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Positive Discipline
1) Always let your children know you love them and give attention.
Listening to your children, hugging, smiling or talking with them are all rewards.
• Do not criticize.
• Do not dwell on past mistakes.
• Do not use physical violence.
2) Be clear about what you expect.
• Let your child know what the limits are.
• “After you ride your bike, put it away.”
3) Offer a few clear choices.
• The child decides how to act from the choices you give.
• “Put your bike away when you are done riding it or you will not be able to ride tomorrow. You decide.”
4) Describe what is unacceptable without put-downs.
• “Your bike is in the driveway.” Not “How many times do I have to tell you to put your bike away?”
5) Be consistent.
• Rules should not change with your mood.
• “The rule for riding your bike is that you put it away when you are finished.”
6) Be firm.
• Stick to what you say.
• Don’t say something if you know you won’t carry it out.
• “You didn’t put your bike away. I see you choose not to ride it anymore this afternoon.”
7) Set a good example.
8) Be reasonable.
• Discipline should be related to the misbehavior and not too harsh.
• “You’ve lost your riding privileges today. We’ll try again tomorrow.”
9) Do not act out of anger.
If you feel yourself losing control get away from the child.
• Take a deep breath.
• Count to 10.
• Have a glass of water.
What About Punishment?
Problems with Punishment
• Unwanted behavior is only stopped for a short time.
• Children may not understand why they are being punished.
• It created “me against you.”
• Children do not learn how to make decisions on their own.
• It can hurt the child’s self-worth or self-esteem.
Changing behavior with positive methods is the best way.
• Stop giving rewards or privileges and provide a clear method of earning them back.
• Give a cue (a physical or verbal warning that the behavior is to stop at once).
• Avoid physical punishment (such as slapping and hitting).
Do not use these phrases
1. Nagging
“If I told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times…”
2. Lecturing
“When I was your age, I wasn’t allowed to…”
3. Moralizing
“You should know better than that.”
4. Name-calling
“You are such a baby sometimes!”
5. Put-Downs
“What’s the matter with you? Can’t you ever do anything right?”
6. Comparisons
“Her room always looks so neat, your is horrid.”
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