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Infidelity Statistics It is estimated that roughly 30% to 60% of all married individuals (in the United States) will engage in infidelity at some point during their marriage (Buss and Shackelford, 1997). These numbers are probably on the conservative side, if you consider that close to half of all marriages end in divorce (people are more likely to stray as relationships fall apart). Myriad psychological, cultural and economic variables play a role in the frequency and expression of infidelity. But one thing is clear: infidelity is a worldwide phenomenon that occurs with remarkable regularity, despite near universal disapproval of this behavior CITATION Fis17 \l 1033 (Fisher, 10 facts about infidelity, Hellen Fisher , 2017). Studies show the possibility of a gene that correlates to infidelity. In 2008, Walum and colleagues investigated whether the various genes affect pair-bonding behavior in humans; 552 couples were examined; all had been married or co-habiting for at least five years. Men carrying the 334-vasopressin allele in a specific region of the vasopressin system scored significantly lower on the Partner Bonding Scale, indicating less feelings of attachment to their spouse. Moreover, their scores were dose dependent: those carrying two of these genes showed the lowest scores, followed by those carrying only one allele. Men carrying the 334 gene also experienced more marital crisis (including threat of divorce) during the past year, and men with two copies of this gene were approximately twice as likely to have had a marital crisis than those who had inherited either one or no copies of this allele. Last, the partners of men with one or two copies of this gene scored significantly lower on questionnaires measuring marital satisfaction. This study did not measure infidelity directly, but it did measure several factors likely to contribute to infidelity CITATION Wal08 \l 1033 (Walum, et al., 2008).Research consistently shows that 2% to 3% of all children are the product of infidelity (Anderson, 2006). And most of these children are unknowingly raised by men who are not their biological fathers. DNA testing is finally making it easy for people to check the paternity of their children.Infidelity is becoming more common among people under 30. Many experts believe this increase in cheating is due to greater opportunity (time spent away from a spouse), as well as young people developing the habit of having multiple sexual partners before marriage CITATION Sch08 \l 1033 (Schaefer Riley, 2008).There are no definitive signs of cheating. But, in hindsight you will always find them CITATION Tru191 \l 1033 (Truth About Deception LLC , 2019).Some cultures have adopted extreme measures to combat infidelity: female circumcision, allowing only limited contact between the sexes, and even death as a punishment. Other cultures view infidelity in a more nuanced way and may not see it as a serious marital problem.Men are more likely to cheat than women. But as women become more financially independent, they are beginning to act more like men with respect to infidelity CITATION Tru191 \l 1033 (Truth About Deception LLC , 2019).In many cases, infidelity is never discovered. In a 17‐year longitudinal study, Previti and Amato (2004) concluded that infidelity was both a cause and a consequence of poor marital quality, which often included hostile conflict. CITATION Sch16 \l 1033 (Schmidt, Green, & Prouty, 2016)Similarly, Balderrama‐Durbin et al. (2012) demonstrated that infidelity could be associated with increased use of negative communication patterns, such as the demand‐withdraw cycle. CITATION Sch16 \l 1033 (Schmidt, Green, & Prouty, 2016)The meanings associated with infidelity‐related conflict can vary. Some researchers (e.g. Goodboy et al., 2010) have demonstrated that infidelity provided couples with an opportunity to avoid conflict. This pattern could be particularly prevalent with individuals who grew up in a family that avoided open acknowledgement of conflict (Brown, 2001). Likewise, infidelity could draw attention to relational communication problems (Moultroup, 1990). In a qualitative study of couples who rebuilt their relationship after infidelity, participants reported an initial period of intense conflict and disturbing emotions before reaching a stage of forgiveness and meaning from the painful experience (Abrahamson et al., 2012), indicating growth through a tumultuous time. CITATION Sch16 \l 1033 (Schmidt, Green, & Prouty, 2016)Emotionally, it is possible to have feelings for more than one person at a time such as in ethical non-monogamy, especially in polyamory. As more and more women enter the work force, office romances are becoming more common. Spouses often spend more time with coworkers than with each other.The internet, e-mail, and chat rooms are making it easier for people to engage in infidelity.The initial decision to be unfaithful is rarely if ever a rational choice; instead, infidelity is usually driven by circumstances and one’s emotions. In fact, most people are surprised by their own behavior at the start of an affair (Baumeister, 1993; Baumeister, Bratslavsky, Muraven, & Tice, 1998).Emotional infidelity, compared to pure physical infidelity, can inflict as much if not more hurt, pain and suffering. Most infidelity involves both physical and emotional betrayal.Unfortunately, many people find a more suitable mate (someone they love more than their spouse)?after?they are already married.Research on biology and reproduction indicates that long-term monogamy is difficult for humans to achieve (Barash & Lipton, 2001). Almost everyone admits to having fantasies that involve someone other than a spouse. Infidelity doesn’t necessarily signal an unhappy relationship. Regardless of the correlation between relationship dissatisfaction and adultery, among individuals engaging in infidelity in one study, 56% of men and 34% of women rated their marriage as “happy” or “very happy,” suggesting that genetics may also play a role in philandering CITATION Gla92 \l 1033 (Glass & Wright, 1992). Happily married people sometimes cheat due to a desire for novelty CITATION Per18 \l 1033 (Perel, 2018).Jealousy is such a fundamental, universal emotion because infidelity has been a part of our human nature for a very long time (Buss, 2000).Brain architecture may contribute to infidelity. Human beings have three primary brain systems related to love. 1) The sex drive evolved to motivate individuals to seek copulation with a range of partners; 2) romantic love evolved to motivate individuals to focus their mating energy on specific partners, thereby conserving courtship time and metabolic energy; 3) partner attachment evolved to motivate mating individuals to remain together at least long enough to rear a single child through infancy together. These three basic neural systems interact with one another and other brain systems in myriad flexible, combinatorial patterns to provide the range of motivations, emotions and behaviors necessary to orchestrate our complex human reproductive strategy. But this brain architecture makes it biologically possible to express deep feelings of attachment for one partner, while one feels intense romantic love for another individual, while one feels the sex drive for even more extra-dyadic partners CITATION Fis04 \l 1033 (Fisher, 2004).Infidelity has been a reality across cultures. It was also common among the classical Greeks and Romans, pre-industrial Europeans, historical Japanese, Chinese and Hindus and among the traditional Inuit of the arctic, Kuikuru of the jungles of Brazil, Kofyar of Nigeria, Turu of Tanzania and many other tribal societies CITATION Fis17 \l 1033 (Fisher, 10 facts about infidelity, Hellen Fisher , 2017).There are different types of infidelity. Researchers have broadened the definition of infidelity to include sexual infidelity (sexual exchange with no romantic involvement), romantic infidelity (romantic exchanges with no sexual involvement) and sexual and romantic involvement CITATION Gla92 \l 1033 (Glass & Wright, 1992).Mate poaching is a pronounced trend. In a recent survey of single American men and women, 60% of men and 53% of women admitted to “mate poaching,” trying to woo an individual away from a committed relationship to begin a relationship with them instead. Mate poaching is also common in 30 other cultures (Buss, 2003).“Several scientists have offered theories for the evolution of human adultery. I have proposed that during prehistory, philandering males disproportionately reproduced, selecting for the biological underpinnings of the roving eye in contemporary men. Unfaithful females reaped economic resources from their extra-dyadic partnerships, as well as additional males to help with parenting duties if their primary partner died or deserted them. Moreover, if an ancestral woman bore a child with this extra-marital partner, she also increased genetic variety in her descendants. Infidelity had unconscious biological payoffs for both males and females throughout prehistory, thus perpetuating the biological underpinnings and taste for infidelity in both sexes today” CITATION Fis17 \l 1033 (Fisher, 10 facts about infidelity, Hellen Fisher , 2017).Children and Adult Children of an Unfaithful Parent(s)Often struggle with trust issues of their own. In their meta‐analysis of 39 articles examining the effects of interparental conflict, Krishnakumar and Buehler (2000) determined that conflict between parents was moderately associated with poor parent‐child relationships. CITATION Sch16 \l 1033 (Schmidt, Green, & Prouty, 2016)The family's emotional climate also plays a role in how children interpret interparental conflict; Fosco and Grych (2007) reported that children in families who engaged in more negative than positive expressions of emotion were more likely to blame themselves for conflict between their parents. CITATION Sch16 \l 1033 (Schmidt, Green, & Prouty, 2016)A multi‐method longitudinal study by Davies et al. (2006) suggested that children's sense of security was more strongly rooted in their observations of the relationship between their parents than in the emotional relationship between parent and child. CITATION Sch16 \l 1033 (Schmidt, Green, & Prouty, 2016)In a qualitative study, Thorson (2009) studied how families maintained rules about how and when to tell their children about a parent's infidelity. According to Thorson, adult child participants were more likely to talk with their mothers than fathers about either parent's infidelity, and parents and children determined the fluctuating permeability of boundaries as they decided whom to tell within and outside the family. In addition, Platt et al. (2008) found that adult male (but not female) children who reported a father's infidelity were more likely to have engaged in infidelity themselves, suggesting the continuing influence of parental behavior. This was consistent with Dadds et al.'s (1999) study, in which parents and children tended to use the same conflict resolution strategies. Thus, if parents used infidelity to avoid conflict within the relationship, it may be likely that their children learned to do the same. CITATION Sch16 \l 1033 (Schmidt, Green, & Prouty, 2016)Leibig and Green (1999) conducted structured interviews of children between five and 10 years of age, and they reported that older children tended to describe more abstract views of family loyalty shaped by family beliefs and expectations. Older children in the study described awareness of their parents’ emotional and psychological needs and a desire to meet their parents’ needs, whereas younger children described family loyalty in more concrete terms and focused on meeting their own needs. CITATION Sch16 \l 1033 (Schmidt, Green, & Prouty, 2016)Previous researchers have also demonstrated that various demographic variables, including participants’ age (Hargrave and Bomba, 1993), sex (Gangamma et al., 2012; Hargrave et al., 1991), and marital status (Hargrave and Bomba, 1993) may influence reports of relational ethics. Although Hargrave and Williams (2003) noted that the construct of relational ethics is in alignment with Judeo‐Christian principles, it could also be argued that the contextual framework transcends religious divides since human connectedness and caring for others is a primary moral principle in many world religions and spiritual belief systems (Barad, 2007; Vieten et al., 2006). CITATION Sch16 \l 1033 (Schmidt, Green, & Prouty, 2016)In Schmidt, Green, and Prouty’s (2001) research, “Greater intensity and frequency of interparental conflict was significantly associated with adult children reporting less trust and justice, more loyalty conflicts, and less of a sense of their needs having been met by their parents, [which] supports prior research (e.g. Amato and Sobolewski, 2001; Riggio and Valenzuela, 2011; Rowen and Emery, 2014) demonstrating that participants’ reports of higher levels of interparental conflict were associated with poorer relationships with parents. In a study by Fosco and Grych (2010), adolescents who reported being triangulated into their parents’ conflict reported poorer relationships with their parents over time and increased self‐blame for their parents’ conflict. Krishnakumar and Buehler (2000) noted that highly conflicted couple relationships may prevent children from developing a sense of trust in their parents as caregivers.Higher age was associated with lower total vertical relational ethics and all subscales in Schmidt, Green, and Prouty’s (2001) research This supports results from Hargrave and Bomba (1993)'s study, which suggested that individuals’ experiences of relational ethics change due to entering into committed partner relationships and continue to evolve with age as individuals process life experiences. Since older individuals tended to report lower levels of relational ethics in this study, it is also plausible that if issues go unresolved for long periods of time, family members’ perceptions of trust and fairness may continue to decline. Although there was a consistent relationship between religious preference and adult children's perceptions of relational ethics, the absence of a religiously diverse sample in this study precludes making any definitive conclusions based upon this result.When children find out about an affair, it’s not just the cheating, but how parents deal with the crisis that can have the most profound effect on their children’s future relationships it’s important to differentiate between two types of cheaters. In the majority of cases, infidelity occurs unintentionally when there’s a communication breakdown in a marriage. A married person normally doesn’t seek out sex but falls into an affair with a colleague or someone in close proximity because they feel neglected or can’t talk about what’s going on in their marriage. Far less common are womanizers, or people who have a pattern of infidelity that started long before marriage and use sex to feel powerful (Salario, 2011; Lusterman, 1998).Nogales (Nogales & Golden Bellotti, 2009) agrees [with Lusterman] that while older kids are capable of comprehending the relationship dynamics that might make someone cheat, it’s more difficult to accept womanizing and secrecy. “There is a strong sense of shame about what has happened, especially in adolescents because their identity is developing,” she says. “It’s not easy when you’re trying to show your worth and value to society.” CITATION Sal11 \l 1033 (Salario, 2011)According to Lois Braverman, the president of the Ackerman Institute for the Family, infidelity’s impact depends heavily on the parent-child power dynamic established after the affair. Children who are made confidants by the betrayer, or the ones left to comfort the parent who has been betrayed, tend to struggle with anger the most. “Different constellations of where children are placed in their parents’ relationship dilemma is going to influence how they feel,” she says. For instance, young women tend to suffer more when their fathers are caught cheating, suggests Nogales. But their reactions are sometimes counterintuitive: it’s not uncommon for daughters to respond angrily toward their mothers for “allowing” the infidelity CITATION Sal11 \l 1033 (Salario, 2011). Young women tend to suffer more when their fathers are caught cheating. Their reactions are sometimes counterintuitive: it’s not uncommon for daughters to respond angrily toward their mothers for “allowing” the infidelity. Sometimes they blame the betrayed parent for being powerless and not being able to give them stability. Such a reaction can also spring from girls’ tendency to feel responsibility and empathize more with their mothers’ pain CITATION Sal11 \l 1033 (Salario, 2011). With younger children, the stakes can be even higher. Lengthy explanations might prove confusing, especially when the big issue is regaining trust after the image of their “perfect” parent is shattered. “The person that you trusted the most lied to you, so everything becomes suspicious,” says Nogales. “If the person you trust teaches one thing and acts totally differently, you wonder how much the world is lying to you. Your parents are the world” CITATION Sal11 \l 1033 (Salario, 2011).If the parent chooses to tell about an affair and it’s about secrecy and shame, That’s the poison. It’s the deceit that makes it toxic,” says Dr. Azmaira Maker, a clinical psychologist who specializes in relationships and family therapy. If a child believes their real father is another man or that their mother lied about their origins, it can affect the way they form their own identity. It’s estimated that an average of 3.7 percent of children have a paternal discrepancy CITATION Sal11 \l 1033 (Salario, 2011).Children of cheaters are by no means destined for infidelity. Yet without allowing them time to grieve over the loss of their “ideal” parent and addressing feelings of betrayal and anger, some might unconsciously go on to repeat the negative patterns. Even sons who don’t want to replicate the sins of their fathers may find themselves drawn to parallel situations. “Some people have what’s called a reaction formation. Their development is not about themselves, but about a reaction to their parents,” says Lusterman. “It doesn’t tell you what you want to be like, only tells you what you don’t want to be like. People who say they’ll never do what their father did end up doing exactly what their father did if you’re working with a negative model” CITATION Sal11 \l 1033 (Salario, 2011). There’s not enough long-term data to make generalizations regarding the effects of infidelity on a large sample of children as they grow into adults, yet patterns are clear. “It’s not just a behavior, it’s a whole dynamic of relationships,” says Maker, comparing it to patterns that occur in children whose parents were abusive or alcoholics CITATION Sal11 \l 1033 (Salario, 2011).B?sz?rményi-Nagy (1973) stated “A child chronically caught in a split loyalty between mutually mistrustful parents eventually loses a sense of trust in both parents” CITATION Sch16 \l 1033 (Schmidt, Green, & Prouty, 2016).Divorce and Separation Effects on ChildrenChildren in families without a father suffer more often from one or more of these disorders: Child Conduct Disorder, Antisocial Personality Disorder and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. A stepfather does not help. (Pfiffner, McBurnett, Rathouz, & Judice, 2004)Children of divorce experience serious negative psychological consequences before, during and after the divorce. These child psychology divorce consequences do not depend on the family conditions before the divorce. (Sun & Li, 2008)Many studies report a much higher divorce rate amongst children of divorce (almost twice as high). This is mainly due to a lower commitment to the marriage and to lower relationship skills. (Heatherington, Friedlander, & Greenberg, 2005)Systemic Therapist need to balance two tasks according to Schmidt, et al., (2016): Broadening the scope of the family’s understanding and softening ineffective blaming of one person, and Promoting personal accountability for decisions impacting self and other. *References *Anderson, K. G. (2006). How well does paternity confidence match actual paternity? Evidence from worldwide nonpaternity rates.?Current Anthropology 48, in press.*Barash, D. P., & Lipton, J. E. (2001).?The myth of monogamy: Fidelity and infidelity in animals and people.?New York: W. H. Freeman and Company.*Baumeister, R. F. (1993). Lying to yourself: The enigma of self-deception. In C. Saarni and M. Lewis (Eds.),?Lying and deception in everyday life, New York: The Guilford Press, 166-183.*Baumeister, R. F., Bratslavsky, E., Muraven, M., & Tice, D. M. (1998). Ego depletion: Is the active self a limited resource??Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 74,?1252-1265.*Buss, D. M. (1989). Sex differences in human mate preferences: Evolutionary hypotheses tested in 37 cultures.?Behavioral and Brain Sciences, 12,?1-49.*Buss, D. M. (2000).?The dangerous passion: Why jealousy is as necessary as love and sex. New York: Free Press.*Buss, D. M. (1999).?Evolutionary psychology: The new science of the mind. Boston: Allyn and Bacon.*Buss, D. M. (2003).?The evolution of desire: Strategies of human mating?(Second Edition). New York: Basic Books.*Buss, D. M., & Shackelford, T. K. (1997). Susceptibility to infidelity in the first year of marriage.?Journal of Research in Personality, 31, 193-221.*Fisher, H. (2004). Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love. New York, NY: Holt Paperbacks.*Fisher, H. (2017, January 23). 10 facts about infidelity, Hellen Fisher. Retrieved from IDEAS.: *Glass, S. P., & Wright, T. L. (1992, August). Justifications for Extramarital Relationships: The Association between Attitudes, Behaviors, and Gender. The Journal of Sex Research, 29(3), 361-387.*Heatherington, L., Friedlander, M. L., & Greenberg, L. (2005). Change Process Research in Couple and Family Therapy: Methodological Challenges and Opportunities.?Journal of Family Psychology, 19(1), 18-27. * BIBLIOGRAPHY \l 1033 Lusterman , D.-D. (1998). Infidelity: A Survival Guide. Oakland , CA: New Harbinger Publications.* BIBLIOGRAPHY \l 1033 Nogales, A., & Golden Bellotti, L. (2009). Parents Who Cheat: How Children and Adults Are Affected When Their Parents Are Unfaithful. Deerfield Beach , FL: Health Communications, Inc., .*Perel, E. (2018). The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity. New York, NY: Harper Paperbacks.*Pfiffner, L. J., Mcburnett, K., Rathouz, P. J., & Judice, S. (2005). Family correlates of oppositional and conduct disorders in children with attention Deficit/Hyperactivity disorder.?Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology,?33(5), 551-63. *Salario, A. (2011, May 28). How Infidelity Affects Kids. Retrieved from Daily Beast: *Schaefer Riley, N. (2008, November 28). The Young and the Restless: Why Infidelity Is Rising Among 20-Somethings. The Wall Street Journal. Retrieved from *Schmidt, A. E., Green, M. S., & Prouty, A. M. (2016). Effects of parental infidelity and interpersonal conflict on relational ethics between adult children and parents; contextural perspective. Journal of Family Therapy, 38-408.*Sun, Y., & Li, Y. (2008). Stable postdivorce family structures during late adolescence and socioeconomic consequences in adulthood.?Journal of Marriage and Family,?70(1), 129-143. *Truth About Deception LLC. (2019). Signs of Cheating. Retrieved from : *Truth About Deception LLC. (2019). Facts and Statistics About Infidelity. Retrieved from : *Walum, H., Westberg, L., Henningsson, S., Neiderhiser, J. M., Reiss, D., Igl, W., . . . Lichtenstein, P. (2008, September 2). Genetic variation in the vasopressin receptor 1a gene (AVPR1A) associates with pair-bonding behavior in humans. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 14153–14156. ................
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