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Effective Black Parenting
The Proven Program to Help in Raising Proud, Confident and Healthy African American Children
Center for the Improvement of Child Caring
Curriculum Summary by Tamara Cadet
Additional information on this program can easily be acquired at the Center for the Improvement of Child Caring’s website, . On their website, you will find the instructor training workshop schedule for which you can enroll online. For further information, contact:
Norma Paniagua, Professional Training Coordinator
Center for the Improvement of Child Caring
11331 Ventura Boulevard, Suite 103, Studio City, California 91604
Phone: (800) 325-2422 x110
Fax: (818) 753-1054
Email: norma@
Introduction
This program is the first to teach basic parenting skills from the history and perspective of a specific cultural group, and it is the first to teach basic parenting skills from within an African-American cultural frame of reference. The manual is written from the perspective of an African-American instructor teaching fellow African-Americans. Each program skill is taught through African proverbs, which illustrates the relationship of the skill to the perspective and wisdom of African ancestors. African proverbs are employed to reinforce the program’s position on such controversial issues as the use of spanking and other forms of corporal punishment. This 14-session program takes on issues facing Black children today, such as low self-esteem. It also includes examples of successful Black people. Throughout the sessions, visual charts, transparencies and technical aids foster learning and discussion.
Session 1: The Path to the Pyramid of Success for Black Children
This session begins with a welcome and orientation. Participants assess the following areas: self-descriptions, life goals for Black children, the “necessary child characteristics”— the characteristics this curriculum deems necessary for a child to be successful, what Black parents can do for their children and the “Path to the Pyramid of Success.” The session ends with concluding comments and home activities. The Path to the Pyramid of Success is the foundation on which all other sessions are based. Each session refers to some part of the Pyramid as a means to achieve the session’s goals.
The African proverbs associated with this session are “Children are the reward of life,” and “He who learns, teaches,” which signify that this course is designed to make raising our children a more rewarding experience. Developing the Pyramid of Success for Black children begins with the life goals at the top level and the necessary child characteristics at the second level. Life goals can be categorized into the following:
1. achieve a good job
2. achieve a good education
3. achieve loving and healthy relationships
4. help develop the Black community
5. resist pressures from the “street”
Participants consider child characteristics that are desirable as they begin to develop ideas about what types of adults they would like their children to be. The necessary child characteristics can be categorized as:
1. high self-esteem
2. pride in Blackness
3. self-discipline
4. healthy physical habits
5. good school skills and study habits
The relationship between the life goals and child characteristics are compared, and parents discuss how they can model and teach both the life goals and child characteristics.
Session 2: The Social Learning Theory Ideas
Describing and Counting Child Behaviors
This session covers “social learning” ideas and child behaviors. It builds on the life goals and child characteristics on the Pyramid by acknowledging those characteristics exist in the parents. For example, this session begins with praise for participants for being there – praise for having the discipline to arrange their day to attend the training. Giving praise is the standard opening for each session. Participants review their home study questions, for example, “Why is it necessary for a child to have self-discipline in order to have good school skills and study habits?”
The African proverb for this session is “Knowledge is like a garden: if it is not cultivated, it cannot be harvested,” suggesting that one must first learn the social learning theory. The theory offers two ways humans learn: by watching and copying models and by the consequences of our own behavior. The theory also explains that most behavior is learned and, therefore, can be changed or unlearned. The next African proverb introduced is “The cattle is as good as the pasture in which they are raised,” meaning that children who grow up in homes and neighborhoods that are violent and unstable are more likely to learn to be violent with others and to feel insecure.
Participants then discuss consequences that teach us something about our behavior. There are positive consequences that will motivate children, and there are corrective consequences that teach children not to continue to engage in certain behaviors, and there are consequences that withdraw, or hold back positive consequences, thus teaching children not to engage in certain behaviors.
The session concludes with a discussion about child behaviors. Participants learn definitions of behaviors, think about behavior in terms of its observables (what parents notice), describe behaviors in specific terms, and pinpoint behaviors to be counted. Each parent then receives individual consultation to determine what behaviors to count during the week.
Session 3: The Street to Destruction
The Effective Praise Method
The Extended Black Family
Using charts, this session distinguishes between the Path to the Pyramid of Success and the Street to Destruction. It shows that parents who model and teach hostility and rejection, hatred of Blackness, lack of self-discipline and poor school and health habits, have children who are likely to have low self-esteem, feel shame about Blackness, have little self-discipline and have poor school skills and unhealthy habits. This can lead children to negative life outcomes, such as unemployment, inadequate education, unhealthy personal relationships and involvement in crime and drugs, as well as other undesirable conditions.
A review of the ideas behind social learning theory and child behaviors homework is conducted. The questions are designed to draw parents’ attention to the relationship between positive consequences and respectful behaviors, and to understand the relationship between a positive consequence and the importance of parental attention. This session continues with a review of behavior charting and graphing, whereby parents charted and graphed a particular behavior of their child.
The African proverb associated with this exercise is “Let him speak who has seen with his eyes,” meaning that those who have seen will speak about what they saw. A few parents will share their charting and graphing and suggest reasons for inconsistencies, such as unclear behavior or inadequate observation time. Summaries are offered at the end of the presentation, such as “the behavior seems stable or it is increasing, etc.” Once this component is completed, the session moves into the “effective praise” method with an introduction, presentation of information and a demonstration.
The African proverb, “When the heart overflows, it comes out through the mouth,” is the theme of the effective praise method. This method is described as an excellent way of expressing our love to our children. It also is a very powerful way to motivate them to behave in respectful ways. This method has seven parts, which include the following:
• Looking at the child
• Moving close
• Smiling
• Saying something positive
• Praising the behavior and not the child
• Showing physical affection
• Praise immediately
Participants watch parents role-play, and then they role play with one another. Participants are given the homework assignment to continue counting behaviors and praise their child three times a day. The session ends with a lecture on the involvement of extended family. The African proverb associated with this discussion is “It takes a village to raise a child.” Participants then discuss cooperation, collective responsibility and interdependence.
Session 4: Disciplining: Tradition and Modern
This session begins with a review of participants’ homework assignments, and then moves on to a three-part training sequence to clarify the meaning and differences between “Traditional Black Discipline” and “Modern Black Self-Discipline.” The first part of the training involves word associations. The second involves a description of the origins, goals and methods of Traditional Black Discipline and its relationship to what is taught in the program. The third part involves a similar description of Modern Black Self-Discipline, and its relationship to what is taught in the program. The word association requires that parents think about a stimulus word or concept and write down whatever words, images, ideas or short phrases come to mind. The purpose of this task is to have everyone reveal their major associations to the stimulus phrase, “disciplining children.” The result demonstrates that some parents think about disciplining children in terms of punishment, spanking and whipping. A distinction is made that some Black parents see disciplining mainly in terms of punishment, while others see disciplining in terms of love, understanding, talking, patience, consistency, etc. A transition in the discussion occurs as parents rethink this traditional, or “slavery-generated,” outlook of harsh discipline.
The African proverb associated with this session is “Not to know is bad; not to wish to know is worse.” The second session includes discussion and an historical presentation from a pre-slavery perspective. It is noted that in ancient Africa, children received special respect, and parents were not oriented toward harsh disciplinary methods like hitting and spanking. The African proverb “A shepherd does not strike his sheep” is used. A variety of resources are employed in this discussion and throughout the entire curriculum. For example, it is recommended Roots be shown to demonstrate that some slaves were beaten in front of others as a means of gaining submission and obedience.
The presentation and discussion of the third session revolves around the charts, which describe the origins, goals and parenting methods of Modern Black Self-Discipline. Methods with a positive consequence, such as praise, are emphasized. Frequent use of methods with positive consequences reduces the need for corrective consequences. There are six kinds of corrective consequences that are used as part of Modern Black Self-Discipline. They include 1) verbal discussion or talking to children when they behave disrespectfully – “Talking with one another is loving one another;” 2) verbal disapproval or talking in a firm manner to children when they behave disrespectfully; 3) withdrawing or taking away parental attention; 4) restricting children from getting attention, i.e. “time-out” and the last two, taking away privileges and spanking, which this program does not encourage, and are seen as last resorts.
Session 5: Family Rules
Drugs and the Pyramid: An Introduction
After reviewing homework assignments related to the previous week’s themes and activities, the presentation and discussion focuses on the importance of clear and reasonable family rules, and how the use of such rules is part of Modern Black Self-Discipline. The rules become the basis for defining what are respectful and disrespectful behaviors. The discussion has two parts. Part 1 consists of 1) defining the purpose of family rules, 2) generating examples from the parents and 3) indicating the importance of family rules. Part 2 consists of giving parents a set of guidelines about using family rules and conducting an exercise where each parent applies the guidelines to one of their own family rules.
Family rules are guidelines and standards for behavior. They let children know which behaviors are respectful and which are not. Family rules let children know the best times to behave in respectful ways. One of the African proverbs quoted in this section demonstrates that the rules are different for different family members because people assume different roles in the family and because of the status of some family members, such as elders. The proverb is “It is the duty of the children to wait on elders, not elders on children.” Reasons for rules are discussed: 1) having family rules helps children know what is expected of them; 2) rules can be used to prevent problems; 3) rules can help organize family life; 4) rules let children know they are trustworthy and that they are growing up and 5) rules can foster a sense of family togetherness.
In the second part, the distinction again is made between Traditional Black Discipline, where rules have the effect of making children afraid of their parents, versus Modern Black Self-Discipline, where rules are meant to make children feel safe and secure, rather than fearful. Modern Black Self-Discipline teaches rules by explaining the reasons for having them. A modern day proverb captures the idea: “Appeal to their minds, not their behinds.” Guidelines for rules and examples are discussed: 1) have meetings with children to discuss rules; 2) communicate rules in very specific ways so that children know exactly what is expected of them and 3) rules must be fair. The last guideline leads to a discussion about unfair rules for Black in society, and why it is so important that family rules be fair. The discussion also includes four types of unfair rules: 1) rules that ask children to do too much; 2) rules where one child is expected to do certain things but not another child, who is equally capable; 3) rules where one child’s capabilities are not up to par with another child’s capabilities due to age differences and 4) rules that do not incorporate the child’s unique emotional characteristics, such as shyness.
After a very detailed and specific discussion about these rules and the applicability of them in the parent’s life, a discussion about homework activities takes place. At this point, a lecture and discussion introduces the relationship of childhood and teenage drug use to the Pyramid of Success. The section is divided into five topics: 1) an introduction about how drug usage influences the ability to achieve positive life goals, 2) society’s confusing messages about drugs, which make it hard for parents to guide children in terms of drug usage, 3) societal definitions of drug abuse, 4) what the Effective Black Parenting’s definition of drug abuse is and 5) parents’ thoughts about the effects that drug abuse has on the necessary child characteristics.
Session 6: Family Rules and Children’s Developing Abilities
The session opens with a welcome and review, as do all sessions. The homework assignments on young children and problematic drugs, praise and family rules are discussed. The session begins with basic information about children and child development to help parents understand why different age children are prone developmentally to follow or oppose family rules. These ideas are introduced through a lecture on children’s six developing abilities: 1) ability to communicate, 2) ability to feel emotions, 3) ability to use the body and its senses; 4) ability to care for self, 5) ability to read, write and do math and 6) ability to think and understand. This part of the session is like a mini child development training for parents. The African proverb used here is “An elephant’s head is no load for a child.” Other proverbs used include: “Wisdom does not come overnight,” and “We start as fools and become wise through experience.” Throughout this mini child development session, many examples are used, and parents are encouraged to bring their experiences to the discussion. The three homework assignments are reviewed: 1) praise projects, 2) discussion of the family rules parents are having difficulty putting into effect and 3) an experiment that demonstrates children’s abilities using two glasses of water.
Session 7: The Thinking Parent’s Approach
This session begins with a review and discussion of the three homework assignments. A lecture and discussion of the “thinking parents’” approach and the use of “corrective consequences” then follow. This approach consists of getting individuals into the habit of thinking before employing corrective consequences, that is, thinking before acting. The approach also consists of getting into the habit of analyzing a situation after using corrective consequences, i.e. thinking after acting. The approach involves teaching everyone to ask themselves a series of questions about the rules, how rules have been used, and why children engage in behavior that violates the rules.
The decision-making approach involves the application of many of the concepts that have already been taught. It involves asking questions about the specificity and fairness of rules. It also involves parents using praise for following rules, giving children reasons for following rules and rule-reminders. In addition, it entails asking questions about the potential causes of the child’s disrespectful, rule-violating behaviors. The “cause questions” deal with two new concepts: the possibility that the rule-violating behavior is caused by an unusual or extenuating circumstance or by insufficient attention to the physical environment. The program proverb, “Think before we act,” is used as part of this session.
The second part of the training focuses on thinking about causes. There are six possible causes which are: 1) a child’s unique characteristics can cause or contribute to rule violations when there is a mismatch between the rule and a certain characteristic; 2) a child’s developmental stage; 3) parental modeling, whereby a child learns by watching and copying parents. The applicable African proverb is “What the child says, he has learned at home,” and “Do as we say, say as we do” 4) Other people’s modeling, whereby the children learns by watching and copying models other than parents; 5) things that are happening right now in the life of the family or in the child’s life that could be causing the disrespectful behavior, i.e., lack of sleep and 6) how the physical home is set-up; that is, whether or not the home environment is arranged to prevent rule violations.
The third part of the training focuses on thinking about rules and their use. A discussion about the meaning of rules is conducted. The session concludes with a review of the things parents can do to avoid having to use corrective action. Again, there are three homework activities: 1) thinking parent’s approach; 2) praising respectful behaviors and 3) a charting project to count the frequency of a disrespectful behavior
Session 8: Reasons for Not Using Corporal Punishment
Mild Social Disapproval
The session begins with a review of the homework assignments. There is a lecture and discussion about why Black parents should avoid the use of corporal punishment, i.e., spanking and whipping. The six major reasons are: 1) there are other effective ways to gain a child’s cooperation; 2) corporal punishment is a holdover from the slavery experience; 3) honoring our African ancestors; 4) child abuse and child abuse laws; 5) the latest research on the long-term consequence of corporal punishment show that parents who use corporal punishment are putting their children at higher risk for a range of problems now and in the future, (drugs and violence, for example) and 6) caring people worldwide coming forth to say that hitting children is wrong.
A lecture, demonstration and exercise using the “mild social disapproval” method follow. This approach is presented with reviews of other alternatives, such as ignoring, time-out and spanking. The mild social disapproval method is intended to deal with minor problems and minor disrespectful behaviors. Time-out is used for major problems.
There are several components to the mild social disapproval method: 1) look at the child; 2) move close physically; 3) a disapproving look; 4) a brief statement about the behavior (the following proverbs are associated with these steps: “He who talks incessantly, talks nonsense;” “Too much discussion means a quarrel,” and “It takes two to make a quarrel;” 5) calm and serious voice; 6) disapproving gesture and 7) early use of mild social disapproval—using this method immediately after detecting a problem with the child. A role-play demonstrates mild social disapproval, and homework activities are discussed. The homework activities include praise behaviors, use of mild social disapproval and questions to answer about corporal punishment.
Session 9: The Ignoring Method
Single Parenting
This session begins with a review of the homework activities. The training then includes a lecture and discussion about the consequences of “corrective ignoring.” Participants are given information about how corrective ignoring differs from other methods, an example demonstrating its use and suggestions about which behaviors to apply it to. The session concludes with more demonstrations and role-playing. Like the mild social disapproval method, this technique is used when everything possible has been done to prevent a child from breaking a particular family rule. The proverb associated with this session is “A little subtleness is better than a lot of force.” The ignoring method works in reverse of parental attention. With this method, attention is held back in an attempt to stop the child from behaving disrespectfully. The ignoring method works best with behaviors that are annoying and persistent—that is, negative ways of getting attention. The program stresses that when a behavior is ignored, it needs to be ignored at all costs, and that a behavior that is being ignored will get worse before it gets better. This method works best if it is used the first time an annoying behavior occurs. In addition, all people in the house must ignore the undesirable behavior. The point is made that some behaviors are dangerous to the child and others and cannot be ignored. The ignoring method should be used by parents who can stay calm and cool and committed to it.
Five important elements of the ignoring method are: 1) look away from the child; 2) move away from the child; 3) keep a straight face; 4) ignore the child’s verbalizations and 5) ignore immediately. After a demonstration, the next section of the training focuses on many of the issues and challenges associated with single parenting. It is divided into seven parts. Each part can be expanded into an entire session. They are: 1) the path to the Pyramid and single parents; 2) difficulties of being a single parent; 3) how Black traditions may help single parents; 4) seeing both sides: advantages and disadvantages of being a single parent; 5) coping with the stress of being a single parent; 6) getting help when you need it: support systems for the single parent and 7) using written materials. The fifth section involves teaching parents a relaxation technique.
The proverbs used in this session include “A brother is like one’s shoulder,” and “Cross the river in a crowd, and the crocodile won’t eat you.” The training refers to a number of parenting magazines that can be helpful. Parents are given three homework assignments that cover praise, mild social disapproval and answering questions on ignoring.
Session 10: The Time Out Method
This session focuses on what the authors call the program’s final, and possibly most powerful, corrective consequence method. The lecture and discussion of the time-out method occurs after a review of the homework assignments. The time-out method is taught in two parts. Part 1 includes a lecture on the role of time-out as a corrective consequence for highly disruptive rule violations, an example and discussion of its use, and presentation of the necessary preparation before this method can be employed. Part 2 includes a demonstration of its use and role playing by participants.
Time-out means time out from attention and fun. It involves temporarily placing a child in an area where the child cannot speak to anyone and cannot play with things. Time out provides a cooling off period; it gives children several minutes, free from distractions, to think about how they have been behaving. It also allows parents to think about the rule violation and what they might do to prevent the situation from happening again. Time-out is a very systematic and planned method. The proverb associated with this session is “To make preparations does not spoil the trip.” Preparations for time-out include: 1) finding a good place at home for a time-out; 2) determining the length of a time out; 3) having a way to keep track of time; 4) preparing others in the house for the fact that time-out will be used and 5) explaining the need for a time-out to the child. Another proverb associated with this session is “Advise and counsel him; if he does not listen, let adversity teach him.”
Part 2 includes a description of the effective use of time-out and demonstrating an effective and ineffective use of the method; having parents role play and practice the method and finally, a discussion about its implementation. To make a time-out work, it is necessary to do the following: 1) stay calm; 2) state the rule that has been broken and state the consequence; 3) ignore any protests or excuses from the children by using the proverb “Forewarned is forearmed;” and 4) follow through quickly. Parents need to remember: 1) children will resist using the appropriate proverb “No matter how long the night, the day is sure to come”; 2) parents may have to carry a child to the time-out area, which is not a problem if the child is small. If the child is too big to carry, choose an alternate way of enforcing the time-out; 3) parents need to be prepared to enforce a time-out several times; 4) parents need to remember the child is in time-out and 5) parents need to remember not to overuse time-out.
The session concludes with participants receiving their homework activities: 1) questions about time-out; 2) charting disrespectful behaviors and 3) completion of a questionnaire on the people, places, things and activities that their children enjoy.
Session 11: The Point System Method
This session focuses on learning the program’s second major positive consequences method, the “special incentive” method. This method can be used to motivate children to follow several family rules at once. After the homework assignments are reviewed, a lecture and discussion about the point system is conducted. This session is taught in two parts. Part 1 is a brief lecture introducing this method. Part 2 teaches exactly how to use the method.
Part 1 creates a favorable attitude toward learning and using this method. It is described, along with its advantages and relationship to other program methods. The special incentive method comes in handy when children are not responsive to parental attention and continue to behave disrespectfully, even after the parent has tried the thinking parent’s approach, the praise, discussion or mild social disapproval techniques or the ignoring and time out methods.
The special incentive method is called the “point system” method. It is a motivational system where children earn points for behaving in respectful ways. They then exchange these points for some “good stuff.” The African proverb associated with this section is “It is no shame at all to work for money.” The advantages of the point system method are as follows: 1) it creates situations for children that make it easier for them to behave in ways that are good for them. This then allows parents to express love; 2) parents can provide positive consequences for more than one respectful behavior at a time; 3) all children in the house can participate; 4) use of this system can help organize family life and 5) parents can turn around a bad situation with themselves and their children.
Part 2 has eight basic, interrelated components that demonstrate how to use this method. They are: 1) pinpointing behaviors, 2) counting behaviors; 3) creating a “good stuff” menu; 4) exchange ratio; 5) create chart; 6) praise respectful behavior; 7) make adjustments and 8) phase out. The African proverb associated with this section is “The day on which one starts out is not the time to start one’s preparations.” Each component is discussed with examples.
In creating “good stuff,” there are several considerations: 1) parents need to have a variety of items and activities that a child will work for; 2) this method can be expensive, so this menu should include inexpensive items, activities and special privileges such as an extra hour of television; 3) use of “new” items and activities so they are different than what children already have; 4) if children already engage in all of the possible activities and rewards, then this does not work. Then parents must gain control over their child’s access to these activities. 5) periodically review and adjust the menu of “good stuff”; 6) follow through with items and activities as children earn them and 7) once a child has earned an item, parents cannot take it back.
Parents need to be aware of four considerations about exchange ratios: 1) make it simple; 2) do not make it too difficult or too easy for the child to earn points; 2) set prices on the “good stuff” items and activities and 4) make this a positive experience. When phasing out, parents need to consider the following: 1) step-up giving praise so children will enjoy being praised as much as getting the goodies; 2) gradually set higher behavioral standards for earning points; 3) sit down with the child and negotiate a time limit on the use of the point system method; 4) gradually reduce the number of hours each day the point system is in effect.
At this point, homework activities are assigned: 1) behavior charting, 2) thoughts about the point system and 3) review of drug issues.
Session 12: Drugs and the Pyramid: Parts 2–4
This session begins with a review of homework assignments. This session contains a follow up discussion about drugs that originally took place in sessions 5 and 6. The previous week’s homework assignment also is reviewed. This session reviews issues surrounding drugs and teaching children about drugs. The focus of the previous drug discussions were on 1) the destructive impact that childhood drug usage can have on the development of the characteristics that are necessary to achieve positive life goals; 2) how the use of all the program’s ideas and skills can help prevent use of drugs in childhood by helping to increase a child’s self-esteem, by building more secure relationships between parents and children, and on 3) relaying basic information about drugs to children. The session centers around the parent’s role in preventing or promoting childhood drug use. It focuses on “the parent as a model” and on research findings about parental contributions to teenage drug abuse. Parts 3 and 4 help parents learn how to lead family rule discussions about drugs, how to help children resist peer pressure to use drugs and how to detect signs of drug use.
The research includes many studies that attempt to discover why teenagers get involved in drugs. Some of the studies look at the availability of drugs in communities. Others deal with peer pressure, while still other studies examine the backgrounds of parents whose teenagers abuse drugs. These studies have found three consistent factors about how parents contribute to teen drug abuse. They are: 1) in many of the homes of drug abusing teenagers, the teens felt a lack of love and understanding during childhood; 2) parents of drug abusing teens were poor rule enforcers and 3) parents were often drug users themselves. The program stresses that not all of the parents in these studies had these characteristics, but many of them did. The African proverbs associated with this section are “Before healing others, heal thyself,” and “He who conceals his disease cannot expect to be cured,” and “He who is free of faults will never die.”
The discussion moves into the other things parents can do to teach children about drugs. The first thing is to look at their own drug-related behavior to see the types of examples they set. Parents then discuss what they have learned. Next they talk about leading family rule discussions. Once parents have identified their needs, fears and concerns about discussing drugs, they learn about the various drugs (alcohol, tobacco, marijuana, cocaine and pcp). Parents are taught about the effects of drug use, such as peer acceptance or rejection, the way the law regards drug use, emotional side effects/interpersonal relations, physical side effects and drug use versus drug abuse. Last, they learn about the current patterns of drug use in the community, role of the media and patterns in the child’s peer group). Parents then discuss the need for clear family rules regarding drug use. Then they spend time looking at ways they might carry out a family drug rule discussion. The following guidelines are offered: 1) set a definite time for the meeting and share with children the importance of discussing family rules about drugs; 2) share information about drugs that is appropriate to the children’s ages; 3) share parental concerns and fears about drug usage; 4) review family rules about drugs and the reasons the rules exist; 5) let children voice their reactions, questions and concerns; 6) recognize and communicate to children that parents understand that there is a lot of pressure in today’s drug-involved society and 7) make it clear to children that parents are available to talk with them about drugs any time, and that parents will want to discuss the issue of drug use from time to time.
This session concludes with some suggestions about how to teach children to resist peer pressure and share some ways of telling whether or not children are using drugs. Three strategies for parents involve asking “what if...” questions and having children answer them, role-playing with children and teaching children “say no” survival skills. Indications of drug use include: changes in school attendance and work habits, wearing sunglasses at inappropriate times, stealing money, association with known drug users, etc. Parents then receive their homework assignments, which include continuing with the charting assignments, continuing or beginning the point system method and leading a family rule discussion about drugs.
Session 13: Chit-Chat Time
This session begins with a review of the homework assignment. The assignment dealing with family drug rule discussions takes place last, as it is the transition into the “chit-chat times.” Chit-chat times can deepen and improve relationships with children. The additional attention is likely to make children more responsive to all of the program skills and strategies. There is, according to Dr. Phyllis Harrison-Ross in her classic book, The Black Child: A Parent’s Guide, a great need for parents to understand the vital importance of talking to children. The African proverbs, “Little is better than nothing,” and “Mutual affection gives each his share,” are part of this section.
This section is taught in two parts. Part 1 deals with the meaning, purpose and importance of chit-chat times. Part 2 includes sharing ideas and strategies about making chit-chat times a regular feature of family life, and what to exclude and include in these times. Chit-Chat time is a time set aside each day when parents focus on communicating with their children. Communication can be parents talking to a child, a child talking to the parents and parents and children just spending time together. The important thing about this time is that parents give attention to a child and to him/her alone. Parents engage in discussion about how they can use chit-chat time to do the following: 1) model and teach love and understanding; 2) model and teach pride in Blackness; 3) model and teach self-discipline; 4) model and teach school skills and study habits and 5) model and teach healthy physical habits.
A series of discussions and exercises to stimulate parents to initiate regular chit-chat times with children is conducted. Exercises cover how to recognize times as good or bad for holding chit-chats, as well as good and bad topics for chit-chats.
The session ends with homework assignments, which remain the same: 1) charting behaviors and 2) using the point system method. The new assignment is to review the modern Black self-discipline recipe and the thinking parent’s approach to disrespectful child behaviors
Session 14: Program Review
Pride in Blackness
This session is the last formal one, unless parents have negotiated additional sessions. Issues of separation and continuity are discussed. The following elements of the program are reviewed: 1) the effective praise method; 2) the modern Black self-discipline recipe; 3) the thinking parent’s approach and 4) home projects: use of program correctives and the point system method.
The session then focuses on a lecture, discussion and exercise on defining Black pride and avoiding Black put-downs. This session includes a discussion of modeling and teaching pride in Blackness. The three major parts to this lecture are: 1) communicating positively about different aspects of the Black experience, culture and history; 2) avoiding Black self-disparagement or Black put-downs and 3) helping children understand and cope with racism.
The session ends with a discussion on separation and continuity. The feelings that parents may be experiencing are acknowledged and validated. Suggestions on continuing to learn and apply program concepts are offered. The nine suggestions are: 1) support each other; 2) continue to meet as a group or club; 3) go on family outings as a group; 4) join the school advisory classes; 5) enroll in other parenting classes; 6) work for more effective Blackness parenting classes; 7) teach effective Black parenting classes to others; 8) become an effective Black parenting instructor and 9) get additional education or training. The session ends with discussion about the logistics for the class graduation.
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