Scottish Book Trust Project Name



Date: 16th June 2011

Author/Interview subject: Andy Stanton (Andy Stanton)

Interviewed by: Janice Forsyth (JF)

Other speakers: Audience (Aud), Boy in audience (Boy #), Karina (K)

Example transcript

JF Hello there, I’m Janice Forsyth and this is Authors Live, the latest in our virtual author events, brought to you by the Scottish Book Trust in association with the BBC.

I’m in the BBC building in Glasgow, where believe it or not it is sunny today, so if the sun comes streaming in or it goes all dark, apologies for that but we can’t control the weather, but we are here really and it is lovely to sort of see you.

I know that there are thousands and thousands of you watching online in schools across the UK, so a very very warm welcome. Some of you are watching on Glow, and also for the first time at this event on the BBC Red Button Channel.

Now we’re going to have lots and lots and lots of fun today with our author. And as well as you watching there, wherever you are, there, there are real life pupils also with me here in Glasgow. Would you like to have a look at them? They’re gorgeous! Ok they’re going to wave at you now. Wave! Aren’t they beautiful? Lovely and so well behaved, right, take those masks off now, far too terrifying, oh no you’re much more scary in real life! They are primary 4 pupils from Comely Park Primary School in Falkirk and they’re completely gorgeous and well behaved, as are you out there I know that.

Now don’t forget because this is a webcast, it’s just the nature of these things, sometimes the picture might freeze, or kind of judder or jump, you know not to leap up and try to fix that, it’s just the way things go on the internet, just leave it and fingers crossed all will be fine.

So, I won’t speak any more. You want to meet today’s author don’t you? Yes you do. He is Andy Stanton. He is the man behind the award-winning and indeed bestselling series of Mr Gum books. He’s incredibly busy but you know something? He has got the best job in the world because he’s done lots of different jobs but he absolutely loves books, and he gets to write them for a living, how good is that? Are you ready to meet him?

Aud: Yes

JF: A huge massive welcome out there, and here, to Andy Stanton!

AS: Hello everyone. Hello everyone! That’s good, alright, hello my name’s Andy Stanton and I’m here to talk to you about stuff. I’m going to be talking about books and reading, and books, and reading books and books, oh and reading books and then if we’ve got some time at the end I might be talking about books. So let’s see who likes books. Put your hands up if you like reading books. Very good. Put your hands up if you like reading books under the cover with a torch late at night when you should be asleep. Very good. Hands up if you just like putting your hands up. Bit strange. Put your hands up if you don’t like putting your hands up. OK that’s just very weird.

Actually there are about a gazillion other kids round the country watching us today on the internet and TV and in all sorts of other places at home so hands up at home or in school if you like reading books. I can’t see what you’re doing so that was totally pointless but thanks anyway.

Right, I like books so much, I like books, I like books, I like books, I like books, I like books, sometimes I lick books. Mmmmm literature! And I wrote these books call the Mr Gum books, hands up if you’ve read a Mr Gum books, very good. I’m going to be talking about those all day, well for the next twenty-five minutes anyway. But I’m also going to be from time to time doing this, I should just warn you now. Ahhhhh! That’s absolutely nothing to worry about madam; it just means that from time to time I’m going to be having a sip of water. I’ll just run that past you again, from time to time I shall be doing this, ahhhhh! OK, nothing to worry about.

What did you do today at school Johnny? We saw a bloke what looked like a tramp drinking water. Was it good? No it was rubbish. Was there any educational value in it Johnny? No, just a tramp drinking water.

Anyway, first I’m going to talk about books. How do you write books? When I was at school they taught me lots of interesting stuff and I’m sure they teach you stuff too like at school they teach you to read, right? And they teach you to write, and they sometimes they teach you how to be bored for long periods of time, yeah? One of the good things they do is to teach you how to write. So I was at home, I was at home the other day at my parents’ and I found this book from when I was about eight and we had to write what happened to us every week at school, in our news. Did you ever have to do that? You have to write what happened to you during the week. Well that’s what we had to do so I thought I’d just read you a little bit because this is some of the first stuff I ever wrote. So this was when I was about eight and I was writing my news, it’s quite exciting, you’ll see what an interesting social life I had as well, it was like this,

On Monday we went to our friends’, we were going to meet our other friends because they knew them as well. And we played this game and we hid while they looked for us and we had lots and lots of cake for tea.

And then, the next line is absolutely true, this is what my childhood was like, ‘cause nowadays you’ve got your Nintendos yeah? And you’ve got your internets yeah? And you’ve got your giant inflatable ponies that fly through space yeah? And you’ve got all these things right, when I was a kid we didn’t have any of that. Listen to this, this is from my childhood,

After tea we played with a stick. Yeaaaaahhhh stick. Can I have a go on your stick? No, it’s my stick, I got it for Christmas. Oh go on, I’d let you play on stick if it was my stick. No, get your own stick. Stick. Yeah! You can wave it, you can throw it, you can pick it up again, you can throw it again, it’s rubbish.

That’s what we did when I was a kid, and then when I was a kid I thought this was a very interesting way to end a story, after tea with played with a stick and after that I went home. Very exciting way to end a story. So I’ve got some other things from my childhood,

On Monday I went to my grandma’s house and we watched Wimbledon, and I wanted Bjorn Borg to win and I got an ice-cream from the ice-cream van and then I took apart my Rubix Cube, and I had some sandwiches and crisps then I went home.

Very exciting.

On Saturday I went to the fair, my sister went on the roundabout. We went into the school and I got some Enid Blyton books and then I went out of the school and I saw three punks. And there was a thing where a man was on a bed with a tub of water underneath him, and a bell on a string above and you had to get a sponge and you had to try and hit the bell with it and you hit the, I don’t know what that’s about.

And then it says, I went on the lucky dip and I got some football cards. Then I went home.

It’s not really a very interesting way to end a story is it? Then I went home. I try to come up with more interesting endings now, but when I was about eight, that’s what I thought was the most interesting ending in the world. Then I went home. We played with a stick, then I went home. Nowadays I try to make it more exciting.

My brother also had to write stuff when he went to school. My brother’s nine years younger than me so when I was about fourteen he was five, and they made him write about stuff at school and he wrote about me. I’m going to read this to you ‘cause this is something else about writing and what you can do at school. My brother wrote about me, it’s called, well he wrote it all about me when he was five and it’s called my brother! That’s me. Let’s see what a nice child my little brother was writing about me,

My brother is fat and lazy. On Sunday I wake up at eight o’clock and my brother gets up at eleven o’clock. His name is Andy, he’s fourteen years old. When my mum buys a pizza which weighs about four hundred grams my brother eats it all. He’s got brown curly hair, he talks on the phone a lot. I like bouncing on him. He’s taller than my mum and he weighs about twenty two stone.

Do you know what the teacher’s written after that? Good work, well done. Isn’t that lovely? So you can do that at school, you can write we played with a stick, then we went home, my brother’s fat and lazy. Excuse me, ahhhhhhhh.

But then you get out of school and you don’t have to write anything anymore but because I like books so much I always wanted to write something, but I do have a problem, I am quite lazy actually just like my brother said. I start on one thing and I get distracted by something else. I start doing one thing and then I just go and watch The Simpsons on DVD all day and have a cup of tea. And I got so bored of never finishing anything that I thought I would try and sit down and write a story from start to finish to make my little cousins laugh one Christmas, and it was about nine years ago when I sat down to write a story. And I didn’t know what I was going to write, I had one idea in my head and that idea was it would be an old man having a fight with a big dog. And I don’t really know why I thought that would be a good idea, but that was what was in my head.

Hands up here who likes to write stories, if any of you do. Very good. Hands up if when you’re writing a story you just sort of make it up as you go along. There you go. And hands up if you’re the other type of writer who knows everything that’s going to happen when you start out. Very good, quite a few of you. Well I sort of make it up as I go along.

Hands up if you find it really hard to write stories, it’s too difficult, I don’t wanna do it, I never wanna do it, it’s too hard, it’s too difficult. There you go. Well I’m here to tell you that you only need one idea in your head to start writing a story, you just need one idea in your head. How many ideas do you need?

Aud: One

AS: One. How many ideas?

Aud: One

AS: How many ideas?

Aud: One

AS: Now say it like this, one.

Aud: One

AS: Now say it like this, one.

Aud: One

AS: One. You just sounded like complete weirdoes to everyone watching.

Right, you only need one idea in your head. So I started off and I had this idea of a big dog having a fight with a horrible old man. And I sat down and I started writing this story, and I started writing and I started writing and as I started writing it was on Christmas Eve nine years ago, Chrismas Eve nine years ago and I started writing, and as I started writing all these other characters came into my story and that story eventually turned into Mr Gum.

And I didn’t know it but as I was writing I was making up all these other characters that were going to be in the story. Does anyone know any of the characters in the Mr Gum books? Hello sir.

Boy: Well there’s Polly and Friday and Gingerbread Man and [inaudible]

AS: Oh you’re going to get three answers for the price of one. Yes, there’s a character called Polly who I will talk about in a moment, and a character called Friday O’Leary, actually hands down for a moment unless we all want to do aerobics. Right arm up. Left arm up. Right arm up. Left arm up. Right arm up. Left arm up. Take off your head, throw it out the window. I said that at a school in Birmingham the other day right and when I said take off your head and throw it out the window this one kid actually did. Not really, no.

Now, what were you saying? Characters. Somebody mentioned Friday O’Leary. You mentioned Friday O’Leary. Does anyone know what Friday O’Leary likes to shout out in my books? He shouts out something quite unusual, do you know what he shouts?

Boy 2: The truth is a lemon meringue.

AS: The truth is a lemon meringue. Nice and loud.

Boy 2: The truth is a lemon meringue.

AS: Fantastic. Nice and loud.

Boy 2: The truth is a lemon meringue.

AS: Isn’t that brilliant? Even louder.

Boy 2: The truth is a lemon meringue.

AS: That’s amazing. Louder.

Boy 2: The truth is a lemon meringue.

AS: Fantastic. You can’t get louder than that can you? Louder.

Boy 2: The truth is a lemon meringue.

AS: Don’t you shout at me. Get out! Yes he shouts out the truth is a lemon meringue from time to time. I don’t know why, he just does it. Friday O’Leary might be walking down the street to buy a sandwich [whistles] The truth is a lemon meringue! He might be sitting down to watch the X Factor, or some such other cultural activity. The truth is a lemon meringue! After three I’d like you all to shout out the truth is a lemond meringue. One, two, three.

Audience: The truth is a lemon meringue!

AS: Weirdos. Right, so there’s Friday O’Leary, he came in to my story while I was writing it. Who else? Who are the other characters in my books? Hello.

Boy 3: Alan Taylor.

AS: Alan Taylor, a little gingerbread man with electric muscles called Alan Taylor. Yes he wasn’t in my first book he came in my second book but he’s one of my characters. Hello.

Girl: Jake.

AS: Jake the dog. Yes that’s right. There’s a great big dog in my first book and he’s the dog who Mr Gum, who is the baddy, is having a battle with. One more character. Who can, who knows one else. Hello.

Boy 4: Billy William

AS: Billy William, in a great Scottish accent. Billy William the third. It’s very scary isn’t it in that accent? Where I come from it’s like Billy William the third. Yes. Mmm. Billy William the third! [inaudible] Billy William, Billy William, lovely, lovely, Wimbledon. Having tea with the queen. Yes there’s a horrible butcher in my books called Billy William the third and he’s Mr Gum’s sidekick. So all those characters came into my story but one person mentioned a little girl called Polly who came into my story and she’s the heroine, and she’s about nine years old and about that tall. Now Polly actually has a really long name, that’s not her full name. She’s got a very strange name. It’s a very long name; would you like to hear what Polly’s full name is? Let’s see if I can remember it. Right, so the little girl in my book she’s nine years old, she’s that tall, her name is Jammy Grammy Lamby Forhuppa Forhuppa Berlin Stereo Eeo Eeo Leb See-ep Nermonica Lestraypeck DeGrespin DeCrespin DeSpespin DeVespin DeWhoop DeLoop DeBrunkle Merry Christmas Lenoir. I will just run that past you again because it’s quite confusing at first. So she’s nine years old, she’s about that tall, her name is Jammy Grammy Lamby Forhuppa Forhuppa Berlin Stereo Eeo Eeo Leb See-ep Nermonica Lestraypeck DeGrespin DeCrespin DeSpespin DeVespin DeWhoop DeLoop DeBrunkle Merry Christmas Lenoir. That’s why everyone calls her Polly, it saves time. So I wrote all those characters and I wrote and I wrote and I wrote and I wrote and I wrote and I wrote and I wrote and I wrote and I wrote and I wrote and I wrote and I wrote and I wrote and I wrote and I wrote and I wrote, what am I talking about?

Boy 5: and I wrote

AS: Oh yeah, and I wrote and I wrote and I wrote and I wrote and I wrote and I wrote and I wrote and I wrote and I wrote and I wrote and I wrote and I wrote some more and by the end of all that writing I’d actually finished a story for one in my life, but it wasn’t actually a book right? It was just words on a computer screen. How do you get words off a computer screen? Scrape them off with a butter knife. How do you get words off a computer screen? You print them off don’t you? So I printed them off. Chicka-voof. There’s the printer. Chicka-voof chicka-voof chicka-voof chicka-voof chicka-voof chicka-voof chicka-voof chicka-voof chicka-boo chicka-boo chicka-boom-boom tch, de-boom-boom-tch. Boo-boo-boo-tch, boo-boo-boo-tch, boo-b-boo-tch, b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-break it down.

My name is Andy Stanton, I like to write stories. Boom boom tch, b-boom-b-boom-tch. I write all the stories and I get all the glories. Boom boom tch, b-boom-b-boom-tch. Sometimes I write stories about Outer Space. Boom boom tch, b-boom-b-boom-tch. And sometimes I write stories about your face. Hello, hello, how delightful to meet you.

Yeah so I took it to my little cousins’ house, the story I’d written, on Christmas Day in the morning. When I read my story did they listen to me? Not really, they did not. Why didn’t they listen to me? I will tell you. It was Christmas Day, they’d had too much chocolate, they were too excited, they didn’t want to listen to a story, all they wanted to do was run about all over the place, bounce off the walls and punch their little sister in the face. Horrible children! They don’t deserve a story. I forgot all about my story. I took it home like this, this is the worst Christmas ever, nobody likes my story, it’s freezing cold and for some reason I’m speaking like a Welsh cartoon character. It’s very strange, Christmas. I forgot all about my story. Eventually, one day I was in my room two years later and I was looking around and looking through the drawers because sometimes you don’t know what you’ve left in your drawers do you? Like an old Biro, or a 50p piece, or a time machine, or a time machine, or a time machine, or a time machine, or a time machine, shall I stop doing that? And err... Or a time machine. And I found this story in my drawer and I thought it was a really good story so I sent it off to some publishers to see if they would publish it and I was really lucky, because that story that I wrote to make my little cousins laugh one Christmas Day, one Christmas Eve I wrote it to make them laugh on Christmas Day, that became my first ever book which I’m about to advertise to the nation.

It’s even better than stick because with stick you can throw it and you wave it and you can pick it up and you can throw it, but with book you can read it and this is my first book and it’s called You’re a Bad Man Mr Gum. And You’re a Bad Man Mr Gum like all other books is very good because it has letters in it, and the letters make up these things called words and the words combine to make sentences. The sentences all clump together into larger units called paragraphs. The paragraphs build up into wonderful things called chapters and the chapters together make a whole book that goes in from the page through your eyes into your brain and then when you’re sleeping that night all the words dribble out of your nose and when you wake up in the morning there they all are scattered all over the pillow and that’s what’s great about books. Not only is this a book, You’re a Bad Man Mr Gum, it is an award-winning book.

Aud: Oooooo

AS: Let’s do that with some enthusiasm. It’s an award-winning book.

Aud: Oooooooooooo

AS: No it’s too late, it just sounds sarcastic now. In 2007 this book You’re a Bad Man Mr Gum won an amazing award called The Red House Children’s Book of the Year Award. Some incredible other authors have won that award before me. Who else has won that award before me? JK Rowling,

Aud: Oooooo

AS: Jacqueline Wilson

Aud: Oooooo

AS: Roald Dahl

Aud: Oooooo

AS: TMDP Prenderghast

Aud: Oooooo

AS: No, I just made him up. Now, I was very luck, I won that award in 2007 so I am an award-winning author and very handsome and award-winning and I own a massive golden palace in the sky. Actually I’m not that rich and I still can’t afford a haircut but nevermind. I thought I would read to you from my award-winning book, oooooooooo would you really do that? Yes I would. That wasn’t me doing a voice. Oh you’re so good would you read us a bit? Yes of course I would. I’m going to read a bit where Polly, the girl with the long name has just found out that Jake the dog is in trouble because the baddy Mr Gum is going to do something nasty to him and Polly has to go and find Jake the dog and get him out of trouble. Are you ready? It goes a little bit sort of something like this,

Polly went racing down the hill like a runaway marble determined to find Jake the dog before he fell victim to Mr Gum’s evil scheme. She ran past a dustbin filled with rubbish and then another one filled with rubbish and another one filled with rubbish and another one filled with princesses. Hmmm Polly thought, there was something unusual about one of those dustbins, but she had to keep on running. She ran past big trees, little trees, tiny little trees and tiny tiny little trees so small they were more like pebbles, in fact they were pebbles. She ran past a cat’s ears which were lying on the pavement and a cat’s nose and whiskers which were lying on the pavement and a cat’s body and tail and legs and eyes and claws which were... in fact it was all just one cat lying on the pavement. She ran like the wind and then she got a bit tired and just walked like a breeze but she soon sped up again because she was determined to save that tremendous dog. It was only after Polly had been running for about half an hour that she remembered something quite important, she had absolutely no idea where Jake the dog lived and what’s more, she was no longer in the little town of Lemonic Bibber. Polly had come to the woods on the edge of town and they were big and scary and full of shadows. The ancient trees looked down from on high stern and forbidding. We are the trees, they seemed to whisper. You’re not welcome in this place, we are the trees. A cold wind blew making Polly shiver and she was certain one of the flowers was snarling at her. Oh no she cried, sitting down on one of those toadstools you sometimes get in spooky woods. I don’t know where I am and that old Jake’s facing the biggest challenge of his doggy life and I doesn’t knows where to find him and that flower’s probably going to eat me and with that poor Polly burst into tears. Ohhhh. So if you want to know what happens in the rest of that book you have to read it and maybe you’ve read it before, you can read it again. Books are good like that you can use them as many times as you like and they never get worn out. Sometimes the pages fall out but I can’t be held responsible for that, that’s not my end of the deal. Good. Excuse me. AHHHHHHH!

Well that’s a little bit about writing and how I came to write. So you’ve all been lovely children, soon you’ll all be horrible teenagers but I can’t be held responsible for that either and I think we’re going to have some questions in a minute but thank you for now.

[plays harmonica]

JF: Big round of applause for Andy. You alright there? You were very good I just wish you weren’t so shy.

AS: Oh yeah it’s a problem in my life.

JF: Yeah a bit shy and retiring.

AS: A little bit.

JF: Well you have a little rest there in the sun. It’s very sunny isn’t it? My goodness me.

AS: Can anyone see me at home or am I all bleached out by the light? There we go.

JF: So all of the people here really enjoyed that and all of you out there and we’ve got loads and loads of questions Andy from right across the UK so we’ll try and get through as many as we can.

AS: Lovely

JF: Maybe surprise you with some questions you’ve not been asked before but before that we’ve got a young lady in the second row here, that we’re going to give a microphone to, from Comely Park Primary School, what’s your name?

K: Karina

JF: Karina. Hi Karina and what’s your question for Andy?

K: What was the most unfortunate thing that happened to you in a supermarket?

AS: What was the most unfortunate thing that happened to me in the supermarket? Yeah right well I get asked this question all the time, obviously. That’s pretty random you know isn’t it? Well the most unfortunate thing is probably when I accidentally put a man into my shopping trolley and bought him and he had a barcode stuck to his cheek so it rang up properly, he cost about £19.99. I took him home and put him in the freezer and I never saw him again, so that’s probably the most embarrassing thing.

JF: Have you had something bizarre happen in a supermarket?

K: No not really

AS: No but you just thought it was worth asking on the off chance

JF: Maybe you’re on to a story there that you should write. Posssibly?

K: Possibly

JF: Thank you very much Karina for that most unexpected question. Unexpected item in the bagging area. Here we go, this is from Harushi in St Joseph’s School, Andy, who aks did you write any other books apart from Mr Gum?

AS: Hi Harushi in St Joseph’s School wherever you might be. I’ve written a couple of other books. I’ve written a book called The Story of Matthew Buzzington which is about a boy who thinks he can turn into a fly and I’ve got another book coming out called Stirling and the Canary and I’m hesitant to mention this but unfortunately I’ve just had a really really horrible picture book come out called Here Comes the Poo Bus.

JF: Ooo

AS: Which is really lovely. If you’ve got any younger brothers or sisters try and keep them away from it, it’s horrible, it’s just about a great big poo that drives through town being driven by a toad and picking up insects. It’s horrifying.

JF: I love the mix of expressions from our audience here, I’m sure some loving that and some appalled.

AS: Some are actually going to write to their local MP.

JF: I’m going to do that too.

AS: I hope so.

JF: Here we go with another of those rather specific, or random questions. This is from Emily also at St Joseph’s, you’ve got the monopoly so far. On the first book You’re a Bad Man Mr Gum, how could Mr Friday marry Mrs Lovely if she’s already a Mrs?

AS: OK so in the first book Friday O’Leary asks Mrs Lovely if she’ll marry him and yeah she’s already called Mrs Lovely. Well yeah I just thought that it was funny that she was called Mrs Lovely and I don’t know the answer to that. I like to put stuff in that confuses me actually. I understand about ninety eight percent of my own books right? Oh I’m out there hello, aren’t I ugly?

Boy 6: He’s on the TV

AS: I’m on the TV, yeah it’s worse than that, it’s going much further than just that screen let me tell you. There’s a lot of people in the wilder world seeing this thing right now, heh-heh-heh. Yeah I put about two percent of jokes into every one of my books that even I don’t understand and that keeps me interested.

JF: Good. OK. This is from Daniel P3A at Carmadean Primary School. Hi Daniel.

AS: Hi Daniel.

JF: Daniel’s question is why do some pages have fingerprints on them? How did they get there?

AS: How did the fingerprints get there? So some of the pages in my books have this grubby mark all over them and the idea is that that was just a design, a design idea by the people at my publishing house Egmont. They thought it would be really cool if it was really grubby it’s almost like as if before you’ve even read the book Mr Gum’s got to the book and has been looking through it, so it’s just ‘cause we like grubby stuff, we think it’s funny.

JF: You like the fingerprints?

Aud: Yeah

JF: Yeah. Good. Good.

AS: And you can add your own fingerprints as well any time you like. Chocolate, ink, anything you know.

JF: As long as they’re not library books.

AS: As long as they’re not library books. You know the worst thing is when you get a library book and someone’s scribbled all over it. Have you ever scribbled all over a library book? Hands up if you’ve ever…GET OUT! No that’s fine, you can stay, you can stay.

JF: Now this is from Primary 3A and 3B at Longhaugh Primary School in Dundee, hello there, how did Alan Taylor come to be so rich and how did he get his electric muscles?

AS: Right so this is Alan Taylor who’s a tiny little gingerbread man with electric muscles and he sort of speaks like I’m Alan Taylor walking up the hill, I’m Alan Taylor feeling very ill bleurgh. Oh I shouldn’t have had that curry last night. So he’s like that and he’s got electric muscles and he’s really rich. I’m Alan Taylor feeling very rich, I’m Alan Taylor falling in a ditch, and how did he get rich? I think you find out in book five that he got very rich by driving a taxi cab in London. So he’s tiny, it was a full size taxi cab so he was a rubbish driver because he was only about that big so passengers used to get into the taxi and then they’d get so terrified of how bad his driving was that they’d pay extra to get out early, so he got quite rich, he became a billionaire from being a bad driver.

JF: Fantastic. I’m quite small maybe that could work for me in Glasgow

AS: Maybe it could.

JF: Zane, Carla, George and Jessica, Hyndland Primary School not too far from here in Glasgow, I think we might know the answer to this question, how often do you shave?

AS: Well you know Haley’s Comet? It comes round about what? Once every seventy six years. Yeah.

JF: Yeah. OK.

AS: Haley’s Comet.

JF: But Andrew at Kaimes School said I like your beard, how long did it take to grow?

AS: Well funnily enough I did shave last night.

JF: Really?

AS: Yeah it’s all come back. So this is an average morning’s growth for me.

JF: Yep. He’s all man.

AS: I’m quite hirsute

JF: Katie at St John’s Green School on Colchester, that’s quite far away from here, hello, hope you’re watching. She says I really like your stories and my mum reads them to me at bedtime and she laughs at them too, did you mean to write books that grown-ups would laugh at too?

AS: Yeah I like anyone that laughs at my books, that’s a good thing isn’t it? I like it if kids laugh at my books, if adults laugh at my books, if cats laugh at my books I’m a bit confused but that’s alright, anyone can laugh at my books I don’t think you’re ever too old to have a really good laugh. What’s annoying is when you don’t get too many good reviews. I remember I was talking about one of my books once to some kids just like you lot and I mentioned one of my books and I went and I’ve written a book called Mr Gum and the Power Crystals and I don’t have it with me. And this one kid went Oo I’ve read that I’ve read that I’ve read that I’ve read that I’ve read that and I went Oh right did you like it and she went it was alright. That was a bit weird, sometimes you don’t get very good reviews. Once a kid came up to me in a signing afterwards and he went you’re my favourite author, well top three actually. So kids are very honest like that but if you want to laugh at my books you’re very welcome to, if your parents want to laugh at my books, also very welcome to. If you just want to throw money at me, fine, do what you like.

JF: Now this is something you might not have thought about this question which is from Callum in Lesley Primary School. Do you think your books inspire others?

AS: Yes.

JF: To do what?

AS: To do what exactly? Yeah. No I think there are, I have had letters from kids and they’ve been inspired to write very silly stories, really dumb stories, or stories like mine, nonsense stories or they’ve been inspired to draw things or make little characters, model of the characters. But I would have one tip for anyone who likes to make stuff, who likes to write stories here? Hands up, there we go. And who likes to do drawings and stuff? If you’re making stuff or you’ve got ideas, hands down thank you, if you’ve got ideas for stuff you have to write down your ideas as soon as they pop into your brain. If you don’t write down your ideas you will forget those ideas. I always used to forget ideas and now I’ve started always carrying a notebook. Carry a notebook at all times, if an idea pops into your head write it down you can use it for later, if you haven’t got a notebook just write it on your friend’s forehead. If it’s not a very good idea write it on your enemy’s forehead so they look stupid, if it’s an absolutely pathetic idea write it on your teacher’s forehead, but you’ve got to write down your ideas or you’ll forget them for later that’s my tip.

JF: And we should say there are teachers here from this school and they’re looking increasingly grim-faced, no they’re not really. Jody in Kinnaird Primary School, Andy what is your favourite cartoon?

AS: Oh such an easy answer. The Simpsons. Hands down. The Simpsons is my favourite TV show of all time with cartoons or real people in.

JF: Do you have a particular favourite character?

AS: Yes I do, hmmm. Yes Bart Simpson. No, I like Mr Burns. Excellent, excellent question.

JF: Do you like The Simpsons boys and girls?

Aud: Yeah

JF: Yeah, fantastic. OK this is from Atholl and Ryan, Meagle Primary School I think, why is there no chapter seven in Mr Gum and the Cherry Tree?

AS: Ah, there is no chapter seven in Mr Gum and the Cherry Tree because I just like to confuse people so it goes I think at the end of chapter six Alan Taylor the little gingerbreadman goes onwards, onwards to chapter seven and then it goes chapter seven, there is no chapter seven. Then you go over the page and I just thought I don’t really understand that either but I just thought it might confuse people and sort of melt kids’ brains so I put it in.

JF: OK and presumably it’s good fun for you too when you’re writing.

AS: It’s good fun for me, it’s much easier to write a chapter when you say there is no chapter. You can’t do it all the time, you can’t really have a book that just says no there’s no chapter one there is no chapter two there is no chapter three. Not a good book, you can do it every now and again.

JF: No. Maisy Logan, great name, hi Maisy.

AS: Maisy Logan

JF: Port Ellen, Isle of Islay, says why do you write comedy books? And she has an extra question, two for the price of one, why not horror?

AS: Why not horror? Ummm…well, I dunno, why does anyone do anything? That’s a very philosophical question. I write comedy books because I have that sort of brain. I would like to write serious books sometimes. I would like to write books, I would start off and I would go; the city was ancient and venerable. It had stood since the time of the Ancient Greeks. For thousands and thousands of years it had endured wars, hardships, famines, plagues, good times as well as bad, but often, the streets had run red with blood…and a little cat walked along with a hat on, singing a tune. My mind always goes like that, you see. I start off serious and then a little cat in a hat singing a song comes along and so I kind of write funny books because that’s what my mind is like.

JF: That’s a good one. Maybe you could write that one.

AS: The one about the city?

JF: Yeah, the venerable city and the cat.

AS: The City and the Cat.

JF: Yeah I like that one. Okay, this from Alexander Anderson, Primary 6, Tobermory Primary. Have you been to Mull?

AS: I have been to Mull.

JF: Tobermory, fine place. Hi Alexander and everyone watching in Tobermory Primary. How old were you when you wrote your first book, and did you think it was funny?

AS: Well I’m 37 now, and wrote it when I was 46. How does that work? I wrote it when, I originally wrote that book when I was about 29, 28, 9 years ago, and then, like I was saying in the talk earlier, I read it out to my little cousins on Christmas Day, because they didn’t pay too much attention I forgot all about it. So I did think it was funny, but then I forgot about it and then I found it two years later and I thought it was really funny.

JF: Right. Okay. You were talking about sticks earlier. Conan in Kaimes School said is there going to be a sequel to Bag of Sticks?

AS: Well, Bag of Sticks is Mr Gum’s favourite TV programme, if anyone doesn’t know. Bag of Sticks is just a bag of sticks for half an hour. It’s really rubbish. There is a Bag of Sticks Christmas Special, which is a dead robin sitting on the bag of sticks. I think there might be a big Hollywood movie called Bag of Sticks in 3D, which cost over 300 million dollars to make and that might be coming out next year. It’s a bag of sticks, for 2 hours, in 3D.

JF: You fancy that? No they don’t.

AS: No. It’s not a very good programme. Mr Gum is the only person in the country who watches Bag of Sticks.

JF: Conan asks an additional question: on scale of one to blue, how mad are you?

AS: Radiator.

JF: David in Kaimes School: what is your least favorite breakfast cereal? Which is a difficult one to answer since we’re on the BBC and we don’t want to say bad things about a particular product.

AS: Ah right, I see. We’re talking more generic than Crispy Crunch Fun Fun Flakes. I don’t like, I know I’m in the wrong country to be saying this, but I can’t stand oats and porridge.

JF: Okay, you are in the wrong country.

AS: I know.

JF: We might have to bring this to a swift end. But maybe one more quick question from Jessica, Lenzie Primary School: Who is your best friend?

AS: My best friend is an invisible rabbit who lives in my…er…who’s my best friend? Probably my friend Sandy who lives in Oxford, and she’s an acupuncturist, and if you’re watching this now Sandy: you left a needle in my leg! It’s been killing me!

JF: He’s joking, children, of course.

AS: I am joking.

JF: I like the idea of your best friend being the rabbit actually. Could make that happen.

AS: Sorry but no no…I can’t no. The rabbit’s my second best friend. I wouldn’t put him ahead of Sandy.

JF: I think after that extremely lively session you need to have a little break, sir. It’s been absolutely wonderful. I’m sorry, I know we had so many questions from across the country but that’s all we had time for. If though, you still have a burning question you’d like ask Andy, you can do that in a live GLOW chat taking place today. I said you’ve to have a rest but clearly you’re not going t. From 12.45 to 1.15. That’s on GLOW. You need to a passport, um …not passport, that would be odd. A password for that but you can find more information about that from the Scottish Book Trust website, and while you’re there you can have a look at the learning resources for Andy’s event on the Scottish Book Trust website.

Oh Gosh, something else to tell you. This just in. Because of the great success of Author’s Live, BBC Scotland is trying a fun idea for all you scientists out there. It’s called Experiments Live and it’s next Thursday at 11 o’clock. Dr Jan for the hugely successful TV show Bang Goes the Theory will be here with me to answer your science questions and get us all involved in some amazing experiments. Fancy that? All the details can be found at BBC.co.uk/Scotland. Don’t miss it. Tell all you’re friends.

Meanwhile our next author here will be on the 29th September. He is David Almond. He’s written tonnes of bestselling books for children and young people. Thursday the 29th September. That’s for P6 to S4 pupils. Check out the website for all the updates. Loads going on at the BBC website and Scottish Book Trust, but in the meantime, out there and in here, a huge massive thank you, applause and cheering for Andy Stanton!

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