IELTS WRITING CORRECTION- Da Thao



Some people prefer to provide help or support directly to the local community. Others prefer to give money to national or international charitable organizations.Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Today, many people prefer to support charities that are working in their own communities while the others believe that they should support charities that work internationally. In my opinions, both of these approaches have own advantages and disadvantages. Supporting local charities is great!? Nothing can substitute for direct involvement with a charitable group. The work of such charities often seems more concrete.? You can see it.? Your neighbors or your community as a whole may be directly benefiting from their work.? It may be easier to learn about the work of local charities, because it is highlighted in a local newspaper, or someone you know may work with the group.? You can work with the group and develop the kind of insight that only comes with close involvement.?It is the essence of Vietnam volunteerism: people coming together to help other people in their own communities.? But keep in mind that some problems that charities confront aren't easy to tackle at the local level.? Take the problem of air pollution for example.? Often, some of the air pollution experienced in one area is at least partly generated in another area and carried by prevailing winds.? Or water problems are caused by pollution from upstream.? To deal with problems such as these may require a regional or national approach.? A local group working on its own may not be able to have much impact on such problems. Therefore, supporting national or international charitable organizations is important to solve global issues. However,?all charities in this service must have combined fund-raising and administrative costs. So there are much chances of corruption. Money of the sponsors might be used for personal purposes of charity boards. In conclusion, supporting local people and donating to large charities are both commendable as means of humanitarian aids, and we should try to help as many people as possible. GradeTask Response5The idea in the second paragraph is ok. Your answer is confusing, and your points weren’t clear. I recommend spending 10mins to plan your ideas before writing. Cohesion and Coherence6The efforts of connecting one idea to the next are visible sometimes. Refer to my marking for more details. Learn to write topic sentences and supporting sentences. Vocabulary6.5Good, you know how to use unusual vocabularies correctly. Grammar5.5Pay more attention to grammar. Write sentences in full. Overall5.5Your grammar is fine. Pay more attention to task response to improve your writing. Suggested paragraph structuresIntroduction Many people provide support to their community, while others prefer to give money nationally and internationally. Both methods are helpfulParagraph 1Sentence 1: several reasons for people to prefer local charitiesSentence 2: getting to know the local. Sentence 3: eg: newcomers would fit in quicker if they give support to their neighbour. Sentence 4: gain direct benefitsSentence 5: eg- support to local drug addict rehab centre -> safer neighbour. Paragraph 2 Sentence1: several reasons for people to prefer national and international charitiesSentence2: the problems are more urgentSentence3: Earthquake in Chile -> urgent medical and financial support. Sentence4: save life, and some people would like to have significantly impacts on others instead of small problems in the local. Sentence5: Thus, supporting nationally and internationally also have meritsConclusion 1 sentence summaries the main point. ................
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