The Cutthroat Dragolf



The Cutthroat Dragolf

“I don’t know, Elrick! I thought you said the way back to the city was down this path?!” shouted Perry.

“No, it was down this path. We go straight—”

“Are we lost again?”

Elrick sighed. “If you want to be negative, yes.”

Perry the fox terrier and his nudist skunk friend Elrick were busy treading through the forest in the middle of the day looking for some fruits that only grew in the area they were in. Fruits that usually wouldn’t grow during the winter, such as winter melons and apricots and honeydew melons. As they were busy resting in the forest snacking on the fruits, they began to wonder what happened to the trail they were on, which mysteriously disappeared due to high winds. When they finished stuffing their gills, they rose from the ground and started to wander the woods, eventually coming to the fact that they were lost.

“Okay, so on the negative side, we could freeze to death or fall down a hole into a dark, inescapable cave and there are no vagrants around who can help us. But on the positive side, it’s daytime and there aren’t any furries on a food bender trying to kill us.”

“Please don’t remind me of that again.”

“Not to mention the time when we were caught up in that Thanksgiving incident where that biker/vore gang tried to eat us.”

“Anyways…I think we should split up.”

“No.”

“But if we split up, we’ll be able to cover more grounds.”

“But how are we going to know where we’re at? We can’t scream or holler real loud and hope the other hears, now can we? And neither of us have cellphones.”

“You know I’m a nudist. I don’t have any pockets to store phones in. What about your cellphone?”

“Remember when we were chased out that motel and I left my pants in the bedroom?”

“Yeah.”

“My cellphone was in there.”

“You never got it back?”

“Nope. I doubt there’s a signal out here anyway.”

Elrick sighed before wandering around the forest and spotting a tree that acted as a fork on a rocky trail in the woods. The skunk turned around and bent over, raising his tail and grunting for a couple of seconds until a loud mist squirted on the tree, followed by the notorious odor Perry was all too familiar with.

“Oh, I get it! You sprayed the tree so if one of us gets lost we’ll just come back here and regroup with each other. …There’s only one problem though.”

“What?”

“How are we gonna remember the trail we took to get back to town before coming back to the tree?”

“I got a photographic memory.”

“I don’t.”

“Um…okay, you stand by the tree and I’ll find a way back to town. And since I marked the tree, I’ll know where to find you.”

“Ahhh…smart plan.”

“Just remember not to move from this tree and you should be fine.”

Perry nodded as Elrick began to run away through another long dirt trail and quickly disappeared behind a field of dark brown trees and bushes. The fox terrier leaned against the tree and sat on the ground, extending his legs and trying to get a bit relaxed. He had a feeling he was going to be out here for a very long time so he might as well get some rest while he was at it. Perry yawned and braced next to the tree, slowly shutting his eyes and taking a little rest.

Four hours later, everything was the same. Perry was still sleeping on tree. Elrick was still searching for a way back to the city. And the tree Perry was sleeping next to still reeked of skunk oil. Perry opened his eyes when he felt something gooey slowly scurry up his arm and into his shirt. He yelped and started shaking before digging into the sleeve and taking out a large bug that was crawling in his left armpit. A tan centipede, with 122 legs. It was fairly large too; Perry’s paw was smaller than it.

“OW!!”

Perry grumbled and chucked the centipede aside after it bit him. Aside from the little miscreant, Perry also was having some bladder issues. When he woke up, he felt something heavy in his lower groin. As the terrier stood up, he whined and held his groin with his paws, shaking his legs and desperately looking left and right. Perry had to pee, badly. When Perry woke up he felt something warm on his pants and seriously thought he peed himself a little while he was sleeping. Lucky for him it was just the mud he was lying on top of. The canine turned around and looked at the tree.

(Perfect!) he thought.

Then he remembered that Elrick marked it with his skunk oil. If he peed on the tree bark now, it would mix with the oil and knock off Elrick’s scent, which meant he wouldn’t be able to find Perry and guide him to the city and then both of them would be lost and alone in the woods.

“You havin’ some trouble there pup?”

Perry looked up in the sky and saw a large furry flutter down to the ground. The creature had fur, but at the same time, it looked like scales were delved in his skin. There were also wings on the creature’s back, and he had the muzzle and face of a canine. It was a dragolf, a common hybrid of a dragon and wolf. The dragolf was pretty tall compared to Perry, measuring at seven feet. His scales and fur were bluish-green and he was wearing jeans and a jean jacket with a white t-shirt underneath it all. The guy didn’t look hostile, but had the exterior of a furry who could defend himself well if the occasion called for it.

“What does it look like to you? I gotta go take a piss!”

“I know, but that doesn’t mean we can’t have a little fun with ourselves.”

“I’m not the kind of guy who’s into pee-pee.”

The dragolf sighed. “That’s not what I meant. How’s about we engage in a little contest and see who’s got the stronger bladder?”

“You-You want me to get into a pissing match with you?”

“Sure. I love finding wandering victims—I mean, uh, players when I’m scouting the woods. Though I should warn you…I have a really thick bladder.”

“I don’t care about any contests!! I just want to use the bathroom!”

“Okay. You can just use that tree over there.”

Perry scurried over to the tree.

“Of course if you’re just afraid of losing…”

As Perry unzipped his pants, he heard the dragolf shout those words loudly, which compelled him to run back over to the hybrid.

“Sorry, what was that?”

“Nothing, nothing. I mean, if you’re scared of finding out who has a bigger bladder—”

“Where do I sign up?” he asked sternly.

The dragolf chuckled. “Just aim for the patch of grass over there.”

Perry stood besides the dragolf and both of them unzipped their pants and aimed for the large patch of grass resting besides a boulder stuck in mud.

“Name’s Aaron by the way. What’s yours?”

“Perry Nerel.”

Perry started to drift off and began to look down at Aaron’s sheath, smiling slightly to himself.

“HEY!! I don’t swing that way so don’t even get any funny ideas!”

“Okay…”

“Since you look like you’re about to whiz all over your pants, and because I’m sure you’ll need a head start in order to beat me, you can start first.”

Perry growled under his breath and turned over to the boulder. He relaxed himself and shook his tail before he began to pee all over the ground. At first it was just a little trickle, but then his little stream of urine began to grow larger and create a huge puddle in the grass. His pee was creating a large arch that was thick and bright yellow as far as Aaron could tell. Perry exhaled before moaning and sighing with his tongue hanging out. He was on the verge of peeing his pants and now that his bladder was slowly releasing all of his liquid wastes, it felt extremely comfortable and even a tad bit euphoric.

“Don’t know about you, but maybe you should’ve challenged me when my bladder wasn’t so full!”

Aaron snickered. “Don’t flatter yourself.”

The dragolf sighed and started shooting urine onto the ground in the area adjacent to Perry’s. Perry merely glanced at the trail with wide eyes, deeply shocked at how…thick it was. It wasn’t really that Aaron was pissing like a water hose on full blast... Okay, that was what was happening, but his urine just seemed so…abundant. About two seconds of time had passed, and nearly a gallon or two of urine had been expelled from bladder…while Perry only peed enough to fill a 20 ounce bottle or one liter of soda. Aaron was nearly two feet taller than Perry but damn…he didn’t expect a scaley hybrid of this caliber to pee so much on short notice. And then there was the smell…

“Damn…I gotta stop drinking beer.”

Perry was still shocked at the urine coming out. Not only was it plenteous to drown a whole village of ant hills…but it was just the smell of it that got to him. It reminded him of the time he mixed store-bought alcohol with lime and mustard in an attempt to make his own beverage. He wound up losing his lunch and passing out in his own filth two minutes later. Perry knew he was in trouble and on the verge of losing, and knew he had to do something fast. Perry grunted and began to squirt out some more urine at a higher arch, but as far as he could tell, it wasn’t increasing his puddle very much.

“I told you, you shouldn’t have taken this challenge! I remember peeing so much a whole building had to be purged because every single floor reeked of dragolf urine. Very few furries and scalies possess a talent of pissing like this. I remember running into this one trippy dragon who somehow managed to bring life to nature with his piss and there was this stinky grey wolf who loved to piss on everything, some elephant with a bladder the size of wrecking ball, and so on and so forth. You really think a dog with a bladder as insufficient as yours is capable of beating me?”

“Stop bragging about it, damn! Can you at least give me a chance to beat you?!”

“It’s futile, but sure.”

Perry grunted and used almost every ounce in his body to try and urinate all over the grass and increase the size of his puddle, but he was having a tough time at doing so. Unlike Aaron, he wasn’t grunting at all and merely creating an arch when the opportunity presented itself, still urinating like crazy. Perry on the other hand felt like he was going to pull a muscle in his groin. Soon enough, his urine began to secede and his arch began to shrink.

“NO!!”

Perry grunted with his eyes shut and strained himself to continue peeing, letting out a few trickles everytime he grunted. Eventually, he stopped, and his bladder was empty. Aaron looked down at the little canine and smiled triumphantly. Perry grunted multiple times to see if he could squirt out even a little amount of urine to add to the puddle…but he was completely dry.

“Looks like ya lost there pup.”

Perry sighed with defeat and stopped urinating, looking over to Aaron and noticing he was still peeing profusely.

“Okay fine…you win this round dragolf.”

Aaron finished up his pissing and sighed heavy, looking down at all the fluids he expelled and zipping his pants back up, along with Perry.

“Since you’re a dragon, or half-dragon, could you give me a lift into the city?”

“Maybe, but only if you beat me in the next challenge!”

“I think I’m done for challenges today.”

“But this one’s easy! I mean, if you know how to use your ass right.”

“What does that mean? Are we gonna go around sodomizing furries?”

Aaron blinked. “No…no, that’s not what I meant.”

“So what…”

Perry sniffed the air a few times before looking at Aaron, who was smiling widely. Perry chuckled a few times before wafting a paw in front of his nose.

“Damn! You got way too much protein in your diet!!”

“Now, if you manage to out-fart me, then perhaps I’ll give you a ride into the city.”

“What if I don’t beat you?”

“We’ll burn that bridge when we come to it.”

Perry and Aaron sat down. “So, do you have any special rules for your fart contests or do we just rip ‘em back and forth?”

“Yep! Whoever backs out first due to the smell or the sound or power of the flatulence is the loser…that would be you.”

“Shut up. Since you’re so confident you shouldn’t mind me going first.”

“Why would I?”

Perry started off the contest easy, doing a regular fart that every male has done at least once in his life: leaning over to the side and passing gas after raising his leg a bit. It sounded pretty loud but the trousers he was wearing muffled the sound a little. The smell wasn’t too terrible either, something like rancid butter and beans. Aaron started laughing hysterically and fell on his back.

“You seriously think you’re gonna win with miniscule farts as those?!”

“Calm down, I’m just warming up.”

Aaron sat back up and stopped laughing so he could take his turn. While staring at Perry, he did the same move as he did, leaning over to the side and passing gas. However, as he did so, his eyes were shut and he was gritting his teeth. A second or two later, he farted. Unlike Perry’s, his was louder and sounded like a French horn coming out of his ass. The grass underneath his butt was slowly pushed back by the force of the wind. Aaron finished pooting and groaned, fanning a hand under his buttocks before sitting back down.

“That was hot!” he chuckled.

Perry was busy gagging and coughing, trying not to give in to the stench and quit the game already. He had only just begun and realized how stinky the dragolf’s gas really was. Perry ignored the smell and took his turn. The terrier stood up and turned around, sticking his buttocks in the dragolf’s face. Aaron merely scoffed and folded his arms, prepared to take whatever Perry would throw…fart at him. Perry farted right in his face and knocked the dragolf on his back, forcing a few coughs outta him. The smell was five if not ten times stronger now, reeking of a dead sewer rat and tar. Aaron laughed and sat back up before Perry sighed and sat down in his spot.

“Now that’s what I’m talking about!”

“Your move hybrid.”

Perry raised an eyebrow and started swatting the air with his paws when he heard loud buzzing. A fly.

“What the hell is that?!” asked Perry, looking around his head.

Suddenly he looked forward and noticed that Aaron was grunting so much his face was turning red. He was passing gas. A few seconds after the faint buzzing, Aaron started farting raucously, blowing out ounce after ounce of sputtering noisome gas. Aaron sighed with his tongue out and his face turned back to normal.

“That feels better.”

Perry’s eyes grew wide and he started coughing violently, falling down on his knees and hacking so much a large ball of hair came out of his mouth. Aaron chuckled.

“Since when do dogs cough up hairballs?”

“Aren’t you part wolf?! And stop distracting me; it’s my turn!”

As Perry started grunting, Aaron farted again in an obnoxious fashion, falling on his back again and laughing hysterically.

“HEY! IT WAS MY TURN!!”

“Sorry, I’m sorry! I had a Scud Missile back there; there was nothing I could turn about it!”

Perry growled and turned around, pointing his butt in Aaron’s face again. However, this time, he raised his tail and spread apart his butt cheeks with his hands. The terrier farted so hard that Aaron shouted with surprise once he was thrown backwards and landed on the ground. Perry decided to tease the dragolf some more and bent down next to his face whilst he was incapacitated, farting directly on the tip of his nose. Perry wasn’t even grunting; he simply squatted down with a grin over his face and gas flying out his ass, which reeked heavily of diarrhea. The canine farted for seven seconds before swatting his tail in Aaron’s face and letting out another small poot. The dragolf took a few seconds to recover, but eventually sat back up and waved a hand in front of his nose.

“PHEW!! I guess I was wrong about you.”

“It’s not smart to challenge someone who absolutely adores the smell of flatulence. C’mon man, my best friend’s a skunk.”

“Does your friend ever blast a Toxic Streamer at you?”

“…What?”

Aaron smiled widely and leaned over to the side, letting out a squeaky, barely audible amount of flatulence that only lasted a few seconds. Aaron quickly waved a hand at the seat of his jeans so the smell would go over to Perry.

“You better plug your nose.”

“Why?”

Perry’s eyes grew wide and his nostrils decided to flare at exactly the right moment. The noxious gas entered the fox terrier’s nose like a ninja breaking into an office building. It wasn’t that Aaron let off an SBD…but it was more of a silent-but-how’s-about-I-burn-your-soul-fart. Perry felt something inside of him die (possibly his scent glands) and tears began to fall out his eyes. He never smelled anything this vile…or ecstatic in his life. Without even floundering Perry fell flat on his face…unconscious. Aaron couldn’t help but laugh his hybrid ass off, hooting with so much laughter he was almost crying himself.

“I should just declare myself the victor now and save this guy the humiliation! But then again…”

Aaron walked over to Perry and squatted so his butt was next to his ear. Afterwards, he farted directly into his ear canal, which could’ve been described as a shotgun or bomb going off. Perry yelped and sprung back to life, hopping off the ground and panting like crazy.

“What the hell was that?!”

“You passed out so I decided to wake you back up.”

“Jesus Christ that sounded like a shotgun!!”

“I know. Anyway, your turn!”

After his traumatic experience, Perry didn’t have enough energy to do a wicked fart yet, so he decided to do a normal one while sitting down. He leaned over and passed gas, but his pants became so hot that he felt uncomfortable. And on top of that, the fart smelled like urine. It might’ve been the giant puddles of urine next to the competitors…or it could’ve been something else. Aaron looked and Perry and snickered.

“Oh God…”

“Did the little pup go pee-pee in his pants?”

“NO!!! …Hopefully…”

“Don’t worry Perry. Just a normal water fart; you’re supposed to feel that way.”

“I know what a water fart is! It’s when you fart underwater—”

“That’s hydroflatus.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“…I gotta update my Fart-Term Dictionary.”

Aaron went over to Perry and turned around, getting on his knees as though he were about to crawl. Perry could see the dragolf’s wings flapping and he raised his tail just before he heard the dragolf’s stomach grumble. Aaron raised his hind left leg as though he were about to mark a tree and farted in the dog’s face. The smell was atrocious, like stuffing an onion inside a musk ox’s ass. Perry actually seemed to adore the stench of this fart, but the sound of it made him want to curl up in a ball and whine. Imagine brushing your hand across a couch covered in plastic and pouring rotten milk inside a glass. It was a very, very deadly fart combination and Perry was beginning to wonder if Aaron was intentionally sharting himself to add on to the horrific smell and sound. Perry covered his ears and buried his head in the dirt. Aaron sighed with a job well done and held his stomach before fanning his posterior again.

“I’m amazed I haven’t ruined these pants yet.”

Aaron sat back down before Perry came out of the dirt, preparing to give Aaron his own butt blast. Perry mimicked the hybrid by turning around, getting on his paws and knees, and pointing his posterior in Aaron’s face. He spread his legs a little and raised his tail before letting out a foul and gassy abomination from his behind. It reeked of digested chili and scat, not to mention acid and of course, the notorious compound hydrogen-sulfide. The fart was extremely wet and Aaron even had to cover his own nose to prevent the smell from breaching his olfactory senses.

“PEE-YEW!!!”

Perry grunted and held his stomach, before his farts became deep and bubbly. Aaron stared at Perry’s trousers and began to laugh when he noticed a small stain gradually getting bigger.

“Oh, I see why this stinks so much. You should really quit while you’re ahead pup; I think you’re sharting yourself.”

Perry yelped and quickly stood up, grabbing the seat of his pants. He felt something warm and wet on his ass…and unless he was sweating he just pooped himself a little.

“That’s uh…that’s just sweat…”

“Yeah, ‘sweat’.”

Aaron was about to take his turn when his stomach churned loudly and grumbled.

“Oh God…”

The dragolf grunted twice before holding his stomach with both hands and wincing, slouching over to his side.

“Ooohhhh…you’re in trouble now.”

Perry gulped. Aaron started wincing and grunting as his stomach grumbled and growled loudly, jiggling and shaking like crazy. Whatever Aaron ate before coming into the forest was really starting to act up, creating a malodorous concoction in his bowels and quickly heading to the anus. Aaron laughed evilly before he stood up and flew into the air, disappearing into the canopy. Perry looked up and a giant question mark appeared in his mind before he started scratching his noggin.

“Where’d he go?”

“FARTALITY!!!!!”

Perry’s eyes grew wide. “Oh, shit.”

The dragolf dropped to the ground like an atom bomb butt first and squashed Perry to the ground, farting so hard the dirt behind him was shooting up into the air. All the leaves in the trees were flying down and all the birds in the canopy flew away from either the sound or the abysmal odor. Perry could do nothing but look at the seat of the dragolf’s jeans and smell his foul gas. There were several things wrong with this fart—the smell, the sound, the power—it was all too much for the dog. Perry had smelled farts from a gorilla who never wiped his butt, farts from a macro fat fox, farts from Elrick and Stone Analspray. Hell, he even smelled gas from a slobby green trucker named Tyrese. But there was just something about this one fart that smelled so rank Perry couldn’t breathe properly. It was like the Toxic Streamer, but multiple the smell by 15 and amplify the sound so the whole world could hear. That was the fart Aaron was expelling onto Perry’s face right now…and it had lasted over 20 seconds. He couldn’t handle this anymore. He had to quit.

“OKAY!!!”

Perry retched and hacked loudly.

“YOU WIN, YOU WIN!!! NOW GET YOUR FUNKY ASS OFF MY FACE!” pleaded Perry.

Aaron stopped farting and stood up, looking down at Perry and smiling triumphantly.

“HAHAHA! No one can endure the stench of Aaron’s deadly Fartality move!!”

Perry stood up and started panting, trying to overcome the smell that just crept into his mouth and nose.

“God, it’s gonna take forever to de-stinkify this forest.”

“I heard that!”

“Listen…I know I lost the piss battle and the fart battle…but could you at least show me the way to the city?”

“Yeah…about that penalty…”

Aaron walked over to Perry and flashed him a shark smile, revealing his row of razor -sharp teeth. Perry frowned.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

Aaron snarled and grabbed Perry by his waist with both hands, lifting him up into the air over his mouth. Perry screamed when he suddenly realized what was happening, but before he could do anything, part of his body was shoved into Aaron’s mouth. The dragolf sucked on the fox terrier’s sweet furry juices and murred with his mouth full, before tilting his head back and gulping down more of Perry. Eventually, he tilted his head up completely and swallowed the dog whole, gulping loudly and sucking on his fingers. The dragolf then sat next to the tree Elrick marked and belched loudly, before sighing with glee and patting his now gargantuan belly.

Several hours later in the night, Elrick had returned to the tree after he found the path leading the way home.

“Hey Perry, I finally found the way back to…”

Elrick found Aaron sitting next to the tree, snoring with his hands on his fat stomach.

“Uh, hello?”

Aaron snorted and woke up. “What?”

“Was there a fox terrier with smooth fur sitting next to this tree?”

“Oh man…”

Aaron slowly rose from the ground, farting as he began to stand up.

“Yeah, yeah. He went away for a while, but he should be back soon.”

“Damnit I told him to stay by the tree. Do you know when he’ll be back? Or better yet, how long will it be before he gets here?”

Aaron farted again and looked down at his bulging belly.

“Depends. You got any laxatives?”

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