CSNHS-West English 12, 12 H, and Yearbook



I laughed my socks off. They had a skeleton in the cupboard His face was drawn but the curtains were real. “Metaphors are lies. I had to detach my mind at will to a remarkable degree so that I did not notice how much it was hurting inside my head.”"And that is why there are no jokes in this book." "I do not tell lies." "I am going to prove that I'm not stupid." "Talking to strangers is not something I usually do." "I decided to try and find out more about Mr.Shears." And a simile is not a lie, unless it is a bad simile. Then I decided to do some detective work. “And sometimes Mrs. Shears stayed overnight at our house…” Mr. Shears used to be married to Mrs. Shears and they lived together until two years ago.I said that I wasn’t clever. I was just noticing how things were, and that wasn’t clever. That was just being observant. I used to think that Mother and Father might get divorced. “It was nice in the police cell.” “We do this because sometimes father wants to give me a hug, but I do not like hugging people, so we do this instead, and it means that he loves me.” “I said that I liked things to be in a nice order. And one way of things being in a nice order was to be logical.” “When she tells me not to do something she tells me exactly what it is I am not allowed to do. And I like this.” People say that you always have to tell the truth. But they don’t mean this because you are not allowed to tell old people that they are old and you are not allowed to tell people if they smell funny or if a grown-up has made a fart. And you are not allowed to say “I don’t like you” unless that person has been horrible to you.” “Prime numbers are what is left when you have taken all the patterns away. I think prime numbers are like life. They are very logical but you could never work out the rules, even if you spent all your time thinking about them.”“I think people believe in heaven because they don't like the idea of dying, because they want to carry on living and they don't like the idea that other people will move into their house and put their things into the rubbish.”“But Mother was cremated. This means that she was put into a coffin and burnt and ground up and turned into ash and smoke. I do not know what happens to the ash and I couldn't ask at the crematorium because I didn't go to the funeral. But the smoke goes out of the chimney and into the air and sometimes I look up into the sky and I think that there are molecules of Mother up there, or in clouds over Africa or the Antarctic, or coming down as rain in the rainforests in Brazil, or in snow somewhere.”“But when you get married it is because you want to live together and have children, and if you get married in a church you have to promise that you will stay together until death do us part. And if you don't want to live together you have to get divorced and this is because one of you has done sex with somebody else or because you are having arguments and you hate each other and you don't want to live in the same house any more and have children.” “All the children at my school are stupid. “I also started with the dog because it happened to me and I find it hard to imagine things which did not happen to me,” “I like the police. They have uniforms and numbers and you know what they are meant to be doing,” “I do not tell lies,” “I find people confusing,” “All the other children at my school are stupid,” “The dog was dead.” “I didn’t like him touching me like this.” “They are very logical but you could never work out the rules, even if you spent all your time thinking about them.” “‘Yes, I was listening to what you were saying, but when someone gets murdered you have to find out who did it so that they can be punished.’” “I decided that I was going to find out who killed Wellington even though Father had told me to stay out of other people’s business.” “I sometimes think of my mind as a machine, but not always as a bread-slicing machine. It makes it easier to explain to other people what is going on inside it.” “It was nice in the police cell. It was almost a perfect cube, 2 meters long by 2 meters high. It contained approximately 8 cubic meters of air.” “I do not tell lies. Mother used to say that this was because I was a good person. But it is not because I am a good person. It is because I can’t tell lies.” “And Mr.Shears didn’t want to live in the same house as Mrs.Shears anymore so he probably hated her and he might have come back and killed her dog to make her sad.” “But I don’t take any notice because I don’t listen to what other people say and only sticks and stones can break my bones and I have my Swiss Army knife if they hit me and if I kill them it will be self-defense and I won’t go to prison.” This will not be a funny book I do not lie And one way of things being in a nice order was to be logical I’m not a spazzer, which means spastic, not like Francis, who is a spazzer, and even though I probably won’t become an astronaut, I am going to go to university and study mathematics or physics, or physics and mathematics (which is a Joint Honor School), because I like mathematics and physics and I’m very good at them But this is stupid because everyone has learning difficulties because learning to speak French or understanding relativity is difficult and also everyone has special needs, like Father, who has to carry a little packet of artificial sweetening tablets around with him to put in his coffee to stop him from getting fat, or Mrs. Peters, who wears a beige-colored hearing aid, or Siobhan, who has glasses so thick that they give you a headache if you borrow them, and none of these people are Special Needs, even if they have special needs “This is a murder mystery novel.” ???“I cannot tell jokes because I do not understand them.” ?“It is something you can work out in your own mind just by looking at the sky above your head.” ?“And this is why everything I have written here is true.”?“So I decide for myself what I am going to do and what I am not going to do.” “I cannot tell jokes because I do not understand them,” “I find people confusing,” “I do not tell lies,” “I decided that I was going to find out who killed Wellington even though Father had told me to stay out of other people’s business,” “All the other children at my school are stupid,” "This will not be a funny book. I cannot tell jokes because I do not understand them" "All other children at my school are stupid. Except I'm not meant to call them stupid, even though this is what they are" "I do not tell lies. Mother used to say that this was because I was a good person. But it is not because I am a good person. It is because I can't tell lies" " I used to have lots of Behavioral Problems, but I don't have so many now because I'm more grown up and I can take decisions for myself and do things on my own like going out of the house and buying things at the shop at the end of the road" " Talking to strangers is not something I usually do. I do not like talking to strangers" “I kept the piece of paper in my pocket and took it out when I didn’t understand what someonewas saying. But it was very difficult to decide which of the diagrams was most like the face they were making because people’s faces move very quickly.” “I cannot tell jokes because I do not understand them.” “I like this fact. It is something you can work out in your own mine just by looking at the sky above your head at night and thinking without having to ask anyone.” “This made me feel a lot calmer because it is what policemen say on television and in films.” “I also said that I cared about dogs because they were faithful and honest, and some dogs were cleverer and more interesting than some people.” “But if you are going to do detective work you have to be brave, so I had no choice.” “I’m going to prove that I’m not stupid.” “Then, when I’ve got a degree in maths, or physics, or maths and physics, I will be able to get a job and earn lots of money and I will be able to pay someone who can look after me and cook my meals and wash my clothes, or I will get a lady to marry me and be my wife and she can look after me so I can have company and not be on my own.” “I do not like talking to strangers.” “It is something you can work out in your own mind just by looking at the sky above your head at night and thinking without having to ask anyone.” “I know all the countries of the world and their capital cities and every prime number up to 7 “I cannot tell jokes because I do not understand them. “I find people confusing. “But I wouldn’t have Shreddies and yes because they are both brown. . Mr. Jeavons, the psychologist at the school, once asked me why 4 red cars in a row made it a Good Day, and 3 red cars in a row made it a Quite Good Day, and 5 red cars in a row made it a Super Good Day, and why 4 yellow cars in a row made it a Black Day, which is a day when I don’t speak to anyone and sit on my own reading books and don’teat my lunch and Take No Risks. And now if I don’t know what someone is saying, I ask them what they mean or I walk away.- ?????????And then I thought about how for a long time scientists were puzzled by the fact that the sky is dark at night, even though there are billions of starts in the universe and there must be stars in every direction you look, so that the sky should be full of starlight because there is very little in the way to stop the light from reaching earth. - ?????????Mother used to say that it meant Christopher was a nice name because it was a story about being kind and helpful, but I do not want my name to mean a story about being kind and helpful. I want my name to mean me.- ?????????And this is because when people tell you what to do it is usually confusing and does not make sense. - ?????????I think people believe in heaven because they don’t like the idea of dying, because they want to carry on living and they don’t like the idea that other people will move into thei ................
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