Common unhelpful thinking habits

Common unhelpful thinking habits / irrational cognitions: modernpsychotherapytellsusthatwhenstressbecomesadisorderit

causesashiftinthinking?andwefilterandprocesssituationsandeventsthoughadistorted andgloomylens.The'picture'isofftrack,anditisnotthesituationthatiscausingourupset, itisourjudgementofthesituation(toparaphrasethephilosopherEpictetus). Thefollowingarethemostcommonthinkingpatternspeoplewithanxietyanddepression develop.Note:allofusdosomeofthesesomeofthetime,butwhenweadoptmanyofthem asournaturaldefaultposition,wehaveaproblem.Canyouseeyourselfhere?Ifyoucan, don'tworry,that'sagoodthing!Itmeansyouhavetheabilitytoselfcritique,andthatifyou puttheworkin,youcandismantlethosehabitsandbuildnewonesusingrationalthinkingskillswithCBT.

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TheFORTUNETELLINGhabit:

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Thisiswhenwehaveahabitofpredictingnegativeoutcomesforsituationsandevents: `I'mnotdatingthatperson,itwouldneverworkout'.`I'llgobutIwon'tenjoymyself'.`Thatwon'tworkout,sohere'sno pointintrying'.`Iwouldn'tbeableforthat.Maybeinafewweeksorafewmonths'.`I'llawaysbealone.'`Nothingever

worksoutforme'.

Wethinkthatweareanticipatingandproblemsolvingwhenwedothis,savingourselvesfrompointlesseffortorhurt ordisappointment?butactuallyWEDONOTHAVEFORTUNETELLINGSKILLS,sotheseabsolutestatementsand beliefs,thisselftalk,cannotbetrusted?believingthesethoughtswillcauseselfsabotagingbehaviour(especially avoidantbehaviour),andwillstopushavingastimulatinglifewherewetakerisksandseeopportunitiesand excitementandliveinthemoment?ratherthanviewingeverythingasanegativeandahazardtobeavoided. Consider:ifyouwerelovedupandreallyhappyinlifewouldyouhavethiskindofthinkinghabit?No,youwouldbe viewinglifethroughadifferentlens.So,itisn't`life',it'syourviewofit.Isthereanyevidenceforyourthoughtand belief?Isthereanyevidenceagainstit?Whatarethefacts? Buildawarenessofyourthoughts,andexamineandchallengethem.Review,reappraiseandreframe.Changinghow youthinkchangeshowyoufeelwhichchangeshowyoubehave....

Giveanexampleofhowyoumightusethishabit:



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TheMINDREADINGhabit:

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`HethinksI'manidiot'.`Shewantsthebosstohateme'.`MyhusbandthinksI'mdisgusting'.`She'sabitch,shedidthatout ofspiteandjealousy'.`TheinterviewerthoughtIwasspoofing'.

Ifyouwereconfidentandhappywouldyouhavethiskindofhabitwhereyouconstantlyascribenegativethoughtsand traitstopeople? WEDONOTHAVEMINDREADINGSKILLS.Thoseareyourthoughts,nottheirs.Thoseareyourassumptions?and theycannotberelieduponwhenwehaveanemotionalhealthdisorderandwe'refilteringlifethroughthenegative lens.Thoughtstopandreframe.

Giveanexampleofhowyoumightusethishabit:



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TheEMOTIONALREASONINGhabit:

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`Ifeelbad,thereforeitisbad'.`Ifeelangrythereforethereisareasontobeangry'.

Actually,no,FEELINGSARENOTFACTS.Thisishugelyimportantinunderstandingandmanagingyouremotional healthwhenyou'reoverlyupsetoften,andhaveapatternofselfsabotagingbehaviours. Humanbeingshaveaprimal`fightorflight'physiologicalresponsetostressandfear?releasingthestresshormones AdrenalineandCortisol,whichpumpupourbodytohandleaphysicalthreatorpredator,eventhoughtoday'sthreats aremostlypsychological.Thismeansourstressresponsetosituationsisnotjustemotional,it'sliterallyphysicaltoo? symptomsoffightorflightincludearacingheart,toomuchoxygen,thedigestivesystemandimmunesystemshutting down,veinsdilatingandcausingblushing,thebodysweatingtocoolitselfdown,andshakingandspacingoutfroman oxygenandadrenalinestimulus.Physicalpumpingupwouldbeveryhandytofightorrunfromatiger,butit'svery unhelpfulaswetrytogoaboutthebusinessofeverydaylifeisn'tit?Ifwehaveanxietyordepression,evenlowto moderate,wearehardwiredforfear-andformanyofusoursystemscansimmerinfightorflightmode inappropriatelyonandoffthroughouteachday,withusnotknowingwhatitis,justfeelingshakyandnotright.In extremeanxietythesesymptomsescalatetoactualpanicattacks. Acceptingtheabovemeansthatifweuse`emotionalreasoning',ifwedependonhowwe`feel'tointerpretsituations, wewillmisinterpretwhat'sgoingon.AdoptCBTcopingskills.Buildawarenessofyourthinkingandfeeling(both emotionalandphysical)andbehaving.Examineit.Understandandacceptyourbodyandyourprimalcondition.When youfeelshakyandupset:pause,practicedeepbreathingtoregulateyouroverloadofoxygen,considerthefactsofthe situation,andreappraiseandreframewithnewselftalk.Tellyourself'Thereisnotiger.'Youhaveananxietydisorder, yourbodyisexercisingit'sdesignflawwhenitinterpretssomethingasadangerorhazard.Itiswhatitis.Youcan handleit.CHANGEYOURMIND,CHANGEYOURMOOD.

Giveanexampleofhowyoumightusethishabit:

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TheAWFULISINGhabit:

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Alongqueueforlunch?`ThisisAWFUL'.Badhairday?`OMG,thisisAWFUL'.Friendsnapsatyou?`She'sAWFUL'. Thewaywetalktoourselves,ourselftalk,aboutsituationsandtheworld,themeaningandsignificanceweattachto events,causesourphysicalandbehaviouralresponses.Wedevelopahabitofmakingmountainsoutofmolehillswhen weuseextremelanguageinresponsetoprettybenignevents?andwhenwebelieveandtrustthis`selftalk'?itturns onfightorflight,andstartsaselffulfillingprophecyofaviciouscirclethatfeedsitself.(Includeotherselftalklike`I can'tcope'and`Ican'tbearthis'inthishabit.) Thislanguagejustservestomaximiseyourdiscomfort.Itispossibletochallengeandchangethishabit,andtodevelop anewhabitofusinglessincendiaryandmoreappropriaterationalwordstodescribeevents: `I'msayingeverydaynuisancethingsthathappenare`awful'again,thisisjustabadhabitthatmakesmeoverlyupset,it's

moretruetosaythatthisisanannoyinginconvenience.butitiswhatitisandI'llacceptanddealwithit'. `Ahnow,I'msayingIcan'tcopeagain.That'ssillyandjustmakesthingsharder.It'smoretruetosayIcancope,butI'mnot

copingwell,andwouldpreferitifIdidn'thavetocope.I'llbeokay,it'llbeokay."

Giveanexampleofhowyoumightusethishabit:



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 TheMUSTANDSHOULDhabit:

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(alsoknownasmusterbation{really},and`demandthinking',andinflexible`rulesforliving)

`IwantthereforeImusthave'.

`Imustbethoroughlycompetentatalltimes,orelseIamincompetent' `YoumustbehaveasIthinkyououghtto,andyoumusttreatmewithrespectandthoughtfulness,oryouareabadrotten

person' `ThingsandconditionsmustbeasIwantthemtobe,andmustneverbetoodifficultorfrustrating,orlifeisawful.' AlbertEllisexplainsthisas"Theideathatitishorriblewhenthingsarenotthewaywelikethemtobe......insteadof theideathatitistoobad,thatwehadbettertrytochangeorcontrolbadconditionssothattheybecomemore satisfactory,and,ifthatisnotpossible,wehadbettertemporarilyacceptandgracefullylumptheirexistence." ReframeandCHANGEMUSTSTOPREFERENCES,becausetheyareillogical(whomadeusaGodoftheworld?Where isitwritteninthestonesorstarsthatyoucancontroltherandomworldorthethoughtsandbehavioursofothers?). `IwouldpreferitifIwereperfectandsuccessfulinallthings,butIacceptthatIamexactlywhereIamatthismoment,and

thatI'maflawedhumanbeingthat'sjustdoingmybest.IwillmakechangeswhereIcan.' `IwouldpreferitifyoubehavedasI'dlikeyoutobehave,butIdon'tdemanditandIacceptthatyouchooseyourbehaviour

becauseofyourthoughtsandbeliefsandfeelings,andthatyouaregovernedbyyourownpriorities.'

Giveanexampleofhowyoumightusethishabit:



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TheBLACKANDWHITEhabit:

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(also known as `all or nothing thinking' and the `either / or fallacy')

Thisiswhenwethinkinabsolutes.Thingsorpeopleare: Lovelyorawful..Cleverorstupid.Attractiveorunattractive.Niceorhorrible.Skinnyorfat.Happyormiserable. Successfuloraloser.Cooloranerd.Authenticorfake. (`Always'and`Never'featureinblackandwhiteselftalktoo.`Thingsalwaysgowrong',`I'llneverbetrulyhappy',`she's alwayslate',`he'snevergoingtogrowup'....) Thingsareneverreallyaneither/or.Thereareaawholespectrumofgraysbetweenextremes,butthishabitdoesnot accountforthat.Changethehabitbymonitoringyourselftalk,andby`thoughtstopping'andreframingwithnew healthyrealisticlanguageinstead:

`I'mdoingmyblackandwhitehabitheresayingshe'sahorriblepersonandthatI'llneverspeaktoheragainbecauseshe didn'tbehaveasIexpectedhertobutit'smoretruetosaythatI'msadanddisappointed,thatIthinkshe'sthoughtless'.

`It'ssillytosaymycolleagueisevil?it'smoretruetosaythatwedon'tgeton.andthatIdon'tunderstandhimand disapproveofsomeofhisbehaviour.

Giveanexampleofhowyoumightusethishabit:



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