TEACHING INTERACTIONS



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Teaching Family Model Training

Chapter 6

The Teaching Interaction

Outline:

I. An Overview of the Teaching Interaction

II. What critical components are found in the Teaching Interaction?

III. How do I learn to perceive opportunities to teach?

I. An Overview of the Teaching Interaction

THE TEACHING INTERACTION

The family teacher’s primary goal is to help youth learn ways of coping successfully with society and ways of relating to people that are likely to promote happiness. A youth, of course, always retains the option of whether or not he/she will put into practice what he/she has learned, but family teachers have the responsibility to teach the youth in their care enough alternative behaviors to enable each youth to at least make a choice as to how he/she will behave in any particular situation. A youth who has a variety of abilities in his/her repertoire is naturally far more likely to cope, adapt, and succeed in life than one whose abilities are limited through lack of good teaching and modeling in his/her developing years. Teaching then is viewed as the most critical function of the family teacher, and the effectiveness of a family teacher in helping youth is directly related to how well he or she has mastered the art of teaching.

In the Teaching Family Model, years of study and research have been devoted to the question of what constitutes an effective teaching interaction. It is clear that each individual’s style of interacting is the most powerful factor in determining the effectiveness of his or her teaching. People who are perceived as warm, energetic, considerate, positive, concerned and genuine are usually highly effective in any interaction, if just for the mere fact that they are enjoyable to be with. It is very fortunate that people who want to be family teachers usually possess these qualities since it is difficult to teach people how to be genuine, warm, etc. The behaviors that lead to describing a person as “warm” for example, are not only difficult to define in objective, teachable terms, but also appear to be learned through a variety of life experiences that cannot be replicated in a workshop environment. There are, however, a few clearly observable behaviors that are generally associated with certain positive personality styles. These behaviors are referred to as “quality components” of the teaching interaction and include such behaviors as pleasant facial expressions, gestures or statements of affection, humor, body positions, etc. The degree to which a family teacher incorporates these behaviors into the teaching interaction determines in large part how well a youth will respond to the content of what is being taught. The quality components will be described in relation to the process components in the following pages.

II. What critical components are found in the Teaching Interaction?

A far easier area to define, and thus to teach, is the process or steps in a good teaching interaction. These “process components” are simply a sequence of behaviors that have been found to be most successful in teaching new behaviors. A description of the process components and related quality components follows:

Initial Praise and Affection or Empathy

Initiating the teaching interaction on a positive note indicates to the youth that the family teacher is pleased to see him/her, likes to interact with him/her and is concerned about any problems she/he may be having. One way of beginning positively is to take note of any ongoing behaviors that deserve praise before pointing out behaviors that need correction. This indicates to the youth that the family teacher is aware of what he/she has already accomplished and helps to establish the tenor of the interaction to be one of helpful teaching rather than criticism.

Examples of Initial Praise

1. “It’s great that you got a “C’ on your school note,”

2. “I can see that you’ve really been working hard,”

3. “I appreciate your bringing that to my attention.”

4. “Thanks for looking at me while we’re talking.

Examples of Initial Empathy

1. “I understand that it is sometimes difficult to receive criticism.”

2. “I can see that you are upset.”

3. “I can appreciate that your homework is frustrating.”

Quality Components

The style of expressing affection will vary with each family teacher. Some family teachers have easy smiles and others have pleasant facial expressions and voice qualities that they use to express affection. Others have a manner of joking and playfulness that they use to begin interactions in a friendly and affectionate way. Some family teachers have a very pleasant style of physical contact that involves putting their arm around the youth’s shoulders and hugging him/her a little. Generally the following behaviors add to the pleasantness of the “Initial Praise” statements:

1. good eye contact

2. physical proximity or contact

3. smile

4. a voice tone and inflection conveying enthusiasm versus a monotone.

Description of Inappropriate Behavior

Often a person reprimanding or correcting a youth will use such general or vague terms that the youth is aware that he/she did something wrong but unaware of what it was exactly about his/her behavior that was wrong. A classic example of this is saying, “You’ve got a rotten attitude.” This statement by itself gives the youth no information about what he/she is doing that conveys a “rotten attitude” and thus serves only to criticize or punish the youth. Telling the youth, “You are looking down and mumbling,” however, gives the youth specific information about his/her behavior and as such is viewed as less of an attack and more of an attempt to teach. Taking the time to be specific is a way of communicating concern.

Other examples of vague or general statements of inappropriate behavior are:

1. “Your manners are terrible.”

2. “You’re acting like you’re mad.”

3. “That kind of talk is disrespectful.”

In each case, the youth must try to interpret what the family teacher means. It is not clear what is meant by “manners” and “acting mad.” These general statements can be used, however, if they are followed with specific examples to clarify their meaning. Some examples of “terrible manners” might include:

1. “You had your elbows on the table,”

2. “You started talking with your mouth full of food,”

3. “You didn’t pass the milk when you were asked.”

Behaviors that are difficult to describe verbally can usually be conveyed adequately by acting them out. It is easier, for example, to act out facial expressions, body gestures, and tones of voice than it is to attempt to describe them in words.

Quality Components

In describing the inappropriate behavior, the more a family teacher uses a “matter of fact” tone of voice, the less likely he/she is to sound punitive. If the family teacher wants to sound punitive by using his/her own voice tone as an aversive consequence, it would probably be best not to attempt a teaching interaction at that point in time.

Negative Consequences

Social Learning Theory teaches us that a behavior is influenced by its consequences or, in other words, what follows a behavior influences its recurrence. Therefore, in order to decrease the likelihood that the negative behavior will occur again in the future, the family teacher must provide a response cost or negative consequence that, in a Teaching-Family home is generally negative points.

Positive Correction Statement

Whenever a family teacher criticizes and provides a response cost for a negative behavior, her/his next responsibility is to teach an alternative behavior so that the child may have a positive skill to add to his/her repertoire as a replacement for the inappropriate behavior. In order for the child to be motivated to attend to the family teacher’s teaching and to attempt to learn the new skill, a positive correction statement precedes the teaching of the alternative appropriate behavior. A positive correction statement alerts the child to the fact that there is a way in which he/she can earn back some of the lost points. A positive correction statement is “you can begin to earn some of those points back by…” or “you now have an opportunity to start earning some of those points back by…”

Description of Appropriate or Alternative Behavior

Describing the appropriate or alternative behavior introduces the youth to the behavior the family teachers wants to teach him/her. Just as in describing the inappropriate behavior, it is important to describe the appropriate behavior in terms of specific behaviors. The less the youth is required to interpret general or vague statements like “Try being more enthusiastic,” the more he/she is likely to understand what the family teacher is trying to communicate. If the family teacher wants the youth to be more enthusiastic, for example, he/she should define for the youth what is meant by the term, i.e., “You would appear more enthusiastic if you talked a little louder, looked at me, stood up straight, and smiled a little.” Also, if the behavior being taught is somewhat complex, it will sound much clearer and less difficult if described in small steps.

Quality Components

The pleasantness of an interaction can be affected by the family teacher’s choice of words. For example, in describing the alternative behavior, using phrases such as “You should” or “You ought” can make the family teacher sound judgmental or dictatorial. Less demanding phrases that can be used in their place are:

1. “It would be better if…”

2. “How about…”

3. “What I’d like you to try is…”

Rationale

As soon as the family teacher has described the alternative behavior, he/she should give the youth a reason or rationale as to why it may be important or benefit the youth to engage in that particular behavior. A more detailed discussion of this component is presented in the section entitled “Rationales.” In brief review, however, some of the reasons for giving rationales include:

1. A youth is more apt to perceive the family teacher as less arbitrary and more concerned if rationales are given;

2. A youth is more apt to recognize the real life consequences of his/her actions if they have been pointed out to him/her through a rationale;

3. A youth is more likely to engage in the new behaviors if he/she can see some way that it will be of benefit to him/her.

A good rationale should be as brief as possible, point out the natural positive or negative consequences of a behavior versus consequences controlled by the family teachers, and show how the consequences relate directly to the youth versus his/her home, his/her parents, other youth, etc. For example, simply stating that there is a “rule” about a behavior would fulfill only the first of these criteria. Stating why a rule exists and how that may benefit the youth; however, would fulfill the latter two criteria. Many new family teachers have found it helpful to memorize some of the rationales given in the “Rationales” section of the manual to maximize clarity and brevity during a teaching interaction.

Giving a youth a reason for doing something can set the stage for a long discussion or even argument about the validity of the rationale. In most cases, however, this can be avoided if the family teacher keeps in mind and explains to the youth that he/she is not expected to agree with the given rationale. He/she should, however, be asked if he/she understood what was said, i.e., was the rationale stated clearly enough that the youth could repeat it? Giving a rationale, therefore, should never be used as coercive logic for why a youth should perform some behavior. Rather, it gives the youth information as to why the family teacher believes the new behavior is important enough to take the time and energy to teach it.

This is also an excellent time to verbalize one’s concern for a youth. It is out of concern for the youth’s well being that the family teacher points out the likely consequences of the youth’s behavior. The family teacher should take every opportunity to communicate this concern rather than assume that the youth knows he/she is being taught something for his/her own welfare. This can be stated very simply as follows:

If you apologize to the teacher, he/she is more likely to likely to let you back in class (rationale). I’m saying this because I’m concerned about you and your being able to complete school so you can do some of the things you want to do.

Demonstrate

Whenever possible it is extremely helpful for the family teacher to demonstrate the desired behavior during or after its verbal description. A demonstration not only helps to clarify the verbal description but also provides for the youth a visual image of the new behavior that is easier to remember than verbal instructions. It is particularly useful to demonstrate behaviors that are difficult to describe in words such as facial expressions, gestures, and voice tones.

Quality Components

The family teacher may begin lecturing the youth at this point, thinking, “If I can only give him/her enough reasons for why he/she should do this, he/she will see the logic of it and have no excuse for not doing it.” This approach is almost always bound to fail since the youth will probably feel he/she is being “preached at” and become angry at worst, or bored at best. One or two brief rationales will usually keep the youth’s interest and adequately serve the purpose of providing information to the youth as to why the family teacher wants to teach this behavior (not to provide motivation for the youth to engage in the behavior). Lecturing can be an effective consequence, but generally hinders the effectiveness of a teaching interaction.

Acknowledgement

Throughout the teaching interaction, the family teacher should frequently request the youth to indicate whether or not he/she understands or hears what the family teacher is saying. Brief questions like “Do you understand?” “Okay?” “Could you repeat that for me, please?” and “Are you with me so far?” prompt the youth to ask any questions he/she may have. It also allows the family teacher to find out whether or not the youth has been listening and how well he/she understands what has been said. It is usually quite aversive for the family teacher if the youth is completely unresponsive throughout the teaching interaction.

Quality Components

For the individual whose verbal style is somewhat wordy, the component of requesting acknowledgement is an invaluable aid. Asking the youth to say something, even “Okay,” quickly turns a monologue into a dialogue. One pitfall to avoid with this component, however, is not pausing long enough to allow the youth time to respond to a question such as “Okay?” Taking for granted that the youth understands or is listening may not only be a false assumption but also may be interpreted by the youth as a lack of concern or interest in what he/she has to say.

Practice

Having the youth practice the new behavior is probably the most powerful step in the teaching process. It is at this point that the youth must translate the verbal and visual descriptions of the new behavior into his/her own performance. The family teacher can immediately see how well the youth understands the new behavior and can encourage and prompt him/her during this trial practice period until the youth can perform the new behavior with minimal or no instructions. Depending on the difficulty of the new behavior, this component may be repeated several times with additional demonstrations or instructions required. If the youth has difficulty performing the new behavior, it should be broken down into smaller and smaller steps until the youth is able to perform at least one step correctly. The difficulty of the behavior, a knowledge of the youth’s abilities, and good judgment are needed to determine how many times a youth should be asked to practice a new behavior at any one sitting. Once a youth has been through a complete teaching interaction and shown some improvement during the practice component, he/she can be given plenty of other opportunities in the days and weeks that follow to practice the new behavior.

Quality Components

Practicing a new behavior with a youth is frequently an opportune time to help him/her view learning as a positive and even enjoyable experience. For example, a family teacher might assume a funny name or exaggerated voice when practicing introduction skills with a youth. Sometimes drawing one’s spouse or other youth into the practice roles can add enthusiasm and fun to the interaction. Of course, one must be sensitive enough to the youth’s reactions to make sure that he/she is experiencing attempts at humor as fun and not embarrassment.

Feedback

While the youth is practicing the new behavior, the family teacher should provide him/her with positive feedback for those behaviors she/he is performing correctly and further instruction and prompting when needed. It is important to note that the practice component is not a time to test the youth on the new behavior. Thus, it is best to avoid feedback that states that the youth is “wrong” or “incorrect.” Phrases such as “it would be better,” or “Another suggestion would be,” not only decrease the test-like atmosphere, but also demonstrate more respect for the youth on the part of the family teacher.

It is important to give all pertinent praise and encouragement for any improvement. The more one praises the youth while he/she is practicing, the more the youth is likely to feel the family teacher believes in him/her which in turn will stimulate his/her own self confidence. It is important, however, to praise specific behaviors that the youth performs. General praise statements such as “good” and “that’s terrific” are far less descriptive and thus less powerful than statements such as “It’s really good that you keep looking at me” or “The fact that you smiled made it that much more terrific.”

Quality Components

The genuineness of one’s feedback is greatly determined by the feedback the giver engages in during and after the time he/she is actually giving the feedback. Attaching praise statements to specific behaviors as described in the previous paragraph is one way of authenticating praise. The extent to which one communicates enthusiasm and approval through voice tone, facial expression and body movements also serves to strengthen or weaken praise statements. For example, saying “You’re really cleaning those dishes well” in a monotone while reading the mail will obviously sound insincere. It is particularly important not to praise a youth for behaviors in which he/she has shown no improvement. Telling a youth he/she has done something “fantastically” and then requesting him/her to practice it repeatedly over the next couple of weeks can seriously damage the believability of any future praise. If a youth has not reached the desired level of skill, he/she should be genuinely praised for any improvements she/he has demonstrated, and informed of the parts of the behavior that still need some work.

Consequences

Giving the youth some consequence for practicing the behavior, paying attention, and for specific improvements helps to increase his/her motivation to perform the new behavior. This is particularly true for a youth who is not yet motivated by praise alone. Points are usually the most readily available and versatile consequence that can be given at this time. It is especially important to give the youth some positive consequence at the conclusion of a teaching interaction if he/she had been given a consequence at the beginning of the interaction for some inappropriate behavior.

Cued Practice

The family teacher should also take this time to inform the youth of opportunities he/she has in the future to perform the new behavior and the positive consequences he/she will earn for doing so. To ensure that these types of opportunities occur, the family teacher may “set up” with the youth a specific cue so that the child will know he/she is going to practice the skill. For example, the family teacher might say “in order for you to have another chance to practice the skill of following instructions and to earn some more positive points, I will find you in five minutes and tap you on the shoulder. That will be your cue that I am about to give you an instruction that you should follow by using the four steps we just got done practicing.” Cued practice allows the child the opportunity to be successful with the newly learned skill in a slightly more real situation than the role-play during the teaching interaction.

General Praise

The family teacher should always ensure that the interaction ends on a positive note so that the child perceives he/she is still liked despite the negative behavior the family teacher had to correct.

III. How do I learn to perceive opportunities to teach?

PERCEIVING OPPORTUNITIES TO TEACH

Some family teachers may know exactly how to teach (use of all components) but still have difficulty in perceiving opportunities when they should teach. This ability to perceive opportunities to teach is just as important as being able to teach correctly. If the family teacher does not recognize these opportunities, their teaching will be ineffective because they may not be teaching the youth necessary skills.

Some specific areas where the family teachers often have difficulty perceiving teaching opportunities include:

1. Limit testing by youth

2. family teachers attending to the issue of a problem rather than attending to the youth’ ongoing inappropriate behavior

3. Receiving verbal acknowledgement from youth

4. Requiring youth to ask for permission

Each of these four areas are discussed in more detail in the following paragraphs.

Limit Testing

Often family teachers will be very skilled at recognizing major youth misbehavior such as arguing, cursing, and angry outbursts, but have difficulty in recognizing subtle limit testing by the youth. Limit testing can be defined as subtle misbehavior displayed by the youth in which the youth almost breaks a rule but still manages to keep within the limits. Some examples of limit testing might include:

1. Saying portions of swear words, i.e., “shiiiooott”

2. Verbally hinting at the likelihood of engaging in some misbehavior

3. Subtle arguing

4. Excessive giggling

5. Adding some slightly inappropriate behavior when following an instruction

6. Continuing to engage in some misbehavior one more time after the family teacher has corrected the youth

7. Any other subtle inappropriate or “smart alecky” behaviors.

When a youth engages in limit testing behaviors, he/she is, in a sense, “testing the limits” of the family teachers. If the family teachers allow these subtle misbehaviors and do not correct the youth, more than likely limit testing will continue to occur. However, if the family teachers set specific standards of behavior and consistently enforce these standards, limit testing will not occur. Limit testing should be corrected because it can wear on the family teachers’ nerves. Also, if limit testing occurs in front of others, they may perceive the youth as “smart alecky” and have a poor impression of them. Giving a small negative consequence can usually control limit testing.

Attending to Ongoing Behavior

Some family teachers may have difficulty attending to a youth’s ongoing behavior. While teaching, it is often very easy for the family teachers to get caught up in the issue of a youth problem rather than focusing on the youth’s ongoing problem behaviors. For example, the family teacher may be teaching the youth how to clean the bathroom, but if the youth begins to engage in inappropriate social behaviors such as arguing, muttering, complaining, the family teacher should stop teaching the maintenance task and focus the teaching toward these inappropriate skills during a teaching interaction such as no muttering, no complaining, listening, etc., the family teacher can again try a teaching interaction for cleaning the bathroom. This way, not only will the teaching of the maintenance task be more effective but the family teacher will have also taken advantage of an excellent opportunity to teach some appropriate social skills to the youth.

Receiving Acknowledgement

Whenever a family teacher calls a youth or gives an instruction, it is important for the youth to verbally acknowledge the family teacher with “Yes,” “OK” or “I understand.” This way, the family teacher will know that the youth is attending to him/her and that he/she intends to comply with an instruction. It is the family teacher’s responsibility to prompt acknowledgement with questions (e.g., “Do you understand?” “OK?”) and to teach the youth to always verbally acknowledge those questions.

Some family teachers may not expect the youth to acknowledge or when they do, they may only ask in passing and not wait for the youth to respond. If this is occurring, the family teachers will not know if the youth heard them or if the youth plans to comply with the instructions.

Youth’s Asking for Permission

In the Teaching Family Model, earning privileges is linked to earning points which are always linked to interactions between the family teachers and the youth. Points on a card are merely tokens (secondary reinforcers). Therefore, it is just as important for there to be an “asking for a privilege” interaction as there is to be a “point“ interaction between the family teacher and the youth. Also, requiring the youth to ask for permission before engaging in privileges will facilitate the gamily teacher’s monitoring the youth’ whereabouts. It is very important for family teachers to be aware of where their youth are and what they are doing. Otherwise, they will not know how to get in touch if inappropriate behaviors are occurring. It is the family teacher’s responsibility to require the youth to ask permission to use privileges.

Social Skills

Most of the youth with behavior problems lack some of the interpersonal skills that are necessary for successful family and community living. They often are described by parents and teachers as defiant, uncooperative, argumentative, dishonest, cruel, aggressive, moody, disruptive, and sometimes assaultive. It is assumed that improved social skills will increase the youth’ opportunities for interpersonal rewards in their homes, schools, and with their peers.

The Four Basic Social Skills

There are four basic social skills that are probably the most important behavioral goals to be accomplished in a successful Family Teaching Program.

It should also be pointed out that while the four basic social skills to be described are the most important part of the program’s curriculum they are also probably the skills most difficult to teach. This difficulty is due not only to the complexity and subtleness of many social behaviors but also to the personal emotional reactions by the family teachers that a youth’s inappropriate social behavior may cause.

The four basic social skills are:

1. Instruction following in a positive manner

2. Appropriate responses to criticism from an adult or peer & the ability to accept “no” for an answer

3. Accepting consequences in the form of privileges or points

4. The skills to disagree appropriately and control emotions even when under intense emotional conditions.

The primary reason that teaching these four skills is so demanding is that it is sometimes very difficult to respond to the inappropriate behaviors in a personal manner. It is essential that the family teachers not take the inappropriate behavior of socially unskilled youth personally and become angry, defiant, and socially aversive themselves.

There are two important skills that facilitate the teaching of cooperative rational and self-controlled behaviors to a youth who is potentially very belligerent, defiant, assaultive, and explosive:

1. The family teacher remains outwardly calm, optimistic, and nonaversive (even when the FT’s stress may be high and his/her stomach may be churning)

2. The family teacher never begins by attempting to force a youth to comply with large demands or difficult instructions or severe criticism; instead, the skilled family teacher slowly but systematically teaches cooperative behaviors in small steps that always result in success. This is done by giving a great many instructions that are very easy for the youth to follow and by giving large numbers of points and positive feedback for cooperative and rational social interactions.

Basic Social Skill 1:

Appropriate Instruction Following Behavior

One of the most essential skills to effectively interact with others is the ability to follow instructions. In our everyday lives, we literally follow hundreds of instructions to perform tasks ranging from simple directions from a traffic policeman to complex and lengthy instructions from our employer. As a result, it becomes critically important that we have the skills to follow instructions in an appropriate and productive manner. Appropriate instruction following is likely to perpetuate positive contacts with adults and peers, and generate the experience of “success” from task completion. On the other hand, inappropriate instruction following is likely to result in problematic interactions, as well as the experience of “failure.”

Many youth do not know how to follow instructions. They realize neither the importance nor the consequences of instruction following. Frequently, youth respond in a negative, defiant manner such as by scowling, sighing, arguing, or verbally refusing when directed to do even a single routine task.

Appropriate instruction following is the basis of education in the Teaching Family Program. It is only by learning to follow instructions and then following instructions that the youth is able to acquire the other skills that the program is designed to teach. Without this basic skill, a youth’s chances of success when he/she leaves the program are indeed limited.

The family teacher initiates appropriate instruction following by using the following method:

1. Explain to the youth why following instructions is important. Rationales should be provided which illustrate the present and future important to the youth in appropriately following instructions (e.g., if you can follow instructions, you’ll get done with the task more quickly and have more free time to do what you want.)

2. Explain the four steps in instruction following:

a. Be attentive (look at the person who is talking, nod your head, etc.)

b. Acknowledge the instruction given by saying to the instructor, “Yes,” “OK,” or “I understand.”

c. Do the task (immediately, initiate within five seconds)

d. Check back with the instructor to see if the task has been done correctly.

3. Provide rationales to explain to the youth the importance of following each of the four steps.

a. When you look at me, I know you’re paying attention.

b. When you say “I understand” or “OK” I know you heard what I said and understand. This practice saves time.

c. When you’re done with the task, you’ll have time to do what you want.

d. Checking back assures the family teacher that you can reliably complete an assigned task and guarantees that the task has been done correctly. It also ensures that you will get credit for the work you did.

4. Provide the youth with tasks you know he/she can perform to see if he/she knows how to follow the four steps. The family teacher should work with the youth on appropriately following instructions in the presence of peers, teachers, and visitors in the home.

5. Give a lot of praise and reward for appropriate instruction following and task completion.

6. Provide specific feedback, positive and negative, on how the youth followed instructions.

7. Progress gradually to teaching more complex skills.

In summary, there are many advantages in teaching this skill to the youth. First, it provides a basis for building a positive relationship with the youth. They learn that we teach by rewarding positive behavior rather than through aversive or negative contacts; they learn that we teach concrete and useful skills, thereby demonstrating concern for them; they learn the reasons and rationales for our teaching which specify how they will benefit and shows that we do not act arbitrarily.

A second advantage is the savings in time and effort that attend accurate instruction following. When family teachers have developed these skills, they spend less time explaining and repeating instructions that increases the likelihood that the task will be performed correctly to the satisfaction of both the youth and the family teachers.

Basic Social Skill II:

Appropriate Responses to Routine Criticism

Deficiencies in appropriate ways to respond to routine criticism from adults and from peers frequently get a youth in trouble. The youth’s training in this skill will begin with preventive teaching when the youth first enters the program. The family teacher explains to the youth that the youth will occasionally lose some points for violating rules but this certainly doesn’t mean that the family teacher doesn’t like the youth. Rather the family teacher explains, it means that the youth has several behaviors that he/she needs help with in changing. Also the youth is told that one of the most important skills that he/she will learn in the program is how to respond appropriately to criticism. It is then explained that when he/she has lost points, he/she should remember that there are three steps when responding to criticism:

1. Be attentive (attentive behaviors include looking at the family teacher, nodding head, etc.)

2. Control emotions (no inappropriate behaviors should be engaged in such as frowning, saying something under your breath, cursing, complaining about unfairness, or giving the family teacher a threatening or angry look.)

3. Accept situation (use an acknowledgement that you heard and understand like, “OK”, “I understand”, or when point consequence is earned, “I’ll take the points off my card.” The acknowledgement should be said in a straightforward, calm way. In the case of a card interaction, write the consequence down and ask the family teacher to sign the card.)

The youth is told that sometimes he/she is going to be angry at the family teachers or other adults or peers who give her/him routine criticism and that there is nothing wrong with being angry. We all become angry at each other on occasion, but she/he must learn to handle anger well and this means learning how to respond to routine criticism in an appropriate manner as described in the three steps above.

It has sometimes been suggested that simply letting the youth “get over it” after criticism or “letting him/her cool down by him/herself” is a better means of handling inappropriate behavior to criticism. It has been our experience that allowing the youth to continue for an extended period of time in a sulking or angry pattern of behavior can become a way that the youth can disrupt the teaching program and family life; this tends to maintain the inappropriate behavior rather than decrease it. On the other hand, if the youth can be taught the more appropriate alternative responses to routine criticism, he/she can learn from negative feedback that is designed to improve his/her behavior and acquire a great deal more from the program and also learn how to respond to family teachers, teachers, peers who will also have occasional negative feedback about his/her behavior.

As in teaching appropriate instruction following, the skillful family teacher begins helping the youth learn appropriate reactions to criticism in very gradual, gentle steps. The fines and criticism should always be given in a non-aversive, sympathetic, manner at this state. When a fine is given, the family teacher should assure the youth that he/she is confident that the youth will be able to make up the fines easily and that she/he has been doing very well in many other respects.

If the youth has difficulty responding appropriately to routine criticism the family teacher carries out some role-playing using the teaching interaction components. In a role-playing session, the family teacher might begin by modeling the appropriate behavior and then asking the youth to imitate him/her. Of course, an appropriate response by the youth would result in praise and points. The family teachers may offer to help the youth by prompting him/her before the next criticism or fine is given so that the youth can have time to quickly review the four steps for appropriate behavior and prepare to engage in these behaviors when the criticism is given.

For example, the family teacher might tell the youth one afternoon, “I just received a call from school and it was I’m afraid, bad news. Now when I tell you about the call and the criticism and the fine, if you take it well, you will have an opportunity to earn points back. Do you remember what you are supposed to do in order to take a fine well? (Review the four steps with the youth.) “OK, here is what your teacher said. She described how you and Paul…”

Belligerent, angry or even moody responses to routine criticism from parents, peers, or teachers can greatly handicap a youth’s chances of adapting to important social settings. On the other hand, a youth who can respond to routine criticism in a calm, straightforward manner will be successful in the give and take of the world of social interaction which always involves some negative feedback.

The control of extreme states of emotional reaction is really an extension of the skill of appropriately responding to routine criticism. There will be occasions when the youth will be extremely frustrated or angry. On these occasions, many youth will react with extreme belligerence and even aggressiveness.

After a youth has learned how to respond appropriately to routine criticism, the family teacher should begin instruction in how to respond appropriately to the major criticism that will sometimes be given by teachers, peers and others. It should be explained to the youth that there are advantages to staying “cool” when under these intense, emotional, highly uncomfortable conditions: that to fight or to threaten harm, even when the person giving the criticism may deserve it, can be costly to the youth. It should be pointed out that there are better ways of trying to solve these problems that are more likely to be successful in the long run. If a youth becomes extremely defiant or aggressive in the home, the family teachers should become more sensitive to the youth’s responses to routine criticism and should begin to carefully teach the youth how to respond appropriately to more severe criticism.

In order to indicate the importance of not engaging in inappropriate belligerent or aggressive behavior under extreme emotional states, quite large fines are set for these behaviors. Also when an offense occurs, it is treated with a great deal of seriousness and the potential consequences of expulsion from school or physical harm are discussed at length during the family meeting.

Accepting “No” For an Answer

For many youth who have been described as having authority conflicts or as being ungovernable, the inability to accept “no” for an answer is one of the specific behaviors that have interfered with primary social relationships. Often youth will whine, complain, cry, threaten, yell, swear, etc. if they don’t get their way. In order for them to learn to relate more successfully with authority figures, it is important to teach them to be able to accept “no” using these three steps:

1. Be attentive - such behaviors as eye contact and head nods.

2. Control emotions - no frowning, mumbling under breath, cursing, complaining or giving the family teacher a threatening or angry look.

3. Acknowledgement - respond by saying something like “okay” or “I understand” in a calm voice tone.

4. Stop talking about it

Basic Social Skill III:

Accepting consequences in the form of privileges or points

By using the steps to this skill, the youth will start to learn cause and effect for positive behaviors and negative behaviors. It’s vital that family teachers not portray negative points in a negative way when teaching. Effective practitioners are masters at making corrective teaching the same as preventive teaching in the use of positive motivation statements, quality components, and just making it a part of every day conversation. Youth who have family teachers who aren’t afraid to provide consequences and negative points will feel safe and will also be able to learn skills faster knowing they are will a competent Practitioner. The steps to accepting a consequence are:

1. look at the person

2. calm voice and face

3. write the points on card

4. ask to have them signed

Basic Social Skill IV:

Disagreeing Appropriately

The goal of the rational problem-solving curriculum is to teach constructive and effective ways of solving problems that will take the place of socially inappropriate, disturbing and disruptive responses. Since the youth will spend a great deal of their lives living and working in social settings such as the family, classroom, or work setting, a great deal of emphasis is placed on problem solving in social situations.

The family meeting procedure is designed to help accomplish this goal. For example, it is designed to teach the behavior involved in democratic decision-making and rule making. It is also designed to teach the youth to control immediate frustration and anger by delaying the opportunity to negotiate grievances in the home until the evening family meeting where rational and constructive discussion of problems is prompted, modeled and reinforced. The youth learns about democratic decision making, how to present evidence in a manner to influence the decision, and how to constructively criticize rules and the behaviors of peers and authority figures.

The constructive criticism dimension is extremely important. For example, in the Family Meeting, there is a rule against personal verbal attack on peers or family teachers. Criticisms have to be about specific behaviors or about specific aspects of the program. The youth learns to offer an alternative rather than simply accuse. Instead of saying, “You did it,” the youth learns to say “Could we change the system so that…” The youth also learns mannerly and orderly participation, how to take turns talking and how to make points in a discussion without being offensive or cursing or yelling. The rule of the Family Meeting is that the youth and the family teachers must speak in turn. This is achieved by having the youth raise their hands and be recognized by the family teachers or the youth might be chairing the Family Meeting. The youth learns to strive for consensus. The family teachers present a model of someone who is concerned about everyone’s welfare and the long-term success and happiness of the family. The youth’s participation is encouraged in the decision making process first by giving points and then by praise for good ideas. Eventually, the opportunity to create and to change rules and to make decisions about one’s own behavior and the behavior of others becomes the consequence that maintains the self-government behavior.

The youth are encouraged to take a strong role in developing the self-government system, but they are taught how to do this in a constructive manner. They are taught that it is not sufficient to simply criticize a system, but rather they should offer possible alternatives. If a youth wants to change a rule, he/she can’t just say, “I don’t like it” but must describe a better rule, and the reason for a change. Discussion then is on the relative merits of the two rules.

Whenever possible the youth is given practice in constructively and appropriately disagreeing on an individual level. For example, if a youth has a grievance against a family teacher or peer, the youth is encouraged to carry out a five-step plan:

1. First the youth must be attentive.

2. Second the youth must control his/her initial emotions, frustration, anger, and possible inclination toward aggressive or abusive behavior. He/she should understand that these inappropriate behaviors will in all likelihood reduce the probability of his/her solving the initial problem and may very well contribute to additional problems.

3. Third, the youth should plan a constructive statement of his/her grievance. The grievance should not be presented in broad, general terms or as a personal attack or in any other manner that will offend because again this will simply decrease the likelihood of the problem being solved or the youth being heard because of the anger it will evoke in others. A constructive statement of the problem does not attack anyone or any practice. In fact, it begins by stating the positive aspects of the other person’s opinion or the rationales behind an existing practice. It is a description of a solution to the problem that is an alternative to a current practice. The decision can then be made as a choice between the two.

4. Then, the youth continues to be attentive and listens to the other person’s point of view and consideration of the issue.

5. Lastly, the child learns that, although he/she may not get his/her way all of the time as a result of this process, he/she at least had the opportunity to present a disagreement in such a way that he/she was listened to. Now, the youth must accept the situation.

If a youth has a misunderstanding with the principal of his/her school, for example, the family teacher should give points or take away points as a function of the youth’s immediate handling of his/her anger and frustration.

The family teacher should then provide points for practicing the presentation of a constructive statement of the problem the family teacher may even want to accompany the child when he/she attempts to work out a problem with the principal to lend support for the youth’s ideas. Only the acquisition of the skills to disagree appropriately will strengthen the youth’s individual problem solving skills.

The following hierarchy table of curriculum skills is presented to help family teachers set immediate goals for their youth in teaching curriculum skills.

With the ability to utilize the components of a teaching interaction, a family teacher may well ask, “Where do I begin?” The hierarchy of curriculum skills provides a guideline for you in choosing the skills that best help the youth achieve success with the people with whom they interact in their environment.

The six listed skills

o instruction following

o accepting criticism

o requesting permission

o reporting whereabouts

o disagreeing appropriately

o rationale problem solving

This provides a “launching pad” for everyday living benefits for both youth and family teachers. Naturally, there are numerous curriculum skills that need to be taught, such as giving and accepting compliments, greeting and departure skills, telephone skills, etc…, and imparted early in a youth’s program. The six listed skills should be considered a foundation supporting family teachers in all their other teaching endeavors.

Group teaching during family meeting time each evening is an excellent opportunity for family teachers to utilize the hierarchy of curriculum skills chart. With so much to impart to individual youth and a group home as a family, it would be wise to search out these types of teaching opportunities.

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