EVERYTHING S FREE! A PLAY BY SAM GRABER ESTIMATED RUN TIME ...

[Pages:86]"EVERYTHING'S FREE!" A PLAY BY SAM GRABER

ESTIMATED RUN TIME ? 75 MINUTES

PRODUCTION ? APRIL 2016

Sam Graber 2020 Norway Pine Circle, Minneapolis, MN 55305 612-695-3125 samgraber@

"Everything's Free!"

SUMMARY Tyler and Mackenzie have just moved to the big city to chase their dreams. But life isn't going quite as expected. Trying to make it on their own is hard. And expensive. And being poor isn't very fun. All that is about to change, however. The financial spirit guide of Tyler's only friend arrives with a strange and mysterious offer ? a credit card which can be used anywhere, for any amount, and doesn't require any payment. Some conditions apply.

CHARACTERS (3M, 2F) TYLER, early 20s, male MACKENZIE, early 20s, female CLUTCH, late 20s, male EULA, late 20s, female DOCTOR, 40s, male

PLACE Minneapolis.

THE STAGE The stage is awash in light such that corners, angles and ends are rounded and ephemeral. On one quadrant of stage we see a ratty couch. On another quadrant is a drinking bar. We also see a park bench. The other locations are depicted by projected image. The stage is a multimedia platform for both human action and image artistry.

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"Everything's Free!"

PRODUCTION HISTORY

Everything's Free! was first produced by Andrea Tonsfeldt and Mission Theatre Company at SPACE in St. Paul, MN during April 2014, as directed by Anneliese Stuht, set designed by Meagan Kedrowski, costume designed by Krista Weiss, projection and sound designed by Ben Harvey, and stage managed by Ellen De Young, and with the following cast:

TYLER, Jacob Rivet; MACKENZIE, Tynelle Marschall; EULA, Anna Sutheim; CLUTCH, Corey DiNardo; and DOCTOR, Eric Balcerzak.

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"Everything's Free!"

For my sister Juli, whose credit is always good.

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? 2015, All Rights Reserved.

"Everything's Free!"

SCENE 1.

From darkness, we see a webula of credit, an image.

We hear hushed voices speaking in fournumber sequences.

At crescendo we hear the sharp swipe of a credit card knuckle-buster: shhick!-shhick!

TYLER appears.

TYLER The human dream only lasts nine seconds.

Nine seconds.

That doesn't give us a lot of time.

I didn't ask for any of this to happen.

I didn't mean for it to happen.

But it did, it all really did.

A toast!

CLUTCH

Wahoo!

MACKENZIE

TYLER The only thing you can change is what happens next.

Lights shift.

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"Everything's Free!"

SCENE 2.

TYLER, MACKENZIE, CLUTCH and EULA.

A bar.

CLUTCH holds high a glass of blue liquor.

EULA wears colorful shawls, ringlets and boots. One particular shawl is wrapped around EULA's face such that we see only her eyes, which stare straight down.

CLUTCH Some money was dropped on the barroom floor...

MACKENZIE / TYLER Hoh! Look out! Here we go! Let's hear it! [etc.]

CLUTCH Some money was dropped on the barroom floor,

As the pub opened up for the night!

When a rich man and poor man taking their seats,

Came upon this fiscal sight.

The rich man says: I've got houses and cars,

I've got all the money I need.

The poor man says: I've got dreams and a name,

And therefore everything's free!

So they stared for a beat...and then smiled, then laughed,

As each raised their frothy glass.

And all night long you could hear them shout,

To hell with the middle class!

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"Everything's Free!"

A-whoo! Sweet! [etc.]

TYLER & MACKENZIE

CLUTCH Here's to young and invincible! Minneapolis!

Minneapolis!

TYLER & MACKENZIE ALL except EULA drink.

Now that...

CLUTCH

TYLER / MACKENZIE [Sputtering, hacking] !!!

...is a fine tasting libation.

CLUTCH

Pain!

MACKENZIE

CLUTCH Rare are the drinks that can make us wince in good pain, eh?

What is this?

MACKENZIE

CLUTCH Blue something or other. Can never remember the name. Eula's favorite.

My brain is on pain.

MACKENZIE

CLUTCH Good drink is good pain. And bad roads. Bad roads are also good pain. And I'm starting to learn that bad road pain, the way your streets here begin and end at different spots, roundabouting snowbanked alleys and beige-brown brickyards in field-like order. Yes, I say the old windshield looks mighty fondly on your little village.

MACKENZIE

Oh, it's not ours, really. I mean, Tyler and I just moved here.

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"Everything's Free!"

CLUTCH Yes, Tyler-ini said. Relatively new to the local horizon ourselves.

But this place, totally sweet.

MACKENZIE

First time?

CLUTCH

MACKENZIE We haven't gone out much. We've been trying to save.

CLUTCH Well, if you think this is something, I'm off tonight, self-imposed blackout. No riders. The wheels are ours and only ours. Anywhere you haven't been, anywhere you want to go, I'm your horse.

MACKENZIE I wouldn't even know those places. Besides, we can't afford it. Everything is so expensive.

CLUTCH Don't worry about cost, okay? After the dollar sign is for you to forget. Tonight's on us. Me and Eula.

TYLER Clutch, you don't have to do that.

CLUTCH reveals an all-white credit card.

CLUTCH [Holding high] This shall remain open and flowing! Like your Mississippi.

It's not our Mississippi.

MACKENZIE

CLUTCH [A little too close] It's yours tonight. If you want it.

Well. This place got steak?

MACKENZIE

Mackenzie.

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TYLER

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