JFK Group Essay Revision #2 - Robert Lindblom Math ...



Obama Group Essay Revision #2

1. General Formatting: Make sure the essay…

a. is typed in 12 point Times New Roman Font

b. is double spaced

c. has 1 inch margins

d. has a proper MLA heading in the top left:

Beyonce Knowles, Jennifer Hudson, Chris Brown, and Keri Hilson

Ms. Mueller

Honors Language and Comp

27 February 2012

2. Introduction: Work TOGETHER to write a strong introduction.

a. Make sure the last sentence of your introduction is your thesis. (What is your main argument and how do you plan to prove it?)

b. Do you note the speaker, audience, and purpose?

c. Take out any information that is not relevant. Only include information that you think contributes to the effectiveness of the speech as a whole.

3. Conclusion: Work TOGETHER to write a strong conclusion.

a. Make sure you reword your thesis near the beginning of the paragraph.

b. Make sure you end with a strong final statement or thought.

c. Answer the “So what?” Your conclusion should give the reader a sense of completeness.

4. Transitions/Organization

a. Are transitions used between paragraphs?

b. Are transitions used to link ideas?

c. Do you need to add or merge paragraphs to better organize your argument?

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The following are based on all grammar lessons from this year. You will need to look back at your notes and handouts for each grammar lesson for a refresher on the rules. I will expect all of these grammar issues to be addressed when I look at your final draft!

1. Appositives

a. Are your appositives punctuated correctly?

b. Where can you incorporate appositives to smooth choppy language?

2. Fragments

a. Fix all fragments. All sentences should have a subject and a verb. Remember: a dependent clause by itself is a fragment!

3. Parallel Structures

a. Fix faulty parallelism.

b. Use parallelism to create a rhythm and emphasize key ideas.

4. Pronouns

a. Correlate all pronouns with the third person to ensure appropriate pronoun-antecedent agreement.

b. Correct all errors that result from sexist pronouns.

5. Direct, precise, and active verbs

a. Search for “to be” verbs (is, are, was, were, etc.) and replace with action verbs.

b. Search for passive verbs and change to active verbs.

6. Coordination in Compound Sentences

a. Eliminate comma splices by using a coordinating conjunction (FANBOYS), a semicolon, or a period.

b. Combine choppy sentences by using a coordinating conjunction or a conjunctive adverb (however, indeed, thus, moreover, in fact, therefore, nevertheless).

7. Concise Diction

a. Identify awkward or pretentious diction and revise to improve clarity. Ask yourself these questions when you are revising for diction: Have I found the best word or just settled for the most obvious, or the easiest, one? Am I trying too hard to impress my reader?

8. Less vs. Fewer

a. Check to see if you use either word. If you do, make sure your usage is correct.

9. Who vs. Whom

a. Check to see if you use either word. If you do, make sure your usage is correct.

10. Sentence Patterns/Sentence Combining

a. Use your SENTENCE PATTERNS sheet to incorporate a variety of sentence types.

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Other grammar issues that I noticed in your previous essay samples:

1. Quotes

a. Make sure all quotes are connected to your own words. Don’t DUMP quotes!

b. Make sure there is a comma following the explanatory phrase. If the quote ends a sentence, make sure a period is before the last quotation mark. Other types of punctuation (commas, exclamation points, question marks) go inside the end quote, too.

i. Obama says, “Ms. Mueller is the best.”

c. Make sure quotes are correctly quoted.

d. When analyzing Obama’s diction, put quotes around or italicize the specific word(s) you are analyzing.

2. Subject/Verb Agreement

a. Subject/verb agreement means that the subject of the sentence must agree with the verb of the sentence in number. That means that when a writer chooses a singular subject, the verb connected to that subject must also be singular in form. If the subject is plural, then the verb must also be plural.

o That student sings in the school choir. (singular subject + a singular verb)

o Those students sing in the school choir. (plural subject+ plural verb)

3. Capitalization

a. Words that are capitalized: Catholic, Democrat, Republican, President, God, Vice President, Inaugural Address, Cold War

b. Check all capitalization. For instance, I saw the words Audience, Group, and Ally capitalized in the middle of sentences!

4. Possessives

a. Look at words that end with –s. Check and make sure that you didn’t forget to make a possessive –s.

5. Write out contractions.

6. Verb tense

a. When discussing the speech, write in the present tense. For instance, “Obama says…” instead of “Obama said…” and “Obama wants…” instead of “Obama wanted…”

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