Identifying underlying feelings
Identifying underlying feelingsThis tool will help you gain a deeper understanding of the underlying feelings a speaker may be expressing to help you listen with empathy more effectively. Feelings that we experience emotionallyThe feelings we experience emotionally differ based on whether our needs are or are not being fulfilled.When Needs Are Being FulfilledWhen Needs Are Not Being FulfilledGLAD, happy, excited, hopeful, joyful, satisfied, encouraged, confident, inspired, relieved, touched, elatedSAD, lonely, helpless, overwhelmed, dismayed, discouraged, disheartenedPEACEFUL, calm, content, absorbed, expansive, loving, blissful, satisfied, relaxedSCARED, fearful, terrified, nervous, horrified, anxious, lonelyLOVING, warm, affectionate, tender, friendly, sensitiveMAD, angry, aggravated, furious, resentful, disgusted, irritated, annoyed, disappointedPLAYFUL, energetic, invigorated, refreshed, stimulated, alive, eager, giddy, adventurous, enthusiasticCONFUSED, frustrated, troubled, torn, embarrassed, uneasy, worried, concernedRESTED, relaxed, alert, refreshed, energizedTIRED, exhausted, fatigued, indifferent, weary, overwhelmed, helpless, heavyTHANKFUL, grateful, appreciativeUNCOMFORTABLE, pained, uneasy, hurt, miserable, embarrassedFeelings we experience physically Feelings exist in our bodies, not outside of them. Feelings generally have physical sensations associated with them. The idea is to develop awareness of our feelings then consciously choose whether or not to express them.ExpansiveContractedBurningFaintShakyAiry BreathlessAchyChillsFlutteryBubblyCongestedFlushedClammyJumpyBuzzingConstrictedFranticCoolPainedLightDenseHotDampShudderingRadiatingFrozenQuakingDizzyTinglyRelaxedHeavyPoundingFuzzyTremblingShimmeringNumbPulsingGoose-bumpyTwitchingSoftSharpQuiveringNauseousVibratingSparklyTenseSweatingQueasyWarmTightThrobbingWobblyAdapted with the permission of the creator:Jeff Brown, Certified Trainer with the Center for Nonviolent Communication ()Evaluations: indirect expression of feelingsThe following expressions can be considered evaluations rather than feelings. These words say more about what we interpret or judge another person as doing. Use the chart below to help you access the deeper feelings and needs of the speaker while listening with empathy. Note: This list is not designed to be complete or authoritative. When you say or hear this evaluationYou might be feelingYou might be needingAbandonedLonely, terrified, hurt, sad, frightenedConnection, belonging, support, caring, nurturingAbusedAngry, frustrated, frightenedCaring, nurturing, support, consideration,physical wellbeing, respectAttackedScared, angrySafetyBelittledAngry, frustrated, tense, distressedRespect, autonomy, to be seen,acknowledgement, appreciationBetrayedAngry, hurt, disappointed, enragedTrust, dependability, honesty, honor, commitment, clarityBlamedAngry, scared, confused, antagonistic, hostile, bewildered, hurtAccountability, causality, fairness, justiceCheatedResentful, hurt, angryHonesty, fairness, justice, trust, reliabilityCoercedAngry, frustrated, frightened, scaredChoice, autonomy, freedomCriticizedScared, anxious, frustrated, angry,embarrassedUnderstanding, acknowledgement, recognition, accountability, acceptanceDisrespectedEmbarrassed, frightened, frustrated, hurt, irritated, angryRespect, appreciation, acknowledgment,consideration, to be seen and valuedIgnoredLonely, scared, hurt, sad, embarrassedConnection, belonging, inclusion, community, participationIncompetentFrustrated, disappointed, worriedProficiency, success, competence,effectiveness, developmentInsultedAngry, embarrassedRespect, consideration, acknowledgment,recognitionInterruptedAngry, frustrated, resentful, hurtRespect, to be heard, considerationIntimidatedScared, anxiousSafety, equality, empowermentManipulatedAngry, scared, powerless, frustratedAutonomy, empowerment, trust, equality, freedom, connection, genuinenessMisunderstoodUpset, angry, frustrated, discouragedTo be heard, understanding, clarityPressuredAnxious, resentful, overwhelmedRelaxation, clarity, space, consideration, easePut downAngry, sad, embarrassedRespect, acknowledgement, understandingRejectedHurt, scared, angryBelonging, inclusion, closeness, to be seen, acknowledgement, connectionThreatened Scared, frightened, alarmed, agitatedSafety, autonomyAdapted with the permission of the creator:Jeff Brown, Certified Trainer with the Center for Nonviolent Communication ()(Originally created and conceived by Marshall Rosenberg)The Center for Nonviolent CommunicationWith contributions from:Tom Carlisi, Compassionate/Nonviolent Communication Coach & Trainer ()Compassionate Communication Center of OhioSource: AMA. Practice transformation series: listening with empathy. 2016. ................
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