Setting and respecting boundaries in relationships ...
PDHPE Stage 5 – Child Protection EducationResources – Setting and respecting boundaries in relationshipsContents TOC \o "2-3" \h \z \u Signs PAGEREF _Toc118888723 \h 2Cards: Sex? Not sex? Activity PAGEREF _Toc118888724 \h 4Examples of ‘Red flags’ in relationships PAGEREF _Toc118888725 \h 8‘Red flag’ scenarios PAGEREF _Toc118888726 \h 10Scenario A: Jasmin and James PAGEREF _Toc118888727 \h 10Scenario B: Lisa and Andy PAGEREF _Toc118888728 \h 12Scenario C: Carol and Joe PAGEREF _Toc118888729 \h 14Scenario D: Cameron and Raoul PAGEREF _Toc118888730 \h 16Your stories activity PAGEREF _Toc118888731 \h 18Part A PAGEREF _Toc118888732 \h 18Part B PAGEREF _Toc118888733 \h 19Signs“One way road street traffic” by Clker-Free-Vector-Images is licensed in accordance with the Pixabay License“Two way traffic sign” by Clker-Free-Vector-Images is licensed in accordance with the Pixabay License.Cards: Sex? Not sex? ActivitySEXNOT SEXHolding handsA person gets sexual pleasurefrom holding hands withsomeone.KissingPartners use their mouths topleasure each other’s mouths.Can also kiss anywhere onpartner’s body.Body and/or genital rubbingRubbing genitals against apartner’s body or genitals forsexual pleasure.Love lettersA person gets sexual pleasurefrom writing or receivinglove letters.Anal intercourseA man inserts his penis into hismale or female partner’s anus.CuddlingA person gets sexual pleasurefrom cuddling their partner.Oral sex (cunnilingus)A person uses his or her tongueto stimulate the female partner’sgenital area.Vaginal intercourseA male inserts his penis intohis female partner’s vagina.FantasyImagining things that aresexually arousing.Oral sex (fellatio)A person uses his or hermouth/tongue to stimulate theirpartner’s penis.Digital stimulationA person inserts their finger(s)into their partner’s vagina or anus.Internet messagesMessages which are sexuallyarousing but not abusive.MassageA person gets sexual pleasure from being massaged.MasturbationGiving yourself sexual pleasure, usually by touching or rubbing your genitals. Can involve fantasy.Nipple stimulationLicking, sucking or rubbing etc.the nipples for sexual arousal.Pornography or sex toysUsing images or toys for sexual arousal and pleasure.Phone sexPhone calls which are sexually arousing but not abusive.Text messagesMessages which are sexuallyarousing but not abusive.Examples of ‘Red flags’ in relationshipsPhysicalMaking you afraid by using looks, actions or gesturesSmashing thingsDestroying propertyAbusing petsDisplaying weaponsHurting youGetting your drunk or drugging you to get sexRepeatedly making sexual advances after you’ve said noForcing you into sexual behaviours without consentEmotionalMaking and/or carrying out threats to hurt youThreatening to leave,Threatening to commit suicideThreatening to report you to the policeMaking you drop chargesMaking you do illegal thingsManipulating or making threats to get sexThreatening to take children awayThreatening to cheat on youSocialTreating you like a servantMaking all the decisionsActing like the “master of the castle”Being the one to define men’s and women’s rolesThreatening to expose your weakness or spread rumoursTelling malicious lies about you to your peersControlling behaviourControlling what you doDoesn’t like you hanging out with your friendsDiscouraging you from studyingDeciding where you go and hang out all the timeLimiting your outside involvementUsing jealousy to justify their actionsLimiting money you can have and what you can spend it onDictating what you eatExternal signsYour friends have said they don’t really like your partnerYour friends have said you’ve changedYour parents/carers don’t want you to spend time with your partnerYour friends and family say they don’t see you much anymoreYou don’t participate in hobbies you enjoy as much as you used toYou’ve started to get into trouble at school Your grades have started to drop at schoolYou’ve received a few warnings at workYou’re not saving as much money as you used to You’ve been in trouble with the law‘Red flag’ scenariosScenario A: Jasmin and JamesScene 1James is fourteen years old and has his first girlfriend. He met her at a party. Her name is Jasmin and she’s fifteen years old. He’s thrilled because she’s so pretty and is really popular at school. They’ve been going out for a month and have seen each other every day. She calls every day – five or six times, and they spend at least a couple of hours together as well. Jasmin treats him very well. She has a casual job, so buys him presents and takes him to really nice places. James has been so busy with Jasmin that he isn’t seeing his friends except at school. When he talks about her his friends are all jealous because he has such a hot girlfriend. James has dropped out of soccer and drama club because he has no time. Jasmin likes them to meet up straight after school and she doesn’t like to wait or have him waste time when they could be together.Scene 2James and Jasmin have been going out for two months now. James is really confused. Jasmin is so wonderful and he keeps doing things that make her mad. He wonders how he can be so dumb. Jasmin loves him so much and she always wants to be with him. Last week after school he was talking with Parveen. Their teacher assigned them a school project and they were discussing it. Jasmin was waiting and when he got to the school gate she screamed and yelled and called him stupid and selfish, and other even worse names. She was sure he was seeing Parveen and accused him of sleeping with her. James knew it was his fault for keeping her waiting. That night Jasmin came over with a box of chocolates and told him she got mad because she loved him so much and couldn’t stand to see him with other girls. Last night he was talking on the phone with a friend he hadn’t talked to for weeks. He only talked to him for five minutes because he knew Jasmin would be calling. She calls every ten to fifteen minutes all evening. Jasmin phoned right after and called him all kinds of names and accused him of seeing Parveen again. Jasmin keeps saying and messaging mean things and then says it’s because she loves him and no one else will love him like she does.Scene 3As the relationship continued things got worse and worse. Jasmin didn’t like anything James said or did. Then Jasmin started to spread rumours about James, both offline and online. This really hurt James as he found out that she was telling everyone that they have had sex, which they haven’t. He brought this up with Jasmin, but she called him lame for not wanting to have sex and said they should be because everyone else is. James was really upset, but he didn’t want to lose Jasmin.Scenario B: Lisa and AndyScene 1Lisa is fourteen. She is fairly shy, and although she has always had two or three close girlfriends, she also worries that she isn’t very popular. One day, a boy in her class named Andy asked her out. She was surprised and pleased that he had noticed her, since he is well liked at school and considered quite a “catch.” Once they started seeing each other, they spent almost all of their time together. Andy seemed flattered whenever Lisa mentioned how lucky she was to be going out with him, and always mentioned this when they were around his friends. Since Andy didn’t really know Lisa’s friends, she didn’t get to see them very often, but whenever she did they would go on and on about how they couldn’t believe how lucky she was to have been chosen by such a good looking, popular boy.Scene 2In the past few months, Andy has started to criticise Sandy and Patricia, Lisa’s closest friends. He doesn’t want Lisa to go shopping with them on Saturdays or to visit with them at lunch or after school. He says if she really cared about him, she wouldn’t need to go places without him. Sometimes Lisa sees her friends without telling him, but if he finds out he gets angry. He calls her names and says she doesn’t care about him. Other times, Lisa makes excuses not to see her friends and they wonder why she doesn’t want to visit with them anymore. Lisa doesn’t want to end her friendship with Sandy and Patricia, but she’s afraid she will lose Andy if she doesn’t do what he wants.Scene 3On their six month anniversary, Andy planned a lavish celebration for just the two of them. His parents had agreed to go out for the evening and let Andy cook dinner for Lisa at home. Although it was supposed to be a surprise, he’d talked about it so much with his friends that Lisa found out about it and decided to do something special. Although she never thought she was beautiful, Lisa usually felt OK about how she looked. Still, she decided a new haircut before their special evening would make Andy happy. When she showed up at Andy’s house, he laughed at her, and told her it looked ugly. Lisa started to cry and decided to leave, but Andy apologised and convinced her to stay. Lisa felt stupid. “I should have known,” she thought, “Andy is so particular about how I dress or act.” She was determined to behave throughout the rest of the evening. So, after dinner, when Andy started kissing her, she let him go farther than ever before. Before she knew it, he was pulling her skirt up and taking off his pants. When she hesitated, Andy told her that she owed him sex. After all, wasn’t she lucky to be going out with him? She wouldn’t have any friends if it weren’t for him. How could she refuse after he’d done so much for her? She said, “No, Andy. I’m not ready for this.” Still, he said it was too late, and forced her to have sex with him. When it was over, she just sat on the couch and cried. Andy apologised, and told her she’d better get over it before his parents got home.Scenario C: Carol and JoeScene 1: Carol is thirteen. For six months, she has been dating Joe, who is a year ahead of her in school. Since the beginning, the relationship has been going well. Joe sent her special messages, and every evening they would spend hours messaging each other. Sometimes, Joe accused Carol of flirting with other guys. He said that she had to be careful, since she was so beautiful. Carol wasn’t too bothered by the accusations. She thought that if Joe was jealous, it must mean he really cared about her.Scene 2: One month later, Carol and Joe had plans to go out on Friday after school. He said he would meet her at the front door of the school half an hour after the bell. Carol was talking with her friend Amy by her locker after school. She lost track of time and was late meeting Joe. He was gone by the time she got to the door, so she went home. Joe was waiting outside her house. Before she could explain what happened, he started yelling, “where have you been? What have you been doing?” He grabbed her by the hair and slapped her face. She tried to get away, but he punched her and knocked her on the ground. Carol blacked out for a minute or two, and when she came to Joe was sitting on the ground crying and saying, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” Carol went into the house by the back door so her parents wouldn’t see her. She cleaned herself up and put makeup where the bruises would show. She came back outside, and Joe acted like nothing had happened. They went out for the evening, and nothing else was said about the incident.Scene 3: Joe hadn’t had any violent outbursts for three or four months, so Carol forgot about it and thought it wouldn’t happen again. But, in the last few weeks, Joe has started slapping her around once or twice. Carol has tried everything not to make him angry, but he seems to get worked up for no reason. Carol hasn’t told anyone what is going on, although her friends have asked her a few times if she has hurt herself because sometimes the bruises show even under the makeup. Carol always makes up an excuse. She thinks her mother is getting suspicious, but so far Carol has avoided any direct questions. Carol wants to help Joe, but she doesn’t see how. She has tried to talk with him, but it only seems to make him angrier. She is often afraid that he will hurt her badly, but she cares about him. And deep down, she thinks he might come after her if she tried to break up with him.Scenario D: Cameron and RaoulScene 1Cameron is fifteen years old and is in his first official relationship. He met him through his Basketball Club although they play in different age groups. His name is Raoul and he’s seventeen years old. They don’t go to the same school, so it is great to have someone else to hang out with, especially since they have the love of basketball in common. They’ve been together officially for two months but only get to see each other twice a week at the basketball stadium and usually once on the weekend. They text and speak on the phone daily, plus keep updated via socials. Raoul has his license and is kind enough to give Cameron a lift home from basketball. He also has a part-time job and pays when they eat out, go to the movies or see a basketball game. Cameron is yet to tell his family and his school friends that he is gay. Raoul knows this and is cool about it. Cameron is starting to worry about his grades as he has been distracted by his relationship, finding it hard to concentrate on homework. When he tells Raoul about this, he says not to worry as he still has a few years left at school.Scene 2Cameron and Raoul have been together for six months now. Raoul has been wanting to see Cameron more often, which he thought was great at first but Cameron is now feeling very overwhelmed. He tried to discuss his feelings with Raoul, who became very upset. He even asked Cameron if he was interested in someone else!! Cameron tried to reassure Raoul but this seemed to make him angrier, it was like he wasn’t listening. Later that night Raoul messaged Cameron to apologise, saying he should be happy that he’s jealous because it shows how much he loves him. Cameron replied to say he accepted his apology. Cameron had his basketball grand-final on the following weekend, his family and some friends from school were all coming along for support, Raoul would also be there representing the Club. Cameron’s team won and his friends all came over to congratulate him. Raoul did not like this, he whispered in Cameron’s ear “they’d better back off or I’ll show them you’re mine”. Cameron froze as he was not ready to come out about his sexuality to his parents or friends yet.Scene 3Cameron felt trapped in the relationship. Raoul was controlling him by threatening to “let it slip” to people at the Basketball Club that Cameron was gay. He felt like he had no one to turn to as he could not discuss his worries with his friends and family. Raoul had also pressured Cameron into sexual behaviours that he did not want to do and forced him to watch pornographic material. Raoul says it would be a “dog act” if he told as it would make people think badly of the LGBTQ community. Cameron just can’t see a way out. Your stories activityPart AStory 1:What Image-based abuse happened to the character?How did it affect their wellbeing?Who did they turn to for help? How was the situation resolved?Story 2:What Image-based abuse happened to the character?How did it affect their wellbeing?Who did they turn to for help? How was the situation resolved?Story 3:What Image-based abuse happened to the character?How did it affect their wellbeing?Who did they turn to for help? How was the situation resolved?Part B__ Anna__ Ariba__ Emily__ Kate__ Jess__ Luca__ May__ Michael__ Min-jun__ Mitch__ Priya__ Steven__ May ................
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