Languages - Passivation
Worldwide
Marriage Encounter
Languages
Of
Love
Images of
Languages of Love
Different “Languages”
➢ Different “Dialects”
➢ Emotional “Love Tank”
Emotional Love Tank
On a scale of 0 to 10 (0 the lowest and 10 the highest) how full is my love tank right now?
10 _________
9 __________
8 __________
7 __________
6 __________
5 __________
4 __________
3 __________
2 __________
1 __________
0 __________
Five Love Languages
Profile
HOW TO USE THIS PROFILE
The profiling system, developed by Jim Toole in cooperation with Gary Chapman, will assist you in discovering your primary love language. For those who are certain they already know their primary love language, the profile will serve as confirmation. For those not quite sure which love language is their primary one, the profile will bring clarification.
The format is simple. You will be presented with 30 pairs of statements. Read each pair with this question in mind: Which of these would I prefer to receive from my spouse? You may enjoy both expressions of love, but if you could have only one, which would you, choose? After you have made your choice, circle the X at the end of the statement. Be sure to circle only one X for each set of statements.
For example, if you think that “I like to receive notes of affirmation” describes you better than “I like it when you hug me,” draw a circle around the X in the first statement.
I like to receive notes of affirmation X
I like it when you hug me X
| | | | | | |
| |A |B |C |D |E |
| | | | | | |
|I like to receive notes of affirmation from you . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |. X | | | | |
|I like it when you hug me . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |. . |. . |. . |. . |. X |
| | | | | | |
|I like to spend one-to-one time with you . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |. . . .|. X | | | |
|I feel loved when you give practical help to me . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . | |. . |. . |. X | |
| | | | | | |
|I like it when you give me gifts . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |. . . .|. . |. X | | |
|I like taking long walks with you . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . | |. X | | | |
| | | | | | |
|I feel loved when you do things to help me . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |. . |. . |. . |. X | |
|I feel loved when you touch me . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |. . |. . |. . |. . |. X |
| | | | | | |
|I feel loved when you hold me in your arms . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |. . |. . |. . |. . |. X |
|I feel loved when I receive a gift from you . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |. . |. . |. X | | |
| | | | | | |
| |A |B |C |D |E |
| | | | | | |
|I like to go places with you . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |. . . .|. X | | | |
|I like to hold hands with you . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . | |. . |. . |. . |. X |
| | | | | | |
|Visible symbols of love (gifts) are very important to me . . . . . . . . . |. . |. . |. X | | |
|I feel loved when you affirm me . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |. X | | | | |
| | | | | | |
|I like to sit close to you . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |. . |. . |. . |. . |. X |
|I like for you to tell me I am attractive/handsome . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |. X | | | | |
| | | | | | |
|I like to spend time with you . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |. . . .|. X | | | |
|I like to receive little gifts from you . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . | |. . |. X | | |
| | | | | | |
|Your words of acceptance are important to me . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |. X | | | | |
|I know you love me when you help me . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |. . |. . |. . |. X | |
| | | | | | |
|I like to be together when we do things . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |. . |. X | | | |
|I like the kind words you say to me . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |. X | | | | |
| | | | | | |
|What you do affects me more than what you say . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |. . . .|. . . .|. . . .|. X | |
|I feel whole when we hug . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . | | | |. . |. X |
| | | | | | |
|I value your praise and try to avoid your criticism . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |. X | | | | |
|Several inexpensive gifts from you mean more to me than one large | | | | | |
|gift . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |. . |. . |. X | | |
| | | | | | |
|I feel close when we are talking or doing something together. . . . . . |. . . .|. X | | | |
|I feel closer to you when you touch me often . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . | |. . |. . |. . |. X |
| | | | | | |
|I like for you to compliment my achievements . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |. X | | | | |
|I know you love me when you do things for me that you don’t | | | | | |
|enjoy doing . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |. . |. . |. . |. X | |
| | | | | | |
|I like for you to touch me when you walk by . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |. . . .|. . |. . |. . |. X |
|I like it when you listen to me sympathetically . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . | |. X | | | |
| | | | | | |
|I feel loved when you help me with my jobs around the house . . . . . |. . . .|. . . .|. . |. X | |
|I really enjoy receiving gifts from you . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . | | |. X | | |
| | | | | | |
|I like for you to compliment my appearance . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |. X | | | | |
|I feel loved when you take time to understand my feelings . . . . . . . |. . |. X | | | |
| | | | | | |
|I feel secure when you are touching me . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |. . |. . |. . |. . |. X |
|Your acts of service make me feel loved . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |. . |. . |. . |. X | |
| | | | | | |
|I appreciate the many things you do for me . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |. . . .|. . . .|. . |. X | |
|I like receiving gifts that you make . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . | | |. X | | |
| | | | | | |
| |A |B |C |D |E |
| | | | | | |
|I really enjoy the feeling I get when you give me your undivided | | | | | |
|attention . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |. . |. X | | | |
|I really enjoy the feeling I get when you do some act of service for | | | | | |
|me . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |. . |. . |. . |. X | |
| | | | | | |
|I feel loved when you celebrate my birthday with a gift . . . . . . . . . . |. . |. . |. X | | |
|I feel loved when you celebrate my birthday with meaningful words (written or spoken) . . . . . . . . . . | | | | | |
|. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |. X | | | | |
| | | | | | |
|I know you are thinking of me when you give me a gift . . . . . . . . . . |. . |. . |. X | | |
|I feel loved when you help out with my chores . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |. . |. . |. . |. X | |
| | | | | | |
|I appreciate it when you listen patiently and don’t interrupt me . . . . |. . |. X | | | |
|I appreciate it when you remember special days with a gift . . . . . . . |. . |. . |. X | | |
| | | | | | |
|I like to know you are concerned enough to help with my daily | | | | | |
|tasks . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |. . |. . |. . |. X | |
|Giving me a gift for no special occasion excites me . . . . . . . . . . . . . |. . |. X | | | |
| | | | | | |
|Kissing me unexpectedly excites me . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |. . |. . |. . |. . |. X |
|I appreciate it when you remember special days with a gift . . . . . . . |. . |. . |. X | | |
| | | | | | |
|I like to be told that you appreciate me . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |. X | | | | |
|I like for you to look at me when you are talking . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |. . |. X | | | |
| | | | | | |
|Your gifts are always special to me . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |. . . .|. . |. X | | |
|I feel good when you are touching me . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . | |. . |. . |. . |. X |
| | | | | | |
|I feel loved when you enthusiastically do some task I have | | | | | |
|requested . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |. . |. . |. . |. X | |
|I feel loved when you tell me how much you appreciate me . . . . . . |. X | | | | |
| | | | | | |
|I need to be touched every day . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |. . . X|. . |. . |. . |. X |
|I need your words of affirmation daily . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . | | | | | |
| | | | | | |
|Total each column (All 5 columns should equal 30) | | | | | |
|(No one column will have more than 12) | | | | | |
When you finish the profile, total each column vertically.
Dialogue/Sharing
Dialogue Question:
What are my feelings as we begin this enrichment?
Sharing Questions:
Share how you felt when your emotional love tank was FULL during your dating days.
What did your spouse do that helped you feel loved?
What were our early dating days like? Describe a few dates that stand out to you.
Is marital bliss unattainable -- why or why not?
The media has “images” of what love is. How does this affect how I love my spouse or how I view how my spouse loves me?
Sharing Guidelines
➢ share yourself only, and not your spouse or about your spouse.
➢ share your thoughts, your feelings, and your needs.
➢ if you have a tendency to talk a lot -- please be brief.
➢ if you are the silent type -- please make an effort to share as others are enriched by your lived experience.
➢ Confidentiality and acceptance are what makes sharing so special and powerful -- what is shared in this room stays in this room-- TRUST is very important.
➢ Turn off the urge to:
➢ finish someone else's sentence.
➢ interrupt anyone else's sharing.
➢ judge someone else’s sharing -- such as “I agree” or
“I disagree”.
Falling in Love
Indicators:
Not act of will
➢ Effortless and instinctive, requiring
little discipline
➢ Lack of genuine interest in spouse’s
personal growth
List a few things we did when we were falling in love.
|1. | |
|2. | |
|3. | |
Share (in place) what you wrote with your spouse.
Being in Love =
Decision to Love
Indicators:
➢ Emotional but not obsessive
➢ Requires an act of will, effort and discipline
➢ Based on reason
Seeks growth for the spouse
Dialogue/Sharing
Dialogue Question:
Recall a time when I decided to love my spouse. What are my feelings about that?
Sharing Questions:
What did I think when I first heard that love is a decision?
Share a recent experience of deciding to love my spouse.
What makes it difficult for me to love in this way?
We overlook traits when we are in the ‘in love” stage – now they are seen as mountains. How does that happen?
Do I remember an incident that told me the “honeymoon” was over?
The 5
Love Languages
Words of Affirmation
Quality Time
Receiving Gifts
Acts of Service
Physical Touch
Love Language 1
Words of Affirmation
Quality Time
Receiving Gifts
Acts of Service
Physical Touch
Words of Affirmation
Using Words That Build Up
Dialects:
Complimentary Words
➢ You look sharp in that suit.
➢ Do you ever look nice in that dress. WOW!
➢ I really appreciate you washing the dishes tonight.
➢ I really appreciate you taking out the garbage.
Encouraging Words
➢ You’re the best engineer for that job. You can do it!
➢ If you want to be an artist, you should try it! You are really good.
Kind Words
➢ I understand why you forgot to stop at the store. Don’t worry about it, we can go together.
➢ It’s okay if my new suit isn’t pressed. I can wear the other one to the meeting.
Request Words
➢ I love those apple pies you make, would it be possible for you to make one for me this week?
➢ I would like to spend some time with you. Could we go to a movie tonight?
Words of Praise
➢ You are a wonderful father.
➢ You have a wonderful way of working with people. You sure do help everyone to be a part of the group.
Words of Thanks
➢ Thank you for taking that phone call for me, I wasn’t really up to it.
➢ Thanks for being home on time; it helped me to feel more relaxed about being ready to leave on time.
Exercise
List Some Of Your Spouse’s Positive Traits:
1. __________________________________________________
2. __________________________________________________
3. __________________________________________________
4. __________________________________________________
5. __________________________________________________
6. __________________________________________________
Examples of Positive Traits:
➢ He hasn’t missed a day of work in 12 years.
➢ He makes the house payment every month.
➢ He mows the lawn every week.
➢ He carries out the garbage every week without me asking.
➢ She makes the beds every day.
➢ She is a very neat housekeeper.
➢ She is a great cook.
➢ She does the washing and most of the ironing.
1. Share (in place) what you wrote with your spouse.
2. Express verbal appreciation to your spouse for one or two things on your list.
Exercise
Write down two things that helped you feel loved, because your spouse verbally affirmed you for positive traits they saw in you.
1. _______________________________________________
2. _______________________________________________
Dialogue Question:
How do I feel when my spouse says positive things about me?
Commitment:
At least once per week, verbally affirm your spouse for a quality or something they do.
Love Language 2
✓ Words of Affirmation
Quality Time
Receiving Gifts
Acts of Service
Physical Touch
Quality Time
Doing Things Together
The Activity Is Incidental
Undivided Attention is Key
Quality Time
Dialects:
Quality Conversation
➢ Share experiences thoughts, feelings, desires, in friendly uninterrupted context
➢ Desire to understand spouse
➢ Listening -- with heart, head, whole body
➢ Draw spouse out with gentle nurturing questions
➢ Examples
➢ Just the two of you going out for dinner and talking
➢ Going for a walk and talking and listening
➢ Turning off the TV and talking to each other
Quality Activities
➢ experience something together
➢ one of you wants to do activity
➢ other spouse is willing to do activity
➢ both of you know WHY you are doing activity
➢ examples
➢ walk in the park
➢ camping
➢ movie, play or symphony orchestra
➢ renting a movie just for the two of you
➢ going to a baseball or football game
Exercise
Learning to Talk:
List 3 things that happened to you yesterday or today and what was the feeling that you had at the time:
1. __________________________
Feeling: _____________________
2. __________________________
Feeling: _____________________
3. __________________________
Feeling: _____________________
Exercise
Make two lists:
1) List activities that I would like my spouse to do with me
a) ________________________________________
b) ________________________________________
c) ________________________________________
d) ________________________________________
e) ________________________________________
2) List activities that I think my spouse would like me to do with him/her
a) ________________________________________
b) ________________________________________
c) ________________________________________
d) ________________________________________
e) ________________________________________
3) Share (in place) with your spouse what you wrote.
Dialogue/Sharing
Dialogue Question:
Share a recent time you spent just with each other. What are my feelings as I remember this time?
Sharing Questions:
What new thing did I learn in this presentation and exercise?
How important is “Quality Time” to me?
What makes our time together “Quality time” for me?
What have you done recently with your spouse that you knew he/she would enjoy -- even if it was not a favorite for you?
Commitment:
At least once per month do an activity with your spouse that they like to do. This is a choice by you, not a requirement from your spouse.
Love Language 3
✓ Words of Affirmation
✓ Quality Time
Receiving Gifts
Acts of Service
Physical Touch
Receiving Gifts
Visible Symbol Of Love
Cost Of Gift Does Not Matter
Dialects:
Purchased, Found Or Made Gift
➢ Box of candy
➢ Flower from the garden
➢ Homemade card
➢ A Thinking of YOU card
➢ Hidden “love” notes
➢ Batch of cookies
Gift Of Self
➢ Birth of a child
➢ Illness
You may wish to look at the gift as an
Inve$tment
in your Relationship
Exercise
Make a list of all the gifts your spouse has expressed excitement about receiving through the years. (These can be gifts from you or from others.)
1. _______________________________________________
2. _______________________________________________
3. _______________________________________________
4. _______________________________________________
List at least 2 gifts that your spouse gave you that helped you feel loved and special.
1. _______________________________________________
2. _______________________________________________
Share (in place) what you wrote with your spouse.
Sharing
Remember:
We are talking about all kinds of gifts here, not just gifts that are expensive, or even purchased. The bouquet of wild flowers is a gift of love.
Sharing Questions:
How important is giving/receiving gifts to me in expressing or experiencing love?
Share a time when you gave a gift and it was not received the way you expected it to be received.
Share a gift that you received that continues to be significant to you today.
Do I look at gifts that are purchased differently than gifts that are made or found? In what way?
Commitment:
At least once per week, surprise your spouse with a gift of love. Remember that it can be a simple flower or a night out to dinner, but it needs to be something you give in order to lift up your spouse with love.
Love Language 4
✓ Words of Affirmation
✓ Quality Time
✓ Receiving Gifts
Acts of Service
Physical Touch
Acts of Service
Doing Things For Your Spouse
Done Freely With Positive Spirit
Seen As Sign Of Love By Receiver
Acts of Service
Dialects:
Routine Tasks
➢ Emptying the dishwasher
➢ Vacuuming the living room
➢ Washing the bathroom floor
➢ Doing the laundry
Special Projects
➢ Cooking a special meal
➢ Fixing the screen on the front door
➢ Painting a bedroom
➢ Organizing the garage
Impediments to
Acts of Service
1. What we do for each other before marriage is no indication of what we will do after marriage.
2. Love is a choice and cannot be coerced.
3. Learning the love language of acts of service will require some of us to reexamine our stereotypes of the roles of husbands and wives.
4. Requests give direction to love; demands stop the flow of love and can be seen as treating our spouse as an object.
5. Criticisms can dry up our love tanks. Criticism can give us a clue about our spouse’s love language as people tend to criticize their spouse most loudly in the area where they themselves have the deepest emotional need.
Exercise
List 4 things that would help you feel loved if your spouse did them for you. (REMEMBER: these are requests, not demands. You have no right to EXPECT your spouse to do them.)
|1. | |
|2. | |
|3. | |
|4. | |
Now list 4 things that you think would help your spouse feel loved if you did them for him/her.
|1. | |
|2. | |
|3. | |
|4. | |
Share (in place) what you wrote with your spouse.
Dialogue/Sharing
Dialogue Question:
Recall an act of service from my spouse or when I tried to love via an act of service. What are my feelings remembering this time?
Sharing Questions:
How important is this love language to me?
Name a time when I did an act of service for my spouse – did I do it for them as a way to express my love for them OR was I looking for a compliment from my spouse?
How do I feel when I do an act of service for my spouse that he/she does not notice?
Name a time when my spouse surprised me with an act of service.
“Routine Tasks” versus “Special Tasks” which means more to me as an act of service? Why?
Commitment:
At least once per week, surprise your spouse with an act of service that he/she would not expect.
Love Language 5
✓ Words of Affirmation
✓ Quality Time
✓ Receiving Gifts
✓ Acts of Service
Physical Touch
Physical Touch
Powerful Communicator Of Love
Dialects:
Implicit touches
➢ Sitting close to spouse
➢ Touch spouse as you walk into a room
➢ Kiss as you leave and return home
➢ Hugging
Explicit touches
➢ Back massage
➢ Dancing
➢ Sexual Touch/ Intercourse
Touch in Crisis
➢ Illness of a child
➢ Death of a parent
Exercise
Below is a list of examples of physical touches (dialects???). Please use a rating scale of 1 to 5, where 1 is not at all pleasurable, and 5 is highly pleasurable. On the left side of the page marked “Rating Your Spouse” is a box to write in how you believe your spouse would rate this touch. For example, “Do they like you playing with their hair?” On the right side mark your rating of this physical touch. For example, “Do you like it when your spouse plays with your hair?”
Rating Your Spouse Physical Touch Description Your Own Rating
| |Playing with your hair | |
| |Pinching of cheeks | |
| |Rubbing ears | |
| |Kissing | |
| |Hugging | |
| |Holding hands | |
| |Kissing on the neck | |
| |Back rubs | |
| |Foot massages | |
| |Slow dancing | |
| |Blowing on the ears | |
| |Facial touches | |
| |Sexual intimacy | |
| |(Other) | |
| |(Other) | |
Dialogue
Dialogue Question:
Write about a time when I experienced love from my spouse through physical touch. What are my feelings as I remember this time?
Commitment:
At least once per week, take a 1 minute vacation (hold each other close wherever you are at the moment) for 1 whole minute. If you are in an appropriate place, learn how your spouse needs to be touched at the moment. Simple touches on the face or shoulders say a lot!
Discover Your Primary Love Language
The Hurts
What does my spouse do/fail to do that hurts most deeply?
The Requests
What have I most often requested?
Giving of Love
How do I regularly express love to my spouse?
Others
Look back to dating and early marriage days.
Do an Emotional Love tank check?
Profile Scoring
A = Words of Affirmation
B = Quality Time
C = Receiving Gifts
D = Acts of Service
E = Physical Touch
How To Interpret Your Profile Score
Your highest score indicates your primary love language. Your second highest score indicates your secondary love language. If your two highest scores are identical, you are bilingual (you have two primary love languages). If the scores of your primary language and your secondary language are close (for example, 10 and 8 respectively), it indicates both are important to you. Whatever your spouse does to express love in either of these languages will get emotional points with you.
Exercise
Answer the following questions:
What does my spouse do/fail to do that hurts most deeply? The opposite of what hurts you the most is probably your love language.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
What have I most often requested of my spouse? They are likely the things that help you feel most loved!
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
In what way do I regularly express love to my spouse? Your method maybe an indication of how you would like to be loved!
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Exercise
What do I think my primary love language is?
_______________________________________________
List the other 4 love languages in the order of preference:
|2. | |4. | |
|3. | |5. | |
Now, write down what you think your spouse’s primary love language is:
_________________________________________________
After completing the above questions, discuss what you have written with your spouse.
Sharing Questions:
What did I discover in this session, about myself and how I need to love my spouse?
Speaking your spouse’s language of love is difficult for you. How you plan to overcome that challenge?
Share a meaningful time that helped you discover your language of love?
Commitment
Conversion of heart:
➢ Take responsibility for feelings
➢ Share them – listen and accept
Conversion of mind:
➢ Take responsibility for thoughts
➢ learn and understand
Conversion of habit:
➢ Take responsibility for behavior
➢ make responsible choices
commitment
Commitment:
make it a habit to love your spouse each day in his/her love Language, if possible.
commit to continued growth in intimacy by attending other enrichments. Learn to love each other better so that your Sacrament can be a beautiful sign of Christ’s love.
Do I feel closer and more intimate with my spouse because of what I have learned today?
Yes _____ No _____
Am I willing to work so that closeness and intimacy can continue to grow?
Yes _____ No _____
Exercise
What specifically do I plan to do to make this intimacy and closeness grow in our relationship?
1. ___________________________________
2. ___________________________________
3. ___________________________________
4. ___________________________________
5. ___________________________________
6. ___________________________________
7. ___________________________________
8. ___________________________________
Share (in place) what you wrote with your spouse.
dialogue/sharing
Dialogue Question:
discovering my/your love language -- what has been the impact on our relationship? How do I feel about my answer?
Sharing questions:
What specifically do I plan to do to keep working at the language of love for our relationship to help help intimacy and closeness continue to grow?
Are there reminders that will help me follow through with these changes? What kind of reminders would be most helpful?
Speaking A
Love Language
How to relate to a person with this love language
| | | | |
|Love Language |Communication |Actions |What to Avoid |
| | | | |
|Words of Affirmation |Compliments |Send notes/cards |Criticism |
| |Affirmation | | |
| |Kind words | | |
| | | | |
|Quality Time |One-to-one time |Take long walks |Longs periods of |
| |Not interrupting |together |being apart |
| |Face-to-face |Doing things together |More time with |
| |conversation |Taking trips |friends than with |
| | | |spouse |
| | | | |
|Receiving Gifts |Positive |Give gifts on special |Forgetting special |
| |Fact-oriented |occasions and not |days |
| |information |so special | |
| | |occasions | |
| | | | |
|Acts of Service |Action words like: |Helping with house |Ignoring spouse’s |
| |“I Can…” |and yard chores |requests while |
| |“I will…” |Repair/maintenance |helping others |
| |“What else can I do?” |Acts of kindness | |
| | | | |
|Physical Touch |A lot of nonverbals |Touches |Physical neglect or |
| |Verbals need to be |Hugs |abuse |
| |word pictures |Pats | |
| | |Kisses | |
Love Language Commitments
WORDS of AFFIRMATION:
At least once per week, verbally affirm your spouse for a quality or something they do.
QUALITY TIME:
Once per week do an activity that your spouse would like you to do with them. This is a choice by you, not a requirement from your spouse.
RECEIVING GIFTS:
At least once per week, surprise your spouse with a gift of love. Remember that it can be a simple wild flower or a night out to dinner, but it needs to be something you give in order to lift up your spouse with your love.
ACTS OF SERVICE:
At least once a week, surprise your spouse with an act of service that he/she was not expecting.
PHYSICAL TOUCH:
At least once per week, take a one minute vacation (hold each other close wherever you are at that moment for one whole minute) and if you are in an appropriate place, learn how your spouse needs to be touched at that moment. (Simple touches on the face, hair or shoulders say a lot!)
EMOTIONAL LOVE TANK GAME: TANK CHECK
Once per week when you come home one of you says to the other, “On a scale of zero to ten how is your love tank tonight?” Zero means empty and ten means, “I’m full of love and can’t handle any more.” You give a reading on your emotional love tank zero to ten indicating how full it is. Your spouse says, “What could I do to help fill it?” When you make a suggestion (something you would like your spouse to do or say that evening) to the best of their ability they will respond to your request. Then you repeat the process but you exchange roles so that both of you have an opportunity to do a reading on your Emotional love tank and make a suggestion towards filling it. If you play the game for three weeks, you will be hooked on it and it can be a playful way of stimulating love expressions in your marriage.
Enrichment Evaluation
What do you believe is your primary love language? ___________________
(Please circle one) Male Female
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|what can we do specifically to improve . . . | |
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|Workbook | |
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|Were the exercises clear: If not why not? | |
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|Were the dialogue questions helpful? | |
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|Were the sharing questions helpful? | |
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Please put any general comments on the back. Thanks!!!
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