Week Six Assignment II: Final Research Paper
Week Six Assignment II: Final Research Paper
Kristina McInerney
HD 300 - Early Childhood Themes and Life Cycle Issues
Instructor: Sharon Davisson
Summer Session I, June 15th 2014
Abstract
The purpose of this paper is to lead the reader through the eight stages of development as professed by theorist Erik Erikson. I will look at each stage in the life cycle and explain, analyze and give personal insight on his ideas through expressing personal and professional experiences of my own. This refection has helped me better understand this theory and better explain the theory though my lens as I have learned during the seven weeks in HD 300.
The theory I will be referring to is Erik Erikson’s psychosocial theory of development. His theory includes the idea of a life cycle which is compromised of eight stages. In each stage, the person confronts, and hopefully masters, new challenges. Each stage builds upon the successful completion of earlier stages. I am taking a personal reflection of Erikson’s theory and have also interviewed people about stages I have yet to experience or do not remember.
Erik Erikson’s stage one, “Trust vs. Mistrust,” emphasizes a great deal about attachment. Attachment is a special emotional relationship that involves an exchange of comfort, care, and pleasure. When children are raised with confidence that their primary caregiver will be available to them, they are less likely to experience fear than those who are raised without such conviction (Cherry, 2012). My memories and my mother’s memories are very strong of me being attached to her. I always wanted to be skin to skin with my mom even as a toddler. I didn’t cry when she left but I never had a babysitter until I was over six years old so my mom thinks that my content was largely due to only being left with family. According to Erikson’s theory I may not have been seen as “attached” completely to my mother since I was not frightened without her and still showed signs of independence alone. My family and I would say I was very attached to my mother as an infant and young child. I used to sit at the window or door of my grandparents and wait for my mom to come back if I was left for any amount of time. If my dad had me to cuddle or take care of I would be looking for my mom. She said I was never upset but all the other family members used to say they were “chopped liver” to me compared to my mother. The bond between my mother and me was most likely due to her breast feeding me when I was and infant and also that my mother didn’t work until I was six years old so the forming of attachment was simple, she was always there. I have an older sister who my mother says was naturally not as warm and affectionate so my parents always nurtured my willingness to be affectionate a little more.
Erickson’s theory implies that “trust” is formed through attachment and “mistrust” can be formed through lack of constant care or even harmful behavior (Erikson, 1963). I do see this theory aligning with my experiences because I always had positive times with my mother, father and other caregivers as a young child. Because of this I believe I was often too trusting towards strangers and may not have had negative experiences with attachment such as loss and hurt until later into elementary school years.
I talked to my mother about my first three years of life and how she and my whole family viewed independence and also my first attachments. Erick Erickson states stage two, Autonomy vs. Shame and Doubt, involves allowing children choices while setting appropriate limits provides that balance of freedom and safety (both physically and emotionally). My mother was always giving me the opportunity to explore and try new things. Her recollections were honest and much aligned with my memories as a young child. My mother was very neutral when it came to raising me with values of independence and interdependence. I am a second child and my sister was raised to be a “big girl.” She was always told and shown how to do things on her own and from my mom’s memories was just born more independent and enjoyed solitude. My mother and family always encouraged me to try things on my own but since I was the second and last child my mother admitted she wasn’t in any hurry for me to grow up. I wanted to always be around her and was very affectionate. If I wanted help getting something or doing something she was quick to help and nurture me instead of talk me through something. Her memories of me were when I was left with family that I would sit and wait at the door or window for hours for my mother to return. I never had separation anxiety or anything but always just preferred to be with my mom.
As a preschool teacher, like most, I highly value teaching independence and self help skills. My experiences working with this age strongly align with stage three, “Initiative vs. Guilt,” a time where children are exploring, making art and finding purpose to be in this world. Over the years of teaching and working as a nanny I think that we need to focus on balance of forcing independence on children though. Sometimes children need validation to their feelings and it just includes a hug or snuggles. When the bond isn’t nourished with affection and love and only with words of encouragement to do it themselves I believe it can hinder the support a child actually feels. I also think that balance between self help encouragement and helping them learn to be “apart of the tribe” and feel safe relying on others is important.
My earliest childhood memory of taking initiative was exploring nature on my own. One of our first homes during my preschool years had a large backyard with a rock path and bushes and parts to it that as a small child you could hide. My parents always let me explore and play outside on my own. I remember vaguely going on a play date to someone else’s home and never being out of sight of parents.
A specific memory I have from this age is a time I was mad at my mother and “ran away.” I went to the backyard because it felt like another world to me. I took a blanket and stuffed animals and made a cozy area behind a bush. My mother knew the yard was safe and gated, that there was no where for me to get lost or out but she usually had me come in at dark. This day she didn’t. My mother knew I was upset and really wanted to be alone, though she did come into my secret corner and drop off snacks and an apple juice. I remember this especially because she gave me the apple juice that came in a soda can that only my big sister got in her lunches.
This story aligns with my understanding of individualist cultures because I wanted to be out in the world on my own and my mother gave me the opportunity to feel like I was. My mother wanted me to be capable without her but never giving too much freedom where things became chaos. This day she let me go out into the world of our backyard alone and in the dark but still made sure I was fed and cared for so that when I was sleepy I felt safe and welcomed to come back inside.
As I matured I entered stage four, Industry vs. Inferiority. Children at this age are becoming more aware of themselves as individuals. They work hard at being responsible, being good and doing it right. They are now more reasonable to share and cooperate. (Allen and Marotz, 2003). When I entered middle school I always felt like I needed to be talking to or being with friends. In eighth grade I lived very close to a few friends and we always wanted to go home together after school and talk on the phone for hours. I didn’t dislike my family but my world started to revolve more around my school life. One night I had snuck out of my house and met a friend at the park all within three blocks or so from both of our homes. It was late and dark out but all we did was play on the swings and slides and sat on the play structure and talked. I was probably gone only a half an hour because of course I was scared to walk home in the dark and also get caught by my parents. When I got to the front of my house to sneak back in my dad was out front smoking a cigarette. I was terrified that I was caught and instantly regretted my decision. My dad standing in my path to the door just said “Hey, have fun?” I replied with “Yeeeeeah?” and he said “OK goodnight and walked inside and locked the door. I wasn’t reprimanded and my father never told my mom what I did but he made a point for me to have to sneak back in through my window and I knew he was watching me.
This experience at first gave me competence when I was able to get out and around in the dark without an adult but also taught me that I wasn’t invincible and still needed adult guidance. I felt safe and loved knowing my dad was waiting up and worried about me but I didn’t feel threatened or inferior because my dad didn’t yell at me. My choices demonstrated Erickson’s fourth developmental stage when I was making sense of my capabilities, deciding what I could and could not do in my world of home and school (Erikson, J. 1988).
I believe this experience helped demonstrated interpersonal skills because I was able to interpret my dads thoughts and feelings and gage that he loved and cared for me but it wasn’t safe for me to be doing that. This was one of many experiences where I learned about my own competence in the world.
My adolescent years, 12-18, involved a lot of change and different structure in my family and outside life. I lived in one city until I was 14 and moved about an hour away when I was 16. My parents are still married but I watched them go through difficult times in their relationship, financially and with their careers. I also grew up watching my mother struggle with alcohol addiction and depression which either involved being involved too much in my parent’s battles or being in the dark not communicating. I started a very serious romantic relationship and started to worry heavily about my future and next step.
My life during this stage five, Identity vs. Role Confusion, revolved around cheerleading and working at a gymnastics facility. Erikson identifies this stage as being newly concerned with how you appear to others and the ability to settle on a school or occupational identity is pleasant. I feel like this stage aligned with my life completely. I knew cheerleading and was something I was great at and it played a huge part in me growing up because I was able to turn cheerleading and dance into future work as an adult. Now reflecting back I can see it was an escape from my life at home and gave me validation as my own person. It was something that was my own and I didn’t mess up at it, getting credit from my parents, coaches and bosses as an asset gave me a sense of worth.
Erikson’s stage five asks the questions; who are you? How do you see the world? How do you see yourself? I was developing an integrated sense of self; at this time I thought I was answering these questions. I relied heavily on my relationship and really felt like being a wife and mother was my calling in life and focused on being with my boyfriend and finding a sense of belonging there. I started to show a lot of dependency on him in my later adolescence.
Also during this time my friends, boyfriend and work peers became more part of my identity than my family.
My parents did have a big role on the way I saw the world though. They are both very adamant about “street smarts” being important without a lot of emphasis on school work. It was important for me to get a job and start managing money and learning how to support myself and budget. There were definitely a few teachers who helped me reach my capabilities more than my parents and encouraged me regarding studies. I think that I had a lot of trust and guidance from adults during these years so I generally felt safe and loved through this time. I was not always pushed but I was never hovered over or left without a voice.
Peers didn’t seem to have a huge impact on me. I never really felt inclined to be apart of a group or have a lot of friends. The few friends I had in high school were a year older than me. When they graduated I didn’t hang out with large groups and seemed to be alone more. I didn’t care to drink or party as some juniors and seniors in high school would, so part of me thinks being in a serious relationship at this time prevented me from embracing other tasks in Erickson’s stage five. I was ready and looking forward to being an adult and having my own family.
Erik Erikson assumes that a crisis occurs at each stage of development. According to Bee (1992), what should happen at the end of stage five is “a reintegrated sense of self, of what one wants to do or be, and of one’s appropriate sex role”. During this stage the body image of the adolescent changes. I think that the general public could agree that this stage above all else, ages 12-18, can be referred to as a “crisis.”
Adolescence was a time where I was learning what I could and couldn’t get away with in the “adult world.” I was learning from the premise of social standards what was expected from me as a woman. “Emotional intelligence” is looked at as a feminine trait (Gilligan, 2011). I think men are often too afraid to show or admit to having emotions towards decisions, ideas and people for that matter and I learned early on that being vulnerable is not exceptional; it is human; just as Carol Gilligan stated. I think we have been conditioned as a society that being vulnerable is weak.
I actually see my gender identification now as socially more pressure to be strong and independent. Looking back in my adolescence in the 80’s and early 90’s there were still many influences to be “girly” Easy Bake Ovens and Barbies were all that were directed towards girls then and there wasn’t emphasis later as to women doing jobs that men could do. High school was still geared for women to proceed with gender specific careers.
“Their resilience is compromised when they find they must silence their honest voices in order to be accepted and loved” (Gilligan, 2011). An experience I can relate to my resilience being compromised as an adolescent and a gender identity development milestone was when my boyfriend cheated on me during my junior year of high school. I was devastated and couldn’t imagine moving on without him and being alone. Already at the time I had the expectations put on me to give him another chance and forgive because everyone makes mistakes. I was pressured to recover with him because I knew relationships were work and the social pressures told me I wouldn’t be a “good girl” to not forgive him. I was scared to start over.
We have stereo typed girls to be weak and men to be strong. At times in my relationships I have succumbed to this notion. My personal experience of “codes and scripts of patriarchal manhood and womanhood” revolves around my decision to follow a lifestyle that supports the stereotypes put upon women. I felt a calling to be a mother and didn’t have the drive at first to be a strong, independent career woman and felt backlash for that as well. So I often feel like we have double standards and “accidently” live out the codes and scripts of patriarchal manhood and womanhood. Then again, I may have succumbed to the gender roles put upon me without even knowing it.
Intimacy vs. Isolation, Stage six, I feel came upon me very quickly and has lingered for such time. Erickson explains this time anywhere from twenty to forty years old as starting with young adults still eager to blend their identities with friends. “They want to fit in. Erikson believes we are sometimes isolated due to intimacy. We are afraid of rejections such as being turned down or our partners breaking up with us. We are familiar with pain, and to some of us, rejection is painful; our egos cannot bear the pain” (Wilder, 2003). I remember milestones in my life that made me feel as if I was reaching adulthood-or not. I was always “mature for my age,” when I was 17 and 18 all I wanted to do was get married and have babies. I had been in a relationship since I was 14 and was ready for the story book life of the little house and the dog and one day kids. Well, I wasn’t really quite ready financially or any other way and neither was my boyfriend, so when I graduated high school I set off to move closer to him by renting a room from his Aunt’s home. I knew this was a crutch, I was living with other adults that were just like parents; my father even paid my first months rent. I knew I wasn’t an adult yet. When I packed up my car to move I popped a tire 25 minutes away from my parent’s home and called my dad to come help me; I knew I wasn’t an adult yet. When my living situation got unbearable and roommate plans fell through I ended up back at my parents, not yet an adult. My boyfriend and I moved away to Vegas together when we were 20, who did we live with? My parents!
Our first apartment a year into living in Vegas I finally felt like an adult. I paid bills, worked cooked our own food. We got a dog. I went to look at a puppy at the shelter and they let me fill out paper work and take a dog home all on my own. I was twenty one and had a home and a dog, got engaged, I felt like an adult. Since that moment there have been many, many more that brought me down to reality and made me feel like a child. I was fired from my first big time job at 22 and felt like my world was crashing apart, I needed my parent’s support and that always resonated with me as not making it as an adult. Erickson’s stage six completely aligns with my twenties as I was so focused on merging my life with another’s. My identity was formed around my boyfriend.
We were married when I was 25 and separated by the time I was 27. The months after my then husband moving out were the biggest defining moments in adult life. Everything that happened up until then was the gear up to me feeling like an adult. Each day that I came home to my home, my dogs, my own things and choices I felt more like an adult. Since my divorce my sense of adultness has changed. My view isn’t if I lean on my parents or others for support, it’s in the knowing that I can and do handle it all myself when I need to. The year after my separation was altering in that I now can look to myself for fulfillment instead of only in a partner.
The adult stage of generativity, the seventh stage, has broad application to family, relationships, work, and society. “Generativity, then is primarily the concern in establishing and guiding the next generation... the concept is meant to include... productivity and creativity” (Slater, 2003). This middle adulthood stage resonates with me because as a teacher I acquired concern of guiding the next generation. Socially-valued work and disciplines are expressions of generativity so I feel like I experience young adulthood and middle adulthood all at once. I do believe this is why Erikson’s theory is not a concrete age for these stages and it has been mentioned that the completion of one stage needs to be completed before moving on to the next stage; but what if that happens much later? In my case the first five stages I identified with as coming very soon in my life to the age demographic. Stage six has seemed to linger and will linger as I am almost thirty years old but I also identify greatly with stage seven. As my grandparent and parents get older I reflect more that my time will run out sooner than later. I find myself reflecting on stage sevens eternal question, “Can I make my life count?”
My grandparents have a different view on life than I do though, mainly because they have lived through stage seven and have either made their life count, or feel they have not. Stage eight, “Ego Integrity vs. Despair” refers to the late and last stage of life. Generally this is sixty-five to death. A great explanation of this stage as stated by Joan Erikson is “As we grow older and become senior citizens we tend to slow down our productivity and explore life as a retired person. It is during this time that we contemplate our accomplishments and are able to develop integrity if we see ourselves as leading a successful life. If we see our life as unproductive, or feel that we did not accomplish our life goals, we become dissatisfied with life and develop despair, often leading to depression and hopelessness.”
As I reflected on this stage I had a conversation with both of my grandparents. My Grandfather who is 85yrs old thought Erik Erickson’s stage 8 was “psycho babble” while my Grandma who is 72yrs thought it was “probably a true reflection.” My grandpa is in more of a denial and coping stage of old age. He has a hard time accepting help from people and really doesn’t handle being sick or in pain well. It’s frustrating for him and doesn’t enjoy reflecting on his life or his old age.
My grandma is very in tune with making her life and others enjoyable with what she has left. She takes time to keep herself happy and has a sense of faith and peace with becoming old. I think this may have to do with my grandma being in good physical health still and she commented in the interview that she does not feel old.
My questions involved reflection on most significant and challenging parts of life, if they felt “old” and if they would do things differently. While my grandmother does not feel old or even in stage eight my grandfather noted that he is and wishes he could do more physical things. My grandmother’s greatest experiences were children when my grandfather noted more about his Marine Corps experience.
Though my grandparents have a thirteen year age difference they reflected in the same realm to my last question, “What advice would you give me?” Advice from Grandpa: “Back off the “gotta have” crap. Think less about the big TV, new car, smart phone and other worries such as second hand smoke, gluten, saturated fat, etc.” Advice from Grandma: “Make good choices that you know you will not regret. Laugh, love, and find inner peace through God.”
As I reflect on my interview with my grandparents about stage eight I realize that it may not be easy to go through. In a perpetual stage five myself, I often think “next year, another chance.” I realize that there isn’t always another chance even when you have many more years to live.
I feel more strongly than ever to make a conscience effort to enjoy life day by day. It is very easy to let time slip by and think you will be happy once college is done, or a new job starts, or the house is bought and the pounds are lost. Every elder will tell you the “things” don’t matter so much when you are older. I want to make connections and relationships and have experiences that I can reflect on later in life that will add to my story and help enlighten and bring joy to others.
Through the learning and engulfing myself into this theory, this class and this paper I have taken away so many lessons. Sometimes other’s opinions are helpful and needed, even when you think you don’t want them. Often you are smarter, stronger and more capable than you thought, but it’s also okay not to be and ask for help. Most of all everyone is human, we have different experiences that shape our thoughts and beliefs and we all deserve empathy and guidance. It’s not always what you have been through but what you will do with the experiences you have to change the world.
Resource List
Allen, Eileen; Marotz, Lynn (2003). Developmental Profiles Pre-Birth Through Twelve (4th ed.). Albany, NY: Thomson Delmar Learning.
Bee, H. L. (1992). The developing child. London: HarperCollins
Cherry, K. (2012). Attachment. Psychology. Retrieved from
Erikson, E. H. (1963). Childhood and society. New York, NY: W.W. Norton & Company, Ltd.
Erikson, J. (1988). Wisdom and the senses: The ways of creativity. New York, NY: W.W. Norton & Company.
Gilligan, Carol. 2011. "Looking Back to Look Forward: Revisiting In a Different
Voice." Classics@, Issue 9, "Defense Mechanisms,"
Slater, Charles L. (2003), "Generativity versus stagnation: An elaboration of Erikson's adult stage of human development", Journal of Adult Development 10 (1): 53–65
Wilder, E. (2003). Retrieved from: "The theoretical basis for the life model, Appendix B: Research and resources on human development".
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