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Writing Task 1 Diagnostic

Print out the page. Read the task. Write your answer on paper. You can only use 20 minutes for this task. After 20 minutes copy your hand written text below the graph in this document. Do not change anything when copying on the document.

The line graph below shows changes in the amount and type of fast food consumed by Australian teenagers from 1975 to 2000.

Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

Write at least 150 words

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Write your answer for Academic IELTS Writing Task 1 here:

It is shown in the diagram that how the consumption of some kinds of fast food changed from 1975 to 2000 among Australian teenagers, including pizza ,fish and chips and hamburgers.

At the beginning in 1975,fish and chips took the overwhelming amount ,which was 100 times per year, while hamburgers’ consumption was just around 10 times and pizza’s even less at about 5.

However, things shifted dramaticly since then. The youngers ate more the less popular ones than fish and chips which led to the sharp decline of its used number until 1980,following by a little bounce and then dropping again straightly to reach the bottom of 40 below. Oppositly, the number of hamburgers and pizza were keeping soaring up hugely. At the point of 1985,the increasing trend of hamburgers minimized somehow and remained a constant slight rise till attending the highest figure of pared with that, pizza’s cost had ten more years to grow until up to its biggest amount of 85,and then became stable till the end.

In a nutshell ,hamburgers were the most popular, while fish and chips were not a hit any more.

In-depth task feedback

1 TASK ACHIEVEMENT

YOU PARAPHRASE THE QUESTION IN YOUR INTRODUCTION No, you try to paraphrase but your sentence structure and word choice make it very difficult to understand what you are trying to say

YOU HAVE A GENERAL OVERVIEW Partially, you have some form of general overview mentioning the general trends, but you put it as a conclusion and you should expand it a bit more.

YOUR GENERAL OVERVIEW CONTAINS THE IMPORTANT INFORMATION WITHOUT DATA partially, it does not contain all the important data, you need to write more

YOU HAVE AN IN-DEPTH ANALYSIS yes

YOUR IN-DEPTH ANALYSIS INCLUDES DATA (NUMBERS) yes, you mention some data and numbers but you can expand

YOU COMPARE THE IMPORTANT INFORMATION very little, you try to compare and use the data but your sentence construction and word choices make it extremely hard to understand what you are trying to say

YOU HAVE AT LEAST 150 WORDS yes 186 words

YOU DON’T GO OFF TOPIC yes, you do not mention things that are outside the task or draw conclusion

YOU ANSWER THE QUESTION FULLY you try to answer the question but your language use as well as cohesion and coherence make it hard to understand what you are trying to say.

2 COHESION & COHERENCE

YOU HAVE CLEARLY MARKED PARAGRAPHS no, you should have different paragraphs. 1st paragraph paraphrase the question, 2nd general overview 3rd combined trends, 4th other combined trends. You could combine the first 2 paragraphs in 1 if you feel like it. But to show you have different paragraphs you need to leave 1 empty space between

YOUR PARAGRAPHS ARE LOGICALLY STRUCTURED no, you have no paragraphs, but what you wrote is logical and there is a progression

YOU DON’T HAVE TOO LONG SENTENCES WITH TOO MANY CLAUSES no, you have some very long sentences here and there making it a bit hard to understand

YOU DON’T HAVE FRAGMENTED SENTENCE THAT DO NOT MAKE SENSE no, because of your long sentences here and there your sentences become fragmented

YOU CONNECT YOUR SENTENCES WELL TOGETHER partially, you try to connect sentences with some linking words but most of the ones you use are inappropriate for academic writing.

YOUR WORD ORDER IN SENTENCES IS GOOD partially, you have some issues with word order within sentences

3 LEXICAL RESOURCES

YOU USE A WIDE RANGE OF VOCAB partially, you try to use a wide range but some of the vocab you use is used incorrectly or the formality is an issue

YOU USE ADJECTIVES TO DESCRIBE CHANGE yes, but you make some mistakes in use and formality

YOU USE ADVERBS TO DESCRIBE CHANGE yes, but you make some mistakes in use and formality

YOU USE APPROXIMATIONS yes

YOU HAVE NO NOTICEABLE ISSUES WITH SPELLING

YOU USE ACADEMIC LANGUAGE partially, some of the lexis/vocabulary you chose are not appropriate for the task as they are not academic.

YOU AVOID REPETITION yes, you try to use synonyms to avoid repetition

4 GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY

YOU USE A WIDE RANGE OF  COMPLEX GRAMMAR STRUCTURES no, you do not use enough grammar to deal with the task

YOU USE COMPARATIVES you use 1 comparative form, which is far too little

YOU USE SUPERLATIVES yes, you use 1 superlative, but that is far too little

YOU USE THE PASSIVE no, you do not use any passive form

YOU HAVE NO NOTICEABLE ISSUES WITH GRAMMAR MISTAKES yes

YOU HAVE NO NOTICEABLE ISSUES WITH PUNCTUATION no, you have some issue with punctuation which is part of your cohesion issue

General feedback on target score

GOAL 6.5 :

1 TASK ACHIEVEMENT: needs some more work

You will need to work on your language and cohesion to help with task achievement, as due to some issues with language and cohesion it is hard to understand what you are trying to express. You will also need to work on paraphrasing the introduction as again language issues make it hard to understand. You will also need to include a general overview and better compare the data.

2 COHESION AND COHERENCE: needs a lot more work

You need some work on your vocabulary choice and sentence construction to help better understand what you are trying to say.

3 LEXICAL RESOURCES: needs a lot more work

You have major issues in word choices, as many of them are not appropriate for an academic task. You also have issues with putting them together to make sense for the task.

4 GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY: needs some more work

You need to include more grammar structures, like comparatives, superlatives and some passive voice. This will help you compare the data better.

Advice For Improvement

1 TASK ACHIEVEMENT

For this you need a bit more practice:

you need to improve your paraphrasing of the question: so look at introductions of Academic Writing Task 1 and see how they paraphrase and write the introduction. You can also practice paraphrasing task 1 here:

You need to improve your general overview: have a look at how people write a general overview. You can also have a look at here:

2 COHESION AND COHERANCE

The biggest issue is based on the language you use, which makes it harder to understand what you are trying to say. If you work on your lexical resources more, this should improve a lot. Apart from that there are some linker issues, you need better academic linkers. Have a look at what linkers other people use in their Academic Writing Task 1. You also have some small sentence issues, where you need to work on your sentence structures. So again have a look at the writing of other people and how they write.

3 LEXICAL RESOURCES:

You need to work on your word choices and formality. This means having a look at other peoples' writing and what kind of vocabulary they use for the task. Try to analyse their vocab and steal some of their vocab for your task. You can also have a look at the model for this task (included below) where you can have a look at vocab. For more vocab have a look here:







to practice some of the vocab have a look here:



4 GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY:

For the grammar you just need to include some more comparatives, superlatives and passive voice.

You can have a look at the grammar here:



Again have a look at other writing tasks 1 and see what grammatical constructions people use.

2 OVERALL

You need to work most on your vocabulary. So have a look at the links I gave you and look at the vocabulary used by other people in their task. Try to steal their vocabulary as well as the provided vocabulary and incorporate it in your writing.

You need to paraphrase better, this means practising writing introductions

You need to include a better general overview in your Academic Writing Task 1, and the best is to put the general overview between your introduction and the in-depth part.

3 Good example for Academic Writing Task 1

Have a look at the example and compare how it is similar and different to what you wrote

Try to answer the following questions

What is the structure used for the task?

What vocabulary is uses for the task?

What grammar is used for the task?

The graph compares the consumption of junk food for teens in Australia over a 25 year period, between 1975 and 2000.Overall,the consumption of fish and chips declined over the provided period, whereas the amount of pizza and hamburgers that were eaten increased.

In 1975, the most popular junk food with Australian adolescents was fish and chips, being eaten 100 times a year. This was far higher than Pizza and hamburgers, which were consumed approximately 5 times a year. However, apart from a brief rise again from 1980 to 1985, the consumption of fish and chips gradually declined over the 25 year timescale to finish at just under 40 in 2000.

In sharp contrast to this, teenagers ate the other two fast foods at much higher levels. Pizza consumption increased gradually until it overtook the consumption of fish and chips in 1990. It then levelled off from 1995 to 2000. The biggest rise was seen in hamburgers as the occasions they were eaten increased sharply throughout the 70’s and 80’s, exceeding that of fish and chips in 1985. It finished at the same level as fish and chips began, with a consumption of 100 times a year.

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