COACHING TOOLS



Harley M Storey

“The Life Coach Toolman!”

Dear Subscriber

Here are the 16 eZine Ideas that form part of 101 Tools Life Coaches Use®.

We know we promised you 12 eZines but we didn’t think you'd mind a few extras!

And speaking of extras, if you write your own, would you like to know how long your eZine should be, or about vital legal requirements? Check out the enclosed 5 eZine Tips!

The Table of Contents contains active links – meaning you can go straight to the eZine by clicking its name.

If you are a Coach, and you would like to send these eZines to your clients, this is permissible, with the proviso that life-coach- is acknowledged and referenced as the source at all times.

However, please note that this agreement does not express, imply or confer any resale rights.

If you have any feedback, comments or suggestions, I'd love to hear them, please email me at

harley@life-coach-

Kind regards

Harley M Storey

CEO, Managing Director

Paradigms Life Coaching Limited®

Table Of Contents

5 Ezine Tips 5

Dream Up Your New Life! 7

Breathe Life Into Your Dreams! 10

3 Paths To Happiness 12

Relationship Keys 14

12 Ways To Erase Worry 16

Xmas, Radios & Stress! 19

A Blank Slate. A Brand New Year! 21

New Year Goals – Part I 23

New Year Goals – Part Ii 25

Is My Glass Half Empty Or Half Full? 27

An Everyday Miracle 29

The Letter That Changed My Life. 31

Have You Lost Your Hearts Voice? 34

3 Brilliant Ideas 37

The Depressed Preacher 40

My Favorite Ezine! 42

5 eZine Tips

1. Tell a story

From our earliest childhood we were taught by stories; legends, fairy tales and parables. Stories are universally interesting to all ages and cultures.

We are never too young or old for a great story!

Stories engage your readers like nothing else. If you are ever listening to a speaker and they mention that they are about to tell a story, watch everyone’s ears pick up and notice how it grabs the audience’s attention.

As an example of how to use a story, check out the story here A New Year, A Blank Slate.

Write a story, or tell an amusing personal anecdote in your eZine, practically all these eZines have one or both of these elements.

2. Make it topical

If it's Christmas, write about Christmas, or giving. Likewise, Thanksgiving (that's an easy one) or Halloween (Hmmmm….)

And don’t be afraid to be yourself - let your personality shine through, go on let it out! The readers who haven't met you want to get a sense of who you are and your style.

No, not everyone will like it, but those are the clients that you won't relate to anyway. Besides if everyone likes you, you may be being too nice at the expense of yourself? (A coaching question to ponder?)

3. Dangle your bait, reel them in and get outta there!

Get their attention with a juicy piece of bait - a great headline.

Then keep their attention with concise sentences, short paragraphs and narrow columns like a magazine.

You've got something to say, so say it and get outta there before you lose ‘em, ‘coz unless you're Stephen King, too many words tend to bore the reader.

Remember less is more, which reminds me of an interesting story …

An editor gave a journalist one week to write an article. After a week, the journalist came back with a 1,000 word article, and said, “If you'd given me another week Ed., I could've written it with 700!”

Or as Stephen King puts it, “Second draft is: First draft – 10%”

(ie. the second draft has 10% less words!)

A good rule of thumb for an eZine, is 300–500 words, which shouldn't take too long to write. (However, if word counting is your thang you'll notice I don’t always take my own advice!)

4. Something to sell? Tell!

Got something to sell? Tell the world about it!

The previous tip is especially important if you have some sales copy in your eZine.

You don’t want the reader to tune out before they get to the part where you tell them about your life changing products and services and then ask them to make a decision.

5. Legal Requirements

Legal requirements vary from country to country and state to state, so check out what's applicable to you regarding electronic media, but the most important requirement when sending an eZine is an Unsubscribe link.

This doesn't need to be at the top but needs to be prominent, most eZines have this at the end.

Finally, and I know I don’t need to say this because “it's been done unto you” and you know how it feels … never Spam.

(Yes I know we only promised you 5 tips, but you know we always like to over-deliver!)

6. A great newsletter

If you would like a great example of an eZine, check out Sean D’Souza’s free newsletter at

Yes he’s a friend of mine, but I get nothing if you subscribe, (Sean if you're reading this …) but it's probably the best marketing newsletter on the planet, so if you are in business you need to know about this stuff anyway!

Dream Up Your New Life!

"If you don't have a dream, how are you going to make it come true?" Walt Disney

Do you realize that whatever you see around you began as a dream?

From the beautiful relief of Michelangelo's Sistine chapel, to the lines of those outrageous stilettos, these things existed first in the imagination of the artist or designer.

Consider the sleekness of a Pininfarina Ferrari, or the quirky character of a Yves Saint-Laurent ensemble - before being sketched on paper, each began as a dream in an Italian car studio or a French design room.

Some believe everything began as a dream, not just the man-made stuff. Indigenous Australians speak of a moment when the entire universe was created during "dream time."

Dr. Martin Luther King had one, he dreamt that his nation would one day rise "and live out the true meaning of its creed - that all men are created equal."

John F. Kennedy had one too, in 1962 he dreamt of "landing a man on the moon and returning him safely to earth before this decade is out."

His dream seemed outrageous when he first proposed it and they only just made his timeline, but in 1969 JFK’s dream came true when Neil Armstrong made the first footprint on the moon.

The theme of this article is "Follow your dream ...” But before you can follow your dream you have to create one.

Do you have a dream?

"Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so shall you become."

James Allen

If you could do anything, what would you do?

If you could be anyone, who would you be?

Dreams don’t have to be realistic or even possible for us to live them.

Mother Teresa had a dream of ending poverty in Calcutta. She knew this would never happen, but this didn’t stop her from trying and living her dream, because … dreams don’t have to be realistic or even possible for us to live them!

"Last night I dreamt I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up

the pillow was gone!"

Tommy Cooper

Do you feel you have lost the ability to dream?

We are all born dreamers, but the maturity of adult years and the inevitable disappointments of life, can put a dent in the faith of our ability to achieve. As we grow older, some of us do not dare to dream for fear of being disappointed.

"If one dream should fall and break into a thousand pieces,

never be afraid to pick up one of those pieces and begin again."

Flavia Weedn

Do you have a dream? Would you like to discover how to dream your dream?

"Dreaming is the act of creating a brand new possibility."

Harley M Storey

(he’s a famous coach in case you've never heard of him!)

If you're a bit stuck, then try this Visioning Tool.

Get away by yourself somewhere inspirational – a walk in the park or on a beach is great. If you can’t be there, just imagine ... Let your mind roam free and unfettered by thoughts of what's possible. Brainstorm the craziest options imaginable without any limits. Let your mind go wild with possibilities ...

After you have come back down to earth, and hopefully without having bumped into any trees(!), have you got any clues now about what your dream could be?

Have you expanded your concept of what is possible?

Another visioning tool you may like to try is Creative Writing.

Get a piece of paper and write at the top, "My Brand New Dream."

Then just write whatever ‘comes through the pen’ without thinking about it. After you have finished writing, read over it - does anything strike you? Underline any passages or phrases that stand out or seem significant.

Or, if you're a more Visual person, collect a stack of magazines and cut out any pictures that appeal to you, without thinking about why or analysing them. When you have a pile of pictures, ask yourself "Are there any fresh ideas or common themes?"

Paste them into a scrapbook and add to them as you come across other images that appeal to you.

By using these tools to tap into the creativity of your imagination and harness the power of your unconscious mind, you can create new ideas and fresh perspectives for career, relationships and business or just to create new options and possibilities for your life.

Now that you have some idea of what your dream could be, the next article will deal with how to "Breathe Life into Your Dreams!" – how to actually make your dreams happen.

As a final intriguing thought, think about what Kahlil Gibran, the author of the well known book ‘The Prophet’ might have meant when he wrote, "The most pitiful amongst men are those who only turn their dreams into silver and gold."

We will leave the last word to rapper Tupac … "Reality is wrong man - Dreams are for real!"

Breathe Life Into Your Dreams!

We didn’t “just happen” to put a man on the moon!

How is your dream going?

Our previous article dealt with How To Create Your Dream – here we show you how to make your dream a reality!

1. The first step is to begin with a clear, defined Dream.

You can’t begin to create something without knowing what you want to create. You need to get to the point where you can see, smell and taste your dream until it becomes a clear Vision.

2. The next step is to represent your Vision:

• Write it out,

• Draw it

• Take a photo of it

• Cut out pictures

Congratulations! You can now see ‘The Big Picture’ – your vision has become a Goal. You know where you're going and you know what you want to find when you get there!

3. Take ‘baby’ steps.

A journey of 1,000,000 miles begins with a single step.

Now work out the steps between where you are now and where you want to be.

The mission to put a man on the moon didn’t just happen. It was the result of defining a large goal, and then breaking down that large goal into little steps.

4. Little Steps + Action = Achievement

Debbie Turner, Entrepreneur Of The Year says, “it’s great to have goals, but if you don’t do anything then nothing will happen!”

The final step is to take Action.

An empowering question to ask yourself is, “What can I do today to help me move toward my vision?”

A Swiss friend once told me his father's favorite piece of advice;

“You know what you have to do if you have a lot of work in front of you?”

“Start!”

To summarize:

Dreams become Visions.

Visions become Big Goals.

Big Goals become Little Steps and …

Little Steps + Action = Achievement!

3 Paths to Happiness

The Two Wolves

One evening sitting around the fire, the grandson of an old and wise Cherokee chief asked his grandfather, "Why is life so unhappy Grandad?"

The wise old chief thought for a moment, and then asked, "Can you hear the wolves that are howling in the distance son?"

"Yes I can Grandad," replied the boy.

"Have you noticed how some of the wolves are angry and aggressive and some are gentle and friendly?"

"Yes I have Grandad," replied the boy, "I like the baby wolf with the stripes who follows me when I go hunting."

"Well, we have two wolves inside us also," replied his grandfather.

"One leads us to misery and unhappiness. It sows the seeds of anger, envy, jealousy, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, pride and ego.

The other leads us to happiness. It sows the seeds of joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."

The grandson was quiet for a while and then asked: "Which wolf wins Grandad?"

The old chief simply replied, "The one you feed."

- Author Anon

Are you happy? …

Hands up who wants to be miserable? Psychologists agree that everything we do, we do because we want either avoid pain or attain pleasure.

Why do we spend so much of our time being unhappy?

Perhaps we could start by examining our stated objective. We may be unconsciously telling ourselves that we should be happy all the time.

When experience does not meet with this expectation, and we are not happy all the time, we may feel that we have failed. In addition we have compounded the problem by being unhappy about being unhappy!

Is it reasonable to expect to be happy all the time? Isn't it natural for life to be a series of ups followed by downs, and downs followed by ups?

What would you think of someone who was laughing all the time no matter what the news or situation? You may conclude that they were perhaps not totally in touch with reality!

Even if our own lives were perfect, if we are compassionate people and a friend shares a sadness with us, would it not be human to be sad alongside them?

So maybe it is not reasonable, or possible, to be happy all the time.

However, it would seem reasonable to have a goal of increasing the amount of time we are happy and to be happy more often.

How do we increase the amount of time we are happy?

1. Happiness comes from the word happy, which in turn is derived from the sound "ha" which is the noise we make when we laugh! Hopefully that made you smile - which is the first path to happiness!

2. Happiness is a feeling. What is the nature of feelings? They come and go – up and down, round and round, never resting or staying the same – and always in a state of flux and change.

So to expect that once we feel happiness that we will always be happy, is perhaps not realistic. However, if we are unhappy it is realistic to think that sooner or later we will be happy.

Happiness is a feeling. Sadness is a feeling, and feelings are like clouds. Sometimes there are happy fluffy clouds in the sky, sometimes there are dark clouds and sometimes the clouds cry. But the dark clouds always pass after rain, and the expanse of the sky remains unaffected. The sky is always blue. The sun is always shining. Sometimes we cannot see it or feel it but all day (& all night) it burns bright and warm.

3. Happiness is here right now. Can you think of just one reason to be happy? Then be happy.

Practice letting go of the habit of always thinking about what's wrong, try remembering what's not wrong? and focus on that. Happiness is here now.

Relationship Keys

Burger King serving up Relationship stress!

A woman recently called Emergency 911 from the drive-through at a Burger King.

She wanted the 911 operator to send down an officer to force Burger King to make her Western BBQ Burger correctly. The 911 operator told her to act like an adult and calmly and rationally work this out with the manager.

The operator refused to send down an officer and the woman demanded that the police come there to "protect her."

The operator replied, "From what? The wrong hamburger? A harmful hamburger?"

After a little more discussion, the woman eventually apologized and explained that she had been undergoing a great deal of "relationship stress."

After some more time talking to the operator, she finally began to see the funny side of the situation and both operator and customer shared a laugh about the absurdity of her predicament.

Relationship Keys

This is an interesting story, but it is sometimes hard to see the funny side of relationship stress when we are in the midst of dealing with it.

As humans, we are all in relationship with someone or something. Even a hermit in the mountains still has to relate to their surroundings. For those of us in general society, even if we do not have a life partner, we are still in relationship with our family, friends, work colleagues or Burger King employees (!), etc.

It has been said that being in relationship is a great way to grow. This is because by dealing with other people we automatically encounter our unresolved issues, and often the other persons also!

Another way of expressing this is the 3 P’s.

The 3 P’s are: People, Politics & Problems.

Where there is one P you will find the other two.

We have all experienced other people, especially those we are closest to (family?), pushing our "buttons" and prompting issues that we are sensitive about.

So what do we do when other people push our buttons?

We have a choice to react … or to respond.

When we react we are usually not giving much thought to what we are doing, this can easily become a fully fledged argument if the other person also reacts without thinking.

However, a response, indicates a different action.

By responding, rather than reacting, we have made a little piece of space where we can consider the situation and decide the best way to handle things.

Responding consists of patience, humility and intelligence.

Patience because we are holding back from reacting straight away and often inflaming the situation.

Humility because it feels good to react with a sarcastic comeback or put down.

Intelligence because we understand that in the long run a compassionate response is the best way to handle the situation and is an important means to enhance and maintain our relationships.

Communication is an inherent part of an intelligent response because if we know that our partner or friend is having a difficult day and under stress - like the lady at Burger King - we can see and understand that the reason they may have spoken harshly is not due to us but because of what they are dealing with.

If we do not know why they have spoken harshly or unkindly to us then communication is the key that unlocks that knowledge.

The next time you are spoken unkindly to, try responding by asking "Are you ok? Are you having a difficult day?" Then watch their jaws drop and their demeanor soften.

I went to my local Postal Office recently and the lady serving me was extremely rude.

However, rather than responding in anger, I decided to try another approach.

I visited a bakery, bought a large chocolate cookie, returned to the Postal Office, gave it to her, and wished her a great day.

Ever since, she has been very nice to me. So I conclude that compassion gets better results than anger!

12 Ways to Erase Worry

The Young Woman at the Well.

Once upon a time, a beautiful young woman was found weeping whilst gazing at her reflection in the village well.

As the well was in the desert, it was customary to draw water in the cool of the evening, out of the heat of the day. It was rare for anyone to draw water under the full force of the afternoon sun.

One of the village elders, saw the young woman weeping and asked "Why are you so troubled, dear one?"

The young woman wailed in reply, "Because Aunty, one day I may be here drawing water in the afternoon and I might meet a handsome traveler."

"Yes, go on," the wise lady inquired.

"And then he may court me, and he might fall in love with me. And then we might get married and the whole village would be at the celebration. And then we might have wonderful children together …"

"So why so sad young one?" the old lady asked.

"Well, after we are married and have children, he might leave me and then my children could turn against me and I will die a lonely old poor woman. That is why I am so sad," she cried, weeping into the well.

The old woman thought a while, and then asked, "Have you met my husband?"

"No Aunty, he died before I was born."

"Have you met my children?"

"No Aunty, they live far away."

"Do you know why I am at the well this afternoon?"

"No, I don’t Aunty."

"I have come to the well in the heat of the afternoon sun to see if I can meet a handsome traveler!" chuckled the old lady.

Author - Harley M Storey

Most people worry. After working in the personal development field for ten years, I have compiled some worry strategies that my clients have found helpful.

When you have an intractable worry – try applying the

12 Step Worry Test.

1. Will worrying help the situation? Will it make a positive difference?

2. Will it make things worse in the meantime? Will it negatively affect my health, my relationships, my general state of mind?

3. Can I do anything about this? If Yes – then do it. If No – then why worry?

4. What is the worst that can happen? Can I handle that?

5. Is the end result of what I am concerned about something important? Or rather insignificant?

6. Is the degree of worry proportionate to the problem?

7. What can I do to distract myself positively and get me out of this "head space"? (like taking the needle out of a groove in a record.)

8. If things don’t go the way I would like and my worry eventuates, what is one positive result? What can I learn from, or take, from this?

9. Is there something I need to let go?

10. Is there anything I am not admitting to myself?

11. Do I enjoy worrying?

12. Why should I worry about this?

A Fighter Pilots advice

A fighter pilot was asked what surviving combat had taught him, he replied that "I learnt when under fire that I could not afford to worry about things over which I have no control."

If you cannot control the outcome of the situation, why waste time and energy fretting and endlessly turning it over in your mind?

The Compassionate Universe

Do you believe in fate, a higher power, a compassionate universe or the greater good?

If you do, you may wish to try this:

1. Make your request to the Universe stating exactly what you would like.

2. Release It And Commit The Outcome To The Universe.

3. Let go and be prepared to change yourself and for the situation to remain!

A Personal Anecdote

I remember once during a very challenging time in my life, I was extremely distressed about a situation over which I had no control.

I would regularly shout to the universe that "if things are the same in six months I just won’t be able to handle it."

I assumed that this threat made to the universe would somehow mean there would be a miraculous resolution of my problems!

However, six months would come and go, the situation remained the same but I was still here and I was ok.

I realized that whilst the situation hadn't changed – I had.

Quick inspirational Story

People often ask me to recommend good books to read, a great book to start with is "The Power of Positive Thinking" By Dr. Norman Vincent Peale.

Dr Peale shares an interesting story in this book.

After his manuscript for "The Power of Positive Thinking" was rejected by 19 publishers in a row, he threw it in the rubbish bin in disgust.

His wife, admonishing him to live by his own words (don’t you hate that!) and to take his own advice, urged him to try just one more time.

He tried one last publisher, who accepted his manuscript and his book became one of the bestselling books of all time.

Xmas, Radios & Stress!

Here is a picture of a gentleman busking with a dizi flute in Aotea Square, Auckland City, New Zealand.

What does it have to do with Christmas, Radios & Stress?

Do you find that in the inevitable Christmas hustle and bustle, you lose sight of what Christmas is about?

Every Christmas we become all too aware that the values of charity and peace get lost in a whirl of busyness and stress. And busyness is the enemy of compassion – one of the core values of Christmas.

Christmas is time + love. When you imagine the Christmas family dinner … do you sigh contentedly imagining times of togetherness, thankfulness and harmony … or do you frown a little when you consider undertaking a highly charged exercise in relationship politics?

Christmas is supposed to be a time of peace and goodwill, but everyone is so hectic and hyperactive, we often treat each other with less patience and respect.

If you find your Christmas cheer gets lost in the stress of the season, follow the example of the radio!

A radio can receive all stations at once, but very wisely only tunes into one at a time.

At Christmas family gatherings, you can tune out “the look” that your in-law may or may not have given you, or that off-the-cuff comment that could be taken both ways, and tune in to enjoying your holiday time.

If you encounter a grumpy person, just tune them out temporarily and tune in to the positive people - or listen for the children’s laughter.

So what does all this have to do with the photo at the beginning of the article? …

I had cycled in to Ticketek to buy tickets for an international motorcycling event, and as I was riding around the city square, the enchanting strains of a bamboo flute drifted toward me.

I followed the sound and sat down near the flautist busking on Main Street. I enjoyed relaxing in the sun listening to some live music and watching the crowd go by.

it wasn’t until I was preparing to leave, that I noticed right next to us there was very noisy road construction underway. I didn’t even hear it. I was listening so intently to the music that I didn’t notice the jarring din of the jackhammers and generators. (You can see the plastic security barriers in the photo.)

Just like a radio, I had tuned out the sound of the construction and tuned in to the beautiful music.

This is a great tool for dealing with stressful situations anytime.

You can tune out the devil who says “you can’t” on one shoulder and tune in to the angel who says “you can” on the other. You can choose to focus on the many things that are right with your life, rather than the few things that are wrong.

May you always choose to tune out the loud noise and tune into the beautiful music.

Happy Holidays!

A Blank Slate. A Brand New Year!

Welcome to our first eZine of the year, which begins by asking; how was last year?

I am guessing it was filled with highs and lows, ‘wins’ and ‘losses,’ some laughter and perhaps some tears. Isn't that great?

We can look at life as like a painting - wouldn't it be boring if it was just one happy color? I don’t know anyone whose life is like that, but it seems that is what many of us strive for.

We need different colors, tones and hues to make life interesting: yellow, red, purple?, dark, light, sunny and shade. Now that sounds like a picture I would enjoy looking at.

My [last year] was unusual and filled with unexpected events – both pleasant and challenging. I am thankful for the year that was, I will take what was positive and let go of the negative.

If I don’t let go of the negative, I am assuming a burden I need not carry, like the young monk …

Two monks were on a journey when they came to a river where a beautifully dressed woman was standing.

As she did not want to ruin her lovely clothes, she asked them to carry her to the other side. The two monks glanced at one another because they had taken vows not to touch a woman.

Then, without a word, the older monk picked up the woman, carried her across the river, placed her gently on the other side, and carried on his journey.

The younger monk couldn't believe what had just happened. After rejoining his companion, he was speechless, and an hour passed without a word between them. Two more hours passed, then three hours, finally the younger monk could contain himself no longer, and blurted out “How could you have done that - when you made a vow not to even touch a woman?!”

The older monk looked at him and replied, “Oh, are you still carrying her? I put her down hours ago.”

I love that story, it makes me laugh. I think it's a great illustration of how we can burden ourselves with things we should let go of, and also a reminder to break the rules once in a while.

So now that you have let go of the trash from last year … welcome to this year - A Blank Slate. A Brand New Year!

• What would you like from this Brand New year?

• What calls to you?

• What would you like to move forward?

Is there enough time for you? … do you need more Work / Life Balance?

Is your work fulfilling and challenging? … like to explore your Career options?

Like better relationships? … does your relationship need a check up?

How’s your health? … need to reassess your diet and exercise needs?

How's your mental health, your happiness quotient? … like some new tools for living?

In Conclusion …

• Is your way forward unclear?

• Do you need new goals that get you excited?

• Do you need direction and motivation?

Would you like support, perspectives and clarity to create the life you want to be living?

Why not contact a Life Coach?

Do you know of any???

Hint: If you re-purpose this eZine here’s where you insert your contact details!

New Year Goals – Part I

“When climbing a mountain, if you have cause to be disheartened,

pause, and avert your eyes from looking up at the summit you wish to scale,

turn, and look behind you …

to see how far you have already come.”

an ancient saying of the Himalayan mountaineers of Tibet

Happy New Year!

It's hard to believe that we are half way through January already.

I have been thinking about what subject the first eZine of the year should be. As an avid reader and subscriber to motivational literature, I want to offer you something different to all the other New Year newsletters I have read.

Most of them talk about setting goals for the New Year – something I agree most people should do. The better ones also make the point that before you set goals you should review what you have already accomplished, which I also agree is a great idea – but for our eZine I have a twist - all will be revealed in due course …

Old year – New Year !

First things first. Now that enough time has elapsed for you to have forgotten your hasty New Year pledges made over a glass/bottle or three, let's revisit them now we’re sober.

Look back on last year ...

• What have you accomplished?

• What are you proud of?

• What are you grateful for?

Take a moment to draw up a list:

• My accomplishments

• What I am proud of last year

• What I am grateful for last year

I suggest that you don’t just read over that and skip this step. We get so busy on the treadmill of modern life we can often forget which direction we are headed and why.

In order to gain a balanced perspective, looking back to see where we’ve come from and what we’ve already done, is just as important as looking forward to where we would like to be and what we would like to achieve.

Now that you've recorded your recent accomplishments, read over them. How do you feel? What is your greatest achievement? What are you most proud of? What are you most thankful for?

Doesn’t thinking about what you've achieved give you a lift, make you feel great and impart confidence for the coming year?

If it does, or even if it doesn't, our next eZine will reveal the following step …

New Year Goals – Part II

“The critical ingredient is getting off your butt and doing something. It's as simple as that. A lot of people have ideas, but only a few decide to do something about them.”

Nolan Bushnell

Founder of Atari Computer

How has your year begun?

Hopefully by looking back over what you have already achieved, has helped you gain confidence and fresh ideas for the New Year.

Now we have given ourselves a pat on the back, it's time to look ahead.

• What would you like from the New Year?

• Imagine it is December already. Looking back on your year, what do you hope to have accomplished?

• What do you want to get settled, resolved or moved on?

Last year may have been a very difficult year for you – you may have experienced bereavement, health issues or the loss of a relationship. I myself dealt with two of these issues.

We may not be able to resolve the ending of a relationship overnight, but we can allow ourselves to be open to the process of life and like a river current carrying a leaf downstream, life will automatically move us forward.

If you are feeling stuck with an unresolved issue from last year, ask yourself what you can do to start moving this forward, what help you can seek, what information can you acquire that will help you cope with this situation more skillfully?

It doesn't matter where you are, it's where you're headed that counts.

Now try writing some goals for the coming year in the areas of:

Fun - Happiness, Hobbies

Relationship - current or future Life Partner

Career - Job satisfaction, Career path

Family - Children, Parents, Relatives

Social - Friends, Sport, Activities

Health - Exercise, Diet

Financial - Savings, Investments

Creative - Self-space, Spiritual, Sport, Artistic

The Next Step depends on your personality … !

A/B Personality Test

If you have a spare 5 minutes, you may wish to visit this fun personality test I found online (it looks as though it was designed in the early days of the internet – it's an "oldie but a goodie!")



Type B

If you are Type B – generally cruisy, casual and easy-going, then you need to post your goals everywhere!

Write them on your screensaver, paste them to your mirror, stick them on your fridge, email and TXT yourself! – coz you need to stay motivated!

Type A

If you are Type A – always in a hurry, busy and stressed you may need to go a bit easier on yourself.

You don’t want to get to the stage where your goals become something you beat yourself up with.

As a reformed Type A, I write out my new year goals in detail, then throw them away, so they don’t end up beating me over the head when I feel like I haven't achieved enough.

If you're saying to yourself, “Come on! Step out of the 90’s and give us a fun personality tool that's up-to-date!”

Well here's a fun little test that defines personality using colors!



I got Enthusiast!

Well … What are you waiting for?

Happy New Year!

Is my glass half empty or half full?

It was Friday afternoon and I was in a hurry to find a handy park and pop in to do the weeks banking. However, everyone else was also doing everything at the last minute – I couldn't find a park anywhere.

I spotted a large vacant parking area to my right – there must’ve been 40 free spaces – so I conveniently ignored the “Private Parking” sign and placed myself in the middle of this vast parking expanse, considerately leaving 39 others free.

I was in the bank for about 4 minutes when I emerged to find my car on the back of a tow truck, and about to be taken down the road.

I went over to the tow truck driver and asked him what was going on. He said, “This is private parking buddy.” So I asked him where the sign was, and after he pointed it out to me, I grumbled something about greedy carpark owners …

So what’s the point of this story apart from admitting that I sometimes park where I shouldn't?

Because I got there just in the nick of time.

As he hadn't left the carpark I was only fined $40. If I had been 30 seconds later I would've come out of the bank to find no car. Once I had eventually discovered that it hadn't been stolen, I would've had to make my way home, then find my way to the towing yard to collect my car and part with $195.

So I ask you – was I lucky that it only cost me $40, rather than $195? Or was I unlucky to have gotten caught and having to pay $40? You can look at this situation two ways – just like the glass that's half empty or half full …

Lucky or Unlucky?

When you catch half of your favorite TV show – are you lucky to have caught that much, or unlucky to have missed half of it?

If you get a flat tire but find that your spare is fully inflated – is it good luck that it didn’t happen on the motorway in the middle of winter?

As for partners and children, are you unlucky that they ………………… (insert pet peeve) or wonderful that they are ………………… (their best quality)

If someone gives you $100 every day for a week and then disappears – are you lucky to have been given $700 – or are you depressed that you stopped receiving it?

This reminds me of the platitudes about having “an attitude of gratitude.” and “Cheer up! Things can always be worse!”

Back to the question .. Is the glass half empty or half full?

It's both.

You decide.

Postscript: Yesterday I parked (legally!) but I exceeded the time limit. As I walked to my car, I could see a $20 ticket already on my windscreen. The parking warden was about to write me another ticket for $40 but I arrived there just in time, so got away with the original fine of $20. Lucky huh?

An Everyday Miracle

My neighbor has a tree whose leaves consistently, and somewhat inconsiderately, congregate in my gutters. I have been on the roof and snapped off some offending branches on occasion, but today my neighbors noticed me taking a photo of it …

It is a warm, sunny spring day, the kind you long for in the depths of winter. I am sitting on the deck accompanied by my morning decaff’, and looking up at the glorious livery of the plum blossom tree. (I don’t know what to call it, but it looks like the trees in Japan during the cherry blossom festival, except I’m in New Zealand and bears plums.)

The gentle spring breeze prompts the tree to shed some petals, and I watch as they glide gracefully to earth before carpeting the ground like nature’s confetti.

The descent of a few is halted by a spiders sticky web, which snatches them from space and holds them suspended in mid air.

Hyper-active butterflies and birds, hop and skip through the branches before blithely hanging upside-down eagerly supping the buds plentiful nectar.

The trees exuberant display heralds another spring, but its blossoming is short and very soon the tree will be bare, as the petals are shed to make way for the nubile fronds which will become juicy red plums.

I am taking a photo, and commiserating with my neighbors, because I wish to remember this moment, and because who knows - I may not be here next year to experience this glorious display.

These everyday miracles are occurring all the time. The question is … Am I paying attention?

[pic]

My 8 year old niece (pictured here with my new bike – well I am called Harley!) complained recently that school was boring and not fun like work.

I told her that school is often one of the fun-est times of life. However, I added that I was told the same thing at her age, and that I didn’t expect her to understand until she had been working for a few years and looked back fondly on her carefree school days!

My previous partner lived in an idyllic rural area. I remember wandering outside one night and having my breath taken away by the awesome beauty of the stars and the clear night sky. I knew it was a special moment, I treasure that memory now, and I am pleased that I chose to be present with it.

Sometimes we are so focused on the future, or the past, that we forget to be present with the present. Freddy Fender (remember his hit 70’s song Wasted Days & Wasted Nights?) says it well, “Tomorrow’s gonna come by itself and yesterdays already gone. You can’t go back and you can’t go forward - you gotta enjoy today.”

Sure life isn't perfect, now, nor ever will be, but is that a reason not to enjoy what we already have?

A few years back I had a really great group of mates. We all had different but complimentary personalities, we all rode motorbikes and had a lot of fun hanging out. But we’ve all moved on now and gone our separate ways. Those days are over and will never come again with that group of friends.

So when you hear the laughter of your child, catch your dogs welcome-home grin, or see your neighbors plum tree! ------- Pause -------- For a moment.

Then count your blessings and give thanks. Coz all we have is the present moment.

And these are the good ol’ days. Right now.

The Letter That Changed My Life.

It was raining and as I pulled the clumsily stuffed letters from the mailbox, a wet envelope tore open.

The letter fell to the ground and its title ‘MY LOST LOVE’ in bold capital letters, caught my eye. I do not read other peoples correspondence, but with a catchy headline like that I found myself reading on …

The letter was penned by a 62-year-old English gent to his long lost love, who lived at my address over 35 years ago. They initially corresponded as pen pals, he had come to New Zealand, met, proposed and they had become engaged.

However, he then returned to England, didn’t visit New Zealand again, and never married. Because he did not return, the following year in New Zealand, his fiancée married and had children with another man.

He wrote that in recent days he had cried night ‘til morning. He wrote of how he had let love slip away, of how he lost a wonderful opportunity in 1969, and of how he loved her then, loved her still, and always would.

His words moved me profoundly. This lady was the love of his life, he had lost his chance and now felt overwhelming regret for what he had missed out on. I felt compassion for him, but also knew that I did not want to have his regrets when I am older.

I had no intention of writing this eZine – but something happened. I think I am writing this as a declaration to myself that I will not live my life in regret, that I will take life by the scruff of the neck and ask, and keep on asking, for what I want. I may not get it, but at least I will have tried.

So my declaration is about remaining aware of the passing of years, distance and age. About not letting life slip through your fingers, about seizing the day, about following love. About making ourselves vulnerable and opening up to the possibility of love, with the unspoken knowledge that all love is temporary and we will have to part one day.

It's about the journey, not the destination – because the destination is our own passing. It's about seasons, it's about life.

It's about finding a way over, under, around, or through our obstacles, because if we don’t, we will never experience the treasure on the other side.

Life is short. We don’t know when we will die. Time runs like sand through an hourglass – is running now.

Do what you want. Follow your dreams. Try and make it happen. Do it. Now. Live in the moment. Be present. If you need help, get it.

If old love is holding you back and you can’t move on – find a therapist. If you want to move your life forward - talk to a Life Coach.

Don’t leave it too late. If you love someone, or discover the possibility of love, seize it – see where it leads. Hopefully you will at least gain a friend, and … “ ‘tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved.”

If you are fortunate enough have found the love of your life, tell them.

If you hold aged and mature love - be grateful, don’t take them for granted.

Naturally there are provisos to all this – some people need to do less, not more, some need to think before they act.

But the emphasis here is on spontaneity - not rash impulsiveness, on inspiration - not desperation, on being heart-strong - not head-strong. On learning how to ride the wave – not to go against the tide, on working with life - not against it, on living by faith - and not in fear.

This is a true story. Maybe this letter was written and received by me, so I would write this, and so you could read it, because it's what we need to hear?

I have since emailed the author and given him the URL for the New Zealand White Pages, and for personal ads in the New Zealand Herald to see if he wants to write a personal ad and get in touch again with his long lost love.

I haven't heard back from him. I will let you know if he replies, but even if he doesn't, or never again contacts the love of his life, there is still a message here for all of us – and for me the message is LIVE ...

You can drop anchor in a safe port and stay secure,

but you will not sail anywhere, you will have no adventures,

and, at the end of your days,

you will not have loved, nor lived.

Harley M Storey

Here are some relationship tools I would love to send you, if you want some criteria for a future life partner:

• My Dream Partner

• Score Your Dream Partner

If you wish to examine unhelpful patterns in past relationships:

• Relationship Cycles Tool.

If you wish to reconnect with your current partner:

• Reveal Your Relationship

• How Well Do You Know Your Partner?

If you want closure for a past relationship:

• Relationship Closure Tool

If you want to ask someone out, there is no Tool. Just do it.

As Bob Dylan sang, “When you got nothin, you got nothin to lose.”

Or like this gentleman, do you want to be writing a letter in 35 years time writing of your regret?

Have You Lost Your Hearts Voice?

• Are you unsure about what it is you really want?

• Do you have problems making decisions about insignificant matters?

• Do you feel stressed and harassed, like you're always doing things to please others rather than yourself?

• Do you find yourself doing things you really don’t want to do and continually acting out of obligation?

Part of being an adult is learning to put the needs of others, such as our children or employer, ahead of ourselves. But we can become so used to doing what we feel we should do, or living by the expectations of others, that we lose touch with our heart.

Your Mum has her voice, your brother has his voice, your best friend has a voice. Your heart also has a voice.

When we are very young we have no problems hearing our hearts voice. If we feel like running around naked or munching on some dirt in the garden we just do it.

But as we grow older the responsibilities of adult life, or the fact that we get too damn busy creep in, and we can lose track of our hearts voice.

If we don’t continue to keep an ear open to our heart, eventually we forget the sound and don’t recognize it when it speaks to us. Then we wonder why our life is so boring, predictable and un-spontaneous!

The good news is, that no matter how old or set in your ways you are, all you need to do is re-open the conversation with your heart - to remember how to listen to your heart and not just your head.

The Heart Language Tool.

When you're feeling stressed, or like you have lost your centre, just ask yourself two questions …

1. “What am I feeling now?”

2. “I would like to … ?”

Try to listen to the first thought – which will be from your heart – not your head which comes in with rationalizing chatter afterwards.

If the message from your heart is possible and practical, then do it, take a break and have a Kit-Kat, call a friend, pop out for a coffee, or jump up from your desk and shout “Fire!”.

If it is not realistic, just note your hearts message until its convenient to follow through, but be careful – this habit is life changing!

This is also a great way for helping you make decisions from your heart (which is where they are actually made anyway!)

So why not try following your heart and doing one spontaneous thing every day?

First Thought = Best Thought!

If I have a client who can’t make a decision about a relationship or a job,

I just ask them to …

• Sit down, relax and close their eyes.

• Ask themselves the question they want the answer to and blurt out the first thing that comes into mind.

• This will inevitably be their hearts message.

• Then listen as the brain barges in with all the ifs, buts and excuses!

Learning to Trust Your Life.

As we live more of life, we inevitably feel the pain of hopes disappointed and dreams dashed. This is OK – it is part of realizing what is possible and what isn't.

It only becomes a problem when we take these knocks as evidence that we can’t trust our life.

A close friend of mine had his beloved DVD collection of several hundred movies stolen recently. He was distraught and upset. However, soon after, he ended up with an unexpected debt of $2,000 and didn’t have the money to pay it – until the insurance money from his DVD's arrived!

Some years ago another musician friend of mine fell on tough times, he was made redundant from his job and his first marriage was ending. He went on a Life Skills Course (they didn’t have personal Life Coaches back in the day!) and told me the most important thing he learnt was that he could “learn to trust the process of Life.”

Basically he meant that he could choose to believe that ‘Life’ would look after him and that things happen for a reason. (although sometimes we might not be able to see it!)

He is now happily remarried in a job he loves and is great at.

[Update: After not seeing Steve for seven years, I ran into him at the supermarket last week, he told me his new partner is about to have his first child and he is shortly to be made redundant again!]

3 Brilliant Ideas

We begin this issue with quotes from

1. someone who started his own religion

2. the greatest brain of modern times (literally)

3. the lead guitarist in a heavy metal band

“Let tomorrow take care of tomorrow’s worries.”

Jesus Christ

“There are only two ways to live your life:

one - as though nothing is a miracle,

the other - as though everything is a miracle.”

Albert Einstein

“No matter how bad it gets,

sooner or later things sort themselves out.”

Kirk Hammett of Metallica

We all have worries, concerns and frustrations. The poor, the rich, the young, the old, the weak and the powerful.

We are all faced with the problem of not getting what we want and not getting our own way.

When we were very young and couldn't get our own way we threw a ‘tanty.’ (some adults throw tantrums too!)

With maturity, we realize that we cannot control all aspects of our world, and that we won't always get what we want. We might not be happy about this, but most of us come to accept it.

A Childhood Story

When I was young I used to love visiting my Grandparents farm and riding my motorbike during the school holidays.

One year soon after I arrived, I broke my motorbikes clutch lever and I had to order a new one that took ages to arrive. I was becoming more and more impatient, my holidays were running out and I still didn’t have the new clutch lever.

My Grandmother noted my distress, and with loving concern said,

“You can’t always control what happens around you Harley, but you can choose your response to it.”

To paraphrase her words, “If you can’t change the situation, change your response to the situation.” or … “If you can’t change It – change You!”

I thought about what she said, but figured that I knew better and decided that getting more and more stressed was the best option!

3 Brilliant Ideas

1. Dread, Denial & Worry

What was the wisdom behind Jesus saying, “Let tomorrow take care of tomorrow’s worries”?

I think this is another way of stating, “I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it.”

You can’t cross a bridge before you get to the bridge, so why worry about something before it happens? It might not happen!

Try using the Before – When – After tool.

The Before: The dread you feel before an event is the real problem.

So while you're waiting for something to happen, why not just put the shutters on, try and forget it, and even indulge in a little denial?

The When: If it does happen, you can’t worry.

It's impossible to worry about something as it is happening. Whilst it is happening you are already dealing with it, not worrying about it!

The After: And you can’t worry about it afterwards - because whatever it was has already happened!

2. Life: Miraculous or Meaningless?

There are only two ways to live your life; one - as though nothing is a miracle, the other - as though everything is a miracle.

I believe the eminent Dr. Einstein, meant that we can choose to believe that life is a wondrous, miraculous, astonishing event – and feel privileged, honored and inspired as a result.

Or, we may choose to believe that life is a random event, and nothing is particularly special or has any inherent meaning.

I think Dr. Einstein’s true feelings about what life “is” are revealed by another of his quotations, “I don’t believe in a God that plays dice with the Universe.”

I leave you to decide if you think Life is miraculous or meaningless.

3. Don’t worry … be Happy!

I love Kirk Hammett’s quote; “No matter how bad it gets, sooner or later things sort themselves out.”

When I heard it, I couldn't wait to use it, mainly because one doesn't expect such earthy pearls of wisdom from a guy who has a house full of crucifixes and skulls, and I knew that by quoting him, I would get your attention.

I heard him say this when watching the DVD Some Kind of Monster, a documentary about the Heavy Metal band Metallica. The band was trying to complete an album before departing for a worldwide tour, but they were having problems communicating with one another, and things had reached the stage where they were on the verge of breaking up.

They hired a distinctly unmusical, middle-aged therapist, who helped them stay together, improve their communication skills, and proved quite comical when he tried to make comments and suggestions about the music they were making.

This quote represents a basic truth – things do seem to sort themselves out sooner or later - one way or the other.

If what's in front of you seems scary, look back and remember what you've already been through.

Looking back over our life, remembering the crisis’s we have had and seeing the way things eventually worked out, gives us confidence to look forward to the future and know that whatever happens we will be OK.

The Depressed Preacher

Forgetting the cold hard pew I was perched on, I sat transfixed as the preacher raved on about how everything he touched turned to custard.

Whatever he tried, failed. Whatever decision he made, was wrong.

Whatever he did just didn’t seem to work. He spoke of how he almost got to the point of losing his faith. But he kept trying and failing until one day things began to turn around for him.

The message that I took from this as a young boy was, “Wow, I’m more encouraged and inspired hearing of this guys failures than all the sermons I’ve heard about success!”

It made another point to me too – Don’t give up.

My 3 Mottos

1. Never Panic.

Try to always keep your head, the higher the stakes the more important this is.

If you panic you've lost all hope of thinking straight or seeing the situation clearly.

2. Minimize Worry

Worry is counterproductive in every case.

Have faith in a compassionate universe that allows things to happen for a reason. (although often the reason may be beyond us at the time!)

Look for the positive in every situation, if you can’t see any – count your blessings and remember things can always be worse!

3. Show compassion

Don’t get carried away when under stress, remember others are suffering too, use this knowledge to become a more patient and compassionate person.

The Point of this eZine - My Recent Failures

This week, following a series of (mostly imagined) personal crises and some actual health issues arising from a mountain bike accident, I failed to live by my mottos.

I began to lose faith in the process of life.

I forgot to look for the silver lining and to remember all that was right in my life.

Most seriously of all, I lost my compassion and became wrapped up in my own little world of problems. I thought that I was the only one suffering and forgot about others, many of whom are much worse off than myself.

But in the end I was saved by …

My 4th Motto

Go easy on yourself. Don’t beat yourself up. You can’t learn without making mistakes. Learn to let go and move on.

I have failed before and I will fail again, but the good news is … at least in future I will be ‘failing at a higher level’ – and that's got to be better!

In Conclusion

I have written this eZine in the hope that my story of failure will encourage you and illustrate that even us Life Coaches are learning how to trust the process of life.

If you would like to get in touch with a Coach who doesn't follow his own advice you know where to find one!

(Hint: If you re-purpose this eZine, here’s where you insert your contact details!)

I thought I would leave the last word to Bunny Wailer, of Bob Marleys & The Wailers…

“You got to live your life and practice toughness man.

Then when the weather changes … you just apply more toughness!”

My Favorite eZine!

I watched the young boy furiously pedal his new red trike between two elderly ladies carrying their supermarket bags.

The first scolded him loudly for not looking where he was going and having no consideration.

The other, making her way with the help of a cane, gently chided her friend, remarking that he was only a young boy with a lot of energy who was still learning his manners.

For some time it seemed to me that the elderly could be broadly categorized into two groups.

Those that were often bitter, annoyed and grumpy, and others, who, in spite of some obvious physical ailments, were cheerful, happy and grateful.

For years I wondered why, after I had experienced some personal disappointments and failures, I think I figured it out.

I believe that life’s inevitable disappointments, broken hearts and lost dreams will, if you allow them, make you bitter, resentful and angry.

If you dwell on the negatives they will make you a negative and old – old person.

But if you can look beyond your suffering, and remember the beauty and wonder of life, then you become – beautiful and wonderful. The beliefs you hold about life now, watered and weathered over time, will determine the person you will become.

Life is crap. Life is beautiful. Life is both.

The question is – which will you focus on? At some point, conscious or not, you will choose for the experiences of life to make you bitter or better, grumpy or grateful, snappy or happy!

This brings us to the unique set of goals I mentioned in our last eZine ... Who do you want to be?

It is great to have goals for your relationships, career, finances and to plan for fun, but have you ever thought about planning to be the person you would like to become?

Which qualities would you like to have? The kindness of Mother Teresa? The humor of the Dalai Lama? The patience of Nelson Mandela? How would they respond in the situations that you find difficult?

I distinctly remember when I first encountered this tool 15 years ago, I was operating in a high pressure corporate environment and experiencing a great deal of stress over insignificant things. So, armed with this knowledge, I made my way to my favorite café and wrote out the qualities I wished to have and the person I wanted to be.

This experience and its effects were dramatic. Stress is no longer a big issue for me, I have grown beyond the person I wanted to be then, and have continued to set ever greater personality goals!

To discover how to undergo the same life transformation I experienced, please refer to the Life is Garbage & Life is Wonderful and How To Create Your Highest Self tools in

101 Tools Life Coaches Use®

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Paradigms Ltd

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