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Session 10: Power and Violence (pt.2)LOVELIMITS Communication:HEALTHY- You are safe and strong enough to talk about how you feel.UNHEALTHY – You feel awkward or avoid talking about how you feel.ABUSIVE – You are afraid to say how you feel because you fear your partner.Disagreements:HEALTHY – You are listened to and respected.UNHEALTHY - You are ignored or feel like you shouldn’t express yourself.ABUSIVE – You are treated with disrespect and are not allowed to have your own opinions.CONFLICT:HEALTHY – You can disagree, and still treat each other respectfully.UNHEALTHY – You can’t disagree without having a fight.ABUSIVE – You’re afraid to disagree, for fear of anger and violence.Sex and intimacy:HEALTHY – You are honest about your feelings, able to communicate clearly, and your boundaries are respected.UNHEALTHY - You are embarrassed to say how you feel because you think your partner won’t listen.ABUSIVE – Your needs and wants are ignored and you are pressured or forced into situations that make you uncomfortable.Personal space:HEALTHY – You trust each other, and are comfortable with your partner spending time with other boys and girls.UNHEALTHY - You feel jealous every time your partner talks about another boy or girl.ABUSIVE – You accused of flirting all the time, not trusted, and told who you are allowed to talk to.Source: “Making Waves. A Student Manual on Dating Violence” Session 10: Power and Violence (pt. 2)People in Healthy Relationships:Spend time together and time apart.Trust each other.Respect their mutual choices and differences.Are sensitive to each others feelings.Are friends.Have common municate their feelings honestly and openly.Some Things to Look for in a Healthy Relationship:You have fun with your partner.Your partner has good relationships with family and other friends.Your partner is a good listener.You act like yourself when you are with your partner.Your partner has other interests besides you.You and your partner work through your problems together.You feel that you could end the relationship if you are not happy.You feel good and unafraid when you are with your partner.Healthy Relationships 101: An Overview of School-Based Healthy Relationship ProgramsCanadian Women’s FoundationWHY TEACH TEENS ABOUT HEALTHYRELATIONSHIPS?While it has become commonly accepted that it’s agood idea to offer anti-bullying programs in schools,there is not the same widespread acceptance ofhealthy relationship programs.27However, there are several strong arguments infavour of these programs.Research into intervention programs for adults whoabuse their partners shows this behaviour isextremely difficult to change.28Intimate partner violence must be stopped before itcan begin. Prevention is key, and the earlier in lifethis intervention can occur the better.Research also shows that teens’ attitudes predicttheir future behaviour. One study of male teensshowed that groups who used “hostile anddisrespectful” language when talking about girlswere more likely to use aggression against theirdating partners several years later.29If a person is being abusive while in their teens,without intervention their behaviour is very likely tocontinue into adulthood, and to escalate. Datingviolence is one of the strongest predictors ofviolence in adult relationships.30The adolescent years are the ideal time to learnabout healthy relationships.Young people are highly interested in relationships,both friendships and romantic partners, and areeager to talk about them.They are also open to new ideas and new learning.31Since healthy relationship programs challengepowerful stereotypes about boys and girls, it’s bestto do this work as early in life as possible, before27 Sourcebook on Violence Against Women, Second Edition, Claire M.Renzetti, Jeffrey L. Edleson, Raquel Kennedy Bergen, SagePublications, Inc., 2010, p. 335.28 Batterer intervention systems: Issues, outcomes, andrecommendations, E. W. Gondolf. Thousand Oaks: SagePublications, 2002.29“Aggression toward female partners by at-risk young men: Thecontribution of male adolescent friendships,” D.M Capaldi et al,Developmental Psychology, Vol. 37, 2001, pp. 61-73. See also: “PeerGroup Influence on Adolescent Dating Aggression,” p. 9.30 “A School-Based Program to Prevent Adolescent Dating Violence,”David A. Wolfe et al, Archives of Pediatrics & Adolescent Medicine,Vol. 163, August 2009, p. 692.31 Sourcebook on Violence Against Women, p. 332.these ideas become too deeply ingrained to beunlearned.32This “window of opportunity” is also a gooddevelopmental fit, since people at this age are in theprocess of “learning autonomy and control, andshifting (their) emotional dependency from parentsto peers.”33Youth are already learning about relationships, butunfortunately many of their most powerful lessonscome from an increasingly violent and sexist popularculture, including TV shows, movies, video games,and advertisements. It is essential to provide themwith alternative messages that present positivemodels of healthy, respectful relationships.34Teaching young people about healthy relationshipsnot only protects their physical and emotionalhealth, but it also helps protect them in other ways.Violence is one of the three most important riskfactors for adolescent health: substance abuse andsexual behaviour are the other two.35 These three behaviours have been called an “important triad” for the health of young people, and are linked together. One of the best protective factors for reducing all three is for young people to be in healthy relationships.The stronger their relationships with friends,romantic partners, teachers, and family, the morelikely young people are to make healthy life choices.WHY TEACH VIOLENCE PREVENTION INSCHOOLS?Unfortunately, violence is a reality in many oftoday’s schools. Teachers must regularly deal withbullying, personal conflicts, violent behaviour, andsexual harassment. Many children no longer feel safeat their school. Their physical and emotional healthis at risk, as is their ability to learn.32 Promoting Gender Equality to Prevent Violence Against Women,World Health Organization, 2009, p. 5.33 School-Based Violence Prevention Programs: A Resource Manual,p. 171.34 Sourcebook on Violence Against Women, p. 333.35 Adolescent risk behaviors: Why teens experiment and strategiesto keep them safe, D.A. Wolfe, P.G. Jaffe, and C.V. Crooks, NewHaven, CT: Yale University Press, 2006. ................
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