I Can Tell You Now -- Their Essays Were Meh



I Can Tell You Now -- Their Essays Were Meh

Posted: 04/19/2013 6:44 pm

With the last of the college admission letters sent, this is the time juniors ask a pretty great question -- "What happened to this year's college applicants that can help me get ready to apply to college next year?"

In years past, I haven't been able to provide much of answer, other than "it depends." The only time an applicant knows where they stand compared to other applicants is after the admissions deadline has passed -- and they can't do anything to change their status by then.

This answer may be honest, but it doesn't give juniors much to go on. That's why I'm delighted that I have a different answer for them this year:

Don't write boring essays.

This is the second year in a row college admissions officers have told me that application essays, as a group, were pretty disappointing. They use phrases like "they're writing too safe" and "we appreciate the effort," but what they mean is clear; they were given celery when they were looking for steak. Yes, there were exceptions -- like the rep who told one of my students his essay was so wonderful, it brought him to tears -- but as a rule, there's room for improvement for next year's class.

And what can juniors do to write better essays? Three things:

Write the way you talk. Admissions officers ask for essays because they can't speak with you in person. They'd much rather do that, since it's easier to get more out of a conversation, where you can hear inflection, evaluate body language, and watch the way your eyes light up whenever you talk about Voltaire.

That's the kind of thing that gets a college's attention, so that's what you have to put in your essay. Colleges say they want to hear your voice, so be you -- your strongest, clearest, best, grammatically correct you, but you. Third graders recite the Pledge of Allegiance with little enthusiasm or understanding; if the final draft of a college essay sounds like a nine-year-old rotely advocating liberty and justice for all, it's time to start over.

Don't start too soon. I was stunned when Common Application released next year's essay topics this past February, benignly giving many juniors eleven months to work on draft after draft after draft -- and slowly taking the life out of the words, somewhere in the middle of July.

Students certainly need to write drafts of all essays, but there is such a thing as overkill. Think about your essay responses over the summer, but don't put anything to paper until the Common App portal opens August 1st. If you're an athlete in training during August, remember that you'll have to play your sport *and* go to class when you're in college; this is a good chance to practice doing both at once.

Show it to only one editor. Another way to have an essay lose your voice is to ask too many people for advice. You may only get a couple of suggestions from each reader, but two fixes from six readers makes twelve changes, all coming from someone else, all in words that aren't your own.

It's important to work well in a group, but not when it comes to application essays. Find one person who knows you and grammar, give them your essays ahead of time, and set up a time to discuss what you've written. Editing by conversation increases the chances your essay will sound like a conversation, and that's what colleges want. Find something to say; say it in your own voice; don't practice too much, and all will be well.

Follow Patrick O'Connor on Twitter: collegeisyours



Good Resource for Tips:

How should you present yourself in an essay?

Jeff Brenzel, Dean of Undergraduate Admissions, Yale University

An admission officer shares tips on writing an essay that reflects who you really are.

Video Transcript

When you apply to college, you’ll need to complete an essay as part of your application. This is your opportunity to show admission officers who you are and to provide information about yourself that didn’t fit in other areas of your application. The essay also reveals what you can do when you have time to think and work on a writing project.The number one piece of advice from admission officers about your essay is “Be yourself.” The number two suggestion is “Start early.” Check out these other tips before you begin.

Choose a Topic That Will Highlight You

Don’t focus on the great aspects of a particular college, the amount of dedication it takes to be a doctor or the number of extracurricular activities you took part in during high school.

Do share your personal story and thoughts, take a creative approach and highlight areas that aren’t covered in other parts of the application, like your high school records.

Keep Your Focus Narrow and Personal

Don’t try to cover too many topics. This will make the essay sound like a résumé that doesn’t provide any details about you.

Do focus on one aspect of yourself so the readers can learn more about who you are. Remember that the readers must be able to find your main idea and follow it from beginning to end. Ask a parent or teacher to read just your introduction and tell you what he or she thinks your essay is about.

Show, Don’t Tell

Don’t simply state a fact to get an idea across, such as “I like to surround myself with people with a variety of backgrounds and interests.”

Do include specific details, examples, reasons and so on to develop your ideas. For the example above, describe a situation when you were surrounded by various types of people. What were you doing? Whom did you talk with? What did you take away from the experience?

Use Your Own Voice

Don’t rely on phrases or ideas that people have used many times before. These could include statements like, “There is so much suffering in the world that I feel I have to help people.” Avoid overly formal or business-like language, and don’t use unnecessary words.

Do write in your own voice. For the above example, you could write about a real experience that you had and how it made you feel you had to take action. And note that admission officers will be able to tell if your essay was edited by an adult.

Ask a Teacher or Parent to Proofread

Don’t turn your essay in without proofreading it, and don’t rely only on your computer’s spell check to catch mistakes. A spell-check program will miss typos like these:

• "After I graduate form high school, I plan to get a summer job."

• "From that day on, Daniel was my best fried."

Do ask a teacher or parent to proofread your essay to catch mistakes. You should also ask the person who proofreads your essay if the writing sounds like you.

Adapted from The College Application Essay by Sarah Myers McGinty.

College Application Essay

Why it's important and how you can help

Your students’ college essay is their opportunity to reveal their best qualities and to show an admission committee what makes them stand out from other applicants. Work with your students to help them with this important piece of their application.

How important is the essay?

The National Association for College Admission Counseling’s 2011 State of College Admission report found that while grades, strength of curriculum and admission test scores are the top factors in the college admission decision, a majority of colleges and universities believe the essay to be of considerable or moderate importance in determining which academically qualified students they would choose.

 In other words, when all else is equal between competing applicants, a compelling essay can make the difference. A powerful, well-written essay can also tip the balance for a marginal applicant.

What are colleges looking for in an essay?

College admission officers look to the essay for evidence that a student can write well and support ideas with logical arguments. They also want to know something about the personality of the student.

Sarah Myers McGinty, author of The College Application Essay, shares the following tip for both counselors and students: "If you get a chance, ask college representatives about the role of the essay at their colleges. At some colleges the essay is used to determine fit, and at others it may be used to assure the college that the student can do the work. At any rate, find out from the rep how essays are weighted and used in the admissions process."

What are the different types of essays?

There are typically three types of essay questions: the "you" question, the "why us" question and the "creative" question. The following descriptions and tips are based on information found in McGinty's book.

The "you" question

This question boils down to "Tell us about yourself." The college wants to know students better and see how students introduce themselves.

Example: "The University of Vermont values a diverse student body. What contributions might you make to our campus community outside of academic achievement?"

Plus: This type of direct question offers students a chance to reveal something about themselves other than grades and test scores.

Danger: The open-ended nature of these questions can lead to an essay that's all over the place.

Counselor tips

• Encourage students to focus on just a few things and avoid the urge to "spill everything" at once.

• Advise students not to simply write out their resume in paragraph form. It's better to develop one small event, person, place or feeling with a lot of narrative and specifics.

• Explain to students that this is a "tell us a story" question. Students should tell a story that only they can tell.

The "why us" question

Some institutions ask for an essay about a student's choice of a college or career. They're looking for information about the applicant's goals, and about how serious the student’s commitment is to this particular college.

Example: "How did you become interested in American University?"

Plus: This type of question provides a focus for the essay; that is, why the student chose this particular college or path — and the answer to that will (hopefully) be clear.

Danger: Any factual errors in the essay will reveal that the student really hasn't thought deeply about the choice. For example, writing about attending Carleton College to major in agriculture would be a blunder, because Carleton doesn't have an agriculture major.

An upside to this type of question is that while working on the essay, the student might realize that the college is not a good match — and it's better to know that sooner than later.

Counselor tips

• Advise students to make absolutely sure they know their subject well.

• Warn students not to go overboard with flattery. They should sound sincere but not ingratiating.

The "creative" question

The goals of the "creative" question are to evaluate a candidate's ability to think and write creatively and to assess the breadth of the student’s knowledge and education.

Example: "Sharing intellectual interests is an important aspect of university life. Describe an experience or idea that you find intellectually exciting, and explain why."

Plus: This kind of question gives students an opportunity to convey their personalities and views.

Danger: Some students may take the "creative" aspect of the question as license to be obscure, pretentious or undisciplined in their writing.

Counselor tips

• Emphasize to students the importance of writing an informed essay. For example, they should not write about a fantasy meeting with a famous artist and get the titles of the artist’s paintings wrong.

• Advise students to use common sense ("creative" doesn't mean eccentric or self-indulgent).

• Warn students not to write about high-minded topics or exotic locales simply to impress the reader.

How much help is too much help?

According to the College Board report Admissions Decision-Making Models, admission officers have expressed concern about how much assistance students receive in preparing an essay. Many institutions now ask applicants to sign a statement avowing that the essay submitted is their own work.

What can you do to help your students within the guidelines of your job?

• Help your students overcome their nervousness and encourage them to start writing.

• Suggest that they seek essay advice from teachers who know them well.

• Make sure that your teachers and colleagues understand the role of the essay in college applications.

• Look over the student's essay for signs that a parent "helped" too much.

• Give general feedback on a finished or nearly finished essay. You may point out areas that need revision, but you cannot rewrite or edit — the essay must be the student's work.

Your encouragement, ideas and overall support can go a long way in helping your students write their essays.

This article is based, in part, on information found in The College Application Essay, by Sarah Myers McGinty.



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