Kidnapping Prevention for Children, Teens, and Adults ...



Protecting children from stranger danger Share: Share on facebook Share on twitter Share on email Share on linkedin Share on print (function() { var po = document.createElement('script'); po.type = 'text/javascript'; po.async = true; po.src = ''; var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(po, s); })(); Posted by Ian Wallace | September 30, 2011 | 0 Comments‘Stranger Danger’ is better referred to as a small part of teaching children protective behaviours. It is only a very small part of protective behaviour, as 85 per cent of danger or abuse to children occurs with someone known to the child or trusted by the child. The Protective Behaviours Organisations have undertaken work for many years to protect children from all dangers, and help them to be safe in all environments. Protective behaviour should focus on stranger danger, predators, relatives or friends and Internet or online risks. The aim is to teach children to be safe, to be aware of predatory strangers, and to be self protective. Teaching protective behaviours or ‘stranger danger’ is a delicate balance of raising awareness, without unnecessarily alarming children, or paralysing them with fear. It is equally important to emphasise that the majority of adults are caring, loving and responsible–not ‘bad people’, to globally fear. It is important to note that the majority of abuse of children occurs through people known to the child or close to them. As such, a typical child response that a stranger is a nasty, bad person shows their immature naivety or lack of understanding. A typical predator will likely be dressed in friendly clothes, be funny or ingratiating, and more likely nice, enticing, or bearing treats and offers. A stranger is any person that they do not know. What to tell your child about a stranger: Tell your child not to listen to or be near a stranger–rather to move away or back inside. Tell your child to never ever go with a stranger–no matter what the stranger says. Tell your child that strangers may make up sad stories, like looking for a lost pet, needing help with a sick child, or needing directions. Tell your child that a stranger should never be believed, no matter what they say. Tell your child that strangers may offer treats, gifts or lollies for ‘helping’.Tell your child that you will never send a stranger to collect them. Make a list of the only, known people, you would send to pick them up. Tell your child to go immediately back inside and ask someone they know if unsure. Practice makes perfect Having explained ‘stranger danger’ or protective behaviour you might breathe a big sigh of relief. However, let’s not relax just yet. Research shows that kids often can quote what mum or dad said very well, but when placed in the situation, they more often still give in. At home, role play certain situations with your child, such as pretending mum is sick and that a new person needs to take them home. Role play or practise a variety of strategies or other scenarios. Try a test in a safe environment at home, such as an unfamiliar friend at the front door trying to entice them outside to look at a sick, cute rabbit. Research shows that kids often ‘forget’ after a period of time. Thus a yearly family refresher course is very worthwhile. Active, protective behaviour Teach your child never to wander off or go out of sight. Teach your child to always walk with and stay with friends–to never go alone. Teach and practice saying NO loudly and repeatedly, if they are unsure. Teach your child to yell HELP, as loudly and repeatedly as possible, until they are heard. Predators hate noise and attention. Teach your child to find a safe adult (a policeman or a mum with a stroller) or a safe spot (if they are fearful) such as a school, shop or safety sign. However, don’t tell your child that all uniforms are safe as some predators may be wearing a uniform. A healthy balance Assure your child that most adults are loving, caring and trustworthy. Discuss good, safe and friendly people in the world, to avoid fear of all adults. Remind your child of helpful adults, like firemen, teachers, police, doctors, etc. Remind your child of ‘good’ adults in their world, who can be trusted. Protect them from over exposure to graphic news stories. Telling Encourage your child to ‘tell’ if they even think they came across a stranger. Encourage your child to ‘tell’ if they felt scared, unsure or uncomfortable (‘yucky’ with any adult). Affirm that you will be happy and praise them for ‘telling’–that they won’t be in trouble. Affirm that you will listen and believe them. Basic protective safety for parents Always know where your children are. Keep your kids within your sight or supervision. Be alert to other people around you, but not paranoid. Be alert to Internet threats–research shows predators are increasingly luring more mature children through the Internet, such as online, through forums, chat lines, and message systems. Always keep young children’s computers within your vision (not in their bedrooms), and under your supervision. Install a ‘Net-Nanny’ or Parental Control Software program on your computer. Teach your child to never ever give out personal or private information. Non stranger danger Be alert to behaviour or interaction, from a relative or friend, that makes you or your child feel uncomfortable. Explain to your child, in age appropriate terms, where touching is not okay, such as touching mouths and areas covered by their swimming costumes. Be alert to overly ingratiating or endearing behaviour that can lead to separation of child and parent. Listen openly at any time your child ‘tells’ about feeling uncomfortable or ‘yucky’.Avoid blaming or being judgmental if your child ‘tells’.Be alert for a combination of warning signs of potential danger–the greatest indicator is a change in several behaviours. But be aware that these are only warning signs–they may indicate other concerns: a return to bedwetting, nightmares or disturbed sleep sudden onset of phobias, such as fear of leaving house or fear of dark increase in anxiety, withdrawal or mood swings at unusual times any genital bruising, unusual genital discomfort or repetitive urinary tract infections torn or missing under garments unusual aggression and/or violent or explicit drawings self harming or secretive, inappropriate behaviour resistance to being left with a previously trusted or liked adult. Finally, keep ‘danger’ in balance. While being alert and pro-active with protective behaviours, remember that a child’s world is full of safe, wonderful and positive events. - See more at: Prevention for Children, Teens, and Adults:Replace “Stranger Danger” with Empowering Stranger Safety SkillsThe rhyme of “Stranger Danger” does not protect anyone from being kidnapped or assaulted. Most violence is caused by people we know, not by strangers. Also, believing that the world is full of dangerous people called “strangers” is emotionally unsafe for kids and adults alike.Instead of Stranger Danger, kids, teens, and adults need to know about Stranger Safety and to be prepared to use self-protection skills for avoiding and escaping an assault both from strangers and people they know.We can protect kids from most abduction attempts and other violence by learning what to watch out for, by preparing kids with skills before letting them go anywhere on their own without adult protection, and by ensuring they have skilled adult supervision while their own skills are still developing. Practicing Stranger Safety and self-protection skills successfully helps to increase confidence, develop competence, and reduce anxiety. Kidpower teaches how to do this in a way that is not scary, but fun. Specific resources addressing abduction and assault prevention in our Library, Books, and Training/Consulting Services are below.“Don’t talk to strangers” is one of the foremost practices that a lot of families try to instill in children when it comes to guarding personal safety. In recent times however, it has proven to be both inadequate and ineffective. As the world of strangers is becoming bigger these days, thanks to the internet and a host of other advanced technology, our children are more exposed and more vulnerable to predators than ever before. Kidnapping does not just stop at that. The more terrifying reality of it is that kids do not only go missing; they could be in danger of being victims of sexual abuse, human trafficking, or both.In 2002, the US Department of Justice reports that the total number of missing children almost reached 800,000. What was interesting in the report was that only a very small percentage—less than 5%–fell prey to suspects unknown to the victims. This is extremely alarming because it shows that advising kids to simply not talk to strangers won’t protect them at all since predators anticipate this and are likely to befriend children before staging their attack.Good strangers, bad strangersFirst of all, the word “stranger” needs to be redefined so that both parents and children can be re-oriented as to who should be appropriately considered as such. The most common off-hand definition of “strangers” given to children is that these are people that they do not know.But out at the grocery store or at the gas station, kids see their parents talk to strangers all the time. This is especially confusing to little children and they will probably wonder why it’s okay for parents to talk to people they don’t know but it’s not okay for kids. Try clearing this out by saying there are good people and bad people out there, then follow up by explaining that parents can usually tell the good ones from the bad ones.It would be helpful to add that even nice-looking people can turn out to be bad. The challenge here is that it is nearly impossible to tell who can be trusted. Instead of trying to cover all possible stereotypes and breaking them up for your child, try to focus on tailoring your explanation to the personality of your child. An easily-terrified child should not be made even more wary of the world, while precocious and outgoing children should constantly be reminded to be careful with people they don’t know, whether good or bad.Run, yell, and tellDiana Jones, proponent of the stranger-danger program called Run, Yell and Tell, advises parents that it is good to teach children as early as the age of four about what to do when being attacked by a stranger. She advocates the method of running as the first step, then making noise, and then finding someone to tell the incident to. It is a good idea, according to her, to point to your children some “safety havens” along routes usually taken so they know where to seek help—a police station, fire station, church, and retail shops. It’s also a must to have your child keep money in his pockets at all times which will solely be used for telephone calls in case of an emergency.Be with a buddyAdvise children to always bring a buddy along when going to places such as a public bathroom or when walking home from school. It is even better to be with more than one friend, especially when going out by themselves to places such as the mall or the park. Remind them that there is safety in numbers.Knowing the enemyRemember that kidnappers, child molesters and their ilk know exactly where to find their victims. These places are the ones frequented most by families: shopping centers, playgrounds, amusement parks, fairs, and even school premises. Reminding yourself constantly that there might be a pedophile lurking in the corner will force you to keep your guard up the whole time you are in these places. Next, keep in mind that some predators take their time before attacking. They would go through deliberate lengths NOT to be the person parents tell their children to stay away from.Keeping secretsStart nurturing an open relationship with your children from a very young age. This way, they will learn to feel comfortable talking to you about almost anything because they feel confident and secure. Teach them about the idea of a “safe” secret versus an “unsafe” one. It’s okay to keep a secret about a birthday present, but definitely not about an online friend who is asking for personal details and even photos. Ask your children about their new friends, both young ones and especially the adults. Make them feel that you want to be involved in their social lives but restrain yourself from smothering them too much, or else they will hold back and this will just leave you in the dark about the relationships they have outside the home.Finding the balance here is critical or else they won’t be as open with you as their safety requires.Make room for mistakesDon’t expect your kids to remember every single precaution you outline for them as this is an impossible task even for a grown-up. If your child forgets that she was not supposed to accept a ride from anyone other than you without your permission, let it be a learning experience rather than a reason for punishment. Children are more likely to keep things to themselves when they know that they will be in trouble for something they did, no matter how innocent it was on their part.This is by no means a comprehensive list of how to keep children safe from predators. It is futile to try and cover all possible scenarios because there is just no way to do that without losing one’s head. Even if a parent does succeed in doing so, it will probably be too frightening for the poor child that he would not even dare go out at all. The important thing is that parents should be aware of new and more difficult challenges to the safety of children and that children in turn should be equipped with enough know-how to keep themselves away from harm. ................
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