Colloq = colloquial, language too informal for this piece



Chem 312. Feedback on first writing exercise.

Responding to students’ writing. Julian Tyson, Spring 2007

In the context of Chem. 312, I am looking for evidence that you have responded to the questions I have asked and that you understand the relevant material (whether this is in Zodiac or in some other source). I am looking for evidence that you understand the relevant science and are basing your arguments on sound scientific principles. Broadly speaking, I am asking you to demonstrate “critical thinking” and that you can handle information from multiple sources and construct a coherent account from them.

I will, therefore, indicate when I think you not handled these tasks well by writing brief notes in the margin, and the overall grade will be a reflection of my assessment of how well you have addressed these issues. However, if your writing contains many problems of mechanics, this will also be reflected in the grade. Typically the grade for these writing exercises will be A, A-, B+ B and B-. These may be interpreted as follows: A, A- good job, answered the questions asked, got the science right and didn’t make too many errors; B+, B not bad, didn’t answer every question, maybe got some science a little confused and not too many errors; B-, not good, didn’t answer several questions, or got a lot of science confused and made more errors than you should have. Extrapolation to what BC or C might mean is left as an exercise to the reader.

Common problems with this first written homework exercise.

1. Not doing what you were asked to do.

2. Not answering the questions asked.

3. Not paying attention to detail.

4. Too much “throat clearing”.

5. Not anticipating the questions “How do you know?” and “Says who?” You should link your references to specific locations in your text. Reference numbers should be inserted at the appropriate place and a list of references supplied at the end. For websites, see later. Arrange the references in ascending numerical order.

6. Giving the names of chemicals initial capital letters. The names of chemicals don’t have initial capital letters unless (a) the word begins a sentence, or (b) the name is a registered trade name (such as Teflon).

7. Confusing one chemical substance with another. Sulfate is not the same chemical species as sulfide. Nor is zinc cadmium sulfide the same chemical substance as cadmium, or cadmium sulfide, or zinc, or zinc sulfide.

There will be a number at the bottom you paper, which corresponds to one of the comments in the table below.

|1 |You still need to do a lot of work on your basic written English. This sample has many |

| |problems of basic grammar, punctuation, sentence structure and word choice. It is |

| |difficult in places to understand what you are trying to say. You need to work on |

| |getting help. The Writing Center and Learning Resource Center may be able to |

| |offer you feedback on what you write. You must be having (have had) difficulty with |

| |courses that require written material as the basis for assessment. |

|2 |Based on this sample, your writing is difficult to follow. You also made several |

| |grammatical and word choice errors. You might think about getting some help. Just |

| |reading aloud what you have written to someone else (or even to yourself) can highlight |

| |where there are difficulties. Maybe the Writing Center or Learning Resource Center |

| |can offer you feedback on what you write. |

|3 |Your writing is comprehensible, but there are still some minor errors in punctuation and |

| |grammar. Your writing is not very concise or lacks focus. You should think about |

| |getting some help. The Writing Center and Learning Resource Center may be able to |

| |offer you feedback on what you write. |

|4 |You write well. Just one or two minor slips in punctuation and/or some word -processing |

| |errors. |

|5 |You write well. Just one or two minor lapses in grammar and punctuation. |

|6 |You write well. Just one or two minor lapses in word choice or style. |

|7 |You write well. Just one or two minor lapses in clarity of expression or some inelegant |

| |transitions between sentences or paragraphs. |

|8 |Excellent. Based on this sample, I have no adverse criticisms to make. You are a very |

| |competent writer. |

“Colloq” means colloquial: language too informal for this piece.

“WC” means word choice: wrong word chosen

“G” means garbled: problems with grammar and sentence construction.

Internet Sources.

Try to identify who the author is (indicate if this a “home page”) or what organization is responsible, give the title of the article and the uniform resource locator (URL), together with the month, day and year accessed. For example (once again according to the ACS convention)

Julian Tyson’s arsenic project at UMass. (accessed Aug 30, 2006).

Internet sources can be somewhat ephemeral and so it is important that you tell your readers what was the date that you obtained the information. Despite the temptation to do so, as the relevant material can be easily copied and pasted, do not give references to journal articles in the following way:

Katz, S. A.; Salem, H. Chemistry and toxicology of building timbers pressure-treated with chromated copper arsenate: a review. (accessed Aug 30, 2006).

This does not tell the reader where to find the article. All the reader can do is retrace your search, which may not be that easy if he or she has to type that long url into the appropriate box on the computer screen

Or even in this format:

Katz, S. A.; Salem, H. Chemistry and toxicology of building timbers pressure-treated with chromated copper arsenate: a review. (accessed Aug 30, 2006).

This does not tell the reader where to find the article either. Although the url is shorter, you are still asking the reader to follow your search path,

The format that is acceptable is the one that allows the reader to find the article from a knowledge of the details of the journal in which the article is published.

Katz, S. A.; Salem, H. Chemistry and toxicology of building timbers pressure-treated with chromated copper arsenate: a review. J. Appl. Toxicol. 2005, 25, 1-7.

Notice that giving the journal title conveys much more information than the bare bones format.

Katz, S. A.; Salem, H. J. Appl. Toxicol. 2005, 25, 1-7.

Other things to note (some general advice anticipating future writing requirements).

Chemical don’t have capital letters.

The technique cannot be used as the instrument.

The overall procedure is the method. The instrument is the technique.

In analytical chemistry, “sensitive” does not always mean “having a low detection limit”.

Analytes are determined, samples are analyzed.

There are two spaces after a period.

Place reference numbers at the earliest opportunity in the sentence.

One or two authors: give both names (just last names). More than two: first named plus et al. Note there is a period after al. as it is in abbreviation. This is in the text. In the references, give all the names.

Don’t start sentences with numbers or abbreviations or acronyms.

Don’t use etc. Write out the list in full.

Don’t use “used” or “using” very often. Find the action and make the sentence active. Use researchers names (don’t refer to them as authors).

Techniques have lower case letters (as do chemicals unless they are trade names).

Refer to figures and tables by numbers in the text and try to make a direct reference rather than just inserting a parenthetical reference.

There is a space between a number and its units (and between each unit).

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