Encouraging Good Behavior – The 123 Magic Way



[pic]Encouraging Good Behavior – The 123 Magic Way

A widely used parenting program is available on loan from your child’s school counselor on video or in book form. The 123 Magic program by Thomas W. Phelan is an easy to learn method of discipline that uses principles such as positive reinforcement, active listening, and behavior management. The system got its name from a counting method it uses. The word Magic grew from the positive response parents got from their children when they used the 123 system (it worked like Magic).

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Most parents tend to imitate parenting that they were raised with. In the 123 method the first thing to abandon is the notion that children are just little adults who we can reason with. When we rely on words and reasons to discipline, it tends to lead to what Dr. Phelan refers to as the Talk, Persuade, Yell, and Hit Syndrome. Phelan challenges parents to get rid of the “little adult assumption” and think of themselves as a wild animal trainer (He says this with humor of course). He demonstrates that what an animal trainer does is not that different from what a parent should do. That is, choose a method, repeat it many times, and then the trainee will do what the trainer wants him to do.

Parents are under the myth that their relationship with their child is based on their ability to discipline their child and at the same time have their kids like them. He says, “That is ridiculous. Kids will never like being disciplined.” After a parent has thrown out the “little adult assumption” the other modification they need to make in their thinking is the “Too Much Talking” and “Too Much Emotion” Rule. Phelan comments, “Parents in general talk way to much to their kids and show way too much emotion when disciplining.”

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The next step of the program is “What behaviors do you want to change?” There are two types that Dr. Phelan refers to…Stop Behavior and Start Behavior.

Stop Behavior refers to such things as whining, teasing, tantrums, and disrespect. To get these type of behaviors under control what a parent does is:

a. Make a statement to the child one time (No, you may not have a snack. Dinner is in 15 minutes.).

b. If the child complains with your directive the parent says “That’s 1” (But why, I’m hungry.)

c. If the whining or begging continues say “That’s 2” (You never give me anything.)

d. If the negative behavior continues That’s 3…Take 5.

e. Take 5 means the child takes a 5-minute time-out in their bedroom.

Kids quickly learn that you are not going to be baited into a discussion about their unacceptable behavior. After the time-out is over the child comes out of his room and there is no further discussion about the problem. Dr. Phelan encourages parents to try the system and see what happens. Most parents note a change in the amount of nagging and yelling in their household within three days.

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After Stop Behaviors are under control a parent is encouraged to look at Start Behaviors.

Start behaviors refer to doing homework, eating dinner, completing chores etc.

There are basically six tactics that Dr. Phelan recommends to Start behaviors.

1. Sloppy Positive Verbal Feedback (SPVF)

2. Kitchen Timers

3. Docking System

4. Natural Consequences

5. Charting

6. 123 Magic

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← Sloppy PVF is the main strategy for encouraging good behavior. It means periodic but frequent positive verbal feedback. It lets the child know he is doing something that you like, and trying to avoid the natural tendency to be quiet when content or pleased with your child’s behavior. Sloppy means you do it randomly from time to time. A two-to-one positive to negative ratio is recommended. Most kids appreciate this tactic. It is a friendly, supportive tactic. Use it during or soon after the start behavior you are trying to reinforce.

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Kitchen Timers are the kind you can wind up for sixty minutes. Young children especially like timers because there is a natural tendency to want to beat the clock before it goes off. It is a challenge to some children. When a timer is set for a number of minutes to encourage a child to complete a task they know what the expectation is. Brushing teeth, feeding a pet, getting ready in the morning are reasons one might choose to use the kitchen timer tactic.

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The Docking system has to do with taking something away such as allowance. Like wages, if a job is not completed and someone else has to do it, a child could be docked or fined. The important thing with docking is to resist the “little adult assumption” and not argue, belittle, or reason with your child over a decision you make.

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Charting works on the assumption that you will monitor the frequency and quality of a certain Start behavior and then phase out of it. It is a behavioral accounting system. Charting is successful when you want to get a child through a routine of responsibilities. Some kind of notation is made for each task that is required. If a task is not completed a chart can indicate the negative behavior and appropriate consequences can be given out.

| |S |M |T |W |T |F |S |

|Teeth | | | | | | | |

|Dog | | | | | | | |

When charting, Dr. Phelan recommends the use of the Law of Minimum Reinforcement. It means a parent tries to get away with as little incentive as possible. Dr. Phelan encourages the use of natural reinforcers that we know affect kids…such as satisfaction of a job well-done or parental recognition and praise. If natural reinforcers are not enough than artificial reinforcers are used to try to make it worth their while…such as stickers, money, privileges, time with mom and dad, tokens or trading cards. If the task is not completed and the charting is not producing the desired effect than punishments such as restriction of privileges, monetary fines are implemented.

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The 123 method is used to back up start tactics. The 123 method is effective with any start behavior that takes less than two minutes such as hanging up a coat or brushing teeth.

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For more information on this helpful parenting program contact your school counselor or attend the next

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