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patterson

September 20th, 2005 06:49 PM

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Husbands as the covering

 

Dear Saints,

I would like to explore the impact of a godly covering in the family/for the wife.

Pastors Henry and Donna held a "mens" meeting and a "womens" meeting this summer. Main word spoken to the men: START BEING THE COVERING for your wife. START BEING THE PRIEST of your household.

Main word spoken to the women: STOP BEING MATRIARCHAL. Let the men be the head of the household, even if they make mistakes. Let them practice and learn.

My husband and I have taken this to heart, discuss it frequently, and are seeking to apply it, especially since we disagree on many things - even as to where to hang a key so we don't get locked out of our home. The main word God has been speaking to me is 2 Timothy 2:24 ~ And the servant of the Lord (Nancy) must not strive (with her husband)... I am choosing, more than ever, to just go with what my husband says because I'm choosing to "not strive" and choosing to obey God and be under his covering. I'm seeing that there is a blessing there that I couldn't foresee, and there is peace, even though "I might have done it differently." There is a higher plain, and we are still exploring the height of it.

Here is a small example. Yesterday my husband asked me to cut the grass along the ditch (on a riding lawnmower) as my first activity for the day. Of course, I had already made out my agenda and had another first activity. I chose to not strive and went with his plan, although, of course, my plan seemed better. Our neighbor (previously broken relationship) came by and stopped and chatted while I was along the road. End result: we had a friendly visit, and we are buying our winter hay from her. If I had gone with "my" plan, none of this would have happened. Not only is it convenient to get the hay from one mile away rather that 20 miles, but more walls came down between us. This is rather dramatic to me!

As one who keeps up with Pleasant Valley Testimonies, my ears are always open to what people share. I am aware of three testimonies of women being healed or in the process of healing whose husbands are working on being the godly covering for the marriage. I know the wives have their own spiritual position to gain before God for their healing, but could it be that the husband's position as covering is a part of her receiving her healing, or at least lessens the time needed to "walk out?"

When there is peace in the home, I believe healing and wholeness - spirit, soul, and body - come easier.

This is not meant to lessen the wife's relationship with the Father, regardless of her husband's spirituality (or lack of).

This is simply new territory for me, even though I've attempted to walk in the submission teaching for 30 years!

Blessings, | |

|merz48 |

|September 21st, 2005 08:41 AM |

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|[pic] |

|Thank you, that's good. |

|Joan |

|twallerick |

|September 21st, 2005 01:06 PM |

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|[pic] |

|O.k. I'll jump into the pool. How much of my wife's healing is triggered by my new understanding of being the covering? I don't |

|know. |

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|She was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer of the thymus gland in Jan 05, and went to PV with her mom in March 05. When she returned, |

|she seemed like a totally different person. For much of our 12 years of marriage, she had been angry at me for not being more |

|successful, assertive, etc. The morning after she returned from PV, she called me aside, gave me a big hug and said she repented |

|from every mean thing she had ever said to me. I was totally taken off guard (right at this moment, one of 8 yr. old daughters |

|walked in with her disposable camera, took a picture of us hugging, and announced that I owe her a picture). Her having said and |

|done that released me to begin to forgive her for the years of anger. You would think I would have been able to forgive her |

|completely right there and then, but it wasn't until I joined in at PV in Aug. 05 that God fully walked me out of MY unforgiveness |

|toward her. By then, she had gained all of her weight back that she had lost, and was out of bed and walking 2 miles a day. |

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|One thing that my standing more steadfast as her covering does is eliminate the stress that would otherwise be there for her - |

|stress that could slow her healing down and open the door for her to be angry again. I think that's the bottom line on my taking |

|the position God intended for me as the Godly covering - it helps eliminate the stress as she walks her own stuff out. |

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|Thanks, |

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|Tom |

|npatterson |

|September 21st, 2005 02:23 PM |

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|[pic] |

|Wow, Tom. |

|Thanks for being to transparent. |

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|My husband points out to me that he can easier be the covering when I allow him to do so and stay in stride with him.... I agree.. |

|Jags1169 |

|September 21st, 2005 08:15 PM |

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|[pic] |

|Tom and everyone, |

|Bless you for "wanting" to be your wife's covering. Thanks for entering a potentially "heated pool" here. There are a LOT of |

|females on this board with husbands that they struggle with. I commend you for getting in here. But I think we're all also aware |

|that our Father "IS" our husband also. That's something the Lord put on my heart earlier this year...He spoke to my heart and said,|

|"let ME be all to you that your husband isn't or chooses not to be". After the Holy Spirit spoke that to my heart, I was just a |

|pile of mush. It took a lot of loneliness and hurt away. It pulled me away from self-pity and just caused me to love our Father, |

|even more. |

| |

|My husband and I basically live two separate lives with a house and two kids being our only connection. But since I've submitted to|

|this from the Lord, as long as my husband is in agreement, the Lord has blessed any endeavor that I've embarked upon. I started to |

|go back to school...so far I've maintained an "A" average....I minister with other ladies when the situation allows - I've seen |

|people healed, enlightened etc...I personally don't feel so weighed down with things, thinking I have to be the perfect mother, |

|wife etc....The Lord spoke to my heart and said, "Just live, read Psalm 1", whatever you do, if you're walking with Me, I'll bless |

|you". |

| |

|I've been taking an "Oral Communications" class and we've had to give three speeches so far. I used my healing as one and |

|referenced in AMEW. The class wouldn't let me off the podium because they had so many questions. Two people that night took the |

|name of the book and all the info. A couple nights later, two girls followed me out to my car and said, "we really need to talk to |

|you about God"....I could fill the board with that discussion!!! - then another girl in the class that was a Christian, got all |

|fired up and gave her testimony to the class as well, about "living in sin and how God convicted her" - (she was living with a |

|boyfriend)!! Wow, talk about transparent. |

| |

|So, even though I have some real trying moments and get hit with some really HOT fiery darts at times, the Lord really shows |

|Himself strong in my behalf and I don't have to live in victimization and self-pity. Does it still hurt? yes, at times...I would |

|love to be loved the way Christ loves the Church or like Boaz loved Ruth or just feel like my husband and I are connected |

|but...well...I know my Father will fill that void...I'm still in walk-out regarding that. But I try not to live there either. I |

|fell hard this weekend. In church I saw a married couple (with four children), just so connected and laughing and holding each |

|other. Oh boy!!! All manner of fiery darts hit me...by the end of the day, I was repenting for jealousy, covetousness, self-pity, |

|victimization, bitterness...OY VEY!!!!! So, I've definitely not arrived. |

| |

|But I would love to hear how other ladies are doing and I'd also like to hear from other brothers who might have some words of |

|wisdom, like how to pray for our husbands etc..... |

| |

|Blessings to all, |

|Gina |

|shoffman |

|September 22nd, 2005 11:09 AM |

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|[pic] |

|Gina, |

|Your post under the mason's thread before this one was started has brought up some things I went through that I keep feeling like I|

|should share. I don't know for sure if this applies or if it will help but I'm going to try to explain. |

|You asked how does a wife separate herself from her husband and still remain one flesh with him and you said you stay "far away" |

|from him emotionally, not expecting anything from him emotionally or spiritually. |

|During a season when I was really struggling with these issues a friend gave me a book called Hind's Feet On High Places, it's an |

|allegory written by a lady missionary, I'm not sure now whether that's a good thing or not but it spoke to me a lot at the time and|

|helped me hear what God was trying to say to me. The main character is a girl named Much Afraid and the Shepherd leads her on a |

|journey to the High Places, at the end of her journey her name is changed to Grace and Glory. Along the way she learned the ABC's |

|of love, A is acceptance with joy, B is bearing the cost - I guess more of the alphabet is in the next book that I haven't found |

|yet :) |

|A & B spoke to me a lot though, I needed to accept my husband where he was and choose to be joyful. |

|Bearing the cost was the hardest thing for me to accept and learn to submit to. God showed me that when I distanced myself from my |

|husband emotionally it was self-protection and retaliation, he wasn't giving me what I wanted from him, he wasn't willing to share |

|himself with me, and sometimes the sin in him really hurt me. I was trying to protect myself from what the enemy could do to me |

|through him by not being vulnerable to him. I was willing to forgive him but I wasn't going to take a chance on letting it happen |

|again. That wasn't real forgiveness or real love. Real love gives of itself with no strings attached, no expectations. Choosing to |

|really love will leave me open to the possibility of being hurt, that's simply the risk we take, but the Lord will bind up my |

|wounds and heal my heart. |

|I always say I think there is a balance here that only the Lord Himself can teach us, I really believe that. For me I was way too |

|emotionally dependant on my husband. I was letting him determine my moods like others have mentioned on this bulletin board and |

|actually he was letting me determine his too. As I learned to be obedient to what the Lord was showing me He did a lot of work in |

|us both. I think of this often when I read the posts about soul ties, we started out tied to each other in some fleshly ungodly |

|ways and the Lord separated us from each other in those areas and is now reconnecting us in the ways He wants us to be connected. |

|I hope this helps in some way. God bless you, Susie |

|freetobeme |

|September 22nd, 2005 11:25 AM |

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|[pic] |

|This is Marc |

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|Being able to work together is critical. Often times in our lives we encounter significant difficulties. It is at these moments |

|that it is most important that husband and wife work as a team. This skill must be in place before the moment of challenge arises. |

|How do we do that? It is accomplished in our daily walk. We often deal with minute or seemingly minute issues. We learn the skill |

|of team work in the small issues of life. |

| |

|I like to work together with my wife in decision making, but once I make a decision then I want her to just do it. I have noted |

|where she disagrees or has other ideas and I have thought about it and made a decision. If she does not go along with me or does so|

|but argues and complains about everything along the way then I tend to shut down and she is then in charge. |

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|Someone has to be in charge!! How about that idea. Someone has to be in charge!! Men to give in to nagging or what have you. God |

|says that it should be the man. If it is the woman that is not how our Father stated it should be. |

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|I think that so many women resent that. They view it as giving in to their husbands, or giving in to men in general. This battle |

|between the sexes. That is not how I see it at all. When my wife humbles herself and does what I say despite her view on the |

|subject. She is not humbling herself to me. She is humbling herself to God. She is saying ok Lord I don't think he is right but you|

|told me to do what he says so I will listen to You. I don't necessarily understand but You are in charge. |

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|Now if I am doing something against God then she should not follow me she should follow our Father. That can be a tough call. |

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|As a husband I view it as a responsibility to check my ego at the door and do what I think is right as opposed to what I want. That|

|can be quite a heavy duty. I am glad that I have a helpmate who can see differently then I can and show me where I am wrong, or |

|give me ideas on how to do it better. I value my wife’s input and I am thankful for it. |

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|I really like that idea about someone has to be in charge. Who is it? Is it the husband? Is it the wife? Is it the children? Is it |

|the in-laws or parents? Is it fear? Is it God? |

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|I liked something that Henry said at Pleasant Valley Days. He said I am learning to be a wife to Christ by watching Donna e a wife |

|to me. He said he does not really know how to be a wife so he is learning from her. |

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|But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is the man, and the head of Christ is |

|God. 1 Corinthians 11:3 |

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|Men are we being obedient in the little things? If not how then do we expect our wives to be obedient to us? |

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|Women are you setting an example? Are you following God's direction of order in the house? |

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|Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it. Ephesians 5:24-26 |

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|Wives submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against |

|them. Children obey your parents in all things: for it is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not you children to anger |

|least they be discouraged. Servants, obey in all things your masters according to the flesh; not with eye service, as men pleasers;|

|but in singleness of heart, fearing God; And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men; Knowing that of |

|the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ. But he that doeth wrong shall receive for |

|the wrong which he hath done: and there is no respect of persons. |

| |

|Masters, give unto your servants that which is just and equal; knowing that ye also have a Master in heaven. Continue in prayer, |

|and watch in the same with thanksgiving; |

|Colossians 3:18 - 4:2 |

|Jags1169 |

|September 22nd, 2005 12:49 PM |

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|[pic] |

|Susie, |

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|Thank you so much for sharing with me. I didn't realize that I was allowing sin by remaining emotionally distant from my husband. |

|This is something I'm going to have to pray about and ask our Father to help me. I've put up such a wall because I don't want to |

|get hurt or be vulnerable. It almost seems beyond me to get this back down, but I know all things are possible with God. But I have|

|to "want" this, and right now, I don't feel like I do. I'm going to have to sit down and just listen to the Lord for direction, how|

|to pray, what to repent for, what to come out of agreement with. I've overcome so much, but I confess, this seems like such a |

|'biggie' for me. I would appreciate anyone's prayers if they so happen to think of me!! But I do desire to please God and be |

|obedient, so I will go forward. Thanks again Susie, you've helped me see some things that I didn't before. |

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|Marc, |

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|I so agree with you. I just wish my husband "wanted" to be the leader. He doesn't want to be involved at all. He won't pray with me|

|anymore either. He told me not so long ago that he, "didn't want God" like I did. This is tough. He just wants to run the finances,|

|work, go hunting and watch TV....right now, I just feel led of the Lord to leave him alone. I can't change these things. I desire |

|greatly to submit to him, I don't want to be the leader at all! - Before PVC, I felt I was forced into being the leader and that's |

|why my health just fell apart! But now, I realize, I can just submit to my Father in Heaven. But I do submit to my husband in all |

|other matters. I apologize when I get out of line. It's not all bad around here. Sorry if I gave that impression. We live peaceably|

|with each other. But I have more work to do on me. There's still some stuff that has to go. Susie made me realize that I have to |

|really love him and allow myself to be vulnerable even if I do get hurt. That's not easy, but I know it will bring more peace to me|

|because I desire God. |

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|Thanks again so much everyone. Keep writing. I'm learning. |

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|Blessings, |

|Gina |

|shoffman |

|September 22nd, 2005 01:35 PM |

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|[pic] |

|Gina, |

|The time I've been trying to describe to you is the hardest thing I've ever gone through next to what I'm struggling with right |

|now. That was when I actually began to die to self. I wanted to be obedient to the Lord more than I wanted my needs and desires to |

|be met. I'm actually at that same place now over different issues but I haven't come through yet. There is a death that you go |

|through as you choose the Lord's will instead of your own and it does hurt, I say that as much for myself as for you. But please |

|KNOW that there is LIFE and PEACE on the other side. After a time of choosing to love him where he was regardless of whether or not|

|he could give the same to me God began to change his heart. It's something I can't really explain, he still doesn't know how to |

|pray with me and won't try to and he still doesn't talk much but when I'm struggling he doesn't withdraw from me, he hugs me and |

|tries to show me he's there for me. He used to feel like a brick wall when he held me, now I can feel God comforting me through |

|him. |

|I will be praying for you and I'd like to ask you to pray for me as well. |

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|Marc, |

|Thank you for all your comments, it really helps to hear more of how men think and feel on these issues. |

|It took a long time for me to learn that what I thought was discussing issues felt like nagging and arguing to my husband. Men and |

|women really do seem to think so differently. I'm very emotional and I like to really take things apart and look at it from every |

|angle. When I did that constantly I was making my husband feel like I didn't trust his judgment. That really hurt me once I |

|realized that was how I was making him feel. I have a lot of respect for my husband, he is gentle, patient, kind, and hardworking. |

|He also has extraordinary common sense, that seems to be rather uncommon these days! Now I work more on SHOWING him that I respect |

|him and trust him! |

|Colossians 3:22-24 that you quoted above really is a huge key to this I think. For me it helps bring into focus not being |

|emotionally dependant on my husband and yet being emotionally available to him in the way the Lord wants me to. |

|God Bless you, Susie |

| |

|P.S. I had to come back and add that after I "died to self" in this issue my husband really did start to become a covering for me. |

|I don't know how to explain it, especially since so much of it is "feelings" but when he comes home from work and gives me a hug it|

|feels like he's towering over me, like I'm sheltered in his embrace. At that same time his shoulders got bigger and he had to look |

|for new shirts - he said he was gaining weight, I KNEW he was learning to carry the load God intends for him to carry :) |

|merz48 |

|September 22nd, 2005 01:56 PM |

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|[pic] |

|thank you, all for your sharing. This is really good. A dear sister in Christ taught me how to cry out to God to help me to love my|

|husband and to be in subjection to him. The Lord had to deliver me from generation hatred towards my husband. Because I could not |

|do it. |

| |

|As I humbled myself to the Lord, he began to help me and to teach me. My heart's desire was always to have a loving marriage. Now |

|as I look to the Lord for him to teach me and to help me, he is bringing this loving union to pass. |

| |

|My husband would never touch me or be affectionate or talk to me or listen to me. Now the Lord is turning this around. Each day I'm|

|surprised by what he does for me. The affection is there, the conversation. I use to ask him to talk to me. It would turn into an |

|argument. It is just God. My husband's task around the house are different. Before he use to grumble, complain and be angry about |

|doing them, now he just does them with a happy heart. He seems to be enjoying them and the fruit of his labor. He's supportive in |

|parenting and the children are turning to him and talking with him and enjoying their father. |

| |

|Blessings, |

|Joan |

|Jags1169 |

|September 22nd, 2005 07:08 PM |

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|[pic] |

|Susie, |

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|Yes, I will definitely be praying for you as well. Thank you for your prayers. Thanks again for sharing. I've just got to cry out |

|to God because I too feel like "I just can't do this, it's not in me, I don't desire it"....uhhhgggg....I have to ask the Lord to |

|teach me to die to self I guess. |

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|I love you guys! (gals) |

| |

|Gina |

|denise |

|September 22nd, 2005 07:39 PM |

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|[pic] |

|Isn't God good? Thank you for all the extremely encouraging posts.... |

| |

|Susie....boy I sure loved how you described dying to self...'I wanted to be obedient to the Lord more than I wanted my own needs |

|and desires met.' That is great! |

| |

|I have received much healing, but still need more and was wondering, and often thought that because I am in a 'not-so-good' |

|marriage (we basically have separate lives too...though that has gotten MUCH better in the past couple of years) and my husband |

|doesn't cover me at all (he's not a believer, yet, and very much a scoffer) would I be completely healed where I am, or would I |

|have to wait until the children are grown and I won't have to be around as much...or would I have to leave him in order to be |

|healed? |

| |

|Well, I was praying and pondering about this and this conclusion formed in my mind....several years ago when it was really bad, and|

|I cried out to God, 'What do you want me to do about my marriage? What do you want from me?' I heard very clearly in my spirit |

|'WAIT'....I even looked around to see if there was anybody in the room with me.....(It's so cool to hear from God like that) |

|Anyway, so I have been waiting and giving my husband and my marriage to God every day (sometimes every hour) and I have to tell |

|you, I submitted to my husband ONLY because I wanted to obey God, NOT because I felt like it....I had a lot of bitterness toward |

|him(but of course, no more) I didn't understand about separation then. |

| |

|So here it is....God wants me to 'wait' in this relationship, He also wants me well....SOOOOO God can heal me while I am, where I |

|am!!!! Hallelujah!!! I got so excited with this revelation. |

| |

|Now I understand, in order for me to be healed I had to 'give-up' the control of my marriage and trust God. I had to submit to my |

|husband and learn NOT to be a victim/doormat by him. So my marriage had to be 'restored' and at least 'tolerable' in order for me |

|to be healed physically. I have been delivered of much 'emotional' garbage....I've learned that many times 'my emotions' weren't |

|even me...they were the yucky puckys that had to go and praise the Lord they are gone and there is peace in our home!!!!! |

| |

|I still have to stay emotionally (if I can use that word) and affectionately distant from my husband, because that is what he |

|wishes. I needed to submit to him in this area too. When I get too close, he gets angry and that's not good for the peace in our |

|home. This has also gotten better too...he can 'trust' me a little more with conversation, if that makes sense. |

| |

|Gina, I just want to encourage you....when you are 'healing' from all of your stuff, if distance is what is needed to protect your |

|fragile heart until God binds up the wounds completely, then take the distance knowing that it is only temporary....may take years,|

|but not forever. I do remember when I was a new Christian and didn't want to give-up my 'party' friends, I would say to my self |

|that I could go out with them, I just didn't have to drink and dance, gossip, etc. or whatever....well, old habits take awhile to |

|die....it didn't work. I had to distance myself from them for a while. Now, however I can go out with all those old friends and |

|they can 'party', gossip, and I am not effected by it...I am stronger now to resist and I KNOW I am NOT that same person anymore. |

|(Besides, I really don't desire to any more, either) I can just be.....like Pastor Henry says be a light and salt....just be |

|available. |

| |

|That's kind of how I look at my marriage....now that I am stronger, I can be available to my husband, but I choose not to be |

|rejected or go into unforgiveness....but I don't push it either, I want the love of God to draw my husband, not me. |

| |

|So yes, I can be healed where I am, but I do believe my 'walk-out' will and has taken longer....It's been 2.5 years since my first |

|exposure to AMEW. But God is giving me 'glimpses' of what a 'completely whole Denise' could look like. It was very difficult for me|

|to 'see' this in the past. |

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|Thank you again for this board and all you wonderful brothers and sisters!!!! |

|freetobeme |

|September 23rd, 2005 04:25 PM |

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|[pic] |

|I would recommend getting Pastor Henry's CD on relationships. I heard his teaching at PV days and it was fantastic!!!! |

| |

|One of the concepts that he discussed was that if your husband is out of line you are supposed to set an example. I even think it |

|may say to watch correcting him. |

|Does anyone remember this or know the scripture that was used as a directive for this situation. |

| |

|I wanted to get all of that information together for you but I did not and won't be around a computer for a few days. |

| |

|He also did a great job of describing many of the responses that I have to actions that my wife does. He had me pegged in many |

|areas. I recommend any wife hear what he had to say. It may help you understand your husband better and vice versa. It also has |

|great information on how to handle life. |

| |

|Marc |

|jslatinsky |

|September 24th, 2005 06:05 AM |

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|[pic] |

|Thanks everyone for sharing so intimately - I'm so thankful for this forum. |

|I pray that you rest in God's embrace. Thank you for serving. |

|parice123 |

|September 25th, 2005 09:46 AM |

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|[pic] |

|Good stuff, people. |

| |

|Something that we are looking at here at home is resentment. Anytime resentment rears its' ugly head, we can look for unforgiveness|

|as has already been mentioned. But to take it one step further, consider this. |

| |

|We are all created according to Fathers master plan. His design is marriage and family. Male and female created He them (Gen 1:27).|

|Some women resent their husbands sex drive without realizing they are resenting Gods' design. Underneath is anger toward God. God |

|made men this way and they can't help it. |

| |

|Going deeper, the woman that resents her husband often does not love her self. She hates her body and is angry because God made her|

|a woman. Obviously, if she doesn't love her self, she can't love her husband. Resentment is building on both sides. |

| |

|Women who accept Gods' design and love themselves, love their bodies and enjoy (Eph 5:33) their husbands. They like sex and often |

|initiate it. The national average in a healthy marriage is 2 -3 times a week. Heb 13:4 Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed |

|undefiled: |

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|Think about it. In all of the animal kingdom, only man and women have the privilege of face to face interaction with kissing. The |

|women do not wait until once a year (although sometimes it seems like it to the man) to get in the mood. |

| |

|One of the principles taught is what ever you need, sow. If you need ministry, give ministry. If you need money, give money. If you|

|need love and affection, give love and affection. It is more than a duty, it is a privilege. :) |

| |

|Allen |

|freetobeme |

|September 25th, 2005 08:56 PM |

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|[pic] |

|Ok I have what I was wanting. Two thoughts. |

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|1) Often women are concerned about their children if the husband is out of line. |

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|And the woman which hath an husband that believes not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For the |

|unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were the children |

|unclean; but now are they holy. |

|1Cor 7:13 |

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|2) If your husband is out of line. |

| |

|Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won |

|with the conversation of the wives, While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. |

|1 Peter 3:1-2 |

| |

|The strongs on chaste is properly clean, innocent, modest, perfect. |

| |

|The strongs on fear is alarm or fright. |

| |

|So I see these scriptures to be saying, if your husband does not obey the word they can be convicted by watching you behave cleanly|

|with fear. And that if you are doing so your children are covered by you. |

| |

|ME |

|parice123 |

|September 26th, 2005 01:29 PM |

| |

|[pic] |

|Good! Father is so faithful! |

| |

|Allen |

|Joanna37 |

|September 26th, 2005 07:54 PM |

| |

|[pic] |

|submission to husband????? |

|  |

|Hello, |

|This discussion was just what we needed tonight. My son is struggling with dyslexia and ADHD, we just received midterm grades and |

|is failing after such hard work. |

|I know the roots to these are matriarchal control and have honestly tried my best for the last year to change this. It seems |

|impossible as much as I would do anything for my children. I can submit in all areas except his behavior toward children and |

|discipline. When he verbally shames them for things and talks down to them for everything/ no positive reinforcement at all, it |

|makes me crazy. I can't hold my tongue when someone is shaming my child. |

|Someone please tell me how to handle this. I am so desperate to deliver my child from this mind confusion. |

|Joanna |

|smcleod |

|September 27th, 2005 08:23 AM |

| |

|[pic] |

|My suggestion is first don't interfere or attempt to talk to him about it front of the children then it make both of you look bad. |

|Just try to give some positive reinforcement. In doing this it will not undermine either of your authority. |

| |

|Now keep in mind I don't know the ages of the children or how long you have been married or anything like that. I do know that when|

|I tell my husband to do something it is not very likely it will get done, but when I ask and explain why it, he is more likely to |

|listen. |

| |

|Sometime when it comes to discipline you just know what you were taught by your parents and it is not always the best way. I know |

|that my mother had to teach my father a lot of that stuff because the way he was raised. You can teach them both by example and |

|explaining why positive reinforcement is needed. But keep in mind I am not trying to say your way is the right way or that your |

|husband is wrong, I only know what you have told me. |

| |

|I believe that we are their help mates for a reason and my husband and I have learned a lot from each other |

|Joanna37 |

|September 27th, 2005 08:41 AM |

| |

|[pic] |

|Thank you Samantha as I should wait until later to talk to him about it. |

|Joanna |

|hoshanachk |

|September 29th, 2005 04:00 PM |

| |

|[pic] |

|is this available??? |

|  |

|Nancy, |

| |

|Boy if I'd open my eyes... :LALsmiley haha ... I began a new thread asking about this particular meeting that Pastor Henry & Donna |

|had ... will it be available to purchase or read?? Both my husband and I need it, and I'd love to share it with our adult children |

|as well. |

| |

|Thanks, |

|Colleen |

|hmixon |

|September 29th, 2005 11:12 PM |

| |

|[pic] |

|Gina, |

|You posted "I've put up such a wall because I don't want to get hurt or be vulnerable. It almost seems beyond me to get this back |

|down, but I know all things are possible with God." |

| |

|I want to share a word I got from God a while ago on that. I too have had many walls in my life, mostly "protecting" myself from my|

|husband. It wasn't until I went to PVC in Jan 2005 that I even began to have the tools to deal with them. I have had tremendous |

|victory in the last 9 months. PRAISE TO GOD!! |

| |

|Anyway, many months ago the Lord gave me this scripture: Behold I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands; thy walls are |

|continually before me. Is 49:16 |

| |

|He told me that He knew of every wall I had in my life and He would give me victory as He led me through the process of bringing |

|them down (the process we all learned at PVC). There was a lot of struggle as I fought those strongholds, but I have known every |

|step of the way that He was right there with me. He has faithfully led me through the process of dismantling these walls and that |

|He is bringing me through- He has and He continues to in amazing ways. My marriage has been transformed. |

| |

|I hope this is some encouragement to you. He so loves to bless us in our obedience! |

| |

|Helena |

|Jags1169 |

|September 30th, 2005 08:29 AM |

| |

|[pic] |

|Helena, |

| |

|Thank you....I do want to get through this stuff. As I was reading another post about Behemoth and Leviathan, I began to realize |

|there was "pride" in me. It sounds like this, "well if he's not going to be the man God wants him to be and he's going to hurt me, |

|then fine, I'm staying away, I won't dare get near him at all"!! I realize now, this is pride. This is a biggie. My wall I think |

|has to do with pride. I'm not willing to be vulnerable and tender toward my husband because of pride. That, "I'll show him" spirit.|

|This stuff has to go. Even now as I write this, I feel this stuff raging and it does NOT want to go! But what's really helping me, |

|is that I don't want my children to inherit this thing. I already see shadows of it in them. I want them to be happy, loving |

|people, productive and fruitful in the kingdom of God. I know I'm tender and loving toward my children. I admit, they are the |

|biggest reason I remained with my husband, because I didn't want them damaged by divorce and all the sin and wounds that come with |

|that. |

| |

|Ya know, the other day, I happened to look my husband right in the eye and I don't know, I heard myself say in my heart, "ya know, |

|he's really a handsome guy". And he really is. I haven't thought of him like that in a LONG time. So, I know the walls are starting|

|to come down. I just have to keep coming out of agreement with the "stuff". |

| |

|The Lord recently spoke to me and said, "I can cause you to feel again toward your husband if you wanted me to, do you want me to?"|

|- I couldn't answer. I kind of grunted a "no"! But now I see this is pride....pride is what's holding the walls up and together, as|

|well as fear, but for me I know the principality of this thing is pride. Because I often hear the thoughts, "I really could do a |

|lot better if the kids and I were on our own" - I'm constantly throwing that one down!! That's pride, I just couldn't give it a |

|name....but now I cant. |

| |

|Thanks everyone so much. Helena, thank you so much for sharing with me. I'm so glad to be a part of this group, what a blessing! |

|This truly is the body of Christ, working together! Amen. |

| |

|Gina |

|twallerick |

|September 30th, 2005 12:18 PM |

| |

|[pic] |

|Gina, |

| |

|Wow - you are making tremendous progress! And thank you for being so honest and vulnerable as you share with us. I think you're |

|really on to something - I also believe you are really going to see God bless you and your relationship with your husband because |

|of it. What a testimony to others who might be going through similar challenges. Thanks! |

| |

|Tom |

|janet |

|October 9th, 2005 07:32 PM |

| |

|[pic] |

|Hey Everybody, |

| |

|Interesting stuff! Helena, I'm curious for some examples if you're inclined to divulge. |

|Blessings, Janet |

|joypeace2u |

|October 13th, 2005 06:31 PM |

| |

|[pic] |

|Praise God! Thank You Abba Father for brothers and sisters that are so willing to share and filled with the desire to be obedient |

|to you. |

| |

|Nancy, Susie, Gina, Tom, Marc, Joan... Thanks to each one of you. So much of what ya'll (can you tell I'm a southerner) shared is |

|the relationship my hubby and I have and your desires to be obedient to our God matches my desires. We are truly family... |

| |

|Love, Shalom |

|< Carrie |

|hmixon |

|October 14th, 2005 08:50 PM |

| |

|[pic] |

|Hi Janet, |

| |

|I assume you are asking for examples of "walls." So many! I lived distantly from my husband emotionally and physically. I was |

|severely abused as a child in every way and was very scared for any and all forms of intimacy. Even simple affection, like holding |

|his hand- if I initiated it- seemed threatening to me. Now we kiss and hug and touch as a matter of course throughout the day. |

| |

|I also protected myself from exposing my real internal struggles, and really thought I could do it myself. Boy was I wrong! I revel|

|in my husband’s covering now. In the morning I used to just start my day all by myself. Now I reach out for my husband, and even if|

|he's not there, I tuck myself under his wing. I get to go to him regularly to ask for prayer and help! I am so grateful for |

|separation. |

| |

|Another huge wall for me was that I ALWAYS expected him to "betray" me and any thing that happened that even slightly could have a |

|glimmer of "betrayal" (like him not doing something MY way!!!) would set me off into utter fear- sometimes to the point of not |

|speaking for days on end. I HAVE VICTORY NOW!! That spirit is gone!! |

| |

|So there are some examples. I am awed each day at God's work in our lives as we apply these principles daily- I am truly a |

|different person than I was last year before going to PVC, and am still a work in progress..... |

| |

|God bless you, |

|Helena |

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