Nurturing a Child’s Spirit: Tips for Parents and Caring Adults



Nurturing a Child’s Spirit: Tips for Parents and Caring Adults

Birth to Age 3

How Children May Be Developing Spiritually

• Discovers the world through warm, caring relationships with parents and other caregivers.

• Experiences life through what she or he sees, hears, smells, touches, and tastes.

• Finds out whether the world is safe and predictable by how parents and caregivers interact with her or him.

What You May Experience

• A sense of wonder at what your child sees and notices in the world.

• Pleasure and comfort in the simple spiritual rituals that are important to your family.

• Ambivalence about how you may want to nurture spirituality and religious practices in your family.

• The challenge of adapting your spiritual or religious practices to include a young child.

Nurturing Children’s Spiritual Development

• Engage in spiritual practices (e.g. music, service, worship, prayer, meditation) as a family so that they become a regular part of family life.

• Adapt your religious and spiritual practices to the developmental abilities of your child. (For example, young children cannot sit too long.)

• Participate in rituals and practices that involve the five senses.

• Enjoy toys, stories, and music that engage and comfort your child.

• Surround your child and yourself with warm, caring people who value and nurture young children and their spiritual lives.

• Encourage your child to be gentle, caring and empathic towards others. Model these practices.

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Nurturing a Child’s Spirit: Tips for Parents and Caring Adults

Age 4 - 6

How Children May Be Developing Spiritually

• Has an active imagination and is open to the supernatural.

• May say insightful or profound things about God, the world, and life.

• Responds to concrete stories, symbols, and experiences.

• Tends to be a black-and-white thinker.

• Begins to use the religious or spiritual language of the family.

What You May Experience

• Satisfaction when your child expresses spiritual insights consistent with your beliefs.

• Openness by your child to spiritual beliefs, stories, and practices.

• Comments by your child about spiritual or religious concepts that may or may not fit with your beliefs or with reality.

• Some resistance from the child who starts to become more independent and begins to ask questions.

Nurturing Children’s Spiritual Development

• Give your child more ways to participate in family spiritual practices as he or she is able.

• Use concrete stories, games, and crafts to introduce the family’s beliefs and practices.

• Accept your child’s interpretation of spiritual or religious concepts, asking her or him questions about them rather than correcting or judging.

• Encourage questions about the world, life, death, and other spiritual matters.

• Ask young children to draw pictures to express what they experience and believe.

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Nurturing a Child’s Spirit: Tips for Parents and Caring Adults

Age 7 - 9

How Children May Be Developing Spiritually

• Is a concrete, literal thinker, and cannot understand abstract words and understandings of spirituality.

• Begins to wonder more about the world around her or him. Why do things happen?

• Asks cause-and-effect questions about good and bad, life after death, and other big issues.

• Starts to make sense of the world by learning and retelling stories.

• Becomes aware that friends may have different spiritual practices.

What You May Experience

• Satisfaction when your child learns spiritual or religious stories, music, practices, and knowledge that are important to your family.

• Discomfort as your child asks questions about the world, God, and other spiritual matters that are difficult to answer.

• Frustration when your child becomes bored or disinterested in spiritual practices or rituals.

Nurturing Children’s Spiritual Development

• Maintain a warm, caring relationship, even when you’re frustrated.

• Read stories and enjoy music or other arts with religious or spiritual themes.

• Make conversations about spiritual matters a regular part of family life. Listen to your child’s perspectives and questions. Share your perspectives in ways your child can understand.

• Find activities that interest your child and reinforce your family’s spiritual commitments.

• Encourage your child to participate in activities and peer groups that nurture her or his spirit. Affirm growth and leadership.

• Link with other parents and families who share your spiritual beliefs, practices, and priorities.

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Nurturing a Child’s Spirit: Tips for Parents and Caring Adults

Age 10 - 14

How Children May Be Developing Spiritually

• Starts to see contradictions he or she sees in the world and in religious or spiritual beliefs and practices.

• May question or reject childhood beliefs as he or she moves beyond black-and-white thinking.

• Can also develop strong, even contradictory beliefs as he or she “tries on” different ideas.

• As part of forming a distinct identity from her or his parents, begins to rely more on friends and other adults to shape beliefs and practices.

• Begins to identify or develop interests or gifts about which he or she is passionate.

What You May Experience

• Anxiety as your child appears to question or reject your family’s spiritual beliefs, values, and practices.

• Frustration with not being able to get your child to participate in religious or spiritual activities.

• Accomplishment (and relief) as your child begins to articulate her or his own spiritual beliefs—often similar to your own.

• Pride in seeing your child develop unique gifts, talents, and passions.

• Encouragement if your child takes leadership roles in encouraging peers to participate in religious or spiritual activities and practices.

Nurturing Children’s Spiritual Development

• Keep communication open, even if your child says things that scare you or disappoint you.

• Support your child in expressing her or his own emerging sense of spirituality through journaling, music, or other creative expression.

• Model your own spiritual beliefs, practices, and commitments.

• Find spiritual mentors you trust who connect with your child.

• Encourage your child to be part of positive peer groups that reinforce her or his spiritual commitments.

• Talk with other parents about what you’re experiencing, including parents with older teenagers.

• Cultivate and encourage the things that nourish your child’s passions and gifts.

Nurturing a Child’s Spirit: Tips for Parents and Caring Adults

Age 15 - 17

How Children May Be Developing Spiritually

• Seeks to resolve differences and conflicts between different parts of self, including those shaped by family, peers, faith community, and other influences.

• Begins to make choices about where intentional spiritual practices fit (or don’t fit) in her or his life.

• Becomes clearer about the things that bring joy and energy in life, including a sense of vocation.

• Begins to internalize personal beliefs and practices, which may be similar to or different from those of parents and peers.

• Can develop strong convictions regarding social and political issues, and may become deeply committed to service and social change.

What You May Experience

• New confidence as your child begins to express her or his own spiritual commitments.

• Potential for new agreement or new disagreement in conversations about spiritual matters.

• Deep concern or sadness if your child sets aside your own spiritual beliefs and practices.

• Joy in watching your child develop her or his own unique identity and path.

• Ambivalence, change, or growth in your own spiritual path as you watch and wonder about your child’s spiritual development.

Nurturing Children’s Spiritual Development

• Continue modeling the spiritual beliefs and practices that are important to you, including community service.

• Follow your child’s lead as he or she introduces you to the passions and commitments that are important to her or him.

• Find support from friends, religious leaders, or other trusted sources if your child moves in a spiritual or life direction that you see as negative or harmful.

• Encourage your child to connect with peers and mentors who have deep spiritual commitments or practices—even if they are different from your own. Exposing a child to different culture or belief system can trigger them to re-evaluate and reclaim their own.

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