SimplyScripts
PART TIME PIMP
By Mike Mascarin
May 12, 2006
ESTABLISHING SHOT-
EXT. SOLUTION STAFFING – DOWNTOWN TOLEDO - DAY
It’s a pleasant day. People enter and exit the office building. It’s the usual hustle and bustle of the business district. A black Cadillac with gold trim and Diamond ICE rims rolls into frame. It parks under a no parking sign.
INT. OFFICE
BOB SHANDLIDGE, a man in his late thirties, in casual business attires sits at a desk. Sitting a chair in front of him is a young man.
GARY
So what kind of work are you looking
for?
YOUNG MAN
Anything really.
GARY
What sort of experience do you have?
YOUNG MAN
Just some retail, but I have a degree
in communications.
GARY
Have you ever done any factory work?
YOUNG MAN
No
GARY
Would you like to?
YOUNG MAN
No
GARY
It’s no dream job I admit, but it’s
cash right?
YOUNG MAN
I’m not interested. Do you have any
thing else?
GARY
What happened to anything really?
YOUNG MAN
I meant anything aside from factory
work.
GARY
That’s all we have. Things are pretty
slow right now.
YOUNG MAN
I’d rather mug old ladies than work
in a factory.
GARY
That’s a good attitude. Good work
ethic. Tell you what, just take my
card in case you change your mind.
YOUNG MAN
Whatever.
He takes the card and puts in the back of his baggy jeans and leaves. Gary pages his secretary.
GARY
Send in the next one Candice.
He takes off his glasses and rubs the bridge of his nose. When he looks up he sees a man in the doorway. COPPERHEAD is a black male in a three quarter length leather coat. He has a gold tooth and a tattoo of a cobra that covers the top half of his face. He strolls in, leaning on a cane with a gold cobra handle.
COPPERHEAD
You the cat can help me find some
one to care of my business?
GARY
Actually I’m interviewing people
on behalf of our clients. Are
you looking for work?
COPPERHEAD
No, I run my own company. I need
someone to watch it while I’m gone.
GARY
Have you registered with our
company?
COPPERHEAD
Nah, that’s what I’m here for.
GARY
Well I interview job applicants. I
don’t handle employer accounts.
Sandy does that and she’s on
vacation.
COPPERHEAD
Look holmes, I just need you to
find someone trustworthy to keep
my … affairs in order. Someone to
oversee my operations.
GARY
I understand your needs but it’s
not my department. You can register
to use our services when Sandy
comes back next week.
COPPERHEAD
Later for that. Can you do some
shit?
GARY
Why don’t you use another agency?
There’s at least a dozen you could
use. Besides, our rates are pretty
steep.
COPPERHEAD
Shit nigga, that’s all you had to
say.
He reaches in his pocket and withdraws a gold money clip. He peels off a couple bills from a wad of hundreds.
COPPERHEAD
Two hundred good?
GARY
I don’t think you understand. I
don’t have the authority to take
on new clients.
COPPERHEAD
Three?
GARY
What sort of business is it?
COPPERHEAD
I manage slash promote a modelling
slash talent agency.
GARY
Is this an adult entertainment
business by any chance?
COPPERHEAD
Nah, it’s dancing and magic
tricks and shit.
GARY
How big is the staff?
COPPERHEAD
I’ve got five fine ass bitches.
GARY
Please don’t take offence but
it sounds like your talking
about prostitutes.
COPPERHEAD
Do I look like a pimp to you?
GARY
I’m not sure what you look
like.
COPPERHEAD
Cuz I’m black and wear fine
threads right?
GARY
I’m not making any accusations
but given the description of
your business, it sounds kind
of shady to me.
COPPERHEAD
I can’t believe this. In 2006
I still get stereotyped cuz a
how I look.
GARY
I’m sorry if I offended you.
COPPERHEAD
Don’t sweat it. So can you help
me?
GARY
I need to know exactly what you
need a temp to do.
COPPERHEAD
Booking appointments, driving the
… entertainers to the appointments,
collecting the cash. That sort of
thing.
GARY
Are you sure you’re not a pimp?
COPPERHEAD
Ok, good for you Kojak. You
figured it out. Cracked the case.
I’m a pimp. A mack. A big money
hustler. Ain’t that some shit?
Gary stirs uncomfortably in his seat.
COPPERHEAD
So can you get somebody?
GARY
Look, take your money back.
Gary slides the bills back to him.
I’m afraid I can’t help you.
COPPERHEAD
Why not?
GARY
Because it’s illegal. I could
lose my job.
COPPERHEAD
Maybe once you talk to my
friend you’ll change your mind.
GARY
I highly doubt that.
COPPERHEAD
That’s cuz you haven’t met my
friend yet.
GARY
And who might that be?
Copperhead whips out a switchblade and brandishes it in front of Gary’s face. He pops the blade out.
COPPERHEAD
His name is Stabby.
Gary gulps in terror.
GARY
I’ll see what I can do.
EXT. SUBURBAN HOUSE – DAY
A paperboy skateboards by a pleasant house with a well kept lawn. He flings the paper onto the doorstep. Seconds later a house robed neighbour walks into frame and steals the paper.
INT. BEDROOM – DAY
PAUL PALMER, a white man in his early forties stares at two shirts laid out on his bed. He’s wearing boxer shorts, a white tank top and black knee high socks. His wife, MARLO GREGSON-PALMER enters from the bathroom, fully dressed
MARLO
You’re not dressed yet?
PAUL
Honey can you help me?
MARLO
What is it dear?
PAUL
I can’t decide what shirt to
wear. The pea green polo or
the lemon yellow one? I know
I’m not officially on company
time but how casual should I
go?
MARLO
Does it matter?
PAUL
You don’t think the yellow
would be over doing it?
MARLO
I think you’re overdoing it?
PAUL
Overdoing what?
MARLO
Your office picnic fashion
turmoil.
PAUL
I guess you’re right. I’ll go
with the green.
INT. BEDROOM – DAY
A pudgy teen, WESLEY PALMER, lies in bed toking a roach. Posters of Japanese horror movies adorn his walls. Video games and DVD’s litter the floor. Dave Mathews is playing on the radio. There’s a knock on his door.
PAUL
Hey buddy. You dressed yet?
WESLEY
Uh no. In a sec.
He goes to extinguish the joint but drops it. He knocks over his night table in a mad scramble to find it before it burns the carpet.
PAUL
You OK in there?
WESLEY
Uh yeah, fine. I just tripped.
Paul opens the door. He sees his son on his hands and knees patting the floor.
PAUL
What are you doing? What
smells?
WESLEY
Nothing. I was just doing a …
science project. Got out of
hand.
Paul examines the room suspiciously.
PAUL
You were doing homework on
a Saturday morning?
Wesley nods.
WESLEY
Yeah, thought I’d get a jump
start.
Marlo enters the room.
MARLO
What’s going on in here?
Paul sits beside his son on the bed and ruffles his unkempt hair.
PAUL
Our boy’s finally starting to
show some initiative. Can you
believe he’s getting such an
early start on his homework?
MARLO
If his major is slacking 101
and his class is wake and
baking, then I believe he’ll
get an A plus.
PAUL
What are you saying? That our
son is doing the reefer?
Marlo walks over to his nightstand and picks up the crushed roach.
MARLO
In bed no less. You could’ve
burnt the house down.
WESLEY
I was awake.
MARLO
It’s eight in the morning
Wesley. Really.
WESLEY
I only did it cause we’re
going to that stupid picnic.
How else do you expect me to
cope. I hate potato salad.
Paul stands.
PAUL
It goes without saying that
I’m very disappointed in you.
Marijuana is for deadbeats and
liberals. No son of mine is
going to be a pothead. At
least not until you’re eight-
teen. You’re going to this
picnic and when we come back
(continued)
You’ll get your punishment.
WESLEY
Isn’t the picnic punishment
enough?
MARLO
I think he should be
disciplined now.
Paul leans over and whispers in his wife’s ear.
PAUL
Can’t it wait? I think he
should be allowed to have
fun at the picnic.
MARLO
No
PAUL
What did you have in mind
MARLO, to son
Grounded, for one month. No
allowance, no electronics of
any kind.
WESLEY
Aw C’mon! Not even the microwave?
MARLO
No.
Paul shuts off the radio playing the Dave Mathews band.
PAUL
And no more of this damn hip hop!
EXT. PARK – DAY
A crowd of employees attend a summer picnic. Some of them play volleyball and Frisbee but most mull around the barbeques.
Paul and his family make their way through the throngs.
MARLO
Make sure you stay away from the
chilli this year. You don’t want
to ruin another pair of khakis.
PAUL
Yes dear.
CUT TO
R.J. REMINGTON, a youthful, handsome man in yuppie attire observes the proceedings with thinly veiled disgust. On the stage next to him is his VP, BARBERA.
R.J.
Eat up you parasites. Enjoy
your last suckle at the teat
of R.J. Remington.
BARB
Sir, don’t you think it would
be wise to tread lightly until
the deal is finalized?
R.J.
I’m a business Barb, not a
politician. Tact means nothing
to me.
A couple walks the stage. They give R.J. a forced smile. He nods back.
R.J. (muttering)
Leeches.
CUT TO
Paul is about to fix his plate at the buffet table but stares dumbfounded at the spread. A man is getting impatient behind him. It’s the staffing agent from the first scene.
BOB
It’s free you know. You don’t
have to eat what you don’t
like.
PAUL
I’m just trying to figure
out what this is.
BOB
You never had Indian food
before?
PAUL
No. Never. I’m more of a meat
and potatoes man myself.
BOB
It’s good if you like spicy.
Try the Tandori chicken.
Paul shrugs and starts to load his plate with food.
BOB
Say, do I know you?
PAUL
I’m Paul, Marlo’s husband.
Bob shakes his head, still unsure.
PAUL
Your wife’s friend Marlo.
I’m her husband. We went to
Cape Cod last summer.
BOB
Oh right. So sorry buddy. I’ve
had a few lunch brew skis. Kind
of fuzzy you know?
PAUL
No harm done. So where is
Linda?
BOB
Over there, talking to some
people.
Paul looks over and sees a woman talking to a group. She wears a sundress that does little to hide a protruding belly.
PAUL
Oh, congrats. I didn’t know
you guys were expecting.
There is an uncomfortable pause as Bob glares at him.
BOB
We’re not.
PAUL
Oh God. I’m so sorry. I
didn’t…
BOB
Heh, relax Chief. I was just
jerking your chain. She’s due
in a month.
PAUL, laughing sheepishly
Ha ha. You got me. Good one.
You’re first right?
BOB.
Yep. A boy.
Paul nods in approval.
PAUL
Say, don’t you find this odd?
We always have hot dogs, ham
burgers, potato salad, chilli.
Why Indian?
BOB
Don’t know. You guys have
new clients?
PAUL
Not that I know of. I haven’t
registered any new accounts.
BOB
Never look a gift whore in
the vagina. That’s what I
always say.
Paul tastes some of the food to his mouth for the first time. The instant it touches his tongue he spits it out.
PAUL
All in all, I’d prefer the
chilli.
CUT TO
Barb stands at a podium on the stage. She speaks into a microphone.
BARB
Can I have everyone’s
attention? I’d like to welcome
you all to the annual Remington
company picnic once again. I
hope you’re having a good time
and enjoying the East Indian
cuisine provided by our new
investors. So without further
ado, allow me to introduce the
president and C.E.O. Mr. R.J.
Remington.
There is a smattering of unenthusiastic applause. R.J. takes the stage.
R.J.
Thank you all for coming. I’ll
make this brief because we’re
here for pleasure not business.
As you may have heard there’s
been some rumours of downsizing.
Well I can assure you they are
unfounded. We are here to stay
and we will continue to run
things the American way.
The crown claps in approval.
R.J.
There will be no outsourcing.
I won’t have a bunch of towel…
R.J. notices Barb making a throat slashing motion.
R.J.
No outside sources. Your jobs
are secure so long as I’m in
charge. In fact, I’m sure
you’ll all be happy to know
I’ve doubled your bonuses this
year as a show of thanks for
dedication and loyalty.
The crowd cheers. R.J. waves to the crowd as he walks from the podium.
R.J. (muttering)
Like hogs in shit.
EXT. SOLUTION STAFFING PARKING LOT – DAY
A Saturn SL turns into the lot. Inside, Bob sips in a coffee.
BOB
Ah, what the fuck is this?
A black Cadillac with gold trim is parked in his space. Bob puts his car and stomps out. As he approaches, the caddy door opens. A cane slides out, soon followed by its owner, Copperhead.
Bob stops in mid stride and rushes back to his car. He puts his hand on the door and tries to open it but Copperhead keeps it shut with his cane.
COPPERHEAD
Going somewhere?
BOB
I just forgot some papers.
COPPERHEAD
Did you get anybody yet?
BOB
I’m still in the process of
interviewing potential
candidates.
COPPERHEAD
Don’t bullshit me. You ain’t
done shit.
BOB
I can’t do what you’re asking
me too. I don’t want to go to
jail.
COPPERHEAD
You prefer the hospital?
BOB
OK, this is the second time
you’ve threatened me. That
alone can get you incarcerated.
COPPERHEAD
You gonna call five-o on me?
Turn my ass in?
He takes a cell out of his coat and hands it to Bob.
COPPERHEAD
Here. Call’em.
Bob starts dialling. Copperhead backhands him across the face. Bob drops the phone and stumbles.
COPPERHEAD
You stupid mutherfucka.
Bob rubs his cheek.
BOB, pleading
Can’t you get one of homies
to take care of it?
COPPERHEAD
You want another taste?
BOB
No.
COPPERHEAD
Then you better find someone
fast cracker.
BOB
Ok, ok. I’ll get someone.
COPPERHEAD
Good.
The pimp smashes his driver’s side passenger window with his cane. Glass shatters everywhere.
BOB
What the hell was that for!
COPPERHEAD
When I come back and my hos
ain’t made me any money, that
window’s gonna be yo face.
Bob cowers.
EXT. HIGHWAY – DAY
A Honda Civic GX passes through traffic. Inside Paul is rocking out to Phil Collin’s Easy Lover.
CUT TO
Paul pulling into his work’s parking lot. There are two big moving vans out front. After parking he gives them a cursory glance as he walks by, humming Easy Lover.
CUT TO
Paul says hi to the front desk secretary. He doesn’t notice a statue of Hindu elephant God Ginesh as he enters the office.
CUT TO
He enters his office. He hangs his blazer on a coat rack and takes a seat at his desk. He logs onto his computer and turns on the radio. He is oblivious to the Indian music that fills the room. The phone rings. He puts it on speaker.
PAUL
Paul speaking.
R.J.
Hey Paul. R.J. Can I see you
in my office.
PAUL
Sure thing.
INT. R.J.’S OFFICE
R.J. reclines in large leather chair. There are several pictures of boats on his wall. In one he holds up a prize fish on his yacht. In another he runs with the bulls in Pamplona. A third picture depicts him lifting weights in a gym. Paul enters.
R.J.
Have a seat Paul.
Paul takes a seat.
R.J.
I’ve got some good news and
some bad news. And some more
good news and also as a
follow up some more bad news.
What would you like to hear
first?
PAUL
Uh, the bad news.
R.J.
The first one or the second
one?
PAUL
The first I guess.
R.J.
We’re going to have to make
some changes around here to
remain competitive in todays
work a day, hustle and bustle,
information superhighway age.
That said, I’m going to have
to lay off your staff.
PAUL
Oh no. Are you serious? Who?
R.J.
All of them.
PAUL
I can’t believe this. This is
terrible. What’s the good news?
R.J.
You won’t have to do it.
PAUL
Why is that?
R.J.
That brings us to the other
bad news, I have to lay you
off as well.
PAUL
What!? This is… I don’t know
what to… for how long?
R.J.
Indefinitely.
PAUL
What’s the other good news?
R.J.
Excuse me?
PAUL
You said there was other good
news.
R.J.
I did? Oh sorry. I meant bad
news, good news, bad news. Yeah,
that’s right.
PAUL
How can you run the company
without an accounting
department?
R.J.
It’s going to be handled by a
firm in Bombay.
PAUL
You are outsourcing!
R.J.
Everyone’s doing it.
INT. PAUL’S CAR – DAY
Paul is fuming. His knuckles are white as grip the wheel.
PAUL
Replace me after fourteen
years! Never late! Never
called in sick! Perfect
attendance and they screw
me over! That ball sucker!
That dirty, low down, dick
licking ball sucker! I knew
I should’ve looked in the
vagina!
EXT. PAUL’S HOUSE – DAY
We hear a man shouting from inside the house.
ERNESTO
You little bitch! It’s like
that huh? That’s how you want
to play it! No one gets cheap
with Ernesto!
INT. PAUL’S HOUSE – DAY
Wesley is playing XBOX in the living room. Beside him sits ERNESTO, a strapping Hispanic man in his early twenties. They share a bag of Doritos and a doobie.
WESLEY
It’s called layin the smack
down. Deal with it.
Ernesto throws his controller down in frustration.
ERNESTO
Bullshit! How do you kick
out of three pedigrees and
beat me with an arm bar!
This game is bullshit!
WESLEY
Dude, you gotta watch the
stamina meter.
ERNESTO
Just give me da money jou
little prick.
Wesley reaches into his pocket and takes out a twenty. He tosses it to Ernesto.
WESLEY
Here you go. This is good shit
you got.
ERNESTO
Ernesto got the hook up.
A car can be heard pulling into the driveway. Ernesto flips the remainder of the joint into his mouth. Paul enters. He marches straight to the kitchen and pours himself a rye and ginger.
PAUL
What’s that smell?
ERNESTO
American cigarettes.
PAUL
I told you not to smoke in
the house Ernesto.
ERNESTO
Sorry Mr. P. I will go finish
the pool now.
PAUL
No, wait a sec. I need to
have a family meeting and
it involves you too.
He yells for his wife to come to the living room. Marlo enters from the hallway. She’s wearing workout clothes and is dabbing the sweat from her brow with a towel.
MARLO
What is it honey?
PAUL
I have no easy way to say
this so I’ll just come right
out with it; I’ve been laid
off.
MARLO
Oh no. How?
PAUL
Found out this morning. The
company is outsourcing, or
in sourcing as it were, to
India.
MARLO
How can they do that? Can’t
we sue them?
PAUL
Unfortunately not.
WESLEY
What about my trip to
Florida?
PAUL
It might have to be cancelled.
In fact, we’re going to have
make some adjustments until
I find a new job. We’ll have
to get used to going with
out some of the things we’ve
become accustomed to. Son,
you’ll have to cut down on
the DVDs. Marlo, your weekly
spa trips we’ll have to be
monthly ones. And Ernesto…
we’ll have to let you go.
MARLO
No! You can’t do it!
PAUL
I don’t like it either.
MARLO
But he’s part of the family.
And he’s done such a great
job with the pool.
She stands beside the pool boy. From behind we can see him slyly give her butt a squeeze.
PAUL
I admit it has been immaculate,
but there’s no way he can
afford his services now.
ERNESTO
You can’t do this to Ernesto!
I have a sick mother to take
ERNESTO (cont’d)
care of!
PAUL
Alright. Alright. We won’t
make any of the big decisions
anytime soon. But I strongly
suggest you start looking in
the classifieds for other
employment options.
The trio give each other worried looks.
INT. BOB’S OFFICE – DAY
Bob is interviewing a young woman in his office. She’s dressed conservatively.
BOB
So I see you have some
supervisory experience.
WOMAN
Yes. I was key holder at
Starbucks.
BOB
Good. Good. So you’re
comfortable handling cash?
WOMAN
Oh yeah.
BOB
I think have just the job
for you.
WOMAN
Great. What is it?
BOB
It’s um, the night shift.
There’s six employees that
you’ll be in charge of.
They’re entertainers. They
pretty much handle their
own affairs.
WOMAN
What will I do?
BOB
Some basic accounting.
Collections, commissions,
chauffeuring, resolving
customer complaints. That
sort of thing.
WOMAN
This doesn’t sound like some
thing I’m qualified for.
BOB
I faith in you.
WOMAN
You just met me.
BOB
And you got “it”. I can
see it.
WOMAN
What kind of entertainers
are they?
BOB
Children’s. For birthdays
and stuff.
WOMAN
On the night shift.
BOB
OK look, they’re hookers
but all you have to do is
collect the money.
WOMAN
Is this some kind of joke?
BOB
Yes.
She gives him a confused look.
BOB
No.
WOMAN
You want me to be a pimp?
What kind of place is this?
BOB
So, can you come in on Monday?
The woman balks, stands up and leaves in a huff.
BOB
We’ll call you if something
else comes up.
Bob puts his head down in his folded arms. After a moment he rubs his temples and picks up the phone.
BOB
Send in the next one.
Paul enters the room.
BOB
Hey, Paul. What’s up? What
are doing here?
PAUL
This is kind of embarrassing.
I lost my job and I was
wondering if you could help
me find some work.
BOB
No shit. What happened?
PAUL
Outsourcing.
BOB
Bummer.
PAUL
You’ve got to do something for
me Bob. I’ve handed out my
resume to dozens of places
and I haven’t gotten one call.
No one wants to hire a middle
aged guy in today’s youth
obsessed culture.
BOB
Yes. Yes. Those crazy teens.
Hey, I might have a job for
you.
EXT. STREET CORNER – NIGHT
A prostitute, CANDI, reads a paperback against a light post. Paul, reading directions from a notebook approaches her. He’s wearing casual business attire.
CANDI
You lookin for a good time?
PAUL
Actually I’m looking for
1308 King St. It should be
right here.
CANDI
You must be the new manager.
PAUL
Yeah, how did you know?
CANDI
Bob told us to expect you.
She heads towards a storefront. There are newspapers covering the windows. She opens the door and walks in. Paul follows.
INT. PIMP HQ
Inside the room looks like someone’s unkempt den. There is a pair of worn leather couches, a TV and stereo, some lava lamps and beaded curtains. A couple of immodestly dressed, heavily made up women, LEXUS and TRINA laze on the couches.
CANDI
This is where we wait for calls.
This is the desk here we divide
the money. This is the bathroom.
PAUL
No PC?
CANDI
The boss is old school.
PAUL
Where are your uniforms?
CANDI
We have a closet where we
keep some costumes.
PAUL
You mean your maid outfits?
CANDI
Yeah, in here.
She opens the closet to reveal various costumes.
CANDI
We have maid outfits, school
girl outfits – those are really,
popular, some S & M stuff, even
whips and chains.
PAUL
Could you excuse me for a
minute? I have to make a phone
call.
Paul heads to the back where the bathroom is. He closes the door behind him.
INT. BOB’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Bob sleeps soundly in his bed. The phone on his night table
rings. He fumbles for the phone.
BOB
Hello?
Paul is in a dingy bathroom, talking into his cell phone.
PAUL
They’re hookers Bob! Hookers!
BOB
Who is this?
PAUL
Don’t play dumb. It’s Paul,
the guy you left in charge
of a bunch of hookers. You
said they were maids. You
lied to me.
BOB
Alright. Calm down. So they
have instead of cleaning for
money they have sex for money.
It’s not a big deal.
PAUL
Do I look like a pimp to you?
BOB
You said you were desperate. So
was I. I needed to find some
one on short notice.
PAUL
And you thought I’d make a
good pimp?
BOB
I needed someone I could trust.
This crazy pimp was threatening
me. I had no choice.
PAUL
Why didn’t you call the police?
BOB
I’m not ratting him out. He’s
probably got homies that would
hunt me down. Bust a cap in my
ass. All that rapper stuff.
PAUL
I can’t do this.
BOB
Sure you can. Just drive them
to their appointments and
collect the money. It’ll be
easy.
PAUL
What about the cops Bob? Last
time I checked, this was
illegal.
BOB
Don’t worry about it. Like you
said, you don’t look like a
pimp. If you get caught, and
you won’t, just pretend you’re
a john.
PAUL
Oh is that all.
BOB
Please, just try it for one
night. I’ll be in deep shit
if you don’t do this. We’re
talking my life here buddy.
PAUL
I don’t know.
BOB
You get to keep half of
whatever they take in.
PAUL
Half?
BOB
Yeah.
PAUL
How much do they usually
bring in?
BOB
Bout a thousand. Maybe more.
PAUL
I could make five hundred a
night.
BOB
Or more.
PAUL
OK, I’ll do it, but only for
tonight.
BOB
Thanks buddy. I owe you big
time. I won’t forget it.
INT. PIMP HQ
Paul comes out from the bathroom.
CANDI
You OK.
PAUL
I’m fine.
One of the hos is doing lines of cocaine on a coffee table. She looks up at Paul.
TRINA
You need to do a rail?
PAUL
No, I’m good. Maybe on my
break.
She shrugs and does another one.
CANDI
So what was that all about?
PAUL
Just had to take a leak.
CANDI
I heard you talking to some
body.
PAUL
There was a misunderstanding
but it’s been taken care of.
I don’t have much experience
doing this so you’ll have to
kind of walk me through it.
CANDI
Oh. OK. Well, we wait around
here for some calls, sometimes
we go out on the street when
it gets slow. When we get a
trick you drive us to it. It’s
pretty simple.
PAUL
Doesn’t sound too bad.
CANDI
Eh, it’s a living.
The phone rings. Paul points to it.
PAUL
Is that… Should I get that?
Candi nods. Paul walks over to a run down desk and picks up the receiver.
PAUL
HELLO?
He listens.
PAUL
Is there a Candi here?
Candi, chewing gum, raises her hand.
PAUL
Are you available for an
appointment?
CANDI
Sure.
PAUL, into the phone
Ok, she’ll see you there.
Delta hotel, room 316.
Paul hangs up the phone. He takes a seat on the couch next to Trina. All the hos stare at him.
PAUL
What?
CANDI
You gonna drive or should I
flap my arms?
PAUL
Oh right. I guess you’ll need
a lift.
He gets up and nervously smoothes the creases out of his pants.
PAUL
Shall we?
They leave the room.
EXT. STREET – NIGHT
Paul and Candi walk towards his Honda Civic.
CANDI
This your ride?
PAUL
Yep.
CANDI
You really need to pimp that
ride.
PAUL
I have been meaning to get a
new antenna ornament.
INT. CAR – NIGHT
Paul drives through downtown streets. Candi looks out the window, still chewing gum.
PAUL
So Candi, is that French?
CANDI
It’s fake.
PAUL
What’s you real name?
CANDI
Do you mind if I turn on the
radio?
PAUL
Oh, no not at all.
She leans over and fiddles with the knob. Paul squirms a little at how close she is to his crotch. She chooses a rap station.
CANDI
Do you like Outkast?
PAUL
Oh yeah, he’s great.
CANDI
What’s your favourite song of
his?
PAUL
I like them all.
CANDI
Pick one.
PAUL
So Candi, when did you
get into the business?
CANDI
When my dad kicked me out
when I was thirteen.
PAUL
Did he beat you?
CANDI
No. He just wasn’t happy
when I sold his golf clubs
for ecstasy.
PAUL
What kind of clubs were they?
CANDI
How the fuck should I know?
There’s an uncomfortable silence.
CANDI
So what about you? What’s
your story? How did you get
this gig?
PAUL
Just helping a friend out.
CANDI
You know Copperhead?
PAUL
Copper who?
CANDI
He’s our pimp.
PAUL
No, I’m helping out his
friend. They needed a last
minute replacement. I’m the
best they could come up with
on short notice.
CANDI
That must a been some real
short notice.
PAUL
What does that mean?
CANDI
No offence, but you seem a
little lost.
PAUL
This is a drastic career
change for me.
CANDI
Just drive us around and we’ll
take care of the business end.
PAUL
I’m pimping right now. I’m
really pimping!
CANDI
Nigga please.
PAUL
What are plans for the future?
CANDI
I’ll probably get high tonight.
PAUL
I meant like going back to
school or something.
CANDI
We’re here.
Paul parks in front of the hotel lobby.
CANDI
OK, the appointment is for an
hour. If I’m gone any longer
than that, come get me.
PAUL
Should I knock?
CANDI
No, just get in as fast as you
can. You might have to bust
some heads.
PAUL
Some what?
CANDI
In case he doesn’t pay or tries
any funny business.
PAUL
I didn’t plan on getting um…
physical with anyone. I’m
wearing sixty dollar chinos.
CANDI
What do you suggest we do?
(cont’d)
File a complaint with the
better business bureau?
PAUL
I don’t know about this.
CANDI
Just wait your punk ass
here and I’ll take of
everything.
She gets out of the car and saunters into the hotel.
CUT TO
Paul reads a fishing magazine in the lobby. The front desk clerk is giving him a dirty look. The elevator door opens and Candi runs out. She grabs Paul by the arm causing him to knock over several magazines.
CANDI
We have to go!
Paul checks his watch.
PAUL
But it’s only been fifteen
minutes.
CANDI
C’mon you idiot. Hurry.
The stairwell door opens and a man wearing a towel around his waist runs out. He’s hairy, overweight and panting heavily.
MAN
Get back here you bitch!
Paul tries to put the magazines back in order but gives up when the man gets near. They run out to the car.
Paul takes the keys out but drops them.
CANDI
Hurry!
He fumbles frantically for the right key.
CANDI
Why the fuck did you lock it?
PAUL
I have change in the cup
holder!
Paul finally gets the door open but the man has caught up to them. He grabs Paul by the lapels and swings him around. The man’s towel falls off. Paul winces.
MAN
You give me my money!
PAUL
Let’s calm down and settle
this like adults.
MAN
You give it to me now!
CANDI
Just punch him!
PAUL
I’m sure we can resolve this
in a civilised manner. How
much money was in it?
MAN
Five hundred!
PAUL
What color was your wallet?
The man takes a swing at Paul. Candi pulls him out of the way. His fist shatters the window. The man cries out in pain. Candi knees him in the balls for good measure. He crumples to the ground.
CANDI
Can we go now?
They get in the car and speed off.
INT. CAR
Paul drives erratically down the street. He’s breathing heavily from excitement.
PAUL
What the hell happened? Did
you really take that guy’s
wallet?
CANDI
Yeah.
PAUL
What for?
CANDI
Cause it had money in it.
PAUL
Do you know how bad for
business that is? It’s not
like we can advertise. We
have to rely on word of
mouth. Repeat customers are
our bread and butter.
Candi takes a wad of bills out of the man’s wallet and begins counting.
CANDI
What are you babbling about?
PAUL
What’s that going to tell his
friends, let alone the police?
I can tell you this. It won’t
be anything good.
Candi holds up the money.
CANDI
Five hundred bucks says I
don’t give a fuck.
PAUL
You’ve got a lot to learn
about customer service.
CANDI
You’ve got a lot to learn
about pimpin.
PAUL
Maybe so, but maybe I don’t
want to learn.
Candi hand him some of the money.
PAUL
What’s this?
CANDI
Your cut.
PAUL
But I hardly did anything.
CANDI
You drove, you got into a
fight with a naked guy. I
think you deserve something.
PAUL
Two fifty?
CANDI
Not bad for fifteen minutes
work, huh?
PAUL
Paul. I should take you back
to your family.
CANDI
You should be getting that
window fixed.
Paul stares out of his smashed window.
INT. PIMP HQ – NIGHT
Trina and Lexus are fighting. It’s a vicious melee, scratching, biting, hair pulling. They’re tearing up the place.
LEXUS
I’ll kill you, you fucking
whore!
She scratches her across the cheek, drawing blood. Trina pulls her hair to get her off.
TRINA
Try me you boney ass, skankbag!
They topple over the sofa. Paul and Candi enter the room. Lexus has gotten on top of Trina. She’s trying to gouge her eyes out with her freakishly long nails. Candi rushes over and tries to pull her off.
LEXUS
I hope your next crack baby
has aids!
PAUL
Ladies, calm down!
The women continue to scuffle.
CANDI
Quit it guys! Enough!
Paul joins in the fracas. The four of them topple over the other couch and break the coffee table.
PAUL
C’mon ladies. Take it easy…
Ignoring him, the ladies continue to brawl.
PAUL
YOU BITCHES GOTS TO CHILL!
The women stop dead in their tracks. The stare bewildered at Paul.
PAUL
Alright. I’ve got your
attention. Now what’s this
all about?
LEXUS
That bitch has been trying
to destroy me from day one.
She’s a straight up hater!
Trina
You wish, you no business,
havin, played out welfare
mamma.
PAUL
Let’s keep our tempers down.
I’ve taken a conflict
resolution workshop. Tell me
the problem and maybe I can
help.
LEXUS
Ok, check it. Two weeks ago I
started wearing big hole fish
nets and Trina always wore
small hole fishnets but tonight
look what she comes in with –
big hole fishnets!
TRINA
It’s not you invented them.
LEXUS
You always tryin to bite my
style. Even the perfume. I
switched from Live to Paris
to Fantasy and she followed
the same pattern as me. That
ain’t coincidence. Smell
her! She’s got the same one
on right now.
TRINA
I started wearing Fantasy
first!
LEXUS
Bullshit. Shoes too. I used
to wear high heels but now
I wear thigh high boots.
Look at what she’s got on.
PAUL
You know they say imitation
is the highest form of
flattery.
TRINA
I’m not trying to imitate
her.
PAUL
All due respect, I see a
trend.
LEXUS
Thank you.
PAUL
But Lexus, why does her
similar style choices
offend you so much?
LEXUS
I dunno.
PAUL
It doesn’t affect you in
a negative way does it?
LEXUS
I guess not.
PAUL
You should be proud some
one admires your style so
much.
TRINA
I do think you have great
taste Lexy.
LEXUS
Thanks.
PAUL
Good for you Trina, it takes
a big person to build someone
up instead of tearing them
down. Now how bout a group
hug?
Everyone hugs.
PAUL
Now let’s get out there and
suck some dick.
INT. BEDROOM – MORNING
Marlo, wearing a sleep mask, dozes in her bed. Paul creeps in trying not to disturb her. He slowly takes off his clothes and carefully slides into bed.
MARLO
How was your first day?
PAUL
It was… interesting.
MARLO
How did you like it?
PAUL
So so. Usual boring book
keeping stuff.
MARLO
Do you think you’ll stay.
PAUL
Until something better comes
along.
MARLO
That’s good.
PAUL
Would you like to get
romantic?
MARLO
It’s too early.
Paul tries to nuzzle her neck.
MARLO
Why do you smell like
cotton candy and weed?
PAUL
New soap?
INT. PIMP HQ – NIGHT
The hos are hanging around, Trina and Candi are painting their nails, and Lexus is shaving her pits. Another sleeps on the couch. Paul enters, carrying a tray of coffees.
PAUL
Hey ladies, glad you’re all
here. I hope you like cream
and sugar.
He pushes aside a crack pipe and a pair of panties and puts the tray on the table. He begins to hand out the coffees.
PAUL
I called this meeting because
my hands on encounter last
night got me thinking. We
need a mission statement.
TRINA
A what?
PAUL
You know, like a general
statement outlining our
company’s main business
goals.
TRINA
Why?
PAUL
To give us focus.
LEXUS
I got one. Fuck tricks. Get
money.
PAUL
That’s a start but what sort
of ideas can we come up with
to increase business?
TRINA
This is wack.
PAUL
Wouldn’t you all like to make
more money?
They nod.
PAUL
Well, if we implement some
pro active, traditional, small
business initiatives we could
see our profits increase by
thirty percent within weeks.
CANDI
That just sounds like corporate
doubletalk.
PAUL
Perhaps the jargon is a little
flakey but the process works.
He picks up a cup of coffee.
PAUL
Take this guy. What’s so
great about Starbucks? It’s
just coffee right?
CANDI
And it tastes like ass.
PAUL
To each their own, but look
at what he’s done with it.
Even with an inferior
product the right strategy
is all it takes.
CANDI
So what did you have in mind?
PAUL
I have a bunch of ideas.
Primarily we need to improve
our visibility. Standing on the
street is the equivalent of one
billboard. We need to promote,
promote, promote.
TRINA
I hope you ain’t talking about
cold calling. I already tried
telemarketing and I ain’t
goin back.
PAUL
No not that. But we can do
something like see a girl
nine times, get the tenth
visit on the house. Sort of
like frequent fucking miles.
CANDI
Wouldn’t that be more like
buy ten, get a free sub?
PAUL
Good example. Or say on a slow
day, like a Monday, we could
do a red panty promotion. If
a john books with the girl
wearing red panties he gets a
free blow job.
LEXUS
And none of us would ever be
wearing them!
PAUL
That’s not very honest but I
like that you’re thinking
outside the box.
CANDI
Maybe you’re onto something.
PAUL
Starting tonight I want you
guys to brainstorm some more
ideas- fetish specials,
up selling, armed service
(cont’d)
discounts. Whatever.
MONTAGE
INT. HOTEL ROOM
An elderly man eagerly disrobes Trina. There is a bored look on her face. He pulls down her skirt and sees writing on her
panties. It says “ASK ME ABOUT MY RUSTY TROMBONE”. The man looks up, a puzzled expression on his face. Trina winks at him.
CUT TO
INT. HOTEL ROOM
Lexus is signing her lingerie and giving it to a customer. She makes up a receipt and gives the john the carbon copy. She shakes his hand and leaves the room. The man smells the panties.
CUT TO
INT. HOTEL SUITE
Candi is entertaining several Japanese businessmen. As she’s doing a striptease she’s also handing out raffle tickets and collecting money. When she runs out of tickets she goes over to a jar. She picks a ticket and calls out a number. One of the men jumps up. He hands Candi his ticket and she gives him a large stuffed Panda Bear. He seems mildly disappointed.
CUT TO
EXT. STREET CORNER – NIGHT
A few hos work the streets. A car slows down in front of them. A window rolls down. One of the hos approaches his car.
GUY
Yeah, can I get a black girl,
about 5’5”, with big breasts
and nice teeth, hold the
extensions.
HO
Would you like that ho super
sized?
GUY
Sure. Why not.
She signals to another girl. A voluptuous woman with a big booty walks into frame and gets into his car.
INT. HOTEL ROOM
A naked, sweaty man rolls off one of the hos. He lights a cigarette.
MAN
That was incredible.
The door opens and Paul walks in. The man scrambles to get under the covers. Paul grabs a chair and comes toward him. He has a clipboard under his arm.
MAN
What the fuck!?
Paul places the chair next to the bed and sits down.
PAUL
Sorry to disturb you but
I was wondering if I could
have a moment of you time
to answer a brief customer
survey?
MAN
Who the hell are you?
PAUL
How would you rate Miss
Gigi’s performance. Great?
Very good. Good. Or Poor?
MAN
Are you nuts! Get the fuck
out of here!
PAUL
Fair enough. I’ll just leave
this here for you to fill
out at your leisure.
He drops the clipboard on the end of the bed and hurries out of the room.
PAUL
Thanks for your business.
(cont’d)
Tell your friends!
CUT TO
INT. PIMP HQ
Paul talks to the girls, who are gathered around him on the couches. He points to a line graph that displays their increasing profits. The line spikes high near the end. The hos names are on various points of the board, like a car dealership.
CUT TO
INT. RESTERAUNT – DAY
Groups of professionals are having their lunch. There attention is on Paul’s table. He celebrates his new found success with his ho’s, all of whom are dressed in sleazy clothing. They toast with their drinks.
EXT. STREET – DAY
Paul and Candi walk down King street. They hang up coupon books for their agency on shop windows and in between the windshields of cars.
CANDI
I’ve got to hand it to you
Paul, you’ve done an amazing
job.
PAUL
Thanks but you girls deserve
most of the credit.
CANDI
You’ve done more for us than
you realise. It’s not just
about the extra cash. It’s
the way you run things. It
feels like… like more of a
real job. I really don’t
give a shit what people
think about me but since
you’ve taken over, it feels
like I’m doing something
worthwhile.
PAUL
Nothing wrong with what you
girls do. It’s the worlds
oldest profession. Who says
you can’t take pride in
your work.
CANDI
I’ve made way more being
good at this then when I
was cash and dashing.
PAUL
So what are you going to
do with the extra money
you’ve been making?
CANDI
What, like go back to
school?
PAUL
Whatever.
CANDI
I was thinking about going
to beauty school. Maybe
culinary. I can’t do this
forever.
PAUL
Good for you. You should
start planning for the
future.
CANDI
You know Paul, our old
pimp wasn’t just our boss,
he was also a client.
PAUL
He paid you guys for sex?
CANDI
No, not exactly. He would
take… liberties with us.
PAUL
Against your will?
CANDI
No, not like that either.
I’m just saying that,
(Cont’d)
Seeing as how you’re in
charge now, you’d be
entitled to the same
company benefits.
She pulls him close and rubs her hand on his chest.
PAUL
That’s uh… a very tempting
offer but I’m a happily
married man.
She rubs his shoulders.
CANDI
I can tell when a man is
not getting any. You’re
all knots.
PAUL
You’re a very beautiful,
young woman but I just can’t
cheat on my wife.
CANDI
Alright. I just thought you
should know about the perks
of the position.
She prints ahead of him. Her butt bounces enticingly in front of him.
CANDI
C’mon. I want to show you
what me and the girls have
done with some of the extra
cash.
Paul jogs to catch up with her. When they round the corner Paul is shocked to see that his Honda Civic has been totally tricked out – funky rims, airbrushing, gold trim, frog eyes-the works.
PAUL
Oh my God! How did you…
I don’t know what to say.
CANDI
Dope huh? Carlos is the best.
Don’t you love the frog eyes?
PAUL
Yes, they’re quite lovely.
CANDI
Get in and try it.
They pair get in the car.
CANDI
Check this out.
She engages the hydraulics and the car bounces up and down in a jarring fashion. Paul hits his head on the roof.
CANDI
Fun, huh?
PAUL
I appreciate the thought.
I really do, but don’t
you think this will be a
cop magnet.
CANDI
You got to promote like
you said. People got to
know what you’re selling.
Like an ice cream truck
right?
PAUL
But won’t the cops be more
likely to pull us over?
CANDI
Fuck tha police!
He shrugs and starts the car. A disco light illuminates the interior. Rick James’ Cold Blooded plays on the radio.
PAUL
I could dig this.
Paul lowers his seat.
CANDI
Now you got the right
idea. Go on with your
bad self.
INT. KITCHEN – DAY
Paul is at the breakfast table eating a bowl of Mueslix and reading the paper. There’s an article with the headline “Remington Holdings stock rises” There is a picture of R.J. Remington at a gala. Underneath is a quote that says “The sky’s the limit.”
The front door and Wesley enters.
WESLEY
Hey dad.
PAUL
Hey buddy
WESLEY
What happened to your car?
PAUL
Oh that. I saw that show
Pimp my Ride and thought
I’d get with the times.
Pretty fly huh?
WESLEY
It’s sick, but I don’t
think mom thinks so.
PAUL
That’s no surprise. Where
is she?
WESLEY
Still in the driveway with
the groceries.
PAUL
Why aren’t you helping her?
WESLEY
I don’t know.
He shrugs and goes to his room. Paul shakes his head and walks out to the driveway.
EXT. DRIVEWAY
Marlo is examining Paul’s car. Her minivan is parked beside next to it. The trunk is open. It’s filled with groceries.
MARLO
What in the world happened to
your car?
PAUL
I don’t know. When I came out
of work last night I found it
like this.
MARLO
You found it like this?
PAUL
Yeah, it must have been
vandals.
MARLO
Vandals usually wreck things.
They usually don’t decorate
them with thousands of
dollars of bodywork.
PAUL
Maybe it was a prank. You
know, being the new guy and
all.
MARLO
Maybe could get your new
co-workers to play a prank
in bedroom? I could use a
four poster bed and an
armoire.
PAUL
Believe me, I’m as baffled
as you.
MARLO
Are you having a mid-life
crisis by any chance.
PAUL
You don’t like it?
Marlo shakes her head, slowly, for emphasis.
MARLO
No, and frankly I’m very
upset you would spend money
so frivolously considering
our financial situation
right now.
PAUL
Don’t you think maybe I
needed to do something to
cheer me up in light of
recent events?
MARLO
And this is how you do it?
Turning your car into the
bat mobile?
PAUL
I made me happy.
MARLO
A new sandwich at Arby’s
makes you happy and it’s
a lot cheaper than this!
PAUL
Well I can’t undo it.
MARLO
We need to have a serious
talk.
Ernesto shows up carrying his cleaning supplies – a bucket of chlorine and a leaf skimmer.
ERNESTO
Sweet ride Mr. P.
PAUL
Thanks Ernesto.
Marlo shoots him a dirty look.
INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT
Marlo and Ernesto lie in bed together. It’s obvious they’ve just finished doing “it”. Ernesto goes to light a cigarette but Marlo slaps his hand.
ERNESTO
Ow!
MARLO
No smoking in the house!
ERNESTO
Hasn’t my passionate Latin
love making loosened you up?
MARLO
I don’t want this place
smelling like a cantina.
ERNESTO
That’s not all. You’re still
wound up about something.
MARLO
What makes you say that?
ERNESTO
There were no telltale signs
of your usual orgasmic
splendour – no flushed cheeks,
no hard nipples, no bumpiness
on the vaginal walls, no…
MARLO
Alright that’s enough.
-Beat-
I guess I was distracted. I
can’t stop thinking about
Paul and his car. There’s
something going on with him.
ERNESTO
The paint job looked like my
cousin Carlos work.
MARLO
Really?
ERNESTO
Oh yeah. He’s been doing air
brushing for awhile now. He
even did one of Shaq’s cars.
MARLO
I have no idea who that is.
ERNESTO
You should watch TV sometime.
MARLO
Baby, do you think you could
do me a huge favour?
ERNESTO
I’m listening.
MARLO
Do you think you could spy on
(cont’d)
Paul and find out what’s he’s
been up to at night?
ERNESTO
What’s in it for Ernesto?
MARLO
Did you have anything in mind?
ERNESTO
Oh I have an idea…
He strokes her butt and then gives it a hard slap.
MARLO
Oh, no.
ERNESTO
I promise I’ll be gentle.
MARLO
Forget it.
ERNESTO
Ernesto demands butt sex!
MARLO
Tell you what, if you dig up
any dirt on my hubby, I’ll
check my schedule and see if
I can “fit” you in.
ERNESTO
Good enough for me. Deal.
EXT. STREET – NIGHT
A pimped out Hand Civic creeps down the street. Jay Z’s Big Pimpin plays. It rolls up to a couple walking hand in hand. The window rolls down.
PAUL
You guys looking for a good
time?
GUY
Get lost weirdo.
INT. CAR
Candi is seated next to him.
CANDI
Maybe you should leave the
couples alone.
PAUL
Couples are more open to
threesomes than the ever have
been. We need to diversify
our client base.
CANDI
At least let me ask next
time?
As they approach Pimp HQ, they see a few ladies of the night mulling about.
CANDI
Who are these bitches?
PAUL
Beats me.
The park the car and exit.
PAUL
Can I help you?
HO #1
Are you Paul the pimp?
PAUL
Keep it down. Yeah, I’m
Paul.
HO #1
And you pimp right?
PAUL
I prefer the term escort
liaison.
HO #2
I told you he had class.
PAUL
Is there something I can
do for you ladies?
HO #1
We want you to be our new
(cont’d)
daddy.
PAUL
Aren’t you a little old for
adoption?
Candi whispers into his ear.
CANDI
They mean pimp.
PAUL
Right.
HO #2
We heard you’re a great guy
to work for. That you let
your hos keep sixty percent,
that you get them tonnes of
business and that you don’t
be cuttin’em.
PAUL
Where did you hear that?
HO #1
Everybody been talkin bout
you at the C-Note Club.
Sayin this new jack cracker
been pullin mad cheddar.
Paul whispers to Candi.
PAUL
I heard something about
cheese and crackers.
HO #2
So how bout it?
PAUL
I’m a afraid I can’t use
you girls. All of my
positions are full at the
moment.
Candi pulls him aside.
CANDI
What are you doing?
PAUL
I don’t want new girls
hurting your business.
CANDI
This is free money baby.
Usually pimps have to try
to steal girls but these
girls are knockin on you.
PAUL
So we should bring’em on
board?
CANDI
Hells yeah! You got to make
that money. You can’t be no
part time pimp anymore. You
can hit the big time. It’s
time to launch an all-out
mack attack.
PAUL
Alright ladies, after some
deliberation with my senior
partner, I’ve decided you’d
make welcome additions to
the team. Welcome aboard.
They ladies are pleased. Paul shakes their hands.
PAUL
So what are you bitches
waiting for? Get your asses
out there and get me my
money!
The girls head off, leaving Candi and Paul by themselves.
CANDI
That’s more like it.
PAUL
Didn’t you hear what I just
said?
CANDI
I’m done for tonight.
PAUL
Don’t make me put my foot
in you ass.
CANDI
I’ve created a monster.
INT. RESTERAUNT – DAY
Paul is having dinner with his wife in a fine dining establishment. There are wearing their Sunday best. It’s a special occasion. The place is full.
MARLO
I’m glad we did this. I
feel like I never get to
see you anymore.
PAUL
Tell me about it. Our
conflicting schedules are
really getting to me.
Hopefully I can get back
on days soon.
MARLO
I don’t see why not. I’m
surprised they put you on
a night shift. Seems
unusual for an accountant.
PAUL
I don’t like it either but
I had to take what I could
get.
PAN TO-
Two men are waiting for a table. They are having drinks at the bar. Both of them are dressed in business suits.
MAN #1
Are you sure that’s the guy?
MAN #2
I’m telling you it’s him. He
set me up with a hot chick
with the tightest cookie last
weekend. I couldn’t believe
she was a hooker.
MAN #1
I dunno. I never paid for
sex before.
MAN #2
What’re you sayin? You better
than me?
MAN #1
Nah, I think it’s more about
the stigma. Like I shouldn’t
have to pay.
MAN #2
You don’t but if the chic’s
outta your league anyway, I
don’t see a problem with it.
You could make your own pizza
every time but doesn’t it
taste good to order out?
MAN #1
What about STD’s?
MAN #2
Fuck that. Sex with hookers
is safer than one night stands.
Those chick fuck around for
fun. These chicks do it for
money. They can’t afford to get
diseases. Look at how classy
that ho is with him.
MAN #1
Yeah, she is pretty hot.
MAN #2
Go get her dog! This is a sign
man. It’s time for you to get
back in the saddle.
MAN #1
But what if that’s his lady?
MAN #2
Pimps don’t have girlfriends.
They might fuck their hos but
they don’t date them. He
probably brought that bitch
out to shop her around.
MAN #1
Ok, I’m going in.
CUT TO
Marlo talks to Paul while they eat their entrées.
MARLO
Suzy had her baby the other
day.
PAUL
Oh yeah? Boy or girl?
MARLO
A girl. They named her Lexus.
Paul chokes on his water.
PAUL
Interesting choice.
MARLO
Frankly I think it sounds
like a prostitute.
PAUL
Yes. Naming children after
cars is never a classy move.
A man stumbles over. He sways back and forth, waiting for their attention.
PAUL
Can I help you?
MAN
Sorry for interrupting your
dinner but I was wondering
if the lady was free this
evening. I mean, not free
but available. You know
what I mean.
PAUL, nervously
I’m afraid I don’t.
MAN
I get it. Keepin it on the
down low huh? It’s cool.
How much?
MARLO
Paul, who is this man?
PAUL
Someone who apparently has
us confused with someone
else.
MAN
Nah, I’m hip. My friend said
you could hook me up with
some action.
PAUL
Well your friend is mistaken.
I can’t help you pal.
MAN
Look dude, I got cash. Just
name the price. I got to get
me some of that.
He stares at Marlo hungrily. She is furious. She throws down her fork. The commotion is starting to attract the attention of the other diners.
MARLO
How dare you make these
assumptions!
PAUL
Calm down honey.
MARLO
Being interrupted at diner is
one thing but to be
propositioned by a drunk is
another
MAN
I’m not drunk.
PAUL
Look pal, if you don’t get
lost right now I’m going to
call the police.
MAN
Fine be that way. I can get my
own pussy.
The guy storms off. Marlo is still stunned.
MARLO
What was that about?
PAUL
Probably just some A-hole
having some laughs at our
expense.
MARLO
Why do I get the feeling
there’s more to this? First
the car, now this? What’s
going on?
Paul’s cell goes off. He checks the number.
PAUL
I’m sorry honey. It’s work. I
have to take this.
MARLO
Oh no you don’t.
Paul gets up to walk away.
PAUL
It will just take a second.
MARLO
Get back here!
Paul finds some privacy in the hallway between the restrooms and the payphones. He answers his cell.
PAUL
Hey, what’s up?
INT. APARTMENT – DAY
Candi applies make up while talking on the phone..
CANDI
Where are you?
CUT TO
PAUL
I’m having dinner with my
wife.
CANDI
Did you forget about the
C-note Club?
PAUL
I didn’t even know about
the C-note Club.
CANDI
No one told you?
PAUL
Told me what?
CANDI
That you’re nominated for
playa of the month!
PAUL
The what?
CANDI
It’s a contest they have it
all over the country. We only
get it once a year. They have
prizes and everything.
PAUL
I can’t make it.
CANDI
Just tell your wife it’s a
work emergency.
PAUL
Accountants don’t have
emergencies.
CANDI
You have to make it. Word
on the street is you might
win.
PAUL
Really? I’ve never won any
thing before. Well at least
since I got best Klingon at
a Star Trek convention. And
that time I came in first
place at an art fair with my
water color of Chi Chi
Rodriguez. And when I…
CANDI
Whatever. Are you coming?
PAUL
My wife drove and my son has
my car.
CANDI
You don’t have time to cab it.
Where are you? I’ll pick you
up.
PAUL
OK, I’m at Fanuci’s Fine Dining.
Meet me around the corner.
Paul hangs up and heads back to his table. Marlo is glaring at him.
PAUL
I’m sorry but I have to run.
There’s an emergency at work.
MARLO
An accounting emergency?
PAUL
We’re being audited by the IRS.
I have to pour over the records
and make sure everything is in
order. It’s last minute and has
to be done or else we could be
in big trouble.
MARLO
Alright. You’ve got to do what
you’ve got to do.
Paul leans in to kiss her on the lips but she gives him her cheek instead. Once he leaves she takes out her own phone and dials a number.
MARLO
Ernesto, I need you to do that
favour for me.
EXT. STREETCORNER – DAY
Paul waits in the entrance of a Florist. A beat up Neon stops in front. Paul gets in the passenger side. Candi is driving.
PAUL
Boy, am I glad to get out of
there.
CANDI
Yeah, leave the stuffed shirts
to their stuffed peppers. We
gonna do it big tonight.
PAUL
I’m kind of excited.
CANDI
Are you going to wear that?
PAUL
What’s wrong with it?
CANDI
Hello? This isn’t middle
America’s lamest cracker of
the year award. You got to
dress to impress. No offence.
PAUL
I think this outfit is
pretty snazzy.
CANDI
You’ve got to have something
a little flashy. How bout
that Star Trek stuff you
were talking about?
PAUL
I don’t think so.
CANDI
Well the stores are closed.
How bad can your wardrobe be?
INT. PAUL’S ROOM – NIGHT
Candi surveys Paul’s closet while he removes his blazer and tie.
CANDI
This closet makes Old Navy
look street.
PAUL
I dress for comfort.
CANDI
Why do you own six yellow
Polo shirts?
PAUL
There was a sale.
CANDI
Where do you find this stuff?
Did you invite a time machine
and raid Conrad Bain’s closet?
PAUL
So I take it you can’t find
anything suitable?
She rifles through the clothes.
CANDI
Whoa. Hold up. What’s this
stuff?
PAUL
Oh, at the back? That’s my
golf attire.
CANDI
Damn this shit is funky.
She pulls out some plaid paints and brightly coloured argyle sweater vest.
CANDI
This could work.
CUT TO
Paul is wearing layers of his golf attire. He’s almost gaudy enough to pass for a pimp.
PAUL
What do you think?
CANDI
Not bad. You’re almost there.
It just needs some finishing
touches.
She snaps her fingers, suddenly inspired. She goes back to the closet and pulls out a fur coat.
PAUL
That’s my wife’s. I’m not
wearing a woman’s coat.
CANDI
Correction. A two thousand
dollar women’s coat. Am I
right?
PAUL
Yeah, I bought it with my
Christmas bonus.
CANDI
This’ll be so fresh, so
clean. Trust me.
EXT. C-NOTE CLUB – NIGHT
A neon logo of an outline of a naked woman illuminates the parking lot. It’s packed with tricked out Sedans. Pimps and Ho’s file into the building.
A sign under the logo says “Player of the Month – Tonight”.
INT. C-NOTE CLUB
The patrons mingle in a sea of brass and velvet. Smooth R & B, heavy with wa wa peddle plays in the background. As people take their seats and MC takes the stage.
MC
Players and playettes. Mack
daddies and hoochiemamas,
scallywags and skeezers,
welcome to the thirty third
annual player of the month.”
There is a smattering of applause.
MC
Tonight Toledo is proud to
honour the elite of the
industry. The cream of the
crop, the premier purveyors
of poonani, the professor
laureates of bootyology.
Ain’t no half stepping
tonight. Hater’s betta check
yo self or the real playas
gonna wreck yo self.
More applause.
MC
We got hos from all around
the country too. From
Montreal to Senegal. From Key
West to Budapest. From the
far east to the deep south,
we got the finest bitches up
in this house!
The players give him a standing ovation.
MC
The festivities will start
shortly. In the meantime,
have some Hennessey, and enjoy
the smooth sounds of…
He is cut off by the door opening. All eyes turn to Paul. He enters with Candi on his arm. In addition to his golf clothes and fur coat, he’s also wearing his wife’s jewellery and sun hat. He strolls in and the crowd resumes partying.
PAUL, to Candi
Nice place.
CUT TO
Paul holds court at a booth. The rest of his hos have joined him. There are several bottles on the table.
PAUL
So I said to that sucka
you better hook me up with
twelve piece bucket or I
want be dining here again.
HO
Did you get it?
PAUL
After I put my foot in his
ass he gave me family size
gravy for free.
They all laugh at his drunken ramblings. Two mean looking pimps approach the table.
PIMP #1
You Paul?
PAUL
I am he.
PIMP #2
We heard you been knockin
other playas ladies.
PAUL
I can assure you, I haven’t
impregnated anyone in seven
teen years.
PIMP#1
Nah, he meant stealin bitches.
PAUL
Hey, I’m not lookin for any
trouble.
PIMP #1
Trouble, shit. We came to ask
you what your secret is.
PIMP #2
Word. Me and my boy Silky
here are big admirers of your
work.
PAUL
Really?
PIMPS, together
Damn straight.
PAUL
Well shit niggas. Grab a seat
and pour some Grey Goose.
We’ll talk shop.
They pimps join Paul’s posse.
CUT TO
The band finishes their last song. The MC takes the stage.
MC
That was Universal Freak
Delight. Give it up y’all.
The crowd claps.
MC
And now the moment we’ve
all been waiting for. It’s
time to announce the Playa
of the Month!
Everyone goes wild.
MC
This year’s nominees are…
Delicious from Chicago…
We see the pimps at their tables as they are announced. They receive mixed reactions.
MC
Count Soupy from Philly…
A man in a cape with a bouffant hairdo waves to the crowd.
MC
Slicktop Tony from New York…
A man sprays his Jeri curl with activator.
MC
And… Paul Palmer…from right
here in Toledo!
Paul’s table cheers. Silky shakes his hand.
MC
Without further ado…here he
is… the Playa of the month…
He opens an envelope.
MC
Paul Palmer!
There are grumbles of disappointment from the crowd. A pimp rips a medallion off his chest and throws it to the ground.
Paul can’t believe he won. Candi gives him a kiss. She pushes him to get up. He staggers toward the stage. The MC shakes his hand. A sexy woman gives him a gold cane and a places a crown with a gold feather on his head.
PAUL
Oh wow. I can’t believe this.
I didn’t prepare a speech so
forgive me if I ramble. First,
I’d like to thank my boy Gary.
Without his words of
encouragement I never would’ve
taken up pimpin to begin with.
Secondly, my family for being
so ignorant. And last but not
least all my bitches. I
couldn’t have done it without
them.
Candi blows him a kiss.
PAUL
If you would’ve asked me a
year ago that I’d be hear now
accepting this award, I would
have said you were on crack
rock. And by the looks of this
crowd I’d be half right.
The drummer does a rim shot. Several people scowl at the stage.
PAUL
But seriously. I’ve learned
a lot from this pimp game in
such a short while. I’d like
to thank all of you, the
playas, for teaching me not
to judge a man by the color
of his clothes but the
comeliness of his hos, not
the size of stature but the
fatness of his stack. You
have shown me that if you
want something in life,
sometimes you have to just
grab it by the weave and
slap it upside the head.
Thank you all. Pimps up!
Hos down!
There is a thunderous ovation from the crowd. The pimp who threw his medallion down has a tear in his eye. The band plays on.
In the back of the club Ernesto shakes his head in disbelief. He takes a photo with a cell phone. Satisfied, he sneaks out the door.
EXT. CLUB PARKING LOT – NIGHT
Paul, arm in arm his two of his hos leaves the club and walks to his car. Several patrons follow him.
CANDI
Oh shit.
In front of them stand Copperhead. Paul attempts to knock fists with him but is met by a less than friendly scowl.
PAUL
Don’t leave me hangin bro.
COPPERHEAD
Who the fuck is you?
CANDI
He’s the one that’s been
fillin in for you baby.
COPPERHEAD
Did I ask you?
CANDI
He made us a lot of money.
COPPERHEAD
Bitch better shut your mouth.
I just drove a hundred miles
and I ain’t in the mood.
PAUL
Gary didn’t tell you? I’m
the guy he got to watch
your business.
COPPERHEAD
She already told me that
mutherfucka.
The crowd has now formed a circle around them.
PAUL
No need for the hostility. I
think you’ll be pleasantly
surprised at our profits.
TRINA
He won playa of the month.
COPPERHEAD
I got eyes bitch.
PAUL
I thought you’d be pleased.
They’re your girls.
COPPERHEAD
Then how come I never won?
These punk ass judges think
your better at this game
than me?
PAUL
I just tried to do my best.
COPPERHEAD
Then what the fuck are my hos
doing here? Taking the night,
and spending money on drinks?
A real pimp would have them
trickin.
PAUL
Everyone needs a night off.
COPPERHEAD
And they gave you the award?
Shit, that belongs to me.
He snatches the cane away from Paul.
PAUL
Hey give it back. I earned
it.
COPPERHEAD
That too.
He plucks the hat off his head.
COPPERHEAD
What the fuck are you bitches
waiting for? A formal
invitation? Get yo asses
trickin!
PAUL
I gave them the night off.
Copperhead backhands him so quick he doesn’t see it coming. Paul stumbles against one of the parked cars. Candi jumps on Copperhead’s back. He flips her over and she hits her hip hard on the pavement. Paul springs up and takes a swing at him but is kneed in the crotch before he can connect. He crumples to the ground. Copperhead gives him a vicious kick to the head, knocking him out. Blood trickles from his nose.
Copperhead proceeds to strip him of his jewellery and takes the cash out of his pockets.
COPPERHEAD
Thanks for your contributions
but your services are no
longer required.
Lexus joins Copperhead and puts her arm around him.
LEXUS
I’m so glad we got a real
man back.
COPPERHEAD
You come with me. The rest
of you hit the streets.
The girls walk away, dejected. The crowd disperses. Copperhead and Lexus get in his car and drive off inches from Paul’s prone body.
EXT. PAUL’S HOUSE – MORNING
Paul parks his car in his driveway and almost falls out. He shuffles toward his door. He is still bloody and dishevelled. He tries the door but it’s locked. He has no keys because Copperhead took his coat. He rings the doorbell. His son answers.
WESLEY
Holy shit. What happened?
PAUL
Long story.
He pushes into the hallway. Marlo is there to greet him.
MARLO
I told you not to let him
in.
WESLEY
But Mom, look at him.
MARLO
Exactly. Look at him. Look
at what he’s become.
PAUL
Marlo, I can explain every
thing.
Marlo pulls Ernesto’s phone out of her robe.
MARLO
Really? Then I’d love to
hear the story behind this.
She hands it to him. He sees the photo from last night. In it, he’s surrounded by the girls, their breasts in his face.
Candi is giving him a shot.
PAUL
It’s not how it looks. You
need to hear the whole
story.
MARLO
I’m sure I will. When you
tell it to my lawyers.
PAUL
Let me explain.
MARLO
OK, let’s hear about your
wonderful new career as a
pimp. How you manipulate
runaways into selling their
bodies and souls for money.
WESLEY
You’re a pimp? Awesome!
MARLO
Go to your room.
Wesley leaves.
PAUL
Can’t this wait?
MARLO
I don’t think having a
pimp in the house is a
good influence on Wes.
PAUL
Oh but letting an
adulterous, drug dealing
pool boy is an ideal role
model?
MARLO
I don’t know what you’re
talking about.
PAUL
Don’t play innocent with
me.
MARLO
I want you out.
PAUL
Where am I supposed to go?
MARLO
Shack up with one of your
hookers.
PAUL
Fine, I’ll go. But I’m
taking…
He searches frantically for something to bring. He decides on a painting of a horse by the door.
PAUL (cont’d)
…this with me.
He exits, slamming the door behind him.
EXT. STREET CORNER – DAY
A row of prostitutes await tricks on a seedy looking side street. Among them is a middle aged white man wearing a tight mid riff bearing be be shirt and short shorts. Indeed Paul has hit rock bottom. He tries to solicit passing cars before he is interrupted by a large black woman.
HO
What the hell you doin?
PAUL
I’m tryin to get mine.
HO
Not on this corner you
ain’t. I work here.
PAUL
Get steppin. No one wants
your skanky ass.
HO
Oh no you didn’t!
PAUL
Uh, I believe I did.
She goes to slap him and they begin to scuffle. A siren comes to life. A patrol car pulls up beside them.
INT. JAIL CELL
A guard leads Candi down a hallway. He brings her to a cell containing Paul. He’s huddled in the corner.
CANDI
Oh…my…God.
PAUL
Don’t look at me!
CANDI
I’ve posted bail. I’m going
to get you out of here.
PAUL
I don’t want to go. I
deserve to be in here.
CANDI
C’mon. Get up. Look at it
like this; you’ve hit rock
bottom. There’s no where
to go but up.
PAUL
How? I’ve got nothing. How
can I live this down?
CANDI
I think you look kinda
sexy. I’d like to borrow
that top sometime.
PAUL
Don’t patronize me.
CANDI
OK, you look ridiculous but
I still want to help you.
Paul plays with a chip in the wall.
CANDI
I’ve been going back to
school.
PAUL
Really?
CANDI
Interior design. I really
like it.
PAUL
Good for you.
CANDI
I never pictured myself
doing it but you showed me
anyone can do anything if
(cont’d)
they put their minds to
it.
PAUL
But I couldn’t do it. I
was punked out. I’m a
poseur.
CANDI
I believed in you. I still
do. It’s never too late to
start over.
PAUL
But what do I do now? Where
do I go from here?
CANDI
Just come with me. There’s
someone I want you to meet.
Someone that can help you
realize your full potential.
PAUL
Ok, I’ll go. These shorts
are giving me a wedgie
anyway.
INT. REST HOME – DAY
CINCINATTI SLIM, a weathered old black man in a satin robe reclines in a lazy boy. He’s watching TV. An old lady rubs his shoulders. Another old lady adjusts the antennae atop the television.
SLIM
A little to the left.
The picture becomes adequately clear.
SLIM
Alright. That’s good. Now
go get me some more cognac
for my Ovaltine.
The woman limps over to a table and retrieves the liquor. As she refreshes his drink a nurse enters.
NURSE
Mr. Slim, there are some
people here to see you.
SLIM
Tell them to get lost. I’m
watching Hangin with Mr.
Cooper.
NURSE
Her name is Candi. She said
you’d be expecting her.
SLIM
What’s she look like?
NURSE
She’s a young cute white
girl.
SLIM
Shit. Send her in.
She leaves and in a moment Candi and Paul enter the room. He slowly rises and greets Candi with a hug.
CANDI
Hey Slim. How you been?
SLIM
Oh you know, chillin.
CANDI
Paul, meet Cincinnati Slim.
One of the greatest pimps
of all time. A living
legend.
SLIM
Aw come on now.
CANDI
It’s true. He’s hooked up
everyone from JFK to Bill
Clinton. In the seventies
he won the great American
pimp off seven years in
a row.
PAUL
Impressive.
CANDI
This is the guy I was
telling you about Slim.
PAUL
The youngblood? He don’t
look like much.
CANDI
He had us turning thirty
K in the first month.
SLIM
That’s a lot of ripple.
How you do it?
PAUL
Oh you know, the Pygmalion
effect.
SLIM, to Candi
So what’s his problem?
CANDI
He’s got the numbers game
down but he needs help with
his macking technique.
SLIM
Ah, a text book playa. You
want me to school him with
the straight stuff.
CANDI
We were hoping you could.
SLIM
What’s in it for me?
Candi makes sure the coast is clear and pulls out a bag of weed. He takes it and smells the open bag.
SLIM
You got yourself a mentor
youngblood.
PAUL
Do you use that for
glaucoma?
SLIM
I use it to get fucked up.
INT. HALLWAY
Slim sits in a chair while Paul stands, awaiting instruction.
SLIM
Lesson one. Walk.
PAUL
Huh?
SLIM
You heard me. Walk fool.
Paul begins waking casually. His arms barely move.
SLIM
No, no, no. You got to
get your swerve on. Let
balls guide you.
Paul waddles like a duck. Slim whacks him on the shin with his cane.
PAUL
Ow!
SLIM
Now try.
Paul limps, favouring one side.
SLIM
Very good. Now you got that
gangsta lean goin on.
PAUL
I think I have a bone bruise.
INT. RECREATION HALL - DAY
Several mannequins are set up. They are adorned with wigs and cheap sun dresses. Each one has a purse slung over the
shoulder.
SLIM
Lesson two. Get that money.
Go!
Slim pulls out a stopwatch. Paul fumbles around until Slim yells to stop. Paul hands him a wad of bills. He counts it.
He shakes his head and goes over to the mannequins retrieving additional cash from cleavage, hair, shoes, etc.
INT. SAME ROOM
The mannequins are now set up all in a row. Slim sits cross legged on a bench. He still has the stopwatch.
SLIM
Lesson nine. Strengthening
your pimp hand. When I say
go I want you to slap a ho.
Go!
Paul backhands one of the dummies. He rings his hand in pain.
SLIM
Shit. We gonna be here all
day.
CUT TO
TRAINING MONTAGE
The following sequence is set to the tune of Mark Morrison’s Return of the Mack.
-Paul reads Pimping for Dummies in a school desk.
-Paul gets quicker finding money on the mannequins.
-Paul reads Pimping for Intermediate Playas.
-Paul slaps the fake hos with lightening speed.
-Paul reads Pimping for Mutherfuckin’ Mackdaddies.
INT. COURTYARD – DAY
Paul balances atop a platform shoe like the Karate Kid. He twirls a cane like a katana. Slim circles him.
SLIM
Excellent form. I think
it’s time for your final
test.
PAUL
I’m ready teacher.
SLIM
As you now know, the most
important part of pimping is
makin money, and the more hos
you have, the more money you
make. So to prove you have
achieved zenmackery you
clock one hundred hos.
PAUL
A hundred! Are you senile!
Slim whacks him with his cane.
SLIM
Maybe so but if you
accomplish this task, your
destiny will be fulfilled.
Do accept the challenge?
PAUL
Bring it on Old man.
Slim hits him with the cane again.
PAUL
Ow.
EXT. BUS STOP – DAY
A cute teen with a duffel bag sits on bench. Paul’s car pulls up in front of her. After a moment she gets in the car.
CUT TO
Paul is parked at a fast food drive through. He speaks into the intercom. He drives up to the entrance and three girls in uniform get in his car.
CUT TO
Paul pushes a cart in the supermarket. He comes across a hot chic browsing the condiment isle and strikes up a conversation. She hops in the cart and he wheels her away.
CUT TO
A woman is on a stage giving a lecture. Behind her is a banner that reads Feminist Majority Foundation. She points to some one in the crowd. Paul stands up and asks her something. She hops off stage and leaves with him.
EXT. REST HOME – DAY
Slim lounges on the porch, mixing himself a gin and prune juice. An old lady fans him. He strains to see something in the distance. He spits his drink out.
Through the summer haze we can make out a figure approaching. It’s Paul with a woman on each arm. As we pan back we see Paul is not just escorting two women, but a hundred, fifty in each arm.
Slim drops his drink and rubs his eyes.
SLIM
Do you see what I see?
OLD LADY
Cataracts?
SLIM
No you old bat. Even if
I’m seein double, that’s
a lot of hos.
He hobbles toward Paul.
SLIM
I don’t believe it. One
hundred hos.
PAUL
Ninety-nine actually.
Shannon’s kid got sick.
SLIM
Holy shit. I wasn’t serious
But you did it. I didn’t
think it was possible.
PAUL
It wasn’t easy.
SLIM
Pimpin never is. I never
thought I would live to see
this day. You are the
chosen one.
He kneels down and kisses a cat’s eye ring on his hand. The sun basks them in its glow.
INT. C-NOTE CLUB – NIGHT
Copperhead walks into the club with Lexus on his arm. He knocks fists with a couple of the regulars. As he approaches a booth he is dismayed to find someone sitting there with his back to him. He taps him on the shoulder.
COPPERHEAD
Move yo ass sucka. This is
my spot.
The man doesn’t listen.
COPPERHEAD
You dead Mutherfucka? Get
to steppin.
The man remains motionless.
COPPERHEAD
You in trouble now bitch.
Lexus, take my coat and get
some ice for my knuckles.
This punk gonna get beat
down.
Paul slowly turns around. He is decked out in full pimp regalia. A grin spreads across his face, gradually revealing a diamond encrusted grill. Copperhead shields his eyes from its blinding glow.
PAUL
Your number is up Copper
head. There’s a new playa in
town and his name is me.
COPPERHEAD
You again? Didn’t you learn
your lesson?
PAUL
I’m here for the make up test.
Meet me in the parking lot for
the next class.
COPPERHEAD
This ain’t the playground
punk. Fine. Let’s do it. I
don’t mess up my man’s club
anyway.
EXT. PARKING LOT – NIGHT
Paul waits for him like a gunslinger at high noon. Candi stands close by. A crowd has already gathered.
Copperhead emerges from the club. He strides towards Paul and tries to strike him without hesitation but his blow is blocked and returned. Copperhead tries to hit him again but the same thing happens. Frustrated, he tries it again, three times in rapid succession but it is blocked and slapped every time. He falls on his ass after the last one.
PAUL
Had enough?
COPPERHEAD
Lexus!
The ho jumps on his back and claws at his face. Copperhead goes for his cane. Candi runs up to Lexus and pulls her off. They start tussling.
Copperhead swings his cane but Paul catches it.
PAUL
You’re through!
COPPERHEAD
Wrong! I’m ago through you!
He pulls a concealed sword out of the cane. He slashes at Paul but he blocks it with the other half of the cane. He continues to swing, cutting pieces of the cane off with each slice until he has him backed against a car.
He raises the sword for the deathblow. Paul is defenceless. A siren goes off and cherries illuminate the lot. Copperhead stops mid thrust. Squad cars flood the lot. Cops pour out and surround the combatants. Some of the spectators run away. Copperhead tries to hide the sword.
COP
You’re under arrest.
COPPERHEAD
What the fuck for!
COP
Drop the weapon.
It clinks on the cement.
COP
You’re under arrest for
threatening and assaulting
a Gary Henderson.
COPPERHEAD
Who the fuck that is?
Gary gets out of the back of one of the cop cars.
GARY
Remember me?
COPPERHEAD
Aw hell no!
GARY
That’ll teach you to fuck
with a staffing agent.
COPPERHEAD
I’ll kill you!
The cops escort him to a car. Gary joins Paul
GARY
I heard about what you were
going to do. I figured I got
you into this mess, I might
as well try to get you out.
PAUL
Solid.
He shakes his hand.
INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT
Paul and Candi lie in bed together. She plays with his chest hair.
PAUL
It feels so good to finally
lay back now that I got my
payback.
CANDI
I knew you could do it.
Getting revenge on Copper-
head must have felt
wonderful.
PAUL
It did, but not as good as
the revenge I got on my
wife.
CANDI
Oooh. What did you do?
PAUL
You know Trina? I sent her
to seduce her Latin boy toy.
CANDI
I don’t get it. What kind of
revenge is giving him a free
lay?
PAUL
She has gonorrhoea.
Candi giggles.
CANDI
I’m not surprised.
PAUL
That’s not all. Check this
out.
He grabs a copy of the Wall Street Journal from the night table and hands it to her. There’s a picture of R.J. Remington inside being lead away by detectives. He tries to hide under his suit coat.
CANDI
Who’s that?
PAUL
My old boss. Got busted for
some dirty business tactics.
CANDI
You did that?
PAUL
I had access to all the
financial records and let’s
just say the insider trading
is a big no-no.
CANDI
Remind me to never get on
your bad side.
PAUL
In that case you better get
me a sandwich.
INT. JAIL – DAY
R.J. is being led to a cell by a pair of guards.
R.J.
This is nothing but an
unpleasant vacation for me.
I’ll be out of here in a
month. You’ll see.
GUARD
Whatever.
They reach his cell and open the gate. An rough looking character lays on the bottom bunk. He has a tattoo of a cobra on his face.
R.J. whispers into a guard’s ear.
R.J.
I’ll give you five thousand
dollars if you give me new
cell.
They shove him in.
COPPERHEAD
Whatchyou in for?
R.J.
I’m accused of insider
trading.
COPPERHEAD
Ain’t that a bitch.
R.J.
You said it. I’m ruined.
Even if I’m found innocent
I won’t have a job to go
back to.
COPPERHEAD
I wouldn’t sweat it. With
that narrow white ass, I’ll
have you working in no time.
END
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