The Parenting Puzzle



The Parenting Puzzle

The Parenting Puzzle is an illustrated, easy-to-use guide through the Nurturing Programme.

Presented in a friendly, informal way, The Parenting Puzzle encourages parents and carers to enjoy bringing up children and get the best out of family life. It helps us understand how emotions influence our actions, and offers many positive, practical ways of guiding children so they learn to handle both their feelings and their behaviour. It suggests ways of helping us feel good - boosting self-esteem in ourselves and in our children and has activities for parents to take part in. Since it first went on sale 27,184 copies of The Parenting Puzzle have been sold.

The Parenting Puzzle captures the exchange of ideas and supportive atmosphere that parents able to attend groups enjoy. It is also a valuable tool for professionals supporting families in one-to-one work and is great as an ongoing point of reference for those who have done the Parent Programme.

 

You can find out more and buy your copy of The Parenting Puzzle here

Reviews of The Parenting Puzzle

"This is a wonderful book every sense of the word. It is beautifully designed and written with a real understanding of the needs of potential readers. Empathy is not only placed as a core construct of the approach to parenting advocated in the book, but is actually demonstrated throughout in the way the book is put together. I enjoyed reading it and was excited to find myself rethinking issues of importance."

Hilton Davis

Professor of Child Health Psychology, Kings College London

"When parents seek help in a situation of conflict between family members, they have often tried everything they know to change things, but nothing has worked well enough. This is where The Parenting Puzzle comes in, with its tried and tested practical programme. The book can be seen as a skilled, structured and humorous guide on the way to better family relationships. It is not an 'only one way to do it' instruction manual; it encourages and supports parents and children to experiment with their own ideas and to find what works best for them."

Howard Williams

Family therapist, statutory member of adoption and fostering panels, casework fellow in Institute of Marital Studies, Tavistock Institute

"I've read lots of parenting books over the years, first for myself as a new parent and then because I work in this area, and I do think The Parenting Puzzle is one of the best books I've read. The presentation was so refreshing, so accepting of the complexities of parenting. It gives space and options – it isn't a 'how to' manual as so many parenting books seem to be… and yet there is lots of information and the framework is clear, helpful, consistent. I feel it's very empathic. I think people will feel understood, supported and encouraged by the information in the book.

I especially like the way the section on smacking is handled: it is clear and strong without judging or condemning – so crucial if behaviours are to change.

I so liked, and found refreshing, the links between what we have experienced as children growing up, and how we wish to parent – and to be remembered as parents. These links are powerful, profound and yet, I suspect, often missed."

Jenny Martin

Deputy Director, PEEP (Peers Early Education Partnership)

"This book is fun, useful and shows a real-life knowledge of parenting and family life. It also has a deep and loving understanding of how human beings feel and behave. How much less 'quiet desperation' there would be if all parents had this much insight."

Philippa Berry

Care Manager, Community Mental Health Team

"This book is great! I can't wait to share it with the groups I facilitate. I know from both professional and personal experience that the Nurturing Programme really does make a difference. As one of the parents I've worked with said, 'It's like magic!' How wonderful that it is now available for everyone, not just those who can join a group."

Maggie Bell

Child & Family Department, City of Sunderland

"This is an important addition to parenting literature. The great thing about the book is that it is a real how-to guide, full of good practical ideas. Follow them and it makes parenting more fun!"

Henry Stewart

Chair, Antidote

"I was overwhelmed, pleasantly, by the exhaustive exploration of family themes covered here…it's highly effective and highly entertaining – just as family life ought to be and could be if just some of the ideas in this book were taken on board. This is an excellent addition to the parenting bookshelf."

Suzie Hayman, Children Now

"What I like about this course is that it places the emphasis on mutual change, rather than control. Changing what we do and say to our children is often as important as - if not the key to – trying to control what they say and do. The book is clearly laid out and very user-friendly."

Rebecca Abrams, Daily Telegraph

"A new generation of mothers and fathers are looking to break old habits of fear and violence. In The Parenting Puzzle, a marvellous new book about getting the best out of family life, the authors give useful tips on how to control anger – your own and your three-year-old's."

Allison Pearson, Evening Standard

"It's a brilliant book. The parents who have taken part say it has helped them so much with their relationships with their children, and turned difficult relationships into positive and happy ones. One guy told me it has transformed his relationship with his son, and when he employed the techniques he had learned at work he was promoted."

Andrew Smith MP, quoted in review by Philip Seton-Anderson, Oxford Times

"This book pulls no punches and everything that confronts and confuses children is openly discussed, with a clear and attractive layout making it readily accessible to those constrained by time pressures… The scope of this book is, however, far wider than the title suggests. You don't have to be a parent to be a very significant adult in the life of a child. And anyone can learn from its teaching on relationships. The concepts and skills promoted here are the stuff of social responsibility…Above all, this book facilitates communication – and it pays to start young."

Kate Hodgson, The Door

Parenting 101

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It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.

~ Erma Bombeck

Parents are not interested in justice, they are interested in quiet.

~ Bill Cosby

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.

~ Phyllis Diller

The thing that impresses me most about America is the way parents obey their children.

~ King Edward VII

The reason you want your kids to pay attention in school is you haven’t the faintest idea how to do their homework.

~ Babs Bell Hajdusiewicz

Nurses nurse

and teachers teach

and tailors mend

and preachers preach

and barbers trim

and chauffeurs haul

and parents get to do it all.

~ Babs Bell Hajdusiewicz

An advantage of having one child is you always know who did it.

~ Babs Bell Hajdusiewicz

Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency they’re going to catch you in next.

~ Franklin P. Jones

A torn jacket is soon mended, but hard words bruise the heart of a child.

~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Our children are being raised by appliances.

~ Bill Moyers

Never raise your hand to your children; it leaves your midsection unprotected.

~ Robert Orben

I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.

~ Robert Orben

I was doing the family grocery shopping accompanied by two children, an event I hope to see included in the Olympics in the near future.

~ Anna Quindlen

Have children while your parents are still young enough to take care of them.

~ Rita Rudner

A man cannot leave a better legacy to the world than a well-educated family.

~ Thomas Scott

Parents: A peculiar group who first try to get their children to walk and talk, and then try to get them to sit down and shut up.

~ Wagster’s Dictionary of Humor and Wit

Before I got married, I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children, and no theories.

~ John Wilmot, Earl of Rochester

I’ve got two wonderful children — and two out of five isn’t too bad.

~ Henry Youngman

Gallery: David Stroud

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Monday, November 11, 2002

Copyright © Las Vegas Review-Journal

OBNOXIOUS KIDS: Sparing the rod?

Las Vegans who work with the public discuss encounters with children

By JOAN WHITELY

REVIEW-JOURNAL

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A thing of beauty is supposed to be a joy forever.

But why is it that enjoyable memories fade, while the negative ones are so durable?

We easily forget the taste of a wine or the sound of a concert. Yet we often remember, in detail, unpleasant experiences such as the misbehavior of children in public places.

Are children getting ruder? Or adult bystanders more crotchety?

No consensus came when we contacted a Las Vegas pediatrician, a school teacher, a restaurant maitre d' and a public librarian. All work in fields that involve a lot of contact with children and parents.

Some of the parties interviewed claim that children's manners have deteriorated in the last generation or two. Others believe the percentage of children who behave outrageously remains constant over time.

But all agree that most children's behavior can be linked to, if not outright blamed on, their parents' parenting skills.

Judith Martin, also known as Miss Manners the etiquette columnist, wrote in a recent column: "Of course it is rude for a child to be loud and unruly anywhere, and incorrect for parents to have loud and disruptive children. Miss Manners does not consider the fact that that is the way children come, to be an excuse." The Review-Journal runs Martin's column.

Specimen 1: Rude child in restaurant.

A child refuses to be still. Not only won't he stay in his seat. He wants to roam the floor. Attempts by the parents to call him back fail, but do succeed in distracting innocent diners from their own meals. A parent finally physically drags the child back to the table, but squeals of protest prolong the disturbance.

"If you want a play area, go to a restaurant that has a play area." That's the verdict on children who romp in sit-down restaurants from Adam Carmer, 37, a longtime maitre d' in Strip hotels including the MGM Grand, The Mirage, Treasure Island and Harrah's. He's also the father of three, ranging in age from 2 to 7.

One time, Carmer recalls, a server injured his knee and spilled food and cutlery on guests when trying to dodge a toddler on the loose.

"Sometimes it's heavier than the kid," he says, explaining that a fully loaded tray can weigh 40 pounds or more. If dropped, hot food can scald, and cutlery cut.

Carmer's tack as maitre d' in the situation of a wandering child is to first warn the child, then immediately convey the same message to the parents.

"I tell the kid directly to their face: 'You can be injured, and injure someone else.' It's not good or bad (parenting). It's just safety."

Carmer says he appeals solely on safety grounds, to avoid offending negligent parents, who might take offense, which could rachet any scene to a higher level of drama.

He advises restaurant staff to prevent child-related problems by swiftly seating such parties and attending to them "more quickly and more frequently" through the meal.

Carmer also advises restaurant patrons to voice their complaints about misbehaving young guests to staff.

Specimen 2: Rude child in doctor's office.

"I'm talking to a mother," the pediatrician recalls, "and the child says, 'Mommy, where's my donut?' I'm in the middle of my sentence, and she'll ignore me, to take care of her child. I have to say, 'Please, your mommy and I are talking.' The parent doesn't say anything."

Dr. Lee Bernstein, the speaker, has been in pediatrics for more than 30 years.

He understands why sick children may be cranky. But he doesn't understand why some parents don't better control their well children, who also come in, either for yearly checkups or as tag-alongs when a sibling is sick.

"Parents are permissive. The children learn to take advantage." That's how Bernstein, 65, diagnoses the etiquette problem.

When parents ignore or justify bad behavior when a child is bored, tired or hungry, Bernstein says, "the signal it gives to the kids, is you can get away with it."

Specimen 3: "Active" children at the library

Even if toddlers are climbing through open book stacks or strewing books on the floor, Kathy DiGeorge, 32, declines to characterize most young library patrons as rude. She is head librarian of the children's section at the Summerlin Library & Performing Arts Center, 1771 Inner Circle Drive, with 10 years' experience at libraries around the valley.

She doesn't tolerate bookshelf climbing, nor diving from childsized sitting platforms onto beanbag chairs. Both temptations exist in her department, but are prohibited because they are safety hazards.

Rather than accuse children or parents, DiGeorge prefers to calmly state the rules to children -- in a way that doesn't allow for debate -- or reunite wayward kids with their parents, who may have not been aware of a problem, because they were busy with another child or engrossed in their own book.

But she views the strewing of books on the floor as a likely positive -- because it shows children are interested in books and reading.

"We do have crying fits" by very young visitors, DiGeorge admits. But modern libraries contain separate children's sections precisely so children can act their age, which may entail giggles and loud conversation.

Older children present other issues. When children come in as a group after school to do homework, they are apt to get loud. Some even bring fast-food snacks into the library.

"We tell them to take it outside," DiGeorge says. In this age of ubiquitous water bottles, even some parents need reminders about avoiding food and drinks in the library, she adds.

The Summerlin library's ramps are tempting to kids with wheels. So sometimes they need a refresher on the rules, which prohibit using scooters or wheeled shoes indoors. The problem didn't even exist a generation ago, because the technology is new, DiGeorge points out.

The Las Vegas Clark County Library District doesn't permit children under 12 to visit without an adult or older sibling. But librarians only follow up on youngsters alone if they are misbehaving or appear lost, according to Nancy Ledeboer, the district's deputy director.

"We want children in the library," says Ledeboer, 46. But if a child is still alone at closing time, "We call Metro, and see that the child is taken to an appropriate place," such as Child Haven, until relatives are located.

Specimen 4: Rude children in school

Suzanne Wallace, 39, is a licensed teacher and substitute teacher who has decided not to sub at Las Vegas middle schools anymore.

This age group is "very aggressive with substitutes," she says. "They just feel like they can play the game, and say anything to a substitute, and 'Isn't it all funny.' "

Pressed for an example, Wallace says a student recently told her, "Oh, you're married. Did you have sex with your husband last night? Ha ha ha."

Wallace says she often finds greater student respect for teachers in schools with high Hispanic enrollment, which she attributes to Hispanic culture: "They're taught 'la maestra' (is held in esteem). You do not mess around with the teacher."

Young people today are more , vocal and inclined to question policy, several interviewees note, including Wallace and DiGeorge. That doesn't automatically denote rudeness, but can devolve into it.

Asked why children's misbehavior may be more noticeable today, several interviewees cited a decrease in parental supervision and lack of consistent parental follow-through on bad behavior. They attribute this to the prevalence of households with either two working parents or only one parent is present.

A society-wide decrease in respect for authority is another reason for children's misbehavior, guesses Marylyn Eckelcamp, a Las Vegas marriage and family therapist. Examples are adults who show road rage, pervasively run red lights, use cell phones indiscriminately in public or tolerate sexual activity by their teens.

Eckelcamp, who also has worked as a school psychologist, concludes, "Children are a reflection of what's going on in homes. But the home is a reflection of what's going on in society."

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All You Need to Know about Parenting Styles

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Why do I want to discuss this topic? Because parenting styles are the key to successfully raising a responsible boy. What is it exactly?

"A psychological construct representing standard strategies parents use in raising their children."

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One of the most famous classifications was developed by Diana Baumrind (a Research Psychologist at the Institute of Human Development from the University of California, Berkeley). She identified four main styles:

• Authoritarian/Military Parenting

• Authoritative/Democratic Parenting

• Permissive/Nondirective Parenting

• Neglectful/Uninvolved Parenting

Because research has shown that parenting styles were strongly linked to the outcome in child behavior, I believe it is important to look into these styles.

[pic][pic][pic]My bet is that most parents don't usually research this subject prior to having children. It's probably not something that you looked into and thought "What style should I choose?". You probably did give it some thoughts though, such as "I will not do as my parents did" or similar thoughts referring to your own childhood experience. However, this is not really what I would call choosing a style on the basis of research.

I'm sure most of us are familiar with these styles and know approximately what they mean but I think most people don't realize the effects that these can have on children in their later life.

However, I think that we - parents - probably vacillate between different styles at different points of our parenting journey. It is useful to see these styles as a kind of continuum with the Authoritarian Style at one end and the Permissive Style at the other end (I will not include neglectful here). We might be more or less in the middle most of the time but I'm sure that we sometime lean on one side or the other.

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Pawan Verma believes that permanent child discipline can be achieved only by way of love and by no other means or methods. The selective use of specific discipline techniques serves the purpose if you use them with lots of love. He believes that it certainly works where punishment, scolding, spanking, nagging have failed. I agree with him and I invite you to visit the great website he has created: child-discipline-with-love.

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Have a look at the diagram below, it shows the most typical outcomes for children depending on the parenting style used by the parents:

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In addition to the four styles already mentioned, there are a lot of other styles mentioned when it comes to parenting:

• Helicopter parenting

• Playful parenting

• Attachment parenting

• Tough love parenting

• Love and logic parenting

• Positive parenting

• Creative parenting

What is Authoritarian Parenting?

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Why this picture to illustrate Authoritarian Parenting? Well, I think it fits the theme perfectly. Read on and judge by yourself.

This style is characterized by high parental expectations that the child conforms and complies to the parents' rules and directions.

These parents always try to have total control on their children. They have strict rules, which are usually enforced without much affection. The methods are usually to try to get the children to obey, without providing them with any choices, explanations or options. They have strict standards of behavior and are most of the time very critical of their children when they do not meet these standards.

Typically, these parents will not explain why they want their children to do a particular thing. If questioned on the reason, their most likely answer would be something like "Because I'm telling you to!".

They will punish bad behavior but not reward good behavior. All their focus seems to be on bad behavior. They are very likely to choose hitting a child as a form of punishment rather than grounding him for instance.

Starting to see the link with the picture? ;) This parenting style is also referred to as military parenting style.

As a result, most children raised by authoritarian parents don't learn to think for themselves as they are not expected to understand why a certain behavior is expected. They usually lack social skills because their parents always predict what they should do; they don't get to make decisions. They will not easily take initiatives. They also usually lack curiosity and spontaneity.

Then, there is the minority of children who don't go along with the authoritarian parenting style and who rebel by reacting to the constant control exerted by their parents.

Recent research has shown some of the possible outcomes for children growing up with this parenting style:

• They are more likely to become followers of individuals who DO NOT have their best interest at heart. Why? Because their parents send the message that they cannot think by themselves when they make all the decisions and give orders. They will be more sensible to peer pressure and more likely to have drugs or alcohol problems. They do not realize that they can make good decisions on their own and stand up for themselves

• As a consequence, their self-esteem is low and they are more likely to become defiant and aggressive

• As discussed previously, they tend to lack social skills

• They are more likely to be depressed

[pic][pic][pic]As a conclusion, I'm sure that you'll agree with me that it's NOT the most desirable parenting style. The best parenting style in terms of outcome has been shown to be Authoritative Parenting (yes, the two words are close and it can be confusing!). And, the style that could be considered its opposite is Permissive Parenting.

Authoritative Parenting:

the Best Parenting Style

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It's all good to say that Authoritative Parenting is the best, but I think it's important to understand why.

[pic][pic][pic]Child behavior research looking into the outcomes associated with different parenting styles shows great benefit from this parenting style over the other styles. Why? Those children have more emotional self-control, more self-discipline, are more popular with their peers and do better at school.

It's interesting to note that the outcomes seem to be similar in very different cultures. A study - the first of its kind - by Eva Pomerantz (an Illinois professor of psychology) and graduate student Qian Wang studied the effects of parenting styles in China and the U.S. It showed that the effects of the parents' control and autonomy support in both China and the U.S. are similar in both cultures. It studied families of equivalent socio-economical backgrounds.

What is Authoritative Parenting?

This parenting style is also referred to as Democratic Parenting. It is characterized by parents' high expectations of compliance to their directions and rules, open dialogue about those rules and the child's behavior and generally a child-centered approach to parenting. The parents try to help their child to learn to be responsible for himself and to think about the consequences of his acts/behavior.

They do this is by providing clear and reasonable expectations and explanations on why they expect a certain behavior. They monitor their child's behavior to ensure that their rules are being followed through. It is done in a loving and warm manner. The emphasis is put on reinforcing the child's good behavior rather than emphasizing the bad.

Parents give selected choices according to the child's abilities. This is done to help the child to learn and experience the consequences of his own choices and it lets him know that his opinion counts. The choices will evolve with the age of the child of course. At toddler age, a choice between two things is usually enough, but a teenager might be just a tad bit frustrated by a choice of blue or black shoes ;)

Authoritative parents like to teach their children to behave by guiding their behavior rather than by punishing them. But don't think it means that those parents accept bad behavior, they are strict and demand obedience to their rules.

The other name of Democratic Parenting stems from the fact that the child is often given choices or his opinion is usually taken into account. It gives the child the impression that he is equal to his parents in value, even if he is not in life experience.

Why is Authoritative Parenting the best choice?

We have seen above that the outcomes are better for these children, but why?

[pic][pic][pic]Knowing that their opinion is taken into account, being listened to, having a choice, feeling likes equals... All this helps children have a high self-esteem thanks to the feeling that they have control and ownership in their lives. It also makes them more cooperative. Parents focus on discipline that explains the reasons the behavior is expected, rather than using intimidating methods. These methods send a positive message to the child that "we, parents, know that you are capable of dealing with this, we trust you".

Maybe it's simply because authoritative parents believe that both they and their child have certain rights and needs and that they are both equally important. It seems to be the perfect balance between Authoritarian Parenting and Permissive Parenting. Sometimes a parent needs to be obeyed regardless of the child's feeling, but sometimes it's important to give him a chance and allow him to make mistakes without intervention.

Permissive Parenting

Or How to Get a Rebellious Child

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Why did I choose this picture to illustrate permissive parenting? Because this is the parenting style that results in more aggressive children! Parents using this style probably think that they are making their children happier by being permissive, but it's quite the opposite. You are probably wondering how this can be? Surely, children must be happier having fewer or no rules...

Read on to find out why this is not the case.

What is Permissive Parenting?

This parenting style is also referred to as nondirective parenting. Permissive parents tend to set very few - if any - rules or limitations for their children. The children are free to do whatever they please and therefore tend to find it hard to get along with other people. These parents are similar to neglectful parents in that they do not set limitations but the difference is that they care for their children, physically and emotionally.

These parents try to behave in a nonpunitive, affirmative and acceptant manner towards their children's impulses, actions and desires. They make few demands such as household chores/responsibilities or orderly behavior. They are usually seen by the child more as a resource for him to use as he pleases, rather than an ideal to emulate or an active agent responsible for altering or shaping his current and future behavior. The child is allowed to regulate his own activities and is not encouraged to obey externally defined standards or rules.

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These parents are more responsive than demanding. They usually avoid confrontation. Why do they do this? They often feel that their child is going to face enough limits in the real world as an adult so they give him freedom in the home. They try to protect him from any sort of adversity. Some are permissive because they fear rejection or negative feelings from their child. Unfortunately, this is not without consequences for the child.

Why is Permissive Parenting Not a Good Choice?

Children who are raised by parents using this style often tend to feel insecure and very dependent. Why? Because they are not given the necessary direction, model and routine that all children require to learn confidence. These children tend to be more dependent on others and have a weaker sense of responsibility. They often become uncertain and anxious about whether they are doing the right thing. They are more likely to do drugs and get into legal troubles once they are teenagers and adults.

This style allows children freedom without limits and it can have serious consequences. The children can get so used to having their own way that they become frustrated when they can't have their way outside the home. They often fail to learn self-control and remain immature in their thinking process. They often become aggressive. They are more likely to get into trouble and perform badly in school. Typically, these children will engage in attention seeking behavior or "act out".

Permissive parents usually think they are doing their children a favor. But, by always protecting them from adversity, they are robbing them of the chance to learn coping skills. By not setting appropriate limits, they undermine their character development. Basically, these children will not learn to follow rules or limits. But, they WILL have to follow rules once they are in school, at work or in any kind of social setting. How are they going to cope then?

If you are an authoritative parent for instance, your child might bring up to you from time to time that one of his friend is allowed to do this or that while he is not. Your child is probably envious of his friend, thinking his friend has it better than him... But, luckily, you know that it is not the case and your child needs the limits. Of course, getting our children to understand it too is another story! ;)

So, What is the Best Parenting Style?

[pic][pic][pic]Child behavior research looking into the outcomes associated with different parenting styles shows great benefit from authoritative parenting over the other styles. Why? Children raised by authoritative parents have more emotional self-control, more self-discipline, are more popular with their peers and do better at school.

Child Discipline with Love

Worried about Child discipline?

Clicking to this site shows that you are concerned about child discipline in your family. Well, any sensitive parent would be.

“Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children, and no theories.”

- John Wilmot

Almost every other day, we notice something new in our kids' behavior that keeps bothering us. Most of us keep discussing these issues with friends and relatives. Some read parenting books, attend parenting classes ... and some even consult Psychologists or Psychiatrists.

I have been a practicing lawyer dealing with family matters and juvenile delinquency matters for last 17 years, and have closely seen the most defiant and spoilt kids who not only suffer themselves but and also make their parents suffer like hell for them.

On the other hand I have also come across kids who not only survived most adverse conditions but did something outstanding as well. How and why does that happen?

How are some kids conditioned to survive all adversities while most others fails in most advantageous circumstances?

Well, the answer lies somewhere inside the child's mind only. How is the child's mind programmed determines his future.

Love and Child discipline

You can read child's mind only when you are attuned to his point of view. And that happens only when you love him. Love has tremendous power.

I love kids and find myself comfortable with them. Playing and spending time with them amuses me. And kids love me too.

Most of the times, I am able to get the kids do what I want them to do. It happens because I am passionate about kids and they can sense my love for them.

I believe it is love, and only love, that can work wonders with the children.

If you think emotions have nothing to do with our perception of discipline in children, read the celebrated article Father Forgets by W. Livingston Larned.

This article was first published several decades ago. Since then it has been published several times in well known books and magazines including 'Readers Digest'. The famous author Dele Carnegie found it worth inserting it in his best seller ‘How to win friends and influence People’.

I would like you to read this article before finding indiscipline in your children and much before reading any further on child discipline.

How to achieve Child discipline?

Parenting child is challenging at all stages of child development, right from handling toddler temper tantrums to wondering how to discipline teenagers. Raising kids becomes more challenging in a stepfamily, single parent family or a divorce affected family.

So, how to discipline a child? Parents keep trying all sorts of old and new ways to discipline a child.

In fact, it doesn’t take a Doctorate Degree to do it. What it needs is … some common sense with some more patience and lots of unconditional love, that’s it.

And it’s never too soon to begin. By beginning with toddler discipline, we are better at disciplining kids, which makes us ready for the most challenging teen discipline.

Here are some parenting tips, how to instructions, and creative discipline techniques to help a parent develop a creative parenting style which ensures positive discipline at home.

• Understanding the correct meaning of Child discipline.

• Learning child behavior management in an easy way.

• Effective communication with children- Improve parent child communication. Talk to the kids so they will listen and listen so they will talk.

• How to criticize or argue with children so they are not hurt.

• Child behavior modification by motivating children to repeat desirable behavior and building self-esteem.

• Replacing emotional child abuse, spanking or any other kind of corporal punishment with constructive behavior consequences.

• Anger management- children who have angry parents are more likely to behave in an aggressive and violent manner. Learn how to forgive and other simple anger management techniques and teach them to your children as well.

• How to best utilize behavior contracts and chore charts with children.

• Find out if your child suffers from some behavior disorders, like attention deficit disorder (ADD) and many more, and deal with the situation accordingly.

And most importantly, do all above without raising your voice and blood pressure.

Need some more parenting help to discipline child? Explore this site. You’ll find sensitive advice for parents on various relevant issues and many other parenting resources here.

Your Child discipline story

Remember your childhood days when your parents asked you to go to sleep and you used to read funny comics instead?

Do you have an interesting story about children and discipline from your childhood or parenthood? Why not to share it with the whole world?

Upload your story, parenting article, picture, poem, quote or whatever you think is relevant to the theme of this site.

And don't forget to send a picture if you have one related to your story. We'll review it and publish it on our website so that the whole world can read and watch it.

Have fun while disciplining children.

child discipline Blog  

Measure your child's Discipline Quotient (DQ)

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What is Helicopter Parenting?

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Have you heard the expression Helicopter Parenting? Are you wondering what it is?[pic][pic][pic]

It is an expression that has become common in the last few years to refer to parents who hover closely over their children. It describes parents who are rarely out of reach of their children, whether their children need them or not. These parents usually rush to their child to prevent harm or failure.

In Scandinavia, they call it "curling parenthood", because those parents sweep all obstacles off in front of their children. Another term used to describe those parents is "Black Hawks", by reference to the military helicopter of the same name.

The term helicopter parents is a pejorative expression. It is widely used in the media but there has been very little academic research into this phenomenon. The term was used in the book "Parenting with Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility" to describe one of the ineffective parenting styles (F W. Cline & J Fay, published in 1990).

Why are some parents so overprotective?

The reasons are varied:

Fear of failure:

It is hard for the parents to stay on the side and watch their offspring feel unprepared, inadequate or miserable. They find it heartbreaking and feel it is their parent's job to protect their child from all these unpleasant feelings.

Lack of good relationships:

Some believe that a parent's lack of good relationships is at the root of helicopter parenting. The lack of connection to the spouse means that the parent is reliant to his/her child to fulfill his/her need for love and affection and that is what causes overprotection.

Living vicariously through their children:

As bad as it sounds, some parents take so much interest and do so much of their child's work as a way to get acceptance and approval for their own actions. This is why they take it very personally when the child fails.

To keep their child young:

Some parents do not like to see their children grow and would like to keep them young forever. They need to know that their child needs them, constantly.

Need for control:

Unfortunately, parents cannot control the world in which they and their children live. For some, it's just too much and they make sure they will control all they can: how their child spends time and with whom.

These are only some of the reasons why parents can be so overprotective of their children, it is anyone's guess what the real reasons are. One thing is for sure, it is hard to let go sometimes. It takes patience and it requires to believe that your child can do it.

What are some of the effects?

Failure to learn and become self sufficient:

It is obvious that overprotective parents want the best for their children but it seems that, in the long run, they are probably doing more harm than good. When children learn, they will make mistakes, that is part of growing up and learning from their mistakes will help them learn and become self-sufficient. By not letting their children experience this, overprotective parents hinder their children's learning.

Social inadequacy:

A common trait of helicopter parents is that they "baby" their children, not allowing them to grow up. This results in children who are less mature than their peers and - according to studies - who don't really know how to get what they need, how to solve problems on their own, how to be safe or how to interact with their peers.

Fear of failure:

Children of helicopter parents are often afraid of failure as they associate success with being helped by their parents. They are often afraid to try something on their own, without their parents' help. Failing helps children to learn perseverance and helicopter parents do not allow their children to face failure.

Parent anxiety:

This parenting style also affects the parents. Research has shown that helicopter parents have more anxiety because they constantly judge their own value against their children's successes. Their self image is lower than that of parents who do not parent in this way.

To conclude, I would like to stress out once more the importance of letting children fail and learn from their failures. [pic][pic][pic]Children need to learn perseverance, they need to understand that if they put their mind to something their will succeed. Having a parent there constantly as a safety net will lessen their determination. I believe that parenting this way is a sign of the parent's own fears and only teaches the child that the world is a hopeless place. Now, that's not what we want to be teaching our children!

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