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Chapter 4I haven’t felt this way in a long time. It was a good feeling, that it made me want to cry tears of joy. But I couldn’t because the only joy I had was with him. For the past few days with him, it was intense and magical. We clicked, like we knew how and what worked inside each other’s minds. It was the fifth time I’ve hung out with him, and all we did was the usual. Watch a movie, cuddle in his flat bed, talk about things like what we would do ten years from now, and then end up kissing. Next thing, his body is hovered over mine, and my legs are between his thighs. As we passionately kissed, I felt his member pulsate between my legs. My cheeks blushed red, and we both paused with the kissing. He chuckled with embarrassment and I laughed sheepishly. He dug his head into my shoulder and I lied there waiting for the next move. Should we stop, or continue? I thought it was best to continue, but I was only a teenager. Teenagers are stupid enough to meet their needs. If I was a guy, I’d have a boner and would want to satisfy the girl I passionately made out with. My whole body was like a volcano, Niagara Falls, and a flower blossoming. Everything we had done took time, it wasn’t a rush. We had no distractions or interruptions. Daron caressed my forehead, and intertwined his hand with mine. “What’s on your mind?” Daron asked, as he saw the worried look on my face. I tangled my fingers through his curls and slightly tried to smile and play it off, but tears streamed down my face. “Nothing.” I said. He probably knew what was going on, I just couldn’t tell him without figuring it out first. Was I in love with him, or with the feeling? I lied in my bed thinking the same question repeatedly. I pulled the sheets up to my chin and curled up in a ball, and cried. I was scared. Scared of falling in love with him, because I might get hurt. Scared of losing him, even as a close friend. Scared of getting too deep with him with our intimacy moments. Scared of falling, and thinking he might not be the one to catch me. I wiped my eyes dry, and told myself that I won’t let it happen. I would push those feelings away and act like I never felt them. Even if that meant to push away the memories I had with him. I might have to push him away too. It’s been a week I haven’t heard from him or spoken to him. I would browse through his social media, and smile when I watch him dancing to his favorite rap songs in his friend’s car. I met his friend a couple times. He would pick me up at the bus stop to drive me to Daron’s. He his quiet, we barely talk. I don’t know why, but maybe because he knows I’m none of his business. If it wasn’t for him, I’d be waiting in the cold for an hour for Daron to pick me up. I get a text from Daron while I was spying on him. My heart jumped and I was excited, but I didn’t want to answer. I did anyway though, because deep in my gut I knew I couldn’t resist. It was a simple hello, and it led to a “come over, and cuddle with me.” I already put my sneakers on, and was headed out the door.He was standing next to the bus stop, waiting for me. As soon as he saw me, a huge smile spread on his face making his long beard shift. I smiled too, and slowly walked up to him. He gave me a tight hug and kiss on the cheek, as if he waited a long time to do that. “I missed you.” Were the words that came out of his mouth. My heart shrunk, and I remembered what I told myself. I wanted to say it back, but I held back. “That’s nice.” I said. We walked down the street to his house, and that feeling of joy of being with him came back. I was happy all over again. I was starting to feel like he was my happy drug. Back at my house, when I got the text from him, and the feeling of wanting to resist but see him at the same time I knew that I couldn’t let go. I was stuck to him like glue. I wanted to know what he felt about me though. But I didn’t want to ask him, I thought it was best to just wait and let him vent on his own. I rather be his best friend than an ex in the future. We arrived at his house, and he pulled my head into his chest so he can turn on the lights. His Tv was on, and his brother was sleeping sideways on his bed. I laughed because he was wearing only one sock, and his boxers hung out of his pants. Daron slapped his head to wake him up and get him out, but he groaned and refused. I tickled his foot that had no sock and he jerked up. When he saw me, he looked me up and down and then suddenly got up and left. I wondered what that was all about. Why did he look at me like that? I wondered if Daron was telling his friends and brother about me? In a good or bad way? It bothered me, I had to ask him about it.“Hey, you didn’t tell anybody about us doing it, right?” I asked him. He took his sweatshirt off, and threw it across the room into the pile of other sweatshirts. “Why would I do that? That’s just between you and me.” He replied. He then took his shirt off revealing a huge tattoo on his back. I sat on the edge of his bed nervously when I glimpsed at it, and slipped off. “You alright?” He asked, when he heard a loud thump. I got up off the floor and sheepishly chuckled.“I see you have a tattoo on your back.” I said, taking off my sneakers and putting it in the corner. He nodded and walked towards me and helped me take off my sweater. He pulled me into bed with him, and started tickling my neck with kisses. I laughed so hard, he knew where my tickle spots were. He knew a lot. I had fallen asleep in his arms, and it was eight thirty, I was supposed to be home thirty minutes ago. I woke up to him elbowing me in the hip, and we both got up getting dressed. He was also late for work. We headed out in a hurry as he called the taxi and the taxi pulled up to the front of his house, beeping the horn. My phone buzzed, I had twenty missed calls from mom. I felt a panic, and I let go of Daron’s hand all pissed off. When I get home, I knew that my mom was going to be screaming at me. Daron leaned in and looked at my phone and gasped. “Don’t worry, you’ll be fine. She is just worried. Call her back and tell her you’re on your way.” He said. I called my mom back, but she wouldn’t answer. After calling her for the third time, my dad called saying that she was flipping out. I sighed in frustration, this was going to be a bad night. I wasn’t even eighteen yet and I’m sure as hell not going to earn my mom’s trust. She won’t let me out again, only for emergencies. She won’t let me hang out with Daron again. We both got out of the cab, and I was ready to run. Before I did he pulled me into one of those tight hugs and told me to text him later when I can, and to be a good girl to my mom. I nodded and sprinted home. I opened the door to the house and my mom was on the phone with someone. I waved hello to her, but she ignored me. She is disappointed at me, she turned her back. I went into to my room and changed into some pajamas and figured out what I was going to tell her. Well the truth, of course. I fell asleep and lost track of time. “You’ll be fine….” His voice echoed, and I was underneath a bridge in the darkness. It sounded as if he was right next to me, but I had to walk closer until I felt his warm hands touched my icy cold skin. He wrapped his arms around me, and we swayed to the rhythm of the wind. I felt safe, secured, and protected even in the vacant, dark, and silent night.I woke up, feeling the urge to turn over and see his face. But he wasn’t with me. It was the wall. I sighed, and got out of bed. I wish I hadn’t woken up and still oscillated with him. I had no worries, no intention. It was just the both of us, in the gloomy night. I stared unfocused in math class, drifting into my own world. Day dreaming about where I’d rather be instead. I imagined being at the beach at sunrise, my toes sunk in the sand, and the current waves washing between them. The wind brushing against my face. I imagined being on a roller coaster, hearing everybody’s screams while I embrace the moment in the front seat. I imagined standing at the edge of the exit door on an airplane with my parachute hanging on my back, getting ready for takeoff. I would jump with my arms wide open and touch the clouds, and feel the adrenaline rush through my body. I imagined sitting on the roof top, underneath the stars and talking to them about all my wishes. Then I imagined Daron. His smile, his sweet gestures, and his warm hugs. Mr. Ashton interrupted me with a math question, and I answered it with a guess. But I had guessed it right. I’ve learned how to do equations with triangles since middle school, it’s not that hard. All this time, I was imagining where I wanted to be, but I was alone. So, I thought to myself ‘who would I want to be alone with?’ His name kept popping up in my head all day, but I was pushing it away. “You’ll be fine…” ................
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