THE ART & SCIENCE OF COUPLES THERAPY

[Pages:15]THE ART & SCIENCE OF COUPLES THERAPY

WITH DR. WILLIAM BUMBERRY

GOTTMAN METHOD FOCUS

n FOCUS ON EMOTION n CONFLICT MANAGEMENT VS. RESOLUTION n NOT ALL CONFLICTS ARE THE SAME ........

EXISTENTIAL ISSUES n BUILD BASIC FRIENDSHIP SKILLS n CREATE SHARED MEANING

GOTTMAN'S CORE RESEARCH

? PREDICTING DIVORCE IN SEVEN SEPARATE LONGITUDINAL STUDIES ACROSS THE LIFE COURSE

? LONGEST FOLLOW-UP NOW AT 18 YEARS ... SOON TO DO FOLLOW-UP WITH COUPLES NEARING 80 YEARS OLD

? ALSO CAN PREDICT RELATIONSHIP SATISFACTION

? STUDIED "MASTERS" & "DISASTERS"

3

THE LOVE LAB

n COUPLE LIVED THERE 24 HOURS WITH CAMERAS ON FROM 9 AM TO 9 PM

n OBSERVED CONVERSATIONS ABOUT AREAS OF CONFLICT, ENJOYABLE TOPICS AND DISCUSSING EVENTS OF THE DAY

n MEASURED PHYSIOLOGY ... HEART FUNCTION, RESPIRATION, URINARY STRESS HORMONES, BLOOD SAMPLES RE IMMUNE FUNCTION AND GROSS MOTOR MOVEMENT VIA JIGGLE-OMETER

n HAD COUPLES WATCH THEIR VIDEOS AND SAY HOW THEY FELT AND GUESS HOW PARTNER FELT

WHAT IS DYSFUNCTIONAL

MORE NEGATIVITY THAN POSITIVITY NSO HARSH STARTUP ESCALATING NEGATIVITY MALE ESCALATION & DISENGAGEMENT NOT HONORING DREAMS NOT ACCEPTING INFLUENCE

WHAT IS DYSFUNCTIONAL

FOUR HORSEMEN FAILURE OF REPAIR FLOODING/DPA FAILURE TO SOOTHE MISMATCH IN CONFLICT STYLES META EMOTIONS MISMATCH

MORE NEGATIVITY THAN POSITIVITY

7 Longitudinal Studies Across the Lifespan The Ratio of Positive to Negative Moments

+51 2-3 1 0.8 1

Prediction Happy and Stable Stable not Happy

Divorcing

NEGATIVE SENTIMENT OVERRIDE

CLOUD COVER MOVES IN NOTHING WORKS POSITIVE FEELS NEUTRAL NEUTRAL FEELS NEGATIVE NOTHING POSITIVE GROWS

HARSH START

STARTS WITH AN EDGE, TRIGGERS DEFENSIVENESS

THE FIRST THREE MINUTES MATTER WOMEN INITIATE 80% OF "TALKS"

ESCALATING NEGATIVITY

MATCHING NEGATIVITY IS OK....AN EYE FOR AN EYE

ESCALATING NEGATIVITY DESTROYS MALE ESCALATION IN RESPONSE TO

FEMALE LOW LEVEL NEGATIVITY

DEMAND/WITHDRAW PATTERN

MALE DISENGAGEMENT LEADS TO MUTUAL DISENGAGEMENT

PURSUER / DISTANCER DANCE......BOTH BECOME DISTANCERS

FAILURE TO HONOR DREAMS

NOT OPEN TO HEARING PARTNERS CORE NEEDS, WISHES, WANTS, DESIRES

NOT WILLING TO WORK WITH PARTNER TO FULFILL THESE NEEDS, WISHES, WANTS, DESIRES

FAILURE TO ACCEPT INFLUENCE

WOMEN SEEM TO DO IT TWO TYPES OF MEN...

BAT IT BACK TAKE IT IN

4 HORSEMEN OF THE APOCALYPSE

Criticism Defensiveness Contempt Stonewalling

FAILURE OF REPAIR

ALL MARRIAGES DO CONFLICT AND ALWAYS WILL, THEREFORE.....

REPAIR IS AN ESSENTIAL, NOT AN OPTIONAL ABILITY

ATMOSPHERIC CONDITIONS MATTER... NSO OR PSO

THE READINESS TO RECEIVE IT IS CRITICAL

PHYSIOLOGY

WE ALL HAVE TWO MARRIAGES ... ONE WHEN PULSE BELOW 95, ANOTHER WHEN ABOVE 95

FLOODING DIFFUSE PHYSIOLOGICAL

AROUSAL ( DPA ) INABILITY TO SOOTHE..... SELF

AND OTHER

DISTANCE-ISOLATION CASCADE

FLOODING PROBLEMS SEEN AS SEVERE DECIDE TO WORK IT OUT ALONE LIVE PARALLEL LIVES LONELINESS TAKES OVER

MISMATCHES IN NATURAL STYLE OF INFLUENCE

MISMATCHES IN STYLES..... UNACKNOWLEDGED, UNADDRESSED, UNACCEPTED

CONFLICT-AVOIDANT VALIDATING VOLITILE / BICKERING / PASSIONATE

NATURAL STYLE OF INFLUENCE

? AVOIDERS ARE A MISMATCH WITH ANY OTHER PREFERENCE

? AVOIDER/VALIDATOR IS MOST COMMON ? VOLATILES FEEL OTHERS DON'T CARE ? AVOIDERS OFTEN REPORT HIGH MARITAL

SATISFACTION. DON'T ARGUE AND SUPPRESS NEGATIVE AFFECT ? THEN THEY HAVE UGLY ARGUMENT WITH NO IDEA HOW TO PERSUADE OR COMPROMISE ? THESE BECOME PERPETUAL ISSUES

META-EMOTIONS DISCREPANCIES

? THESE OCCUR WHEN PARTNERS HAVE DIFFERENT PHILOSOPHIES ABOUT EMOTIONAL EXPRESSION

? DISMISSING VS. COACHING IS COMMON ? DISCREPANCY CAN BE SPECIFIC TO

PARTICULAR EMOTIONS, ESPECIALLY ANGER AND SADNESS ? THESE ARE PERPETUAL PROBLEMS

WHAT IS FUNCTIONAL

MORE POSITIVITY THAN NEGATIVITY POSITIVE SENTIMENT OVERRIDE SOFT STARTUP DEESCALATE NEGATIVITY MALE INTEREST & ENGAGEMENT/

WIFE SOFT START HONORING DREAMS ACCEPTING INFLUENCE

WHAT IS FUNCTIONAL

ELIMINATE THE FOUR HORSEMEN EFFECTIVE REPAIR/ PSO PREEMPT FLOODING SOOTHE SELF & PARTNER ACCEPTANCE OF MISMATCHED STYLES ACCEPTANCE OF META EMOTIONS

DIFFERENCES

Gottman Sound Marital House

Love Maps Fondness & Admiration Turning Towards vs. Away Positive Sentiment Override Regulation of Conflict Supporting Dreams Creating Shared Meaning

Building Friendship

Love Maps Fondness & Admiration Turning Towards vs.

Away/Against

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