Busted Halo: College survival kit – 25 things every ...



Busted Halo: College survival kit – 25 things every freshman must know before classes

By Nora Bradbury-Haehl

8/21/2007

Busted Halo ()

NEW YORK (Busted Halo) – As a youth minister, I say goodbye to my freshly graduated high school seniors every August and somewhere between leaving home and arriving on campus they become college freshman. Some of them seem to hit the ground running and never look back. For others their freshman year, especially the first few months, can be more of a challenge.

There are a number of things that make these first months away at college tricky:

- You’re in a new place away from everything and everyone familiar.

- There’s no one to keep you accountable and true to the person you have always been.

- You’re learning to set your own limits. It’s easy to get overwhelmed. Keep in mind though, others have gone before you and lived to tell the tale. Here are 25 tips and tricks to help you avoid the most common pitfalls, plus advice from other college students and experts to get you through the next few months.

1. Be generous with your friendship but stingy with your trust. The friends you have back home didn’t get to be your friends overnight. It took months or, more likely, years, to establish those friendships. You trust your friends because they’ve proven themselves trustworthy.

At college, it can feel like these new people are your old friends. You’re eating together, studying together, sometimes spending more time with these people than you ever could with your friends from back home. These new friends need to earn your trust though, don’t just give it to them. The people you meet in your first few weeks of school may be great, some of them may turn out to be the best friends of your life or they may turn out to be criminals. Every freshman class has its gems and its jerks (I’m not kidding, some of them are actually criminals). Which ones are which will come clear over the next few months. Wait until you get to know them a little before you loan them your car, give them all your passwords or your ATM card, or share your deepest secrets with them.

2. Go to class!

Seems obvious, it IS why you’re at college but you wouldn’t believe how many freshmen skip their way out of school. Do a little math and figure out how much it costs for you to have your butt in that chair per hour. You’ll be less willing to blow one off. Most professors will allow one or two absences but save ’em for the end of the semester when you’ve got mono and three papers due in the same week.

3. For the first few weeks live like a monk.

Monks take vows of chastity, poverty and obedience.

There’s plenty of fun to be had at college and lots of time to have it. The first few weekends, especially among freshman, can be a bit of a free-for-all and are often when you are at your most vulnerable. Give yourself a chance to get acclimated to your new surroundings before you start taking chances. Those chances will most likely look a lot less attractive once you’re feeling more comfortable.

- Chastity. College may be the place where you meet the love of your life but you probably won’t know that in the first week of school, especially on Friday night after a couple of drinks. It’s too soon to tell who’s who. Give yourself some time to settle in before adding a boyfriend or girlfriend to the mix or hooking up with someone who may turn out to be bad news.

- Poverty. Don’t blow all your money your first weekend there. In a few weeks you’ll be amazed what you can live without. If you have the luxury of calling home for cash, the parents will be a lot happier if you don’t do it the second week of school. All the more so if you worked all summer for spending money that has to last the semester. Companies love to give credit cards to new college students. Just say “no”! Credit is bad. It’s way too easy to get in over your head.

- Obedience. Go to class! If you’ve always been able to skate along without really working too hard, that might just catch up with you now.

4. Sleep is good.

Sleep! Do it at night as often as possible. Daytime sleep screws up your body clock and your ability to attend your very expensive classes. Lack of sleep also impairs judgment. It may not seem like a big deal to pull a few all-nighters, but, according to Dr. Richard Kadison, chief of Mental Health Services at Harvard University, poor sleep quality can lead to depression, anxiety, reduced physical health, poor problem solving and attention difficulties and increased use of drugs and alcohol.

5. Get involved, but not too involved.

Every club, activity, and association will be vying for your time. The college experience is about so much more than classes. Campus activities and organizations are a great way to expand your horizons and connect with other students who share your interests. Be choosey and if you’re a “joiner” be careful not to over commit yourself.

6. Living with a weirdo.

They might be weird or messy or talk too much or keep different hours than you but work hard to establish and maintain a positive relationship with your new roommate. You may not spend every waking moment together, nor should you, but even roommates who are polar opposites can still offer each other a little sympathy after a hard day. It’s also nice to have someone to go to the dining hall with.

7. Homesickness can be really tough but one of the worst ways to fight it is by heading home for the weekend.

Tough it out for one more weekend and make the effort to get out and do something. You’ll miss out on a lot of college life if you hit the road and spend all of your weekends back home. Plus when you get back on campus Sunday night you can end up feeling even more isolated. If you really can’t make it without a little homemade TLC try a nice long phone call first or see if you can con your folks into coming to visit you.

8. Helpful people: they come standard on virtually every campus!

Coming out of high school it can be easy to think of administration as part of the problem, but there are lots of people on campus whose job it is to help you. Depending on your question or problem there are any number of folks to help you through: health services, counseling, your academic advisor, your RA. Colleges know the transition can be a rocky one. Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it!

9. Find out about campus ministry.

Speaking of helpful people, in addition to the folks mentioned above, many campuses have great Catholic parishes and staffs that can both comfort and challenge you in your faith. It’ll be different than home but should be familiar enough to keep you grounded.

“We call ourselves a student parish, this is your parish and you shape what happens here.” said Dave Nantais.

Campus Ministry can be a great place to meet people with similar values, get connected with service and retreat opportunities and can be a real life line if you find yourself struggling later in the semester. Prayer groups, social events, interfaith opportunities and even spiritual direction (someone to act as a mentor and guide for your prayer life) are often available through campus ministry.

10. Be yourself and take time to reflect.

College is a great opportunity to reinvent yourself but don’t go too far. Remember that whomever you decide to become is the character you’ll have to play for the rest of this drama. Don’t forget who you are just because you‘re in a new place. You’re still you and it’s gotten you this far! Your values, your likes and dislikes, the things you’re good at haven’t changed, hang onto those things, especially while you’re getting used to this new environment.

Father Charles L. Currie, SJ, president of the Association of Jesuit Colleges and Universities, explained that there is “an explosion of options” for students in their first few weeks on campus.

11. Friendships.

After your first week reassess your new friendships. Do it again after your first month. If the friends you connected with initially don’t seem to be a good fit, widen your circle. If you find your group stays in when you want to go out, drinks too much or just has different interests don’t be afraid to continue meeting new people.

12. Too much of a dangerous thing.

You might be tempted to tune this advice out because you've heard it so many times before. Don’t! I can’t tell you how many kids I’ve known who've bombed out because they drank too much!

Without the simple limits of home – curfews, my mom will know if I spend the night hugging the toilet, friends who don’t want to go drinking – it’s easy to find yourself with a very expensive waste of a semester. It’s a really embarrassing way to flunk out of college or get yourself into stupid trouble. If you won't take my word for it, the statistics on the effects of college drinking are astounding. If you’re getting wasted every weekend, you’re headed for trouble. If you’re missing class because you’re hung over, you’re in trouble. Underage drinking is a bad idea. Don’t do it.

13. Psych 101.

Later adolescence and early young adulthood are the blooming seasons for many mental illnesses. The college environment, little sleep, no supervision, a lack of people who know what “normal” is for you can all add up to danger when it comes to addiction or mental illness. If you find yourself behaving in ways that are contrary to your values or like you’re in the bottom of an emotional pit and can’t get out – get to the counseling center! Addiction and mental illness are two of the deadliest issues for college freshman.

14. Go to class!

15. Dating, relationships and sex on campus.

Everyone seems to have a story about a bad-dating decision or a hook-up gone wrong. Whether it’s an older student that takes advantage of freshman naïveté, a crush turned stalker or simply a case of leaping prior to looking, campus relationships can be a bit of a minefield. Be particularly cautious in those first few weeks when everyone’s still adrift. Falling for someone who’s just looking for a little recreational intimacy early in your first semester can mess up your head not to mention your grades.

Besides a broken heart or a bruised ego, there are lots of other reasons to avoid hooking up. College is a great place to get an STD. Somewhere between a reported 20 and 25 percent of college students are or have been infected with a sexually transmitted disease. Wait until you’ve been on campus and have built some friendships you can fall back on before getting into a romantic relationship. Then if your romance works out you’ll have some friends to be happy for you and if not there’ll be somebody to hand you a Kleenex when you’re crying into your teacup.

16. A few words about religion.

There will be lots of different ideas floating around campus. It's one of the best things about the college atmosphere and an open mind is a great thing to bring with you. Hopefully some of your ideas will be challenged and you’ll explore your faith more deeply because of it. However, if you find yourself in a conversation about God that leaves you feeling defensive, don’t feel like you have to keep talking or listening.

Just because you’re not a good arguer that doesn’t make you a bad Christian! There are churches that train their young members to recruit and even to attack the theology of other Christians (nice, huh?) Usually that person is not interested in your ideas or theology, they only want you to leave your church and join theirs. Bring your questions back to someone you trust.

Wash your hands!

Your mother was right. Studies have shown it's the single best way to avoid getting whatever bug is going around on campus.

18. Learn how to be a college student.

Organizing your time and using it effectively, utilizing study groups, the library and all the different learning centers and resources available on campus, and learning to advocate for yourself is a whole new skill set for most people. Give yourself some time to get used to this new learning environment and don’t expect that you should be able to figure it all out yourself. Seek out other students who are good at these skills and imitate them. Ask upperclassmen, especially those in your major, what they did freshman year to keep up with class material, study for tests and relate to professors.

19. Remember the HALT method of keeping your act together.

Don't let yourself get too... - Hungry. Your mom’s not here to remind you to eat, get to the dining hall and take care of yourself. Skipping meals messes with your mood and your appetite.

-Angry. Manage your emotions, take a walk, work out, talk to a friend and especially don’t drink when you’re angry! Angry + drunk = stupid behavior, sometimes involving campus security.

- Lonely. Stay connected to your support network. Call your mother! IM (instant message) your old friends, e-mail your youth minister/pastor/mentor.

- Tired. If you find yourself weepy all the time, impose a strict bedtime on yourself and see if that doesn’t improve your mood. All-nighters are a bad idea. Nobody does their best work under pressure that’s just something we procrastinators tell ourselves to rationalize our bad behavior.

20. Pray.

Whether you’re an experienced or novice pray-er, now’s a great time to do it. Your understanding of who God is and how God works will most likely change a lot over the next few years.

When you have a decision to make Father Charlie Donahue suggests prayer. “Spend some time in your own head and heart mulling over what you really want to do and what would be healthy.”

Prayer can keep you open to new directions and insights. It can also simply be a reminder of God’s love and care for you. And most importantly it can keep you centered, calm and ready to deal with everything life is throwing at you right now.

21. Food – Finding the balance.

Doritos is not a food group. Everyone’s afraid of the “Freshman 15,” that infamous fattening up that happens to so many new college students, but many people have trouble avoiding it. Most of us are used to having our mom set a plate in front of us with a pretty balanced meal – something meaty, something green, something starchy. When you head into the dining hall the first time you may be dazzled by the array of choices but make sure that what ends up on your plate has some balance to it. And just because you can have ice cream with every meal doesn’t mean you should. Try not to skip meals; you can end up overeating at the next meal or just wolfing down a bag of chips (or three) back in the dorm because you’ve gotten so hungry. Drink water not soda. You can easily pack on a few pounds in your first semester by adding two or three cans of soda to your daily food intake. This also applies to other canned beverages. They don’t call it a beer gut for nothing.

The other extreme: Eating disorders. In this new high-pressure environment some people respond by controlling the one thing they feel they can, what they eat. You probably already know if this is a danger for you.

The people who would normally help you keep an eye on your eating problems are also the people who would help you deal with the stress that causes them and they’re not here! Ahhhh! But fear not! You can hook up with some help at the counseling center, find yourself a supportive friend or two that you feel you can share your struggles with and stay accountable online to friends or family from back home who can encourage and support you.

Watching your weight can become a dangerous obsession that will distract you from your goals just as surely as any other addiction! If you’ve never had problems with dieting, binge eating or weight obsession before but you find yourself distracted by calorie counting, controlling your weight, or are afraid to eat talk to someone! The National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders offers help and resources.

22. Are you earning your BA or your IM?

Whatever your game system, favorite online RPG, or electronic distraction is, be careful! That harmless looking little X-Box can be your education’s worst nightmare. It should stay in the closet and only come out on weekends after your paper is written! Anything addictive or familiar right now is going to be more attractive than going to class and getting your work done. TV, Facebook, blogging, You Tube, downloading music, IM-ing or just surfing can all be nice stress busters,but it’s a slippery slope. You start out just finding a little comfort or harmless distraction and before you know it you’ve stayed up all night, not written your paper and missed a couple classes because you were up too late!

Self-discipline is a bigger challenge for some of us than others but one of the biggest tasks in life is setting your own limits. If you’re struggling, give yourself an Internet, television, or Playstation “allowance” each day and stick to it. When you’re doing homework, put up your away message.

Nobody can multi-task! All it does is slow you down and keep you up later. Chat for 15 minutes and then get off IM and get your work done! Afterwards you can stay up and chat without the worry of the unfinished work hanging over you.

And while we’re talking about the Internet, here’s a hint – online porn and poker are a baaaad idea! 2008 Class president Greg Hogan robbed a bank to pay off his online gambling debts! Hopefully you won’t go to such extremes but because you’re in a strange place with new people (and suddenly without the people and habits that would set external limits on you) anything addictive can be a danger zone. Porn and online gambling, besides their general unsavory nature, are both extraordinarily addictive and the Internet gives us unprecedented access. Don’t get sucked in! Quit. If you find you can’t quit, even when you know you should, there’s lots of help available.

23. All work and no friends.

One of the biggest challenges is worrying about all these new issues at the same time you’re building a new support network. Make sure you take time to tend your relationships – the old ones and the new ones. Parents can be one of your most important supports right now. Take time with new friends to really get to know each other and keep in touch with friends from back home. When the chips are down and you need some encouragement to keep moving forward you’ll be glad you did. Even if you haven’t been great about keeping in touch, an old friend or mentor is usually thrilled to hear from you, even if it’s just so you can whine for a little while. Don’t let guilt or worry about work to be done keep you from tending these life-sustaining relationships!

24. Don’t be afraid, just be smart!

There’s a lot to think about its true, and a lot to be cautious about, but this is also the opportunity of a lifetime. You will probably make some of the best friends of your life, you will probably fall in love, you will probably grow more and learn more and discover more about yourself than you ever thought possible. You don’t have to be afraid, just be aware! Like a mountain climber – you’ve got all your safety equipment. You know the safety rules. You’ve been preparing for this climb for a long time. Everyone who knows you is hoping for your success. Keep your eye on the summit and don’t be afraid!

25. And did I mention, go to class?

- - -

Nora Bradbury-Haehl is a contributing editor at BustedHalo. She writes from Rochester, N.Y.

................
................

In order to avoid copyright disputes, this page is only a partial summary.

Google Online Preview   Download