowing!"

"Mom, it's snowing!" Ariel exclaimed as she passed the window to put the phone back.

"Oh, no!" Jessica wailed. She had been mentally timing the ambulance, concerned that it wouldn't get there before something serious happened. She was already in hard labor, but so far it had been fairly mild. She had woken up to go to the bathroom and noticed that her back hurt, then her water broke and she yelled for Ariel. Why did I pray for a white Christmas, she wondered. It takes about twenty minutes to drive to Virginia Beach General. More if there's rush hour traffic, but we don't have to worry about that. The ambulance can speed and get here in ten, but will they? Probably they think they have plenty of time and right now they're ambling their way down Birdneck Road at forty-five miles per hour, stopping to admire the snow. The snow! That's going to slow it down big time, too, I sure don't want any ambulance carrying my baby to skid. Suddenly Jessica realized that she was going off on a tangent to avoid having to think about the pain of the next contraction. "Ariel...I'm scared."

Ariel climbed up on the bed beside her mom and held her hand. "Don't be scared, Mommy," she said, trying to sound reassuring although she was frightened too. The only things she knew about having babies came from a long-ago episode of 7th Heaven when Annie had Sam and David, and then it was nice and clean and over in an hour, with all the other kids singing. What if her mom had the baby right there in the bedroom, and she didn't know what do with it? Babies that were born early needed special care. Jessica screamed in pain, and Ariel clutched her hand tighter. "Shh, it'll be okay," she said, stroking her mother's hair, soaked in sweat.

She had heard her mom and Christine talking about childbirth and relaxation techniques on Friday and tried to remember some of the stuff they'd said. Focus on an object. What object, and what was the point? Maybe that was supposed to be later on. They had talked about weird breathing, too, but was that for the whole time or just for when they actually wanted the baby to come out? She sure didn't want to do anything to make it come out before it was supposed to. Because surely once you started pushing it couldn't take that long. Ariel looked at her mother in panic.

Jessica wanted to cry. She was turning to Ariel for comfort and that panicked look reminded her that Ariel was only eight years old and knew absolutely nothing about childbirth and the whole pregnancy had been problematic, something could so easily go wrong now, especially with the baby being a month premature. She wanted to be in a hospital right now, surrounded by doctors, with Ryan holding her hand and Jenny and Christine coaching her, where she could scream all she wanted to and not worry about scaring Ariel anymore than she already was. She had to be the responsible parent and keep Ariel calm, and maybe if Ariel didn't freak out she wouldn't either. They could calm each other down. She couldn't do it. She burst into tears.

"Mommy, don't cry!" Ariel exclaimed. She couldn't stand to see adults cry, and more than ever she wanted to cry herself, but she had to be a big girl for her mom. There'd be time later for baby stuff. Ariel clutched her mom's hand tighter and prayed.

Suddenly the neighborhood was awakened by the sound of sirens. "The ambulance is here!" Ariel yelled happily. "I have to go let them in, Mommy. I'll be back in a minute. You'll be okay now." Jessica let go of her hand reluctantly, smiling at the childish idea that the paramedics could make anything all better. No, they couldn't make everything all better, and in this pregnancy she had become especially aware of how imperfect they were, but she was one step closer to delivering her child safely.

Ariel let the paramedics in, led them up to her mother's bedroom, and was surprised to see Jenny, Danielle, Caitlin and Cody following them, bundled up in snow-dusted jackets, hats and scarves. "I tried to call your house for help and nobody was there! I didn't know what to do! If something happens to Mommy it'll be my fault..." and she began crying hard.

Jenny rocked her back and forth, making soothing noises. "You did well tonight, honey, and we're proud of you. Your mommy was very lucky you were here. You called the ambulance, and your daddy. You did everything you could, and your mom seems fine so far. Premature babies usually turn out okay, just a little small the first year or so. Both of my pregnancies were very difficult, and Cody was born a month early, but they're both healthy now." Ariel sniffed and nodded, she did feel better.

Jessica got loaded onto a stretcher quickly, still fully conscious, dilating, and wishing Ryan were there instead of a bunch of nosy paramedics. Ariel ran to see her. "Mommy, can I come to the hospital with you?"

"Baby, you wouldn't even be allowed to watch, you'd just spend the whole night sitting in the waiting room. Jenny and Christine are both taping it. I'll let you watch it when I bring the baby home. Get some sleep, and when you wake up you'll have a new brother or sister."

"Can I come?" Danielle asked hopefully, thinking maybe she was finally old enough to help out like an adult instead of staying at home with the little kids. Then again, Jessica probably thought she was still a kid after catching her in diapers earlier that night.

"You know how you could be the biggest help?" Jenny said. "By babysitting everyone tonight. You just have to get the kids tucked into bed and tomorrow morning I'll come home to open gifts and bring any news." Danielle sighed, thinking that three hundred years ago she would've been having her own baby at thirteen, but now it wasn't even considered old enough to help deliver one. After the ambulance pulled away, no siren this time, how boring, she walked everyone over to Jenny's house to spend the night. Cody was half-asleep, oblivious as usual, but the girls chatted eagerly about the baby. "I hope it's a girl," Caitlin said. "I want a little sister, cause all boys are interested in is playing playstation. Besides, Cody's a boy, and Ryan's a boy so we already have more than enough around."

Ariel nodded agreement. "Mommy said that you have to be careful when you change a boy's diapers, because they're like water guns. They squirt you. If it's a boy, they'd better not change it anywhere near me."

"Who needs to be changed?" Danielle asked as she unlocked Jenny's front door. "Me!" Ariel yelled. In all of the excitement, she hadn't noticed before but her diaper was soaked.

"I do," Caitlin admitted reluctantly. "But I don't want you to change me." At nine and a half, Caitlin was getting to be rather self-conscious about being seen naked while getting changed. Unlike Ariel, she didn't enjoy being babied anymore, any enjoyment she'd gotten from them had long since disappeared, and she wished she didn't have to wear them. It was okay if her mom changed her at home, but she now flat-out refused to be changed in public places, and was reluctant to let anyone but her mom change her. Jenny had started letting her change herself when all she'd done was wet, but now she had another problem.

"You pooped," Danielle sighed. "Great..." She wasn't real eager to change the diaper of someone only four years younger than she. Ariel was different, because even though she wasn't much younger than Caitlin, Danielle had always thought of her as being more a preschooler than an eight-year-old. "Well...why don't you try to wipe yourself off as best you can and then take a shower. I know your mom doesn't like you to change yourself, but I won't tell if you won't."

Caitlin looked relieved. "Oh, thank you!" She ran off to get cleaned up, and Danielle put Cody to bed and changed Ariel.

"I don't mind being changed by you. I think you're good at it," Ariel told her loyally. "Caitlin just likes to complain."

Danielle smiled. "Well...I can see where she's coming from. It does seem like it would be kind of awkward being so exposed and...submissive."

"What's that mean?"

"Just giving into someone else and being all helpless, like a baby. When you get a little bit older, you'll be more modest. You won't like being naked in front of other people, especially when your body starts to change."

"I don't care. I like being changed. I don't mind being naked." Ariel never felt the slightest bit awkward about being naked while being changed. She didn't like it when people stared in public restrooms, but she was embarrassed about the diapers, not her nudity. If she had a choice, she'd never wear clothes.

"Yeah, but you have to be careful. There's a lot of weirdos out there...oh, never mind. You'll understand someday. And stop stalling, it's time for bed. You get to sleep in my bed tonight."

"With you?"

Danielle grinned wickedly. "No, since I'm the head of the house tonight, I'm taking Jenny's bed." Jenny had a queen-size waterbed that she refused to share with anyone.

"No fair! I want to sleep in it too. Besides, I left my teddy bear at home and I'll have nightmares without him unless I sleep with someone else. And, when I have nightmares, sometimes I pee more than usual and my diaper leaks."

"Really?" Danielle asked skeptically, suspecting that Ariel was lying but not willing to risk her bed for it. "Does your mom let you sleep with her a lot?"

Ariel frowned. "She used to, but ever since she and Ryan got married she won't anymore. She says there's not enough room."

Danielle smiled. "Oh, all right. Go get in Jenny's bed. I'll be there in a minute." She quickly changed into her nightgown and a clean diaper, but neither of them could sleep. Ariel was anxious about her mom and the baby, and Danielle was just excited because it was Christmas. She rolled over and bumped into Ariel. "Sorry."

"That's okay," Ariel mumbled. "Are you wearing a diaper?"

Danielle froze. "What makes you think that?"

"When you rolled over I heard something crinkle. You are, aren't you?"

"Yes. Shh. Don't tell anyone."

"I won't. Does Jenny know you wear them? Or your mom?"

"No, and I don't plan on telling them anytime soon either. Your mom knows, though."

"She does? She didn't tell me."

"She didn't have a lot of time to. She just found out tonight. She walked in on me while I was in the bathroom changing."

"She won't anyway," Ariel said loyally. "She always keeps secrets. She won't embarrass you."

"Yeah, and you'd better not either. Please don't tell Jenny or my mom. Mom would flip, and it would just be embarrassing for Jenny to know. It's bad enough that your mom knows."

"You really like wearing them, huh?"

Danielle blushed. "Yeah. Go to sleep, Ariel."

Ariel unsuccessfully tried to sleep for about five minutes, and then asked "Why do you like wearing them so much?"

Danielle pretended to be asleep. She sure wasn't going to tell her little cousin why she liked diapers so much. It certainly wasn't because she enjoyed feeling like a baby.

"Danielle?" Again, no response. Ariel sighed and rolled around some. The waterbed reminded her of being on a boat. She thought she'd never fall asleep, and didn't remember when it happened, but early the next morning she was awakened by someone beside her. She opened her eyes and saw Ryan.

"Morning, big sister," he whispered. "Merry Christmas."

"Morning," Ariel mumbled. Suddenly she realized what he'd said. "Was the baby born? Is Mommy okay?"

Ryan smiled. "Your mother's a little sore, but very happy. She can go home later today, and we'll celebrate Christmas. She gave birth to your little brother, Joseph Marshall, at 3:57 a.m. You were right to call 911 when you did; once she got to the hospital it didn't take long. He weighs four pounds, eleven ounces, not bad for a preemie, and he's in an incubator right now but he'll be fine. He can probably go home next week."

Surprisingly, Ariel didn't feel terribly excited. She didn't feel anything except tired and a bit curious to see her brother, but not really excited. "What's he look like?"

"You want to see him? Jenny took a Polaroid. He's beautiful. Your mom and I cried."

Ariel studied the photograph. She wasn't impressed. Her little brother was tiny, wrinkly, with a red splotchy face and light brown hair sticking up. His head looked distorted. "Why is his head shaped so funny?"

"That's from passing through the birth canal, honey. It's a tight space for a baby to get through. All newborn's heads look like that. You should see the tiny little diaper they put on him."

Ariel smiled. "Where's Jenny?"

"Right here," Jenny whispered from the doorway. "I see you guys slept in my bed last night, so I'm going to sleep in Danielle's bed. Ariel, your brother is beautiful."

"You can sleep here," Danielle mumbled groggily. "I'm awake. Let me see that picture."

Ryan handed it to her. "Oh, he's so cute! You're lucky, Ariel."

Ariel shrugged, not feeling lucky. Being a big sister was going to take some getting used to.

Chapter Forty-Four

"Jess! Jess, come here! Grab the camera!"

"What?" Jessica walked into Joseph's room to see her son and daughter sleeping side-by-side, Ariel's arm around Joey's tiny body in a childish show of protection. "Look at them! She thinks he's just something to cuddle with, like a puppy." "Actually, she looks like she's trying to strangle him," Ryan remarked. "She's sprawled out over most of the crib and left him with about six inches of room. And she knew when she fell asleep there that we were going to have to pick her up and carry her to her own room, therefore focusing our attention on her instead of Joey. Clear-cut sibling rivalry." He snapped a photo. "This'll be great to show to Ariel's first date."

Jessica rolled her eyes. Joey stirred at the flash and babbled. She picked him up and blew raspberries at his chubby little face until he smiled. "Daddy's silly, isn't he? Ariel loves little Joey, she doesn't want to hurt him. She might get a little jealous sometimes but she loves being a big sister, doesn't she, honey?"

"A little jealous?" Ryan repeated. "Did you see that look she gave you last night when you two were watching Gilmore Girls and you went to go check on Joey every commercial break? And tonight when I got home she came running to me furious because she needed help with her homework and you told her to wait until Joey took a nap. I think you and her should spend some time together this weekend. I'll take care of him while you take her shopping or something."

"Oh, I was planning to. Remember, Monica's parents are going away for their anniversary this weekend and she's staying here. I was going to take her and Ariel to see a movie. They're not old enough to appreciate shopping yet."

"I haven't seen Monica in forever," Ryan said. Ariel usually played with Eric and Felicity, and sometimes they invited Monica over, but Monica didn't seem to like Felicity for some reason. In fact, she didn't seem to like Ariel much either anymore, and she hadn't liked Daniel. It was becoming a trend for her to dislike anyone in diapers.

"I know. They've grown apart, and it's a shame because they've been friends forever. I guess Monica feels left out since Ariel and most of her friends are a grade below her." Jessica shook Ariel's shoulder. "Honey, wake up."

Ariel opened her eyes and yawned. "Want to sleep here," she mumbled. "You can't sleep with Joey. He's too little. You might suffocate him."

"I would not!" Ariel protested drowsily.

"I know you wouldn't intentionally, but he's helpless, sweetie. All you need to do is put your hand over his face in your sleep, and he can't breathe or do anything about it. Besides, you're too big for a crib." Jessica lifted Ariel up.

"You want me to take her?" Ryan asked, concerned.

"Nope, I got her." To prove her strength, Jessica lifted her daughter above her head. "She keeps me in shape. I lost most of my baby weight lugging her around these past couple of months."

"I'm not that big!" Ariel protested.

"I didn't say you were big, honey, just eight-year-olds were not meant to be carried around. But I don't mind doing it once in awhile." Jessica lugged Ariel down the hall and flicked on her bedroom light with her free hand. "Now, I know you love Joey, but he's not a puppy. Maybe when he gets a little older he can sleep in your bed with you, but you cannot sleep with him in the crib, there's not enough room." Ariel nodded fine, the crib hadn't been like she thought it would anyway. Instead of feeling secure, she felt smothered, and every time she rolled over her side hit bars. It wasn't that comfortable either, just a thin little mattress between her and the hard wood. When Ariel had asked why there weren't any pillows, or thick blankets, Jessica had explained to her that babies could smother in their own bedclothes and die. Ariel thought about this and decided that infants spent half their lives safe and secure in their mommy's arms, not a care in the world, and the other half worrying about being smothered by a piece of furniture. For her, cribs didn't provide the security that they symbolized.

"Ariel?" Jessica asked as she was tucking her child in. "Does Monica still wet the bed?"

"No, she stopped that like a year ago. That's why she doesn't like diapers anymore, she thinks they're for babies just cause she doesn't need them."

"It's just as well, anyway. I shouldn't have ever let her wear diapers over here in the first place, not without asking her mother first." Jessica kissed Ariel good-night and turned out the light. "Night, sweetie. Call me if you need anything, k?"

"Can I have a bottle?" Ariel asked shyly. Watching her mom feed Joey all the time - god, that kid was always hungry, anytime he sat in anyone's lap, he started searching around for a breast - had given her ideas. She didn't desire to be breast-fed now, that would be too weird for her, and her mom would probably lose no time in sending her to another shrink if she even suggested it. But watching her mom feed Joey stirred up feelings of resentment. Jessica had not breast-fed her, and it was a bonding experience they'd never shared.

Jessica smiled and went to go fix Ariel some water. Ariel hadn't asked for a bottle in months, but she didn't blame her for wanting one now. Poor kid, she loved her brother so much and hated him too, for disrupting her life.

Ariel accepted her bottle without a word, then handed her mom a book. They hadn't done their nighttime story ritual since Christmas Eve, when her mom read her "The Night Before Christmas." Not coincidentally, Christmas Eve had been the last night before Joey was born. Ariel drank her bottle to the background noise of her mom reading, not really listening to the story but grateful for fifteen minutes of her mom's attention.

Monica's parents brought her over the next evening around seven. They seemed excited about their weekend getaway; Jessica whispered to Ryan that it was one of the few times she'd seen Mrs. Johnson in a good mood. They hardly knew Mr. Johnson. Until his retirement from the military the year before, he'd been a high-ranked official who was almost always out of town. Now he and Monica spent a lot of time together. He was much more relaxed than Mrs. Johnson, and the two made a strange couple. Monica seemed glad to see them go.

"So you're still wearing diapers," she remarked, running her finger along the edge of Ariel's changing table. "Are you ever going to give them up?"

"No," Ariel replied coldly, sitting down her bed. "If you're just going to pick on me, you can sleep in the attic tonight. It's haunted."

"Oh, don't tell me you actually believe in that."

"Don't tell me you don't. You got so scared last year on Halloween when we went to the Cat Lady's house, Mom had to hold your hand. Even Cody's not that bad. You might not wear diapers, but you still act like a baby."

Monica was about to say something back, when the doorbell rang. She sighed. "That's probably my parents. Mom probably wants to remind me to brush my teeth or something."

But instead it was Danielle, obviously irritated. "Jenny invited Dick over," she groaned to Jessica. "And she wants me to stick around and talk to him! Can you believe it? Caitlin and Cody get to hide out in their rooms, but I have to be polite and laugh at all his stupid jokes."

"Who's Dick?" Monica asked.

"Jenny's boyfriend," Jessica explained. "Richard. We call him Dick when he's not around."

"Why?"

"Because he is one," Danielle grumbled.

"Danielle!" Jessica warned. "Little pitchers have big ears."

"Sorry, but you know he is! He insulted Ariel right in front of y'all last week, and it just flew right over Jenny's head. If I was you, I would've walked right out of there."

"Believe me, I would've liked to, but it would've been rude to Jenny. I'm sure soon she'll figure out that he's not her type and get rid of him. I hope so, anyway."

"What'd he say?" Monica asked.

"I was mad cause Caitlin wouldn't let me play Nintendo, and he said 'the little baby's about to throw a temper tantrum'! And then he told Mom that he would really be worried if I was his child, and asked her if she wanted a number for a really good psychologist!" Ariel exclaimed.

Monica tried to look passive, wanting to stray away from discussing diapers as much as possible. "Hey, let's go up to your room. I brought Dixie Chicks and the new Jennifer Lopez CD."

"Cool!" Ariel said happily. They scrambled up the stairs.

"Keep it down! Joey's asleep, and Ryan's on the phone with his mom." Jessica called after them. "So what are Jenny and Dick doing, anyway?" she asked Danielle.

"Watching some stupid movie. I think they were glad when I left, because now they can make out on the couch."

"I doubt that's what they're doing. Jenny's not like that."

"Well, he's brainwashed her."

"Oh, Danielle, be nice. We don't even know the guy that well. You're judging him by one stupid comment he made. I think he was trying to make a joke."

"Well, that was one rude joke! And you didn't look very forgiving when he said it."

"Okay, it pissed me off a little," Jessica admitted. "He's not in any place to judge my child. I mean, I've seen other kids Ariel's age in diapers before. And Ariel is perfectly mentally stable. It's not any big deal. It'd be different if she was a teenager or something, then I'd be a little disturbed." Joey began to cry then, and Jessica sighed and went to go take care of him.

Danielle followed her, shocked. "What's that supposed to mean?" she snapped.

"What's what supposed to mean?" Jessica asked calmly, picking Joey up. "Do you want to hold him?"

"You know what you said."

"Oh...honey, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that. I meant if a teenager still wanted to be changed and babied by their parents it would disturb me. I don't really know why diapers appeal to you, and I really don't think I want to know, but as far as I know you haven't come to your mother or Jenny asking for a bottle and a diaper change recently."

"Sure." Danielle put her jacket on. "Of course it's okay if Ariel likes to wear diapers, she's your kid. You wouldn't dare take responsibility for screwing her up, but the rest of us, we're just a bunch of psychopaths because we like to wear diapers, and yeah, of course we want to be changed by other people. You think I plan to change my own diapers for the rest of my life? I'm going home."

"That wasn't what I meant...Danielle!" Jessica called after her. The door slammed in response. Joey began to cry again. Ryan hung up the phone and came in.

"What's going on?" he asked, picking up his son.

"Danielle's pissed because she took something I said the wrong way, and she slammed the door when she left, so that started Joey up again."

"What's she mad about?"

"Oh, I don't know. You know how teenagers are. How's your mom?"

"She's fine. She wants to see Joey tomorrow, so I thought I'd bring him to her house. I told her you and Ariel were busy, though." Jessica mouthed a silent "thank you" "Are you taking the girls to a movie?"

"No, there's nothing they want to see so we can just rent something tomorrow night. I might take them skating, and to the library - Monica has a project she needs to work on. I'm going to go say goodnight to them now. I'll meet you in bed."

Ryan smiled. "Sounds good."

Jessica knocked lightly on Ariel's door. "I just came to say goodnight."

"Mom, it's only nine," Ariel complained. They were seated on the floor, with every Barbie thing they owned spread out over the floor. "Why do we have to go to bed now?"

"You don't. I'm saying goodnight now. You can stay up as late as you want." She figured they'd learn their lesson when they slept until noon the next day. Ariel and Monica grinned, thinking of all the fun they could have. Jessica waited another minute. "Ariel," she said finally. "You know what we have to do now."

"I'm dry," Ariel replied, not glancing up from the tiny outfit she was trying to get Ken into.

"You've been drinking soda all night, and you're dry?"

"Yep."

In one swift motion, Jessica grabbed Ariel around her waist and lifted her up onto the changing table. "Hey!" Ariel protested, embarrassed for Monica to see her in such a submissive situation. Monica shook her head in disgust and tried not to watch.

Jessica pulled Ariel's pants off and checked the diaper. "You are soaked, young lady, and I do not appreciate being lied to."

"Sorry."

"When you are wet, you will come and tell me you are wet, or you will get potty trained. If Monica was the problem, we could've asked her to leave the room."

Monica walked over to Ariel, being careful not to look at any of the changing activity. "Look at what Mom bought me last week for my Barbie. It's a scuba diving outfit."

"Oh, I love that!" Ariel exclaimed, fingering the tiny oxygen tank. "Look, she even has teeny little goggles! And I love the glitter on her suit."

"It can even get wet," Monica bragged. "It dries in like, five minutes, and Barbie's skin doesn't get wet at all."

"I have a bathing suit for mine. When I get done here, maybe we can fill up the bathtub and pretend that they're at the beach." She looked hopefully at her mom.

"That sounds like fun," Jessica said, rubbing a bit of Desitin on the slight rash that Ariel had. "Just don't forget to wipe up any water you get on the bathroom floor." Suddenly, Ariel began peeing all over her hands and the changing pad. "Monica! Grab a diaper!" Jessica yelled, shocked. Monica saw what was happening, grabbed a clean Pamper and held it under Ariel to catch the stream of urine.

"Ariel, that's so gross. You got pee everywhere," she said, disgusted.

"Didn't you know you had to go?" Jessica asked.

"No," Ariel said meekly. "I didn't even know I was peeing until Mom said something. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get everything wet."

"Don't worry about it," Jessica said, although she was a little dismayed at the total lack of control her daughter displayed. "No harm done. I'll put this in the washing machine before I go to bed." She put a clean diaper on Ariel and took the pad off the changing table. "Don't stay up too late, girls."

Ariel and Monica got bored with their Barbies after another hour, and although neither would admit it, they felt tired, so they lay down in Ariel's bed to talk. Monica had brought her sleeping bag, but Ariel didn't mind sharing the bed. Monica did, but she didn't want to tell Ariel why. So after Ariel was asleep, she groggily climbed out of bed and into her sleeping bag. After a moment of thought, she ran to the bathroom to pee before falling asleep.

She was awakened around seven by the sun streaming through the window onto her face. Ariel was used to the morning sun brightening her room and could sleep through it, but her own room faced west. It was just as well. She rolled around a bit. The bag felt dry, maybe she was okay. Then her hand hit a damp spot.

Horrified, Monica sat up and felt her pajamas. Definitely soaked. She unzipped the bag far enough to peel it back and see the dark spot contrasting against the light pink fabric. It wasn't very big. Okay, so she hadn't peed as much as she usually did, but she'd still peed. Sigh. Here she was, two months shy of being nine years old and still doing this most nights. If only she could outgrow this, then living with her parents wouldn't be so bad...

Well, it was early, and Ariel said her parents liked to sleep late on weekends. With luck, she could at least get everything washed and in the dryer before anyone else was up, and later on she could find a moment to sneak everything out of the dryer and back up to Ariel's room. She quickly peeled off her wet pajamas and got dressed, then carried her sleeping bag and pajamas downstairs. It was a lot to carry in her small arms, and she almost tripped over the sleeping bag on the stairs. She went through the kitchen to get to the laundry room and there was Ryan, drinking coffee. "Busted," she muttered under her breath, her heart sinking.

"Morning," Ryan said. "You're up early. Whatcha up to?"

"Uhh...I just happened to wake up early and I remembered, this sleeping bag hasn't been washed in months. So I thought I'd do it and get it out of the way." Monica gave him her best girl-scout smile, then shifted the questions on him. "How come you're up so early?"

"I had to get up to feed Joey, and then I couldn't get back to sleep. You look like you could use some help carrying all that stuff."

Monica shook her head. "I got it."

"Do you know how to use the washing machine?"

"Yes, I do laundry all the time for Mommy." Monica started walking towards the laundry room again, but before she'd taken two steps her pajama bottoms fell out of the pile. Ryan, being a gentleman, bent down and picked them up for her.

She froze. He had to have felt how wet they were. There was no way he could miss that. But he just handed them back to her and smiled at her in such a way that she knew he knew, but wasn't going to embarrass her by saying anything, which made her feel even more ashamed and guilty.

"I wet my bed," she blurted out. "That's why I'm washing my stuff."

"That's not fun. But it's nothing to be ashamed of." Ryan finished up his coffee and rinsed out the cup. "Come on. Let's go wash your stuff and we'll talk about it."

Monica sat on the dryer and watched him measure out the detergent. "I bet I'm the only third-grader who still wets the bed."

"Probably not. If I had been in your class, you would definitely not be the only one still wetting the bed."

"You wet the bed too?" Monica asked, shocked.

"Well, not anymore, but yeah, until I was about nine or ten. It usually goes away by adolescence. I didn't usually have to do the sheet thing though. My mother diapered me."

"Oh," Monica said, dejected. Another person who wore diapers and didn't seem to mind it. "But you're so...normal."

Ryan laughed. "Thanks, but why would that not make me normal? It's not that big of a deal."

"I don't know. Didn't it make you feel...weird? I mean, kind of uncomfortable?"

"I guess I was a little embarrassed to be treated in such an infantile way at nine years of age, I didn't enjoy it the way Ariel does, but I didn't hate it. It was better than the alternative, wet sheets."

Monica disagreed, but she didn't argue. It made her uncomfortable the way Ariel loved being diapered. "Did your mommy and daddy yell at you for it?"

"My mom sometimes got fed up and spanked me, but that was before parents knew how common bedwetting is. I don't think she realized that there could be a physical cause for it." Ryan turned the washing machine on. "What do you say we get some breakfast? Maybe the Saturday slackers will get out of bed once they realize they're missing food."

"I didn't know you could cook. Ariel said you couldn't even microwave leftovers."

"Ahh, my reputation as a chef has spread. That's not quite true. I do make a mean bowl of Frosted Flakes."

Monica smiled. "I love Frosted Flakes. Mom doesn't buy them, because they have sugar."

"Which is exactly why I buy them. A little sugar now and then never hurt anyone." Ryan poured her a bowl and set it down in front of her. "There you go, madam. Would you like to see my skills in pouring juice, too?"

"Sure." Ryan poured them both some grape juice and slid into a chair across from her.

"So what are you going to do about tonight?"

"What do you mean?" Monica asked. She heard a creak above her. Someone was up.

"I mean about your bedwetting. You don't have to wake up soaked, you know. You could wear one of Ariel's diapers."

Monica's eyes widened and she gasped. Vigorously she shook her head, obviously terrified. "No!" she cried. "I don't want you to diaper me! Don't!"

Ryan was a little bewildered by her reaction. "I didn't mean that I would diaper you. You could put one on yourself."

"No! I don't want to! I hate diapers, okay? I'm not like you and Ariel. I hate diapers, and I hate being diapered! I don't even like to think about being diapered! So don't make me wear one, please!"

Ryan was still confused. "I would never make you wear one. If you don't want to, you don't have to. I just thought it would be better than having to wash your stuff again."

"Really, I don't mind. I can wash it myself tomorrow. You don't have to help."

"Help with what?" Ariel asked as she walked into the room, still in her pajamas. Jessica followed behind her.

"My social studies project," Monica replied quickly, grateful for the interruption.

"Yuck! I hate social studies. I can't believe you get homework on the weekends in third grade."

"That's right, you need to go to the library today," Jessica recalled. "We'll do that before we go skating. Oh, and your mom asked us to run by your house today and feed your cat and fish. She said you could show us where the food was."

Monica perked up. "Good, cause I was worried that my kitty cat would miss me. She's never been alone before. And Ariel, I can show you my new fish. It's a neon tetra. It's really pretty." She slurped her last bite of cereal. "Well, I'm ready to go," she said, anxious to get out of the house and away from Ryan.

Chapter Forty-Five

"Every whisper of every waking hour I'm choosing my confessions" - REM

The skating rink was noisy, crowded, and smelled like sweaty skates. Monica sang along to the Destiny's Child song blaring through the speakers as she laced up her rollerblades, wishing she could get lost forever in the intensity. Ariel interrupted her thoughts by screaming in her ear. It was the only way they could hear each other.

"What?" Monica yelled.

"I said you sing good!" Ariel repeated. "You should take chorus in school."

"Oh. Thanks."

"Are you okay?" Jessica asked her.

"Yep!" Monica forced a smile. Her mom was always telling her to "go along to get along." Of course, little did her mom know the extent to which she followed this advice. It didn't always work so well around the house, especially with her dad. But when she was staying at someone else's house for the weekend, the least she could do was enjoy the time away from her parents, and not project the anger she was feeling on Ariel's family. Her hell wasn't their fault, but Ryan had certainly poured salt on a wound this morning. How could Ariel stand for him to change her?

Monica stood up on the slick floor and nearly fell back down again. Her family never went rollerblading, and she didn't even own skates. But Jessica insisted that scraping herself off the cement floor while trying not to get her fingers run over built character, and that after a half hour of this, she'd be skating like a pro. Monica figured it couldn't be any worse than the art museums her mother enjoyed perusing on Saturdays. She leaned against the wall for balance and grinned at Ariel and Jessica. "I am actually really great. I feel so confident about my project now. Thanks for taking me to the library."

"You're welcome," Jessica replied. "It wasn't any problem. I'm sure you'll do great."

They made their way onto the floor. Monica slowly ambled her way around, clutching the rail. Ariel sped past her, went all the way around the rink, skated back up to Monica and turned around and skated backwards so that they were facing each other. "Show-off!" Monica snapped.

Ariel grinned. "Having trouble? Here, grab my hands."

"You'll pull me down!"

"No I won't. I promise." Monica nervously let go of the rail and clutched Ariel's sweaty palms for dear life. Ariel skated backwards slowly and pulled Monica along. "Bend your knees! And don't skate like you're walking. You're getting it, you're getting it."

Someone skated past Monica very fast and accidentally brushed her arm. Monica was knocked off balance and fell flat on her butt, pulling Ariel down with her. The guy who'd bumped into her stopped to help them up. "Hey, are you okay? I'm sorry about that."

Monica and Ariel brushed themselves off and stood up. They'd been going so slow that the fall had hardly made any impact. "We're fine," Monica smiled up at the guy, who was a rather cute teenage boy, about fourteen years old. She hardly noticed the girl who he was with, but Ariel did.

"Hi, Danielle!" she said cheerfully. "I didn't know you had a boyfriend!"

Danielle blushed. "Vince, this is my cousin Ariel and her friend Monica. Ariel, Monica, this is Vince. And he's not my boyfriend. He's my lab partner in earth science."

Vince shrugged. "Well, that doesn't mean I can't be your boyfriend, right?"

Danielle blushed even more. "No...yes...I mean...uhhh...you can be my boyfriend."

"Ooooh!" Monica and Ariel began making kissing noises. "Oh, Vince!" Ariel mocked. "Those safety goggles really bring out the blue in your eyes! And I love the way you hold that test tube!" She and Monica laughed so hard they had to hold onto each other for support.

Vince was not a guy without a sense of humor and laughed a little too, but Danielle wished that the earth would just open up right there and swallow her, or better yet, Ariel and Caitlin. Then Jessica skated up.

"Hey, Danielle. Fancy meeting you here. Who's your friend?"

Danielle wasn't very happy to see Jessica either. "This is my friend...boyfriend...Vince. Vince, this is my cousin, Jessica."

"You have a lot of cousins," Vince remarked.

"Tell me about it," Danielle sighed.

Just then, to make things worse, Ariel said really loudly, "Mommy, my diaper's wet."

That was the last straw. "I'll see you guys later," Danielle said, grabbing Vince's hand and practically dragging him away.

"Isn't she potty-trained?" Vince asked.

"No," Danielle admitted. "She was, but she started wearing diapers again a couple of years ago. She enjoys them."

"Strange little girl." Danielle paid attention to the tone of Vince's voice when he said this, and looked closely at his face, but there wasn't any sign of prejudice, only curiosity.

"Nah," she replied. "Ariel's actually pretty normal, but her mom, now she's got issues."

A couple of hours later, Monica removed her right skate, peeled off her sock, and gently rubbed the dime-sized blister on her insole. Ariel glanced over and flinched. "Ouch," she said. "You're not used to skating, are you?"

"No. I had fun, though. It doesn't hurt."

"Don't let it pop," Jessica warned, "or it will."

Monica pulled her shoes on, stood up, and went to go return her skates. "Whoa. It feels weird to be walking again."

"Yeah," Ariel laughed. "You'll get used to it. Hey, where'd Danielle go? She was holding hands with that Vince guy during couples skate."

"I think she left already. You know how it is, once they meet a guy they forget all about us little people."

"Oh, Monica," Jessica sighed. "Danielle has not forgotten about anyone. All she wants is a little privacy. It's embarrassing for her when you guys tease her about having a boyfriend. But she'll come around. Now let's get out of here."

They drove to Monica's house, only a few houses down from where Ariel used to live. "Look familiar, Ariel?" Jessica asked as they turned into their old neighborhood.

"Yes," Ariel replied with a small sigh. She didn't really miss living there, where the walls were so thin that they could hear their neighbors having sex (or at least that was what her mom had offered as an explanation for the squeaking and moaning) and the hot water ran out after a ten-minute shower, but it was still all that she had known for the first seven years of her life. It was there that Jessica had moved in with her father after becoming pregnant, there that she had taken her first steps, said her first word, and it was the tiny little patio where she and her friends had played for years when the weather was nice. Ariel noticed now that someone else had already moved into their old place, they had put whicker furniture on the patio and put up ugly frilly curtains, and she felt annoyed, like nobody else had the right to live there.

They fed Monica's cat and fish, and played with the cat for awhile. Ariel dangled a feather duster at waist level, and the cat jumped up to bat it, a wild look in her eyes. "Look, Monica!" Ariel laughed, waving the toy back and forth. Again the cat jumped, but too high this time, and her claws grazed Ariel's hand. "Ow!" Ariel exclaimed, looking at the scratches. "Bad kitty!"

"Oh, honey, let me see. Are they bleeding?" They were, but only a bit. "Go wash them. Cat scratches can fester."

Ariel obediently went into Monica's bathroom and began to wash the scratches off. "You're lucky, Monica. You get your own bathroom."

"Like you need one!" Jessica retorted. "How much time do you spend in the bathroom every day, maybe ten minutes total?"

"Well, what about when I start wearing make-up? Danielle spends like an hour in the bathroom every day doing her hair and make-up, and when she comes out, she looks exactly like she did before." Ariel didn't realize it, but she'd just killed her argument.

"See then, you don't even need to bother with that stuff."

Ariel frowned but could find no good argument for that, and let it drop. She didn't even care about having her own bathroom, it was just something to argue about. She looked up in the medicine cabinet for Neosporin to put on her scratches, pleased that she didn't even have to be reminded. Finding none, she tried the cabinet under the sink. No Neosporin, but she did find something else - a half-full bag of Attends Youth Diapers.

Ariel's eyes went wide as they looked at the bag's contents, then over the other stuff in the cabinet. Baby powder, baby wipes, baby lotion...definitely a consistent baby theme.

"C'mon Ariel, your mom's ready to go!" Monica called. She was worried about what Ariel might find in the bathroom and anxious to get her out of there. Ariel quietly shut the cabinet door and retreated back into the living room.

"Are your hands clean?" her mom asked. Ariel held out her hand so her mom could see that it was damp and the blood had been rinsed off the scratches. "Good girl. Come on, I'm hungry."

Dinner was good - homemade chicken pot pie, mashed potatoes, and steamed asparagus. Ryan's mother, convinced that Joey was taking up so much of their time that nobody bothered to eat properly, had made the pie and sent it back with him. Joey had been fed and lay sleeping in his crib upstairs, never making a peep. Jessica and Ryan chatted about their day, and Monica told him about her project and the intruder drill they'd had the day before at school. Nobody noticed that Ariel was unusually quiet. She was convinced that Monica must wear diapers at least sometimes, or else she wouldn't have them in her bathroom, which made her a hypocrite. How dare she make fun of her and Felicity if she wore them too?

Everyone helped to clean up the kitchen and then Ariel and Monica went upstairs to take baths. Monica was starting to get nervous. Tonight she and Ariel were sleeping in the living room on the pull-out sofa bed, so they could watch the movies Jessica had rented for them. What if she wet that? It would be impossible to hide it, and she'd ruin their bed. She could bring her sleeping bag downstairs after Ariel was asleep and then at least she'd pee on her own property, but she would have to wash it again tomorrow morning. If Ryan found out, he might mention something to her parents. Or maybe not, he didn't seem like the kind of guy who would rat her out, but she didn't know that for sure. Ariel came downstairs after her bath a few minutes later, and when she saw that her parents had gone upstairs, she pounced on Monica. "You wear diapers, don't you?"

Monica had to look away from the accusation in her eyes. How had she found out? "No!" she asserted.

"Yeah? Then how come I found a bag of Attends Youth in your bathroom? And baby powder, and Desitin, and enough baby lotion to stock a store?"

"I don't know." Monica looked away from Ariel and blinked back tears.

"You do too know. Why are you lying to me? You used to be my best friend." Ariel was about to cry, too."

Monica took a deep breath and looked at Ariel. "Okay, I'm going to tell you a secret. But you have to swear on your life that you won't tell anyone. Please." She held out her pinkie for a pinkie swear.

Ariel linked pinkies and looked at Monica expectantly.

"Um...can we go up to your room and close the door? I don't want your mom or dad to hear me."

"Sure." They went up to Ariel's room, closing the door behind them, and sat on the bed. Monica blinked back tears, clutched Ariel's hand tightly, and began to talk.

Jessica stood over her son's crib, watching his chest rise in fall in sleep. He was so small and sweet, with hazel eyes and dark blonde hair. He was going to look like his dad. She touched his soft cheek gently and blew him a kiss. She turned around, feeling like someone was watching her. Ryan was standing in the doorway.

"Hey," she whispered.

"Hey. Is the little guy asleep?"

"Yep, for a few minutes at least, until he gets hungry again," she smiled. "Good. I turned off the air conditioning and opened the windows. It's really nice out there, and it's supposed to turn cool again tomorrow."

"It has been nice lately," Jessica agreed. "But tonight feels funny. It's so still out there, like the calm before a storm."

"Yeah, it's eerie, almost. It's never this still in April. But they're not even predicting rain tonight."

Jessica shrugged. "Maybe it's the full moon." She smiled and put her arms around his neck. "Guess what? We have the whole night to ourselves. I said goodnight to the girls, and Joey's been getting better about sleeping at night."

Ryan grinned. "Hey, this'll be what, two nights in a row? We haven't had that much quality time since Joey came along. Maybe Monica should sleep over more often."

"I rented us a video, American Beauty. I know we've both seen it about a million times, but I needed a cover-up. The girls asked me while we were in the video store if I wanted to watch Lady and the Tramp with them tonight, and I told them no, because we wanted to see American Beauty, and it's rated R so they couldn't watch it with us. And at least we won't have to bother with pausing it if we...get distracted while we're watching it." They laughed. "Anyway, why don't you go down and get it? It's on the coffee table. I'll be in our room."

"Okay." Ryan ran down and grabbed the video, and as he was coming back upstairs, decided to knock on Ariel's door and say goodnight. But just as he raised his hand to knock, he heard Ariel saying "Don't cry, it can't be that bad."

Obviously, they were having a personal conversation. Ryan started to leave, but heard Monica saying "My dad's been diapering me every night for the past year." He paused, remembering that morning when Monica had so verbally protested the idea of wearing diapers to control her bedwetting. And now she was admitting that she usually did. Something was up here, and although he felt guilty for hearing anything, he also had a gut feeling that something was very wrong. He stood outside of Ariel's door and listened.

"But you told me you stopped wetting your bed," Ariel replied.

Monica was crying openly now and holding a pillow for comfort. "I did, for a little while. Then Daddy retired from the Navy and came home. I was really glad that he was home for good, because I hadn't seen him in almost two years, and he was always so much more fun than Mom. He took me to the zoo, and the movies, all the places that Mom said were a waste of money, and every night he read me a story and put me to bed. He was like your mom is, he never got mad at me, and he was just so nice and caring. Then one night I wet the bed. I didn't know why, because I hadn't done it in like a month. But I woke him up and asked him to change my bed, because I didn't want Mom to know."

"Your mom must've gotten really mad when you had accidents," Ariel said softly.

"She didn't get mad exactly, but she made a really big deal about how I was ruining my bed and making extra work for her, and I was too big to be wetting my bed."

"But lots of kids wet the bed. I did and my mommy and daddy both did when they were our age, and Daniel did. My doctor said that like one out of ten eight-year-olds wets the bed at least sometimes."

"I know. Ryan told me that this morning."

"Ryan? Why?"

"He helped me wash my sleeping bag this morning after I had an accident," Monica confessed. "But I'll tell you about that later. I guess my mom doesn't know that all those kids wet the bed, because she never told my doctor about it. But after I stopped, she was a lot happier. She was always saying 'See how much nicer it is in the mornings when we don't have to change your bed', and she bought me a video and some clothes as a reward for stopping. So I didn't want to tell her I'd started again. I woke Daddy up, and he changed the sheets and didn't yell, but he said that since I'd had an accident I was going to have to wear a diaper at least the next night to protect the bed. I didn't really mind that, cause you seemed to like them so much, and it was better than a wet bed. So the next night he came in and diapered me, and then the next morning he came in very early and checked my diaper. I mean, he just stuck his hand right in the diaper, right next to you - well, you know, my private part. I felt really embarrassed and self-conscious, but I knew your mom checked you like that sometimes, and you didn't seem to mind. Then he said that my diaper was wet, and that he was going to have to clean me up. He took the diaper off and began wiping me off with a baby wipe, REALLY thoroughly. He even put it up inside me a little bit." Monica turned crimson when she said that and looked away. "I told him that it hurt, and to stop, but he said he had to do that to get me clean. Then he pulled out some lotion, and rubbed me with that, and he put his finger in me again. He said he wanted his little girl to be all clean and not get a rash."

"But he doesn't have to do that - put his finger in you - to get you clean," Ariel said, confused. She didn't know what Monica was telling her exactly; she had never heard the word incest before in her life, did not know that it was against the law to touch a little girl in ways that weren't necessary for hygiene, but she knew for sure that it was wrong. "Monica, nobody has ever done that when they were changing my diaper. And I'm clean, I hardly ever get rashes."

"Really?" Monica asked miserably. Ariel nodded. "I didn't know. Then why would Daddy do that? I hate it, Ariel. He does it every morning when he changes me, and not just a little bit anymore. He goes really far up. And it hurts! It really hurts! The first time he did it where it really hurt...I...he did something to the inside of me...later on that day, I saw blood in my underwear. I told him to stop, and he just says he has to keep me clean."

"Maybe you should tell your mom. I know you don't want her to know, but at least she might tell your dad to stop diapering you, and he needs to stop, 'specially if he's hurting you. It's not right. He doesn't have to do that to get you clean, and I bet he knows it. Cause my mom said that if somebody ever touches me in a way that I don't like, then I have the right to tell them to stop, and if they still don't stop, then I can do whatever I want to make them stop. Hit them, kick them, scream, whatever. And she said to tell someone else what they were doing, like her or Ryan or my teacher. So I KNOW your dad shouldn't be doing that to you."

Monica shook her head. "No! You don't understand, I can't tell my mom. She'd be really mad that I started bedwetting again and didn't tell her. And Daddy would be mad that I told her. What if he leaves again?"

"If I were you, I'd be glad that he left!"

"I don't know. I like doing stuff with him during the day, but when he comes into my room at night I wish he was a million miles away! I wish a hole would form in the earth right underneath his feet and drop him down and he'd land in China! I hate him then, I really hate him, I..."

Suddenly, right outside the door, they heard Jessica's voice "Ryan, what are you doing? I never knew it took ten minutes to get a video!"

Ariel and Monica jumped and gasped. They exchanged panicked looks and quickly jumped up from the bed, both feeling like they'd been caught doing something sinful, instead of just talking about it. They ran to the door.

Ryan grabbed Jessica's wrist and almost dragged her down the hall, away from Ariel's room. "Shh!" he hissed. "Don't let them know I was listening in."

Jessica saw the shock on his face. "Are you okay? What's going on?"

Ariel's door flew open, flooding the hall with light. "Hi," Ariel called tentatively. "Did you want something?" Jessica looked them over carefully, feeling like everyone was in on a secret except her. In fact, Ariel was staring at her mother like she wanted her to go away.

"I just...wanted to say goodnight," she said, forcing a smile. She gave Ariel a kiss on the forehead and lifted up Monica's chin to kiss her too. "Are you crying?"

"No...it's just...just..."

"Pollen," Ariel interjected. Now she had lied to cover for her best friend, and there had already been too many deceptions.

"Yeah. I have really bad allergies."

Jessica had known Monica since she was six months old, and this was the first she'd ever heard of the child having allergies. "Are you sure you're okay?"

NO! Ryan thought to himself. She is not okay. Nothing has been okay for her in the past year and we have sit here and let things not be okay for her, sent her home to where a sick man waited to take out his perversions on her, and now it's our problem too. Nothing will be okay until we can make things right for her, and I don't know how to do that.

"I'm fine." Monica felt guilty. They must think she wasn't having a very good time, and actually she was. She was having the best weekend since her dad had retired. It was nice to go to sleep without having to worry about her father coming in the next morning, with his hungry eyes and probing fingers carrying the ominous baby wipes and lotion.

Jessica sighed. "Alright, sweetie. Look, if there's anything you want to talk about...I'm here, okay?" Monica nodded. Jessica looked at the girls over suspiciously before going back to her room with Ryan.

Chapter Forty-Six

"What is going on?" Jessica demanded, closing the door. "I thought you were going to pull my arm off trying to get me away from those two. You were staring at Monica like she'd grown another head or something. And she and Ariel are hiding something."

Ryan laughed bitterly. "Oh, you have no idea. It seems that you two lived next door to a very sick person. Someone with a lot of problems, and apparently only one person knew about them until now. And we've left our daughter under the supervision of a child molester before!"

"What? Who's a child molester?" Jessica's eyes darkened. "Are you telling me that someone...Ariel...I'll kill them."

"No, not Ariel. At least I don't think so. Monica."

"What about Monica?" Jessica could hear her heart pounding in her ears. "Did somebody molest Monica? Is that what you heard them talking about?"

"Her father," Ryan said angrily. "When she told him that she was wetting her bed and begged him not to tell her mother, he saw that as the perfect opportunity to blackmail her. This respected, trustworthy retired command-master-chief diapers his child every night and uses baby lotion as a lubricant to finger her! He tore her hymen, Jess, made her bleed. And for all I know, that's the tip of the iceberg. Who knows what she couldn't get up the nerve to tell Ariel? It took her a year to get enough courage to tell her this much." Ryan repeated everything he'd heard Monica tell Ariel. "There's something else. She wet the bed last night and came downstairs with her wet stuff to wash it, and bumped into me. I helped her with it, but I thought it was strange because you told me she'd outgrown her bedwetting. I suggested to her that she wear a diaper to bed tonight - by the way, I hope that pull-out sofa bed is scotchguarded - and she was very verbal about telling me no.. I should've known something was up then."

Jessica stared miserably at her husband. "Well, it's not just Monica's secret anymore. You know we can't keep this just between us. You know what I'd like to do - I'd like to tell her parents tomorrow that they can't take her home, and keep her here forever, safe. But they'd get us for kidnapping. They have the legal right to bring their child home, where they can do whatever they want with her - even sexually abuse her, if they want."

"You're talking like you think Mrs. Johnson is in on this," Ryan said quietly. "Do you really think that's fair?"

"I don't know. But I find it hard to believe that this could be going on under her nose, and she would have no idea about it. Maybe she just doesn't want to stand up to her husband. Or maybe she doesn't care. Or maybe she really doesn't have any idea, and I'm sitting here trying to put blame on her because it's easier than worrying about how we're going to help Monica, and worse, what her dad might've done to Ariel when she was over there."

"I don't think he did anything. You've taught Ariel pretty well what to do if somebody tries to mess with her, and besides, I think she would've told you. And Ariel's been acting like herself lately. Monica hasn't."

"So what are we supposed to do?"

Ryan sighed and shook his head. "I have no idea."

Nobody got much sleep that night. After another hour of discussion with Jessica and several more hours of trying to sleep with no success, Ryan climbed out of bed. He changed Joey's diaper and gave him his bottle, then took him outside into the cool spring morning. They stood in the grass in the backyard, oblivious to the dew that was soaking Ryan's bare feet, watching the sun beginning to peak onto the horizon, spilling orange over the darkness.

"It's a brand new day, little guy," Ryan whispered. "Time for a new start. Things don't have to stay the same, and they're not. Not for Monica, anyway. We owe her that much." Joey cooed and reached for a leaf hanging off the branch of a tree. "You don't have the slightest idea what I'm talking about, do you, slugger?" Ryan asked, smiling. He helped Joey clutch his fingers around the leaf and pull it off. "Well, you will someday. Someday you'll have to choose between getting your own butt kicked to help somebody who's not as strong as you are, or ignoring the problem and sparing yourself the inconvenience." Joey examined the leaf and raised it towards his mouth. Ryan stopped him just in time. "It never ends, does it? Just when I think everything's gonna be okay...your mom and I were engaged and then she got pregnant and we couldn't be happier...till she had a miscarriage and I almost lost her too...worst day of my life...and you were born early and gave us all a scare, but turned out okay...better than okay! And everything had been so great since you were born....hectic, but so happy. But now this. But you know what? Monica will be okay. She's a strong girl. And we're gonna help her."

The back door opened, and Jessica stepped out. She stood on the steps, half-smiling as she watched her husband and son. "Morning."

"Morning," Ryan replied as he gave her a kiss. "Did you sleep well?"

"Yeah, for about two hours."

"That's two hours more than I got." They stood facing each other for a few moments, the faces of worn-out soldiers who had been in dozens of battles, and now didn't care who won, just wanted it to be over. "So, are we calling the police?"

"I don't know. It seems wrong to do that without even talking to Monica first. For all we know, this is just some story she made up."

"You're in denial."

"I know. But I still want to at least tell her that we know what's going on."

"Yeah, so that she won't be surprised when the police show up and arrest her dad."

"Would they really do that? Just arrest him because his daughter claims he molested her, even if he denies doing it? Don't they have to have more proof than that?"

"No, I think they can arrest him just on that, but he could get bailed out. Even if Monica's mom believes her story and won't bail him out, other relatives or friends could do it. Then I suppose there's nothing that could legally stop him from going back to his own house until the trial, unless Mrs. Johnson got a restraining order. And they would have to find proof that he really did molest her - and you know what that means."

"Doctor's examinations," Jessica sighed. "Examining her underwear and sheets. Now I remember why I never went into criminal law."

"Because you didn't want to help kids who were abused?" Ryan and Jessica whirled around to face Ariel and Monica, standing in the doorway. They'd been there awhile.

"I don't want someone examining my underwear or sheets," Monica said quietly, but firmly. "And I don't want you guys calling the police on my dad."

"Honey," Jessica reasoned, "this is serious. There is a line between diapering a child because of medical necessity, or because the child enjoys wearing diapers, like Ariel, and diapering a child for your own sexual pleasure, when the child obviously doesn't like it. That's called incest, and it's illegal."

"I know that. And I betcha there's some law against eavesdropping on private conversations, too," Monica replied, with a trace of rare defiance. Ariel wondered why she would stand up to someone else's parents, but not her own.

"That's what Nixon thought too, but no, there isn't. And that's not the point. I'm sorry if you feel that your privacy has been invaded, but Ryan was about to go into your room last night to say goodnight and heard you telling Ariel about your dad."

Monica sighed. "Yeah, I figured as much...it's okay. I mean, it's nice that you care. But could you please just let me handle this on my own? I'll talk to my mom, I promise. I'll tell her everything."

"And what if your mom doesn't believe you?" Jessica pressed.

"Then I'll let you guys tell the police. But she will, believe me. You guys don't really know her that well. She might seem kind of mean, but she always comes through for me."

Ariel thought to herself that Monica's mother hadn't really come through for her when she was wetting her bed. And Monica had a hard time getting up the nerve to show her mother her report card. How was she ever going to tell her this?

"Well..." Jessica hesitated. "Okay. But tell her tonight as soon as they pick you up. Don't give your dad a chance to diaper you again. And if you don't tell her tonight, then we're going to have to either talk to the police or your mother tomorrow."

"Are you crazy?" Ryan asked her a few minutes later, when they were in the kitchen preparing breakfast. Ariel and Monica were upstairs getting dressed. "You know she's not going to tell her mother! It took her a year to tell her best friend! She'll go home, get scared, and end up with that creep diapering her again."

"She promised she would tell. I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. Don't you think that maybe her mother deserves to know what's going on?"

"Yes, but she might not even believe her, and if she does, who's to say that she would do anything about it? You said it yourself - it's hard to believe that this could be going on under her roof for a year, and she not know about it."

"Well, if she doesn't believe Monica, or if she refuses to do anything about it, then we'll call the police ourselves. I just don't want to get involved in a family problem if it's something Mrs. Johnson can handle on her own. She knows her husband better than us; we don't know all the facts. Maybe Monica misinterpreted the situation. Maybe Mr. Johnson honestly believes that he's just cleaning her, and doesn't realize that he hurts her or makes her uncomfortable."

"Why are you defending him?" Ryan asked quietly.

"I'm not. If he does do this for sexual pleasure, if he realizes the hurt that he's causing Monica, then I say lock him up. But Monica's never even really talked with her father about how much she hates his probing her. Remember when Ariel's doctor thought that me allowing Ariel to wear diapers was child abuse? He didn't fully know the situation or know much of anything about regression, and neither did I before then. If the psychologist had told me that yes, wearing diapers was abusive because she wouldn't learn independence, then I would've agreed with her and immediately potty-trained Ariel. Maybe what Mr. Johnson needs, what Monica needs, is not a police interrogation but someone to point out to him that shoving a baby wipe up a child's vagina is abusive and unnecessary for hygiene."

"Jess, I know you don't like to talk about this, but who reported those foster parents who beat the crap out of you for wetting the bed?"

Jessica stared at him for a few seconds before answering with a sigh. "My doctor."

"And what would have happened if he had depended on you to have a mere talk with those foster parents?"

"I never would have, because they would've buried me alive in their backyard for standing up to them. But this is different," she argued. "Monica's not on her own. She has a mother who loves her to go to."

Ariel and Monica sat on Ariel's bed, listening to Ryan and Jessica's voices rise and fall. Although the two girls couldn't quite make out what they were saying, they could tell it wasn't a happy discussion. "I'm making your parents fight," Monica said finally.

Ariel gave her a hug. "It's okay. I don't think that Ryan really thinks we shouldn't call the police, but don't worry, Mom will win. She usually does. And they're not really fighting, just having a discussion, but they have discussions a lot and usually end up kissing and agreeing to disagree. If they were actually fighting, they'd be screaming at each other."

Monica smiled a bit. "My parents fight all the time. Actually, they had a big fight over where to go this weekend. Mom wanted to go to Florida, and Dad wanted to go to New York City and they both said the other one was selfish. They finally decided to go to Atlanta. That's why I think Mom will believe me when I tell her about Dad, because she always disagrees with him." She stood up to turn on Ariel's CD player, hoping that some music would drown out Ryan and Jessica. Her eyes landed on a white envelope on Ariel's desk, with a return address from Rochester, New York. "Hey - what's this?"

"Oh! That came in the mail for me yesterday. Mom gave it to me right before dinner, so I put it there and forgot it. I don't know who would send me a letter. Open it."

Monica opened the envelope and pulled out a sheet of white notebook paper, smudged from a child's thick pencil. Folded inside the paper was a school photograph. She handed that to Ariel as she began to read out loud:

Dear Ariel,

Hi! I bet you did not expect to hear from me again, did you? I live with Erin and my Aunt Karen and Uncle Mike now in New York. My aunt and uncle are real nice. I like the school here. The other kids are nice. I have lots of friends. My best friend here is Brandon, but you are my bestest best friend cause you were nice to me when nobody else was. I am in first grade again because they said I hadn't gone to school enough in Virginia Beach to pass it, and I also didn't do too good on these tests they made me take here. But I am doing good in school now. We got report cards last week and I got two A's. I have never gotten A's before. Erin is going to school too. She wants to be a music teacher. She is really smart. She's helping me spell the words in this letter but I'm making up all the words myself. A doctor here gave her some new medicine so her diabetes doesn't bother her as much. I see a doctor too only he is different because he talks to me and doesn't make me take any gross medicine or get any shots. I used to see him every day but now I only go once a week. He says I am doing much better. I don't wear diapers anymore during the day and I haven't had any accidents in months but sometimes I still put them on for fun and Erin makes me a bottle. My aunt and uncle don't mind. I still get to wear diapers at night too cause sometimes I still wet my bed, especially when I have nightmares about my daddy. But I don't have them much anymore. So how are you. Please write back because my sister says maybe this summer you and your mom can come see me up here or I can visit you there. Is your mommy married now? She and Ryan were really nice. You are lucky. This is the most I've ever written and my hand hurts, so bye and thank you for being such a good friend.

Love, Daniel

Monica put the letter down. "That's really sweet! Let me see the picture." Ariel handed it to her. "Wow, he's kinda cute now!" Daniel had grown up a lot, or maybe it was just that he looked more mature with combed hair and a clean shirt. His skin was tan, not deathly pale like it had always been before, and he smiled proudly through stumps of adult front teeth. "He signed it love, too. Wonder what that means?"

"You're just like Caitlin," Ariel replied, rolling her eyes. She frowned. "Gosh, it's hard to believe that Daniel doesn't wear diapers all the time anymore. He needed them worse than me."

Monica shrugged. "Guess he doesn't like them that much anymore."

"Yeah." Ariel tried to be casual about it too, but she had a nagging thought that had only been reinforced after reading Daniel's letter.

The rest of the day was a normal Sunday. No more was said about Monica's problem. Towards the end of the afternoon, they were sitting around in the kitchen, Ryan reading the paper, Jessica chopping green peppers for dinner, and Ariel and Monica playing with Joey. The radio was playing "Drops of Jupiter" in the background, and Monica sang it softly to Joey. The doorbell rang. Everyone glanced at each other nervously. "Well," Jessica said. "I guess your parents are here."

Monica nodded numbly, not wanting to remember her promise, and went to go answer the door. She was almost relieved, because now she wouldn't have to eat with Ariel's family and whatever Jessica was making for dinner looked gross.

Monica's mother rushed in, breathless, anxious to get Monica home without having to make too much small talk with Ariel's parents. Her husband was waiting in the car. "Hello," she said, giving her daughter an air-kiss on the forehead. "How was your weekend? Go put your stuff in the car, and make sure you don't slam the door. Daddy has a headache." Jessica and Ryan had joined her in the foyer by then, and she smiled at them as she darted orders at her daughter, then quickly made polite talk about how her trip had been and thanked them for watching Monica. She was in and out within forty-five seconds.

"Well," Ryan remarked, closing the door behind them. "Was that a hurricane that just came through, or Monica's mother?"

Jessica shook her head. "I wonder why she leaves her child for a weekend with people who she so obviously doesn't like? That's one of the reasons why I didn't want to report her husband to the police, she might not believe the story if it came from us." She suddenly remembered Ariel was in the next room, listening in. "Ariel. Dinner's almost ready. Go wash up."

"I'm clean," Ariel said innocently, holding up her hands.

"Ariel! Don't give me that. Go wash your hands, now."

Ariel sighed, stood up reluctantly, and put Joey back in his playpen. She headed for the bathroom. Ryan helped Jessica get dinner on the table, and they sat there, waiting for Ariel.

"Do you think she's telling her mother right now?" Ryan asked after a minute.

"I hope so."

"Yeah. Me too."

"I wonder if we did the right thing."

Ryan shrugged. "Time will tell."

Jessica glanced at the clock. "I think I'll go see what's keeping Ariel. I don't hear any water running."

Ariel was not in the bathroom, and the sink was dry. Jessica found her upstairs, sitting on her bed, reading Daniel's letter again.

"It's time for dinner."

Ariel held the letter out. "Look what Daniel sent me."

Jessica read it. "Wow, sounds like he's doing a lot better. I'm glad to hear that. He was a nice kid. Would you like to have him come visit you this summer?"

"Yes, I'd love that, but did you see the part where he said he didn't wear diapers anymore?"

"Well, he said he still wore them at night and sometimes during the day."

"Mommy, he was the only one of my friends who wore diapers cause he liked them. Caitlin used to like them but that was before she had to wear them all the time, and now she wishes she didn't. Felicity wears them, but not by choice. Daniel needed them too, but he really liked them, like me. And now he hardly wears them anymore."

"Well...true...but honey, as you get older, you probably aren't going to find very many kids who still want to wear diapers."

"And what if something happened to me like what happened to Monica?"

"Oh...so that's what this is about." Jessica sat down beside Ariel and pulled her close. "Honey, you know if somebody ever does anything to hurt you, you can come talk to me or Ryan, right?"

"I know...but it makes me feel uncomfortable just thinking about what happened to her. And this morning when Ryan was changing me, I couldn't stop thinking about it. I just...maybe I shouldn't be wearing diapers at all. Mommy, I don't want to wear diapers anymore."

Jessica pulled back and stared at her daughter in shock. "Are you sure? Honey, think about this. Don't give up your diapers just because you're scared someone will hurt you. Look, you're not going to get molested just because you wear diapers. If Monica's dad wanted to do something to her that badly, he would've found a way even if she didn't need diapers. That was just an excuse for him."

"I know, but...I don't need them anymore." She meant emotionally, physically she needed diapers more than ever. "I really want to try to use the potty."

"If that's what you want, then we'll train you. I'll take you to the doctor first to see if he has any advice, though. But I want you to really think about this for awhile and make sure it's what you want." Jessica stood up and took Ariel's hand. "Come on. We'll talk more about it after dinner."

Monica sat at her dining-room table with her parents, picking at her pizza. Her parents had told her a little bit about their trip, but now they ate in silence. "Mom," Monica said finally.

Her mother looked up. "Yes, dear?"

Monica looked at her father, more intent on picking the pepperoni off his pizza than listening to her. He had no idea what she was about to say. "Ummm...can I talk to you after dinner?"

"Of course."

Monica helped clear the table and wash the dishes, then met her mother in her room. "I really wanted to tell you something," she began.

"Is something wrong?"

Monica stared up into her mother's face, bright with lipstick, her black hair pulled back, and froze. She looked so severe, not like Ariel's mother, who usually looked warm and friendly. No wonder Ariel could talk to her about anything. "No...nothing's wrong...I just wanted to tell you...you look pretty today."

Her mother's face relaxed into a smile. "Thank you, darling. That's sweet of you. Now run along, and get ready for bed."

Monica got her bath, angry with herself for not telling her mother. She knew her mom would believe her, but she just couldn't break down those glaciers to tell her mother "Daddy's been diapering me and when he does, he puts his hand up inside me and makes me hurt and bleed." Her mother never talked about things like that. Her father was the one who had told her about the facts of life, about sex, and how babies were made, and what would happen once she started puberty, but that was before he had gotten weird. She didn't remember ever hearing her mother even mention the word "sex." One time Monica had overheard her and a friend discussing, in hushed tones, someone who had been raped, but when they realized she was listening, they stopped.

She dried off, put her pajamas on, and returned to her room. And there was her father, sitting on the bed. Her heart sank; she had almost forgotten that this was still happening, that he would want to diaper her again tonight.

"Did you forget over the weekend?" he asked her, smiling. "You know what I'm here for. Go get a diaper."

Monica took a deep breath. "Daddy...I don't want you to diaper me anymore. It hurts, and it makes me feel really uncomfortable, and really, I don't wet that much at night anymore. I'll wash my sheets myself, I'll even buy some rubber sheets so I won't ruin my mattress, but I'm not wearing diapers from now on."

The smile dropped off his face. "Monica, you know it's for your own good. I don't want to hear another word of this. Now go and get a diaper."

Tears blurred her vision suddenly. "No! Didn't you hear me? It HURTS when you diaper me, and the first time you put your hand up inside me it made me BLEED, and it's sexual abuse! You could go to jail!"

"What are you talking about?" he asked. "I'm doing what's best for you. You have to be cleaned up when you have your accidents, you know." Suddenly he moved closer and grabbed her arm. "And I bet you wet your sleeping bag this weekend, and didn't get cleaned up, did you? You're too ashamed to tell anyone you have this problem, aren't you? Well, don't worry. I'll get you all cleaned up now." Monica whimpered a bit and tried to get away, but he had a firm grip on her. He put her on the bed, and for one split second let go of her to grab her pajama bottoms, and she saw her chance. She jumped off the bed, ducked under his arm, and ran out of her bedroom, down the stairs, and through the front door. Down the sidewalk she continued to run, not stopping, not knowing where she was going, but somehow her feet found a path and carried her forward.

Jessica was getting Ariel diapered for bed when the phone rang. "Hold on a second, honey," she said, grabbing the phone in the next room. "Hello?"

"Jessica? This is Mrs. Johnson. Um...have you heard from Monica?"

"Not since you picked her up, why?"

Mrs. Johnson hesitated. "Well, it seems she's run off. Her dad says they got into an argument, and she just ran out of her room and out the door. He's about to go out looking for her...but I just thought she might have gone to your house. I don't know where else she would go."

Just then, Jessica heard frantic knocking at their door. It sounded almost like someone was beating the door down. "There's someone at the door. I bet it's her," she said, heading downstairs and glancing out the front window. "Yep. She's standing on our front porch. Uh...why don't you come pick her up? Without your husband. We need to talk."

"Oh." Mrs. Johnson wasn't a big fan of Jessica, but she had a feeling that she should listen to her, that whatever they were going to talk about was serious. "All right. I'll be over in five minutes."

Jessica hung up the phone and opened the door to Monica, who immediately flew into her arms, sobbing. She stroked her hair. "Shh...don't cry...it'll be okay...your mom is coming over and we'll all talk...we're here for you."

"I tried...I tried to talk to her...and I couldn't...she was nice...but I just couldn't say it. And then I tried to talk to Daddy...and he knows what's he's doing...that it hurts me...and he said it was good for me!"

"He won't ever hurt you again...no matter what we have to do. It'll be okay. You'll see." Jessica led Monica over to the couch. "Do you want something to drink?" Monica nodded, sniffling. "Chocolate milk? Milk'll help calm you down." Monica nodded again. Jessica went to go fix it for her, and Ryan and Ariel joined her in the kitchen. Ryan had finished diapering Ariel. He mouthed "I told you so" to her.

"Okay, okay. You were right, and I was wrong. He knows what he was doing, and he didn't care," she whispered back. "And she tried to talk to her mother and couldn't."

"Believe me, I wish I'd been wrong," he replied.

"Mommy?" Ariel piped in. "I thought about it...and I definitely don't want to wear diapers anymore."

Jessica sighed. In some ways she hoped Ariel's sudden dislike for diapers was just a phase, in others she hoped Ariel truly was ready to give them up. She wasn't in the mood to deal with it tonight, however. "Okay," she said hastily. "I'll call the doctor tomorrow."

And then the doorbell rang.

Chapter Forty-Seven

Ariel was jolted out of her peaceful sleep by a question: "Ariel, what does five plus sixteen equal?"

"Uh, what? Sorry, Mrs. Cameron, I didn't hear you."

"I said, what does five plus sixteen equal?"

"Um, twenty-one?"

"Good job. Now if you stay awake from now on, I won't have to ask the question twice."

Ariel didn't even realize that she had fallen asleep until she'd heard Mrs. Cameron raise her voice. As Ariel happened to peer down she realized that the whole entire front of her jumper outfit was soaked. She had flooded her diaper while she was sleeping! How in the world was she going to get out of the classroom without everyone laughing at her? It really didn't matter, everyone knew she was a baby already, she just didn't want the humiliation again.

"Ok, if everyone finishes their worksheets early, I'll let you all go to recess. But only once everyone is finished!"

The classroom resounded with the excitement everyone felt that they might get out of class early. Kids started yelling at the slow ones that they'd better get done or else. Ariel was only worried about one thing and couldn't concentrate. She started to sob.

"Ariel, could you come here for a minute?" Mrs. Cameron called.

Oh no! She was dead now. There was no way out of this one.

"Ariel, I need to see you quickly."

Still Ariel was frozen to her seat.

"Ariel Crawford, if you don't come up here right now, I'm going to come and bring you up myself."

Ariel remained in her seat, wondering if Mrs. Cameron would really do it. She soon found out, as her teacher walked to her chair, and picked her up out of it, exposing her soaking wet clothes to everyone. Ariel could hear the words "peed her pants again" and "baby" over and over. Everyone was laughing, even Felicity, who was one of her best friends and also wore diapers. She broke into tears as she was carried to the front of the room.

Ariel woke from her sleep, still crying as she sat up in bed. She should've known it was a dream all along, after all, Mrs. Cameron was really very nice and would never embarrass her in front of the class like that, and she never fell asleep in class. But her diaper really had leaked all over her pajamas. Of course it had, she had had a huge glass of chocolate milk with Monica before bed (and those super-thin Pampers with their cloth-like covers hardly did a damn thing, she might as well be wearing underwear), and then her parents had sent her to bed soon after, because, her mother had explained, they needed to have a *serious* conversation just between *adults.* Of course, *Monica* was allowed to participate in this conversation, and she was only a few months older than Ariel. Ariel knew that was just because Monica was involved, but she still resented that she was considered too young to be around when they all talked, especially since Monica was her friend and had come to her first. Ariel decided to go downstairs and see what was going on, but first she figured she'd better change.

She stripped off her pajama bottoms and wet diaper, then threw the diaper in her diaper pail, which had yellow duckies painted on the side, and put on a new diaper. She did this by lying down on the bed with the back half of the diaper under her, the way her mom started her out when she was changing her, and pulling the front half over her crotch and taping the sides together. She wasn't really supposed to change herself, but she had a feeling that asking to be changed now, while Mrs. Johnson was still over, would be very bad timing. Ariel pulled on some clean pajamas as she crept downstairs and into the kitchen, where she could hear every word of what was going on in the living room without being noticed. The first thing she heard was Mrs. Johnson's sobbing. "But Monica," she said. "Why didn't you tell me this? You know I would've stopped your dad."

Monica was crying, too. "I don't know. I knew you would, but I didn't want you to be mad at me anymore for wetting the bed, and I just couldn't tell you. I tried to, and it just wouldn't come out."

"Darling...I don't care about the bedwetting...I would rather know that you are wetting the bed then now have to find out that your father has been doing this to you. I'm sorry if I didn't support you more. I love you no matter what, don't you know that?" She was crying harder now, and Ariel peeked in and saw them hugging, which was something she'd never seen before. Her parents were sitting on the couch looking out of place.

Ariel listened for a little while longer while they all talked about police, and lawyers, and at one point her mother mentioned that they would all testify in court if necessary. Ariel was frightened; she wasn't exactly sure what "testify" meant, but she had an idea that she would have to talk to a judge in front of everyone in the courtroom, and if she said the wrong thing it might mean that Monica's dad wouldn't get punished. Well, if she did have to go to court she could always practice what she would say.

Monica's mom was saying that it was time for her and Monica to go home, and that she was going to have a talk with her husband before deciding what to do legally. Everyone stood up, and Ariel ran back up to her room before anyone could see her and climbed into bed. When her mother came in a few minutes later, she pretended to be asleep.

Monica wasn't on the bus the next morning, but Ariel saw her when she was walking to the nurse to get her diaper changed. Monica's class was lined up against the wall, single-file of course, about to go to recess. Ariel ran up to her.

"Hey! What happened last night?"

The line started moving, and Monica ducked out before her teacher could see her. She and Ariel went to the bathroom, which was about the only place in school where you had any hope of being alone. Ariel hadn't been in a school bathroom in over a year, even though some girls in her class went just to brush their hair, but it looked pretty much as she remembered, the sink with several faucets that looked half of a huge bowl, the scummy mirror that made you look larger than you really were, the mysterious puddles of water on the floor, the smell of paper towels and pee. She hadn't missed using the bathroom at school.

"Okay," Monica whispered after checking to see that nobody was in the stalls. "I only have a few minutes. After we got to your house last night, Ryan told my mom about what Dad had been doing. He repeated what I told you pretty much word-for-word. And Mom started crying..."

"I know about all that," Ariel said impatiently. "I listened to all of you talking. Tell me what happened after you got home."

"Oh. Mom started screaming at Dad as soon as we walked in the door. She was yelling 'how dare you do this to her? how dare you?' and he pretended like he didn't know what she was talking about, but I think he did. Mom kept screaming at him to get out of HER house and away from HER daughter, and he kept saying he'd never touched me and that I was lying. Mom said if he didn't leave she was going to call the police right then and there, and he could try telling them that, and so he grabbed some stuff and stomped out. Then Mom started crying again. She told me she was going to talk to a lawyer tomorrow and try to get Dad put in jail for incest and child abuse, and also get a divorce and full custody of me. I felt really bad for her, Ariel. She was just sobbing like her heart was broken, because she lost her husband so quickly. This morning my bed was wet, and I told her, and she just told me to put my sheets and pajamas in the washing machine."

"Do you think she's going to have you start wearing diapers?" Ariel interrupted.

"That's a good question. She sure doesn't like the mess on my bed, but I don't think she'd put me in diapers, especially now. I wouldn't mind, though. She would probably have me change myself, so it's not like I would have to worry about...about..." Monica had a problem putting her experience into words. "She said I would have to go to the doctor about my bedwetting, and also because of what Dad did to me. And here's what's really gross. She thinks that Dad's fingering me might have irritated my bladder and made my bedwetting worse." Just then a couple of girls walked in, and Ariel and Monica went back into the hall.

"At least your mom is on your side. It would be awful if she hadn't believed you."

"Yeah, I feel bad that I didn't tell her sooner. She was a lot nicer than I thought she would be, even about the bedwetting. I always knew she would believe me...but I thought she might think it was my fault."

"Why? Even when you told your dad to stop, he kept doing it."

"I don't know. I was stupid. I could've saved all that trouble if I had told her the first time."

"Well, at least you finally told her. My mom said this morning that she thinks if he hadn't been stopped, eventually he would've raped you." There was something else Jessica had hypothesized that Ariel didn't repeat to Monica. She had reminded her and Ryan of what Ariel had repeated to them over a year ago: Monica had seen her mother kissing a man who wasn't her father. The Johnsons might've been having marital problems, and Mr. Johnson was using his daughter for what his wife no longer gave him. It was disgusting.

Monica shuddered. "I'm glad I told you. I'm not mad at Ryan for eavesdropping anymore, cause it all worked out for the best. And I'm also sorry I yelled at him when he suggested that I wear a diaper to bed. He was just trying to help, but I thought he was going to be like my daddy."

"That's okay. He understands. I gotta get to the nurse. If I don't get back to my classroom soon, my teacher might send out a search party for me. And if I don't finish my math before lunch, I'll have extra homework."

"Yeah, I need to get to recess before I get busted for skipping class," Monica said, rolling her eyes. "Like recess is so educational. Talk to you later."

The rest of the day was an ordinary Monday. Ariel invited Caitlin over to her house after school, since they hadn't seen each other all weekend. When they got there, Jessica was on the phone, jiggling Joey on her hip.

She hung up and asked the girls how school was, then told Ariel "I was just on the phone with your doctor, and made an appointment for Thursday. You're not going to see Dr. Carter, though. He recommended us to a pediatrician who specializes in potty-training. She sees a lot of kids like you."

"Why are you seeing a doctor like this?" Caitlin asked.

"I'm getting potty-trained," Ariel explained.

Caitlin's jaw dropped. "No shit!"

"Caitlin!" Jessica exclaimed. "There's a child in the room. Infants learn language by listening to others, you know."

"Sorry. How come you're making Ariel get potty-trained?"

Jessica put Joey down in his wind-up swing. "I'm not making her. She chose to."

"Ariel! Are you feeling alright?" Caitlin lifted her palm to Ariel's forehead. "Well, you don't feel warm, but maybe you should go lie down anyway." Ariel rolled her eyes and helped herself to some homemade chocolate-chip cookies and a glass of grape juice. "Aren't you going to drink that in a bottle?"

"If I'm getting potty-trained, I might as well go the whole nine yards and stop drinking from bottles, too."

"Think about this. This means that every time we go to the movies, you're going to have to pee in the middle of it, and when you get back, you won't have any idea what's going on. You'll have to spend the rest of your life wandering what went on during all those scenes that you missed because you were counting tiles in the bathroom at Regal Cinema. When you go swimming, you'll have to get out of the water to pee and sit in those stinky bathrooms that feel like about forty degrees when you're wearing a wet bathing suit."

"She has to do that anyway," Jessica complained. "Only I have to come with her, too. I think I wore out the pause button on the VCR changing her."

"Sorry, Mom."

"So what made you decide so quickly to become potty-trained? Last week you were lying in Joey's crib, sucking a bottle, crying because your mommy wasn't paying enough attention to you."

Ariel blushed. "I don't know. I've done some thinking." She didn't want to tell Caitlin what had happened to Monica. Caitlin was her cousin and a good friend, but she was also a gossip and Ariel would've felt guilty sharing Monica's secret with anyone anyway. She had promised Monica she wouldn't tell a soul, and even though plenty of people had found out anyway, it wasn't Ariel's fault.

"Let's go up to your room," Caitlin was saying. "I want to show you something."

"Caitlin, you may go on up. I want to talk to Ariel for a minute." Jessica waited until Caitlin had disappeared before turning to Ariel. "That was Mrs. Johnson on the phone."

Ariel looked at her mother's face carefully, searching for hints of bad or good news, before asking "What did she want?"

"Monica's dad has agreed to plead guilty to sexual abuse."

"That's great!" Ariel said happily.

"Yes, but we're not out of the woods yet. The problem now is not going to be proving that he did it, but how much he should be punished. And exactly what charges should be brought against him. Her lawyer doesn't think he can be charged with incest, because technically, incest is sexual intercourse between two closely related persons, and Monica's dad didn't rape her. And there's also the question of custody - Mrs. Johnson shouldn't have any trouble getting full custody, at least for right now. Obviously, Monica and her dad shouldn't be in the same house, but she's not sure she wants a divorce."

"But how could she want to stay married to him, after all that?" Ariel asked angrily.

"Ariel, it's not that simple. They've been married for fifteen years! It's hard to just throw fifteen years of marriage down the drain after one night, regardless of what he's done." Just then Ariel's elbow hit her glass of juice and knocked it over. "Ariel! Watch what you're doing." Jessica gave her a sponge to wipe up the juice with.

"Can I get some more?"

"Ask nicely."

"Um, may I please get some more?"

"That's better. Let me put it in a bottle so you don't knock it all over your carpet."

"Mom! I'm going to be a big girl now. I don't need a bottle anymore."

"Well, you sure make a mess when you drink out of a glass. Felicity told me you spill your milk at school sometimes, too. Maybe we need to buy you some sippie-cups. I could print your name on one with a permanent marker and send it to school with you like I did when you were in preschool." Ariel smiled, she knew her mom was just kidding. Jessica handed her the bottle, and she started to leave but stopped, remembering something she wanted to ask.

"Was it hard to potty-train me?"

"It wasn't hard, but it took awhile, probably about a year before you were completely trained."

"Is it going to take as long this time?"

"Probably longer, honey. Your bladder was probably stronger before I trained you the first time. Your doctor thinks that probably after two years in diapers, you don't have much more control than an infant, but I guess we'll find out for sure on Thursday."

Ariel went upstairs, worrying about what the doctor might say. What if she couldn't be trained at all? What if it turned out her bladder was like Caitlin's now, and she would be stuck in diapers for the rest of her life? Because she still enjoyed her diapers now, but she was afraid of what the future might bring. Starting in sixth grade, she would have to change clothes everyday for gym, and all the other kids would see her diapers. They laughed hard enough at her now, and they'd never even actually seen her wearing nothing but a diaper. Sure, her parents thought it was cute but kids her own age wouldn't. And what about being changed? Was she going to have to learn to change herself, or would she have to bring her mother along everywhere she went? Ariel had visions of her stopping the service in the middle of her vows on her wedding day to go change herself, because she had just pooped and didn't want to stink when she kissed.

Caitlin was standing in front of Ariel's mirror, topless except for her sports bra. "Put your shirt back on. You look like a little hooker. Or Britney Spears," Ariel told her.

"Really?" Caitlin asked. "So you can see it?"

"See what?"

"How my breasts have grown! Can't you tell?"

Ariel stared at Caitlin's chest for a few seconds before replying "Your chest couldn't be flatter if you'd ironed it. I've seen old guys at the pool who needed bras more than you do."

"You're just jealous."

"Why? I have as much as you do! Cody has as much as you do!"

"Well, maybe now. But they're going to grow soon."

"You're dreaming!"

Caitlin pulled her t-shirt on. "Notice anything else different about me?"

Ariel glanced her over. "No..."

"It's subtle, but noticeable. Feel my legs." Ariel ran a tentative finger along Caitlin's thigh. It felt silky smooth. "You shaved your legs!"

"Shh!" Caitlin giggled and got up to close the door. "I don't want my mom to find out, and yours might tell."

"Your mom would kill you! Why did you do it?"

"Because I wanted to wear shorts, and it looks trashy if you wear shorts when your legs are all hairy. Ariel, only little girls run around with hair on their legs. Don't you understand?" Caitlin explained, gazing down at her younger cousin with the full maturity of her ten years. "I borrowed Danielle's razor. She showed me how."

Ariel shook her head. "You're crazy."

"I'm crazy? You're the one who's getting potty-trained. You know why parents potty-train their kids when they're so young? So that they won't be able to remember it later, because it's so awful."

"You're the one who's always saying you wish you didn't have to wear diapers."

"I know, but Ariel, the seaweed is always greener in somebody else's lake. Both sides have their perks."

"But being potty-trained has more, because you can have the best of both worlds," Ariel reasoned. "You don't have to wear diapers to school or anytime when you don't want to, but if you really want to be babied, you can still put one on."

"Yeah, theoretically, but do you really think your mom is going to let you?"

"Well...sure...why wouldn't she?"

"Didn't you see the way she looked down there? She's happy you're being potty-trained. She's not going to want to baby you anymore."

Ariel thought about it for a moment and then shook her head. "No, she'll still baby me when I ask for it."

"If you say so. Besides, why do want to give up that cute diaper butt?"

"You've got to be kidding me," Ariel laughed. "It looks stupid in shorts. I can't wear anything tight."

"Yeah, but everyone thinks it's so cute," Caitlin commented, reaching over and smacking Ariel on the bottom. "Ever had some old relative do that to you? My grandmother does that every time I see her."

"My mom does sometimes," Ariel admitted.

"I like big butts and I cannot lie..." Caitlin started to sing.

"No!" Ariel cried, putting one hand over an ear and the other over Caitlin's mouth. Caitlin's giggles were muffled as she struggled to get free, and somehow they both ended up falling off Ariel's bed, with their padded butts hitting the floor first with a thud.

"Is everything all right?" Jessica yelled.

"Yes!" they yelled back, giggling, as Caitlin whispered the last few words to the verse "Shake that healthy butt!"

Chapter Forty-Eight

Daniel could hardly sit still, and he had a feeling that the old man beside him was starting to get annoyed with his fidgeting. Part of it was the excitement of riding on a real plane for the first time in his eight years, and getting Coke and peanuts for lunch, along with the Code Red Mountain Dew and Cheddar Chex Mix, his favorite, that his sister had bought him - she must really be planning on missing him, because he never got that kind of junk usually - but most of it was because he was a half hour away from seeing his best friend for the first time in over a year.

His aunt and uncle's present to him for his eighth birthday, three weeks ago, hadn't seemed very exciting from the outside - a small cardboard box wrapped in comics. "Good things come in small packages," his uncle had reminded him as Daniel unwrapped it to find a stiff piece of paper. A round-trip plane ticket to Norfolk, VA, leaving Friday, July 13 (but that didn't matter, because he wasn't superstitious, not at all) and returning to New York the following Thursday. He'd been so excited that he'd nearly peed his pants.

Speaking of which, he'd better use the bathroom before the plane landed. He'd already used it once, and the smell could've only gotten worse after two hours of people with motion sickness, but it would be embarrassing to greet Ariel in wet pants, especially after he'd bragged to her so much about being potty-trained. After emptying his bladder, he returned to his seat and peered out the window to see tiny cars and buildings as they descended. One thing he was not excited about was seeing Norfolk again, but fortunately they wouldn't have to pass the house he'd lived in for two years with his dad, where his sister had warned him never to go near the windows for fear he'd be hit by a stray bullet. Ariel thought his neighborhood in Virginia Beach was ghetto, but that had been a condo in Palm Beach compared to the house in Norfolk. Ariel might've been his best friend, but sometimes he felt years older than her, even years older than her cousin Caitlin, who claimed to know everything. Daniel sighed a little before picking up an airline travel catalogue, the kind where one could order sets of personalized placemats for the dog or a lifetime-guaranteed leakproof nylon shower curtain for only $124.99. He didn't look at it for long before his attention returned to the window, wondering if one of those toy cars below was Ariel's mom's.

Landing seemed to take forever, but finally the wheels hit the ground and the plane slowed and then stopped. Daniel grabbed his backpack, anxious to be the first one off, but somehow tons of people were in front of him, most of them old and slow. "Come on, come on," he muttered under his breath, finally squeezing his way past everyone in the aisle and the flight attendant, who stopped him to ask "Do you know who's meeting you?"

"Yes!" Daniel replied impatiently, and ran up the gate before she could ask any further questions. He burst into the waiting room and stopped, intimidated by the mobs of people.

"Daniel!" he heard someone scream, and saw Ariel jumping up and down and waving frantically. He sped toward her and wrapped her up in a huge hug.

"I love you too...really...Daniel, you're suffocating me," she finally said, pushing him away. He stood back and looked at her, noticing, much to his pleasure, that she was shorter than him now. She was wearing an Old Navy flag tee, denim shorts, and sandals, and she'd grown her blonde curls longer and pierced her ears. Her toenails were painted a silverish-purple. "Why are you staring at me?"

"Sorry." He finally noticed everyone else - Ryan, Joey, Jenny, Danielle, Caitlin and Cody. "Hi!"

"How was the flight?" Ryan and Jenny asked.

"Fine, thanks," he replied shyly. He had met everyone but Danielle before, but knew none of them well. "Where's Jessica?"

"She had to work," Ryan explained. "She'll be home around six."

"Daniel, this is my niece, Danielle," Jenny said.

"Hi," Daniel greeted her. "We have almost the same name."

"Yes, but mine's the feminine, and better, version. You can call me Dani."

"Ariel told me a lot about you. She says you hang out at her house a lot."

"Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday evenings."

"Huh?"

"Mondays for "7th Heaven", Tuesdays for "Buffy" and "Angel", and Thursdays for "Gilmore Girls" and "Charmed." Wednesday nights I stay home and watch "Dawson's Creek" and "Felicity" by myself."

"She just comes over because we watch the same TV shows she watches," Ariel explained.

"And this little guy is Joey," Ryan explained. "He's almost eight months now. He loves meeting new people, especially kids. He's going to follow you around for as long as you're here."

They were walking to the car by then, and Ariel clutched Daniel's hand to make sure he didn't wander off. "Guess what? Tomorrow we're going to Busch Gardens."

"What's Busch Gardens?"

"You don't know what Busch Gardens is?" Ariel exclaimed. "It's a really cool theme park divided into different European countries. Like in San Marco you can eat Italian food and ride 'Escape From Pompeii.' And guess what? We're tall enough now that we can ride most of the roller coasters."

"You guys are going to love Apollo's Chariot," Danielle added. "That's the one where Fabio got hit with a goose. When it gets to the top of the first drop, you can see the whole park. Don't worry," she assured Daniel, seeing the look on his face. "Roller coasters look dangerous, but they're really safe. You're a lot more likely to get into a car wreck than you are to get hurt on a roller coaster."

"I think roller coasters look like fun," Daniel replied, even though he really didn't at all.

When they got to Ariel's house, Daniel looked around her room, seeing what had changed. He had never seen their new house. Everything looked the same, except that her changing table was gone, which he'd been expecting since she told him on the phone that she was being potty-trained. Also, on the wall hung a Powerpuff Girls calendar with a series of w's and d's in each blank through that day's date. Ariel had never kept a calendar before. "What's this for?" he asked, puzzled.

Ariel looked embarrassed. "Oh. That's to monitor my progress."

"What progress?"

She sighed. "See, every morning I write a w in the blank if I wake up wet, and a d if I wake up dry. Then before I go to bed, if I didn't have any accidents that day, I write d below the letter I wrote that morning, and if I did, then I write w. I have to see the doctor every month and she looks at the calendar." It had been after a series of d's during the day that she had finally been allowed to switch from pull-ups to panties a couple of weeks ago.

Daniel noticed that most of the top letters were w's, while the ones underneath were an assortment of d's and w's. "Do you wear diapers or underwear to bed?"

"Pull-ups. My doctor said it might be a year before I can wear panties to sleep, if not more, but in case I wake up and have to go, I can take pull-ups off more easily than a diaper. What about you?"

"Pull-ups," Daniel confessed.

"Oh, so you'r still not trained at night?" Ariel asked, inwardly pleased. "So we're really trained about the same, even though you started before me."

"No, I hardly ever have accidents during the day. You have them all the time, apparently."

Ariel blushed. "Let me show you where you'll be sleeping."

"I have to sleep on a lumpy sofa bed?" Daniel cried when he saw it. He wasn't really complaining, just giving her a hard time.

"I'm not even going to tell you what Monica did on it the last time she slept over."

"Why can't we share a bed?"

"Because Mom says we're too old. You know, we might have sex or something while we're supposed to be sleeping."

"Sick!" Daniel made a face at the thought. "Is that really what she said?"

"No, but Jenny told her it was inappropriate, and Ryan agreed, so Mom was kind of outnumbered. Everyone's really on edge after..." Ariel was about to say, "what happened to Monica" but she remembered that Daniel did not know about that. The whole mess was tied up in the courts right then, and she had been warned not to talk about it. She had had to talk to Monica's lawyer for an hour, recalling exactly what Monica had said to her that night, and how Monica had been acting before then. Ryan was going to be on stand during her trial as a witness, but fortunately she and Monica were too young to testify.

"After what?" Daniel asked curiously.

"Nothing." Just then, the front door opened. "Mom's home!"

"Daniel! It's great to see you again!" Jessica cried as she came through the door and gave him a hug. "Look how much you've changed! Last time I saw you, you were only up to here-" she held her hand above her stomach "-and now you're taller than Ariel! And potty-trained, too! You're the last person I ever expected to outgrow diapers!" She didn't mean anything personal by it, but Daniel felt embarrassed. He had no memories of his behavior the last twenty-four hours he'd spend with Ariel and her mom, but had been told about his sudden regression, and it humiliated him. At first he hadn't even wanted to ever see any of them again, but it was one of the many things his psychologist had helped him deal with. "So how are you doing, kid?"

"Good. Erin said to tell you hi."

Jessica smiled. "Did Ariel show you where you're sleeping and everything?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Well, make yourself at home. Ariel can get you something to drink if you'd like it. Let me know if you need anything. I'm going to go feed Joey and then start dinner. I hope you like taco salad."

"That sounds great. Do you need any help?"

"No, thanks, Ryan and I have it covered, but it's nice of you to offer."

"I guess I'll go read, then. I'm in the middle of a really good book."

Jessica raised her eyebrows at Ariel. "Could you write that word down, so Ariel can look it up? One of those things with all the paper. Ever seen one, Ariel?"

"I read sometimes!" Ariel replied indignantly. Daniel was making her look bad, between his good manners and reading habits.

"Once in a blue moon. Come upstairs with me for a second."

Ariel watched her mother position Joey on her breast. "Doesn't that hurt?"

"Not until he gets teeth, and then he's getting weaned."

"Felicity's mother said that she breast-fed her until she was three."

"That doesn't surprise me, and there's nothing wrong with that, but I don't want any kid with teeth chomping on one of the most sensitive parts of my body. Anyway, all I wanted to ask you is if you had any accidents today."

"No. I even wore underwear in the car when we went to go pick up Daniel, and I didn't have one."

"That's good. I'm very - Joey! No!" Jessica pried Joey's fingers out of her long hair. "I'm very proud of you. I thought, and so did your doctor, that it would take a lot longer to get you trained, but you're doing well. I think you can wear underwear to Busch Gardens tomorrow. Bring a change of clothes, just in case."

Ariel was pleased. Wearing underwear would make water rides easier. And this was the first long trip that she had been allowed to wear underwear on. Even before she started wearing diapers, her mom had made her wear pull-ups for long car rides until she was about five.

"Go help Ryan get dinner started," Jessica told her "and then make sure Daniel’s doing okay. His aunt told me he might get a little homesick."

But Daniel didn’t get homesick until much later that night, after he had been tucked into the lumpy foldout sofa bed, and the house was dark. Ariel’s mommy and daddy were nice, but they didn’t know to sing “Hush Little Baby” to him every night like his aunt did. Jessica had read him and Ariel a story, but she didn’t imitate the voices like his uncle did. And he had forgotten to ask for the glass of water that was always at his bedside.

Probably nobody would mind if he got up and got one himself. He went into the kitchen, got a cup from the cabinet, turned around and almost ran into Ariel.

“Hey!” she whispered, hiding something behind her back. “What are you doing?”

“What are you hiding?” he replied.

“Hiding? Me? Nothing. Go back to bed.”

“You’re hiding something, and it looked like a carton of ice cream.”

“Oh, all right,” she admitted, pulling out the pint of Ben and Jerry’s KaBerry Kaboom. “I got hungry. And the only way to get this stuff is to sneak it, because Mom will first deny ever buying it, and then try to think of every excuse to not share it.” She began spooning some into a bowl. “Want some? It’s got pop rocks in it.”

“No thanks. I was just getting some water.”

“Caitlin and I gave you ice cream that day you regressed so much.” Ariel told him. “Remember?”

“No. I don’t remember anything about that day. I remember spending a few days with you guys, and your aunt getting hurt, and then I remember waking up at my aunt’s house and she and Erin told me that I had been functioning on a two-year-old level at your house. I felt really embarrassed."

"Don't be. I mean, we all understood, and I wore diapers too, and even though I never totally regressed like that, sometimes I wished I could. I mean, you were eating ice cream and having fun while Caitlin and I were running around going crazy, trying to stop you from trashing the house, and changing diapers, and making sure you didn't hurt yourself. We were about ready to pull our hair out. We got to be the adults while you were the baby, and if that's what being an adult is like, I'd rather be a baby...and this is all we have to look forward to...know what I mean?"

"Yeah, but that's not all we have to look forward to. We don't even have to have kids if we don't want to. And I don't think being an adult is always like that. I mean, our parents seem to have fun sometimes, right?"

"They get to do stuff like going to Busch Gardens with their kids, but they have to pay for it. Mom about had a heart attack when she found out how much it would cost to take all of us. But I guess being a baby isn't always that great. Joey cries all the time because he can't talk yet and so crying is the only way he can tell us when something's wrong. Mom and Dad don't know what it is. They have to try to feed him, and check his diaper, and make sure he's comfortable, and make sure he's not sick, and finally just hold him and see if he calms down. At least I can say 'I'm hungry' and if nobody cares, then I can go get something myself, instead of having to wait for someone to figure out what's wrong."

Daniel ran water into his glass. "There's some cold water in a pitcher in the fridge," Ariel told him. He opened up the door and saw a couple of Joey's bottles.

"Have you ever tried formula?" he asked Ariel. "Whenever I had a bottle, it just had milk in it." He examined the liquid, contemplating trying the bottle.

"Don't try it!" Ariel exclaimed. "That's not formula exactly, that's Mom's."

"Ew!" Daniel exclaimed, hastily putting the bottle back.

Ariel laughed. "That's another thing that I would hate about being a baby. We're all sitting at the table eating pizza, and he's in his high chair eating mashed banana and some hot cereal that you can't tell whether it's going down or coming up, and all he ever drinks is breast milk or water. I think being a baby like we were, where you get to wear diapers but you can still eat normal food and talk, is best."

"I know, and how many people besides us get to do that? Maybe all that diaper stuff is behind us, but I'm still glad we went through it. Do you ever still wish you wore them?"

"Sometimes," Ariel confessed. "Like when Mom and Ryan are spending tons of time with Joey, and they practically ignore me, because they say I'm old enough to spend time on my own. And I mean, I don't always want them around, especially when I'm with my friends, but sometimes I want to show them something or tell them something and they say 'Not now, but if you'll wait a few minutes...' and I do, but then Joey spits up or gets a fever or something and a few minutes turns into an hour and they forget. Sometimes I help with Joey, and then I can talk to them, but they're still distracted. When I wore diapers, they didn't expect me to be so mature. If I needed to have my diaper changed, they would put down Joey to change it. Sometimes I just feel like throwing a big fit to get attention because that's what he does, but I'm too old to have temper tantrums."

"Remember how I used to have them sometimes when I lived here before? My aunt and uncle were really strict about those. They told me that I was old enough to use words when I felt upset, instead of kicking or screaming, but kicking and screaming feels better, doesn't it?"

"Oh, yeah. My mom always said the same thing about using words. When I used to throw tantrums, she would just walk away and say 'when you're ready to talk, I'll listen, but screaming and crying doesn't tell me anything,' but after I got done, I felt so much better that I didn't need to talk."

"Do you still act like a baby sometimes?"

"No, not really, why?"

"Well...I mean...sometimes if I wake up and my pull-up is still dry, I go ahead and wet it, because it just feels good. Just lying there in the warm pee, you know? And then getting changed."

"Oh, I do that too," Ariel admitted. "I actually wake up dry a lot, but then I go when I wake up, and nobody knows it. It's not just that it feels good...if Mom knew that I'm usually dry at night, too, she might just have me start wearing underwear to bed. And then I totally wouldn't be a baby anymore, and I don't know if I'm ready to totally give it up yet. I think if I told Mom that, she would understand, but she seems so proud that I'm a 'big girl', she might be disappointed."

"Do you ever want to have a bottle?"

"Sometimes, but I miss diapers more."

"Me too." Daniel paused. "Ariel, have you ever...seen a guy naked?"

"Of course I have. I've seen you naked."

"Me?" Daniel was horrified. "When did you see me naked?"

"That time you acted like a two-year-old. Caitlin and I had to change your diaper. But don't worry, you weren't the first. I've seen Cody naked, and Joey, and one time I walked into my parents' bedroom, and Ryan was lying there on the bed naked and believe me, a naked man looks a lot different than a naked little boy..." Ariel blushed again at the memory of it; she now knew to knock before entering their bedroom. "...Why do you ask?"

"I was just wondering, because I've never seen a naked girl."

"You've never seen a naked girl?" Ariel repeated. "You never walked in on your mom or your sister or your aunt while they were in the bathroom? Or saw your mom getting dressed when you were little?"

"Maybe I did, but I don't remember it."

"So you have no idea what's down there? You do know that girls are missing something?"

"Of course! I know all about the birds and the bees, just I've never actually seen it! I saw a picture in my sister's anatomy book, though."

“Caitlin’s health book last year had all these really weird drawings of guys and girls, about what happens during puberty and stuff, and we were looking at them and laughing one afternoon and the next week Caitlin was in Confession and she couldn’t think of anything to confess, so she told the preacher about that, and he told her to say a bunch of Hail Marys. But we didn’t think we’d done anything wrong, since it was in her health book, so she didn’t say them.”

“Why was it in her health book?”

“Because here when you get to fourth grade you take this class called Family Life, and for one lesson they put the guys and the girls in separate rooms and they watch videos. We don’t know what the guys’ video is about, but Caitlin said hers was about this girl who dropped a box of tampons on the ground in front of a guy she liked.” Ariel started giggling.

Daniel laughed too, and as he did his eye happened to catch the clock. “Oh my gosh, it’s after midnight. What time are we leaving in the morning?”

“Around nine, I think. The park opens at ten. We’d better get to bed.”

“Yeah, you’re right. I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”

“Night,” Ariel smiled. She considered for a moment asking Daniel to change her pull-up, as she had wet - intentionally - while they were talking, but decided it probably wouldn’t be appropriate to ask. After all, they were older now, and probably letting him wipe her off wasn’t such a good idea.

“Night,” Daniel replied. He wanted to ask Ariel to change him, but what would she think if he asked? Probably that he was a pervert or something. After all, they were older now. He sighed nostalgically and headed up the stairs.

Chapter Forty-Nine

"What do you mean, Danielle's not ready yet?" Jessica asked impatiently. "All she has to do is throw on shorts and a t-shirt. How long can it take?" She listened for a moment, then sighed. "Well, tell her that if he can't appreciate the way she looks first thing in the morning, then they're never going to last." She paused. "Uh-huh. Okay, I'll see you in a few more minutes." She hung up the phone, sighed, and turned to face Ariel and Daniel, who were seated at the kitchen table finishing up their french toast sticks.

"They'll be here in a few more minutes," she explained. "Danielle's taking forever to get ready because her boyfriend Vince is going. She has to do her makeup and hair."

"But I can't go on the water rides. It'll smear my mascara!" Ariel mocked. Daniel started laughing. "See, if Caitlin was coming, instead of Danielle and her boyfriend, we wouldn't have to put up with this." "Why isn't she coming?"

"She and Cody are going to a birthday party at Ocean Breeze. The water park," Jessica explained, sitting down at the table and taking a gulp of Ariel's grape juice. "Go brush your teeth and bring your backpacks downstairs. I'll clean up the table."

Ariel and Daniel were trying to see who could spit the most toothpaste into the sink when they heard the front door opening. "Finally, they're here!" Ariel said happily. They rinsed out their mouths and ran downstairs, where Danielle was trailing through the door behind Vince and Ryan, anxiously running her fingers through her straightened hair. She'd had crushes before, but this one was definitely the worst, or perhaps the best, yet.

Jessica stood before Ryan, Vince, Danielle, Ariel and Daniel, holding a clipboard and pacing back and forth like a drill sergeant. "She actually wrote out a checklist?" Vince whispered to Danielle.

"She likes to be in charge. I told you, my family's weird," Danielle replied.

"Backpacks?" Jessica read off.

"Check," everyone replied.

"Mom," Ariel said pointedly. "Come on. We're wearing them. You can see that."

Jessica, who was enjoying playing the role of dictator, glared at her. "You can mock me all you want, young lady, but don't think I'm turning around when you realize you've forgotten something. Sunscreen?"

"Check," everyone except Danielle replied. "I'm trying to get a tan," she explained.

"You're trying to get skin cancer and wrinkles. You will borrow mine. Bag lunch?" To avoid overpriced park food, they were bringing lunch to eat in the parking lot.

"Check."

"Spending money?"

"Check."

"CDs?" Those were for the car ride.

"Check."

"Change of clothes?" This one was aimed at Ariel and Daniel.

"Check," they replied, embarrassed. Neither was planning on having any accidents.

"Did you take Joey to Jenny's?" Jessica asked Ryan.

"No, he's upstairs chained to his crib. Of course I did, Jess, that's when I picked up Danielle and Vince."

"A simple yes or no would have been sufficient. Does anyone need to go to the bathroom? Speak now, or forever hold it." Or pee your pants, she thought to herself, thinking of Ariel and Daniel.

"No..." they all mumbled. Danielle blushed, embarrassed to be asked such a question in front of Vince, even though she knew it was mainly for the kids' benefit.

"All right. Go get in Ryan's car."

The drive was short, about an hour and a half, but they were only about three exits away when Daniel spoke up. "I have to go to the bathroom."

"Me, too," Ariel said.

"We'll be there in ten minutes," Ryan replied.

"Maybe you should get off and find a gas station," Jessica told him. "You know it takes forever to actually get into the park, and the bathrooms by the entrance always have a long line. And you can get gas. It's cheaper here."

Ryan sighed and began merging into the right lane. He got off, found a Citgo, and gave Danielle and Vince five dollars to buy snacks while Daniel, Ariel and Jessica waited for the bathroom. Ariel jumped up and down and crossed her legs. "Maybe you should've worn a diaper," Jessica said nervously.

"No, I don't need one, Mom." The person who had been in the bathroom before came back with the key. "See? I didn't even come close to having an accident."

After everyone had used the bathroom and gotten snacks, they climbed back into the car and were soon at Busch Gardens. They waited in a long line of cars to park, then waited for a tram to take them from the parking lot to the park entrance. "Let's not forget we parked in Italy B," Ryan said as they climbed on.

"What was that? Ireland C?" Danielle asked.

"Germany F," Vince added.

"You won't think it's so funny when we're wandering around at eleven tonight, tired and hungry, looking for our car," Jessica told them. The tram dropped them off at the front of the park, and since they already had their tickets, they were able to avoid the long lines and go straight through. Then they were in the park.

"We should go on Apollo's Chariot first, before the lines get too long. And before lunch," Danielle said.

"Sounds good to me," Ryan said. "Is that what you want to do?" he asked Ariel and Daniel.

"Sure!" Ariel replied. Daniel wasn't so sure - he'd never been on a roller coaster before, and preferred to start with a small one, not one that bragged about its speed and height and new seats that really didn't look so safe to him. Instead of being the traditional roller coaster seats with a thing that came down around your head against your chest, this one had only a lap bar. Vince claimed that this was the best thing about it, because it felt like you were falling out when you went down, but Daniel craved security in all areas of his life, including roller coasters, so he wasn't wild about the feeling of falling. But everyone else seemed to want to try the coaster, so he smiled eagerly with Ariel.

Ariel leaned against the railing as they waited and played with her hair. She had to poop, her breakfast was ready to get out of her body, but she didn't want to get out of line to do it. There had been lots of times where her reluctance to stop what she was doing to pee had cost her, but pooping wasn't like peeing. It was easier to hold it in, so she would be fine.

"Take your earrings out, Ariel," Ryan said.

"Why?" Ariel asked, fingering her earrings. She had gotten her ears pierced seven weeks ago, and Jenny had bought her a pair of dangly silver butterfly earrings as a present for not crying. She'd hardly been able to wait for when she could take her starter studs out and wear them, and hadn't taken them off since.

"Because they're not safe on a roller coaster. They could get ripped out of your ears or jammed into your head. Roller coasters bang your head around a lot."

Ariel was concerned that she might lose them, but she certainly didn't want earrings jammed into her head. She took them out and put them in the change purse in her wallet, which held twenty-three dollars. She'd saved her allowance for weeks, and it was the most money she'd ever had. “Can we take our backpacks on the roller coaster?” she asked Ryan.

“No, but they have a place for you put them.”

“What if they get stolen? Shouldn’t we get a locker?”

“Lockers are expensive, and we’ll have to keep going back to it all day. I don’t think we have to worry about the stuff getting stolen. I mean, it could happen, but I’ve never seen it happen.”

“Okay.”

The line was short and progressed quickly. The seats were grouped four to a row, which meant that Ariel, Daniel, Vince, and Danielle would be seated side by side on one row, and Jessica and Ryan would ride in the row behind them. But the line separated when they got up towards the front, so that each row was a separate line, and it ended up working out that Ryan and Jessica wouldn't be on the ride at the same time as everyone else, but in the car after them. This worked out fine, Ariel, Daniel, Vince, and Danielle would simply meet them out where the photos taken on the ride were shown.

Ariel and Daniel watched nervously as the car holding the group in front of them sped off. They were next. "Look how the track is shaking," Ariel commented. "That can't be good."

"If I die, I want you to have my aquarium," Daniel said, clutching her hand.

"Okay," Ariel agreed. "If I die, I want you to have my N Sync t-shirt."

"I'll sleep with it every night," he promised. Their car pulled up, and they climbed on. Danielle was on the left end, with Vince beside her, Daniel beside Vince, and Ariel sat beside Daniel on the right end. Everyone got secured in, and Ryan and Jessica waved at them as the ride took off.

The car began the slow climb up the first hill, rattling all the way. It would climb up to about 270 feet in the air, then go down a small decline to get everyone sitting in the back thinking it was a big drop, and then there was a serious drop. But instead of continuing after the small decline, the ride lurched to a stop.

"Uh-oh," Ariel said nervously. "I don't think it's supposed to do that." "It's not," Vince told her. Around them, people were booing and laughing with excitement. Some were trying to spit on people's heads far below, and others tried to get out of the seats. Ariel peered all around, trying to figure out what was going on.

"Do you think they'll have us walk down the steps?" she asked Vince, pointing to the steps leading down the incline they'd just gone up.

"I don't know how they could get us on there. Look, they end at the beginning of that little drop."

"Then what if they can't get the ride to start again?"

Vince shrugged. "Maybe get a helicopter to come get us off?"

"That would be so cool," Daniel said, grinning. "I can't wait to tell everyone at home!"

Ariel wasn't as thrilled. "How long would that take?"

"Stop asking so many questions!" Danielle said. "They're not going to need a helicopter. This kind of thing happens every day."

"What happens if you have to go to the bathroom?"

Danielle sighed. "Tell me you don't..."

"I don't," Ariel lied. "I was just asking."

"You do, don't you?" Daniel whispered to her.

"Yes," Ariel whispered back unhappily. "But it's poop, not pee, so I should be fine." She squirmed a little, trying to squeeze her butt cheeks together.

"Are you sure?"

"Well, no, but what else can I do? There's no way to get to a bathroom without breaking my neck." Ariel wasn't sure which would be worse, breaking her neck or pooping her pants. And she knew this would be a full load, she could just feel it squeezing together in her bowels, desperate for release. With her limited mobility in the roller coaster seat, there was little she could do to prolong it.

Danielle peered at the rides far below. They could see almost the whole park from where they were. "This really isn't so bad," she said. "It's a nice view." When she sat up further in her seat for a better view, her golden hair fell over her face, and she brushed it back with manicured fingernails. The light caught on her hair and seemed to dance around, all over her face and chest. If Vince had leaned forward and strained his eyes, he could've seen down her shirt, but he was more interested in the pretty, thoughtful face than what was below it.

"Yeah," he agreed. "It is a nice view."

"I hope Jess and Ryan aren't too worried about us. I bet they're not going to let the kids go on any more roller coasters today."

"Danielle."

"Hmm?" She turned to face him, and he pulled her as close to him as they could get and kissed her on the lips, not the little pecks they'd given each other before, but a real kiss, the kind he would remember for the rest of his life. She was so surprised that she pulled away when it was over.

"Sorry," he said, embarrassed, wondering why he had done that here and now. Good lord, if he wanted to kiss her, he should've taken her to a dark movie theater, or maybe done it in her bedroom when nobody was around, not on a roller coaster with tons of people around, one of whom was her baby cousin.

"No, no, I'm sorry. I...I liked it." She smiled at him and he smiled back, desperate to overcome his adolescent awkwardness and find the right words to say. He wanted to tell her that he loved the sound of her laugh and the feel of her arm brushing his...that she didn't need to straighten her hair or put on eyeliner to be pretty...that he had thought she was beautiful this morning when he arrived early and caught a glimpse of her sitting at the breakfast table in her pajamas with hair frizzing everywhere...and that it didn't matter if they were stranded on a roller coaster at a cornball amusement park with her nosy family, he was with her, and that was all that mattered.

Meanwhile, Ariel was still squirming, trying to avoid an accident. "Daniel," she whispered. "If I poop my pants, you have to promise you won't tell anyone."

"I promise," he replied. "Besides, if it makes you feel better, I've done it before. Recently."

"Really? I only remember ever doing it once, when I was three, and then it was sort of on purpose, but I hated it, so I never did it again."

Just then, the ride lurched and then slowly began picking up speed as it went down the drop. Everyone cheered. "You're going to make it!" Daniel whispered. Ariel shook her head, her face beet red, and then he smelled it. "Oh."

Ariel hardly felt the rest of the ride, just the load in her pants. The motions of the ride had smeared poop all around in her underwear. She just prayed it wasn't on her shorts as well, or everyone would know. Worse than that, if the people who worked the ride saw, they might shut the ride down to clean her seat, the way they did when people threw up. She certainly didn't want to be responsible for ruining everyone's fun.

The ride slowed and pulled back into the station where everyone was waiting in line for them. Everyone started to cheer and clap. Ariel saw her mom and Ryan smiling, relieved. They won't be smiling when I tell them what I did, she thought.

"We got stuck!" Daniel told Jessica as they climbed out.

"I know. They wouldn't even tell us what was going on, all we knew was that they wouldn't load any more cars, and it was taking a long time for y'all to get back here. God, we thought someone might've fallen out." She noticed the uncomfortable expression on Ariel's face. "Are you okay, sweetie?” Ariel shook her head. “What’s wrong?”

Ariel didn’t want to admit to pooping her pants in front of all these people, so she stood on her tiptoes and whispered into Jessica’s ear, who smelled what was wrong as soon as she got close to her. “Oh!” she exclaimed, shocked. “Okay. Danielle, Vince, why don’t y’all go ride something and meet us by the entrance in an hour? We’ll have lunch then.”

“You’re trying to get rid of us, aren’t you?” Danielle asked suspiciously. “What did she say to you?”

“Yes, I am, and none of your business. This is your chance to get away from your overbearing family. Have fun.”

“What happened?” Ryan asked Ariel, after Danielle and Vince had run off, eager to get in line for another roller coaster before it got too long. He had a nose and could certainly tell what had happened, what he was really wondering was how an eight-year-old could poop her pants when she’d only been stuck on the roller coaster for about five minutes.

Ariel started to explain and suddenly, unexplainably, burst into tears. “I don’t know!” she wailed. “I didn’t want to get out of line just to go poop, and then we were stuck up there, and it was starting to hurt, and I didn’t realize we were going to get off so soon! Danielle and Vince were talking about them having to get a helicopter and…” Jessica tried to hide a smile “It’s not funny! You wouldn’t be laughing if it happened to you!” Ariel was humiliated to be standing there next to Daniel in poopy clothes, sobbing.

Daniel took her hand. “Don’t cry, Ariel,” he said softly. “Just go get cleaned up. You’ll feel better.”

Ariel couldn’t seem to stop crying. “I didn’t mean to! I couldn’t help it! I don’t want to be a baby!”

“Honey, come on. Let’s go change your clothes.” Jessica led her sobbing daughter by the hand into the bathroom, and lifted her onto the fold-out changing table. Ariel, horrified, jumped down.

“NO! Don’t make me get on there! I can change myself. I’m a big girl! I’m still potty trained, even if I did have an accident!” Ariel yanked her backpack out of her mom’s hands and ran into a stall, closing and locking the door firmly behind her.

She did not know what had gotten into her, why she had made such a scene, except that she did not want to be changed like a baby up on that changing table. It reminded her too much of diapers…and she was done with diapers. Finished. She was almost nine years old, and no longer felt like diapers were a part of her. Looking back on diapers was like looking back on preschool…a happy memory, but something that was behind her. At first she had asked to be potty-trained for fear that she would be molested in diapers, like Monica had, and it had almost killed her to ask her mom to train her, but somehow she had gotten absorbed into the orderliness of using the toilet, and putting on underwear every morning and wearing it all day…it seemed much more efficient, somehow, than using diapers. Looking back, she didn’t miss diapers very much.

But now she had this huge mess to deal with. Ariel sighed as she pulled her pants down. It hadn’t smeared as much as she’d feared it would, but it was still all over her butt and would be hard to clean up with toilet paper. And of course her mom had the baby wipes. She stuck her head out the door. “Mom, could you come in here and help me?”

Jessica squeezed into the tiny stall with her daughter, dried her eyes with her t-shirt, and gave her a hug. Gently she changed her, put her soiled clothes in a plastic bag, and they went back outside, where Ryan and Daniel were waiting. “Ready now?” Ryan asked, and Ariel smiled and nodded, feeling better. “What do you want to do now?”

“Roman Rapids!” Ariel suggested. The sun was starting to get hot, and that was the ride to go on if you wanted to get really wet. They were right by it, too.

“Is that a roller coaster?” Daniel asked. He had enjoyed Apollo’s Chariot more than he ever thought he would, but he didn’t think his stomach was quite ready for another roller coaster.

“No, it’s a water ride. You get really wet, especially if you get hit by the waterfalls.” “Only kids could think that walking around for the rest of the day in damp clothes is fun,” Jessica sighed as they got in line. It was fairly short, and they were on the ride within fifteen minutes.

“I hope we don’t get stuck again,” Ariel said.

“Yeah, because you don’t have any clean clothes left,” Daniel said. Nothing happened, however, except that Ryan was sitting on the side that went under the three waterfalls and got drenched, while everyone else was just somewhat damp. He then proceeded to grin wickedly at his wife and give her a big hug.

“You punk!” She gave him a playful shove, and he pretended to run away but only got a few paces before coming back and kissing her.

“Dad!” Ariel said, embarrassed. She didn’t like it when her parents kissed in front of her, especially not in public.

“Isn’t love weird?” Daniel asked.

“Yeah, that’s why I hope it doesn’t happen to me,” Ariel said. They were walking past the reptile area, and she noticed that they were about to start a show. “Mom, can we watch this? I want to see the snakes.”

Jessica checked her watch. “Sure, we have just enough time.”

The show was good, but Ariel enjoyed it the most, and went up to the display table afterwards to stare at the snakes. Ryan had to practically drag her away so they could go meet Danielle and Vince. “You really get into those snakes, don’t you?” Daniel asked.

“Snakes are cool,” Ariel said enthusiastically. “When I was little I was always trying to pick them up.”

“I remember that,” Jessica sighed. “There was a garter snake that always hung around our patio, and you wanted it for a pet. I can’t believe that thing didn’t bite you. And another time, I found a water moccasin in the shed, and you cried because I wouldn’t let you get close enough to it to see if its mouth was really white.”

“Maybe you’ll grow up to be another Crocodile Hunter,” Ryan suggested. “You can hold up a snake for the camera and say ‘this is the most poisonous snake in the world!’”

Ariel shrugged. She figured she’d be too scared to ever actually hold a snake, now that she was old enough to know that you could die from a snake bite. She was scared of most of the stuff she really wanted to do.

They met Danielle and Vince and walked out to the car to eat. Danielle was hot, so she took her shoes off and the shirt she was wearing over her tank top off, and stretched her legs out. “Danielle,” Jessica whispered when Ryan and Vince were a few feet away discussing the future of anime. “Put your shirt back on.”

“Why?” Danielle asked stupidly.

“Okay…to put it bluntly, your boobs hang out of your top every time you lean forward.”

“What boobs? I’m flat.”

“Trust me, you’re not. Vince sure doesn’t think so.”

“Give me a break. He doesn’t notice any of that stuff.”

“He’s a teenage guy. They think with the head that’s closer to the ground. Of course he notices. He just doesn’t say anything.”

“He doesn’t even think I’m pretty.”

“Danielle, he thinks you’re a goddess. He’s just decent enough to look you in the face instead of the chest when he talks to you, but when you’re not looking, believe me, he checks you out.”

Danielle blushed and pulled her shirt back on, although she wasn’t sure if she minded the idea of Vince staring at her chest. Vince came back over. “Hey, I got you this at the store,” he said awkwardly, handing her a Twix bar.

“Thanks! That’s my favorite kind of candy. How’d you know?”

“I dunno,” he muttered, suddenly shy. “I just figured.” He actually had asked one of her friends one day all kinds of things about her that would be useful on dates, whether she liked butter on her popcorn, what kinds of movies she liked, her hobbies, her favorite kind of candy.

“Goddess…” Jessica said under her breath. Danielle blushed and focused her attention on the candy.

After lunch, they headed back into the park. Vince wanted to ride Alpengiest, another roller coaster, but it turned out that Ariel and Daniel weren’t tall enough so they decided to ride the Loch Ness Monster instead, which was old but still a good ride. When Ariel stepped off, she looked for her backpack where she had sat it down beside the ride, since she couldn’t take it on, but it wasn’t there.

“I can’t find my backpack,” she said nervously.

“Are you sure this is where you put it?” Jessica asked.

“Yeah, right beside Danielle’s, and she got hers.”

Jessica frowned. “Excuse me,” she said to one of the people who did the safety checks. “My daughter left her backpack right here and now it’s gone. Do you know if it got moved, or did you see someone walk off with it? It’s a dark blue Jansport, with a front pocket and…”

The lady shook her head. “Sorry, I didn’t notice it, but you can try checking lost and found. Sometimes people mistake someone else’s stuff for theirs, and Jansports are pretty popular.”

“Thanks.” Jessica looked at Ariel. “Are you sure you don’t see it anywhere?”

“Yes. It’s gone. Somebody stole it!”

“We don’t know that for sure. We’ll go to lost and found in an hour or so and see if anyone turned it in.”

“How could anyone think it was theirs? It has a Powerpuff Girls patch on it. How many people do you think have Powerpuff Girls patches on their backpacks?”

Jessica thought she was right, but didn’t say so. “It won’t hurt to check. What did you have in it?”

Ariel’s eyes filled with tears when she thought about it. “My wallet with all my money in it, and it took me five weeks to save it up! Plus my sunscreen and my hat and my clothes.”

“Your clothes?” Daniel’s eyes widened. “You mean THOSE clothes?”

“Yes.” Ariel had to smile when she thought about someone going through all of her stuff and finding her poopy underwear and shorts.

Jessica smiled. “Well, isn’t that poetic justice. Steal a backpack and get nothing but twenty-three dollars and some soiled clothes. And I won’t have to wash them. Honey, if we don’t find your backpack, I think we can replace everything without any problems.”

“We’ll use our tax refund check,” Ryan said dryly.

Suddenly Ariel remembered something else. Her fingers flew up to her ears and much to her dismay, she discovered she had forgotten to put her earrings back in. “Oh, no! My earrings were in there, the ones that Jenny bought me. They were in my wallet! She’s going to kill me!”

“I’m sure she’ll understand, sweetie. She knows you didn’t lose them on purpose. We’ll buy you some more earrings. But really, you shouldn’t have worn your favorite ones to an amusement park, anyway.”

“Well, I didn’t know I’d have to take them out!” Ariel cried, glaring at Ryan. “It’s your fault for telling me I should, and you’re the one who said we didn’t need a locker, either! See if I ever listen to you again!”

“I told you to take them out for your own safety. And maybe we should’ve gotten a locker, but I didn’t think anything would happen. I’m sorry you lost your stuff, but don’t try to put the blame on me.”

Ariel folded her arms and pouted as they walked along. When Jessica asked her what she wanted to do next, she replied “I don’t care,” and turned away.

“Stop it, Ariel,” Jessica said firmly. “Enough with the attitude. We’re sorry your stuff got stolen, but pouting is not going to bring it back, and we’re not going to let you ruin our day. You can either cheer up and have fun, or keep pouting and have a miserable time for the rest of the day, but either way it’s not going to bother us. And getting mad and being rude to Ryan is not going to bring your stuff back, either, so I don’t want to hear anymore of that. He apologized, and you should accept that and forgive and forget.”

“All right.” Ariel gave a resigned sigh. “Do you think we could go see the 4-D show now?”

Jessica looked at everyone else. “Sound good to you?”

“Sounds really good. It’s so cool,” Danielle said. She had seen it before and knew that it would make Ariel forget about her stuff and laugh.

A few minutes later, they were sitting in the theatre, wearing 4D glasses and watching the story about a kid who was trying to trap some pirates. It wasn’t much of a plot, but the special effects were awesome. There was one part in the show where bats flew overhead, and Ariel suddenly felt them brushing against her shoulders and neck. She started to scream, and then realized that it was really just air blowing out of the headrest on her chair which created the sensation of bats touching the skin. Laughing, she suddenly felt Daniel grab her hand. They held hands for the rest of the show.

Afterwards, they all got some ice cream and sat around. Daniel finished his first and asked if he could go check out the shop nearby and meet them back there in ten minutes. “By yourself?” Jessica said, frowning. “I think not.”

Daniel glanced desperately at Ryan, who was close to being done. “Can you come with me? Please? I really need to get something.”

“Oh, all right.” Ryan took his last lick of ice cream and finished off his cone within a few bites. “Come on.”

They returned a few minutes later, Daniel carrying a bag and smiling with a secret. “What’d you get?” Ariel asked curiously.

“You’ll see,” he told her.

He waited until everyone else was walking to the next ride, and let himself and Ariel fall behind. “Here,” he said, pulling what he’d bought out of the package. It was a pair of earrings and a matching ring. “I got those for you, cause, well, I felt bad that your stuff got stolen, and…I wanted you to have something to remember me by when I went back to New York.”

Ariel was surprised to feel tears in her eyes. “Thank you! They’re really pretty. I’ll wear the ring forever. And the earrings, except for when I go to amusement parks.” They both smiled. Then he glanced around to make sure that nobody was watching, leaned over, and kissed her on the lips. And before she could start crying openly, because girls were sappy like that, and before he could get too embarrassed, he grabbed her hand and ran to catch up with everyone else.

Chapter Fifty

Ariel heard the phone ringing, but didn’t want to crawl out of bed to answer it. Mom and Dad can get it, she figured. Oh, why won’t they shut it up so that I can go back to sleep… After a few more rings, she heard the answering machine click on.

“Hi Ariel, this is Jenny. I guess you are still asleep. Sorry if I woke you. I was just calling to make sure everything’s going okay. Call me when you wake up.”

Ariel sighed and buried her head in the pillow. She’d forgotten, her parents weren’t even home. They were in a courtroom right about now, ready to testify on Monica’s behalf if need be, waiting to see how much, if any, jail time Monica’s father got for his sexual assault charge. Mrs. Johnson’s lawyer had said he could get up to five years, or he could just get off with community service and counseling. Either way, Monica would likely never see him again. She wasn’t as happy about that as she pretended to be. She spent a lot of time around Ariel’s house, particularly with Ryan once she got over her fear that he would be like her dad. She spent a lot of time with her mother too, because Mrs. Johnson was convinced that going to museums and baseball games and amusement parks together was the best way for them to become closer. Somehow, it never occurred to her that actually talking about what had happened would also make them closer, because they hardly ever did. But Monica said she didn’t mind; she talked it to death in her therapy sessions. She still wet the bed, although it was tapering off, and wore Goodnites for it, since she could take those on and off by herself.

Speaking of Goodnites…Ariel rolled around some to be sure. Hers was actually dry, for once. Well, not for once, it was actually dry one or two mornings every week, but often she would wet it in these early hours, as she lay awake in bed daydreaming, somewhere between sleep and consciousness. But this morning, since her parents weren’t home…maybe it was time to have a lazy day and lounge around in pajamas and a pull-up. Hopefully they wouldn’t be home anytime soon, though she knew that if her mom thought the trial would take more than a couple of hours, she wouldn’t have left her alone. It had taken a fair amount of begging, and the promise to call Jenny every half hour, for them to leave her. She hadn’t wanted to go to Jenny’s house; Jenny worked the whole time, Caitlin and Cody were with their dad, and Danielle was spending a dreaded three weeks with her mother – she said that southwestern Georgia in August was as close to hell on earth as one could get. Joey was at Jenny’s, and now that he was crawling, he was considerably more fun to be around, but he still spent way too much time sleeping for Ariel to depend on him for hours of entertainment. Ariel suspected that her new-found freedom was as much a result of Jenny’s begging as her own, for the last time she’d spent a morning there, boredom had kept her on the living room piano for hours, perfecting “Chopsticks” and “Heart and Soul.”

Ariel pulled herself out of bed and headed downstairs to get some breakfast. She found a note on the table:

Good morning,

Did you call Jenny yet?

I left the Life on the counter for your breakfast. Don’t forget to put the milk back in the fridge when you’re done. If we’re not home before lunchtime, there are cold cuts and cheese in the fridge, along with that potato bread you like. Rinse off the dishes you use and put them in the dishwater.

If you want to go to Felicity’s or Eric’s house, make sure to leave a note saying where you’re going. Don’t let any other kids in here. Don’t answer the door for anyone you don’t know, and if someone calls, don’t tell them you’re home alone – just tell them we’re not available and ask to take a message. Please remember to make your bed and straighten up your room. Also, if you get a chance, go ahead and start going through your school clothes to see what doesn’t fit, so we can go shopping on Saturday.

Hopefully we’ll be home within a few hours, and I’ll try to call you at some point. Call us or Jenny if there’s an emergency. Be good!

Love,

Mom

Ariel put the note down and sighed. “Don’t this, don’t that,” she mocked. “Don’t forget to clean the whole house top to bottom, and don’t have any fun. That’s all I am to them is a slave. Cinderella got more respect,” she muttered good-naturedly to herself as she poured some cereal and dialed Jenny’s number. After a brief conversation with Jenny, who pretty much repeated verbatim what her mother had told her, she stretched out in front of the TV for cartoons, noticing that she had to pee. It was no trouble saturating the pull-up to the perfect level of wetness, wet enough that it made squishing noises when she moved and dampened her bottom with warm urine, wet enough that she felt like a helpless baby and a naughty little girl at the same time, but not quite soaked enough to leak onto her pajamas.

She finished her cereal and remained sprawled out on the floor, reluctant to get on the couch in case her pull-up did leak. After a few minutes she had to pee again anyway and decided just to use the bathroom and take the pull-up off. It had gotten cold and no longer felt very good, pull-ups didn’t keep urine away from the skin the way diapers did, and she couldn’t really remember why she had enjoyed being wet in the first place. Besides, she really had to practice using the toilet. School started in two weeks, and although her accidents had decreased, they still occurred, and she’d die if one happened at school. She had never quite gotten used to peeing in front of her class, there had been times when she had wet her diaper while doing a math problem at the board or spelling a word in a spelling bee, and although no one had known, she’d still felt self-conscious. Everyone in her class knew she wore diapers and stared at her accusingly if they could smell that she’d pooped. No, she wasn’t sorry that she wouldn’t be wearing them to school this year, as long as she didn’t have any accidents. And it would be nice not to have to get changed by the school nurse, sure, Mrs. Jennings was nice, but Ariel enjoyed having control over her own toileting habits.

After getting dressed, she flipped on the radio and sashayed around her room, singing along with the words she knew as she made her bed and began stuff picking stuff off the floor. The job always took longer than it had to because her mom insisted that stuff go back where it was supposed to, instead of just stuffing it all in the closet or under the bed. That was one thing that really ticked her off. And Ariel suspected that it wasn’t so much the laziness of it that bothered her, it was that Josh used to do the same thing. Sometimes when her mom said “You’re just like your father” it was a compliment and sometimes not.

She put her last dirty shirt in the hamper and glanced around the room to see if there was anything else that needed putting away. Her eyes landed on the pad on her changing table. She should fold it and put it away somewhere, maybe in the cedar chest where her parents kept sentimental value stuff. Might as well do it today, the changing table wasn’t going to be in her room much longer anyway. Jessica had put an ad in the paper for it last week. “Well, why not?” she had asked when Ariel protested. “You don’t need it anymore, and Joey has one big enough to hold him even if he’s in diapers till he’s four. Besides, we can put a desk in the space. You need a place to do your homework.” And while Ariel was quite excited at the prospect of finally having a grown-up desk, and having a more mature-looking room, she didn’t really like getting rid of that link to babyhood.

She folded up the pad and headed back downstairs, intending to pack it away and then go outside. As she walked by the living room, she noticed the picture of her and Caitlin back on the mantle. Her mom had broken the frame while she was dusting a few months earlier and had just replaced it. Ariel looked closely at the picture; it was them on the fourth of July the year before, and she and Caitlin were in bathing suits and obviously diapered. Ariel’s plastic pants were sticking out of the edges of the suit, and her butt looked huge. She hadn’t worn a diaper swimming at all this year. No more need for a big t-shirt to cover up her bathing suit, so she could show off her cool two-piece. Caitlin had been jealous. She loved the freedom that not wearing diapers provided her, so why did she suddenly feel tears forming in her eyes as she stared at the picture?

She felt like calling Caitlin. She was supposed to ask before calling long distance, but she had a few dollars if they complained and her parents ought to understand that sometimes you just had to talk to a friend.

Caitlin’s dad answered. “Just a second, I’ll get her,” he said gruffly when Ariel asked for Caitlin. Ariel had met him once and didn’t really think much of him one way or another; he seemed void of absolutely any personality, and Jenny often said that one of the reasons why their marriage didn’t last was not because they didn’t get along but because they got along too well, she could scream at him all day, and he wouldn’t fight back. But he spoiled Caitlin and Cody rotten, so they loved visiting him. “Caitlin! Wake up, you got a phone call.”

“Hello?” Caitlin said sleepily.

“Were you really still asleep? It’s after eleven!”

“Ariel, it’s summer. Normal people do not wake up at seven in the middle of the summer. Once you get to be my age, you’ll enjoy sleep a lot more. Besides, I was in the middle of a really weird dream.”

“What happened?”

“You know how people dream about going to school naked? Well, I wasn’t naked, but all I had on was a diaper.”

“Hmm. What kind?”

“You know, I’m really not sure. It must not have been a baby diaper, because it didn’t have any kiddie cartoons on it. Anyway, I was sitting there in class just doing my work like nothing was out of the ordinary. It was weird.”

“What else happened?”

“That’s all that I can remember.”

“Well, that’s lame.”

“Sorry. So what’s up with you, little cuz?”

“Not much. Things have been pretty dull lately. I’m glad you’re coming home soon.”

“I’m not, because when I get home that means we have one weekend and Labor Day left…and then school starts. I’m gonna be a fifth grader. Next year I start middle school. I feel old. Cody is starting first grade. He’s turning into a little man, and remember when he was like three?”

“Yeah. He doesn’t look so much like a baby anymore. I feel old, too. I overheard Mom talking to Danielle’s mom on the phone last night and she was saying that I was looking less like a little girl every day and how I was gonna be nine in November and in a year I’d probably be wearing a bra.”

“Eh, you’re not a grandma yet. Notice she didn’t say actually needing one.”

“I know.” Ariel was quiet for a second. “Do you think I did the right thing getting potty trained?”

“Yes,” Caitlin replied automatically.

“Are you just saying that because you want to be?”

“No. Ariel, you can’t live in the past, and I think you were trying to do that. You wanted to go back to when you were a baby and the biggest problem you had was that your didee was wet, but you have to move on. So your dad was an asshole and left before you were talking in complete sentences. So your mom and you were dirt poor for awhile. So you had trouble in school. Big deal. Other people go through stuff a lot worse than that. Look at what your mom went through when she was a kid, and did she ever regress like you did?”

“No,” Ariel admitted.

“See. And everything’s okay now. You’ve got lots of friends, a little brother, two really cool parents, and you do pretty well in school. And you have a very smart, very cool, beautiful older cousin who gives you advice whenever you need it,” Caitlin added.

“Well, I don’t know about that part.”

“Very funny. My point is, you’ve got everything. Why do you need diapers anymore to be happy? They were almost like an addiction for you towards the end. Hey, you could start a Diaperholics Anonymous support group.”

Ariel laughed. “Hello, my name is Ariel, and I’m a diaperholic. Sounds catchy. I don’t know. Maybe I was kind of selfish to regress so much. My mom worried about it a lot.”

“Your mom worries about you if you cross the street. It’s a parent’s job to worry. And your mom enjoyed it. She’s overprotective anyway, and she would’ve rather had you acting like a baby then out running around being independent. She’s kind of selfish in her own way.”

“That’s not a very nice thing to say.”

“Do you think I’m wrong?”

“I guess not.” It was hard thinking of her parents as being anything less than perfect, especially her mom. “Maybe I got my selfishness from her.”

“You and her both like to be the center of attention.”

“You’re hardly one to talk. It must run in the family.”

“I don’t demand attention. I’m just outspoken,” Caitlin said, not without self-righteousness. “I say what’s on my mind, and I’m completely honest. Some people just can’t handle the truth. Like that time Danielle wanted to know if her butt looked big in the jeans she’s wearing, and I said yes, because they really didn’t compliment her very much, and the next thing I know she’s running to her room sobbing, and Mom’s yelling at me. She said I had no tact. Who needs tact? Life sucks, deal with it instead of trying to sugarcoat it. Or avoid it by wearing diapers.”

“You really hate your diapers now, don’t you?”

“Yes. You know, my doctor said I might be able to get an operation that would help me regain bladder control, and Mom won’t let me do it.”

“Why not?”

“No baby of mine is going under a knife!” Caitlin mocked.

“And you say my mom’s overprotective?”

“They both are. But you know what, I think I’d rather die than have to wear diapers the rest of my life.”

Ariel was shocked. She knew Caitlin wasn’t very fond of wearing diapers, but to prefer death to them? “You don’t mean that.”

“I do. Next year I start middle school. I’m going to have to undress for gym in the locker room in front of everyone else. I get teased enough for my diapers enough now as it is. I’m not getting the crap beaten out of me every day because of something that could be fixed by a simple operation. I’m not wearing clothes baggy enough to hide my diapers for the rest of my life. What about when I start dating? Who’s going to want to date a girl who pees in diapers?”

“I wonder if incontinent people pee during sex?” Ariel wondered.

“Yes, they do. Total lack of control at all times. It’s disgusting. And diapers are impractical, too. I can’t run as fast in them. I can’t go swimming. I used to love to swim! I wanted to run track. I wanted to be an actress, and now the only thing I could do is youth diapers commercials. I never sleep over at anyone’s house anymore except for yours because it’s too embarrassing trying to deal with my diapers. You know Matt?”

“That guy you have a crush on?”

“Yeah. I got Lindsey to ask him if he’d ever go out with me, and he said I was pretty but the diaper thing was too weird.”

“Oh Caitlin, he’s a jerk, forget him.”

“But that’s what everyone thinks when they look at me! Diapers. It’s all about diapers. All my other personality traits are secondary.”

Ariel sighed. She didn’t really know what else to say. She didn’t really want Caitlin getting an operation, either. Next to Monica, Caitlin was her best friend, and what if something happened to her? Doctors screwed up all the time. “Um…maybe you should think about this operation for awhile. You hate diapers now, but who knows? In a couple of years you might decide you enjoy them.”

“Ha, I doubt that. I’m not like you…or Danielle. She’s really dumb if she thinks she’s fooling anyone.”

“What do you mean? Who else knows?”

“Your mom, your dad, Cody, my mom…the whole world practically, except for her mom, and Vince. And I hope for her sake that her mom never finds out.”

“What about Vince?”

Caitlin giggled. “I hope he does find out. I bet she wants him to diaper her. Danielle thinks diapers are sexy, you know. They turn her on.”

“Oh gross! You’re making that up!”

“I am not! My mom told me. There’s a million webpages about people with diaper fetishes. I bet Dani goes to them all the time.”

Jessica hummed to herself as she strapped Joey into his car seat and pulled out of Jenny’s driveway. Court had gone really well, and when she went to go pick Joey up Jenny reported that he’d been crawling all over her house and getting into everything. His energy was exhausting, but it thrilled her. Her son, the one who had almost died a year earlier, who she hadn’t even been able to hold when he was born because he was so small, was crawling energetically and laughing all the time. He was beautiful and Ariel was beautiful and on that cool, almost-fall August day, life was beautiful.

She pulled into her driveway a few seconds later, relieved to see that everything looked okay, no ambulances or police cars at least. She didn’t really believe that Ariel would start any fires or throw a wild party, but she wouldn’t put it past her to try riding her bike down the street with no hands or see if she could climb up onto the roof from her bedroom window.

Ariel was giggling as she listened to Caitlin’s description of the people on AB/DL sites when she heard her mom’s car pull up. “Hey, I gotta go. Mom’s home,” she announced. “See you in a few days!” She put the phone back and glanced around the room to make sure it was in good shape. Oops, she’d left the milk on the counter after breakfast, better put it back in the fridge. Other than that, everything was perfect. See, she could be left alone. She went outside to greet her mom.

“Hey, sweetie,” Jessica called as she picked Joey up. She gave Ariel a quick hug. “Everything go okay?”

“Yep. So what was the verdict?”

Jessica smiled. “Five years, no visitation.”

“In jail?”

“Yep. The judge said they all needed time to heal.”

“That’s good. Did Monica and her mom seem happy?”

“Well…I don’t think anyone really wins in those kinds of situations. Monica looked pretty upset when they were leading him away.”

“Is she home yet? Can I call her?”

“Honey, why don’t you give her a little while, okay?”

“Okay.” Ariel suddenly felt tired. They went in the house, and Jessica put Joey down for a nap and sat down on the couch with her. Ariel lay down with her head in her lap. Jessica stroked her hair. “Are you feeling okay?”

“Yeah, I’m just tired.”

“Me too.”

“Where’s Daddy?”

“He had to go to work. He’ll be home around five.”

“He works a lot.”

“Well, one of us has to, and since he makes more money, it seemed logical for me to cut back to part-time and stay home with Joey.”

“And me,” Ariel added pointedly.

“And you, although you’re getting so grown-up that sometimes I have to wonder which one of us is the parent.”

“I am not. I’m just a baby.” Ariel sat up, wondering what her mother’s reaction would be to that one.”

“You really aren’t. You help out around the house, you take care of Joey, you stay by yourself...and look at your shorts. I just bought them for you at the beginning of summer, and already they’re too short.”

Ariel smiled. “I still have that changing table in my room.”

“Actually, I was going to ask you if you wanted to help me move that to the garage today, and tomorrow we’ll go shopping for a desk. It can sit out there for a few weeks until we sell it. We won’t be able to fit a desk into your room otherwise.”

Ariel liked the idea of shopping for a desk, but not the part about moving the changing table. “It’s heavy! Maybe we should wait until Dad gets home.”

“Ariel Michelle Crawford, I got that table into your room in the apartment by myself, and we do not need a man to help us move it down to the garage. If your dad was able to get that thing up the stairs by himself when we moved in last year, surely two of us can move it down the stairs. It really isn’t that heavy.”

Ariel had her doubts about that when she was standing in her room a few minutes later, staring at it. It was wooden and looked solid and thick and so right up against her wall, even with all the baby powder and diapers gone, as well as the pad that she had taken off only that morning.

“Remember that picture I took the day you got it?” Jessica asked her. “You were lying on it in your diaper with a pacifier in your mouth.” Ariel nodded; that was one of her favorite “baby” pictures. “Want me to take another one, before we move this thing out? I guess we can call it a post-baby picture or something.” So she brushed her hair, put on lip gloss, and tried to look as mature as possible as she sat on the changing table one last time and had her picture taken.

Jessica put the camera away. “Well, take a good look at your room. This is the last time you’ll ever see it with a changing table in it.” Hopefully, she thought to herself.

Ariel stared at the changing table and remembered how happy she’d felt the day she’d gotten it, how loved and carefree she’d felt when she was on it being changed by her mother. She didn’t need to be changed to have that feeling anymore. She could almost hear her mom’s soothing voice, feel the cool baby wipe against her skin. She heard herself laughing and remembered the day that she’d peed all over everywhere when she and Monica were playing. There was Daniel, smiling and cooing as she and Caitlin tried to control him as he totally regressed. And there was Caitlin, a slight expression of envy on her face as she laughed at Ariel for wanting to be changed like a baby. It had been months since anyone had been changed in this room, yet the smell of baby powder and Pampers was still there, a clean smell, despite what everyone said about diapers stinking. Ariel helped her mom drag the table out of the room and paused to glance back at the blank space on the wall. She tried once again to see the changing table there, to see herself on it, laughing and cooing, drinking from a bottle and sucking a pacifier and just being an oh so helpless baby. But it was just a blank space on the wall and the pictures danced only in her head and so she shrugged and turned away.

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